WEBVTT - Why El Break? 0:00:04.040 --> 0:00:06.440 I'm Honey German. My parents are Dominican. I was born 0:00:06.440 --> 0:00:08.840 and raised in New York City. I love sneakers and 0:00:08.880 --> 0:00:13.720 I'm a body positive advocate. I'm Carolina Bermudez, n but 0:00:13.800 --> 0:00:16.720 I was born and raised in Ohio. I'm a wife, 0:00:16.880 --> 0:00:21.200 a mama, and a worker being. This is life in Spanglish. 0:00:21.400 --> 0:00:25.960 Good morning, Carolina. I cannot believe that we are looking 0:00:25.960 --> 0:00:29.360 at each other, that this is actually happening. I feel 0:00:29.360 --> 0:00:32.479 like it has been now almost a year since we've 0:00:32.479 --> 0:00:35.680 been able to do this, and I it was so excited, 0:00:36.159 --> 0:00:39.120 you know. Andrew said, are you guys ready? Andrew producer, 0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:40.600 and I was like, what do you mean? Are we ready? 0:00:40.600 --> 0:00:43.440 It's been a year. I've been ready. It has been 0:00:43.760 --> 0:00:47.320 an insane like time and we are just so glad 0:00:47.360 --> 0:00:49.040 to be back. You know. I know a lot of 0:00:49.040 --> 0:00:51.479 people have been reaching out on social media asking where's 0:00:51.520 --> 0:00:54.680 life in Spanglish? And you know what is going on, Carlina. 0:00:54.760 --> 0:00:56.760 It breaks my heart every time, you know, and they 0:00:56.760 --> 0:00:59.000 don't let me post something. I'm like my new shoes. 0:00:59.080 --> 0:01:01.480 They're like, but anyway, when his life and bands back, 0:01:01.520 --> 0:01:04.840 I'm like, okay, it's so true. You know, we've formed 0:01:04.880 --> 0:01:06.920 such a bond, in a connection with you guys, and 0:01:07.120 --> 0:01:09.240 it really has been an absence. I know, I can 0:01:09.240 --> 0:01:11.319 speak for myself and I know for you too, honey. 0:01:11.360 --> 0:01:14.319 But you know, there were some things happening, and I 0:01:14.360 --> 0:01:16.840 felt like I was in a predicament because I couldn't 0:01:16.880 --> 0:01:20.000 tell anybody what actually was going on behind the scenes. 0:01:20.040 --> 0:01:23.280 And all I kept saying was at stay tuned, you know, 0:01:23.400 --> 0:01:26.959 we'll be back soon. And so I think that this episode, 0:01:27.200 --> 0:01:30.200 which we're just so glad to be back, we need 0:01:30.240 --> 0:01:32.560 to just focus a little bit on what happened and 0:01:32.560 --> 0:01:34.920 why we took such a long break, and you know, 0:01:35.080 --> 0:01:37.200 also talk about the exciting things that we have coming 0:01:37.280 --> 0:01:39.679 up this season. Yeah. No, for sure, it's been a 0:01:39.680 --> 0:01:43.240 long time. You know. The pandemic happened that that was 0:01:43.360 --> 0:01:46.360 number one. Me and Carolina got separated. We were no 0:01:46.400 --> 0:01:48.640 longer in the studio together because, as you guys know what, 0:01:48.720 --> 0:01:50.600 I worked for Power, Carolina worked with K to you, 0:01:50.840 --> 0:01:52.440 but we were on the same floor so we could 0:01:52.440 --> 0:01:55.040 just come together and record a new episode every week. 0:01:55.120 --> 0:01:58.320 They separated us the Lockdown, King Covid took over and 0:01:58.360 --> 0:02:02.200 then boom, while I'm working from I almost died. I 0:02:02.280 --> 0:02:04.360 love how nonchalante she is, and she's like, and then 0:02:04.400 --> 0:02:07.200 I'm working from home and then I almost died. But yes, 0:02:07.320 --> 0:02:09.000 I know, and I know, like I'm not making light 0:02:09.040 --> 0:02:10.919 of it, but well, you know, at this point, it's 0:02:10.960 --> 0:02:12.920 like I have to. It's like, okay, I'm here. I 0:02:13.040 --> 0:02:14.760 made it. But you know, as a lot of you 0:02:14.840 --> 0:02:17.200 may know if you follow me, you follow my social media, 0:02:17.280 --> 0:02:19.840 I suffered a stroke last summer. Now it's been a 0:02:19.919 --> 0:02:22.200 year now, and you know, I'm just grateful I'm here. 0:02:22.400 --> 0:02:23.880 I made it to the other side. And you know, 0:02:24.000 --> 0:02:26.760 luckily there's no luck involving a stroke, but luckily it 0:02:26.840 --> 0:02:29.560 happened on my right side, which didn't affect my cognitive 0:02:29.720 --> 0:02:32.600 so it's like my memory, my speech, everything is perfectly fine. 0:02:32.840 --> 0:02:35.520 It just affected my mobility on the left side of 0:02:35.520 --> 0:02:37.680 my body. So it's like I still rehab and I 0:02:37.720 --> 0:02:40.000 still have some limitations, but I was able to jump 0:02:40.040 --> 0:02:42.040 back into work and I've been back at work full 0:02:42.080 --> 0:02:44.320 time for months now and here I am. Now it's 0:02:44.360 --> 0:02:47.160 time to relaunch life and span. Yeah, well you were missed. 0:02:47.200 --> 0:02:49.239 I mean, I will say this. You know, normally, when 0:02:49.240 --> 0:02:51.239 something happens to your friends, even if they get the flu, 0:02:51.520 --> 0:02:53.919 you find a way to either get them some soup, 0:02:54.120 --> 0:02:56.200 you want to pick them up, you know, you you 0:02:56.240 --> 0:02:59.280 want to get some emergency and things like that, and 0:02:59.360 --> 0:03:01.160 you drop it off at their house, and like, because 0:03:01.160 --> 0:03:02.920 of the pandemic, I feel like it made it so 0:03:02.960 --> 0:03:05.160 much worse because there were times where I wanted to 0:03:05.160 --> 0:03:08.000 just come and see you and spend time with you, 0:03:08.040 --> 0:03:10.880 and but it wasn't impossible. I didn't see anybody, like 0:03:11.000 --> 0:03:13.040 I feel like, you know, the stroke happening and the 0:03:13.120 --> 0:03:16.120 pandemic not allowing me to be around anyone, but you know, 0:03:16.280 --> 0:03:18.680 my very close circle, which was my two sisters and 0:03:18.720 --> 0:03:21.440 my husband, because I was terrified. I'm like, imagine me 0:03:21.560 --> 0:03:23.960 rehabing from a stroke and then somebody comes visit me 0:03:24.200 --> 0:03:26.760 and I catch COVID and then the guy I'm like, 0:03:26.840 --> 0:03:28.919 Jesus Christ, I can't make it through this and then 0:03:28.960 --> 0:03:31.360 catch COVID and die. So it was just it was horrible. 0:03:31.440 --> 0:03:33.799 You know, I missed you, I missed everyone. And if 0:03:33.840 --> 0:03:35.360 everyone wanted to come see me and I can have 0:03:35.440 --> 0:03:38.400 him to say I'm sorry, you can't. I can't risk 0:03:38.520 --> 0:03:42.400 catching COVID and your person. I'm sure everyone was being careful, 0:03:42.400 --> 0:03:44.560 but it's just that one instance you know, well, you 0:03:44.640 --> 0:03:46.480 just don't know. And it's like, you know, Honey doesn't 0:03:46.520 --> 0:03:48.120 have the nine lives, you know what, I just wanted 0:03:48.120 --> 0:03:52.360 to take care of after that. Yeah, I'm not got that, 0:03:53.320 --> 0:03:55.080 I know. But you know the thing that I was 0:03:55.080 --> 0:03:57.040 saying to my husband when we were talking about it, 0:03:57.040 --> 0:03:58.520 we were discussing and I said, you know, I just 0:03:58.560 --> 0:04:02.120 feel so helpless, like I am a helper, you know, 0:04:02.200 --> 0:04:04.040 and I know that about myself, and I know that, 0:04:04.120 --> 0:04:06.280 you know, whenever somebody that I love is not well, 0:04:06.400 --> 0:04:07.880 I want to be there for them. And you know, 0:04:07.960 --> 0:04:10.600 so I guess that the way that I supplemented that 0:04:10.720 --> 0:04:12.360 was just by being there on the phone. And I 0:04:12.360 --> 0:04:14.360 said to Honey, I was like, whenever you want me, 0:04:14.440 --> 0:04:16.640 I am here for you. I'll listen. You know, we 0:04:16.680 --> 0:04:18.560 can just even if you just want to leave the 0:04:18.560 --> 0:04:21.320 phone on and I'm in the background whatever. But you know, 0:04:21.520 --> 0:04:24.200 it was just I think it's challenging sometimes for people 0:04:24.240 --> 0:04:26.279 because you need to know when to take a step 0:04:26.279 --> 0:04:28.840 back and give people the space that they're asking for. 0:04:29.360 --> 0:04:31.520 And I think that was pretty challenging, and you know, 0:04:31.560 --> 0:04:34.279 I'm just glad, you know, everyone understood. So it was 0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:38.040 just a lot, you know, between COVID rehabbing the wintertime. 0:04:38.200 --> 0:04:40.400 They like savings. It was just like, I had the 0:04:40.440 --> 0:04:42.880 worst year my life last year. Thank god, I am 0:04:42.920 --> 0:04:46.679 an amazing space now, but last year was challenging. Let's 0:04:46.680 --> 0:04:49.680 not forget people are dying, people we know are catching 0:04:49.720 --> 0:04:52.280 COVID hospital. It was just horrible, you know, I'm just 0:04:52.320 --> 0:04:55.280 grab you know. Things are better now, yeah, definitely, and 0:04:55.320 --> 0:04:57.320 so now we're moving forward. But we wanted to give 0:04:57.360 --> 0:04:59.640 you guys an explanation as to why, you know, I mean, 0:04:59.640 --> 0:05:01.600 because I know people were asking me and I was 0:05:01.640 --> 0:05:03.919 trying to find creative ways to say new things. And 0:05:03.920 --> 0:05:06.760 then after I was just like management, I don't know. 0:05:06.880 --> 0:05:09.520 I was like running out of lies because I didn't 0:05:09.520 --> 0:05:11.400 want to tell your story, you know, and I've always 0:05:11.400 --> 0:05:13.680 told people this is your story to tell. This is 0:05:13.720 --> 0:05:16.279 not for me to tell anybody, you know. So when 0:05:16.320 --> 0:05:17.800 people came out and they were like, did you hear 0:05:17.800 --> 0:05:21.239 what happened to honey, I'm like, did I hear? I knew, 0:05:21.560 --> 0:05:23.800 but I didn't say anything, And it's like, you know, 0:05:23.960 --> 0:05:26.359 it got me thinking, are you the type of person 0:05:26.400 --> 0:05:28.840 that somebody can tell a secret to and it'll never 0:05:28.960 --> 0:05:31.680 go anywhere? Or are you the type of person that's 0:05:31.720 --> 0:05:35.520 like dying to tell other people's secrets because truth earlier. 0:05:35.800 --> 0:05:37.920 I don't know. It's just like because sometimes I tell 0:05:38.000 --> 0:05:40.919 you secrets and sometimes I tell no many secrets or 0:05:40.920 --> 0:05:43.919 my sisters. It's weird. I'll never like blast it or 0:05:43.960 --> 0:05:46.919 like tell someone you would be mad at me for telling. 0:05:47.480 --> 0:05:50.440 But I usually have to tell one person at least. 0:05:50.440 --> 0:05:52.520 It just kills me. I wish I could say, no, 0:05:52.600 --> 0:05:55.040 your secrets, sake with me. But I gotta tell one person. 0:05:55.240 --> 0:05:57.240 But I know I know who I can tell that 0:05:57.360 --> 0:06:00.240 won't tell. Well, well, it's like, you know, then go 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:02.440 get you know what I mean, Like you have to 0:06:02.440 --> 0:06:04.600 tell that one person that you know it's never gonna 0:06:04.680 --> 0:06:07.159 leave that person that you can trust them because you 0:06:07.160 --> 0:06:08.840 don't want to be looked at as a person who 0:06:08.960 --> 0:06:11.960 is untrustworthy. But then again, it's like I need to 0:06:11.960 --> 0:06:13.880 get this out. This is too big for me to 0:06:13.880 --> 0:06:17.200 hold onto by myself, and especially with everything that was 0:06:17.240 --> 0:06:19.599 going on last year, you know what I mean, Like 0:06:20.320 --> 0:06:23.000 it was so heavy. So to have news like that, 0:06:23.080 --> 0:06:25.240 you know, I had to confide to my husband Mark, 0:06:25.320 --> 0:06:27.760 that was really the only person, you know, it was 0:06:27.800 --> 0:06:30.800 super hard. And you know what, Carolina, I told from 0:06:30.960 --> 0:06:34.920 work wise, I told maybe, like I told Auntie Martinez, 0:06:35.560 --> 0:06:38.440 you and and my two bosses, that was it, I really, 0:06:38.640 --> 0:06:41.080 because it's just like I don't want this out. I 0:06:41.080 --> 0:06:44.000 don't want the story out the wrong way. But you know, 0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:47.560 people I work with closely daily, especially you two are 0:06:47.760 --> 0:06:50.680 mature women. You are moms, you know, and you are 0:06:50.800 --> 0:06:52.640 friends and people that I can trust. So it's like 0:06:52.720 --> 0:06:54.839 it was a hard decision though, because I had friends 0:06:54.880 --> 0:06:56.719 from high school. You know. I had one friend that 0:06:56.839 --> 0:06:59.479 was like, I feel like he doesn't feel close to 0:06:59.520 --> 0:07:02.240 me anymore because I didn't tell him. You called me. 0:07:02.279 --> 0:07:03.840 He's like, I can't believe you did this to me 0:07:03.880 --> 0:07:05.960 and you didn't tell me, And I'm like, relax, bro, 0:07:06.040 --> 0:07:09.320 it's not about you. It's about my decision and what 0:07:09.400 --> 0:07:11.880 I felt comfortable with and when I felt I didn't 0:07:11.880 --> 0:07:15.640 feel comfortable sharing for nine months and your social media, Carolina, 0:07:15.880 --> 0:07:19.560 it was so hard trying to like not say anything 0:07:19.640 --> 0:07:22.520 and continue living life and be visible. It was the 0:07:22.560 --> 0:07:24.720 hardest thing I had to do. It made me realize, like, 0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:26.040 you know what, you don't have to put your life 0:07:26.040 --> 0:07:28.040 on social media every day, And now I go three 0:07:28.120 --> 0:07:30.520 or four days without posting anything. About my life because 0:07:30.560 --> 0:07:33.040 I'm like, you know what, nine months you didn't post 0:07:33.080 --> 0:07:36.840 anything that was happening in actuality. Now you can actually 0:07:36.920 --> 0:07:39.080 go a day, a week, a month you don't have 0:07:39.240 --> 0:07:42.160 You're not hey, look who they're Yeah, I know, I'm 0:07:42.200 --> 0:07:44.600 sorry guys. You know what, my dog is actually here 0:07:44.680 --> 0:07:47.080 right now because you know it's work from home life. 0:07:47.120 --> 0:07:49.560 But no, you know what You're you were so creative 0:07:49.720 --> 0:07:52.240 in how you stayed engaged with people, and it was 0:07:52.280 --> 0:07:55.040 something that was so admirable to me because you know, 0:07:55.080 --> 0:07:57.840 there were so many situations where I find myself like 0:07:57.920 --> 0:08:00.760 not posting or you know, not doing anything. I'm like, 0:08:01.160 --> 0:08:03.480 she just suffered a stroke, man, I said, and she's 0:08:03.560 --> 0:08:08.040 finding ways to like throwback pictures to like make it 0:08:08.080 --> 0:08:10.680 seem like she is out on the stoop right now 0:08:10.760 --> 0:08:13.240 in real time. I don't know how you did it, 0:08:13.280 --> 0:08:16.360 but I was just admiring the fact that you had 0:08:16.400 --> 0:08:18.960 the ability to do that. But when you talk about 0:08:18.960 --> 0:08:21.040 your friend from high school, like, let's just like touch 0:08:21.080 --> 0:08:22.880 on that for a second, because like, there are so 0:08:22.920 --> 0:08:25.160 many times when things happen in our lives where people 0:08:25.200 --> 0:08:28.040 make it about them, you know, where I can't believe 0:08:28.120 --> 0:08:30.640 that you did this to me, when you're the one 0:08:30.720 --> 0:08:33.520 going through something and you're just trying to figure it 0:08:33.559 --> 0:08:36.000 out and you don't need that extra pressure from someone 0:08:36.040 --> 0:08:39.080 to make you feel even worse about not sharing it 0:08:39.160 --> 0:08:42.080 with them. You know, it's unbelievable. Like, as adults at 0:08:42.160 --> 0:08:43.640 this point, we have to know what to like just 0:08:43.720 --> 0:08:46.160 fall back, you know what. It's not that you wanted 0:08:46.200 --> 0:08:48.679 to keep the secret from me, it's just you weren't 0:08:48.679 --> 0:08:51.240 ready to share it with me. Well, but I also 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:55.000 think that it speaks volumes about people and kind of 0:08:55.040 --> 0:08:59.559 like how yeah, yeah, how you process things, you know, 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:02.920 because it's like it's like his only concern for like 0:09:03.000 --> 0:09:07.199 the first five minutes of the conversation was not being involved, 0:09:07.559 --> 0:09:11.440 not knowing people, not telling him, Like I couldn't believe that. 0:09:11.760 --> 0:09:14.240 And then you know, eventually it took a turn towards 0:09:14.520 --> 0:09:16.720 it took a turn towards like how are you doing. 0:09:17.040 --> 0:09:19.120 But at the beginning of the conversation was all like 0:09:19.240 --> 0:09:24.640 I am offended, I am appalled, I implored, and I'm like, okay, laughed, 0:09:24.679 --> 0:09:27.079 You'll be fine now, you know. But I think as 0:09:27.160 --> 0:09:30.360 human beings, though, we have to protect ourselves, Like I 0:09:30.360 --> 0:09:32.839 think it was smart for you to only reveal this 0:09:33.040 --> 0:09:35.120 to a certain number of people, you know what I mean, 0:09:35.160 --> 0:09:37.240 Because it's like the more people you tell your story to, 0:09:37.360 --> 0:09:39.360 the more chances it's going to get out there. And 0:09:39.400 --> 0:09:41.240 you know, and that's what I didn't want. I wanted 0:09:41.280 --> 0:09:44.440 to control the narrative. And honestly, Carle, I did not 0:09:44.520 --> 0:09:49.240 want to share anything sad, sappy, depressing. You know, there 0:09:49.280 --> 0:09:52.280 are some people that use, you know, instances like this 0:09:52.679 --> 0:09:56.240 to get attention on social media and to get comments 0:09:56.240 --> 0:09:58.760 and prayer hands, and I didn't want any of that. 0:09:59.080 --> 0:10:03.160 I wanted to show when I was close to overcoming 0:10:03.200 --> 0:10:05.880 what happened, because I wanted it to be more of like, 0:10:06.280 --> 0:10:08.560 you can do this too, whatever you're dealing with, you 0:10:08.640 --> 0:10:10.840 got this, We're gonna overcome. I wanted it to be 0:10:10.920 --> 0:10:14.880 more about strength, power, resilience, hope, you know what. You know, 0:10:14.920 --> 0:10:18.040 I encourage people. If you haven't seen the video, it's 0:10:18.200 --> 0:10:21.760 at um I Am Honey. Joernman is at your Instagram 0:10:21.840 --> 0:10:23.800 so you guys can check it out. It's in the 0:10:23.840 --> 0:10:25.920 I G t V section. You can find it there. 0:10:26.320 --> 0:10:28.440 But it's what I wanted it to be. I just 0:10:28.480 --> 0:10:30.920 wanted to be like like Hennessy, never stopping that it's 0:10:30.960 --> 0:10:41.880 never settled. But you know what, though, honey, you also 0:10:42.000 --> 0:10:44.560 learned so much throughout COVID, and I wanted to just 0:10:44.640 --> 0:10:47.400 like take your temperature. What is like the biggest thing 0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:49.920 that you got out of this time other than you know, 0:10:50.000 --> 0:10:54.040 obviously like the biggest thing, which was overcoming the stroke, 0:10:54.200 --> 0:10:56.640 but like, what was something that really stood out to 0:10:56.679 --> 0:10:59.800 you during this time of COVID that you feel like 0:11:00.000 --> 0:11:02.640 they're people can maybe benefits. I don't know, there's so 0:11:02.679 --> 0:11:04.760 many different things, but I'm laughing because I'm thinking, like, 0:11:05.000 --> 0:11:06.680 but did you do not need to eat out three 0:11:06.720 --> 0:11:09.040 times a day? You can cook your old food because 0:11:10.960 --> 0:11:13.240 a dead as used to eat out. You don't either 0:11:13.480 --> 0:11:16.200 order have delivery. And now it's just like for the 0:11:16.200 --> 0:11:18.800 fast year, cooking every single meal at home with the 0:11:18.840 --> 0:11:21.560 exception of maybe taking a risk and going out to eat. 0:11:21.920 --> 0:11:24.120 It's just like, yo, you can do this. You can 0:11:24.160 --> 0:11:26.920 work because I always just worked, Caroline. I'm not even 0:11:26.960 --> 0:11:30.040 gonna lie to you. It was always just about work, work, work, work, work, work. 0:11:30.160 --> 0:11:34.080 Now it's more about like home balance. Hey, there you go. 0:11:34.160 --> 0:11:36.800 That's the word. Just balancing things out, you know, spending 0:11:36.840 --> 0:11:39.080 time to talk to my husband without looking on my 0:11:39.120 --> 0:11:42.319 phone or without tweeting something. It was just more about like, yo, 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:45.800 you got this, you can do different things, pivoting people's 0:11:45.800 --> 0:11:48.600 favor woman. I noticed that about you, honey too, because 0:11:48.640 --> 0:11:51.160 you know, before I used to be so envious, and 0:11:51.200 --> 0:11:53.840 like envious in a healthy way that like I just 0:11:54.040 --> 0:11:57.080 you know, there's something about me where I'll record a 0:11:57.080 --> 0:11:58.880 bunch of stuff and then I'll never post it or 0:11:58.920 --> 0:12:00.400 I'll never put it up because I'm, you know, myself, 0:12:00.440 --> 0:12:02.280 like nobody cares if I'm eating this or doing this. 0:12:02.320 --> 0:12:05.480 And I used to see you you were constantly posting 0:12:05.520 --> 0:12:07.600 things and like you know, and I used to say, gosh, 0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:09.880 I gotta get better about that. I gotta do more 0:12:10.080 --> 0:12:12.680 to engage with my audience and things like that. And 0:12:12.720 --> 0:12:15.640 then I noticed that there was a definite shift after 0:12:15.880 --> 0:12:18.400 what happened for you. And now it's like not that 0:12:18.440 --> 0:12:20.840 I didn't enjoy it before, but I enjoy your posts 0:12:20.880 --> 0:12:24.960 even more now because I know that they're meaningful, you know. Yeah, 0:12:25.000 --> 0:12:27.160 Now it's like I take my time. It's it's not 0:12:27.200 --> 0:12:29.760 like a bunch of ship before, which was like Okay, 0:12:29.800 --> 0:12:31.960 I'm out, I'm here, I'm gonna concert, I'm here. I'm 0:12:32.040 --> 0:12:34.559 changing my shoes, I'm getting my nakeup done by somebody. Oh, 0:12:34.559 --> 0:12:36.840 I'm at a photo shoot. It was just constant, like 0:12:37.160 --> 0:12:40.000 content of everything that was happening in my life. Now 0:12:40.040 --> 0:12:43.080 it's I'm being much more careful like what I post, 0:12:43.360 --> 0:12:44.880 even though I do have to get back to my 0:12:44.920 --> 0:12:47.880 old ways. But you know what, Caroline, get there. I 0:12:47.880 --> 0:12:50.640 didn't feel comfortable because you know, when you have a stroke, 0:12:50.760 --> 0:12:54.080 you know, sometimes your speech is affected your face, you know, 0:12:54.120 --> 0:12:56.040 like I had trooping on the left side of my face. 0:12:56.440 --> 0:12:58.400 Just now I feel comfortable with the way I look again. 0:12:58.520 --> 0:13:00.560 So I had to step back from the camera because 0:13:00.600 --> 0:13:03.160 it wasn't who I was, It wasn't what I looked like, 0:13:03.520 --> 0:13:05.160 and I didn't want to put that out there. You 0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:07.000 know what I want. I never wanted people to pity me. 0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:09.480 I never wanted people to feel sad. And I went, 0:13:09.559 --> 0:13:14.160 oh my god, Bendy would have said, I never wanted. 0:13:14.200 --> 0:13:16.720 I just wanted to be like, yo, you're a beast, 0:13:16.760 --> 0:13:19.040 You're a warrior. You know That's what I wanted. But 0:13:19.240 --> 0:13:23.160 while I skilled back, you pushed forward. And it made 0:13:23.160 --> 0:13:24.760 me so happy, and it made me so proud because 0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:27.400 I was like, look at Carolina sharing, when did you 0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:30.200 decide you were going to share more. I was trying 0:13:30.280 --> 0:13:32.960 so hard, you know, I mean, listen, during COVID, we 0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:37.160 caught COVID um. My husband actually we pinpointed him. He 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:39.160 was the one who brought it home. Because remember, my 0:13:39.240 --> 0:13:42.000 kids weren't going to school, I wasn't being social. We 0:13:42.000 --> 0:13:45.360 were very conservative, like we were literally staying home. I 0:13:45.400 --> 0:13:48.240 did not even enter a store, honey, when I tell you, 0:13:48.280 --> 0:13:51.960 I was doing drive up curbside everything. Like I was 0:13:52.040 --> 0:13:54.559 the person who was literally wiping down their groceries and 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:57.480 stuff like that. If you remember that crazy time. And 0:13:57.520 --> 0:14:00.880 so after my husband caught it and we all got it, 0:14:00.960 --> 0:14:03.880 I ended up losing my nanny. You guys, my nanny 0:14:04.000 --> 0:14:08.240 freaking bounced and left me with like nobody to help 0:14:08.240 --> 0:14:10.440 me take care of my house, my kids, like nothing. 0:14:10.520 --> 0:14:12.240 And you know, listen, I know it's a privilege, and 0:14:12.280 --> 0:14:14.240 I know that I'm very fortunate that I could even 0:14:14.400 --> 0:14:16.800 have somebody, you know what I mean. And at that time, 0:14:16.840 --> 0:14:19.800 we said to her, look, we're we're buckling down, Like 0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:22.120 the only person who's leaving the house is my husband. 0:14:22.120 --> 0:14:23.760 And he had because he has to go to work. 0:14:23.960 --> 0:14:26.560 You know, I had the ability to work from home. 0:14:26.720 --> 0:14:29.240 He didn't, and so, you know, it was one of 0:14:29.240 --> 0:14:31.600 those things where it was just like wow, I got 0:14:31.640 --> 0:14:33.680 like hit in the face with just a bunch of 0:14:33.680 --> 0:14:36.600 responsibilities that I never really had to worry about before, 0:14:36.840 --> 0:14:39.480 you know, so like how did that work out? It 0:14:39.560 --> 0:14:43.560 was probably one of the more challenging things that happened 0:14:43.680 --> 0:14:46.240 in my life. Like, I mean, honestly, I was sitting around, 0:14:46.280 --> 0:14:49.440 I had mountains of laundry, like on the couch by 0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:52.120 the way, we had a new puppy. My kids aren't 0:14:52.120 --> 0:14:55.000 going to school, the dog is running away with socks. 0:14:55.280 --> 0:14:57.240 I'm trying to figure out what to make for dinner. 0:14:57.320 --> 0:15:00.520 I mean, it was just so overwhelming. Don't a bit 0:15:01.040 --> 0:15:05.680 comming get them in the middle of COVID, I know, right, 0:15:06.080 --> 0:15:08.080 And I said, I was like I said to myself, 0:15:08.160 --> 0:15:10.560 I was like, why on earth would I ever agree 0:15:10.920 --> 0:15:13.880 to allow my husband to have this freaking dog? But no, 0:15:14.120 --> 0:15:16.240 it was me. And then he gets to go to work, 0:15:16.480 --> 0:15:18.240 he gets to leave the house, you know. But then 0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:20.320 it was just like, you know, I feel like, if anything, 0:15:20.360 --> 0:15:22.480 the one thing that I got out of that is 0:15:22.520 --> 0:15:26.040 that our family is so solid now, you know, we 0:15:26.320 --> 0:15:29.040 found a way my kids. Question, do you feel like 0:15:29.080 --> 0:15:31.400 a better mom. Now, you know, I feel like a 0:15:31.440 --> 0:15:33.920 different mom. You know. I know that I've always been 0:15:34.080 --> 0:15:36.600 a great mother to my kids. I've always been very connected, 0:15:36.600 --> 0:15:37.960 and that was like one of the things that I 0:15:38.000 --> 0:15:39.960 loved about working on a morning show was that I 0:15:40.000 --> 0:15:41.800 had the ability to take my kids to their after 0:15:41.840 --> 0:15:44.280 school activities, to be that mom that would do all 0:15:44.320 --> 0:15:46.800 of those things. You know. I know some moms that 0:15:46.880 --> 0:15:49.440 work feel terrible, you know, like I don't get to 0:15:49.480 --> 0:15:52.160 be around as much. So I guess lucky you that, 0:15:52.240 --> 0:15:54.520 you know, you get to be arounding the afternoons a 0:15:54.800 --> 0:15:56.840 d percent. But no, you know what it is. It's 0:15:56.880 --> 0:16:00.080 like my husband and I became closer. He started it 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:02.280 to see the things that I was doing where he 0:16:02.360 --> 0:16:04.720 was like wow, like damn, like how are you doing 0:16:04.760 --> 0:16:06.840 this all? You know? And it's like that's what I 0:16:06.880 --> 0:16:10.080 got out of it was the acknowledgement, Like sometimes you 0:16:10.120 --> 0:16:13.000 don't mind carrying the heavy load as long as somebody 0:16:13.040 --> 0:16:15.840 acknowledges you or recognizes you, you know, Like that whole 0:16:15.840 --> 0:16:18.240 phrase about being seen. I think a lot of people 0:16:18.280 --> 0:16:20.400 just want to be seen, you know, like they want 0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:23.240 to have somebody say to them. I can't believe you're 0:16:23.240 --> 0:16:26.240 doing all of these things, you know. So for me, 0:16:26.280 --> 0:16:29.000 I guess like just having that bond with my family 0:16:29.080 --> 0:16:31.440 that I know they will never forget it. Like my 0:16:31.520 --> 0:16:34.400 boys before, like you were saying, I would go to 0:16:34.560 --> 0:16:36.960 industry things on a Wednesday night not put them to bed, 0:16:37.080 --> 0:16:38.560 or I would have to go to like you know, 0:16:38.680 --> 0:16:40.520 an event in the middle of the afternoon and not 0:16:40.520 --> 0:16:42.600 get home until eight o'clock and they had already had 0:16:42.600 --> 0:16:45.560 their whole day, you know. But like figuring out, like 0:16:45.680 --> 0:16:49.560 you needed to balance on how to also set my 0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:52.280 boundaries while at home, because now it all just kind 0:16:52.280 --> 0:16:57.280 of blurs together, you know, it all just blurs together, 0:16:57.320 --> 0:17:00.800 and you gotta find sayes Like you say, there is 0:17:00.840 --> 0:17:04.520 no separation now between my work life and I start 0:17:04.600 --> 0:17:08.119 working in PAGs at seven am before I would get 0:17:08.160 --> 0:17:11.200 into like nine ten, So it's like three hours has 0:17:11.200 --> 0:17:14.000 been added to my work day. And no matter what 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:16.479 time it is, I will jump on my computer at 0:17:16.480 --> 0:17:18.520 work because it's right there. Before I would leave my 0:17:18.520 --> 0:17:22.359 computer at work, it was there, my office was there. 0:17:22.680 --> 0:17:25.960 Now No now my office is wherever I am. Well, 0:17:26.080 --> 0:17:27.199 you know what I mean. It's true, and there are 0:17:27.240 --> 0:17:30.040 a lot of people where relationships like where I say, like, 0:17:30.080 --> 0:17:32.919 I built the relationship with my husband and my kids, 0:17:32.960 --> 0:17:35.000 and you know, we got through this whole thing together. 0:17:35.400 --> 0:17:38.200 But like there are certain people who I really did 0:17:38.359 --> 0:17:40.679 during this time, had to say, you know what, this 0:17:40.760 --> 0:17:42.919 isn't healthy for me. You know, I had a friend 0:17:42.920 --> 0:17:48.600 who was extremely critical, like what okay. So for example, 0:17:48.640 --> 0:17:50.560 like on the part of Long Island where I live at, 0:17:50.720 --> 0:17:53.520 people throw money at their problems, right like, oh, we'll 0:17:53.560 --> 0:17:56.400 just hire a new nanny, We'll just hire a cleaning lady, 0:17:56.480 --> 0:17:58.359 We'll just hire this or hire that. I'm like, first 0:17:58.359 --> 0:18:02.560 of all, I'm super scared of inviting anybody into my home. 0:18:02.720 --> 0:18:05.800 And I'm going back like, however, many months like not now, 0:18:05.920 --> 0:18:07.920 you know, I think that we've also like we we've 0:18:07.920 --> 0:18:10.040 worked through a lot of those things, and I think 0:18:10.040 --> 0:18:12.280 that we feel a little bit more freedom now. But 0:18:12.520 --> 0:18:14.800 you know, my I would go to my friend almost 0:18:14.800 --> 0:18:17.480 to just vent and like ask her to listen to me, 0:18:17.520 --> 0:18:20.040 and she was constantly trying to fix my problem, like 0:18:20.240 --> 0:18:22.600