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Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart radio podcast.

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Speaker 1: I loved to talk about You've just booked another movie.

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Speaker 2: I did yay old one in three months. This has

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Speaker 2: never happened before. I don't know what's happening.

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Speaker 1: I'm going good luck, tell them vibe that's what it is.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you are, absolutely, you know. It was one of

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Speaker 2: those where I don't know. I mean, it's some years

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Speaker 2: I'm lucky to get two films, so I'm just grateful

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Speaker 2: for the work. And though it's a lower budget and

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Speaker 2: there's things in there that just like the last movie.

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Speaker 2: Me my agents because you know, they really want to

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Speaker 2: get me in on one of those Taylor Sheridan shows.

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Speaker 2: So having one of the reasons that my managers wanted

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Speaker 2: me to take it and my agent was because I'll

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Speaker 2: be getting I'm going to be working with horses and

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Speaker 2: riding a lot, so it'll be good for the reel

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Speaker 2: again to just kind of show that I can ride.

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Speaker 1: It's all as the horse's only finger riding.

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Speaker 3: Bump.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we'll get in. We'll get into all that later.

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Speaker 2: We don't need to talk about that right now.

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Speaker 1: No, but listen, it's for you. It's amazing because I

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Speaker 1: know you're like you came out of a movie and

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Speaker 1: then you immediately worry about, Okay, when's the next one coming?

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Speaker 2: M hm.

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Speaker 1: So the fact that you've done three and three months

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Speaker 1: should let you know how And you won't agree here,

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Speaker 1: but you're obviously important in demand. Someone who's not in

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Speaker 1: demand does not get three movies in three months, So

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Speaker 1: you're definitely doing something right. My coaching, my acting coaching

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Speaker 1: for years old obviously help when.

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Speaker 2: You's I mean no, but I will say I think

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Speaker 2: when you are I think when you work on yourself,

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Speaker 2: and that's what I love our guest today because it

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Speaker 2: kind of ties into that. But when you heal the

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Speaker 2: pieces of yourself, you're I believe, more open and your

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Speaker 2: work is different, Like I think my work post divorce

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Speaker 2: has been better than any work I've ever done for

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Speaker 2: different levels obviously, like more emotional. I've able to tap

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Speaker 2: to tap in more emotionally, and also there's just I

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Speaker 2: don't have that weight of worry and wonder and fears,

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Speaker 2: so being able to really just have a supportive husband,

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Speaker 2: know that I'm I don't need to worry when I'm

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Speaker 2: away and when we're not together, and I get to

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Speaker 2: just you know, again at knowing that I have that

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Speaker 2: support and then also have healed some of the pieces

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Speaker 2: inside of me that isn't holding me down, has freed

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Speaker 2: up the creativitiness for me to a lot that in

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Speaker 2: so I definitely feel like I've a better because of that,

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Speaker 2: like because I was able to let that negative energy

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Speaker 2: and let the light in. And I think that's to

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Speaker 2: be said for anybody, right, Like, if you're in a

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Speaker 2: bad situation and you're not you're not happy, and do

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Speaker 2: you feel stressed and worried and not safe, and obviously

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Speaker 2: your work will show reflect that.

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Speaker 1: I think, So I think I can relate to that

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Speaker 1: in a little a little bit. But also when I

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Speaker 1: was going through the hardest point of my life, my

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Speaker 1: work was my basically my welcome distraction to have a

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Speaker 1: different type of pressure and a different type of stress.

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Speaker 1: Was always like I was probably my best work, to

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Speaker 1: be honest as a which was building that period, because

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Speaker 1: I could I could separate the work from the craziness

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Speaker 1: that was going on in the background and just be like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: forget about that. Now, you need to focus on this.

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Speaker 1: But I get what you're talking about. If you're now

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Speaker 1: now you feel safe to go and be on set

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Speaker 1: for a week, you know, have to worry about what's

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Speaker 1: going on around with the kids or me or so

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Speaker 1: there's a safety aspect where you can relax and actually

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Speaker 1: really really focus on doing a good job.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I see what you're saying. There's definitely a piece

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Speaker 2: of that for sure. But I carry so much of

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Speaker 2: my surroundings so internally and I hold on to them

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Speaker 2: so much that it does ultimately affect I think my

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Speaker 2: work as much as I when I reflect back on

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Speaker 2: movies that I was with with my ex or going

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Speaker 2: through hard times with it. Though I was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: it's not affecting my work, I look back now and

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Speaker 2: I'm like, it's one thousand percent affecting my work. I

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Speaker 2: was up all night crying the night before, or like

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Speaker 2: when I was in Vancouver. I mean it was a mess,

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Speaker 2: like an absolute mess. So like, how of course that

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Speaker 2: would have affected my work, you know. So yeah, I

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Speaker 2: definitely reflect back on and then even just the hostility

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Speaker 2: when we when you know, being being on the set,

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Speaker 2: and maybe that's why certain producers didn't hire me back

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Speaker 2: at that time, you know, because I was in such

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Speaker 2: a bad place obviously, it's like, as much as I

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Speaker 2: don't like to bring any drama to set, I was

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Speaker 2: a walking drama, like my life was, as much as

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Speaker 2: I tried to hide it. So this is just yeah,

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Speaker 2: so different, and so it's so nice to just feel

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Speaker 2: that safety.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Well three and three months, let's see if you can.

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Speaker 1: What's the most of the amount of movies you've ever done

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Speaker 1: in the year. Two that's the most you've ever done

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Speaker 1: in the year. Yes, you've broken your record. So I

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Speaker 1: think you'll get five.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm soosed to film two more. They've just been

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Speaker 2: kind of on hold. They're pausing, so I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Maybe one will get pushed in next year because one

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Speaker 2: I was supposed to be doing now in San Antonio,

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Speaker 2: but that continues to be pushed because they can't find

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Speaker 2: they're the dude that will sell the movie because I'm

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Speaker 2: just the side piece on that one. But it's fine

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Speaker 2: side piece I am. It's totally when it comes down

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Speaker 2: to those kind of movies, they have to have an

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Speaker 2: international I mean, the budget is literally for the one

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Speaker 2: guy that is you know, he doesn't work every day,

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Speaker 2: he works a couple of days, but that's who they're

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Speaker 2: going to give all the money to but that's the

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Speaker 2: dude that's going to sell the movie.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 2: Ultimately those kind of those kind of that's how that

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Speaker 2: works for those kind of movies. But so yeah, I'm

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Speaker 2: just kind of in a holding pattern. But I also

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Speaker 2: think with this one, though it's not at my typical rate,

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Speaker 2: it's something where I'd rather be working. Having said that, though,

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Speaker 2: I'm about to miss some things that are really important

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Speaker 2: to me family wise, and like what like field day.

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Speaker 2: I'm devastated, literally devastated. I'm I almost said no to

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Speaker 2: it because I don't want to miss field day. I

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Speaker 2: have never missed a field day ever. I mean I

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Speaker 2: literally cried about it. I'm missing a field day. I'm

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Speaker 2: missing Jolie's a softball game, Jase's baseball game. But I

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Speaker 2: am going to travel. It's work. It's a close location.

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Speaker 2: So I'm going to come home on the weekends and listen,

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Speaker 2: work is work, you know, It's like at the end

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Speaker 2: of the day, I want to keep working and I

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Speaker 2: want to support the family. And I had a really

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Speaker 2: good talk with Joli about it last night, just because

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Speaker 2: it's I just want to talk to her about it,

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Speaker 2: and you know, well.

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Speaker 1: The good thing is if you're doing through three movies

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Speaker 1: in three months, you'll be you'll become a better actress.

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Speaker 1: I hope so because you'll berm and you'll learning Okay,

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Speaker 1: ticket into the next one, learn again, ticket into the

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Speaker 1: next one. So you're building some momentum there, which is

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Speaker 1: always good. One of the most important things in the

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Speaker 1: development is momentum for you.

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Speaker 2: Is there a piece because you're about a month sober?

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Speaker 1: When this airs like that, like a like an alcoholic

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Speaker 1: a month sober. I told you I could stop drinking

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Speaker 1: at any point, any point.

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Speaker 2: But like, okay, But that isn't that what it is?

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Speaker 2: In technical terms, it's a month sober. I'm not saying

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Speaker 2: you're there's nothing wrong with me saying you're obviously not

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Speaker 2: in the program, but you are technically a month sober.

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Speaker 2: So am I I haven't drinking a month more than

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Speaker 2: a month drunk.

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Speaker 1: So I don't know how you can get a.

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Speaker 2: Technical term. You're a month not drinking. In technical terms,

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Speaker 2: i'd be sober, right or no, I don't know what

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Speaker 2: I'm talking about.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. I think a month

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Speaker 1: sober it is more for people that have an alcohol problem.

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Speaker 2: I don't know about that. But you know, our next

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Speaker 2: guest is all about healing your relationship with yourself and

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Speaker 2: those you love. Is there anything unresolved or I should

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Speaker 2: say this because I think we all have pieces that

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Speaker 2: we need to continue to heal, or to work on,

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Speaker 2: or to revisit. I think acknowledging things that you know

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Speaker 2: or that you see or that others see in you

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Speaker 2: and you don't take defensively and you recognize. I think

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Speaker 2: it's a really good quality to have because we all

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Speaker 2: have things we have to work on. I have things

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Speaker 2: you know that I have to work on.

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Speaker 1: It's a good quality to recognize our back quality.

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Speaker 2: I think so. And let's get the doctor on to

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Speaker 2: talk about that, all right, So let's get on doctor

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Speaker 2: Tama Bryant.

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Speaker 3: Hello, Hi, Hello, Hi, good to see you both.

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Speaker 2: Good to see you. And you know what, We're just

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Speaker 2: going to dive right into it and just bring you

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Speaker 2: into our conversation we were just having because are you

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Speaker 2: good with that?

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Speaker 1: Yes?

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Speaker 2: I am all right, let's do this, okay. So, because

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Speaker 2: I was basically asking my husband here if there's anything

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Speaker 2: that he needs to heal within himself, right, because I

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Speaker 2: think we all have things that either we're actively healing

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Speaker 2: or things we have to come back to and continue

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Speaker 2: to work on, because again I'm not the expert you are,

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Speaker 2: which I'll ask you, but you know, I don't think

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Speaker 2: healing is a straight line. I think it's up and

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Speaker 2: down and you know kind of goals goes around. But

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Speaker 2: with him, he was mentioning that he's got a short fuse,

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Speaker 2: and I don't disagree, but I'm just curious with your fuse,

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Speaker 2: what piece of you, like, where does that come from?

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Speaker 2: Like why like why do you have that fuse? Or

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Speaker 2: what is there something that is inside of you that

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Speaker 2: are you frustrated with your work or this or that

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Speaker 2: to get you to that fuse place?

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Speaker 1: So good the question. I think that expert can help

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Speaker 1: shed some light on it. But I think those those

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Speaker 1: a few things, those the those the past things which

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Speaker 1: are part of it, Those are present things which might

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Speaker 1: be frustrations, and then those the fact that those the

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Speaker 1: future of things where you feel that you're not getting

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Speaker 1: to them quick enough. So I think my short fusee

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Speaker 1: comes from probably frustration of not being where I want

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Speaker 1: to be right now and my just to shed some light.

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Speaker 1: My short fuse is never like aggressive.

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Speaker 2: For it's just you know, he's Scottish, he can get

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Speaker 2: it's it feels to me because I'm very sensitive with

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Speaker 2: with levels of volume when someone gets angry just because

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Speaker 2: of my past trauma stuff. And so he's like, I'm

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Speaker 2: not yelling, you know, yelling it's like, but I'm like,

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Speaker 2: I feel they like anger in the fuse and that

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Speaker 2: then like can trigger me in my stuff. But no,

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Speaker 2: I mean like you're not. I see what you're saying.

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Speaker 2: But what would be some tips around that? Doc help

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Speaker 2: us out here?

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Speaker 4: Well, I appreciate you all both expressing yourselves, and that's

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Speaker 4: so important because sometimes what happens because we're triggering each other,

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Speaker 4: one person is allowed to express themselves and the other

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Speaker 4: one is shut down. And so what I just heard

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Speaker 4: in that exchange was both of you speaking truth, right,

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Speaker 4: So the truth of I'm disappointed and frustrated, hurt about

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Speaker 4: not being where I want to be. And then what

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Speaker 4: I heard you saying is instead of it feeling to

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Speaker 4: me like self frustration, I feel like it's directed at

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Speaker 4: me or it's coming in my in my path and

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Speaker 4: it feels uncomfortable for me. Doesn't feel good to me,

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Speaker 4: in part based on my history. In part maybe my culture,

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Speaker 4: So you were mentioning his culture is like more expressive,

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Speaker 4: and then maybe yours is. People may have muted their

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Speaker 4: emotions more and so it's us learning each other and

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Speaker 4: both pieces of what you have shared are valid, and

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Speaker 4: I think people can relate to in terms of frustration

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Speaker 4: around timeline. That is one of the challenges we face

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Speaker 4: as human beings is we create these false timelines right

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Speaker 4: that by this age, I'm going to be here by

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Speaker 4: and we train each other to do that. It's like

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Speaker 4: New Year's resolution, what's your six month goal, what's your

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Speaker 4: one year goal? And in part being that specific, it's

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Speaker 4: helpful that we don't get stuck or stagnant, but it

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Speaker 4: can also set us up to be disappointed in ourselves

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Speaker 4: when in truth, you may be right on time. That

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Speaker 4: when in truth what has felt like detours may be

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Speaker 4: preparation that is helping you get to where you're going

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Speaker 4: so that when that door opens, the thing you're longing for,

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Speaker 4: when it shows up, you'll be fully ready, not only

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Speaker 4: professionally but emotionally to carry the weight of whatever that is.

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Speaker 4: And in the journey we change, and sometimes the vision

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Speaker 4: changes as well. So a part of what we suggest,

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Speaker 4: I say we around therapists or mental health professionals suggest

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Speaker 4: is giving ourselves permission to be more present centered, because

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Speaker 4: as you name past, present, future, some of us are

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Speaker 4: stuck in regrets of the past or the wounds of

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Speaker 4: the past, or stuck in worry for the future. But

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Speaker 4: what we have is present. Then I can instead give

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Speaker 4: myself gratitude appreciation that I keep showing up and then

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Speaker 4: say I can't control the timeline of everything, but I

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Speaker 4: get today. So what am I going to do today?

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Speaker 4: And it may also be in terms of you all's relationship.

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Speaker 4: What are things that are helpful to me in terms

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Speaker 4: of support that encouraged me, or that mobilize me, or

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Speaker 4: that helped me to brainstorm, or that helped me to

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Speaker 4: see my wins, because sometimes we don't see our wins.

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Speaker 4: So then expressing not just the frustration, but considering what

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Speaker 4: would be helpful for you to do, and then what

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Speaker 4: will be helpful in partnership. And so I'll get your

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Speaker 4: response to that, and then we can talk about the

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Speaker 4: trauma history and the voice well explained.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, You're welcome. I think you mentioned something there

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Speaker 1: about past, present, in future and being really present and today,

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Speaker 1: But what and this is purely from my postpone and

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Speaker 1: where I sit in my frustrations sometimes is I can't

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Speaker 1: fully engage in the day and be present in the

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Speaker 1: day because I worry about the next day and I

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Speaker 1: worry about the day after because I'm not quite aware

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Speaker 1: of where I expected I would be and where I

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Speaker 1: want to be. So I'm always thinking about well, but

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Speaker 1: part of that is also like, well, don't worry because

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Speaker 1: in this time and a month, that will final this

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Speaker 1: time in three months, you'll get what you need, or

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Speaker 1: you'll get vindication of your hard work, or whatever it

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Speaker 1: may be. So I always struggle to really maximize and

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Speaker 1: be present within that within that day. I think you'll

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Speaker 1: agree with that.

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Speaker 2: On you, Yeah, and I see and I see that

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Speaker 2: within you, and that I get. It makes me sad

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Speaker 2: to witness that because you take so much worry on that.

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Speaker 2: We both know everything will be okay and everything will

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Speaker 2: be fine, but you put so much weight on, you know,

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Speaker 2: taking not knowing and everything else. So yeah, it's I witness,

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, man, I wish he could be present

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Speaker 2: in today because it will all be fine. I believe,

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Speaker 2: you know, I have to believe that for all of us.

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Speaker 2: You know well.

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Speaker 4: I think a part of it is the difference between

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Speaker 4: worrying about the future and planning for the future. So

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Speaker 4: the worrying about it doesn't get you anywhere, Like, it's

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Speaker 4: not that because I spent time worrying about it today,

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Speaker 4: like that something got relieved or that I solved something.

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Speaker 4: The worry the anxiety can be a spiral and then

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Speaker 4: we can end up ruminating, so you're just losing time

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Speaker 4: thinking the same thoughts over and over again. And the

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Speaker 4: more you think them, the more stuck you feel, the

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Speaker 4: more discourage you feel. So it's not so much that

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Speaker 4: I can't think about the future, it is shifting from

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Speaker 4: worry for it instead planning for it. And what I

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Speaker 4: would ask in terms of your self awareness is where

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Speaker 4: did the anxiety come from that you're not going to

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Speaker 4: make it?

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Speaker 1: Is that a question for me? Yes, I think it's

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Speaker 1: a good question because it's not that it's not that

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Speaker 1: I worry about It's not that I, like I explained

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Speaker 1: to you, I can't maximize the present day because I

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Speaker 1: worry about the day after. And it's not a worry.

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Speaker 1: It's like it's almost like an impatience where I know

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Speaker 1: what I want, I know where I need to get to.

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Speaker 1: I know what I want and I know how to

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Speaker 1: get there.

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Speaker 2: There's so many pieces that have to there's so.

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Speaker 1: Many pieces that need to come together for me to

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Speaker 1: do it. One I don't have enough time to do it.

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Speaker 1: But also two I don't it's just not happening quick enough.

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Speaker 1: So then I become frustrated. And when I become frustrated,

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Speaker 1: I procrastinate and I don't maximize that day. So it's

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Speaker 1: not a worry because I know what I'm good at,

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Speaker 1: and I know my value, and I know where I'll

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Speaker 1: get to eventually. Deep down, I know that that's your

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Speaker 1: version of you know it will be fine, and I

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Speaker 1: know that, but I just I get really frustrated and

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Speaker 1: patient and impatient on the present day. If I don't, like,

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Speaker 1: if I have a day where I've not taken a

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Speaker 1: step forward to where I need to get to, it

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Speaker 1: sits in my head the whole day. Like if I

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Speaker 1: have a day where I've not achieved enough, it will

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Speaker 1: sit with me heavily in my head for that whole day.

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Speaker 2: And then where my experience with it is. Then he

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Speaker 2: then kind of shuts everything else off around him and

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Speaker 2: we're and I can tell that's where the lack of presence.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, you're not as present then, agreed.

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Speaker 4: So you're it's also self sabotaging because I'm upset I'm

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Speaker 4: not there, so then I procrastinate.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, probably it's a little bit, but it

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Speaker 1: was self sabotaged, not that you don't feel like you're

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Speaker 1: des elve to be somewhere.

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Speaker 2: Do you sabotage yourself by procrastinating? Right?

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Speaker 4: Right? Yeah, it's not unworthiness and you have the as

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Speaker 4: you said, you acknowledge your gifts. So there are some

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Speaker 4: things that are out of your control. But then there

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Speaker 4: are some ways in which you stand on your wings,

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Speaker 4: which is not because you don't believe in the wings,

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Speaker 4: but irritation, procrastination and then shutting out your relationships right,

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Speaker 4: which ends up not only ends up penalizing both of

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Speaker 4: you because then both are then feeling isolated.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, are there tips like this in your book to

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Speaker 2: help heal all these kind of pieces?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Their piece about our self love. So it's matters of

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Speaker 4: the heart, healing your relationship with yourself and those you love.

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Speaker 4: And so the first part is about self abandonment and

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Speaker 4: self neglect and those who are very driven sometimes we

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Speaker 4: can neglect ourselves because we're so focused on the end

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Speaker 4: result that we're not It's not sustainable because we're not

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Speaker 4: taking care of ourselves in the present and then looking

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Speaker 4: at how we address relationships. So I want to give

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Speaker 4: some time for you to express your history as it

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Speaker 4: relates to people raising their voices or being angry or

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Speaker 4: upset with you, and to ask you about if your

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Speaker 4: history has resulted in you having a tendency toward people

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Speaker 4: pleasing and trying to address other people's needs while you

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Speaker 4: may sometimes neglect your own.

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Speaker 2: D all of the above.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I think we both.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, we both are. I mean like and he

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Speaker 2: is too where he's I say, I will say to him,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, you're always trying to make everybody happy and

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Speaker 2: you are suffering in the process, Like stop doing like

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Speaker 2: you are stressing yourself out to make sure this person's happening,

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Speaker 2: this person's happening, this part, like what does Alan need want?

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Speaker 2: Feel like? That is and with.

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Speaker 1: You, it's the same for you as well them.

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Speaker 2: I know. But we care so deeply about each other

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Speaker 2: and the people around us that we want to make sure,

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Speaker 2: but we spread ourselves so thin to make those other

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Speaker 2: people like our children and each other, that we then

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Speaker 2: are exhausted and then therefore stressed, and then the fuses

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Speaker 2: are short. You know, all of the.

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Speaker 3: Above, And what has that cost to you?

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Speaker 2: I would say, I mean, I've definitely gotten better, But

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Speaker 2: I would say, hmmm, that's interesting. I've never really I

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Speaker 2: just am in a phase of you know, raising three kids,

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Speaker 2: and so for me it's I still do things for myself,

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Speaker 2: you know, I work, and but uh, I don't really

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Speaker 2: know how to answer that.

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Speaker 3: I guess, right, I think that's a part of problem.

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Speaker 4: You're yes, so you're focused on you know, his needs

394
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Speaker 4: and your children's needs, and it's important that you and

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Speaker 4: their needs are important, but so are yours. And so

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Speaker 4: to be able to be present and check in with

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Speaker 4: myself about when I am so externally focused, what am

398
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Speaker 4: I missing? And so then what are the parts of

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Speaker 4: you that get undernourished?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I think for me then I just

401
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Speaker 2: get stressed. But I also know it's it's not like

402
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Speaker 2: that in every season, right, so, and I do my

403
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Speaker 2: best to balance what I can, But I do think

404
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Speaker 2: kind of the overall arching thing is is, you know,

405
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Speaker 2: because we all have dreams, right, we all want to

406
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Speaker 2: get to the next, you know, best thing. But I

407
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:02,800
Speaker 2: feel like even when this is I'm sure you've talked

408
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:04,880
Speaker 2: about this in your book, but even when you get

409
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Speaker 2: to that, okay, the role that I really want, or

410
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,639
Speaker 2: the coaching career that he really wants, there's still, I

411
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:12,600
Speaker 2: bet going to be a piece that you're going to

412
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Speaker 2: just continue to keep trying to climb up the ladder.

413
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Speaker 2: And I make up that there'll be a moment where, Okay,

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Speaker 2: when I finally land that TV role that I want,

415
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Speaker 2: the feeling that I thought I would have won't actually

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Speaker 2: be there. And the same for him, like when he

417
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Speaker 2: gets that coaching role, I make up that the feeling

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Speaker 2: that for him won't be there too, because it's not

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Speaker 2: really that we put all the stress and pressure on

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Speaker 2: it being that's the thing that will make us feel great.

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Speaker 2: I don't think that'll actually do that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, So it's both the stress of.

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Speaker 4: When will we get there and then to what extent

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Speaker 4: will that actually be fulfilling? And I wonder if you

425
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Speaker 4: can both share away in which you would like to

426
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Speaker 4: see the other person take better care of themselves.

427
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Speaker 2: Well, I feel like I definitely have asked him to.

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Speaker 3: And you can say it to him.

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Speaker 2: Oh okay, great, Well we've already we did speak about this.

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Speaker 2: I'm you know, I wanted you to get your blood

431
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Speaker 2: work done, things like that and prioritize what you need,

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Speaker 2: and I you know you've done that and you you're

433
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Speaker 2: doing a great job on that. I would just i'

434
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Speaker 2: means so hard. I just I want I want him

435
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Speaker 2: to be happy, and which I think you are. But

436
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:37,840
Speaker 2: I just I don't know. This is so hard. I

437
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:39,520
Speaker 2: don't know why this is so hard for me right now.

438
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:41,240
Speaker 2: I'm so good at this in therapy and I can't

439
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:42,480
Speaker 2: do it right now.

440
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:44,520
Speaker 3: Oh you're not.

441
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:48,600
Speaker 4: Just so there's some medical self care he's done. You

442
00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:51,160
Speaker 4: had you made a recommendation about him getting some test

443
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 4: and he's done that, and you would like him to

444
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:55,679
Speaker 4: be happy, but you're not sure what's going to make

445
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:56,320
Speaker 4: him happy.

446
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:58,720
Speaker 2: Well, I think he is happy. I do believe that.

447
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:02,399
Speaker 2: I just career happy. I know you're not. And I

448
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:06,080
Speaker 2: know it's a process and a struggle in the in

449
00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:09,359
Speaker 2: this moment because you're building and the building processes is hard.

450
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:11,159
Speaker 2: But I do want you to know that you have

451
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:14,560
Speaker 2: you do have me as a teammate in it. And

452
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:16,280
Speaker 2: then I'm here m hm.

453
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:19,720
Speaker 4: So you would like him to make use of your

454
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:23,560
Speaker 4: support for you to you're offering it, and you would

455
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:28,360
Speaker 4: like him to actively utilize that. It helps to have support, Yeah,

456
00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:30,920
Speaker 4: it does. Yeah, And what would you like for her

457
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:31,320
Speaker 4: to do?

458
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:34,440
Speaker 1: What would I like? I would like for you to

459
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:38,240
Speaker 1: You're so busy all the time that sometimes you don't

460
00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:41,320
Speaker 1: prioritize and you're asking me to prioritize my health, and

461
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:46,160
Speaker 1: I'm asking you to prioritize yours by not skepping food

462
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:47,280
Speaker 1: because you're busy.

463
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:50,040
Speaker 2: I don't have time to eat a podcast days. I'm like,

464
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,560
Speaker 2: it's three o'clock and I'm like, oh, shaky.

465
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:54,800
Speaker 1: How do you Yeah, So I think I think I

466
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:57,920
Speaker 1: would rather you balanced out a little bit more because

467
00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:02,080
Speaker 1: it's it's not good at all for your whole physiological system,

468
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:06,880
Speaker 1: which affects your brain health, which affects everything. So to

469
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:11,960
Speaker 1: prioritize eating when you should eat, yeah, okay, But I

470
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 1: think there's also a part where we'll discuss this before.

471
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:22,960
Speaker 1: I'm like thinking the best of each other, thinking we've

472
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:26,080
Speaker 1: always got the best intentions for each other. And I

473
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,320
Speaker 1: think when you're stressed and you're busy, and you're jumping

474
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:31,720
Speaker 1: from one thing to the like we are. It's it

475
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:37,720
Speaker 1: can the admiration and love of I'm here for you,

476
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:41,879
Speaker 1: I've got you, I'm always here can not diminished, but

477
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:44,440
Speaker 1: it can dilict itself a little bit because you're focusing

478
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:48,480
Speaker 1: our things are just for your own health. Recognize that

479
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 1: I'm always, yeah, always support you.

480
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:07,639
Speaker 2: Look at this healing that's happening right here on this couch.

481
00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:11,919
Speaker 4: I love it because both of you named actually similar things,

482
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:15,720
Speaker 4: the same thing, your physical health and wanting the other

483
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:19,560
Speaker 4: person to take care of themselves physically. And then the

484
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:22,479
Speaker 4: second one that both of you named in different ways

485
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:26,280
Speaker 4: is to receive that. I'm like, let me love you, right,

486
00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:29,920
Speaker 4: let me show up for you, and like really receive it.

487
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:32,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, beautiful.

488
00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:36,120
Speaker 2: What is some of the biggest tips of healing? Because

489
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:38,160
Speaker 2: I have so many women that reach out to me

490
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:42,000
Speaker 2: and because for me, you know, post divorce, I said

491
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:43,800
Speaker 2: my number one thing was that I had to heal

492
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 2: all a lot of the broken pieces inside of me

493
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:50,680
Speaker 2: before I could find love again. And so you know, again,

494
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:52,840
Speaker 2: I'm not a clinical anybody. I just kind of say

495
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:55,840
Speaker 2: the things that I did. But what is your best

496
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:59,560
Speaker 2: tips for Because I believe the reason that I was

497
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:02,480
Speaker 2: able to find a loving, supportive partner was because I

498
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:05,720
Speaker 2: was able to heal and then learn that I deserve

499
00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:08,360
Speaker 2: that right, which is why I didn't choose it before.

500
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:12,760
Speaker 2: But that only happened because I healed certain pieces of me.

501
00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:15,480
Speaker 2: So what are some of the tips in your book

502
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:18,240
Speaker 2: that people can get that maybe our post divorce or

503
00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:23,000
Speaker 2: post breakup that need to heal inside before finding love.

504
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 4: Thank you for that and for sharing your journey and testimony.

505
00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:31,000
Speaker 4: It is important for people to know that it's possible

506
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 4: and to see that it's possible, and even in the

507
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 4: possibility of it and beauty of it, it's you know,

508
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:40,080
Speaker 4: we'll still have to.

509
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:40,640
Speaker 3: Learn each other.

510
00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:42,440
Speaker 4: So one of the things I like to share with

511
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:48,560
Speaker 4: people is have to breakup, take time for you as

512
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:51,560
Speaker 4: you were naming about your own healing, and at the

513
00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:55,000
Speaker 4: same time, no, you don't have to be perfect for

514
00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:59,320
Speaker 4: someone to love you, right, So to release this sense

515
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:02,840
Speaker 4: of perfect and to know a part of the healing

516
00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:06,440
Speaker 4: will actually take place in relationship. So I have people

517
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:09,080
Speaker 4: all the time who are single and feel like I'm great,

518
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:12,440
Speaker 4: I got it, I'm good, and then when they start

519
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:17,040
Speaker 4: becoming more emotionally connected to someone, that's when the real

520
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:18,960
Speaker 4: triggers show up, because as long as I'm just sitting

521
00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:21,560
Speaker 4: in my house by myself, thinking my thoughts in a

522
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:26,880
Speaker 4: calm way, nothing's disturbing that. And so for us to

523
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:32,800
Speaker 4: have grace and compassion for ourselves while we're on that journey.

524
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:36,560
Speaker 4: And then in reflection, you know, for everyone in their

525
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 4: past relationships, is to try to, I say, pull the

526
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:44,360
Speaker 4: wisdom out of the wounds. You know, what did I

527
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:48,600
Speaker 4: learn about myself? What did I learn about relationships that

528
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:53,360
Speaker 4: I can apply here, because sometimes it's easier for us

529
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:56,120
Speaker 4: to see what other people did, and people may have

530
00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:59,760
Speaker 4: done very terrible things. And then I also try to

531
00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:05,000
Speaker 4: reflec left to myself of what in my past experience

532
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:09,239
Speaker 4: maybe made me either open to this or made me

533
00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:13,000
Speaker 4: stay as long as I did, or that you know,

534
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 4: broke down my confidence and myself, or that had given

535
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:19,280
Speaker 4: me a script about what love was supposed to be.

536
00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:25,760
Speaker 4: So that's the gift of relationships that didn't work out,

537
00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:29,240
Speaker 4: is what I was able to learn from it. And

538
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:32,280
Speaker 4: I would say you all probably appreciate each other a

539
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:36,040
Speaker 4: lot more because you've experienced not having the things that

540
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:39,080
Speaker 4: the other person has brought into your life, So like

541
00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:43,440
Speaker 4: not taking that for granted, it's really beautiful, and then

542
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:48,480
Speaker 4: also seeing the departure or the exit or the ending

543
00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:52,200
Speaker 4: as a win, because sometimes when we think like, oh,

544
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:55,600
Speaker 4: I've only had failed relationships, you know, maybe those are

545
00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:59,320
Speaker 4: relationships that weren't supposed to last. But I was to

546
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 4: learn some things in there, I was to develop in

547
00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:05,280
Speaker 4: those and the time it was well, you know, some

548
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:08,680
Speaker 4: things are seasonal, and so it has then positioned me

549
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:14,960
Speaker 4: for this. And then it is important also that we

550
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:21,440
Speaker 4: develop self awareness because as my heart heals, my taste

551
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:26,760
Speaker 4: will change, my mindset shifts, the way I handle conflict

552
00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:32,200
Speaker 4: will hopefully shift and grow. So being tuned in and

553
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:36,920
Speaker 4: then communicating, you know that a lot of times, especially

554
00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:39,880
Speaker 4: when you've had that relationships in the past, we can

555
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:44,560
Speaker 4: be conflict avoiding. So we're afraid of people getting upset,

556
00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 4: or people abandoning, or people leaving, or people changing their

557
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:51,520
Speaker 4: mind about us. So then we're censoring. And as long

558
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:55,680
Speaker 4: as I am censored, a person doesn't really get to

559
00:32:56,160 --> 00:33:00,440
Speaker 4: know me, they're not actually in there. And so taking

560
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 4: that risk of actually sharing what we feel and what

561
00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:07,440
Speaker 4: we need, so that we're not leaving it to people

562
00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:10,480
Speaker 4: to guess or assuming they know or should have known.

563
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:17,760
Speaker 4: And then I would say putting in the quality good times,

564
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:21,720
Speaker 4: because sometimes we make the mistake of all of our

565
00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:27,760
Speaker 4: exchanges are the difficult conversations which need to happen, but then.

566
00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:30,520
Speaker 3: There's no joy. We got to put some gas in the.

567
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:34,400
Speaker 4: Tank, which makes the harder things easier to work through

568
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:37,960
Speaker 4: because we've attended to bringing joy to each other.

569
00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:41,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure. Oh my goodness. So there's those were

570
00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:46,240
Speaker 2: some amazing tips and tools, and everyone please get healing

571
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:49,680
Speaker 2: your relationship with yourself and those you love matters of

572
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:53,960
Speaker 2: the heart. Thank you so much for coming on some

573
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:57,440
Speaker 2: healing on all of us, and us too on the couch.

574
00:33:57,760 --> 00:33:59,000
Speaker 3: Thank you so much.

575
00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:02,440
Speaker 4: And I've just as a last point, we didn't get

576
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:07,000
Speaker 4: to it. I would say, you know, hearing the request

577
00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:11,560
Speaker 4: for the softer voice even in the frustration, to know

578
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:15,840
Speaker 4: it's that like, intention is not always impact. So I

579
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:19,680
Speaker 4: think you're like not intending anything toward her, but the

580
00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:23,440
Speaker 4: way she's receiving it or feeling it feels upsetting. So

581
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:26,000
Speaker 4: then it just becomes it's not that I can't speak

582
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:29,480
Speaker 4: my truth or my frustration. It's it's like, let me

583
00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:31,879
Speaker 4: take breath. I call it sacred pause. Let me take

584
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:35,960
Speaker 4: sacred pause because I want to share my frustration, but

585
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:40,440
Speaker 4: I also want her to be clear it's not at her,

586
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:42,440
Speaker 4: it's just something I'm feeling.

587
00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:45,400
Speaker 2: And I too can also take a sacred pause every

588
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:46,439
Speaker 2: once in a while as well.

589
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:50,680
Speaker 3: Yes's great, it's beautiful all over. I'm like me too,

590
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 3: ill take.

591
00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:56,200
Speaker 2: And that's a lesson that I'm you know, that's I'm

592
00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 2: gonna I like that though. I'm going to take a

593
00:34:57,640 --> 00:35:00,759
Speaker 2: sacred pause, sacred sacred pause. Thanks. Thank you so much.

594
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:01,719
Speaker 2: You were fantastic.

595
00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:03,239
Speaker 1: Thank you so much.

596
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:07,280
Speaker 4: Appreciate you both and looking forward to all of your success.

597
00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:09,960
Speaker 2: Thank you, friend, Thank you, I have a great thank

598
00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:12,120
Speaker 2: Thank you you too,