WEBVTT - Adult Education: The Sacred Pause

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<v Speaker 1>Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart radio podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>I loved to talk about You've just booked another movie.

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<v Speaker 2>I did yay old one in three months. This has

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<v Speaker 2>never happened before. I don't know what's happening.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going good luck, tell them vibe that's what it is.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you are, absolutely, you know. It was one of

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<v Speaker 2>those where I don't know. I mean, it's some years

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<v Speaker 2>I'm lucky to get two films, so I'm just grateful

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<v Speaker 2>for the work. And though it's a lower budget and

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<v Speaker 2>there's things in there that just like the last movie.

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<v Speaker 2>Me my agents because you know, they really want to

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<v Speaker 2>get me in on one of those Taylor Sheridan shows.

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<v Speaker 2>So having one of the reasons that my managers wanted

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<v Speaker 2>me to take it and my agent was because I'll

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<v Speaker 2>be getting I'm going to be working with horses and

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<v Speaker 2>riding a lot, so it'll be good for the reel

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<v Speaker 2>again to just kind of show that I can ride.

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<v Speaker 1>It's all as the horse's only finger riding.

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<v Speaker 3>Bump.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, we'll get in. We'll get into all that later.

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<v Speaker 2>We don't need to talk about that right now.

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<v Speaker 1>No, but listen, it's for you. It's amazing because I

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<v Speaker 1>know you're like you came out of a movie and

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<v Speaker 1>then you immediately worry about, Okay, when's the next one coming?

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<v Speaker 2>M hm.

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<v Speaker 1>So the fact that you've done three and three months

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<v Speaker 1>should let you know how And you won't agree here,

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<v Speaker 1>but you're obviously important in demand. Someone who's not in

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<v Speaker 1>demand does not get three movies in three months, So

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<v Speaker 1>you're definitely doing something right. My coaching, my acting coaching

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<v Speaker 1>for years old obviously help when.

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<v Speaker 2>You's I mean no, but I will say I think

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<v Speaker 2>when you are I think when you work on yourself,

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<v Speaker 2>and that's what I love our guest today because it

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<v Speaker 2>kind of ties into that. But when you heal the

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<v Speaker 2>pieces of yourself, you're I believe, more open and your

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<v Speaker 2>work is different, Like I think my work post divorce

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<v Speaker 2>has been better than any work I've ever done for

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<v Speaker 2>different levels obviously, like more emotional. I've able to tap

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<v Speaker 2>to tap in more emotionally, and also there's just I

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<v Speaker 2>don't have that weight of worry and wonder and fears,

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<v Speaker 2>so being able to really just have a supportive husband,

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<v Speaker 2>know that I'm I don't need to worry when I'm

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<v Speaker 2>away and when we're not together, and I get to

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<v Speaker 2>just you know, again at knowing that I have that

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<v Speaker 2>support and then also have healed some of the pieces

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<v Speaker 2>inside of me that isn't holding me down, has freed

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<v Speaker 2>up the creativitiness for me to a lot that in

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<v Speaker 2>so I definitely feel like I've a better because of that,

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<v Speaker 2>like because I was able to let that negative energy

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<v Speaker 2>and let the light in. And I think that's to

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<v Speaker 2>be said for anybody, right, Like, if you're in a

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<v Speaker 2>bad situation and you're not you're not happy, and do

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<v Speaker 2>you feel stressed and worried and not safe, and obviously

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<v Speaker 2>your work will show reflect that.

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<v Speaker 1>I think, So I think I can relate to that

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<v Speaker 1>in a little a little bit. But also when I

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<v Speaker 1>was going through the hardest point of my life, my

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<v Speaker 1>work was my basically my welcome distraction to have a

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<v Speaker 1>different type of pressure and a different type of stress.

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<v Speaker 1>Was always like I was probably my best work, to

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<v Speaker 1>be honest as a which was building that period, because

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<v Speaker 1>I could I could separate the work from the craziness

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<v Speaker 1>that was going on in the background and just be like, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>forget about that. Now, you need to focus on this.

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<v Speaker 1>But I get what you're talking about. If you're now

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<v Speaker 1>now you feel safe to go and be on set

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<v Speaker 1>for a week, you know, have to worry about what's

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<v Speaker 1>going on around with the kids or me or so

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<v Speaker 1>there's a safety aspect where you can relax and actually

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<v Speaker 1>really really focus on doing a good job.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I see what you're saying. There's definitely a piece

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<v Speaker 2>of that for sure. But I carry so much of

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<v Speaker 2>my surroundings so internally and I hold on to them

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<v Speaker 2>so much that it does ultimately affect I think my

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<v Speaker 2>work as much as I when I reflect back on

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<v Speaker 2>movies that I was with with my ex or going

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<v Speaker 2>through hard times with it. Though I was like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>it's not affecting my work, I look back now and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, it's one thousand percent affecting my work. I

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<v Speaker 2>was up all night crying the night before, or like

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<v Speaker 2>when I was in Vancouver. I mean it was a mess,

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<v Speaker 2>like an absolute mess. So like, how of course that

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<v Speaker 2>would have affected my work, you know. So yeah, I

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<v Speaker 2>definitely reflect back on and then even just the hostility

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<v Speaker 2>when we when you know, being being on the set,

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<v Speaker 2>and maybe that's why certain producers didn't hire me back

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<v Speaker 2>at that time, you know, because I was in such

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<v Speaker 2>a bad place obviously, it's like, as much as I

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<v Speaker 2>don't like to bring any drama to set, I was

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<v Speaker 2>a walking drama, like my life was, as much as

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<v Speaker 2>I tried to hide it. So this is just yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>so different, and so it's so nice to just feel

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<v Speaker 2>that safety.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Well three and three months, let's see if you can.

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<v Speaker 1>What's the most of the amount of movies you've ever done

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<v Speaker 1>in the year. Two that's the most you've ever done

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<v Speaker 1>in the year. Yes, you've broken your record. So I

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<v Speaker 1>think you'll get five.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I'm soosed to film two more. They've just been

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<v Speaker 2>kind of on hold. They're pausing, so I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe one will get pushed in next year because one

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<v Speaker 2>I was supposed to be doing now in San Antonio,

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<v Speaker 2>but that continues to be pushed because they can't find

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<v Speaker 2>they're the dude that will sell the movie because I'm

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<v Speaker 2>just the side piece on that one. But it's fine

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<v Speaker 2>side piece I am. It's totally when it comes down

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<v Speaker 2>to those kind of movies, they have to have an

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<v Speaker 2>international I mean, the budget is literally for the one

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<v Speaker 2>guy that is you know, he doesn't work every day,

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<v Speaker 2>he works a couple of days, but that's who they're

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<v Speaker 2>going to give all the money to but that's the

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<v Speaker 2>dude that's going to sell the movie.

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<v Speaker 3>You know.

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<v Speaker 2>Ultimately those kind of those kind of that's how that

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<v Speaker 2>works for those kind of movies. But so yeah, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>just kind of in a holding pattern. But I also

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<v Speaker 2>think with this one, though it's not at my typical rate,

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<v Speaker 2>it's something where I'd rather be working. Having said that, though,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm about to miss some things that are really important

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<v Speaker 2>to me family wise, and like what like field day.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm devastated, literally devastated. I'm I almost said no to

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<v Speaker 2>it because I don't want to miss field day. I

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<v Speaker 2>have never missed a field day ever. I mean I

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<v Speaker 2>literally cried about it. I'm missing a field day. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>missing Jolie's a softball game, Jase's baseball game. But I

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<v Speaker 2>am going to travel. It's work. It's a close location.

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<v Speaker 2>So I'm going to come home on the weekends and listen,

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<v Speaker 2>work is work, you know, It's like at the end

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<v Speaker 2>of the day, I want to keep working and I

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<v Speaker 2>want to support the family. And I had a really

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<v Speaker 2>good talk with Joli about it last night, just because

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<v Speaker 2>it's I just want to talk to her about it,

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<v Speaker 2>and you know, well.

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<v Speaker 1>The good thing is if you're doing through three movies

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<v Speaker 1>in three months, you'll be you'll become a better actress.

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<v Speaker 1>I hope so because you'll berm and you'll learning Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>ticket into the next one, learn again, ticket into the

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<v Speaker 1>next one. So you're building some momentum there, which is

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<v Speaker 1>always good. One of the most important things in the

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<v Speaker 1>development is momentum for you.

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<v Speaker 2>Is there a piece because you're about a month sober?

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<v Speaker 1>When this airs like that, like a like an alcoholic

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<v Speaker 1>a month sober. I told you I could stop drinking

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<v Speaker 1>at any point, any point.

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<v Speaker 2>But like, okay, But that isn't that what it is?

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<v Speaker 2>In technical terms, it's a month sober. I'm not saying

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<v Speaker 2>you're there's nothing wrong with me saying you're obviously not

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<v Speaker 2>in the program, but you are technically a month sober.

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<v Speaker 2>So am I I haven't drinking a month more than

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<v Speaker 2>a month drunk.

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<v Speaker 1>So I don't know how you can get a.

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<v Speaker 2>Technical term. You're a month not drinking. In technical terms,

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<v Speaker 2>i'd be sober, right or no, I don't know what

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<v Speaker 2>I'm talking about.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I don't know. I think a month

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<v Speaker 1>sober it is more for people that have an alcohol problem.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know about that. But you know, our next

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<v Speaker 2>guest is all about healing your relationship with yourself and

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<v Speaker 2>those you love. Is there anything unresolved or I should

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<v Speaker 2>say this because I think we all have pieces that

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<v Speaker 2>we need to continue to heal, or to work on,

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<v Speaker 2>or to revisit. I think acknowledging things that you know

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<v Speaker 2>or that you see or that others see in you

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<v Speaker 2>and you don't take defensively and you recognize. I think

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<v Speaker 2>it's a really good quality to have because we all

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<v Speaker 2>have things we have to work on. I have things

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<v Speaker 2>you know that I have to work on.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a good quality to recognize our back quality.

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<v Speaker 2>I think so. And let's get the doctor on to

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<v Speaker 2>talk about that, all right, So let's get on doctor

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<v Speaker 2>Tama Bryant.

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<v Speaker 3>Hello, Hi, Hello, Hi, good to see you both.

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<v Speaker 2>Good to see you. And you know what, We're just

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<v Speaker 2>going to dive right into it and just bring you

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<v Speaker 2>into our conversation we were just having because are you

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<v Speaker 2>good with that?

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<v Speaker 1>Yes?

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<v Speaker 2>I am all right, let's do this, okay. So, because

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<v Speaker 2>I was basically asking my husband here if there's anything

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<v Speaker 2>that he needs to heal within himself, right, because I

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<v Speaker 2>think we all have things that either we're actively healing

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<v Speaker 2>or things we have to come back to and continue

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<v Speaker 2>to work on, because again I'm not the expert you are,

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<v Speaker 2>which I'll ask you, but you know, I don't think

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<v Speaker 2>healing is a straight line. I think it's up and

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<v Speaker 2>down and you know kind of goals goes around. But

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<v Speaker 2>with him, he was mentioning that he's got a short fuse,

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<v Speaker 2>and I don't disagree, but I'm just curious with your fuse,

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<v Speaker 2>what piece of you, like, where does that come from?

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<v Speaker 2>Like why like why do you have that fuse? Or

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<v Speaker 2>what is there something that is inside of you that

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<v Speaker 2>are you frustrated with your work or this or that

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<v Speaker 2>to get you to that fuse place?

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<v Speaker 1>So good the question. I think that expert can help

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<v Speaker 1>shed some light on it. But I think those those

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<v Speaker 1>a few things, those the those the past things which

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<v Speaker 1>are part of it, Those are present things which might

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<v Speaker 1>be frustrations, and then those the fact that those the

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<v Speaker 1>future of things where you feel that you're not getting

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<v Speaker 1>to them quick enough. So I think my short fusee

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<v Speaker 1>comes from probably frustration of not being where I want

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<v Speaker 1>to be right now and my just to shed some light.

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<v Speaker 1>My short fuse is never like aggressive.

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<v Speaker 2>For it's just you know, he's Scottish, he can get

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<v Speaker 2>it's it feels to me because I'm very sensitive with

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<v Speaker 2>with levels of volume when someone gets angry just because

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<v Speaker 2>of my past trauma stuff. And so he's like, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>not yelling, you know, yelling it's like, but I'm like,

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<v Speaker 2>I feel they like anger in the fuse and that

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<v Speaker 2>then like can trigger me in my stuff. But no,

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<v Speaker 2>I mean like you're not. I see what you're saying.

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<v Speaker 2>But what would be some tips around that? Doc help

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<v Speaker 2>us out here?

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<v Speaker 4>Well, I appreciate you all both expressing yourselves, and that's

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<v Speaker 4>so important because sometimes what happens because we're triggering each other,

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<v Speaker 4>one person is allowed to express themselves and the other

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<v Speaker 4>one is shut down. And so what I just heard

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<v Speaker 4>in that exchange was both of you speaking truth, right,

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<v Speaker 4>So the truth of I'm disappointed and frustrated, hurt about

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<v Speaker 4>not being where I want to be. And then what

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<v Speaker 4>I heard you saying is instead of it feeling to

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<v Speaker 4>me like self frustration, I feel like it's directed at

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<v Speaker 4>me or it's coming in my in my path and

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<v Speaker 4>it feels uncomfortable for me. Doesn't feel good to me,

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<v Speaker 4>in part based on my history. In part maybe my culture,

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<v Speaker 4>So you were mentioning his culture is like more expressive,

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<v Speaker 4>and then maybe yours is. People may have muted their

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<v Speaker 4>emotions more and so it's us learning each other and

0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:17.520
<v Speaker 4>both pieces of what you have shared are valid, and

0:13:17.559 --> 0:13:22.000
<v Speaker 4>I think people can relate to in terms of frustration

0:13:22.200 --> 0:13:26.800
<v Speaker 4>around timeline. That is one of the challenges we face

0:13:26.880 --> 0:13:31.200
<v Speaker 4>as human beings is we create these false timelines right

0:13:31.280 --> 0:13:33.440
<v Speaker 4>that by this age, I'm going to be here by

0:13:33.840 --> 0:13:35.640
<v Speaker 4>and we train each other to do that. It's like

0:13:35.679 --> 0:13:38.760
<v Speaker 4>New Year's resolution, what's your six month goal, what's your

0:13:38.800 --> 0:13:44.120
<v Speaker 4>one year goal? And in part being that specific, it's

0:13:44.160 --> 0:13:47.880
<v Speaker 4>helpful that we don't get stuck or stagnant, but it

0:13:47.920 --> 0:13:52.359
<v Speaker 4>can also set us up to be disappointed in ourselves

0:13:52.559 --> 0:13:56.240
<v Speaker 4>when in truth, you may be right on time. That

0:13:56.360 --> 0:14:00.000
<v Speaker 4>when in truth what has felt like detours may be

0:14:00.080 --> 0:14:04.040
<v Speaker 4>preparation that is helping you get to where you're going

0:14:04.200 --> 0:14:07.480
<v Speaker 4>so that when that door opens, the thing you're longing for,

0:14:08.120 --> 0:14:11.840
<v Speaker 4>when it shows up, you'll be fully ready, not only

0:14:12.040 --> 0:14:17.679
<v Speaker 4>professionally but emotionally to carry the weight of whatever that is.

0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:22.240
<v Speaker 4>And in the journey we change, and sometimes the vision

0:14:22.360 --> 0:14:27.920
<v Speaker 4>changes as well. So a part of what we suggest,

0:14:28.000 --> 0:14:32.400
<v Speaker 4>I say we around therapists or mental health professionals suggest

0:14:33.240 --> 0:14:38.400
<v Speaker 4>is giving ourselves permission to be more present centered, because

0:14:38.400 --> 0:14:40.760
<v Speaker 4>as you name past, present, future, some of us are

0:14:40.800 --> 0:14:43.120
<v Speaker 4>stuck in regrets of the past or the wounds of

0:14:43.120 --> 0:14:47.480
<v Speaker 4>the past, or stuck in worry for the future. But

0:14:47.560 --> 0:14:50.720
<v Speaker 4>what we have is present. Then I can instead give

0:14:50.760 --> 0:14:55.240
<v Speaker 4>myself gratitude appreciation that I keep showing up and then

0:14:55.320 --> 0:15:00.080
<v Speaker 4>say I can't control the timeline of everything, but I

0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:02.920
<v Speaker 4>get today. So what am I going to do today?

0:15:03.520 --> 0:15:06.720
<v Speaker 4>And it may also be in terms of you all's relationship.

0:15:07.600 --> 0:15:12.560
<v Speaker 4>What are things that are helpful to me in terms

0:15:12.600 --> 0:15:17.440
<v Speaker 4>of support that encouraged me, or that mobilize me, or

0:15:17.440 --> 0:15:20.320
<v Speaker 4>that helped me to brainstorm, or that helped me to

0:15:20.360 --> 0:15:23.200
<v Speaker 4>see my wins, because sometimes we don't see our wins.

0:15:24.480 --> 0:15:30.600
<v Speaker 4>So then expressing not just the frustration, but considering what

0:15:30.640 --> 0:15:33.360
<v Speaker 4>would be helpful for you to do, and then what

0:15:33.400 --> 0:15:38.440
<v Speaker 4>will be helpful in partnership. And so I'll get your

0:15:38.480 --> 0:15:41.480
<v Speaker 4>response to that, and then we can talk about the

0:15:41.560 --> 0:15:44.800
<v Speaker 4>trauma history and the voice well explained.

0:15:45.000 --> 0:15:49.600
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, You're welcome. I think you mentioned something there

0:15:49.640 --> 0:15:55.640
<v Speaker 1>about past, present, in future and being really present and today,

0:15:56.240 --> 0:16:00.400
<v Speaker 1>But what and this is purely from my postpone and

0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:04.400
<v Speaker 1>where I sit in my frustrations sometimes is I can't

0:16:04.440 --> 0:16:07.480
<v Speaker 1>fully engage in the day and be present in the

0:16:07.560 --> 0:16:09.640
<v Speaker 1>day because I worry about the next day and I

0:16:09.720 --> 0:16:14.280
<v Speaker 1>worry about the day after because I'm not quite aware

0:16:14.000 --> 0:16:16.240
<v Speaker 1>of where I expected I would be and where I

0:16:16.320 --> 0:16:19.960
<v Speaker 1>want to be. So I'm always thinking about well, but

0:16:20.120 --> 0:16:23.080
<v Speaker 1>part of that is also like, well, don't worry because

0:16:23.080 --> 0:16:24.800
<v Speaker 1>in this time and a month, that will final this

0:16:24.920 --> 0:16:27.640
<v Speaker 1>time in three months, you'll get what you need, or

0:16:27.680 --> 0:16:31.520
<v Speaker 1>you'll get vindication of your hard work, or whatever it

0:16:31.560 --> 0:16:37.760
<v Speaker 1>may be. So I always struggle to really maximize and

0:16:38.520 --> 0:16:41.680
<v Speaker 1>be present within that within that day. I think you'll

0:16:41.680 --> 0:16:42.160
<v Speaker 1>agree with that.

0:16:42.200 --> 0:16:45.320
<v Speaker 2>On you, Yeah, and I see and I see that

0:16:45.440 --> 0:16:49.080
<v Speaker 2>within you, and that I get. It makes me sad

0:16:49.280 --> 0:16:55.040
<v Speaker 2>to witness that because you take so much worry on that.

0:16:55.960 --> 0:16:59.520
<v Speaker 2>We both know everything will be okay and everything will

0:16:59.520 --> 0:17:04.040
<v Speaker 2>be fine, but you put so much weight on, you know,

0:17:04.359 --> 0:17:09.560
<v Speaker 2>taking not knowing and everything else. So yeah, it's I witness,

0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:11.960
<v Speaker 2>and I'm like, man, I wish he could be present

0:17:12.000 --> 0:17:15.240
<v Speaker 2>in today because it will all be fine. I believe,

0:17:15.400 --> 0:17:18.160
<v Speaker 2>you know, I have to believe that for all of us.

0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:19.920
<v Speaker 2>You know well.

0:17:19.960 --> 0:17:22.520
<v Speaker 4>I think a part of it is the difference between

0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:26.800
<v Speaker 4>worrying about the future and planning for the future. So

0:17:26.920 --> 0:17:31.560
<v Speaker 4>the worrying about it doesn't get you anywhere, Like, it's

0:17:31.560 --> 0:17:34.320
<v Speaker 4>not that because I spent time worrying about it today,

0:17:35.280 --> 0:17:39.160
<v Speaker 4>like that something got relieved or that I solved something.

0:17:39.720 --> 0:17:43.440
<v Speaker 4>The worry the anxiety can be a spiral and then

0:17:43.440 --> 0:17:47.399
<v Speaker 4>we can end up ruminating, so you're just losing time

0:17:48.000 --> 0:17:50.600
<v Speaker 4>thinking the same thoughts over and over again. And the

0:17:50.640 --> 0:17:53.080
<v Speaker 4>more you think them, the more stuck you feel, the

0:17:53.080 --> 0:17:57.159
<v Speaker 4>more discourage you feel. So it's not so much that

0:17:57.440 --> 0:18:02.240
<v Speaker 4>I can't think about the future, it is shifting from

0:18:02.359 --> 0:18:07.320
<v Speaker 4>worry for it instead planning for it. And what I

0:18:07.400 --> 0:18:14.240
<v Speaker 4>would ask in terms of your self awareness is where

0:18:14.800 --> 0:18:18.520
<v Speaker 4>did the anxiety come from that you're not going to

0:18:18.680 --> 0:18:19.160
<v Speaker 4>make it?

0:18:20.240 --> 0:18:23.560
<v Speaker 1>Is that a question for me? Yes, I think it's

0:18:23.560 --> 0:18:25.679
<v Speaker 1>a good question because it's not that it's not that

0:18:25.800 --> 0:18:30.080
<v Speaker 1>I worry about It's not that I, like I explained

0:18:30.080 --> 0:18:32.560
<v Speaker 1>to you, I can't maximize the present day because I

0:18:32.600 --> 0:18:35.960
<v Speaker 1>worry about the day after. And it's not a worry.

0:18:36.080 --> 0:18:39.919
<v Speaker 1>It's like it's almost like an impatience where I know

0:18:39.960 --> 0:18:41.919
<v Speaker 1>what I want, I know where I need to get to.

0:18:42.040 --> 0:18:43.520
<v Speaker 1>I know what I want and I know how to

0:18:43.560 --> 0:18:44.000
<v Speaker 1>get there.

0:18:44.480 --> 0:18:46.240
<v Speaker 2>There's so many pieces that have to there's so.

0:18:46.200 --> 0:18:48.040
<v Speaker 1>Many pieces that need to come together for me to

0:18:48.040 --> 0:18:50.400
<v Speaker 1>do it. One I don't have enough time to do it.

0:18:50.600 --> 0:18:55.840
<v Speaker 1>But also two I don't it's just not happening quick enough.

0:18:56.080 --> 0:18:59.280
<v Speaker 1>So then I become frustrated. And when I become frustrated,

0:18:59.280 --> 0:19:02.280
<v Speaker 1>I procrastinate and I don't maximize that day. So it's

0:19:02.280 --> 0:19:04.879
<v Speaker 1>not a worry because I know what I'm good at,

0:19:04.920 --> 0:19:06.600
<v Speaker 1>and I know my value, and I know where I'll

0:19:06.600 --> 0:19:09.320
<v Speaker 1>get to eventually. Deep down, I know that that's your

0:19:09.440 --> 0:19:11.719
<v Speaker 1>version of you know it will be fine, and I

0:19:11.800 --> 0:19:14.359
<v Speaker 1>know that, but I just I get really frustrated and

0:19:14.520 --> 0:19:17.480
<v Speaker 1>patient and impatient on the present day. If I don't, like,

0:19:17.520 --> 0:19:19.159
<v Speaker 1>if I have a day where I've not taken a

0:19:19.200 --> 0:19:21.720
<v Speaker 1>step forward to where I need to get to, it

0:19:21.840 --> 0:19:24.359
<v Speaker 1>sits in my head the whole day. Like if I

0:19:24.359 --> 0:19:27.320
<v Speaker 1>have a day where I've not achieved enough, it will

0:19:27.359 --> 0:19:30.680
<v Speaker 1>sit with me heavily in my head for that whole day.

0:19:30.840 --> 0:19:34.040
<v Speaker 2>And then where my experience with it is. Then he

0:19:34.119 --> 0:19:37.000
<v Speaker 2>then kind of shuts everything else off around him and

0:19:37.080 --> 0:19:40.240
<v Speaker 2>we're and I can tell that's where the lack of presence.

0:19:40.760 --> 0:19:44.800
<v Speaker 2>But yeah, you're not as present then, agreed.

0:19:44.640 --> 0:19:49.960
<v Speaker 4>So you're it's also self sabotaging because I'm upset I'm

0:19:49.960 --> 0:19:51.680
<v Speaker 4>not there, so then I procrastinate.

0:19:53.880 --> 0:19:58.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, yeah, probably it's a little bit, but it

0:19:58.080 --> 0:20:00.840
<v Speaker 1>was self sabotaged, not that you don't feel like you're

0:20:00.840 --> 0:20:02.000
<v Speaker 1>des elve to be somewhere.

0:20:02.440 --> 0:20:04.680
<v Speaker 2>Do you sabotage yourself by procrastinating? Right?

0:20:05.200 --> 0:20:08.640
<v Speaker 4>Right? Yeah, it's not unworthiness and you have the as

0:20:08.680 --> 0:20:12.720
<v Speaker 4>you said, you acknowledge your gifts. So there are some

0:20:12.800 --> 0:20:15.000
<v Speaker 4>things that are out of your control. But then there

0:20:15.040 --> 0:20:18.200
<v Speaker 4>are some ways in which you stand on your wings,

0:20:19.359 --> 0:20:21.280
<v Speaker 4>which is not because you don't believe in the wings,

0:20:21.520 --> 0:20:29.640
<v Speaker 4>but irritation, procrastination and then shutting out your relationships right,

0:20:29.720 --> 0:20:32.720
<v Speaker 4>which ends up not only ends up penalizing both of

0:20:32.760 --> 0:20:35.240
<v Speaker 4>you because then both are then feeling isolated.

0:20:35.680 --> 0:20:40.159
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, are there tips like this in your book to

0:20:41.640 --> 0:20:43.760
<v Speaker 2>help heal all these kind of pieces?

0:20:44.280 --> 0:20:45.680
<v Speaker 3>Yeah?

0:20:44.760 --> 0:20:49.520
<v Speaker 4>Their piece about our self love. So it's matters of

0:20:49.560 --> 0:20:52.880
<v Speaker 4>the heart, healing your relationship with yourself and those you love.

0:20:54.080 --> 0:20:57.439
<v Speaker 4>And so the first part is about self abandonment and

0:20:57.480 --> 0:21:02.639
<v Speaker 4>self neglect and those who are very driven sometimes we

0:21:02.720 --> 0:21:06.280
<v Speaker 4>can neglect ourselves because we're so focused on the end

0:21:06.320 --> 0:21:10.600
<v Speaker 4>result that we're not It's not sustainable because we're not

0:21:10.640 --> 0:21:13.720
<v Speaker 4>taking care of ourselves in the present and then looking

0:21:13.760 --> 0:21:17.760
<v Speaker 4>at how we address relationships. So I want to give

0:21:17.840 --> 0:21:22.760
<v Speaker 4>some time for you to express your history as it

0:21:22.840 --> 0:21:27.040
<v Speaker 4>relates to people raising their voices or being angry or

0:21:27.119 --> 0:21:31.200
<v Speaker 4>upset with you, and to ask you about if your

0:21:31.320 --> 0:21:35.760
<v Speaker 4>history has resulted in you having a tendency toward people

0:21:35.800 --> 0:21:40.199
<v Speaker 4>pleasing and trying to address other people's needs while you

0:21:40.600 --> 0:21:42.480
<v Speaker 4>may sometimes neglect your own.

0:21:42.600 --> 0:21:43.720
<v Speaker 2>D all of the above.

0:21:43.960 --> 0:21:45.880
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, I think we both.

0:21:46.320 --> 0:21:48.159
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, no, we both are. I mean like and he

0:21:48.320 --> 0:21:51.480
<v Speaker 2>is too where he's I say, I will say to him,

0:21:51.480 --> 0:21:53.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, you're always trying to make everybody happy and

0:21:53.840 --> 0:21:57.000
<v Speaker 2>you are suffering in the process, Like stop doing like

0:21:57.119 --> 0:22:00.600
<v Speaker 2>you are stressing yourself out to make sure this person's happening,

0:22:00.640 --> 0:22:03.720
<v Speaker 2>this person's happening, this part, like what does Alan need want?

0:22:03.920 --> 0:22:06.400
<v Speaker 2>Feel like? That is and with.

0:22:07.320 --> 0:22:09.080
<v Speaker 1>You, it's the same for you as well them.

0:22:09.240 --> 0:22:12.160
<v Speaker 2>I know. But we care so deeply about each other

0:22:12.200 --> 0:22:14.160
<v Speaker 2>and the people around us that we want to make sure,

0:22:14.480 --> 0:22:18.160
<v Speaker 2>but we spread ourselves so thin to make those other

0:22:18.160 --> 0:22:21.560
<v Speaker 2>people like our children and each other, that we then

0:22:22.560 --> 0:22:29.080
<v Speaker 2>are exhausted and then therefore stressed, and then the fuses

0:22:29.119 --> 0:22:31.000
<v Speaker 2>are short. You know, all of the.

0:22:30.960 --> 0:22:34.480
<v Speaker 3>Above, And what has that cost to you?

0:22:35.240 --> 0:22:41.159
<v Speaker 2>I would say, I mean, I've definitely gotten better, But

0:22:41.480 --> 0:22:47.159
<v Speaker 2>I would say, hmmm, that's interesting. I've never really I

0:22:47.320 --> 0:22:49.960
<v Speaker 2>just am in a phase of you know, raising three kids,

0:22:49.960 --> 0:22:52.840
<v Speaker 2>and so for me it's I still do things for myself,

0:22:53.080 --> 0:22:58.600
<v Speaker 2>you know, I work, and but uh, I don't really

0:22:58.600 --> 0:22:59.280
<v Speaker 2>know how to answer that.

0:22:59.320 --> 0:23:03.480
<v Speaker 3>I guess, right, I think that's a part of problem.

0:23:03.760 --> 0:23:08.320
<v Speaker 4>You're yes, so you're focused on you know, his needs

0:23:08.320 --> 0:23:11.800
<v Speaker 4>and your children's needs, and it's important that you and

0:23:11.840 --> 0:23:15.600
<v Speaker 4>their needs are important, but so are yours. And so

0:23:15.760 --> 0:23:18.359
<v Speaker 4>to be able to be present and check in with

0:23:18.520 --> 0:23:25.840
<v Speaker 4>myself about when I am so externally focused, what am

0:23:25.920 --> 0:23:30.320
<v Speaker 4>I missing? And so then what are the parts of

0:23:30.480 --> 0:23:34.560
<v Speaker 4>you that get undernourished?

0:23:35.760 --> 0:23:37.959
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean I think for me then I just

0:23:37.960 --> 0:23:43.240
<v Speaker 2>get stressed. But I also know it's it's not like

0:23:43.280 --> 0:23:46.600
<v Speaker 2>that in every season, right, so, and I do my

0:23:46.720 --> 0:23:51.040
<v Speaker 2>best to balance what I can, But I do think

0:23:51.119 --> 0:23:55.000
<v Speaker 2>kind of the overall arching thing is is, you know,

0:23:55.200 --> 0:23:56.960
<v Speaker 2>because we all have dreams, right, we all want to

0:23:57.000 --> 0:23:59.959
<v Speaker 2>get to the next, you know, best thing. But I

0:24:00.080 --> 0:24:02.800
<v Speaker 2>feel like even when this is I'm sure you've talked

0:24:02.840 --> 0:24:04.880
<v Speaker 2>about this in your book, but even when you get

0:24:04.920 --> 0:24:07.960
<v Speaker 2>to that, okay, the role that I really want, or

0:24:08.000 --> 0:24:10.639
<v Speaker 2>the coaching career that he really wants, there's still, I

0:24:10.680 --> 0:24:12.600
<v Speaker 2>bet going to be a piece that you're going to

0:24:12.680 --> 0:24:15.600
<v Speaker 2>just continue to keep trying to climb up the ladder.

0:24:15.800 --> 0:24:20.359
<v Speaker 2>And I make up that there'll be a moment where, Okay,

0:24:20.359 --> 0:24:22.560
<v Speaker 2>when I finally land that TV role that I want,

0:24:23.440 --> 0:24:27.640
<v Speaker 2>the feeling that I thought I would have won't actually

0:24:27.640 --> 0:24:30.639
<v Speaker 2>be there. And the same for him, like when he

0:24:30.640 --> 0:24:34.359
<v Speaker 2>gets that coaching role, I make up that the feeling

0:24:34.440 --> 0:24:36.679
<v Speaker 2>that for him won't be there too, because it's not

0:24:36.720 --> 0:24:39.439
<v Speaker 2>really that we put all the stress and pressure on

0:24:39.520 --> 0:24:42.520
<v Speaker 2>it being that's the thing that will make us feel great.

0:24:42.760 --> 0:24:45.520
<v Speaker 2>I don't think that'll actually do that.

0:24:46.400 --> 0:24:49.320
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, So it's both the stress of.

0:24:51.560 --> 0:24:54.800
<v Speaker 4>When will we get there and then to what extent

0:24:54.840 --> 0:24:58.960
<v Speaker 4>will that actually be fulfilling? And I wonder if you

0:24:59.040 --> 0:25:04.679
<v Speaker 4>can both share away in which you would like to

0:25:04.720 --> 0:25:07.760
<v Speaker 4>see the other person take better care of themselves.

0:25:09.200 --> 0:25:12.760
<v Speaker 2>Well, I feel like I definitely have asked him to.

0:25:13.600 --> 0:25:14.720
<v Speaker 3>And you can say it to him.

0:25:14.840 --> 0:25:17.879
<v Speaker 2>Oh okay, great, Well we've already we did speak about this.

0:25:18.040 --> 0:25:20.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm you know, I wanted you to get your blood

0:25:20.320 --> 0:25:23.880
<v Speaker 2>work done, things like that and prioritize what you need,

0:25:24.480 --> 0:25:26.640
<v Speaker 2>and I you know you've done that and you you're

0:25:26.680 --> 0:25:30.760
<v Speaker 2>doing a great job on that. I would just i'

0:25:30.760 --> 0:25:32.959
<v Speaker 2>means so hard. I just I want I want him

0:25:33.000 --> 0:25:35.040
<v Speaker 2>to be happy, and which I think you are. But

0:25:35.080 --> 0:25:37.840
<v Speaker 2>I just I don't know. This is so hard. I

0:25:37.880 --> 0:25:39.520
<v Speaker 2>don't know why this is so hard for me right now.

0:25:39.600 --> 0:25:41.240
<v Speaker 2>I'm so good at this in therapy and I can't

0:25:41.240 --> 0:25:42.480
<v Speaker 2>do it right now.

0:25:43.760 --> 0:25:44.520
<v Speaker 3>Oh you're not.

0:25:44.760 --> 0:25:48.600
<v Speaker 4>Just so there's some medical self care he's done. You

0:25:48.760 --> 0:25:51.160
<v Speaker 4>had you made a recommendation about him getting some test

0:25:51.280 --> 0:25:53.840
<v Speaker 4>and he's done that, and you would like him to

0:25:53.840 --> 0:25:55.679
<v Speaker 4>be happy, but you're not sure what's going to make

0:25:55.760 --> 0:25:56.320
<v Speaker 4>him happy.

0:25:56.440 --> 0:25:58.720
<v Speaker 2>Well, I think he is happy. I do believe that.

0:25:58.880 --> 0:26:02.399
<v Speaker 2>I just career happy. I know you're not. And I

0:26:02.480 --> 0:26:06.080
<v Speaker 2>know it's a process and a struggle in the in

0:26:06.119 --> 0:26:09.359
<v Speaker 2>this moment because you're building and the building processes is hard.

0:26:09.400 --> 0:26:11.159
<v Speaker 2>But I do want you to know that you have

0:26:11.920 --> 0:26:14.560
<v Speaker 2>you do have me as a teammate in it. And

0:26:14.560 --> 0:26:16.280
<v Speaker 2>then I'm here m hm.

0:26:16.520 --> 0:26:19.720
<v Speaker 4>So you would like him to make use of your

0:26:19.800 --> 0:26:23.560
<v Speaker 4>support for you to you're offering it, and you would

0:26:23.600 --> 0:26:28.360
<v Speaker 4>like him to actively utilize that. It helps to have support, Yeah,

0:26:28.359 --> 0:26:30.920
<v Speaker 4>it does. Yeah, And what would you like for her

0:26:30.960 --> 0:26:31.320
<v Speaker 4>to do?

0:26:31.840 --> 0:26:34.440
<v Speaker 1>What would I like? I would like for you to

0:26:35.840 --> 0:26:38.240
<v Speaker 1>You're so busy all the time that sometimes you don't

0:26:38.280 --> 0:26:41.320
<v Speaker 1>prioritize and you're asking me to prioritize my health, and

0:26:41.320 --> 0:26:46.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm asking you to prioritize yours by not skepping food

0:26:46.400 --> 0:26:47.280
<v Speaker 1>because you're busy.

0:26:47.640 --> 0:26:50.040
<v Speaker 2>I don't have time to eat a podcast days. I'm like,

0:26:50.080 --> 0:26:52.560
<v Speaker 2>it's three o'clock and I'm like, oh, shaky.

0:26:52.400 --> 0:26:54.800
<v Speaker 1>How do you Yeah, So I think I think I

0:26:54.800 --> 0:26:57.920
<v Speaker 1>would rather you balanced out a little bit more because

0:26:57.920 --> 0:27:02.080
<v Speaker 1>it's it's not good at all for your whole physiological system,

0:27:02.359 --> 0:27:06.880
<v Speaker 1>which affects your brain health, which affects everything. So to

0:27:06.920 --> 0:27:11.960
<v Speaker 1>prioritize eating when you should eat, yeah, okay, But I

0:27:11.960 --> 0:27:16.800
<v Speaker 1>think there's also a part where we'll discuss this before.

0:27:17.800 --> 0:27:22.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm like thinking the best of each other, thinking we've

0:27:22.960 --> 0:27:26.080
<v Speaker 1>always got the best intentions for each other. And I

0:27:26.080 --> 0:27:28.320
<v Speaker 1>think when you're stressed and you're busy, and you're jumping

0:27:28.800 --> 0:27:31.720
<v Speaker 1>from one thing to the like we are. It's it

0:27:31.800 --> 0:27:37.720
<v Speaker 1>can the admiration and love of I'm here for you,

0:27:37.800 --> 0:27:41.879
<v Speaker 1>I've got you, I'm always here can not diminished, but

0:27:41.960 --> 0:27:44.440
<v Speaker 1>it can dilict itself a little bit because you're focusing

0:27:44.480 --> 0:27:48.480
<v Speaker 1>our things are just for your own health. Recognize that

0:27:48.520 --> 0:27:54.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm always, yeah, always support you.

0:28:05.240 --> 0:28:07.639
<v Speaker 2>Look at this healing that's happening right here on this couch.

0:28:08.080 --> 0:28:11.919
<v Speaker 4>I love it because both of you named actually similar things,

0:28:11.960 --> 0:28:15.720
<v Speaker 4>the same thing, your physical health and wanting the other

0:28:15.760 --> 0:28:19.560
<v Speaker 4>person to take care of themselves physically. And then the

0:28:19.600 --> 0:28:22.479
<v Speaker 4>second one that both of you named in different ways

0:28:22.640 --> 0:28:26.280
<v Speaker 4>is to receive that. I'm like, let me love you, right,

0:28:26.359 --> 0:28:29.920
<v Speaker 4>let me show up for you, and like really receive it.

0:28:30.680 --> 0:28:32.720
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yeah, beautiful.

0:28:32.920 --> 0:28:36.120
<v Speaker 2>What is some of the biggest tips of healing? Because

0:28:36.280 --> 0:28:38.160
<v Speaker 2>I have so many women that reach out to me

0:28:38.560 --> 0:28:42.000
<v Speaker 2>and because for me, you know, post divorce, I said

0:28:42.080 --> 0:28:43.800
<v Speaker 2>my number one thing was that I had to heal

0:28:44.880 --> 0:28:47.160
<v Speaker 2>all a lot of the broken pieces inside of me

0:28:47.200 --> 0:28:50.680
<v Speaker 2>before I could find love again. And so you know, again,

0:28:50.720 --> 0:28:52.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm not a clinical anybody. I just kind of say

0:28:52.880 --> 0:28:55.840
<v Speaker 2>the things that I did. But what is your best

0:28:55.880 --> 0:28:59.560
<v Speaker 2>tips for Because I believe the reason that I was

0:28:59.600 --> 0:29:02.480
<v Speaker 2>able to find a loving, supportive partner was because I

0:29:02.520 --> 0:29:05.720
<v Speaker 2>was able to heal and then learn that I deserve

0:29:06.080 --> 0:29:08.360
<v Speaker 2>that right, which is why I didn't choose it before.

0:29:09.200 --> 0:29:12.760
<v Speaker 2>But that only happened because I healed certain pieces of me.

0:29:12.920 --> 0:29:15.480
<v Speaker 2>So what are some of the tips in your book

0:29:15.520 --> 0:29:18.240
<v Speaker 2>that people can get that maybe our post divorce or

0:29:18.280 --> 0:29:23.000
<v Speaker 2>post breakup that need to heal inside before finding love.

0:29:24.000 --> 0:29:28.440
<v Speaker 4>Thank you for that and for sharing your journey and testimony.

0:29:28.480 --> 0:29:31.000
<v Speaker 4>It is important for people to know that it's possible

0:29:31.280 --> 0:29:35.800
<v Speaker 4>and to see that it's possible, and even in the

0:29:35.840 --> 0:29:38.800
<v Speaker 4>possibility of it and beauty of it, it's you know,

0:29:38.920 --> 0:29:40.080
<v Speaker 4>we'll still have to.

0:29:39.960 --> 0:29:40.640
<v Speaker 3>Learn each other.

0:29:40.760 --> 0:29:42.440
<v Speaker 4>So one of the things I like to share with

0:29:42.640 --> 0:29:48.560
<v Speaker 4>people is have to breakup, take time for you as

0:29:48.560 --> 0:29:51.560
<v Speaker 4>you were naming about your own healing, and at the

0:29:51.600 --> 0:29:55.000
<v Speaker 4>same time, no, you don't have to be perfect for

0:29:55.200 --> 0:29:59.320
<v Speaker 4>someone to love you, right, So to release this sense

0:29:59.400 --> 0:30:02.840
<v Speaker 4>of perfect and to know a part of the healing

0:30:02.960 --> 0:30:06.440
<v Speaker 4>will actually take place in relationship. So I have people

0:30:06.480 --> 0:30:09.080
<v Speaker 4>all the time who are single and feel like I'm great,

0:30:09.240 --> 0:30:12.440
<v Speaker 4>I got it, I'm good, and then when they start

0:30:12.720 --> 0:30:17.040
<v Speaker 4>becoming more emotionally connected to someone, that's when the real

0:30:17.080 --> 0:30:18.960
<v Speaker 4>triggers show up, because as long as I'm just sitting

0:30:18.960 --> 0:30:21.560
<v Speaker 4>in my house by myself, thinking my thoughts in a

0:30:21.600 --> 0:30:26.880
<v Speaker 4>calm way, nothing's disturbing that. And so for us to

0:30:26.920 --> 0:30:32.800
<v Speaker 4>have grace and compassion for ourselves while we're on that journey.

0:30:33.200 --> 0:30:36.560
<v Speaker 4>And then in reflection, you know, for everyone in their

0:30:36.600 --> 0:30:40.880
<v Speaker 4>past relationships, is to try to, I say, pull the

0:30:40.880 --> 0:30:44.360
<v Speaker 4>wisdom out of the wounds. You know, what did I

0:30:44.480 --> 0:30:48.600
<v Speaker 4>learn about myself? What did I learn about relationships that

0:30:48.720 --> 0:30:53.360
<v Speaker 4>I can apply here, because sometimes it's easier for us

0:30:53.400 --> 0:30:56.120
<v Speaker 4>to see what other people did, and people may have

0:30:56.160 --> 0:30:59.760
<v Speaker 4>done very terrible things. And then I also try to

0:30:59.760 --> 0:31:05.000
<v Speaker 4>reflec left to myself of what in my past experience

0:31:06.000 --> 0:31:09.239
<v Speaker 4>maybe made me either open to this or made me

0:31:09.480 --> 0:31:13.000
<v Speaker 4>stay as long as I did, or that you know,

0:31:13.360 --> 0:31:17.160
<v Speaker 4>broke down my confidence and myself, or that had given

0:31:17.200 --> 0:31:19.280
<v Speaker 4>me a script about what love was supposed to be.

0:31:20.240 --> 0:31:25.760
<v Speaker 4>So that's the gift of relationships that didn't work out,

0:31:26.120 --> 0:31:29.240
<v Speaker 4>is what I was able to learn from it. And

0:31:29.280 --> 0:31:32.280
<v Speaker 4>I would say you all probably appreciate each other a

0:31:32.320 --> 0:31:36.040
<v Speaker 4>lot more because you've experienced not having the things that

0:31:36.080 --> 0:31:39.080
<v Speaker 4>the other person has brought into your life, So like

0:31:39.160 --> 0:31:43.440
<v Speaker 4>not taking that for granted, it's really beautiful, and then

0:31:43.720 --> 0:31:48.480
<v Speaker 4>also seeing the departure or the exit or the ending

0:31:49.160 --> 0:31:52.200
<v Speaker 4>as a win, because sometimes when we think like, oh,

0:31:52.240 --> 0:31:55.600
<v Speaker 4>I've only had failed relationships, you know, maybe those are

0:31:55.640 --> 0:31:59.320
<v Speaker 4>relationships that weren't supposed to last. But I was to

0:31:59.720 --> 0:32:02.040
<v Speaker 4>learn some things in there, I was to develop in

0:32:02.120 --> 0:32:05.280
<v Speaker 4>those and the time it was well, you know, some

0:32:05.360 --> 0:32:08.680
<v Speaker 4>things are seasonal, and so it has then positioned me

0:32:09.720 --> 0:32:14.960
<v Speaker 4>for this. And then it is important also that we

0:32:15.720 --> 0:32:21.440
<v Speaker 4>develop self awareness because as my heart heals, my taste

0:32:21.440 --> 0:32:26.760
<v Speaker 4>will change, my mindset shifts, the way I handle conflict

0:32:27.360 --> 0:32:32.200
<v Speaker 4>will hopefully shift and grow. So being tuned in and

0:32:32.240 --> 0:32:36.920
<v Speaker 4>then communicating, you know that a lot of times, especially

0:32:36.920 --> 0:32:39.880
<v Speaker 4>when you've had that relationships in the past, we can

0:32:39.920 --> 0:32:44.560
<v Speaker 4>be conflict avoiding. So we're afraid of people getting upset,

0:32:44.720 --> 0:32:48.200
<v Speaker 4>or people abandoning, or people leaving, or people changing their

0:32:48.240 --> 0:32:51.520
<v Speaker 4>mind about us. So then we're censoring. And as long

0:32:51.560 --> 0:32:55.680
<v Speaker 4>as I am censored, a person doesn't really get to

0:32:56.160 --> 0:33:00.440
<v Speaker 4>know me, they're not actually in there. And so taking

0:33:00.480 --> 0:33:04.200
<v Speaker 4>that risk of actually sharing what we feel and what

0:33:04.240 --> 0:33:07.440
<v Speaker 4>we need, so that we're not leaving it to people

0:33:07.440 --> 0:33:10.480
<v Speaker 4>to guess or assuming they know or should have known.

0:33:12.360 --> 0:33:17.760
<v Speaker 4>And then I would say putting in the quality good times,

0:33:18.720 --> 0:33:21.720
<v Speaker 4>because sometimes we make the mistake of all of our

0:33:21.880 --> 0:33:27.760
<v Speaker 4>exchanges are the difficult conversations which need to happen, but then.

0:33:27.640 --> 0:33:30.520
<v Speaker 3>There's no joy. We got to put some gas in the.

0:33:30.440 --> 0:33:34.400
<v Speaker 4>Tank, which makes the harder things easier to work through

0:33:34.640 --> 0:33:37.960
<v Speaker 4>because we've attended to bringing joy to each other.

0:33:38.440 --> 0:33:41.640
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, for sure. Oh my goodness. So there's those were

0:33:41.640 --> 0:33:46.240
<v Speaker 2>some amazing tips and tools, and everyone please get healing

0:33:46.280 --> 0:33:49.680
<v Speaker 2>your relationship with yourself and those you love matters of

0:33:49.720 --> 0:33:53.960
<v Speaker 2>the heart. Thank you so much for coming on some

0:33:54.000 --> 0:33:57.440
<v Speaker 2>healing on all of us, and us too on the couch.

0:33:57.760 --> 0:33:59.000
<v Speaker 3>Thank you so much.

0:33:59.120 --> 0:34:02.440
<v Speaker 4>And I've just as a last point, we didn't get

0:34:02.480 --> 0:34:07.000
<v Speaker 4>to it. I would say, you know, hearing the request

0:34:07.240 --> 0:34:11.560
<v Speaker 4>for the softer voice even in the frustration, to know

0:34:11.960 --> 0:34:15.840
<v Speaker 4>it's that like, intention is not always impact. So I

0:34:15.840 --> 0:34:19.680
<v Speaker 4>think you're like not intending anything toward her, but the

0:34:19.719 --> 0:34:23.440
<v Speaker 4>way she's receiving it or feeling it feels upsetting. So

0:34:23.520 --> 0:34:26.000
<v Speaker 4>then it just becomes it's not that I can't speak

0:34:26.080 --> 0:34:29.480
<v Speaker 4>my truth or my frustration. It's it's like, let me

0:34:29.520 --> 0:34:31.879
<v Speaker 4>take breath. I call it sacred pause. Let me take

0:34:31.960 --> 0:34:35.960
<v Speaker 4>sacred pause because I want to share my frustration, but

0:34:36.040 --> 0:34:40.440
<v Speaker 4>I also want her to be clear it's not at her,

0:34:40.960 --> 0:34:42.440
<v Speaker 4>it's just something I'm feeling.

0:34:43.160 --> 0:34:45.400
<v Speaker 2>And I too can also take a sacred pause every

0:34:45.440 --> 0:34:46.439
<v Speaker 2>once in a while as well.

0:34:46.680 --> 0:34:50.680
<v Speaker 3>Yes's great, it's beautiful all over. I'm like me too,

0:34:50.880 --> 0:34:52.200
<v Speaker 3>ill take.

0:34:53.920 --> 0:34:56.200
<v Speaker 2>And that's a lesson that I'm you know, that's I'm

0:34:56.200 --> 0:34:57.640
<v Speaker 2>gonna I like that though. I'm going to take a

0:34:57.640 --> 0:35:00.759
<v Speaker 2>sacred pause, sacred sacred pause. Thanks. Thank you so much.

0:35:00.800 --> 0:35:01.719
<v Speaker 2>You were fantastic.

0:35:02.440 --> 0:35:03.239
<v Speaker 1>Thank you so much.

0:35:03.520 --> 0:35:07.280
<v Speaker 4>Appreciate you both and looking forward to all of your success.

0:35:07.719 --> 0:35:09.960
<v Speaker 2>Thank you, friend, Thank you, I have a great thank

0:35:10.480 --> 0:35:12.120
<v Speaker 2>Thank you you too,