1 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:13,319 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another new episode of 2 00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:16,240 Speaker 1: You Need Therapy Podcast. My name is Kat and you 3 00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:19,639 Speaker 1: are listening to couch Talks. So couch Talks is the 4 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:23,000 Speaker 1: special episode that we put out on Wednesdays where I 5 00:00:23,079 --> 00:00:26,480 Speaker 1: answer questions that you guys send into me at Catherine 6 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:29,760 Speaker 1: at You Need Therapy podcast dot com. So today I 7 00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:32,400 Speaker 1: answer questions from you guys. I usually do too, I'm 8 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,680 Speaker 1: going to do that today. If you have a question, 9 00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:36,959 Speaker 1: send it in now. Before we get started. I want 10 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,080 Speaker 1: to remind you guys, most of you know the drill 11 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,319 Speaker 1: by now, but this is not therapy and I am 12 00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:44,519 Speaker 1: not being your therapist via the podcast. This is just 13 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:47,519 Speaker 1: me walking through some questions that you guys send in 14 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:50,640 Speaker 1: and doing my best to help you guys think about 15 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:53,640 Speaker 1: questions that might help you make the best decision for 16 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:56,639 Speaker 1: you out there in the world. All right, So now, 17 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,640 Speaker 1: remember we keep these anonymous, so I don't say anybody's names. 18 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:02,240 Speaker 1: I will read the questions and then I am going 19 00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:05,319 Speaker 1: to talk about it. So let's jump into the first one. So, Hi, Cat, 20 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,880 Speaker 1: I started a new job within the last year, so 21 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:09,720 Speaker 1: I have a new boss with whom I don't have 22 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,399 Speaker 1: a super great connection with yet due to working virtually 23 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,000 Speaker 1: for majority of the time, I've always been fairly confident 24 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:17,080 Speaker 1: with my body and never suffered from any form of 25 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:19,400 Speaker 1: eating disorder. But when I returned to work in person, 26 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:22,400 Speaker 1: my boss started making constant comments about my body type. 27 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:24,800 Speaker 1: Every time I see my boss, she says things like, oh, 28 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:26,880 Speaker 1: my goodness, one day I'll have a body like you, 29 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:29,360 Speaker 1: or oh, I used to be thin like that when 30 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:31,600 Speaker 1: I was young, but just wait till you turn thirty 31 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:36,400 Speaker 1: in parentheses, I already am or and most uncomfortable of all. Oh, no, 32 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,640 Speaker 1: wonder you have a body like that. Just look at 33 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,679 Speaker 1: you eating nothing for lunch. Meanwhile, I have eaten a 34 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:44,160 Speaker 1: full lunch, and I always do. There's been tons more 35 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:46,800 Speaker 1: comments like that, including bringing baked goods to the office 36 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:48,920 Speaker 1: and being told, oh, you take your little size to 37 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:51,160 Speaker 1: body and those baked goods out of here. I'm on 38 00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:53,600 Speaker 1: a diet. How do I respond to these comments and 39 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:56,240 Speaker 1: tell her it makes me uncomfortable? When she's my boss, 40 00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,400 Speaker 1: I don't know how to approach the topic with someone 41 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:01,480 Speaker 1: who's my superior. I think she means well, but I 42 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:03,280 Speaker 1: feel like crawling out of my skin when she says 43 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:08,040 Speaker 1: these things. Okay, so Wow, this is just tough. I 44 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:10,680 Speaker 1: think it's hard living in a world where this kind 45 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:13,120 Speaker 1: of stuff is just so normal and those comments are 46 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:17,079 Speaker 1: just like so normal. And I'm assuming she does mean well, 47 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:20,320 Speaker 1: But regardless, to me, it's clear as clear as it 48 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:23,000 Speaker 1: can be from not even actually knowing her or this 49 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:26,160 Speaker 1: actual situation. It's clear that your boss's comments are really 50 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:28,959 Speaker 1: about her more than you. But then regardless, it still 51 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:31,520 Speaker 1: doesn't feel good to hear them, and you shouldn't have 52 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:34,160 Speaker 1: to continue to hear them. I would be curious as 53 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:36,880 Speaker 1: to know what has stopped you from responding in the past, 54 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:39,720 Speaker 1: and what keeps you from expressing how you feel. And 55 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:43,160 Speaker 1: those are two things that I might sit down and 56 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:45,800 Speaker 1: think about and and right out and talk about and 57 00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:48,720 Speaker 1: figure out, because this may be an experience that hints 58 00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:50,919 Speaker 1: at a larger part of your life, and I think 59 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:53,600 Speaker 1: that would be really valid to look at. Now, when 60 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:55,959 Speaker 1: we don't say what we mean and use our voice, 61 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:59,760 Speaker 1: then we also allow a lot of space for interpretation. Now, 62 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:02,359 Speaker 1: I'm a firm believer that we train people how to 63 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:05,040 Speaker 1: treat us. Therefore, when a comment is made like this 64 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:07,160 Speaker 1: and we just kind of let it go or laugh 65 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,400 Speaker 1: it off in order to not make it uncomfortable or awkward. 66 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:14,760 Speaker 1: We send a message that could be interpreted as what 67 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:17,000 Speaker 1: you're saying is okay, and it doesn't bother me because 68 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:19,560 Speaker 1: we've left things up for interpretation and I don't know 69 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,079 Speaker 1: the dynamic of you and your boss, and I get 70 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:25,359 Speaker 1: that this makes it difficult because of the power differential, 71 00:03:25,919 --> 00:03:28,840 Speaker 1: But as a blanket statement to anyone, no matter what 72 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:32,119 Speaker 1: someone's role is, they don't have the right to make 73 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:34,920 Speaker 1: comments about your body that make you uncomfortable. That's like 74 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:38,200 Speaker 1: basic human one oh one deal. I don't care who 75 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,640 Speaker 1: you are. I also believe that as a leader, a 76 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,680 Speaker 1: boss needs to be someone who's open to feedback, and 77 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:47,320 Speaker 1: that's what you're offering. You're offering feedback. I also think 78 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:50,560 Speaker 1: that we make stuff up in our heads as a 79 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:54,000 Speaker 1: way bigger deal than it actually is, and we catastrophize 80 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:56,720 Speaker 1: what's going to happen if we just simply speak up 81 00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:59,520 Speaker 1: for ourselves when a lot of times that stuff doesn't 82 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:02,240 Speaker 1: even happen, and if it would happen, that would signal 83 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:05,160 Speaker 1: bigger issue in the system that you're working in. Honestly, 84 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:08,080 Speaker 1: this is a issue that is much larger than this 85 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:11,960 Speaker 1: exact example that's centered around women in the way that 86 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:15,360 Speaker 1: we're conditioned to exist. And depending on your story, this 87 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:17,359 Speaker 1: could have a lot to do with your experience of 88 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:20,800 Speaker 1: speaking up, how you're raised, how you're spoken to and treated, 89 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:23,479 Speaker 1: how your parents express their needs, and then what you've 90 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:25,960 Speaker 1: done with that. So there's a lot to think about 91 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,000 Speaker 1: here and what I mean by all that and why 92 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:30,960 Speaker 1: I'm even saying that is And like I said earlier, 93 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:34,800 Speaker 1: this could be an example of a larger thing that 94 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:37,040 Speaker 1: you might want to look at in your life. And 95 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:40,120 Speaker 1: how in other areas do you struggle with this and 96 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:42,960 Speaker 1: why or why not? What is it about this area? 97 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:46,160 Speaker 1: If it's just this area? Now the reality and this 98 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:48,599 Speaker 1: is when we take out all the external parts, all 99 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:50,159 Speaker 1: of the parts of your story, all the things that 100 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:53,200 Speaker 1: you've learned about X, y Z, growing up, your environment. 101 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:55,360 Speaker 1: We take all of that out and we just go 102 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:57,960 Speaker 1: with like a blank slate that everybody gets to have. 103 00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:00,839 Speaker 1: You're allowed to need things, and you're allowed to ask 104 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:03,960 Speaker 1: for what you need. And if we are worried about 105 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:07,040 Speaker 1: making that other person feel uncomfortable, I would just like 106 00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:09,000 Speaker 1: to say this, This is not the place to be 107 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:11,760 Speaker 1: a martyr. It is not your job to take care 108 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,680 Speaker 1: of other people's feelings. It's your job to take care 109 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:17,400 Speaker 1: of yours, and I think that's really important, So I'm 110 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,920 Speaker 1: gonna say it again. It's not your job to take 111 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:21,480 Speaker 1: care of other people's feelings. These are adults, and they 112 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:24,240 Speaker 1: can take care of their feelings of being uncomfortable and 113 00:05:24,279 --> 00:05:26,960 Speaker 1: what happens when somebody expresses that they don't like something 114 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,839 Speaker 1: that they did. It's your job to take care of 115 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:31,960 Speaker 1: your feelings because you have your feelings and they have theirs. 116 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:34,720 Speaker 1: You don't have each other's now, and that, like I said, 117 00:05:34,839 --> 00:05:36,719 Speaker 1: we make this a bigger deal than it is. I 118 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:39,039 Speaker 1: like to just bring it down to what you're actually doing. 119 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:43,760 Speaker 1: You're just really expressing something that you need. And I 120 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:47,000 Speaker 1: want you guys to know we're all allowed to express 121 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:50,919 Speaker 1: our needs. And this can sound as simple as hey, 122 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:53,960 Speaker 1: I actually feel uncomfortable when I hear comments about my 123 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,359 Speaker 1: size and my body and the foods I eat, and 124 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:59,360 Speaker 1: I would really appreciate it if you didn't continue making 125 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:03,080 Speaker 1: them period, period, boom, done, it's over. You don't explain yourself, 126 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:05,960 Speaker 1: it's clear, it's concise, it's kind, and then you move on. 127 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:08,240 Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying, is like, we build this thing 128 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:12,360 Speaker 1: up in our head, based on society, based on our story, 129 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:16,080 Speaker 1: based on our environment. We build this up into this 130 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:19,279 Speaker 1: thing when really you're literally just asking for a very 131 00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:22,520 Speaker 1: simple thing. And if that is not respected, and if 132 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:26,200 Speaker 1: that is not welcomed, that's not about you, because what 133 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:30,000 Speaker 1: I just said very very simple. I really appreciate you 134 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,720 Speaker 1: even bringing this question up, because I think what I've 135 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,600 Speaker 1: said a couple of times is this is a bigger 136 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:38,200 Speaker 1: issue about asking for our needs and feeling okay to 137 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:41,800 Speaker 1: ask for our needs despite power differentials. These are basic 138 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:44,760 Speaker 1: like human rights. So I appreciate that, and there's a 139 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:46,760 Speaker 1: lot of digging into this that you can do. But 140 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:50,240 Speaker 1: when it comes to just the basics of how do 141 00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:53,280 Speaker 1: I speak up for myself, it's literally just that. And 142 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:56,000 Speaker 1: if anybody else that is listening to this is relating 143 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,520 Speaker 1: to it and it's thinking, wow, I struggle with that too. 144 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:03,160 Speaker 1: Offer yourself some gre ace because we approach setting boundaries 145 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:06,000 Speaker 1: and speaking up for ourselves based off of what we've 146 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,320 Speaker 1: learned about doing that. It's not like you woke up 147 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:10,440 Speaker 1: one day and we're like, I really want to make 148 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,640 Speaker 1: it easy for people to hurt me and not speak 149 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,680 Speaker 1: up for myself. You didn't do that, so offer yourself 150 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:18,440 Speaker 1: some grace and then just make some moves to work 151 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,400 Speaker 1: towards the kind of person that you want to be, 152 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:22,640 Speaker 1: step by step, day by day. You don't have to 153 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:26,280 Speaker 1: go in to the office tomorrow, guns blazing, screaming on 154 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:27,760 Speaker 1: the top of your lungs. All the things that you 155 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,080 Speaker 1: want out of life, you could do it step by step. 156 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 1: Let's go to question number two. All right, Hi, Cat, 157 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,440 Speaker 1: I have recently gone back to school to become a therapist, 158 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:45,800 Speaker 1: much to do with listening to your podcast. I love it, 159 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,760 Speaker 1: but I just would like to hear your thoughts on 160 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 1: something that I've been struggling with. I'm guessing it's normal 161 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:52,680 Speaker 1: for me to feel insecure about being able to help 162 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:55,920 Speaker 1: people when I feel like I still have my own struggles. However, 163 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:58,400 Speaker 1: when I hear you and I when I look at you, 164 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:01,160 Speaker 1: I make the assumption that your stuff is in the past, 165 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:04,040 Speaker 1: and I also assume it needs to be because you 166 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:06,160 Speaker 1: need to be healthy to be a good therapist. In 167 00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:08,119 Speaker 1: the back of my head, I know you're a human 168 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,640 Speaker 1: and that means you aren't perfect. So my question is 169 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:14,440 Speaker 1: how do you navigate being a human and being a therapist? Okay, 170 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:17,880 Speaker 1: so great question. One thing I do, and I do often, 171 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,520 Speaker 1: is I remind myself that I am a human first. 172 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:23,680 Speaker 1: I'm a human first, and I'm a therapist second. And 173 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,840 Speaker 1: if anyone expects me to be a certain way just 174 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:28,880 Speaker 1: because I'm a therapist, that's on them, not on me. 175 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,920 Speaker 1: I'm going to mess up. I'm going to have a 176 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:33,080 Speaker 1: really hard days, and I'm going to let people down 177 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:37,040 Speaker 1: personally and professionally. Being a therapist is a job, not 178 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:40,440 Speaker 1: not an identity. And when I leave my office and 179 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:42,920 Speaker 1: I'm not working, I don't walk around as a therapist. 180 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:45,000 Speaker 1: I walk around as cat. But I want to go 181 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:47,680 Speaker 1: back to the beginning here. So I haven't always been 182 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:51,000 Speaker 1: the version of me that you may hear speak or 183 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:53,960 Speaker 1: see post on Instagram. I haven't always been that version. 184 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,760 Speaker 1: That's the version I am now, and that's valid and 185 00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:59,360 Speaker 1: that's real. But I started as a therapist, just like 186 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:02,680 Speaker 1: everyone else starts not knowing what to do or what 187 00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:06,640 Speaker 1: to say and making a lot of mistakes. I've had 188 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:10,439 Speaker 1: clients asked to leave sessions. I've asked clients when I 189 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:13,920 Speaker 1: worked in residential treatment, asked to switch therapist because they 190 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,480 Speaker 1: thought that I sucked. I've had clients tell me that 191 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:18,800 Speaker 1: they don't like me to my face, which is fine. 192 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,400 Speaker 1: I've had all of that, and to be honest, I 193 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:25,080 Speaker 1: wasn't always a good therapist, but I had to start somewhere. 194 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:28,160 Speaker 1: So all of that's okay because I had to start somewhere. 195 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,520 Speaker 1: And you get better at things by doing them. You 196 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,680 Speaker 1: don't get better at things by waking up and being like, 197 00:09:32,679 --> 00:09:34,679 Speaker 1: I'm going to do this and I'm gonna be just 198 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:36,719 Speaker 1: you know, as good as somebody would be after doing 199 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:39,200 Speaker 1: it for ten years tomorrow. That's not a thing. So 200 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:41,720 Speaker 1: when it comes to being a therapist, you get better 201 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,280 Speaker 1: by doing your own therapy as well. And so if 202 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,839 Speaker 1: you are a therapist that has never been to therapy, 203 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:51,880 Speaker 1: I highly highly highly highly highly recommend you ask yourself 204 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:55,400 Speaker 1: first why why have I not? And then make an appointment. 205 00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:58,640 Speaker 1: I think that's an essential part of being a therapist 206 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:01,640 Speaker 1: is actually going through that experience yourself. The other part 207 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,280 Speaker 1: of this is something that is super common to feel 208 00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:07,760 Speaker 1: like you can't help someone if you're struggling, and to 209 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:11,000 Speaker 1: an extent, it's kind of valid if I was active 210 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,439 Speaker 1: in an eating disorder or some kind of maladaptive behavior 211 00:10:14,559 --> 00:10:17,520 Speaker 1: or unwilling to dig into my own stuff and therefore 212 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:22,000 Speaker 1: I was drinking or using some kind of drug or something, 213 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,720 Speaker 1: if I was in some kind of addiction, if I 214 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:27,760 Speaker 1: was doing any of that, you know, in a relationship cycle, 215 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,439 Speaker 1: I wouldn't be a very good therapist because I wouldn't 216 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:33,000 Speaker 1: be being real. I wouldn't be able to show up 217 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:36,080 Speaker 1: as an authentic person. I also think that has so 218 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:39,480 Speaker 1: much potential to be harmful as well, because your clients 219 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 1: will trigger you, and you'll trigger your clients, and then 220 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:44,840 Speaker 1: you'll play your stuff out on each other in the session, 221 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:48,160 Speaker 1: and you won't be helping either of you. Really. But 222 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:51,280 Speaker 1: just because I'm not active in an eating disorder or 223 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:54,240 Speaker 1: one of those things doesn't mean I don't have bad 224 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,600 Speaker 1: days and I don't struggle. So there's a difference between 225 00:10:56,600 --> 00:11:01,480 Speaker 1: like really being active and a really unhealthy pattern and 226 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:03,920 Speaker 1: then being a human that struggles. And while I have 227 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:07,280 Speaker 1: never been someone who presents and pretends like I am 228 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:09,640 Speaker 1: fine all the time, I also don't believe that it's 229 00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:13,320 Speaker 1: helpful or appropriate for me to share my current personal 230 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:16,840 Speaker 1: struggles with clients and on the internet before I have 231 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:20,200 Speaker 1: worked through them. Ever, but before I work through them, 232 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,640 Speaker 1: and part of learning how to be a helper is 233 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:24,760 Speaker 1: learning how to take care of yourself first, and then 234 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:27,400 Speaker 1: learning how to separate your stuff from your clients and 235 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:30,240 Speaker 1: the people around you. I don't share my current stuff 236 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:33,000 Speaker 1: with the world publicly because I allow myself to feel 237 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,600 Speaker 1: it and work through it before I turn to some 238 00:11:35,679 --> 00:11:38,440 Speaker 1: kind of outlet to validate or help me avoid what 239 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:41,120 Speaker 1: I really need to face, and then so I can 240 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:43,760 Speaker 1: show up as not a perfect human, but a safe 241 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:46,440 Speaker 1: and a stable one. What I want to tell you 242 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:48,559 Speaker 1: is that you can be healthy and you can have 243 00:11:48,679 --> 00:11:53,720 Speaker 1: hard days, weeks, months, whatever hours at the same time, 244 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,760 Speaker 1: and it matters more about what you do with what 245 00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:58,920 Speaker 1: you're struggling with than rather if you're struggling or not. 246 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:01,880 Speaker 1: And I think it's really really important and valuable for 247 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:05,240 Speaker 1: all people, not just therapists, to really seriously make self 248 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:09,440 Speaker 1: care plans for themselves. What are you doing to take 249 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:12,319 Speaker 1: care of you? What are your non negotiables for your 250 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:14,720 Speaker 1: mental and your physical health? And then with that, what 251 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,400 Speaker 1: are warning signs that it's time for you to take 252 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:20,240 Speaker 1: a step back, And what are warning signs that are 253 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,920 Speaker 1: saying it's time for you to take a break or 254 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,120 Speaker 1: that you need to go back to therapy or focus 255 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,480 Speaker 1: on this. What are warning signs for you. So all 256 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:28,920 Speaker 1: of that is really helpful stuff to look at and 257 00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,360 Speaker 1: and prepare for, because as a human being, you're going 258 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:34,160 Speaker 1: to have those moments and you still get to do 259 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:37,520 Speaker 1: your job. So I hope that helps kind of ease 260 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:41,040 Speaker 1: some of the fear and the anxiety around having to 261 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:44,559 Speaker 1: get all your stuff together before you become a therapist. 262 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:48,280 Speaker 1: And I hope that you continue to let yourself show 263 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:50,840 Speaker 1: up as a human being, and if you do that, 264 00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:53,800 Speaker 1: I fully believe you'll end up being a great therapist yourself. 265 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:57,199 Speaker 1: So thank you for that question, and that wraps it up. 266 00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:00,320 Speaker 1: If you guys have a question, whether it is a 267 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:02,080 Speaker 1: follow up to one of those, a follow up to 268 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,880 Speaker 1: an episode, or just a random thought or a question, 269 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:07,199 Speaker 1: go ahead and send it to Catherine at You Need 270 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:10,240 Speaker 1: Therapy podcast dot com. While you're at it, you can 271 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:13,120 Speaker 1: follow us at cat dot defata and at you Need 272 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:16,680 Speaker 1: Therapy Podcast. I hope you guys have the exact day 273 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:19,000 Speaker 1: that you need to have today and I will talk 274 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:20,120 Speaker 1: to you guys on Monday.