1 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:06,160 Speaker 1: For me, I think all of success in light, all 2 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,960 Speaker 1: the meeting of life is about building up, blessing, empower 3 00:00:09,039 --> 00:00:12,240 Speaker 1: and serving others. And if we don't take the opportunity 4 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,360 Speaker 1: to get to know our players on a personal level 5 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:16,919 Speaker 1: and we just treat them as a roster number, we're 6 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:19,720 Speaker 1: failing them miserably. Once we get to know them as people, 7 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,320 Speaker 1: as human beings, we get to see beyond the player 8 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:24,840 Speaker 1: and see the person that makes a world of difference. 9 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:29,680 Speaker 2: This is the Reform Sports Project, a podcast about restoring 10 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:32,879 Speaker 2: healthy balance and perspective in all areas of sports through 11 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:37,680 Speaker 2: education and advocacy. Hi, this is Nick Bonacort from the 12 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:41,760 Speaker 2: Reform Sports Podcast. Today, I'm speaking with Kurt Heines, longtime 13 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:45,839 Speaker 2: football coach, former D three player, and sought after keynote speaker, 14 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,720 Speaker 2: a high school football coach for over two decades, Coach 15 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:51,400 Speaker 2: Hines currently serves as head coach at Corn out of 16 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:54,200 Speaker 2: High School in San Diego. Coach Hines and I discuss 17 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:57,080 Speaker 2: why quitting isn't always a bad thing, the importance of 18 00:00:57,120 --> 00:01:00,800 Speaker 2: treating athletes like human beings as opposed to roster and 19 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:02,920 Speaker 2: why he hopes to be remembered as a coach who 20 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:06,039 Speaker 2: was passionate about the game, but even more passionate about 21 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:09,680 Speaker 2: the people back in the fight. Got another awesome guest. Man, 22 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:11,480 Speaker 2: I love this dude. A lot of you may know him, 23 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:14,360 Speaker 2: big time presence on social media, someone that's been putting 24 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:17,720 Speaker 2: out just championship level content for the longest time. I 25 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:19,919 Speaker 2: love his energy, love his vibe, and he's just helping 26 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:23,199 Speaker 2: the youth of our country through sports for so long. 27 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:27,120 Speaker 2: Head football coach keynote speaker, all around just awesome guy. 28 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:29,880 Speaker 2: Coach Kurt Hines coach, thanks so much for hopping on, 29 00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:30,920 Speaker 2: brother Nick. 30 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,640 Speaker 3: Thanks for having me on. I'll tell you it. With 31 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:35,400 Speaker 3: an introduction like that, I hesitate to say another word. 32 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:37,120 Speaker 3: Is all going to go downhill from here? 33 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:40,119 Speaker 4: Oh my god? And did I mention extremely humble? While 34 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:41,280 Speaker 4: we're at it? Throw that in there. 35 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:43,720 Speaker 1: I was hoping you're going to say, did you mention 36 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:45,920 Speaker 1: extremely good looking? But you owned the humble part, So 37 00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:48,320 Speaker 1: I'll take that very. 38 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:51,320 Speaker 2: Good looking dude as well. Man, I'm pumped to have you. Obviously, 39 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,760 Speaker 2: we've spoken several times and it's great to have you 40 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:56,000 Speaker 2: back on. And Man, here's where I want to start 41 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,720 Speaker 2: with your coaches, is you know you always put out 42 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:03,320 Speaker 2: great videos more motivational. You're teaching, you're inspiring. But one 43 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,760 Speaker 2: video you put out, I believe it was last year. Man, 44 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:09,520 Speaker 2: it really went viral beyond belief, and it was video 45 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:11,840 Speaker 2: in which you talked about how a young man came 46 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:15,600 Speaker 2: into your office and quit, you know, quit the football team. 47 00:02:15,639 --> 00:02:17,799 Speaker 2: And when the video started, I can't quote a word 48 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:20,040 Speaker 2: for word, but you kind of first started talking about 49 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,560 Speaker 2: how you know, someone come in and they quit, and 50 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,959 Speaker 2: you were like, man, I'm so proud of him. I'm 51 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,240 Speaker 2: so proud of him. He had his all his stuff 52 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:29,959 Speaker 2: was folded and washed. He told you it wasn't for him. 53 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:33,600 Speaker 2: And in an era where everyone's like, don't quit nothing, 54 00:02:33,639 --> 00:02:36,720 Speaker 2: you know, this isn't Why was that? Why was that 55 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:39,840 Speaker 2: in that circumstance? And I guess talk about why is 56 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:43,000 Speaker 2: it okay sometimes for kids to step aside and say, hey, 57 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,679 Speaker 2: this isn't for me, and I guess, in essence quit. 58 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:47,239 Speaker 3: Yeah. Now, I appreciate you that you asked that question. 59 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:50,480 Speaker 3: It's funny because I remember, like it was yesterday. I've 60 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,480 Speaker 3: been coaching high school football. I've been left to coaching 61 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:52,880 Speaker 3: now for. 62 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:57,320 Speaker 1: Twenty six years, and I always tell our football players, this. 63 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:57,919 Speaker 3: Isn't for everyone. 64 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,840 Speaker 1: You know you decided you're not passionate about it. Don't 65 00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:02,880 Speaker 1: let me find out from your buddies. Come in, as 66 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:07,240 Speaker 1: you mentioned, with just your equipment, every jersey, everything washed folded, 67 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 1: handed it in and shake my hand and tell me 68 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:12,639 Speaker 1: the real reason. This young man you're referring to. His 69 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,200 Speaker 1: brother was on the team a year older, and his 70 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:15,960 Speaker 1: brother was a stud. 71 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:16,720 Speaker 3: Came early to. 72 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:18,720 Speaker 1: Every practice, would stay late, that type of kid that 73 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:21,400 Speaker 1: just he had the intangibles and he was just a 74 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:25,560 Speaker 1: really good athlete. The younger brother who quit, came to 75 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:28,839 Speaker 1: practice on time, come late a little bit, was never 76 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:31,160 Speaker 1: a discipline problem, a great young man, but I never 77 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:35,000 Speaker 1: saw him enjoying football, not during practices, not during games. 78 00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:37,720 Speaker 1: And he came in one day before practice and I 79 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,480 Speaker 1: saw he had his bag over his shoulder. So it 80 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:43,040 Speaker 1: was about ten fifteen minutes before practice, and I said, hey, 81 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:43,560 Speaker 1: sit down. 82 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:43,960 Speaker 3: For a second. 83 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:46,840 Speaker 1: And you could just see that the stress and maybe 84 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:49,360 Speaker 1: fear in his eyes. He said, tell me where your 85 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:51,320 Speaker 1: heart is. And he said, Coach, you know we're a 86 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:54,320 Speaker 1: football family. And I said we'll stop there, said who's 87 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:55,080 Speaker 1: a football family? 88 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,560 Speaker 3: And he looked at me and he goes, well, my 89 00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:00,680 Speaker 3: brother and my mom and dad, and then just stopped. 90 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,520 Speaker 3: I said, are you passionate about football? He is? 91 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,560 Speaker 1: Now, I said, I'm proud of you. And I remember 92 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:07,320 Speaker 1: on the video I said something to the effect of 93 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,280 Speaker 1: I think what I had written was I had a 94 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:10,160 Speaker 1: young man come in and quit. 95 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:11,080 Speaker 3: I couldn't be happier. 96 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,119 Speaker 1: And it's funny because some people must have just read 97 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,760 Speaker 1: the caption and not watched the video and came after 98 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:19,159 Speaker 1: me like, shame on you, you had a coaching And then 99 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:21,320 Speaker 1: in the video I proceeded to go on and say 100 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:23,520 Speaker 1: that I think too many of us live our lives 101 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:25,320 Speaker 1: to try to please others. 102 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:27,040 Speaker 3: Mom and dad. With the best of intentions. 103 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,880 Speaker 1: We go to college for mom and dad, or we 104 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,000 Speaker 1: get a career at a certain age, you get married 105 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:32,000 Speaker 1: at a certain age. 106 00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:34,880 Speaker 5: And this young man just was not passionate about it. 107 00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:37,720 Speaker 5: And what I said to him, I won't say his name, 108 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:40,400 Speaker 5: but I said, listen, I said, I dated not a time, 109 00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:42,440 Speaker 5: but I dated a fair amount of young women before 110 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:43,279 Speaker 5: I met my wife. 111 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:45,640 Speaker 3: I didn't quit on the relationship with the. 112 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,400 Speaker 1: Other young women. We just weren't for each other. I've 113 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:51,400 Speaker 1: had multiple jobs that just whether I love them or not. 114 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:54,480 Speaker 1: I moved on to different jobs. And I think society 115 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:57,679 Speaker 1: is so quick that now more than ever, to say 116 00:04:58,200 --> 00:04:59,720 Speaker 1: you never quit things, you never quit. 117 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:01,560 Speaker 3: But what about following our passions? 118 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:04,720 Speaker 1: What about following things that light us on fire and 119 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:06,960 Speaker 1: just get us out of bed every morning, not just 120 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:07,679 Speaker 1: to go through. 121 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:10,760 Speaker 3: The monotony, but that we're passionate about. And I saw 122 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:12,680 Speaker 3: his countenance as I was talking. 123 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:15,320 Speaker 1: To him, just change his shoulders that were up by 124 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:18,080 Speaker 1: his ears, just relaxed. 125 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:18,159 Speaker 3: And went down. 126 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:19,880 Speaker 1: And he saw a smile from his face. And I 127 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,880 Speaker 1: hugged him, shook him, shook his hand, and I hugged 128 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,400 Speaker 1: him and said, I love you. I'll always be here 129 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:25,240 Speaker 1: for you. And I still keep in touch with him, 130 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:28,240 Speaker 1: you know, to this day. And I went out to practice, 131 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 1: with his permission, posted the video. I said, hey, if 132 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:32,760 Speaker 1: you might have I shared this. He said, please do 133 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:35,159 Speaker 1: and told his teammates. I said, listen. 134 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:37,359 Speaker 3: So and So just stepped down. 135 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:39,479 Speaker 1: I said, don't you dare let me find out that 136 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:40,600 Speaker 1: you treat him anything differently. 137 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,760 Speaker 3: He is still a member of our football family even 138 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:43,640 Speaker 3: though he's not playing. 139 00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:47,120 Speaker 1: He was courageous enough and strong enough to say, my 140 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:49,640 Speaker 1: heart is not in it. And I said, what are 141 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:52,400 Speaker 1: you passionate about. He looked at me with a blank stacus. 142 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,880 Speaker 1: I don't know, Coach, I said, that's okay, I said, 143 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:56,279 Speaker 1: I know a lot of people in my age, you know, 144 00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:58,600 Speaker 1: in their early fifties who have no idea what they're 145 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:02,080 Speaker 1: passionate about and are stuff in the monody and adult 146 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:03,760 Speaker 1: drums are just going through the motions. 147 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:06,800 Speaker 3: I should find out what lights you on fire and 148 00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:07,800 Speaker 3: go pursue that. 149 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,720 Speaker 1: And that I think takes a lot more courage than 150 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:13,360 Speaker 1: someone who just continues to show up day and day 151 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:17,159 Speaker 1: out and they're there physically but not mentally, emotionally and spiritually. 152 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,360 Speaker 4: If that makes sense, it makes complete sense. 153 00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:21,840 Speaker 2: And I commend you because when I was one of 154 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:23,560 Speaker 2: the people initially when I read the caption, I'm like, 155 00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:26,840 Speaker 2: wait if first of all, great caption, because it caught 156 00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:29,200 Speaker 2: my attention, like well this is this is different? And 157 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:31,200 Speaker 2: of course I listened to the video and I was like, wow, 158 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:33,159 Speaker 2: this is really really powerful stuff. 159 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,960 Speaker 4: But I'm a father of six. I know you're a father. 160 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,080 Speaker 2: If I'm not mistaken, you're a dang grandfather. Even you 161 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:39,719 Speaker 2: look like, for God's sakes, some times you could be 162 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:40,240 Speaker 2: my own kid. 163 00:06:40,279 --> 00:06:40,960 Speaker 4: You look so good. 164 00:06:41,839 --> 00:06:44,440 Speaker 3: But we're blessed to have four children two grandsons. 165 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,760 Speaker 4: Yeah, God bless you and you know. 166 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 2: But at the same time, I think, and this is 167 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,400 Speaker 2: where I wanted to ask. I think football, and I've 168 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,839 Speaker 2: played football through high school and I coached my kids. 169 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,800 Speaker 2: Uh my oldest two sons played football and Pop Warner 170 00:06:56,839 --> 00:06:57,440 Speaker 2: and all that. 171 00:06:57,839 --> 00:06:59,479 Speaker 4: You know, A big advocate. I love the sport. 172 00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:02,599 Speaker 2: You know, they wrestle, so they're in physical, physical sports. 173 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:03,840 Speaker 4: So I agree with you. 174 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,960 Speaker 2: However, I think football and correct me if I'm wrong, 175 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:09,279 Speaker 2: because I don't want to tell my seven, eight, nine 176 00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:11,400 Speaker 2: ten year olds, like, hey, let's sign up for baseball, 177 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:12,920 Speaker 2: and hey, if you go to a practice you don't. 178 00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:14,680 Speaker 4: Like it, we could just quit. So I think it's 179 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:17,440 Speaker 4: I think there's a difference. And I also am. 180 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:19,920 Speaker 2: A big believe that the sport of football in particular 181 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:23,720 Speaker 2: is one of those sports because oftentimes people will bring 182 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:25,920 Speaker 2: their kids out to Pop Warner and they want to 183 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:28,040 Speaker 2: toughen their kids up. And I'm coaching these kids. This 184 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,160 Speaker 2: was several years ago, and I'm like, this kid does 185 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,040 Speaker 2: not want to be here. And it's also a dangerous sport, 186 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,520 Speaker 2: especially when you don't to defend yourself. So when is 187 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,880 Speaker 2: the right time, your opinion as a father and coach 188 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:40,760 Speaker 2: to where its Hey, it's okay to quit versus Hey, 189 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:42,400 Speaker 2: you sign up for something we can to at least 190 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:43,920 Speaker 2: finish the season then reevaluate. 191 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:44,920 Speaker 3: Yeah. 192 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:47,360 Speaker 1: Man, I love that question, coach, because with our own 193 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:48,520 Speaker 1: four children, we told them. 194 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:48,880 Speaker 3: The same thing. 195 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,320 Speaker 1: You start something, you finish it through the season. You know, 196 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:52,680 Speaker 1: I think it's different. 197 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:52,840 Speaker 3: For all of us. 198 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,119 Speaker 1: And it may sound cliche, but I've lived my life 199 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:57,480 Speaker 1: going off my heart and it hasn't failed me yet. 200 00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:59,880 Speaker 1: You know, for this young man, he had played football 201 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,440 Speaker 1: for years in youth football, he played for. 202 00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:05,520 Speaker 3: US for a year and a half, and the same thing. 203 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:08,080 Speaker 3: I think it was more a danger. 204 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:09,880 Speaker 1: He didn't say this, but I think if he showed 205 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,120 Speaker 1: up just going through the motions, God forbid, he lines 206 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:15,080 Speaker 1: up against someone who is competing for a starting position 207 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:18,920 Speaker 1: and nothing dirty, nothing cheap, but just goes one hundred 208 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,880 Speaker 1: percent that there is that injury. 209 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:22,560 Speaker 3: I think it's different for all of us. 210 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 1: I don't think it's uh and I know you're not 211 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:25,360 Speaker 1: saying this, but I don't think it's a. 212 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:27,760 Speaker 3: Black and white. Hey, here's the correct time, here is not. 213 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:31,560 Speaker 1: I think we have to empower those we love though 214 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:34,400 Speaker 1: for blessed to teach to coach our wives, our husbands, 215 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:38,960 Speaker 1: our children, to say follow your passion and be able 216 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:41,080 Speaker 1: to look yourself in the mirror and say I'm happy 217 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:45,240 Speaker 1: with my decision. I did something not out of selfishness, 218 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:49,240 Speaker 1: but I did something that is meant for me. Because 219 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:52,559 Speaker 1: football wrestling used to mention two very very violent sports 220 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,920 Speaker 1: inful the most beautiful way, but they are violent sports 221 00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:58,520 Speaker 1: and it's something that we've got to I think it 222 00:08:58,559 --> 00:08:59,080 Speaker 1: comes down. 223 00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:02,600 Speaker 3: To relationships for me. I think all of success in life, all. 224 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:06,040 Speaker 1: The meaning of life is about building up, blessing, empowering 225 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:08,679 Speaker 1: and serving others. And if I didn't take the and 226 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:10,360 Speaker 1: I'm not putting myself on a pedestal, I know so 227 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:13,000 Speaker 1: many of us do this, But if we don't take 228 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:15,080 Speaker 1: the opportunity to get to know our players on a 229 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:18,120 Speaker 1: personal level and we just treat them as a roster number, 230 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:20,800 Speaker 1: we're failing them miserably. Once we get to know them 231 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:23,640 Speaker 1: as people, as human beings, we get to see beyond 232 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:25,360 Speaker 1: the player and see the person and. 233 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:26,680 Speaker 3: That makes a world of difference. 234 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:29,440 Speaker 1: Whether we win more games or not, that's irrelevant in 235 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:30,040 Speaker 1: my opinion. 236 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:31,800 Speaker 3: It's about changing lives. 237 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:33,160 Speaker 4: You know what. 238 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,440 Speaker 2: I'm listening to you, and I'm going I bet someone's 239 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:36,800 Speaker 2: going to hear this and go, what do I do 240 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:38,920 Speaker 2: when I bring my kids? And then after one day 241 00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:40,480 Speaker 2: they're like, I don't want to do this. You know, 242 00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:42,440 Speaker 2: I think you're right. It's a case by case scenario, 243 00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:45,240 Speaker 2: but it's also a matter of gauging, like is my 244 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:47,920 Speaker 2: kid not wanting to do this because they just don't 245 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,640 Speaker 2: want to put the effort in. And I think in 246 00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:52,280 Speaker 2: sports where and even it doesn't matter the sport, but 247 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,600 Speaker 2: if the kid is so use the word passion, like 248 00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:59,040 Speaker 2: so disinterested, where they can put themselves in a position 249 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:01,640 Speaker 2: to be joy I think Karen shouldn't feel the pressure 250 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:04,360 Speaker 2: to be like, you gotta finish this, because if you 251 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,319 Speaker 2: do that, you can all of a sudden deter a 252 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,080 Speaker 2: kid from ever wanting to take any risk. 253 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:08,320 Speaker 3: Right. 254 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:11,760 Speaker 2: So empowering I feel like, not to put words in 255 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:14,360 Speaker 2: your mouth, empowering the kids, giving them some sort of 256 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:16,280 Speaker 2: a voice. And then you're talking about high schoo kid 257 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:19,440 Speaker 2: who would actually obviously went through their youth, but taking 258 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:22,960 Speaker 2: time to listen gives them the strength and the confidence 259 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,400 Speaker 2: to be able to express themselves. 260 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:26,280 Speaker 4: And then also, you know, be able. 261 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:28,640 Speaker 2: To venture and give them use the word courage, isn't 262 00:10:28,679 --> 00:10:29,920 Speaker 2: that one of Like I feel like that's one of 263 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,959 Speaker 2: the most valuable things that kids can take out of. 264 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:33,920 Speaker 3: Sports, absolutely, you know. 265 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:36,840 Speaker 1: And it's funny because one of my biggest pet peeves 266 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,160 Speaker 1: in regards to sports is when I hear people say 267 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:42,200 Speaker 1: sports build character. And it only started to become a 268 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:45,000 Speaker 1: pet peeve when I joined a certain coaching staff and 269 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:45,560 Speaker 1: I won't. 270 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:47,480 Speaker 3: Say which staff because I was blessed My. 271 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,200 Speaker 1: First experience coaching was under a gentleman who knew the 272 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:51,640 Speaker 1: game and knew. 273 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:52,480 Speaker 3: People and loved people. 274 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:55,040 Speaker 1: Then years later I coached the staff where it was 275 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:58,000 Speaker 1: just the opposite. The individual two individuals at the top 276 00:10:58,080 --> 00:10:58,679 Speaker 1: knew the game. 277 00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:00,559 Speaker 3: I'll be careful about words. 278 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:03,840 Speaker 1: Here, but they used people that they didn't treat human 279 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:04,880 Speaker 1: beings like human beings. 280 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:06,559 Speaker 3: They treated them like a roster number. 281 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:10,000 Speaker 1: And I think it's one of those things where sports 282 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:13,160 Speaker 1: only build character if we as coaches intentionally teach and 283 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:18,480 Speaker 1: more importantly model character. And it's funny because I felt 284 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:21,000 Speaker 1: at peace with the conversation with him simply because I'll 285 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,880 Speaker 1: never forget to look in his eyes of just as 286 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:28,800 Speaker 1: pure going from stress, fear, anxiety to wow, acceptance and approval. 287 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:32,520 Speaker 1: At the same time, I understand that there are countless 288 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:36,320 Speaker 1: stories for all of us of Hey, because I didn't quit, 289 00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:38,520 Speaker 1: look where I am now because I didn't quit. 290 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:38,760 Speaker 3: Look. 291 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:42,199 Speaker 1: But I think that's an individual basis that we have 292 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:43,520 Speaker 1: to live with and be at peace with. 293 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,720 Speaker 2: Tell us about your story, your background, because I mean, 294 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,600 Speaker 2: as far as passionate coaches, I don't know if there's 295 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,840 Speaker 2: any that are, especially at the high school level, that 296 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:53,480 Speaker 2: I have seen that are living, I mean, seem to 297 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,880 Speaker 2: be really living and trying to use your platform as 298 00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:59,480 Speaker 2: a coach as a way to really inspire kids in 299 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:02,160 Speaker 2: their entire lives. Where does that passion for you from 300 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,880 Speaker 2: your own athletic background come from? What led you, you know, 301 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:07,200 Speaker 2: to become a head coach, particularly at the high school level. 302 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,360 Speaker 3: Yeah, twenty years in the NFL. 303 00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:11,200 Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. 304 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,560 Speaker 3: You know, it's funny. I never played in the NFL. 305 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:17,240 Speaker 1: I played, I grew up in Rhode Island, played college football. 306 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,959 Speaker 1: I loved I played Division three football, and I tell 307 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,680 Speaker 1: my players and our assistant coaches all the time when 308 00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:24,840 Speaker 1: I share that I played Division III football, it's with 309 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:28,160 Speaker 1: great pride because I loved the game. I was not 310 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:29,520 Speaker 1: that player. 311 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:31,079 Speaker 3: That was going to get a Division one scholarship. 312 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:34,120 Speaker 1: I had a few offers to go walk on at teams, 313 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:37,840 Speaker 1: and I'm all for challenging ourselves and pushing ourselves, but 314 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:40,640 Speaker 1: I didn't want to be practicing. 315 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:42,440 Speaker 3: For three four years and to never see the field. 316 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:44,440 Speaker 1: I want to go somewhere where I could compete and 317 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:45,320 Speaker 1: continue playing. 318 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:47,720 Speaker 3: I started playing football in the second grade. 319 00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:50,320 Speaker 1: As a chubby little kid, and then had to play 320 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:53,280 Speaker 1: up a few ages ahead of me because I was 321 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:57,480 Speaker 1: heavier than most of my own classmates. So I spent 322 00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:00,000 Speaker 1: a few years getting beat up, you know, mentally, physically 323 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:03,280 Speaker 1: and emotionally, and just learning and growing from that. But 324 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:06,520 Speaker 1: I've been blessed with two great parents and coaches that 325 00:13:06,559 --> 00:13:09,840 Speaker 1: I've planned for and since then, coaches I've coached with 326 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:12,520 Speaker 1: and against, and I've seen the best of the best, 327 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,800 Speaker 1: in my opinion, and the worst of the worst. You know, 328 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:16,800 Speaker 1: and for me, the best of the best are people 329 00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:20,360 Speaker 1: who understand that are blessing. As coaches, the greatest blessing 330 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:24,600 Speaker 1: you have is a platform to change lives. I love 331 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:27,200 Speaker 1: winning just as much as the next guy or woman, 332 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,400 Speaker 1: and I hate losing. But for me, it's not defined 333 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:33,800 Speaker 1: by the scoreboard. And yes, I don't think coaches should 334 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:35,839 Speaker 1: get into coaching if you don't have a competitive spirit 335 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:36,640 Speaker 1: and don't want to win. 336 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:38,360 Speaker 3: But it comes down to. 337 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,440 Speaker 1: And a lot of people speak on this, but it 338 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:40,960 Speaker 1: comes down. 339 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:41,480 Speaker 3: To my why. 340 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:44,280 Speaker 1: My why is to blessed serving empower as many people 341 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:47,480 Speaker 1: as I can. And I can do that in New Hampshire, 342 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:50,640 Speaker 1: where I started my coaching career, or here in San Diego. Now, 343 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,600 Speaker 1: it doesn't matter the level, the sport, or whatever it 344 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:55,040 Speaker 1: may be. 345 00:13:55,640 --> 00:14:00,120 Speaker 3: If we know what our why is, that will propel. 346 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:03,960 Speaker 1: Us to overcome tremendous obstacles. You know, I first heard 347 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,040 Speaker 1: it said when I got into coaching, Hey, if you're 348 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:09,040 Speaker 1: gonna last in this field, you have to have thick skin. 349 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:12,160 Speaker 1: And that never resonated with me because for me personally, 350 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:15,640 Speaker 1: when I think of thick skin, I visualize people putting 351 00:14:15,679 --> 00:14:17,760 Speaker 1: up walls, barriers. I'm not gonna get too close to 352 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,800 Speaker 1: the players, I'm not gonna get too close to the 353 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,880 Speaker 1: parents because I'm gonna put up a wall thick skin 354 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:25,040 Speaker 1: they can't get to me. And that's not who I am. 355 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,280 Speaker 1: And that works for some people. For me, it's a 356 00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,680 Speaker 1: strong why, and maybe it's a play on words. But 357 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,840 Speaker 1: I build relationships with parents, I build relationships with players, 358 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:36,480 Speaker 1: with our assistant coaches, because for me, that's what it's 359 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:39,680 Speaker 1: all about. And as far as the passion, you know, 360 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:43,000 Speaker 1: it's funny when I'm blessed to speak at certain places, nick, 361 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:46,160 Speaker 1: I often start off by saying, I'm an expert, and 362 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:48,200 Speaker 1: I pause for a second, and you can see some 363 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:50,320 Speaker 1: people's eyes like, oh, what's he an expert in? And 364 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,320 Speaker 1: you can see some people's body language like, oh, here 365 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:55,120 Speaker 1: he goes, this cocky son of a gun. And I 366 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:58,040 Speaker 1: tell them, honestly, I'm an expert in nothing, but I'm 367 00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:00,640 Speaker 1: passionate about most things in life. And I think the 368 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:04,200 Speaker 1: world is overpopulated with experts who really know their craft 369 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:08,000 Speaker 1: and know their field, but don't know the value and 370 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,720 Speaker 1: the importance of connecting with people, and they missed so 371 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:11,800 Speaker 1: many opportunities to. 372 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:12,960 Speaker 3: Really make an impact. 373 00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:15,440 Speaker 1: So for me, as I said often at the end 374 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:17,800 Speaker 1: of my coaching career, I've been coaching high school football 375 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:18,680 Speaker 1: for twenty six years now. 376 00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:20,000 Speaker 3: Whether it's ten more. 377 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:22,080 Speaker 1: Years from now, twenty more years, or whatever God takes 378 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:25,320 Speaker 1: me home, I want the people that coached with and 379 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:28,960 Speaker 1: more important, people like coached to say is passionate act 380 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:31,480 Speaker 1: he was about the game, he was even more passionate 381 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:32,120 Speaker 1: about the people. 382 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,960 Speaker 2: When we return, Kurt and I discussed why as a 383 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:43,920 Speaker 2: coach he never wants his players to be afraid of them. 384 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,920 Speaker 4: Welcome back where we left off. 385 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:48,520 Speaker 2: Coachhines and I were about to talk about why losing 386 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:50,720 Speaker 2: every game his first year as a head coach helped 387 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:54,320 Speaker 2: him solidify his why. Let's face it, in today's youth 388 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,400 Speaker 2: sports culture, I know you coach at the high school level, 389 00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:59,640 Speaker 2: but I mean, you know there's clubs, there are teams 390 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:02,320 Speaker 2: in which their fees and there is an element of 391 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,800 Speaker 2: parents want return for the investment. Kids want to be 392 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:06,600 Speaker 2: on the best teams and they want and winning is 393 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:08,560 Speaker 2: the part of it. So, you know, how do you 394 00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:12,920 Speaker 2: draw that line of separating you know, what is acceptable 395 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:17,000 Speaker 2: when it comes to pursuing victory, pursuing a wins versus 396 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:19,600 Speaker 2: teaching those life less. Do they have to be separated 397 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:24,240 Speaker 2: or can you chase w's and not sacrifice your values? Yeah? 398 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:27,840 Speaker 3: Great question. I think they can work hand in hand 399 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:28,880 Speaker 3: with one another. 400 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:32,720 Speaker 1: Once again, and I've been blessed and it's never and 401 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:35,240 Speaker 1: you know this, it's never one individual and I'm talking 402 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:37,600 Speaker 1: about a successful family, it's going to be husband and wife. 403 00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:39,720 Speaker 3: And if you're a single parent, you're not doing alone. 404 00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:41,760 Speaker 1: You have a community of people around your family member's 405 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:44,280 Speaker 1: friends or your children are part of that team. But 406 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:46,800 Speaker 1: in the sports world as well, or in the sports 407 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:50,560 Speaker 1: world as well, I've been blessed to win some state championships, 408 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:54,160 Speaker 1: to win some league championships, division championships. It's never been 409 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:57,920 Speaker 1: a solo effort. But I look back at my coaching 410 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:01,360 Speaker 1: careers to date and my mo successful year to date 411 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:04,440 Speaker 1: was my first year as a head coach, and we lost. 412 00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:07,760 Speaker 3: Every single game. Now, it was a brand new high school. 413 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:11,239 Speaker 1: We didn't have any seniors yet, and man, we get 414 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,080 Speaker 1: our teeth kicked in every week. 415 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:14,760 Speaker 3: Nick. It was painful. 416 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,520 Speaker 1: It was my most successful year because it really made 417 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:20,440 Speaker 1: me solidify my why. I think you can be a 418 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:24,959 Speaker 1: full time volunteer assistant, a position coach, a coordinator and 419 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,639 Speaker 1: make just as much of a difference in people's lives 420 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:28,240 Speaker 1: as a head coach. 421 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:29,520 Speaker 3: I don't think you need that title. 422 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:33,600 Speaker 1: However, I wanted that title so I could decide who 423 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,399 Speaker 1: I had side by side. 424 00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:37,160 Speaker 3: With me coaching these young men and young women. 425 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,080 Speaker 1: That's why I wanted to be a head coach, to 426 00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:40,640 Speaker 1: be able to have that power and say, hey, we're 427 00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:41,760 Speaker 1: not going to meet on Sundays. 428 00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:43,680 Speaker 3: We're going to have balance in our lives. We're gonna 429 00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:44,639 Speaker 3: put our families first. 430 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,720 Speaker 1: Hey, we're not going to allow swearing by our players 431 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:48,640 Speaker 1: or our coaches. 432 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:50,480 Speaker 3: There are certain blessings of a head coach that you 433 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:53,400 Speaker 3: can make those decisions. However, my first year, when we. 434 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:58,040 Speaker 1: Lost every single game, I'll tell you it was painful. 435 00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:01,560 Speaker 1: It was a painful, painful, pains learning experience, but man, 436 00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:05,040 Speaker 1: it really solidified my why. And a moment I'll never 437 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,040 Speaker 1: forget was at the end of my first year as 438 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:10,400 Speaker 1: head coach, we had a coach's meeting. We talked about 439 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:13,120 Speaker 1: the offense, the defense, the strength and conditioning. 440 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:14,560 Speaker 3: What we want to do moving forward, hold on to 441 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:15,240 Speaker 3: and get rid of. 442 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:17,240 Speaker 1: And then I opened a can of worms that I 443 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:18,800 Speaker 1: knew I was opening, but I didn't know where it 444 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:19,240 Speaker 1: was going to go. 445 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,800 Speaker 3: And I asked our staff, I said, what would you 446 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:23,840 Speaker 3: like me to do differently? 447 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:25,600 Speaker 1: Not that I'm going to just change for the sake 448 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 1: of it, but give me some feedback here. And I 449 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:28,720 Speaker 1: knew it wasn't gonna be a lot of paths in 450 00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,160 Speaker 1: the back because we got our teeth. 451 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:32,679 Speaker 3: Kicked in and it was quiet for about forty seconds. 452 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:35,800 Speaker 1: And then one of my assistant coaches, who I butt 453 00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:37,760 Speaker 1: heads with a lot the first two years and now 454 00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:38,760 Speaker 1: he's one of my best friends. 455 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,879 Speaker 3: Absolutely love the man. Our families are very close. 456 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,359 Speaker 1: But he said to me there were about ten of 457 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,159 Speaker 1: us in the coach's office and you could hear a 458 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:48,560 Speaker 1: pin drop and he goes, Coach, I don't think the 459 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:51,440 Speaker 1: kids respect you. And I could feel myself get read. 460 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:54,520 Speaker 1: I said, all right, gosh, give me an example. And 461 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,639 Speaker 1: he looked at me, like, what do you mean. I said, well, 462 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:57,760 Speaker 1: do the kids talk back to head? 463 00:18:57,760 --> 00:18:59,080 Speaker 3: No? They never talked back to He said, how they 464 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:01,080 Speaker 3: talked me on my back? Said well, no, they don't 465 00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:01,840 Speaker 3: talk down to your back. 466 00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:03,320 Speaker 1: And I said, well, do they show up later or 467 00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:04,960 Speaker 1: leave earlier, leave the locker room and mess with the 468 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:07,280 Speaker 1: ware room? And he was like no, no, no. I said, well, 469 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,000 Speaker 1: just give me one example. What do you mean they 470 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:11,440 Speaker 1: don't respect me? And he thought for a second, he goes, 471 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:14,480 Speaker 1: they're not afraid of you, and I felt my entire 472 00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:17,360 Speaker 1: countenance change and I said, I don't ever want my. 473 00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:19,280 Speaker 3: Players to be afraid of me, our players to be 474 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:19,760 Speaker 3: afraid of me. 475 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,280 Speaker 1: And he goes, well, I think I head coach should 476 00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:23,639 Speaker 1: be feared, and I said, I will never agree with that. 477 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:26,000 Speaker 1: I said, if our players fear me, they're not going 478 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:28,439 Speaker 1: to come to me when they're suicidal, or when they 479 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:30,560 Speaker 1: get a young woman pregnant, or when they're being kicked 480 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:32,040 Speaker 1: out of their house, or when they come out of 481 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:35,480 Speaker 1: the closet, whatever it may be, whatever life throws at them. 482 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,520 Speaker 3: And we had to agree to disagree at that moment. 483 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:42,159 Speaker 3: Since then, I have stuck to that since. 484 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:45,119 Speaker 1: Day one, and it hasn't failed myself or our players 485 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:47,880 Speaker 1: since then. And you know, I think my sharing that 486 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:51,399 Speaker 1: is for other coaches, young or quote unquote old, in 487 00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:56,359 Speaker 1: that we can't fake being successful coaches. We have to 488 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,720 Speaker 1: be authentically who we are. And there are so many 489 00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:03,000 Speaker 1: different coaching stylesilosophies. Find out what works best for you 490 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:06,680 Speaker 1: and be that one hundred percent while at the same 491 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:08,720 Speaker 1: time being willing to learn and grow from others. 492 00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:10,440 Speaker 3: I think so many coaches. 493 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:11,960 Speaker 1: They say, hey, you know, what advice would you have 494 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,639 Speaker 1: for younger coaches? Well, I don't think it's just younger 495 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:17,760 Speaker 1: coaches that need advice. I think coaches like myself pointing 496 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:20,240 Speaker 1: all the fingers to myself, who've been coaching for twenty 497 00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:24,720 Speaker 1: six years, sometimes we coach under jack wagons who use people, 498 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:26,879 Speaker 1: and we think that's what good coaching is. So I 499 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:29,600 Speaker 1: think all of us first year coaches twenty six years, 500 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:33,000 Speaker 1: forty years need to continue to evolve to meet the 501 00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:34,560 Speaker 1: needs of those who are blessed to coach. 502 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:40,440 Speaker 2: That is like extremely powerful, particularly the fair aspect of it, 503 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:43,200 Speaker 2: Like I've never really thought of it like that, And 504 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:46,200 Speaker 2: I think that's so powerful because I think every coach, 505 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:48,359 Speaker 2: or at least I know for me, and as a parent, 506 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:50,680 Speaker 2: you want your kids to respect you, but you also 507 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:51,879 Speaker 2: want to make sure they come to you at their 508 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:54,800 Speaker 2: most vulnerable moments and open up. Coach, what do you 509 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:59,560 Speaker 2: do you know to create that healthy dialogue with parents? 510 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,919 Speaker 2: And I'm so a lot of people say, and I 511 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:04,639 Speaker 2: am one of them, like playing time shouldn't be discussed 512 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:07,880 Speaker 2: with coaches, like especially at the high school level. I say, 513 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:10,080 Speaker 2: at that age, man, if your kids have a question 514 00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,160 Speaker 2: about playing time, let them go to the coach. How 515 00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:14,840 Speaker 2: do you handle those tough conversations with kids? And more importantly, 516 00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:17,000 Speaker 2: how do you handle those tough conversations with parents are 517 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,560 Speaker 2: create that boundary of hey, there's certain things we're going 518 00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:22,240 Speaker 2: to discuss and certain that we're not and you know, 519 00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:24,880 Speaker 2: be able to build that open door policy while still 520 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:25,840 Speaker 2: creating those boundaries. 521 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, for me, it all comes down to relationships. I 522 00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:30,600 Speaker 1: think the best way to get parents on our side 523 00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:34,439 Speaker 1: is to push their sons and daughters beyond what they 524 00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:37,040 Speaker 1: ever thought they were capable of in a good way. 525 00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:41,240 Speaker 3: So they go home from practices exhausted mentally, physically, emotionally, 526 00:21:41,359 --> 00:21:43,600 Speaker 3: and I'm not saying run them into the ground, but 527 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,320 Speaker 3: challenge them in everything we do. 528 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:49,600 Speaker 1: Lead by example of challenging ourselves, and then have open, 529 00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:52,040 Speaker 1: clear communication. I tell our parents every single year and 530 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:53,520 Speaker 1: I share my cell phone number. 531 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:55,960 Speaker 3: They know they can reach out through email or social media. 532 00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:57,320 Speaker 3: I say, please. 533 00:21:57,040 --> 00:22:01,720 Speaker 1: Call me any time about anything except playing time, and 534 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:03,399 Speaker 1: the parents kind of laugh. We have a we have 535 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:05,840 Speaker 1: a we have two meetings at the beginning of every season. 536 00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:08,080 Speaker 1: One is a formal hey, here are the you know 537 00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:09,080 Speaker 1: things about our program. 538 00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:09,720 Speaker 3: Here's what we do. 539 00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:12,959 Speaker 1: Then we have a social with the parents with our 540 00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:15,760 Speaker 1: entire staff, and they kind of usually laugh. Every year 541 00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,040 Speaker 1: and I said, nope, I'm dead serious. Do not ever 542 00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:20,159 Speaker 1: contact me about playing time, and I tell them, if 543 00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:22,359 Speaker 1: your son or daughter does not like where they are 544 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:25,520 Speaker 1: on the depth chart, have them talk to their position coach. 545 00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:29,200 Speaker 3: If they still don't like or understand using. 546 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:32,440 Speaker 1: Their quotes, understand that reasoning from the position coach, then 547 00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:35,200 Speaker 1: the next step is to have that conversation with position coach, 548 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:39,160 Speaker 1: player and myself the head coach. And after those two conversations, 549 00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:42,119 Speaker 1: if they still aren't satisfied, then I will meet with 550 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,920 Speaker 1: the player, their position coach and parents. 551 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:48,080 Speaker 3: And no one's ever it's never gotten to that stage. Now. 552 00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:50,000 Speaker 1: I'm not saying every parent has always liked me, because 553 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:53,480 Speaker 1: that's that'd be a dead lie. And I've had parents 554 00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:55,160 Speaker 1: that have flat out thought I was a complete idiot 555 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:57,560 Speaker 1: because their sons should be starting through their personal trainers 556 00:22:57,560 --> 00:22:59,000 Speaker 1: so that they should they should be starting. 557 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:02,679 Speaker 3: And there, you know, whatever it may be, we've got 558 00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:05,880 Speaker 3: to live with that. But I think ninety nine percent of. 559 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:10,000 Speaker 1: The parents appreciate and respect the time that we put 560 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:13,639 Speaker 1: into their sons and daughters and see the value in 561 00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:15,640 Speaker 1: what we're trying to do with helping them become better 562 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:17,680 Speaker 1: student athletes, better human beings. 563 00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,119 Speaker 3: And thirdly, I should say human beings first. 564 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:24,240 Speaker 1: Student athletes and then athletes, but not everyone's always going 565 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:25,679 Speaker 1: to get it. And that's from me once again a 566 00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:28,000 Speaker 1: strong Why you know, I had a young man a 567 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:32,400 Speaker 1: few years ago and I definitely would never mentioned his name, graduated. 568 00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:35,160 Speaker 3: A few years ago who was a great player for US. 569 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:38,520 Speaker 1: And at the end of his senior year, middle of 570 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:41,159 Speaker 1: his senior he had a career career ending injury, so 571 00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:43,479 Speaker 1: missed the last five or six games, didn't get a 572 00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:47,360 Speaker 1: certain award, and I went from being their sons and 573 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:51,159 Speaker 1: their parents' favorite coach to a flat out demon. 574 00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:52,040 Speaker 3: They hated me. 575 00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:55,080 Speaker 1: They wrote letters to the administration, they were letters to 576 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:58,160 Speaker 1: people that I sponsored maybe shoes or whatever for and 577 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:02,000 Speaker 1: it was just it was It was unfortunate, to say 578 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:05,399 Speaker 1: the least, but I know to my core that we 579 00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:07,560 Speaker 1: did what was best for that young man and him 580 00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:10,320 Speaker 1: not getting that award was nothing but simply he missed 581 00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:13,200 Speaker 1: half the season and didn't didn't. 582 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:13,840 Speaker 3: Deserve that award. 583 00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:16,160 Speaker 1: But we're never gonna please every parent, and I think 584 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,680 Speaker 1: if we can not, not just at the end of 585 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,119 Speaker 1: our careers, but at the end of every day say 586 00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:22,680 Speaker 1: my intent was to. 587 00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:24,800 Speaker 3: Bless and serve them, and that was what I did. 588 00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:28,399 Speaker 1: Whether they realize that now or not, we've got to 589 00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:28,960 Speaker 1: live by that. 590 00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:29,840 Speaker 4: Coach. 591 00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:31,320 Speaker 2: I can talk to you all day long, and I 592 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:34,199 Speaker 2: know you're tight on schedule. Where can people connect with 593 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:36,360 Speaker 2: you because I know if they're not following you yet, 594 00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:37,840 Speaker 2: they need to and they're going to want to. 595 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:39,439 Speaker 4: Where what's the best place to connect with you? 596 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:42,400 Speaker 3: Well, first of all, Nick, I really appreciate you having 597 00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:45,240 Speaker 3: on and I same thing. I'd love to continue this 598 00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:46,280 Speaker 3: conversation as well. 599 00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:50,240 Speaker 1: I'm on all social media platforms as coach Kurt Heinz 600 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:52,120 Speaker 1: k U R T h I ne E S. 601 00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:53,720 Speaker 3: I do have a. 602 00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:57,199 Speaker 1: Website and I always have to pause embarrassingly because I 603 00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:59,680 Speaker 1: don't go to it often, but it's uh Coach Kurt 604 00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:05,040 Speaker 1: hin for speaking engagements or whatever it may be. And 605 00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:08,760 Speaker 1: I do have a book that's coming out surely. My wife, 606 00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:11,640 Speaker 1: my manager, and I are still trying to lock down 607 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:12,560 Speaker 1: a publisher. 608 00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:16,280 Speaker 3: But I'm happy to talk to anyone at any time, 609 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:17,320 Speaker 3: because man. 610 00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:20,000 Speaker 1: The platform of coaching and the sport itself has opened 611 00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:21,480 Speaker 1: up so many doors for me. 612 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:24,359 Speaker 3: Just to learn from other people and. 613 00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,720 Speaker 1: To share with other people that I don't ever want 614 00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:27,560 Speaker 1: to take it for granted. 615 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:30,000 Speaker 4: Coach Kurt Hans, you are the man. I cannot thank 616 00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:31,320 Speaker 4: you enough. Keep up the good work. 617 00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:33,800 Speaker 2: You inspire me every day, and I just can't thank 618 00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:35,479 Speaker 2: enough for coming on and sharing with the audience. 619 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:36,800 Speaker 3: I appreciate you. Take care. 620 00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:40,880 Speaker 2: That's Kurt Heines, high school football coach and motivational speaker. 621 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:44,199 Speaker 2: Thanks for listening to the Reform Sports Project podcast Dominic 622 00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:46,720 Speaker 2: Bonacor and Our goal is to restore a healthy balance 623 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:50,720 Speaker 2: and perspective in all areas of sports through education and advocacy. 624 00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:54,359 Speaker 2: For updates, please follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, 625 00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:56,760 Speaker 2: or check out our website by searching for the Reform 626 00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:57,600 Speaker 2: Sports Project