Speaker 1: He Suck Dating with Dengler Dared Haven I heard radio podcast.
Speaker 1: Hello everyone, welcome back to help I Suck at Dating.
Speaker 1: My name is Jared Haven, always joined by Dean Angler.
Speaker 1: We're both on the same coast now, so we're not
Speaker 1: three thousand miles away, but we're still doing this virtually
Speaker 1: because you know, uh, the pandemic um And usually we
Speaker 1: have an intro with the show, uh where Dena and
Speaker 1: I kinda just talk nonsensical things. But we're gonna talk
Speaker 1: very sensical things because we have a great guest who's
Speaker 1: actually joining us right off the top. She's a writer,
Speaker 1: she's a director, she's an actress. She's an author of
Speaker 1: the novel Eat Pray hashtag f m L, which is
Speaker 1: a great title. Gabrielle Stone Grab Gabrielle, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for joining us. Thanks for having me, guys. I'm
Speaker 1: happy to be here during the pandemic virtually. How's this
Speaker 1: pandemic going for you? How you do? And you know, like,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm safe and I'm healthy, so I can't complain.
Speaker 1: But it's definitely the weight of what the world's going
Speaker 1: through is weighing on me for sure. What part of
Speaker 1: the country are you in I'm in l A okay,
Speaker 1: well figures obviously with your occupation, right I wish I
Speaker 1: could be. I wish I could be elsewhere and traveling
Speaker 1: right now, but this is home. But like I said,
Speaker 1: you're you're an author, you're a writer, director. You wrote
Speaker 1: a novel last year called Eat Pray hashtag f mL,
Speaker 1: which obviously is my life, which is a playoff of
Speaker 1: E Pray Love. So can you just talk about your
Speaker 1: book a little bit now? I know one of the
Speaker 1: reasons why you started writing it, or at least what
Speaker 1: I read online, but I'd love to hear from you personally,
Speaker 1: your story as to why you felt compelled to write
Speaker 1: this novel. Yeah, totally, um I think that's kind of
Speaker 1: happened to me. Um In. I was married for almost
Speaker 1: two years, found out my husband was having an affair
Speaker 1: with a nineteen year old for six months, filed for divorce. Left.
Speaker 1: Shortly after that, I met a guy. We fell madly
Speaker 1: in love with each other, had a whirlwind romance, and
Speaker 1: he convinced me to go on a month long trip
Speaker 1: to Italy with him. Forty eight hours before we were
Speaker 1: getting on the plane, he told me he needed to
Speaker 1: go by himself, and I was freaking devastated, broke my
Speaker 1: heart like my husband never could have. But I had
Speaker 1: a decision to make, and that was either stay at
Speaker 1: home and be heartbroken or go travel Europe for a
Speaker 1: month by myself. So I went and took a backpack
Speaker 1: and did six countries over the span of a month
Speaker 1: and wrote a book about it. Did you ever say
Speaker 1: why he couldn't go with you? Yeah, oh dude, it's
Speaker 1: I mean, it's a long saga of of drama. But
Speaker 1: he was still grieving over the death of his brother.
Speaker 1: Um that had happened like a little over a year earlier.
Speaker 1: And um, I think when he fell in love with
Speaker 1: me it kind of like opened up all that that
Speaker 1: he had pushed really far down. And you know, but
Speaker 1: I mean, give me your take on it as a man,
Speaker 1: Like was it a total cop out or was there
Speaker 1: some validity to it? I mean, I don't know if
Speaker 1: I could really speak upon it, because you know, I
Speaker 1: to lose a brother, Uh, that's you know. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'd be able to relate or like,
Speaker 1: uh talk about it with any type of knowledge. But
Speaker 1: I'm still glad you're able to travel by yourself. So
Speaker 1: what was the traveling by yourself? Uh? What did you learn?
Speaker 1: Uh not only about yourself but about dating relationships? Yeah?
Speaker 1: So much? Um So when I realized I was taking
Speaker 1: this trip by myself, one of my biggest fears since
Speaker 1: I was a little girl is being alone and being
Speaker 1: okay by myself. My dad passed when I was young,
Speaker 1: um and since then, I've had a lot of abandonment
Speaker 1: issues and this was the universe is kind of clear
Speaker 1: way of making me go face that head on and
Speaker 1: really deal with it. Um. So this trip really taught
Speaker 1: me that I'm never really alone, um because I'll never
Speaker 1: abandon myself. And that was a huge, huge, like spiritual
Speaker 1: journey lesson for me and just how capable I am. Like.
Speaker 1: I had such an incredible time on this trip, and
Speaker 1: I learned so much about my elf, um so much
Speaker 1: about the other people that I met. I met some
Speaker 1: incredible people and uh some that I still keep in
Speaker 1: touch with until this day. And it was a really
Speaker 1: life changing experience. I came back from Europe a different
Speaker 1: human and all the best ways. All right, I've got
Speaker 1: some questions for you, so and not to go back
Speaker 1: and reopen any old wounds. But I talking about this
Speaker 1: every week. There's no and that's why I feel comfortable
Speaker 1: asking these questions. Okay, So so I'll get to the
Speaker 1: whole one month relationship and the guy leaving you fort
Speaker 1: eight hours before the flight to Europe thing. But just
Speaker 1: to backtrack even further, so you were married for two
Speaker 1: years and you found out that your husband at the
Speaker 1: time was having an affair within eighteen year nineteen year
Speaker 1: olds for six months. So just add my own curiosity,
Speaker 1: how did you find that out? What? What? How did
Speaker 1: that whole thing unfold? So I missed my calling as
Speaker 1: a private detective. Um I actually didn't even go looking
Speaker 1: for it at first. We had been having issues for
Speaker 1: you know, five or six months, and um, I didn't
Speaker 1: realize why we were in therapy. I was working my
Speaker 1: ass off to try and like get us back on
Speaker 1: track and couldn't figure out why everything wasn't working when
Speaker 1: I was doing everything that our therapist was, everything that
Speaker 1: he was asking. Um And eventually it came to a
Speaker 1: head where and this is all like detailed in the book,
Speaker 1: which I wasn't planning on originally writing about. But all
Speaker 1: my girlfriends were like, no, dude, it was like an
Speaker 1: episode of c S. I you have to write about this. UM.
Speaker 1: So one night we were at our house and I
Speaker 1: was putting away laundry and I went over to a
Speaker 1: soft drawer and put opened it up to put a
Speaker 1: bunch of socks in, and there was a phone in there,
Speaker 1: and I was like, why is your phone in your
Speaker 1: soft drawer? And the second I picked it up, a
Speaker 1: text popped up that had her name with a heart
Speaker 1: emoji in the contact and he came over and like
Speaker 1: snatched it from me, went into the bathroom, came out
Speaker 1: like forty five seconds later and was like, here, it's
Speaker 1: not even working, just take my phone. Unbeknownst to me,
Speaker 1: he went in with his second phone, came out and
Speaker 1: like handed me his original first phone. UM. And so
Speaker 1: then after that he went on a trip for work,
Speaker 1: and I started kind of knowing something was going on.
Speaker 1: And I was in our office and his computer, UM
Speaker 1: was up. We had he had like one of those
Speaker 1: big imax and paying on his email came in and
Speaker 1: I went over and looked at it and it was
Speaker 1: an Uber receipt that was from the city he was
Speaker 1: supposed to be into somewhere that was like two hours away.
Speaker 1: And that was kind of all I needed to like
Speaker 1: be like, Okay, I'm I'm going to look through his
Speaker 1: email at this point, um, and every like hotel receipt,
Speaker 1: like couple's massage, dinner reservations. It was all there, and
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, well here we go divorced time
Speaker 1: and then and then you confronted him about it. Obviously
Speaker 1: I did when he got home. So I knew for
Speaker 1: for two weeks before I've served him the papers because
Speaker 1: I didn't want him to get wind of it and
Speaker 1: filed before me. Um. And mind you, during all this,
Speaker 1: like we were my friend and I were investigating and
Speaker 1: finding out who this other girl was UM, which I
Speaker 1: did by calling the Four Seasons and telling them that
Speaker 1: we have used a fake name and I was doing
Speaker 1: taxes and could you give me the name that the
Speaker 1: reservation was under? And then we found her online. It
Speaker 1: was like way too easy and uh and then yeah,
Speaker 1: when he came home, we had a process server at
Speaker 1: my house and served in the papers and sat down
Speaker 1: and had one last conversation. I walked out of the
Speaker 1: house and never looked back. And do you guys talk
Speaker 1: to this day or is it kind of one of
Speaker 1: those things that's in the past year. And no, I
Speaker 1: mean I've run into him and his girlfriend. There's as
Speaker 1: far as I know, they're still together. This was like
Speaker 1: a year ago. I ran into both the gym and
Speaker 1: it was an interesting conversation. I can only imagine. Okay,
Speaker 1: and then fast forward from there. So you are divorced
Speaker 1: now and then you meet this guy I would assume
Speaker 1: in So Angeles. Yeah, technically I wasn't divorced yet. Um
Speaker 1: that the whole process, yeah, you know, I mean it
Speaker 1: was clear on what was happening, but the actual process
Speaker 1: takes like a year. Um. So I had left the house,
Speaker 1: mind you, I had known about the affair for two
Speaker 1: weeks now, So I leave and about three weeks later
Speaker 1: I reconnected with this guy who I had casually, like
Speaker 1: super casually dated, um before I had even met my
Speaker 1: ex husband, which was like six years ago. And he
Speaker 1: d m me on Instagram and we started talking and
Speaker 1: he was like, you want to go hang out and
Speaker 1: go to the beach and I was like sure, um,
Speaker 1: thinking you know, if I'm gonna like go casually have
Speaker 1: fun with someone, this was the one person I've ever
Speaker 1: been able to be casual with. And he was hot
Speaker 1: and he's you know, um, so I went, yeah, I went,
Speaker 1: and um, it just went from zero to one hundred
Speaker 1: really fast. Do you think that might have been the
Speaker 1: ultimate downfall of why the because because you said earlier
Speaker 1: like dig into this and figure out why he might
Speaker 1: have or you know what, the whole like brother passing
Speaker 1: away thing might be legit And obviously, you know you
Speaker 1: can't really judge someone else on how they're going to
Speaker 1: react with death or or loss, or you think that,
Speaker 1: but do you ever do you ever think that the
Speaker 1: fact that it became so hot and heavy so fast
Speaker 1: might have something to do with it? And so um,
Speaker 1: but I also think that, No, I don't think. I
Speaker 1: know that he had a ton of healing to do
Speaker 1: around that, and I know why I had to take
Speaker 1: this trip by myself and how it changed my life.
Speaker 1: So I think we really came into each other's lives
Speaker 1: and we were both the catalyst of some serious soul healing.
Speaker 1: Um and uh so yeah, I think it. It was
Speaker 1: extremely insane. I mean I remember my mom and all
Speaker 1: my friends being like, I'm sorry, you just got out
Speaker 1: of a marriage, like a brutally shocking divorce marriage, and
Speaker 1: you're like hopping into this relationship and we were like
Speaker 1: we're having babies. Were like, we're done, We're getting married.
Speaker 1: This is it, this is my person. Oh yeah, I
Speaker 1: met his whole family, like would tell all of his
Speaker 1: friends about me. It was like really serious and intense. Um.
Speaker 1: And So to have that go from like this level too,
Speaker 1: I think I need to go on this trip but
Speaker 1: myself and break up with you, um was. I mean
Speaker 1: it was more devastating than my divorce was. Do you
Speaker 1: ever think about revisiting that relationship? Maybe it was time? Yeah,
Speaker 1: how does it? Because that doesn't just end right, Like
Speaker 1: you guys still have phones to texts. You're in the
Speaker 1: same country at least when you land might um. So
Speaker 1: we actually flew on the plane together, sitting with each other.
Speaker 1: Our tickets were from l A to London and then
Speaker 1: we were supposed to go on to Rome. So I
Speaker 1: have a friend in London that I went to high
Speaker 1: school with, so she was like, look, just come here,
Speaker 1: you can start your trip here before you decide where
Speaker 1: you want to go. So we flew to London together.
Speaker 1: I stayed in London, he went on to Rome and
Speaker 1: then like the a roller coaster of you know, are
Speaker 1: we gonna see each other? Are we not going to
Speaker 1: see each other? Should we meet up at the end
Speaker 1: of the trip? Like do you even still have feelings
Speaker 1: for me? Um? Goes throughout the entire book. UM. And
Speaker 1: I don't want to like say if we did or not,
Speaker 1: because it will totally ruin the ending for some people
Speaker 1: that eventually read it. Um. But yeah, I mean it's
Speaker 1: let's just say. That's the biggest question I get is
Speaker 1: like is there going to be a book too? And
Speaker 1: is he involved in it? Because it was so open ended.
Speaker 1: So okay, So for the listener out there that might
Speaker 1: not know this, a flight from l A to London
Speaker 1: is about twelve hours long. So you had just broken
Speaker 1: up with this guy and then you sit next to
Speaker 1: him for twelve hours on a flight. Yeah, what is that?
Speaker 1: What is that? Like? You know, I get that question
Speaker 1: a lot and people are like didn't why didn't you
Speaker 1: change your ticket? Was it refundable? And Um? To be honest,
Speaker 1: for whatever reason, everything between us was totally normal and
Speaker 1: the same. We just weren't kissing and holding hands. I mean,
Speaker 1: I was obviously like devastated in my heart was broken,
Speaker 1: but other than that, we were kind of like just
Speaker 1: transitioned into this friendship. Um that that kind of was okay.
Speaker 1: Uh so it wasn't like this weird awkward plane ride. Um.
Speaker 1: He took the picture of me with my backpack on
Speaker 1: where I posted at the airport and was like, hey, everybody,
Speaker 1: I got divorced and I'm going to Europe and like,
Speaker 1: here's what's been going on in my life that I've
Speaker 1: been talking about. Um, And it was really weirdly normal. Um.
Speaker 1: It kind of got harder once I was in Europe
Speaker 1: and on my trip, and I felt like at part
Speaker 1: at times he just disappeared and wasn't supporting me after
Speaker 1: I had been sent off on this journey. I didn't
Speaker 1: really ask for um. But the flight itself was kind
Speaker 1: of weirdly okay. And our return to our return tickets
Speaker 1: were booked together to oh my what you said? You
Speaker 1: didn't want to spoil that, and so but we did slide.
Speaker 1: We did slide back together because that's that's how the
Speaker 1: tickets were booked. So do you think that normalcy, that
Speaker 1: that established normalcy is makes it harder or easier, Because
Speaker 1: it's like that you can have both arguments where oh
Speaker 1: it's easy to get back into being friends with this
Speaker 1: person because that's just who we are, or it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: things were so great between us and the chemistry was
Speaker 1: there that we were able to stay friends through it all.
Speaker 1: Do you think that made it easier or harder for you? Um?
Speaker 1: I think harder for me because it wasn't my decision
Speaker 1: and I didn't like. He was so like you've changed
Speaker 1: my life and like I never don't want to have
Speaker 1: you in my life, like you have to be my
Speaker 1: best friend. And I was like, well, I wasn't really
Speaker 1: looking for a best friend like I have my friends. Um,
Speaker 1: I was in love with you. So it was this
Speaker 1: weird kind of like he was asking me to flip
Speaker 1: this switch that had gone off in him, and I
Speaker 1: was like, dude, I'm not really capable of doing that. Um,
Speaker 1: but he meant so much to me and we had
Speaker 1: gotten so close during that month and a half that
Speaker 1: I was trying to force myself to do that. You know.
Speaker 1: So when I picture Europe, right, so you get to Europe.
Speaker 1: You said you're in Europe for a month. When I
Speaker 1: picture Europe, I think of like that movie Eurotrip where
Speaker 1: you're going to clubs, you're drinking, absent your party in
Speaker 1: your backpack and you're exploring, you're staying at hostiles, your
Speaker 1: your hitchhiking to get from place to place. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So and I'm sure in your book you chronicle some
Speaker 1: of these crazy adventures that you might have had, right,
Speaker 1: But what is that kind of like the vibe that
Speaker 1: it was or was it totally like soul searching? Like no,
Speaker 1: I mean, well, okay, So for the phone away thing,
Speaker 1: I was originally going to be like I'm gonna, you know,
Speaker 1: really disconnect and like go and just be in the moment.
Speaker 1: And when I posted that picture and like wrote about
Speaker 1: my divorce and like that I was going off on
Speaker 1: this trip by myself, hundreds and hundreds of people reached
Speaker 1: out to me and we're like, oh my god, this
Speaker 1: changed my whole day, Like please keep sharing your journey,
Speaker 1: like I want to follow this with you. So I
Speaker 1: ended up really posting quite a bit on that trip,
Speaker 1: which now I'm really thankful for because every day when
Speaker 1: people are reading the book, they're like stoking my Instagram
Speaker 1: and like, oh my god, this is that place that
Speaker 1: she was talking about. So it's kind of like this
Speaker 1: cool interactive thing. But yeah, I mean, yeah, I had
Speaker 1: a one night's and in in Amsterdam. I like, there was
Speaker 1: lots of guys on my trip. I all I knew
Speaker 1: about hostels, which you'll probably appreciate because you're a travel guy, right. Um.
Speaker 1: All I knew about hostiles on the plane over was
Speaker 1: that there was a movie and people got brutally murdered
Speaker 1: in it. Like I was like, what do you mean
Speaker 1: of those to stay in a hostile Um. Now I'm
Speaker 1: like the number one advocate for them and love them
Speaker 1: and tell all my friends like, if you're ever going
Speaker 1: to travel, stay in hospitals and go by yourself. Um.
Speaker 1: But it Yeah, So there was a lot of partying,
Speaker 1: a lot of not sleeping, a lot of drinking. Um.
Speaker 1: But there was also a lot of you know, soul
Speaker 1: searching and reflecting. I wrote three fourths of this book
Speaker 1: on my trip, so there were a lot of days
Speaker 1: where I was in a cafe just like writing for
Speaker 1: six hours. So it was kind of like both kind
Speaker 1: of mixed together. Nice not to spoil the end of
Speaker 1: the book, but do you think after friends crossed that
Speaker 1: line of being intimate with one another, can you ever
Speaker 1: go back to being friends? Mm hmmm, that's a good question. Um,
Speaker 1: I've had other situations that pertain to that. This one
Speaker 1: is kind of different because we never started as friends,
Speaker 1: like we went and hung out and we're like, oh,
Speaker 1: we're gonna we're gonna do this. Um. But on the
Speaker 1: other side of it, it's it's hard to backtrack when
Speaker 1: you've established a relationship that's based on intimacy and like chemistry,
Speaker 1: it's hard to backtrack and be like, Okay, let's just
Speaker 1: be friends now. UM. I think it's doable if both
Speaker 1: people really want to commit to that, and I think
Speaker 1: it takes some work, um, but it's definitely not easy
Speaker 1: in my opinion. You sound, uh, you said exactly like
Speaker 1: one of my former girlfriends. I remember we broke up
Speaker 1: and I was like, well, yeah, we can still obviously
Speaker 1: be friends, right, And she goes, well, we were never
Speaker 1: friends to begin with, Like we basically started out dating
Speaker 1: each other, so how do you expect us to be
Speaker 1: friends now? And you basically said the exact same thing
Speaker 1: that she said. It's it's funny and and there's a
Speaker 1: lot of truth to it too. I agree with it,
Speaker 1: but it's tough because I have excess that I mean
Speaker 1: is from a long time ago, like college years that
Speaker 1: I'm friends with not I mean, like we don't go
Speaker 1: hang out on the regular, but we're friends and we
Speaker 1: talk and you know, we're we're good in each other.
Speaker 1: There's lives. But yeah, it's it's a difficult. It's a
Speaker 1: difficult thing to navigate, especially when not both people feel
Speaker 1: the same way, and it's usually unless two people are
Speaker 1: like mutually breaking up, which is kind of rare um.
Speaker 1: I think it's a hard, hard road to navigate, especially
Speaker 1: when there's another significant other in play, because then you, yeah,
Speaker 1: I want to be honest, be like, well, we did
Speaker 1: hook up, but that will never happen again. And then
Speaker 1: like the idea have you hanging out with somebody that
Speaker 1: used to hook up with That always throws a wrench
Speaker 1: in things. It's super weird, and it it takes a
Speaker 1: really secure woman or man to be like, yeah, that's
Speaker 1: totally fine. You know, it's it's a weird dynamic for sure.
Speaker 1: I mean, you guys probably have have some weird experience
Speaker 1: with that since you guys started a Bachelor, which I
Speaker 1: have to like, I have to admit, like, I that's
Speaker 1: my guilt the pleasure reality TV. So I yeah, well,
Speaker 1: so so you've seen Bachelor, you know, what's up. It's
Speaker 1: just like I think we all accept the fact that, like,
Speaker 1: hey listen, this is what we all signed up for,
Speaker 1: so we have to kind of overlook some things and
Speaker 1: just accept that, you know, like for example, exactly like
Speaker 1: I was on Caitlin Bristow season and like we had
Speaker 1: a good relationship, but we've become friends afterwards, and Ashley
Speaker 1: and my wife is super cool with it now to
Speaker 1: the point where Caitlin and her now boyfriend Jason were
Speaker 1: at our wedding. You know, oh that's great. Yeah it
Speaker 1: was cool. Um, that just means you have a badass
Speaker 1: wife too, so oh yeah, she's both bad as you
Speaker 1: can see, Like I'm currently recording in her glam room,
Speaker 1: so she like it just shows my my place in
Speaker 1: the relationship. And So if if you could tell your
Speaker 1: the audience one thing that you'd really want them to
Speaker 1: take away from reading your book, what would it be
Speaker 1: That there is a light at the end of the tunnel,
Speaker 1: no matter how dark it may look, and it is
Speaker 1: usually more beautiful than you could ever imagine. So keep
Speaker 1: going travel. What about travel? I think that seems like
Speaker 1: a big yeah for sure. I mean I think everyone
Speaker 1: should solo travel at least once in their life. It
Speaker 1: totally changed my life. Um. I just did my second
Speaker 1: solo trip by choice, this time UM to Southeast Asia,
Speaker 1: and it was it was incredible. Um, And I if
Speaker 1: I had a choice now, I would prefer to travel
Speaker 1: alone as opposed to with friends or family. UM. It's
Speaker 1: you just like it's so freeing, and you learned so
Speaker 1: much about yourself and you meet people in such an
Speaker 1: authentic way because nobody has time to put their both
Speaker 1: layer on like they have at home, and it's it's
Speaker 1: so refreshing to just be able to like openly be
Speaker 1: yourself and do whatever you want and not be locked
Speaker 1: into any schedules. It's it's amazing. When you were explaining
Speaker 1: your first experience in Europe, I had a similar situation
Speaker 1: minus like the heartbreak and the divorce and all that
Speaker 1: kind of stuff. Uh. But I did a year and
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, a month and a half solo trip through
Speaker 1: Europe and like Asia like two years ago for the
Speaker 1: first time ever, and that was like changed my life.
Speaker 1: And I I didn't realize it at the time, but
Speaker 1: looking back, like and still a lot of things in
Speaker 1: me that I hadn't realized and my confidence on all
Speaker 1: these types of things, So I agree with you. I
Speaker 1: always tell people that whenever really asked to travel alone,
Speaker 1: because it really does, like it helps you realize what
Speaker 1: your own priorities are. Where you're like, you're waking up
Speaker 1: to do the things that you want to do, not
Speaker 1: what other people want to do. So it helps you
Speaker 1: kind of figure out exactly what you like doing, which
Speaker 1: is really, where did you go in Europe? Um? I
Speaker 1: did Amster Damn. I didn't have a one night stand
Speaker 1: there though I did, did you really? Yeah? I actually
Speaker 1: met up with some friends out there, and man, the
Speaker 1: Red Light District. You you hear the stories about it,
Speaker 1: and I always think it's not gonna I always think
Speaker 1: nothing's gonna like line up to what people really say
Speaker 1: about it. But red Light District was like, really, it
Speaker 1: is exactly what you think it is. It was crazy.
Speaker 1: Um I did. I did? Like the main staple you're
Speaker 1: in countries in some Eastern European like Poland and u
Speaker 1: uh Slovakia, which is pretty cool. But I always encourage people. Um,
Speaker 1: I love Asia the most. I know you did Southeast Asia? Yeah,
Speaker 1: where did you go? Like Vietnam? So I did? I
Speaker 1: was supposed to do two weeks in Vietnam, in two
Speaker 1: weeks in Bali, and I was in Vietnam for like
Speaker 1: a week and my heart just wasn't getting what I
Speaker 1: wanted and not settling, and I was like, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go to Thailand. And I flew to Thailand and spent
Speaker 1: a week and a half in Pie, which is this
Speaker 1: like little mountain town, um three hours outside of Chang Mai.
Speaker 1: And it was the most magical, incredible place I have
Speaker 1: ever been. I swear I could live there if I
Speaker 1: had to move anywhere other than here. Chang Myai itself
Speaker 1: is pretty isolated too, so three and a half hours
Speaker 1: outside of Cheng Mark. Yeah, you know, it's it's it's wild.
Speaker 1: But it was like every all the little cafes were
Speaker 1: like you were walking into a super garden, like just
Speaker 1: incredible nature and like uh one long Street with the
Speaker 1: night markets and stuff. It was. It was awesome. And
Speaker 1: then I did a week and a half in Bally Nice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: always great too, I've been there. Um, it's funny execute well,
Speaker 1: Kitten and I were just talking about moving to Bally,
Speaker 1: but we'll see if if that ever comes to it. Um,
Speaker 1: you're gonna record the podcast from Bali. I mean, hey,
Speaker 1: we're recording it from our apartments in Los Angeles, so
Speaker 1: I figure, why not be able to do it from Bally.
Speaker 1: More importantly, are we invited to Bally. Yeah, we'll get
Speaker 1: a nice, biggest state. We'll have a bunch of guest
Speaker 1: rooms for all you guys to come visit. Gabrielle, So
Speaker 1: your book is out on shelves now, right, it's exclusively
Speaker 1: on Amazon. It's in paperback book and audio book. Amazing. Okay, great,
Speaker 1: So if you don't want to have to go through
Speaker 1: the cumbersome experience of ordering a book and reading it,
Speaker 1: you can just listen to the audiobook. Yeah, and I
Speaker 1: narrated it myself. It was a ton of fun to do.
Speaker 1: It was wild to like act out scenes between my
Speaker 1: my ex husband and I and all of the ridiculousness
Speaker 1: that ensued after that. So it's it's a fun ride
Speaker 1: for sure. Therapeutic a little bit, totally totally there. There
Speaker 1: are times in the audio book where like you can
Speaker 1: hear me like getting choked up, in times where I'm
Speaker 1: laughing my ass off. So yeah, it was definitely a
Speaker 1: weird form of therapy. And like you were saying, we
Speaker 1: might be in the works of a part two, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, I get asked that like weekly, Um, and
Speaker 1: I have written parts of it. I know how it
Speaker 1: begins and how it ends. It's just a matter of
Speaker 1: timing and if the people involved will sign off on it,
Speaker 1: because obviously it's about my life and it involves real people. UM.
Speaker 1: So I'm always, you know, trying to be respectful of that.
Speaker 1: The guy that left me before Europe was so supportive
Speaker 1: about it and signed a release for me to do it,
Speaker 1: as did his family, and it was really important for
Speaker 1: me to be able to do that with a good
Speaker 1: conscience and you know, have that blessing. So but the
Speaker 1: ex husband you just oh, there was, but I did.
Speaker 1: Everyone's names in the books are changed, and my ex
Speaker 1: husband's name I chose the name that when I found everything,
Speaker 1: that was the name he used to book everything under.
Speaker 1: And like what a second phone was registered to. That's
Speaker 1: a good f for you to him. UM. Awesome. Well
Speaker 1: for the listeners that want to check it out, like
Speaker 1: we said, it's eat, pray f m L, be sure
Speaker 1: to check it out on Amazon. UM, thank you for
Speaker 1: for jumping on the podcast and sharing the story. I
Speaker 1: want to hear more so I'm definitely gonna check it
Speaker 1: out myself. Awesome. Yeah, I'm happy to send both of
Speaker 1: you guys a book. Um, so just let me know, sweet,
Speaker 1: we definitely will. Thank you. Thanks for having me. Thanks
Speaker 1: all right, welcome back, Uh, Jared, we jumped right into
Speaker 1: it with Gabrielle that we didn't really get a chance
Speaker 1: to get updated with your life. And I'm sure a
Speaker 1: lot has changed with both of our lives in the
Speaker 1: past week. So what's going on with you so much?
Speaker 1: Nothing has changed. We're hanging in at home. Uh dude,
Speaker 1: I'm just it's I don't know what to think anymore.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm nervous. I'm nervous about the future of Not
Speaker 1: to get all negative Nancy on you, but Covid is
Speaker 1: not going awin man, hope, it's not going away. On
Speaker 1: top of that, the bubonic plague is potentially have resurfaced
Speaker 1: in China. Yeah, I heard about that one case. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean hopefully that turns into nothing. Hopefully. That's like
Speaker 1: Murder Hornets Part two, where like it made it was
Speaker 1: a big deal for twenty four hours and then it
Speaker 1: just went away. We're in the midst of an election year.
Speaker 1: Two to top of all, Oh my god, man, it's
Speaker 1: just it's cuckoo. But uh, like, uh it was fun.
Speaker 1: So on Saturday we drove down to Tanner and Jades
Speaker 1: to just cook out for the fourth of July. We
Speaker 1: stayed outside, you know, we we try to stay six
Speaker 1: ft away from each other. Is tough with the kids
Speaker 1: obviously in the backyard, but you know, we stayed outside.
Speaker 1: We didn't congret inside. And that's just gonna be like
Speaker 1: I guess, like the future for the next like whenever
Speaker 1: we get a vaccine seven eight months and so that
Speaker 1: was nice. Is that is it that COVID can't come?
Speaker 1: Can't COVID can't cross the doors and enter inside or
Speaker 1: enter outside? How does it work? It has a much
Speaker 1: more I mean from this listen, don't take this as gospel.
Speaker 1: I'm you know, like I'm known for, but this from
Speaker 1: from the things that I've been reading on COVID. Uh, yeah,
Speaker 1: it has a lot more difficult time transmitting outdoors than
Speaker 1: it does indoors, which is why you know, you see
Speaker 1: restaurants much more like you know, have outdoor receding and
Speaker 1: aren't allowed to eat indoors and so on and so forth,
Speaker 1: and um so yeah, because I was reading in the
Speaker 1: New York Times. There was an article while back about
Speaker 1: China to study about I think like seven hundred COVID cases,
Speaker 1: and only one was traced back to an outdoor transmission.
Speaker 1: Every other one was indoor. Anyway, I guess the air
Speaker 1: circulates a lot better, so it's it's less recycled. And
Speaker 1: apparently light might have a big factor on this thing.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you've heard about UV lights trying
Speaker 1: to destroy these things and are trying to destroy COVID
Speaker 1: and they're saying sunlight. Uh, it dies pretty quickly in sunlight,
Speaker 1: so that's why they tell you to stay outside. Um.
Speaker 1: But anyway, Yeah, it was a nice fourth. It was
Speaker 1: good to see the kiddos, Uh Tanner and Jade's kids,
Speaker 1: Brooks and Emmy, and Jade's pregnant again obviously, so it
Speaker 1: was I feel like every time again, didn't they just
Speaker 1: have their baby? I mean, Brooks is uh, Brooks is
Speaker 1: going to be a year in late July, later this month.
Speaker 1: I think he'll be a year. So she Yeah, I
Speaker 1: just remember doing that that little spin off show with
Speaker 1: you and Ashley and we did the baby or the
Speaker 1: gender reveal. Yeah, and she's pregnant again. That was like
Speaker 1: a year ago. I was like, just maybe barely over
Speaker 1: a year ago. Oh yeah, well they couldn't go to
Speaker 1: the wedding because she just gave birth and the wedding
Speaker 1: was a year ago in August. That's right, She's always
Speaker 1: just out. Yeah, well, it's kind of yeah. Tanner always
Speaker 1: said that if he, you know, if they were gonna
Speaker 1: have an other one, they wanted like kids to thank
Speaker 1: about quickly so they could just, you know, I don't know,
Speaker 1: in eighteen years enjoy their life. I guess that. Like,
Speaker 1: so I see the reasoning behind that, and especially like
Speaker 1: the closer in age that their kids are the better
Speaker 1: of friends they'll probably be. Yeah, honestly, that's one of
Speaker 1: the reasons. I'm certainly not why Ashley and I want
Speaker 1: to rush into having kids, but it would be really
Speaker 1: nice to have a kid, hopefully sometime soon, so they
Speaker 1: could be around the same age as their kids as well.
Speaker 1: I think, uh, my brother, my oldest brother, and I
Speaker 1: didn't really become friends until I was like twenty two
Speaker 1: because he's nine years older than I was, so he's,
Speaker 1: you know, twenty years old on eleven. He's not gonna
Speaker 1: be friends with an eleven year old. Yeah, there's no relatability.
Speaker 1: You're watching SpongeBob exactly. And I didn't realize that for
Speaker 1: a long time too. I was like, I was like,
Speaker 1: pretty I was like eighteen nineteen at the time, and
Speaker 1: it was still pretty stupid. I was like, why does
Speaker 1: Brad hate me so much? And then I, you know,
Speaker 1: looking back now, I was like, oh, it's because he
Speaker 1: was thirty and I was twenty and he imagine being
Speaker 1: friends with a twenty I mean, yeah, I guess it.
Speaker 1: It depends, but it's a little bit different. Yeah, my
Speaker 1: sister and I didn't really get along all that much.
Speaker 1: I mean, we got along pretty well, but when I
Speaker 1: was in junior high and she was in high school,
Speaker 1: we started like going our separate ways a little bit.
Speaker 1: Because she was an upper classman. I was, you know, uh, underclassman,
Speaker 1: almost said younger classman. I was like, that's not the term. Um.
Speaker 1: But then once she started going to college, and then
Speaker 1: I started getting a upper classman. Then once I went
Speaker 1: to college, which became close again. But yeah, it's all
Speaker 1: about age, bro. Having an older sister is tough, man.
Speaker 1: I remember when I was in middle school and then
Speaker 1: a little bit in high school too, the big thing
Speaker 1: that kids would pick on me for. Would they always
Speaker 1: be like, dude, you're sister so hot? And I don't
Speaker 1: know why I always took such big offense to it. Oh,
Speaker 1: I hated it. I wanted to beat up everybody who
Speaker 1: said that. Why. I don't know. Yeah, same. I remember
Speaker 1: I punched like one of my best friends in the face.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I tried to punch him in the
Speaker 1: chest and he blocked it into his face. But he's like,
Speaker 1: he called my sister hot, and I was like, don't
Speaker 1: call her that. In hindsight, it's like you just say thanks, Yes,
Speaker 1: she's a very pretty girl. Yeah, like, thank you very much.
Speaker 1: I think it was just like, I don't know, don't
Speaker 1: touch her type thing protective. I don't really know. But no,
Speaker 1: it was nice having an older sister. I mean, she's
Speaker 1: the one who introduced me to boy bands, and now
Speaker 1: here we are thirty thirty years later, I'm still obsessed
Speaker 1: with bashar boys. Yeah, we had very different older sister
Speaker 1: experiences than it sounds like it makes sense. I mean,
Speaker 1: this is why Ashley just thinks I'm I'm so I'm
Speaker 1: a guy who likes boy bends, that's the reason why
Speaker 1: she likes me so much. Um what else? What else
Speaker 1: is happening in the world? Man, I wish we had
Speaker 1: I wish we had a single person on to like
Speaker 1: talk about dating during COVID but towards interested in four
Speaker 1: July fourth at all? How is your how is your
Speaker 1: fourth July? You know? At a at a spite, I'm
Speaker 1: not even gonna answered to know. I follow your life
Speaker 1: on Instagram, so I see that you went skydiving again.
Speaker 1: Uh no, it's great that you don't even want to
Speaker 1: ask these questions. It's a bit eva centric of you.
Speaker 1: But here, I'm not here to judge. I'm just here
Speaker 1: to host a podcast. I was just trying to well,
Speaker 1: No, no no, I want to hear about your fourth I
Speaker 1: want to hear about it. It's fine, man, it was
Speaker 1: It was good anyways. No, I'm just kidding. It was good.
Speaker 1: We got together with a couple of close friends and
Speaker 1: just same thing, grilled outside, played cornhole. That was basically
Speaker 1: it was in bed by I think eight thirty that night,
Speaker 1: I felt like an old man. I was yelling at
Speaker 1: kids in the alleyway that we're lighting off fireworks. I'm
Speaker 1: sure your dogs hate the fireworks happy like freaks out,
Speaker 1: and there's still Like last night, for instance, it was
Speaker 1: like there's some little firework off at like three in
Speaker 1: the morning, like the block away from us people. Not
Speaker 1: only does it wake us up, but then it like
Speaker 1: happy is like shaking for the next thirty or forty
Speaker 1: five minutes, you know what I mean. Yeah, it's stupid.
Speaker 1: You see, like the drone shot over l A where
Speaker 1: they showed all the fireworks going off in the entire city.
Speaker 1: Now i'd heard about it, I needed to I need
Speaker 1: to look at it though, but I'm sure it's pretty cool.
Speaker 1: It was cool, but also like disheartening because it's like
Speaker 1: they are ever like they're just like jerks, like you
Speaker 1: were talking about. Well, yeah, it seems like this year especially,
Speaker 1: there was even more fireworks, which I don't maybe understand
Speaker 1: why there would be more this year, Like it's not
Speaker 1: like anyone is more patriotic this year than they have
Speaker 1: been in years past. Well, I think it's just more
Speaker 1: well depends on your definition of patriotic. I feel like
Speaker 1: people were like, you know, the people out there who
Speaker 1: are saying no mask and and you know, are saying
Speaker 1: like my freedom comes before me, you know, putting on
Speaker 1: a mask, like I'm sure they were pretty adamant about
Speaker 1: throwing fireworks in there, especially like being cooped up for
Speaker 1: three months and like the government telling you can't leave
Speaker 1: your house. I'm sure they were like, if you I'm
Speaker 1: I'm doing fireworks. And there were no public fireworks in
Speaker 1: the area, so I'm sure people went out of their
Speaker 1: way because they were like, screw this, I want to
Speaker 1: see four fireworks on the fourth of July, and if
Speaker 1: I can't see any, then I'll just do them myself.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think there's something bigger foot but
Speaker 1: that we do not just don't know about yet. Well,
Speaker 1: like aliens setting off fireworks on the July I'm not
Speaker 1: necessarily aliens. But I've read a couple of different conspiracy
Speaker 1: theories about why there's been so many fireworks lately. I
Speaker 1: would love the one. I don't know enough about them
Speaker 1: to really to share them, and I would I don't
Speaker 1: want to sound ignorant because of my lack of knowledge
Speaker 1: on them, but it's there's interesting things to read out
Speaker 1: there about it. Right after this podcast is done, Fourth
Speaker 1: of July conspiracy theory fireworks, Yeah, you should you go
Speaker 1: down a rabbit hole. You'll end up uh recording this
Speaker 1: podcast next week. Haven't just got out of it. I
Speaker 1: got nothing else to do. It's either do that or
Speaker 1: play uh Fortnite. Oh you're playing Fortnite now, you know.
Speaker 1: I'm man? Yeah, man, dude, I suck though. It's not
Speaker 1: even fun, Like anytime I play live, it just gets
Speaker 1: shot immediately and I'm like, all right, well that was
Speaker 1: fun for five seconds. Let me get the hell out
Speaker 1: of here and do something else. I don't know, man,
Speaker 1: I've been working out outside more. I canceled my gym
Speaker 1: membership because obviously I'm not going to go to a
Speaker 1: gym until uh it's safe, and it's not gonna be
Speaker 1: safe in my mind for a very long time. So
Speaker 1: I've been working out outside more and that's about it.
Speaker 1: I went like, sporting clips. That's so exciting. This is
Speaker 1: what happens during a pandemic. This is what happens when
Speaker 1: you have to record at your house. There's just nothing.
Speaker 1: There's just nothing to be done. I mean, we're healthy,
Speaker 1: so we can't complain. Kaylan and I think we talked
Speaker 1: about this with Gabrielle a little bit, not to get
Speaker 1: all political or anything, and We're not going to share
Speaker 1: stances or anything, but if it's certain someone gets re elected,
Speaker 1: didn't uh November where we had a handschick agreement to
Speaker 1: move out of the country. Oh, don't be those Well, okay,
Speaker 1: all right, then you here's the thing. I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: say my political affiliation either, but I okay. Anyway, back
Speaker 1: of deals in sixteen, when everybody was saying, if Trump
Speaker 1: gets elected, I'm moving, I didn't like that because I thought, listen,
Speaker 1: if you love you know, if you if you want
Speaker 1: Trump out, then you have to stay in the country
Speaker 1: so you can vote him out in. So I don't know,
Speaker 1: don't don't move. I mean, I guess if he wins,
Speaker 1: then he's you know, he's out in four years anyway,
Speaker 1: because you know, you can only serve two terms. So
Speaker 1: I guess it doesn't really matter. I was one of
Speaker 1: those people back in sixteen that said that exact same thing.
Speaker 1: I said, I was gonna move to South Africa. I
Speaker 1: didn't realize how expensive it is to move to another
Speaker 1: country and how difficult it can be. But now that
Speaker 1: I have the means able and I'm able to do it,
Speaker 1: I think it's a lot more realistic and you have
Speaker 1: somebody who would move with you, right exactly, I did.
Speaker 1: I did early balloting. I'll go it again in November.
Speaker 1: But I'll do my parts. But if what happens is
Speaker 1: what we don't want to happen, then I think we're
Speaker 1: going to take extreme measures and get the hell out
Speaker 1: of here. But that's just that's just a bit of
Speaker 1: an update on online Klin situation. You know, we're looking
Speaker 1: at We're looking at New Zealand. It's beautiful. We're looking
Speaker 1: at Bolli as we as we talked about with Gabrielle.
Speaker 1: I have heard New Zealand is incredible. I'd love to
Speaker 1: go visit it. Cal It was actually yeah, like there
Speaker 1: was a handshake agreement. You know, I haven't really thought
Speaker 1: much of it since the handshake. And then I like,
Speaker 1: I talked to Kalen like four hours later and she goes, yeah,
Speaker 1: I was looking up apartments in New Zealand. They're actually
Speaker 1: pretty affordable. I was like, oh, you're looking up zello
Speaker 1: as estimates in New Zealand. Hey, you got a plan ahead.
Speaker 1: And it's apparently like the safest country in the world.
Speaker 1: I believe that. And the Prime Minister is a badass
Speaker 1: here's the Prime Minister. I don't know her name, but
Speaker 1: she's she's that woman. She's just like Candling Covid and
Speaker 1: a bunch of other stuff. Really well, I feel like
Speaker 1: a lot of people from New Zealand are just badasses.
Speaker 1: New Zealand's parmister is I'm going to butcher this name you,
Speaker 1: Cinda Artern. But but yeah, that's that's the couple update that.
Speaker 1: That's what's what's going on overight here with Kayalen and Dean. Well,
Speaker 1: I hope you don't move for a couple of different reasons. Uh.
Speaker 1: But if you do, then I'll be more than happy
Speaker 1: to come visit you anytime. Um. All right, well, I
Speaker 1: guess we should talk about like emails. I have a
Speaker 1: we we have a couple of emails to answer. I
Speaker 1: also have a d M from the help by Secudating Instagram,
Speaker 1: which everybody should be following by now again help by
Speaker 1: Secudating on Instagram. Plus give us a five star review
Speaker 1: on iTunes because um, we just want it. Uh. And again,
Speaker 1: like Dean said, you can ruist us in the comments
Speaker 1: section if you'd like. As long as the five stars,
Speaker 1: I don't really give a crap. Um, and if you
Speaker 1: don't like the podcast, don't leave a review. Well, if
Speaker 1: you don't like the podcast, give us five stars and
Speaker 1: tell us what you don't like about us so you
Speaker 1: can fix it. That's fair, that's a good point us.
Speaker 1: I have a DM from Wait, wait, wait, Jared, Jared, Jared,
Speaker 1: slow your roll, back it up a second. Just just
Speaker 1: just don't put the car in front of the horse.
Speaker 1: I would love to hear this DM. I would love
Speaker 1: to hear these emails. But before we do that, we
Speaker 1: gotta take a quick break. All right, that's fair, All right,
Speaker 1: we are back to answer some emails and Jared's d
Speaker 1: M that he's very excited about. But before we do that,
Speaker 1: there was one big breakup in Bachelor Nation that we
Speaker 1: had this past week. And while we don't talk bachel
Speaker 1: Nation often on this podcast, we are a dating podcast,
Speaker 1: and so when big news like this breaks, we at
Speaker 1: least have to discuss it. So dating podcast, we're help.
Speaker 1: I suck at dating a dating podcast. I don't know
Speaker 1: what's wrong with me right now. I'm losing my mind
Speaker 1: continuing Jared' is a too much caffeine today? Um so,
Speaker 1: as I'm sure you saw in the headlines, Cassie and
Speaker 1: Colton broke up. I did. I saw online casting Colton
Speaker 1: broke up. Very sad news. Uh. I like both of
Speaker 1: them a lot. We actually hung out with casting Colton
Speaker 1: rap before everything got shut down. We had this movie
Speaker 1: uh premier thingy Um. It was really good to see him.
Speaker 1: They seemed in good spirits. They seemed very lovey dovey.
Speaker 1: So I don't know what changed since UM, but I
Speaker 1: wish them both the best. I really liked them both personally.
Speaker 1: Uh Colton I've met a few times, super super nice guy.
Speaker 1: Every time I hung out with him. Um, Cassie, I've
Speaker 1: got to hung out with a couple of different times.
Speaker 1: Ashley is definitely close with Cassie, but she's been extremely
Speaker 1: nice every time, which is always refreshing when you meet
Speaker 1: people from a bachelor UM who are just very down
Speaker 1: to earth, especially you know, as you know. Well, it's
Speaker 1: just like sometimes we watched the show and I don't know,
Speaker 1: I feel like sometimes I meet people from the show,
Speaker 1: I don't get the best fives. So it was really
Speaker 1: cool meeting Uh Colton and Cassing getting really good vibes
Speaker 1: from from anyway. I feel bad for him. That was
Speaker 1: the first thing you've ever met him. Uh no, no, no no,
Speaker 1: I met Colton before he's a bachelor. Uh. And then
Speaker 1: I met Cassie. I forget when I met first met Cassie.
Speaker 1: It's probably some event I don't remember. Um, but I
Speaker 1: mean they both were really young. Cassie's what twenty three four,
Speaker 1: Colton's I think right around that age to mid twenties
Speaker 1: something like that. Um. You know they had a rocky
Speaker 1: start to even begin with, um, with her leaving the
Speaker 1: show and then him jump in the fence after her,
Speaker 1: which is very romantic, but then leaving just boyfriend girlfriend. Um.
Speaker 1: You know, anytime you leave the show, as you guys know, UM,
Speaker 1: it's just you know, you're already kind of fighting an
Speaker 1: uphill battle because then you have to kind of rewatch
Speaker 1: all the steps that led to the point that you
Speaker 1: guys were together, which most likely includes you dating other people. Uh.
Speaker 1: But I mean, who knows, who knows what happened. I'm
Speaker 1: curious what you think happened though, like, because like you said,
Speaker 1: you kind of gave us the whole synopsis in their relationship.
Speaker 1: They had the rough start and then, ah, we don't
Speaker 1: really know exactly what transpired after the fact, But like,
Speaker 1: who do you think who do you think broke up
Speaker 1: with who? Who do I think broke up with who?
Speaker 1: I have no idea, I mean, obviously we have no idea.
Speaker 1: But let's speculate a little bit. What do you think
Speaker 1: I think that, I mean, they've probably I don't know.
Speaker 1: I mean they've probably I don't know. I mean I
Speaker 1: feel like they've been broken up baby for a little while,
Speaker 1: judging from Instagram, because I saw that he like they
Speaker 1: haven't posted together even before the breakup. I think like
Speaker 1: ever since, you know, after he recovered from COVID. I
Speaker 1: remember like seeing him I think at his home in
Speaker 1: Colorado maybe or something on Instagram and where they were.
Speaker 1: She was in California and he was in a different
Speaker 1: part of the country. Ah, do you think that might
Speaker 1: have had anything to do with it, the fact that
Speaker 1: he had COVID? No, she said it on the Greatest
Speaker 1: Seasons of All time? Like Harrison mentioned something like that, like,
Speaker 1: didnt have anything to do with you know, being cooped
Speaker 1: up or quarantine together? And she said no, I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess being quarantined together, though it can be a
Speaker 1: make or break for a relationship. I mean, you really
Speaker 1: truly find out if you you know, can make it
Speaker 1: through some series together. Uh, that's what Ashley's dad said. Actually,
Speaker 1: I mean, granted were already married, so we're fine. But
Speaker 1: Ashley's dad was really funny when when we were at
Speaker 1: his house for quite an extended period of time, he
Speaker 1: was like, if you guys make it through this, you
Speaker 1: can make it through anything. That's fair. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: it's definitely tricky. Uh, well, you might have a more
Speaker 1: insider knowledge with this, because I mean, your girlfriend is
Speaker 1: was obviously on Colton season. She's very good friends with
Speaker 1: Cassie if I remember correctly. I don't know if they're
Speaker 1: still really good friends, but remember them leaving the show,
Speaker 1: and they were very they were like best friends. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they were good friends on the show. I don't I
Speaker 1: don't really want to bring Kalin into this at all,
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna go ahead and and and say nothing
Speaker 1: like you said, wishing both the best. I don't know.
Speaker 1: When I look at the relationship, I think that they
Speaker 1: both just have a lot to to learn about each other.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry about themselves. Um, I was obviously critical in
Speaker 1: that one drunken interview that I did in Las Vegas
Speaker 1: about how Colton. Remember that one I was like wearing
Speaker 1: that that stupid pink corduroy jacket. I said something along
Speaker 1: the lines of Colton is going to have the dumpster
Speaker 1: fire of a season. Oh yeah, yeah, I forgot about that,
Speaker 1: you were. I've been pretty vocally critical about Colton in
Speaker 1: the past, so I'm gonna go ahead and spare uh
Speaker 1: any harsh words. Have you met him yet? Have you
Speaker 1: met Colton? Yeah? I mean we were friends, probably like
Speaker 1: his friends quote unquote. We met at a wedding and
Speaker 1: my friend Tiffany and Caleb's wedding, and then hung out
Speaker 1: a few times before he left for Paradise. Uh. And
Speaker 1: then he got the bachelor gig and he's too cool
Speaker 1: for me. So just kind of how it works these days,
Speaker 1: I guess you know what I mean. I experienced that
Speaker 1: with Nick once once he became bachelor. I wasn't cool enough.
Speaker 1: But now he's he's come back down. We're friends again.
Speaker 1: I just think it kids got tough. It's gotta be
Speaker 1: tough to uh. And I mean we've experienced, maybe to
Speaker 1: some varying degrees of this too. Just to be like
Speaker 1: thrust in the spotlight at such a young age, you
Speaker 1: have other people telling you what you want, uh, and
Speaker 1: then you start to like take on those values and
Speaker 1: you think that that's what you want, but in reality
Speaker 1: it might not be. And then you have strangers telling
Speaker 1: you how great your relationship is, when in reality might
Speaker 1: not be that great. And so you're staying together because
Speaker 1: you think it's great because other people are telling you
Speaker 1: it is, but but it's actually not. Um. I was.
Speaker 1: I was honestly shocked when I saw the news. Uh.
Speaker 1: And I had no insight into the relationship whatsoever beforehand.
Speaker 1: But it's like, you know, anytime you see a bachelor breakup,
Speaker 1: especially like an actual bachelor and and his his his
Speaker 1: pick breakup, it's big news rather than like a paradise
Speaker 1: couple that no one really cares about. Um. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't I don't know. I was shocked. I thought
Speaker 1: that they would have at least written that a little longer.
Speaker 1: They were together for like a year and a half
Speaker 1: something like that. I would say, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: But like you said, once you have external pressure like
Speaker 1: when you do from a bachelor couple, and I mean
Speaker 1: everybody experiences this right where, you know, even if you're
Speaker 1: not even if you didn't date from a TV show,
Speaker 1: you have people who tell you, like you guys are
Speaker 1: perfect for each other or you're not perfect for each other,
Speaker 1: And everybody has their own opinion about what you what
Speaker 1: you should do, or what you shouldn't do, and so
Speaker 1: there's just so much exterior pressure and then it's like
Speaker 1: magnified ten times when you're on the show, and so
Speaker 1: it's hard to navigate, and like you said, especially when
Speaker 1: you're the lead with the person that you pick. UM,
Speaker 1: and then you have to kind of go back and
Speaker 1: rewatch all the steps. And then obviously Coltan had to
Speaker 1: tell book um, which kind of made everybody relive his
Speaker 1: entire Bachelor's season. Um. I wouldn't know any more straight
Speaker 1: on on things you read the book. I did read
Speaker 1: the book, but it was it was very overly positive
Speaker 1: towards Cassie to the point where he was, uh, I
Speaker 1: mean he said that he knew, you know, halfway through
Speaker 1: that he wanted to pick Cassie and and how amazing
Speaker 1: she was and how good she is for him, and
Speaker 1: I mean it was just overly praising Cassie. UM. So
Speaker 1: I can't imagine had anything to do with the book
Speaker 1: just because of how nice he writes about her. Um.
Speaker 1: I don't know, but of course wish them both the best,
Speaker 1: hope they do well. Um, it feels weird like even
Speaker 1: that we have to like really comment on it because
Speaker 1: I don't know, Like, like I said, I'm friendly with
Speaker 1: both them, I'd say, I'm you know, friends with them,
Speaker 1: but uh, not to the point where I like, I
Speaker 1: feel like I have any knowledge or like I should
Speaker 1: address the situation. Do you think it's almost easier for
Speaker 1: you to give your opinion on something when you like,
Speaker 1: if it was like Jade and Tanner breaking up, it
Speaker 1: would almost be harder for you to have a comment
Speaker 1: on because they're like your best friends. Yeah, it's kind
Speaker 1: of too close. I'm almost too close to the situation
Speaker 1: where I would know. Yeah, that's why I want you
Speaker 1: to have like an invigorated comment about the break up,
Speaker 1: like why they broke up. But I understand where you're
Speaker 1: coming from. You like them both, You've got no ill
Speaker 1: ill will towards either of them. We can come up
Speaker 1: with some sort of story if you want, about how
Speaker 1: like one of them was living a double life and
Speaker 1: and uh uh Colton had a second family. We could
Speaker 1: do that. Maybe we'll say that for next week. Um,
Speaker 1: all right, Well, like we said, all we can really
Speaker 1: do is speculate here. I did not watch the Greatest
Speaker 1: of All Time episode last night, but I do know
Speaker 1: that Cassie gave interview. I don't really know what that covered,
Speaker 1: but I guess it's just one of those things where
Speaker 1: we might never know the full story. Anyways, we're gonna
Speaker 1: take a quick break. We're gonna get to those emails
Speaker 1: and that DM that we promised. Uh right after this,
Speaker 1: all right, and we are back after that quick break.
Speaker 1: Thanks for sticking with us. We are unfortunately a little
Speaker 1: pressed for your time, and so instead of answering all
Speaker 1: the emails that we've got, in which we love, we appreciate,
Speaker 1: I suck dating at iHeart media dot com. Email us
Speaker 1: any questions or dating stories that you have. We'll get
Speaker 1: to them next week. I feel like we say that
Speaker 1: too often. Jared has a d M and he wants
Speaker 1: to share that and then we can dive into that
Speaker 1: a little bit. So Jared cloysers. So we have a
Speaker 1: d M and it says help if you use this
Speaker 1: on the podcast, I would like to remain anonymous. AK
Speaker 1: it's from Nick mile um my kid, it's not from Nick.
Speaker 1: Uh Hi, have you ever taken the anagram. I think
Speaker 1: you are six. She's talking about me, Jared, I'm curious.
Speaker 1: I'm a six, and I struggle a lot with the
Speaker 1: fears and anxiety of marriage. I've been with my boyfriend
Speaker 1: for six years and we're talking about engagement. I love
Speaker 1: him so much and he's my best friend. I couldn't
Speaker 1: pitch your life without him. I don't know why, but
Speaker 1: I just feel so anxious and nervous about any big
Speaker 1: life decision because I think about all the what ifs
Speaker 1: and the things that could go wrong. What if he's
Speaker 1: not my person? What if I find someone better, what
Speaker 1: if I'm making the wrong decision. I wonder if this
Speaker 1: is something you can relate to, and if so, do
Speaker 1: you have any advice to overcome this. I love the show.
Speaker 1: I love you and Ashley. I love Dean and Kalin.
Speaker 1: They're perfect. She's also an almost famous listener I don't
Speaker 1: get it, uh, and she's a member of Suck Army,
Speaker 1: so suck suck sucks suck um help I suck get dating.
Speaker 1: We haven't done the chant in a while. We gotta
Speaker 1: bring that back. Well, thank you so much Anonymous for
Speaker 1: writing this. DM. We really appreciate it, and we really
Speaker 1: appreciate everybody who d m s and writes his emails
Speaker 1: and listens to this podcast, because without you guys, there
Speaker 1: would be no podcast. Um. So an intagram is do
Speaker 1: you know what that is? Well? I looked up intagram
Speaker 1: number six and it is the loyalist, the committed, security
Speaker 1: oriented type, engaging, responsible, anxious, and suspicious. Well, in if
Speaker 1: that's like the is that the thing that girls used
Speaker 1: to make in high school where it's like you flip
Speaker 1: it back and forth. No, no, it's not that thing
Speaker 1: at all. Uh. The intagram is like a personality test
Speaker 1: that you take in It basically puts you into categories
Speaker 1: and subcategories that define your personality in a sense. Alright,
Speaker 1: And she says, what is that? So a six is
Speaker 1: h the loyalist? It's the committed security, security oriented type, engaging, responsible, anxious,
Speaker 1: and suspicious. Um, which I was surprised to hear that.
Speaker 1: She said she was a six. And then she said
Speaker 1: that she was hesitant about marriage talks with your boyfriends
Speaker 1: of six years unless I miss remember bring it and
Speaker 1: she said six years and not instagram number six. She
Speaker 1: said no, She says she thought that me I was
Speaker 1: a six, and she says that she is a six.
Speaker 1: So she is a six. Yes, dating her boyfriend for
Speaker 1: six years a lot of lots of sixes. Um, I
Speaker 1: could see Yep, I could actually definitely see you being
Speaker 1: a six. I could see that's pretty clearly here. And
Speaker 1: the advice that she's looking for is she's just uncertain
Speaker 1: about the relationship and taking it to the next level
Speaker 1: of man. Yeah, she says she's just unsure about any
Speaker 1: big time life decision. She always gets nervous and anxious
Speaker 1: about them, which I would say anonymous everybody does, like, Uh,
Speaker 1: this is speaking from someone who's married, and I'm I
Speaker 1: was very confident before. I'm still very confident in our
Speaker 1: decision to get married Ashley and I. But that doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that there's zero doubt involved. Of course, you're going
Speaker 1: to get nervous. I mean you think about whether it
Speaker 1: being getting married or having kids, or what college to
Speaker 1: go to, or if you're buying a house, any like
Speaker 1: big monumental life decision you're gonna make, you're gonna get
Speaker 1: really nervous about. And if you're not nervous about it,
Speaker 1: then all the props to you. But I don't know
Speaker 1: how you don't have any sliver of doubt when you're
Speaker 1: making some of the most important decisions of your life.
Speaker 1: So I would say, don't feel weird about that as
Speaker 1: a six from Yeah, from a six to six, I
Speaker 1: think that's pretty good advice. I think we're all kind
Speaker 1: of in the back. I think in the back of
Speaker 1: her head, we all kind of are scared to make
Speaker 1: those big decisions like marriage, for instance, because that's not
Speaker 1: just gonna affect your next day, your next week, your
Speaker 1: next month, but it's gonna affect the rest of your
Speaker 1: life essentially. Uh, And any decision that's going to have
Speaker 1: that big of an impact on your life, it's gonna
Speaker 1: come with its reservations and uncertainties. Obviously, you can speak
Speaker 1: more towards that because you are the married one among
Speaker 1: the two of us here, must have made like pretty
Speaker 1: drastic life decisions, you know. Um, I I agree. I
Speaker 1: think that marriage itself is just much more of a
Speaker 1: conscious decision, whereas you make these little nuanced decisions every
Speaker 1: single day that affect our lives, but marriage is like
Speaker 1: a very conscious like I'm going to commit the next
Speaker 1: sixty years to this one person. And I think that
Speaker 1: as a concept can be pretty scary too, especially to
Speaker 1: a lot of people. But it sounds like this person
Speaker 1: has been dating their partner for six years. So it's
Speaker 1: like you've already committed eight percent of your entire life
Speaker 1: to this person. What's the rest of the you know,
Speaker 1: the rest of it? Yeah, hold on, I gotta figure
Speaker 1: out what. I gotta figure out the life expected to
Speaker 1: you're you're putting on this person right now. Let's see. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I give her like seventy three, seventy four years. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: you give her good? Hold on m sorry my capital.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you're given her like more than that. You're
Speaker 1: given her like ninety years. Good. Yeah. So yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't know. I think, like you said, it's it's it's
Speaker 1: a big decision. It's it's uh, it's pretty normal to
Speaker 1: be afraid and anxious about out a decision like that.
Speaker 1: But obviously, if you being someone that's taken that leap before,
Speaker 1: it's clearly paying dividends, you know, emotionally and socially. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean again, a commitment is a choice, and so
Speaker 1: you kind of have to You either are prepared to
Speaker 1: dive head first into this relationship and commitment or you're not.
Speaker 1: And that's really the question you're gonna have to ask yourself.
Speaker 1: And that doesn't mean that even if you dive head
Speaker 1: first that you're not scared. Of course you are, because
Speaker 1: there's that that's that doubt in the back of your
Speaker 1: head that this could really end badly. Um. But I mean,
Speaker 1: at some point in life you do have to just
Speaker 1: dive in and and put your best foot forward and
Speaker 1: and see what happens. Because there's a lot of things
Speaker 1: that are outside of your control in life, as as
Speaker 1: we all are very aware of, uh. And one of
Speaker 1: those things, as much as marriage is in your control,
Speaker 1: you know you have to remember there's another person involved
Speaker 1: in that, and so you know they have to be
Speaker 1: into the relations ship as well. Um, I think, don't.
Speaker 1: I think A big thing too to consider is, especially
Speaker 1: when making a decision like that, is you have to
Speaker 1: make sure that you're confident in who you are as
Speaker 1: a person, because I think a lot of people enter
Speaker 1: into those lifelong commitments without really having an understanding of
Speaker 1: who they are, and that's why you see those types
Speaker 1: of things fail. Um. And I think what I'm speaking
Speaker 1: for myself in a big sense to where I was
Speaker 1: entering into committed relationships when I didn't know anything about myself,
Speaker 1: and granted I still don't know a lot about myself,
Speaker 1: but I'm a lot more confident and certain in who
Speaker 1: I am, uh and so that enables me to be
Speaker 1: more certain in a committed relationship, whereas you know four
Speaker 1: years ago wouldn't be so much the case. So make
Speaker 1: sure you're happy with who you are as a person
Speaker 1: before you enter into a lifelong commitment with someone else,
Speaker 1: because if you're to change and discover things about yourself
Speaker 1: that you didn't even know existed that could alter your
Speaker 1: idea of who you are entirely, then you're not gonna
Speaker 1: be the same person to that other person as well,
Speaker 1: and you're gonna want different things. Yeah, I completely agree.
Speaker 1: I think that's good advice. Sweet Well, that's probably the
Speaker 1: smartest thing I've ever said in my entire life. So
Speaker 1: I think we should just end the podcast there because
Speaker 1: I don't want to. Yeah, I don't. I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: out on a high note like Georgi Costanza. Um, is
Speaker 1: there is there anything else that you want to add
Speaker 1: before we before we say goodbye to our suck army? No,
Speaker 1: that is it. Just thank you again for listen to
Speaker 1: the podcast. Follow us on Instagram, leave us five star
Speaker 1: reviews UH, and please don't be afraid to talk about
Speaker 1: us UH in the reviews as long as it's five stars.
Speaker 1: Thank you to Gabrielle Stone who joined us today. Make
Speaker 1: sure you get her book Eat Pray hashtag f m L,
Speaker 1: which you can buy exclusively on Amazon. Thank you, Jared.
Speaker 1: Be sure to your next week to the help I
Speaker 1: Suck At Dating podcast, where maybe we'll suck just a
Speaker 1: little bit less. Follow help by Suck At Dating on
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast