Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello here, I am
Speaker 1: welcome to the Nicki Glazer Podcast. It's Wednesday, it is.
Speaker 1: I thought we were gonna have a prerecorded episode today,
Speaker 1: but no, guys, I'm going to Mexico today. Um, I
Speaker 1: forgot what time I'm leaving. I don't look at my
Speaker 1: day until the night before of what the next day
Speaker 1: holds for me, And today it held for me starting
Speaker 1: the day off with a podcast, which is gonna be
Speaker 1: great because I'm gonna feel accomplished. I'm gonna go to
Speaker 1: a therapist after this and then off to Cancoon and
Speaker 1: I have two flights. I'm going to sleep the whole time.
Speaker 1: I might give Andrew my um business class seat because
Speaker 1: I just find that I cannot sleep comfortably. Oh poor baby,
Speaker 1: can't sheep come you by in business yet? Get get
Speaker 1: boo boo boopp wait and wait. Um yeah, it's just
Speaker 1: like too cozy and like they keep offering me like
Speaker 1: hot towels and coco and it's annoying and free money
Speaker 1: and I'm just like I have enough, get it out
Speaker 1: of here. Um No, it's uh, just on some of
Speaker 1: these ways they don't want to have, like a really
Speaker 1: nice business class. I mean, if you can slay horizontally,
Speaker 1: there's nothing better. No, have you ever been on a
Speaker 1: flight where you could lay flat? Oh my gosh, the best?
Speaker 1: It is insane? How great is I'm so sorry to
Speaker 1: those of you who haven't experienced it. You will someday,
Speaker 1: I believe that for you. I may never again. But boy,
Speaker 1: is it just uh just a delight. You just have
Speaker 1: a bed. There's nothing like it. But I will say,
Speaker 1: let's say that's a ten out of ten experience on
Speaker 1: a flight, right, And I think that there are even
Speaker 1: better ones that I haven't discovered, that are like, you know,
Speaker 1: your own private room on a plane. Like I think
Speaker 1: some of those like Korean Air really treat you nice.
Speaker 1: You get the whole, you get like an apartment, um
Speaker 1: and a musus, and like, you know, it can be
Speaker 1: it can it can be way better than what I've experienced.
Speaker 1: But then I would say it falls down pretty like
Speaker 1: there's a ten and a tent. Then we go to
Speaker 1: like up a business class and it as long as
Speaker 1: I can recline, it was horizontal, And then between that
Speaker 1: and anywhere else in between that I don't want it.
Speaker 1: Either want horizontal or I want coach. I do not
Speaker 1: want them between because I just enjoy curling up in
Speaker 1: a little ball next to the window, and so I
Speaker 1: might give Andrew. But Andrew Wis gets an aisle, so
Speaker 1: he's probably on the aisland coach, which I'm not gonna,
Speaker 1: not gonna take. But maybe I can take his aisle seat,
Speaker 1: switch him up to business class, and then I off
Speaker 1: I have to bargain with someone to switch because a
Speaker 1: lot of people like aisles, but I just love curling
Speaker 1: up next to a window, and um yeah, I would
Speaker 1: rather have that than than than these seats. I just
Speaker 1: there's something so maddening to me about paying more for
Speaker 1: something less comfortable. How do you how do you like
Speaker 1: to be on a plane? Noah, uh, I definitely like
Speaker 1: the window, but I've been opting to look out it
Speaker 1: or to lean lean, lean, and then you you got
Speaker 1: me that turtle uh neck brace thing that's yes, it
Speaker 1: doesn't really connect brace. So um, now I don't mind
Speaker 1: the aisle because I can like stretch my legs out
Speaker 1: and have a place to put my head with that thing.
Speaker 1: I forgot about my turtle. I have that in the
Speaker 1: other room. I should bring that just in case of tragedy.
Speaker 1: Um ye, yes, in case I get whiplash on the tarmac.
Speaker 1: Um yeah, I I I can't wait to sleep on
Speaker 1: this plane. I just love it because, you know, although
Speaker 1: there's everyone knows there's WiFi on planes now and you
Speaker 1: can be in touch with people, you always have the
Speaker 1: the chance your wife I could be down and then
Speaker 1: you have the excuse of like I'm in space, like
Speaker 1: I cannot talk, and not that I would ever lie
Speaker 1: about my wife I being down if it's not like
Speaker 1: it's almost like, why were you responding to these emails?
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say the wife I was down, but I
Speaker 1: would say I'm on a plane, and they could just
Speaker 1: take it from there. And uh, you know, it's so
Speaker 1: funny that the only time when you can be really
Speaker 1: inaccessible to people and it be okay is like at
Speaker 1: night between the hours of like you know, nine and nine,
Speaker 1: which is a big swath of time. I feel it's
Speaker 1: pretty good. But other than that, during the day, we
Speaker 1: used to have times where we didn't have to We
Speaker 1: were either in the like we were away from the phone,
Speaker 1: We're away from our desk. You just leave your desk
Speaker 1: or office and like no one could get in touch
Speaker 1: with you, and the secretary would like take notes, so
Speaker 1: you just had to stay in your office. I guess
Speaker 1: all day like where people tether to their desks and
Speaker 1: their phones the way we are of like just needing
Speaker 1: to be in touch. It's so wild that I can't
Speaker 1: even fathom what it used to be. Like, I mean,
Speaker 1: at what age did you have your first job? What
Speaker 1: year about tenth grade? I think, what about you? I
Speaker 1: guess like my real first job was maybe at eighteen.
Speaker 1: But it's even just not even jobs, it's like people
Speaker 1: being in touch with you, you know, friends, anyone. I
Speaker 1: just I was at I was at the dentist with
Speaker 1: my dad the other day, took him to for a
Speaker 1: dental surgery thing and we were talking to the surgeon
Speaker 1: and my dad's getting anesthesia for his uh, he's having
Speaker 1: teeth pulled. Um, he has some dead teeth and you
Speaker 1: know in bone loss and stuff. My dad is such
Speaker 1: a healthy person and like A has always lost every day.
Speaker 1: Like my dad just health comes easy to him. He's
Speaker 1: very much like Kirsten where he's just like I just
Speaker 1: like Whole Greens and um, they're delicious, and I love flossing.
Speaker 1: It feels good like Kirsten likes flossing. Kristen loves putting
Speaker 1: in her in visil and Kristin loves washing out her
Speaker 1: in visilne. Kristen loves stretching in the morning and like
Speaker 1: a big glass of water. She loves meditating, She loves early.
Speaker 1: Everything Kirsten loves is things other people are just like
Speaker 1: h and it just she just likes it. Um but
Speaker 1: my dad is that way, and he is. But you know,
Speaker 1: age creeps up on you and things start to deaden.
Speaker 1: And he's having three teeth removed, he's getting anesthesia. You know,
Speaker 1: he's going under. He's going down to Australia to uh
Speaker 1: to have his teeth bold. And um I I I
Speaker 1: had eight teeth bold when I was um A taught
Speaker 1: like eighth grade for my goddamn braces. There's something that
Speaker 1: happened in St. Louis where all the orthod honest, we're
Speaker 1: just taking all the kid's teeth out to make room
Speaker 1: for braces. Because also another guy, Lewis House, you know Louis.
Speaker 1: He's like he has a podcast, he's a self help guy.
Speaker 1: He's also from St. Louis and he recently got veneers
Speaker 1: or something new teeth because he was from St. Louis
Speaker 1: and had too many teeth removed for braces. And I
Speaker 1: had eight teeth pulled and I did not go under anesthesia,
Speaker 1: And I go, Dad, why just do local? Like just
Speaker 1: it'll lumb you out. Put on some headphones that have
Speaker 1: white noise so you can't hear the clunking and they're
Speaker 1: and you know that they're grunting as they pull, so
Speaker 1: and then close your eyes. Because I asked the doctor
Speaker 1: how long the procedure was five to ten minutes. I'm like,
Speaker 1: you're gonna go under for a five to ten minute procedure?
Speaker 1: Like just get just grin and bear it, but don't
Speaker 1: grin too hard because you gotta have your mouth open.
Speaker 1: But like, if you had three teeth pulled Noah at
Speaker 1: the dentist, would you want to go completely out? I'm
Speaker 1: going through this exact same thing right now. I have
Speaker 1: to have four of my wisdom teeth pulled. Nervous as fuck?
Speaker 1: You go under? Right? Well, I don't know. So my
Speaker 1: dentist just told me, like, no, first you make a
Speaker 1: consultation and they tell you what the possibilities are. Just
Speaker 1: let them know what your concerns are where you're afraid
Speaker 1: of because I thought you just before. I feel like
Speaker 1: that's something you get done in your twenties. The dentist
Speaker 1: who told me to have them pulled was like two
Speaker 1: years ago, and I was like committed to doing it,
Speaker 1: and then COVID hit so I just was like, Okay, well,
Speaker 1: now this is my excuse to delay it. Yes, and um,
Speaker 1: I just have you have to get them pull What happens?
Speaker 1: They Um, okay, so we'll get a little technical. There's uh,
Speaker 1: like pockets in the gums because of the way that
Speaker 1: they're growing in food, and like plaque gets stuck in there,
Speaker 1: and then bacteria and infections and bone loss and all
Speaker 1: the things. Yeah, yeah, I got it. So you're gonna
Speaker 1: have your words and teeth bold. When are you doing it?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm so scared have to do it,
Speaker 1: but I was. I'm so scared. I'm so scared. It
Speaker 1: does suck. I remember, I I was. I remember my recovery.
Speaker 1: Recovery wasn't bad at all, but I remember some friends
Speaker 1: having you know, like they can get impacted and like
Speaker 1: you look like a chipmunk for several days, and um, yeah,
Speaker 1: would you. My dad just doesn't want to hear the
Speaker 1: like he doesn't want to feel like he doesn't want
Speaker 1: to be awake while they're pulling teeth, and I get
Speaker 1: it because it's so like visceral. But there's like, I
Speaker 1: don't know, you're whenever you have your mouth numb, it
Speaker 1: doesn't feel like anything. It feels like not like you
Speaker 1: just feels like there's someone. It doesn't feel it's I
Speaker 1: don't feel attachment to my mouth when it's not. And
Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm just very soothed by the dentist.
Speaker 1: I love it. It just makes me feel like no
Speaker 1: one can and another that's it. No one can get
Speaker 1: to me. Like if you're having dental work done, no one.
Speaker 1: Everyone hates the dentist so much. I don't but like, oh,
Speaker 1: just oh my god, I'm sitting on my mom's just kidding.
Speaker 1: I'm like, why am I hearing my mom's voice coming
Speaker 1: from my ass um uh she uh yeah. I just
Speaker 1: feel I couldn't believe that my dad was just such
Speaker 1: a pussy. I mean like not, I was just like,
Speaker 1: oh you five minutes, you gotta go under. I feel bad.
Speaker 1: I got a bullied them and my dad just come
Speaker 1: on because I got eight teeth fold and I got
Speaker 1: a root canal without Like, I just just put up
Speaker 1: with it. It's not you get numb, and it hurts
Speaker 1: to get the shot to get numb, but it doesn't
Speaker 1: hurt that bad. You can handle it. But I guess
Speaker 1: some people just like have a lot of anxiety about
Speaker 1: the dentist. But I just love it because no one
Speaker 1: can be if you're having tooth surgery or any tooth stuff,
Speaker 1: no one talks, no everyone knows you're off limits. And
Speaker 1: when you're in the dentist chair with your mouth open
Speaker 1: staring at the ceiling, there are no expectations on you.
Speaker 1: You are as good as dead to the world, like truly,
Speaker 1: no one expect you to do anything. No one expects.
Speaker 1: No one would be like, you're a bad mom if
Speaker 1: you're like daughter was like drowning and you were like
Speaker 1: you're drownist, like they'd be like, oh, that's fine, like
Speaker 1: let her drown. Like you're at the dentist, like it's
Speaker 1: a one time aside from being like in a coma,
Speaker 1: that no one expects anything of you, And I love it,
Speaker 1: you know, like when you're That's why I like airplanes,
Speaker 1: That's why I like mine. Shafts That's why I like dentists.
Speaker 1: And because airplanes, you like, have to be on like
Speaker 1: I had to go on it. If you're like in UM,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think of it. If you're in a movie,
Speaker 1: that's your choice. You're doing that for you, like I
Speaker 1: have such um, I always have to you know. That's
Speaker 1: this is a running theme in my life that I
Speaker 1: have to go through struggle to reward myself with anything.
Speaker 1: To have to have time off from work, I must
Speaker 1: be getting a root canal. What does that say about me?
Speaker 1: I need a vacation. But the thing is I would
Speaker 1: I don't enjoy vacations. I'm actually going to Camcoon and
Speaker 1: I'm working the whole goddamn time. But it's fun work.
Speaker 1: That's why I chose fun work, because I knew in
Speaker 1: order for me to feel like deserving of a life
Speaker 1: and and and pleasure and rest, I have to work.
Speaker 1: Therefore all the time. Therefore, try to make work fun.
Speaker 1: I think that was probably my reasoning in choosing this job.
Speaker 1: But I read um. I read the synopsis for the
Speaker 1: first episode of Squid Game, and I gotta be honest
Speaker 1: with you, I cannot wait to get back to reading
Speaker 1: about squid Game, Like, I'm not watching Squid Game, but
Speaker 1: I am just as obsessed with what happens next on
Speaker 1: squid Squid Game from the Vulture dot com recaps as
Speaker 1: anyone would be watching it. I think this is my
Speaker 1: new thing, dude. I think I'm gonna consume. I think
Speaker 1: I'm going to play a game where I read episode
Speaker 1: recaps of entire seasons and then I go toe to
Speaker 1: toe with Andrew who has seen the shows and we
Speaker 1: find out who knows more, who like grasps the show more,
Speaker 1: who has more appreciation for the show. And I understand
Speaker 1: that I will be missing out visually on you know,
Speaker 1: the cinematography and things like that. However, I will supplement
Speaker 1: with materials like visual materials, like for instance, I read
Speaker 1: the Squid Game first episode description and they were talking about, um,
Speaker 1: the weird like doll like figure that like gives the
Speaker 1: rules for the game, or like the the weird doll.
Speaker 1: There's something like doll that like oversees the game, And
Speaker 1: I'm like, what does this doll look like? I can't
Speaker 1: get a good enough description from I can't picture it
Speaker 1: from the even though Vulture dot com has the best
Speaker 1: television recaps in my opinion, especially for the Bachelor in
Speaker 1: Paradise franchise. This girl named Ali Barthwell does Bachelor in
Speaker 1: Paradise recaps even if you don't like the show, and
Speaker 1: I've never even heard of it. Check out one of
Speaker 1: her recaps. They're so funny. I wrote her and was like,
Speaker 1: you're one of my favorite writers. And I was cracking
Speaker 1: up because just such a good writer. And but anyway,
Speaker 1: I went and looked at the doll just to see
Speaker 1: what it looked like, and um, boy, Squid Game is good.
Speaker 1: I love this dark ship, but I don't want to
Speaker 1: see it. But I do want to because someone told
Speaker 1: me about the first episode and about what happens in
Speaker 1: that first scene. Wait a second, Noah, did Andrew tell
Speaker 1: us about the first episode, the red Light Green Light? Yeah?
Speaker 1: He told us on the podcast the other day. That's
Speaker 1: my problem. I was about to tell you the whole
Speaker 1: first episode, and Andrew already told us that's what got
Speaker 1: me into it, But I was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I got to read it for myself, and I read
Speaker 1: it this morning at breakfast. I am so excited to
Speaker 1: get on the plane today and sit down and read
Speaker 1: the rest of Squid Game. And then I just realized
Speaker 1: it's like reading a book. What am I? I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know, what's times reading can really be as good
Speaker 1: as TV. It's like, yeah, idiot, that's what a book
Speaker 1: is called. Like like, I'm honestly I just reverse discovered books.
Speaker 1: You guys. Like all they did was I here someone good,
Speaker 1: a good writer to write what they saw on TV
Speaker 1: and like, you know, much like books can become great
Speaker 1: TV shows. Maybe squid Game was a book. I don't know,
Speaker 1: but I think I gotta read books again because I yeah,
Speaker 1: instead of vulture recaps. Oh my god, are you watching
Speaker 1: anything on TV? No? No, I'm really not. Are you
Speaker 1: reading a book? Are you reading any TV? I think
Speaker 1: I'm just like no, I'm just like being very boring
Speaker 1: these days. I just have to take care of ship.
Speaker 1: Do you do you what are you doing from entertainment?
Speaker 1: We just I mean, Isaac uh, we have citrus trees.
Speaker 1: So I've been learning about how to take care of
Speaker 1: citrus trees. Like That's where I am in life right now.
Speaker 1: That's cool. So do you what do you do? You like?
Speaker 1: Google stuff? Um? Google books? Like I'll go to the
Speaker 1: bookstore and just like pass through some books. Cut Oh
Speaker 1: my God, you're living like that's life. I want to
Speaker 1: take me back. That is so cute that you go
Speaker 1: to the bookstore and are just like just like picking
Speaker 1: picking a book and like doing the thing where you
Speaker 1: like claw it with your finger and you're like, like
Speaker 1: you looking through books is a s m R for me.
Speaker 1: I want to like hear that record of people. I'll
Speaker 1: face time you next time, and then you like slowly
Speaker 1: page through it. Honestly, that would be a great SMR. Um.
Speaker 1: Let's get Andrew in here. We gotta jet off to
Speaker 1: Cancoon pretty soon. Here Cancoon soon? There you go? There
Speaker 1: you go? Perfect? Is that one of your hats? Well,
Speaker 1: it's my vacation hat. We're going to Mexico. Um wait,
Speaker 1: are you really going to wear that around the resort?
Speaker 1: I love it. I was thinking about our live podcast.
Speaker 1: We're not gonna have headphones on even so be similar
Speaker 1: to this. That's true. I mean I don't know what
Speaker 1: we're getting ourselves into. I mean the live podcast alarms me.
Speaker 1: It will be two o'clock at pool side. But you
Speaker 1: know what alarms me is the wrong word. I just
Speaker 1: I don't think about things until we go into them.
Speaker 1: It's my biggest fault, but I'm just gonna wing it. Look,
Speaker 1: I think we go everyone having fun out there, and
Speaker 1: then seven people we do an aerobics class. That's what
Speaker 1: I picture happening pool side or like um MTV spring break,
Speaker 1: That's what I wanted to be. But I honestly think
Speaker 1: it will be about twenty two people sparsely placed around
Speaker 1: the pool. There'll be a pool bar where more people
Speaker 1: are gonna be paying at the talking people are gonna
Speaker 1: be talking. We're just gonna have a conversation. Eventually, we're
Speaker 1: just gonna go We're not trying to win you over.
Speaker 1: We're just gonna talk for a little while. If you
Speaker 1: want to listen for the four people that are peeing
Speaker 1: in the shallow end, thank you for listening to us,
Speaker 1: because I can't imagine that many people are going to
Speaker 1: go through customs, go through COVID stuff to get to
Speaker 1: see us tell dick jokes for ten minutes. I just
Speaker 1: and pussy jokes. Well, that's not what we do in
Speaker 1: the podcast. I understand why they would go see stand
Speaker 1: up this podcast. Live podcasts are a different beast, like
Speaker 1: they just are. That's why podcasts are better when they're
Speaker 1: not live. Fire Pool at two pm outside it does,
Speaker 1: It'll be fine. We'll make fun of it. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: we'll have fun. Like, I'm not nervous about it at all. Um,
Speaker 1: I can't. I can't be. I mean, I I just
Speaker 1: is there anything in your life you're nervous about? Not
Speaker 1: really good? I try not to get nervous anymore. I
Speaker 1: try to like be in the moment and worry about
Speaker 1: it when it happens. It's hard, but uh, yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't know, I mean, I don't. I also like, unlike you,
Speaker 1: Like if I had like a special to be working for,
Speaker 1: of course i'd be not to make you nervous. But yeah,
Speaker 1: of course, like a deadline of some sort like that
Speaker 1: that adds a whole different thing. Shouldn't but it does. Yes,
Speaker 1: I know, I get. I get. Um that's where I
Speaker 1: start to feel guilty because I don't My special is
Speaker 1: on the taping in on and I don't think about
Speaker 1: it when I think about it. I just stopped thinking
Speaker 1: about it. Like my friend came over yesterday and has
Speaker 1: like some notes that he took during one of my
Speaker 1: performances that he watched, and I go, He's like, I
Speaker 1: really want to go through these notes with you, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, the thing is like I don't want to
Speaker 1: think about it's so it's scary to me, and I'm
Speaker 1: so nervous. I'm not nervous about it, but I'm so
Speaker 1: overwhelmed by thinking about it and what it has to be,
Speaker 1: and like I I'd rather wait till the last second,
Speaker 1: and I just don't want to. I don't want to
Speaker 1: look at it yet until like the week of until
Speaker 1: it's the one thing on my plate that's looming and
Speaker 1: it's it's go time where there's no no turning back.
Speaker 1: Like I always write my best jokes last minute. I
Speaker 1: always everything I do is last minute everything for me,
Speaker 1: and a month out, three days out to be like
Speaker 1: oh my god, like thinking about it, even having calls
Speaker 1: about what I'm gonna wear. I'm like, guys, we have
Speaker 1: twenty three days to pick out a fucking outfit. I
Speaker 1: Am not going to have this conversation yet. I don't
Speaker 1: know what I want to wear in twenty three days.
Speaker 1: But they're like, Nikki, this is a production. We this
Speaker 1: is actually late for for when we're supple to have.
Speaker 1: We should have had this conversation three months ago. I'm like,
Speaker 1: why so they can grow the cotton to make a
Speaker 1: shirt that like what. I could pick out an outfit
Speaker 1: the night before and it wouldn't change anything, no offense
Speaker 1: to my hair and make to like my wardrobe. People,
Speaker 1: wardrobe is important. No one's saying it's not. But I
Speaker 1: know that we can get it done the week before.
Speaker 1: People love to prepare. People love to prepare. It makes
Speaker 1: them feel like they're working. What I do is I
Speaker 1: make my life filled with things that I can just
Speaker 1: push till the last second. So I'm constantly doing things
Speaker 1: that have been pushed the last second and there's no
Speaker 1: prep before any of them, because prep is just bullshit
Speaker 1: that makes people feel like they're doing work and they're
Speaker 1: not because they only have one job. But if you
Speaker 1: do a lot of jobs and you just do the
Speaker 1: amount of work that is actually necessary, you can do
Speaker 1: so you can make more money, You can do more
Speaker 1: things instead of just like some people just love between
Speaker 1: preparation and working hard. Because I know, maybe I'm just
Speaker 1: making an argument for my system, which is procrastination. Because
Speaker 1: you you often say that, you know, like the best
Speaker 1: player ever works harder than everyone. They do. They don't
Speaker 1: talk about doing they do, They don't they don't write
Speaker 1: down notes about I mean, listen, Yes, I could be
Speaker 1: a better comedian if I sat down with my notes
Speaker 1: every day. That's doing I'm talking about, like a call
Speaker 1: about doing and then a call about the call about doing,
Speaker 1: and a call about the I'm so sick of calls.
Speaker 1: I'm so sick of anything that can be done in
Speaker 1: any I mean, this isn't the first this is being said.
Speaker 1: There are so many meetings that happen because people need
Speaker 1: to justify their fucking existence at a company and their
Speaker 1: their position. Meetings do not It can be they can
Speaker 1: be texts, they can be emails, nothing, So few things
Speaker 1: need to be called so many times? How many How
Speaker 1: often are you on a meeting or a zoom meeting
Speaker 1: with people and it's just ten minutes of small talk
Speaker 1: until someone finally goes all right, so let's get into it. Okay,
Speaker 1: So so you get there was ten minutes of just
Speaker 1: bullshit where literally nothing interesting happens, no interesting information. Let's
Speaker 1: do let's do it, let's do the let's for the
Speaker 1: podcast right now. This is a call that doesn't happen though,
Speaker 1: because we we don't don't. But let's say, like if
Speaker 1: we were doing at the podcast, all right. But by
Speaker 1: the way, this happens all the time for other podcasts.
Speaker 1: They might be better than ours, so maybe this will
Speaker 1: help us. But here's what I'm doing. I'm making the
Speaker 1: preparation part of the job. I'm fitting in. So now
Speaker 1: I'm making Yeah, this isn't wasting my time because this
Speaker 1: is the job. Okay, and this let's just try it,
Speaker 1: and you know what, we have to keep it entertaining.
Speaker 1: Thus it makes it fun for us. So even if
Speaker 1: this conversation was happening outside the podcast, it wouldn't be
Speaker 1: this fun. So I'm amping up the fun of thing
Speaker 1: because I'm making it part of the job. Let's be honest.
Speaker 1: We don't want to see the friends writer's room while
Speaker 1: we're making only I do see the behind the scenes
Speaker 1: of fronts. That should be a show, make a show
Speaker 1: of the prep That's okay, all right, go ahead, um, okay,
Speaker 1: So you're yeah, alright? No? Are are you on? I
Speaker 1: can't really see her? Oh I'm sorry, I was on mute.
Speaker 1: I'm here. Oh Hi, how's it going? How are you?
Speaker 1: What's going on like that? That? Uh? Is it hot
Speaker 1: where you are? It's Arizona? Yeah, Oh, it's great. It's
Speaker 1: cold here today. Yeah, I haven't even been outside yet,
Speaker 1: is it really? Yeah? It's I just hate you. It
Speaker 1: comes on so quickly. Yeah, it's just like out of nowhere.
Speaker 1: What about you don't even get any like kind of
Speaker 1: break in between, like it's unbearably hot and then cold. Okay,
Speaker 1: but yeah, so what do you want to talk about
Speaker 1: the podcast? Um, we got to a little fast. I
Speaker 1: think could have kept going. I think for another TD.
Speaker 1: You guys go to Starbucks this morning? Yes? Yes, Oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, got the regular. Love it, love my Starbucks.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, there was a crazy thing that happened
Speaker 1: at Starbucks today. We can't even get into it. Let
Speaker 1: me Oh my god. So wait, hold on, you guys.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna quickly just like let the dog out. I'll
Speaker 1: talk to know about something else before we get to
Speaker 1: do it. Can you is it cool if I just
Speaker 1: hit I'm going to take about thirty seconds to ask
Speaker 1: if it's cool that I take another thirty seconds. And
Speaker 1: then when I take that thirty seconds, it's gonna I'm
Speaker 1: gonna come back and thank you guys for another thirty seconds.
Speaker 1: About taking the thirty seconds, so I'm actually going to
Speaker 1: add a minute to the thirty seconds instead of take
Speaker 1: five seconds. So cool. Okay, so we're at Starbucks. This
Speaker 1: is wild. The guy writes my name, I say, Andrew.
Speaker 1: He writes down shot from the other room. Dumb. No,
Speaker 1: I was like, that's not my name. Actually, that would
Speaker 1: be a very cool anecdote for a Zoom meeting. It
Speaker 1: is yet Yeah, no, no, I did you hear I
Speaker 1: blew my head off in the next thro Should we
Speaker 1: keep going on though? I mean with your lifeless body? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm sure it was not. She's the host of the
Speaker 1: Zoom meeting, so it can't end until she Yeah, I
Speaker 1: can't end. It might expire because I didn't pay the
Speaker 1: foreign inding nine a month or whatever. Okay, So guys, um,
Speaker 1: let's get down to it all right. Um, So we're
Speaker 1: going to Mexico. So excited. I got sun tannilition okay,
Speaker 1: um okay, So we're thinking for the So it's going
Speaker 1: to be we already know all the things that are
Speaker 1: happening because we all got an email about where it's
Speaker 1: going to be in what time? Okay. Um, So let's
Speaker 1: just like talk about that time again. So it's gonna
Speaker 1: be at two o'clock, so we'll probably get there. We
Speaker 1: all know that you generally get somewhere about fifteen minutes
Speaker 1: before or like we could probably text about the time
Speaker 1: to arrive. Let's just talk about again, like when the
Speaker 1: show is it's at two, and then we are going
Speaker 1: to talk about when we should arrive, which is like
Speaker 1: half hour before. You know what, I might like bring
Speaker 1: my makeup there. That's the thing you guys don't need
Speaker 1: to know. But it fills up some time in this
Speaker 1: meeting to make me feel like I did something today.
Speaker 1: You know, I feel like we're she's seen on the video? No,
Speaker 1: what can we can we check? Can you send an
Speaker 1: email real quick? And then we will response. It's gonna
Speaker 1: be how that text the person that has the info
Speaker 1: about that, and then we wait for a response like
Speaker 1: you're about to get it, and you'll go, hold on,
Speaker 1: he's writing back. Oh wait, no, that's that's actually they're
Speaker 1: not writing back. Actually I'll just wait. I'll let you
Speaker 1: guys know when he writes me back. You know how
Speaker 1: when that happens during a meeting, when they go, let
Speaker 1: me just column right now, and then you just I'll
Speaker 1: have to listen to it ringing and then you go,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'll just when he writes a jack
Speaker 1: call it, you know, which you know you should have
Speaker 1: done in the first place. So, um, let's so we're
Speaker 1: going to talk. Yes, the sun be out at two.
Speaker 1: I'm just wondering what the situation will be. Do we
Speaker 1: have the sunglasses? Yeah? Okay, so there's gonna be sun. Um,
Speaker 1: there's gonna be water people. Now, it's like a spring
Speaker 1: break vibe. Should we should we have a beach ball?
Speaker 1: Should we have anything like fun pool related that we
Speaker 1: can play around with the audience? Or do we just
Speaker 1: keep it more what we usually do? I mean, I
Speaker 1: don't know how we should go about this. Should I
Speaker 1: love it? I love it? Oh my god, I have
Speaker 1: the crazies story about a beach ball, but I just
Speaker 1: I can't even but that reminds me of a thing. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll shelve it. We'll have another meeting about that. Guys,
Speaker 1: there's only five minut it's left in the zoom meeting. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: we I think we accomplished a lot. Yeah, I feel
Speaker 1: like more confident. Um, let's wrap this up. And when
Speaker 1: I say that, I mean, let's talk for about thirty
Speaker 1: more minutes about and then after that we're gonna close
Speaker 1: it with like just some general bullshit again, maybe kind
Speaker 1: of referencing things we talked about in the beginning, and
Speaker 1: then we'll sign off the meeting and go and then um,
Speaker 1: I'll make my eighth bowl of oatmeal for the day.
Speaker 1: I mean that sounds fantastic, and shove it down my
Speaker 1: face in numbers real quick, almost like you know, hurtful
Speaker 1: way some numbers. Yeah, I'd love, I mean, i'd love.
Speaker 1: What are some of The average podcast is about an
Speaker 1: hour and four minutes to give or take minus four
Speaker 1: plus six. And you know, a lot of people what
Speaker 1: they don't understand is that the attention span of a
Speaker 1: regular listener is only about forty two minutes. So if
Speaker 1: you take forty two divided by an hour, which is
Speaker 1: sixty four minutes, that's you're looking at, you know, not
Speaker 1: a great percentage a couple numbers, that for sure. So
Speaker 1: then if you take that, you subtract actually advertising, which
Speaker 1: is another five six minutes, you're not speeds download speed,
Speaker 1: especially if you're still on a O L and you
Speaker 1: have the old school computer, it's gonna be attention rates
Speaker 1: and the drop off effects. Not to mention, now, these
Speaker 1: people listening, are gonna be in water, They're gonna be swimming,
Speaker 1: They're gonna be in the shallow then deep end shallowing.
Speaker 1: So I'm just saying that it's gonna be harder than
Speaker 1: you think. So when you run the numbers plus the
Speaker 1: pool minus the attention span times how long do podcast
Speaker 1: goes for, you're gonna realize that this is gonna be difficult.
Speaker 1: But I really feel like we're gonna be able to
Speaker 1: accomplish it with the beach ball, Thank you very much.
Speaker 1: On on this note of like conversation, So, I recently
Speaker 1: got an offer for like a a commercial kind of thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's actually a you know I get I get
Speaker 1: these every so often, and this one is actually like
Speaker 1: a cause I believe in Maybe guess what it's about,
Speaker 1: And it's about me, It's about it's it's just anal
Speaker 1: Loubes vegan, anal loubs of course. Yeah. Yeah. Does it
Speaker 1: taste like actual you have to drink it? Um, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's the impossible anal loop. I want to make
Speaker 1: an an loup vegan that tastes exactly an impossible burger
Speaker 1: crumbles yesterday on top of my salad. Holy fuck, dude,
Speaker 1: it's not it's no joke. It's so good, you know,
Speaker 1: Like I don't I know someone um who has made
Speaker 1: this point, so I'm kind of stealing this this this point.
Speaker 1: But I think vegan meat brands and stuff do themselves
Speaker 1: a disservice when they compare themselves, like it tastes just
Speaker 1: like chicken, Like, don't it doesn't need to be a
Speaker 1: different taste. It doesn't invalidate that it's a good it
Speaker 1: could be better, you know, you know, it doesn't need
Speaker 1: to because when you start doing that, that's when the
Speaker 1: mediators are like, it doesn't tute the same, and then
Speaker 1: they go fuck it and then they're like almost there.
Speaker 1: They convinced themselves that it's terrible because of you know,
Speaker 1: it's it's trying to be this thing that whatever. So um,
Speaker 1: I can't say yeah because I think I mean, they
Speaker 1: offered it, but it might not work with my schedule.
Speaker 1: But it's a it's a vegan kind of it's a
Speaker 1: it's a it's a vegan meat and I'm really excited
Speaker 1: about it and I can't wait to do it if
Speaker 1: I get to do it, but um, it might not
Speaker 1: work for my schedule, but they you know, they give
Speaker 1: you all these terms and like what you need to
Speaker 1: do socially, what you know, what's going to be required
Speaker 1: of you, like based on the hours. And then they're like,
Speaker 1: you know, it's this many hours of shooting in this
Speaker 1: amount of time span. Like they'll they're like five hours
Speaker 1: of shooting in an eight hour window, so that means
Speaker 1: like it could be hours here and then you know
Speaker 1: five hours, two hours, four hours later, whatever, um. And
Speaker 1: then uh, that doesn't include glam which is another two hours.
Speaker 1: So and then they were like, and then you need
Speaker 1: to have a call about you know, being a brand ambassador,
Speaker 1: and like what that means and how and and the
Speaker 1: call They even say the call is gonna be a
Speaker 1: sixty minute call. And so you know, whenever someone gives
Speaker 1: you an offer in this business, which I did not know,
Speaker 1: I just would take any if I didn't have agents,
Speaker 1: I would just go Joe, okay, great. Yeah. But the
Speaker 1: thing is they lowball you. I didn't know that, Like
Speaker 1: I don't I think people are like earnestly, you know,
Speaker 1: it's a it's a good amount of money. But I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, you know we can get more.
Speaker 1: Like it's it's just I don't have the time for it,
Speaker 1: so for me to do it, it has to be
Speaker 1: like squid game money, you know. So, um, they're gonna
Speaker 1: murder me uh if I don't Uh yeah, um so
Speaker 1: they um. But they they came back with another offer
Speaker 1: and they cut the prep call down to thirty minutes,
Speaker 1: and I go, are they gonna talk faster? Like, first
Speaker 1: of all, like why did we need to have an hour?
Speaker 1: If the prep call could have been thirty minutes, why
Speaker 1: wasn't it initially? Like what do they get? I understand
Speaker 1: they get more material from me if we do six
Speaker 1: hours of shooting, and we now we whittled it down
Speaker 1: to four. So they're doing something that is of disservice
Speaker 1: to them because they get more content out of me
Speaker 1: with six. It's your time, They're they're guaranteeing themselves an
Speaker 1: hour of your time exactly. But they're in that sixty
Speaker 1: minutes where they're teaching me about the brand and about
Speaker 1: talking points and stuff. I know that they maybe they
Speaker 1: can get more information out in that time that I
Speaker 1: can then go and and and I have to do
Speaker 1: interviews and stuff about this and do press, which I
Speaker 1: would be happy to do because I believe in the product.
Speaker 1: But um, if they can get it in thirty minutes,
Speaker 1: why not be Why are what they could be? Why
Speaker 1: do a lot more for their money? If hair, if
Speaker 1: hair stylist can do a job two hours, why don't
Speaker 1: we do it in two hours instead of six? Listen?
Speaker 1: Are they offering the same amount of money and saying
Speaker 1: that you have to do less time, more money and
Speaker 1: do less time? Yes, So did you counter that you
Speaker 1: want to show? We countered we want more money and
Speaker 1: less fun of time, and we got it. Interesting, Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it was that doesn't interest me like in terms
Speaker 1: of like Mike, my point is the only thing that
Speaker 1: interests me is the call that I'm having with the executives.
Speaker 1: That has nothing to do with content they get. It's
Speaker 1: just teaching me about the brand. If you can do
Speaker 1: that call, If if you come back to me and
Speaker 1: say we've shortened that called to thirty minutes, what they've
Speaker 1: just done there is cut down on the bullshit they've
Speaker 1: cut out. Hi, Nikki, I watched f Boy Island like
Speaker 1: they're cutting let's cut that from every meeting. Let's just
Speaker 1: get down to brass tax and if you actually like
Speaker 1: someone take it offline and where are out of though.
Speaker 1: Then they took that half hour out of my prep call.
Speaker 1: There's no I understand that. But then you wanted shorter
Speaker 1: probably film times. Yeah, they took those down two from
Speaker 1: six hours to four hours, from six to four. Yeah,
Speaker 1: did they keep anything almost the same? They cut everything
Speaker 1: about everything. My social post went down by um, my
Speaker 1: number of interviews I have to do went down. Everything
Speaker 1: went down. Money went up, And that is the beauty
Speaker 1: of show business and having agents. That's why you have agents.
Speaker 1: That's why they take ten percent of every dime I make,
Speaker 1: and then my manager takes another ten percent of every
Speaker 1: dime I make, and then my lawyer takes five percent
Speaker 1: of every dime I make. I didn't know this of
Speaker 1: my income before taxes, by bye bye bye bye, and
Speaker 1: then after that. So whenever I make a check and
Speaker 1: I see that check, I go so long, I just
Speaker 1: kiss it goodbye. I even slice it in half. So
Speaker 1: I guess they got to uh your age. It was
Speaker 1: manager need to make more than they gotta ask for
Speaker 1: twenty percent more of what you originally were offered to
Speaker 1: make them worth anything. Uh yeah, pretty much. I mean
Speaker 1: essentially what they got me was there there their money.
Speaker 1: But that's my money. You know, that's actually money to me.
Speaker 1: So and listen, I'm never I'm number one of those
Speaker 1: people that's like I have to give off. Like I'm
Speaker 1: saying that kind of shocked because I've never really looked
Speaker 1: into it. And for the first time ever this year,
Speaker 1: I got the courage to ask my business manager how
Speaker 1: much did my managers and lawyers take? By the way,
Speaker 1: I've never known, and I've they've been taking. I've had
Speaker 1: a manager an agent taking money for you know, over
Speaker 1: ten years, and I've always been like, do they take
Speaker 1: age or like, I don't know numbers and you're a
Speaker 1: big numbers guy. You even wanted to go over them
Speaker 1: in our zoom meeting. Yeah, I mean I could go
Speaker 1: over your agents numbers real quick. I mean ten percent
Speaker 1: over about ten years as perpetuity, which I don't know
Speaker 1: if you know that word, can I? But I do
Speaker 1: want to say I love my managers and agents. They've
Speaker 1: made me more money than they've taken from me, for sure.
Speaker 1: And so is my business manager. He's a very good person. Um,
Speaker 1: my lawyer is a snake. But that's why I love
Speaker 1: him because he fights for me and he's the one
Speaker 1: that famously, when I was crossing the street in Montreal
Speaker 1: going to dinner with him at the Just for Last
Speaker 1: festival in two thousand fourteen, he saw a bus coming,
Speaker 1: Like I was going to the dinner with my lawyer,
Speaker 1: Love Ginsburg, who I truly love, but there was a
Speaker 1: bus coming and I like it looked like I was
Speaker 1: getting too close to it. So he was like, whoa
Speaker 1: nicky and he like kind of held me back, like,
Speaker 1: don't don't even try to cross yet, you're gonna get hit.
Speaker 1: And I go, that's what sweet and he goes, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: it's not about you your money to me. He's like,
Speaker 1: you're my daughter swim lessons and I was like, that's
Speaker 1: what he said. He didn't say that, but that's what
Speaker 1: he's saving. He's like, you're my wife's uh you know,
Speaker 1: pilates instructor. Sure in ten years will be like I
Speaker 1: just keep going. Yeah. He's like, please, it's too hard
Speaker 1: to let you go personally, but I will say that
Speaker 1: last night before we get to the news, my manager
Speaker 1: it was the best thing that has ever been said
Speaker 1: to me complimentary wise from my manager. And he says
Speaker 1: a lot of nice things and he's just one of
Speaker 1: the nicest guys and such a champion of mine. But
Speaker 1: yesterday he got me on a call with the woman
Speaker 1: that sets up all the um the like the this,
Speaker 1: like uh, she organized the commercial, like so there's a
Speaker 1: there's a group of agents at my agency that get
Speaker 1: you endorsement deals, and she Lauren. He was patching. He
Speaker 1: was like, Nikki, we're on the phone with Lauren. Lauren. Uh,
Speaker 1: here's Nicki um also known as legitimately the busiest one
Speaker 1: woman in show business. And hearing that from my manager
Speaker 1: who has you know, gath Agin, Jim Jeffrees, Okay, holy it,
Speaker 1: you know I take that back, Alex, I need you
Speaker 1: to be less specific. The busiest blonde woman named Nicki
Speaker 1: on this phone call almost got hit by a bus
Speaker 1: I think he would have said anything, yes, no, it's
Speaker 1: very nice, it's very nice. Why was that so validating
Speaker 1: to hear that I'm busy? Because because he knows when
Speaker 1: when my mom goes you're so busy, I go, what
Speaker 1: do you know about busy? Alex Murray knows busy. He's
Speaker 1: just to know that I'm busy. It's yeah, he knows
Speaker 1: show business busy. And it was just validating. I needed
Speaker 1: to hear it from him, I like your shoes. Let's
Speaker 1: get to the news. It's Wednesday, folks. You know what
Speaker 1: that means. It's Wednesday if you're having all the swells
Speaker 1: and if you're not well, tomorrow is another day. Shit
Speaker 1: really invalidated everything, thanks manager. Okay. Men with golden penis
Speaker 1: and I've heard about that and arrogance and stems from
Speaker 1: the assumption that a steady supply of the emails will
Speaker 1: be sexually interested in them are ruining sex and dating
Speaker 1: for women. So a study shows that only in college
Speaker 1: is male, and then in New York, like, for example,
Speaker 1: it's three to one girl to guy. What is that about.
Speaker 1: I think more females are college age students, by the way,
Speaker 1: so more men aren't going to More women are going
Speaker 1: to college than men. I think there's just more women in.
Speaker 1: It's a like birth rate is always pretty much around
Speaker 1: fifty maybe fifty one at most, but it's never deviates
Speaker 1: that much. I think also potentially women that just graduated
Speaker 1: college that moved to New York, maybe their parents are
Speaker 1: more inclined to help them from did just come out
Speaker 1: on Netflix? And so more girls are just like I'm
Speaker 1: going to go to New York. But I think it's
Speaker 1: been way for a long time in New York City.
Speaker 1: It could be there sex in the city, it could
Speaker 1: be cultural things like that, Like that's why I wanted
Speaker 1: to go to n y U was Felicity. Oh, I
Speaker 1: didn't even know that was filmed in New York. Yeah, oh,
Speaker 1: she followed Ben there. So yeah, so these guys have,
Speaker 1: you know, an endless buffet of women, so why why
Speaker 1: end up with just one? And they're saying that this
Speaker 1: is creating men to be just rude, dismissive. Ghost girls
Speaker 1: have written me on Instagram bussies dm me that they
Speaker 1: one in particular was saying that she was talking to
Speaker 1: a guy on bumble and the second she she said
Speaker 1: something that was just like oh like either I'm not
Speaker 1: I'm not interested, or you know, in a very polite way,
Speaker 1: and he's like that shamed her and was like why
Speaker 1: would you ever do that? Like who how could you even?
Speaker 1: You know? What made me like, I understand there's people
Speaker 1: out there like that, but but how could this sweet
Speaker 1: girl who's a fan of the show, she's obviously a
Speaker 1: smart person and a nice person be tricked into swiping
Speaker 1: right on this guy? So he had enough on his
Speaker 1: profile to indicate that he was a normal person. I mean,
Speaker 1: this person isn't just swiping blindly, right, And that guy
Speaker 1: that appears like a good person could then fat shape
Speaker 1: you and your d m s before you even meet him.
Speaker 1: This kind of yeah, this tuitive. I mean we all
Speaker 1: know that, getting cat calls and you go fuck you
Speaker 1: and they go I wouldn't want you anyway, fucking slut
Speaker 1: and you're like, I'm a slut because I don't want
Speaker 1: to fuck you. Yeah, I mean that's a lot of
Speaker 1: what it is. He probably just added fat there, but
Speaker 1: I mean it was just rejection and then he was like,
Speaker 1: well I'm better than you. My beds could explode, like
Speaker 1: fuck you. But I the only thing that I think
Speaker 1: that might be going through his brain is that he's
Speaker 1: on bumble. She swiped, she's had hellow, so obviously she's interested,
Speaker 1: you know, and he's probably thinking, oh, she's You know,
Speaker 1: guys will think that to have a guy think you're
Speaker 1: fat and harbor that into they wait for a time,
Speaker 1: or to think that, or to harbor these thoughts about
Speaker 1: you that make them feel like you're lesser, you're easier
Speaker 1: because you don't like yourself as much because you're overweight,
Speaker 1: therefore your being more willing to funk the first night. Honestly,
Speaker 1: it's the other way around. Bruised ego. You know he
Speaker 1: was rejected, but I was wondering, have you I don't know,
Speaker 1: like if if on a date or like, have you
Speaker 1: gotten a message on a dating app that was just
Speaker 1: like what the hell um I have? I've gotten a
Speaker 1: lot of d ms that are just like why would
Speaker 1: you ever think you had a shot like that. I'm
Speaker 1: almost offended that they think, like you're coming to Daton
Speaker 1: for one night. I'm you're coming to Columbus for one night.
Speaker 1: I would love to take you out. And it's a
Speaker 1: guy that like, first of all, it's account as private,
Speaker 1: but then you see is little picture and it's a
Speaker 1: guy with like you know those dumb glasses that have
Speaker 1: like a blue tint on them, I don't even know,
Speaker 1: like they're like running glasses. And he's like got he's
Speaker 1: he looks he just looks like a tool, Like there's
Speaker 1: nothing about his profile that would look cool, and he's
Speaker 1: just and he's misspelled some things and hasn't made his profile.
Speaker 1: He's told me nothing about him, Like I would just
Speaker 1: go you know what mysterious. I think I think that's
Speaker 1: enough or something or that they saw one thing where
Speaker 1: I'm like, I want a boyfriend as like you know,
Speaker 1: I was being I was people offer me money to
Speaker 1: put me in touch with you. This guy goes how
Speaker 1: much is it gonna take? And then I read up
Speaker 1: on his comments like three up the guy's married. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like he told me he was married, like three comments
Speaker 1: before that, and then he goes how much is it
Speaker 1: gonna take? And I was like, I mean that's why
Speaker 1: I'm not That's why I need an agent. I just go,
Speaker 1: I need an agent. Yeah, it wore you out for
Speaker 1: thirty minutes of my time. Get it down to fifteen
Speaker 1: and I'll talk. What if I gave you part of
Speaker 1: the money and you were in on it? Should I
Speaker 1: write this guy and be like, it's so funny and
Speaker 1: I'll give you there. Used to be that guy that
Speaker 1: would offer me just to give me money because he
Speaker 1: just wanted to give me money. Yeah, that guy's hard
Speaker 1: to just want to buy me things and like for
Speaker 1: with nothing in return. But sugar daddies want something in return.
Speaker 1: They want your company, they want you to go to
Speaker 1: dinner with them. Even most likely sexual favors. They want something.
Speaker 1: This guy was far away and just wanted to send
Speaker 1: me money just and and necklaces and jewelry and like
Speaker 1: find things. And it's like a it's a kink. They
Speaker 1: have a fetish and and and I was almost like,
Speaker 1: why wouldn't I, you know, like, why would I not
Speaker 1: accept free money? Did you have to meet him? Or no?
Speaker 1: I think this was I think i'd the first the
Speaker 1: only time I like accepted, because there's been a few
Speaker 1: of these people. I think it was two thousand six
Speaker 1: fifteen or sixteen, and I was like, yeah, I'll take
Speaker 1: five bucks for PayPal. Yeah, why not? You don't know
Speaker 1: my address, I don't know who you are. I've made
Speaker 1: it clear that you will get nothing from this, Like
Speaker 1: fans have a better chance of getting free tickets from
Speaker 1: me just writing a d M being like you know,
Speaker 1: I can't afford it, I'm really sorry or whatever. Then
Speaker 1: they would if they're like, I'll send you money for
Speaker 1: free tickets, because then it creates an exchange. I told
Speaker 1: this guy you get nothing. Ever, ever, ever, I think
Speaker 1: it did, because is you talking about this right? No,
Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's a lot. I'm just saying that's
Speaker 1: what he got, like use that money. It's financial control.
Speaker 1: It's just like, oh, even like if he like bought
Speaker 1: me shoes and he sees them where wear them on TV,
Speaker 1: It's like I have a part in her life. And
Speaker 1: if he's if he isn't not my address and he
Speaker 1: can't get me, like, why would I turn that down?
Speaker 1: That is let me make it clear, do not offer
Speaker 1: me these things because I will turn it down because
Speaker 1: I can't. That is a slippery slope. And I have
Speaker 1: had those guys in the past be like, why aren't
Speaker 1: you talking to me? Like so nothing back, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm busy and we had a deal. You get nothing.
Speaker 1: This is exists and company and only fans. It almost
Speaker 1: like cameo is what we just we're talking about. But
Speaker 1: it makes it more like legit, so it doesn't feel
Speaker 1: like you're whouring yourself out. I told my dad yesterday,
Speaker 1: but you were talking to my parents about my act
Speaker 1: and like how they feel about me, um, you know
Speaker 1: being I said, I felt like a porn star a
Speaker 1: lot of times because I talked about porn, like talk
Speaker 1: pornographically on stage. And then sometimes I just feel like
Speaker 1: people are like when I walk into a room if
Speaker 1: they've just watched my special and it was the one
Speaker 1: that in which was highly sexual, they're almost like kind
Speaker 1: of have this nervous like boner energy around me, or
Speaker 1: they're like to keep the kids away, like there's just
Speaker 1: a a black sheep thing that some people put on
Speaker 1: me of like you're a nasty girl, you're a bad girl,
Speaker 1: and um. And I was telling my parents that and
Speaker 1: they were like, you know you do you? Nikki? Like
Speaker 1: it doesn't we know you're you're a good person. I go, well,
Speaker 1: why is why is sex connotated with even being a
Speaker 1: bad person? Like why you don't need to say I'm
Speaker 1: a good person because there's nothing about me talking openly
Speaker 1: about sex that should make you think I'm a bad person.
Speaker 1: And then my mom goes, I go, what if I
Speaker 1: did porn? And then my dad goes, no, you you're
Speaker 1: not that type of girl, And I go, what is
Speaker 1: what type of girls is that? Dad? And he's like,
Speaker 1: that is not just giving it away for free? And
Speaker 1: I go, who says it would be for free? He's
Speaker 1: like putting that out there And I go, Dad, you
Speaker 1: saying I can't do porn makes me want to do
Speaker 1: porn so bad, and not to be like I want
Speaker 1: to make you uncomfortable, Dad, but to prove the hypocrisy
Speaker 1: of what you're saying, Like you think that porn stars
Speaker 1: are bad people, that that there's something morally correct up
Speaker 1: about them, and of course yes, the men involved in porn.
Speaker 1: Sometimes there can be moral corruption in porn for sure,
Speaker 1: just like in any business, like I don't know, uh,
Speaker 1: show business, but I almost you know, I've always said
Speaker 1: that I wanted to do porn because I would like
Speaker 1: to bridge that I would like to show that it's
Speaker 1: normal and be like, oh my gosh, this girl that
Speaker 1: we all accepted on NBC is now doing porn. But
Speaker 1: then I would be I can't do porn because I
Speaker 1: would be ostracized. The business does not allow it, because
Speaker 1: because being free about sex and being open with your
Speaker 1: body is a moral issue, and people just go, you know,
Speaker 1: if you're a stripper, you're you're a different type. She's
Speaker 1: on the wrong side of the tracks. And it's just like,
Speaker 1: I just it made me want to do porn so bad.
Speaker 1: I go, Mom, Dad, don't tell me not to do
Speaker 1: porn because and they go, do porn, do it? Nikki.
Speaker 1: We would support you because they want they're doing reverse psychology,
Speaker 1: because it really there's something about when people go that
Speaker 1: would make when I know for a fact that like
Speaker 1: I know, I'm right, being open about sex and putting
Speaker 1: it out there for the masses to consume is not
Speaker 1: a bad thing, Because I go, Dad, have you never
Speaker 1: consumed porn? So so the things these women that you're
Speaker 1: consuming the entertainment of from time to time He goes, well,
Speaker 1: I'm not addicted to it. I'm like, well, that's not
Speaker 1: the answer. That's not what I was asking. So it's
Speaker 1: either you're addicted to it or you don't watch it
Speaker 1: at all, Like, give me a break. You people enjoy porn,
Speaker 1: but they act like porn stars are the worst people
Speaker 1: in the world. It's like, it's like, how how has
Speaker 1: porn become beheading videos where where the people in them
Speaker 1: are like the scourge of society. Yet you know, I
Speaker 1: feel like there is a gap being bridge there though,
Speaker 1: Like there's this porn start line of Rhodes. There's a
Speaker 1: couple other points. She's she has sixteen million followers on
Speaker 1: I get it, but like, is she in mainstream movies? No? No,
Speaker 1: But my point is is that she's in mainstream YouTube culture,
Speaker 1: which I know isn't that good. But she but she's
Speaker 1: not seen as she's actually put on a pedestal by
Speaker 1: I mean a lot of like, you know, eighteen nineteen
Speaker 1: year olds, but like the type of porn pedestal. Fucking yeah,
Speaker 1: pedestal where they and it's pretty hot. But she but like,
Speaker 1: there are porn stars like that that you know that
Speaker 1: are on bar stool a lot that are seen outside
Speaker 1: of just sucking and fucking where they oh, they're selling merchant,
Speaker 1: they're like, you know whatever, they're getting brand deals, they're getting,
Speaker 1: they're seeing more as like, oh, these are like movie
Speaker 1: stars most to these people. So it is starting to,
Speaker 1: i think, change the conversation. It's it's very crazy to
Speaker 1: be able. That's why I'm so in awe of them.
Speaker 1: It's because I just can't believe, how could you do that.
Speaker 1: It's like, I'm it's the same as like cliff diving
Speaker 1: or those guys that flow through the air like little
Speaker 1: flying squirrels and then like barely at the ground. That's porn.
Speaker 1: To me, That's how I look at porn stars. I'm
Speaker 1: just like, oh my god, it's so cool that you
Speaker 1: do that. I'm so glad I get to watch it,
Speaker 1: But I am like, I could never do that. But
Speaker 1: it's not like I'm like, I don't think Cliff Jumpers
Speaker 1: are bad. People are like, don't have him at our
Speaker 1: family dinner party. I look at it literally the same
Speaker 1: way of like, because actually porn stars do look at
Speaker 1: sex very like they almost look at like. I was
Speaker 1: just like, like the way we look at comedy or
Speaker 1: or or being on stage. People go oh my god,
Speaker 1: how could you go on stage? And they're just like
Speaker 1: they're less crazy and like weird about sex than the
Speaker 1: people that would be weird about having them at the
Speaker 1: dinner party, do you know what I'm saying? Or Thanksgiving
Speaker 1: dinner whatever. All right, let's get to why do I care?
Speaker 1: After this break? Why do I care? Why do I care? Okay,
Speaker 1: so nick him he won't read Jessica Simpson's book I
Speaker 1: lived it for use for her first can't refuse the
Speaker 1: audio Okay, Yeah, I guess you could do any audio
Speaker 1: book or the Vulture recap call back or Blankets. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I just was checking my subscriptions, like on Apple,
Speaker 1: I paid for Blankets prescription subscription for a year. I
Speaker 1: gotta get back into it. I do like it. I
Speaker 1: do too, and I have audio books too. I have
Speaker 1: like nineteen credits that I haven't used. Dude, Okay, So Nichols,
Speaker 1: she won't read uscas is this book, which, by the way,
Speaker 1: I heard was great. I gotta read her book because
Speaker 1: I'm writing a book right now, and hers is one
Speaker 1: that everyone goes. I didn't think it was going to
Speaker 1: be good, but is. Yeah, because people are like chicken
Speaker 1: un you know, and then they're like, she must be
Speaker 1: an idiot. I really like her all the you see
Speaker 1: her her latest Instagram post. So she's been sober for
Speaker 1: four years and she put up a photo of her
Speaker 1: and tooth. It doesn't even look like you would never
Speaker 1: even knows her if you got out. She've had a
Speaker 1: problem on a lot working and so she put up
Speaker 1: this photo. No make it was the day she realized
Speaker 1: that she wanted to be sober. Wait the picture that
Speaker 1: she put up, Wait, I want to look at it.
Speaker 1: It's pretty incredible. She has three kids now, she looks
Speaker 1: so happy. I didn't you know, I'm not gonna lie
Speaker 1: like I kind of forgot about her. And then you
Speaker 1: check out her Instagram and that's more successful than oh
Speaker 1: my God. This person is the early is in the
Speaker 1: early morning of November one, two dozen seventeen, is an
Speaker 1: unrecognizable version of myself. I had so much self discovery
Speaker 1: to unluck and explorer. I knew in this very moment,
Speaker 1: I would allow myself to take back my light, show
Speaker 1: victory over my internal battle of self respect and brave
Speaker 1: this world with piercing clarity. Personally. To do this, I
Speaker 1: need to stop drinking alcohol because it kept my mind
Speaker 1: and heart circling in the same direction, and quite honestly,
Speaker 1: I was exhausted. Um. I wanted to feel the pain
Speaker 1: so I could carry it like a badge of honor.
Speaker 1: I wanted to live as a leader does and break
Speaker 1: the cycles, to advance forward, never looking back with regret
Speaker 1: and remorse over any choice I've made, and would for
Speaker 1: the rest of my time here within this beautiful world.
Speaker 1: I love this. She's yeah, four years. I think this
Speaker 1: is a good thing. There's so much stigma around the
Speaker 1: world alcoholism or the label of an alcoholic the real world.
Speaker 1: That needed to be done, in work that needed to
Speaker 1: be done in my life was to actually accept failure, pain, brokenness,
Speaker 1: and self sabotage. The drinking wasn't the issue I was.
Speaker 1: I didn't love myself. I didn't respect my own power.
Speaker 1: Today I do. I have made nice with the fears,
Speaker 1: and I've accepted the parts of my life that are
Speaker 1: just sad. I own my personal power with soulful, soulful courage.
Speaker 1: I am wildly honest and comfortably open. I am free.
Speaker 1: I love you. Jessica Simpson Listen like obviously she's she's
Speaker 1: done it, like the had the so much of that
Speaker 1: is what I feel like I had last year when
Speaker 1: I stopped starving myself and like you know, dieting or
Speaker 1: abusing myself with food, it's still a struggle. Much like
Speaker 1: I'm sure she still has days where she wants to
Speaker 1: drink or is does something selfish. Sure, like you know
Speaker 1: what she's saying is like, drinking is not the issue.
Speaker 1: Me starving myself wasn't the issue. Me wanting to be
Speaker 1: thin wasn't the issue. It's me loving myself. And if
Speaker 1: you are abusing yourself with any substance, it's not the
Speaker 1: it's not the drug, it's not like it's just you
Speaker 1: don't like yourself and you don't accept yourself, and and
Speaker 1: it's so hard to do. But it is possible. Um,
Speaker 1: even though God, I mean there there two days ago
Speaker 1: I could not accept myself. I was teetering on the
Speaker 1: brink of hurting. You know, I was hurting myself with
Speaker 1: my the mantras to myself. I was hurting myself in
Speaker 1: just the my room being messy. I mean, I find
Speaker 1: other ways to abuse myself, even if it's not with alcohol,
Speaker 1: marijuana or I wonder if she like starving, mrs performing
Speaker 1: and mrs singing and like, you know, that was such
Speaker 1: a I mean, I guess a big part of her
Speaker 1: life now as being a mother and billionaire. Oh oh really,
Speaker 1: she ended up she's more. She's richer than Brittany, Christina
Speaker 1: and all those girls Mandy combined. Like that becomes like,
Speaker 1: you know, you become such a big Yeah, if you
Speaker 1: had a brand and then you just stopped doing comment,
Speaker 1: I don't want to make I don't want to make
Speaker 1: more trash for the world if I could create Brianna
Speaker 1: became a billionaire off of brands, like if, I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's just interesting to me. It's sad to me though,
Speaker 1: a little bit that these you know, they're not they're
Speaker 1: so talent, they could put out so much amazing creative word.
Speaker 1: But that's what she's clear, Like, I bet you will
Speaker 1: get an album from her that will be probably won't
Speaker 1: sell well, no offense, because it's like that music, it
Speaker 1: doesn't do. Like Mariah Carey just released another like Christmas
Speaker 1: song and I just don't think it's going to do
Speaker 1: as well, even though she's made the most popular Christmas
Speaker 1: song of all time. Like, but I bet her album
Speaker 1: that she makes, whether it does well or not, it
Speaker 1: won't matter. You know, the artists that weigh their worth
Speaker 1: on sales, they aren't sober like she is. Like she
Speaker 1: has done the work. You can tell where and you
Speaker 1: know I'm not if she's doing the work. And I
Speaker 1: know when I do the work, it's nothing matters, Like
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. And that's almost gets in my way.
Speaker 1: Like with the special coming up, I just know that
Speaker 1: if it's the worst thing I've ever put out and
Speaker 1: I bomb it, and I am totally unprepared and I
Speaker 1: totally fucked up by not preparing more. I was gonna
Speaker 1: say the guy that was gonna give me notes I
Speaker 1: said to him, I was like, I don't want to.
Speaker 1: I don't want to go over notes. I don't want
Speaker 1: to go over my act and he goes, you need
Speaker 1: to and it was just like a rude awakening of like,
Speaker 1: you're right, someone needed to like slap me in the
Speaker 1: phase of be like Nikky, it's time to do the work,
Speaker 1: like it's looming. And I feel though that if I
Speaker 1: get to that point and I record it, it was
Speaker 1: always meant to be that special, Like I the fact
Speaker 1: that I didn't work on it wasn't because I was lazy.
Speaker 1: It was because I just couldn't. I couldn't and the
Speaker 1: fact that I had to record that special with everything
Speaker 1: going on in my life that led me to not
Speaker 1: be able to prepare that special is meant to be
Speaker 1: whatever it is, and I'm not having any regrets anymore.
Speaker 1: It's one of the chapters I'm working on for my
Speaker 1: book is um dealing with regret, because I when I
Speaker 1: was going through immense regret over like forgetting to say
Speaker 1: jokes or like a one conan interview I did where
Speaker 1: I just didn't feel like it was very good and
Speaker 1: I was like, why did I say this? I could
Speaker 1: have said this joke just I remember just scouring anything
Speaker 1: for like a podcast about regret, like how do you
Speaker 1: get over regret, and there was like not a lot
Speaker 1: of resources for me. So I'm I'm going to write
Speaker 1: something about it, because I really am at the point
Speaker 1: now where I just go it was meant to be
Speaker 1: that way, it was always going to be that way.
Speaker 1: And cursing the other day lost to pair sunglasses on
Speaker 1: the way here when she flew they like fell out
Speaker 1: of her bag at t s A. And she doesn't
Speaker 1: lose things. She's just a very organized person and she
Speaker 1: takes care of her things. And they were like, you know,
Speaker 1: fifty dollar sunglasses and she lost them. And usually if
Speaker 1: Carson loses something, I hear about it constantly because she
Speaker 1: just like talks about things in her life that especially
Speaker 1: things like that, like I lost something that is so
Speaker 1: unlike me, Like how did Like I would have heard
Speaker 1: about it. She didn't tell me about it for three
Speaker 1: days and then she goes, oh, yeah, I lost my
Speaker 1: sunglasses on the way here. She goes, but when I
Speaker 1: realized I lost them, I heard your voice in my
Speaker 1: head from the podcast saying I was never meant to
Speaker 1: have those sunglasses. I was only meant to have them
Speaker 1: for that amount of time they were meant to go
Speaker 1: would be with someone else. After that, and they weren't
Speaker 1: mine to have. They were always going to be lost
Speaker 1: in that moment. There was nothing I could have done,
Speaker 1: and that was that's where they should be. And and
Speaker 1: I go, that's why I haven't heard you obsess over
Speaker 1: these sunglasses because I because, yeah, I'm so I'm so
Speaker 1: glad that that got out there because it's helped me
Speaker 1: so much. And I sometimes say things on here where
Speaker 1: I'm like, does this help anyone, because that that kind of,
Speaker 1: you know, thing helps me when I lose something or
Speaker 1: I make a you know, I am in a fender
Speaker 1: bender or something. I'm just like, God, why didn't I
Speaker 1: just tie my shoe? And then I wouldn't have been
Speaker 1: in this exact moment, Like these little things like that
Speaker 1: have done differently. It's like, stop it. It was there's
Speaker 1: nothing you didn't know, There's nothing you could have done.
Speaker 1: But you know what I can do is get to
Speaker 1: collection of kids getting ready for there's person. So Okay.
Speaker 1: I was actually talking to uh my lover last night
Speaker 1: and thank God, someone that I you know, I'm hooking
Speaker 1: up with, and he was saying he's never acknowledged kid,
Speaker 1: and it's always been kind of a thing our relationship
Speaker 1: where I'm like like whenever I say he just goes
Speaker 1: kind of like like it just kind of like I
Speaker 1: can tell it, like it's just not something he's just
Speaker 1: like accepting. And then last night he was like, I
Speaker 1: had some thoughts about and I was like what, Like
Speaker 1: it was almost like he got down on one knee.
Speaker 1: I was like, wait, wait, you you're acknowledging kut and
Speaker 1: he was like, he goes, you guys need to put
Speaker 1: out a cut book like Urban Outfitters book of like
Speaker 1: all of our submissions of the kiss things and make
Speaker 1: a book of kids. And so I think that's our
Speaker 1: first branding thing for the podcast collection of kids. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's hear this first one. Okay, this first one didn't
Speaker 1: leave a name. I don't think. I think you know it.
Speaker 1: And Andrew. I'm calling him because I have a from
Speaker 1: this weekend. So on Friday night, my friends and I
Speaker 1: went out in St. Louis and we were with a
Speaker 1: couple of guys we went to college with, and the
Speaker 1: one guy was driving us and he he was like
Speaker 1: talking about the strip club and he was showing us
Speaker 1: his complimentary entry fees and just like wouldn't stop talking
Speaker 1: about it. And it just was like waiting for us
Speaker 1: to have a reaction, but none of us here and
Speaker 1: it just felt ye like who, we don't care that
Speaker 1: you're going to a strip club. We don't want to go.
Speaker 1: He would then he was like you guys don't want
Speaker 1: to go tonight, and like like why so? Yeah? I
Speaker 1: mean I was, I was. I was in threat of
Speaker 1: being before when I told you guys my manager said
Speaker 1: I was the busiest woman in comedy. Because that's a brag.
Speaker 1: But what I what I what what took me out
Speaker 1: of being is the fact that I set it up
Speaker 1: as like this made me feel really good, like I
Speaker 1: acknowledged why I was sharing. It was like I I'm
Speaker 1: I'm being selfish right now if you acknowledge, like, like,
Speaker 1: how could that guy do that and avoid being cast?
Speaker 1: I mean he's bragging essentially, he's bragging about how rich
Speaker 1: he is that he could handle this, you know, fifty
Speaker 1: dollar fee. Like if I could handle that, imagine what
Speaker 1: I could do for you, you know what I mean? Like,
Speaker 1: because my money is endless, I could have a girl
Speaker 1: ride on me and I could come in my own pants.
Speaker 1: How cool am I? How do you? How do you?
Speaker 1: Is there a way to what to show your entry
Speaker 1: cards two girls without think You could say, look, how
Speaker 1: could I am by showing that? You could even say that.
Speaker 1: You could be like, I know this is could but
Speaker 1: I'm kind of proud of this, or you could be
Speaker 1: like acknowledge, I really really do enjoy going to these
Speaker 1: strip clubs. I value them, value how they make me.
Speaker 1: I'm a good tipper. I just yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I mean it's hard to like, yeah, it's hard to
Speaker 1: is like a black card cut if you throwed that,
Speaker 1: like and it's like a weighted car. Is there a
Speaker 1: way to use a card that's like that without being killed?
Speaker 1: There's plenty of rich guys that you would never know
Speaker 1: have a black card. You know. There's the guy that's like,
Speaker 1: I got it, and he's like whips it out and
Speaker 1: throws it over his head and like it just he
Speaker 1: makes it breaks the table. It's six by six ft.
Speaker 1: It's like a giant check. He's like, hey, can you
Speaker 1: run this? No, well, just you know, I'm good for it,
Speaker 1: and then he just buys the whole restaurant. God bless you.
Speaker 1: But that's one of my favorite things ever. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so anyhow, but yeah, it's a. If you call out cut,
Speaker 1: you can do whatever you want if you go listen, guys,
Speaker 1: I just want to show how fucking sick and loud
Speaker 1: my engine sounds ready like you're not cut. You've called
Speaker 1: it out. Okay, next one, Okay, next one comes from
Speaker 1: I think j D's name, Hi, Nikki Glazer Pod. My
Speaker 1: name is Jad Daily listener. Um, No one makes me
Speaker 1: laugh harder, So thank you, guys. UM. I just wanted
Speaker 1: to share a cup moment since you always reference it's
Speaker 1: been a while the state reference. I have to always
Speaker 1: think now that most nineties rock is pretty cut. And
Speaker 1: I was listening to Lightning Crashes by Live and I
Speaker 1: couldn't help but think the whole time out cut that song.
Speaker 1: I just wanted to share. Thanks, Thanks j D. I
Speaker 1: think that songs about the Oklahoma City bombing crashes and
Speaker 1: old Can you write a CURS song about a national
Speaker 1: terroristic tragedy? Kind of? Because you know what's ki is
Speaker 1: like all is like singing like that is making a
Speaker 1: choice to sing, like learning. Singing is feelings in songs
Speaker 1: like any kind of like ah, like like trying to
Speaker 1: get your like trying to sound trying to get is
Speaker 1: singing cur like sometimes when I listened to my own like,
Speaker 1: I get what you're saying, Like there's a way that
Speaker 1: he could sing that song without But like any singing
Speaker 1: I'm talking about, like any recording artist well be saying
Speaker 1: rap and like certain kind of singing pop music, their
Speaker 1: whole thing is trying to look stand up. So kid,
Speaker 1: I you know what's not You know what is the
Speaker 1: Deterrentica honesty And that's what I liked Jessica Simpsons thing,
Speaker 1: and that's a big recovery thing is just if you're
Speaker 1: honest all the time, you will see that you have
Speaker 1: an addiction to something, like you aren't going to hide
Speaker 1: an addiction, so you have to deal with it. That's
Speaker 1: why I like the first step of like recovery things
Speaker 1: is like admitting you have a problem. It's like getting honest.
Speaker 1: So if you're always honest, could cannot exist in an
Speaker 1: honest world if you're like what what what makes everything
Speaker 1: suck is just dishonesty is not showing your true motives
Speaker 1: or your true intentions. And that's why I love love
Speaker 1: on the spectrum because they can't be care false confidence,
Speaker 1: false cockiness. Ego. Yeah, I I love Machine Gun Kelly,
Speaker 1: but um, someone sent me that clip of him with
Speaker 1: with Megan Fox, I am weed and uh, And I
Speaker 1: was like, I think it's funny, you know, I like
Speaker 1: defended him because I like machine Gun Gally and I
Speaker 1: was like, I think it's funny. And he was a
Speaker 1: little annoyed that I thought that was funny. He was like,
Speaker 1: you are like a comedian, you think that's funny. I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: because it's just like a funny thing to say. She
Speaker 1: said you smell like weed. And he was probably a
Speaker 1: little bit nervous as Megan Fox, and he was just
Speaker 1: like trying to think of the coolest thing to say.
Speaker 1: And he's just like, I am It's just a dumb
Speaker 1: to say I am weed. Doesn't make any sense. And
Speaker 1: he goes, let me just clarify. You can think it's funny,
Speaker 1: but please admit it's And I was like, oh, I mean,
Speaker 1: I think that's maybe the definition of saying I am
Speaker 1: weed is for sure. I mean, I think people can
Speaker 1: be and you could have a balance of a lot
Speaker 1: of things. But if he is weed, like, we don't know.
Speaker 1: I mean, I got a little and I'm about to
Speaker 1: see him where I'll tell you soon spoiler. I mean
Speaker 1: there's actually not a oiler. Okay, next, spoilers are cool
Speaker 1: on a car on a what's the point of spoilers?
Speaker 1: I don't to just look like you're going faster? What honestly,
Speaker 1: what is a spoiler? A spoiler to make you go
Speaker 1: faster when you're standing aerodynamics? Serodynamic? Okay, you would think
Speaker 1: it would slow you down, though, But going fast as
Speaker 1: cud like just to go around in circles and go fast?
Speaker 1: Like why do It's only to be like I could
Speaker 1: like what is boilers can get? I mean early nineties
Speaker 1: boilers racing and going fast? Is because why do we
Speaker 1: need to reason why you like porn? Why you want
Speaker 1: to do porn? You know? I want to come? No
Speaker 1: you want it? Well, these that's how they can come
Speaker 1: and mentally and physically they go fast and they feel. Man,
Speaker 1: I'm getting a little existential about like I think almost
Speaker 1: everything is okay next week. I'm sorry. You're gonna love
Speaker 1: this one. Oh good okay from Maria. Hi, guys, I
Speaker 1: love the podcasts or every morning with it. Thank Cogressive.
Speaker 1: You're hilarious. He made me laugh every day. I have
Speaker 1: a kick to report report. I live in New York City,
Speaker 1: so I often run in Central Park and I have
Speaker 1: found that male runners in general are just pretty kid.
Speaker 1: I don't think they can help themselves. I think it's
Speaker 1: just something that comes with a territory. Anyway, I saw
Speaker 1: the sky one time as I was running, and he
Speaker 1: had a bottom of his shirt was pulled up and
Speaker 1: in his mouth, so it was creating like a crop
Speaker 1: top moment, and I guess it was to show off
Speaker 1: his abs. I'm not really sure what the objective was there,
Speaker 1: but he was just running along holding the bottom of
Speaker 1: his shirt and his mouth creating this fashion statement, and
Speaker 1: I thought that was pretty dark. But another thing that
Speaker 1: is is something that I did myself. I am actually
Speaker 1: with your friend a Meal on Hinge a couple of
Speaker 1: months back, and I really really wanted to hold myself
Speaker 1: back from do it, but I really couldn't. So my
Speaker 1: first message was about you and um, I hope he
Speaker 1: wasn't offended by that. But we can all be a
Speaker 1: little kiss sometimes. I have realized that, oh at all.
Speaker 1: Thank you guys so much for making this podcast. I
Speaker 1: really do appreciate it. Thank you what was her name, Ria? Ria?
Speaker 1: I love that. And yeah, sometimes people go, I know
Speaker 1: this is kuld, but like I love you or whatever.
Speaker 1: It's like that ain't kid like, that's just honest and
Speaker 1: like you you, I mean you're you have a mutual
Speaker 1: friend with a meal me so like if that's you're
Speaker 1: my friend, if you listen to the show, especially daily,
Speaker 1: and especially if you are like calling out, because um
Speaker 1: so I would I would be mad if you didn't
Speaker 1: write a meal. Hey I know, Nikki, Yeah, you know
Speaker 1: what's pretending like there isn't a connect? Yes, yes, that
Speaker 1: would have been Yes, I feel like, who's Nicky Glazer? Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: like carved in your back? Yes? Oh my, that's such
Speaker 1: a good one. I have to peece so bad? Can
Speaker 1: I just go so fast? It's almost it's too distracting.
Speaker 1: I do remember, Like when guys put their shirt up
Speaker 1: their show their abs, it is like like you can
Speaker 1: I saw a thing, but here's the thing. And don't
Speaker 1: you want the argument I'll give guys if you some
Speaker 1: people go, whyn't you just use the top of your
Speaker 1: shirt you know what I mean, to wipe off the
Speaker 1: sweat off your brow or whatever, because that doesn't show
Speaker 1: your abs as much. The top is already wet from sweat.
Speaker 1: You sweat more up top than you do towards your stomach.
Speaker 1: So do you use the bottom of your shirt? Yes?
Speaker 1: If you are well. That guy must run a lot,
Speaker 1: so doesn't he know he should take like a handkerchief
Speaker 1: or something and not just run with his shirtey runs
Speaker 1: with a handkerchief with a pipe, with a pipe and
Speaker 1: a and a hat with a feather. You should run
Speaker 1: with I don't run. I don't know what they use.
Speaker 1: Why doesn't he just have a hankerchief? Nike should come
Speaker 1: out with the Nike handkerchief. Oh do you need to
Speaker 1: blow snot? Do you need to get sweat off the
Speaker 1: top of your head? We got you covered. No, It
Speaker 1: just said why didn't the guy that wipe the sweat
Speaker 1: off with his shirt carry a handkerchief? Well? Running um
Speaker 1: or a towel, but a handkerchief. No one used a handkerchief.
Speaker 1: Did he have a pipe? And and I had with
Speaker 1: a feather? Do while he runs and put down his
Speaker 1: jacket when there's a puddle for a nice lady out
Speaker 1: of the carrot seeing in the rain? Um, oh my god,
Speaker 1: that's so funny. Yeah, when so I guess he was
Speaker 1: he was sweating? Is that he was? Yeah, he was sweating.
Speaker 1: I was talking to the top of your shirt, but
Speaker 1: it's already wet. That's the problem. That's Yeah, I'm a
Speaker 1: big sweater and when I run and I have like
Speaker 1: sweat in my eyes, I you know, have to like
Speaker 1: pull it up and do it with like the Sometimes
Speaker 1: I'll take my shirt off just to get so I
Speaker 1: don't like cover up my eyes and doing it. I
Speaker 1: have to admit, like I've been running before and I
Speaker 1: don't need to take my shirt off. But I'm like,
Speaker 1: I look fucking great and I don't and I don't
Speaker 1: go to the gym, I don't get to go to
Speaker 1: the beach, I don't go to the pool, and I
Speaker 1: kind of want to show off my body and I'm
Speaker 1: I can run away as before anyone was like she
Speaker 1: thinks she's hot. And it's just like I'll sometimes run
Speaker 1: in a and it's I sweat so much that it
Speaker 1: feels more free, Like it feels good too. It's not
Speaker 1: like I'm making myself more uncomfortable to show off my body.
Speaker 1: But I will not deny that showing off my body
Speaker 1: is part of me wanting to take off my shirt.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think I think you deserve it. I mean,
Speaker 1: also it gives you a scapegoat of like, you know,
Speaker 1: you're not just like walking around the park like Nick
Speaker 1: almost Nick. If you're running, it like gives you workout clothes,
Speaker 1: all that ship yoga pants, It all makes you sexier
Speaker 1: with under the guys of Oh no, I'm just saying yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's just admitting that I wanted to wear
Speaker 1: something that makes me cuter or like, yeah that that
Speaker 1: I feel embarrassed do I mean I wouldn't comfortable wearing
Speaker 1: a sports braw with your yoga pants, just like around town. Well,
Speaker 1: Noah says, why don't you just wear red lipstick and
Speaker 1: high heels in a summer dress while you were on
Speaker 1: Nikki and a handkerchief. Well that's in a bonnet and
Speaker 1: scarf around my neck or like like I'm in a
Speaker 1: big sunglasses and curlers in my hair and a petticoat.
Speaker 1: Um yeah, garter belt. I don't know. I'm just naming
Speaker 1: other things, um because those aren't comfortable and and they're
Speaker 1: not good for running. But I do sweat a lot,
Speaker 1: and I but male runners I absolutely thinker cut. Like
Speaker 1: I'm just like you look crazy. You are don't have
Speaker 1: enough fat on your body? What are you running for um,
Speaker 1: what are you running from? Oh? What do you want
Speaker 1: from Me? I loved that song, What do you Want
Speaker 1: from Me? What do you Love from Me? Adam Lambert?
Speaker 1: Adam Lambert? I loved him. I loved a couple American
Speaker 1: idols who had kind of one hits. I loved Adam
Speaker 1: Lambert What do you Want from Me? I loved um.
Speaker 1: David Archiletta Crush. That is honestly one of my favorite
Speaker 1: pop songs of all time. If there are any other
Speaker 1: David Archeltta Crushed fans out there, just no, You're not alone,
Speaker 1: but sometimes you feel alone because it is a song
Speaker 1: that no one knows. I hear it once in a while,
Speaker 1: like over the sound system at TJ Max. It is.
Speaker 1: It's a great song though, and he's it's you know,
Speaker 1: it's about a girl, but he's you know, came out Yeah.
Speaker 1: Um David Um Cook, Yes, a career Yeah? What was
Speaker 1: his single? Um? I don't know, but him, the bald guy.
Speaker 1: David Cook and I used to text each other. He
Speaker 1: was my first like um, I would say, celeb like
Speaker 1: uh potential. We met. I had been on last coming standing.
Speaker 1: I think we were both from Kansas City and you
Speaker 1: know kind of got our start in Kent City and um,
Speaker 1: we met at like a god, how did we even meet? Oh?
Speaker 1: We met here in St. Louis. I was here in
Speaker 1: two thousand nine. I moved back to live with my parents.
Speaker 1: I've been on the Tonight Show at that point and
Speaker 1: last comic sand so I had like a little bit
Speaker 1: of TV cred. He had one American idol I think
Speaker 1: two years before the year before and we saw each
Speaker 1: other at Blueberry Hill. He was in town doing a
Speaker 1: show and my friend I was with my friends and
Speaker 1: my friends like went up to him were like like
Speaker 1: we I was like, oh my god, he's so cute
Speaker 1: and just didn't want to say anything. But my friends
Speaker 1: I think went up to two of my guy friends
Speaker 1: went up to him, were like wingmandum for me or
Speaker 1: said something. And then he invited us somewhere and then
Speaker 1: I think he was like They were like, he's like
Speaker 1: interested in you. I was like what, And I just
Speaker 1: couldn't believe it. And I think these are the MySpace
Speaker 1: days and I think maybe I slid in there. I
Speaker 1: don't know, but then he was supposed Then we started
Speaker 1: texting and we never met again. But um, I've always
Speaker 1: like had. I remember listening to that song a lot,
Speaker 1: being like I'm gonna be this guy's girlfriend, like projecting
Speaker 1: that into the world. I like had the Big. You know,
Speaker 1: it's one of those things where you just think that
Speaker 1: something's gonna get off the ground and it literally never
Speaker 1: even leaves the gate, and you're like I and you're
Speaker 1: already in Paris on vacation, and you're like, it's your honey.
Speaker 1: The plane ain't taken off, you haven't even boarded. They
Speaker 1: won't let you on. Your bag is too big, Your
Speaker 1: baggage just too much, Like what are you even thinking?
Speaker 1: Like the places my mind will go in fantasy land
Speaker 1: with guys or have gone in the past. Now I
Speaker 1: now I cut myself off from even the first step. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you don't even get the ticket. I don't even like
Speaker 1: price line it you don't kayak? Yeah, I mean yeah.
Speaker 1: It's it's good though, to have those like I think
Speaker 1: you have to have like these these dreams to then
Speaker 1: reach something. Maybe it won't be that dream, but at
Speaker 1: least you're dreaming. I know that sounds cheesy, but at
Speaker 1: least you're like thinking, Big might not date David Cook,
Speaker 1: but I might date a Line Cook yeah, who almost
Speaker 1: went to Paris during the summer between junior and senior year,
Speaker 1: but he failed out because he was addicted dogsy. Now
Speaker 1: I love fantasizing about boys. It used to be one
Speaker 1: of my favorite things. Did you Fantasia? Burino? Never liked
Speaker 1: a single of hers really, justin Guarini I thought was
Speaker 1: gonna be bigger. Bo Bice has a the best song ever,
Speaker 1: I think on American Idol when he sings acapella, bo
Speaker 1: Bice acapella. I don't even know any Daughtry. I liked him, Patry,
Speaker 1: I really like Daughtry um, but no voice people. I
Speaker 1: couldn't even name a voice person neither. Yeah, all right,
Speaker 1: well we've covered it all so much. I love her.
Speaker 1: Carrie Underwood. Yeah, I mean that's Kelly Clarkson. Kelly Clarkson's
Speaker 1: audition on American Idol, best audition ever. You've never seen
Speaker 1: all of them, so you can't really say that, but
Speaker 1: the best one you've seen, Yes, But her winning and
Speaker 1: singing a moment like this after she wins is even
Speaker 1: just listening to the audio of it makes me cry
Speaker 1: because she is so cute. Speaking of I'm gonna I'm
Speaker 1: gonna see her very shortly. Chances is there anyone I
Speaker 1: could bring up that you don't know? Oh my god?
Speaker 1: She goes, oh god, kind of moment, like you should
Speaker 1: do that. You do that on her show, everything changes,
Speaker 1: beauty remains, so she does that. Something so simple can
Speaker 1: mix plain. I can sing as good to Kelly Clarkson
Speaker 1: when she's weeping uncontrollably. All right, gotta go. Thank you
Speaker 1: for listening to the podcast Prosperity. Uh don't and oh
Speaker 1: my god, you're so Gloder