WEBVTT - Ex Texts in the Nest 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:04.680 Hell I Suck at Dating with the Nungler Jared Haven 0:00:04.920 --> 0:00:10.600 and I heard radio podcast what is Up Quarantineers. We 0:00:10.640 --> 0:00:13.600 are back for a new episode of help I Suck 0:00:13.680 --> 0:00:16.920 at Dating. We haven't lost their minds fully yet. We're 0:00:16.920 --> 0:00:21.440 definitely getting one day closer, one day at a time. Um. 0:00:21.600 --> 0:00:24.520 Jared's with me obviously as always, Tori is with us 0:00:24.560 --> 0:00:28.360 as well. Before we do any introductions or say hi 0:00:28.480 --> 0:00:30.920 or anything. Jared, we were just talking about this at 0:00:30.960 --> 0:00:33.720 the top of the episode. There is an article published 0:00:33.760 --> 0:00:37.320 by USA Today that suggests you should text all of 0:00:37.360 --> 0:00:39.040 your ex is in case you have one more thing 0:00:39.080 --> 0:00:41.440 you wanted to get off your chest, and you had 0:00:41.479 --> 0:00:43.599 some very strong feelings about it. I want to hear 0:00:43.640 --> 0:00:47.720 about your feelings. I'll be honest. I have not read 0:00:47.760 --> 0:00:49.800 the article. I was trying to google it. I couldn't 0:00:49.840 --> 0:00:52.040 find it. So, Tori, if you want to send that 0:00:52.080 --> 0:00:53.520 over to me so I can just skim it because 0:00:53.560 --> 0:00:55.240 I want to read the context of it. But the 0:00:55.240 --> 0:01:00.360 headline I freaking hate. I just don't like the idea 0:01:00.560 --> 0:01:03.320 of tech. First of all, this is not the apocalypse, people. 0:01:03.640 --> 0:01:06.759 It's a horrible time. It's a scary time. There are 0:01:06.840 --> 0:01:09.680 true heroes that are going to work every day. Every 0:01:09.680 --> 0:01:13.280 one of these things should be recognized. But the world 0:01:13.840 --> 0:01:17.800 is not coming to an end. So the idea that 0:01:17.920 --> 0:01:22.640 you you should text your ex with one more thing 0:01:22.800 --> 0:01:25.319 in case you have anything off your chest that you 0:01:25.400 --> 0:01:28.920 either wanted to tell them or you regretted, I just 0:01:29.400 --> 0:01:33.000 I'm not sure if that's the best idea, particularly if 0:01:33.040 --> 0:01:36.679 you're in a relationship, because what does that say about 0:01:37.000 --> 0:01:40.520 the relationship you're in right now if you feel so 0:01:40.680 --> 0:01:45.480 compelled to text your ex to say one last thing 0:01:46.080 --> 0:01:50.320 just in case either one of you apparently maybe get 0:01:50.360 --> 0:01:53.200 COVID nineteen and perish. That's the only thing I can 0:01:53.240 --> 0:01:55.680 think of why they wrote this article. Tori just sent 0:01:55.760 --> 0:01:58.440 it to me. Thank you, Tori much appreciated. It's a 0:01:58.520 --> 0:02:01.920 hundred things to do while due to a pandemic. So 0:02:01.960 --> 0:02:03.960 they list out a hundred things that you could do, 0:02:05.080 --> 0:02:09.840 um and one of them being text your X. Number 0:02:09.880 --> 0:02:12.000 one is completed puzzle. So a good job, Dean and Tory. 0:02:15.680 --> 0:02:18.080 I didn't piece together. This just goes to show you 0:02:18.120 --> 0:02:20.680 how slowly my mind is working lately. I didn't piece 0:02:20.680 --> 0:02:23.040 together that the reason for texting your exes was because 0:02:23.040 --> 0:02:26.280 of this apocalyptic quote unquote time that we're in, and 0:02:26.320 --> 0:02:28.720 it's like, if there's a media coming to the earth, 0:02:28.760 --> 0:02:30.520 then you had to get everything off your chest, then 0:02:30.560 --> 0:02:33.400 you should like do these things. That's kind of that's 0:02:33.400 --> 0:02:35.079 what you're alluding to, and that makes sense. I think 0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:37.080 that's why they're like saying you should text X and 0:02:37.160 --> 0:02:38.799 get them off you get the things off your chest 0:02:38.840 --> 0:02:41.959 because some of them might die. You might die. That's 0:02:41.960 --> 0:02:44.080 your I mean, yeah, I agree with you. That's ridiculous. 0:02:44.120 --> 0:02:46.359 But what if there's something you gotta get off your chest, Jared, 0:02:46.360 --> 0:02:49.440 I'm gonna play devil's advocate. What if what if there's 0:02:49.520 --> 0:02:52.560 just been something that's been eaten away at you about 0:02:52.600 --> 0:02:55.760 your relationship with Kayla that you never had the chance 0:02:55.800 --> 0:02:58.840 to say. And sorry, I always use Kala because it's 0:02:58.840 --> 0:03:00.799 the only X I know of yours that you that's 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:05.480 very you can use Kayla. No, I've because honestly, time 0:03:05.520 --> 0:03:08.560 has passed so much time has passed. I've moved on, 0:03:09.600 --> 0:03:12.680 you know, I she has moved on. We've all moved on. 0:03:13.440 --> 0:03:17.480 Time heals all wounds. I believe that and I've experienced it. 0:03:17.800 --> 0:03:22.120 So why even open up that door just to say 0:03:22.200 --> 0:03:24.760 one more thing that's on my chest. The only thing 0:03:24.840 --> 0:03:27.920 I can think of for a reason as to why 0:03:27.960 --> 0:03:30.800 somebody should reach out to an x ray now is 0:03:30.840 --> 0:03:34.520 if you're single, you still have feelings for them, you 0:03:34.600 --> 0:03:37.960 regretted the way it ended, and you want to explore 0:03:38.040 --> 0:03:41.320 that relationship again. In this pandemic is putting everything in 0:03:41.360 --> 0:03:44.240 perspective for you, which is why you feel so compelled 0:03:44.720 --> 0:03:47.000 to reach back out. That's the only thing I can 0:03:47.040 --> 0:03:50.960 think of. But this article, it says text your first 0:03:51.000 --> 0:03:53.760 of all, it says text all of your ex is 0:03:54.440 --> 0:03:58.640 bad idea, bad idea right there, the first four words 0:03:59.040 --> 0:04:01.800 bad idea. I remember when I was a kid, uh, 0:04:01.920 --> 0:04:03.480 and like, growing up in Colorado, we had a lot 0:04:03.480 --> 0:04:06.920 of like thunderstorms and lightning storms and uh you frequently 0:04:06.960 --> 0:04:10.640 like the power out, power went out, uh, like multiple 0:04:10.640 --> 0:04:12.600 times a year. This would happen, like big, big lightning 0:04:12.600 --> 0:04:14.880 storms up in the mountains, and I remember every time 0:04:14.920 --> 0:04:17.040 one of them, or like maybe one hadn't happened for 0:04:17.040 --> 0:04:19.120 a while. I always think to myself, like, oh man, 0:04:19.160 --> 0:04:21.040 I really hope we get a lightning storm that knocks 0:04:21.040 --> 0:04:23.800 out the powder power so I can text the girl 0:04:23.880 --> 0:04:25.680 that I like, or the girl that I'm interested in, 0:04:25.839 --> 0:04:28.039 or like you know, just just like to have a 0:04:28.080 --> 0:04:30.080 recent to text the person I have a crush on. Essentially, 0:04:30.680 --> 0:04:32.400 this is kind of like a different way to do that. 0:04:32.440 --> 0:04:34.479 But I agree with you. I think the only way 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:37.480 that this headline applies to anyone is if they're not 0:04:37.520 --> 0:04:41.760 in a relationship. Like, if you're not in a relationship, sure, 0:04:41.920 --> 0:04:43.560 text jex is the things that you want to get 0:04:43.600 --> 0:04:46.120 off your chest. But like if you're dating someone or 0:04:46.160 --> 0:04:49.040 married to someone, then there's absolutely no point to it. 0:04:49.600 --> 0:04:53.279 And this is kind of just a selfish, self indulged 0:04:53.480 --> 0:04:57.479 move anyway, Like who are you? Who are you to 0:04:57.640 --> 0:05:02.680 say that you your thoughts are so valued they just 0:05:02.880 --> 0:05:06.719 need to be heard by a person that you either 0:05:06.800 --> 0:05:09.800 broke up with or broke up with you however long ago. 0:05:10.640 --> 0:05:13.280 You know. I feel like because like for me personally, 0:05:13.320 --> 0:05:16.240 the only thing I can relate with this sentence, which 0:05:16.240 --> 0:05:19.159 has text all your ex is bad idea. Just in 0:05:19.200 --> 0:05:21.880 case you have one more thing you wanted to get 0:05:21.880 --> 0:05:26.880 off your chest, it's either one because you're still piste 0:05:26.880 --> 0:05:29.520 off and there's like that one thing that you've always 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:32.520 wanted to say to him but you haven't, and now 0:05:32.680 --> 0:05:36.160 is the time is here because we're in a pandemic. Apparently, 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:39.200 at least USA today believes that we should be reaching 0:05:39.200 --> 0:05:42.240 out to our exes to either say that one thing 0:05:42.320 --> 0:05:44.280 that we always wanted to say to them because we're 0:05:44.320 --> 0:05:47.720 so mad but we never had the opportunity to. Or conversely, 0:05:49.040 --> 0:05:50.600 you want to reach back out because you're still not 0:05:51.279 --> 0:05:55.640 which again, if you're single, if they're single, you know, 0:05:55.760 --> 0:05:57.280 or even if they're in a relationship like a new 0:05:57.320 --> 0:06:01.039 relationship and you feel like it's not over between you two, 0:06:01.920 --> 0:06:05.920 sure of course reach back out for me. I'm looking 0:06:05.920 --> 0:06:07.720 at the article right now, and it's just a list, 0:06:07.920 --> 0:06:09.640 a list of a hundred things that you should do 0:06:09.720 --> 0:06:15.080 during the pandemic, the quarantine. And this isn't like number 0:06:15.160 --> 0:06:18.440 ninety four. It is at number fifty three. It isn't numbers, 0:06:19.720 --> 0:06:23.359 It isn't number fourteen. It's number four on the list. 0:06:24.040 --> 0:06:26.800 It's the fourth thing that they listed is to text 0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:29.640 all your exes, just in case you have one more 0:06:29.720 --> 0:06:31.880 thing you wanted to get off to your chest. Right 0:06:31.920 --> 0:06:36.400 after learning an instrument, starting a journal, and doing a puzzle, 0:06:36.680 --> 0:06:38.520 this is the fourth thing that they So once you 0:06:38.520 --> 0:06:40.800 do all those things, start texting your excess. Yes, it 0:06:40.800 --> 0:06:44.680 seems a bit high on the list. Can I chime 0:06:44.720 --> 0:06:46.760 in for a minute? Of course we need the female 0:06:46.760 --> 0:06:48.480 perspective well, because I feel like you guys are looking 0:06:48.520 --> 0:06:51.480 at this all wrong, like you wouldn't be with your 0:06:51.520 --> 0:06:55.320 significant other if you didn't date the people you dated 0:06:55.360 --> 0:06:58.040 in the past. Of course, so that doesn't mean you 0:06:58.040 --> 0:07:00.640 should revisit it, but in some way, let's say the 0:07:00.680 --> 0:07:04.840 world was ending, hypothetically, wouldn't you want to reach out 0:07:04.839 --> 0:07:06.719 to that person and just kind of say, and let's 0:07:06.720 --> 0:07:08.839 say that there was no other option besides the fact 0:07:08.880 --> 0:07:12.520 you were reaching out to your exes, what is wouldn't 0:07:12.520 --> 0:07:14.360 you kind of look back and say, Hey, thanks for 0:07:14.440 --> 0:07:16.520 teaching me how to be a better man, Thanks for 0:07:16.560 --> 0:07:19.800 teaching me to to have more manners, Thanks for teaching 0:07:19.840 --> 0:07:21.560 me on how to live life a little bit more fun. 0:07:21.600 --> 0:07:24.760 Thanks for obviously it wasn't a healthy relationship, but here's 0:07:24.800 --> 0:07:27.280 really what I learned from it. And then that's how 0:07:27.320 --> 0:07:29.600 you were led to who you were with now. So 0:07:29.600 --> 0:07:32.320 I don't think it would be a negative thing. It's like, hey, 0:07:32.360 --> 0:07:35.080 thanks for being a stepping stone on my path to 0:07:35.160 --> 0:07:37.880 where I am now. So are your single? By the way, 0:07:38.040 --> 0:07:40.080 I'm in a really good relationship now. I just want 0:07:40.120 --> 0:07:42.400 to say thank you for being one of the bridges 0:07:42.440 --> 0:07:45.400 that allowed me to get here. I think you guys 0:07:45.400 --> 0:07:47.600 could all look at one X, and I think you 0:07:47.600 --> 0:07:49.880 guys should speak up maybe on who would be or 0:07:49.960 --> 0:07:52.720 something you learned from one of your past relationships that 0:07:52.760 --> 0:07:57.200 helped you develop better dating skills, Like you have to 0:07:57.240 --> 0:07:59.640 recognize some X, and I think you guys should step 0:07:59.720 --> 0:08:01.800 up and say who that X was and what you 0:08:01.880 --> 0:08:06.120 learned from it. Two things. One, this has nothing to 0:08:06.240 --> 0:08:09.840 do with recognizing an X and how important they were 0:08:10.120 --> 0:08:13.440 into my like for me personally in my life, all 0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:17.000 my exes are very important to me. Uh. And then 0:08:17.160 --> 0:08:21.000 you know everybody has that one X where it was 0:08:21.120 --> 0:08:24.480 the most impactful relationship you've had before the relationship you 0:08:24.520 --> 0:08:29.080 have right now. And then number two, I mean, unlessen, 0:08:29.440 --> 0:08:33.000 you know, an asteroid hits us right now, the world 0:08:33.040 --> 0:08:35.760 will not end because of COVID nineteen. The world will 0:08:35.800 --> 0:08:39.360 go on, right I mean, there's already talked about possibly 0:08:39.360 --> 0:08:42.240 reopening the economy and may Jared, don't beat around the bush. 0:08:42.480 --> 0:08:45.040 I said, hypothetically the world is going to end. You 0:08:45.120 --> 0:08:47.040 have to reach out to one of your exes and 0:08:47.120 --> 0:08:49.240 say thank you for something. What is it? Going to 0:08:49.320 --> 0:08:52.960 be what you what, I'm going to thank them for 0:08:53.200 --> 0:08:54.960 what I'd have to think about that. I mean, I 0:08:55.040 --> 0:08:58.640 know who I would text, who I would call? Um, 0:08:58.920 --> 0:09:01.240 who is it? I mean, well, I'm not going to 0:09:01.800 --> 0:09:04.480 put their name on blast. I mean because like just 0:09:04.520 --> 0:09:06.559 because I signed up to be on a public podcast 0:09:06.640 --> 0:09:09.360 doesn't mean they did. Um. But I know who I 0:09:09.360 --> 0:09:11.839 would text, and I would of course. You know, this 0:09:11.880 --> 0:09:15.440 is all sentiments that I've already said, uh, in some 0:09:15.520 --> 0:09:19.240 degree or another, um to this particular person about how 0:09:19.920 --> 0:09:22.800 much they meant to me, and still you know, do 0:09:23.000 --> 0:09:25.080 to this day in a certain aspect, just because you know, 0:09:25.120 --> 0:09:27.360 you have such intimate moments with a certain person and 0:09:27.440 --> 0:09:30.640 you go through such you know, you have these private, 0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:34.079 private moments with one another that you know just very impactful. 0:09:35.040 --> 0:09:37.920 But like, all right, I'll speak upon this during this 0:09:37.920 --> 0:09:41.800 this this pandemic. You know, I've thought about this person's 0:09:41.840 --> 0:09:45.720 family and her specifically as well. Of course I would 0:09:45.800 --> 0:09:47.880 love to reach out and say, hey, I hope you're 0:09:47.880 --> 0:09:51.560 doing well. I hope everybody's doing well. Um, you know, 0:09:51.600 --> 0:09:55.559 it's a scary time. I hope you know whatever, right 0:09:55.679 --> 0:09:58.680 say your piece, But it just feels so selfish at me, 0:09:58.760 --> 0:10:02.920 Why would I Why would I immerse myself back into 0:10:02.960 --> 0:10:06.600 their life? You know, that's unfair to them. They're not 0:10:06.679 --> 0:10:10.480 asking like we're I'm I'm the x you know, especially 0:10:10.520 --> 0:10:13.040 if she's in a relationship. How is that? How is 0:10:13.080 --> 0:10:16.520 that going to make her boyfriend, husband, fiancee? You? You know, 0:10:16.640 --> 0:10:20.240 how's that going to make Ashley? For you? Me saying hey, listen, 0:10:20.480 --> 0:10:22.320 like I want to, I want to reach out to 0:10:22.360 --> 0:10:25.560 an x U totally potonically and just to make sure 0:10:25.559 --> 0:10:28.360 that they're okay and let them know how much they 0:10:28.400 --> 0:10:30.400 meant to me, and I hope they're fine, and I 0:10:30.400 --> 0:10:33.680 hope they're doing well. You know, it's not just me 0:10:33.840 --> 0:10:37.800 that I have to h think about in this moment. 0:10:37.920 --> 0:10:39.880 I don't know that's my two sense anybody else. I 0:10:39.880 --> 0:10:43.360 feel like you didn't really answer to question. What's what's 0:10:43.360 --> 0:10:44.960 your question? You want me to say? I'm not gonna 0:10:44.960 --> 0:10:47.120 say their name. I don't need you to say a 0:10:47.200 --> 0:10:49.480 name or whatever. All I want to know is what 0:10:49.679 --> 0:10:54.840 is one thing you learn and have appreciated from an 0:10:55.080 --> 0:10:58.280 x Something you developed a skill. There's got to be 0:10:58.360 --> 0:11:00.679 some kind of positive, even if maybe it was a 0:11:00.679 --> 0:11:03.080 little bit of a negative. You learned something from an X. 0:11:03.960 --> 0:11:06.320 But listen, we understand your married We understand all of that. 0:11:06.320 --> 0:11:08.720 Like you have to explain that it's just what is 0:11:09.000 --> 0:11:10.600 What is something you learned from your X and Dean 0:11:10.600 --> 0:11:11.920 will go now. And I think we're talking about two 0:11:11.960 --> 0:11:14.200 different things though, because I am talking more about the 0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:16.600 action of reaching out, where you're just asking me what 0:11:16.640 --> 0:11:19.520 would you say? All right, so hypothetically what would I say? 0:11:19.640 --> 0:11:22.480 I would what I'm very thankful for And there's many 0:11:22.520 --> 0:11:25.040 things that I'm grateful for from my past relationships because 0:11:25.080 --> 0:11:26.960 they taught me so much and in a lot of 0:11:26.960 --> 0:11:28.800 ways they were too good for me, especially at that 0:11:28.840 --> 0:11:32.199 time in my life. Um, but what I would say 0:11:32.720 --> 0:11:36.839 would probably be that I'm very thankful and grateful that 0:11:37.800 --> 0:11:45.320 I learned that just because something's wrong in a relationship 0:11:45.400 --> 0:11:48.760 doesn't mean that the relationship has to end. And I 0:11:48.760 --> 0:11:53.880 think I've learned from different relationships that it's not always 0:11:53.920 --> 0:11:56.760 going to be perfect, and there will be times where 0:11:56.800 --> 0:12:00.600 you doubt a relationship, but that doesn't necessary really mean 0:12:00.679 --> 0:12:03.240 that this isn't the person for you. Does that make sense? 0:12:04.160 --> 0:12:07.000 It's not always going to be perfect, and I think 0:12:07.080 --> 0:12:10.000 that's what I learned from past relationships and just because 0:12:10.000 --> 0:12:12.520 something isn't perfect doesn't mean it has to end. Do 0:12:12.600 --> 0:12:15.600 you believe that you may have ended past relationships too 0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:20.160 soon because you defined it if it's perfectly working or not. Yeah, 0:12:20.360 --> 0:12:23.000 Oh yeah, I remember one x I I I broke 0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:24.920 up with her and we did it for many, many years, 0:12:24.920 --> 0:12:28.480 and and I definitely ended it way too soon, just 0:12:28.559 --> 0:12:31.839 because again I was in my early twenties and we 0:12:31.840 --> 0:12:35.360 were kind of having trouble the problems, and I thought 0:12:35.400 --> 0:12:39.000 to myself, well, you know, if this is wrong about 0:12:39.000 --> 0:12:41.760 the relationship, then this is obviously not the person for me. 0:12:42.559 --> 0:12:45.760 And then breaking up with her and regretting that decision 0:12:45.800 --> 0:12:50.320 made me realize it's every relationship is going to have 0:12:50.360 --> 0:12:55.480 its flaws. There's nobody who's perfect. Uh. And I would 0:12:55.480 --> 0:12:59.599 also argue there's nobody that's probably perfect for you, because 0:13:00.360 --> 0:13:02.920 then you're putting way too much expectations on the relationship 0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:05.800 and pressure because if one thing goes wrong, then they're 0:13:05.800 --> 0:13:08.320 not perfect for me. So I'm onto the next. Um. 0:13:08.400 --> 0:13:10.880 And so that's what Uh, that's what I learned. Yeah, 0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:12.920 I would say, you know, I definitely broke up the 0:13:12.920 --> 0:13:15.000 relationship to early. Obviously it all worked out because I 0:13:15.040 --> 0:13:17.800 met my wife and the love of my life and um, 0:13:17.880 --> 0:13:20.800 but at the time, yeah, I should have I should 0:13:20.800 --> 0:13:23.040 have fought harder for the relation if it's something that 0:13:23.040 --> 0:13:24.760 you have to work through at some point in your life, 0:13:24.760 --> 0:13:26.680 because I used to think the same thing where I 0:13:26.760 --> 0:13:29.800 was like, oh, if you meet the right person for you, 0:13:29.880 --> 0:13:34.200 everything kind of blends together harmoniously and there's no issues ever, 0:13:34.559 --> 0:13:36.800 and everything is perfect all the time, and you guys 0:13:36.840 --> 0:13:39.200 are so in sync with each other that there's never 0:13:39.240 --> 0:13:43.040 gonna be any disagreements or arguments. But eventually, I think 0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:47.080 you just realize that that's not necessarily true. Um, at 0:13:47.120 --> 0:13:49.199 least in my case. I just like the longer I 0:13:49.240 --> 0:13:52.760 live life, the more I realized that there isn't that like, uh, 0:13:53.559 --> 0:13:55.960 I don't know, Nirvana for relationships or whatever that you 0:13:56.120 --> 0:13:58.400 like fantasize about when you're in middle school. At least 0:13:58.440 --> 0:14:00.160 for me, that was that's kind of how it works me. 0:14:00.640 --> 0:14:06.559 But for to answer Tory's question, Um, the funny, I 0:14:06.640 --> 0:14:08.520 was trying to think about it while Jared was talking. 0:14:08.679 --> 0:14:13.200 But I don't think that I ever really. I can't 0:14:13.200 --> 0:14:15.120 say that I never learned anything in relationships, obviously, but 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:16.920 I think the most important thing that I learned in 0:14:16.960 --> 0:14:20.280 my relationship as an adult is more is not what 0:14:20.320 --> 0:14:23.920 I like, but more so what I dislike in relationships. 0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:28.640 And now the only thing that's changed is like, I've 0:14:28.680 --> 0:14:31.040 always been the biggest issue in the relationships, in all 0:14:31.040 --> 0:14:33.160 of my relationships as an adult, and so now that 0:14:33.200 --> 0:14:37.680 I've just gotten older, I'm just like trying. I'm improving 0:14:37.680 --> 0:14:41.160 myself and that in turn improves the relationship. And I 0:14:41.160 --> 0:14:44.680 know that really make a lot of sense. But then 0:14:44.720 --> 0:14:47.000 to bring it back further, to answer the other question 0:14:47.440 --> 0:14:49.760 with my ex uh, there is an X that I 0:14:49.800 --> 0:14:52.160 have that I did it in college who I admire 0:14:52.160 --> 0:14:53.720 a lot, who is a nurse, and so maybe I 0:14:53.720 --> 0:14:55.320 should reach out to her, I guess now that I 0:14:55.360 --> 0:14:59.080 think about it, and just thank her for her her 0:14:59.280 --> 0:15:03.160 jumping into AC as a nurse. Maybe I don't know 0:15:03.160 --> 0:15:06.800 if I should or not. I probably won't, but you know, 0:15:06.960 --> 0:15:08.840 now that I'm speaking out loud, it probably in the 0:15:08.880 --> 0:15:11.080 best idea. But yeah, I know, well, whoever that is, 0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:12.960 if she's listening to the podcast, thank you so much 0:15:13.080 --> 0:15:16.200 for being an essential worker right now. Yeah, so, Dean, 0:15:16.280 --> 0:15:19.840 you posted on Instagram the other day of you two 0:15:19.920 --> 0:15:23.400 years difference on your driver's license Yeah, how funny is that? 0:15:23.520 --> 0:15:27.320 And that was a pretty big difference in those two years. 0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:28.560 Like I thought I was gonna be looking at that 0:15:28.600 --> 0:15:30.920 and have that be two thousand and eight, but that 0:15:30.960 --> 0:15:34.280 was only two eighteen. That's kind of crazy how much 0:15:34.320 --> 0:15:36.560 it's changed over two years. Did any girl have an 0:15:36.600 --> 0:15:40.160 influence on you? Where did that all kind of change 0:15:40.200 --> 0:15:42.320 come from? I think that my whole life, I had 0:15:42.320 --> 0:15:45.760 like this certain image of myself. And when I was 0:15:45.800 --> 0:15:48.920 like twenty six or five, I looked at myself and 0:15:48.920 --> 0:15:52.920 I was like this polished, bratty looking guy that partied 0:15:52.920 --> 0:15:55.040 a lot in Los Angeles. And the image that I 0:15:55.040 --> 0:15:57.520 had for myself didn't really reflect the image that other 0:15:57.600 --> 0:16:00.440 people had for me too, because I was partying all 0:16:00.480 --> 0:16:02.840 the time, but I didn't really ever consider myself a 0:16:02.840 --> 0:16:04.920 party or you know what I mean. And then eventually, 0:16:05.000 --> 0:16:06.880 I think once I decided to move into the van 0:16:06.960 --> 0:16:10.280 full time, this was what like early twenty nineteen, maybe 0:16:10.320 --> 0:16:15.720 lateen Uh, I was like, Okay, I'm just gonna start 0:16:15.800 --> 0:16:18.720 to become the person that I've always thought of myself as, 0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:23.920 which is like this traveling, adventure seeking, uh dirt bag 0:16:24.000 --> 0:16:26.000 of sorts. And so that's kind of why I just 0:16:26.040 --> 0:16:27.720 started growing up, like they I haven't cut my hair 0:16:27.800 --> 0:16:33.440 since probably September of um, so like maybe even six 0:16:33.480 --> 0:16:37.240 months after that driver's license picture was taken. And then yeah, 0:16:37.280 --> 0:16:40.720 I just slowly like I know, I like look way 0:16:40.760 --> 0:16:43.160 worse now, but that's kind of part of the appeal, 0:16:43.240 --> 0:16:47.400 Like I want I'm like purposefully making myself look worse, 0:16:47.520 --> 0:16:50.880 if that makes any sense. Well, what what led to 0:16:50.920 --> 0:16:55.240 the change? Why did you want to change? Uh? Well, 0:16:55.280 --> 0:16:57.080 I like wasn't happy with myself obviously, like I was 0:16:57.120 --> 0:16:59.920 partying too much. I wasn't like fulfilling. I wasn't like 0:17:00.000 --> 0:17:02.080 getting fulfillment out of anything I was doing. You know, 0:17:02.120 --> 0:17:04.080 like going to the bars isn't like make you grow 0:17:04.080 --> 0:17:08.040 as a person at all. Um. And I feel like, 0:17:08.400 --> 0:17:11.919 especially with that stuff, like you know, I don't want to. 0:17:13.480 --> 0:17:15.280 I guess I just look like everyone else, like the 0:17:15.440 --> 0:17:19.520 do she looking rat boy with the with you know, 0:17:19.520 --> 0:17:23.359 I got news for you, you don't look like anybody 0:17:23.400 --> 0:17:25.480 well at the time with the haircut and when I 0:17:25.640 --> 0:17:27.280 was like the partying and all that kind of stuff, 0:17:27.520 --> 0:17:28.639 and so I was like, I don't know, I'm just 0:17:28.640 --> 0:17:32.119 gonna take an action like change now, and um, you know, 0:17:32.240 --> 0:17:35.480 be less Uh, less of the person that I was 0:17:35.560 --> 0:17:37.800 like slowly morphing into and be more proud of who 0:17:37.800 --> 0:17:39.800 I was. And this is my way of doing it. 0:17:39.800 --> 0:17:42.680 It's like I getta you know, obviously, travel around and 0:17:43.000 --> 0:17:44.879 do the things that most people don't get to do. 0:17:45.000 --> 0:17:50.040 And with that comes like like the grungier, nomadic vagrant 0:17:50.080 --> 0:17:52.399 look of growing your hair out and throwing out your 0:17:52.400 --> 0:17:55.520 facial hair and all that kind of stuff. I'm just 0:17:55.560 --> 0:17:57.199 I don't know, I'm adopting the image as much as 0:17:57.240 --> 0:17:59.360 I do you miss what do you miss that life? 0:17:59.600 --> 0:18:01.720 Do you the life you had two or three years 0:18:01.720 --> 0:18:04.520 ago at all? Oh? My god, absolutely not. I used 0:18:04.520 --> 0:18:06.880 to have like major, major anxiety too. I think even 0:18:06.920 --> 0:18:10.080 as little as a year ago, maybe like a year 0:18:10.080 --> 0:18:11.480 and a half ago, I was like super anxious all 0:18:11.520 --> 0:18:15.000 the time. I like wake up and like have heart palpitations. 0:18:15.560 --> 0:18:16.840 And I think the reason for that was just like 0:18:16.880 --> 0:18:18.520 I was like waking up and doing the same thing 0:18:18.560 --> 0:18:21.800 every single day, which was you know, it was either 0:18:21.840 --> 0:18:24.679 parting with friends or like playing video games, and there 0:18:24.800 --> 0:18:28.199 just wasn't much growth coming from it. Uh. And this, 0:18:28.440 --> 0:18:30.399 obviously Quarantine has kind of slipped that step down a 0:18:30.440 --> 0:18:34.320 little bit. But I don't miss it whatsoever, which is great, 0:18:34.359 --> 0:18:36.119 Like it's nice to know, like I, you know, I 0:18:36.119 --> 0:18:40.120 did everything that I wanted to do as like a 0:18:40.160 --> 0:18:42.840 mid twenties party yer, and I got that all out 0:18:42.840 --> 0:18:44.240 of my system and I never need to go back 0:18:44.240 --> 0:18:48.639 and revisit that because I did it enough for this lifetime, uh, 0:18:48.720 --> 0:18:50.640 which I think is a good thing. I can kind 0:18:50.640 --> 0:18:53.440 of like close the chapter on that one and continue 0:18:53.480 --> 0:18:56.000 on this next one, whatever that might be. Do you 0:18:56.080 --> 0:19:00.320 think that's also why you are kind of more I mean, 0:19:00.359 --> 0:19:01.600 I don't want to put pressure on it, but like 0:19:01.600 --> 0:19:03.720 in more of a serious relationship with Kalin, because you 0:19:03.720 --> 0:19:06.480 didn't have to put or feel any different or feel 0:19:06.560 --> 0:19:08.120 kind of like you're living your life for someone else. 0:19:08.119 --> 0:19:10.880 It was just strictly you, and she's like that's who 0:19:10.920 --> 0:19:14.000 she fell in love with. Um. I mean, yeah, it's 0:19:14.119 --> 0:19:16.600 been a fully transparent honesty thing. I feel like in 0:19:16.600 --> 0:19:19.399 all my other relationships before, I would like hide certain 0:19:19.440 --> 0:19:23.120 aspects of myself because I didn't really know exactly who 0:19:23.119 --> 0:19:25.040 were what I was, and I still obviously don't, but 0:19:25.080 --> 0:19:27.200 I'm like getting more and more comfortable with who I am, 0:19:27.240 --> 0:19:31.560 so that allows me to be more like confident and transparent, 0:19:31.680 --> 0:19:33.920 I guess, and I think that in turn this leads 0:19:33.960 --> 0:19:36.439 to like a deeper connection with your significant other in 0:19:37.000 --> 0:19:39.040 you know, Calin and then in this case, because it's 0:19:39.040 --> 0:19:41.160 just like we are who we are, and it's like 0:19:41.560 --> 0:19:43.320 we're not going to tell each other to do things 0:19:43.480 --> 0:19:46.240 that that aren't who you are, and so it's like, 0:19:47.280 --> 0:19:50.040 you know, you're just kind of getting closer and closer 0:19:50.080 --> 0:19:52.800 with this person. Fully, I don't know, I don't know 0:19:52.800 --> 0:19:56.120 how to explain it, but that's yeah, that's that's where 0:19:56.160 --> 0:19:59.480 we're at. UM. But Jered, what about you? Do you 0:19:59.560 --> 0:20:04.959 ever miss like single Jared partying life. Uh? You know, 0:20:05.119 --> 0:20:08.440 I was never a big partier in general, so I 0:20:08.480 --> 0:20:11.560 would say I don't miss it at all. I love Ashley. 0:20:11.600 --> 0:20:14.879 I love being with Ashley. Um, it's really nice and 0:20:15.160 --> 0:20:17.280 being you can attest to this now having a partner, 0:20:17.480 --> 0:20:20.320 you know, someone that you can really rely on, almost 0:20:20.359 --> 0:20:23.360 like a teammate. Um. But the only thing I guess 0:20:23.400 --> 0:20:27.880