1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:03,760 Speaker 1: Native Lamppod is a production of iHeartRadio in partnership with 2 00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:05,039 Speaker 1: Reezon Choice Media. 3 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:10,040 Speaker 2: Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, welcome, welcome, Welcome, all. 4 00:00:10,039 --> 00:00:13,640 Speaker 3: Right, welcome, welcome, Welcome to your Native lamp Pod family. 5 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:17,560 Speaker 3: We are here with this week's mini pod. Where we 6 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:20,799 Speaker 3: ended this week's episode, we were doing our calls to 7 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:23,200 Speaker 3: action as we typically do at the end of our show, 8 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:26,639 Speaker 3: and we got over to our sister Angela's call to 9 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,680 Speaker 3: action and notice that something has been stirring in her 10 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:32,120 Speaker 3: soul a little bit. And so as we thought about 11 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:35,960 Speaker 3: what topic to platform for this week's mini pod, we 12 00:00:36,159 --> 00:00:40,320 Speaker 3: thought that maybe Angela, you might be able to toss 13 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:42,879 Speaker 3: the topic out as you as you deal with what 14 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,640 Speaker 3: was stirring in you, that might stir in us as well. 15 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:48,760 Speaker 4: Well. Thank you, guys. 16 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:51,239 Speaker 1: I want to apologize as I did not expect to 17 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:53,800 Speaker 1: be as overcome by emotion. Y'all know I can cry 18 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:57,440 Speaker 1: about anything and will, but it was to the point 19 00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:58,680 Speaker 1: where I couldn't really. 20 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:00,520 Speaker 4: Get it out. 21 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:06,800 Speaker 1: And I think the convergence of the personal with the professional, 22 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:13,200 Speaker 1: with the societal and all that makes that psychological just 23 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:15,720 Speaker 1: you know, it hits walls. And then there's a point where, 24 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:19,640 Speaker 1: like there's some little microscopic leaks in the dam, and 25 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:24,959 Speaker 1: then those leaks become bigger and then there's the floodgates open. 26 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:30,080 Speaker 1: And so I spent probably I had three like therapy 27 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:34,319 Speaker 1: appointments within a twenty four hour period this week and 28 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:37,000 Speaker 1: really just trying to wrap my mind around that everything 29 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:39,240 Speaker 1: that's happening. But I had, like I don't know if 30 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:42,520 Speaker 1: you guys have ever done like tapping or therapy where 31 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:46,559 Speaker 1: they encourage you to like scream into a pillow. And 32 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:49,240 Speaker 1: I didn't scream into a pillow. I was in the 33 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:52,120 Speaker 1: mirror in the bathroom and just like was feeling like 34 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:57,600 Speaker 1: I was breaking. And then I was mad at myself 35 00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:00,240 Speaker 1: because I immediately knew. I was like, goddamn it, now 36 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:03,200 Speaker 1: you hurt yourself, you know, like I knew, like it 37 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:06,720 Speaker 1: was so like the thing that's supposed to provide relief 38 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:08,600 Speaker 1: also caused harm. 39 00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:11,840 Speaker 4: And so where you're in this environment where. 40 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:14,359 Speaker 1: The things that you typically would go to, the places 41 00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:16,800 Speaker 1: that you would go, the people you would speak to, 42 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:22,240 Speaker 1: the programs that you would watch, the spots lives in DC, 43 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,480 Speaker 1: the spots where you would normally go that are safe, 44 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:29,040 Speaker 1: all of that is ruptured. All of that is in 45 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:34,640 Speaker 1: upheaval and so having the control issues that I have 46 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:38,880 Speaker 1: not being able to provide safety there, you know, again, 47 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,480 Speaker 1: like we're taking some small steps with my mom's chemo 48 00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:44,720 Speaker 1: where she's taking a break from chemo for a couple 49 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:45,240 Speaker 1: of weeks. 50 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:47,000 Speaker 4: She fail. 51 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:48,880 Speaker 1: I hope, Mommy, I'm sorry, I'm telling your business, but 52 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:51,639 Speaker 1: she fail. We were walking in the house the week 53 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:53,200 Speaker 1: before last getting as I E. 54 00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:54,920 Speaker 4: Bowls, and I was like, oh, I should have been 55 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:55,600 Speaker 4: walking with her. 56 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:58,920 Speaker 1: But there are these things we do around control where 57 00:02:58,919 --> 00:03:01,480 Speaker 1: we think that that control role is the same as safety, 58 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:05,240 Speaker 1: and really that form of safety is illusory. And then 59 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:07,320 Speaker 1: does that mean that the type of peace that we 60 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,960 Speaker 1: lean up up against is also illusory? And so then 61 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:14,280 Speaker 1: the question becomes what really is safety and what really 62 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:18,639 Speaker 1: is peace? And how can you really, you know, from 63 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:21,840 Speaker 1: the biblical concept, guard your mind when all of the 64 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:25,880 Speaker 1: people and the things and the places and every other 65 00:03:25,919 --> 00:03:31,600 Speaker 1: type of nown you lean up against is compromised or. 66 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,920 Speaker 4: Destroyed or whatever. 67 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,080 Speaker 1: And I think there's just something about that that is 68 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:41,880 Speaker 1: really deeply unsettling for me, and I think from a 69 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:47,200 Speaker 1: psychological standpoint, this week it just came to a head, 70 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,320 Speaker 1: like it's like like I'm supposed to be able to 71 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:52,840 Speaker 1: count on you, you know, or like how betrayal feels it. 72 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:56,040 Speaker 1: I just feel like we're being betrayed on every side, 73 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:59,360 Speaker 1: and that of course conflicts with my with what I 74 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:00,520 Speaker 1: think safety in peace. 75 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:06,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, the enemy Angela's I know, you know, 76 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:09,000 Speaker 3: you know, the warfare is in the spirit and in 77 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:13,640 Speaker 3: the mind, right if if if, if, if we can 78 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:16,960 Speaker 3: be if we if our mind can be overcome, which 79 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:20,719 Speaker 3: obviously I find sort of fine sibling to the spirit. Right, 80 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:23,960 Speaker 3: I do have thoughtful mind by which you know things 81 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:27,560 Speaker 3: have vetted through. We all do. But also my mind 82 00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:30,400 Speaker 3: is very much so connected to my spirit. Right, what 83 00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:35,240 Speaker 3: I'm thinking about manifests itself, you know, then in a 84 00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:39,680 Speaker 3: spiritual form and then this metaphysical and then the physical 85 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:42,840 Speaker 3: form it shows up, right, and the way we stop eating, 86 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:45,560 Speaker 3: and the way in which we present, and you know, 87 00:04:46,279 --> 00:04:51,200 Speaker 3: throughout our best efforts still gets sort of dragged into 88 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:55,280 Speaker 3: the place where we don't want to portray ourselves as right, 89 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:59,080 Speaker 3: especially Angela, as you are so often and the lead 90 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:03,760 Speaker 3: in so many plays, So your comportment and how you 91 00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:08,679 Speaker 3: present often becomes what others then adopt. Right, It gives 92 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:12,839 Speaker 3: them courage, It stiffens their spine. And the truth is 93 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:15,880 Speaker 3: is like that's a weight too heavy for any one 94 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:21,520 Speaker 3: person to be three sixty five twenty four seven period. 95 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:24,200 Speaker 3: I know I felt it in my own life. I 96 00:05:24,279 --> 00:05:27,440 Speaker 3: know on the listener side, because they give us feedback, 97 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:30,800 Speaker 3: I know that they feel it, and I I don't know. 98 00:05:30,839 --> 00:05:33,479 Speaker 3: I don't know about how you cope with it, Tiff 99 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:38,080 Speaker 3: and you Angela. But a practice that at least I've 100 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:43,840 Speaker 3: come into more regular interaction with is grace, like the 101 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:48,200 Speaker 3: backing off the judgment of myself what I did, How 102 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,120 Speaker 3: this could have been managed? How d da da da 103 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:53,480 Speaker 3: da dad? To read the constant replaying and replaying and 104 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:57,680 Speaker 3: rewinding that you know, spin rent cycle, you know that 105 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:02,000 Speaker 3: we're often on around these incidences is just robbing us 106 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:06,400 Speaker 3: of so much. And if some you know, wouldn't we 107 00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:10,080 Speaker 3: all love if somebody gave us the secret route around? 108 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:12,760 Speaker 3: And I think part of the secret route around is 109 00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:18,600 Speaker 3: like those things are insignificant to the bigger and that 110 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:21,680 Speaker 3: if we could, if we could stay our mind and 111 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:26,039 Speaker 3: our spirit on this bigger thing and remove all of 112 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:32,440 Speaker 3: these obstructions that are really designed to keep us from 113 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:37,320 Speaker 3: the promise, how much better it would In the long 114 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:39,400 Speaker 3: run be and that's a hard thing to accomplish when 115 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:43,600 Speaker 3: you're in the in the flow of it. So experiencing 116 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:46,559 Speaker 3: the flow as a good person and a good friend 117 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:51,080 Speaker 3: of both of us once said Angela that it doesn't 118 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:54,800 Speaker 3: mean that we don't get impacted by those things. Those 119 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:59,240 Speaker 3: things will still impact us. What we're hopeful for is that, 120 00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:04,719 Speaker 3: through our earned wisdom and lived experience, that our recovery 121 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,520 Speaker 3: time will be quicker. So the thing that used to 122 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,240 Speaker 3: put me out for a week now puts me out 123 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:15,360 Speaker 3: for an hour, and then I'm recovered, and I'm now 124 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,680 Speaker 3: putting into place the practices that get me back on 125 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:21,360 Speaker 3: mine rather than off kilter. I'm now back on kilter. 126 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:23,960 Speaker 3: So it's not the promise isn't that you won't get 127 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:29,960 Speaker 3: off kilter. The promise is that you hope that the 128 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:34,360 Speaker 3: next time you're off, your ability to respond and to 129 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:38,400 Speaker 3: get back on becomes that much more quicker than it 130 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:41,920 Speaker 3: was before, ultimately to the point where the stuff that 131 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:44,680 Speaker 3: used to move you in those ways that used to 132 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:49,680 Speaker 3: throw you off don't even didn't pierce you anymore. That's 133 00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:53,560 Speaker 3: what I'm practicing and experimenting with is just the idea 134 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:55,680 Speaker 3: of how do I put the things that I know 135 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:59,160 Speaker 3: that I know that I know can work when practiced, 136 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:04,240 Speaker 3: and practice cansistently when that becomes part of my default, 137 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,880 Speaker 3: rather than me having to reach for it and find 138 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,480 Speaker 3: it every time, when it's becomes part of my natural 139 00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:14,160 Speaker 3: default such to the point that I can't get thrown 140 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:17,560 Speaker 3: the way that I was throw before. A different thing 141 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:20,760 Speaker 3: is happening in me now, and therefore my ability to 142 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:22,920 Speaker 3: put it all back together is going to be that 143 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,880 Speaker 3: much quicker than it was before, and so on and 144 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:26,440 Speaker 3: so forth. 145 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:31,320 Speaker 2: Well, thank you Angela for sharing that, because I think 146 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:35,360 Speaker 2: it's such an example that it makes me feel less 147 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:38,240 Speaker 2: alone on the island, and I hope it makes our viewers, 148 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:41,920 Speaker 2: our our our audience feel less alone. I talked a 149 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:46,200 Speaker 2: bit last week about this immersive therapy that I did, 150 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:49,120 Speaker 2: and I'm sharing that because I don't want people to think. 151 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,439 Speaker 2: You know, sometimes you hear people where they're like, I've 152 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:54,679 Speaker 2: achieved this nirvana and you know, I've gotten here, and 153 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:57,800 Speaker 2: I would wonder like, but how like what specifically? And 154 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:01,800 Speaker 2: it's like, oh, I did daily meditation, and you know, yes, 155 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:05,920 Speaker 2: I have tried those things, but this was a chemically 156 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:10,960 Speaker 2: immersive therapy session. I won't say too much about it 157 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:14,280 Speaker 2: because I don't want to encourage or discourage anything. 158 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:15,520 Speaker 4: But it is. 159 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:23,160 Speaker 2: In trials places and if you all follow, like Sonzi 160 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,200 Speaker 2: gup Or, I've been reading about things, there are different 161 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:29,160 Speaker 2: things that people have tried to almost rewire your brain. 162 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:32,440 Speaker 2: So I did that level of immersive therapy. And the 163 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:36,960 Speaker 2: reason I did is because I felt anxious. I felt 164 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:40,960 Speaker 2: a sadness that was in the depths of my spirit. 165 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,679 Speaker 2: It wasn't in this human body. It was like in 166 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:48,560 Speaker 2: my spirit that I still feel it, and I wanted 167 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:50,520 Speaker 2: to try to go inward and pierce that. And so 168 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:53,760 Speaker 2: when I hear you talk Angela about any one of 169 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:57,200 Speaker 2: the things that I personally know that you're dealing with, 170 00:09:57,240 --> 00:10:00,520 Speaker 2: would command all my attention and my energy. I could not, 171 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:04,560 Speaker 2: you know, juggle some of those things. And you know 172 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:07,480 Speaker 2: how I feel about just mothers and navigating all of that. 173 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:11,520 Speaker 2: And I've dealt with my mother, you know, battling cancer, 174 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:16,320 Speaker 2: and it just it stills you in such a way. 175 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:22,559 Speaker 2: It's just hard to explain if people haven't gone through that. 176 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,720 Speaker 2: To see your mother in pain or see your mother 177 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,840 Speaker 2: going through things, I mean, it is just something that 178 00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:32,960 Speaker 2: changes the fabric of who you are as a woman 179 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:41,040 Speaker 2: between mother and daughter, so I know what you feel. 180 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:47,680 Speaker 2: Even the memory of that just breaks my heart. So 181 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:53,120 Speaker 2: I'll say that and I think about the days will 182 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:59,120 Speaker 2: come that my mom is not with me. That thought 183 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:03,360 Speaker 2: breaks me and I won't be right for a while. 184 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:07,440 Speaker 2: I'm just telling y'all, I will not be right at all. 185 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:14,240 Speaker 2: And so when I think about that, it just consumes 186 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:18,280 Speaker 2: my spirit, like really, everything in me. Send at her 187 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:24,360 Speaker 2: bedside broke me. It changed me forever. My mom and 188 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:29,040 Speaker 2: I have a challenging relationship, as I've talked about, but 189 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:32,640 Speaker 2: we after that, I just felt like there's not going 190 00:11:32,679 --> 00:11:34,840 Speaker 2: to come a time where I don't speak to my mom, 191 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:38,120 Speaker 2: you know, like it's just this time here is too brief. 192 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:41,040 Speaker 2: What I took away in this immersive therapy, and that 193 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,040 Speaker 2: will I will tell you about offline because if you 194 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:45,560 Speaker 2: want to try it, I'm happy to have it. 195 00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:46,439 Speaker 4: It makes life. 196 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:48,640 Speaker 2: See, this is what I'm talking about, Like politics seems 197 00:11:48,679 --> 00:11:51,960 Speaker 2: so little to me. It just doesn't. It can't command 198 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:54,720 Speaker 2: my attention in the same way. Whatever is happening here 199 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,880 Speaker 2: right now can't command my attention in the same way 200 00:11:56,880 --> 00:12:01,040 Speaker 2: because it's like this brief life expirit it's so quick, 201 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:08,360 Speaker 2: you know, it's so fleeting, and I can't I can't 202 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:12,840 Speaker 2: connect with things the same way it is. I saw 203 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:17,520 Speaker 2: my spirit inhabit this human body. And so if you 204 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:20,200 Speaker 2: take you Angela, and it's like you lose your limbs, 205 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:23,440 Speaker 2: you lose your all, your all, your limbs, you lose 206 00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:26,400 Speaker 2: your hair, you lose your eyelashes. Are you any less Angela? 207 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,200 Speaker 2: So then what is the thing that makes Angela Angela? 208 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:35,760 Speaker 2: It's that spirit and that is the most present thing 209 00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:40,800 Speaker 2: that we have to protect. And so for me, I 210 00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:43,640 Speaker 2: have made the decision to walk away from things, to 211 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:46,839 Speaker 2: walk away from people, to walk away from situations and 212 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:50,880 Speaker 2: feelings with a lightness. And even now this sadness, it's 213 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:51,600 Speaker 2: a heaviness. 214 00:12:51,679 --> 00:12:52,600 Speaker 4: But I don't know. 215 00:12:52,679 --> 00:12:57,280 Speaker 2: I just feel like, oh, it's time for sadness. Now, Okay, sadness, 216 00:12:57,559 --> 00:13:00,520 Speaker 2: I welcome you. I will feel this, I will let 217 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:03,679 Speaker 2: these tears flow, and then sadness will leave and I 218 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:06,840 Speaker 2: can say I'll see you again soon, and it's okay. 219 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:11,520 Speaker 2: So I can't explain how navigating that is, but I 220 00:13:11,679 --> 00:13:14,440 Speaker 2: just want you to know I understand. 221 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:20,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm grateful for your share, Tiff. I think there 222 00:13:20,679 --> 00:13:22,720 Speaker 1: are a lot of therapies now that people do. Some 223 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:29,840 Speaker 1: are more welcomed and received in like different parts of 224 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,960 Speaker 1: the country or different parts of the world, including like 225 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:35,240 Speaker 1: in South America that people go and especially from here, 226 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:40,360 Speaker 1: fly to do ayahuasca journeys. In South America. There's something 227 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:44,280 Speaker 1: called bouffo, which is toad medicine. There's and then there's 228 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:49,760 Speaker 1: something where they think it's like the traditional toad medicine. 229 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,200 Speaker 1: It's like they scrape the top layer of toad. People 230 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:56,440 Speaker 1: smoke it. It's called boo. There's mushrooms people, do you 231 00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:59,840 Speaker 1: know there's some some states. Yeah, there's of states that 232 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:03,720 Speaker 1: are there are states that are now approving the use 233 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:09,000 Speaker 1: of psychedelic mushrooms or psilocybin to help aid people in 234 00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:10,160 Speaker 1: overcoming depression. 235 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:11,760 Speaker 4: It works. 236 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,640 Speaker 1: And so the other thing I would say is there's 237 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:18,160 Speaker 1: also a more chemical form of those treatments called ketamine, 238 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:21,000 Speaker 1: and people are also using those therapies as well as 239 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:24,480 Speaker 1: guided by psychologists. And what I would tell you guys 240 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:29,160 Speaker 1: is sometimes in order to protect your peace, you first 241 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:32,120 Speaker 1: have to find it. You might have got lost along 242 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:36,080 Speaker 1: the way, the foundation may have been disrupted, whatever it is. 243 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:38,440 Speaker 1: But I think this week what I realized what I 244 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:40,520 Speaker 1: cried about. What I screamed about is I was like, 245 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:44,720 Speaker 1: how did I let myself get so far outside of 246 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:48,280 Speaker 1: my piece? Why did I allow that detachment to ever 247 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:52,240 Speaker 1: take place? And so then there's this guilt that you 248 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:55,200 Speaker 1: go through, and then you have to like, well, hopefully 249 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:57,280 Speaker 1: we can get to the place where we say, Okay, 250 00:14:57,880 --> 00:14:58,960 Speaker 1: you did the best you could. 251 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:00,880 Speaker 4: I'm just going you where we are. 252 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,360 Speaker 1: But when I tell y'all, I have never I can't 253 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:06,480 Speaker 1: think of a time why I've ever felt so far 254 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:10,240 Speaker 1: outside of my body. I was like, I got we 255 00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:13,440 Speaker 1: gotta reconnect, Like I don't know what happened. So that's 256 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:15,400 Speaker 1: why I was saying when we were talking about the 257 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:19,640 Speaker 1: shooting last week, there was a grief for me. 258 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,280 Speaker 4: But the grief for me was like, how. 259 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,840 Speaker 1: Could our people have poured so much into this country 260 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:29,440 Speaker 1: to still be so violently attacked, to still be called 261 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:31,600 Speaker 1: everything but a child of God, to still be trying 262 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:36,000 Speaker 1: to find ways to disqualify our humanity. And I just 263 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:39,240 Speaker 1: there's something about it that's maddening to me in this moment, 264 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:42,520 Speaker 1: because of course we always know that there are people 265 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,960 Speaker 1: that think that way, but I just didn't think it 266 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:46,920 Speaker 1: was going to take such a foothold, and then I'm 267 00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:48,360 Speaker 1: mad at myself that I didn't think it was going 268 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:50,280 Speaker 1: to take such a foothold, so there would be these 269 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:53,240 Speaker 1: I was just in these psychological loops where I'm like, well. 270 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,440 Speaker 4: Of course it's that, but well, why did you not 271 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:55,320 Speaker 4: think that was gonna happen? 272 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,080 Speaker 1: Well, of course, you know, So it was like that, 273 00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:58,800 Speaker 1: and I think I just got to a point where 274 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:02,760 Speaker 1: I was like, ah, and I literally I am embarrassed 275 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:05,880 Speaker 1: that this is not a could or laryngitis. 276 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:07,400 Speaker 4: This bitch was screaming. 277 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:11,800 Speaker 1: I screamed my whole asshah, to the point where it 278 00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:15,280 Speaker 1: sounds like this you scrumped, and I just I scrumpled. 279 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,760 Speaker 1: But it's can I ask, though, because I when I 280 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,840 Speaker 1: get to a breaking point, it is rarely what is 281 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:35,280 Speaker 1: happening in like Charlie Kirk is not going to be 282 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:37,880 Speaker 1: the thing that gets me to my breaking point. 283 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:38,280 Speaker 4: You know. 284 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:42,760 Speaker 2: It is it is like my mom, you know, it 285 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:47,120 Speaker 2: is family, It is my personal relationships, It is my career, 286 00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:52,040 Speaker 2: It is my own self worth and value, like it 287 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:54,720 Speaker 2: is the compression of all those things. And I'm just 288 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,240 Speaker 2: thinking about what so many black women are going through 289 00:16:57,280 --> 00:17:02,080 Speaker 2: right now, being jobless without an income, raising kids without 290 00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:06,560 Speaker 2: an income, trying to figure out not even retirement, trying 291 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:11,280 Speaker 2: to figure out next week, and especially who they're targeting, 292 00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:13,800 Speaker 2: like you were the one who made it right, and 293 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:16,720 Speaker 2: so you still have family coming and you saying I want, 294 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:20,440 Speaker 2: I need, can you would you mind? And you are 295 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:23,359 Speaker 2: depleting your own savings trying to make sure other people 296 00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:28,080 Speaker 2: are okay, while everyone around you, not everyone, but everyone 297 00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:31,359 Speaker 2: in this ruling class around you is somehow communicating to 298 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,200 Speaker 2: you that you don't belong, that you're not about them, 299 00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:37,600 Speaker 2: that you are in fact unworthy. So the innermost trauma 300 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:41,200 Speaker 2: that you spent your whole life trying to unlearn by 301 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,960 Speaker 2: getting the highest degree possible, by earning the six and 302 00:17:45,040 --> 00:17:50,600 Speaker 2: seven figures, by wearing the Sergio Hudson, by taking the 303 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,800 Speaker 2: international trips, doing all those things, and then the world 304 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:58,280 Speaker 2: comes along and disrupts that at that moment, like that 305 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:01,760 Speaker 2: is a breaking point, And I wonder, are we breaking 306 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:07,399 Speaker 2: this earthly shell and letting our spirits float, or are 307 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:10,520 Speaker 2: we letting them break our spirits? And sometimes for me 308 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:13,760 Speaker 2: it is my spirit is breaking, because even my own 309 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:15,880 Speaker 2: when it comes to issues. I'm writing about this as 310 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:18,439 Speaker 2: you all know, when it comes to issues of my 311 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:22,680 Speaker 2: value and my self worth. It's not like what white 312 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,840 Speaker 2: women talk about like, it's very different. It is different 313 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:29,840 Speaker 2: when a black woman questions her value and her self 314 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:34,480 Speaker 2: worth because there actually are people telling us our entire 315 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:39,680 Speaker 2: lives that we have no value. When I question if 316 00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:44,480 Speaker 2: I'm welcome somewhere, it's not what other people go through. 317 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:47,639 Speaker 2: It's like, no, yes, I have questioned in my childhood 318 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:52,200 Speaker 2: if I were welcome different places in home and schools. Yes, 319 00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:55,520 Speaker 2: but this country has told me I am not welcome. 320 00:18:56,040 --> 00:19:00,000 Speaker 2: And black kids every day walk through neighborhood where they're 321 00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:02,840 Speaker 2: told they're not welcome. They're told they're not welcome by 322 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:06,320 Speaker 2: the dilapidated school they go to, they're told they're not 323 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:10,960 Speaker 2: valued by the red lines and wrote down community. And 324 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,520 Speaker 2: then when white people move in and things start to change, 325 00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:15,919 Speaker 2: and they think, oh, but white people came and the 326 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,320 Speaker 2: goodness came. What does that doing to the psyche of 327 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:20,399 Speaker 2: that child? And I just think about all these things 328 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:25,320 Speaker 2: that we carry as adults through childhood, generational trauma. ANDELI 329 00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:30,119 Speaker 2: You've talked about that. I just I just feel like 330 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:35,400 Speaker 2: that is the breaking point. Can you outside of Charlie Kirk, 331 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:39,240 Speaker 2: whatever you feel comfortable sharing what are the things that 332 00:19:39,359 --> 00:19:41,840 Speaker 2: lead to your breaking point? 333 00:19:44,359 --> 00:19:46,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, And I'm so sorry if it sounded like I 334 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:50,879 Speaker 1: was saying Charlie Kirk. What I was saying is the 335 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:54,880 Speaker 1: people's response to us as if we had caused any 336 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,600 Speaker 1: of the harm, which it was just I felt it 337 00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:02,240 Speaker 1: took me right back into black history. There was a 338 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:07,760 Speaker 1: brother I met last week, a Muslim brother who was 339 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,639 Speaker 1: found dead shortly after our meeting. 340 00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:10,399 Speaker 4: That shook me. 341 00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:14,440 Speaker 1: The number of people that needed some type of crisis 342 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,960 Speaker 1: support or response based on things they didn't do when 343 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,640 Speaker 1: they were just trying to do the right thing. 344 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:20,359 Speaker 4: That shook me. 345 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:25,760 Speaker 1: Just some personal conflict that came up that felt really, 346 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:27,159 Speaker 1: you know, awful. 347 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,720 Speaker 4: And like, you know, what did I do to deserve this? 348 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:32,240 Speaker 4: Shook me and hurt. 349 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:36,000 Speaker 1: And I think that there are things where, you know, 350 00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:40,359 Speaker 1: I have an expectation that the people who loved me 351 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,560 Speaker 1: and who are closest to me and friends, family, et cetera, 352 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,960 Speaker 1: have some type of grace for what I'm trying to 353 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:48,920 Speaker 1: do right now, which is like I'm just trying to 354 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,080 Speaker 1: be obedient to the call, and I'm not quite sure 355 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:54,080 Speaker 1: all of the what the pillars are of that call. 356 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:58,200 Speaker 1: But when I feel misunderstood or misrepresented by those closest 357 00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:01,960 Speaker 1: to me. That really hurts and feels like betrayal. And 358 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:05,320 Speaker 1: I hate being lied too, in lied on. So I 359 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:07,600 Speaker 1: think it's, you know, the convergence of all those things 360 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,720 Speaker 1: that once for me is never the one thing either. Netta, 361 00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:13,919 Speaker 1: my best friendly Nea always says like, you know, you 362 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:15,919 Speaker 1: don't have to wait till all of it hits the 363 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:19,080 Speaker 1: fan to come tell us, And I'm like, yeah, I don't, 364 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:21,800 Speaker 1: but I don't really even realize that stuff is hitting 365 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:23,919 Speaker 1: the fan and tell us nineteen things in there, and 366 00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:27,680 Speaker 1: I'm like, wait, you know, in complete overwhelm. It takes 367 00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:29,919 Speaker 1: me to complete overwhelm before I have to say anything 368 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:36,480 Speaker 1: about help, you know, So hopefully that makes some sense. 369 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:42,240 Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean there's economic pressures, there's psychological pressures. 370 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,800 Speaker 1: There's the gas lighting that is on a micro and 371 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:50,040 Speaker 1: a macro level. There is you know, I mean, all 372 00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:52,960 Speaker 1: of my former bosses who are getting challenged their seats 373 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:56,240 Speaker 1: getting challenged in Congress so they can say this might 374 00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:58,560 Speaker 1: have been the largest congressional Black caucus ever, but we 375 00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:00,640 Speaker 1: about to make as small as was and when y'all 376 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:03,639 Speaker 1: founded it, Like, I don't under they're just things that 377 00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:05,800 Speaker 1: I don't understand. So it's like, oh, we're just gonna 378 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:07,680 Speaker 1: wait till the midterms, Well do you know who gonna 379 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,600 Speaker 1: represent you when the midterms are over? You know, like 380 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:13,119 Speaker 1: do you really even understand who's gonna be there. So 381 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,560 Speaker 1: there are things that, yes, they are political, but they're 382 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:18,760 Speaker 1: also an assault on black people that I just am 383 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:21,200 Speaker 1: holding like how dare y'all? 384 00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:22,840 Speaker 4: And I feel enraged. 385 00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:25,600 Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, maybe there's some way about 386 00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:27,720 Speaker 1: the fight that I didn't go right, go go about 387 00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:29,200 Speaker 1: it right, and I you know, want. 388 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,639 Speaker 4: To study, like how do we get better? How do 389 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:31,240 Speaker 4: we sharpen? 390 00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,440 Speaker 1: You know, the conversations that we have even about the podcast, 391 00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:36,199 Speaker 1: like what can we do differently? I'm like, tell us, 392 00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,800 Speaker 1: let's grow, let's get better, because I think that there 393 00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:41,600 Speaker 1: are people we could save lives, you know, we can 394 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:45,280 Speaker 1: we can provide an opportunity for somebody to have more hope, 395 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,040 Speaker 1: to realize it's gonna be okay or not, and figure 396 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:52,119 Speaker 1: out how we survive it even when it's horrible. I 397 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,120 Speaker 1: just I feel a lot of pressure and I think 398 00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:56,760 Speaker 1: that the you know, maybe the Damns broke. 399 00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:58,119 Speaker 4: I don't know where are you? 400 00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:02,719 Speaker 2: Andrew because sometimes you come in very professorial, and you know, 401 00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:06,240 Speaker 2: it's almost like you're giving you know, like like you've 402 00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:09,680 Speaker 2: achieved your given advice. And I just wonder because I 403 00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:11,280 Speaker 2: feel disconnected from a lot. 404 00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:19,359 Speaker 3: Of experimental Yeah, yeah, experimenting with I I completely relate 405 00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:26,000 Speaker 3: to warring on every side right now. I don't do well. 406 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:32,040 Speaker 3: I don't do well in the sort of individual instances, 407 00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:36,840 Speaker 3: and I also don't do well with the damn breaking 408 00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:42,359 Speaker 3: of the dam bridging, the breaking, you know, so they 409 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:45,800 Speaker 3: are the individual things that just add up. It's the 410 00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:48,680 Speaker 3: sum total of it all, like my breaking. I was 411 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:50,680 Speaker 3: thinking about when you asked Angela, what is that thing 412 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:53,800 Speaker 3: that sort of you know, where you find yourself just exploding? 413 00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:57,520 Speaker 3: And for me, that explosion often comes in the smallest, 414 00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:03,399 Speaker 3: most insignificant thing that ever was. It's my kid forgetting 415 00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:07,080 Speaker 3: to put the backpack on the ring and now it's 416 00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:10,840 Speaker 3: on the kitchen floor underneath the stool, and I'm I 417 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:14,879 Speaker 3: just jamm my toe and I'm angry about it. But 418 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,640 Speaker 3: I'm not really angry about that. I'm angry about all 419 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:21,720 Speaker 3: the others. Yeah, you know that's going on. So the 420 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:25,639 Speaker 3: point that it reaches a culmination is rarely ever, in 421 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:30,520 Speaker 3: the moment of the of the of the break, that's 422 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:32,560 Speaker 3: that's not that that's the thing I'm leeing. I wish 423 00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:36,360 Speaker 3: that were my worry. It's all the other stuff that's 424 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:41,600 Speaker 3: that's the worry. But I don't mean to come off 425 00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:45,320 Speaker 3: professorial about why I think sh. 426 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:47,320 Speaker 4: Wise. 427 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:54,119 Speaker 3: I think I'm experimenting with some things that keep me 428 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:59,040 Speaker 3: inside myself while I'm going through rather than vacating my 429 00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:03,240 Speaker 3: body and everything I know, vacating the person I am 430 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:07,879 Speaker 3: to just to deal with this thing, to deal with 431 00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:11,560 Speaker 3: the culbination of these things. I just think we can't 432 00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:15,440 Speaker 3: eat an elephant hole. I gotta take this thing bite 433 00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,320 Speaker 3: by bite. I can only do what I can do, 434 00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:21,560 Speaker 3: which is a whole different level of grace I'm giving 435 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:25,280 Speaker 3: to myself that I didn't afford myself and most of 436 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:29,000 Speaker 3: my lived you know, experienced on this earth. I've always 437 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:33,119 Speaker 3: been my harshest critic. I've always been the principle that 438 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:36,920 Speaker 3: I never wanted to be in the office of because 439 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,760 Speaker 3: I know how tough I am on myself and how 440 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,960 Speaker 3: judgmental I am on myself, much more than I am 441 00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:47,440 Speaker 3: on the people around me, much more than I am 442 00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:51,680 Speaker 3: than with the people greats comes to me very easily 443 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:54,639 Speaker 3: for a lot of other people, it's for myself that 444 00:25:54,720 --> 00:26:01,960 Speaker 3: I deprive understanding. It's for myself that I lodge the 445 00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:05,920 Speaker 3: greatest judgment. It's toward myself that I hate the most 446 00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:09,320 Speaker 3: when things aren't going right. It's me that I judge 447 00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:13,160 Speaker 3: the worst. When two plus two ain't equal and four 448 00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,280 Speaker 3: but it's two. How does that math work? 449 00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:18,680 Speaker 4: Right? 450 00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:23,840 Speaker 3: So I think, now, you know, I think Arjie probably 451 00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:26,879 Speaker 3: thinks I'm just I'd like to become an antisocial person 452 00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:29,879 Speaker 3: with everything in our lives, and I have to balance 453 00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:32,399 Speaker 3: that in some ways. But more than anything, it is 454 00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:35,640 Speaker 3: I don't want to be in a place anymore where 455 00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:39,640 Speaker 3: I've got to compromise any one side of myself to fit. 456 00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:45,480 Speaker 3: So I'm not going where I'm also not giving people 457 00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:47,760 Speaker 3: the power to grant me permission for an invitation. I'm 458 00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:52,280 Speaker 3: not giving people power to grant you know, validation on anything. 459 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:55,360 Speaker 3: It's partly why some of what I deal with around 460 00:26:56,040 --> 00:27:00,240 Speaker 3: sort of external comments and people's reactions to things is 461 00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:04,920 Speaker 3: that it's like I can't I can't then hold myself 462 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:09,239 Speaker 3: because I'm holding everything everybody else and their thing, And 463 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:12,280 Speaker 3: then what does that do? It leaves me empty. It 464 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:20,240 Speaker 3: leaves me filling the abandonment and so okay, if nobody 465 00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:21,879 Speaker 3: else can tend to it, I'm gonna tend to me. 466 00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:22,600 Speaker 4: You know. 467 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:24,520 Speaker 3: It's like the past is saying when he's given the 468 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:27,000 Speaker 3: preach word, if you can't say you know, I will 469 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:31,800 Speaker 3: amen myself on this if the world isn't giving it 470 00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:35,320 Speaker 3: to me. And now it's like increasingly whatever the world 471 00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:37,760 Speaker 3: is going to do is going to do yeah, And 472 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:38,840 Speaker 3: I've got to hold me. 473 00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:41,000 Speaker 4: Yeah. 474 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:44,720 Speaker 3: And if something else comes along to hold then it's 475 00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:48,720 Speaker 3: icing on the cake. But I gotta be for me. 476 00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:52,320 Speaker 3: If ain't nobody else gonna be it. If I don't 477 00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:54,720 Speaker 3: feel it for anybody else, I gotta feel it for myself. 478 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:57,600 Speaker 3: And I guess getting to that level of depravity if 479 00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:00,639 Speaker 3: you will, a feeling so empty of that thing for 480 00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:06,040 Speaker 3: so long from every side, rather than saying this life 481 00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:10,800 Speaker 3: isn't worth it, it's like I'm worth it. Yeah, I 482 00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:16,800 Speaker 3: do deserve that. And if I'm tired, go take a nap. Yeah, 483 00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:20,879 Speaker 3: I can have that and release the judgment. But I 484 00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:22,440 Speaker 3: don't want to go to the party. It ain't because 485 00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:24,560 Speaker 3: I don't like people, because I don't really want to 486 00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:31,760 Speaker 3: be around that. Yes, yeah, so no, I haven't figured 487 00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:34,720 Speaker 3: any of it out. There's a lot of experimenting and 488 00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:39,680 Speaker 3: daring to experiment and being blessed by space and maybe 489 00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:43,520 Speaker 3: a little bit of time to experiment. But no, all 490 00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:48,640 Speaker 3: the stuff that's raining down on everybody else is raining 491 00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:53,360 Speaker 3: down on me too. But I want to master a 492 00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:56,960 Speaker 3: better technique for how to how to make it to 493 00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:57,760 Speaker 3: the other side. 494 00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:01,160 Speaker 2: Well, you definitely given me when I've come to you 495 00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:05,280 Speaker 2: with things you do. It is somewhat like of a 496 00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:10,200 Speaker 2: professorial statement that rings very true to me. I remember 497 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:16,320 Speaker 2: we were eating at our spot in New York at Serafina. 498 00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:21,400 Speaker 3: Since wells. 499 00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:25,880 Speaker 2: Well, but you were telling me like basically, do what 500 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:29,480 Speaker 2: feels good to you, you know, and so to hear 501 00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:33,160 Speaker 2: you say like yeah, like sometimes our value can be 502 00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,479 Speaker 2: so caught up into how we are living in service 503 00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:40,240 Speaker 2: to others, and so I that I think that's the 504 00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:42,960 Speaker 2: challenge for me right now because I feel so disconnected. 505 00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:45,400 Speaker 2: That's why I wanted to know any of your specific examples, 506 00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:47,200 Speaker 2: like what are the things that bregett I think you 507 00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:50,280 Speaker 2: were saying, Charlie Kirk, but everything that happened around that, 508 00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:53,640 Speaker 2: you know, the response and everything or I felt so 509 00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:56,600 Speaker 2: disconnected from it, you know, I was looking at it like, 510 00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,920 Speaker 2: stay so dumb, you know it hurts, But it was 511 00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:04,120 Speaker 2: the thing that was like, the things that are breaking 512 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:11,880 Speaker 2: me are just a piercing heartbreak of so much. But 513 00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:15,880 Speaker 2: heartbreak is the only term I can think, nothing about 514 00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:19,000 Speaker 2: our politics, not you know that I kind of anticipate, 515 00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:24,000 Speaker 2: but just this heartbreak and that there's nobody who can 516 00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:27,120 Speaker 2: kind of help you through that heartbreak, but navigating heartbreak 517 00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:30,520 Speaker 2: and isolation and the only way out is through. So 518 00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:34,120 Speaker 2: you just have to keep getting pierced over and over, 519 00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:39,520 Speaker 2: walking through memory and letting time do what it does. 520 00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:46,120 Speaker 2: And it is just the hardest feeling while navigating other things. 521 00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:50,480 Speaker 2: So I really think that this conversation, what you guys share, 522 00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:53,120 Speaker 2: what we're all going through, is so reflective of what 523 00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:56,720 Speaker 2: so many other people are going through. And so I 524 00:30:57,720 --> 00:30:59,959 Speaker 2: feel privileged to day to be a part of this conversation. 525 00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:04,840 Speaker 2: And I hope that our authenticity around what we're sharing 526 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:09,520 Speaker 2: resonates with people. And I hope beyond resonating with you 527 00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:11,520 Speaker 2: as an individual, but I hope that you all will 528 00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:16,040 Speaker 2: have your own cells of safe spaces where you can 529 00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:18,520 Speaker 2: talk about this and when you can't because sometimes I 530 00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:20,800 Speaker 2: don't have that cell. And it's not because people aren't 531 00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:25,160 Speaker 2: available to me, it's because I want to. I don't 532 00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:27,680 Speaker 2: feel good about putting this in someone else's hands when 533 00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:30,160 Speaker 2: I haven't worked through it myself. And so that's what 534 00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:33,040 Speaker 2: that immersive therapy helped me do. Create a safe space 535 00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:36,719 Speaker 2: within myself or I got to push myself out. Sometimes 536 00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:38,160 Speaker 2: it's like, no, you are going to go to dinner 537 00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:40,320 Speaker 2: tonight with your girlfriends because that's just what it is, 538 00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:43,719 Speaker 2: you know. So I hope that this has created some 539 00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:47,280 Speaker 2: sort of safe space for other people to just listen 540 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:49,240 Speaker 2: to it. And if that safe space is within yourself, 541 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:52,880 Speaker 2: I hope we tapped into something. I still feel heartbroken, 542 00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:56,480 Speaker 2: I still feel sad, but it's like it feels lighter, 543 00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:58,960 Speaker 2: a little lighter. It's like when you shake a bottle 544 00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:02,440 Speaker 2: up and all the bubbles and you open it all 545 00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:04,760 Speaker 2: I once it explodes, I feel like today we loosen 546 00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:06,640 Speaker 2: the bottle a little bit, let some of the era 547 00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:11,360 Speaker 2: and what we're all navigating different things and challenges and roads. 548 00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:12,840 Speaker 2: But it let a little bit of the air out 549 00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:13,280 Speaker 2: of the bottle. 550 00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:14,840 Speaker 4: Well. 551 00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:17,600 Speaker 3: The Great Professor Cardi b this week also helped me 552 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:21,719 Speaker 3: I want to say, but yes, you know it just 553 00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:24,280 Speaker 3: I just think she's the greatest human. I can't wait 554 00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:29,160 Speaker 3: for the conversation. Yeah, yeah, I mean it is. 555 00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:31,800 Speaker 1: We're gonna try to get her on soon. Y'all go 556 00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:33,640 Speaker 1: watch that, and we know we got to wrap up 557 00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:37,000 Speaker 1: our mini. Yeah, it's been a mega but thank you. 558 00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:43,120 Speaker 3: All the things, Thank y'all for joining us. As always, 559 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:46,520 Speaker 3: as we say all the time, we know that your 560 00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:49,320 Speaker 3: time is precious and how you spend it, especially when 561 00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:51,880 Speaker 3: you choose us, means a lot. So we'll catch you 562 00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:59,920 Speaker 3: on this other side of this heartbreaking pain. Push through, everybody, 563 00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:16,040 Speaker 3: and we'll see you. Welcome home. Native Lampard is a 564 00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:19,200 Speaker 3: production of iHeartRadio in partnership with reisent Choice Media. For 565 00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:24,800 Speaker 3: more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, 566 00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:26,680 Speaker 3: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.