Speaker 1: This is How Men Think with and Gavin grab And
Speaker 1: I heard radio podcast. Hello and welcome to another episode
Speaker 1: of How Men Think. This is Dmitri. Clearly you can
Speaker 1: tell by my voice I am not Brooks like Um
Speaker 1: Brooks is. Uh, my guest is today he's probably skydiving
Speaker 1: with his dog or doing some sort of thing that
Speaker 1: I could never do. So he's busy today and and
Speaker 1: the gentlemen are off today. So it's myself and I'm
Speaker 1: joined by Scott Evans in Hollywood and everything else. Breath
Speaker 1: just trying to you know, trying to stay employed out here,
Speaker 1: trying to get this house. But I think I did
Speaker 1: just see on on Brooks's um Instagram. I believe he
Speaker 1: was kayaking Niagara Falls, but he's going up, going up
Speaker 1: the falls, um. And my comment was, I think you're
Speaker 1: doing that wrong, but I still admire it. Still. I'm
Speaker 1: not sure if I told everybody who at this is
Speaker 1: Demitri of the way, but yes, I saw Um Brooks
Speaker 1: posted this thing the other day where he was like
Speaker 1: playing spike ball or whatever that is, and he's up
Speaker 1: in the air like six ft there's everything is is
Speaker 1: ripped on him. And it was like the advertisement for
Speaker 1: spike Ball did not look as good as this thing.
Speaker 1: I was like, man, you're just like he even makes
Speaker 1: spike Ball look intimidating. And we're like, what seventy two
Speaker 1: years into quarantine and you stilln't to have every single
Speaker 1: one of your abs, like you still have right like
Speaker 1: under ten percent body fat, like you've not had a donut.
Speaker 1: The entire form team right exactly. I'm trying to get
Speaker 1: a gluten allergy right like I'm trying to catch it.
Speaker 1: I'm told it doesn't work that way, but like, man,
Speaker 1: it's it's real, it's real. The only thing I realized
Speaker 1: lately is that I'm not good enough shape to play
Speaker 1: spike ball. So I give up. It's a minimum requirement.
Speaker 1: So we're so we have a night special guest joining us,
Speaker 1: say Valsch Murkoffsky from Dancing with the Stars. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: hope there's no there's no beef between dancing shows here.
Speaker 1: Are you okay with us? No? See, I'm not a pro.
Speaker 1: I'm just the host the World of Dance. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Now, If you'd have brought Derek Huff,
Speaker 1: I might have been an issue, right, But they're actually
Speaker 1: great friends, and I know that that that wouldn't have
Speaker 1: been an issue either. But that is a He is
Speaker 1: a good dude, you know what I mean. Not only
Speaker 1: is he an incredible dancer. I've met him years ago
Speaker 1: at one of the UM I think it was a
Speaker 1: a promo shoot for Dancing with the Stars. It was
Speaker 1: the year that Paula Deane was on, and that was
Speaker 1: the first time I'd ever interviewed Val. I've met him
Speaker 1: a couple of times. It ever interviewed him and it
Speaker 1: was like, you know how you you just meet some
Speaker 1: people and it's like, actually, we have a really good vibe. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's one of those people. He's and he's he every
Speaker 1: time he showed up the same way. He's a good guy.
Speaker 1: And his brother too. I So, I'm a comedy writer
Speaker 1: and I'm a comedy consultant. I worked with different celebs
Speaker 1: and I was working on Steve Harvey, Steve The Steve
Speaker 1: Harvey Show, and uh Max came on with Peter and
Speaker 1: then Mountain come on as well. And man, you just
Speaker 1: know when people come someplace, you can just tell right
Speaker 1: away what kind of person they are by the entourage
Speaker 1: that they come or don't come with the attitude the
Speaker 1: way you know when they speak to people, even someone
Speaker 1: that was showing them the room, you know, their addressing room,
Speaker 1: just so polite and so nice and and and humble
Speaker 1: and and and that's exactly the way, uh, the way
Speaker 1: he and his brother are. So I'm looking forward to
Speaker 1: this to speaking with him as well. And he had
Speaker 1: to make up, you know, uh with Max, who's like
Speaker 1: six nine something from my perspective, he's six nine, you know,
Speaker 1: with talent, you know, he's like five three. I give
Speaker 1: him a hard time every time. He's like, I gotta
Speaker 1: be the better dancer because he's taller than me. So funny,
Speaker 1: I can't wait. Yeah, Um, well, we're gonna go to
Speaker 1: a break and then I think let's just get him
Speaker 1: in here and start the conversation. Let's do it. All right,
Speaker 1: we're back and Scott and I are joined by Val.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say it, Smurkowsky, good right. I want to
Speaker 1: ever get it right. Uh my wife got it right
Speaker 1: a couple of times. But that was really good, thank you,
Speaker 1: of course. Uh no, I'm used to you know, my
Speaker 1: name is Dmitri obviously, and when when I was growing up, um,
Speaker 1: nobody could pronounce my name, and so it was you know,
Speaker 1: I was back in the early eighties, and so when
Speaker 1: I was in school, they'd be like, every time the
Speaker 1: substitute would get to the name on the list, they pause,
Speaker 1: and I just raised my hand and be like here,
Speaker 1: so all right, well thanks for joining us, Thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you for having a lot of exciting stuff going on. Um,
Speaker 1: let's get into it first. So you're you're when we were,
Speaker 1: tell why don't you get everybody familiar with yourself a
Speaker 1: little bit? Yeah, I mean because because you have quite
Speaker 1: a you and your brother have quite an interesting story. Um,
Speaker 1: I guess the elevator intro is. Um. I am a
Speaker 1: Latin dancer from Ukraine that grew up in Brooklyn, New
Speaker 1: York in a you know, fairly conservative Eastern European family. Uh,
Speaker 1: moved to americaand ninety four when I was eight years old. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I grew up on everything Brooklyn at that time. You know,
Speaker 1: I was influenced by the hip hop culture that was
Speaker 1: going on, the Melican pot cultural uh, surroundings of mind
Speaker 1: from like every ethnic group in the world, you know,
Speaker 1: going from a place where you just see one type
Speaker 1: of person from I'm from the Ukraine, mum, to then
Speaker 1: seeing all these colors, all these cultures. I think that
Speaker 1: had a huge impact on me and me moving here
Speaker 1: when I was eight versus my brother moving when he
Speaker 1: was fourteen. You could see a difference in even the assimilation, right,
Speaker 1: and how quickly I picked up basket Uh basketball, get
Speaker 1: yeah exactly, but like how quickly I picked up the
Speaker 1: language versus even him till this day, um versus you know,
Speaker 1: just in general, the spirit of of a you know,
Speaker 1: I feel like kids, kids see the world from a
Speaker 1: different lens, you know, in a different way. So he
Speaker 1: was fourteen, he was you know, I don't know if
Speaker 1: Stephan Marbury went to Lincoln High School that was around
Speaker 1: Coney Island area, and so that was the high school
Speaker 1: that my brother, uh initially was supposed to go to,
Speaker 1: and uh, he was incredibly intimidated by just again, it
Speaker 1: was like a title wave of change. Um. And yeah,
Speaker 1: I think that impacted the rest of our lives. You know,
Speaker 1: it's like a domino effect. Anyway, I grew up in
Speaker 1: New York. How did we get into dance? My parents
Speaker 1: never danced, because I think that's like, you know, people
Speaker 1: know me from Dancing with the Stars, They know both
Speaker 1: of us from you know, from the world of dance.
Speaker 1: But um my first I guess artistic passion was violent.
Speaker 1: I played violin very seriously from what I was I
Speaker 1: would say, five years old till about seventeen. The city
Speaker 1: that I'm from, Adjessa, is on on the coast of
Speaker 1: the Black Sea. It's a very vibrant city. It's like,
Speaker 1: you know, the New Orleans of the Soviet Union at
Speaker 1: the time, and so jazz music it's like a huge
Speaker 1: part of that of that city. So and and that
Speaker 1: city has, um, I guess, the most prestigious music school
Speaker 1: in in the former Soviet Union, where so music and
Speaker 1: stuff was always out of kind of in your in
Speaker 1: your blood or in your Yeah. So I got a
Speaker 1: question though, So you and your brother, you're you're two
Speaker 1: extremely good looking, straight, fantastic dancers. Like you guys basically
Speaker 1: cornered the market on that point, Like how did I
Speaker 1: want to get into that? Like how you guys both
Speaker 1: dance became such a big thing for both of you.
Speaker 1: It was, I mean, it was, it wasn't I know,
Speaker 1: like some people, like I don't know the be age,
Speaker 1: some people see footloose and they're like, man, I want
Speaker 1: to be a dancer. I personally saw a fletch and
Speaker 1: I was like, I want to be a smartass, Like
Speaker 1: that's where I'm gonna That's where I'm gonna use my talents.
Speaker 1: But so how did that happen? Yeah, I I saw
Speaker 1: Jordan's and I wanted to be a basketball player, you know. Um,
Speaker 1: and then um, you know, my groatspur didn't hit as
Speaker 1: hard as I was expecting. But but dance was an
Speaker 1: after school activity and and and the Ukraine it wasn't
Speaker 1: tabooful for boys to dance, you know. I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna lie and say it was as cool as wrestling,
Speaker 1: but it was. It was similar. You know, you signed
Speaker 1: your kid up for boxing, you signed your kid up
Speaker 1: for ballroom dancing, you signed your kid up for gymnastics,
Speaker 1: and so um. When my brother was five years old,
Speaker 1: my parents wanted to be great parents. They were young.
Speaker 1: They had him when when they were nine years old,
Speaker 1: and so uh, you know those ideals of young parenthood.
Speaker 1: You know, you're trying to put him into all these
Speaker 1: things and give them opportunities and so um. One of
Speaker 1: the things in Ukraine they had an after school activity
Speaker 1: for boys to you know, learn uh etiquette, you know,
Speaker 1: how to be young gentleman, and ballroom dancing was part
Speaker 1: of that curriculum. Then the boom dance teacher saw him,
Speaker 1: recruited him, told my parents that he had a lot
Speaker 1: of potential. Whether he did or not, I don't know.
Speaker 1: You know, boys are scarce in the field. They're very
Speaker 1: scarce in the field, So I don't know if she
Speaker 1: was just recruiting another boy. But he signed up and
Speaker 1: and and really my parents loved what it did for
Speaker 1: his social fear. You know, it opened him up. Whether
Speaker 1: there was no intention for ballroom competitive ballroom Latin dancing
Speaker 1: to be a career path at any point, it was
Speaker 1: just a tool for a young man to develop himself outside,
Speaker 1: you know, as an athlete. He swam and played tennis
Speaker 1: as a as a you know, in his artistic inclination,
Speaker 1: which again ballroom dance kind of uh covered that, but
Speaker 1: also his social ability to like be okay in the
Speaker 1: in the you know, in the distance of a female. Right.
Speaker 1: So it's like the more distance, the more fear, the
Speaker 1: more I feel like as you grow up with that,
Speaker 1: the more discomfort because you know, and whatever anxiety, whatever, whatever,
Speaker 1: you know, the less you know it was, the less
Speaker 1: you know, right, Yeah, yeah, you don't know how to act,
Speaker 1: you act exactly and so um yeah, then we moved.
Speaker 1: And when we moved to Brooklyn. Uh, you know, we
Speaker 1: didn't have much. My parents were working and uh, you know,
Speaker 1: they believed that, you know, they want their kids to
Speaker 1: to to stay out of trouble, they need to occupy
Speaker 1: their time, um, while they're at work. So we went
Speaker 1: to school at the school. We were packed. So I
Speaker 1: signed up for dance as well because my brother was
Speaker 1: going to dance. They found a local dance school. Um,
Speaker 1: signed me up for violin. I was going to some violin,
Speaker 1: you know. And it wasn't like in in the in
Speaker 1: the school structure. It was more like we found a
Speaker 1: private you know, we found a violent teacher in the
Speaker 1: Russian community. We found a ballroom dance school in the
Speaker 1: Russian community. You know, you gravitate to the community that
Speaker 1: you're familiar with. You try to find as much familiar
Speaker 1: ground as possible. And so um in Brooklyn too, you
Speaker 1: have you have those those communities exist, right Oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that you you moved from from the Ukraine to Brooklyn,
Speaker 1: but it was just another where you moved. This is
Speaker 1: another version of Ukraine in Brooklyn. It was. It was
Speaker 1: a micro Yeah, it created that and that's you know,
Speaker 1: that's as important. Yeah, it's very important. And I'm so
Speaker 1: lucky for that because you know, we joke around and
Speaker 1: no offense to Milwaukee, but if we moved to Milwaukee,
Speaker 1: and I know there's a Russian community in Milwaukee as well,
Speaker 1: just believe it or not, it's Russians everywhere. Um to
Speaker 1: New York City was like the greatest thing in the world,
Speaker 1: you know, for us, because it was tough, it was
Speaker 1: really difficult, but it, you know, laid a ground word
Speaker 1: for a work ethic and and a cultural enlightenment. Like
Speaker 1: I said earlier, that I mean served me till this day.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm so proud to have had that influence.
Speaker 1: Ut you know, we have a famous story where we
Speaker 1: landed in Brooklyn the second day in America. Are you
Speaker 1: know some friends to relatives we didn't have. We don't
Speaker 1: have the many relatives in America. You know. It was
Speaker 1: just the five of us, uh, you know, parents, my
Speaker 1: brother and myself and our grandma and they have lived
Speaker 1: here since the late seventies, so they were a little
Speaker 1: more established. They got us roller blades and so we
Speaker 1: put on these roller blades and we go across the
Speaker 1: street to the park and we get surround. Well we
Speaker 1: gets right, he gets surrounded and gets robbed for his rollerblades.
Speaker 1: And you know, in hindsight, it's it's a laughing matter
Speaker 1: because we're all good, everything's fine. But um yeah, he
Speaker 1: he laughs because he was he was robbed by like
Speaker 1: the United Nations. You know, it was like two Italian kids,
Speaker 1: you know, a black kid as you know, a Puerto
Speaker 1: Rican kid, an Asian kid, an Irish kid, and they
Speaker 1: were all like just hanging and and so so a
Speaker 1: dude with rollerblades on, you know. So um yeah, that
Speaker 1: was kind of like our welcome to America. Uh, unfortunately
Speaker 1: that's not that's not good welcome to America. But I
Speaker 1: don't know if I answer your question. The point is
Speaker 1: dance was a tool for us to earn some money.
Speaker 1: And that's weird to say, but our first gig, I
Speaker 1: was twelve. My brother was seventeen at the time, and
Speaker 1: well he had worked since he was sixteen. But when
Speaker 1: I when I turned twelve, when I was already like
Speaker 1: good enough to to look at as a dancer, uh,
Speaker 1: definitely illegally employed for sure. I mean I'm sure some
Speaker 1: labor laws were questionable at the time, but basically we
Speaker 1: started dancing in Russian restaurants in Brooklyn, New York, in
Speaker 1: that community. And usually it was like Friday nights, like
Speaker 1: eleven thirty pm, Saturday nights eleven thirty pm. That was
Speaker 1: like the time when you know, after the appetizers were served,
Speaker 1: you know, the liquor had settled, and now you know,
Speaker 1: let's let's have fun. And it's that whole scene. Is
Speaker 1: the whole scene, bro, It's that Eastern Promises type of scenario.
Speaker 1: You've got live cabaret singers, a feast going on, and
Speaker 1: you know, some shady stuff going on somewhere in the kit. Like,
Speaker 1: it was the whole thing. And I had twelve years old,
Speaker 1: this was my stage, and um and I was getting
Speaker 1: paid twenty five bucks per night, you know, and like
Speaker 1: I saved up and bought myself a game boy and
Speaker 1: at twelve years old, you know, to be able to
Speaker 1: learn how to earn uh using a skill that like,
Speaker 1: you know, it became my superpower besides the the earning
Speaker 1: you know, and and earning my dues as well financially
Speaker 1: for the family that didn't have much. Um, I bought
Speaker 1: myself a pair of Jenkos, you know, I never like,
Speaker 1: which which was a huge waste of money for my parents,
Speaker 1: but for me, that was social currency. Man. Like, you know,
Speaker 1: I went from I didn't have any Jordan's growing up.
Speaker 1: I didn't have you know, my parents like bought me
Speaker 1: sneakers from payless for thirty bucks, and I thought, I was, like,
Speaker 1: I was so grateful, you know. So for me to
Speaker 1: be able to earn some money buy myself some Djenkos
Speaker 1: and finally get you know, start assimilating into into the
Speaker 1: crowd of the cafeteria was like a huge deal. And
Speaker 1: I think you definitely you said you started dancing to
Speaker 1: earn money. I think you certainly accomplished that. I mean,
Speaker 1: probably more than you ever dreamed. Did you. Did your
Speaker 1: brother get your roller bloods? Oh no, you never rollerblades since?
Speaker 1: Never again? I smell a gift, right do that? But
Speaker 1: that it's interesting because you talk about dancing in restaurants
Speaker 1: right as kind of like the after meal entertainment right
Speaker 1: to then multiple worldwide Latin Dance Championships, multiple US championships,
Speaker 1: I think two times, two time mirror Ball championship. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, so you you go from dancing
Speaker 1: in these restaurants to dancing on the biggest stage in
Speaker 1: the country, um, on television weekly and winning. What was
Speaker 1: that like for you? Going from from living in in
Speaker 1: on the East coast, now you're on the West coast,
Speaker 1: this big show. You're single, dude, you're killing it. What
Speaker 1: is life like then? Um? It was, you know, incredibly
Speaker 1: Like I felt an incredible sense of gratitude. I think
Speaker 1: that's why, you know, I do so much mentoring and
Speaker 1: trying to pass it forward so much that that's where
Speaker 1: it comes from. Is that I feel really lucky. Um.
Speaker 1: And yes, luck is preparation needs opportunity. I don't I
Speaker 1: don't feel like I don't deserve this. I I definitely
Speaker 1: deserve it. But I'm very grateful to have been given,
Speaker 1: uh the good fortune to be at the right place
Speaker 1: that you know, it's like the Outliers that booked by
Speaker 1: Malcolm Coldwell, It's like there's there's a reason for everything,
Speaker 1: and I'm grateful for that struggle. I'm grateful that I
Speaker 1: was playing. To answer your question, it's all relative, you know,
Speaker 1: from I danced in restaurants, UM, nursing homes, you know,
Speaker 1: like that whole thing to too, and because violin was
Speaker 1: a big thing to Carnegie Hall at fifteen too, you know,
Speaker 1: Lincoln Center, and then local competitions and you know and
Speaker 1: like weird places in the Tri State area with like
Speaker 1: thirty people in the audience and twenty kids dancing, you know,
Speaker 1: to Dancing with the Star. But it was a slow
Speaker 1: grind and to be completely honest, like there wasn't a
Speaker 1: time where I didn't feel happy or feel like confident,
Speaker 1: you know, for me, being in that restaurant was as
Speaker 1: you know, there was as much accountability and focus and
Speaker 1: you know, and you know afterwards joy um as there
Speaker 1: is now on Dancing with the Stars like that. It's
Speaker 1: pretty It's never changed. That's pretty. I mean, obviously I
Speaker 1: think you you obviously come from a good family and
Speaker 1: you have that in you that you're grateful to begin with.
Speaker 1: But I think probably earning that along the way helped,
Speaker 1: because there's something to be said about something that's just
Speaker 1: kind of handed fame and somebody that earns it. But
Speaker 1: I appreciate the fact that you are grateful for for
Speaker 1: all those different stages that you're grateful. You don't look
Speaker 1: back at the restaurant stuff and think I had a
Speaker 1: dance at the restaurant. You think that was a good time,
Speaker 1: thirty people in the audience. Whatever, I'm bragging right now,
Speaker 1: I'm not story. I wish more kids had the opportunities
Speaker 1: to do those things. You know, first of all, it's
Speaker 1: it builds humility work ethic. But like the humility of
Speaker 1: being in a nursing home because again, and shout outs
Speaker 1: to all the nursing homes, because they give a lot
Speaker 1: of performers a stage and a chance. You know, I
Speaker 1: just need one more set of eyeballs and now I'm
Speaker 1: a performer, you know, I just need and and building
Speaker 1: that relationship and having you know, the sense of like, yo,
Speaker 1: I gotta really changed this person's life. Now that could
Speaker 1: be I could just bring him some joy for a
Speaker 1: day or for a week, or I can inspire, you know,
Speaker 1: it all varied. So I am so grateful for all
Speaker 1: those all those moments. Vals has been such a fun
Speaker 1: time learning about you. We actually have some questions from
Speaker 1: listeners for you. Uh. So we're gonna take a quick
Speaker 1: break and we'll come back with with some questions for
Speaker 1: vow stick around. Uh. We're back with val uh and
Speaker 1: we're gonna get to some some listener questions. But man,
Speaker 1: I've been wondering about this because I know that you
Speaker 1: and Max are fiercely competitive, but I also know that
Speaker 1: you are two men of high standard. And so to
Speaker 1: see your brother Umu and his wife raising their son,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, just to watch him as
Speaker 1: a father, um uh and a husband. What is it
Speaker 1: like for you to see this guy that you've always
Speaker 1: looked up to in a way but always you know,
Speaker 1: I got you among your heels, um, what is it
Speaker 1: like to see him step into this new role? Um hm.
Speaker 1: I don't want to use cliche words like I want
Speaker 1: to give it a deeper I guess definition, but yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it's incredible. That's the word. Uh. And now
Speaker 1: what it is? What it is really like? Um, it's
Speaker 1: a it's an incredible accomplishment, Like it's pride. You know.
Speaker 1: I'm just proud of him, seeing him uh entering fatherhood
Speaker 1: and and I think that's you know, he's been kind
Speaker 1: of that for me throughout my life. Like you mentioned,
Speaker 1: I looked up to him, but also he you know,
Speaker 1: and I said this in my best man's speech at
Speaker 1: his at his wedding. You know, it's um, it's hard
Speaker 1: to to understand our relationship, but you know, I've always
Speaker 1: enjoyed the wisdom of hindsight based on his you know,
Speaker 1: as he pulled those through life, you know, mistakes and uh,
Speaker 1: you know, this is one of those things. You know,
Speaker 1: he's the first to be to be a father, and
Speaker 1: I get to see him do amazing things and as
Speaker 1: as a father and also make certain mistakes and you know,
Speaker 1: yet again I get to benefit from from his rub drafts.
Speaker 1: But it's been beautiful and I'm inspiring, motivating for me
Speaker 1: to to realize, like damn, that there's a whole different
Speaker 1: life after having a child, and I can't wait to
Speaker 1: to to enjoy that part of my life. So you've
Speaker 1: been married two years with Jenna? Now is that what
Speaker 1: it is? A year? Officially? We had anniversary in April,
Speaker 1: but yeah, okay, So how were are your thoughts on
Speaker 1: I personally have four kids. I just had my fifteen
Speaker 1: year anniversary. I could sell a couple of days ago,
Speaker 1: but it defeated. Yeah. What you what you can't listeners
Speaker 1: can't see, is that you say that while you're holding
Speaker 1: your head. Kid's fifteen years. Yeah, it's been a journey,
Speaker 1: but it's it's awesome. I'll say that. Um so where
Speaker 1: are you? Where are you in thoughts with that? You're
Speaker 1: gonna have you thinking about kids? And I know people
Speaker 1: always say you've been married a year and they're like,
Speaker 1: when are the kids? And that's always frustrating, but just
Speaker 1: you know, what do you think? Yeah, like yesterday, but
Speaker 1: you know we're in a right uh and are you
Speaker 1: making announcement? Are you making an announce No? No, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no everywhere exactly, Well, they say, right, and maybe me
Speaker 1: sure you could attest to that, like there's never a
Speaker 1: perfect time to have a child, right, Yeah, it's never
Speaker 1: like a perfect plan. And both you know, my wife
Speaker 1: and I were like not control freaks, but we we
Speaker 1: need a plan, we you know. So this time right
Speaker 1: now is like really squeezing my anxiety gland like to
Speaker 1: the max, you know. So I'm not really comfortable with uncertainty.
Speaker 1: So I'm trying to embrace that. But in terms of
Speaker 1: starting a family, we we want to do with asa. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we want to do it right now. The time is right.
Speaker 1: I cannot wait to be a father, she cannot wait
Speaker 1: to be a mother. We cannot wait to continue you know,
Speaker 1: build our family. Um, and don't let I don't let
Speaker 1: my head holding discourage you. Right, being a father is
Speaker 1: for sure. I mean obviously have four. It's not like
Speaker 1: it's not something that that that that I didn't like.
Speaker 1: I love it. You know you have you don't have
Speaker 1: four kids by accident. So that's what I was about
Speaker 1: to say. You not. You talked about You talked about though,
Speaker 1: being two people who need a plan. As competitive dancers,
Speaker 1: as professional dancers, you you live for the routine and
Speaker 1: then you make it your own. Yeah. What is it
Speaker 1: like when you see her dancing with other people? When
Speaker 1: she sees you dancing with other people, and you know,
Speaker 1: you gotta get sometimes you gotta get the chemistry going,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? What is it like when
Speaker 1: you im mentioned it's like actors who watched their their
Speaker 1: their partners, Yeah, on screen, But what is it like
Speaker 1: for you? It again, you you evolved as a human
Speaker 1: and so your emotions to certain things and certain triggers,
Speaker 1: you know, they become a little bit more mature. Uh,
Speaker 1: it wasn't good. Now it's better, you know, like you know,
Speaker 1: it's it's not a good feeling, you know, but but
Speaker 1: you look it's a great feeling to see your wife
Speaker 1: succeed and and be celebrated and all of that. You know,
Speaker 1: when she won with Adam Ripon, I was all day,
Speaker 1: all day, every day, right, Um. But but this, you know,
Speaker 1: I've never really shared this, but there was a performance
Speaker 1: she had on a different show, uh, and it went viral.
Speaker 1: It was it was like, so, I mean, there was
Speaker 1: so much chemistry moved like one person. Oh, there was
Speaker 1: so much chemistry. And the dude was a man. You know,
Speaker 1: he was a man. Not not that Adam Ripon wasn't
Speaker 1: a man, but this dude was masculinity to the core.
Speaker 1: And she, you know, my wife is like one of
Speaker 1: the best, if not the best dancers in the world,
Speaker 1: and she was all a woman and together they created something.
Speaker 1: I was like, that's fired. The world reacted, and uh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I felt some type of way, but I didn't let
Speaker 1: that jealous whatever, you know, in the sense that I
Speaker 1: you know, and it wasn't the physicality as much as
Speaker 1: like I want to be I want to I want
Speaker 1: to make my girl laugh the hardest, you know, I
Speaker 1: want to make her look the sexiest. I want to
Speaker 1: be the reason why she's you know, appealing to the
Speaker 1: world is one of the like I want to be
Speaker 1: the the support system that makes her shine the brightest, right. Uh.
Speaker 1: And then at that moment, though, I was like, it's
Speaker 1: not about you and what you want, you know, it's
Speaker 1: about her and celebrating her. How did you and did
Speaker 1: you come to articulate that? Like did you did you
Speaker 1: did you come to her with the jealousy or did
Speaker 1: you come to her with the yeah you you you
Speaker 1: got that, you got that off, Yeah that you did that,
Speaker 1: you did that? No, first of all for its all celebration.
Speaker 1: I mean I was so happy for her. Um then
Speaker 1: when the time was right, you know, like I said
Speaker 1: that that's the timing is very important, and being authentic
Speaker 1: and honest is really important. And like that was a
Speaker 1: vulnerable moment for dude, that had you know, I'm getting
Speaker 1: my shine too. That's the thing. It was, like, I
Speaker 1: guess I confronted my feeling with with this like sense
Speaker 1: of you're such a hypocrite, bro, you are literally you know.
Speaker 1: For years, my thing was and I still preach it
Speaker 1: is that chemistry on the dance floor, you know, And
Speaker 1: it's it's you know, chemistry isn't just defined by sexual
Speaker 1: tension towards each other. It's that confaratie. It's that you know,
Speaker 1: like Pippen and Jordan had chemistry, you know, and if
Speaker 1: they didn't, I was just gonna sit. I was just
Speaker 1: gonna say you, you know, you in order to be
Speaker 1: a good team, you have to get along. You don't
Speaker 1: want a team, and Pippo and Jordan didn't get along,
Speaker 1: then that team is not as good. So you can't
Speaker 1: be jealous that they have a friendship the same way you.
Speaker 1: Obviously you look at something, but I think it probably
Speaker 1: correct me if I'm wrong. It probably helps that you
Speaker 1: also are a dancer, so you understand that chemistry with
Speaker 1: a partner. Yes, yes, And that's why I had to
Speaker 1: confront my emotion and with with many different angles, and
Speaker 1: one of them was that you know, hypocrisy of like, well,
Speaker 1: you you build and you want that same support from
Speaker 1: her in return, so why would you you know? And
Speaker 1: so and and then ultimately there was a conversation. I
Speaker 1: think that's the healing processes, like that conversation and me
Speaker 1: being vulnerable enough to like put my ego to the
Speaker 1: side of someone that I don't care and tell her like, yo,
Speaker 1: I care, you know, I saw you and I maybe
Speaker 1: maybe for the first time really saw you, you know,
Speaker 1: because of that su I mean this was a long
Speaker 1: long time ago. Um and uh, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: That was like so so it's a great question. Um
Speaker 1: and and it goes vice versa, you know, and we
Speaker 1: have to have you know, I think again, what you're
Speaker 1: afraid of? The things you don't know? Right as back
Speaker 1: to the current situation with Corona and the world, it's
Speaker 1: like uncertainties what trigger so much anxiety and stress and
Speaker 1: jealousy and this and that or whatever. The second you
Speaker 1: have dialogue and you you have some clarity, I mean,
Speaker 1: all of those things kind of subside a little bit.
Speaker 1: And so that's what happened, you know, anytime those things
Speaker 1: flare up, which they do naturally because we're human, we're passionate.
Speaker 1: I think the quicker you, um, the quicker you attack
Speaker 1: that in a conversation and just say, hey, you know,
Speaker 1: this is how I feel. Uh And I'm like, you know,
Speaker 1: I hear you. How can I make you feel better?
Speaker 1: You know? How can we solve that without COMPROMI Rising
Speaker 1: necessarily a really great thing because at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, we're performers. Were artists and you know, that's
Speaker 1: a relationship that we individually have built without you know
Speaker 1: that have nothing to do with it. So let's respect
Speaker 1: that relationship that we have. It's something that we invest
Speaker 1: in our entire life doing. It's it's it's important though,
Speaker 1: I think also to note to write that that kind
Speaker 1: of conversation requires two people who are willing to be responsible, right,
Speaker 1: two people willing to show up to a conversation and
Speaker 1: being responsible and allowing someone to show up, maybe imperfectly,
Speaker 1: giving them the grace to show up in perfectly, just
Speaker 1: so they can communicate themselves and then work from that
Speaker 1: point to build even stronger, stronger, right, Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: communication is key, I think in every every aspect of life. Um.
Speaker 1: Then the other thing is again boom. Dancing has served
Speaker 1: me well because I was a teammate with a female
Speaker 1: since I was a kid. You know, like I said,
Speaker 1: I love sports. I didn't see Michael Jackson and was like,
Speaker 1: I want to dance. I saw Michael Joe. I told
Speaker 1: you I saw Michael Jordan wanted to play ball. Uh
Speaker 1: you know which is that he is in literally a
Speaker 1: bull's jersey. This is this is rob but he's got Rodman,
Speaker 1: it's amazing, uh and and so. But but that camaraderie
Speaker 1: is what I love about ball in sports in general,
Speaker 1: is building a team with fellow humans and inspired that
Speaker 1: I'm I'm that dude. I'm on the court like, come on, man,
Speaker 1: let's go. You can you know take that? You know,
Speaker 1: I'm like the motivator, preaching type of dude on the court.
Speaker 1: Super annoying. I try to balance that out. Uh. But
Speaker 1: when it comes to competitive ballroom dance, that that that
Speaker 1: was my approach, Like I was in competitive ballroom dance,
Speaker 1: which is very different than just approach dance as this
Speaker 1: art form. For me, it was a sport and winning
Speaker 1: a world title was was was an athletic feat, not
Speaker 1: an artistic accomplishment, you know. And it was an athletic
Speaker 1: feat that I accomplished with my female partner, with my
Speaker 1: female teammate, you know. So I had to learn how
Speaker 1: to work and celebrate and get through the feet together
Speaker 1: with a young girl, a young female, a young woman,
Speaker 1: then a woman. You know. I stopped competing at twenty
Speaker 1: five when I joined Dancing with the Stars and and
Speaker 1: continue to compete with females but in a different format.
Speaker 1: But before that, it was you know, it was Pipping
Speaker 1: and Robin, I mean Tipping and rob. Uh. Yeah, the
Speaker 1: twoth comes out now we really yeah, yeah, okay, you're
Speaker 1: not you're not a Jordan fan at all. Uh Last
Speaker 1: Dance the documentary was probably crazy, you know, one of
Speaker 1: the few things that had gifted us, gifted the world
Speaker 1: and I appreciate that. So Jordan's and and the thing
Speaker 1: is watching that documentary, um, you know, humanize them even
Speaker 1: more of a word. But like it showed his flaws
Speaker 1: because we never had you know, there was no social media,
Speaker 1: so we didn't have access to such you know, his
Speaker 1: thought process of or you know, but the fact that
Speaker 1: he was a flawed man made now and all his
Speaker 1: comma even like being hundred even greater, absolutely because it's
Speaker 1: not real. Yeah. Yeah. Should we get to some should
Speaker 1: we get some of the listener questions, some of the
Speaker 1: fan questions, you know, all right, so some listen you
Speaker 1: are sending some questions for you val We're gonna start
Speaker 1: with this one from Ape Fisher. What's the hardest part
Speaker 1: about being a male dancer? How do you deal with stereotypes?
Speaker 1: How do you deal with jealousy, how do you deal
Speaker 1: with boners? Etcetera. Oh God, that's uh, you broke the
Speaker 1: ice to that last one. You said the hard I
Speaker 1: wonder if that was in the question or of Eastern
Speaker 1: just throw in the boner party. I mean, I've always
Speaker 1: wanted to know. Um, that's there's so many puns. I
Speaker 1: was gonna say, that's not the hardest part at all,
Speaker 1: but m mm hmmm, I mean there was there's like
Speaker 1: an evolution of it, you know. Yeah, it was hard
Speaker 1: in like middle school, high school. Um, I took about
Speaker 1: you know, I've earned those friends before I exposed that
Speaker 1: I was a dancer. You know, I didn't champion like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm a world champion dancer. I think that's why there
Speaker 1: was humility to that success as well, because I didn't
Speaker 1: really you know, I wasn't the starting quarterback of of
Speaker 1: you know, my high school football team where I really
Speaker 1: had all this social currency, like my success as a
Speaker 1: born dancer I enjoyed overseas like that's the thing, this
Speaker 1: is huge in Europe. And even being he broke here,
Speaker 1: I still you know, I had the parents that that
Speaker 1: got some money for me to be able to fly
Speaker 1: out to Germany and competed a world title and there
Speaker 1: I was a rock star, was a superstar, you know.
Speaker 1: Um so, so it was good. It was a great balance.
Speaker 1: But yeah, high school, middle school, but you get picked on.
Speaker 1: Did you get picked on or bullied at all for
Speaker 1: for dancing? Yeah, yeah, of course. But I think but
Speaker 1: once you don't know about Val is that he's also
Speaker 1: a scrapper. He's backing against the wall. Homeboy can hold
Speaker 1: his own, you know what I'm saying. Well, you know,
Speaker 1: as I said, you were probably so psyched when that
Speaker 1: whole dance battle thing came out and like fighting became
Speaker 1: like the dance off. That was like, so the thing
Speaker 1: is again that's that's a genre of dance. I wasn't
Speaker 1: a part of either. Like I wish I was a
Speaker 1: hip hop dancer growing up. I wish I loved the
Speaker 1: musical aspect that I was really kind of was great
Speaker 1: at that. But if you could imagine a scene at
Speaker 1: the dance, you know, you had people moving and again
Speaker 1: in middle school, being parked up against the wall and
Speaker 1: just just being grinded like that. I don't know, I
Speaker 1: feel like we're relatively the same age, but like that
Speaker 1: was dance. Yeah, I just appreciated against the wall and
Speaker 1: for some force for you know, that was definitely an
Speaker 1: element of dance, right, sweating on the dance wool I
Speaker 1: tell you what, well, yes see, yeah, for some exactly.
Speaker 1: And I was like, um, you know, without a partner,
Speaker 1: I'm like what do I do with my hands? You know?
Speaker 1: And so um, the coolest thing was being able to
Speaker 1: like take a girl even though she doesn't know how
Speaker 1: to dance, like dip her, turn her, you know, and
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden like damn, I want to
Speaker 1: learn how to do that. I don't care about you know,
Speaker 1: backflip or you know, learn how to break dance like that.
Speaker 1: And that's why I didn't never understood the bullying, you know,
Speaker 1: because obviously my my sexuality was being bullied mostly right,
Speaker 1: It's like you're soft, you're this, you're that. Um, I'm like,
Speaker 1: how is this? How is this me embracing a female
Speaker 1: and and and you know, having posture and having like
Speaker 1: a beautiful relationship, and like how is that? It didn't
Speaker 1: make it didn't make any sense. How that is less
Speaker 1: manly then, you know, snapping a leather ball out of
Speaker 1: another man's butt, you know, every every thirty seconds, and
Speaker 1: I don't want it to another in a jockstrap, Like
Speaker 1: I didn't understand that so anyway, but it's what you
Speaker 1: said before. It's it's the fear of not knowing stuff.
Speaker 1: It's the fear of not being able to do stuff.
Speaker 1: So it's the people that didn't have that. It's almost
Speaker 1: like a jealousy. So it's like I gotta pick on
Speaker 1: that because I can't do it. And frankly, if you
Speaker 1: look at it, it is such a such a hot
Speaker 1: and romantic thing with a man and a woman when
Speaker 1: they're dancing like that. So to have a guy that
Speaker 1: can't do it, I mean I didn't. I certainly wasn't
Speaker 1: the type of guy that picked on anybody when I
Speaker 1: was like, I didn't follow you or anything like that,
Speaker 1: but I didn't know. I'm not. I wasn't a good dancer.
Speaker 1: Like I worked up all the effort to ask a
Speaker 1: girl to dance and then I realized that, shut, I
Speaker 1: don't know, how what do we do next? Right? What
Speaker 1: happens now? Um? Yeah, it's uh. Dance had served me
Speaker 1: very well, Like I said, you know, life is in stages,
Speaker 1: and that's what I said. I posted a picture yesterday
Speaker 1: and Instagram with me like a fifteen with just fro
Speaker 1: and acne. And then it was like a side by
Speaker 1: side with me recently, and it's like if you're going
Speaker 1: through it, like like life, life gets better, you know,
Speaker 1: like your skin changes your your and same thing with
Speaker 1: with the with your interests. You know, I'm really lucky
Speaker 1: that I had enough uh positive reinforcement in my home.
Speaker 1: You know, at those international competitions that I didn't really like,
Speaker 1: it didn't consume me. The bullying in in in the school.
Speaker 1: You know a lot of people like school is their life,
Speaker 1: their social circle there. Like I just went to school
Speaker 1: and I lived outside of it. You know, I didn't
Speaker 1: consume me. I had other after school activities that exposed
Speaker 1: me to different worlds, uh, that embraced those differences. And then,
Speaker 1: like I said, I'm really grateful I didn't quit because
Speaker 1: now as an adult, I get to enjoy it's a
Speaker 1: skill set that's very specific and very unique and then
Speaker 1: really refined and like it serves me now. Those tools
Speaker 1: serve me in such a great way now, uh that
Speaker 1: I unfortunately wouldn't have had if I would have given up.
Speaker 1: I love that. I love that what you just said
Speaker 1: about the support sism, I think so much comes from
Speaker 1: from the support of a strong family and from the home.
Speaker 1: And I was the last of five kids, and then
Speaker 1: as I mentioned, I had four kids, and I think
Speaker 1: my family is so close and I don't think I do.
Speaker 1: I don't think I do nearly as much as I've
Speaker 1: done or become who I am, or have the confidence
Speaker 1: that I have if not for the support from from
Speaker 1: my parents, from my siblings, and from my family. And
Speaker 1: I think I think that's pretty cool that that you're
Speaker 1: admitting that. I think it's very inspirational too, because I
Speaker 1: think a lot of people need to know, like with
Speaker 1: my kids, listen, it's not about them doing what you
Speaker 1: want them to do, and it's not about them, it's
Speaker 1: about you know, understanding, like if if one of my
Speaker 1: kids asked me to do something, to go play something,
Speaker 1: or it's not whether I want to do it or not,
Speaker 1: it's I want them to know that that's okay to
Speaker 1: do and then and to experience that with them. And
Speaker 1: I think that's huge for kids nowadays. Yeah, it's uh,
Speaker 1: I was raised and again my my father still you
Speaker 1: look like my dad, no offense. I mean, wait, five
Speaker 1: minutes ago you said, well, my head is going back
Speaker 1: in my hand anyway, my uh, my dad again, he's
Speaker 1: he's a he's a man man, you know, uh, never dance,
Speaker 1: never this, never that. But yeah, he just raised us
Speaker 1: with the philosophy of like, it doesn't it doesn't matter
Speaker 1: what you do. Whatever you do, you gotta do it.
Speaker 1: You gotta stride for greatness. You know, just as long
Speaker 1: as you try your best and stride for greatness and
Speaker 1: put in the work, you could be You know, if
Speaker 1: you're gonna take out the trash, you better be the
Speaker 1: best senor, you know, sanitary worker on the planet. Like,
Speaker 1: if you're gonna host the party, you better be the
Speaker 1: best host in the world. If you're gonna dance, you
Speaker 1: better you better dance. You know, you better put in
Speaker 1: the work. Come on, Martin Luther King, Come on, Martin
Speaker 1: Luther Wait, but you didn't. I want to come back
Speaker 1: to one of the questions that was opposed by one
Speaker 1: of the listeners. You have had some of the most
Speaker 1: attractive partners. You dance in one of the most sensual
Speaker 1: positions and forms of dance that exists. What do you
Speaker 1: do when you're dancing? And it becomes all too real?
Speaker 1: He imagines Tom bergeron in his underwear. Guy, uh, have
Speaker 1: you been in that situation? I have never been in
Speaker 1: that situation. Wow, yeah, just you know, it's yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't know, it's um. I mean maybe I have, I
Speaker 1: don't I don't recall. Maybe when I was like fifteen,
Speaker 1: I have a situation, but you can't control exactly as
Speaker 1: an adult. I have never had that situation. That is
Speaker 1: not a you know, it's not an issue for me
Speaker 1: at all, um because, like I said, the sexuality is
Speaker 1: is is a byproduct of the commitment. You know, what
Speaker 1: makes me sexy, what makes my product appealing, what makes
Speaker 1: that chemistry is this undivided focus and um and commitment
Speaker 1: to this other person, to their physicality, to their essence,
Speaker 1: to their everything. It isn't like, you know, it's not
Speaker 1: like we come into all man and I'm like looking
Speaker 1: at her as the sexual thing. No, it's I'm looking
Speaker 1: you know, I'm looking at her as an incredible athlete, woman, artists,
Speaker 1: and I am just grateful to be able to enjoy
Speaker 1: movement with this person. I'm not looking. It doesn't matter
Speaker 1: who you are. Even when I dance with my wife, yes,
Speaker 1: I have uh, you know, love for her and an
Speaker 1: intimacy for her in our performances. But like I said,
Speaker 1: it's not a you know, sensuality is very different from sexuality, right,
Speaker 1: So I'm not like, oh man, I got hard just thinking. No,
Speaker 1: it's like it's just that's not where, That's not the
Speaker 1: wavelength that I you know, that that that ad oppers
Speaker 1: rate song at all. Right, Hey, we have time for
Speaker 1: let's do one more email. This is someone looking for
Speaker 1: some advice from you guys. Uh. This is from Annie.
Speaker 1: She says. My husband and I have been together for
Speaker 1: almost twenty three years. Connection and sex were okay up
Speaker 1: until the end of last year. I felt depressed, stressed,
Speaker 1: and unappreciated. We were both unhappy with our relationship, with
Speaker 1: no love or appreciation for one another, so we decided
Speaker 1: to have weekly discussions to check in with each other.
Speaker 1: It was good for about a week until I discovered
Speaker 1: he was flirting with a coworker via text. I confronted
Speaker 1: him and he admitted to it, and he assured me
Speaker 1: it was done. So we moved on. But things still
Speaker 1: feel the same. Why is he being stagnant? How can
Speaker 1: I help him with this transition period without driving him away? Damn?
Speaker 1: And that was pre quarantine, right, I mean, I want
Speaker 1: to tread tread advice carefully. Yeah, I'll follow you lead
Speaker 1: on that. I mean, I think that the thing is,
Speaker 1: it's I I question they're having their weekly conversations, but
Speaker 1: I wonder what what they're talking about. I think obviously
Speaker 1: communication is huge in a relationship, and I think it's
Speaker 1: nice that they're checking in with each other. But they
Speaker 1: called it a check in, and so that to me
Speaker 1: means I don't know if they're if they're talking about
Speaker 1: their feelings or if they're just say, hey, are you okay?
Speaker 1: Are you? I think it comes down to what they're
Speaker 1: what they're talking about, like when you go to a therapist,
Speaker 1: and sometimes you know what, there's nothing wrong with therapy,
Speaker 1: so maybe they need somebody to help moderate that conversation,
Speaker 1: you know. So uh, maybe it's maybe it's a matter
Speaker 1: of what they're talking about. And because we can have
Speaker 1: check in with somebody and it's very if it's very
Speaker 1: surface level, then you're not getting to what you're actually feeling.
Speaker 1: So I think part of that is probably what their communication.
Speaker 1: Yeah right, but us us like, so you step up
Speaker 1: the communication. It sounds like they from from based on
Speaker 1: the the just a note, you know, um, trying not
Speaker 1: to make too many assumptions about where relationship is or
Speaker 1: what's happening or not happening there, but right, so you
Speaker 1: step up the communication, Like you said, the communication is
Speaker 1: about like checking in, like what's not right? Perhaps is
Speaker 1: the is the assumption is like, let's talk about what's
Speaker 1: not right in our relationship without the focus on what
Speaker 1: still does work right? And it doesn't have to be
Speaker 1: necessarily the sexual part of their relationship or you know,
Speaker 1: but maybe their partnership and living together. What parts of
Speaker 1: that do work? Um? How are we amping that up?
Speaker 1: How are we highlighting that? Um? And then also like
Speaker 1: instead of her, it seems to me she's focusing a
Speaker 1: lot on how to fix him, how to make him better,
Speaker 1: how to get him to a place where he feels better.
Speaker 1: There's two people in a relationship. And if we are
Speaker 1: are unhappy, you are, I think you at some point
Speaker 1: you also have to look at like why am I unhappy?
Speaker 1: Or am I unhappy? Um? And is am I bringing
Speaker 1: my best self to our relationship? Before the check in?
Speaker 1: That's true and it's you have to be you have
Speaker 1: to be happy in order and be, like you said,
Speaker 1: be your best self in order for you know, you
Speaker 1: can't just be like, I gotta fix this person. And
Speaker 1: if it's not working, if if that's not making you happy,
Speaker 1: if you're not in a good place, then that you're
Speaker 1: never gonna get to that place where you're genuinely yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's most of the issues them from my I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna speak on my own behalf, like from
Speaker 1: my own insecurities, you know, And I'm like, thanks that
Speaker 1: in me somehow help you know there, yeah, you out
Speaker 1: there or you might you know, my wife, fix me please,
Speaker 1: because I'm not happy with myself. Uh, when I'm when
Speaker 1: when I'm happy with myself, I cannot wait to love
Speaker 1: the world like I will love my wife, I would
Speaker 1: love my friends, I would love you know. I'm just
Speaker 1: glowing because I'm you know, I'm I'm fulfilled, I'm satisfied,
Speaker 1: and I'm loving myself in a way right now. Let
Speaker 1: me ask you this about is there ever a time
Speaker 1: in dancing where you're working with your partner, you're rehearsing
Speaker 1: and you're just not getting It's just you're just not
Speaker 1: getting something down correctly. Is there ever a time where
Speaker 1: it's like okay, rather than keep repeating it and trying
Speaker 1: to get that moved down. Do you ever step back
Speaker 1: and take a different approach, maybe talk about something else,
Speaker 1: take your mind off. And so it's not it's not
Speaker 1: different than a relationship. When something is not working, don't
Speaker 1: just keep jamming at the problem and like we gotta
Speaker 1: fix this, we gotta fix this. You step back and
Speaker 1: sometimes let all the others. Maybe there's another stress that's
Speaker 1: stopping you from from doing this. So I think in
Speaker 1: a relationship is the same thing. Stop focusing on the well,
Speaker 1: we're not having sex. We're not having sex, but maybe
Speaker 1: there's a reason. Maybe, as you said, Scott, maybe I'm
Speaker 1: unhappy and maybe if we can kind of talk through
Speaker 1: and work other things, then all this other stuff will
Speaker 1: fall into place. It's not always the obvious thing. It's
Speaker 1: it's not always the glaring problem that's the real issue.
Speaker 1: And as like the single dude here right, um uh,
Speaker 1: having some real reservations about getting into a relationship until
Speaker 1: I feel whole myself, right like, until I feel like
Speaker 1: I am holy and completely myself as much as I
Speaker 1: can get myself to be before stepping into a relationship
Speaker 1: with someone expecting them to complete me, expecting them to
Speaker 1: finish me, expecting them to make me better. I think
Speaker 1: one of them the things I try to focus on
Speaker 1: in a relationship or when I'm entering a relationship is
Speaker 1: what can I offer right, not like what can you
Speaker 1: do for me? Right? And I've noticed that even in interviews,
Speaker 1: even in friendships and relationships, I've noticed that if you
Speaker 1: can take the approach of how can I be of service?
Speaker 1: How can I how can I what do I bring
Speaker 1: to this table um can sometimes shift the energy enough,
Speaker 1: like you said, to kind of shake some other things free. Right.
Speaker 1: I agree for a hundred said, but I want to
Speaker 1: go back to something you said. You said you gotta
Speaker 1: find as a single person, I gotta get myself in
Speaker 1: the in the best possible place to then get in
Speaker 1: a relationship. And I don't think that's a hundred percent true,
Speaker 1: never as funny as soon as it's the same thing
Speaker 1: as we were talking about having kids, like you're never
Speaker 1: going to be in a hundred not everything is going
Speaker 1: to come together and be like, oh, I'm a hundred
Speaker 1: percent ready to have kids. I'm a hundred percent ready
Speaker 1: to be because that relationship is going to as you said,
Speaker 1: you give something and they give something and may complete you.
Speaker 1: That relationship is going to continue your growth as to
Speaker 1: who you are. You're never it's not like you're like
Speaker 1: you're buying a house and you're like, I'm financially I'm
Speaker 1: set and now i can have a house and i
Speaker 1: can live in. That's not what a relationship is, and
Speaker 1: that's not what having kids is. So you're never going
Speaker 1: to be ready because that because you can't be a
Speaker 1: hundred percent ready for whoever somebody is that you don't know,
Speaker 1: because that's about the messagement you, guys. And as far
Speaker 1: as a kid, you're never You're never gonna be like
Speaker 1: a hundred percent. Like I'll say this, when we had
Speaker 1: our first child, my daughter, she was she it was
Speaker 1: almost as if she knew that we were first time parents,
Speaker 1: and she really helped us. She really helped us ease
Speaker 1: into the whole thing because we we were never going
Speaker 1: to be fully prepared. It doesn't matter how many nieces
Speaker 1: and nephews you have, You're never fully prepared until you
Speaker 1: have that kid. And so to to Scott's point, what
Speaker 1: I'm saying to that is the same thing with a relationship.
Speaker 1: You will never be like, Okay, now I'm ready for
Speaker 1: a relationship. You will never be ready for that, for
Speaker 1: that relationship until you're in it. True. Well, it's also
Speaker 1: being open to use the word mesh like and I am.
Speaker 1: You know, It's it's like dogs, you know, they start
Speaker 1: looking like the owner after a while. Your your reflection
Speaker 1: of the first of all the people that you can
Speaker 1: surround yourself with, and also obviously your partner because as
Speaker 1: the person you you spend the most time with your
Speaker 1: your your wife, your significant other. Uh. And so yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean you have to there are things that I
Speaker 1: love myself that I don't want to compromise. But at
Speaker 1: the same time, like I am open to to to
Speaker 1: you know, I'm elastic to changing with this person. I
Speaker 1: want to you know, the reason why I love her
Speaker 1: is because that somebody I don't mind remixing my personality with,
Speaker 1: you know, like her and I are shaping each other together. Uh.
Speaker 1: And again, maybe you know, I'm also evolving. I don't
Speaker 1: I don't know everything. Um. And I find myself now
Speaker 1: actually starting to draw some boundaries and and and we're
Speaker 1: having that conversation of like, you know, like this is
Speaker 1: the part of me that I don't want to you know,
Speaker 1: compromise or just like this is something that I would
Speaker 1: love for you to just understand and accept and same
Speaker 1: thing you know about her. But for the most part,
Speaker 1: that common ground it's it's always evolving. It's I do
Speaker 1: want to clarify because when I don't necessarily mean UM,
Speaker 1: but I also feel like the advice, the wisdom in
Speaker 1: both of your reactions to that is UM super worthwhile, right,
Speaker 1: Like there's value and understanding that UM, being open to
Speaker 1: life as it unfolds to you and growing with a
Speaker 1: person because that's the point of the relationship, right, that's
Speaker 1: the point of UM. Advancing through life with a partner
Speaker 1: is to become better together. Right, I'm just saying, and
Speaker 1: I understand that. I'm just saying. I feel like in
Speaker 1: so many instances my peers, people feel like, by this age,
Speaker 1: I gotta do this thing. So they enter these relate
Speaker 1: into relationships with milestones as opposed to UM, um who
Speaker 1: they really are, right and so and so they enter
Speaker 1: relationships with people who are undeveloped as they are undeveloped
Speaker 1: and have no capability of like building anything together, and
Speaker 1: so they just argue and they just fight and then
Speaker 1: they break up. Right. So, just trying to develop myself
Speaker 1: in the best way, Um, I know how so that
Speaker 1: when my partner does show up in my life and
Speaker 1: I do feel like you do know in a lot
Speaker 1: of ways, in a lot of instances, you do know
Speaker 1: this is I think this is gonna be my person,
Speaker 1: And I think, yeah, I think that's true. And I
Speaker 1: and I agree with that. There's no there's no those
Speaker 1: age guidelines. I should be buried by this time, I
Speaker 1: should be in a relationship, I should have kids, But
Speaker 1: none of that matters because there's no everybody's different and
Speaker 1: every chemistry in a relationship is different. Everyone's life is different,
Speaker 1: andyone's background is different. So it depends on when it's
Speaker 1: right for you, and when it's right, it happens. And
Speaker 1: like you said, then you you kind of know, you know, hey,
Speaker 1: this is the person I want to be with. Hey,
Speaker 1: this is I want to be a dad, you know,
Speaker 1: and that type of stuff just clicks. But to make
Speaker 1: decisions based on ages so are very it's just yeah.
Speaker 1: And then also like uh, just expectation wise, like it's
Speaker 1: not Kumbaya forever after like that you're gonna have chemistry
Speaker 1: and fall in love and then let's it. That's the
Speaker 1: right person. Even with the right person there will be
Speaker 1: uncertain times and some times of you know, going back
Speaker 1: and forth, and it's not gonna be perfect. It's just
Speaker 1: a matter of finding somebody you're willing to work with
Speaker 1: and and and build with. When did you know that Jenna,
Speaker 1: for you vow was the one that you wanted that
Speaker 1: When did she show up in your life? And you
Speaker 1: were like, yep, uh, probably as she said, not when
Speaker 1: how how did she show up in your life? Like, well,
Speaker 1: she showed up in my life. I had sexual chemistry
Speaker 1: with her, you know, the physical chemistry. Uh. Then we
Speaker 1: worked a lot together. You know, she before becoming a
Speaker 1: pro on the show. She she assisted me on almost
Speaker 1: all the choreography that I've done on that show when
Speaker 1: she joined the show. So and in that process. Again,
Speaker 1: maybe it's because my relationship with dance, Maybe it was
Speaker 1: relationship with how important that situation was her being a
Speaker 1: companion for me and a support system and my partner
Speaker 1: beyond again our intimacy, uh man, My gratitude for her
Speaker 1: was huge, right, So I was like so grateful to
Speaker 1: her and how unconditionally she she was willing to help
Speaker 1: me anytime. Um, but I had no real Again, it's
Speaker 1: it's kind of it will kind of prove your point
Speaker 1: a little bit. I decided when I decided for myself,
Speaker 1: like I wanted to do this. This feels like it's
Speaker 1: something that I wanna, you know, I want to build.
Speaker 1: I want to plan some seeds with someone, you know,
Speaker 1: I want to I want to build something in, something relevant,
Speaker 1: something that would be here for a long time, rather
Speaker 1: than just you know, jumping around and like again, that
Speaker 1: was a big thing for me because I a lot
Speaker 1: of my a lot of my confidence came from the
Speaker 1: discovery of, you know, of other females. Like this doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that I was sleeping around all the time. It
Speaker 1: wasn't even about sex. It was really about conversation and
Speaker 1: discovery and that whole curiosity um a lot of my
Speaker 1: you know, it's it's maybe I wouldn't say I would
Speaker 1: go as far as I had an issue, but like
Speaker 1: a lot of a lot of my insecurities were healed
Speaker 1: or that it was like a little band aid placed
Speaker 1: on some sort of insecurity that I would have with
Speaker 1: that that those relationships, and after a while I was like,
Speaker 1: this is just a this isn't sustainable and this isn't
Speaker 1: something that I want to live with like, what am
Speaker 1: I waiting for. I have someone in front of me
Speaker 1: that's you know, that that I truly love and that
Speaker 1: I see an incredible heart in and and just you
Speaker 1: know her values are similar and aligned with me. You
Speaker 1: know that I feel like this. You're not gonna You're
Speaker 1: not gonna find somebody that's perfectly compatible. But like, as
Speaker 1: long as you have like a core belief system that
Speaker 1: is somehow in aligned, then everything else can be you know,
Speaker 1: can be adjusted and it's and it's right, and it's
Speaker 1: it's what you said. You're like, oh, I was jumping around,
Speaker 1: it's not And then I thought, oh, this is it
Speaker 1: started to click in your head. This is kind of
Speaker 1: what I want to do now. I think I'm ready
Speaker 1: for a relationship because you met the person that all
Speaker 1: of a sudden you realize that this is, this is
Speaker 1: I want to explore more. This is bringing out something more,
Speaker 1: because if you were with the wrong person, it doesn't
Speaker 1: matter what age you were, you weren't Like this is
Speaker 1: why I think I'm ready for this now, This this
Speaker 1: feels right because it wouldn't do right. Maybe you'd make
Speaker 1: a decision and you haven't obviously in the past. Maybe
Speaker 1: you'd make a decision and say, oh this, I should
Speaker 1: do this, but you would know that it's not right
Speaker 1: and we gotta wrap in a second. But I want
Speaker 1: to say back to that other email, um, and because
Speaker 1: we're talking relationships and stuff, UM. Recently, like you know,
Speaker 1: fifteen years of marriage, four kids doesn't come It's not
Speaker 1: like every day is awesome and every days you know,
Speaker 1: there's no arguments. But I'll say recently, my wife and
Speaker 1: I were on a zoom call the school, like all
Speaker 1: like hundreds of parents were on this thing and we're
Speaker 1: watching it, and the chat was coming up and some
Speaker 1: parents were asking some ridiculous questions and stuff, and I
Speaker 1: just kind of muted it. We were on mute anyway,
Speaker 1: and I turned and my wife and I started laughing.
Speaker 1: We started kind of joking about some of the comments
Speaker 1: that were coming up and stuff, and we just sat
Speaker 1: and we started laughing, and it was like it was
Speaker 1: almost like we were on our first date again. It's
Speaker 1: like all the stress, and that's what I was saying about,
Speaker 1: sometimes you gotta step away all the stress of having
Speaker 1: four kids and and both of us working and being
Speaker 1: home and quarantine and all this stuff. All that for
Speaker 1: like for five minutes, all that disappeared, and then it
Speaker 1: was like it was just this great moment. And so
Speaker 1: I think sometimes in a relationship where one that one
Speaker 1: email twenty three years in all of a sudden, sometimes
Speaker 1: it's just about stepping back and finding finding that thing again.
Speaker 1: So it's like everything. It's like it's like everything in life.
Speaker 1: You know, the more time you commit to it, the
Speaker 1: more effort, the more pride you will have in it.
Speaker 1: And I think that was a moment I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm not proud of any of this, you know, like
Speaker 1: none of none of this. Well, that's a that's a word,
Speaker 1: that's a whole I'm not that's a whole word. Like
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Like I'm not proud of none of this.
Speaker 1: I want to build something I'm proud of. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: then that's it. Then, Jenna, exactly, and I'm so proud
Speaker 1: of That's again, it's not it's not easy. I think
Speaker 1: people should stop looking for shortcuts, you know, like embrace
Speaker 1: that it's tough, and embrace the fact that there's gonna
Speaker 1: be more, you know, peaks and valleys, so to speak
Speaker 1: right and of and and seek help as well. And
Speaker 1: guys like I am very open to therapy. I we
Speaker 1: we haven't had any yet, uh, but um, you know,
Speaker 1: if we ever get to that point, I'm very open
Speaker 1: to to therapy and help because again, I'm very proud
Speaker 1: of us, and I want us to continue to build
Speaker 1: something that you know, with time, I could look back
Speaker 1: and be proud of. I feel like I feel like
Speaker 1: the three hopefully for the listeners too, I like the
Speaker 1: three of us have really helped each other, and I,
Speaker 1: for one, I look forward to hearing about Scott's relationship
Speaker 1: and I look forward to vow. When you guys announced
Speaker 1: that you're having away and you're naming him Demitri after me,
Speaker 1: this is really bad. This is really really nice scene
Speaker 1: right now. By the way, I don't know if you're
Speaker 1: still struggling with that, but Dmitri is a dope name.
Speaker 1: I love it. I love it. Yeah, yeah, demon, you
Speaker 1: know it's short demon in Russian. I don't know if
Speaker 1: you have that same And yeah, I don't get. I
Speaker 1: don't get. I have friends that had that a game.
Speaker 1: But so when you were telling all that story, like
Speaker 1: I grew up in New York parents Greek, and but
Speaker 1: I was just in the other I was in a story.
Speaker 1: So we weren't I was about But before before we
Speaker 1: go anything, you want to tell everybody the listeners have
Speaker 1: any plugs, anything they want to, you know, where they
Speaker 1: can find you. You're certainly you know, you have an
Speaker 1: inspirational story, and I think people might be interested in
Speaker 1: reaching out and hearing more. You have a Instagram or
Speaker 1: anything like that you want people to check out? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have an Instagram Valentine at Valentine, no e, just Valentine. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: I again, I you know, I have a lot of
Speaker 1: things to plug. I don't. I don't really, you know,
Speaker 1: just go on my account you'll see stuff that I plugged.
Speaker 1: But I'm very grateful to to to have the attention
Speaker 1: and the platform, and I just try to be as
Speaker 1: productive with it as possible. You know, Fame without a
Speaker 1: causes is a nuisance, you know to me? So um,
Speaker 1: you know, I just I want to I want to
Speaker 1: be able to serve the world as much as I
Speaker 1: can with this megaphone that I have at the moment.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't know how much longer I'll have it,
Speaker 1: So that's it. I think you'll have it for a while.
Speaker 1: Family without causes a nuisance. I love that. That's fantastic. Hey,
Speaker 1: are you gonna be in the fall? Dancing was starting
Speaker 1: with the stars? Masks are no mask was the deal.
Speaker 1: I don't know those those details yet, those safety precautions,
Speaker 1: I don't know yet. Who knows tomorrow they'll come out
Speaker 1: with an article that masks are actually bad for you.
Speaker 1: So that's true hanging in as long as you don't,
Speaker 1: as long as you don't go to the seventh grade,
Speaker 1: six ft apart dance room. For Jesus, even the spirit
Speaker 1: wear your masks, Guys, I don't. I don't want to.
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't want to spread any misinformation. I'm
Speaker 1: excited for the full I think the world needs a
Speaker 1: little dancing with the stars, you know. And I I'm
Speaker 1: excited for the cast. I'm excited for again. I just
Speaker 1: miss dance. I miss It's such a big part of
Speaker 1: my life that uh, you know, it gave you so
Speaker 1: much purpose and so much joy, and you know, also
Speaker 1: it's kind of nurturing a little injury, and I'm not
Speaker 1: as active, and so yeah, it would be a lot,
Speaker 1: you know. Back to that other conversation we had, Scott,
Speaker 1: It's it's not a pillar that you should lean on,
Speaker 1: but it would be a lot harder without Jenna, without
Speaker 1: my wife being here with me. And so it's special
Speaker 1: shout out to people that are quarantine and in isolation
Speaker 1: alone and and don't have people. So that's another place
Speaker 1: where my platform, uh, you know, I want to capitalize
Speaker 1: on being a place where you could be part of
Speaker 1: a community that you know, so you feel less alone.
Speaker 1: I try to check in with people all the time
Speaker 1: and again spread the good fortune that I'm I'm lucky
Speaker 1: enough to have the only thing I don't want you
Speaker 1: to think about, um after this conversation while you're dancing
Speaker 1: or dancing with the stars, don't think, by any means
Speaker 1: because of this conversation that people are gonna be looking
Speaker 1: to see if you get a bone or at any
Speaker 1: point they say the demetri What you don't know is
Speaker 1: that their entire websites dedicated to the possibility and the
Speaker 1: judgment of But it's like it's incredible. But that's what
Speaker 1: happens when you when you win the mirror ball more
Speaker 1: than once, you know what I mean. It comes with
Speaker 1: the territory. Scott, anything you'd like to say before we
Speaker 1: sign off, Well, I think first I just want to
Speaker 1: thank you Dmitri and Um Brooks and the entire team
Speaker 1: here for creating this space where people can come or
Speaker 1: they can show up right um and offer a bit
Speaker 1: of themselves and the hopes that it blesses some listeners
Speaker 1: life um, but also that the conversations themselves can bless
Speaker 1: the participants of the conversation. UM. It's a really every
Speaker 1: time I've i've I've seen this thing, I've heard this thing,
Speaker 1: or been a part of this thing, it has been
Speaker 1: UM affirming in a way of whether I learned something
Speaker 1: new or I'm triggered and I gotta like check myself,
Speaker 1: or um, I am able to help a friend through
Speaker 1: something that they're dealing with, you know, as a result
Speaker 1: of listening to some of the wisdom that's that's shared here.
Speaker 1: And so I'm just I'm thankful that for men in particular,
Speaker 1: this space exists where real, um, beneficial conversation can be shared. UM,
Speaker 1: that is beyond some of the surface stuff we find
Speaker 1: ourselves in so often because we're sometimes more comfortable there.
Speaker 1: So I just want to say thank you. UM. I
Speaker 1: am Scott Evans on everything. So if you ever want
Speaker 1: to check you out any of the stuff that I'm
Speaker 1: on Uh, don't hesitate. And you know, while you're waiting
Speaker 1: on Dance with the Stars to return, there is a
Speaker 1: dance show on NBC right now ten pm. It's called
Speaker 1: World to check it out. Um, but you know Shame's
Speaker 1: plug and every night on Access Hollywood. So but but
Speaker 1: in reality and in all seriousness, I value the way
Speaker 1: value show up to your life. I appreciate the way
Speaker 1: that you own not just your victories, um, but your
Speaker 1: mistakes and how they don't how neither one of those things,
Speaker 1: in particular or singularly, um, uh, determine what your value is, right,
Speaker 1: It's the accumulation of all of them. I'm more proud
Speaker 1: of my mistakes than than even some of my victories,
Speaker 1: like like, like what I said about Jordan's and last dance. Again,
Speaker 1: I'm not referencing basketball and time, but like, um, it
Speaker 1: makes me more human, which makes all the pluses that
Speaker 1: much more of an accomplishment. So I'm just as proud
Speaker 1: of the mistakes that I made. I genuinely mean that, um,
Speaker 1: as much as I you know the times that I've
Speaker 1: lost as much as I I have one so equally,
Speaker 1: but thank you, And I second with what you said
Speaker 1: about the space it's it's dope to you know, to
Speaker 1: be in an environment that isn't preaching but just sharing.
Speaker 1: You learn a lot more from I mean, I think
Speaker 1: people are much more receptive in that in that sphere.
Speaker 1: That's very nice that it's very kind of both you
Speaker 1: and you know, a lot of people say it's nice
Speaker 1: that we have this thing, but you know what, we
Speaker 1: learn a lot as we're doing these two and they're
Speaker 1: inspirational for us. And and you know, no one knows everything,
Speaker 1: so it's nice. It's nice to have us for guys
Speaker 1: to sit down and and put down the guards and
Speaker 1: you know, and have real conversation. So I'm glad that
Speaker 1: we're able to do it as well. And I thank
Speaker 1: you both for joining us. And this has been another
Speaker 1: episode of how men Think. I think Brooks will probably
Speaker 1: say love one another, hug one another or something like that.
Speaker 1: I forget, forget it his favorite tagus. But thanks for
Speaker 1: joining us, and we'll see you next time.