Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart radio podcast.
Speaker 1: I loved to talk about You've just booked another movie.
Speaker 2: I did yay old one in three months. This has
Speaker 2: never happened before. I don't know what's happening.
Speaker 1: I'm going good luck, tell them vibe that's what it is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you are, absolutely, you know. It was one of
Speaker 2: those where I don't know. I mean, it's some years
Speaker 2: I'm lucky to get two films, so I'm just grateful
Speaker 2: for the work. And though it's a lower budget and
Speaker 2: there's things in there that just like the last movie.
Speaker 2: Me my agents because you know, they really want to
Speaker 2: get me in on one of those Taylor Sheridan shows.
Speaker 2: So having one of the reasons that my managers wanted
Speaker 2: me to take it and my agent was because I'll
Speaker 2: be getting I'm going to be working with horses and
Speaker 2: riding a lot, so it'll be good for the reel
Speaker 2: again to just kind of show that I can ride.
Speaker 1: It's all as the horse's only finger riding.
Speaker 3: Bump.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we'll get in. We'll get into all that later.
Speaker 2: We don't need to talk about that right now.
Speaker 1: No, but listen, it's for you. It's amazing because I
Speaker 1: know you're like you came out of a movie and
Speaker 1: then you immediately worry about, Okay, when's the next one coming?
Speaker 2: M hm.
Speaker 1: So the fact that you've done three and three months
Speaker 1: should let you know how And you won't agree here,
Speaker 1: but you're obviously important in demand. Someone who's not in
Speaker 1: demand does not get three movies in three months, So
Speaker 1: you're definitely doing something right. My coaching, my acting coaching
Speaker 1: for years old obviously help when.
Speaker 2: You's I mean no, but I will say I think
Speaker 2: when you are I think when you work on yourself,
Speaker 2: and that's what I love our guest today because it
Speaker 2: kind of ties into that. But when you heal the
Speaker 2: pieces of yourself, you're I believe, more open and your
Speaker 2: work is different, Like I think my work post divorce
Speaker 2: has been better than any work I've ever done for
Speaker 2: different levels obviously, like more emotional. I've able to tap
Speaker 2: to tap in more emotionally, and also there's just I
Speaker 2: don't have that weight of worry and wonder and fears,
Speaker 2: so being able to really just have a supportive husband,
Speaker 2: know that I'm I don't need to worry when I'm
Speaker 2: away and when we're not together, and I get to
Speaker 2: just you know, again at knowing that I have that
Speaker 2: support and then also have healed some of the pieces
Speaker 2: inside of me that isn't holding me down, has freed
Speaker 2: up the creativitiness for me to a lot that in
Speaker 2: so I definitely feel like I've a better because of that,
Speaker 2: like because I was able to let that negative energy
Speaker 2: and let the light in. And I think that's to
Speaker 2: be said for anybody, right, Like, if you're in a
Speaker 2: bad situation and you're not you're not happy, and do
Speaker 2: you feel stressed and worried and not safe, and obviously
Speaker 2: your work will show reflect that.
Speaker 1: I think, So I think I can relate to that
Speaker 1: in a little a little bit. But also when I
Speaker 1: was going through the hardest point of my life, my
Speaker 1: work was my basically my welcome distraction to have a
Speaker 1: different type of pressure and a different type of stress.
Speaker 1: Was always like I was probably my best work, to
Speaker 1: be honest as a which was building that period, because
Speaker 1: I could I could separate the work from the craziness
Speaker 1: that was going on in the background and just be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: forget about that. Now, you need to focus on this.
Speaker 1: But I get what you're talking about. If you're now
Speaker 1: now you feel safe to go and be on set
Speaker 1: for a week, you know, have to worry about what's
Speaker 1: going on around with the kids or me or so
Speaker 1: there's a safety aspect where you can relax and actually
Speaker 1: really really focus on doing a good job.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I see what you're saying. There's definitely a piece
Speaker 2: of that for sure. But I carry so much of
Speaker 2: my surroundings so internally and I hold on to them
Speaker 2: so much that it does ultimately affect I think my
Speaker 2: work as much as I when I reflect back on
Speaker 2: movies that I was with with my ex or going
Speaker 2: through hard times with it. Though I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: it's not affecting my work, I look back now and
Speaker 2: I'm like, it's one thousand percent affecting my work. I
Speaker 2: was up all night crying the night before, or like
Speaker 2: when I was in Vancouver. I mean it was a mess,
Speaker 2: like an absolute mess. So like, how of course that
Speaker 2: would have affected my work, you know. So yeah, I
Speaker 2: definitely reflect back on and then even just the hostility
Speaker 2: when we when you know, being being on the set,
Speaker 2: and maybe that's why certain producers didn't hire me back
Speaker 2: at that time, you know, because I was in such
Speaker 2: a bad place obviously, it's like, as much as I
Speaker 2: don't like to bring any drama to set, I was
Speaker 2: a walking drama, like my life was, as much as
Speaker 2: I tried to hide it. So this is just yeah,
Speaker 2: so different, and so it's so nice to just feel
Speaker 2: that safety.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well three and three months, let's see if you can.
Speaker 1: What's the most of the amount of movies you've ever done
Speaker 1: in the year. Two that's the most you've ever done
Speaker 1: in the year. Yes, you've broken your record. So I
Speaker 1: think you'll get five.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm soosed to film two more. They've just been
Speaker 2: kind of on hold. They're pausing, so I don't know.
Speaker 2: Maybe one will get pushed in next year because one
Speaker 2: I was supposed to be doing now in San Antonio,
Speaker 2: but that continues to be pushed because they can't find
Speaker 2: they're the dude that will sell the movie because I'm
Speaker 2: just the side piece on that one. But it's fine
Speaker 2: side piece I am. It's totally when it comes down
Speaker 2: to those kind of movies, they have to have an
Speaker 2: international I mean, the budget is literally for the one
Speaker 2: guy that is you know, he doesn't work every day,
Speaker 2: he works a couple of days, but that's who they're
Speaker 2: going to give all the money to but that's the
Speaker 2: dude that's going to sell the movie.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: Ultimately those kind of those kind of that's how that
Speaker 2: works for those kind of movies. But so yeah, I'm
Speaker 2: just kind of in a holding pattern. But I also
Speaker 2: think with this one, though it's not at my typical rate,
Speaker 2: it's something where I'd rather be working. Having said that, though,
Speaker 2: I'm about to miss some things that are really important
Speaker 2: to me family wise, and like what like field day.
Speaker 2: I'm devastated, literally devastated. I'm I almost said no to
Speaker 2: it because I don't want to miss field day. I
Speaker 2: have never missed a field day ever. I mean I
Speaker 2: literally cried about it. I'm missing a field day. I'm
Speaker 2: missing Jolie's a softball game, Jase's baseball game. But I
Speaker 2: am going to travel. It's work. It's a close location.
Speaker 2: So I'm going to come home on the weekends and listen,
Speaker 2: work is work, you know, It's like at the end
Speaker 2: of the day, I want to keep working and I
Speaker 2: want to support the family. And I had a really
Speaker 2: good talk with Joli about it last night, just because
Speaker 2: it's I just want to talk to her about it,
Speaker 2: and you know, well.
Speaker 1: The good thing is if you're doing through three movies
Speaker 1: in three months, you'll be you'll become a better actress.
Speaker 1: I hope so because you'll berm and you'll learning Okay,
Speaker 1: ticket into the next one, learn again, ticket into the
Speaker 1: next one. So you're building some momentum there, which is
Speaker 1: always good. One of the most important things in the
Speaker 1: development is momentum for you.
Speaker 2: Is there a piece because you're about a month sober?
Speaker 1: When this airs like that, like a like an alcoholic
Speaker 1: a month sober. I told you I could stop drinking
Speaker 1: at any point, any point.
Speaker 2: But like, okay, But that isn't that what it is?
Speaker 2: In technical terms, it's a month sober. I'm not saying
Speaker 2: you're there's nothing wrong with me saying you're obviously not
Speaker 2: in the program, but you are technically a month sober.
Speaker 2: So am I I haven't drinking a month more than
Speaker 2: a month drunk.
Speaker 1: So I don't know how you can get a.
Speaker 2: Technical term. You're a month not drinking. In technical terms,
Speaker 2: i'd be sober, right or no, I don't know what
Speaker 2: I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. I think a month
Speaker 1: sober it is more for people that have an alcohol problem.
Speaker 2: I don't know about that. But you know, our next
Speaker 2: guest is all about healing your relationship with yourself and
Speaker 2: those you love. Is there anything unresolved or I should
Speaker 2: say this because I think we all have pieces that
Speaker 2: we need to continue to heal, or to work on,
Speaker 2: or to revisit. I think acknowledging things that you know
Speaker 2: or that you see or that others see in you
Speaker 2: and you don't take defensively and you recognize. I think
Speaker 2: it's a really good quality to have because we all
Speaker 2: have things we have to work on. I have things
Speaker 2: you know that I have to work on.
Speaker 1: It's a good quality to recognize our back quality.
Speaker 2: I think so. And let's get the doctor on to
Speaker 2: talk about that, all right, So let's get on doctor
Speaker 2: Tama Bryant.
Speaker 3: Hello, Hi, Hello, Hi, good to see you both.
Speaker 2: Good to see you. And you know what, We're just
Speaker 2: going to dive right into it and just bring you
Speaker 2: into our conversation we were just having because are you
Speaker 2: good with that?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: I am all right, let's do this, okay. So, because
Speaker 2: I was basically asking my husband here if there's anything
Speaker 2: that he needs to heal within himself, right, because I
Speaker 2: think we all have things that either we're actively healing
Speaker 2: or things we have to come back to and continue
Speaker 2: to work on, because again I'm not the expert you are,
Speaker 2: which I'll ask you, but you know, I don't think
Speaker 2: healing is a straight line. I think it's up and
Speaker 2: down and you know kind of goals goes around. But
Speaker 2: with him, he was mentioning that he's got a short fuse,
Speaker 2: and I don't disagree, but I'm just curious with your fuse,
Speaker 2: what piece of you, like, where does that come from?
Speaker 2: Like why like why do you have that fuse? Or
Speaker 2: what is there something that is inside of you that
Speaker 2: are you frustrated with your work or this or that
Speaker 2: to get you to that fuse place?
Speaker 1: So good the question. I think that expert can help
Speaker 1: shed some light on it. But I think those those
Speaker 1: a few things, those the those the past things which
Speaker 1: are part of it, Those are present things which might
Speaker 1: be frustrations, and then those the fact that those the
Speaker 1: future of things where you feel that you're not getting
Speaker 1: to them quick enough. So I think my short fusee
Speaker 1: comes from probably frustration of not being where I want
Speaker 1: to be right now and my just to shed some light.
Speaker 1: My short fuse is never like aggressive.
Speaker 2: For it's just you know, he's Scottish, he can get
Speaker 2: it's it feels to me because I'm very sensitive with
Speaker 2: with levels of volume when someone gets angry just because
Speaker 2: of my past trauma stuff. And so he's like, I'm
Speaker 2: not yelling, you know, yelling it's like, but I'm like,
Speaker 2: I feel they like anger in the fuse and that
Speaker 2: then like can trigger me in my stuff. But no,
Speaker 2: I mean like you're not. I see what you're saying.
Speaker 2: But what would be some tips around that? Doc help
Speaker 2: us out here?
Speaker 4: Well, I appreciate you all both expressing yourselves, and that's
Speaker 4: so important because sometimes what happens because we're triggering each other,
Speaker 4: one person is allowed to express themselves and the other
Speaker 4: one is shut down. And so what I just heard
Speaker 4: in that exchange was both of you speaking truth, right,
Speaker 4: So the truth of I'm disappointed and frustrated, hurt about
Speaker 4: not being where I want to be. And then what
Speaker 4: I heard you saying is instead of it feeling to
Speaker 4: me like self frustration, I feel like it's directed at
Speaker 4: me or it's coming in my in my path and
Speaker 4: it feels uncomfortable for me. Doesn't feel good to me,
Speaker 4: in part based on my history. In part maybe my culture,
Speaker 4: So you were mentioning his culture is like more expressive,
Speaker 4: and then maybe yours is. People may have muted their
Speaker 4: emotions more and so it's us learning each other and
Speaker 4: both pieces of what you have shared are valid, and
Speaker 4: I think people can relate to in terms of frustration
Speaker 4: around timeline. That is one of the challenges we face
Speaker 4: as human beings is we create these false timelines right
Speaker 4: that by this age, I'm going to be here by
Speaker 4: and we train each other to do that. It's like
Speaker 4: New Year's resolution, what's your six month goal, what's your
Speaker 4: one year goal? And in part being that specific, it's
Speaker 4: helpful that we don't get stuck or stagnant, but it
Speaker 4: can also set us up to be disappointed in ourselves
Speaker 4: when in truth, you may be right on time. That
Speaker 4: when in truth what has felt like detours may be
Speaker 4: preparation that is helping you get to where you're going
Speaker 4: so that when that door opens, the thing you're longing for,
Speaker 4: when it shows up, you'll be fully ready, not only
Speaker 4: professionally but emotionally to carry the weight of whatever that is.
Speaker 4: And in the journey we change, and sometimes the vision
Speaker 4: changes as well. So a part of what we suggest,
Speaker 4: I say we around therapists or mental health professionals suggest
Speaker 4: is giving ourselves permission to be more present centered, because
Speaker 4: as you name past, present, future, some of us are
Speaker 4: stuck in regrets of the past or the wounds of
Speaker 4: the past, or stuck in worry for the future. But
Speaker 4: what we have is present. Then I can instead give
Speaker 4: myself gratitude appreciation that I keep showing up and then
Speaker 4: say I can't control the timeline of everything, but I
Speaker 4: get today. So what am I going to do today?
Speaker 4: And it may also be in terms of you all's relationship.
Speaker 4: What are things that are helpful to me in terms
Speaker 4: of support that encouraged me, or that mobilize me, or
Speaker 4: that helped me to brainstorm, or that helped me to
Speaker 4: see my wins, because sometimes we don't see our wins.
Speaker 4: So then expressing not just the frustration, but considering what
Speaker 4: would be helpful for you to do, and then what
Speaker 4: will be helpful in partnership. And so I'll get your
Speaker 4: response to that, and then we can talk about the
Speaker 4: trauma history and the voice well explained.
Speaker 1: Thank you, You're welcome. I think you mentioned something there
Speaker 1: about past, present, in future and being really present and today,
Speaker 1: But what and this is purely from my postpone and
Speaker 1: where I sit in my frustrations sometimes is I can't
Speaker 1: fully engage in the day and be present in the
Speaker 1: day because I worry about the next day and I
Speaker 1: worry about the day after because I'm not quite aware
Speaker 1: of where I expected I would be and where I
Speaker 1: want to be. So I'm always thinking about well, but
Speaker 1: part of that is also like, well, don't worry because
Speaker 1: in this time and a month, that will final this
Speaker 1: time in three months, you'll get what you need, or
Speaker 1: you'll get vindication of your hard work, or whatever it
Speaker 1: may be. So I always struggle to really maximize and
Speaker 1: be present within that within that day. I think you'll
Speaker 1: agree with that.
Speaker 2: On you, Yeah, and I see and I see that
Speaker 2: within you, and that I get. It makes me sad
Speaker 2: to witness that because you take so much worry on that.
Speaker 2: We both know everything will be okay and everything will
Speaker 2: be fine, but you put so much weight on, you know,
Speaker 2: taking not knowing and everything else. So yeah, it's I witness,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, man, I wish he could be present
Speaker 2: in today because it will all be fine. I believe,
Speaker 2: you know, I have to believe that for all of us.
Speaker 2: You know well.
Speaker 4: I think a part of it is the difference between
Speaker 4: worrying about the future and planning for the future. So
Speaker 4: the worrying about it doesn't get you anywhere, Like, it's
Speaker 4: not that because I spent time worrying about it today,
Speaker 4: like that something got relieved or that I solved something.
Speaker 4: The worry the anxiety can be a spiral and then
Speaker 4: we can end up ruminating, so you're just losing time
Speaker 4: thinking the same thoughts over and over again. And the
Speaker 4: more you think them, the more stuck you feel, the
Speaker 4: more discourage you feel. So it's not so much that
Speaker 4: I can't think about the future, it is shifting from
Speaker 4: worry for it instead planning for it. And what I
Speaker 4: would ask in terms of your self awareness is where
Speaker 4: did the anxiety come from that you're not going to
Speaker 4: make it?
Speaker 1: Is that a question for me? Yes, I think it's
Speaker 1: a good question because it's not that it's not that
Speaker 1: I worry about It's not that I, like I explained
Speaker 1: to you, I can't maximize the present day because I
Speaker 1: worry about the day after. And it's not a worry.
Speaker 1: It's like it's almost like an impatience where I know
Speaker 1: what I want, I know where I need to get to.
Speaker 1: I know what I want and I know how to
Speaker 1: get there.
Speaker 2: There's so many pieces that have to there's so.
Speaker 1: Many pieces that need to come together for me to
Speaker 1: do it. One I don't have enough time to do it.
Speaker 1: But also two I don't it's just not happening quick enough.
Speaker 1: So then I become frustrated. And when I become frustrated,
Speaker 1: I procrastinate and I don't maximize that day. So it's
Speaker 1: not a worry because I know what I'm good at,
Speaker 1: and I know my value, and I know where I'll
Speaker 1: get to eventually. Deep down, I know that that's your
Speaker 1: version of you know it will be fine, and I
Speaker 1: know that, but I just I get really frustrated and
Speaker 1: patient and impatient on the present day. If I don't, like,
Speaker 1: if I have a day where I've not taken a
Speaker 1: step forward to where I need to get to, it
Speaker 1: sits in my head the whole day. Like if I
Speaker 1: have a day where I've not achieved enough, it will
Speaker 1: sit with me heavily in my head for that whole day.
Speaker 2: And then where my experience with it is. Then he
Speaker 2: then kind of shuts everything else off around him and
Speaker 2: we're and I can tell that's where the lack of presence.
Speaker 2: But yeah, you're not as present then, agreed.
Speaker 4: So you're it's also self sabotaging because I'm upset I'm
Speaker 4: not there, so then I procrastinate.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, probably it's a little bit, but it
Speaker 1: was self sabotaged, not that you don't feel like you're
Speaker 1: des elve to be somewhere.
Speaker 2: Do you sabotage yourself by procrastinating? Right?
Speaker 4: Right? Yeah, it's not unworthiness and you have the as
Speaker 4: you said, you acknowledge your gifts. So there are some
Speaker 4: things that are out of your control. But then there
Speaker 4: are some ways in which you stand on your wings,
Speaker 4: which is not because you don't believe in the wings,
Speaker 4: but irritation, procrastination and then shutting out your relationships right,
Speaker 4: which ends up not only ends up penalizing both of
Speaker 4: you because then both are then feeling isolated.
Speaker 2: Yeah, are there tips like this in your book to
Speaker 2: help heal all these kind of pieces?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Their piece about our self love. So it's matters of
Speaker 4: the heart, healing your relationship with yourself and those you love.
Speaker 4: And so the first part is about self abandonment and
Speaker 4: self neglect and those who are very driven sometimes we
Speaker 4: can neglect ourselves because we're so focused on the end
Speaker 4: result that we're not It's not sustainable because we're not
Speaker 4: taking care of ourselves in the present and then looking
Speaker 4: at how we address relationships. So I want to give
Speaker 4: some time for you to express your history as it
Speaker 4: relates to people raising their voices or being angry or
Speaker 4: upset with you, and to ask you about if your
Speaker 4: history has resulted in you having a tendency toward people
Speaker 4: pleasing and trying to address other people's needs while you
Speaker 4: may sometimes neglect your own.
Speaker 2: D all of the above.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I think we both.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, we both are. I mean like and he
Speaker 2: is too where he's I say, I will say to him,
Speaker 2: I'm like, you're always trying to make everybody happy and
Speaker 2: you are suffering in the process, Like stop doing like
Speaker 2: you are stressing yourself out to make sure this person's happening,
Speaker 2: this person's happening, this part, like what does Alan need want?
Speaker 2: Feel like? That is and with.
Speaker 1: You, it's the same for you as well them.
Speaker 2: I know. But we care so deeply about each other
Speaker 2: and the people around us that we want to make sure,
Speaker 2: but we spread ourselves so thin to make those other
Speaker 2: people like our children and each other, that we then
Speaker 2: are exhausted and then therefore stressed, and then the fuses
Speaker 2: are short. You know, all of the.
Speaker 3: Above, And what has that cost to you?
Speaker 2: I would say, I mean, I've definitely gotten better, But
Speaker 2: I would say, hmmm, that's interesting. I've never really I
Speaker 2: just am in a phase of you know, raising three kids,
Speaker 2: and so for me it's I still do things for myself,
Speaker 2: you know, I work, and but uh, I don't really
Speaker 2: know how to answer that.
Speaker 3: I guess, right, I think that's a part of problem.
Speaker 4: You're yes, so you're focused on you know, his needs
Speaker 4: and your children's needs, and it's important that you and
Speaker 4: their needs are important, but so are yours. And so
Speaker 4: to be able to be present and check in with
Speaker 4: myself about when I am so externally focused, what am
Speaker 4: I missing? And so then what are the parts of
Speaker 4: you that get undernourished?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I think for me then I just
Speaker 2: get stressed. But I also know it's it's not like
Speaker 2: that in every season, right, so, and I do my
Speaker 2: best to balance what I can, But I do think
Speaker 2: kind of the overall arching thing is is, you know,
Speaker 2: because we all have dreams, right, we all want to
Speaker 2: get to the next, you know, best thing. But I
Speaker 2: feel like even when this is I'm sure you've talked
Speaker 2: about this in your book, but even when you get
Speaker 2: to that, okay, the role that I really want, or
Speaker 2: the coaching career that he really wants, there's still, I
Speaker 2: bet going to be a piece that you're going to
Speaker 2: just continue to keep trying to climb up the ladder.
Speaker 2: And I make up that there'll be a moment where, Okay,
Speaker 2: when I finally land that TV role that I want,
Speaker 2: the feeling that I thought I would have won't actually
Speaker 2: be there. And the same for him, like when he
Speaker 2: gets that coaching role, I make up that the feeling
Speaker 2: that for him won't be there too, because it's not
Speaker 2: really that we put all the stress and pressure on
Speaker 2: it being that's the thing that will make us feel great.
Speaker 2: I don't think that'll actually do that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So it's both the stress of.
Speaker 4: When will we get there and then to what extent
Speaker 4: will that actually be fulfilling? And I wonder if you
Speaker 4: can both share away in which you would like to
Speaker 4: see the other person take better care of themselves.
Speaker 2: Well, I feel like I definitely have asked him to.
Speaker 3: And you can say it to him.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, great, Well we've already we did speak about this.
Speaker 2: I'm you know, I wanted you to get your blood
Speaker 2: work done, things like that and prioritize what you need,
Speaker 2: and I you know you've done that and you you're
Speaker 2: doing a great job on that. I would just i'
Speaker 2: means so hard. I just I want I want him
Speaker 2: to be happy, and which I think you are. But
Speaker 2: I just I don't know. This is so hard. I
Speaker 2: don't know why this is so hard for me right now.
Speaker 2: I'm so good at this in therapy and I can't
Speaker 2: do it right now.
Speaker 3: Oh you're not.
Speaker 4: Just so there's some medical self care he's done. You
Speaker 4: had you made a recommendation about him getting some test
Speaker 4: and he's done that, and you would like him to
Speaker 4: be happy, but you're not sure what's going to make
Speaker 4: him happy.
Speaker 2: Well, I think he is happy. I do believe that.
Speaker 2: I just career happy. I know you're not. And I
Speaker 2: know it's a process and a struggle in the in
Speaker 2: this moment because you're building and the building processes is hard.
Speaker 2: But I do want you to know that you have
Speaker 2: you do have me as a teammate in it. And
Speaker 2: then I'm here m hm.
Speaker 4: So you would like him to make use of your
Speaker 4: support for you to you're offering it, and you would
Speaker 4: like him to actively utilize that. It helps to have support, Yeah,
Speaker 4: it does. Yeah, And what would you like for her
Speaker 4: to do?
Speaker 1: What would I like? I would like for you to
Speaker 1: You're so busy all the time that sometimes you don't
Speaker 1: prioritize and you're asking me to prioritize my health, and
Speaker 1: I'm asking you to prioritize yours by not skepping food
Speaker 1: because you're busy.
Speaker 2: I don't have time to eat a podcast days. I'm like,
Speaker 2: it's three o'clock and I'm like, oh, shaky.
Speaker 1: How do you Yeah, So I think I think I
Speaker 1: would rather you balanced out a little bit more because
Speaker 1: it's it's not good at all for your whole physiological system,
Speaker 1: which affects your brain health, which affects everything. So to
Speaker 1: prioritize eating when you should eat, yeah, okay, But I
Speaker 1: think there's also a part where we'll discuss this before.
Speaker 1: I'm like thinking the best of each other, thinking we've
Speaker 1: always got the best intentions for each other. And I
Speaker 1: think when you're stressed and you're busy, and you're jumping
Speaker 1: from one thing to the like we are. It's it
Speaker 1: can the admiration and love of I'm here for you,
Speaker 1: I've got you, I'm always here can not diminished, but
Speaker 1: it can dilict itself a little bit because you're focusing
Speaker 1: our things are just for your own health. Recognize that
Speaker 1: I'm always, yeah, always support you.
Speaker 2: Look at this healing that's happening right here on this couch.
Speaker 4: I love it because both of you named actually similar things,
Speaker 4: the same thing, your physical health and wanting the other
Speaker 4: person to take care of themselves physically. And then the
Speaker 4: second one that both of you named in different ways
Speaker 4: is to receive that. I'm like, let me love you, right,
Speaker 4: let me show up for you, and like really receive it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, beautiful.
Speaker 2: What is some of the biggest tips of healing? Because
Speaker 2: I have so many women that reach out to me
Speaker 2: and because for me, you know, post divorce, I said
Speaker 2: my number one thing was that I had to heal
Speaker 2: all a lot of the broken pieces inside of me
Speaker 2: before I could find love again. And so you know, again,
Speaker 2: I'm not a clinical anybody. I just kind of say
Speaker 2: the things that I did. But what is your best
Speaker 2: tips for Because I believe the reason that I was
Speaker 2: able to find a loving, supportive partner was because I
Speaker 2: was able to heal and then learn that I deserve
Speaker 2: that right, which is why I didn't choose it before.
Speaker 2: But that only happened because I healed certain pieces of me.
Speaker 2: So what are some of the tips in your book
Speaker 2: that people can get that maybe our post divorce or
Speaker 2: post breakup that need to heal inside before finding love.
Speaker 4: Thank you for that and for sharing your journey and testimony.
Speaker 4: It is important for people to know that it's possible
Speaker 4: and to see that it's possible, and even in the
Speaker 4: possibility of it and beauty of it, it's you know,
Speaker 4: we'll still have to.
Speaker 3: Learn each other.
Speaker 4: So one of the things I like to share with
Speaker 4: people is have to breakup, take time for you as
Speaker 4: you were naming about your own healing, and at the
Speaker 4: same time, no, you don't have to be perfect for
Speaker 4: someone to love you, right, So to release this sense
Speaker 4: of perfect and to know a part of the healing
Speaker 4: will actually take place in relationship. So I have people
Speaker 4: all the time who are single and feel like I'm great,
Speaker 4: I got it, I'm good, and then when they start
Speaker 4: becoming more emotionally connected to someone, that's when the real
Speaker 4: triggers show up, because as long as I'm just sitting
Speaker 4: in my house by myself, thinking my thoughts in a
Speaker 4: calm way, nothing's disturbing that. And so for us to
Speaker 4: have grace and compassion for ourselves while we're on that journey.
Speaker 4: And then in reflection, you know, for everyone in their
Speaker 4: past relationships, is to try to, I say, pull the
Speaker 4: wisdom out of the wounds. You know, what did I
Speaker 4: learn about myself? What did I learn about relationships that
Speaker 4: I can apply here, because sometimes it's easier for us
Speaker 4: to see what other people did, and people may have
Speaker 4: done very terrible things. And then I also try to
Speaker 4: reflec left to myself of what in my past experience
Speaker 4: maybe made me either open to this or made me
Speaker 4: stay as long as I did, or that you know,
Speaker 4: broke down my confidence and myself, or that had given
Speaker 4: me a script about what love was supposed to be.
Speaker 4: So that's the gift of relationships that didn't work out,
Speaker 4: is what I was able to learn from it. And
Speaker 4: I would say you all probably appreciate each other a
Speaker 4: lot more because you've experienced not having the things that
Speaker 4: the other person has brought into your life, So like
Speaker 4: not taking that for granted, it's really beautiful, and then
Speaker 4: also seeing the departure or the exit or the ending
Speaker 4: as a win, because sometimes when we think like, oh,
Speaker 4: I've only had failed relationships, you know, maybe those are
Speaker 4: relationships that weren't supposed to last. But I was to
Speaker 4: learn some things in there, I was to develop in
Speaker 4: those and the time it was well, you know, some
Speaker 4: things are seasonal, and so it has then positioned me
Speaker 4: for this. And then it is important also that we
Speaker 4: develop self awareness because as my heart heals, my taste
Speaker 4: will change, my mindset shifts, the way I handle conflict
Speaker 4: will hopefully shift and grow. So being tuned in and
Speaker 4: then communicating, you know that a lot of times, especially
Speaker 4: when you've had that relationships in the past, we can
Speaker 4: be conflict avoiding. So we're afraid of people getting upset,
Speaker 4: or people abandoning, or people leaving, or people changing their
Speaker 4: mind about us. So then we're censoring. And as long
Speaker 4: as I am censored, a person doesn't really get to
Speaker 4: know me, they're not actually in there. And so taking
Speaker 4: that risk of actually sharing what we feel and what
Speaker 4: we need, so that we're not leaving it to people
Speaker 4: to guess or assuming they know or should have known.
Speaker 4: And then I would say putting in the quality good times,
Speaker 4: because sometimes we make the mistake of all of our
Speaker 4: exchanges are the difficult conversations which need to happen, but then.
Speaker 3: There's no joy. We got to put some gas in the.
Speaker 4: Tank, which makes the harder things easier to work through
Speaker 4: because we've attended to bringing joy to each other.
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure. Oh my goodness. So there's those were
Speaker 2: some amazing tips and tools, and everyone please get healing
Speaker 2: your relationship with yourself and those you love matters of
Speaker 2: the heart. Thank you so much for coming on some
Speaker 2: healing on all of us, and us too on the couch.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much.
Speaker 4: And I've just as a last point, we didn't get
Speaker 4: to it. I would say, you know, hearing the request
Speaker 4: for the softer voice even in the frustration, to know
Speaker 4: it's that like, intention is not always impact. So I
Speaker 4: think you're like not intending anything toward her, but the
Speaker 4: way she's receiving it or feeling it feels upsetting. So
Speaker 4: then it just becomes it's not that I can't speak
Speaker 4: my truth or my frustration. It's it's like, let me
Speaker 4: take breath. I call it sacred pause. Let me take
Speaker 4: sacred pause because I want to share my frustration, but
Speaker 4: I also want her to be clear it's not at her,
Speaker 4: it's just something I'm feeling.
Speaker 2: And I too can also take a sacred pause every
Speaker 2: once in a while as well.
Speaker 3: Yes's great, it's beautiful all over. I'm like me too,
Speaker 3: ill take.
Speaker 2: And that's a lesson that I'm you know, that's I'm
Speaker 2: gonna I like that though. I'm going to take a
Speaker 2: sacred pause, sacred sacred pause. Thanks. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2: You were fantastic.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
Speaker 4: Appreciate you both and looking forward to all of your success.
Speaker 2: Thank you, friend, Thank you, I have a great thank
Speaker 2: Thank you you too,