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Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and

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Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together

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Speaker 1: called defect or Defector, and we're gonna have a new

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Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, This very podcast which has

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Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now every rust

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Speaker 1: Get your podcast at Sucher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right

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Speaker 1: now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now. Go

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Speaker 1: listen to see by dead ass. I was going to

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Speaker 1: ask you to sign a prenup, but I ain't hash it,

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Speaker 1: but I wanted to ask you to sign it just

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Speaker 1: to see if you was going to That was high

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Speaker 1: exactly how did that even happen? Apparently? And we ain't divorcing. Hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm Cadine and we're the Ellis. You may know us

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Speaker 1: from posting funny videos with our boys and reading each

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Speaker 1: other publicly as a form of therapy. I'm making need

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Speaker 1: therapy most days. Wow. And one more important thing to mention,

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Speaker 1: we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast

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Speaker 1: to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics

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Speaker 1: most folks don't want to talk about. Through the lens

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Speaker 1: of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term

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Speaker 1: that we say every day. Where we say dead ass,

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Speaker 1: we're actually saying facts one, the truth, the whole truth,

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Speaker 1: and nothing but the truth. We're about to take Philow's

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Speaker 1: off to a whole new level. Starts now. June two

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Speaker 1: thousand and eight, I was going into my third year

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Speaker 1: in the NFL. I just asked Codeine to marry me

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Speaker 1: at my brother's graduation barbecue. Um, I own to property.

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Speaker 1: I had a lot of money in the bank, and

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Speaker 1: I remember my friends saying to me, Yo, de voo,

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Speaker 1: you wanna ask these a pre nup, and to be honest,

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Speaker 1: out of fear of sounding naive, I was like, of course,

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Speaker 1: but I never really was thinking about it. So then

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Speaker 1: going into that summer, we hadn't gotten married yet and

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Speaker 1: I wasn't really thinking about the whole prenum thing. But

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Speaker 1: then I had lost a lot because of the economic crisis,

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Speaker 1: and I remember saying to myself, it's a good thing

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Speaker 1: I didn't ask you to sign this prenup because I

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Speaker 1: look real stupid now. And I stuck with you after that.

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Speaker 1: So that was a sign when you lost all that money,

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Speaker 1: that I was not prenup material. Who do you love?

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Speaker 1: Are you for shure? I gotta do? Do you love

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Speaker 1: you for sure? Yea? Who do you love? Hey? What's up?

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Speaker 1: My name is your love? Shout out to LLL ll

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Speaker 1: S bay Al Right now, now I gotta stop singing

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Speaker 1: his song because you went there, Because you went there.

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Speaker 1: I gotta stop Bay with that little part who by

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Speaker 1: by by total? That's total? Right? Yes? Yeah, So that

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Speaker 1: made me think of this episode today made me think

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Speaker 1: about that, Who do you love? And are you for sure?

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Speaker 1: That's that's that's a very good question. They came to

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Speaker 1: mind when we were talking about pre nups. We're talking

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Speaker 1: about divorce. It's like, do you really know who you're

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Speaker 1: marrying before you marry them? H We're gonna dive into

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Speaker 1: that today. What we're gonna talk about, you know, things

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Speaker 1: that they potentially lead up to divorcing. Ways around that, Yes,

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Speaker 1: and prenups are they necessary? You know? De Value made

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Speaker 1: the statement before that marriage is a bad contract. Yes,

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Speaker 1: So we're going to talk about that as well. Bring

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Speaker 1: an expert in to see if you're really right about

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Speaker 1: what you're saying and feeling. I mean, I mean, listen.

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Speaker 1: Marriage is a social constract that was created by man.

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Speaker 1: So there's going to be flaws and everything, especially when

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Speaker 1: you know the premise of marriage is supposed to be

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Speaker 1: about love, Like how can you tangibly measure love? But um,

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Speaker 1: I personally don't believe in prenups. Maybe I'll hear something

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Speaker 1: Tony that will change my mind. Well, because when we

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Speaker 1: got married, we both had nothing as we said we would.

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Speaker 1: We had nothing, So what were we prenupping? But like

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Speaker 1: I said, like I said before, if you know you're

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Speaker 1: about to get something right, and you get married before

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Speaker 1: you get it, do you put in the prenup that

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Speaker 1: what I'm about to get to say, for example, you

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Speaker 1: were signing a big deal, or you got something coming

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Speaker 1: up that I'm not going to give you half of

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Speaker 1: everything that I've worked on before just because we got

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Speaker 1: it after I got married. Me personally, I don't feel

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Speaker 1: that I'm going to marry someone that I have to

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Speaker 1: worry about the if we get divorced. If I'm worried

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Speaker 1: about it, if we get divorced, then I'm not getting married. Ah,

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Speaker 1: So then you knew you didn't have to worry about

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Speaker 1: that with me. Huh, you stuck with me because I

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Speaker 1: got a lot. Now you're not getting half a nothing.

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Speaker 1: It not because we need it's not happening. You stuck

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Speaker 1: with me, That's that's true. But I mean, you know,

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Speaker 1: it makes me really think about, you know, the reasons

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Speaker 1: people get married to if you want to dial it

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Speaker 1: back to before we even talk about divorce and prenup

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Speaker 1: being a potential topic for some people depending on what

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Speaker 1: they have assets wise, you know, we think about the

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Speaker 1: reasons why people divorced. So um, I was looking up

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Speaker 1: some stuff here and the Pure Research report, and it

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Speaker 1: was pretty much examining those reasons why eight percent of

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Speaker 1: people pulled from the general public said it was for love. Okay,

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Speaker 1: as my mom said that you can't take love to

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Speaker 1: the bank, So I don't know, not take love to

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Speaker 1: the bank. You know, you can't catch out on that.

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Speaker 1: UM said making a lifelong commitment was important to them,

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Speaker 1: said they were looking for companionship, get a dog, get

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Speaker 1: a dog, not a whole person. I felt like that

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Speaker 1: about making a life won't commitment, Like you don't have

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Speaker 1: to commit to a whole another person if you want

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Speaker 1: to make a commitment, like you can commit to veganism

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Speaker 1: like so many commit to like not even eating pork

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Speaker 1: anywhere or whatever. Like, there's many life commitments you can make.

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Speaker 1: But anywhoy um said they got married because they wanted

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Speaker 1: to have a kid, have a child, I would fall

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Speaker 1: into that between between the having a kid and love.

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Speaker 1: I would definitely fall into that realm because for me,

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Speaker 1: it's all about legacy. So I wanted to be able

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Speaker 1: to build a family and have someone to share these

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Speaker 1: these things with, you know, So I'm probab be around

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Speaker 1: there too, um, for religious reasons, for financial stability, and

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Speaker 1: for legal rights and benefits. So you need the health

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Speaker 1: insurance come through, pull up, go to court, go to

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Speaker 1: the state, let's get married. You're trying to become you're

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Speaker 1: trying to become a citizen. There you go. And according

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Speaker 1: to the National Survey of Family Growth, more than of

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Speaker 1: first marriages end in divorce within five years, and forty

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Speaker 1: six sorry, forty percent of marriage is dissolved by the

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Speaker 1: twenty year mark, So almost half of marriages don't work.

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Speaker 1: Everyone has their their story and their you know. But

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Speaker 1: today we're talking uh, prenum divorce rates, all that stuff.

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Speaker 1: And we have a special guest in the house, yes,

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Speaker 1: who is very well versed on this sort of thing. Um.

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Speaker 1: So this week's guest needs no introduction, though I'm going

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Speaker 1: an introducer. She's an icon, a leader and the most

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Speaker 1: distinguished judge on television, and she's beautiful. Sitting right across

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Speaker 1: from me. You may recognize her as the presiding judge

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Speaker 1: on Divorce Court or even from the media films as

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Speaker 1: Media's Court judge. Shout out to my aunt Weei, who

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Speaker 1: made me watch the Vote Court divorce Courts every day.

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Speaker 1: I stayed home from school and we used to watch

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Speaker 1: the voice Courts like we had to watch it like

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Speaker 1: you grew up on this person house. You grew up

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Speaker 1: with her. All rise and please welcome the honorable Judge Maybling. Hey, yes,

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Speaker 1: from everyone knows her from Divorce Court, but I know

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Speaker 1: her from Tyler Perry's I think it was Meet the Browns.

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Speaker 1: No Jail was going to Jail, and of course go

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Speaker 1: to jail every movie though that was the first one.

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Speaker 1: That was the first one that was the first jail.

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Speaker 1: Think you were hilarious. Thank you. The funniest part to

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Speaker 1: me was when you screamed out by me and Whitney

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Speaker 1: when well you were telling us just in chatting that

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Speaker 1: that got you more fame than ten years on Divorce Court.

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Speaker 1: It's amazing. Is in the power of the big screen? Three?

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Speaker 1: I am known among your generations and younger and maybe

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Speaker 1: thirty and under, I have more not they known me

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Speaker 1: better by Medea and yelling at Bobby and Whitney than

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Speaker 1: they do. Ten years on Divorce Court five days a

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Speaker 1: week and the eight show aired two times a day,

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Speaker 1: three minutes of fame. I know, I know, it's it's

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Speaker 1: us with the big screen and tales show though the

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Speaker 1: voice Court. So that's has been a new show is

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Speaker 1: Justice with Judge Maybelin now in the sixth season? Oh yeah, yes,

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Speaker 1: congratulations very much. What you gotta tell us? How did

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Speaker 1: you decide to get into a law Oh? I decided

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Speaker 1: to get into law because of my father. My father

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Speaker 1: had a stroke. He was fifty seven years old and

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Speaker 1: seven more kids to raise, and Social Security administration said

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Speaker 1: denied him, Uh, social security disability. He couldn't walk, he

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Speaker 1: couldn't talk, he couldn't do a day thing. How do

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Speaker 1: you deny somebody's disability? They could permitted disability. They can't

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Speaker 1: do anything. So of course we had to fight the system.

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Speaker 1: We didn't have any money, seven kids. My mother was

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Speaker 1: a elvin um. I helped her. We read everything they said.

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Speaker 1: When you know they denied, if you don't, if you

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Speaker 1: don't agree with this appeal, and file this appeal and

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Speaker 1: send it to here. So we just kept doing that

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Speaker 1: and filing appeals every time we went all the way

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Speaker 1: up till they fight and said, okay, give them social

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Speaker 1: Security disability. So at that point I decided I would

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Speaker 1: be a lawyer so that my family in particular would

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Speaker 1: never have to suffer like that and they would always

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Speaker 1: have someone to fight for them. But I was in

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Speaker 1: the eighth grade when I decided to be a lawyer

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Speaker 1: and stuck with that, and my parents said that I've

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Speaker 1: always been like the fighter for the family and for

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Speaker 1: other people, and I was the one that would speak up.

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Speaker 1: My dad was old school from the South. You know,

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Speaker 1: children are to be seen and not heard. I was

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Speaker 1: a child was heard and got slapped my grandparents from

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Speaker 1: South Carolina, right. So I've always been the one that

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Speaker 1: would speak up for what I believed in and speak

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Speaker 1: up to protect other people. And my little sister, my

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Speaker 1: dad coming out, Dad, you can't hit her, you know

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Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. So it's just a natural thing

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Speaker 1: for me, uh what I found out. But yes, I

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Speaker 1: made that decision in the eighth grade at age thirteen,

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Speaker 1: and I never wavered and to this day, if I

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Speaker 1: had to do it again, I would still go into law.

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Speaker 1: I love it, love and you can actually impact people

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Speaker 1: around here because far as so many times you see

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Speaker 1: things crumbling around you and people are wondering how they

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Speaker 1: can actively change it. So here you are in the

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Speaker 1: eighth grade and they're talking about change. Um. That was

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Speaker 1: also during the time of the Civil Rights movement, and

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Speaker 1: I saw firsthand how change was effectuated and change was

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Speaker 1: made through the law. It was going into the Supreme

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Speaker 1: Court arguing against uh antidiscrimination, arguing againt segregation. So I

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Speaker 1: saw all of this going on in the nineteen sixties

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Speaker 1: early sixties. So that too. Plus my dad's situation is like, okay,

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Speaker 1: that sealed it. So you knew you always want to

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Speaker 1: go into defense, LA, Yes, defending people fighting for the

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Speaker 1: rights of others. So I started as a criminal defense attorney,

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Speaker 1: but no, I started as a prosecutor. Any most people

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Speaker 1: started with criminal defense, best with black people because because

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Speaker 1: they want to be defender. Because he wanted to know

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Speaker 1: so he can write it's a new it's a new

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Speaker 1: day now. But in my day. First of all, that

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Speaker 1: wasn't that many black attorneys. And then secondly, they were

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Speaker 1: not letting them into the prosecutor's office. They would tend

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Speaker 1: to get them into the defense attorney's office and the

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Speaker 1: public defender's office faster than they would let him into

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Speaker 1: the prosecutor. Right. So, but I didn't want either prosecution

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Speaker 1: or defense. I just had to go somewhere first to

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Speaker 1: get paid by somebody else. I had no name in

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Speaker 1: the community. You know, my family name is from dinnerbody

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Speaker 1: know us um. I had to get a reputation. I

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Speaker 1: had to get established. So it's like, give me a job,

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Speaker 1: pay me, because when you get paid by prosecution or

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Speaker 1: the public defender's office, there is no liability you're immusing

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Speaker 1: from from lawsuits, malpractice lawsuits. As an attorney, you get

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Speaker 1: to know people, you get known, you get trial experience

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Speaker 1: as somebody else's expense. You get known in the community,

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Speaker 1: in the legal community, by the judges, the attorneys, public defenders,

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Speaker 1: the courts, the bailiffs, the court clerks, all of those

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Speaker 1: people that you need to network with because in a

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Speaker 1: few years I'm out of here on my own. But

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Speaker 1: I had a plan strategy. Yes, so I went there

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Speaker 1: for that purpose, and I achieved that purpose. I got known,

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Speaker 1: I got good reviews as a prosecutor. Um, I did

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Speaker 1: some appellate work as a law clerk, so I got

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Speaker 1: to know the appellate judges and did appeals. I also

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Speaker 1: did criminal prosecution, so I got to know of the

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Speaker 1: judges in the court house, the court clerk, the bayliss

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Speaker 1: and all those people that I needed to network with.

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Speaker 1: So when I opened my own shingle, I would have

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Speaker 1: them to reach back and refer me case. That's what

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Speaker 1: it was all about. So then you eventually became a

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Speaker 1: noted judge on television. Yes, So what was that life

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Speaker 1: for you? The whole transition from you know, making your

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Speaker 1: way through the whole system and then now you're this

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Speaker 1: noted judge. What was that life for you? The transition.

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Speaker 1: I'm telling you it was an amazing thing because it

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Speaker 1: just happened. I seriously with no thought ever in mine

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Speaker 1: Because I didn't like TV. First of all, I like me,

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Speaker 1: So how am I going to go on TV? I

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Speaker 1: didn't like the way I looked. Yeah, I had I

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Speaker 1: had issues. I had uh what do you call that?

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Speaker 1: I had low self self? So I did not want

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Speaker 1: to go on television. UM. I had no thought of

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Speaker 1: that ever. I was a kid that didn't watch TV.

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Speaker 1: I didn't even go outside to play. I'm reading, I'm reading,

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out the world. I'm reading geography, history, biographies,

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Speaker 1: all of those kinds of things. UM. But so it

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Speaker 1: just happened like this. My partner, my law partner, because

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Speaker 1: I've been practicing I guess on my own about ten

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Speaker 1: and or twelve years. At the time, my law partner

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Speaker 1: went to UM a meeting of the entertainment and sports attorneys.

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Speaker 1: They were having a legal class. I was a Tuesday night.

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Speaker 1: I go to church Bible study on Tuesday nights. So,

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Speaker 1: and my practice was predominantly family law at that point.

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Speaker 1: And I said, who gets in trouble more than anybody

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Speaker 1: and these family attorneys other than athletes and entertainers. So

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Speaker 1: I needed her to you always had a plan, You

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Speaker 1: always had a plan. I needed her to network with

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Speaker 1: the athlete, with the attorneys for the athletes and the entertainers,

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Speaker 1: because how do they get their attorneys referral from their attorney?

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Speaker 1: Child support and child custody was a big issue among

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Speaker 1: those people because they have a lot of babies in

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Speaker 1: and out of wedlock, and they have issues with child

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Speaker 1: support and paternity um and child support enforcement was a

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Speaker 1: big deal at that time, and that's nationwide. But they

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Speaker 1: were arresting all over the nation. So I had a

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Speaker 1: I had become the attorney for a football player who

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Speaker 1: traveled to l a to play for the Super Bowl

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Speaker 1: at the Rose Bowl for the Dallas Cowboys, and he

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Speaker 1: had an outstanding child support order that had gone criminal

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Speaker 1: and when he got off the plane, Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: they arrested him about the sup It's like a movie.

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Speaker 1: You can you come in that Monday to get the team,

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Speaker 1: comes in Funday to get ready. They arrested him fresh

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Speaker 1: fresh off the plane. Happen to be sitting in my

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Speaker 1: office late at night. Dallas Cowboys managed to call and

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Speaker 1: said somebody and then went like right, no, It went

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Speaker 1: like this, he's from Dallas. So somebody from Dallas recommended

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Speaker 1: somebody attorney from another state, who recommended an attorney from

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Speaker 1: another state. And they finally got to me around like that, oh,

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Speaker 1: we know the right person the California I went to court, quiet,

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Speaker 1: didn't get any fame from it. Nobody knows it but

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Speaker 1: me and him, right, quiet squashed, no media coverage. Every

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Speaker 1: nobody knows the original Olivia Pope. Yeah, that's what I did.

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Speaker 1: So I was getting clients like that, and I got

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Speaker 1: him off. I mean, guy just settled, resolved, he played,

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Speaker 1: he did everything he had to do, no issue right.

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Speaker 1: I get to the courthouse, media all over the place. Media,

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Speaker 1: I just walked past them like I normally do, went

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Speaker 1: on into the court room and then they're inside the

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Speaker 1: court room and I said to the bailiff, I said,

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Speaker 1: I came to represent X. I said, the media is

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Speaker 1: all around. We don't want any medias. To tell the

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Speaker 1: judge we're gonna do this in chambers. So he told

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Speaker 1: the judge, what was up? We did our case in chambers.

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Speaker 1: That's a movie. That's a whole movie. To call you

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Speaker 1: like that movie. What's so funny? Because I walked out

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Speaker 1: smelling like y'all still hear him over anybody. So that's

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Speaker 1: what I was trying to do. Get entertainment and sports attorneys.

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Speaker 1: So she talked to the lady, another entertainment attorney, and said,

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Speaker 1: but my partner family law. The lady said, what they're

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Speaker 1: looking for a judge to do the revival of the

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Speaker 1: voice Court that was done in the eighties. But in

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Speaker 1: the eighties it was all actors and actresses. Now we're

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Speaker 1: in the nineties and it's reality TV, so it's gonna

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Speaker 1: be real my partners, Shirley, she said, oh shoot, maybe

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Speaker 1: we can do that now. They called me Tuesday night

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Speaker 1: when she left the meeting. Wednesday, I called the attorneys

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Speaker 1: at Box Television. Thursday, I went in for an interview

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Speaker 1: with the vps of Fox ten Programming. They said, well,

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Speaker 1: we need you to do a screen test. This is

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Speaker 1: Columbus Day weekend. We need you to do a screen test.

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Speaker 1: I said, what that means? You gotta come and do

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Speaker 1: a screen test this weekend? I said, this is my

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Speaker 1: weekend off. I'm taking a break. I'm tired. I got

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Speaker 1: a relaxed said, this is my weekend off. When you

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Speaker 1: gotta do this with Also, now, I'm going to Palm Springs.

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Speaker 1: I've already got set up. I'm going to palmp Spraings Friday.

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Speaker 1: I won't be I really want this show. You're gonna

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Speaker 1: make it happen. I won't be back to Monday. I

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Speaker 1: won't be back to Monday. So they said, what can

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Speaker 1: you do with Sunday? I said, what time, the evening,

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Speaker 1: Sunday evening. Yeah, so that's what we did when I

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Speaker 1: got a Hollywood. I waste my good week in a

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Speaker 1: relaxation and chill time handling all these family law cases,

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Speaker 1: which is stressful. They don't give me the case, they

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Speaker 1: don't give me the show. I haven't got my rest

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Speaker 1: right who loses? Yeah, I can't do it. There, you

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Speaker 1: go protect yourself. People have to learn that. I have

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Speaker 1: a question, since we talked about protecting yourself. Yes, we

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Speaker 1: talked about yes, very good. Right. Caney and I have

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Speaker 1: friends in the entertainment industry and in football. You know,

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Speaker 1: you talk about football, and we often talk about prenups.

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Speaker 1: And we talked about marriage, right, and I had brought

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Speaker 1: up to our friends, and I thought marriage was a

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Speaker 1: bad contract, just an overall bad contract, marriage yourself. Yes,

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Speaker 1: the contract, just the contract of marriage is bad. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I just feel like it's a bad contract. Wow. And

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Speaker 1: this is why we've been arguing. As a contract. It

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Speaker 1: is a contract. You got to go to the court.

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Speaker 1: You literally have to go to the court to get married.

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Speaker 1: You have to go to the state and fell out

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Speaker 1: of married certificate and get an application to get married.

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Speaker 1: But you don't have to go to court. See, I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna argue with you because you know better. So

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Speaker 1: I'm not even gonna go there and get a certificate.

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Speaker 1: You do. You got to get permission, So you get permission, right,

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Speaker 1: But then once you get permission, there are certain things

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Speaker 1: that each party has to give up and you know,

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Speaker 1: receive if you get divorced. That's why I feel like

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Speaker 1: it's a bad contract. So the divorce is a bad contract.

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Speaker 1: Is a bad thing. Yes, I agree, but it is

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Speaker 1: a bad thing. It is a bad thing. It is

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Speaker 1: a bad thing because no, I don't necessarily agree, say,

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Speaker 1: for instance, with the alimony portion of divorce. Spousal supports

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Speaker 1: alimony where you have to pay a person forever because

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Speaker 1: you were married to them for ten years or so.

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Speaker 1: Up jud you're talking about this with that because I

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Speaker 1: think especially for women, when you're saying we're liberated, we

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Speaker 1: want to be free, we take care of ourselves, we

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Speaker 1: do our own things. Oh, but now I want you

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Speaker 1: to pay for me the rest of my life because

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Speaker 1: I live with you for ten years and we had

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Speaker 1: sex and we made babies, and now you've got to

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Speaker 1: support me forever. I don't like that. Now, that's the law,

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Speaker 1: but I don't like. I think it's not good. But

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Speaker 1: I got to say nothing. Are you looking at me?

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Speaker 1: I was just saying, I think you need to protect yourselves.

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Speaker 1: So I really truly believe in pre nups. Yes, most

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Speaker 1: like most definitely. It's just like everything that you know,

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Speaker 1: how you say you have a plan and you got

380
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Speaker 1: prepared for the inevitable. You got to prepare for the inevitable.

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Speaker 1: And that's all you're doing is protecting yourself and prepare. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we love today, Yes, I love your dirty drawers and

383
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Speaker 1: whatever you do. I like. You know what I'm saying,

384
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Speaker 1: you can't do no wrong. You God, You're the most

385
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Speaker 1: beautiful thing God ever created you, the most handsome thing.

386
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Speaker 1: But tomorrow I hate you. But you know all that

387
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,840
Speaker 1: beauty was, Don't you know what I'm saying? You know

388
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:12,520
Speaker 1: good someone? So you be dad what so when that happens,

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00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:15,960
Speaker 1: you have to be prepared. So I don't want That's

390
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Speaker 1: why I say pem have a lot of questions about

391
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Speaker 1: prenum because people ask me, and my boys asked me

392
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Speaker 1: because I don't have a prenup. Boy, don't you guys

393
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,040
Speaker 1: didn't do one. We didn't do a prenup. I didn't

394
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Speaker 1: have nothing to give him, and I have nothing. I

395
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Speaker 1: don't need one. I don't have nothing needs. So it's like,

396
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Speaker 1: what am I a puber for? Right? But my thing

397
00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:39,520
Speaker 1: was people ask me, but you, but that's you made

398
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:41,040
Speaker 1: a mistake that you don't have to have the assets

399
00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:43,840
Speaker 1: right there? There prenup, That's what I wanted to know,

400
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:49,600
Speaker 1: is there? I don't remembered. Remember remember when Janet Jackson

401
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:51,440
Speaker 1: got married to the guy and they got a prenup.

402
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,040
Speaker 1: He said that if you stay with me for X

403
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:57,199
Speaker 1: number of years, at least five years, I'll give you

404
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Speaker 1: X amount of dollars. If we divorce after that, you

405
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Speaker 1: gotta say with me for five years and then I'll

406
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Speaker 1: give you X amount of dollars. But if you divorce

407
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:07,639
Speaker 1: me before those five years, ain't give you but nothing.

408
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:13,000
Speaker 1: Right so you can say that I'm in football forerence,

409
00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:16,400
Speaker 1: you're in football, and my scholarship, I mean, my contractor

410
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 1: is X amount of dollars anticipate making someone. So when

411
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Speaker 1: we get married, here we go. If we get divorced

412
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Speaker 1: during the time I'm in football, or if we get

413
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Speaker 1: divorced in the next five years, this is all I'm

414
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Speaker 1: gonna offer you no matter how much I'm making, you

415
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:32,560
Speaker 1: can say the same thing. I mean, you said you

416
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Speaker 1: were in television, you're in acting and stuff like that.

417
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,680
Speaker 1: You went broadcasting, so you had a career up going

418
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Speaker 1: as well. Look, if I'm at this level of income,

419
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Speaker 1: I won't seek support. But if I'm at this level

420
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Speaker 1: of income, you're gonna pay me. You can do that.

421
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Speaker 1: Or if I'm at this level of income and we

422
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:51,399
Speaker 1: have one house, two pieces of you know, this is

423
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:54,040
Speaker 1: what our we'll say. We like this, we're gonna divide everything.

424
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Speaker 1: And you said, now we're gonna divide everything equally when

425
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:59,520
Speaker 1: we if we ever get divorced, everything we acquired during

426
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:02,359
Speaker 1: this man areas, we're going to divide it equally. Or

427
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:04,720
Speaker 1: you use your money, you use your money, We're not

428
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:07,000
Speaker 1: gonna do that. And you can do that. You see. Now,

429
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,399
Speaker 1: that's that's important for people to know because when people

430
00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:12,840
Speaker 1: here prenup, they think that there's already a prenuptial agreement

431
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:15,800
Speaker 1: that's provided by the state and then you just sign it.

432
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:18,439
Speaker 1: That's what that's what people think. People ask me, if

433
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:22,719
Speaker 1: I signed a prenup, does that mean degreement? A pre

434
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:28,080
Speaker 1: nuppletal contract is a contract it's an agreement between two

435
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:31,679
Speaker 1: people who are about to be married regarding the future

436
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:39,320
Speaker 1: division of their assets should they divorce. But usually you

437
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:42,760
Speaker 1: can tell it to the existing assets. So that's why

438
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 1: you have to name everything that you have. For instance,

439
00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:49,200
Speaker 1: if you say, if you leave out something and you hide,

440
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:51,679
Speaker 1: I'm only gonna tell you about this, But I got

441
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:53,720
Speaker 1: all this stuff over here, and so we had this

442
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:57,080
Speaker 1: agreement about these three pieces of property. But these we

443
00:23:57,119 --> 00:23:58,560
Speaker 1: don't have an agreement back because they don't You don't

444
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:01,200
Speaker 1: know nothing about them, and I ain't gonna never tell you. Well. See,

445
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:04,680
Speaker 1: that's the problem with prenups often is you don't disclose.

446
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,560
Speaker 1: So when you don't disclose all of your assets, your

447
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:11,600
Speaker 1: prenups in valid. You see, let me ask you a question.

448
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:14,800
Speaker 1: Let me ask your question. Seriously. I feel like once

449
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:17,119
Speaker 1: you get into a situation where you're talking about forever

450
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 1: and then you start talking about assets, and you're trying

451
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:22,040
Speaker 1: to do this and hide that you've already started off

452
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,600
Speaker 1: in a place that could end up somewhere negative. That's right,

453
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,400
Speaker 1: but that's what I'm saying. But then you're not supposed

454
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:30,080
Speaker 1: to hide assets. You're supposed to play lay your cards

455
00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:33,400
Speaker 1: on the table. Here's where I am not going. Yeah,

456
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,160
Speaker 1: but the two of you starting out together and neither

457
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:39,800
Speaker 1: of you having anything, really you're gonna accumulate everything in

458
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:43,320
Speaker 1: the marriage. So if you go into a community property state,

459
00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:46,360
Speaker 1: which most of our states are, I think there's only

460
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,920
Speaker 1: about four or five of them left that's not community

461
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:52,119
Speaker 1: property state, meaning that it's everything earned during the marriage

462
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:55,840
Speaker 1: is divided equally one half. If that's the law, and

463
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,640
Speaker 1: which is still the law, and you don't have anything, now,

464
00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:01,439
Speaker 1: you you can say, well, we don't have to do

465
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:04,399
Speaker 1: a half one half division, even though I know that

466
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:05,800
Speaker 1: if we get divorced, we're gonna have to do a

467
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,920
Speaker 1: half half while we say we do uh two thirds

468
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:11,680
Speaker 1: one third or while. But if you don't have anything,

469
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:14,400
Speaker 1: it's not necessary to do a prenup because you are

470
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:17,240
Speaker 1: you're saying, whatever we acquire, we already know she's gonna

471
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:19,879
Speaker 1: get one third divorce, she's gonna get to thirds whatever

472
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,560
Speaker 1: were acquiring. The future, it's really more for those who

473
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:25,600
Speaker 1: have the assets now. So if you have assets, and

474
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:28,199
Speaker 1: you know why is because the assets that you have

475
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:33,400
Speaker 1: prior to marriage are considered your separate property, not community property.

476
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:38,439
Speaker 1: Whereas when you marry in most states their community property states,

477
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:42,920
Speaker 1: So everything you accumulate during the marriage is considered community

478
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:48,760
Speaker 1: and that's what's divided. Fifty things that you own beforehand

479
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:53,240
Speaker 1: or things that you inherit during the marriage are that

480
00:25:53,359 --> 00:25:55,600
Speaker 1: is your separate property. So that's why you have a

481
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,160
Speaker 1: pre nup. You come to me and we get together.

482
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:02,960
Speaker 1: I'm a millionaire. You're down here at the bottom. We divorced.

483
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:05,240
Speaker 1: I got all this property out here. You have nothing.

484
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:07,200
Speaker 1: You can't take all my property with you and do

485
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:11,040
Speaker 1: and this divorce. And that's the sense of a pre nup,

486
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:14,560
Speaker 1: because it's not fair. It's not fair. And left well,

487
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:16,800
Speaker 1: forget fairness. If you want to give the person that

488
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,280
Speaker 1: as a gift, then fine, give it to them. But

489
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:21,479
Speaker 1: they shouldn't have the right just because they married you

490
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:25,000
Speaker 1: like me, for instance, I'd never married nobody without a prenup.

491
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:31,560
Speaker 1: I've been out of here husband, working hard a long time.

492
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,840
Speaker 1: I've accumulated a lot. If you don't bring anything to

493
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:38,560
Speaker 1: the table, brother man, you're not taking my stuff if

494
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:40,280
Speaker 1: you don't have a prenup. Can I ask the question?

495
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:46,080
Speaker 1: I ask you ask you a question. Oh, don't fight you. Yeah.

496
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:48,040
Speaker 1: What I really want to know is about before you

497
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,359
Speaker 1: even get to the marriage face. Yes, look deep before

498
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,360
Speaker 1: you leave here it is look deep before you leave.

499
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:55,159
Speaker 1: And these are the kinds of questions you should ask.

500
00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:57,679
Speaker 1: That's when you're looking deep. How do you think and

501
00:26:57,680 --> 00:26:59,520
Speaker 1: how do you feel about this? What do you have

502
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:01,560
Speaker 1: and what you don't have? Some women are only gonna

503
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:03,919
Speaker 1: marry you if you have it's amount of dollars there.

504
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 1: Some men are only gonna married women who have it's

505
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:07,840
Speaker 1: amount of dollars. I know. One of the things you

506
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:09,880
Speaker 1: really should look forward, look deep before you leap, before

507
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:12,920
Speaker 1: you get married. That dog gonna credit. You need to

508
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:15,439
Speaker 1: look at that at that because if you got a

509
00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:17,840
Speaker 1: whole lot of debt out there and I have none

510
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:19,840
Speaker 1: and I have assets, and then we get together, I

511
00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 1: gotta spend all my money paying off your darn debts exactly,

512
00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:25,160
Speaker 1: you know? And not and not only that, I'm you're

513
00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:28,160
Speaker 1: telling me that you're a person who doesn't handle money well,

514
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,760
Speaker 1: and you have bad credit, You don't handle money well,

515
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 1: you don't make wise decisions. How is that going to

516
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:37,560
Speaker 1: impact your lives? It's gonna have an impact. So what

517
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:39,919
Speaker 1: are some common things that you feel like people overlook

518
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:43,480
Speaker 1: before man before marriage? Oh, they overlook those kind of

519
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:47,479
Speaker 1: that one particularly finances. They overlook finances, they overlook character

520
00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:51,880
Speaker 1: for the physical appearance. You got to stop looking at

521
00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:56,400
Speaker 1: the wallet and look at the heart before you decide

522
00:27:56,440 --> 00:28:00,320
Speaker 1: to marry someone. What is your character? Are you mind?

523
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:03,240
Speaker 1: Are you loving? Are you polite? Do you have good

524
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:05,480
Speaker 1: work ethics? Do you have good morals? Do you have

525
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:08,639
Speaker 1: any spiritual values with your the principles? What guides your life?

526
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:11,080
Speaker 1: If you're even if you have money, if you're just

527
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:14,280
Speaker 1: a money person and you're guided by money and greed,

528
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:18,040
Speaker 1: that's an issue too in that in my opinion, not

529
00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:21,959
Speaker 1: for other people. They like folks as money hungry. It

530
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,720
Speaker 1: all depends on your personality. But you have to be

531
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:27,439
Speaker 1: true to yourself and really know who you are first.

532
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:31,360
Speaker 1: What am I looking for in a mate? And what

533
00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:34,000
Speaker 1: do I have to offer? That? This is where women

534
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:36,520
Speaker 1: mess up. They don't never ask what do I have

535
00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:38,120
Speaker 1: to offer? They just always want to know what the

536
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:40,360
Speaker 1: man got to give me? And that's what men mess

537
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:42,239
Speaker 1: up because you never asked the question what she had

538
00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:51,160
Speaker 1: to offer? All you worried about is the you know,

539
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:59,720
Speaker 1: what does she have the offer? In that category? You

540
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:05,239
Speaker 1: know you got hungry too. Sometimes, Yeah, no, look at you,

541
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:09,280
Speaker 1: you nasty judge coming for all. Let me tell you

542
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:11,000
Speaker 1: that judge maybe then got wisdom. I'm sure she knows

543
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:13,600
Speaker 1: what I'm talking about. A man I was born yesterday,

544
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:20,240
Speaker 1: I didn't. I don't want to think about you like that.

545
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 1: I've been watching since I as a teenager. Right, try

546
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:26,920
Speaker 1: to make me over. Don't put her in the box.

547
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:29,840
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna put you in the box. But when

548
00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:33,000
Speaker 1: it came time to marry my wife, yes, I solely

549
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:36,400
Speaker 1: focused on character. That's why I didn't really worry about

550
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:39,720
Speaker 1: a prenup because I knew who I was married. I

551
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 1: just knew, Like I was, like, this is the one.

552
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:43,360
Speaker 1: She's going to be a good mom. She's a good person,

553
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:45,680
Speaker 1: she has my back. Did you say she's gonna be

554
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:47,960
Speaker 1: a good mom? People don't think about that. What kind

555
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 1: of mother will she make? What kind of husband will

556
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:52,840
Speaker 1: he make? What kind of father will he make when

557
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:55,160
Speaker 1: you're dating him? What kind of man will he be

558
00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:57,160
Speaker 1: as a father? What will he teach his sons? How

559
00:29:57,240 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 1: much time will he spend with his joke? How much

560
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:01,960
Speaker 1: time will he spend with me? What kind of person?

561
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:04,480
Speaker 1: How are we gonna raise these children together? Should we

562
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:08,160
Speaker 1: have children. People don't think about that. This is you know,

563
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 1: it's funny. This is way bigger than the prenup. But

564
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:14,600
Speaker 1: knowing the character the person you married will let you

565
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:16,760
Speaker 1: know whether a prenup is needed. But like you said,

566
00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:19,760
Speaker 1: if you have assets, you should have a prenup regardless

567
00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:22,280
Speaker 1: of how much you know about a person. Character in terms,

568
00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:25,160
Speaker 1: character and assets are not quite the same. It's because

569
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:28,760
Speaker 1: if I, for me, an older woman, I have children,

570
00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:33,000
Speaker 1: i have grandchildren, and I've accumulated and I'd like to

571
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:35,760
Speaker 1: leave an inheritance, as the Bible tells me to understand

572
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:38,480
Speaker 1: to my children and to my grandchildren, I don't want

573
00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:41,240
Speaker 1: a man to come into my relationship and just because

574
00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 1: we're married for a few years, he gets to take

575
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:47,360
Speaker 1: all that I've accumulate, whole legacy, and my children get

576
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:50,200
Speaker 1: nothing just because he was good to me for a

577
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:53,760
Speaker 1: few years. But that's not right. That's not right. So

578
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:56,120
Speaker 1: that's why I think it's necessary for me and likewise

579
00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:58,880
Speaker 1: for him, because I see, I'm dealing with one of

580
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:02,240
Speaker 1: my family members now whose children could not understand when

581
00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:04,360
Speaker 1: their father married that he married this woman because he

582
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:06,840
Speaker 1: loved her, he wanted her to be his wife, and

583
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:10,000
Speaker 1: then he shared his separate property, you know when he

584
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:13,040
Speaker 1: when he left in his trust. She gets a portion

585
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:16,040
Speaker 1: of this that I had before I married her. The

586
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:18,520
Speaker 1: children get a portion of this. But they all up

587
00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:21,840
Speaker 1: and all I mean, they're going crazy And I ain't

588
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 1: my dad. You had a right to your parents property.

589
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 1: None of us have a right to our parents property.

590
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:31,640
Speaker 1: But as a parent, I want to leave my children something,

591
00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:34,360
Speaker 1: but I also would want to share something with my spouse.

592
00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:36,880
Speaker 1: To see what I'm saying. So no, that makes a

593
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:38,560
Speaker 1: lot of sense. But you have a question, a very

594
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 1: serious question. You have another question is my last question.

595
00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:46,080
Speaker 1: Don't say that a buddy of mine. He's not he said, Okay,

596
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:50,120
Speaker 1: I wasn't rich when I met my my wife, and

597
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,080
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask her for a prenup because I

598
00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:54,040
Speaker 1: wasn't rich, but I knew that I was going to

599
00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:56,520
Speaker 1: accrue assets. There were certain things that I wanted to

600
00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:58,440
Speaker 1: I was willing to give her a portion and keep

601
00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:00,640
Speaker 1: a portion for myself, but I was willing to give

602
00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:04,280
Speaker 1: her fifty fifty. Right. He asked me if that was fair.

603
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:07,640
Speaker 1: I didn't know how to answer him, because I feel like, personally,

604
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:10,200
Speaker 1: if y'all build it together. His thing was we're not

605
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:12,240
Speaker 1: building it together. I'm going out in the core in

606
00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:14,240
Speaker 1: the assets. That's my wife. She does what she do.

607
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:16,600
Speaker 1: I do what I do, but I make more money

608
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:18,400
Speaker 1: than her. Is it fair for me to ask her

609
00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 1: to sign a prenup where if we get divorced she

610
00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:24,160
Speaker 1: doesn't get I don't know about fair because prenup is

611
00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:26,280
Speaker 1: not about fairness. It's about what you want to give

612
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:28,600
Speaker 1: and what you're willing to give and what you want

613
00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:31,360
Speaker 1: to keep. It's not necessarily fair because life is not

614
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:34,360
Speaker 1: always fair. But what he's saying is I don't want

615
00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:37,719
Speaker 1: to share fifty fifty. Now what that other person has

616
00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:39,440
Speaker 1: to decide is do I want to go in with

617
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:41,640
Speaker 1: a man who's saying to me, I don't want to

618
00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:44,320
Speaker 1: share with you fifty and not what I have today,

619
00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:46,960
Speaker 1: but what we will accumulate together, because when he when

620
00:32:46,960 --> 00:32:49,880
Speaker 1: you get married, you're accumulating it together. It may be

621
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:53,120
Speaker 1: your body, as say a football player, you're doing all

622
00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:55,320
Speaker 1: that hard workers, you getting hit upside the head, and

623
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:57,800
Speaker 1: you're getting tackled in all of that, but it's still

624
00:32:57,840 --> 00:33:00,400
Speaker 1: together because why you're getting hit upside the head and tackle.

625
00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:05,320
Speaker 1: She's contributing because she's at home taking care of your children.

626
00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:08,640
Speaker 1: She's at home helping to handle those finances, keeping the

627
00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:12,200
Speaker 1: finances together so you don't lose them. Hopefully, she's at

628
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:16,520
Speaker 1: home helping you do that, so you don't you don't, right,

629
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:19,280
Speaker 1: And when you come off that field and everybody else

630
00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:22,720
Speaker 1: sees this personality, you know, and you come back and

631
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:26,280
Speaker 1: you're angry and you're upset, and you're feeling defeated because

632
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 1: things didn't go as you thought they would go. She's

633
00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:32,120
Speaker 1: the one who's stroking. She's the one who's listening. She's

634
00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:34,000
Speaker 1: the one who's bearing the brunt of all of that.

635
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:37,200
Speaker 1: So people contribute, what we have to understand is in

636
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 1: different ways. But everybody contributes in a marriage, you know,

637
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:43,080
Speaker 1: we just don't contribute it on the same level. I

638
00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:45,160
Speaker 1: understand that. I just I know where he's coming from

639
00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:47,560
Speaker 1: because I don't want to out him, but he's he's

640
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:50,600
Speaker 1: about to be drafted, about to be making millions, millions

641
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:52,600
Speaker 1: of dollars. I love her. I want to show I

642
00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:54,800
Speaker 1: love her, But if she decides she wants to leave

643
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:56,400
Speaker 1: me after I get drafted, I don't want to give

644
00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:58,640
Speaker 1: her half of everything I've worked in college. I think

645
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:00,680
Speaker 1: that's a good thing to think about because a lot

646
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:04,160
Speaker 1: of women, for athletes in particular and entertainers, that's what

647
00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:06,840
Speaker 1: they're looking at, and that's why they're after them. That's

648
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:09,360
Speaker 1: why I say, look deep before you leap. When those

649
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:11,640
Speaker 1: athletes entertainers is making all this money when a woman,

650
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:13,960
Speaker 1: all these women is coming up to him and every

651
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:16,879
Speaker 1: town they go to, they get you know, women, women, women,

652
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:19,759
Speaker 1: when women, they keep looking at the vage and that

653
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:25,000
Speaker 1: and and that's why they make a mistake because that's

654
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:27,520
Speaker 1: why she's trying. If that's her reason for marrying you,

655
00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:30,440
Speaker 1: and you can figure that out, she's trying to cash in,

656
00:34:31,080 --> 00:34:35,040
Speaker 1: you know, on the gold. Yeah, that's the reason. If

657
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 1: that's the reason for her marriage, you got to check

658
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:38,560
Speaker 1: it out. Is she one of those kind of women

659
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:41,080
Speaker 1: that that's what she's all about? And if that's the case,

660
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:46,480
Speaker 1: you should marry her. Because if you're worried about her

661
00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:53,960
Speaker 1: doing that, then you don't even ask that's sorry, sorry,

662
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:56,400
Speaker 1: That's what I'm all about, you know, I'm in for

663
00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:58,359
Speaker 1: the dig I mean. And then a lot of women,

664
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:01,080
Speaker 1: I say, women, young, the women these days, you gotta

665
00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:03,120
Speaker 1: bring something to the table too. Why you think the

666
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:04,960
Speaker 1: man's supposed to have all the money. What you're bringing

667
00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:06,799
Speaker 1: to the table. You don't know how to. You don't

668
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:09,120
Speaker 1: know how to wash, you don't know how to you

669
00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:12,000
Speaker 1: don't know how to budget. You don't know how to budget.

670
00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:13,839
Speaker 1: You don't know how to decorate a house, you don't

671
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:16,359
Speaker 1: know how to. Can be not talking about me because

672
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:18,840
Speaker 1: I know what I'm doing. You know what you know

673
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:22,719
Speaker 1: you want to bring it to the table. But here's

674
00:35:22,719 --> 00:35:24,520
Speaker 1: the funny thing though, right, I had to learn how

675
00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:26,240
Speaker 1: to do all that stuff too, because she was working

676
00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:28,000
Speaker 1: and I was at home. There you go, I had

677
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:30,680
Speaker 1: to do that work together when we had Jackson. You

678
00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:32,359
Speaker 1: was out there work. She had a full time job.

679
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:34,400
Speaker 1: You're starting her makeup company, And it was reversed. I

680
00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:38,760
Speaker 1: had to cook, do laundry. I hated doing Sorry, sorry,

681
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:41,600
Speaker 1: but I hated doing laund gosh. I hated doing me too.

682
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:43,400
Speaker 1: I hated watching dishes. But I had to do it,

683
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:46,040
Speaker 1: doing all of it, do it. And it's important if

684
00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:48,520
Speaker 1: we if we're saying for women, men gotta learn how

685
00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:50,480
Speaker 1: to do that too, because women getting paid. You know,

686
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:52,600
Speaker 1: if you want to judge Mayblean, you're gonna have to

687
00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:56,400
Speaker 1: learn how to cooking. You don't have to learn how

688
00:35:56,440 --> 00:35:58,359
Speaker 1: to cooking clean But you better have somebody in there

689
00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:02,360
Speaker 1: cooking and cleaning. Did you ever learned? Who does? You

690
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:04,160
Speaker 1: don't ever have to learn, but you got to make

691
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:07,200
Speaker 1: sure that he gets done exactly. Don't depend on me

692
00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:09,799
Speaker 1: to do it, she said. But what are you working on?

693
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:13,719
Speaker 1: You have a lot of different things going on podcast

694
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:18,880
Speaker 1: Sassy Women of Wisdom. It's me and my girls, Evelyn Braxton,

695
00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:22,520
Speaker 1: Beverley Hawk, who's the mother of Melika and Kadijja on

696
00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:26,600
Speaker 1: the Kardashians. And then uh Constance Moore who's the mother

697
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:29,759
Speaker 1: of Lanta Moore also known as mc light. We have

698
00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:33,560
Speaker 1: Assassy Women of Wisdom podcast every Friday night on YouTube

699
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:37,280
Speaker 1: and you can watch us and we're just sharing wisdom

700
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:40,719
Speaker 1: um with the world. And then I have the television

701
00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:44,160
Speaker 1: show Justice with Judge Mabeling. It airs daily in syndication

702
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:48,040
Speaker 1: on your local cable station. Check your listings. I have

703
00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:52,280
Speaker 1: a nonprofit foundation, Maybel Need for Foundation. We offer scholarships

704
00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:55,799
Speaker 1: to high school students going to college. I mentor a

705
00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:57,640
Speaker 1: middle school and a high school. We have a mentoring

706
00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:00,359
Speaker 1: program in a middle school in a high school. We're

707
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:03,000
Speaker 1: just trying to help with the community. Families. We honored

708
00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:06,879
Speaker 1: father's every Father's Day. Hey, I got me honoring right

709
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:11,200
Speaker 1: here fathers in the community, from the community. It's called

710
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 1: honoring unsung fathers. We select fathers in the category of

711
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:19,919
Speaker 1: a single father, married father, divorce father, Billy's dad who's

712
00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:24,160
Speaker 1: a non biological father, and living legacy category. It's a

713
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:27,759
Speaker 1: wonderfully ven We have celebrity entertainers and all of that,

714
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:30,880
Speaker 1: and we it's like the Red Carpet and we do awards.

715
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:33,719
Speaker 1: It's like the awards shows. And I've been doing that

716
00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:37,160
Speaker 1: for eighteen years now. Insane that if you ever thought

717
00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:39,680
Speaker 1: there wasn't enough hours in the day, remember Judgeleen what

718
00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:42,000
Speaker 1: she got going. And I have two books. Two books,

719
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:47,359
Speaker 1: look de before you leave, um, Judge, Judge male is Life.

720
00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:51,200
Speaker 1: That's fifty two twos for weekly living available on my website,

721
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:54,080
Speaker 1: Judge mabelan dot com and maybe L E. A N.

722
00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:57,480
Speaker 1: That's the spelling. And I do speaking engagement. I'm going

723
00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:00,719
Speaker 1: to Indiana this weekend for speaking engagement. A women's group

724
00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:04,480
Speaker 1: going to Maryland and November nine I'll being up on Marlborough.

725
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:06,320
Speaker 1: So I do all of that kind of stuff, and

726
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:10,840
Speaker 1: I take care of my children and grandchildren and so

727
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:12,400
Speaker 1: for you to be able to sit here with us

728
00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:14,480
Speaker 1: for a good little thirty forty five minutes. It's just

729
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:20,200
Speaker 1: paying for me. It's like, what else I have to do? Well,

730
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:23,000
Speaker 1: I mean, if you don't mind sticking around for like

731
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:25,360
Speaker 1: another ten minutes. We have listener letters where people right

732
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:27,520
Speaker 1: in and they'd like some advice. You know, we didn't

733
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:29,239
Speaker 1: want to give our two cents and stuff on what's

734
00:38:29,239 --> 00:38:31,879
Speaker 1: going on. So if you haven't turn around for that, yeah,

735
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:37,960
Speaker 1: I think they say I have time. I really enjoyed

736
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:39,839
Speaker 1: meeting you all and being a part of this too.

737
00:38:39,880 --> 00:38:41,600
Speaker 1: I was. I was. I have to tell you, I

738
00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:45,759
Speaker 1: was concerned with the name of the show. Okay, you

739
00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 1: know I'm not a millennial, no our generation x y Z.

740
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:51,520
Speaker 1: I can tell you what generation I'm from, but I

741
00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:57,520
Speaker 1: draw social Security. How about that daughter was surprised and

742
00:38:57,600 --> 00:39:01,479
Speaker 1: she's like, Mommy, you're going to do what I said.

743
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:03,759
Speaker 1: But they want to talk about subject man. You know,

744
00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:07,560
Speaker 1: I love to educate and wisdom people. You know, I

745
00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:13,560
Speaker 1: love sharing wisdom with young people and who with people

746
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:16,439
Speaker 1: here from folks that's telling the wrong things of people,

747
00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:19,320
Speaker 1: that's talking negative all the time. I love y'all and

748
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:21,480
Speaker 1: I love the wisdom I want to see you grow

749
00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:28,040
Speaker 1: and do and this beautiful young couple child. We always say,

750
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:29,800
Speaker 1: the only thing we know is what we don't know,

751
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:31,440
Speaker 1: So that's why we have to make sure we have

752
00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:33,680
Speaker 1: an expert come in and speak about these things. Yes,

753
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:36,960
Speaker 1: questions most people don't want to ask. Absolutely, thank you

754
00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:39,200
Speaker 1: so much. We're gonna take a quick break and move

755
00:39:39,280 --> 00:39:41,880
Speaker 1: into listener letters right after we get into some ants

756
00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:44,239
Speaker 1: and we'll have Judge Mabel and stick around give y'all

757
00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:52,480
Speaker 1: her two cents on this. This for the record, there

758
00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:59,440
Speaker 1: it is. Tiger Woods is one of our most inspiring

759
00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:03,760
Speaker 1: sports icons. In his story, it comes with many chapters.

760
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:08,920
Speaker 1: I am deeply sorry from my irresponsible and selfish behavior,

761
00:40:09,560 --> 00:40:17,000
Speaker 1: but here it is the return to glory. This is

762
00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:20,680
Speaker 1: All American, a new series from Stitcher hosted by me

763
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:23,759
Speaker 1: Jordan Bell. You realize Tiger Wis doesn't know who he

764
00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:27,400
Speaker 1: is best in the history of golf, no question in

765
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:31,640
Speaker 1: my mind. And this season, with the help of journalist

766
00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:36,440
Speaker 1: Albert Chen, we're asking what if the story of Tiger

767
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:40,040
Speaker 1: Woods that the media has been telling, what if it's

768
00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:45,239
Speaker 1: been completely wrong? All American Tiger is out now. Listen

769
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:52,319
Speaker 1: and Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast app All

770
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:54,759
Speaker 1: right now and we are back. Thank you so much

771
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:57,239
Speaker 1: to Judge Mabling for sticking around. We want to get

772
00:40:57,280 --> 00:40:59,640
Speaker 1: into some listener letters, which Deval always says is my

773
00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:01,880
Speaker 1: favorite part, because I'm nosy and I want to know

774
00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:03,840
Speaker 1: what you'a got going on in your life, and you

775
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:06,600
Speaker 1: guys have no problem telling us. So you want to

776
00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 1: lead us in the first question, Yes, I lead us

777
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:10,239
Speaker 1: in the question war, which is launch of disortiers like

778
00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:13,320
Speaker 1: the S A. T. Jesus. Let's see what's going on.

779
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:16,359
Speaker 1: I was with my husband for a total of ten years,

780
00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:19,320
Speaker 1: married five years. We both a twenty nine. We have

781
00:41:19,400 --> 00:41:21,480
Speaker 1: a one year old son. I found out my husband

782
00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:23,839
Speaker 1: was cheating with the co worker, and I forgave him

783
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:25,960
Speaker 1: and gave him a second chance, just to find out

784
00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:28,480
Speaker 1: he never ended the affair. We shared a house in

785
00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:31,040
Speaker 1: the car. We sold the house, split the money. He

786
00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:32,960
Speaker 1: wanted the car, I gave it to him. I had

787
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:34,719
Speaker 1: to buy a new car. Now he lives in a

788
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:36,799
Speaker 1: luxury apartment and my son and I have to move

789
00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:39,719
Speaker 1: back with my parents. I have full custody. He sees

790
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:42,160
Speaker 1: our son two full days out of the month, his choice.

791
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:45,279
Speaker 1: I am giving two hundred and fifty dollars. He came

792
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:47,920
Speaker 1: up with this amount every two weeks to care for

793
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:50,680
Speaker 1: our son, who goes to daycare full time while I

794
00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:53,880
Speaker 1: work full time. No calls or messages asking if our

795
00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:56,840
Speaker 1: son needs anything the value you mentioned. If you and

796
00:41:56,920 --> 00:41:59,400
Speaker 1: Conninie would ever get a divorce, she wouldn't have to

797
00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:02,359
Speaker 1: worry about thing. In your opinion, do you believe it's

798
00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:05,320
Speaker 1: wrong to request child support or what questions do you

799
00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:08,000
Speaker 1: feel a woman like myself should be asking herself before

800
00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:13,520
Speaker 1: she decides to file for child support. Judge Mabel, I'm

801
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:17,040
Speaker 1: looking at your face right now because it's wrong not

802
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:18,960
Speaker 1: to ask for child support. You sound like a zip

803
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:21,759
Speaker 1: dang fool. That's exactly what you need. You better go

804
00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:25,120
Speaker 1: in that court yesterday and file for your child support.

805
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:27,320
Speaker 1: And you should have ever agreed to two hundred and

806
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:31,360
Speaker 1: fifty dollars a month for child support. That's and you

807
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:33,920
Speaker 1: say he's living in a luxury apartment. Child support is

808
00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:37,840
Speaker 1: based upon your income, his income, your lifestyle, his lifestyle

809
00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:40,799
Speaker 1: get your You doing your child a disservice, and you're

810
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:43,840
Speaker 1: not a good mother by not asking for child support

811
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:47,680
Speaker 1: because you need the help for the benefit of the child.

812
00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:50,560
Speaker 1: He's in childcare. That costs a lot. It cost a

813
00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:52,719
Speaker 1: lot more to fifth their month. That's to fift their week.

814
00:42:53,239 --> 00:42:56,400
Speaker 1: Most of them's two fifty days. It's two fifty day, girl.

815
00:42:56,440 --> 00:43:02,480
Speaker 1: You better get yourself in the court. You You see,

816
00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:04,439
Speaker 1: I'm normally the nice person. I try to make people

817
00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:07,600
Speaker 1: feel good. Told you the truth. I agree with her,

818
00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:10,520
Speaker 1: I had once said before, I said, listen, if we

819
00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:12,600
Speaker 1: ever got a divorce, she wouldn't have to worry about anything.

820
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:15,400
Speaker 1: She gave me three. Yeah, she gave me three whole kids.

821
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:18,439
Speaker 1: Whatever the kid, three whole kids. That's what she said.

822
00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:22,640
Speaker 1: Every time she reminds, I gave you three whole boys. Three.

823
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:26,800
Speaker 1: She reminds me every day every day. And I get that.

824
00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:29,840
Speaker 1: I watched to give birth to these shows. Wasn't you watched?

825
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:35,080
Speaker 1: She I caught one. She almost lost her life on

826
00:43:35,160 --> 00:43:38,360
Speaker 1: our first one. So for me, I understand the sacrifice

827
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:41,760
Speaker 1: of it. So for me, it's not even a question.

828
00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:44,360
Speaker 1: I'll go even now, even though we're not divorced, I

829
00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:46,320
Speaker 1: go without to make sure they have. So if we

830
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:50,680
Speaker 1: were to get divorced, that would be easy, right. Not

831
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:53,160
Speaker 1: everyone thinks that, But no, ma'am, you should go in

832
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:57,040
Speaker 1: child support immediately. What's wrong of you is to sit

833
00:43:57,080 --> 00:44:00,160
Speaker 1: there and allow your child to suffer that you want

834
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:04,120
Speaker 1: to suffer, suffer, but not your child. And the father

835
00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:07,880
Speaker 1: obviously doesn't care, he's not concerned. But I know why

836
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:10,200
Speaker 1: you haven't asked the child support because you don't want

837
00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:12,840
Speaker 1: to ruffle his feathers, because you really want him to

838
00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:14,600
Speaker 1: keep liking you. Girl, Get up off your tail and

839
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:20,120
Speaker 1: go get your child support. Telling tell because isn't it

840
00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:22,560
Speaker 1: true that the child should be living kind of equal

841
00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:27,480
Speaker 1: lifestyle too. That's what we look at. You look at

842
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:30,000
Speaker 1: the lifestyle of both parents, and the child is entitled

843
00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:32,680
Speaker 1: to live in the same, a similar lifestyle to which

844
00:44:32,719 --> 00:44:36,279
Speaker 1: he became accustomed during the marriage. So now go get

845
00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:38,600
Speaker 1: your child. She hit the nail on the head though.

846
00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:40,799
Speaker 1: The only reason why she's not asking for us because

847
00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:42,960
Speaker 1: she doesn't want to ruffle hit doesn't want so she's

848
00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:45,640
Speaker 1: doing a disservice to the child. That's so key. So

849
00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:53,520
Speaker 1: many people don't think about that, right, that's not okay? Alright?

850
00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:56,399
Speaker 1: Question number two. I've been with my husband for fourteen years.

851
00:44:56,480 --> 00:44:59,120
Speaker 1: We have two small children. I told him I want

852
00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:02,399
Speaker 1: a divorce. We are cohabitating because he won't move out

853
00:45:02,719 --> 00:45:06,040
Speaker 1: until the house gets sold, he moved into the spare room.

854
00:45:06,480 --> 00:45:09,080
Speaker 1: He's on dating apps, comes and goes as he pleases,

855
00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:11,560
Speaker 1: and it's angry at me, tries to pick fights with me.

856
00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:15,520
Speaker 1: I feel trapped, overwhelmed and lonely. I don't have family

857
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:17,759
Speaker 1: nearby I can stay with, so I'm forced to ride

858
00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:19,960
Speaker 1: this out. We listed the house only a month ago.

859
00:45:20,640 --> 00:45:23,520
Speaker 1: I'm trying to avoid communication altogether in the house as

860
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:25,960
Speaker 1: I don't want the subjects. I don't want the children

861
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:28,399
Speaker 1: to be subject to the fighting. Let me know your thoughts.

862
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:31,440
Speaker 1: Is their hope for me? Yes, there's hope for you

863
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:33,440
Speaker 1: if you get up and do something about it. You

864
00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:36,319
Speaker 1: don't have to stay trapped in the situation. You keep saying,

865
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:39,160
Speaker 1: he don't didn't want to move out because he wants

866
00:45:39,239 --> 00:45:41,680
Speaker 1: to stay in the house until it's sold. Because he

867
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:44,879
Speaker 1: because he listened to yourself. You keep thinking about listen

868
00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:48,280
Speaker 1: to what he wants, what do you want? Think about

869
00:45:48,360 --> 00:45:50,160
Speaker 1: you and think about your children, and that is an

870
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:54,479
Speaker 1: unhealthy relationship. You don't have to wait until the house

871
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:57,320
Speaker 1: is so you go in the court file for divorce,

872
00:45:57,840 --> 00:45:59,919
Speaker 1: ask for want of you to be able to stay

873
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:01,960
Speaker 1: in the house. Who can afford to keep paying the

874
00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:05,239
Speaker 1: note wild while you're waiting on divorce. Um. If you

875
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:07,879
Speaker 1: can't afford to keep paying the note, that sell the dog,

876
00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:10,160
Speaker 1: go on house. But in the meanwhile, both of you

877
00:46:10,239 --> 00:46:13,080
Speaker 1: can move out and live where you can live happily.

878
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:15,120
Speaker 1: You don't need to go through all that. It may

879
00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:19,279
Speaker 1: take six months to a year to sell that Yes,

880
00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:24,239
Speaker 1: that's right, and the courtoral issue orders. It says that

881
00:46:24,440 --> 00:46:27,000
Speaker 1: the two of you will have to pay that note somehow,

882
00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:29,800
Speaker 1: either by way of child support or by way of

883
00:46:29,880 --> 00:46:33,440
Speaker 1: spousal or alimony. But the court will look at both incomes.

884
00:46:33,480 --> 00:46:35,400
Speaker 1: I don't know the incomes because they she didn't mention it,

885
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:38,680
Speaker 1: but they were look at both incomes and see what

886
00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:41,160
Speaker 1: the child support order should be since she's the primarical

887
00:46:41,239 --> 00:46:44,600
Speaker 1: stordial parent, and what maybe alimony should be. And together

888
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:47,000
Speaker 1: it may be sufficient to pay the note. If not,

889
00:46:47,640 --> 00:46:50,320
Speaker 1: then let go of the house. Don't get so stuck

890
00:46:50,480 --> 00:46:54,600
Speaker 1: on a piece of property that you are miserable. There

891
00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:57,960
Speaker 1: are plenty houses out there. Go live in an apartment

892
00:46:58,000 --> 00:46:59,840
Speaker 1: into the house selves. Maybe that's what you have to

893
00:46:59,880 --> 00:47:03,160
Speaker 1: do to one of you, but living like that is miserable.

894
00:47:03,239 --> 00:47:07,719
Speaker 1: It's psychologically debilitating for you and the child. And the

895
00:47:08,520 --> 00:47:10,920
Speaker 1: husband who's calling his girl friends and there to that.

896
00:47:11,480 --> 00:47:13,800
Speaker 1: But you know what's funny, it's funny too, even the

897
00:47:13,840 --> 00:47:16,239
Speaker 1: way she framed the question. She asked him for a

898
00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:19,080
Speaker 1: divorce and asked him to leave and is upset because

899
00:47:19,200 --> 00:47:22,399
Speaker 1: he's on dating apps. And you don't have to ask

900
00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:25,760
Speaker 1: for divorce in California. I don't know what states. Most states,

901
00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:28,719
Speaker 1: most states, you just file for divorce. Don't get Let

902
00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:30,960
Speaker 1: me just say this. There's a misconcession. He has to

903
00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:33,600
Speaker 1: sign a degree. Now he doesn't. Nobody has to sign

904
00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:36,800
Speaker 1: and agree to a divorce. Someone has to file for divorce.

905
00:47:37,080 --> 00:47:39,680
Speaker 1: The person has to be served with the papers, say

906
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:41,960
Speaker 1: that you have filed for divorce. You can file for

907
00:47:42,080 --> 00:47:45,800
Speaker 1: temporary orders pending divorce, like who lives in the house,

908
00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:48,040
Speaker 1: who who moves out of the house. You can make

909
00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:51,359
Speaker 1: those requests of court. You don't have to ask him

910
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:59,960
Speaker 1: to do anything. It's called court orders. Order your diligence

911
00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:02,200
Speaker 1: and see what it is you can do, because apparently

912
00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:04,600
Speaker 1: the court will back her if she wanted to decide

913
00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:08,080
Speaker 1: to you know, I mean, the biggest thing Judge Maybling

914
00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:09,719
Speaker 1: is saying you have to start taking the power in

915
00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:12,200
Speaker 1: your hand. Empower yourself. Stop sitting back and saying I'm

916
00:48:12,239 --> 00:48:14,760
Speaker 1: a woman, I can't do anything. You want to move forward,

917
00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:16,839
Speaker 1: get it done. We have a friend recently who wanted

918
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:19,440
Speaker 1: to change her life and did just that, and we've

919
00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:21,680
Speaker 1: seen it happen like you can do it. Her happiness

920
00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:24,279
Speaker 1: is better. His happiness is better because no one sat

921
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:28,279
Speaker 1: back and said, oh, I'm stuck right and take a

922
00:48:28,400 --> 00:48:30,239
Speaker 1: hundred dollars, two hundred dollars to go sit a lord

923
00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:33,319
Speaker 1: and get some advice. Leave off that purse you want

924
00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:35,399
Speaker 1: to buy that has somebody else's name on it. That's

925
00:48:35,440 --> 00:48:42,239
Speaker 1: not giving you a day. Facts exactly, absolutely, just maybe

926
00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:44,080
Speaker 1: lean gave us some tips. Here there you go. There's

927
00:48:44,080 --> 00:48:45,880
Speaker 1: your whole advice. You've got that for free. See look

928
00:48:45,920 --> 00:48:47,880
Speaker 1: at you giving away advice for free today. You know

929
00:48:48,080 --> 00:48:51,479
Speaker 1: what it's not. It's not for free. And some things

930
00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:54,520
Speaker 1: you do because that's what God has gifted you to

931
00:48:54,600 --> 00:48:56,920
Speaker 1: do and you have to share that. And although I

932
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:59,280
Speaker 1: may not get the paycheck from here's sitting here today,

933
00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:02,800
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get pain, Oh you will. You know I

934
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:04,719
Speaker 1: appreciate you because I know if k ever asked me

935
00:49:04,800 --> 00:49:07,879
Speaker 1: for a divorce, I know not to answer the door

936
00:49:08,600 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 1: for an email man, because if I see somebody coming

937
00:49:10,640 --> 00:49:15,080
Speaker 1: to serve me, I'm running hit. I'm gonna make this

938
00:49:15,560 --> 00:49:17,839
Speaker 1: to you all. If you even start thinking about it's

939
00:49:17,880 --> 00:49:20,040
Speaker 1: somebody better call me and then you go. Now got

940
00:49:20,120 --> 00:49:23,200
Speaker 1: you beat your tail first before they have happened. So

941
00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:27,520
Speaker 1: you see, you see? All right? You see this is

942
00:49:27,560 --> 00:49:33,560
Speaker 1: what I go through the time. And if you want

943
00:49:33,600 --> 00:49:35,480
Speaker 1: to be featured as one of our listener letters in

944
00:49:35,520 --> 00:49:37,960
Speaker 1: the future, be sure to email us at dead as

945
00:49:38,080 --> 00:49:42,719
Speaker 1: Advice at gmail dot com. Alright, so it's time for

946
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:46,480
Speaker 1: the moment of truth. Yes, you know, we spoke about

947
00:49:46,560 --> 00:49:51,200
Speaker 1: several things regarding prenumps, divorce, marriage. Um, I feel like

948
00:49:51,239 --> 00:49:54,040
Speaker 1: my moment of truth in this is pretty much coming

949
00:49:54,160 --> 00:49:58,280
Speaker 1: from the listener letter questions. Not sitting back and waiting

950
00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:01,279
Speaker 1: for your spouse or your significant other, I guess it

951
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:04,239
Speaker 1: would be spousing this circumstance because we're talking marriage. Two

952
00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:08,320
Speaker 1: roll out what's going to happen if you decide to

953
00:50:08,400 --> 00:50:10,520
Speaker 1: divorce or just in general, and when it comes to

954
00:50:11,200 --> 00:50:14,839
Speaker 1: the things within a marriage, making sure that your spouse, yes,

955
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:16,640
Speaker 1: is entitled to the way they feel, but you're speaking

956
00:50:16,719 --> 00:50:18,560
Speaker 1: up for yourself. So for example, these two ladies in

957
00:50:18,600 --> 00:50:21,400
Speaker 1: our list listening letters who kept saying he wants to

958
00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:23,120
Speaker 1: do this, he wants to do that, he's doing that.

959
00:50:23,640 --> 00:50:26,120
Speaker 1: What do you want? You know, making sure that you

960
00:50:26,239 --> 00:50:27,879
Speaker 1: know what it is that your want, that you're clear,

961
00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:31,040
Speaker 1: and then you seek the help through the courts. So

962
00:50:31,120 --> 00:50:32,719
Speaker 1: apparently the court can be your friend, though I know

963
00:50:32,800 --> 00:50:34,839
Speaker 1: it tends to be a little bit costly for some people.

964
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:37,200
Speaker 1: If you're investing a little bit in that, you can

965
00:50:37,239 --> 00:50:39,840
Speaker 1: gain some clarity and you can gain the expertise that

966
00:50:39,880 --> 00:50:41,360
Speaker 1: you need so that you can kind of move on

967
00:50:41,440 --> 00:50:43,600
Speaker 1: and live happily. Yes, So from a black man's perspective

968
00:50:43,600 --> 00:50:46,200
Speaker 1: of what I did learn today is that a pre

969
00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:50,759
Speaker 1: nup is not some already created document that you just

970
00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:53,600
Speaker 1: sign it and your spouse signs. You can go in

971
00:50:53,680 --> 00:50:56,120
Speaker 1: there and redline and create your own version of what

972
00:50:56,320 --> 00:50:59,279
Speaker 1: your marriage is and put it on paper. That clarified

973
00:50:59,360 --> 00:51:02,280
Speaker 1: some stuff for me. Yeah, they definitely clarify some stuff

974
00:51:02,320 --> 00:51:03,719
Speaker 1: because I was always, oh, you don't need to up,

975
00:51:03,719 --> 00:51:05,560
Speaker 1: you don't need to prenup. But what I did realize

976
00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:06,920
Speaker 1: is that if you are a little bit older and

977
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:10,719
Speaker 1: you come into a marriage or relationship with assets, just

978
00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:13,160
Speaker 1: like any business, you you come into the business, and

979
00:51:13,200 --> 00:51:15,759
Speaker 1: you protect yourself, and you come into the business, you

980
00:51:15,840 --> 00:51:18,160
Speaker 1: protect yourself and you protect your assets. So if you

981
00:51:18,280 --> 00:51:21,160
Speaker 1: have assets, you should protect the assets that you came

982
00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:24,320
Speaker 1: into the business with and then create some parameters around

983
00:51:24,440 --> 00:51:27,520
Speaker 1: the assets that you create together, because if you're both

984
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:30,800
Speaker 1: not putting in the same energy to accrue these assets,

985
00:51:31,160 --> 00:51:33,480
Speaker 1: you both shouldn't be entitled to the same amount of

986
00:51:33,520 --> 00:51:37,120
Speaker 1: assets if you divorce. That's what I've learned today, Jim,

987
00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:39,400
Speaker 1: that's a really good one. So pretty much you're treating

988
00:51:39,400 --> 00:51:42,000
Speaker 1: marriage as a business in the circumstance, not necessarily a

989
00:51:42,080 --> 00:51:45,920
Speaker 1: bad contract, but a business. Marriage is a business. To me,

990
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:50,160
Speaker 1: I've I learned from Judge Mabeling today. Uh, the divorce

991
00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:53,520
Speaker 1: contract is a bad business. Marriage itself is not a

992
00:51:53,560 --> 00:51:56,320
Speaker 1: bad contract. Marriage yourself is not a bad contract. But

993
00:51:56,440 --> 00:51:59,799
Speaker 1: the contract that goes with divorce, that is provided by

994
00:51:59,880 --> 00:52:02,719
Speaker 1: the state once you divorce, that's a bad contract. Yeah.

995
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:05,399
Speaker 1: I think in general, just like we've said several times again,

996
00:52:05,400 --> 00:52:08,120
Speaker 1: when it comes to relationships, just not infusing yourself and

997
00:52:08,160 --> 00:52:12,319
Speaker 1: somebody else's relationship or their business, because clearly, especially when

998
00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:14,920
Speaker 1: it comes to prenums, you have to curtail it to

999
00:52:15,120 --> 00:52:18,920
Speaker 1: your particular circumstance, what if you're bringing in your assets,

1000
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:22,560
Speaker 1: So those don't really apply to anybody but you and

1001
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:25,120
Speaker 1: your spouse. So when people all because apparently you had

1002
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:27,120
Speaker 1: a whole bunch of questions where people coming over saying

1003
00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:28,400
Speaker 1: that what do I do? What do I do? What

1004
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:31,399
Speaker 1: do I do? You know, you can't really advise people

1005
00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:34,560
Speaker 1: on on on this because you're not necessarily you know,

1006
00:52:34,680 --> 00:52:37,319
Speaker 1: privy to what they have. No, I can't advise them,

1007
00:52:37,440 --> 00:52:40,000
Speaker 1: but I can give them my moment the truth for it.

1008
00:52:40,640 --> 00:52:45,080
Speaker 1: Protect yourself, all right, protect yourself, protect yourself with everything

1009
00:52:45,560 --> 00:52:50,480
Speaker 1: and the bad jaff just mabid lyad said, protect all

1010
00:52:50,560 --> 00:52:56,399
Speaker 1: the way outs alright, guys. So if you enjoyed that as,

1011
00:52:56,480 --> 00:52:58,960
Speaker 1: be sure to follow us on social media. That's I

1012
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:02,520
Speaker 1: am devoured and Cadine I am. And if you're listening

1013
00:53:02,560 --> 00:53:06,520
Speaker 1: on Apple podcast, be sure to rate, review and subscribe. Yes,

1014
00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:09,600
Speaker 1: I just wanted to ask you. Yes I did ask today.

1015
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:15,120
Speaker 1: You know you had several dead ass moments. I tell you,

1016
00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:23,120
Speaker 1: don't worry. She She's going to be proud. Dead Ass

1017
00:53:23,239 --> 00:53:26,360
Speaker 1: is a production of Stitcher. It's produced by T Square

1018
00:53:26,400 --> 00:53:30,040
Speaker 1: and Dinora Penia. Our chief content officer is Chris Bannon.

1019
00:53:30,440 --> 00:53:34,240
Speaker 1: Our associate producers are Kristen Torres and Triple. Our studio

1020
00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:47,319
Speaker 1: engineers are Brandon Burns and Andy, Kristen's daughter. We'll back.

1021
00:53:47,360 --> 00:53:49,400
Speaker 1: I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth. We have a

1022
00:53:49,400 --> 00:53:51,560
Speaker 1: podcast going on right now. It's part of the Stitchen

1023
00:53:51,640 --> 00:53:56,880
Speaker 1: Network called Substraction that's available everywhere. Get a podcast at Stitcher, Spotify,

1024
00:53:57,320 --> 00:53:59,960
Speaker 1: Apple Go listen right now to the Distraction right now.

1025
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:01,160
Speaker 1: I'lls out do it, please,