Speaker 1: Hell, I Suck at Dating with the Nungler and Jared
Speaker 1: Haven and I heard radio podcast what's going on? Everyone?
Speaker 1: Welcome to help. I Suck at Dating? And what an
Speaker 1: incredibly special episode we have for you today, Because not
Speaker 1: only is this episode I actually don't really know what
Speaker 1: number it is, but this is gonna be It's gonna
Speaker 1: be a lot. It's not either that I was. I
Speaker 1: was gonna say this is gonna be our Halloween episode,
Speaker 1: but I just realized we're recording one more episode before Halloween.
Speaker 1: So I'm just gonna go ahead and hope that the
Speaker 1: editors cut all that out of there. But Jared, how
Speaker 1: are you? I'm doing well? How are you? Gene? I'm
Speaker 1: trying to look up how many Easton or Riley or anybody? Hannah?
Speaker 1: Do we know how many episodes this is? Nobody knows, right,
Speaker 1: it's gotta be a lot. I would be I would
Speaker 1: be shocked if anyone had that number. I would be
Speaker 1: very surprised. I'll check on that. I'll check on that
Speaker 1: for you. Guys. We've been doing this since late two
Speaker 1: thousand What year was it, No? Early two thousand and eighteen, right,
Speaker 1: so you're talking about almost three full years. So it's
Speaker 1: like two and a half years. So let's say eighteen
Speaker 1: months roughly. What listen, I'm doing some math live on
Speaker 1: the air, which is never a good idea, but we're
Speaker 1: going to try it. So if it's if we did
Speaker 1: this once a week for eighteen months, right, what's eighteen
Speaker 1: times four seventy two? So nice? Only seventy two episode?
Speaker 1: I have the number. Well, are recounting from my first
Speaker 1: episode back in the day when it was just me
Speaker 1: a solo Hostan cares. That's the number I have. I
Speaker 1: can get it after Jerry joined. I'll take me just
Speaker 1: a few. If you want to vamp for a bit,
Speaker 1: I can get that. Well, how many totally? Let's let's
Speaker 1: GUESSNT know before he before he says it, right before
Speaker 1: he gives us an answer. I want to I want
Speaker 1: to make an educated guess because I this podcast was started,
Speaker 1: um for whatever reason, Lord knows why this podcast has
Speaker 1: even ever started. Because you sucked at dating, bro, I know, right,
Speaker 1: But I think it's actually I don't know what's more
Speaker 1: of a shock to me, the fact that this podcast
Speaker 1: ever was started, or the fact that this podcast is
Speaker 1: still going. The fact this podcast is still going. It's
Speaker 1: not even one of those things are mind blowing, absolutely
Speaker 1: mind blowing. Um. Okay, so I'm sorry, I'm almost back
Speaker 1: to where I need to be. Okay, here we go.
Speaker 1: This podcast started on September two thousand and seventeen. That's
Speaker 1: four years and one month ago. That's months, four months,
Speaker 1: four episodes a month. You're looking at probably right around
Speaker 1: two hundred episodes, give or take, like maybe we took
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks off, but we definitely recorded a couple.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say this is episode two hundred and sixteen
Speaker 1: of what do you think total? I mean four years,
Speaker 1: once a week, four times force. I think it's lower
Speaker 1: than that. I bet it's so you said to sixteen.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say one sixty four. All right, are wait,
Speaker 1: wait before we get to the nitty gritty. Here are
Speaker 1: we playing prices right rules? Where I'm over by one,
Speaker 1: you win because you were now closest. I hate that. Okay,
Speaker 1: I agree, East End. Can we get a drum roll?
Speaker 1: This is episode two hundred and six No, it's not
Speaker 1: no way he's lying. There's no way. I swear to God.
Speaker 1: And I kind of think that Dean looked at something
Speaker 1: because we have done uh, two hundred and this would
Speaker 1: have been the two episode total, but I took out
Speaker 1: there's two teasers in there. I don't count those full episodes. Dude,
Speaker 1: Dean is the Houston Astros right now. He cheated somehow,
Speaker 1: he's stealing signs. There's no way you guys. I have
Speaker 1: actually gonna jump off the podcast real quick and go
Speaker 1: down to the casino and just put everything black. Dude,
Speaker 1: play the power Ball, whatever numbers you think of at
Speaker 1: the top of your head. Just put three million dollars
Speaker 1: on there. You're gonna trick your money. I got to
Speaker 1: say I'm secretly really good at those types of guesses.
Speaker 1: We were driving through Italy whenever we were there last month,
Speaker 1: and we were like, the role so the way the
Speaker 1: roads work out there, as you as you're getting on
Speaker 1: the interstate, you like pull a ticket and then when
Speaker 1: you get off the interstate, how for long ago, that's
Speaker 1: how much money you pay? And we got off like
Speaker 1: after like six hours of driving, and Caitlin and I
Speaker 1: were like, well, how much do you think the ticket's
Speaker 1: gonna be worth or whatever? And I was like, it's
Speaker 1: gonna be nineteen dollar or nineteen and seventy euros. And
Speaker 1: it came out to like nineteen sixty and I was like,
Speaker 1: so I'm telling you I've I've got a secret skill here.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna put this on my resume that I am
Speaker 1: incredibly good guesser. All right, East, Do you know the
Speaker 1: number of how many podcasts we've done since I've joined.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure that out. I think I feel
Speaker 1: I thought that Dean did a lot before you joined,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't that many. It was like, I'm trying
Speaker 1: to pinpoint exactly because you took over the show with Kendall.
Speaker 1: Do you remember that that one? Remember that was the
Speaker 1: first episode ever? Yeah? That was so I don't know
Speaker 1: if you if you joined immediately after that, that was
Speaker 1: episode twenty four where it was you in Kendall. So
Speaker 1: I kind of joined, but not really joined because I
Speaker 1: wasn't official. It was just like I kept getting invited back.
Speaker 1: I also got super lucky when I first came on
Speaker 1: this podcast because we had Kendall on. She was just
Speaker 1: coming off of our season so that was a big hit.
Speaker 1: And then we had Amanda stand on and just so
Speaker 1: happened that week that Amanda had this online feud with
Speaker 1: Josh Murray if you guys remember that where they were
Speaker 1: like tweeting back and forth at each other. So then
Speaker 1: she came on, so the numbers were really good for
Speaker 1: that podcast. And then the week after that, I think
Speaker 1: o'dan was back and you had just broken up with Leslie,
Speaker 1: so that was a huge podcast. And in the week
Speaker 1: after that, we had Vanessa on and I think Vanessa
Speaker 1: had just broken up with Nick or there was like
Speaker 1: some sort of big news with Vanessa and I think
Speaker 1: it maybe her and Nick just broke up. So it
Speaker 1: was like four straight weeks where I just kept getting
Speaker 1: invited back, invited back, where the numbers were through the
Speaker 1: roof because of all these guests and I'm just like
Speaker 1: a munching on this and I'm like all right. And
Speaker 1: then finally Amy, you know, our boss, Amy was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we'll sign you a full time and I was like great, cool,
Speaker 1: signed the contract before the numbers start going down. And
Speaker 1: I remember specifically too, that was I just looked it
Speaker 1: up on my Instagram. That was March March, and it
Speaker 1: was because uh I sprung an impromptude trip to India
Speaker 1: and they were like, okay, well cool, like you have
Speaker 1: to record your podcasts and I was like, I'm probably
Speaker 1: just gonna go and not record anything, and uh, Amy,
Speaker 1: who's are like head producer, was like okay, well then
Speaker 1: like you're obviously gonna get fired from your podcast. And
Speaker 1: then so they brought in like Nick to host an episode. Uh,
Speaker 1: you to host an episode, and there was some other
Speaker 1: guy from like Big Brother to host an episode, and uh,
Speaker 1: obviously you just wowed everyone. You know. All the credit
Speaker 1: goes to the people who still listen to this podcast,
Speaker 1: specifically Bachelor Nation, I tell you, and Easton probably can
Speaker 1: attest this from doing so many podcasts with different Bachelor
Speaker 1: Nation members. The people that watch that show, You guys
Speaker 1: are so loyal and you listen and you follow our lives,
Speaker 1: and I cannot thank you enough because without you, people
Speaker 1: who watched the show, I don't know what the hell
Speaker 1: I'd be doing because you truly, like everybody's like, oh,
Speaker 1: you guys have a platform. I'm like, the reason I
Speaker 1: have a platforms because people listen, And so thank you
Speaker 1: for everybody listening. Guys are the best. Yeah, fully agree
Speaker 1: with that instead of opening a restaurant, you would be
Speaker 1: back to managing one, I guess, which is not a
Speaker 1: bad thing by any stretch of the imagination. No, it's great.
Speaker 1: I mean I'm still managing it. I just so happen
Speaker 1: to own it as well, which is, you know, a
Speaker 1: dream coming true. So right right, hey, question on that front,
Speaker 1: are you and actually co owners? Uh? Technically speaking that's
Speaker 1: a negative. So well what happened? We talked about this
Speaker 1: when we made the LLC. It was just better if
Speaker 1: it was one sole owner because apparently if you have
Speaker 1: two owners you get into some muddy waters. And so
Speaker 1: it was just like, all, you know, I've been the
Speaker 1: one doing been there every day, and and Ashley has
Speaker 1: been obviously a very big help. But when we it
Speaker 1: was just like this would be We're still like, you know,
Speaker 1: we're both owners of it. It's both our baby. But like,
Speaker 1: technically speaking, yet the business is fine, like on the
Speaker 1: business license, it says Jared. When it comes down to
Speaker 1: brass tacks and like an important decision has to be made,
Speaker 1: it's your word that is. Yeah, I'd like to think that,
Speaker 1: but like obviously it's just not. For example, I was
Speaker 1: going to hang some wal art and I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna do this as without Ashley because i know
Speaker 1: I'm gonna hang something She's gonna walk in next week
Speaker 1: and be like, I don't like it there. I want
Speaker 1: it there, And I'm gonna say, well, I already hung
Speaker 1: it there, and she's like, well, can't you just take
Speaker 1: it down and put it there? And I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess I can. So instead of going through that
Speaker 1: stressful situation, I'll just wait till Ashley comes in. So
Speaker 1: that's an example for you, Dean, of how much power
Speaker 1: in quotations. I actually have. How many fat head wall
Speaker 1: decals of Tom Brady are going to be up at
Speaker 1: Audrey's coffee shop? None? But how many will be hanging
Speaker 1: in my kid's bedroom. Now that's the better question. My friends,
Speaker 1: you should have like a super secret lounge area where
Speaker 1: it's just all Tom Brady memorabilia. So it's like, if
Speaker 1: they really want the real Jared Hibbin experience, that's where
Speaker 1: they go. I will have that and it won't be
Speaker 1: so secretive one day. I mean yeah, I mean it
Speaker 1: is pretty disappointing to see you, Like, even when the
Speaker 1: Bucks played the Patriots, you're wearing a Bucks jersey. So um,
Speaker 1: I love Tom Brady. I just uh, I just I
Speaker 1: don't know how that makes me feel. I will say,
Speaker 1: your fantasy football team in our league is doing pretty well,
Speaker 1: So congratulations to that much appreciated. How are you doing,
Speaker 1: I haven't even noticed. I'm I'm foreign too. I'm up
Speaker 1: there with you. I think we're actually tied, but you
Speaker 1: have more points, so you're like still above me a
Speaker 1: little bit. But before we lose every listener we have
Speaker 1: right now, so this fantasy football talk, let's uh, let's
Speaker 1: go ahead and tease our guests. So coming up after
Speaker 1: this quick break, we have Alyssa de nine who is
Speaker 1: the author of the Art of Online Dating, and we
Speaker 1: are going to ask her all the questions when it
Speaker 1: comes to online dating. So stick through this break with us.
Speaker 1: We'll be right back and we'll see you soon. Welcome
Speaker 1: back to help I suck at dating. As Dean teased
Speaker 1: so professionally and well. Before the break, we have a
Speaker 1: very special guest. She's the author of the Art of
Speaker 1: Online Dating, which is going to be available on Amazon
Speaker 1: starting October twenty six, which by the time this podcast
Speaker 1: comes out. Hold on, let me look at my calendar.
Speaker 1: Is going to be Tuesday. This Tuesday, in two days,
Speaker 1: you will be able to buy the Art of Online Dating.
Speaker 1: It is Alyssa dnine. Did I say that properly? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I'm gonna pud myself on the back. I'm
Speaker 1: terrible with names. I have been doing good, I know,
Speaker 1: I've really been trying to up my game, even as
Speaker 1: my wife I pronounced my own last name two different ways. Why,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I've heard it both ways throughout my family.
Speaker 1: So a lista tell us a little bit about yourself,
Speaker 1: and tell us about what the art of online dating
Speaker 1: is all about. Yeah, so well, I'm I've been a
Speaker 1: stylist for almost twenty five years in New York, and
Speaker 1: when I became divorced at age forty one, I have
Speaker 1: been with my husband for way before cell phones existed,
Speaker 1: So I had no idea what I was doing, and
Speaker 1: um had to enlist a few friends to help. And
Speaker 1: I realized in the process, like there must be tons
Speaker 1: of other divorced people like myself, who are you know,
Speaker 1: middle age or older and trying to figure all this
Speaker 1: out with online dating. Um, so I created a business
Speaker 1: style my profile to help people get their profiles, you know,
Speaker 1: up and running and looking good and kind of selecting
Speaker 1: the right pictures. And and then I just saided to
Speaker 1: write a book about my whole experience working with clients
Speaker 1: and my own experiences and kind of a guide book
Speaker 1: to help people through the whole process. So you used
Speaker 1: your stylist background to help people stylized their online profile. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So it started off where I was just sort of
Speaker 1: helping people, like like a little bit of a makeover
Speaker 1: and then kind of help you. I would hire a
Speaker 1: good photographer to take good pictures and I'd style them
Speaker 1: and you know, get a good you know, it was
Speaker 1: a female like hair and makeup person um. But it
Speaker 1: kind of evolved into once I got people up and
Speaker 1: running in their profile, then people kind of were like, well,
Speaker 1: I still don't know what I'm doing. So now I
Speaker 1: have a great profile, I'm matching with people, but now
Speaker 1: it's like a whole other thing. There's like a whole
Speaker 1: other hurdle. So then it turned into date coaching and
Speaker 1: kind of like the whole like a holistic approach to
Speaker 1: online dating where it's like, Okay, you've got your great profile,
Speaker 1: but then also you know, kind of figuring out how
Speaker 1: to message and how to ask people out, and you
Speaker 1: know what to wear on a first date and what
Speaker 1: to talk about and and also just like kind of
Speaker 1: figuring out what you want in another in a partner. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so it sounds like you're just helping people kind of
Speaker 1: like dial in that first impression and then you were
Speaker 1: able to kind of take a step further with the
Speaker 1: book and everything else from there. Exactly exactly, can you
Speaker 1: give us like a little bit of a cliff notes version,
Speaker 1: because I want to know for everybody listening out there,
Speaker 1: like what are some of the things that they should
Speaker 1: be doing when they go to an online dating site
Speaker 1: or an online dating app. Now, obviously there's so much
Speaker 1: information out there, there's so much people, you know, so
Speaker 1: many things that people need to do with First of all,
Speaker 1: sign up for it, create a profile, pick the pictures,
Speaker 1: pick what they're gonna say. Then actually start talking to people,
Speaker 1: are liking people, and then what do they say? Like
Speaker 1: who reaches out first? How long does it take to
Speaker 1: talk on the app before you actually meet them in
Speaker 1: real life? Like, I don't know, can you give us
Speaker 1: a little bit of a breakdown of like a sequence
Speaker 1: of events that need to occur when going through the
Speaker 1: online dating world? Well, yeah, and I mean, you know,
Speaker 1: keep in mind that a lot of my clients are
Speaker 1: coming to me similar to myself where you've never done
Speaker 1: this before. You know, you met your partner in college
Speaker 1: and you know, and got married in your mid twenties
Speaker 1: and that was it. So just kind of even like
Speaker 1: picking out the right app for people is tricky. You know,
Speaker 1: there's so many apps now and which one do I use?
Speaker 1: And which one is right for me? And you know,
Speaker 1: so we kind of have a whole process of like
Speaker 1: there's a questionnaire I give to everybody and kind of
Speaker 1: figure out where you know, where it depends on how
Speaker 1: old they are and where they live, and so we
Speaker 1: figure out what apps they should use. And then of course,
Speaker 1: like we write a whole bio, we help them write
Speaker 1: their bio and put that up there. And I ask
Speaker 1: you a question about the dating apps. How many dating
Speaker 1: apps should a person be on one at one time
Speaker 1: or should they do multiple? I recommend two or three
Speaker 1: at a time, And you know, because I think most
Speaker 1: people are really pretty um, it depends on how enthusiastic
Speaker 1: I guess you are in meeting somebody. But I feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, one is fine, but two or three is
Speaker 1: definitely gonna, you know, increase your chances. And but the
Speaker 1: thing is that I always tell my clients. You have
Speaker 1: to be willing to, as you guys know, doing online dating,
Speaker 1: you have to really be willing to actually throw yourself
Speaker 1: into it and not just oh, I'm going to just
Speaker 1: put up a couple of pictures and check it every
Speaker 1: few weeks and expect to get dates out of that.
Speaker 1: You know, it's it's so there's so much more to
Speaker 1: online dating than just putting a few pictures up there
Speaker 1: and and messaging once in a while with somebody. And
Speaker 1: it doesn't as we know, it's not instantaneous. Like even
Speaker 1: once you match with somebody and message with them, then
Speaker 1: it can take a couple of weeks even sometimes to
Speaker 1: get to the date. So you know, it's it's a
Speaker 1: whole process and just kind of coaching people through that
Speaker 1: whole thing. So I think one of the biggest hurdles
Speaker 1: when it comes to online dating, And correct me if
Speaker 1: if you think this is not accurate, but it's the
Speaker 1: conversation of like getting off of the platform, right, So
Speaker 1: what kind of advice would you have for the listeners
Speaker 1: for going from just matching with someone talking to them
Speaker 1: to like getting a phone number and then like organizing
Speaker 1: a first date that like, what is what is your
Speaker 1: advice for that type of that process. I actually I
Speaker 1: recommend the sooner the better getting in real life, um,
Speaker 1: whether that's a you know, a video call or an
Speaker 1: actual in person date. You know. And since the pandemic,
Speaker 1: people are a lot more willing to do a first
Speaker 1: date as a video call, um. But I think the
Speaker 1: sooner the better as soon as you have some sort
Speaker 1: of connection or report all. I think, you know. And
Speaker 1: I'm always encouraging my female clients don't wait for you know,
Speaker 1: heterosexual couples, like, don't wait for guys to ask you out.
Speaker 1: It's I mean, it's like you I feel like, honestly,
Speaker 1: no offense, but like I feel like men are worse
Speaker 1: about asking out than women are. I feel like yeah,
Speaker 1: and I feel like sometimes like like like you're just
Speaker 1: kind of waiting for weeks and like, oh, you know,
Speaker 1: everything's great and we get along so well, and but
Speaker 1: he's just not asking me out. And it's like and
Speaker 1: I think that's really common, and that's all age groups,
Speaker 1: because I have clients that are in their sixties and
Speaker 1: seventies and and men are still having our time asking
Speaker 1: women out. Like it doesn't matter how old you are,
Speaker 1: it's it's hard. So I always say to my female applients, like,
Speaker 1: just ask them out. You know, what's the worst that's
Speaker 1: going to happen. They're gonna say no, you know so,
Speaker 1: and I feel like a lot of men and maybe
Speaker 1: you can, you know, attest to this, but I feel
Speaker 1: like a lot of men are actually in a way
Speaker 1: relieved if they're interested and they you know, and they
Speaker 1: want that to happen, they might also be like, I
Speaker 1: don't know if I should ask her out yet, And
Speaker 1: so I think if you take away that one, you know,
Speaker 1: that one step for them, you know, And then I
Speaker 1: say like, once i'd ask somebody out if they said us,
Speaker 1: then I'd kind of be like, okay, great, so you
Speaker 1: make the plan and you know, and I'll show up
Speaker 1: kind of thing. Um, it's making that first move. And
Speaker 1: that's the nice thing about all my dating too, is
Speaker 1: because there's already been expressed interests, so it's like they
Speaker 1: liked you enough to swipe one way or the other.
Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, And I think it's that so many
Speaker 1: people get caught up in the you know what we've
Speaker 1: been messaging and you know, and they're not asking me
Speaker 1: out or you know, or he keeps like putting it off,
Speaker 1: or she keeps putting it off. It's like, you know,
Speaker 1: the person doesn't know you yet, they're just going based
Speaker 1: on what you've written a few times and your photos,
Speaker 1: So you can't really take it personally. If somebody is,
Speaker 1: you know, whatever, being flaky or not being proactive, it's like,
Speaker 1: I think you have to really and this is hard
Speaker 1: and I had a hard time doing this too. Is
Speaker 1: like not taking everything so personally and not and not
Speaker 1: making it seem like, oh, you know, this person isn't
Speaker 1: interested if they haven't asked me out yet, it's like
Speaker 1: I think they don't even know you yet. You know.
Speaker 1: It's like you're just you're in that first stage there.
Speaker 1: So the quicker you can make it happen where you
Speaker 1: meet in real life, the better. True and also on
Speaker 1: the same on the same vein, like if you get
Speaker 1: denied asking someone on a date, they're denying someone that
Speaker 1: they don't know anything about. So it's like you can't
Speaker 1: take that personally because not not as a rejection, it's
Speaker 1: like it has nothing to do with you. Hey, in
Speaker 1: the book, you talk about a closet cleans. Is that right?
Speaker 1: Can you tell us about that? Yeah? So I mean
Speaker 1: when I first became single again after so many years
Speaker 1: of being with my husband, I you know, I was
Speaker 1: like a mom and a wife. And you know, I
Speaker 1: think a lot of men and women go through this
Speaker 1: stage after they've been in a relationship for a really
Speaker 1: long time. It's kind of just trying to figure out
Speaker 1: who you are again, and you know, and I think
Speaker 1: for me, I was, you know, not just a mom
Speaker 1: and a wife anymore. I was like a single woman
Speaker 1: and just trying to kind of like redefine what that
Speaker 1: was for me. And you know, so I went through
Speaker 1: the whole closet perch thing was just so um, you know,
Speaker 1: it was just very symbolic for me. And it was
Speaker 1: like getting rid of like my my married life and
Speaker 1: like bringing in, you know, bringing in the new and
Speaker 1: kind of getting rid of the old. And it was
Speaker 1: I encourage all my clients, men and women to do
Speaker 1: that because I think it feels really good to just
Speaker 1: kind of start fresh and kind of figure out who
Speaker 1: who do you want to present yourself to the to
Speaker 1: the world. Reminds you of the scene from Crazy Stupid Love.
Speaker 1: Ryan Gosling takes Steve Carell shopping at the mall and
Speaker 1: he's like he's he's credit card and he buys. Like
Speaker 1: he's like, you know what a great thing about someone
Speaker 1: your own ages is you can revamp your wardrobe for
Speaker 1: like four or five grand. Anyway, really it's a great movie.
Speaker 1: I guess what what is your advice? First? Like, what
Speaker 1: is the first step you would take in something like that?
Speaker 1: Is it a wardrobe change like they do in a
Speaker 1: Crazy Stupid love or not? Really like a wardrobe change.
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying like everyone needs to go out
Speaker 1: and like go on a shopping spree to to start
Speaker 1: dating or anything, but it's more like, um, you know
Speaker 1: I I usually say like, obviously, you know when people
Speaker 1: hire me, I helped with this process, but even just
Speaker 1: like grabbing a friend and helping them kind of help,
Speaker 1: having them help you go through each piece and like
Speaker 1: see how you feel in that, Like do you feel
Speaker 1: good or does it make you feel kind of like
Speaker 1: or does it make you feel like a friend when
Speaker 1: you have something new like a new T shirt or
Speaker 1: a jacket or something that fits me well, like I
Speaker 1: feel good, I feel better about myself, Like I feel
Speaker 1: like I, you know, give off more confidence whenever I
Speaker 1: buy something new. Exactly I mean, it's like that angel
Speaker 1: it look good, feel good, feel good, look good. It's
Speaker 1: like all wrapped together. But even just buying like one
Speaker 1: new piece. I mean sometimes I tell people like, if
Speaker 1: you're on a budget, that's fine, but like by one
Speaker 1: new Like for me, it was like about a new
Speaker 1: pair of jeans that I felt amazing in. I bought
Speaker 1: a few new tops, and that like turned into like
Speaker 1: my I called it my first date uniform that I
Speaker 1: wore on every first date for like a year, And
Speaker 1: you know, I kind of figured out pretty quickly, like
Speaker 1: oh wait a minute, no one's seeing me in this,
Speaker 1: Like this person has never met me before. I can
Speaker 1: literally wear the same thing over and over again on
Speaker 1: every eight So I you know, I figured that out
Speaker 1: pretty quickly. And I think people are really actually appreciative
Speaker 1: of that because I don't know, I mean, men do
Speaker 1: this too. It's like you try on a bunch of
Speaker 1: things before every date, and like, you know, you're trying
Speaker 1: to reinvent the wheel every time and and try to
Speaker 1: find something cool and cute and whatever. Doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be anything totally like unique. It can just be something
Speaker 1: you feel really sexy in. So I think that's the
Speaker 1: bottom line. So then rather than um talking about all
Speaker 1: the dues of online dating, what are some don'ts? Like,
Speaker 1: what are some red flags that you advise your clients
Speaker 1: to look out for on profiles? Well, there's so many,
Speaker 1: but um, well, I mean there's you know, definitely the
Speaker 1: people that are just looking to message back and forth
Speaker 1: endlessly and not actually meet in person. And I think
Speaker 1: both men and women experience that over and over again,
Speaker 1: you know, the people that just want to write back
Speaker 1: and forth and not actually be proactive. Um. So that's
Speaker 1: a huge one. Um. You know, there's a lot of
Speaker 1: people don't still don't put a bio up, like they
Speaker 1: just put some pictures on. I don't know if you
Speaker 1: see that too, you know with women, but a lot
Speaker 1: of men to do that. Um, And it's you know,
Speaker 1: that's like run off the bat. You're like, you know,
Speaker 1: there's so many people that aren't going to bother swiping
Speaker 1: on you if you don't have a bio. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: feel like it shows whenever you don't have a bio,
Speaker 1: it shows a lack of willingness to be vulnerable. And
Speaker 1: that's already like kind of a little bit of a
Speaker 1: red flag when you're entering a relationship with someone or
Speaker 1: potentially entering a relationship, and even if it's because they
Speaker 1: you know, are new to it and it's right, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I ask a friend to write it before you or
Speaker 1: something like just do write something like just to show
Speaker 1: that you're you're actually willing to put some effort in.
Speaker 1: And I think, you know, my thing is it's either
Speaker 1: they might be married somebody put their profile up for them,
Speaker 1: or they're really they think they're above it and they
Speaker 1: don't need to be doing that. Yeah, it's weird. I
Speaker 1: feel like it stems from an insecurity of like and Dean,
Speaker 1: I'm sure you can attest to this as well, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, it was like cool not to try
Speaker 1: when you were a kid, you know, it was always
Speaker 1: the kids that tried that weren't seen as cool. And
Speaker 1: I think you grow into adulthood and that kind of
Speaker 1: sticks with you a little bit. So when you're doing
Speaker 1: an online dating profile, I'm sure a lot of guys
Speaker 1: are like, no, just you know, I don't even care
Speaker 1: whatever happens, even though inside you know they actually do care. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's a happy medium too, between not doing
Speaker 1: anything and doing way too much. And I feel like
Speaker 1: a lot of people are scared of like maybe teetering
Speaker 1: to be like that overly, I don't know, overt person
Speaker 1: when they're talking about themselves where it's like you're like
Speaker 1: too bragadocious or there's too many modes, Like there's just
Speaker 1: so much that goes into it, you know. So like
Speaker 1: you're right, Jared, Like people I think are afraid to
Speaker 1: try too hard. Um, so they by they default by
Speaker 1: by not trying hard at all. Right, yeah, exactly, No,
Speaker 1: I think that's really common actually, um yeah, and I
Speaker 1: think that again, like just have asked a friend like
Speaker 1: describe me and like write that into your bio, you know, anything.
Speaker 1: It could just be anything, but like I mean, obviously
Speaker 1: I recommend spending more time than that. But definitely something
Speaker 1: is better than nothing. You know. My I met my
Speaker 1: boyfriend on too, and um and I you know, I
Speaker 1: would say, like he had like his resume as his bio,
Speaker 1: which was of course, like you know, very boring, but
Speaker 1: at least he wrote something and I knew something about him, um,
Speaker 1: and he had one good picture and the rest were
Speaker 1: pretty terrible. Um, but just you know, even in writing,
Speaker 1: something is better than nothing. So he had his legit
Speaker 1: career resume on his like like works for this company? Now,
Speaker 1: I mean he said he worked for he said where
Speaker 1: he was from, where he lived, you know that he
Speaker 1: was divorced with two kids. Like it was very like
Speaker 1: you know exactly. He hates to bring this up in
Speaker 1: my but it's it's just it's definitely and what not
Speaker 1: to do? We gotta ask, then, how did you bypass
Speaker 1: that lack of information and see passed at all to
Speaker 1: then now be an early ship with him? Well? It really, honestly,
Speaker 1: like I tell this story and I write about in
Speaker 1: my book, I almost didn't swipe on him because you
Speaker 1: know his resume, I mean his resume, Yeah, it's very much.
Speaker 1: And he, like I said, he had one good photo
Speaker 1: of the rest for kind of like you know, like
Speaker 1: sunglasses on and like one like you could barely see him,
Speaker 1: you know, all those kind of things. Um, but it
Speaker 1: was just this one photo and I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know whatever, and I swiped right and then
Speaker 1: he messaged me right away, and he asked me out
Speaker 1: right away, and so you know, it got going very quickly. Um,
Speaker 1: but it did take me four dates before I actually
Speaker 1: knew that I liked him more than just a friend.
Speaker 1: So I always tell people that too that I thought
Speaker 1: for sure, like we're just going to be friends, And
Speaker 1: then it was our fourth date and I was like,
Speaker 1: wait a minute, I don't think this is just friends. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it's going to go a little bit further
Speaker 1: than that. Um. Yeah, last question before you get going,
Speaker 1: what do you think about paying for dating apps? I
Speaker 1: feel like a lot of people ask us, do you
Speaker 1: think I should upgrade to some sort of premium package
Speaker 1: pay for a dating app? Um, if I'm not getting
Speaker 1: what I want out of it? What are your thoughts
Speaker 1: about that? Yeah? You mean like on Bumble or Tinder
Speaker 1: and upgrading, you know how they have like it's free
Speaker 1: or like it's a low paying one, but then they
Speaker 1: also have like premium packages, which I feel like a
Speaker 1: lot of people are like, do I need to pay
Speaker 1: for it? Should I pay for it? Well? I mean
Speaker 1: I think you know, for example, like my my clients
Speaker 1: that travel a lot um, I always recommend that they
Speaker 1: do upgrade, you know, so that they can look at
Speaker 1: the city that they actually live in while they're traveling
Speaker 1: and they don't just default to wherever they are. So
Speaker 1: that's an advantage of upgrading on on something like tinder Um,
Speaker 1: but otherwise, I mean, and you know, I definitely think
Speaker 1: the boosts can help for sure, but you know, I
Speaker 1: think whether or not to do the upgrade where you
Speaker 1: can you know, like more people are go back, and
Speaker 1: I mean that's sort of questionable. I don't think you
Speaker 1: necessarily have to do that, and there's definitely plenty of
Speaker 1: people that are are doing just fine without upgrading, So
Speaker 1: you know, it's weird. There's as much of a stigma
Speaker 1: as there is around online dating, which is definitely getting
Speaker 1: less and less, I feel like there's an even bigger
Speaker 1: stigma around upgrading to the premium version of the apps.
Speaker 1: So you know, so you think that people think of
Speaker 1: it as being like, oh, you must be really desperate
Speaker 1: to I mean, I'll give you way off base. But
Speaker 1: that's kind of not that I think there's personal anything
Speaker 1: wrong with it, but there is definitely I think, like
Speaker 1: maybe like a vibe around that, yes, but I I like,
Speaker 1: you gotta do what you gotta do well. And then
Speaker 1: I think I get asked that about like doing super
Speaker 1: likes to like, does that make me seem like I'm
Speaker 1: I'm too eager or something? If you're doing super likes.
Speaker 1: But um, I mean, I think with online dating sometimes
Speaker 1: it's just you have to just sometimes take a little
Speaker 1: bit of a risk and like put yourself out there,
Speaker 1: and you know, maybe that does mean you super like somebody,
Speaker 1: and maybe that doesn't mean you great. You know. I
Speaker 1: think that it's if you've learned to judge you based
Speaker 1: on that, then maybe they're not the right match for you,
Speaker 1: especially if they're on the same platform you are. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you're right, I listen to it's like, if anyone's
Speaker 1: gonna judge you for those types of things and they're
Speaker 1: not going to be your people anyways, it will suck. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: Jared Will said, yeah, well that's Alyssa. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for coming on the podcast. We really appreciated everybody listening.
Speaker 1: On October This Tuesday, pick up a copy of the
Speaker 1: Art of Online Dating. If you're navigating the online dating
Speaker 1: world someone who's not used to it, or even if
Speaker 1: you're looking to just kind of reinvent yourself, definitely pick
Speaker 1: up a copy of this book. Alyssa, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for joining us. Thank you, thanks for having me.
Speaker 1: Nice to meet you. Nice meeting you too. Al Right, everybody, welcome,
Speaker 1: back to help I suck at dating. We have two
Speaker 1: very special emails coming up here. I haven't read them yet,
Speaker 1: but they're both from anonymous, and you know how much
Speaker 1: we love a good juicy anonymous email. Eastern turned his
Speaker 1: camera back on, which means he's hyped to read emails
Speaker 1: for us. Eastern, what do you got? He's prepared, ready
Speaker 1: to go, Bro, You're ahead of the game. You're like
Speaker 1: the kid in school who immediately raised their hand for everything,
Speaker 1: so eager just to be, you know, a teacher's pet.
Speaker 1: You know. You guys asked me to read the emails
Speaker 1: from time to time, and I'm never ready. Always have
Speaker 1: to look for it my email or something. This time
Speaker 1: I haven't, haven't pulled up. I want to turn my
Speaker 1: camera show you serious about this? Yes, So let's read
Speaker 1: an email. This is from Anonymous, this first one. I've
Speaker 1: been in the healthiest and most fulfilling relationship for almost
Speaker 1: six years now, but in the past twelve months that
Speaker 1: has been the toughest. My boyfriend has started his own business,
Speaker 1: and as you guys know, it takes a ton of time.
Speaker 1: He's constantly consumed his life. He works sixteen hours a day.
Speaker 1: He's constantly on the phone, he's on zoom sending emails.
Speaker 1: I've been trying to be my best to be supportive
Speaker 1: and understanding. We have good communications, so we do check
Speaker 1: in with each other once every couple of weeks. However,
Speaker 1: I'm feeling extremely disconnected. When I tell him I'm feeling
Speaker 1: neglected or any time with him, he listens and says
Speaker 1: he'll do something about it, but he doesn't always follow through.
Speaker 1: Until you completely break down. Then we'll go on a date,
Speaker 1: and as soon as it's over, it repeats. I would
Speaker 1: love some advice on what to do to get that
Speaker 1: spark back and get him to understand that I need
Speaker 1: to have time with him to feel connected to him
Speaker 1: without making it seem like I don't care about his
Speaker 1: business goals. M hmmm. Well, the first thing that sticks
Speaker 1: out to me is that you're saying that you're not
Speaker 1: getting enough time and he neglects you. But then you say,
Speaker 1: you guys go on a date, and then and soon
Speaker 1: it's it over. It just repeats itself, so it feels
Speaker 1: like he's putting an effort. If you if you guys
Speaker 1: are going on dates, six years is a long time.
Speaker 1: Love changes, it evolves over time, so maybe you guys
Speaker 1: don't have that initial spark that you once did, and
Speaker 1: it's not as hot and heavy or like that puppy
Speaker 1: dog love that we all experience when first started dating someone.
Speaker 1: I don't know, that's tough. Like the guy seems like
Speaker 1: he's working really hard, sixteen hours a week. I'm sure
Speaker 1: he wants to be with you, but obviously he's very
Speaker 1: stressed out. It feels I don't know, that's a toughie.
Speaker 1: I feel like anonymous, you might have to just be
Speaker 1: okay with being on the back burner for a little
Speaker 1: while and just knowing that he still loves you. I
Speaker 1: really like this sentence, uh in the second paragraph where
Speaker 1: she says we have good communications, so we do check
Speaker 1: in with each other once every couple of weeks. Did
Speaker 1: that strike anyone else's odd Yes? I thought I had
Speaker 1: misread it at first, because, yeah, you know, that should
Speaker 1: be like what every couple of days is kind of
Speaker 1: even a stretch, maybe a couple of times a day. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think, Um, I I agree with Jared. I think
Speaker 1: that it's hard to get in the way of someone's
Speaker 1: business aspirations, right, Like I obviously haven't started a company
Speaker 1: with Jared. I think can obviously speak more towards that,
Speaker 1: but you don't want to get in his way. You
Speaker 1: don't want to be the reason he's not giving his
Speaker 1: business enough attention. But like, yes, obviously you still deserve
Speaker 1: the attention that you deserve, right, So it's like it's
Speaker 1: definitely something that you need to work on. I guess
Speaker 1: my my gut reaction is to say, maybe maybe you
Speaker 1: need to be more comfortable with like longer spurts of
Speaker 1: being alone or like you know, like don't. I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's it's a tricky one for sure. I just I
Speaker 1: think like if I was him and his shoes and
Speaker 1: I was putting a hun percent of my focus into
Speaker 1: this thing that I really wanted to be successful, and
Speaker 1: then I felt like, uh not that your girlfriend should
Speaker 1: be a distraction. But like if like something was like
Speaker 1: pulling me away from this goal of mine, I would
Speaker 1: be a little, um, a little put off by it.
Speaker 1: But but again, like you obviously deserve the attention that
Speaker 1: you want, So that's it's tricky. Like Jared said, something
Speaker 1: I think Anonymous should bring up to her boyfriend. And
Speaker 1: I do not own a business, but I am a workaholic.
Speaker 1: I get all of myself worth from working putting in
Speaker 1: hours so I can relate to this guy a little
Speaker 1: bit um. But something that and my wife, you know,
Speaker 1: I would like to spend more time with her. She
Speaker 1: would like me to spend less time working and more
Speaker 1: time with her. And something that made a big difference
Speaker 1: for me in the last few months is thinking, like
Speaker 1: if you take a certain amount of time you know
Speaker 1: it does not be every day, but ideally at least
Speaker 1: once a week maybe, and do something intentional with this
Speaker 1: person that's special to you, it will not only mean
Speaker 1: a lot to them, but you can also look at
Speaker 1: us taking time for yourself and away from work. And
Speaker 1: I know that this guys starting a business. I know
Speaker 1: you have to put all of your time into that
Speaker 1: to really make it a success. But I think that
Speaker 1: if you take enough time to like not focus on
Speaker 1: that and like recharge when you do go back to it,
Speaker 1: it's going to be a higher quality output. Maybe you
Speaker 1: all have another idea, I don't know. I think he
Speaker 1: could look at it as taking time for himself as well.
Speaker 1: What's an example, East And can you give us an
Speaker 1: example of like something you do intentionally to put effort
Speaker 1: into your relationship even though your workahol. Oh, I mean
Speaker 1: like like because for me, like an average day is like,
Speaker 1: you know, I work into the night sometimes and it'll
Speaker 1: be like we're watching TV and then like I have
Speaker 1: to like get up and go upload a god in
Speaker 1: podcast or something. Uh. But Dean finally sent me his audio.
Speaker 1: I got to go up and work, Yeah, exactly, podcasts
Speaker 1: from the cafe he did in Mexico. Yeah, I have
Speaker 1: to go through a mute every time they turn on
Speaker 1: the margarita blender. But like for me, for me personally,
Speaker 1: it's like we'll go on a drive somewhere and then
Speaker 1: like go out and go on a very long walk
Speaker 1: and leave our phones in the car, and so then
Speaker 1: it's just like we're just like experiencing like the outdoors.
Speaker 1: We're talking to each other, we're connecting. And I find
Speaker 1: that to be a really therapeutic way of like not
Speaker 1: thinking about the work that is constantly in my mind, um,
Speaker 1: and you know, focusing on like, oh, well, what's interesting
Speaker 1: in Allison's life. And then I also get to talk
Speaker 1: about like something that I'm interested in that doesn't work. Uh,
Speaker 1: you know, something as simple as that doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be like a you know, obviously going out to dinner
Speaker 1: or something like that is nice too, but like it
Speaker 1: can just be something that's taking a walk with this
Speaker 1: person and uh and talking and then when I do
Speaker 1: go back to work, I do feel like, Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: ready to like I'm ready to attack this gargantuan podcast
Speaker 1: problem and uh and and really put my all into it.
Speaker 1: I don't know, that's just what my advice would be,
Speaker 1: is like he didn't. I know, he's not gonna want
Speaker 1: to take that time, but I feel like it would
Speaker 1: be beneficial to both you guys. No, that's a really
Speaker 1: good point too. I feel like a lot of people, uh,
Speaker 1: business owners especially like probably burn the candle at both
Speaker 1: ends until eventually they're entirely burnt out and they don't
Speaker 1: take this to the time that they need to like
Speaker 1: reset and recharge. And so maybe, yeah, like you're saying,
Speaker 1: just set some time aside once a week, maybe for
Speaker 1: like not even a full day, just like four hours,
Speaker 1: five hours something, maybe even less. I don't know, but yeah,
Speaker 1: I see what you're saying. I think that's a really
Speaker 1: good point. It's certainly a good starting point for someone
Speaker 1: in that position to just be like, hey, like like Okay,
Speaker 1: let's let's give her some advice on how she could
Speaker 1: approach this with her boyfriend. Just be like, hey, uh,
Speaker 1: you work too hard. Let's take some time to just
Speaker 1: like relax together, and then you can get back into
Speaker 1: your work and you'll be rejuvenated and ready to tackle
Speaker 1: the bigger issues maybe more more aptly. Right, I'd also
Speaker 1: start checking in more than once every couple of weeks.
Speaker 1: I think you guys brought up. Yeah, definitely start checking
Speaker 1: in probably daily, and just say, hey, how are you,
Speaker 1: how is your day, what's going on, what's going through
Speaker 1: your mind? You know, and just talk things out. Also maybe,
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously, I'm sure you've got your own work
Speaker 1: and career stuff going on, but ask him like, hey,
Speaker 1: can I help with anything? Because that could also be
Speaker 1: like a good way to spend quality times together while
Speaker 1: still getting the work that needs to be done. So, um,
Speaker 1: maybe maybe you could start there. I think I think
Speaker 1: that's good advice. You're welcome, Anonymous. That one's free. I
Speaker 1: don't know why you're anonymous, because you know, it's pretty um,
Speaker 1: pretty PG stuff, but hey, we appreciate your emailing us nonetheless,
Speaker 1: And for the rest of you guys, that might want
Speaker 1: to email us. I suck at dating at iHeart media
Speaker 1: dot com. I always forget to plug that, but be
Speaker 1: sure to email us. Yeah, and obviously, world of a
Speaker 1: great time to plug the business Anonymous on the podcast.
Speaker 1: But yeah, swinging to miss there? Yeah, swing gonna miss
Speaker 1: We got one more of out Euston if you want
Speaker 1: to jump into that one. Do you have one more?
Speaker 1: Let's do it Anonymous again. It's great to see Jared
Speaker 1: and Dean mature into strong relationships into their thirties and
Speaker 1: talking about exciting future plans like having a child and
Speaker 1: or living abroad. What are some ways that Jared and
Speaker 1: Dean have learned to be more vulnerable and emotionally open
Speaker 1: Ashley and Kalin. I know it's something guys struggle with,
Speaker 1: and we all bring our own fears of being hurt,
Speaker 1: rejected and not understood into relationships. How have Jared and
Speaker 1: Dean's partners Ashley and Calin helped them feel safe and
Speaker 1: built trust? Uh? Jar, you can go first on that.
Speaker 1: I guess Hey, come here for a second. I'll ask
Speaker 1: directly from the horse's mouth right here, Ashley, get over here, Yeah, Ashleley,
Speaker 1: get over here. I need to be to help me
Speaker 1: out for a second, how has Ashley made me feel
Speaker 1: safe and have built trust? I think trust building just
Speaker 1: takes time. And I've been able to confine in within
Speaker 1: Ashley when we were friends and that turned into romance. Um,
Speaker 1: so I think over time, just building our connection back
Speaker 1: and forth. So pretty much, this anonymous emailer is saying
Speaker 1: that Jared and Dean have matured in front of their
Speaker 1: eyes on the podcast. I know. That's so sweet, isn't it?
Speaker 1: My mat Thank you? Uh? And so they're asking one
Speaker 1: of some of the ways that we've learned to be
Speaker 1: more vulnerable and emotionally open to both you and Kaylin,
Speaker 1: And she knows that a lot of guys struggle with it.
Speaker 1: So how they're asking me, like, how have I been
Speaker 1: able to open up to you more? So, like, have
Speaker 1: you have you noticed anything particular that works with me
Speaker 1: in terms of like helping me open up more? Well,
Speaker 1: I feel like there's never any consequence to you opening up, right,
Speaker 1: There's never like there's never been a bad experience where
Speaker 1: you told me something. I've never been like yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: You've always received my vent sessions. Well, so it's made
Speaker 1: me feel comfortable being able to open up to you.
Speaker 1: And then secondly, I just literally don't let you get
Speaker 1: away with keeping it in because you're so obvious when
Speaker 1: something's wrong that I literally will keep asking you until
Speaker 1: you tell me. I know you're good at that. We
Speaker 1: balance each other off well where I won't say something,
Speaker 1: but you'll just continuously poke me because you always feel
Speaker 1: better after you say it. I know. But you like
Speaker 1: don't really keep anything in anymore. You really don't know
Speaker 1: you hear everything. My apologies. No I don't. I like it,
Speaker 1: don't mind it at all. Okay, great, See that's how
Speaker 1: you build a healthy relationship there, ladies and gentlemen. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's really nice. I uh yeah, I guess I could
Speaker 1: say much more of the same. I do this thing.
Speaker 1: It extends beyond just the relationship. It's like all in
Speaker 1: a personal relationships that I've been having later in life
Speaker 1: where I just I just share every uh story about
Speaker 1: myself embarrassing and all. Like you know, you just share
Speaker 1: an embarrassing story about yourself with the people around you,
Speaker 1: and then I think that like loosens them up to
Speaker 1: be like okay, cool, Like this guy's got a lot
Speaker 1: of he's he's done a lot of bad things. In
Speaker 1: his life, and uh, that makes me feel more comfortable
Speaker 1: to share something that maybe I did that was a
Speaker 1: little bad or you know, something like that. So I think, um,
Speaker 1: that's that's just kind of my my way of defusing
Speaker 1: the like not like the tension, but um, bridging the
Speaker 1: gap between like communication and honesty, because I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people are hesitant to share their feelings or
Speaker 1: their past traumas because they feel like they're going to
Speaker 1: be judged, and so I like, let them judge me first,
Speaker 1: and then if they feel comfortable after that, then they
Speaker 1: can go ahead and share whatever they want to share.
Speaker 1: That's my take on it, at least Eastern. Yeah, Eastern,
Speaker 1: You're you're part of this too. I Uh. I mean
Speaker 1: Allison has always made me feel very comfortable to be
Speaker 1: my true self. Um, and I think that's the sign
Speaker 1: of a of a strong relationship and a partner you
Speaker 1: should be um that's like worthy of you know, your time,
Speaker 1: and and someone you're going to go to the distance with.
Speaker 1: Because I've been in relationships, so I didn't feel comfortable
Speaker 1: opening up and they made it very clear they didn't
Speaker 1: want to hear it from me. So uh, and that's
Speaker 1: why we're no longer in that relationship, So, um, I
Speaker 1: I really think, you know, like it's like the anonymous said,
Speaker 1: it's been really because I do you know, watch you
Speaker 1: guys mature and open up as as people. But we
Speaker 1: think we have to credit it to the ladies in
Speaker 1: your life. I mean, they've clearly made you feel like
Speaker 1: you can you're coming from a place of trust, uh,
Speaker 1: that they're not going to judge you if you do
Speaker 1: open up to them. And I think I always feel
Speaker 1: bad that that's like the burden of the of the
Speaker 1: female in the relationship all the time, but it really is,
Speaker 1: you know it that's really how you how you tame
Speaker 1: the wild bear. You know, you just make them feel
Speaker 1: comfortable and uh and then they can open up to you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess Ashley said something that was so profound went
Speaker 1: just now I think where she said, there's never been
Speaker 1: any consequences of you opening up to me, and I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, I never felt like there was a
Speaker 1: moment where I was saying something where You're gonna immediately
Speaker 1: judged me. So that is nice. That's really nice to
Speaker 1: have and I never thought of it in that way.
Speaker 1: So Anonymous, make sure that you don't feel or make
Speaker 1: sure you're you make your partner feel that there's no
Speaker 1: consequences to him or her opening up to you, because
Speaker 1: then that will again make them feel more comfortable. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a that's a well said point, Jared, Thanks for
Speaker 1: sharing that with us. I could see in your eyes
Speaker 1: you just had a great epiphany. Um. I think that's
Speaker 1: gonna do it for this week's episode, you guys, unless
Speaker 1: there's anything else you want to talk about, I think
Speaker 1: that's gonna do it as well. I do want to
Speaker 1: bring something up because obviously our guest u alyssa Um
Speaker 1: was talking about how she was divorcing back into online dating,
Speaker 1: and it just gave me a thought because I feel
Speaker 1: like I've heard over and over again, specifically over the
Speaker 1: past year or two, about how divorce rates are through
Speaker 1: the roof and that's just not the case, which is insane.
Speaker 1: So apparently, according to some family studies website back in
Speaker 1: uh nineteen, divorce rates were had an a low since
Speaker 1: nineteen sixty eight. Mm hm oh. So Ashley says that
Speaker 1: it's probably because we're getting married older, so divorce rates
Speaker 1: were super low. In nineteen sixty it was only nine
Speaker 1: couples for every one thousand would get divorced, and then
Speaker 1: it shot up twenty years later to twenty two. For
Speaker 1: every thousand married couples, twenty two would get divorced. But
Speaker 1: then it's steadily going down ever since to reaching a
Speaker 1: low of fourteen fourteen and two thousand nineteen. So then
Speaker 1: I was like, well, maybe they were talking about the pandemic.
Speaker 1: Maybe the pandemic has really driven divorce rates through the roof.
Speaker 1: But that's not the case either, According to New York
Speaker 1: Times back in this article is written in March one
Speaker 1: this past year, says divorced divorce rates are now dropping,
Speaker 1: and they give some reasons why. Apparently, divorce rates there
Speaker 1: was a surge in the early months of the pandemic,
Speaker 1: but now they seem to be plummeting, which is interesting.
Speaker 1: And it talks about how, like um, they like, these
Speaker 1: couples are deciding to stick it out, and they talk
Speaker 1: about like negative things that are currently happening, that people
Speaker 1: are afraid to change the status quo, which means they're
Speaker 1: staying married longer. I don't know, I found it pretty interesting.
Speaker 1: I guess I just I wanted to mention that because
Speaker 1: I was like, I thought divorce rates were like the
Speaker 1: highest they've ever been, but apparently they were the lowest
Speaker 1: they've been since like nineteen sixty. It's probably because it's
Speaker 1: impossible to get a lawyer to work for you hearing scheduled.
Speaker 1: It's expensive, man, it's expensive. Everyone's backed up. You gotta
Speaker 1: wait four months to get it done and then three
Speaker 1: months and you're like, yeah, maybe we should. Uh, well,
Speaker 1: that's why you want to stay married right there, because
Speaker 1: you can't find a good divorce lawyer. Right hey. I
Speaker 1: mean there's probably a lot of reasons why, but I
Speaker 1: agree with Actually I don't know if the listeners could
Speaker 1: have heard her yelling from the other room. But yet
Speaker 1: people are getting married older, which I think is definitely
Speaker 1: a big part of it. Uh, people are getting more educated,
Speaker 1: which I think is a big part of it. But
Speaker 1: I was I was curious too, because you would think
Speaker 1: that there were some negatives to like that. There's a
Speaker 1: lot more choice nowadays, Like we're a lot more connected,
Speaker 1: so you think that maybe that would have something to
Speaker 1: do with it working in the opposite direction. But yeah,
Speaker 1: that's interesting. Um, that's good to know. I guess there's
Speaker 1: there's hope for us after all. Well, there's hopefully you
Speaker 1: I'm already married. Well, I guess we could still get divorced,
Speaker 1: so let's hope for all of us. Really, I'm not
Speaker 1: talking about us specifically, like locally here the three of us.
Speaker 1: I'm talking about like generally as a human species. And
Speaker 1: I don't really think outside the box. I just think
Speaker 1: of the two people i'm looking at free, including myself. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's great, that's what's your What makes you so endearing?
Speaker 1: You know, you're just laser focused on the people you're
Speaker 1: talking to very much. So well, that's gonna do it
Speaker 1: for this week's podcast, Help I Suck At Dating once again.
Speaker 1: Please keep emailing us at I Suckit Dating at I
Speaker 1: heart media dot com, follow us on Help I Suck
Speaker 1: At Dating. A big thank you to Alyssa Denene. Of course,
Speaker 1: her book is coming out this Tuesday, The Art of
Speaker 1: Online Dating. You can buy it on Amazon East and Dean,
Speaker 1: you guys are awesome? What about you? Forgot you forgot
Speaker 1: to think? Anonymous and Anonymous? Oh yeah, Anonymous is you
Speaker 1: guys are awesome? Nick always app anonymous is you guys
Speaker 1: were great? Thanks for emailing us if you want to
Speaker 1: be Anonymous enjoying the anonymous crowd email us I Suck
Speaker 1: it Dating at i heeart media dot com. You need
Speaker 1: to start sharing the email just at the top of
Speaker 1: the episode, because I feel like, who's still listening to this?
Speaker 1: If you're still listening to this, email us and just
Speaker 1: say hey, I'm still listening. You have to ask a question,
Speaker 1: just just let us know. Just take your time, just
Speaker 1: you know, just for our own sake. Anyways, that's gonna
Speaker 1: do it for this week's episode of Help I Suck
Speaker 1: at Dating. We can't wait till next week's spooky scary episode,
Speaker 1: Halloween Baby. Um tune in then because maybe we'll suck
Speaker 1: just a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at
Speaker 1: Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to
Speaker 1: podcast