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Speaker 1: Am I the a hole for hut stopping my husband's

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Speaker 1: affair even after my mom told me to. Should you

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Speaker 1: always try to expose a cheating spouse? Probably, yeah, especially

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Speaker 1: if they're doing CrossFit.

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Speaker 2: I don't do CrossFit.

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Speaker 1: What were the what exercises were you doing the other day, Riley?

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Speaker 1: What kind of exercises?

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Speaker 2: Cross box jumps, box jumps and deadlifts and deadlifts.

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Speaker 3: It was a CrossFit workout, but not at a cross

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Speaker 3: crossmit gym is different than a CrossFit workout anyways.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, gayway drug so and this comes from I'll ad

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Speaker 1: four to two three one, and they say, I don't

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Speaker 1: know if I want advice or just event or just

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Speaker 1: to ask opinions about infidelity. I have very strong opinions

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Speaker 1: that my significant other wants to cheat. I won't stop them.

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Speaker 1: They want to cheat. I want to stop them more freedom.

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Speaker 1: They're like a free range chicken. Just run it about.

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Speaker 1: Let them face yeah, let them fail, catch them the act,

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Speaker 1: slice their head off, have a nice little turn sandwich

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Speaker 1: or chicken sandwich delicious. If they need to be stopped,

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Speaker 1: they're not worth my love. I deeply believe I deserve

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Speaker 1: someone who is one hundred percent who one hundred percent

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Speaker 1: willingly wants to be with me and wouldn't fall for temptation.

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Speaker 1: Let's say it falls under my responsibility to try and

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Speaker 1: stop them if I knew they're going to cheat, But

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Speaker 1: what about if I didn't know? So basically, Opie is like,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to deal with it. If they are

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Speaker 1: going to cheat. They're going to cheat, They're going to cheat.

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Speaker 1: But if I know they're going to cheat, maybe I'll

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Speaker 1: stop them. Does that make sense?

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Speaker 2: Kind ye?

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Speaker 3: Kind of like like basically, hey, if it happens, it

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Speaker 3: happens that I'll let me know to I can maybe

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Speaker 3: divorce them. But if I do know, maybe it's like

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Speaker 3: maybe then I'm more inclined if I do know to

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Speaker 3: stop it, even though it's.

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Speaker 1: Literally Opie is like, if if they want to cheat,

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Speaker 1: I won't stop them, But then says, let's say it

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Speaker 1: falls under my respect my responsibility to try and stop

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Speaker 1: them if I knew they're going to cheat. So I

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Speaker 1: guess I don't know what that hope you're contradicting yoursel.

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Speaker 2: Stop them, but don't stop them.

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Speaker 1: I'm married, We've been together for four years and married

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Speaker 1: for six months. We just moved to a new apartment,

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Speaker 1: and little by little we have been renovating it for

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Speaker 1: both crafty and we want to create our dream home.

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Speaker 1: We both became friends with our neighbors, also a couple.

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Speaker 1: The woman is very beautiful and bubbly, and I get

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Speaker 1: her along with her very well. She said she envied

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Speaker 1: us renovating since her husband doesn't really like these things

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Speaker 1: and refuses to give her money to start her own projects.

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Speaker 1: She's a stay at home mom. I don't know about

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Speaker 1: our situation with our husband, but the closer we got

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Speaker 1: with them, the more I sense that he's very careful

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Speaker 1: with money. Is that a red flag or is that

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Speaker 1: a green flag? Because man's frugal and trying to save

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Speaker 1: for retirement for him and his honey. Oh careful, how careful?

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Speaker 1: So I get what she means, although I don't think

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Speaker 1: he is financially abusive. Both my husband and I work.

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Speaker 1: My husband works a lot from home. I've noticed that

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Speaker 1: my neighbor is getting more and more friends and more

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Speaker 1: and more friendly with my husband instead of how it

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Speaker 1: started as a friendship with me. So this stay at

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Speaker 1: home mom neighbor is like cozying up to the husband.

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Speaker 1: This bubbly, beautiful neighbor.

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Speaker 3: I think I smell an ic You comment to below, do.

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Speaker 1: You smell an ice? You put an ICU in the

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Speaker 1: chat if you smell an icu, but get a little

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Speaker 1: too close for comfort. She is very flirty, and she

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Speaker 1: seems to have more and more in common with my husband,

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Speaker 1: especially the things I don't really like, like hiking, but

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Speaker 1: even the smallest things like food or sweets. She has

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Speaker 1: so much in common with him. As she put it

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Speaker 1: many many times, they just have so much in common

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Speaker 1: with your husband.

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Speaker 3: We just like have so many short interested like I

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Speaker 3: interested in each other.

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Speaker 1: So move aside so we can have more in common.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, get out of the way, wife, I'm the new

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Speaker 3: wife and wifed up to someone else.

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Speaker 2: But who cares?

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Speaker 1: Who cares? These people get in there. Since she's a

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Speaker 1: stay at home mom, she started making my husband his

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Speaker 1: favorite food, and my husband has said on many occasion,

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Speaker 1: is how nice it is that she cooks, et cetera.

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Speaker 1: Now twice I came home and she's in there with

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Speaker 1: my husband helping him with the renovations, or has just

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Speaker 1: bottom lunch. My husband doesn't seem bothered at all, so

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Speaker 1: it makes me think nothing is happening between them yet

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Speaker 1: keyword yet Yes, all right, I see us. Do you

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Speaker 1: think that she's going to cheat? All right, John, what

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Speaker 1: do you think? Do you think you's gonna cheat?

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Speaker 2: That's what it's feeling like.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's like it's like a little bit

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Speaker 1: too cozy, you know.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, there's like I feel like, well, it's hard to

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Speaker 3: define you kind of know what when you see it,

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Speaker 3: and that is things like constantly coming over and making

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Speaker 3: in meals, cooking meals, like checking.

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Speaker 1: You know. And it also feels like she's trying to

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Speaker 1: drive a wedge between the husband and the wife by

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Speaker 1: being like, oh, we have so much in common. Are like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: oh wait, you like hiking. I like hiking. You're right,

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Speaker 1: just like hiking. We don't have to bring her. It

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Speaker 1: can be our little secret exacts go hiking together.

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Speaker 3: Like I think you'd be like, oh, hey, this is

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Speaker 3: cool trad that's cool.

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Speaker 2: But then once you start saying stuff like that, And

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Speaker 2: I also like.

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Speaker 1: I wonder if there's a certain level of responsibility that

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Speaker 1: you have to have to not to like protect your

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Speaker 1: relationship from emotional cheating, you know, where it's like if

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Speaker 1: there is an attractive other party that is really digging

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Speaker 1: into the relationship. Do you, as a partner have a

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Speaker 1: responsibility to be like, oh, like this is too close

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Speaker 1: for comfort if I'm trying to protect my marriage.

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Speaker 2: I think you do. I think you do.

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Speaker 3: Like again, it's it's kind of a hard gray area

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Speaker 3: because you don't want to be an aholf someone's like, oh, hey,

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Speaker 3: do you like hiking?

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Speaker 2: No, right, hiking.

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Speaker 3: But you also if someone's like really seems like they're

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Speaker 3: One time someone asked me, oh, do you I send

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Speaker 3: something about biking. They're like, oh, do you exercise and stuff,

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Speaker 3: right in front of my girlfriend, and I'm I was.

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Speaker 1: Like, nah, I don't exercise.

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Speaker 3: I just like I just kind of like cause it

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Speaker 3: felt like it was a little bit there. It's like, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I had.

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Speaker 1: This friend I've had for like years and she's now

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Speaker 1: in a new relationship and we usually go running together

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Speaker 1: and her boyfriend's like, I don't want you running with

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Speaker 1: him anymore. And so I mean, like I understand it.

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Speaker 1: You understand it, you know, even though like nothing has happened.

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Speaker 1: I feel like there's a certain point where you, you know,

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Speaker 1: maybe you want to protect the relationship and like if

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Speaker 1: you're running with a smoking hot dude, that has a

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Speaker 1: successful podcast, dude, you know, like people's podcast though. But

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Speaker 1: I think, like I understand the need to maybe want

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Speaker 1: to protect the relationship, but there's a really thin line

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Speaker 1: between you can get on the relationship and being controlling.

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Speaker 1: It's definitely a delicate balance. Yeah, Chumpus says emotional affairs

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Speaker 1: are one worse. Don't ask me how I know. Tear

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Speaker 1: emojis for Chumpus. I was telling this to my mom

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Speaker 1: and she got so angry at my quote unquote indifference.

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Speaker 1: She said that I should ban my neighbor from being

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Speaker 1: around my husband and tell him not to talk to

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Speaker 1: her again. I told her that I wanted a husband

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Speaker 1: who doesn't want to cheat. There are four billion women

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Speaker 1: out there, and I can't stop him from seeing all

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Speaker 1: of them. He's the only one who can decide if

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Speaker 1: his marriage is worth it. My mom called me deranged,

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Speaker 1: and she is very upset with me. I don't know

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Speaker 1: what to do. I've made my opinion clear to my

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Speaker 1: husband that I didn't appreciate our neighbor hanging around with him,

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Speaker 1: and I even started to cook more at home. Other

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Speaker 1: than that, I don't plan on having a contest with

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Speaker 1: women to win my husband. I always believe if they

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Speaker 1: can take him, they can keep him. It may sound

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Speaker 1: so cold, I don't feel that at all. My heart

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Speaker 1: is full of love for him, and I can't even

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Speaker 1: imagine myself cheating on him, even if I was in

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Speaker 1: a room full of handsome men. I just want the

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Speaker 1: same in return. He hasn't done anything yet, but he

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Speaker 1: has texted with her a few times. Nothing flirty, but

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Speaker 1: they have texted. I hate it, but I don't know.

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Speaker 1: My mom said, I'm enabling this just to see if

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Speaker 1: he cheats and then discard him. But all I wish

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Speaker 1: is that he chooses me without him knowing that I'm watching,

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Speaker 1: without me asking him to choose me. And there is

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Speaker 1: an update. But John, what do you think? What do

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Speaker 1: you think about this?

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Speaker 3: I mean, I see what she's saying, So basically she's saying, Hey,

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Speaker 3: if a husband is gonna cheat, a husband is gonna cheat,

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Speaker 3: why put myself through all of this an necessary pain, heartache,

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Speaker 3: trying to stop him, trying to convince him, trying to

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Speaker 3: change him, doing all these things when it's like it

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Speaker 3: actually might be better and more efficient for that person

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Speaker 3: to reveal their true character by cheating, and then me

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Speaker 3: being like, hey, this relationship isn't gonna work out for me.

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Speaker 1: Yes, But I think on the flip side is if

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Speaker 1: you are seeing this person that is obviously flirting with

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Speaker 1: your husband, and maybe your husband doesn't realize that that

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Speaker 1: person is flirting with them.

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Speaker 2: Yes, it's probably like he might not know.

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Speaker 1: He might not know, And if you continue that, like

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Speaker 1: the relationship as is, you're gonna just put yourself in

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Speaker 1: an uncomfortable situation where she eventually maybe makes a move,

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Speaker 1: and then your husband just has to deal with the

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Speaker 1: fallout of that. So I mean, I feel like the

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Speaker 1: I feel like the husband isn't putting up enough boundaries.

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Speaker 1: Maybe like let's let's say that he's not gonna cheat.

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Speaker 1: I don't think he's putting up enough boundaries to spare

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Speaker 1: this other person's like feelings developing. If that makes sense.

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Speaker 3: You brought up a very good undercurrent, which is men

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Speaker 3: are What do I mean by that? Well, Uh, men

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Speaker 3: can often be bad at like picking up when a

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Speaker 3: woman is like being flirting and being This is just

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Speaker 3: my personal experience and like my male friends.

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Speaker 2: So I feel like if the wife.

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Speaker 3: Is like, oh, red flag a producer, Sophia, do you

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Speaker 3: have anything to add?

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Speaker 1: So if he is the silent producer. Hey, I said,

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Speaker 1: men are idiots.

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Speaker 3: This is good, right, But but to finish my point,

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Speaker 3: if someone is oblivious of the cheating, it's or the cheating, sorry,

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Speaker 3: of the flirtatiousness, it's good to let them be aware

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Speaker 3: so that way they can you know, put.

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Speaker 2: The put the wall up.

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Speaker 1: Basically yeah, And then very lately, I think like the

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Speaker 1: other thing too, is you might not realize that you're

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Speaker 1: putting yourself in a position where you could develop feelings too.

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Speaker 1: It's like like I feel like there's there's the side

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Speaker 1: of there's like like both, Like I don't think I

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Speaker 1: don't think the husband is putting himself in the position

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Speaker 1: where Rather, I think the husband is putting himself in

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Speaker 1: a position where both he and this uh, the wife

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Speaker 1: of their neighbor could develop feelings for each other. Like

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Speaker 1: I feel like like it's he's at there's like at

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Speaker 1: risk of both.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, like either side could way out basically yeah, And

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Speaker 3: I mean, OPI trusts the husband, so maybe that's that

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Speaker 3: wouldn't happen on the husband's.

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Speaker 1: Side, but it could happen on the the white neighbor's side,

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Speaker 1: and that that just makes it offer to either. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Kitty Renee says, I'm petty, I'd stir the pot Opie

227
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Speaker 1: to thank the neighbor's husband for letting her go over

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Speaker 1: there and help with renovations and for buying Opie's husband's lunch. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean, that's one way to do it. That's one

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Speaker 1: way to do it, just like, expose all of the

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Speaker 1: two nice things that this neighbor is doing for your husband.

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Speaker 1: True to the other end.

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Speaker 2: Let the other husband know.

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Speaker 1: But do you want to get into this update?

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Speaker 2: Oh, let's do it.

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Speaker 1: So some girls here suggested that I don't tell my

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Speaker 1: husband next time I left work early. Well, I didn't

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Speaker 1: want to wait for that to happen, so I accidentally,

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Speaker 1: on purpose left my gym bag at home. Asked my

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Speaker 1: manager if I could have a couple of hours of

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Speaker 1: break around lunch, And sure enough, my neighbor was in

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Speaker 1: my kitchen eating lunch with my husband.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmmm.

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Speaker 1: My husband looked nervous and guilty and said, yeah, we're

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Speaker 1: having lunch here. They had the leftovers from yesterday's dinner

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Speaker 1: and they've ordered a pizza because we didn't have enough

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Speaker 1: leftovers for two. So she didn't even make him lunch

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Speaker 1: this time. I just said that I was there to

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Speaker 1: bring my gym bag and left. Now I'm sitting in

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Speaker 1: my car shaking. My stomach and heart are aching. He

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00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:37,800
Speaker 1: has called three times, but I couldn't answer. He texted

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Speaker 1: me this, my love. I know you don't like it

253
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Speaker 1: when she's here, but you have nothing to worry about.

254
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Speaker 1: I love you. Do we believe him or do we not?

255
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Speaker 1: I feel like.

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Speaker 4: Him saying I know you don't like it when she's

257
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Speaker 4: here is messed up.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, why if you don't, then stop doing it?

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00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:52,880
Speaker 2: Exactly.

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Speaker 3: It's like I feel like he should say, hey, is

261
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:58,800
Speaker 3: her being here making you uncomfortable? Because I can definitely

262
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Speaker 3: like basically cur that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I know you don't like it, but I'm gonna

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Speaker 4: keep doing it.

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Speaker 2: But it is so great many food.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, sounds like he's not a W husband.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, not getting W husband.

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Speaker 1: I'm not a W husband. Now I'm trying to call

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Speaker 1: my nerves before driving back to work. He knows that

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Speaker 1: I don't like it when she's there, Yet the few

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Speaker 1: times I've left work early, she's been there, which probably

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Speaker 1: means she's always there when he's working from home, which

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Speaker 1: means even if he knows, I hate it. He still

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Speaker 1: does it. We've been married for six months. I know

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Speaker 1: the first year is always hard, but I don't know

276
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Speaker 1: is that true the first year of marriage is always hard.

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Speaker 3: Maybe maybe that's I think maybe that's more of like

278
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Speaker 3: a trope. I don't know if it's like true.

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Speaker 1: Isn't that the honeymoon period?

280
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Speaker 2: But maybe something may.

281
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Speaker 1: I heard the first like, how about the first like

282
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Speaker 1: twenty years of marriage, that might be hard.

283
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Speaker 2: I mean that's longer than some people's married.

284
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Speaker 1: So the first year though, I real the first year

285
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Speaker 1: is the easiest. That's when you're like off the honeymoon stuff.

286
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Speaker 4: I heard the first year and also the second year

287
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Speaker 4: and every year.

288
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Speaker 2: After marri is pain, suffering, suffering.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we are in our thirties and we don't have

290
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:09,400
Speaker 1: children yet. Oh yeah, I heard marriage before children is

291
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:14,960
Speaker 1: the hardest part. Not true, that's not true. Life with

292
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Speaker 1: Us says my first year was easy. Celtic Kit says, no,

293
00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:22,439
Speaker 1: it is true, Jellyba says depends. Cara Sosas says, I

294
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Speaker 1: thought the first year of marriage with the honeymoon phase.

295
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Speaker 1: That's what I thought too. I don't get it. Yeah, well,

296
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:28,840
Speaker 1: we are in and out of our thirties we don't

297
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Speaker 1: have children yet, we only own our apartment together. Maybe

298
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Speaker 1: this wasn't meant to be. Maybe it's better to call

299
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,080
Speaker 1: it a day now before there's more to lose. My

300
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:38,800
Speaker 1: mom will probably call me deranged again if I tell

301
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:41,200
Speaker 1: her this and how I'm feeling. But I'm very, very

302
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:44,440
Speaker 1: turned off by this. She can keep him And there

303
00:13:44,559 --> 00:13:50,240
Speaker 1: is another edit and another update. Whoa yeah, So what

304
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:52,960
Speaker 1: do we think with this more like this, this further information?

305
00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:55,440
Speaker 1: Do you think man is cheating or he just has

306
00:13:55,480 --> 00:13:58,160
Speaker 1: a very close friend that makes him lunch when the

307
00:13:58,200 --> 00:13:59,760
Speaker 1: wife is away.

308
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:03,720
Speaker 3: I think I'm just I'm gonna stay on my original

309
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,880
Speaker 3: stance of I think that there could be foul play here.

310
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,240
Speaker 3: I think the text is like, hey, I know you

311
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,480
Speaker 3: don't like her here, but don't worry about it.

312
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:14,640
Speaker 1: That's a red flag in itself. Yeah, that's a red

313
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:15,400
Speaker 1: flag in itself.

314
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:15,920
Speaker 2: Yeah.

315
00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:18,800
Speaker 1: Georgia Cooper says, I'm blown away by the disrespect. I

316
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,640
Speaker 1: wouldn't even care if it was truly just lunch. He admit,

317
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,640
Speaker 1: is he knows, Like what the hell? Like? I think, Yeah,

318
00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:26,320
Speaker 1: I get again, Like that's what we're talking about the

319
00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:31,440
Speaker 1: issue is actually him knowing it makes his partner uncomfortable

320
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:32,640
Speaker 1: and him doing it anyway.

321
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:37,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, because like there's probably in any relationship there's one

322
00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:40,960
Speaker 3: thing that's like maybe one person thinks isn't that big

323
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,600
Speaker 3: of a deal, but their partner's like, hey, this makes

324
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:44,960
Speaker 3: me uncomfortable, and you should respect your partner enough to

325
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,680
Speaker 3: be like, hey, you know what, let me put a

326
00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:49,280
Speaker 3: stop to that. So that way, I'm respecting you and

327
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:50,520
Speaker 3: your boundaries.

328
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:53,720
Speaker 1: And yeah, and it could be like just someone's insecurity, right,

329
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,560
Speaker 1: But if you're in a relationship and you're in it

330
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:58,760
Speaker 1: for the long haul, I think that is something you

331
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:01,680
Speaker 1: need to work through together, yeah, and talk about and

332
00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:05,360
Speaker 1: maybe make your partner more comfortable with it in that moment,

333
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:09,480
Speaker 1: until you know you understand what respect looks like to

334
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:10,480
Speaker 1: both of you in that relation.

335
00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:13,640
Speaker 3: I think this specific scenario is totally something where the

336
00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:17,160
Speaker 3: husband could like, hey, let's you know, avoid having lunch

337
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:19,000
Speaker 3: together and doing these other things. We can still be

338
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:20,800
Speaker 3: friends with the other couples and all that. We don't

339
00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:21,320
Speaker 3: have to be like.

340
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:22,960
Speaker 2: I will never talk to you again as long as

341
00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:23,360
Speaker 2: I live.

342
00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:26,800
Speaker 1: I actually have a question for chat and everyone in

343
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:31,240
Speaker 1: the comments, what do you think is inappropriate for opposite

344
00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:35,080
Speaker 1: sex friends to do together. What is an overstep of

345
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,880
Speaker 1: a boundary drop some examples. Yeah, I would love to know.

346
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,120
Speaker 1: I would love to know because like, some people are

347
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:44,000
Speaker 1: like any one on one hangout is against the rules

348
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,280
Speaker 1: of an opposite sex partner, which I think is kind

349
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:49,240
Speaker 1: of ridiculous. Honestly. Yeah, I think some people are like

350
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:53,320
Speaker 1: even a group hangout, which is I think edging on controlling.

351
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:56,720
Speaker 2: Thanks, yeah, more than edging. Yeah, I think I think

352
00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,040
Speaker 2: it is. It is controlling.

353
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,400
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying, dude, That's what I'm saying.

354
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:03,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do want to get engaged from people.

355
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:07,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, because it is this like weird amorphous blobby area. Well,

356
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,080
Speaker 3: some of the extreme ones it's kind of easy to see,

357
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:10,880
Speaker 3: but there's this like gray area.

358
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:14,320
Speaker 1: That's yeah. I want your advice to chat on something

359
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:19,880
Speaker 1: later after this. Oh oh yeah, so ed again. I'm

360
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:22,320
Speaker 1: sorry for editing all the time, but I'm at work

361
00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:23,960
Speaker 1: now and won't be able to respond. I just got

362
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,480
Speaker 1: this text from my husband. I haven't answered his calls

363
00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:29,840
Speaker 1: or texts. I need to calm down before talking to him. Baby,

364
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:33,040
Speaker 1: you were right about X neighbor's name. I told her

365
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,360
Speaker 1: that she shouldn't be coming over anymore because my wife

366
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:38,080
Speaker 1: doesn't like it, and she said that she had feelings

367
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,520
Speaker 1: for me. You were right. I love you and I

368
00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:44,160
Speaker 1: don't want to lose you. Wait. Wait, I just got

369
00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:47,560
Speaker 1: this text from my husband. Oh oh, I need to

370
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:49,760
Speaker 1: read that again because I'm fully comprehended. Yep. So the

371
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:55,120
Speaker 1: husband texting, op baby, you were right about X neighbor's name.

372
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,320
Speaker 1: I told her that she shouldn't be coming over anymore

373
00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,560
Speaker 1: because my wife doesn't like it, and she said that

374
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:01,600
Speaker 1: she had feelings for me. You were right. I love

375
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:03,360
Speaker 1: you and I don't want to lose you. I didn't

376
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,159
Speaker 1: answer him, because what can I say to this. I

377
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,000
Speaker 1: need to go back to work now. I can't ruin

378
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:08,800
Speaker 1: my marriage and my work on the same day. And

379
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:11,160
Speaker 1: there is another edit. This is what we're talking about,

380
00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:14,480
Speaker 1: called it like this. So even if you are the

381
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:17,160
Speaker 1: most loyal person in the world, if you don't put

382
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:20,280
Speaker 1: proper boundaries in your relationship, someone can develop feelings for

383
00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:22,360
Speaker 1: you if you're a hot piece of booty.

384
00:17:22,119 --> 00:17:25,200
Speaker 2: And in this case, proper boundaries on other people.

385
00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:27,920
Speaker 3: Like this is outside of like the two of them

386
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,560
Speaker 3: kind of it's like, hey, let's let's put about I

387
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:30,200
Speaker 3: guess it is about.

388
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:30,840
Speaker 2: It's kind of both.

389
00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:33,600
Speaker 3: But yeah, yeah, let's let's put a boundary for this

390
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:37,359
Speaker 3: other person. Yeah you're you're okay, but why create an

391
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:39,280
Speaker 3: environment where someone can fall in love with you?

392
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:41,760
Speaker 1: And I? Yeah, And I think like something that is

393
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:45,400
Speaker 1: like a like if if for anyone who has had

394
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,440
Speaker 1: a partner that has gotten like a little bit too

395
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:51,919
Speaker 1: close to what potentially could be a romantic interest but

396
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:54,280
Speaker 1: they say is just a friend. I think a really

397
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:57,679
Speaker 1: good way to pose the conversation is like if you

398
00:17:57,760 --> 00:18:00,800
Speaker 1: if this is true? Like, hey, I do fully trust you, yes,

399
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,840
Speaker 1: but I don't trust them to not develop feelings for

400
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:07,480
Speaker 1: you if you don't put up the proper boundaries around

401
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:10,679
Speaker 1: your relationship, because I think you're doing things that could

402
00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:16,480
Speaker 1: give the perception that you are open to romantic engagements

403
00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:17,160
Speaker 1: with this person.

404
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:18,200
Speaker 2: It's not you, it's them.

405
00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:21,120
Speaker 1: It's not you, it's them. It's not you, it's them.

406
00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:24,240
Speaker 1: There you go. Sam Hyat says anything a partner isn't

407
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:27,920
Speaker 1: okay with friends shouldn't do together. Everyone has different standards.

408
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:31,560
Speaker 1: But at it again. Oh so hi, Now I'm at

409
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,680
Speaker 1: my sisters and I could just cry. I love him,

410
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:35,760
Speaker 1: but I can't do this. He's been calling and sending

411
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:38,880
Speaker 1: messages in screenshots all afternoon. I have just answered him

412
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:42,960
Speaker 1: with this, but really quick, do we believe him.

413
00:18:43,119 --> 00:18:46,440
Speaker 2: That he doesn't have feelings, but he's like admitting.

414
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:49,800
Speaker 1: That she that she had, Like, like basically he didn't

415
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:52,480
Speaker 1: realize there was anything wrong and now is realizing that

416
00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:53,800
Speaker 1: this person has feelings for him.

417
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:55,800
Speaker 3: I'm gonna go I might be a little bit biased

418
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,640
Speaker 3: because we had a very similar situation yesterday where someone

419
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:01,159
Speaker 3: like oh revealed the true, but actually it was this

420
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,960
Speaker 3: like completely altered version of the truth that made them

421
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:04,360
Speaker 3: look good.

422
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,439
Speaker 2: So I'm going to say I don't believe the husband.

423
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:10,199
Speaker 1: The reason I think. I do believe the husband, but

424
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:12,760
Speaker 1: I still think he's in the wrong. So, like, what

425
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:16,159
Speaker 1: I do believe in is, like I believe that maybe

426
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,359
Speaker 1: he didn't know that she had feelings for him, but

427
00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:21,680
Speaker 1: he also invited her over when his wife was uncomfortable,

428
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:24,760
Speaker 1: which we do know. I think that's a red flag. Yeah,

429
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,240
Speaker 1: but I don't know if he necessarily was having an

430
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:27,960
Speaker 1: affair or any.

431
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:28,679
Speaker 2: Maybe he's an idiot.

432
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:29,679
Speaker 1: Maybe he's an idiot.

433
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:31,840
Speaker 2: Totally possible. Men are blind.

434
00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:34,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, A dash to starter says men may be blind,

435
00:19:34,359 --> 00:19:37,159
Speaker 1: but no one is that blind. You'd be surprised, not

436
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:41,879
Speaker 1: even me, be surprised. But yeah, I don't know. It

437
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:45,440
Speaker 1: looks like, oh, we're kind of split. Actually that's surprising.

438
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:46,119
Speaker 2: Yeah, look at that.

439
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,720
Speaker 1: Sixty percent of you are saying no, forty percent of

440
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,280
Speaker 1: you are saying we do believe him. All right, well,

441
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:52,879
Speaker 1: let's keep going to what happens. So Opie responds, I

442
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:55,480
Speaker 1: love you, but I can't do this. I don't trust

443
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:57,800
Speaker 1: you with my heart anymore. I don't think we're compatible

444
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:01,400
Speaker 1: because our definition of love, respect, boundaries, and friendship are

445
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,080
Speaker 1: obviously very different. We probably need to call it a

446
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,640
Speaker 1: day before we're even more entangled and it gets more complicated.

447
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:09,919
Speaker 1: I need space to think. Please respect that, and I

448
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,280
Speaker 1: will talk to you when I'm ready to discuss our future.

449
00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:15,520
Speaker 1: He then called three times and then texted, please don't

450
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:17,919
Speaker 1: do this to us. I love you. You're the love of

451
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,440
Speaker 1: my life. Please don't throw everything away in a moment

452
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:22,479
Speaker 1: of anger. Be angry with me, but come home and

453
00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:24,720
Speaker 1: be angry. Take it out on me, fight me, hit me.

454
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,919
Speaker 1: If you only knew how much I love you and

455
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,960
Speaker 1: how nobody else in this world matters to me, come home.

456
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:31,880
Speaker 1: I didn't answer because I don't know what to say

457
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:33,800
Speaker 1: I'm going to bed. I just want to cry. I

458
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:36,080
Speaker 1: don't want him to text your call good night, thank

459
00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:38,520
Speaker 1: you for listening. And there are some relevant comments and

460
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:43,800
Speaker 1: another updates. All right, emotion, let's for a moment, like

461
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,400
Speaker 1: give him the benefit of the doubt. Sure, and he's

462
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:50,679
Speaker 1: just a massive idiot and didn't realize that this person

463
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:53,400
Speaker 1: was coming on to him and nothing physical happened. Is

464
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:54,920
Speaker 1: that worth the divorce?

465
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:59,680
Speaker 3: So the danger there thinking through it, I think is like, hey,

466
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:02,800
Speaker 3: even if you did with this without, it's almost in

467
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:04,919
Speaker 3: a way you could argue it's more dangerous because he's like,

468
00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:07,879
Speaker 3: he doesn't realize when these things happened, so they will

469
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:11,040
Speaker 3: still happen. He'll still disrespect your boundaries, not out of

470
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:14,199
Speaker 3: any malice or like with any intent to get with

471
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:17,199
Speaker 3: another woman. He'll do it because he doesn't realize that.

472
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:22,600
Speaker 3: And could that happen over and over more because he's oblivious.

473
00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:25,840
Speaker 1: I think potentially. But maybe that's why the first six

474
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,440
Speaker 1: months of marriage are hard, because you're establishing what does

475
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:30,280
Speaker 1: it look like to get married to each other and

476
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:34,680
Speaker 1: what are our boundaries in this new definition of our relationship?

477
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:36,679
Speaker 1: And so I think part of the first year of

478
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:38,159
Speaker 1: marriage why it's a lot of hard, like hard for

479
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:40,040
Speaker 1: people is you're kind of getting on the same page

480
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:42,520
Speaker 1: of what marriage looks like to you, because we have

481
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:46,440
Speaker 1: this idea in our heads of marriage is commitment and

482
00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:50,359
Speaker 1: for life and stuff. But even actually those like things

483
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:53,480
Speaker 1: are not always agreed upon by two people. And ideally, yeah,

484
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:56,600
Speaker 1: you talk about it before you get married, but talking

485
00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:59,080
Speaker 1: about it and actually being in it are two separate things.

486
00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:01,120
Speaker 1: And so in the first year of marriage, you're kind

487
00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:03,280
Speaker 1: of figuring out what does it actually look like to

488
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:04,879
Speaker 1: be married to each other? And I think things like

489
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:07,360
Speaker 1: this happen where it's just a mismatch and what your

490
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:10,119
Speaker 1: expectations of marriage look like, and so giving him the

491
00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:12,719
Speaker 1: benefit of a doubt, which maybe he doesn't deserve, like

492
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,919
Speaker 1: it could just be he's an idiot and doesn't and

493
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:18,239
Speaker 1: you guys are not aligned on what marriage looks like.

494
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:19,000
Speaker 1: I don't know what you think.

495
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,280
Speaker 2: And then can he get there? No? No, one hundred percent.

496
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:24,480
Speaker 3: Still, though to your earlier point, I am, like, I

497
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:28,360
Speaker 3: get that actually putting the like label marriage could change things,

498
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:31,359
Speaker 3: and you only kind of realize those feelings of change

499
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:34,159
Speaker 3: once you're past that point of putting the label of

500
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:36,000
Speaker 3: marriage on it, but I feel like, I'm like, if

501
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,359
Speaker 3: you've been in a relationship, or they've been married for

502
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:40,520
Speaker 3: six months and together for four years.

503
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:44,960
Speaker 1: I think they were married for six months and yeah,

504
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:47,400
Speaker 1: together for four years, which I am or I am,

505
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:51,040
Speaker 1: I am surprised that none of this would come up earlier.

506
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:52,119
Speaker 2: Yeah.

507
00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:55,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, so, but it's like, you know, maybe it's a

508
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:58,480
Speaker 1: different situation because it's like his neighbor and he's just like, oh, like,

509
00:22:58,480 --> 00:22:59,280
Speaker 1: I'm gonna hang out with that.

510
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:00,479
Speaker 2: It is a pretty unique scenario.

511
00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:02,600
Speaker 3: Someone that literally lives right next door to you is

512
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:04,679
Speaker 3: like always coming over making lunch all the time.

513
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:06,720
Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean like if it was if it was

514
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:09,440
Speaker 1: a guy, we'd be like, oh, they're just hanging out. Yeah,

515
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:11,439
Speaker 1: you know, like are their neighbors and they're good friends.

516
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:16,840
Speaker 1: So I I'm I'm more of the fan, Like I

517
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:19,120
Speaker 1: think this could be a learning experience. I don't think

518
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:22,439
Speaker 1: it's worth at least if this happened to me and

519
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:25,080
Speaker 1: I was married to someone. If I was Opie in

520
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:27,520
Speaker 1: this situation and I caught my partner having lunch with

521
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:30,040
Speaker 1: someone that I was uncomfortable with, I would be like, hey,

522
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:32,600
Speaker 1: like I'm really uncomfortable with the situation. I think it

523
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:35,600
Speaker 1: needs to stop, But I don't think I would go

524
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:36,439
Speaker 1: towards divorce.

525
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:39,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, personally I wouldn't either, if anything, counseling to try

526
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:40,679
Speaker 3: and answer all of.

527
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:42,359
Speaker 2: These questions we've been asking this whole episode.

528
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, honestly, but a dashas Starnus brings up a good point,

529
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:48,120
Speaker 1: why was he not concerned about her feelings until she's

530
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,960
Speaker 1: ready to leave? Great point? But I guess I think

531
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:54,359
Speaker 1: the difference is she didn't mention that she was ready

532
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:57,720
Speaker 1: to leave yet. Basically what happened is that he was like, hey,

533
00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:01,280
Speaker 1: I think my wife is getting uncomfortable. Then she the neighbor,

534
00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:03,159
Speaker 1: was like, I have feelings for you, and then he

535
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:05,359
Speaker 1: told her that. So it was like, as soon as

536
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:10,840
Speaker 1: it was most obvious that she was uncomfortable, he made

537
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:12,280
Speaker 1: a call right.

538
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,919
Speaker 3: So, again giving him the benefit of the doubt, it's like, okay,

539
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,720
Speaker 3: once it was literally boom so clear right in front

540
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:19,320
Speaker 3: of his face, then he reacted.

541
00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:22,199
Speaker 1: But also did they have a conversation. I don't think

542
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,680
Speaker 1: they had a conversation about it though before this moment.

543
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:29,000
Speaker 3: The most concrete we have on that is him texting her, Hey,

544
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:30,879
Speaker 3: I know you don't like this, but I love you

545
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:33,440
Speaker 3: and you have nothing to worry about. Maybe it was

546
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:35,720
Speaker 3: kind of just that and they didn't have any like

547
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,920
Speaker 3: further conversation from that. I think it's a little unclear.

548
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:40,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I mean like it.

549
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,359
Speaker 2: Was maybe acknowledged but not addressed.

550
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,639
Speaker 1: Because I mean literally what she has said is if

551
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:47,680
Speaker 1: he's going to cheat, he's going to cheat, and I'm

552
00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:49,239
Speaker 1: not going to stop. I'm not going to stop him

553
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,560
Speaker 1: and tell him to not do anything. So I don't

554
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 1: even know if there was a conversation yet, and there

555
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:55,560
Speaker 1: is an update, there is an update, but yeah, I

556
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:58,359
Speaker 1: don't think there has been a conversation yet, So I

557
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:00,560
Speaker 1: don't know. It's just like if you're married, I feel

558
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:02,359
Speaker 1: like it would be od be good to chat. I

559
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:04,160
Speaker 1: think it would be good to chat. I think I would chat,

560
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:04,680
Speaker 1: you would.

561
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,520
Speaker 2: Chat, I would chot chat, I would chat chat.

562
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:09,960
Speaker 1: But do you believe the husband? Sixty percent of you

563
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:14,360
Speaker 1: said no, thirty nine percent of you said yes, so

564
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:18,479
Speaker 1: somewhat split, but definitely more nos than yeses. Yeah, Now

565
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:26,440
Speaker 1: getting in to the thick Juicy updates, so relevant comments,

566
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:29,880
Speaker 1: actually relevant comments on the Juicy update, Comestible says, well,

567
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:32,199
Speaker 1: I'm convinced that he already knew the neighbor girl liked

568
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:35,400
Speaker 1: him romantically before her big reveal, and he simply enjoyed

569
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 1: the attention. You can't trust this guy and he only

570
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,600
Speaker 1: has himself to blame. Sorry, you're dealing with this ope,

571
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:43,959
Speaker 1: Opie responds, he just sent me a screenshot from her Apparently,

572
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,400
Speaker 1: she texted him when she got home that she had

573
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:49,120
Speaker 1: feelings for him and wanted him, and how he wouldn't

574
00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:51,800
Speaker 1: regret it. She said she knows he has feelings for

575
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:54,879
Speaker 1: her too. He answered her that she is mistaken and

576
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:56,959
Speaker 1: that he has never thought about her that way. He

577
00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,399
Speaker 1: liked her and her husband as friends and neighbors, and

578
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:01,520
Speaker 1: that he loves me. Blah blah blah. I guess this

579
00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:04,560
Speaker 1: is damage control he's doing because he has never sent

580
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:07,520
Speaker 1: me screenshots from his conversations the third before, because maybe

581
00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:11,600
Speaker 1: there was nothing to screenshot. Yeah, you know like this.

582
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:15,400
Speaker 1: I actually think this is proof of his fidelity, if anything,

583
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:17,840
Speaker 1: Because she's like, I have these feelings for you, I

584
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:19,720
Speaker 1: have to say something. I know you have feelings for

585
00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:22,160
Speaker 1: me too. This seems like the first admission.

586
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,560
Speaker 3: First time that they've but I guess I guess you

587
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,280
Speaker 3: could then argue like, well, there could have been lots

588
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:33,040
Speaker 3: of moments of heavy flirting without directly addressing, like I

589
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:35,560
Speaker 3: need to let's stop the plane because.

590
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:36,080
Speaker 2: We've been playing.

591
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:37,680
Speaker 3: Let me get straight to the point and tell you

592
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:39,600
Speaker 3: how I feel. Man, I feel like this could this

593
00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:42,080
Speaker 3: is really kind of could be both ways?

594
00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:46,840
Speaker 1: All right, Well, there is an update I want to know. Yes,

595
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:50,679
Speaker 1: and Dutchess Cassanda the neighbor is married as well. Oh yeah,

596
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:54,040
Speaker 1: so update. I'm back home. We are separating.

597
00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 3: Oof.

598
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:57,960
Speaker 1: Hi everyone, It's Sunday morning and I'm back home. My

599
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:00,639
Speaker 1: husband is staying with his parents. Yesterday he showed up

600
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:02,919
Speaker 1: my sisters, puppyed eyed and all with takeouts from my

601
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:05,840
Speaker 1: favorite restaurant, Flowers, chocolate and ice cream. Why do they

602
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:10,400
Speaker 1: always think food solves everything? He started apologizing and saying

603
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,320
Speaker 1: that he loved me and that he would never hurt me.

604
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,360
Speaker 1: I asked him to start being honest with me if

605
00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:16,920
Speaker 1: he had feelings for her and if they've done something.

606
00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:19,960
Speaker 1: He swore nothing happened and that he doesn't have feelings

607
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:23,359
Speaker 1: towards her. I told him that he wasn't honest because

608
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:25,959
Speaker 1: why would he let her in my home knowing how

609
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:28,320
Speaker 1: much it would hurt me and cost him if he

610
00:27:28,359 --> 00:27:31,439
Speaker 1: had feelings for her, why risk your marriage. He couldn't

611
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:33,840
Speaker 1: answer that, and more that he didn't think it was

612
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,280
Speaker 1: bad since he was secure in our feelings and in

613
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:38,679
Speaker 1: our marriage. He then admitted that he liked the attention,

614
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:42,199
Speaker 1: so you knew before she admitted that she liked you.

615
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:45,520
Speaker 1: He responded yes. He gave me his phone and all

616
00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 1: his texts and told me to see how he never

617
00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:50,439
Speaker 1: once flirted or made any advances. I don't know. I

618
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:53,119
Speaker 1: was very sad reading and hearing all of this. I

619
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:55,879
Speaker 1: told him that they disrespected me. Her last text to

620
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:58,280
Speaker 1: him is that she loved him and she would make

621
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:01,159
Speaker 1: him happier than I ever could. Oh, there was also

622
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:03,919
Speaker 1: messages with mean things about me to him, and instead

623
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:07,520
Speaker 1: of confronting her, he ignored her or laughed it off.

624
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:09,840
Speaker 1: When I asked him about it, he apologized and said

625
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:12,720
Speaker 1: she was obviously jealous, but I didn't want to engage.

626
00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:15,359
Speaker 1: I told him I wanted a separation because I didn't

627
00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:17,760
Speaker 1: trust him anymore. He begged me not to. Then he

628
00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:19,480
Speaker 1: said that I should at least come back to my

629
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:22,200
Speaker 1: home and he could live with his parents. He also

630
00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:24,280
Speaker 1: asked if I could promise him to not start the

631
00:28:24,359 --> 00:28:26,480
Speaker 1: divorce yet and just be separated for a while and

632
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:28,600
Speaker 1: go to couples counseling. He said that he messed up

633
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:31,159
Speaker 1: very badly and wants me to give him time to

634
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:34,200
Speaker 1: make it right again and not just divorce him yet.

635
00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 1: I don't mind if I was in this situation knowing

636
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:40,080
Speaker 1: all the information, Like, let's just assume all the information

637
00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:42,760
Speaker 1: is true. I don't know, as op. I don't know

638
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:43,560
Speaker 1: if I would divorce.

639
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:45,520
Speaker 2: I don't know if I would divorce yet either.

640
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:49,080
Speaker 3: But it's kind of like, remember how before his response

641
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:51,320
Speaker 3: to like knowing she was uncomfortable was like, hey, don't

642
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:52,040
Speaker 3: worry about.

643
00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:54,280
Speaker 1: It yet, Like he definitely effed up, Like this is

644
00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:56,960
Speaker 1: a definite af up to kind of like I don't

645
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 1: know if he could call it leading on, but it

646
00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:00,920
Speaker 1: was kind of like leading her on in a way, Yeah,

647
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:03,120
Speaker 1: if he knew that she was interested.

648
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:05,120
Speaker 3: And and I kind of feel like the way he said, hey,

649
00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:08,120
Speaker 3: don't divorce just yet, I think he could say something

650
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:11,520
Speaker 3: more along the lines of, Hey, you know what, I

651
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:14,200
Speaker 3: I know you want to separate right now, and that's

652
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:16,960
Speaker 3: that's valid and I should respect that. Would you be

653
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:18,760
Speaker 3: willing to meet me in the middle and do some

654
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:22,520
Speaker 3: couples counseling and talk about it versus kind of just

655
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:26,760
Speaker 3: like his way of responding, he still say a couple's counseling.

656
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,480
Speaker 3: It still feels yeah, he did say complete, but you

657
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:31,200
Speaker 3: know what, you know what I mean, like there's this

658
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:35,720
Speaker 3: like tinge of like dismissing like what she wants to

659
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:39,080
Speaker 3: do and and everything. While I think he can still

660
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:41,840
Speaker 3: ask for time and for counseling. I think that's a

661
00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:44,680
Speaker 3: totally reasonable ask, but in a way that's maybe more

662
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:48,280
Speaker 3: respecting or at a minimum, more acknowledging of her.

663
00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:48,960
Speaker 2: Once.

664
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:51,360
Speaker 1: No, what I think is actually the biggest red flag

665
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:53,960
Speaker 1: and and it was said in the chat, so it's

666
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:56,840
Speaker 1: it's the he knew she was uncomfortable with her coming over,

667
00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:59,479
Speaker 1: yet did it anyway. And then the other thing was

668
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,400
Speaker 1: she insulted his wife and he didn't say anything back.

669
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:03,520
Speaker 2: Boom. That's a big one.

670
00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:07,440
Speaker 1: Like can you imagine if one of your friends ever

671
00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:13,800
Speaker 1: insulted your partner? Right? Unacceptable, unacceptable, unacceptable, Like I think

672
00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:16,120
Speaker 1: I feel like that is you just that's just not

673
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:18,920
Speaker 1: something that you that's not something a friend does. No,

674
00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:22,080
Speaker 1: And so even if he just viewed her as a friend,

675
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:24,680
Speaker 1: like I don't think it's acceptable too.

676
00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:26,120
Speaker 2: Hey, you've broken friend code.

677
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:29,280
Speaker 1: You've broken friend code. Yeah, So like I want to

678
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:33,400
Speaker 1: believe that maybe he can change too, or maybe things

679
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:35,400
Speaker 1: were just like I don't know, but it is that

680
00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 1: too much? Is that too far? Yeah? I mean I

681
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:41,000
Speaker 1: I did do divorce again.

682
00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:44,160
Speaker 3: No, I think I'm more like going to counseling and

683
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:47,120
Speaker 3: and you know, really really figure it out, but or

684
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:50,560
Speaker 3: dive in, dive in deeper. But I think there's both

685
00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:54,360
Speaker 3: sprinklings of hope and despair in him.

686
00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 2: That's what I that's the vibes I feel that.

687
00:30:56,600 --> 00:31:00,880
Speaker 1: Is beautifully put sprinklings of hope and spare. I mean

688
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:03,960
Speaker 1: we all aren't we all are? We are of hope and.

689
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:07,280
Speaker 2: Despair, fairy dust, piles of sparkles.

690
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:10,520
Speaker 3: And even shit them all in one. But yeah, that's

691
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 3: what I'm feeling.

692
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:14,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, Karas says, everyone in the story needs therapy. Fluffy

693
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:19,320
Speaker 1: Safie says divorce. Well, we're going to keep going and

694
00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:21,200
Speaker 1: see what actually happens. I told him I wanted to

695
00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 1: separation because I didn't trust him anymore. He begged me

696
00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:24,720
Speaker 1: not to. Then he said that I should at least

697
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:27,480
Speaker 1: come back my home and he would live with his parents.

698
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:29,680
Speaker 1: He also asked if I could promise him to not

699
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:31,840
Speaker 1: start divorce yet and just be separated for a while

700
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:33,800
Speaker 1: and go to couples counseling. He said that he messed

701
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:36,120
Speaker 1: up very bad and he wants me to give him

702
00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 1: time to make it right again and not just divorce him.

703
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:40,560
Speaker 1: So I moved back home this morning and he was there.

704
00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:42,760
Speaker 1: We had breakfast, and he left for his parents. I

705
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:44,520
Speaker 1: didn't want him to kiss me. He will be coming

706
00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:46,400
Speaker 1: home when he needs to work in the office, and

707
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 1: probably if we start therapy on these days I can

708
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:52,480
Speaker 1: be at my sister's. She was more than happy to help.

709
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:54,240
Speaker 1: Now I didn't want to see him for a while.

710
00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:56,880
Speaker 1: I hate my kitchen. Now I'm sitting in my kitchen

711
00:31:56,880 --> 00:31:59,320
Speaker 1: writing this, which is sad because we put so much

712
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:03,120
Speaker 1: effort to making it exactly what we wanted home. And

713
00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 1: there are some relevant comments with some ope responses.

714
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:10,520
Speaker 2: Wow, their dream home really turned into a nightmare home.

715
00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:14,760
Speaker 1: Damn tough, rough, tough, break tough. To Opie's comment, he

716
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:18,400
Speaker 1: said he didn't enjoy the attention quote unquote, just that

717
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:21,920
Speaker 1: he suspected and knew she probably liked him. He didn't

718
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:24,000
Speaker 1: think it was more than her feeling lonely in her

719
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:26,320
Speaker 1: marriage because her husband works all the time. He said

720
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:28,680
Speaker 1: he was never interested, so he thought it was harmless

721
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:31,120
Speaker 1: because he knew he wasn't interested. I don't know why

722
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:34,160
Speaker 1: he liked the attention. He just said she would come

723
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:37,040
Speaker 1: with lunch and says she's bored home alone, and that

724
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:39,760
Speaker 1: she loved renovations and wanted to see her progress, and

725
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:41,760
Speaker 1: he didn't want to be rude. She had made fun

726
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:44,720
Speaker 1: of my appearance. I'm not blonde in my style, and

727
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:47,600
Speaker 1: he laughed it off. When I asked him, he said, well,

728
00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:50,040
Speaker 1: obviously she is jealous. Why would I engage in that.

729
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:52,080
Speaker 1: If I had defended you, it would have meant I

730
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:55,200
Speaker 1: cared about what she said and I didn't. Wouldn't the

731
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:58,360
Speaker 1: better approach have been to cut her off? How hard

732
00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:00,880
Speaker 1: would that have been? And I think you would say

733
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:02,200
Speaker 1: something like I don't think that's funny.

734
00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:03,160
Speaker 2: Yeah.

735
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:06,680
Speaker 1: One of my friends like, there's like this person that

736
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:09,120
Speaker 1: like makes like too many gay jokes, like in like

737
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:11,480
Speaker 1: a middle school kind of way, and he just was

738
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:12,960
Speaker 1: like to that person, he was just like, I don't

739
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:14,760
Speaker 1: really find that funny. It was that easy?

740
00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:15,120
Speaker 2: Yeah?

741
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:17,280
Speaker 1: Is that easy? Like, hey, line, I don't find that funny, yeah,

742
00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:19,280
Speaker 1: you know, And I think like that's like a way

743
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:21,400
Speaker 1: to just like stop that kind of behavior.

744
00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:24,640
Speaker 3: And also like I feel like I would tell my

745
00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:27,800
Speaker 3: partner too, like yo, she don't, I don't know, like

746
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:29,440
Speaker 3: almost as a like.

747
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:31,440
Speaker 1: A yeah, I would tell my partner immediately. Oh oh, I

748
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:32,600
Speaker 1: got I can't believe someone said this.

749
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:35,040
Speaker 3: I'd be like, I'm going to stay away, like she

750
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:36,520
Speaker 3: said this terrible thing about I don't know.

751
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:39,520
Speaker 1: Yeah. Most importantly, I asked him, if it was all innocent,

752
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:41,480
Speaker 1: would you have told her husband she was spending all

753
00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:43,840
Speaker 1: days with you. He didn't answer, but stood silent because

754
00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:46,720
Speaker 1: he knows it is wrong. I'm sorry, but if many

755
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:50,000
Speaker 1: people like attention, then they're not my type of people.

756
00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:52,280
Speaker 1: If he thinks her opinion is flattering, he is not

757
00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:54,640
Speaker 1: my type. He is not what I want to grow

758
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:57,960
Speaker 1: old with and have not blonde children with. As she

759
00:33:58,000 --> 00:33:59,920
Speaker 1: wrote in one of her texts, making fun of our children,

760
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:02,600
Speaker 1: please f off. You obviously think you're so much better

761
00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:05,440
Speaker 1: and wiser than Reddit. What the heck are you even

762
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:09,000
Speaker 1: doing here? And there is one more competed exchange with

763
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:11,920
Speaker 1: op and someone to close it out, so money Printer

764
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:14,400
Speaker 1: twelve says you should invest in a front door camera.

765
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:17,480
Speaker 1: Definitely tell her husband because she was actively cheating on

766
00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:20,040
Speaker 1: her husband with yours, whether emotionally or physically, and he

767
00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:22,440
Speaker 1: should know what she's doing. He blocked her after the

768
00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:24,719
Speaker 1: text or when he showed you the text? Do you

769
00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:27,040
Speaker 1: believe he went to his parents? Have you asked them

770
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:29,160
Speaker 1: if it's true? I think that's true, because why would

771
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:31,319
Speaker 1: she tell him that she loves him and could make

772
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:34,000
Speaker 1: him happier? What was he doing that made her feel

773
00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:37,040
Speaker 1: and say that if you're staying, make sure you get

774
00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:41,279
Speaker 1: a post nuptial agreement to protect yourself and OPI responds, No,

775
00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:43,719
Speaker 1: he blocked her after that text. Yeah, he was at

776
00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:45,759
Speaker 1: his parents. I don't know why she told him that,

777
00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:47,799
Speaker 1: because I have no idea what they talk about when

778
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:50,600
Speaker 1: she's here. I don't know why she would make him happier.

779
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:53,080
Speaker 1: To be honest, she seems childish if she thinks making

780
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:55,919
Speaker 1: food and having the same taste of music makes a relationship.

781
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:58,720
Speaker 1: After I left and she confessed she wanted to sleep

782
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:01,200
Speaker 1: with him, he told her he wasn't interested at all,

783
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:03,200
Speaker 1: and then she wrote him some mean things about me

784
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 1: and that she loved him and would make him happier.

785
00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:13,439
Speaker 1: So he blocked her Oof. That is where this story ends.

786
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:17,360
Speaker 3: I mean, at this point, with the full context of

787
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:20,879
Speaker 3: everything that happens, it does feel like they kind of

788
00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:23,560
Speaker 3: their gears don't fully align, you.

789
00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:26,680
Speaker 2: Know what I'm saying. Yeah, they don't fully mesh.

790
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:31,719
Speaker 3: With their relationship style, love style, boundaries, communication, et cetera.

791
00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:32,080
Speaker 2: Et cetera.

792
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:36,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I mean, I'm still for figuring it out.

793
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:39,799
Speaker 1: I think if I was okay in this situation, I

794
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:42,840
Speaker 1: think I would be because again I've talked about this before,

795
00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:45,279
Speaker 1: but I had like a situation where a partner was

796
00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:47,400
Speaker 1: kind of getting too close with one of her guy friends,

797
00:35:47,719 --> 00:35:51,960
Speaker 1: staying home at his apartment past midnight for like hours

798
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:53,799
Speaker 1: and hours on end, and I said, hey, I think

799
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:55,920
Speaker 1: this makes me uncomfortable. I really don't think that is

800
00:35:56,239 --> 00:35:58,279
Speaker 1: a responsible thing to do. Can you just please not

801
00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:00,719
Speaker 1: stay at his place after midnight? And then when she

802
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:02,600
Speaker 1: did it again, then I'm like, oh, it's an easy breakup.

803
00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:04,399
Speaker 1: I feel that there needs to be a rule set

804
00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:07,239
Speaker 1: in place that's more obvious, and then if that rule

805
00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:09,640
Speaker 1: is broken, then I think it Then I think maybe

806
00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:13,160
Speaker 1: it's an easier divorce. But I don't think they've communicated

807
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:17,840
Speaker 1: enough yet to create those rules that make it easier

808
00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:21,200
Speaker 1: to respect each other's boundaries, because you know, boundaries are

809
00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:23,919
Speaker 1: a hard like you have to you have to tell

810
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:26,399
Speaker 1: people what they are because I don't think everyone knows

811
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 1: them intrinsically.

812
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:30,600
Speaker 3: It can and it can often be an uncomfortable experience

813
00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:32,359
Speaker 3: because like, hey, I don't want to spend as much

814
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:34,800
Speaker 3: time as a person, ye blase blah, But yeah, no,

815
00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:38,880
Speaker 3: I still totally agree with the counseling. And it's like

816
00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:41,279
Speaker 3: I wouldn't blame OP if they were like, hey, let

817
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:43,080
Speaker 3: me go into counseling and like really even just for

818
00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:46,480
Speaker 3: myself to learn about myself and like, yeah, my communication

819
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:49,600
Speaker 3: patterns where I can improve, Where where this whole situation

820
00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:52,040
Speaker 3: stemmed from. But I don't know if I would blame them,

821
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:55,880
Speaker 3: being like it's really feeling like our just overall styles

822
00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:58,399
Speaker 3: are not aligning the communication.

823
00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:02,719
Speaker 1: I feel like the communication is definitely like it's it's

824
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:04,480
Speaker 1: it's not working. But that's why you go to counseling.

825
00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:05,799
Speaker 1: That's why you go to That's why you do that.

826
00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:09,960
Speaker 1: A dash of Starta says there seems to be a

827
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:13,719
Speaker 1: to have been a rule he completely ignored, So actually

828
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:17,200
Speaker 1: there was no rule put in She said that she

829
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:20,840
Speaker 1: was uncomfortable in the post, but never voiced it because

830
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:24,239
Speaker 1: she said if her husband wants to cheat, she would cheat, right.

831
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:26,560
Speaker 4: She must have voiced it because he said, I know

832
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:28,360
Speaker 4: you're uncomfortable, but I love you.

833
00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:31,719
Speaker 1: I think it could have just been like her demeanor. Yeah,

834
00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:33,839
Speaker 1: it should have been a demeanor like like I know

835
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:36,759
Speaker 1: you're uncomfortable or whatever. So like, I think it could

836
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:40,239
Speaker 1: have been an implicit rule rather than an explicit rule.

837
00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:42,520
Speaker 3: I think it's possible that they that they talked to

838
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:45,160
Speaker 3: your point, Sophia, but it's like very unclear. I feel

839
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:47,160
Speaker 3: like as to whether or not they actually like sat

840
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:48,960
Speaker 3: down and addressed it more than that.

841
00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:51,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I like, and I think if you want

842
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:53,440
Speaker 1: the best, if you want the best communication, you need

843
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:54,960
Speaker 1: to communicate. Like it's like that's.

844
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:58,319
Speaker 2: True if you're like to over communicate, like just to

845
00:37:58,400 --> 00:37:59,080
Speaker 2: make sure.

846
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:03,399
Speaker 1: Like and I mean again to read the beginning sentences here.

847
00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:07,400
Speaker 1: What op said at the beginning is basically, I have

848
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:09,560
Speaker 1: a strong opinion that if my singer other wants a cheat,

849
00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:11,320
Speaker 1: I won't stop them. If they need to be stopped,

850
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:13,960
Speaker 1: they're not worth my love. And so I it looks

851
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:18,880
Speaker 1: like she saw this like potential relationship that was burgeoning,

852
00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:21,160
Speaker 1: but didn't actually say anything.

853
00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:23,919
Speaker 3: Yeah, I wonder if, at any point in their relationship

854
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:27,959
Speaker 3: if she's mentioned that internal rule. I could I could

855
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:29,600
Speaker 3: see that being something you know when you're in like

856
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:32,000
Speaker 3: the exploratory dating phase of like, oh, yeah, how do

857
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:34,120
Speaker 3: you approach it that? I was like, oh, I when

858
00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:35,960
Speaker 3: it comes to cheaters, I'm literally like, you can go

859
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:38,000
Speaker 3: ahead and you can eat whatever. Like I wonder, I

860
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 3: wonder if that has ever come up in a conversation,

861
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:44,480
Speaker 3: whether like casually or on purpose from OP. What do

862
00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:46,920
Speaker 3: you mean if OP ever said that rule to the

863
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:51,359
Speaker 3: husband of Like, my philosophy is if someone's gonna cheat,

864
00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:53,440
Speaker 3: I'm not even gonna stop them. I'm gonna let them

865
00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:55,080
Speaker 3: fall in their face and fail and show me who

866
00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:55,640
Speaker 3: they really are.

867
00:38:55,719 --> 00:38:58,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean potentially, but I'm goin to looking back

868
00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:00,759
Speaker 1: at this. I'm looking back this sty and it was

869
00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:05,360
Speaker 1: like twice she saw her husband eating lunch with this person.

870
00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:07,799
Speaker 1: My husband doesn't seem bothered at all, so it makes

871
00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:09,920
Speaker 1: me think nothing is happening between them yet. So I

872
00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:12,880
Speaker 1: don't think anything was told there. And then after that

873
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:14,359
Speaker 1: I was telling this to my mom and she got

874
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:16,960
Speaker 1: so angry at my indifference. So the mom is like,

875
00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:19,839
Speaker 1: you should be angry about this, and she is like,

876
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:21,520
Speaker 1: there are four billion women out there and I can't

877
00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:23,680
Speaker 1: stop him from cheating. He's the only one who can

878
00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:25,640
Speaker 1: decide if this marriage is worth it or not. So

879
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:29,560
Speaker 1: she doesn't seem to have like said anything. It's him.

880
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:33,440
Speaker 2: It seems to be not super explicit.

881
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:37,319
Speaker 1: Yeah and clear, which like, yes it Aquarius Alic says,

882
00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:40,359
Speaker 1: you shouldn't have to spell out not cheating for sure,

883
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:43,439
Speaker 1: But if we're to believe everything that he said, there

884
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:46,880
Speaker 1: hasn't been any cheating, right, Yeah, there hasn't been any cheating.

885
00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:49,799
Speaker 1: He just got lunch with this person. So it's like, like,

886
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:52,480
Speaker 1: I understand people being uncomfortable with that, but I think

887
00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:54,160
Speaker 1: you have I think you'd have to communicate.

888
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:54,640
Speaker 2: Yeah.

889
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:57,080
Speaker 3: Well, well, and the point is too of like he

890
00:39:57,360 --> 00:40:00,399
Speaker 3: knew and was aware that was making her uncomfortable. It's

891
00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:02,359
Speaker 3: not to let him off the hook of like him

892
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:05,160
Speaker 3: knowingly making her uncomfortable or any of the things he's

893
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:07,640
Speaker 3: said or done, because he's not off the hook for anything.

894
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:11,239
Speaker 1: No, no, less he knew, He's not off the hook at all.

895
00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:14,120
Speaker 1: Like I think he transgressed a bunch of boundaries, but

896
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:16,839
Speaker 1: I don't know if maybe he'd like I don't think

897
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:20,720
Speaker 1: he necessarily did it with like a ton of consciousness.

898
00:40:20,920 --> 00:40:23,640
Speaker 1: And so what I'm saying is this feels to me

899
00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:27,960
Speaker 1: more like a counseling thing than a divorce thing. Yeah.

900
00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:33,359
Speaker 3: No, for yeah, it wasn't a exactly explicitly fully laid

901
00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:34,800
Speaker 3: out Yeah.

902
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,200
Speaker 1: So I think maybe we put a poll divorce or

903
00:40:37,239 --> 00:40:40,280
Speaker 1: not divorce or not divorce or not? People say, Samantha

904
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:44,080
Speaker 1: El says, sometimes emotional cheating is worse than a random hookup,

905
00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:46,799
Speaker 1: and what do you think you think? Divorce or not?

906
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:50,080
Speaker 4: I it feels like I think that I agree with

907
00:40:50,120 --> 00:40:52,520
Speaker 4: everyone in the chat who's saying like this, he I

908
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:55,480
Speaker 4: think he did like break up broundary or you know,

909
00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:59,400
Speaker 4: went against a boundary. I think she did express some

910
00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:02,560
Speaker 4: level of uncomfort because he knew about it. But however,

911
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:06,520
Speaker 4: I do think that she feels like she's like wanting

912
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:08,240
Speaker 4: to get out of it a little like very fast.

913
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:09,920
Speaker 4: That's my only thing, Like I think that she has

914
00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:11,920
Speaker 4: a right to want to divorce. I think maybe I

915
00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:14,239
Speaker 4: think I kind of agree that maybe counseling first, but

916
00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:15,720
Speaker 4: I still think he broke a boundary.

917
00:41:15,840 --> 00:41:19,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, there is there is no doubt that he broke

918
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:21,680
Speaker 1: a boundary. I think we're all in agreement. Yeah. I

919
00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:23,759
Speaker 1: just feel like it's more of a counseling thing.

920
00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:27,799
Speaker 4: Yeah. I think they should try counseling, but it will

921
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:29,640
Speaker 4: lend it divorce. I just think counseling first, and then

922
00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:31,560
Speaker 4: if she's like this is I still don't trust you,

923
00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:34,960
Speaker 4: then divorce just because she kind of she's like, I

924
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:38,040
Speaker 4: love him, I know he loves me, and the trust

925
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:40,880
Speaker 4: is the thing that was like tested I get. I

926
00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:43,360
Speaker 4: just think counseling first, and if she still doesn't like him, divorce.

927
00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:47,120
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. Bethany says he actively encouraged this woman's interest

928
00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:49,440
Speaker 1: for his own needs. He played with fire, and now

929
00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:53,200
Speaker 1: he is angry because he got burnt. Yeah. I mean

930
00:41:53,239 --> 00:41:54,320
Speaker 1: he did know, he did know.

931
00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:56,279
Speaker 3: That's the thing is he knew, he knew it made

932
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:58,879
Speaker 3: her uncomfortable, so it's like ry.

933
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:01,640
Speaker 4: I think he was absolutely the ahole and in the wrong.

934
00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:05,000
Speaker 4: I just think, like trumpas has agreed, she's jumping beyond it.

935
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:08,600
Speaker 4: I only I only think that counseling first, because just

936
00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:12,200
Speaker 4: the line where she said she said something like we

937
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:14,680
Speaker 4: should just call this off before we get any further

938
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 4: it just felt like kind.

939
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:17,880
Speaker 1: Of I feel like they haven't talked about it, like

940
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:20,640
Speaker 1: they've had a chance to actually like really talk. I

941
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:22,280
Speaker 1: don't know, it just like that's.

942
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:24,439
Speaker 2: Also they're pretty far along too, like they're already made.

943
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:26,799
Speaker 4: Yeah, like marriage is I mean, like I feel like

944
00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:30,200
Speaker 4: a lot of you guys in other stuff, whenever we've

945
00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:32,760
Speaker 4: said divorced divorce, a lot of people in the comments

946
00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:34,920
Speaker 4: have said, like, well, marriage is a big commitment and

947
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:36,080
Speaker 4: you can't take that lightly.

948
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:37,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, And so I feel like.

949
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:42,640
Speaker 4: Counseling, especially when there hasn't been like official cheating. He's

950
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:45,879
Speaker 4: definitely broken trust and he's made a horrible like error

951
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:49,479
Speaker 4: in the relationship. But then I have the counseling first,

952
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:51,760
Speaker 4: and then if she still doesn't trust him, that divorce.

953
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:55,319
Speaker 1: I think that's my like, if we're really looking at it,

954
00:42:55,520 --> 00:42:58,000
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, he got lunched with

955
00:42:58,040 --> 00:42:59,320
Speaker 1: a person a couple of times.

956
00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:03,120
Speaker 3: I mean, I see, I think the big thing is

957
00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:05,160
Speaker 3: that he knew it made her uncomfortable though.

958
00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:07,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, which is like still, but like there have been

959
00:43:07,920 --> 00:43:10,040
Speaker 1: so many other stories that we have read where people

960
00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:13,600
Speaker 1: have like, oh, yeah she did times and people are like,

961
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:14,680
Speaker 1: counseling counseling.

962
00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:16,920
Speaker 2: We're all on the same page. We're all on the

963
00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 2: same page.

964
00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:20,200
Speaker 3: We all think that that they should have counseling and

965
00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:23,440
Speaker 3: like actually break everything down before they get divorced.

966
00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:24,520
Speaker 2: Everyone here in this room.

967
00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:29,799
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would say I think I think we, I mean,

968
00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:32,279
Speaker 4: at least us three all agreed counseling. I think I

969
00:43:32,680 --> 00:43:35,680
Speaker 4: slightly disagree with you, Sam about like whether he knew

970
00:43:35,719 --> 00:43:38,240
Speaker 4: about that boundary or not. I think that was somewhat

971
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:41,799
Speaker 4: maybe not, maybe not explicitly stated, but he knew, so

972
00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:44,399
Speaker 4: I don't you know, I think that was explicit enough

973
00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:46,319
Speaker 4: in the fact that he told her he knew.

974
00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:49,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, it looks like we are at seventy one

975
00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:51,040
Speaker 1: percent divorce.

976
00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:59,880
Speaker 2: Bevorse says I never forgive cheaters again, like technically technically, yeah,

977
00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:00,640
Speaker 2: he didn't.

978
00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:01,120
Speaker 4: He didn't.

979
00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:04,320
Speaker 3: He was you know, you could argue a emotional affair,

980
00:44:04,840 --> 00:44:07,200
Speaker 3: you couldn't argue that there was an argument for that there.

981
00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:09,560
Speaker 4: I think the fact that he knew that she had

982
00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:12,520
Speaker 4: feelings definitely crossing the line. And if I think OP

983
00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:14,840
Speaker 4: would have the right to divorce, yeah, I think just

984
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:17,440
Speaker 4: counseling might be the first step. Dutch just Becasana says,

985
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:20,040
Speaker 4: not every guy is emotionally evolved enough to see this

986
00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:22,759
Speaker 4: be is flirting Because if if I apply this to

987
00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:25,319
Speaker 4: my husband, I reckon he'd be this clueless at our

988
00:44:25,360 --> 00:44:28,640
Speaker 4: four year mark. And certifiably, Jen says marriage counseling only

989
00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:30,840
Speaker 4: works if both parties are open and ready to work.

990
00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:33,040
Speaker 4: I did counseling with my ex and he lied the

991
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:33,640
Speaker 4: whole time.

992
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:35,399
Speaker 1: It's not for everyone. That's a great point.

993
00:44:36,040 --> 00:44:37,600
Speaker 4: I well, I think the point is that he might

994
00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:38,239
Speaker 4: not work, and that's what.

995
00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:40,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, you could go in and then on the first

996
00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:43,600
Speaker 3: like session or two, you're like, wow, it is so

997
00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:47,240
Speaker 3: blatantly obvious that he's like literally not. I think positive

998
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:49,439
Speaker 3: signs of like is he listening, is he being like, man,

999
00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:51,680
Speaker 3: maybe I was wrong here, or you know, things like

1000
00:44:51,719 --> 00:44:53,319
Speaker 3: that's probably a positive direction for yon.

1001
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:55,600
Speaker 2: No I was perfect, It's like okay, well.

1002
00:44:55,480 --> 00:44:58,239
Speaker 4: Yeah I knew. I think that. Like again, she is

1003
00:44:58,320 --> 00:45:01,520
Speaker 4: totally entitled to divorce him. Yeah, even if you know, like,

1004
00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:04,040
Speaker 4: I think there are smaller situations where people get divorced.

1005
00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:06,399
Speaker 4: I just think counseling is maybe the first up here.

1006
00:45:06,480 --> 00:45:08,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree, But what do you think put your

1007
00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:09,200
Speaker 1: answers in the chat?

1008
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:11,280
Speaker 2: And if you love us make sure to subscribe.

1009
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:13,320
Speaker 1: We love you and see you tomorrow.