Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and
Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together
Speaker 1: called defect or Defector, and we're gonna have a new
Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, This very podcast which has
Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now every rust
Speaker 1: Get your podcast at Sucher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right
Speaker 1: now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now. Go
Speaker 1: listen to see by dead ass. I was going to
Speaker 1: ask you to sign a prenup, but I ain't hash it,
Speaker 1: but I wanted to ask you to sign it just
Speaker 1: to see if you was going to That was high
Speaker 1: exactly how did that even happen? Apparently? And we ain't divorcing. Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm Cadine and we're the Ellis. You may know us
Speaker 1: from posting funny videos with our boys and reading each
Speaker 1: other publicly as a form of therapy. I'm making need
Speaker 1: therapy most days. Wow. And one more important thing to mention,
Speaker 1: we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast
Speaker 1: to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics
Speaker 1: most folks don't want to talk about. Through the lens
Speaker 1: of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term
Speaker 1: that we say every day. Where we say dead ass,
Speaker 1: we're actually saying facts one, the truth, the whole truth,
Speaker 1: and nothing but the truth. We're about to take Philow's
Speaker 1: off to a whole new level. Starts now. June two
Speaker 1: thousand and eight, I was going into my third year
Speaker 1: in the NFL. I just asked Codeine to marry me
Speaker 1: at my brother's graduation barbecue. Um, I own to property.
Speaker 1: I had a lot of money in the bank, and
Speaker 1: I remember my friends saying to me, Yo, de voo,
Speaker 1: you wanna ask these a pre nup, and to be honest,
Speaker 1: out of fear of sounding naive, I was like, of course,
Speaker 1: but I never really was thinking about it. So then
Speaker 1: going into that summer, we hadn't gotten married yet and
Speaker 1: I wasn't really thinking about the whole prenum thing. But
Speaker 1: then I had lost a lot because of the economic crisis,
Speaker 1: and I remember saying to myself, it's a good thing
Speaker 1: I didn't ask you to sign this prenup because I
Speaker 1: look real stupid now. And I stuck with you after that.
Speaker 1: So that was a sign when you lost all that money,
Speaker 1: that I was not prenup material. Who do you love?
Speaker 1: Are you for shure? I gotta do? Do you love
Speaker 1: you for sure? Yea? Who do you love? Hey? What's up?
Speaker 1: My name is your love? Shout out to LLL ll
Speaker 1: S bay Al Right now, now I gotta stop singing
Speaker 1: his song because you went there, Because you went there.
Speaker 1: I gotta stop Bay with that little part who by
Speaker 1: by by total? That's total? Right? Yes? Yeah, So that
Speaker 1: made me think of this episode today made me think
Speaker 1: about that, Who do you love? And are you for sure?
Speaker 1: That's that's that's a very good question. They came to
Speaker 1: mind when we were talking about pre nups. We're talking
Speaker 1: about divorce. It's like, do you really know who you're
Speaker 1: marrying before you marry them? H We're gonna dive into
Speaker 1: that today. What we're gonna talk about, you know, things
Speaker 1: that they potentially lead up to divorcing. Ways around that, Yes,
Speaker 1: and prenups are they necessary? You know? De Value made
Speaker 1: the statement before that marriage is a bad contract. Yes,
Speaker 1: So we're going to talk about that as well. Bring
Speaker 1: an expert in to see if you're really right about
Speaker 1: what you're saying and feeling. I mean, I mean, listen.
Speaker 1: Marriage is a social constract that was created by man.
Speaker 1: So there's going to be flaws and everything, especially when
Speaker 1: you know the premise of marriage is supposed to be
Speaker 1: about love, Like how can you tangibly measure love? But um,
Speaker 1: I personally don't believe in prenups. Maybe I'll hear something
Speaker 1: Tony that will change my mind. Well, because when we
Speaker 1: got married, we both had nothing as we said we would.
Speaker 1: We had nothing, So what were we prenupping? But like
Speaker 1: I said, like I said before, if you know you're
Speaker 1: about to get something right, and you get married before
Speaker 1: you get it, do you put in the prenup that
Speaker 1: what I'm about to get to say, for example, you
Speaker 1: were signing a big deal, or you got something coming
Speaker 1: up that I'm not going to give you half of
Speaker 1: everything that I've worked on before just because we got
Speaker 1: it after I got married. Me personally, I don't feel
Speaker 1: that I'm going to marry someone that I have to
Speaker 1: worry about the if we get divorced. If I'm worried
Speaker 1: about it, if we get divorced, then I'm not getting married. Ah,
Speaker 1: So then you knew you didn't have to worry about
Speaker 1: that with me. Huh, you stuck with me because I
Speaker 1: got a lot. Now you're not getting half a nothing.
Speaker 1: It not because we need it's not happening. You stuck
Speaker 1: with me, That's that's true. But I mean, you know,
Speaker 1: it makes me really think about, you know, the reasons
Speaker 1: people get married to if you want to dial it
Speaker 1: back to before we even talk about divorce and prenup
Speaker 1: being a potential topic for some people depending on what
Speaker 1: they have assets wise, you know, we think about the
Speaker 1: reasons why people divorced. So um, I was looking up
Speaker 1: some stuff here and the Pure Research report, and it
Speaker 1: was pretty much examining those reasons why eight percent of
Speaker 1: people pulled from the general public said it was for love. Okay,
Speaker 1: as my mom said that you can't take love to
Speaker 1: the bank, So I don't know, not take love to
Speaker 1: the bank. You know, you can't catch out on that.
Speaker 1: UM said making a lifelong commitment was important to them,
Speaker 1: said they were looking for companionship, get a dog, get
Speaker 1: a dog, not a whole person. I felt like that
Speaker 1: about making a life won't commitment, Like you don't have
Speaker 1: to commit to a whole another person if you want
Speaker 1: to make a commitment, like you can commit to veganism
Speaker 1: like so many commit to like not even eating pork
Speaker 1: anywhere or whatever. Like, there's many life commitments you can make.
Speaker 1: But anywhoy um said they got married because they wanted
Speaker 1: to have a kid, have a child, I would fall
Speaker 1: into that between between the having a kid and love.
Speaker 1: I would definitely fall into that realm because for me,
Speaker 1: it's all about legacy. So I wanted to be able
Speaker 1: to build a family and have someone to share these
Speaker 1: these things with, you know, So I'm probab be around
Speaker 1: there too, um, for religious reasons, for financial stability, and
Speaker 1: for legal rights and benefits. So you need the health
Speaker 1: insurance come through, pull up, go to court, go to
Speaker 1: the state, let's get married. You're trying to become you're
Speaker 1: trying to become a citizen. There you go. And according
Speaker 1: to the National Survey of Family Growth, more than of
Speaker 1: first marriages end in divorce within five years, and forty
Speaker 1: six sorry, forty percent of marriage is dissolved by the
Speaker 1: twenty year mark, So almost half of marriages don't work.
Speaker 1: Everyone has their their story and their you know. But
Speaker 1: today we're talking uh, prenum divorce rates, all that stuff.
Speaker 1: And we have a special guest in the house, yes,
Speaker 1: who is very well versed on this sort of thing. Um.
Speaker 1: So this week's guest needs no introduction, though I'm going
Speaker 1: an introducer. She's an icon, a leader and the most
Speaker 1: distinguished judge on television, and she's beautiful. Sitting right across
Speaker 1: from me. You may recognize her as the presiding judge
Speaker 1: on Divorce Court or even from the media films as
Speaker 1: Media's Court judge. Shout out to my aunt Weei, who
Speaker 1: made me watch the Vote Court divorce Courts every day.
Speaker 1: I stayed home from school and we used to watch
Speaker 1: the voice Courts like we had to watch it like
Speaker 1: you grew up on this person house. You grew up
Speaker 1: with her. All rise and please welcome the honorable Judge Maybling. Hey, yes,
Speaker 1: from everyone knows her from Divorce Court, but I know
Speaker 1: her from Tyler Perry's I think it was Meet the Browns.
Speaker 1: No Jail was going to Jail, and of course go
Speaker 1: to jail every movie though that was the first one.
Speaker 1: That was the first one that was the first jail.
Speaker 1: Think you were hilarious. Thank you. The funniest part to
Speaker 1: me was when you screamed out by me and Whitney
Speaker 1: when well you were telling us just in chatting that
Speaker 1: that got you more fame than ten years on Divorce Court.
Speaker 1: It's amazing. Is in the power of the big screen? Three?
Speaker 1: I am known among your generations and younger and maybe
Speaker 1: thirty and under, I have more not they known me
Speaker 1: better by Medea and yelling at Bobby and Whitney than
Speaker 1: they do. Ten years on Divorce Court five days a
Speaker 1: week and the eight show aired two times a day,
Speaker 1: three minutes of fame. I know, I know, it's it's
Speaker 1: us with the big screen and tales show though the
Speaker 1: voice Court. So that's has been a new show is
Speaker 1: Justice with Judge Maybelin now in the sixth season? Oh yeah, yes,
Speaker 1: congratulations very much. What you gotta tell us? How did
Speaker 1: you decide to get into a law Oh? I decided
Speaker 1: to get into law because of my father. My father
Speaker 1: had a stroke. He was fifty seven years old and
Speaker 1: seven more kids to raise, and Social Security administration said
Speaker 1: denied him, Uh, social security disability. He couldn't walk, he
Speaker 1: couldn't talk, he couldn't do a day thing. How do
Speaker 1: you deny somebody's disability? They could permitted disability. They can't
Speaker 1: do anything. So of course we had to fight the system.
Speaker 1: We didn't have any money, seven kids. My mother was
Speaker 1: a elvin um. I helped her. We read everything they said.
Speaker 1: When you know they denied, if you don't, if you
Speaker 1: don't agree with this appeal, and file this appeal and
Speaker 1: send it to here. So we just kept doing that
Speaker 1: and filing appeals every time we went all the way
Speaker 1: up till they fight and said, okay, give them social
Speaker 1: Security disability. So at that point I decided I would
Speaker 1: be a lawyer so that my family in particular would
Speaker 1: never have to suffer like that and they would always
Speaker 1: have someone to fight for them. But I was in
Speaker 1: the eighth grade when I decided to be a lawyer
Speaker 1: and stuck with that, and my parents said that I've
Speaker 1: always been like the fighter for the family and for
Speaker 1: other people, and I was the one that would speak up.
Speaker 1: My dad was old school from the South. You know,
Speaker 1: children are to be seen and not heard. I was
Speaker 1: a child was heard and got slapped my grandparents from
Speaker 1: South Carolina, right. So I've always been the one that
Speaker 1: would speak up for what I believed in and speak
Speaker 1: up to protect other people. And my little sister, my
Speaker 1: dad coming out, Dad, you can't hit her, you know
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. So it's just a natural thing
Speaker 1: for me, uh what I found out. But yes, I
Speaker 1: made that decision in the eighth grade at age thirteen,
Speaker 1: and I never wavered and to this day, if I
Speaker 1: had to do it again, I would still go into law.
Speaker 1: I love it, love and you can actually impact people
Speaker 1: around here because far as so many times you see
Speaker 1: things crumbling around you and people are wondering how they
Speaker 1: can actively change it. So here you are in the
Speaker 1: eighth grade and they're talking about change. Um. That was
Speaker 1: also during the time of the Civil Rights movement, and
Speaker 1: I saw firsthand how change was effectuated and change was
Speaker 1: made through the law. It was going into the Supreme
Speaker 1: Court arguing against uh antidiscrimination, arguing againt segregation. So I
Speaker 1: saw all of this going on in the nineteen sixties
Speaker 1: early sixties. So that too. Plus my dad's situation is like, okay,
Speaker 1: that sealed it. So you knew you always want to
Speaker 1: go into defense, LA, Yes, defending people fighting for the
Speaker 1: rights of others. So I started as a criminal defense attorney,
Speaker 1: but no, I started as a prosecutor. Any most people
Speaker 1: started with criminal defense, best with black people because because
Speaker 1: they want to be defender. Because he wanted to know
Speaker 1: so he can write it's a new it's a new
Speaker 1: day now. But in my day. First of all, that
Speaker 1: wasn't that many black attorneys. And then secondly, they were
Speaker 1: not letting them into the prosecutor's office. They would tend
Speaker 1: to get them into the defense attorney's office and the
Speaker 1: public defender's office faster than they would let him into
Speaker 1: the prosecutor. Right. So, but I didn't want either prosecution
Speaker 1: or defense. I just had to go somewhere first to
Speaker 1: get paid by somebody else. I had no name in
Speaker 1: the community. You know, my family name is from dinnerbody
Speaker 1: know us um. I had to get a reputation. I
Speaker 1: had to get established. So it's like, give me a job,
Speaker 1: pay me, because when you get paid by prosecution or
Speaker 1: the public defender's office, there is no liability you're immusing
Speaker 1: from from lawsuits, malpractice lawsuits. As an attorney, you get
Speaker 1: to know people, you get known, you get trial experience
Speaker 1: as somebody else's expense. You get known in the community,
Speaker 1: in the legal community, by the judges, the attorneys, public defenders,
Speaker 1: the courts, the bailiffs, the court clerks, all of those
Speaker 1: people that you need to network with because in a
Speaker 1: few years I'm out of here on my own. But
Speaker 1: I had a plan strategy. Yes, so I went there
Speaker 1: for that purpose, and I achieved that purpose. I got known,
Speaker 1: I got good reviews as a prosecutor. Um, I did
Speaker 1: some appellate work as a law clerk, so I got
Speaker 1: to know the appellate judges and did appeals. I also
Speaker 1: did criminal prosecution, so I got to know of the
Speaker 1: judges in the court house, the court clerk, the bayliss
Speaker 1: and all those people that I needed to network with.
Speaker 1: So when I opened my own shingle, I would have
Speaker 1: them to reach back and refer me case. That's what
Speaker 1: it was all about. So then you eventually became a
Speaker 1: noted judge on television. Yes, So what was that life
Speaker 1: for you? The whole transition from you know, making your
Speaker 1: way through the whole system and then now you're this
Speaker 1: noted judge. What was that life for you? The transition.
Speaker 1: I'm telling you it was an amazing thing because it
Speaker 1: just happened. I seriously with no thought ever in mine
Speaker 1: Because I didn't like TV. First of all, I like me,
Speaker 1: So how am I going to go on TV? I
Speaker 1: didn't like the way I looked. Yeah, I had I
Speaker 1: had issues. I had uh what do you call that?
Speaker 1: I had low self self? So I did not want
Speaker 1: to go on television. UM. I had no thought of
Speaker 1: that ever. I was a kid that didn't watch TV.
Speaker 1: I didn't even go outside to play. I'm reading, I'm reading,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out the world. I'm reading geography, history, biographies,
Speaker 1: all of those kinds of things. UM. But so it
Speaker 1: just happened like this. My partner, my law partner, because
Speaker 1: I've been practicing I guess on my own about ten
Speaker 1: and or twelve years. At the time, my law partner
Speaker 1: went to UM a meeting of the entertainment and sports attorneys.
Speaker 1: They were having a legal class. I was a Tuesday night.
Speaker 1: I go to church Bible study on Tuesday nights. So,
Speaker 1: and my practice was predominantly family law at that point.
Speaker 1: And I said, who gets in trouble more than anybody
Speaker 1: and these family attorneys other than athletes and entertainers. So
Speaker 1: I needed her to you always had a plan, You
Speaker 1: always had a plan. I needed her to network with
Speaker 1: the athlete, with the attorneys for the athletes and the entertainers,
Speaker 1: because how do they get their attorneys referral from their attorney?
Speaker 1: Child support and child custody was a big issue among
Speaker 1: those people because they have a lot of babies in
Speaker 1: and out of wedlock, and they have issues with child
Speaker 1: support and paternity um and child support enforcement was a
Speaker 1: big deal at that time, and that's nationwide. But they
Speaker 1: were arresting all over the nation. So I had a
Speaker 1: I had become the attorney for a football player who
Speaker 1: traveled to l a to play for the Super Bowl
Speaker 1: at the Rose Bowl for the Dallas Cowboys, and he
Speaker 1: had an outstanding child support order that had gone criminal
Speaker 1: and when he got off the plane, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: they arrested him about the sup It's like a movie.
Speaker 1: You can you come in that Monday to get the team,
Speaker 1: comes in Funday to get ready. They arrested him fresh
Speaker 1: fresh off the plane. Happen to be sitting in my
Speaker 1: office late at night. Dallas Cowboys managed to call and
Speaker 1: said somebody and then went like right, no, It went
Speaker 1: like this, he's from Dallas. So somebody from Dallas recommended
Speaker 1: somebody attorney from another state, who recommended an attorney from
Speaker 1: another state. And they finally got to me around like that, oh,
Speaker 1: we know the right person the California I went to court, quiet,
Speaker 1: didn't get any fame from it. Nobody knows it but
Speaker 1: me and him, right, quiet squashed, no media coverage. Every
Speaker 1: nobody knows the original Olivia Pope. Yeah, that's what I did.
Speaker 1: So I was getting clients like that, and I got
Speaker 1: him off. I mean, guy just settled, resolved, he played,
Speaker 1: he did everything he had to do, no issue right.
Speaker 1: I get to the courthouse, media all over the place. Media,
Speaker 1: I just walked past them like I normally do, went
Speaker 1: on into the court room and then they're inside the
Speaker 1: court room and I said to the bailiff, I said,
Speaker 1: I came to represent X. I said, the media is
Speaker 1: all around. We don't want any medias. To tell the
Speaker 1: judge we're gonna do this in chambers. So he told
Speaker 1: the judge, what was up? We did our case in chambers.
Speaker 1: That's a movie. That's a whole movie. To call you
Speaker 1: like that movie. What's so funny? Because I walked out
Speaker 1: smelling like y'all still hear him over anybody. So that's
Speaker 1: what I was trying to do. Get entertainment and sports attorneys.
Speaker 1: So she talked to the lady, another entertainment attorney, and said,
Speaker 1: but my partner family law. The lady said, what they're
Speaker 1: looking for a judge to do the revival of the
Speaker 1: voice Court that was done in the eighties. But in
Speaker 1: the eighties it was all actors and actresses. Now we're
Speaker 1: in the nineties and it's reality TV, so it's gonna
Speaker 1: be real my partners, Shirley, she said, oh shoot, maybe
Speaker 1: we can do that now. They called me Tuesday night
Speaker 1: when she left the meeting. Wednesday, I called the attorneys
Speaker 1: at Box Television. Thursday, I went in for an interview
Speaker 1: with the vps of Fox ten Programming. They said, well,
Speaker 1: we need you to do a screen test. This is
Speaker 1: Columbus Day weekend. We need you to do a screen test.
Speaker 1: I said, what that means? You gotta come and do
Speaker 1: a screen test this weekend? I said, this is my
Speaker 1: weekend off. I'm taking a break. I'm tired. I got
Speaker 1: a relaxed said, this is my weekend off. When you
Speaker 1: gotta do this with Also, now, I'm going to Palm Springs.
Speaker 1: I've already got set up. I'm going to palmp Spraings Friday.
Speaker 1: I won't be I really want this show. You're gonna
Speaker 1: make it happen. I won't be back to Monday. I
Speaker 1: won't be back to Monday. So they said, what can
Speaker 1: you do with Sunday? I said, what time, the evening,
Speaker 1: Sunday evening. Yeah, so that's what we did when I
Speaker 1: got a Hollywood. I waste my good week in a
Speaker 1: relaxation and chill time handling all these family law cases,
Speaker 1: which is stressful. They don't give me the case, they
Speaker 1: don't give me the show. I haven't got my rest
Speaker 1: right who loses? Yeah, I can't do it. There, you
Speaker 1: go protect yourself. People have to learn that. I have
Speaker 1: a question, since we talked about protecting yourself. Yes, we
Speaker 1: talked about yes, very good. Right. Caney and I have
Speaker 1: friends in the entertainment industry and in football. You know,
Speaker 1: you talk about football, and we often talk about prenups.
Speaker 1: And we talked about marriage, right, and I had brought
Speaker 1: up to our friends, and I thought marriage was a
Speaker 1: bad contract, just an overall bad contract, marriage yourself. Yes,
Speaker 1: the contract, just the contract of marriage is bad. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I just feel like it's a bad contract. Wow. And
Speaker 1: this is why we've been arguing. As a contract. It
Speaker 1: is a contract. You got to go to the court.
Speaker 1: You literally have to go to the court to get married.
Speaker 1: You have to go to the state and fell out
Speaker 1: of married certificate and get an application to get married.
Speaker 1: But you don't have to go to court. See, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna argue with you because you know better. So
Speaker 1: I'm not even gonna go there and get a certificate.
Speaker 1: You do. You got to get permission, So you get permission, right,
Speaker 1: But then once you get permission, there are certain things
Speaker 1: that each party has to give up and you know,
Speaker 1: receive if you get divorced. That's why I feel like
Speaker 1: it's a bad contract. So the divorce is a bad contract.
Speaker 1: Is a bad thing. Yes, I agree, but it is
Speaker 1: a bad thing. It is a bad thing. It is
Speaker 1: a bad thing because no, I don't necessarily agree, say,
Speaker 1: for instance, with the alimony portion of divorce. Spousal supports
Speaker 1: alimony where you have to pay a person forever because
Speaker 1: you were married to them for ten years or so.
Speaker 1: Up jud you're talking about this with that because I
Speaker 1: think especially for women, when you're saying we're liberated, we
Speaker 1: want to be free, we take care of ourselves, we
Speaker 1: do our own things. Oh, but now I want you
Speaker 1: to pay for me the rest of my life because
Speaker 1: I live with you for ten years and we had
Speaker 1: sex and we made babies, and now you've got to
Speaker 1: support me forever. I don't like that. Now, that's the law,
Speaker 1: but I don't like. I think it's not good. But
Speaker 1: I got to say nothing. Are you looking at me?
Speaker 1: I was just saying, I think you need to protect yourselves.
Speaker 1: So I really truly believe in pre nups. Yes, most
Speaker 1: like most definitely. It's just like everything that you know,
Speaker 1: how you say you have a plan and you got
Speaker 1: prepared for the inevitable. You got to prepare for the inevitable.
Speaker 1: And that's all you're doing is protecting yourself and prepare. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we love today, Yes, I love your dirty drawers and
Speaker 1: whatever you do. I like. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: you can't do no wrong. You God, You're the most
Speaker 1: beautiful thing God ever created you, the most handsome thing.
Speaker 1: But tomorrow I hate you. But you know all that
Speaker 1: beauty was, Don't you know what I'm saying? You know
Speaker 1: good someone? So you be dad what so when that happens,
Speaker 1: you have to be prepared. So I don't want That's
Speaker 1: why I say pem have a lot of questions about
Speaker 1: prenum because people ask me, and my boys asked me
Speaker 1: because I don't have a prenup. Boy, don't you guys
Speaker 1: didn't do one. We didn't do a prenup. I didn't
Speaker 1: have nothing to give him, and I have nothing. I
Speaker 1: don't need one. I don't have nothing needs. So it's like,
Speaker 1: what am I a puber for? Right? But my thing
Speaker 1: was people ask me, but you, but that's you made
Speaker 1: a mistake that you don't have to have the assets
Speaker 1: right there? There prenup, That's what I wanted to know,
Speaker 1: is there? I don't remembered. Remember remember when Janet Jackson
Speaker 1: got married to the guy and they got a prenup.
Speaker 1: He said that if you stay with me for X
Speaker 1: number of years, at least five years, I'll give you
Speaker 1: X amount of dollars. If we divorce after that, you
Speaker 1: gotta say with me for five years and then I'll
Speaker 1: give you X amount of dollars. But if you divorce
Speaker 1: me before those five years, ain't give you but nothing.
Speaker 1: Right so you can say that I'm in football forerence,
Speaker 1: you're in football, and my scholarship, I mean, my contractor
Speaker 1: is X amount of dollars anticipate making someone. So when
Speaker 1: we get married, here we go. If we get divorced
Speaker 1: during the time I'm in football, or if we get
Speaker 1: divorced in the next five years, this is all I'm
Speaker 1: gonna offer you no matter how much I'm making, you
Speaker 1: can say the same thing. I mean, you said you
Speaker 1: were in television, you're in acting and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: You went broadcasting, so you had a career up going
Speaker 1: as well. Look, if I'm at this level of income,
Speaker 1: I won't seek support. But if I'm at this level
Speaker 1: of income, you're gonna pay me. You can do that.
Speaker 1: Or if I'm at this level of income and we
Speaker 1: have one house, two pieces of you know, this is
Speaker 1: what our we'll say. We like this, we're gonna divide everything.
Speaker 1: And you said, now we're gonna divide everything equally when
Speaker 1: we if we ever get divorced, everything we acquired during
Speaker 1: this man areas, we're going to divide it equally. Or
Speaker 1: you use your money, you use your money, We're not
Speaker 1: gonna do that. And you can do that. You see. Now,
Speaker 1: that's that's important for people to know because when people
Speaker 1: here prenup, they think that there's already a prenuptial agreement
Speaker 1: that's provided by the state and then you just sign it.
Speaker 1: That's what that's what people think. People ask me, if
Speaker 1: I signed a prenup, does that mean degreement? A pre
Speaker 1: nuppletal contract is a contract it's an agreement between two
Speaker 1: people who are about to be married regarding the future
Speaker 1: division of their assets should they divorce. But usually you
Speaker 1: can tell it to the existing assets. So that's why
Speaker 1: you have to name everything that you have. For instance,
Speaker 1: if you say, if you leave out something and you hide,
Speaker 1: I'm only gonna tell you about this, But I got
Speaker 1: all this stuff over here, and so we had this
Speaker 1: agreement about these three pieces of property. But these we
Speaker 1: don't have an agreement back because they don't You don't
Speaker 1: know nothing about them, and I ain't gonna never tell you. Well. See,
Speaker 1: that's the problem with prenups often is you don't disclose.
Speaker 1: So when you don't disclose all of your assets, your
Speaker 1: prenups in valid. You see, let me ask you a question.
Speaker 1: Let me ask your question. Seriously. I feel like once
Speaker 1: you get into a situation where you're talking about forever
Speaker 1: and then you start talking about assets, and you're trying
Speaker 1: to do this and hide that you've already started off
Speaker 1: in a place that could end up somewhere negative. That's right,
Speaker 1: but that's what I'm saying. But then you're not supposed
Speaker 1: to hide assets. You're supposed to play lay your cards
Speaker 1: on the table. Here's where I am not going. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but the two of you starting out together and neither
Speaker 1: of you having anything, really you're gonna accumulate everything in
Speaker 1: the marriage. So if you go into a community property state,
Speaker 1: which most of our states are, I think there's only
Speaker 1: about four or five of them left that's not community
Speaker 1: property state, meaning that it's everything earned during the marriage
Speaker 1: is divided equally one half. If that's the law, and
Speaker 1: which is still the law, and you don't have anything, now,
Speaker 1: you you can say, well, we don't have to do
Speaker 1: a half one half division, even though I know that
Speaker 1: if we get divorced, we're gonna have to do a
Speaker 1: half half while we say we do uh two thirds
Speaker 1: one third or while. But if you don't have anything,
Speaker 1: it's not necessary to do a prenup because you are
Speaker 1: you're saying, whatever we acquire, we already know she's gonna
Speaker 1: get one third divorce, she's gonna get to thirds whatever
Speaker 1: were acquiring. The future, it's really more for those who
Speaker 1: have the assets now. So if you have assets, and
Speaker 1: you know why is because the assets that you have
Speaker 1: prior to marriage are considered your separate property, not community property.
Speaker 1: Whereas when you marry in most states their community property states,
Speaker 1: So everything you accumulate during the marriage is considered community
Speaker 1: and that's what's divided. Fifty things that you own beforehand
Speaker 1: or things that you inherit during the marriage are that
Speaker 1: is your separate property. So that's why you have a
Speaker 1: pre nup. You come to me and we get together.
Speaker 1: I'm a millionaire. You're down here at the bottom. We divorced.
Speaker 1: I got all this property out here. You have nothing.
Speaker 1: You can't take all my property with you and do
Speaker 1: and this divorce. And that's the sense of a pre nup,
Speaker 1: because it's not fair. It's not fair. And left well,
Speaker 1: forget fairness. If you want to give the person that
Speaker 1: as a gift, then fine, give it to them. But
Speaker 1: they shouldn't have the right just because they married you
Speaker 1: like me, for instance, I'd never married nobody without a prenup.
Speaker 1: I've been out of here husband, working hard a long time.
Speaker 1: I've accumulated a lot. If you don't bring anything to
Speaker 1: the table, brother man, you're not taking my stuff if
Speaker 1: you don't have a prenup. Can I ask the question?
Speaker 1: I ask you ask you a question. Oh, don't fight you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: What I really want to know is about before you
Speaker 1: even get to the marriage face. Yes, look deep before
Speaker 1: you leave here it is look deep before you leave.
Speaker 1: And these are the kinds of questions you should ask.
Speaker 1: That's when you're looking deep. How do you think and
Speaker 1: how do you feel about this? What do you have
Speaker 1: and what you don't have? Some women are only gonna
Speaker 1: marry you if you have it's amount of dollars there.
Speaker 1: Some men are only gonna married women who have it's
Speaker 1: amount of dollars. I know. One of the things you
Speaker 1: really should look forward, look deep before you leap, before
Speaker 1: you get married. That dog gonna credit. You need to
Speaker 1: look at that at that because if you got a
Speaker 1: whole lot of debt out there and I have none
Speaker 1: and I have assets, and then we get together, I
Speaker 1: gotta spend all my money paying off your darn debts exactly,
Speaker 1: you know? And not and not only that, I'm you're
Speaker 1: telling me that you're a person who doesn't handle money well,
Speaker 1: and you have bad credit, You don't handle money well,
Speaker 1: you don't make wise decisions. How is that going to
Speaker 1: impact your lives? It's gonna have an impact. So what
Speaker 1: are some common things that you feel like people overlook
Speaker 1: before man before marriage? Oh, they overlook those kind of
Speaker 1: that one particularly finances. They overlook finances, they overlook character
Speaker 1: for the physical appearance. You got to stop looking at
Speaker 1: the wallet and look at the heart before you decide
Speaker 1: to marry someone. What is your character? Are you mind?
Speaker 1: Are you loving? Are you polite? Do you have good
Speaker 1: work ethics? Do you have good morals? Do you have
Speaker 1: any spiritual values with your the principles? What guides your life?
Speaker 1: If you're even if you have money, if you're just
Speaker 1: a money person and you're guided by money and greed,
Speaker 1: that's an issue too in that in my opinion, not
Speaker 1: for other people. They like folks as money hungry. It
Speaker 1: all depends on your personality. But you have to be
Speaker 1: true to yourself and really know who you are first.
Speaker 1: What am I looking for in a mate? And what
Speaker 1: do I have to offer? That? This is where women
Speaker 1: mess up. They don't never ask what do I have
Speaker 1: to offer? They just always want to know what the
Speaker 1: man got to give me? And that's what men mess
Speaker 1: up because you never asked the question what she had
Speaker 1: to offer? All you worried about is the you know,
Speaker 1: what does she have the offer? In that category? You
Speaker 1: know you got hungry too. Sometimes, Yeah, no, look at you,
Speaker 1: you nasty judge coming for all. Let me tell you
Speaker 1: that judge maybe then got wisdom. I'm sure she knows
Speaker 1: what I'm talking about. A man I was born yesterday,
Speaker 1: I didn't. I don't want to think about you like that.
Speaker 1: I've been watching since I as a teenager. Right, try
Speaker 1: to make me over. Don't put her in the box.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna put you in the box. But when
Speaker 1: it came time to marry my wife, yes, I solely
Speaker 1: focused on character. That's why I didn't really worry about
Speaker 1: a prenup because I knew who I was married. I
Speaker 1: just knew, Like I was, like, this is the one.
Speaker 1: She's going to be a good mom. She's a good person,
Speaker 1: she has my back. Did you say she's gonna be
Speaker 1: a good mom? People don't think about that. What kind
Speaker 1: of mother will she make? What kind of husband will
Speaker 1: he make? What kind of father will he make when
Speaker 1: you're dating him? What kind of man will he be
Speaker 1: as a father? What will he teach his sons? How
Speaker 1: much time will he spend with his joke? How much
Speaker 1: time will he spend with me? What kind of person?
Speaker 1: How are we gonna raise these children together? Should we
Speaker 1: have children. People don't think about that. This is you know,
Speaker 1: it's funny. This is way bigger than the prenup. But
Speaker 1: knowing the character the person you married will let you
Speaker 1: know whether a prenup is needed. But like you said,
Speaker 1: if you have assets, you should have a prenup regardless
Speaker 1: of how much you know about a person. Character in terms,
Speaker 1: character and assets are not quite the same. It's because
Speaker 1: if I, for me, an older woman, I have children,
Speaker 1: i have grandchildren, and I've accumulated and I'd like to
Speaker 1: leave an inheritance, as the Bible tells me to understand
Speaker 1: to my children and to my grandchildren, I don't want
Speaker 1: a man to come into my relationship and just because
Speaker 1: we're married for a few years, he gets to take
Speaker 1: all that I've accumulate, whole legacy, and my children get
Speaker 1: nothing just because he was good to me for a
Speaker 1: few years. But that's not right. That's not right. So
Speaker 1: that's why I think it's necessary for me and likewise
Speaker 1: for him, because I see, I'm dealing with one of
Speaker 1: my family members now whose children could not understand when
Speaker 1: their father married that he married this woman because he
Speaker 1: loved her, he wanted her to be his wife, and
Speaker 1: then he shared his separate property, you know when he
Speaker 1: when he left in his trust. She gets a portion
Speaker 1: of this that I had before I married her. The
Speaker 1: children get a portion of this. But they all up
Speaker 1: and all I mean, they're going crazy And I ain't
Speaker 1: my dad. You had a right to your parents property.
Speaker 1: None of us have a right to our parents property.
Speaker 1: But as a parent, I want to leave my children something,
Speaker 1: but I also would want to share something with my spouse.
Speaker 1: To see what I'm saying. So no, that makes a
Speaker 1: lot of sense. But you have a question, a very
Speaker 1: serious question. You have another question is my last question.
Speaker 1: Don't say that a buddy of mine. He's not he said, Okay,
Speaker 1: I wasn't rich when I met my my wife, and
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask her for a prenup because I
Speaker 1: wasn't rich, but I knew that I was going to
Speaker 1: accrue assets. There were certain things that I wanted to
Speaker 1: I was willing to give her a portion and keep
Speaker 1: a portion for myself, but I was willing to give
Speaker 1: her fifty fifty. Right. He asked me if that was fair.
Speaker 1: I didn't know how to answer him, because I feel like, personally,
Speaker 1: if y'all build it together. His thing was we're not
Speaker 1: building it together. I'm going out in the core in
Speaker 1: the assets. That's my wife. She does what she do.
Speaker 1: I do what I do, but I make more money
Speaker 1: than her. Is it fair for me to ask her
Speaker 1: to sign a prenup where if we get divorced she
Speaker 1: doesn't get I don't know about fair because prenup is
Speaker 1: not about fairness. It's about what you want to give
Speaker 1: and what you're willing to give and what you want
Speaker 1: to keep. It's not necessarily fair because life is not
Speaker 1: always fair. But what he's saying is I don't want
Speaker 1: to share fifty fifty. Now what that other person has
Speaker 1: to decide is do I want to go in with
Speaker 1: a man who's saying to me, I don't want to
Speaker 1: share with you fifty and not what I have today,
Speaker 1: but what we will accumulate together, because when he when
Speaker 1: you get married, you're accumulating it together. It may be
Speaker 1: your body, as say a football player, you're doing all
Speaker 1: that hard workers, you getting hit upside the head, and
Speaker 1: you're getting tackled in all of that, but it's still
Speaker 1: together because why you're getting hit upside the head and tackle.
Speaker 1: She's contributing because she's at home taking care of your children.
Speaker 1: She's at home helping to handle those finances, keeping the
Speaker 1: finances together so you don't lose them. Hopefully, she's at
Speaker 1: home helping you do that, so you don't you don't, right,
Speaker 1: And when you come off that field and everybody else
Speaker 1: sees this personality, you know, and you come back and
Speaker 1: you're angry and you're upset, and you're feeling defeated because
Speaker 1: things didn't go as you thought they would go. She's
Speaker 1: the one who's stroking. She's the one who's listening. She's
Speaker 1: the one who's bearing the brunt of all of that.
Speaker 1: So people contribute, what we have to understand is in
Speaker 1: different ways. But everybody contributes in a marriage, you know,
Speaker 1: we just don't contribute it on the same level. I
Speaker 1: understand that. I just I know where he's coming from
Speaker 1: because I don't want to out him, but he's he's
Speaker 1: about to be drafted, about to be making millions, millions
Speaker 1: of dollars. I love her. I want to show I
Speaker 1: love her, But if she decides she wants to leave
Speaker 1: me after I get drafted, I don't want to give
Speaker 1: her half of everything I've worked in college. I think
Speaker 1: that's a good thing to think about because a lot
Speaker 1: of women, for athletes in particular and entertainers, that's what
Speaker 1: they're looking at, and that's why they're after them. That's
Speaker 1: why I say, look deep before you leap. When those
Speaker 1: athletes entertainers is making all this money when a woman,
Speaker 1: all these women is coming up to him and every
Speaker 1: town they go to, they get you know, women, women, women,
Speaker 1: when women, they keep looking at the vage and that
Speaker 1: and and that's why they make a mistake because that's
Speaker 1: why she's trying. If that's her reason for marrying you,
Speaker 1: and you can figure that out, she's trying to cash in,
Speaker 1: you know, on the gold. Yeah, that's the reason. If
Speaker 1: that's the reason for her marriage, you got to check
Speaker 1: it out. Is she one of those kind of women
Speaker 1: that that's what she's all about? And if that's the case,
Speaker 1: you should marry her. Because if you're worried about her
Speaker 1: doing that, then you don't even ask that's sorry, sorry,
Speaker 1: That's what I'm all about, you know, I'm in for
Speaker 1: the dig I mean. And then a lot of women,
Speaker 1: I say, women, young, the women these days, you gotta
Speaker 1: bring something to the table too. Why you think the
Speaker 1: man's supposed to have all the money. What you're bringing
Speaker 1: to the table. You don't know how to. You don't
Speaker 1: know how to wash, you don't know how to you
Speaker 1: don't know how to budget. You don't know how to budget.
Speaker 1: You don't know how to decorate a house, you don't
Speaker 1: know how to. Can be not talking about me because
Speaker 1: I know what I'm doing. You know what you know
Speaker 1: you want to bring it to the table. But here's
Speaker 1: the funny thing though, right, I had to learn how
Speaker 1: to do all that stuff too, because she was working
Speaker 1: and I was at home. There you go, I had
Speaker 1: to do that work together when we had Jackson. You
Speaker 1: was out there work. She had a full time job.
Speaker 1: You're starting her makeup company, And it was reversed. I
Speaker 1: had to cook, do laundry. I hated doing Sorry, sorry,
Speaker 1: but I hated doing laund gosh. I hated doing me too.
Speaker 1: I hated watching dishes. But I had to do it,
Speaker 1: doing all of it, do it. And it's important if
Speaker 1: we if we're saying for women, men gotta learn how
Speaker 1: to do that too, because women getting paid. You know,
Speaker 1: if you want to judge Mayblean, you're gonna have to
Speaker 1: learn how to cooking. You don't have to learn how
Speaker 1: to cooking clean But you better have somebody in there
Speaker 1: cooking and cleaning. Did you ever learned? Who does? You
Speaker 1: don't ever have to learn, but you got to make
Speaker 1: sure that he gets done exactly. Don't depend on me
Speaker 1: to do it, she said. But what are you working on?
Speaker 1: You have a lot of different things going on podcast
Speaker 1: Sassy Women of Wisdom. It's me and my girls, Evelyn Braxton,
Speaker 1: Beverley Hawk, who's the mother of Melika and Kadijja on
Speaker 1: the Kardashians. And then uh Constance Moore who's the mother
Speaker 1: of Lanta Moore also known as mc light. We have
Speaker 1: Assassy Women of Wisdom podcast every Friday night on YouTube
Speaker 1: and you can watch us and we're just sharing wisdom
Speaker 1: um with the world. And then I have the television
Speaker 1: show Justice with Judge Mabeling. It airs daily in syndication
Speaker 1: on your local cable station. Check your listings. I have
Speaker 1: a nonprofit foundation, Maybel Need for Foundation. We offer scholarships
Speaker 1: to high school students going to college. I mentor a
Speaker 1: middle school and a high school. We have a mentoring
Speaker 1: program in a middle school in a high school. We're
Speaker 1: just trying to help with the community. Families. We honored
Speaker 1: father's every Father's Day. Hey, I got me honoring right
Speaker 1: here fathers in the community, from the community. It's called
Speaker 1: honoring unsung fathers. We select fathers in the category of
Speaker 1: a single father, married father, divorce father, Billy's dad who's
Speaker 1: a non biological father, and living legacy category. It's a
Speaker 1: wonderfully ven We have celebrity entertainers and all of that,
Speaker 1: and we it's like the Red Carpet and we do awards.
Speaker 1: It's like the awards shows. And I've been doing that
Speaker 1: for eighteen years now. Insane that if you ever thought
Speaker 1: there wasn't enough hours in the day, remember Judgeleen what
Speaker 1: she got going. And I have two books. Two books,
Speaker 1: look de before you leave, um, Judge, Judge male is Life.
Speaker 1: That's fifty two twos for weekly living available on my website,
Speaker 1: Judge mabelan dot com and maybe L E. A N.
Speaker 1: That's the spelling. And I do speaking engagement. I'm going
Speaker 1: to Indiana this weekend for speaking engagement. A women's group
Speaker 1: going to Maryland and November nine I'll being up on Marlborough.
Speaker 1: So I do all of that kind of stuff, and
Speaker 1: I take care of my children and grandchildren and so
Speaker 1: for you to be able to sit here with us
Speaker 1: for a good little thirty forty five minutes. It's just
Speaker 1: paying for me. It's like, what else I have to do? Well,
Speaker 1: I mean, if you don't mind sticking around for like
Speaker 1: another ten minutes. We have listener letters where people right
Speaker 1: in and they'd like some advice. You know, we didn't
Speaker 1: want to give our two cents and stuff on what's
Speaker 1: going on. So if you haven't turn around for that, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think they say I have time. I really enjoyed
Speaker 1: meeting you all and being a part of this too.
Speaker 1: I was. I was. I have to tell you, I
Speaker 1: was concerned with the name of the show. Okay, you
Speaker 1: know I'm not a millennial, no our generation x y Z.
Speaker 1: I can tell you what generation I'm from, but I
Speaker 1: draw social Security. How about that daughter was surprised and
Speaker 1: she's like, Mommy, you're going to do what I said.
Speaker 1: But they want to talk about subject man. You know,
Speaker 1: I love to educate and wisdom people. You know, I
Speaker 1: love sharing wisdom with young people and who with people
Speaker 1: here from folks that's telling the wrong things of people,
Speaker 1: that's talking negative all the time. I love y'all and
Speaker 1: I love the wisdom I want to see you grow
Speaker 1: and do and this beautiful young couple child. We always say,
Speaker 1: the only thing we know is what we don't know,
Speaker 1: So that's why we have to make sure we have
Speaker 1: an expert come in and speak about these things. Yes,
Speaker 1: questions most people don't want to ask. Absolutely, thank you
Speaker 1: so much. We're gonna take a quick break and move
Speaker 1: into listener letters right after we get into some ants
Speaker 1: and we'll have Judge Mabel and stick around give y'all
Speaker 1: her two cents on this. This for the record, there
Speaker 1: it is. Tiger Woods is one of our most inspiring
Speaker 1: sports icons. In his story, it comes with many chapters.
Speaker 1: I am deeply sorry from my irresponsible and selfish behavior,
Speaker 1: but here it is the return to glory. This is
Speaker 1: All American, a new series from Stitcher hosted by me
Speaker 1: Jordan Bell. You realize Tiger Wis doesn't know who he
Speaker 1: is best in the history of golf, no question in
Speaker 1: my mind. And this season, with the help of journalist
Speaker 1: Albert Chen, we're asking what if the story of Tiger
Speaker 1: Woods that the media has been telling, what if it's
Speaker 1: been completely wrong? All American Tiger is out now. Listen
Speaker 1: and Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast app All
Speaker 1: right now and we are back. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: to Judge Mabling for sticking around. We want to get
Speaker 1: into some listener letters, which Deval always says is my
Speaker 1: favorite part, because I'm nosy and I want to know
Speaker 1: what you'a got going on in your life, and you
Speaker 1: guys have no problem telling us. So you want to
Speaker 1: lead us in the first question, Yes, I lead us
Speaker 1: in the question war, which is launch of disortiers like
Speaker 1: the S A. T. Jesus. Let's see what's going on.
Speaker 1: I was with my husband for a total of ten years,
Speaker 1: married five years. We both a twenty nine. We have
Speaker 1: a one year old son. I found out my husband
Speaker 1: was cheating with the co worker, and I forgave him
Speaker 1: and gave him a second chance, just to find out
Speaker 1: he never ended the affair. We shared a house in
Speaker 1: the car. We sold the house, split the money. He
Speaker 1: wanted the car, I gave it to him. I had
Speaker 1: to buy a new car. Now he lives in a
Speaker 1: luxury apartment and my son and I have to move
Speaker 1: back with my parents. I have full custody. He sees
Speaker 1: our son two full days out of the month, his choice.
Speaker 1: I am giving two hundred and fifty dollars. He came
Speaker 1: up with this amount every two weeks to care for
Speaker 1: our son, who goes to daycare full time while I
Speaker 1: work full time. No calls or messages asking if our
Speaker 1: son needs anything the value you mentioned. If you and
Speaker 1: Conninie would ever get a divorce, she wouldn't have to
Speaker 1: worry about thing. In your opinion, do you believe it's
Speaker 1: wrong to request child support or what questions do you
Speaker 1: feel a woman like myself should be asking herself before
Speaker 1: she decides to file for child support. Judge Mabel, I'm
Speaker 1: looking at your face right now because it's wrong not
Speaker 1: to ask for child support. You sound like a zip
Speaker 1: dang fool. That's exactly what you need. You better go
Speaker 1: in that court yesterday and file for your child support.
Speaker 1: And you should have ever agreed to two hundred and
Speaker 1: fifty dollars a month for child support. That's and you
Speaker 1: say he's living in a luxury apartment. Child support is
Speaker 1: based upon your income, his income, your lifestyle, his lifestyle
Speaker 1: get your You doing your child a disservice, and you're
Speaker 1: not a good mother by not asking for child support
Speaker 1: because you need the help for the benefit of the child.
Speaker 1: He's in childcare. That costs a lot. It cost a
Speaker 1: lot more to fifth their month. That's to fift their week.
Speaker 1: Most of them's two fifty days. It's two fifty day, girl.
Speaker 1: You better get yourself in the court. You You see,
Speaker 1: I'm normally the nice person. I try to make people
Speaker 1: feel good. Told you the truth. I agree with her,
Speaker 1: I had once said before, I said, listen, if we
Speaker 1: ever got a divorce, she wouldn't have to worry about anything.
Speaker 1: She gave me three. Yeah, she gave me three whole kids.
Speaker 1: Whatever the kid, three whole kids. That's what she said.
Speaker 1: Every time she reminds, I gave you three whole boys. Three.
Speaker 1: She reminds me every day every day. And I get that.
Speaker 1: I watched to give birth to these shows. Wasn't you watched?
Speaker 1: She I caught one. She almost lost her life on
Speaker 1: our first one. So for me, I understand the sacrifice
Speaker 1: of it. So for me, it's not even a question.
Speaker 1: I'll go even now, even though we're not divorced, I
Speaker 1: go without to make sure they have. So if we
Speaker 1: were to get divorced, that would be easy, right. Not
Speaker 1: everyone thinks that, But no, ma'am, you should go in
Speaker 1: child support immediately. What's wrong of you is to sit
Speaker 1: there and allow your child to suffer that you want
Speaker 1: to suffer, suffer, but not your child. And the father
Speaker 1: obviously doesn't care, he's not concerned. But I know why
Speaker 1: you haven't asked the child support because you don't want
Speaker 1: to ruffle his feathers, because you really want him to
Speaker 1: keep liking you. Girl, Get up off your tail and
Speaker 1: go get your child support. Telling tell because isn't it
Speaker 1: true that the child should be living kind of equal
Speaker 1: lifestyle too. That's what we look at. You look at
Speaker 1: the lifestyle of both parents, and the child is entitled
Speaker 1: to live in the same, a similar lifestyle to which
Speaker 1: he became accustomed during the marriage. So now go get
Speaker 1: your child. She hit the nail on the head though.
Speaker 1: The only reason why she's not asking for us because
Speaker 1: she doesn't want to ruffle hit doesn't want so she's
Speaker 1: doing a disservice to the child. That's so key. So
Speaker 1: many people don't think about that, right, that's not okay? Alright?
Speaker 1: Question number two. I've been with my husband for fourteen years.
Speaker 1: We have two small children. I told him I want
Speaker 1: a divorce. We are cohabitating because he won't move out
Speaker 1: until the house gets sold, he moved into the spare room.
Speaker 1: He's on dating apps, comes and goes as he pleases,
Speaker 1: and it's angry at me, tries to pick fights with me.
Speaker 1: I feel trapped, overwhelmed and lonely. I don't have family
Speaker 1: nearby I can stay with, so I'm forced to ride
Speaker 1: this out. We listed the house only a month ago.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to avoid communication altogether in the house as
Speaker 1: I don't want the subjects. I don't want the children
Speaker 1: to be subject to the fighting. Let me know your thoughts.
Speaker 1: Is their hope for me? Yes, there's hope for you
Speaker 1: if you get up and do something about it. You
Speaker 1: don't have to stay trapped in the situation. You keep saying,
Speaker 1: he don't didn't want to move out because he wants
Speaker 1: to stay in the house until it's sold. Because he
Speaker 1: because he listened to yourself. You keep thinking about listen
Speaker 1: to what he wants, what do you want? Think about
Speaker 1: you and think about your children, and that is an
Speaker 1: unhealthy relationship. You don't have to wait until the house
Speaker 1: is so you go in the court file for divorce,
Speaker 1: ask for want of you to be able to stay
Speaker 1: in the house. Who can afford to keep paying the
Speaker 1: note wild while you're waiting on divorce. Um. If you
Speaker 1: can't afford to keep paying the note, that sell the dog,
Speaker 1: go on house. But in the meanwhile, both of you
Speaker 1: can move out and live where you can live happily.
Speaker 1: You don't need to go through all that. It may
Speaker 1: take six months to a year to sell that Yes,
Speaker 1: that's right, and the courtoral issue orders. It says that
Speaker 1: the two of you will have to pay that note somehow,
Speaker 1: either by way of child support or by way of
Speaker 1: spousal or alimony. But the court will look at both incomes.
Speaker 1: I don't know the incomes because they she didn't mention it,
Speaker 1: but they were look at both incomes and see what
Speaker 1: the child support order should be since she's the primarical
Speaker 1: stordial parent, and what maybe alimony should be. And together
Speaker 1: it may be sufficient to pay the note. If not,
Speaker 1: then let go of the house. Don't get so stuck
Speaker 1: on a piece of property that you are miserable. There
Speaker 1: are plenty houses out there. Go live in an apartment
Speaker 1: into the house selves. Maybe that's what you have to
Speaker 1: do to one of you, but living like that is miserable.
Speaker 1: It's psychologically debilitating for you and the child. And the
Speaker 1: husband who's calling his girl friends and there to that.
Speaker 1: But you know what's funny, it's funny too, even the
Speaker 1: way she framed the question. She asked him for a
Speaker 1: divorce and asked him to leave and is upset because
Speaker 1: he's on dating apps. And you don't have to ask
Speaker 1: for divorce in California. I don't know what states. Most states,
Speaker 1: most states, you just file for divorce. Don't get Let
Speaker 1: me just say this. There's a misconcession. He has to
Speaker 1: sign a degree. Now he doesn't. Nobody has to sign
Speaker 1: and agree to a divorce. Someone has to file for divorce.
Speaker 1: The person has to be served with the papers, say
Speaker 1: that you have filed for divorce. You can file for
Speaker 1: temporary orders pending divorce, like who lives in the house,
Speaker 1: who who moves out of the house. You can make
Speaker 1: those requests of court. You don't have to ask him
Speaker 1: to do anything. It's called court orders. Order your diligence
Speaker 1: and see what it is you can do, because apparently
Speaker 1: the court will back her if she wanted to decide
Speaker 1: to you know, I mean, the biggest thing Judge Maybling
Speaker 1: is saying you have to start taking the power in
Speaker 1: your hand. Empower yourself. Stop sitting back and saying I'm
Speaker 1: a woman, I can't do anything. You want to move forward,
Speaker 1: get it done. We have a friend recently who wanted
Speaker 1: to change her life and did just that, and we've
Speaker 1: seen it happen like you can do it. Her happiness
Speaker 1: is better. His happiness is better because no one sat
Speaker 1: back and said, oh, I'm stuck right and take a
Speaker 1: hundred dollars, two hundred dollars to go sit a lord
Speaker 1: and get some advice. Leave off that purse you want
Speaker 1: to buy that has somebody else's name on it. That's
Speaker 1: not giving you a day. Facts exactly, absolutely, just maybe
Speaker 1: lean gave us some tips. Here there you go. There's
Speaker 1: your whole advice. You've got that for free. See look
Speaker 1: at you giving away advice for free today. You know
Speaker 1: what it's not. It's not for free. And some things
Speaker 1: you do because that's what God has gifted you to
Speaker 1: do and you have to share that. And although I
Speaker 1: may not get the paycheck from here's sitting here today,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get pain, Oh you will. You know I
Speaker 1: appreciate you because I know if k ever asked me
Speaker 1: for a divorce, I know not to answer the door
Speaker 1: for an email man, because if I see somebody coming
Speaker 1: to serve me, I'm running hit. I'm gonna make this
Speaker 1: to you all. If you even start thinking about it's
Speaker 1: somebody better call me and then you go. Now got
Speaker 1: you beat your tail first before they have happened. So
Speaker 1: you see, you see? All right? You see this is
Speaker 1: what I go through the time. And if you want
Speaker 1: to be featured as one of our listener letters in
Speaker 1: the future, be sure to email us at dead as
Speaker 1: Advice at gmail dot com. Alright, so it's time for
Speaker 1: the moment of truth. Yes, you know, we spoke about
Speaker 1: several things regarding prenumps, divorce, marriage. Um, I feel like
Speaker 1: my moment of truth in this is pretty much coming
Speaker 1: from the listener letter questions. Not sitting back and waiting
Speaker 1: for your spouse or your significant other, I guess it
Speaker 1: would be spousing this circumstance because we're talking marriage. Two
Speaker 1: roll out what's going to happen if you decide to
Speaker 1: divorce or just in general, and when it comes to
Speaker 1: the things within a marriage, making sure that your spouse, yes,
Speaker 1: is entitled to the way they feel, but you're speaking
Speaker 1: up for yourself. So for example, these two ladies in
Speaker 1: our list listening letters who kept saying he wants to
Speaker 1: do this, he wants to do that, he's doing that.
Speaker 1: What do you want? You know, making sure that you
Speaker 1: know what it is that your want, that you're clear,
Speaker 1: and then you seek the help through the courts. So
Speaker 1: apparently the court can be your friend, though I know
Speaker 1: it tends to be a little bit costly for some people.
Speaker 1: If you're investing a little bit in that, you can
Speaker 1: gain some clarity and you can gain the expertise that
Speaker 1: you need so that you can kind of move on
Speaker 1: and live happily. Yes, So from a black man's perspective
Speaker 1: of what I did learn today is that a pre
Speaker 1: nup is not some already created document that you just
Speaker 1: sign it and your spouse signs. You can go in
Speaker 1: there and redline and create your own version of what
Speaker 1: your marriage is and put it on paper. That clarified
Speaker 1: some stuff for me. Yeah, they definitely clarify some stuff
Speaker 1: because I was always, oh, you don't need to up,
Speaker 1: you don't need to prenup. But what I did realize
Speaker 1: is that if you are a little bit older and
Speaker 1: you come into a marriage or relationship with assets, just
Speaker 1: like any business, you you come into the business, and
Speaker 1: you protect yourself, and you come into the business, you
Speaker 1: protect yourself and you protect your assets. So if you
Speaker 1: have assets, you should protect the assets that you came
Speaker 1: into the business with and then create some parameters around
Speaker 1: the assets that you create together, because if you're both
Speaker 1: not putting in the same energy to accrue these assets,
Speaker 1: you both shouldn't be entitled to the same amount of
Speaker 1: assets if you divorce. That's what I've learned today, Jim,
Speaker 1: that's a really good one. So pretty much you're treating
Speaker 1: marriage as a business in the circumstance, not necessarily a
Speaker 1: bad contract, but a business. Marriage is a business. To me,
Speaker 1: I've I learned from Judge Mabeling today. Uh, the divorce
Speaker 1: contract is a bad business. Marriage itself is not a
Speaker 1: bad contract. Marriage yourself is not a bad contract. But
Speaker 1: the contract that goes with divorce, that is provided by
Speaker 1: the state once you divorce, that's a bad contract. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think in general, just like we've said several times again,
Speaker 1: when it comes to relationships, just not infusing yourself and
Speaker 1: somebody else's relationship or their business, because clearly, especially when
Speaker 1: it comes to prenums, you have to curtail it to
Speaker 1: your particular circumstance, what if you're bringing in your assets,
Speaker 1: So those don't really apply to anybody but you and
Speaker 1: your spouse. So when people all because apparently you had
Speaker 1: a whole bunch of questions where people coming over saying
Speaker 1: that what do I do? What do I do? What
Speaker 1: do I do? You know, you can't really advise people
Speaker 1: on on on this because you're not necessarily you know,
Speaker 1: privy to what they have. No, I can't advise them,
Speaker 1: but I can give them my moment the truth for it.
Speaker 1: Protect yourself, all right, protect yourself, protect yourself with everything
Speaker 1: and the bad jaff just mabid lyad said, protect all
Speaker 1: the way outs alright, guys. So if you enjoyed that as,
Speaker 1: be sure to follow us on social media. That's I
Speaker 1: am devoured and Cadine I am. And if you're listening
Speaker 1: on Apple podcast, be sure to rate, review and subscribe. Yes,
Speaker 1: I just wanted to ask you. Yes I did ask today.
Speaker 1: You know you had several dead ass moments. I tell you,
Speaker 1: don't worry. She She's going to be proud. Dead Ass
Speaker 1: is a production of Stitcher. It's produced by T Square
Speaker 1: and Dinora Penia. Our chief content officer is Chris Bannon.
Speaker 1: Our associate producers are Kristen Torres and Triple. Our studio
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Speaker 1: I'lls out do it, please,