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Speaker 1: Okay, So a few weeks ago we talked about dating

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Speaker 1: and quarantine and how you just that's that's increased so

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Speaker 1: much for a lot of people, like this online dating stuff.

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Speaker 1: We talked to your friend Chris, who has been on

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Speaker 1: numerous dates, and he's like, yeah, he's like playing the

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Speaker 1: field in a major way. And that was fascinating to

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Speaker 1: me because I just thought I assumed dating would go down.

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Speaker 1: But you brought up an interesting topic to me this week,

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Speaker 1: and literally since you have said it, it's like I

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Speaker 1: cannot avoid articles about this. I'm getting emails about it

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Speaker 1: like it is everywhere, and that is hooking up with

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Speaker 1: your ex during quarantine. Yeah. Yeah, I mean I've seen

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Speaker 1: like the hook up stuff even just like the reconnecting,

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Speaker 1: you know, like just talking in general. Yeah, just hearing

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Speaker 1: from them out of the blue. It seems like that's

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Speaker 1: really starting to happen a lot. And I think the

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Speaker 1: longer we're in this, the more that we're going to

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Speaker 1: start seeing that happen. Why do you think this is

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Speaker 1: on such a rise right now? Well, look, I think

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Speaker 1: the main reason probably is lonely now us, you know,

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Speaker 1: and look it's I'm no psychologist, but you know, it's

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Speaker 1: when when we get lonely, we sort of lean into

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Speaker 1: what's comfortable with for us. And look, I also think

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Speaker 1: too that, um, not every relationship necessarily ends badly, so

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Speaker 1: we don't know the circumstances for a lot of these

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Speaker 1: people that we're reading about. So I know that I'm

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Speaker 1: still really friendly with most of my exes, So it

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Speaker 1: wouldn't be, um, anything other than like me truly checking

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Speaker 1: on someone if I checked in with them. Um, I mean,

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Speaker 1: my ex, my most recent acts, lives in Nashville and

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Speaker 1: is you know, he's not in a relationship, so he's

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Speaker 1: technically alone right now. So you know, Um, I and

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Speaker 1: we have communicated throughout this thing. So I was just

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Speaker 1: about to ask, really sure about this? I am certain

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Speaker 1: about it. I don't look, I mean, it's it was

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Speaker 1: We've been in communication, you know, prior to quarantine too,

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Speaker 1: so it wasn't It's not weird at all. But um, like,

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Speaker 1: what are you guys talking about? Though? Like you're just like, hey,

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Speaker 1: how are you surface level something? And sharing means you

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Speaker 1: know something. I mean, the clenavirus memes are on point.

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Speaker 1: We've made that, so yeah, so yeah, it's like I

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Speaker 1: do think that like you know, when you're in a

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Speaker 1: relationship with someone, they leave an indelible mark on your life.

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Speaker 1: And if just because you're not going to be together

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Speaker 1: forever doesn't mean that you don't have to care about them. So, um,

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Speaker 1: I do think some of it is literally just people

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Speaker 1: checking on people that they care about, um, others. You know,

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Speaker 1: it's probably a little bit of I got some human

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Speaker 1: desires and needs, Bill, and I would rather risk breaking

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Speaker 1: my heart than dying, you know, by like hooking up

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Speaker 1: with a stranger. So I think that there's probably just

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Speaker 1: someone that was so dramatic. I was like, where are

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Speaker 1: you going with this dying? We're acting casual today. I

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Speaker 1: don't have you forgot but acting casual sex. Yeah, well,

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Speaker 1: I will say we both. I mean, we have a

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Speaker 1: bunch of mutual friends, and honestly, the amount of sex

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Speaker 1: that our friends are having right now is that an

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Speaker 1: all time high. I'm so jealous. We'll get yourself out there, man,

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Speaker 1: come on, No, I know I know I should, but

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Speaker 1: I also like, look, I want to. I want to

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Speaker 1: you know, be as safe as possible too. So so

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Speaker 1: your point is it's safer to call an X, like

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Speaker 1: physically safer, you know, you're well, hopefully you're not going

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Speaker 1: to get murdered by this person that you've already dated,

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Speaker 1: versus get infected, you know. True. Um well, I would

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Speaker 1: trust a friend to say like I'm healthy or you know,

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Speaker 1: an X to be like I'm healthy. I haven't had

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Speaker 1: any signs. I haven't been around anybody like right over

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Speaker 1: some like random hook up online, you know, even if

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Speaker 1: you've been texting with them for a couple of weeks.

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Speaker 1: It's you know, and that's not to say that everyone

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Speaker 1: is a liar, you know, It's like I think it

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Speaker 1: just has to. It comes down to sort of your

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Speaker 1: comfort level and who you're willing to trust at this point.

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Speaker 1: So um, and I'm the first one to tell you

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Speaker 1: I kind of um see the best in everybody, so right,

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Speaker 1: I mean trusting me if I if I would just

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Speaker 1: let go, I probably hook up with a stranger to

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Speaker 1: like what if you we're talking about just like a

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Speaker 1: wear a mask, I mean sex with the mask on.

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Speaker 1: It's the new thing. Oh my god, you bring a

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Speaker 1: big plastic divider, you wear a hazmat suit with an opening.

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Speaker 1: That would get interesting? Yeah, um yeah, well it is

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Speaker 1: so interesting to me because, as we mentioned, a bunch

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Speaker 1: of our friends are you know, getting frisky and you

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Speaker 1: sent me an article from poush dot com and they're saying,

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Speaker 1: They're like, this is happening. This is everywhere, a lot

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Speaker 1: of people are doing this right now. If you do it,

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Speaker 1: just make sure to communicate before before anything get started,

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Speaker 1: like what your expectations are, Like, what do you want

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Speaker 1: from each other? Are you looking to reconnect just temporarily?

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Speaker 1: Is this like just a pandemic hook up or is

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Speaker 1: it something that you're open to you for the future. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think, um, I mean from the things that I've read,

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Speaker 1: it seems like a lot of it is a very

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Speaker 1: temporary fix. Um. But you know that said, it's you

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Speaker 1: never know what can happen when you reconnect ship. I've

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Speaker 1: got friends whose parents got divorced and ended up back together,

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Speaker 1: not because of the quarantine, but like I'm just I

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Speaker 1: just like put I'm putting that example out there because ship,

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Speaker 1: anything can happen when X is reconnect and everyone's every

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Speaker 1: relationship is different, follows a different storyline, and last a

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Speaker 1: different amount of time. So it's you know, it's hard

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Speaker 1: to generalize this topic because everyone's situation it's so different,

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Speaker 1: But I do think that, like you know, a lot

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Speaker 1: the cause of it in this time is boredom, truly

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Speaker 1: caring about people. I've also seen, like you know, a

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Speaker 1: lot of people are going into panic mode, so they're

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Speaker 1: questioning their iwnortality And it's sure ship Like, I don't

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Speaker 1: want to die and not have sex before I die.

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Speaker 1: Right if I'm going out, I'm going out having going

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Speaker 1: out with a bang. You know what I did there?

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Speaker 1: Do you see what I did there? We are here

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Speaker 1: all week. We are here all week only on Fridays

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Speaker 1: for being my friend, right, So yeah, And I have

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Speaker 1: no judgment towards these people. I mean, I I kind

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Speaker 1: of wish that I was a little bit more ballsy

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Speaker 1: and like taking it time to meet some people. But

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Speaker 1: I also to like, I cannot get my head out

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Speaker 1: of the gutter right now. And now you said ballsy

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, all these jokes are going through my

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Speaker 1: head five years old. Um No, I think what you

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Speaker 1: did just mention a really interesting point to me, and

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Speaker 1: that is, um that you know, the quarantine, it kind

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Speaker 1: of has like this whole pandemic happening. It's not anything

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Speaker 1: that any of us have gone through before. So for me,

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Speaker 1: I know, it's been a huge perspective switch, and like

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Speaker 1: the things that matter to me um are a little

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Speaker 1: different honestly then the things that mattered to me before.

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Speaker 1: And you know, my relationship for instance, we were actually

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Speaker 1: struggling a little bit right before the pandemic and this

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Speaker 1: was the best thing for us possible because we've taken

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Speaker 1: the time now to really refocus on the relationship, really

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Speaker 1: spend time together, and so it's been great for us.

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Speaker 1: I could see what you're saying, like maybe there's a

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Speaker 1: circumstance where you broke up, you know, right before the pandemic,

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Speaker 1: and then you're like, hold up a second. This person

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Speaker 1: did bring a lot of these amazing factors to my life,

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Speaker 1: and maybe it was just like a timing thing, or

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Speaker 1: we were too busy, we were putting too much focus

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Speaker 1: on work, you know, all of those things that, yeah,

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Speaker 1: are just the person that puts everything into perspective. Like

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Speaker 1: you said, it's like missing someone comes from a real place,

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Speaker 1: you know, so it's a real emotion that like if

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Speaker 1: you miss somebody, you have to like dig and be

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Speaker 1: like why why why am I feeling miss Like where

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Speaker 1: is this feeling coming from? And yeah, it's like if

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Speaker 1: you realize that you just broke up with someone because

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Speaker 1: they don't do the dishes the way that you like,

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Speaker 1: like that for stupid reason, you know, And then you

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Speaker 1: have to trust your your heart when it's saying I

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Speaker 1: missed this person so well. I think that's an interesting

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Speaker 1: point because the missing thing can be so many things,

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Speaker 1: right like are you actually missing the person or or

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Speaker 1: are you just lonely and you want to put a

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Speaker 1: band aid on that feeling? Right? Right? Yeah, So go ahead, evaluation. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's a good way to put it. Don't judge yourself

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Speaker 1: for having those feelings. Look inside and be like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: where are these feelings coming from? And is it like

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Speaker 1: a real place where reconnecting might actually be beneficial? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I told you that. I literally could not escape this

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Speaker 1: topic since you brought it up to me. And I've

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Speaker 1: got this email yesterday from Amy Chan. She she's actually

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Speaker 1: been on the Velvet Edge podcast before. She's the founder

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Speaker 1: of this this event I guess you would call it,

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Speaker 1: or this workshop called Breakup boot Camp. She's amazing and

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Speaker 1: she really looks at working through emotions after breakups like

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Speaker 1: I think a lot of us, especially in our society,

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Speaker 1: are just so prog ammed to put a band aid

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Speaker 1: on those feelings, just move through it. But that's what

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Speaker 1: makes us keep making the same mistakes and relationships or

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Speaker 1: picking the same kind of relationships. And so she really

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Speaker 1: puts this focus on healing and looking within to figure

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Speaker 1: out what was really happening, why this breakup happened, why

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Speaker 1: this relationship didn't work, and all of that. So she

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Speaker 1: sent out these monthly emails and I got one yesterday,

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Speaker 1: and of course the topic is hooking up with an X,

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Speaker 1: and she has it's kind of a different mentality because,

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Speaker 1: you know, she said that the kind of what you're

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Speaker 1: talking about that you and your X we're texting about,

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Speaker 1: just saying are you okay? And you're just like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I just care about this person I'm checking in. And

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Speaker 1: she says that maybe that isn't your full intention, Like

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Speaker 1: maybe it is important to do a little self evaluation,

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Speaker 1: like you're saying, and like, why do you want the

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Speaker 1: comfort of talking to this person in the moment? Are

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Speaker 1: you really wanting to talk to this person? Are you

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Speaker 1: really wanting to reconnect or are you just feeling anxious?

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Speaker 1: Are you feeling lonely? Are you feeling board? And you

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Speaker 1: just don't want to work through those emotions. Yeah, I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's it's a really good question. And I think, you know,

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Speaker 1: like I said, you have to sort of like look

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Speaker 1: at that emotion that you're feeling and figure out what

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Speaker 1: the root of it is, because I do think that

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Speaker 1: if it is boredom, you're going to regret making that

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Speaker 1: snap judgment and just sending the text and opening up

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Speaker 1: a can of worms, you know, Like, yeah, I think

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Speaker 1: you need to be certain that or just be resolute

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Speaker 1: in your decision, like I just need to get fucking

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Speaker 1: laid and this is comfortable to me, you know. And

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Speaker 1: the sex was and the sex was always a great part.

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Speaker 1: You know, that could certainly be a driver if if

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Speaker 1: that was the one thing that kept you together in

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Speaker 1: the first place, then maybe it's not a bad place

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Speaker 1: to go for a minute, you know. Sure. And I

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Speaker 1: think that's kind of what the Posh dot com article

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Speaker 1: was saying, is just make sure the expectations are talked

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Speaker 1: about before um amy though she does get and this

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Speaker 1: is a little like nerdy science stuff, which I love,

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Speaker 1: but you know, she talked a lot about when you

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Speaker 1: break up with somebody, you literally have to re hire

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Speaker 1: your neuropathways in your brain because we've become kind of

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Speaker 1: chemically dependent on another person when we're in a relationship

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Speaker 1: to meet our needs in certain ways to help us

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Speaker 1: not to be lonely, even like physically with sex. And

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Speaker 1: so when you break up, you have to rewire your

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Speaker 1: neuropathways to learn how to take care of those needs

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Speaker 1: yourself versus like relying on another person. And so yeah,

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Speaker 1: she really she really recommends thinking about that before you

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Speaker 1: text the X because you may have to go through

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Speaker 1: that whole uncomfortable process of rewiring those neuropathways again once

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Speaker 1: the pandemic is over, which would not Yeah, I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: really be fun because also in most cases, I mean

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Speaker 1: we talked about the situations where maybe maybe the breakup

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Speaker 1: didn't need to happen and maybe you can reconnect. But

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Speaker 1: in most cases, I do believe that when you break up,

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Speaker 1: like there's a reason, you know, and those reasons don't

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Speaker 1: just typically go away because the world goes into a pandemic.

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Speaker 1: So her to just mostly they focus on self care,

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Speaker 1: just helping yourself to alleviate those feelings, reaching out to

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Speaker 1: people that you can connect with, um that are safe

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Speaker 1: people you know, friends, I don't know, maybe making new

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Speaker 1: relationships if that's not a total fear place for you.

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Speaker 1: And she also just reminds us like it's not the

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Speaker 1: end of the world, which I think a lot of

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Speaker 1: us are feeling right now. You know that anxiety just like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, it's gonna be I keep having this

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Speaker 1: feeling like this is going to be like this forever,

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Speaker 1: Like when am I ever going to see my friends again?

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Speaker 1: When am I ever gonna um go to a restaurant?

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Speaker 1: So maybe taking away some of that catastrophic thinking, right right,

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Speaker 1: I think that's really great advice. Yeah, so, um, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean I think I could go

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Speaker 1: either way. I don't really have a judgment obviously, W

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Speaker 1: not casual here, we don't we don't make judgments, so

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Speaker 1: we're just delivering information. So whatever I want, I want

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Speaker 1: everyone to do what feels great to them, and it's say,

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Speaker 1: you know, absolutely keep yourself safe, but like and that

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Speaker 1: I mean not just from the pandemic, protect your heart

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Speaker 1: as well exactly. I think that's really great advice. If

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Speaker 1: you guys do have um situations where maybe you know

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Speaker 1: you've hooked up with an X or reconnected with an X,

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Speaker 1: and either it's worked out or it's gone terribly emails

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Speaker 1: that at casual at velvet dot com. I actually want

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Speaker 1: to know how this is going for people. Yeah, I'm

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Speaker 1: super curious. So your situation, y'all are just buddies. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we're just friends at that point. So I really wanted

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Speaker 1: some juice for me. Fine, I wish I trust me.

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Speaker 1: I wish there was juice for me to spill. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but unfortunately, I'm like, I'm gonna dialogue. There will be nurses,

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Speaker 1: there will be nurses. I'll come see you. Yeah, Okay,

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Speaker 1: let's get onto our listener email for the week. Uh,

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Speaker 1: this is from an anonymous person, but it's not really anonymous.

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Speaker 1: I know who it is. She She asked that we

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Speaker 1: keep her anonymity. Um, so we'll do that for her.

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Speaker 1: But she says, I am quarantining with my boyfriend and

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Speaker 1: every day I look like a giant grease ball. Should

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Speaker 1: I get ready for him or just shock him with

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Speaker 1: my beauty the time we the first time we go

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Speaker 1: out after the pandemic. Do you have any thoughts on

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Speaker 1: this chip? Well, I mean I can't speak directly to

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Speaker 1: that because I don't have a significant other than I'm

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Speaker 1: quarantining with. But my initial thought is like, I mean

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Speaker 1: some days it'll be four o'clock and I'm like, I

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Speaker 1: haven't brushed my teeth or my hair, and I so

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Speaker 1: and I'm doing a lot of zoom. So my the

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Speaker 1: only way I would relate to this is like I think, like, well,

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Speaker 1: at least I can't smell my breath, Like I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: tame this hair. I'm gonna I'm gonna throw a hat on.

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Speaker 1: Imagine if you don't connect everybody, like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: it would suck. It would suck. I've been like practicing

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Speaker 1: better hygiene because I realized in the beginning of it.

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Speaker 1: In the beginning of like quarantine, I was just like

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Speaker 1: sort of letting that stuff go, like that's gross. Like

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Speaker 1: the only person who is losing in that situation is me,

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Speaker 1: so you know, be better on it. But yeah, my

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Speaker 1: poor dogs, except for their breath stinks. So i'd let

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Speaker 1: you know, let me speak to that manager. But no,

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Speaker 1: I my thoughts in terms of like with your relationship,

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Speaker 1: it's like it's maybe it is a good opportunity to

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Speaker 1: sort of like let them see the un I mean,

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Speaker 1: masked is the wrong word, but just like the raw

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Speaker 1: version of you. But I think that there's blinds. I

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Speaker 1: think that there's like blind that you can cross also too.

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Speaker 1: I think that it's like there are moments where like

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Speaker 1: you want it to feel sexier, and there's almost where

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Speaker 1: you're like, I just want to be a shlub and

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Speaker 1: sit on the couch and read a book and have

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Speaker 1: you said next to me, and that's all I need

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Speaker 1: right now. I agree with you. I actually think it's

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Speaker 1: all about balance, is what I've decided for myself and

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Speaker 1: my boyfriend, because it's kind of like what you said.

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Speaker 1: It's awesome to be able to let your guard down,

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Speaker 1: and you want to be able to do that with

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Speaker 1: your partner, and especially if you're quarantining together. I mean

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Speaker 1: you're literally together all the time right now, so you know,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not going to get dressed up every day.

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Speaker 1: I'm definitely not gonna put makeup one every day. I

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Speaker 1: keep making the joke that I like wake up and sweatpants,

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Speaker 1: and then I put on my workout clothes and then

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Speaker 1: I put on my nighttime sweatpants, and then it's like

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Speaker 1: it's like start that cycle over again, you know, Like

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Speaker 1: I never really like put on normal clothes in a day.

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Speaker 1: But what we've been doing, because what it what it

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Speaker 1: is for me is I start to feel just like

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Speaker 1: about myself. And I mean not to say that like, oh,

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Speaker 1: beauty is everything and you have to be dressed up

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Speaker 1: to feel beautiful, but if you're consistently in sweatpants and

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Speaker 1: pajamas and workout clothes over and over and over again,

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Speaker 1: you kind of do start to feel blah. And so right,

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Speaker 1: what we've been doing is like every now and again,

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Speaker 1: we'll do a dress up date night, which is just

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Speaker 1: still in our kitchen and we're still making the dinner.

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Speaker 1: But we get we call it fancy fancy dinner, but

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Speaker 1: we like dress up and I put makeup on, and

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Speaker 1: it does it makes it kind of makes it fun

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Speaker 1: and exciting again, and you want to remember why you're

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Speaker 1: attracted to these people that you're spending all your time with,

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Speaker 1: and it just makes you feel a little more like

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Speaker 1: playful and flirty. Totally. Yeah, I think it's good to

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Speaker 1: mix it up, but I also think it's important to,

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Speaker 1: you know, in a relationship, to make sure that like

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Speaker 1: that you're falling in love with like the essence of

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Speaker 1: each other versus like just make up. You know, like

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Speaker 1: because that is it's um nice clothes, because like those

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Speaker 1: things are somewhat superficial if you really want to get

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Speaker 1: to the bottom of it. But um, but if it

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Speaker 1: makes you feel sexier than you should absolutely do it,

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Speaker 1: you know, because it's gonna it's gonna affect how you,

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Speaker 1: um sort of lean into the relationship at certain points. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think that's right. Also, Like, how amazing is it

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Speaker 1: the idea of like coming out of this where it's

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Speaker 1: like I'm beautiful on the inside. I don't have to

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Speaker 1: like get up and like do my hair and do

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Speaker 1: my makeup every day and feel confident like sure, yeah,

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Speaker 1: because there are people I think there's lessons than that too. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think there's a lesson. There's gonna be some lessons

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Speaker 1: in that, um that come out of this. So um,

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Speaker 1: So I don't know how to answer it for this

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Speaker 1: anonymous friend. Um, I was laughing right now. I would say, Um,

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Speaker 1: if that's what it means for you to feel sexy,

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Speaker 1: then do it. If you can feel sexy without like

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Speaker 1: being all dulled up, then that's cool too. Right Again,

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Speaker 1: like I said earlier, I think it's about balance, And

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Speaker 1: I think you make a great point It's about doing

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Speaker 1: it for yourself, not necessarily like let me dress up

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Speaker 1: for my boyfriend. It's like what it makes you feel like,

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Speaker 1: and if it makes you feel better, sexier, more alive,

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Speaker 1: like some days I'm just literally like so sluggish because

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Speaker 1: I'm in my fucking house all day. So I think

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Speaker 1: that it's about how it makes you feel and if

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Speaker 1: that makes you feel good, then do it, girl, Do it.

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Speaker 1: You guys keep the emails coming to at casual at

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Speaker 1: velvet sa dot com or you can slide into my

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Speaker 1: d m s on Instagram at Velvet's Edge. Chip, do

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Speaker 1: you have any closing thoughts for us on hooking up

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Speaker 1: with friends? I mean ex's friends. Wow, that's a whole

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Speaker 1: another topic, you know what, Like there there are no

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Speaker 1: rules anymore. Look up with whoever you want to hook

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Speaker 1: up with. Yeah, okay, hook up, hook up with whoever

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Speaker 1: you want to hook up with via Chip and you

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Speaker 1: guys just always remember too. By