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Speaker 1: Because of special Olympics. I think a lot of people

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Speaker 1: now do just accept, well, of course they can play sports,

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Speaker 1: because we've all heard of special Olympics. Yeah, so you

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Speaker 1: just accept they can do that. Well, what if we

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Speaker 1: spent the same amount of time and energy and organization

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Speaker 1: in years teaching them other things, you know, teaching them

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Speaker 1: a skill, teaching them a vocation, teaching them how to

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Speaker 1: be independent? Could they learn those things too? Right? Why

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Speaker 1: isn't there a special Olympics of jobs?

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Speaker 2: Welcome to an army of normal folks. I'm Bill Courtney.

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Speaker 2: I'm a normal guy. I'm a husband, a father, and entrepreneur,

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Speaker 2: and I've been a football coach in inner City Memphis.

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Speaker 2: And the last part it unintentionally led to an oscar

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Speaker 2: for the film about our team. It's called Undefeated. Guys,

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Speaker 2: I believe our country's problems will never be solved by

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Speaker 2: a bunch of fancy people in nice suits using big

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Speaker 2: words that nobody understands on and N or Fox, but

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Speaker 2: rather an army of normal folks, us, just you and

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Speaker 2: me deciding hey, I can help. That's what Jane Borkoff,

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Speaker 2: the voice we just heard, has done. She created let's

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Speaker 2: call it a special Olympics for jobs in Houston, Texas.

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Speaker 2: Her nonprofit, The Heart Program, has provided job training and

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Speaker 2: placement for hundreds of adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities.

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Speaker 2: When too much of our culture believes that these kind

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Speaker 2: of folks can't provide any value in the workplace, Jane

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Speaker 2: disproves it. Heart and its trainees also operate over sixty

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Speaker 2: vending machines and get this, one hundred and fifty concession

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Speaker 2: events each year, including at every professional sports stadium in Houston.

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Speaker 2: I can't wait for you to meet Jane right after

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Speaker 2: these brief messages from our general sponsors Shane Borkoff, How.

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Speaker 1: Are you doing great? How are you fine?

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Speaker 2: Houston? Right?

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Speaker 1: That's right.

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Speaker 2: It's hot down there bunch times.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I prefer it hot. I love I love warm weather.

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Speaker 2: Where are you from?

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Speaker 1: I was born in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

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Speaker 2: So you're used to sweltering, miserable heat exactly. I mean

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Speaker 2: you're an LSU fan.

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Speaker 1: You know, my mom went to LSU for her undergrad

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Speaker 1: but she finished at Texas A and M, and then

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Speaker 1: she did her PhD at University of Texas Medical Brand.

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Speaker 2: So your mom's really DWN.

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Speaker 1: No, not at all, I mean amazing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So you grew up in Baton Rouge.

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Speaker 1: I lived there for a couple of years and then

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Speaker 1: we moved to Texas. On my third birthday, which I

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Speaker 1: always tell my parents was the best birthday present I

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Speaker 1: ever got is to become a tex We moved to Brenham, Texas.

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Speaker 1: Where's that It's about halfway between Houston and Austin. It's

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Speaker 1: off a highway to ninety.

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Speaker 2: Is that kind of near like Brian Texas or College Station?

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Speaker 2: I guess is kind of there right.

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Speaker 1: Maybe a thirty forty five minute drive. So that's why

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Speaker 1: my mom ended up finishing at Texas A and M

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Speaker 1: because it's in College Station. We were living in Brenham

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Speaker 1: at the time already, so it's beautiful. Got two younger brothers,

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Speaker 1: and when you grow up in Brenham, there's a couple

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Speaker 1: of things you know. One is you eat ice cream

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Speaker 1: every single day on your school lunch tray because Bluebelt

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Speaker 1: ice Cream, right is that where one? It's headquartered in Brenham, Texas,

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Speaker 1: So you're going to get that. Oh yeah, they sponsor

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Speaker 1: all the sports and they're just a great community part So.

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Speaker 2: Everybody run around Bros. Fat No, not at all, yeah,

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Speaker 2: they're all fat for meeting all the ice cream.

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Speaker 1: No one listening to this is going to understand that, not.

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Speaker 2: Know, I'm the fat. I ate ice cream for everybody listening.

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Speaker 2: I did. Jane, It's not that, but she probably was

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Speaker 2: a fat child, you know, Alex, I think we've ruined

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Speaker 2: any chance of Bluebell being a sponsor for show. At

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Speaker 2: this point, I.

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Speaker 1: Didn't know, Honest to god, I didn't know that kids

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Speaker 1: all over the country didn't eat ice cream every day

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Speaker 1: at their school. I just thought that's how wonderful it

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Speaker 1: was to grow up and have a childhood in Brenna.

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Speaker 2: So in Houston you meet a guy.

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Speaker 1: That's right, I met my husband and his name is

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Speaker 1: His name is Bob.

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Speaker 2: Bob the husband. Yes, tell us about how you met Bob.

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Speaker 1: So we were introduced by a mutual friend. We were

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Speaker 1: both active in, you know, volunteering in the community and politics.

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Speaker 2: And so did you just say politics, I did, what

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Speaker 2: kind of politics were involved in? So not we don't

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Speaker 2: want to get in to the political discussion per se,

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Speaker 2: but I'd love to know what you were doing in politics.

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Speaker 1: So this, at this time in my life, I had

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Speaker 1: just moved to Houston. I'd been there maybe a year

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Speaker 1: or two, and I had gotten connected with a friend

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Speaker 1: who was involved in raising money for city council races

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Speaker 1: and the mayor's race cool and so I would help

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Speaker 1: her out, you know, stuffing envelopes and we'd watch TV

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Speaker 1: and she'd make lasagna. So then i'd help her out

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Speaker 1: of the events, you know, greeting people and handing out

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Speaker 1: name tags and those kinds of things. My husband at

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Speaker 1: the time was not necessarily volunteering, but he was writing

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Speaker 1: the checks. Your to be husband exactly. He was writing

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Speaker 1: the checks. And so here we both found ourselves at

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Speaker 1: one of these events for a city council race in Houston, Texas,

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Speaker 1: and my friend knew Bob really well and said to me,

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Speaker 1: you know, this is a really great guy, and I

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Speaker 1: think you'd really like him. I don't think she realized

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Speaker 1: how much we were going to like each other, but

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Speaker 1: she had an inkling that we would have some things

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Speaker 1: in common, and so she made the introduction. And then

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Speaker 1: we kept seeing each other. You know, we kept running

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Speaker 1: into each other different things, kind of like once you

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Speaker 1: meet someone, you.

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Speaker 2: Know.

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Speaker 1: I think we had probably he's not a stalker. I

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Speaker 1: think we'd probably been in some of the same events before,

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Speaker 1: but we didn't know each other, and so I think

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Speaker 1: it's one of those things once you know each.

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Speaker 2: Other, you see. It's good that on this podcast we

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Speaker 2: have established that Bob is Oh no, he's not a stock,

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Speaker 2: Bob's not a stalker it. But I do I do

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Speaker 2: have a question. We're going to have to have a

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Speaker 2: production check on this because I'm not sure if it

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Speaker 2: was Plato a Socrates, but he's one of my favorite

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Speaker 2: quotes is you can finish it if you've heard it.

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Speaker 2: The penalty for not involving yourself in politics is you

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Speaker 2: end up being governed by your inferiors. And I don't

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Speaker 2: know if it was Plato or Soccerty, but I've said

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Speaker 2: that before without spilling the means of Plato. Soccerty's people

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Speaker 2: guess Roosevelt, or they guess you know, JFK or even

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Speaker 2: George Washington. But I think it's interesting that going back

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Speaker 2: literally two thousand years, some of the same divisions that

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Speaker 2: plagued humanity two thousand years ago in the political spectrum

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Speaker 2: still plague us today. And I just I think it's

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Speaker 2: great that you're involved in politics because it's best that

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Speaker 2: we don't get governed by our inferiors, and so I

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Speaker 2: think that's cool. So you met Bob the stalker in

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Speaker 2: political in political work, and he followed you around.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I can't say that's exactly how it happened. I

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Speaker 1: guess that's my.

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Speaker 2: Version of it, but it's it's more fun to say.

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Speaker 2: Because Bob's going to listen to this. I hope he

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Speaker 2: has a sense of humor. Bob, I'm just getting so,

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Speaker 2: y'all are going to these things. You keep bouncing into

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Speaker 2: each other exactly.

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Speaker 1: And the more we got to know each other, the

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Speaker 1: more we realized how much we had in common, not

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Speaker 1: just you know, wanting to be involved in politics or

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Speaker 1: the community, but also, you know, we both like music,

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Speaker 1: we both like the same kind of movies and those

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Speaker 1: kind of things, and so we really just hit it off.

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Speaker 2: Cool. And what does Bob? What did Bob do at

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Speaker 2: the time.

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Speaker 1: So Bob is in the restaurant business.

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Speaker 2: Owning restaurants or managing them.

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Speaker 1: So he's done it all. He started out as a

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Speaker 1: dishwasher when he was eleven years old. I think he

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Speaker 1: may have told someone he was fourteen and got hired

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Speaker 1: to work.

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Speaker 2: And take back everything. I sort of already loved Bob.

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Speaker 2: He's a self made guy.

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Speaker 1: He is. I mean, he got promoted to you know,

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Speaker 1: chopping meat and vegetables and then decided, you know, he

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Speaker 1: was going to own restaurants. And he worked his way

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Speaker 1: up from waiting tables to being a manager and he

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Speaker 1: opened his first restaurant on a credit card when he

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Speaker 1: was in his twenties.

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Speaker 2: That is a great story.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, he in a great American and.

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Speaker 2: Then made it and ended up owning restaurants. He still does,

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Speaker 2: I guess, yes.

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Speaker 1: He's He's owned many different restaurants over his career.

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Speaker 2: That is really really really cool. Have you ever eaten

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Speaker 2: this food all the time? It's wonderful.

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Speaker 1: It's really good. I do mean it. The recipes and

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Speaker 1: the restaurants are terrific and kind.

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Speaker 2: What's the fair?

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Speaker 1: So he has a lot of restaurants that are tex

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Speaker 1: mex So yeah, a lot of enchiladas and tacos and

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Speaker 1: things like that. But he's had steakhouses and seafood buffets

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Speaker 1: and all kinds of different concepts. He's a very creative person.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, really cool.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I remember the first time he cooked for me.

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Speaker 1: We were on a vacation and we rented a place.

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Speaker 1: It was before Airbnb, and he goes to the grocery

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Speaker 1: store and comes back and starts making you know, like

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Speaker 1: gourmet food, right, like stuffed mushrooms and arted chokes and

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Speaker 1: all this kind of stuff. And some of this food

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Speaker 1: I'd never eaten in my life. Here's this man like

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Speaker 1: cooking it for me right in front of me. It

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Speaker 1: was just incredible.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Well the Bob knew what he was doing, didn't he.

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Speaker 2: So you eight is mushrooms and married him more or less?

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Speaker 2: All right, So when was that in your life? How

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Speaker 2: were you?

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Speaker 1: Right? So we all became a family. When I met Bob,

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Speaker 1: I was probably twenty three guy, and by the time

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Speaker 1: I was twenty four, we were all of family. And

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Speaker 1: what I mean by that is he was a single.

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Speaker 2: Dad with three kids owning restaurants.

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Speaker 1: Yes, he was trying.

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Speaker 2: To run for I've been in the restaurant, but actually

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Speaker 2: I put myself. I had a scholarship and many jobs.

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Speaker 2: But one of the many jobs I had was I

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Speaker 2: waited tables and i' bar attended and actually was an

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Speaker 2: assistant manager of a couple of restaurants. So never owned one,

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Speaker 2: but I know what the restaurant businesses and the hours

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Speaker 2: are grueling. And they're always night and you always have

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Speaker 2: to stay. If you close at ten, you're not home

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Speaker 2: till midnight. How does a single dad do that? That's

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Speaker 2: also that's a lot at work.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, he's one of the most hardest working people I've

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Speaker 1: ever known, and he as much work in time as

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Speaker 1: he puts into his businesses. He also puts that much

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Speaker 1: effort into his family.

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Speaker 2: So Bob's a good man.

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Speaker 1: He's a wonderful man.

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Speaker 2: Bob is not a stalker. So I'm doing the math though.

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Speaker 2: You're twenty three, twenty four and Bob's already got three kids.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we're exactly twenty years apart in age.

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Speaker 2: Wow. Yeah, Bob is a stalker. So Bob was forty

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Speaker 2: three ish and you're twenty four ish and you're marrying

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Speaker 2: this man and taking on his children from I guess

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Speaker 2: a divorce. Is that the deal?

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Speaker 1: Yep? Wow, yep, unreal, right, I become.

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Speaker 2: That's a lot for a twenty four year old girl,

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Speaker 2: lady young, Right, it's what.

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Speaker 1: You are right looking back, it didn't I didn't have

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Speaker 1: that perspective. It was just the most natural thing in

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Speaker 1: the world in love. Here's your family, you love me,

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Speaker 1: and you just move forward. But looking back, I wonder,

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Speaker 1: you know how I did it back then? But we

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Speaker 1: all became a family. The twins.

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Speaker 2: How old were the kids.

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Speaker 1: The twins were eleven years old when I met them.

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Speaker 1: They were in fifth grade. I went to their fifth

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Speaker 1: grade graduation.

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Speaker 2: Good.

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Speaker 1: Great, And Bradley was fourteen, he's the big brother, the oldest,

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Speaker 1: and yeah, fourteen.

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Speaker 2: And eleven at twenty four and coming in being a stepmom.

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Speaker 2: That was that. Truthfully, that had to have been a

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Speaker 2: hell of an adjustment or at least a little difficult,

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Speaker 2: wasn't it.

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Speaker 1: You know, I think that I'm very lucky that I

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Speaker 1: met them at that age. I think if the twins

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Speaker 1: had already been teenagers, they might have looked at me

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Speaker 1: a little bit differently, but a lot. But because they

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Speaker 1: were eleven years old, I mean they shook my hand.

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Speaker 1: I was a boring adult to them right at that age,

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Speaker 1: and so they accepted me in that role very young

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Speaker 1: in the lives, and it just sort of continued and

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Speaker 1: we've had a great relationship the whole time.

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Speaker 2: Well, and the truth is, if you really think about it,

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Speaker 2: you graduated high school when you're sixteen and graduate college

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Speaker 2: when you're twenty. You're not a typical twenty four year old.

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Speaker 2: There's a lot of twenty four year olds that act

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Speaker 2: like twenty one year olds. But you were probably maturity wise,

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Speaker 2: far more advanced than a chronologically twenty three or twenty

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Speaker 2: four year old, simply because you were two or three

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Speaker 2: years I having a curve.

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Speaker 1: Anyway, if my husband were here, what he always says

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Speaker 1: is that I was mature for my age and he

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Speaker 1: was immature for his age, and we met in the middle.

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Speaker 2: So chronologically it's good, pat but probably intellectually you're right there.

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Speaker 1: Again, we were a good team.

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Speaker 2: That's a really cool story, all right. So the twins were.

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Speaker 1: Girls, one boy and one girl.

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Speaker 2: Oh got it. And then there's Bradley, who was the

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Speaker 2: big brother, right, who is the part of the focus

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Speaker 2: of our conversation today. Tell me what you tell me

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Speaker 2: your first impression of the kids.

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Speaker 1: Well, my first impression, I just remember thinking they were

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Speaker 1: very well mannered and very good looking. All three of

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Speaker 1: these kids are just beautiful creatures. Yes, he is good.

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Speaker 1: I went to their fifth grade graduation for the twins,

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Speaker 1: and I remember just being very impressed with how they

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Speaker 1: interacted with their friends, you know, even though they're twins

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Speaker 1: and they're in the same classes, and they have the

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Speaker 1: same teachers. They have their own kind of spheres, but

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Speaker 1: then they also you could see when those intersected, and

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Speaker 1: just the joy they had and bringing people over to

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Speaker 1: meet me was really fun, very warm. And I have

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Speaker 1: this early memory of Blair, our daughter, and we had

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Speaker 1: taken the kids skating to a skating rink, roller skating rink,

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Speaker 1: and I just remember her twirling around and you know,

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Speaker 1: really showing all of her all of her stunts that

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Speaker 1: she could do on her roller skates, and just being

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Speaker 1: very impressed.

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Speaker 2: Till you fell in love.

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Speaker 1: I did. Yeah, so with the whole family.

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Speaker 2: Are you mom now?

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Speaker 1: Yes?

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Speaker 2: Where's Mom?

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Speaker 1: So she still lives in Houston. She was remarried before

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Speaker 1: I ever met Bob, and unfortunately, sadly, her husband also

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Speaker 1: just passed away during the pandemic.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: So she still sees the kids, you know, probably more

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Speaker 1: now than she did when I first met the kids,

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Speaker 1: now that she's older and she's alone.

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Speaker 2: But your family dynamic is your mom, right, got it?

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Speaker 2: So that's the twins. Tell me about your first impressions

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Speaker 2: of Bradley.

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Speaker 1: So I had never really been around anyone like Bradley.

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Speaker 2: And remember we haven't discussed Bradley, so I want our

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Speaker 2: listener's first impressions to be yours.

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Speaker 1: It might be helpful if I tell a little bit

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Speaker 1: of Bradley's story.

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Speaker 2: I wish you would so.

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Speaker 1: Bradley was born completely typical. He was a typically developing

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Speaker 1: young boy. He could read words by his third birthday.

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Speaker 1: He loved to garden, was asking lots of questions and

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Speaker 1: running around.

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Speaker 2: He loved a garden.

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Speaker 1: He did.

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Speaker 2: That's funny. My third child, my oldest son. When he

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Speaker 2: was six years old, for Christmas, all he wanted was

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Speaker 2: a garden whissel. It's one of those things that you

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Speaker 2: stick in the dirt and turn. I think like Ronco

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Speaker 2: sold him on TV, and he asked everybody for one.

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Speaker 2: He end up getting two.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Bradley also liked to help clean the pool. Bob

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Speaker 1: had a pool at that house and Bradley loved to

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Speaker 1: help clean it. And then when the twins were born,

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Speaker 1: they were born premature. When they came home from the hospital,

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Speaker 1: Bradley was having a seizure. It was his first seizure

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Speaker 1: he'd ever had.

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Speaker 2: How premature were the girls?

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Speaker 1: The twins? Well, remember I didn't know him. Back to girls,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, boy, one's a girl. I want to say,

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Speaker 1: six or eight weeks. And remember I didn't know them

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Speaker 1: back then, but from what I recalled from hearing about it, oh,

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Speaker 1: right there. And they were in the hospital for a

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Speaker 1: long time. And so it was the day they came

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Speaker 1: home from the hospital that Bradley was having his first seizure.

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Speaker 2: So you're telling me Bob was dealing with premature twins

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Speaker 2: and having to deal with all of that. And then

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Speaker 2: the day finally gets the twins home, now his oldest

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Speaker 2: son has a seizure, which is bad, but not like

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Speaker 2: overcasts for along exactly.

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Speaker 1: And so his first wife basically just went right back

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Speaker 1: to the hospital with Bradley and Bob stayed with the twins.

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Speaker 1: And what they didn't know was Bradley would stay in

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Speaker 1: the hospital pretty much for the next five years.

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Speaker 2: Five years, yes, until.

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Speaker 1: He was eight years old, when they could finally get

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Speaker 1: his seizures more or less under control. And that kind.

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Speaker 2: Of can I ask you questions, Sure, I'm going to

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Speaker 2: share with you some things in a moment, But did

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Speaker 2: they have to put them in a medically induce coma

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Speaker 2: and things like that?

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Speaker 1: That's exactly what they had to do share.

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Speaker 2: When you hear that a three year old goes in

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Speaker 2: the hospital and stays five years to income to te

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Speaker 2: that is tragic, but share some of those details so

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Speaker 2: people understand the depth of what this child went through.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Sure, So his seizures became and his family, right,

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Speaker 1: his seizures became uncontrollable, right, And and so the only

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Speaker 1: way to control them was to put him in a

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Speaker 1: medically induce coma and then they would bring him out

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Speaker 1: of the coma and they would try a different regimen

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Speaker 1: of you know, medicines that worked for some people to

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Speaker 1: control seizures. And you know, it takes a long time

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Speaker 1: for the medicines to really get in your system and

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Speaker 1: to really understand if they're going to be effective. So

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Speaker 1: they would try, you know, one course of you know,

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Speaker 1: one of those medicines and then determine that it wasn't

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Speaker 1: effective on Bradley and put him back in it.

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Speaker 2: The long time, right, the kids having seizures, right.

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Speaker 1: And it's just heartbreaking, you know, for both parents.

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Speaker 2: And as a parent, you sit there helpless while your

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Speaker 2: child convulses. I mean, I know that's in your face,

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Speaker 2: but that's what it is, right, It's terrific, right, And.

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Speaker 1: Meantime, Bob's taking care of newborn and trying to write

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Speaker 1: big checks to the hospital. Right. And one of the

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Speaker 1: things that happened during that time is that his insurance

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Speaker 1: was canceled. And they didn't just cancel.

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Speaker 2: It for him, but because of the lae medical bills, and.

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Speaker 1: The hospital came to him one day and said, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's two hundred and fifty thousand dollars or Bradley has

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Speaker 1: to leave.

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Speaker 2: And they didn't cancel Bob's insurance. Imagine, they canceled his

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Speaker 2: company's insurance, means he couldn't offer to his employees.

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Speaker 1: Correct, All his employees got canceled. His whole family got canceled.

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Speaker 1: And that led him another story that.

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Speaker 2: Is a story and a show to itself off that

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Speaker 2: is this should be illegal, right, Well.

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Speaker 1: It is now, it is now, but back then it wasn't.

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Speaker 1: And you know, Bob, because of his political activism that

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Speaker 1: we talked about, he had been active with his industry.

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Speaker 1: He ended up taking this all the way to you know,

387
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Speaker 1: the highest levels of the federal government, met with senators,

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Speaker 1: he ended up getting Bradley reinstated. He wanted to sort

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Speaker 1: of fix it for everyone, But he ended up getting

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Speaker 1: Bradley reinstated.

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Speaker 2: But they came and said, you write a quarter of

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Speaker 2: a million dollar check of Bradley goes home, right, And

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Speaker 2: what does Bradley do at home? Sit there on the

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Speaker 2: couch and convulse.

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Speaker 1: No, Bob wrote the check.

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Speaker 2: That's the point, right, But that's two hundred and fifty

397
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Speaker 2: thousand dollars. He probably had a suck out of his business, right.

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Speaker 2: I Mean a lot of folks think business people are

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Speaker 2: rich and just have millions of dollars in cash around.

400
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Speaker 2: You may have good nut worth on paper, but most

401
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:55,639
Speaker 2: don't have a lot of liquid cash. And so if

402
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Speaker 2: you're going to have to write a tw hundred five

403
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Speaker 2: thousand dollars check, you're leveraging up your company to do right.

404
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,440
Speaker 1: Plus, he was spending a lot of time with Bradley

405
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Speaker 1: and with the twins, and.

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Speaker 2: The restaurant's probably suffering, right, and all.

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Speaker 1: The employees can see this going on. It just created

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Speaker 1: a very very very difficult time I think in his

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Speaker 1: life and his first wife's life, right, And they became,

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Speaker 1: you know, farther and farther apart as she was spending

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Speaker 1: most of her time at the hospital because the hospital

412
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Speaker 1: is not a hotel. You don't just put a kid

413
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Speaker 1: there and you know, check on him the next day.

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Speaker 1: Somebody in the family has to be there the whole time,

415
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Speaker 1: around the clock. And so that was her, And here's

416
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Speaker 1: Bob raising these babies and trying to run his company

417
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Speaker 1: and write the checks. And so now you understand why

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Speaker 1: Bob has such a strong bond with the twins and.

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Speaker 2: Why there's also so much unbelievable stress in that family dynamic.

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Speaker 2: At that time, we'll be right back. One of there's

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Speaker 2: a list of the hierarchy of stressors and psychologists use it.

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Speaker 2: And if I'm not mistaken, each stressor has a point

423
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Speaker 2: and if you score below a certain point level, you're

424
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Speaker 2: considered like high high stress, and it's you know, the

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Speaker 2: death of a child, the death of a spouse, the

426
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Speaker 2: loss of a job, and it's the highest stressors all

427
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Speaker 2: the way down to like losing a baseball game is

428
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Speaker 2: one thousand, you know, and number one is And if

429
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Speaker 2: you add up all the stressors somebody have and it

430
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Speaker 2: has and the number is a low enough score, they're

431
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Speaker 2: considered out stressed. But sick children, being split from your spouse,

432
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:54,480
Speaker 2: business struggles and financial troubles are all like in the

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Speaker 2: top twenty. So I can only imagine what they're going through.

434
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Speaker 2: And so eventually you said five years, So I guess

435
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:09,520
Speaker 2: at this child's eighth birthday they finally figured out what

436
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Speaker 2: a medicine that worked.

437
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,480
Speaker 1: There was an experimental medicine that at the time, my understanding,

438
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:17,560
Speaker 1: wasn't even approved by the FDA. They were able to

439
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:21,800
Speaker 1: try it. It was able to somewhat control his seizures.

440
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:28,280
Speaker 1: Bradley had suffered so much brain damage and other issues

441
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Speaker 1: cerebral palsy from all the seizures, and he had to

442
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:34,800
Speaker 1: relearn how to walk, he had to relearn how to talk,

443
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,960
Speaker 1: he had to wear a helmet, but he could exit

444
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:38,600
Speaker 1: the hospital.

445
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:42,760
Speaker 2: And so you met him at fourteen, which is six

446
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:47,439
Speaker 2: years after a five year I mean this Spoor kid

447
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:50,720
Speaker 2: didn't know anything about the hospital, and the twins didn't

448
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:52,800
Speaker 2: know anything but my brother in the hospital. I mean,

449
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:54,960
Speaker 2: it's almost like buoying the bubble kind of things.

450
00:23:55,880 --> 00:24:01,040
Speaker 1: They've only known Bradley. The twins know Bradley the same

451
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 1: way I do, which is we only know this Bradley,

452
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:08,520
Speaker 1: so we don't have the grief that his dad.

453
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:10,680
Speaker 2: Has from the first three years, right.

454
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:13,520
Speaker 1: Of remembering your firstborn child and all the hopes and

455
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:14,480
Speaker 1: dreams that you have.

456
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:18,760
Speaker 2: So now you have let it up to the day

457
00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:21,440
Speaker 2: you first met Bradley. So I asked a question again,

458
00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:24,959
Speaker 2: now that we filled in the backstory, what did you

459
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:27,800
Speaker 2: see and what was your impression the first day you

460
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:28,439
Speaker 2: met Bradley.

461
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:33,240
Speaker 1: So, Bradley is really tall. And I remember seeing this

462
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:39,119
Speaker 1: probably six foot tall, fourteen year old boy right that

463
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:44,040
Speaker 1: was acting like a kindergarten kid, and he was drooling.

464
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 1: It's a side effect of his medication.

465
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:49,040
Speaker 2: And here his arms drawn.

466
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:55,040
Speaker 1: His arms can extend. Over time, they're getting more and

467
00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:58,440
Speaker 1: more drawn. And so that's something talking. But back then

468
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:04,560
Speaker 1: he was lanky. He was a lanky tall skinny helmet,

469
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:10,159
Speaker 1: no helmet, no helmet, no wheelchair, standing up tall, no walkers, no,

470
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:15,679
Speaker 1: he can he can move around. And I just I

471
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:19,080
Speaker 1: had never met anyone like him. And he has his

472
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:24,480
Speaker 1: dad's exact personality. You know, he's the friendliest guy. He's

473
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:28,560
Speaker 1: never met a stranger, you know, and just comes right

474
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:30,639
Speaker 1: up to you and just talks to you and wants

475
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:33,080
Speaker 1: to know all about you and wants to be your friend.

476
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:36,080
Speaker 2: And had you ever been around a special needs person

477
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:39,399
Speaker 2: at any length before meeting Bradley, I had never had Okay,

478
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:47,639
Speaker 2: honest truth, you had to have paused a little thinking, Okay,

479
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 2: how do I approach this?

480
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:56,879
Speaker 1: Definitely, and in those early months of our relationship, you know,

481
00:25:57,240 --> 00:25:59,679
Speaker 1: I would I would go over to Bob's house and

482
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:01,960
Speaker 1: spend time with him and the kids, and Bradley would

483
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:04,280
Speaker 1: still have seizures. I remember the first time I saw

484
00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 1: him have a seizure. I had ever seen him anything

485
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:13,080
Speaker 1: that frightening. And of course they're all acting like, oh, yeah,

486
00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:15,280
Speaker 1: he has Grandma seizures, which are the ones that where

487
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:16,240
Speaker 1: you really really shake.

488
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,320
Speaker 2: So does you have to put in a mouthpiece? What

489
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:19,480
Speaker 2: about his tongue and his teeth?

490
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:22,560
Speaker 1: No, he doesn't have to wear a mouthpiece. His only

491
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:26,720
Speaker 1: last a few seconds, but then he's out for hours

492
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:32,479
Speaker 1: while his brain kind of right. It was impossible to do,

493
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:35,360
Speaker 1: you know, family outings, because Bradley could have a seizure

494
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:37,000
Speaker 1: and then he's going to be out, and at this

495
00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:39,480
Speaker 1: point he's six feet tall. You can't just pick him up,

496
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:40,399
Speaker 1: you know.

497
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:42,600
Speaker 2: So did you consider do I want to marry this?

498
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:49,119
Speaker 1: You know, I never did. I always just knew this

499
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:52,600
Speaker 1: was part of this family. This was really important to

500
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:56,679
Speaker 1: Bob I mean, he is so involved in his kids' lives.

501
00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:59,000
Speaker 1: It's just such a big part of who he is

502
00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:03,040
Speaker 1: and his identity. And when we were first spending time together,

503
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:05,520
Speaker 1: he was telling me all about his kids and how

504
00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:07,960
Speaker 1: proud he was. And you know, our first dates were

505
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:10,919
Speaker 1: going to watch Blair play soccer. You know, he'd come

506
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:13,480
Speaker 1: pick me up and then we'd drive out and watch

507
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:16,600
Speaker 1: Blair play soccer, or take them rollerblading or things like that.

508
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:20,240
Speaker 2: You ever the first time you went out in public

509
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:25,120
Speaker 2: with Bradley, the very first time? Did you feel the stairs? Oh?

510
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,600
Speaker 1: I still feel them? I remember the first time.

511
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:29,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, the first time.

512
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:31,199
Speaker 1: I remember the first time I took Bradley to a

513
00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:33,560
Speaker 1: grocery store and it was just he and I and

514
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:36,040
Speaker 1: we're walking down the aisles together and we're having a

515
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:38,639
Speaker 1: great time and talking about what kind of cereal do

516
00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:41,920
Speaker 1: you want and just laughing and joking. And I remember

517
00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:45,480
Speaker 1: walking down an aisle and seeing people coming on the

518
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:49,080
Speaker 1: other side and watching them see us and walk away

519
00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:50,320
Speaker 1: and go into a different aisle.

520
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 2: What did it make you feel like? Hold it? Honestly,

521
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:56,920
Speaker 2: the first time. I'm sure it made you feel defensive

522
00:27:56,960 --> 00:27:58,680
Speaker 2: for Bradley, but it embarrassed you a little.

523
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:01,200
Speaker 1: It was all the emotion. It was that it didn't

524
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,760
Speaker 1: embarrass you, Oh it was embarrassing. It was the anger,

525
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:07,600
Speaker 1: it was sadness. It was just all these emotions. And

526
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:11,000
Speaker 1: then I'm looking at Bradley and he is so unaware,

527
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:13,800
Speaker 1: thank God, that any of this has happened, and he

528
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:19,040
Speaker 1: doesn't perceive any type of slight. And it's just been

529
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:23,400
Speaker 1: a huge lesson for me being around Bradley of what's

530
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:29,159
Speaker 1: really important and what's not. And I really think that

531
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:32,719
Speaker 1: my journey with Bradley has made me a much better person.

532
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:39,360
Speaker 2: So I was I get this right, because I'll be

533
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:41,560
Speaker 2: corrected on this if I don't get it right. I

534
00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:51,120
Speaker 2: was twenty three when I went to pick up this

535
00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:53,200
Speaker 2: girl that I was trying to get to go out

536
00:28:53,200 --> 00:29:00,160
Speaker 2: with me. And when you're when you're trying to get

537
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,000
Speaker 2: a girl to go out with you, when you go

538
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:05,920
Speaker 2: back in my day, and my requirement for my girls,

539
00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:07,640
Speaker 2: by the way, is you get out of your car

540
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 2: and you go up to the door, you walk in,

541
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 2: you shake your parents saying, you introduce yourself, and then

542
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:17,120
Speaker 2: you take a young lady out on a date, which

543
00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:20,320
Speaker 2: I require of my girls. But I think is becoming

544
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:24,280
Speaker 2: a greater and greater lost art conversation for another time.

545
00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:26,440
Speaker 2: But nobody was taking my kid out. That wouldn't come

546
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:27,960
Speaker 2: in and shake my hand with me in the eyes,

547
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:30,680
Speaker 2: and I would be Intimiday's I couldn't try to scare

548
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:32,400
Speaker 2: the hell out of them. But that's on other stories.

549
00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:35,680
Speaker 2: But I went in, and when I went in, this

550
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:39,479
Speaker 2: middle aged woman who happened to be the girl I

551
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:45,600
Speaker 2: was asking out's mother, who was very attractive, and I thought, hmmm,

552
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:49,640
Speaker 2: well she's pretty at forty five or have her old

553
00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:51,440
Speaker 2: she is, her daughter's going to be pretty good. Look

554
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:53,880
Speaker 2: at the middle aged, so you know, check that box.

555
00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:59,320
Speaker 2: We got longevity. And the girl comes down the stairs

556
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:06,240
Speaker 2: and she's got brunette hair and beautiful eyes and a

557
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:11,040
Speaker 2: big bow in her hair and a really cute sweater on.

558
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:16,880
Speaker 2: It was football season, it was fall, and just took

559
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:23,000
Speaker 2: my breath away. She's beautiful and I married her. And

560
00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:26,560
Speaker 2: as she was coming down the stairs, around the corner

561
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:32,920
Speaker 2: came this kid that was I think eight, and he

562
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:38,240
Speaker 2: had a brown, wiry hair that I mean best would

563
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:41,720
Speaker 2: to be described as almost an afro. And his name

564
00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:44,560
Speaker 2: was Ben, and he walked up right to me and

565
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:46,960
Speaker 2: stuck his hand out and said my name Ben and

566
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:51,240
Speaker 2: shook his hand, and he was clearly special needs. He

567
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:55,200
Speaker 2: was not a child with downs, he was not an epileptic,

568
00:30:55,360 --> 00:31:00,160
Speaker 2: he was not there's really no tag for what he was.

569
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:06,600
Speaker 2: And my first impression was wow, you know, look at

570
00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:09,320
Speaker 2: this beautiful woman and this beautiful young lady in this

571
00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:14,760
Speaker 2: beautiful house, and here's a special needs kid. And I

572
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:19,760
Speaker 2: never equated the humanity and reality of special needs and

573
00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:24,880
Speaker 2: family until that very moment. Well took Lisa out and

574
00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:30,840
Speaker 2: we dated, and while we dated, Ben became more and

575
00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:34,480
Speaker 2: more part of my life.

576
00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:33,440
Speaker 1: And.

577
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:40,280
Speaker 2: I'll never forget. We went to the first time ever

578
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:43,200
Speaker 2: took Ben out. I took Ben and Lisa to Poncho's,

579
00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:47,200
Speaker 2: which is local Mexican place, not like Bob's text meacs.

580
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:48,960
Speaker 1: I'm talking. This is the one with a flag.

581
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right, That's exactly right, because that's all I

582
00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:55,320
Speaker 2: could afford at the time. They also had Mexican restaurants

583
00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:58,320
Speaker 2: back then in Memphis, maybe in Texas, but they had

584
00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:00,840
Speaker 2: a magician on weekends walk around and do a little

585
00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:04,320
Speaker 2: magician things. Because this is a place that had like menus,

586
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:07,600
Speaker 2: that had crayons for the little kids, and all of that,

587
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:10,600
Speaker 2: and we're sitting there eating our our sauce and cheese,

588
00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:13,000
Speaker 2: waiting on whatever you order. The magician came by and

589
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:15,840
Speaker 2: I thought, yeah, so I gave him a dollar to

590
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:18,520
Speaker 2: do a trick. I'm trying to press my girlfriend on

591
00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:20,800
Speaker 2: how what a cool guy am with her little brother,

592
00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:25,440
Speaker 2: and he like pulls a quarter out from behind Ben's ear,

593
00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:27,680
Speaker 2: and Ben freaks out, throes the chips up there and

594
00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:29,720
Speaker 2: bolts out the front door, and I'm chasing him through

595
00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:35,600
Speaker 2: the through the because he didn't understand right the stairs,

596
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 2: the reaction, the clown, the man behind the makeup, and

597
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:51,760
Speaker 2: his horrified reaction. The three Hispanic dudes playing the Hispanic

598
00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:57,800
Speaker 2: music in the corner stopped playing music. When Ben hit

599
00:32:57,840 --> 00:33:00,960
Speaker 2: that door, it swung open horror, and so the place

600
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:04,680
Speaker 2: got quiet and everybody looked. And then I finally rolled

601
00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:07,480
Speaker 2: him up out of the drive, out of the parking lot,

602
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:09,840
Speaker 2: got him calmed down, explained to him it was just

603
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:12,600
Speaker 2: a trick, nothing to be afraid of, and got him

604
00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 2: to sit down. And the walk back to my table

605
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:22,560
Speaker 2: through the restaurant was like a walk of shame. I'll

606
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:26,440
Speaker 2: never forget it. It affected me and I'll be honest

607
00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:30,680
Speaker 2: with you and all candor. I was embarrassed, Yeah, And

608
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:36,360
Speaker 2: I hate that about myself at that time of my life,

609
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:41,680
Speaker 2: because I didn't have the maturity to handle the embarrassment.

610
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:46,640
Speaker 2: Certainly I was sad for Ben, and certainly I was

611
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:51,120
Speaker 2: hurt for him, but I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed, like,

612
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:54,160
Speaker 2: you know, the people think I'm weird because I'm walking

613
00:33:54,200 --> 00:34:00,520
Speaker 2: around with the special needs kid. And I'll never forget

614
00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:04,520
Speaker 2: how mortified I was the next day when I woke

615
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:10,080
Speaker 2: up and thought, that's just wrong to be embarrassed and

616
00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:16,600
Speaker 2: everybody's reaction to Ben because these special needs is sick

617
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 2: and he's a human being with heart and emotions and

618
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 2: wants and desires and experiences love and hurt and all

619
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:29,520
Speaker 2: of the things every human being has. And that I

620
00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:33,360
Speaker 2: made a decision on that day that I would never

621
00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:36,759
Speaker 2: be embarrassed of Ben and I would be as advocate

622
00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:41,799
Speaker 2: forever because I planned on marrying his sister, and I

623
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:44,479
Speaker 2: knew that marry your sister, marry my brother, you marry

624
00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:47,239
Speaker 2: a family. You don't just marry a person, right, And

625
00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:50,399
Speaker 2: Ben was part of the package and been still very

626
00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:56,359
Speaker 2: important in my life to this day. But another thing

627
00:34:56,400 --> 00:35:02,040
Speaker 2: I learned through this epic thirty year journey that has

628
00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:10,759
Speaker 2: been living in Ben's life is Gary and Peggy are

629
00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:16,399
Speaker 2: Lisa's parents, Ben's parents, and they're in their early seventies now,

630
00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:21,239
Speaker 2: and one of their biggest concerns is what happens if

631
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:27,680
Speaker 2: we outlive Ben. They are mortally fearful of that. And

632
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:31,279
Speaker 2: you know, Lisa and I are now and we have

633
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:35,320
Speaker 2: conservatorship and no matter what, Ben will be taken care of.

634
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:38,080
Speaker 2: Our children, who are now in their mid twenties. Understand

635
00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:42,440
Speaker 2: it been if we precede Ben and death. They're the

636
00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:46,440
Speaker 2: conservators and they're going to take care of Ben. And

637
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:48,960
Speaker 2: we're very fortunate that we have the means to take

638
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:58,000
Speaker 2: care of Ben. I have seen so many special needs

639
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:03,040
Speaker 2: walking the side walks is homeless. I have seen so

640
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:09,480
Speaker 2: many special needs people institutionalized. There are special needs people

641
00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:13,400
Speaker 2: in prison. There are special needs people all over the

642
00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:16,879
Speaker 2: place that were either cast out by their families or

643
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:23,439
Speaker 2: their primary caretaker. They outlived their primary caretaker and there

644
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:29,759
Speaker 2: was no functionality for them. And my experience has been

645
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:37,799
Speaker 2: over thirty years, has taught me the societal ill. When

646
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:39,799
Speaker 2: did you become aware of all these realities?

647
00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:45,840
Speaker 1: You know, I think for me, it's been just like

648
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:51,080
Speaker 1: you described, both instantaneous when you have something like that

649
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:53,840
Speaker 1: happened and you sort of realize it all at one time,

650
00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:59,480
Speaker 1: but then also just gradually over time. The more and

651
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:03,240
Speaker 1: more that you live and love someone with special needs,

652
00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:07,359
Speaker 1: the more you see how they're just completely excluded from

653
00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:09,320
Speaker 1: society and.

654
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 2: They're also excluded from so much of life. And then

655
00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:19,520
Speaker 2: despite all of that, somehow they put a smile on

656
00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:22,399
Speaker 2: their face and find a way to be happy in life,

657
00:37:22,719 --> 00:37:28,880
Speaker 2: only to be only to be almost demonized or looked

658
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:39,320
Speaker 2: down on a fairly large percentage of the public. And

659
00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:43,760
Speaker 2: that breaks my heart. And I will tell you something else.

660
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:48,239
Speaker 2: You know, in the age of wokeness and political correctness,

661
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 2: we hear about all kinds of words that we shouldn't use,

662
00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:58,759
Speaker 2: and we're but it is a weekly basis that I

663
00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:01,840
Speaker 2: hear some you know, if I do something goofy or

664
00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:04,960
Speaker 2: like spill my coffee over the thing, someone says, oh,

665
00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:11,360
Speaker 2: my gosh, you're such a retard, you know what, you

666
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:15,720
Speaker 2: know what, I'm offended by that. And if anybody listening

667
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:21,480
Speaker 2: uses that in their typical vocabulary, you need to understand

668
00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:26,600
Speaker 2: that you are you're making fun of and demonizing people

669
00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:32,480
Speaker 2: who literally have made no choices to have the disabilities

670
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:34,840
Speaker 2: they have. And you should erase that word from your

671
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:37,080
Speaker 2: vocabulary immediately because you're an apple.

672
00:38:38,160 --> 00:38:40,920
Speaker 1: I've had this conversation with some people. We call it

673
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:42,800
Speaker 1: the R word. You know, we don't say it.

674
00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:45,080
Speaker 2: I said it because I wanted to make sure people

675
00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:47,200
Speaker 2: can rise. But it's the R word, just like the

676
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:49,600
Speaker 2: N word, just like the F word, just like all

677
00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:50,360
Speaker 2: the other words.

678
00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:53,600
Speaker 1: And so many times people will say, you know, but

679
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:56,560
Speaker 1: Bradley wasn't around, you know, he didn't hear me say it.

680
00:38:56,880 --> 00:39:01,240
Speaker 2: Oh, so it's okay to you use these other words

681
00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:03,840
Speaker 2: when the people you're talking about referring to aren't around.

682
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:04,480
Speaker 2: Is that okay?

683
00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:07,480
Speaker 1: It's not okay. But the other thing I try to

684
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:10,640
Speaker 1: share with people is I heard it. It hurts me.

685
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:14,320
Speaker 1: It hurts me more than it's ever gonna hurt Bradley.

686
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:17,600
Speaker 1: It hurts me, It hurts Bob, It hurts Blair, it

687
00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:20,760
Speaker 1: hurts Brands, It hurts the people who care about Bradley,

688
00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:24,120
Speaker 1: whether he hears it or not, whether whether you even

689
00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:27,600
Speaker 1: know him. When you say that word, you don't know

690
00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:31,520
Speaker 1: who's around you that's struggling with somebody in their family,

691
00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:34,440
Speaker 1: or someone in their place of worship, or someone in

692
00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:39,560
Speaker 1: their sphere or their school, that you're offending that person,

693
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:42,680
Speaker 1: and they may not tell you because there's still such

694
00:39:42,719 --> 00:39:46,080
Speaker 1: a stigma around this disability. And the fact of the

695
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:49,160
Speaker 1: matter is anyone can be born with this disability. You

696
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:52,440
Speaker 1: could be rich, poor, you could be any ethnicity.

697
00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:56,319
Speaker 2: Right, and you're it really does not discriminate.

698
00:39:56,480 --> 00:39:58,799
Speaker 1: No, You're just born with some more challenges than the

699
00:39:58,840 --> 00:39:59,560
Speaker 1: rest of us have.

700
00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:05,200
Speaker 2: By the way, I want to tell you something, like

701
00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:07,920
Speaker 2: I said, Ben is not a kid with downs. Ben

702
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:13,160
Speaker 2: is not that Gary and Peggy also found out that

703
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:16,080
Speaker 2: Ben had a disability at three and a half four

704
00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:21,000
Speaker 2: years old. Until then, look normal, act normal, walk normal,

705
00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:24,719
Speaker 2: and got sick and they and if you look at

706
00:40:24,719 --> 00:40:27,640
Speaker 2: his MRI to day, his frontal lobes looks like Swiss

707
00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:31,359
Speaker 2: cheese and they think it was encephalitis. But he was

708
00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:34,840
Speaker 2: completely normal. And so when you talk about the dreams

709
00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:40,560
Speaker 2: and aspirations and goals that are then it's listen, it's

710
00:40:40,719 --> 00:40:46,400
Speaker 2: always a tough challenge when you have a disabled child.

711
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:51,319
Speaker 2: And I'm not comparing anybody's, but in this particular case,

712
00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:55,120
Speaker 2: and it sounds also like Bob's with Bradley is that

713
00:40:56,560 --> 00:41:00,640
Speaker 2: it's one thing to deal with it in the womb

714
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:04,320
Speaker 2: or at birth. It's another thing to have plans and

715
00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:08,919
Speaker 2: at three years old have everything change again, no comparisons,

716
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:09,760
Speaker 2: it's all.

717
00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:10,800
Speaker 1: It's all hard.

718
00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:16,160
Speaker 2: But what I'm telling you is I really identify with

719
00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:24,200
Speaker 2: your story. I completely get it, and I get the

720
00:41:24,239 --> 00:41:27,160
Speaker 2: fear of the long term care, both the expense and

721
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:31,400
Speaker 2: what happens if I'm not around and what do we

722
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:39,560
Speaker 2: do with this person? Because people think oftentimes of challenge

723
00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:42,880
Speaker 2: kids as just that kids. But here a newsflash. They

724
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:44,799
Speaker 2: become thirty and forty.

725
00:41:45,560 --> 00:41:47,400
Speaker 1: And fifty and sixty.

726
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:48,560
Speaker 2: And what happens then?

727
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:52,279
Speaker 1: Right? I mean, advances in modern medicine are terrific. I

728
00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:56,200
Speaker 1: remember when I would first take Bradley to get his

729
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:59,800
Speaker 1: eyes checked, right, he couldn't read. He would stumble around,

730
00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:02,200
Speaker 1: and y' all thought, well, this is because of his disability.

731
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:04,960
Speaker 1: And we'd take him to the eye doctor and they'd

732
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:07,719
Speaker 1: hold up the chart and ask him what letters and

733
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:11,480
Speaker 1: numbers and he doesn't know the letters and numbers anyway,

734
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:13,520
Speaker 1: Oh wow. So then they would hold up you know,

735
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:16,320
Speaker 1: stuffed animals or bears or fingers and try to figure

736
00:42:16,360 --> 00:42:19,360
Speaker 1: out what he could see. And fast forward to today.

737
00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:21,560
Speaker 1: You take Bradley to the eye doctor. They put his

738
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:25,000
Speaker 1: eyes in the little machine. It wears and spins and

739
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:27,759
Speaker 1: spits out his prescription, and all of a sudden he

740
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:30,520
Speaker 1: gets glasses and he can see things. He can still

741
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:33,319
Speaker 1: only read about one hundred words, you know, but he

742
00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:35,839
Speaker 1: doesn't trip and fall as much. And we realize all

743
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:39,440
Speaker 1: of this time he couldn't see. And that's just one example.

744
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:41,960
Speaker 1: Think about all the times that they have, you know,

745
00:42:42,080 --> 00:42:45,720
Speaker 1: something that hurts, or an injury, or a flu or something,

746
00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:47,919
Speaker 1: can't communicate it.

747
00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:51,960
Speaker 2: Ben has had that. Ben actually had a tooth that

748
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:56,799
Speaker 2: the dentist said must have been like would have put

749
00:42:56,840 --> 00:43:00,200
Speaker 2: you and me in the hospital in pain. And Ben

750
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:02,200
Speaker 2: wasn't eating. Well, let me tell you something. Ben's a

751
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:05,200
Speaker 2: big boy. He likes food. And Ben ain't eating. Something's wrong.

752
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:07,239
Speaker 2: Everybody thought it was his stomach. Is this is that?

753
00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:11,880
Speaker 2: And going behold he's got a tooth that's about to

754
00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:15,279
Speaker 2: come out of his head. And he couldn't communicate it.

755
00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:21,120
Speaker 2: He just said, it hurts back here, We'll be right back.

756
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:35,480
Speaker 2: So you marrying full well, knowing what you're marrying into.

757
00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:41,239
Speaker 2: You got Bob and the crew and you know, I

758
00:43:41,280 --> 00:43:43,600
Speaker 2: guess you're thinking about a lot about what we're talking

759
00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:48,560
Speaker 2: about is Bradley and Ben and many people like him

760
00:43:48,560 --> 00:43:51,120
Speaker 2: across the face the planet do become twenty and thirty

761
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:55,800
Speaker 2: and forty and fifty and what happens to him? And candidly,

762
00:43:56,520 --> 00:43:59,560
Speaker 2: what can they do? Because they also want to feel

763
00:43:59,560 --> 00:44:05,000
Speaker 2: a sense of fulfillment And you're struggling with what happens

764
00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:10,759
Speaker 2: with parents and all of this, and you are, if

765
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:13,040
Speaker 2: I remember the story right, and correct me, But I

766
00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 2: think I think you find yourself in an odd place

767
00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:20,839
Speaker 2: because there's there's parents your age who have really young

768
00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:24,200
Speaker 2: kids at Special Olympics, and there's parents your husband age

769
00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:27,160
Speaker 2: who have kids the age of Bradley's Special Olympics. And

770
00:44:27,239 --> 00:44:30,279
Speaker 2: you're kind of a tween er in parent with a

771
00:44:30,360 --> 00:44:34,560
Speaker 2: Bradley at this age, and you're hearing conversations and share

772
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:37,799
Speaker 2: those conversations with us and what you decided to do

773
00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:38,319
Speaker 2: about it.

774
00:44:38,520 --> 00:44:42,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's that's a great memory that you have. Yes,

775
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:46,040
Speaker 1: I so initially, you know, becoming part of this family.

776
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:51,000
Speaker 1: I never thought that my entire life would change, and

777
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:52,560
Speaker 1: that Bradley's life.

778
00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:55,319
Speaker 2: That was a twenty four year old baker, right, you

779
00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:59,520
Speaker 2: didn't think married Bob the restaurant stalker with twins and

780
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:02,680
Speaker 2: a special will need sun your life wasn't going to change.

781
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:04,080
Speaker 2: You were twenty four after all.

782
00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:06,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, I you know, I thought, I have a career.

783
00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:10,160
Speaker 1: He has a career. We've got these twins. You know,

784
00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:12,360
Speaker 1: they're going to go to high school. It wasn't that

785
00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:14,160
Speaker 1: long since I had gone to college. I kind of

786
00:45:14,239 --> 00:45:16,240
Speaker 1: knew how to do that. My mom had to figure

787
00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:19,160
Speaker 1: it out, you know, later in life, and so we'd

788
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:21,359
Speaker 1: both gone through it, and I thought I can help them,

789
00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:22,799
Speaker 1: you know, I know how to set them up for

790
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:25,719
Speaker 1: college visits and help them figure it out. Of course,

791
00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:27,840
Speaker 1: I wanted them both to go to University of Texas

792
00:45:27,880 --> 00:45:30,160
Speaker 1: at Austin, so made sure we took them to football

793
00:45:30,200 --> 00:45:33,000
Speaker 1: games and did things like that. No, they both went

794
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:36,480
Speaker 1: to ut Oh Boy, so that that plan worked. And

795
00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:39,800
Speaker 1: then and then with Bradley, I just had no idea.

796
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:43,000
Speaker 1: I just had no idea what to do. I found

797
00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:45,320
Speaker 1: out he could go to high school for eight years,

798
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 1: so four years like everybody else, but he gets four

799
00:45:49,239 --> 00:45:51,279
Speaker 1: extra years, which anyway.

800
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:52,000
Speaker 2: That's a Texas thing.

801
00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:54,440
Speaker 1: Though, No, it's actually federal, is it?

802
00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:57,760
Speaker 2: Thoughto federal it's just a state thing. It's don't states

803
00:45:57,760 --> 00:45:59,960
Speaker 2: handle it differently? In some states they can't.

804
00:46:00,320 --> 00:46:03,719
Speaker 1: But and there's a lot of that individuals. I make

805
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:07,800
Speaker 1: it the acronym wrong, but it's ida and it says

806
00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:10,840
Speaker 1: that people with these disabilities are entitled to a free

807
00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:14,720
Speaker 1: public education in high school until they turn twenty two.

808
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:16,799
Speaker 1: So if you think about it, it's the four years

809
00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:20,640
Speaker 1: of high school till you're eighteen, and then four additional years. Now,

810
00:46:20,680 --> 00:46:24,160
Speaker 1: what I have seen happen at local level and schools

811
00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:27,240
Speaker 1: and states is the pressure from the school to say,

812
00:46:27,520 --> 00:46:29,720
Speaker 1: but don't you want them to graduate with their class?

813
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:30,480
Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah?

814
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:34,480
Speaker 1: Do you really want to hold them back? Right? I

815
00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:37,719
Speaker 1: mean they're eighteen, They've struggled enough. Do you really want

816
00:46:37,719 --> 00:46:38,520
Speaker 1: to hold them back?

817
00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:40,840
Speaker 2: Passive? Aggressive?

818
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:44,600
Speaker 1: You know, different people think they're doing the right thing.

819
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:49,280
Speaker 1: For our family, that was not the right thing because Bradley,

820
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:51,880
Speaker 1: when he went to school, he had pep rallies and

821
00:46:51,920 --> 00:46:55,319
Speaker 1: football games and best buddies and a school lunch that

822
00:46:55,360 --> 00:46:59,880
Speaker 1: he could have a meal with people and nurse well.

823
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:02,880
Speaker 1: He went to a brand new school that had just

824
00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:05,760
Speaker 1: been open in our neighborhood and he was the first

825
00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:08,200
Speaker 1: student to go there and he ended up being the

826
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:12,680
Speaker 1: longest serving students, so well, he knew everybody in the school.

827
00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:15,640
Speaker 1: He could walk the halls and everybody knew him. It

828
00:47:15,719 --> 00:47:17,759
Speaker 1: was a year or two later when the twins ended

829
00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:21,560
Speaker 1: up going there to the same school and the twins.

830
00:47:21,719 --> 00:47:27,320
Speaker 2: Did he get any of the you know, typical crap.

831
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:32,400
Speaker 1: I know he did, but the twins, I don't know

832
00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:35,680
Speaker 1: how much he knew. I know that the twins took

833
00:47:35,719 --> 00:47:38,120
Speaker 1: it really hard, and they each took it differently. I

834
00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:43,719
Speaker 1: can remember Blair coming home crying. Girl one of her

835
00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:47,120
Speaker 1: best friends. She wouldn't come over to our house because

836
00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:50,200
Speaker 1: she was, you know, scared of Bradley or or just

837
00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:51,760
Speaker 1: didn't feel comfortable around Bradley.

838
00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:54,399
Speaker 2: And you know that comes from parents oftentimes.

839
00:47:54,600 --> 00:47:56,319
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know where it came from, but

840
00:47:56,520 --> 00:47:58,640
Speaker 1: you know, Blair ended up not being friends and this

841
00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:00,680
Speaker 1: was one of her best friend and she felt like

842
00:48:00,719 --> 00:48:03,440
Speaker 1: she couldn't even remain friends with this girl, and it

843
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:04,440
Speaker 1: really hurt Blair.

844
00:48:04,600 --> 00:48:08,160
Speaker 2: Unfortunately, that is the reality right of this.

845
00:48:09,200 --> 00:48:11,400
Speaker 1: You know, I think Brent had a hard time with

846
00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:14,359
Speaker 1: you know, this is his big brother, but they were

847
00:48:14,400 --> 00:48:18,360
Speaker 1: both involved with different things in school, and Bradley learned

848
00:48:18,520 --> 00:48:21,560
Speaker 1: that anytime he met somebody, if he said I'm Blair

849
00:48:21,600 --> 00:48:25,200
Speaker 1: and Brent's big brother, people would go oh, and all

850
00:48:25,200 --> 00:48:26,919
Speaker 1: of a sudden, they'd react to him in a more

851
00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:30,080
Speaker 1: positive way because they probably knew Brent or Blair, or

852
00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:33,520
Speaker 1: knew that there were twins right in the school. And

853
00:48:33,600 --> 00:48:35,960
Speaker 1: so he'd say, I'm Blair and Brent's big brother. And

854
00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:37,920
Speaker 1: the funny thing is, you know, brit and Blair are

855
00:48:37,960 --> 00:48:41,439
Speaker 1: married now, they live on their own, and Bradley will

856
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:43,160
Speaker 1: still if you were here today, he'd come up to

857
00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:45,920
Speaker 1: you and say, I'm Blair Brent's big brother. And so

858
00:48:45,960 --> 00:48:48,120
Speaker 1: many times I have to tell him, you know, they

859
00:48:48,120 --> 00:48:54,839
Speaker 1: don't know Blair and Brent, and that's happen himself. He's very,

860
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:59,000
Speaker 1: very proud of that. But you know, I tried to

861
00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:03,520
Speaker 1: figure out what Bradley's life would be. I didn't know.

862
00:49:03,880 --> 00:49:07,759
Speaker 1: Does he go to college, does he live on his own,

863
00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:09,960
Speaker 1: does he live with us? Does he get a job

864
00:49:10,160 --> 00:49:10,800
Speaker 1: the dreaded?

865
00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:12,560
Speaker 2: Does he have to go to a state home?

866
00:49:12,840 --> 00:49:13,640
Speaker 1: Right? I mean what?

867
00:49:13,760 --> 00:49:15,680
Speaker 2: Because that's the reality Also.

868
00:49:15,480 --> 00:49:19,720
Speaker 1: For some I had no experience with anyone like Bradley.

869
00:49:19,840 --> 00:49:24,640
Speaker 1: I had no education. I wasn't a teacher. I wasn't

870
00:49:24,640 --> 00:49:27,840
Speaker 1: a medical person. I didn't know anything. I knew nothing

871
00:49:28,200 --> 00:49:32,239
Speaker 1: about Bradley, and so I just set out on this

872
00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:36,799
Speaker 1: journey of discovery, really and I started just doing the

873
00:49:36,840 --> 00:49:41,480
Speaker 1: things that moms do, right. We went to Blair's plays

874
00:49:41,520 --> 00:49:44,040
Speaker 1: at school. We went to Brent's tennis games. We went

875
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:46,160
Speaker 1: to Bradley's special Olympics you know.

876
00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:51,160
Speaker 2: And which, by the way, for those out there who

877
00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:55,600
Speaker 2: have never been to a special Olympics basketball game, bowling match,

878
00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:59,879
Speaker 2: or track meet or swim meet, those are the four

879
00:50:00,040 --> 00:50:07,400
Speaker 2: I think I've done. Am I missing one well, swim did.

880
00:50:07,719 --> 00:50:10,239
Speaker 1: Track and field, and Bradley did Botchi.

881
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:15,360
Speaker 2: Ball, basketball, track and field, swimming, and bowling are the

882
00:50:15,400 --> 00:50:18,759
Speaker 2: ones that I've been to with and for Ben. And

883
00:50:19,800 --> 00:50:23,600
Speaker 2: they are hilarious. Oh do you talk about getting after it?

884
00:50:24,040 --> 00:50:28,399
Speaker 1: They're so great and it's such a great experience. And

885
00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:33,600
Speaker 1: you know, when you think about that concept, I mean,

886
00:50:34,400 --> 00:50:38,759
Speaker 1: learning a sport, especially team sport, is pretty hard. You know,

887
00:50:38,880 --> 00:50:41,480
Speaker 1: kids spend years learning how to play basketball and what

888
00:50:41,560 --> 00:50:43,719
Speaker 1: the positions are. And when you go out there and

889
00:50:43,760 --> 00:50:47,480
Speaker 1: you see that these people with these disabilities are able

890
00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:52,200
Speaker 1: to really play basketball ouction, I mean they're not going

891
00:50:52,280 --> 00:50:54,680
Speaker 1: to have the same athletic ability as someone without a

892
00:50:54,719 --> 00:50:55,200
Speaker 1: discision that.

893
00:50:55,239 --> 00:50:58,120
Speaker 2: They play and the ones I've been to, their competitive

894
00:50:58,239 --> 00:51:00,799
Speaker 2: is crap. I mean they get after it. I mean

895
00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:05,160
Speaker 2: they really play hard, and it's fun to watch because

896
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:07,960
Speaker 2: they're competing and having a really good time doing it,

897
00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:08,680
Speaker 2: most of them.

898
00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:12,319
Speaker 1: One of the things that struck me watching that is

899
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:18,640
Speaker 1: if we can teach them pretty complicated sports over a

900
00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:22,040
Speaker 1: period of years, why couldn't we teach them other things

901
00:51:22,160 --> 00:51:25,480
Speaker 1: like jobs, you know, things that people say, well, they

902
00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:28,160
Speaker 1: could never do that. Well, before I met Bradley, if

903
00:51:28,200 --> 00:51:30,279
Speaker 1: you had said he could learn how to play basketball,

904
00:51:30,680 --> 00:51:32,840
Speaker 1: I think I would have said, I don't think so.

905
00:51:33,880 --> 00:51:35,720
Speaker 1: You know, I don't even think he could keep score

906
00:51:35,840 --> 00:51:39,239
Speaker 1: at a basketball game. He can't count that high right right?

907
00:51:40,120 --> 00:51:42,960
Speaker 1: But you put him in special Olympics. They have a plan,

908
00:51:43,160 --> 00:51:46,680
Speaker 1: they have coaches, they're volunteers. They go through it, and

909
00:51:46,719 --> 00:51:50,240
Speaker 1: they do it through you know, middle school and high school,

910
00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:52,440
Speaker 1: and they stay in high school for eight years and

911
00:51:52,520 --> 00:51:55,480
Speaker 1: they can really play basketball and a.

912
00:51:55,400 --> 00:52:00,560
Speaker 2: Lot of track and relay and pass a baton, and

913
00:52:00,680 --> 00:52:05,480
Speaker 2: they can do swim in more than one stroke, and

914
00:52:05,680 --> 00:52:10,560
Speaker 2: they can bowl and all of it, which before Ben

915
00:52:10,600 --> 00:52:12,839
Speaker 2: I would not have recognized or known it, but.

916
00:52:13,640 --> 00:52:17,640
Speaker 1: They can and because of special enjoy it, right, because

917
00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:19,839
Speaker 1: of Special Olympics. I think a lot of people now

918
00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:22,799
Speaker 1: do just accept, well, of course they can play sports,

919
00:52:23,120 --> 00:52:25,400
Speaker 1: because we've all heard of Special Olympics. Yeah, so you

920
00:52:25,440 --> 00:52:27,880
Speaker 1: just accept they can do that. Well, what if we

921
00:52:27,920 --> 00:52:31,239
Speaker 1: spent the same amount of time and energy and organization

922
00:52:31,400 --> 00:52:34,880
Speaker 1: in years teaching them other things, you know, teaching them

923
00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:37,319
Speaker 1: a skill, teaching them a vocation, teaching them how to

924
00:52:37,320 --> 00:52:41,600
Speaker 1: be independent? Could they learn those things too? Right? Why

925
00:52:41,640 --> 00:52:44,600
Speaker 1: isn't there a Special Olympics of jobs, for example?

926
00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:46,759
Speaker 2: Well, so what did you do about it?

927
00:52:47,040 --> 00:52:55,080
Speaker 1: Well, so in two thousand and five, I guess it was, Well,

928
00:52:55,080 --> 00:52:57,400
Speaker 1: actually it was in two thousand and two. My husband

929
00:52:57,440 --> 00:53:01,640
Speaker 1: and I decided to start a nonprofit organization to help

930
00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:04,719
Speaker 1: people like Bradley. We file the paperwork just in our

931
00:53:04,840 --> 00:53:07,040
Speaker 1: house for a five oh one C three. That was

932
00:53:07,080 --> 00:53:09,000
Speaker 1: in May of two thousand and two.

933
00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:10,160
Speaker 2: It took a year.

934
00:53:10,640 --> 00:53:15,640
Speaker 1: Right at that time, we really didn't think it would

935
00:53:15,680 --> 00:53:18,840
Speaker 1: become anything. I think what I thought was Bradley's going

936
00:53:18,920 --> 00:53:22,040
Speaker 1: to get out of high school and doesn't make any

937
00:53:22,080 --> 00:53:24,880
Speaker 1: sense in our family for Bob to quit working and

938
00:53:24,920 --> 00:53:28,040
Speaker 1: watch him. So probably I'm gonna leave my career and

939
00:53:28,160 --> 00:53:30,960
Speaker 1: be in charge of Bradley. And I'd been out on

940
00:53:30,960 --> 00:53:34,719
Speaker 1: those Special Olympic sidelines with the kids Bradley's age that

941
00:53:34,760 --> 00:53:37,319
Speaker 1: were in high school and the parents that were Bob's age,

942
00:53:37,320 --> 00:53:39,120
Speaker 1: and I would say, you know, what are you guys

943
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:42,279
Speaker 1: going to do? They're going to graduate, right, They'd say, oh, well,

944
00:53:42,320 --> 00:53:46,040
Speaker 1: I'm probably about to retire, and and it just it

945
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:49,839
Speaker 1: didn't connect with me, right, And you're right, the ones.

946
00:53:49,719 --> 00:53:52,759
Speaker 2: That were my age explain why they're going to retire.

947
00:53:52,920 --> 00:53:56,720
Speaker 1: Right, because somebody has to be in charge of this process.

948
00:53:57,000 --> 00:53:59,359
Speaker 2: That's the reality a lot of people don't understand is

949
00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:06,920
Speaker 2: if you're a single parent with a childlike Bradley or Ben,

950
00:54:07,880 --> 00:54:11,279
Speaker 2: and they're through with all the state schooling that it

951
00:54:11,360 --> 00:54:15,120
Speaker 2: offers at twenty two or twenty three years old, you

952
00:54:15,200 --> 00:54:17,160
Speaker 2: may be forced with a decision to quit and go

953
00:54:17,239 --> 00:54:21,800
Speaker 2: on soci security and welfare versus have a gamefully employed

954
00:54:21,880 --> 00:54:25,560
Speaker 2: job because you don't have any other options. It's a

955
00:54:25,640 --> 00:54:26,279
Speaker 2: real thing.

956
00:54:27,080 --> 00:54:30,480
Speaker 1: I'm so glad you understand that, because that is exactly

957
00:54:30,520 --> 00:54:33,080
Speaker 1: what happens, and people don't know that. So I would

958
00:54:33,120 --> 00:54:35,920
Speaker 1: be on the sidelines of special Olympics and the parents

959
00:54:35,920 --> 00:54:38,080
Speaker 1: that were my age with the little kids, they're all

960
00:54:38,120 --> 00:54:39,879
Speaker 1: sitting there saying, what are we going to do?

961
00:54:40,080 --> 00:54:42,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's not a reality for them. They've got time.

962
00:54:42,680 --> 00:54:45,880
Speaker 1: No, they're worried about getting another group, you know, a

963
00:54:45,960 --> 00:54:49,600
Speaker 1: SETI group or or you know, yeah or something like that.

964
00:54:49,680 --> 00:54:53,120
Speaker 1: And they're energetic and they're wanting to, you know, do something.

965
00:54:53,160 --> 00:54:55,560
Speaker 1: And I'm energetic and I'm wanting to do something. But

966
00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:58,879
Speaker 1: the parents of the adults, right, they've been doing this

967
00:54:58,920 --> 00:54:59,719
Speaker 1: for twenty years.

968
00:54:59,760 --> 00:55:04,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, at forty six, forty seven. The truth is, look.

969
00:55:04,719 --> 00:55:06,319
Speaker 1: Let me and reality sets it.

970
00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:16,120
Speaker 2: I want to make sure because the candor is, children

971
00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:23,480
Speaker 2: like Ben and Bradley, the effort can be burdensome, but

972
00:55:23,760 --> 00:55:29,080
Speaker 2: they are not a burden. They are a blessing. And

973
00:55:30,640 --> 00:55:36,320
Speaker 2: I believe there's a special place in heaven for parents

974
00:55:36,360 --> 00:55:42,400
Speaker 2: and caretakers of people like Bradley and Ben. And I

975
00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:47,120
Speaker 2: am not saying that they themselves are a burden. But

976
00:55:47,320 --> 00:55:51,839
Speaker 2: the truth is, twenty years of caring for folks like

977
00:55:51,880 --> 00:55:57,640
Speaker 2: that will wear you out. It we exhausting, and there

978
00:55:57,719 --> 00:55:59,640
Speaker 2: is no such thing as a break. And you can't

979
00:55:59,640 --> 00:56:03,480
Speaker 2: get a and try getting a babysitter for Bradley, no

980
00:56:03,719 --> 00:56:04,400
Speaker 2: good luck.

981
00:56:04,920 --> 00:56:07,640
Speaker 1: Try getting a babysitter for a thirty or forty year old,

982
00:56:07,960 --> 00:56:11,400
Speaker 1: right person, all of these challenges and behaviors that you

983
00:56:11,440 --> 00:56:15,240
Speaker 1: can afford, you know, and even if you could find somebody.

984
00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:17,840
Speaker 1: And that's the thing. It's not that they're a burden,

985
00:56:17,920 --> 00:56:22,399
Speaker 1: you're right. It's that our society, our world isn't set

986
00:56:22,480 --> 00:56:23,720
Speaker 1: up for them at all.

987
00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:26,400
Speaker 2: But it is a fact that the work is hard,

988
00:56:26,480 --> 00:56:29,560
Speaker 2: it's burdensome, it is. So I just want to make

989
00:56:29,600 --> 00:56:33,560
Speaker 2: the distinction as we talk about this through we're not

990
00:56:33,640 --> 00:56:36,120
Speaker 2: identifying the human being as a burden, but the work

991
00:56:36,160 --> 00:56:38,759
Speaker 2: itself is hard. And so when you're forty six or

992
00:56:38,760 --> 00:56:41,600
Speaker 2: forty so I get it. The twenty eight year old

993
00:56:41,719 --> 00:56:44,760
Speaker 2: with a five or six year old special needs person

994
00:56:45,600 --> 00:56:47,960
Speaker 2: is thinking about playday, saving that the forty six forty

995
00:56:47,960 --> 00:56:51,600
Speaker 2: seven year old when the school's running out, they're kind

996
00:56:51,640 --> 00:56:55,520
Speaker 2: of Many of those folks are at the end of

997
00:56:55,680 --> 00:57:00,680
Speaker 2: options really, and some literally do have to quit their jobs.

998
00:57:01,040 --> 00:57:04,200
Speaker 1: Absolutely they do. And so when we started our five

999
00:57:04,239 --> 00:57:06,240
Speaker 1: oh one C three, what was going through my mind

1000
00:57:06,440 --> 00:57:10,200
Speaker 1: was Okay, and my family, I'm going to do this.

1001
00:57:10,280 --> 00:57:13,280
Speaker 1: I'm gonna leave my career, take care of Bradley.

1002
00:57:13,480 --> 00:57:15,840
Speaker 2: And the irony of this is you're actually the age

1003
00:57:15,840 --> 00:57:18,280
Speaker 2: of most of the parents with five year olds, right,

1004
00:57:18,440 --> 00:57:21,000
Speaker 2: but you're in the place of the parents with the

1005
00:57:21,360 --> 00:57:23,280
Speaker 2: eight with the twenty two year olds, which is a

1006
00:57:23,280 --> 00:57:24,360
Speaker 2: good place for you to be.

1007
00:57:24,640 --> 00:57:28,440
Speaker 1: And I thought, Okay, there's these single moms that I see,

1008
00:57:28,520 --> 00:57:30,960
Speaker 1: you know, every other week out at special Olympics. I'll

1009
00:57:31,000 --> 00:57:33,240
Speaker 1: take their kids too, because it didn't make any sense

1010
00:57:33,240 --> 00:57:36,120
Speaker 1: to me that they would have to quit their jobs, right,

1011
00:57:36,760 --> 00:57:38,960
Speaker 1: So I thought to myself, you know, we'll get four

1012
00:57:39,040 --> 00:57:41,200
Speaker 1: or five or six of them, and I'll come up

1013
00:57:41,240 --> 00:57:45,000
Speaker 1: with activities. It was very loose idea, like maybe we'll

1014
00:57:45,040 --> 00:57:47,840
Speaker 1: go to the zoo one day, or maybe we'll you know,

1015
00:57:48,200 --> 00:57:49,880
Speaker 1: cut of. I don't know what I thought. Maybe I

1016
00:57:49,920 --> 00:57:51,520
Speaker 1: thought I'd have a little school in my house. I

1017
00:57:51,520 --> 00:57:54,360
Speaker 1: don't know what I thought. It was a very loose place.

1018
00:57:54,840 --> 00:57:56,040
Speaker 2: It's just do something.

1019
00:57:56,160 --> 00:57:58,920
Speaker 1: It was like, do something, right, because I.

1020
00:57:58,840 --> 00:58:05,040
Speaker 2: Should anybody invite you to this? No? Did anybody ordain you? No,

1021
00:58:05,480 --> 00:58:11,680
Speaker 2: you are a normal gal from East Texas, married the

1022
00:58:11,720 --> 00:58:18,360
Speaker 2: stalker and inherited his children and saw a need. There's

1023
00:58:18,520 --> 00:58:21,720
Speaker 2: normal as they come, just a gal that grew up normal,

1024
00:58:21,840 --> 00:58:25,440
Speaker 2: got married, went to college, have a job, and you

1025
00:58:25,480 --> 00:58:25,960
Speaker 2: see a need.

1026
00:58:26,760 --> 00:58:30,160
Speaker 1: I feel that anybody does these things for their kids,

1027
00:58:30,200 --> 00:58:32,160
Speaker 1: and this was the position I was in. It was

1028
00:58:32,200 --> 00:58:35,880
Speaker 1: the most logical, normal thing to do is take care

1029
00:58:35,960 --> 00:58:39,560
Speaker 1: of your kid and so so so. Yeah, so that

1030
00:58:40,040 --> 00:58:41,440
Speaker 1: was how the ideas started.

1031
00:58:47,800 --> 00:58:49,000
Speaker 2: We'll be right back.

1032
00:58:58,720 --> 00:59:01,080
Speaker 1: Over the next couple of year years. Two thousand and three,

1033
00:59:01,240 --> 00:59:03,680
Speaker 1: two thousand and four. You know, Bradley still in high

1034
00:59:03,680 --> 00:59:07,680
Speaker 1: school at that time, and I really just started talking

1035
00:59:07,720 --> 00:59:11,160
Speaker 1: to other people about, well, what would you guys want

1036
00:59:11,200 --> 00:59:14,080
Speaker 1: to do, talking to teachers, what's what is out there

1037
00:59:14,120 --> 00:59:15,080
Speaker 1: after high school?

1038
00:59:15,520 --> 00:59:17,440
Speaker 2: And talking to other parents with kids.

1039
00:59:17,440 --> 00:59:21,080
Speaker 1: Bradley's exactly talking to other parents, talking to the teachers,

1040
00:59:21,240 --> 00:59:24,200
Speaker 1: talking to other organizations, looking to see what else was

1041
00:59:24,240 --> 00:59:27,479
Speaker 1: out there in the community. And there were a lot

1042
00:59:27,520 --> 00:59:32,280
Speaker 1: of programs in the Houston area that were about I

1043
00:59:32,640 --> 00:59:36,000
Speaker 1: sort of they're beautiful programs and they're they're great. I

1044
00:59:36,040 --> 00:59:38,080
Speaker 1: mean some of these programs I personally would want to

1045
00:59:38,080 --> 00:59:40,800
Speaker 1: be a part of. Bradley wasn't interested in them. He

1046
00:59:40,840 --> 00:59:44,040
Speaker 1: didn't want to paint pottery all day long, right.

1047
00:59:45,640 --> 00:59:45,840
Speaker 2: Right.

1048
00:59:45,960 --> 00:59:49,120
Speaker 1: A lot of these really great programs were started by

1049
00:59:49,200 --> 00:59:52,080
Speaker 1: moms or grandma's or you know whoever.

1050
00:59:52,120 --> 00:59:54,480
Speaker 2: It was well intentioned people trying to find something for

1051
00:59:54,560 --> 00:59:57,080
Speaker 2: him to do. But here's another news flash. Just because

1052
00:59:57,120 --> 00:59:58,920
Speaker 2: their special needs doesn't mean.

1053
01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:01,720
Speaker 1: They wanted to ard the.

1054
01:00:03,240 --> 01:00:07,680
Speaker 2: Right box. They are human beings with interest and lack

1055
01:00:07,760 --> 01:00:13,520
Speaker 2: of interest, and unfortunately we seemed to lump every special

1056
01:00:13,600 --> 01:00:17,720
Speaker 2: needs into a category of their all spec Well, no,

1057
01:00:17,760 --> 01:00:20,600
Speaker 2: they're human beings like all of us that have all

1058
01:00:20,680 --> 01:00:23,000
Speaker 2: kinds of different interests exactly.

1059
01:00:23,160 --> 01:00:27,840
Speaker 1: And in our family, everybody worked. Bob worked, I worked.

1060
01:00:27,960 --> 01:00:31,640
Speaker 1: The twins had jobs every summer. They worked at the mall,

1061
01:00:31,800 --> 01:00:34,200
Speaker 1: or they worked, you know, as lifeguards, or did a

1062
01:00:34,280 --> 01:00:37,320
Speaker 1: number of different jobs. And Bradley saw all of us

1063
01:00:37,440 --> 01:00:40,400
Speaker 1: working and he wanted to work. He wanted to be

1064
01:00:40,560 --> 01:00:43,040
Speaker 1: like us, and he would say, I want to get

1065
01:00:43,040 --> 01:00:48,160
Speaker 1: a job. And we tried, you know, we took him

1066
01:00:48,200 --> 01:00:52,680
Speaker 1: and helped him fill out applications. That was a terrible experience.

1067
01:00:52,760 --> 01:00:55,880
Speaker 2: I bet it was. Tell me it was. People had

1068
01:00:55,880 --> 01:00:58,840
Speaker 2: to look at you like you were nuts. Yeah, yeah,

1069
01:00:58,960 --> 01:01:02,600
Speaker 2: you want me to hire right this guy? What can

1070
01:01:02,600 --> 01:01:02,920
Speaker 2: he do?

1071
01:01:03,160 --> 01:01:07,320
Speaker 1: And I finally understood when you know, Bob being in

1072
01:01:07,360 --> 01:01:10,680
Speaker 1: the restaurant business, we thought, okay, well, we'll use some

1073
01:01:10,720 --> 01:01:13,040
Speaker 1: of our connections to get Bradley a job. We knew

1074
01:01:13,080 --> 01:01:15,880
Speaker 1: some people who owned some fast food chains and we

1075
01:01:15,960 --> 01:01:19,040
Speaker 1: thought that could be really great for Bradley and Bob.

1076
01:01:19,120 --> 01:01:19,280
Speaker 2: You know.

1077
01:01:19,360 --> 01:01:21,160
Speaker 1: Put me in touch with a couple of the guys

1078
01:01:21,200 --> 01:01:23,040
Speaker 1: and I would go talk to them, and finally one

1079
01:01:23,040 --> 01:01:23,880
Speaker 1: of them said to me.

1080
01:01:24,680 --> 01:01:28,120
Speaker 2: Hold, hold, I got one guess. I'm sorry to interrupt you,

1081
01:01:28,160 --> 01:01:31,480
Speaker 2: but I'm thinking as a business guy right now, yep, liability.

1082
01:01:32,040 --> 01:01:34,480
Speaker 1: Liability is a big one, right, we have to be,

1083
01:01:34,680 --> 01:01:38,120
Speaker 1: would have to be. But the other one, and this

1084
01:01:38,280 --> 01:01:41,440
Speaker 1: is the one that really really hit home for me,

1085
01:01:41,480 --> 01:01:46,000
Speaker 1: because liability, I mean, you have insurance, use workers comp

1086
01:01:46,040 --> 01:01:49,360
Speaker 1: there's a lot of things. Bradley takes medications.

1087
01:01:48,600 --> 01:01:51,840
Speaker 2: Right, we're but what if it has a seizure over

1088
01:01:51,880 --> 01:01:52,280
Speaker 2: a friar?

1089
01:01:53,000 --> 01:01:56,640
Speaker 1: Right? But but you can work around those things to

1090
01:01:56,760 --> 01:01:57,680
Speaker 1: exper and if you.

1091
01:01:57,640 --> 01:02:02,160
Speaker 2: Have a really really kind and manager slash owner who

1092
01:02:02,600 --> 01:02:03,880
Speaker 2: wants to work with you.

1093
01:02:03,840 --> 01:02:07,160
Speaker 1: Yes, you could work around those things. To me, I thought,

1094
01:02:07,200 --> 01:02:09,320
Speaker 1: I understand that, but I feel like we could work

1095
01:02:09,360 --> 01:02:12,360
Speaker 1: around that. I feel like people throw up liability because

1096
01:02:12,360 --> 01:02:15,360
Speaker 1: it is valid, but also because it's just a way

1097
01:02:15,400 --> 01:02:17,960
Speaker 1: of saying I can't do it, that's all. And then

1098
01:02:18,120 --> 01:02:20,680
Speaker 1: one of these individuals said to me, you know, Jane,

1099
01:02:21,120 --> 01:02:23,120
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter if I want to do it. I'm

1100
01:02:23,160 --> 01:02:25,520
Speaker 1: the owner and I tell my people to do it. Right.

1101
01:02:26,200 --> 01:02:29,520
Speaker 1: It comes down to who is that manager at that

1102
01:02:29,600 --> 01:02:31,720
Speaker 1: particular location, and.

1103
01:02:31,720 --> 01:02:33,000
Speaker 2: Do they want to work with them?

1104
01:02:33,120 --> 01:02:35,440
Speaker 1: And what is that experience going to be like? And

1105
01:02:35,600 --> 01:02:38,440
Speaker 1: you're telling me that I'm going to tell that manager

1106
01:02:38,600 --> 01:02:44,120
Speaker 1: to hire someone with no work experience, right, and a disability.

1107
01:02:44,720 --> 01:02:48,040
Speaker 1: And I've got seventeen year old kids beating down my

1108
01:02:48,160 --> 01:02:51,200
Speaker 1: door that have already had three or four jobs, right,

1109
01:02:51,680 --> 01:02:54,800
Speaker 1: that are going to be frankly more productive, and even

1110
01:02:54,800 --> 01:02:56,760
Speaker 1: if they were fired at their last job, they come

1111
01:02:56,800 --> 01:02:59,360
Speaker 1: in and say, you know, I learned my lesson. I'll

1112
01:02:59,400 --> 01:03:01,800
Speaker 1: wear the right place shirt, I'll wash my clothes or

1113
01:03:01,840 --> 01:03:02,320
Speaker 1: whatever it is.

1114
01:03:02,600 --> 01:03:04,960
Speaker 2: The answers you found out getting him a job was

1115
01:03:05,000 --> 01:03:05,720
Speaker 2: a dead end.

1116
01:03:06,000 --> 01:03:10,080
Speaker 1: Right, And what I also learned was, Okay, let's fix that.

1117
01:03:10,680 --> 01:03:13,320
Speaker 1: Love it right, If he doesn't have any job experience,

1118
01:03:13,520 --> 01:03:16,800
Speaker 1: how can we get him some job experience. If that's

1119
01:03:16,880 --> 01:03:20,200
Speaker 1: the problem, we should be able to fix that. So

1120
01:03:20,880 --> 01:03:24,760
Speaker 1: that's sort of is a little bit of a genesis

1121
01:03:24,760 --> 01:03:29,400
Speaker 1: of how the idea for what eventually became the HEART Program.

1122
01:03:28,960 --> 01:03:30,920
Speaker 2: Got Started, which is an acronym for.

1123
01:03:31,320 --> 01:03:34,680
Speaker 1: Housing, Entrepreneurship and Readiness training.

1124
01:03:34,760 --> 01:03:37,520
Speaker 2: All right, since we're into language, we're going to take

1125
01:03:37,960 --> 01:03:43,840
Speaker 2: a mini break. Sure, And it was pointed out to

1126
01:03:43,880 --> 01:03:49,400
Speaker 2: me by Alex, the pain in the producer. Alex rightly

1127
01:03:49,760 --> 01:03:52,919
Speaker 2: pointed out, and I think it's a good chance while

1128
01:03:52,920 --> 01:03:55,960
Speaker 2: we're talking about language and a good intermission before we

1129
01:03:56,000 --> 01:04:05,720
Speaker 2: get into the meat of your organization talk about I

1130
01:04:05,760 --> 01:04:08,520
Speaker 2: think there are a lot of people who use words

1131
01:04:08,560 --> 01:04:11,640
Speaker 2: the wrong way because they're just jerks. There's another lot

1132
01:04:11,640 --> 01:04:14,320
Speaker 2: of people who really want to say the right thing,

1133
01:04:15,320 --> 01:04:17,480
Speaker 2: and then there's another segment who want to say the

1134
01:04:17,600 --> 01:04:20,760
Speaker 2: right thing but are really put off by like way

1135
01:04:20,760 --> 01:04:23,600
Speaker 2: too political correct wokeness. I think there's kind of a

1136
01:04:23,640 --> 01:04:25,960
Speaker 2: spectrum of people as it comes to language. I'm the

1137
01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:28,600
Speaker 2: middle person. I don't want to be a jerk, but

1138
01:04:28,640 --> 01:04:32,120
Speaker 2: I'm also not really into the big political correctness thing.

1139
01:04:32,240 --> 01:04:34,400
Speaker 2: I mean, I think there was a time in our

1140
01:04:34,520 --> 01:04:37,120
Speaker 2: nation's history where we needed to get politically correct with

1141
01:04:37,160 --> 01:04:40,040
Speaker 2: our language because it was wrong. I think the pendulum

1142
01:04:40,120 --> 01:04:44,200
Speaker 2: swung and it's gotten just out of control in some respects.

1143
01:04:44,760 --> 01:04:50,560
Speaker 2: But when referring to what I am calling children who

1144
01:04:50,600 --> 01:05:00,680
Speaker 2: have downs or special needs children or challenged or whatever.

1145
01:05:02,520 --> 01:05:06,520
Speaker 2: Even after thirty years of Ben and being an advocate

1146
01:05:06,560 --> 01:05:10,360
Speaker 2: for him being in love with his sister and his

1147
01:05:10,600 --> 01:05:14,400
Speaker 2: sister having been a sort of Lisa has been amazing

1148
01:05:14,960 --> 01:05:18,440
Speaker 2: with her brother, takes some shopping, takes him everywhere. He

1149
01:05:18,560 --> 01:05:21,240
Speaker 2: can't wait to get home and see Lisa. Where's my sister?

1150
01:05:21,960 --> 01:05:25,760
Speaker 2: I mean, but even after thirty years of that, I'm

1151
01:05:25,800 --> 01:05:30,360
Speaker 2: not even sure what I'm supposed to say. So before

1152
01:05:30,360 --> 01:05:33,640
Speaker 2: we get to heart, since we're talking about language and acronyms, sure,

1153
01:05:34,480 --> 01:05:36,920
Speaker 2: what the hell are we supposed to call? Ben and Bradley?

1154
01:05:36,960 --> 01:05:39,880
Speaker 2: Would you help me with that? Well? Do you do?

1155
01:05:39,960 --> 01:05:40,280
Speaker 2: You know?

1156
01:05:40,360 --> 01:05:40,919
Speaker 1: What? Right?

1157
01:05:41,240 --> 01:05:41,560
Speaker 2: I mean?

1158
01:05:41,640 --> 01:05:45,200
Speaker 1: Look, language is always evolving, and I will tell you

1159
01:05:45,240 --> 01:05:48,080
Speaker 1: what I think we're supposed to say, but I say

1160
01:05:48,080 --> 01:05:52,480
Speaker 1: it knowing that there's probably someone listening who would correct me. Right,

1161
01:05:52,600 --> 01:05:56,520
Speaker 1: it's always changing. But the movement right now is to

1162
01:05:56,560 --> 01:06:01,080
Speaker 1: put the person first. And so so we don't want

1163
01:06:01,120 --> 01:06:06,440
Speaker 1: to refer to people as blind, right or visually impaired,

1164
01:06:07,440 --> 01:06:07,920
Speaker 1: because that.

1165
01:06:07,920 --> 01:06:12,880
Speaker 2: Goes well, well, that's funny, because visual impaired was the improvement.

1166
01:06:12,320 --> 01:06:15,560
Speaker 1: To blind right, and it is, and it is, it

1167
01:06:15,560 --> 01:06:18,280
Speaker 1: can be. But the idea is, if you say he's

1168
01:06:18,440 --> 01:06:22,560
Speaker 1: blind or she's blind, he's visually impaired, she's visually appaired,

1169
01:06:22,600 --> 01:06:26,280
Speaker 1: you're putting the disability first instead of the person. So

1170
01:06:26,640 --> 01:06:29,000
Speaker 1: it's this idea that we're supposed to say, he's a

1171
01:06:29,040 --> 01:06:32,600
Speaker 1: person who has with a visual impairment. Right, he's he's

1172
01:06:32,640 --> 01:06:35,840
Speaker 1: a young man who has Down syndrome. He's a person

1173
01:06:36,000 --> 01:06:36,520
Speaker 1: within guy.

1174
01:06:36,640 --> 01:06:38,960
Speaker 2: So Ben is a person with special needs or.

1175
01:06:39,200 --> 01:06:41,160
Speaker 1: Yes, and he's a person. It sounds like with Down

1176
01:06:41,160 --> 01:06:44,000
Speaker 1: syndrome if you want to share the diagnosis. Some people

1177
01:06:44,080 --> 01:06:48,200
Speaker 1: get particular about sharing a medical diagnosis and hippa and

1178
01:06:48,240 --> 01:06:49,280
Speaker 1: all that kind of worship.

1179
01:06:49,360 --> 01:06:51,120
Speaker 2: It's person first language.

1180
01:06:50,840 --> 01:06:52,240
Speaker 1: It's person first.

1181
01:06:52,240 --> 01:06:55,200
Speaker 2: I don't think that's overly ridiculously woky or any of that.

1182
01:06:55,480 --> 01:06:59,760
Speaker 1: It's not. But it gets wordy and complicated, which is

1183
01:06:59,760 --> 01:07:01,760
Speaker 1: why I think a lot of times we shorten it

1184
01:07:01,800 --> 01:07:04,600
Speaker 1: to say special needs. You know, in the case of Bradley,

1185
01:07:04,640 --> 01:07:06,520
Speaker 1: what would I say? I would say he's a person

1186
01:07:06,680 --> 01:07:12,040
Speaker 1: with an intellectual and developmental disability what they call IDD

1187
01:07:12,680 --> 01:07:15,240
Speaker 1: for short, So he's a person with ided. But the

1188
01:07:15,360 --> 01:07:18,000
Speaker 1: vast majority of people that I meet, what does that mean?

1189
01:07:18,080 --> 01:07:18,280
Speaker 2: Right?

1190
01:07:18,440 --> 01:07:20,320
Speaker 1: If the vast majority of people, I mean, if I say, oh,

1191
01:07:20,320 --> 01:07:23,320
Speaker 1: Bradley has IDD, he's a person with IDD, they have

1192
01:07:23,440 --> 01:07:25,920
Speaker 1: no idea what I just said. And even if I

1193
01:07:25,960 --> 01:07:29,360
Speaker 1: say he's a person with an intellectual or developmental disability,

1194
01:07:29,680 --> 01:07:31,640
Speaker 1: they might just say, oh, okay, and they might have

1195
01:07:31,680 --> 01:07:35,760
Speaker 1: some vague idea about what that is. If somebody really

1196
01:07:35,880 --> 01:07:39,320
Speaker 1: genuinely wants to know more about it, and I'll say,

1197
01:07:39,360 --> 01:07:41,760
Speaker 1: you know, he's a person with an intellectual developmental disability,

1198
01:07:41,800 --> 01:07:44,600
Speaker 1: they'll say, but what you know? Tell me more? Tell

1199
01:07:44,640 --> 01:07:46,520
Speaker 1: me more, you know what, Tell me more about Bradley,

1200
01:07:46,640 --> 01:07:49,640
Speaker 1: just like you did in this podcast, right in this conversation.

1201
01:07:49,840 --> 01:07:53,080
Speaker 1: Tell me more about Bradley, tell me more about his experience, because,

1202
01:07:53,360 --> 01:07:56,920
Speaker 1: as you said, someone with special needs or challenges is

1203
01:07:56,960 --> 01:07:59,560
Speaker 1: different from anyone else who has special needs or challenges.

1204
01:07:59,640 --> 01:08:03,439
Speaker 1: Even though society into one classroom it is and thinks

1205
01:08:03,440 --> 01:08:04,560
Speaker 1: they all want to play sports.

1206
01:08:04,640 --> 01:08:06,640
Speaker 2: Lord have Mercy has a mixed bag. And he had

1207
01:08:06,760 --> 01:08:10,440
Speaker 2: learned that in a big, big way. I watched a

1208
01:08:10,560 --> 01:08:17,160
Speaker 2: kid in a wheelchair whose father the kid was. I

1209
01:08:17,360 --> 01:08:22,160
Speaker 2: assume it was cerebral Polsey. You can help me here.

1210
01:08:22,320 --> 01:08:25,840
Speaker 2: He had a wheelchair that he could move with his

1211
01:08:26,040 --> 01:08:31,680
Speaker 2: shoulders because his hands were drawn he was fisted and

1212
01:08:31,760 --> 01:08:35,120
Speaker 2: drawn up. And so we're his feet and he was

1213
01:08:35,200 --> 01:08:39,479
Speaker 2: really skinny, and his knees sat to the side and

1214
01:08:39,520 --> 01:08:42,639
Speaker 2: his feet sat to the other way. And he had

1215
01:08:42,880 --> 01:08:45,880
Speaker 2: like one of those wheelchairs with the pads on the

1216
01:08:45,920 --> 01:08:47,640
Speaker 2: side in the rear, so it was kind of like

1217
01:08:47,720 --> 01:08:51,320
Speaker 2: a head support. And he showed up at Special Olympics

1218
01:08:51,360 --> 01:08:56,080
Speaker 2: bowling and I thought, oh, okay, this is going to

1219
01:08:56,120 --> 01:09:00,559
Speaker 2: be interesting. And his mother pushes him in. His mother

1220
01:09:00,640 --> 01:09:02,519
Speaker 2: and father push him in. I watched the whole time.

1221
01:09:02,560 --> 01:09:04,000
Speaker 2: I can't wait to see what this is going to

1222
01:09:04,040 --> 01:09:06,599
Speaker 2: look like. And then his father leaves and comes back.

1223
01:09:06,640 --> 01:09:13,320
Speaker 2: And his father had built a wooden ramp that rested

1224
01:09:14,400 --> 01:09:21,120
Speaker 2: on the ground and then on the arms of his wheelchair,

1225
01:09:22,000 --> 01:09:25,920
Speaker 2: and then had a platform at his chin, and they

1226
01:09:25,960 --> 01:09:27,840
Speaker 2: would put the bowling ball in his chin, and he

1227
01:09:27,840 --> 01:09:29,880
Speaker 2: would nudge the ball with his chin and roll down

1228
01:09:29,920 --> 01:09:33,439
Speaker 2: the ramp and go bowling. And then let's say he

1229
01:09:33,520 --> 01:09:38,240
Speaker 2: knocked over all but three pins, he would ratchet around

1230
01:09:38,280 --> 01:09:41,000
Speaker 2: his wheelchair to line up with those three pins and

1231
01:09:41,120 --> 01:09:43,640
Speaker 2: nudge that ball to get down and try to hit

1232
01:09:43,680 --> 01:09:49,760
Speaker 2: the other three pins. The kid was bowling, and I

1233
01:09:49,960 --> 01:09:56,720
Speaker 2: just will never forget thinking about how much heart that

1234
01:09:56,840 --> 01:10:02,120
Speaker 2: kid that had to have exhausted him, frankly, and what

1235
01:10:02,160 --> 01:10:06,160
Speaker 2: the parents did to get him to do something. And

1236
01:10:07,520 --> 01:10:10,400
Speaker 2: all I'm saying is is that these kids are not

1237
01:10:10,560 --> 01:10:13,839
Speaker 2: one size for it all. There are so many different

1238
01:10:13,960 --> 01:10:16,839
Speaker 2: things and challenges. I mean, Ben is really how functioning.

1239
01:10:16,880 --> 01:10:20,040
Speaker 2: He dresses himself, he shades himself and all that, and so,

1240
01:10:20,560 --> 01:10:22,400
Speaker 2: you know, I think about the challenges with Ben, and

1241
01:10:22,439 --> 01:10:24,880
Speaker 2: then I think about what those parents had with that

1242
01:10:24,960 --> 01:10:30,519
Speaker 2: young man. Yet he was bowling with his chin, and

1243
01:10:31,840 --> 01:10:34,280
Speaker 2: so there's two things for that. It's not one size fisile.

1244
01:10:34,360 --> 01:10:36,360
Speaker 2: And next time you wake up in the morning fully

1245
01:10:36,360 --> 01:10:38,800
Speaker 2: abled and are pissed off at something, try to think

1246
01:10:38,800 --> 01:10:40,640
Speaker 2: about that story and look in the mirror and straighten up,

1247
01:10:40,680 --> 01:10:41,920
Speaker 2: because you ain't got it bad.

1248
01:10:44,080 --> 01:10:46,639
Speaker 1: I completely agree. And what about that dad?

1249
01:10:47,200 --> 01:10:48,160
Speaker 2: What an amazing viol.

1250
01:10:48,360 --> 01:10:51,439
Speaker 1: How amazing And I think you probably see this with

1251
01:10:51,520 --> 01:10:54,320
Speaker 1: Ben and I see it with Bradley. How many parents

1252
01:10:54,320 --> 01:10:55,880
Speaker 1: are just incredible.

1253
01:10:56,840 --> 01:10:58,920
Speaker 2: Like I said earlier, and I mean it, there's a

1254
01:10:58,960 --> 01:11:02,960
Speaker 2: special place in having for people that care for people

1255
01:11:03,479 --> 01:11:04,479
Speaker 2: with special needs.

1256
01:11:04,640 --> 01:11:07,040
Speaker 1: And we all know about you know, the dance moms

1257
01:11:07,080 --> 01:11:08,599
Speaker 1: and the PTA moms.

1258
01:11:08,720 --> 01:11:09,639
Speaker 2: Yeah, but we don't know.

1259
01:11:09,560 --> 01:11:13,160
Speaker 1: About these football boosters and all of these things. And

1260
01:11:13,320 --> 01:11:20,439
Speaker 1: the parents of our guys right like, they're amazing too.

1261
01:11:21,720 --> 01:11:26,200
Speaker 2: And that concludes Part one of my conversation with Jane Borkoff,

1262
01:11:26,360 --> 01:11:30,160
Speaker 2: and Part two is now available, which dives much deeper

1263
01:11:30,200 --> 01:11:35,040
Speaker 2: into her extraordinary nonprofit, the Heart Program, And I'm telling you, guys,

1264
01:11:35,320 --> 01:11:37,439
Speaker 2: you don't want to miss it. I'll see you in

1265
01:11:37,520 --> 01:11:38,000
Speaker 2: Part two.