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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is John, the og story

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Speaker 1: Time podcast host.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: But before that, we got a teeny two minute break

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Speaker 1: from the sponsors that keep the show propped up like

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Speaker 1: a little house.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, my brother's biological father wanted to see him,

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Speaker 3: but I won't allow it stop in the name of love.

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Speaker 4: My little brother, Peter is about to turn fourteen.

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Speaker 3: I thirty mail have been taking care of him since

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Speaker 3: he was seven, and before that he was living with

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Speaker 3: our grandmother. Our mom has never been in his life

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Speaker 3: and he's only recently seen her for the first time

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Speaker 3: since he was born. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 3: user's Spirited Shelter forty six fifty five, and if you

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Speaker 3: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

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Speaker 3: slash Okay Storytime subreddit. I'm Dakota, I'm Keon, I'm Carly,

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Speaker 3: and Op says he's told me that he never wants

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Speaker 3: her back in his life, which is more than fine

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Speaker 3: by me. His father, David mid thirties early forties, has

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Speaker 3: also never been in Peter's life. He left our mom

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Speaker 3: when he found out she was pregnant and she was

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Speaker 3: still married to my dad at the time. And moved

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Speaker 3: about three states away to start a new life with

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Speaker 3: a new family. From what I know, he has a

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Speaker 3: few other kids and has been married to his current

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Speaker 3: wife for over ten years. For context, Peter is aware

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Speaker 3: of both of his parents being estranged, but me and

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Speaker 3: his grandma and everyone else who had a hand in

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Speaker 3: raising him have worked hard to give him a good life.

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Speaker 3: He's a good kid, has always had decent grades. He's

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Speaker 3: sort of popular at school, and.

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Speaker 4: He even has a girlfriend.

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Speaker 3: I seriously want nothing more out of him than to

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Speaker 3: just be himself and not do anything stupid, like me

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Speaker 3: when I was his age. Yesterday, while Peter was at school,

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Speaker 3: there was a knock at the door. It was David,

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Speaker 3: and I instantly recognized him because he was a friend

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Speaker 3: of the family for years since I was a kid.

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Speaker 3: I have no idea how he got my address, since

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Speaker 3: again he lives a few states away, but I'm guessing

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Speaker 3: it has something to do with a relative of mine.

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Speaker 3: Peter's birthday is in four days, and David said he

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Speaker 3: was in our town for business, so he decided to

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Speaker 3: stop by and see Peter for his birthdays.

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Speaker 2: That's is that a coincidence? That's is that a cool incidinc.

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Speaker 3: You didn't think of stopping by at all for the

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Speaker 3: last fourteen years.

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Speaker 2: Maybe I'm three states over now and I'm in the town,

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Speaker 2: and I think I gotta say hi to my son,

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Speaker 2: my estranged son, who I haven't never met or spoken to,

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Speaker 2: really talked to you at all.

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Speaker 3: But I guess it was did he leave because it

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Speaker 3: was a product of an affair.

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Speaker 4: I guess because it's said.

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Speaker 3: That when Peter was conceived, Oh, P's mom was still

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Speaker 3: married to her husband, so it might be like a shame.

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Speaker 2: There's a lot of there's a lot of missing context

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Speaker 2: from all that you know, mumbo jumbo, But all we

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Speaker 2: know from the context we got is that you haven't

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Speaker 2: seen your son per pretty much the entirety of his life. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I asked how he thought I would be okay with

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Speaker 3: him being anywhere near my little brother, and David was

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Speaker 3: saying something about how his second oldest son just celebrated

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Speaker 3: his eleventh birthday and he was feeling bad for not

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Speaker 3: giving his oldest the same attention. When I told him

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Speaker 3: that wasn't happening, he understood, but he still wanted to

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Speaker 3: do something for Peter. So he handed me a blank

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Speaker 3: check and He told me to spend it on something

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Speaker 3: that Peter will absolutely love and to give him a

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Speaker 3: fun birthday party. I didn't think he was being condescending

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Speaker 3: or anything until he asked that I tell Peter that

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Speaker 3: everything I buy was from his dad's money.

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Speaker 4: So I gave him back the.

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Speaker 3: Check and removed him from my house because f that noise,

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Speaker 3: You're not gonna buy your way into your son's life, dude.

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Speaker 4: He looked pretty upset about it, and he quietly left.

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Speaker 3: I found the check in the mailbox later that I

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Speaker 3: I ripped it up and threw it away.

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Speaker 4: Just thinking about it pisss me off at this point.

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Speaker 3: Why would he want to do this now, all of

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Speaker 3: a sudden, after missing out on Peter's whole life. He

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Speaker 3: wasn't there for my family when Peter was a toddler

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Speaker 3: and he had to get stitches in his head after

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Speaker 3: running into an open door skill issue. He wasn't there

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Speaker 3: when Grandma had a heart attack. He wasn't there when

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Speaker 3: I was living out of a friend's van struggling to

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Speaker 3: get my ged. When I mentioned it to people I know,

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Speaker 3: their reactions have been mixed.

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Speaker 4: Grandma especially says that.

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Speaker 3: I did the right thing and David doesn't deserve Peter

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Speaker 3: in his life. My aunt, however, says that David does

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Speaker 3: deserve a chance to be his dad because of all

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Speaker 3: the years he's worked through the shame of how Peter

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Speaker 3: was born. A few friends have also said that I

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Speaker 3: should have taken the check, maybe added to Peter's college fund,

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Speaker 3: which doesn't have a lot right now. David was polite

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Speaker 3: and awe and he looked successful, and he did seem

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Speaker 3: like he regretted not being in Peter's life. But I

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Speaker 3: still don't trust him. Money can't buy my respect either way.

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Speaker 3: Am I the A whole? There is an update. I

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Speaker 3: think it's too soon to say whether you're the a

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Speaker 3: whole because you got to tell Peter about it at least.

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Speaker 2: Again, this was like I would have kept the check.

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Speaker 2: That was probably the right move, and you know, through

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Speaker 2: all the emotions and everything, but again, a blank check

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Speaker 2: is a blank check, and that can go to any

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Speaker 2: fun for Peter, and it should have been Peter's decision,

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Speaker 2: like if he saw it, like if he's like, oh yeah,

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Speaker 2: I want that, or you know, I'll save it. I

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Speaker 2: don't want to talk to the guy. But it's one

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Speaker 2: of those things. It's it was technically for Peter.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think there's a little territorialness.

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Speaker 2: Well that's okay because op has pretty much fathered Peter,

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Speaker 2: like not necessarily fathered, but you know, was the support

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Speaker 2: system and always there for Peter's of the upbringing. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: so I get it. I totally understand. You're like, hey,

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Speaker 2: you don't deserve to have Peter in your life kind

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Speaker 2: of thing. You chose that path. But again it's something

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Speaker 2: that I think Peter's old enough to make a choice,

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Speaker 2: or you know, I at least have a say.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Update a few days ago, I posted about my little brother,

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Speaker 3: Peter's biodad coming by my house wanting to see him

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Speaker 3: for his birthday, which is tomorrow. I refused and then

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Speaker 3: found a blank check he offered me in my mailbox,

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Speaker 3: which I threw away. I got some good advice about

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Speaker 3: what I should do, and the majority of you suggested

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Speaker 3: that Peter should at least be told that his.

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Speaker 4: Dad came by.

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Speaker 3: He's fourteen in a day, so he's old enough to

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Speaker 3: decide to meet his own father if he wants to.

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Speaker 4: The Other day, after he.

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Speaker 3: Got home from school, we sat down during dinner and

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Speaker 3: I happened to let it slip. It was kind of like, oh,

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Speaker 3: by the way, bro, got to tell you that some

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Speaker 3: guy came over looking for you.

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Speaker 4: When he asked who it was.

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Speaker 3: I decided to ask him if I told him if

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Speaker 3: it was his dad, would he have wanted to meet him.

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Speaker 3: Peter kind of raised his brow and had this weird

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Speaker 3: look on his face, but when I told him I

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Speaker 3: was serious, he went quiet. Then he just shrugged and

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Speaker 3: said it might have been cool to meet his dad,

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Speaker 3: but he never thought his dad knew who he was.

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Speaker 3: The big guys always thought that his dad was just

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Speaker 3: a donkey that got our mom pregnant, and the moment

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Speaker 3: he found out, he ran, which isn't entirely true but

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Speaker 3: also isn't entirely wrong. He asked what his dad is like,

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Speaker 3: and I told him all that I knew about him,

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Speaker 3: his family, his history with our mom, and that he

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Speaker 3: wanted to spend Peter's birthday with him and even pay

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Speaker 3: for it. Peter's a smart guy, so he asked why

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Speaker 3: his dad came now and not when he was one

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Speaker 3: or two. I said, I don't know, even though I

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Speaker 3: did have an idea why. We ended the talk with

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Speaker 3: me telling Peter that if he ever really wanted to

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Speaker 3: meet his dad, Just tell me and I'll get in

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Speaker 3: contact with him and we'll figure out when and where.

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Speaker 3: But nobody has the right to tell him he's right

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Speaker 3: or wrong for doing whatever he wants to do with that.

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Speaker 3: This weekend is Peter's weekend away with our grandma. He's

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Speaker 3: been going to his grandma's house every other weekend ever

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Speaker 3: since he moved in with me, even though he's getting

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Speaker 3: older and doesn't really like to hang out with his

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Speaker 3: five year old cousin, who Grandma has full custody of. Then,

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Speaker 3: earlier today, after he had been there, he texted me

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Speaker 3: that Grandma was taking him to Great Wolflage, so he

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Speaker 3: came back to get his swimsuit. I asked Grandma if

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Speaker 3: they were staying the night there, and she said yes,

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Speaker 3: because Pete's always loved the Great Wolflage and has always

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Speaker 3: uh and has been wanting to go back this summer.

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Speaker 3: He looked excited and Grandma looked happy to see him smile. Well,

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Speaker 3: long story short, Peter texted me later this afternoon to

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Speaker 3: tell me that his dad and his whole family were

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Speaker 3: there waiting for him. Ambush style Ah who spilled the

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Speaker 3: beans on that one.

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Speaker 4: Well, just spill your beans. I bet it was Grammy.

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Speaker 3: He'd probably probably it was probably the guy David reached

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Speaker 3: dud to Grandma.

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Speaker 4: Well set this up?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because he's like, how did he find us after

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Speaker 2: all this time? Again, it has to be someone close

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Speaker 2: to y'all. Grandmama makes sense.

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Speaker 3: I don't know, dude, that's seems silly. I just hope

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Speaker 3: it wasn't a surprise. It feels like it might have

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Speaker 3: just been the surprise to o Pete. Peter was introduced

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Speaker 3: to his dad, his stepmom, and all of his half

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Speaker 3: siblings today without me, and it was disguised as a

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Speaker 3: birthday celebration. He had been texting me all day and

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Speaker 3: I was trying to call Grandma but her phone was

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Speaker 3: apparently on do not disturb. I've been losing my mind

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Speaker 3: all day trying to get answers. And when I finally

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Speaker 3: got a hold of her, it was when she and

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Speaker 3: Peter and his cousin were all heading home. Peter wanted

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Speaker 3: to leave early despite the hotel reservations. He stopped texting

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Speaker 3: me after a while, and she told me that we'll

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Speaker 3: talk about it later. He came home a little bit

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Speaker 3: ago and he went straight to his room and it

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Speaker 3: hasn't been out since. I stormed up to my grandma,

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Speaker 3: who was still in the car, and she told me

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Speaker 3: we'll talk about this again sometime tomorrow because the cousin

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Speaker 3: was asleep and she didn't want to argue in front

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Speaker 3: of her. Then she drove off and I stood there

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Speaker 3: for a good minute or so, just staring at her

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Speaker 3: tail heights.

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Speaker 4: Why would she do this?

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Speaker 3: The obvious reason probably is David the dad, somehow got

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Speaker 3: hold of her and persuaded her into bringing him to

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Speaker 3: meet his family.

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Speaker 4: But why behind my back?

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Speaker 3: I've always looked up to this woman Peter Caesar as

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Speaker 3: the only mother in his life. Please, someone give me

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Speaker 3: an explanation of why she would even agree to this.

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Speaker 3: Just the other day she was telling me the man

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Speaker 3: doesn't deserve Peter, and now this. I managed to get

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Speaker 3: Pete out of his room, but he's still pretty quiet.

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Speaker 3: He doesn't really want to talk about it yet, and

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Speaker 3: I haven't messaged Grandma or anyone about this.

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Speaker 4: Until I hear her side of the story.

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Speaker 3: For right now, we're spending the night playing video games

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Speaker 3: and him whooping me the only way he can. It's

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Speaker 3: making him laugh so that's cool. Also, to answer some questions, yes,

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Speaker 3: David does pay child support and he always has. I

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Speaker 3: have full guardianship of Peter. Grandma has full custody of him.

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Speaker 4: Or I'm sorry.

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Speaker 3: Grandma had full custody of him until the court granted

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Speaker 3: me guardianship, and that was after a medical emergency caused

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Speaker 3: her to be unable to take care of Peter.

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Speaker 4: Another update HM Peter's birthday. I wonder who's in attendance.

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Speaker 2: That must also, you take him to like one of

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Speaker 2: his favorite spots, surprise him with not just if it

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Speaker 2: was just his dad. I think it's one thing, but

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Speaker 2: you surprised him with literally the full family. Is just Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that's I don't know who said that's a great idea.

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Speaker 2: That's a great idea for him to meet everybody.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, he's not gonna be bitter about that. He's gonna

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Speaker 3: be like, oh, hi, other family that he raised instead

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Speaker 3: of me.

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Speaker 2: I feel bad for Peter because Peter has had literally

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Speaker 2: no real say on any of these decisions that have

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Speaker 2: been made behind his back.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and at fourteen, you don't really have the ability

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Speaker 3: to be like, you know, you can't show up there

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Speaker 3: and then be like, oh no, I'm not interested in this. Actually,

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Speaker 3: let's let's not do this. You'd be like, yeah, I

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Speaker 3: mean okay, and then it gets so bad that you're like,

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Speaker 3: I would like to leave.

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Speaker 2: He wanted to leave early from one of his early spots.

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Speaker 2: He wanted to leave early. That's insane.

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Speaker 4: Update number two, so Peter's fourteen.

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Speaker 3: Today, it was supposed to be a good day and

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Speaker 3: we had big plans since most people are off today

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Speaker 3: for Labor Day. We were going to go down to

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Speaker 3: the park and smoke up some short ribs for an

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Speaker 3: early dinner. Pete can't resist barbecue, and we invited everyone

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Speaker 3: he wanted to come join us. That included grandma and

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Speaker 3: his cousin, his best friends and their families, his girlfriend

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Speaker 3: and her family, and some family friends that he's known

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Speaker 3: since he was a baby. After yesterday's fiasco at Great

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Speaker 3: Wolf Lodge with his dad that obviously wasn't gonna happen today,

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Speaker 3: Pete spent most of his birthday either playing video games

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Speaker 3: quietly or watching Netflix with me. I did try and

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Speaker 3: talk to him about yesterday, but he still didn't say

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Speaker 3: much about it.

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Speaker 4: He just gave some.

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Speaker 3: Vague details, like what slides he went down, but they

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Speaker 3: had for lunch and what his half brother and sisters

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Speaker 3: were like. Peter mentioned that his dad's wife was really

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Speaker 3: interested in him and asking questions, and David the dad

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Speaker 3: was mostly watching over the other kids.

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Speaker 4: There was one moment.

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Speaker 3: He told me that his dad tried to talk to

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Speaker 3: him alone, but that stopped almost immediately. When I asked why,

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Speaker 3: he got quiet and said that his dad mentioned something

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Speaker 3: about our mom.

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Speaker 4: That was enough for me.

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Speaker 3: We did get two surprise visits today, one from my

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Speaker 3: old boss, Max, who not only got me my first job,

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Speaker 3: but also helped raise Peter along with his wife when

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Speaker 3: me or Grandma couldn't watch him. He was in town

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Speaker 3: and remembered Pete's birthday, so he and his wife brought

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Speaker 3: him a present. They had to leave shortly after, but

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Speaker 3: Pete was happy to see them after about a year,

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Speaker 3: and he loves his gift.

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Speaker 4: He's been wanting to learn how.

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Speaker 3: To play the bass, so Max gave him a freshly

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Speaker 3: tuned handed me down Ibanez. The other visit, as predicted,

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Speaker 3: was from Grandma. She came by with a cake that

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Speaker 3: she made, and just last week Peter was telling me

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Speaker 3: how much he's been wanting one of our Grandma's cakes.

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Speaker 4: She doesn't use mix or canned frosting. It's all homemade. Baby.

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Speaker 3: But the minute he saw her, he ran into his

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Speaker 3: room and locked it. She wanted him to come out

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Speaker 3: and have some cake, but I shut that down. I

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Speaker 3: asked if she realized what she did yesterday with his dad,

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Speaker 3: and he's been quiet and keeping to himself pretty much

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Speaker 3: since the minute he got back. She asked why, because

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Speaker 3: he was having a good time until he asked her

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Speaker 3: to bring him home. I told her I wanted to

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Speaker 3: know everything that happened, how it all started, why it's

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Speaker 3: happening now, and why she's suddenly wanting Peter and his

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Speaker 3: dad to be together again after fourteen years and half

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Speaker 3: that time she was doing his job in our moms.

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Speaker 4: We sat down on the couch and she started talking.

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Speaker 3: It turns out she's been in contact with David ever

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Speaker 3: since Peter was about four. It hasn't been much, just

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00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:46,800
Speaker 3: sending emails and occasional calls. He got in contact with

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Speaker 3: her as soon as he could, apparently, but they've been

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Speaker 3: keeping their interactions low key ever since. She then told

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Speaker 3: me that whenever it's time to order school photos for Pete,

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00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:59,400
Speaker 3: she always scanned them and emailed them to David, since

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Speaker 3: he asked her to start doing that. The pictures thing

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Speaker 3: makes sense because Pete did tell me the first thing

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Speaker 3: his dad told him was you look just like your pictures.

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Speaker 4: Yes, stupid, that's how pictures work.

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Speaker 2: You kind of look like me.

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Speaker 4: Oh, you look like the pictures of you I've been

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Speaker 4: getting for ten years.

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Speaker 3: Grandma told me that yesterday was also the first time

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Speaker 3: she had met his wife and his kids, and she

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Speaker 3: says they're a very nice family. I asked her what

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Speaker 3: Pete did when he saw his dad, and she said

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Speaker 3: that he didn't really have much of a reaction.

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Speaker 4: He just said hi when they were introducing each other.

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Speaker 3: The rest of the day was mostly everyone trying to

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Speaker 3: talk to him and him just clamming up and going

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Speaker 3: on his phone, probably detext me. I asked Grandma if

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Speaker 3: this was always planned, and she said no. David actually

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Speaker 3: came by her house the other day and they had

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Speaker 3: to sit down and came up with the idea together.

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Speaker 3: She says that she thought it was a bad idea

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Speaker 3: at first, but David was laying it on thick about

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Speaker 3: how he wanted to do something nice with his oldest

335
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Speaker 3: and now he's always wanted to introduce Peter to his family.

336
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:02,640
Speaker 3: I asked her to answer honestly if money changed hands.

337
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,480
Speaker 3: She said no, but it was offered that he'd pay

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00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:07,720
Speaker 3: for the trip to Great Wolf, and she remembered how

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00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:09,840
Speaker 3: much Pete loved the plays, so she must have thought

340
00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:12,640
Speaker 3: it wouldn't be so bad since she'd be with him

341
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:15,080
Speaker 3: for the first time since I can remember. I raised

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00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,520
Speaker 3: my voice at her and asked how she could think

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Speaker 3: this would be a good idea. What did she think

344
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,280
Speaker 3: would happen that Pete would run up to this man

345
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Speaker 3: he hasn't seen since he was a baby, all open

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Speaker 3: arms and begged to be a part of his new family.

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Speaker 4: Why didn't she ask him what he wanted? Why didn't

348
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:33,560
Speaker 4: she tell me? Why wouldn't she keep in contact with me.

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Speaker 3: She didn't have very many answers beyond I'm sorry and crying,

350
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:40,200
Speaker 3: but she did mention that Pete had a right to

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Speaker 3: know who his family is and that it wasn't my

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00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:45,000
Speaker 3: place to interfere with that. I asked if she thought

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Speaker 3: I was a bad parent to Pete, and she said no,

354
00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:51,880
Speaker 3: but he quote deserves better. By better, I'm guessing she

355
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,640
Speaker 3: just means being raised by parents and not by his

356
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Speaker 3: brother and his grandma. I told her that I didn't

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00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,400
Speaker 3: want to see her for a while, and I didn't

358
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,160
Speaker 3: want Pete to see her either. She asked if he's

359
00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:05,680
Speaker 3: mad at her, and I told her probably. She asked

360
00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,080
Speaker 3: if I was mad at her, and she started crying

361
00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:10,920
Speaker 3: again when I said yes, I hate to see her cry,

362
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:14,119
Speaker 3: but it wasn't enough to make me not want to

363
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,760
Speaker 3: get her out of there. I think it's fair. I

364
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:19,879
Speaker 3: would be I would be upset. I would be upset

365
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Speaker 3: with grandma.

366
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:23,119
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would be upset too, But it's again, I

367
00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:29,120
Speaker 2: don't like yelling at the elderly. Yeah, I know, it's

368
00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:31,840
Speaker 2: out of the emotions there. And this is like one

369
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:36,520
Speaker 2: of those things like hey, from here on out, especially

370
00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:40,840
Speaker 2: because it seems like you guys are like a tripod you, oh, Pete,

371
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,680
Speaker 2: Peter and your grandma. You're like, hey, we just need

372
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:47,359
Speaker 2: to have a conversation about these kind of things. No

373
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:51,960
Speaker 2: more behind people's backs. This is like, obviously Peter is

374
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:56,280
Speaker 2: not okay, he's not chill. He's he's gonna go he's

375
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:58,280
Speaker 2: gonna go play the bass.

376
00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:04,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, some nasty basslines out of this, Come on, man, Yeah.

377
00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:05,640
Speaker 4: Let's finish this story.

378
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:09,280
Speaker 3: She left soon after, and as soon as she drove off,

379
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:12,160
Speaker 3: I called for Peter. He didn't come out immediately after,

380
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:15,399
Speaker 3: but eventually he did. He asked what I was screaming for,

381
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:17,280
Speaker 3: and I told him that he doesn't have to see

382
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:20,040
Speaker 3: Grandma and his cousin for a while, and his weekend

383
00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:23,679
Speaker 3: visits aren't happening for a while either. He thanked me,

384
00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:26,159
Speaker 3: and then I pointed out that he had a birthday

385
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,160
Speaker 3: cake to eat still, but he didn't want any.

386
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,919
Speaker 4: He just put it in the fridge. Something tells me

387
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,600
Speaker 4: he was tempted to throw it out instead.

388
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,240
Speaker 3: We decided at the last minute that we were still

389
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,400
Speaker 3: going to have his short rib dinner like he wanted.

390
00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:39,760
Speaker 3: They don't taste the same out of an oven then

391
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:41,359
Speaker 3: on a grill, in my opinion, but he.

392
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,080
Speaker 4: Scarfed him down anyway.

393
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:45,919
Speaker 3: He said his friends and girlfriends still wanted to come

394
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:48,359
Speaker 3: by our house, but they made plans to get together

395
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:51,280
Speaker 3: on the weekend instead. We might just celebrate his birthday

396
00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:55,080
Speaker 3: with everyone then. I guess it'll depend on how he feels.

397
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,360
Speaker 3: Thanks to everyone who's been showing support for me and Pete.

398
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,080
Speaker 3: I appreciate you all well.

399
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:04,000
Speaker 2: My parents played favorites with my sister and I finally

400
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:04,480
Speaker 2: see the.

401
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:07,480
Speaker 3: Truth, Realize, realize, realize.

402
00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:10,720
Speaker 2: There is a trigger warning for emotional so if you

403
00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:13,800
Speaker 2: don't like that, go to the next story. I Love You.

404
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:18,440
Speaker 2: I'm thirty two female, my sister, Gemma is twenty two female,

405
00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:21,480
Speaker 2: and our parents are in their sixties. We're Korean Canadians,

406
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:26,119
Speaker 2: so there's also eldest daughter of immigrants cultural context at play.

407
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:30,040
Speaker 2: This has taking place over the last few months. By

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00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,600
Speaker 2: the way, this comes from user Pristine's studio seventy one

409
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:34,600
Speaker 2: sixty two and if you want to submit your own stories,

410
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:36,600
Speaker 2: go to the r slash Okay storytime Separated.

411
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,879
Speaker 4: I'm Keon, I'm Dakota, I'm Kylie.

412
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:44,160
Speaker 2: So if he says I live in Vancouver, where cost

413
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:48,320
Speaker 2: of living is astronomical, Jemma graduated from UBC this year

414
00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:50,080
Speaker 2: and didn't have much of a plan in terms of

415
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,920
Speaker 2: grad school or a job. She just wanted to stay

416
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:55,159
Speaker 2: in town for a few weeks before going to Korea

417
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:58,320
Speaker 2: to travel. She originally told me and our dad she

418
00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:01,560
Speaker 2: would be staying with her friend Tanya. My mom mentioned

419
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,560
Speaker 2: on the phone that Gemma wouldn't need to crash at

420
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:06,920
Speaker 2: my place. It's a OnePlus den condo that our parents own.

421
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,240
Speaker 2: For a bit, I said, Gemma told me she was

422
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:12,480
Speaker 2: staying with a friend. A week later, I messaged Jemma

423
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:16,840
Speaker 2: to ask what the plan was and she said, I guess.

424
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:19,520
Speaker 2: I figured she'd give me a heads up. But the

425
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:22,440
Speaker 2: next day, whiles out she can see my location via

426
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,200
Speaker 2: Find my Friends, she moved in and threw out one

427
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:28,440
Speaker 2: of my boxes to make room for her stuff. When

428
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:31,080
Speaker 2: I complained that this wasn't cool, my mom yelled at

429
00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:35,040
Speaker 2: me over the phone for being a bad host. The

430
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,560
Speaker 2: next week and a half, we're otherwise fine, but I

431
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:41,240
Speaker 2: was doing the bulk of everything chores, laundry, most of

432
00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:44,800
Speaker 2: the cooking, buying, groceries and takeout, and one hundred percent

433
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:49,600
Speaker 2: of the organizing of Gemma's stuff. Growing up, she never

434
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,560
Speaker 2: had to do any chores, while I was forced to

435
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:56,480
Speaker 2: do dishes. Even when I was sick and not feeling great,

436
00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:59,359
Speaker 2: she didn't really pack anything properly and filled the den,

437
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:03,200
Speaker 2: living room, and the kitchen with tope bags, boxes and

438
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:07,439
Speaker 2: suitcases scattered everywhere. I was also stressed from starting a

439
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:10,800
Speaker 2: new job. Since Gemma was unemployed, she was going out

440
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:13,600
Speaker 2: with friends on weeknights, coming home at two am and

441
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:16,920
Speaker 2: waking me up, then complaining if I made noise before.

442
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:20,160
Speaker 2: At ten am, our dad flew in for her graduation

443
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:23,040
Speaker 2: ceremony the first night. He was also staying at the

444
00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:25,399
Speaker 2: condo and had booked a hotel for the following days.

445
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:28,160
Speaker 2: Jemma got home from hanging out with her friends at

446
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:30,920
Speaker 2: eleven PM. It said something about needing to meet up

447
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:36,320
Speaker 2: with them at six I said, oh, six am or pm,

448
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:42,359
Speaker 2: and she snapped, none of your business. Considering it's a

449
00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:45,440
Speaker 2: tiny condo, A six am wake up will affect me too.

450
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:47,800
Speaker 2: My dad took the guest bed in the den, so

451
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:50,480
Speaker 2: Gemma had to take my pull out couch. I set

452
00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:53,199
Speaker 2: out blankets and sheets, but she threw a tantrum and

453
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:56,359
Speaker 2: refused to set anything up, so I was up until

454
00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:59,639
Speaker 2: one am doing it for her. The next morning, she

455
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:03,080
Speaker 2: woke us up at six am when she left to

456
00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:05,880
Speaker 2: meet her friends. I was tired at work all day,

457
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:08,480
Speaker 2: developing an intense headache by the time I got home

458
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:11,520
Speaker 2: to a mess to clean up. I'm assuming was her mess.

459
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,239
Speaker 2: Jemma came home from hanging with her friends at eight

460
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:17,200
Speaker 2: thirty pm with nothing packed to go to the hotel.

461
00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:20,679
Speaker 2: My dad started shoving her stuff in my tote bags.

462
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,720
Speaker 2: I lent her my new suitcase and she threw another

463
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,280
Speaker 2: tantrum at the both of us. Then the two of

464
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:29,080
Speaker 2: them left. Originally I said I pick up graduation flowers

465
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:32,440
Speaker 2: for her. At this point my head was pounding. There

466
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:34,320
Speaker 2: was a huge mess at home to clean up, and

467
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:36,320
Speaker 2: Jemma had even told us what time to show up

468
00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:39,439
Speaker 2: for graduation the next day, so I might be a

469
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:41,480
Speaker 2: bit of an ale here, but I texted at nine

470
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:44,359
Speaker 2: pm expressing annoyance that I was constantly having to think

471
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:47,879
Speaker 2: about ways to make everyone else's lives easier, and I

472
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:51,240
Speaker 2: was disappointed not be treated with the same care. I

473
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:53,679
Speaker 2: finished the message asking which outfit she decided on and

474
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:57,240
Speaker 2: what color flowers I should pick up. She messaged back

475
00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:00,159
Speaker 2: that I was annoying for being in her business. To

476
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:02,679
Speaker 2: forget it. I woke up early the next morning, I

477
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:06,360
Speaker 2: still bought flowers and uber to her graduation. I took

478
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,520
Speaker 2: a day of PTO and brought my DSLR camera to

479
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:13,159
Speaker 2: take nice photos after the ceremony. I ended up spending

480
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:16,880
Speaker 2: the whole afternoon doing that, and it was exhausted, inspiracing

481
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:19,480
Speaker 2: back pain by the end, and at one point I

482
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:22,200
Speaker 2: was pretty talented at photography, but got into an accident

483
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:27,640
Speaker 2: and only shoot very rarely now due to chronic fatigue episodes. Eventually,

484
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:29,760
Speaker 2: I headed back to the condo while the two of

485
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:31,679
Speaker 2: them went to the hotel. Then we met up for

486
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,879
Speaker 2: dinner at a restaurant. I was skipping a concert of

487
00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:38,159
Speaker 2: my all time favorite artists for it. It started off fine,

488
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:41,000
Speaker 2: we were just chatting. Jemma had told me a few

489
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:43,480
Speaker 2: days prior that her friends would be night. Her friends

490
00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:45,840
Speaker 2: would bring nice cameras too, because they're looking to get

491
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:48,679
Speaker 2: into the photography as well, so I even made a

492
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:51,320
Speaker 2: point to compliment their shots while we were all together.

493
00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:55,000
Speaker 2: During dinner, I mentioned that it looks like your friends

494
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:59,880
Speaker 2: brought some nice cameras. They looked really cool. Jemma goes, there,

495
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:04,399
Speaker 2: I have photography businesses, unlike you. I was taken it

496
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:08,320
Speaker 2: back and said, okay, I was just going off what

497
00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:12,480
Speaker 2: you said the other day. Jemma replied, well, they're actually

498
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:18,320
Speaker 2: talented at photography. Shocked, I replied, I don't think i'm

499
00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:21,879
Speaker 2: too shabby either. I've shot for major bands like KFC

500
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:26,040
Speaker 2: and Samsung no free sponsors. Jemma then said, yeah, well

501
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:27,400
Speaker 2: you're thirty.

502
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:29,639
Speaker 4: Is that exactly?

503
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:32,440
Speaker 2: I could see it in that exact So, yeah, well

504
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:33,280
Speaker 2: you're thirty.

505
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:36,440
Speaker 3: Well you're thirty, and everyone knows you're not allowed to

506
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 3: be talented at thirty.

507
00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:42,120
Speaker 4: At thirty, it's not talent. It's called you're old, to.

508
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,240
Speaker 2: Which I put it out, I was twenty three when

509
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:47,320
Speaker 2: I was shooting for those brands. Jemma kept going with, yeah,

510
00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:50,240
Speaker 2: well brands have invited them to travel with world shooting

511
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:51,840
Speaker 2: photography since they were eighteen.

512
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:53,440
Speaker 4: This is just such a.

513
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:56,720
Speaker 2: Sibling conversation, and it's so dumb because I do this

514
00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:58,000
Speaker 2: all the time with my sister.

515
00:24:58,440 --> 00:24:59,400
Speaker 6: I also love.

516
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:01,600
Speaker 2: That you're the the only one that has a sibling

517
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:02,240
Speaker 2: right now.

518
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:03,880
Speaker 6: Is He's going crazy.

519
00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:07,399
Speaker 2: It's like, oh wow, this is an existential crisis for

520
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:09,639
Speaker 2: me that I'm like, I do this all the time.

521
00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:12,119
Speaker 7: Me and dakoder just watching an only child.

522
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, we're just here, We're just here for the show.

523
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:18,880
Speaker 2: Oh, he says. At this point, I was still trying

524
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:22,199
Speaker 2: to diffuse the situation and said, Gemma, you don't need

525
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:25,320
Speaker 2: to put me down to talk up talk up your friends.

526
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:29,160
Speaker 2: You kind of are not diffusing the situation because you're

527
00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:31,639
Speaker 2: still playing this game with her. You just if she

528
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 2: says something, You're like, I don't care whatever.

529
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:36,919
Speaker 4: Yeah, if anything, just be like, your friend probably is

530
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:38,439
Speaker 4: a way better photographer than me.

531
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:42,280
Speaker 2: You're right, yeah, at that point, you just there's no

532
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:45,200
Speaker 2: reason to keep playing this game with her. Gemma then snapped,

533
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:49,040
Speaker 2: you insulted my friends. Our dad was there for this

534
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 2: entire exchange. It said nothing to stick up for me

535
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 2: or shut it down. I excuse myself to the bathroom,

536
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 2: texted our mom that I was baffled and hurt by

537
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:02,119
Speaker 2: what just happened, and called my best friend, who was

538
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:06,359
Speaker 2: equally baffled. Eventually I went back to the table. Jemma

539
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:10,560
Speaker 2: screamed at me again for insulting her friends, and then

540
00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:13,000
Speaker 2: stomped out of the restaurant and went back to the hotel.

541
00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:16,560
Speaker 2: Dad said I was just being overly sensitive since I

542
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 2: had to give up pursuing photography seriously because of the accident,

543
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:24,040
Speaker 2: and I was overreacting. A few days later was Father's

544
00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:26,960
Speaker 2: Day and our dad booked a three bedroom Airbnb cottage

545
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:30,480
Speaker 2: for the weekend. Originally I wasn't planning to go anymore,

546
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 2: but knowing they're both helpless with logistics, I ended up

547
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 2: figuring out the car rental, having the foresight to pack

548
00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:39,720
Speaker 2: road trip snacks, directions, etc. As Dad and I were

549
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:41,560
Speaker 2: waiting for the uber and the condo lobby to go

550
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:45,160
Speaker 2: to get to the car, I started tearing up. Dad

551
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:49,000
Speaker 2: snapped at me, what's the matter now? I said, I've

552
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:52,240
Speaker 2: suspected for years that jem was the favorite child, but

553
00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:55,440
Speaker 2: these few days seemed to have confirmed it. He said

554
00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:58,840
Speaker 2: nothing and just got up to step outside. Dad drove

555
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:02,000
Speaker 2: b and behead a master bedroom with the queen bed

556
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:05,520
Speaker 2: and two smaller bedrooms with single beds. Dad offered the

557
00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:09,520
Speaker 2: master bedroom to Gemma, who accepted. I spoke up that

558
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 2: Dad should get the master bedroom since its Father's Day

559
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,840
Speaker 2: and he's the one who's been driving, so he needs

560
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:16,960
Speaker 2: to be well arrested. We went on a hike and

561
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:21,760
Speaker 2: Jema ignored me the whole time. After dinner, Dad sat

562
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:23,560
Speaker 2: the two of us down in the living room and said,

563
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:26,119
Speaker 2: it's really not a big deal. The two of you

564
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:29,119
Speaker 2: should shake hands and be good sisters. Jemma stomped in

565
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:33,199
Speaker 2: the master bedroom and started crying, so Dad immediately started

566
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:37,119
Speaker 2: consoling her, a very different reaction from when I was upset,

567
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:40,199
Speaker 2: and offered to take her on a walk. I just

568
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:43,040
Speaker 2: read a book to myself. The two of them came

569
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:45,240
Speaker 2: back an hour later and went to the master bedroom,

570
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:48,080
Speaker 2: fired up his laptop and started looking at flights to

571
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:53,000
Speaker 2: the Bahamas. What what what?

572
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:55,600
Speaker 4: I know what it'll solve this fight.

573
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:59,639
Speaker 2: Daddy's Princess say, I guarantee you. Daddy's little Princess was like,

574
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:05,199
Speaker 2: I'm op makes me so upset. It's not fair. I

575
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:08,960
Speaker 2: just graduated and I didn't get azing, and like, go

576
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:11,040
Speaker 2: trip to the Bahamas would really solve this.

577
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:14,119
Speaker 3: And I a twip to the Bahamas would make me

578
00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:15,440
Speaker 3: feel really good.

579
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:19,840
Speaker 4: Just one little twip to to Bahamas without my sister

580
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:21,840
Speaker 4: would make me feel really good.

581
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:25,439
Speaker 2: Since I was clearly being ignored, I went into my

582
00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:29,399
Speaker 2: sign room, the smallest and cried myself to sleep, waking

583
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:32,000
Speaker 2: up throughout the night because I was having a chronic

584
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:34,639
Speaker 2: pain flare up. The next day, we went on a

585
00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:37,719
Speaker 2: hike and grabbed lunch. On the way back to Vancouver.

586
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 2: I offered Gema snacks. She ignored me. I said we

587
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:45,600
Speaker 2: should cheers for Father's Day. She only cheered Dad. I

588
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:47,960
Speaker 2: offered to let them try my dish at lunch. She

589
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:51,360
Speaker 2: ignored me and then offered hers to only Dad. When

590
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:54,440
Speaker 2: we dropped her off. She threw another tantrum about having

591
00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 2: to go back to the car because she left her

592
00:28:56,920 --> 00:29:00,520
Speaker 2: shoes in the trunk. A few days later, our dad

593
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:03,320
Speaker 2: flew back out. I was in a pretty intense bout

594
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:06,120
Speaker 2: of chronic fatigue at this point, hadn't had a proper

595
00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:09,560
Speaker 2: meal in days, and was completely exhausted, basically in Bedford

596
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:13,080
Speaker 2: days with intense migraines. Finally, I ended up on the

597
00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:15,880
Speaker 2: phone with our mom, who had completely ignored my message

598
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:20,320
Speaker 2: from graduation. In her she asked, how's it going. I said,

599
00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:23,360
Speaker 2: I'm not doing too great at the moment. So she

600
00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:26,560
Speaker 2: snapped in me, you're still upset about the other night.

601
00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:31,680
Speaker 2: You're being so petty. Then she said, oh, wait, I

602
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 2: have to go. Gemma's calling me. Princess is calling me.

603
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:39,560
Speaker 2: Unable to hold back, I snapped, yeah, because Gemma's always

604
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:44,160
Speaker 2: the priority. An hour later, Mom called me back. She

605
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:47,360
Speaker 2: launched into a whole spiel about Gema's flight to Korea,

606
00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:50,840
Speaker 2: the hotel situation. We have rich relatives and they're helping

607
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:54,160
Speaker 2: book nicer hotels for her, which suitcase Gema should use,

608
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:57,320
Speaker 2: et cetera. Dealing unwell and not wanting to hear every

609
00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:59,960
Speaker 2: minor detail about Gemma's trip. I asked if we are

610
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:03,040
Speaker 2: even going to talk about what happened. Mom basically flew

611
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:06,040
Speaker 2: off the handle and started yelling at me about always

612
00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 2: being stubborn, that I need to let it go, accusing

613
00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:12,000
Speaker 2: me of criticizing her parenting, that I always seemed to

614
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:17,280
Speaker 2: think there's I think there's only one right side, ironic

615
00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:21,240
Speaker 2: since she'd only heard Gemma's side. Then she started accusing

616
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:23,800
Speaker 2: me of keeping Gemma awake until two am the nights

617
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:26,800
Speaker 2: she was staying with me, blaming me for Gemma catching

618
00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:29,520
Speaker 2: a cold, now catching a cold, now that she's staying

619
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:30,360
Speaker 2: with Tanya, etc.

620
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:35,880
Speaker 3: We're blaming you for the cold virus. Yet it's your fault.

621
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:37,680
Speaker 3: There's no cure to the common cold.

622
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:39,160
Speaker 4: It's crazy.

623
00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:44,000
Speaker 2: Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I just said, Okay,

624
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:47,200
Speaker 2: everything is my fault. I'm in the wrong for everything.

625
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:50,000
Speaker 2: Have a good night. Not wanting to leave it like that,

626
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:52,480
Speaker 2: I called her back like five minutes later, and she

627
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:55,160
Speaker 2: said she was tired and didn't want to talk, so

628
00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 2: I said, okay, then we won't talk, and she just

629
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:01,880
Speaker 2: hung up on me. I texted Dad to say I

630
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:03,959
Speaker 2: was shocked by what just happened and asked if he

631
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:07,800
Speaker 2: was free. He said he was busy and couldn't talk.

632
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:10,920
Speaker 2: The next night he was busy again. He needed tossume

633
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:13,120
Speaker 2: with his friend. The night after that, he had a

634
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:16,360
Speaker 2: doctor's appointment. The night after that, he just fell asleep.

635
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:18,600
Speaker 2: The night after that he needed to show some visitors

636
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:22,360
Speaker 2: around town. I feel like, Op, you're just putting too

637
00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 2: much energy into your family when you just need to

638
00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:28,080
Speaker 2: take five steps back. You're not gonna get the answers

639
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 2: you want. You don't. You're not gonna get anything you deserve.

640
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:33,200
Speaker 2: There's no point in this.

641
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:34,800
Speaker 6: Yeah.

642
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:37,640
Speaker 2: Yeah. During that week, I was also texting Mom to

643
00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:40,560
Speaker 2: try and explain what happened. I shared screenshots of text

644
00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:43,240
Speaker 2: from Gemma proving she was the one waking me up.

645
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:47,600
Speaker 2: No response. I expressed being hurt that she was so concerned.

646
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:50,640
Speaker 2: Jemma had a small cold and demon didn't even ask

647
00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:53,000
Speaker 2: if I was okay, considering I hadn't had a full

648
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 2: meal in a week and was subsisting off yogurt. No response.

649
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:01,440
Speaker 2: I texted a photo of literally sleeping with a bucket

650
00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:05,560
Speaker 2: from nausea and feeling like puke. Oh sorry, and feeling

651
00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:09,840
Speaker 2: like I was going to puke no response. Eventually, I

652
00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:12,360
Speaker 2: ended up in the hospital for the physical symptoms, but

653
00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:15,040
Speaker 2: also sobbing my heart out from the heartbreak of neither

654
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:17,800
Speaker 2: of my parents seeming to care about my well being.

655
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:20,560
Speaker 2: Having to ask the er staff to change my emergency

656
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:23,560
Speaker 2: contact to a friend instead of my mom because she

657
00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:25,680
Speaker 2: had ghosted me and my dad was too busy for

658
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:29,120
Speaker 2: me isn't an experience I would wish on anyone. My

659
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:31,480
Speaker 2: dad ended up rearranging his schedule so he could fly

660
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:34,440
Speaker 2: out to Korea with Gemma and cover her hotels in

661
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 2: transportation for the start of the start of her trip.

662
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:39,560
Speaker 2: He said he'd helped me figure out the situation with

663
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 2: Mom after he got back, which didn't have a time

664
00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:47,040
Speaker 2: estimate since he booked a one way flight. Mom eventually

665
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:49,200
Speaker 2: tried calling me a few times, but I haven't fellt

666
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 2: up to talking in light about everything went down, and

667
00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:54,520
Speaker 2: I know she won't want to talk about it anyway.

668
00:32:55,360 --> 00:33:00,040
Speaker 2: From my experience, Opie it even if you know the

669
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 2: truth is out there, your parents are not gonna support that.

670
00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:06,320
Speaker 2: They're not gonna be like, Okay, now you're just targeting

671
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:08,560
Speaker 2: us kind of thing, or like you're lashing out on

672
00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:12,960
Speaker 2: us because oh, the truth. You're just putting so much

673
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:18,520
Speaker 2: energy and it's not worth it. I think one you

674
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:20,840
Speaker 2: let jem I get away with it again. Someone said

675
00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:24,520
Speaker 2: you are the a hole to yourself. You let your

676
00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:28,480
Speaker 2: sister get away with all these things because you allowed it.

677
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:31,480
Speaker 2: You didn't you didn't put your foot down. You should

678
00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:34,320
Speaker 2: have been like, I'm tired of this. Yeah, I don't

679
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:38,480
Speaker 2: know as someone who has a sibling, and it's kind

680
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:42,240
Speaker 2: of similar with my lifestyle. You just take five sets

681
00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:45,080
Speaker 2: back and you know what You're like, I don't need

682
00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:46,720
Speaker 2: to be a part of this. I love you guys,

683
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:49,640
Speaker 2: but I'm gonna live my I'm gonna do my own thing.

684
00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:52,720
Speaker 2: But we have a little bit left. In the week

685
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:55,640
Speaker 2: since I've started looking back at our childhood experiences and

686
00:33:55,680 --> 00:33:58,400
Speaker 2: started noticing just how massive the differences in the way

687
00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:02,160
Speaker 2: we've been treated have been. Dad got back to Canada recently.

688
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:04,760
Speaker 2: He texted a few times, but I didn't respond because

689
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:07,240
Speaker 2: it's been pretty clear I'm at the very bottom of

690
00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 2: his priority list and at this point I need to

691
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 2: exercise some self preservation by focusing on my health. He

692
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:17,640
Speaker 2: insisted that we talk, so we finally did today. Oh,

693
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:20,520
Speaker 2: now he wants to talk It was an hour's long conversation,

694
00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:22,719
Speaker 2: but the gist of it is that he says, I'm

695
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:26,440
Speaker 2: hurting the family with my behavior, that I'm overly sensitive

696
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:28,960
Speaker 2: to be upset about what happened at dinner, that I'm

697
00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:31,560
Speaker 2: hurting mom by not picking up her phone calls, and

698
00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:34,600
Speaker 2: just overall being petty and immature. I think I'm heartbroken

699
00:34:34,680 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 2: to be treated like the black sheep of the family

700
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:40,239
Speaker 2: while Gemma is the golden child. But I'm open to

701
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:43,879
Speaker 2: neutral opinions. Am I overreacting here? Am I the a hole?

702
00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:47,440
Speaker 2: And that is the end of that story. Again, I

703
00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:51,200
Speaker 2: think you're looking for something, the truth, the answers, but

704
00:34:51,239 --> 00:34:54,360
Speaker 2: it's you already know you're at the bottom of their

705
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:58,560
Speaker 2: priority list. It's gonna be a rinse, repeat recycle with

706
00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:02,080
Speaker 2: like you complain, You're gonna bring up why Gemma's getting

707
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:06,000
Speaker 2: all this priority, and they're just gonna say that's you

708
00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:07,680
Speaker 2: know that you're not You're not You're not being fair,

709
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:10,560
Speaker 2: and it's just gonna be that full circle and nothing's

710
00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:12,520
Speaker 2: got a change. It's not worth it.

711
00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:15,960
Speaker 4: You guys could probably use a little therapy.

712
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:20,359
Speaker 2: I support that, but I feel like if you bring

713
00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:22,640
Speaker 2: up therapy, your family's like, no, we're perfect.

714
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:25,480
Speaker 4: Then at least you could use a little therapy.

715
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:29,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're not the a hole, I think again, just

716
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:33,000
Speaker 2: step back. They're calling you out because you're being mistreated

717
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:36,480
Speaker 2: by them. That's insane. Yeah, but they're not gonna listen

718
00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 2: to you. They don't want to take your side. They're

719
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:39,359
Speaker 2: gonna only gonna take gema side.

720
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:43,400
Speaker 3: It's hard to break cycles when we've been like conditioned

721
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:46,480
Speaker 3: to be in them for so long, but they are breakable.

722
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:52,520
Speaker 2: Yeah. Also, your sister sounds so exhausting. All she doesn't complain.

723
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:54,400
Speaker 4: She's a funny lady.

724
00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:55,239
Speaker 2: Yeah.

725
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:57,600
Speaker 3: I don't like it though, Yeah, not in the funny

726
00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:00,680
Speaker 3: and the fun way, funny in the annoying way.

727
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:02,759
Speaker 2: From a like as like somebody who doesn't know her

728
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:05,680
Speaker 2: but kind of knows that and it's just like, ah, boy.

729
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:08,120
Speaker 1: Hey it's Sam. We get back to the stories. But

730
00:36:08,239 --> 00:36:09,960
Speaker 1: here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

731
00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:13,319
Speaker 6: I stepped down as the maid of honor because my

732
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:18,600
Speaker 6: friend's demands are unreasonable. You can't have me anymore. I

733
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:21,720
Speaker 6: was recently a maid of honor for my friend Jamie's wedding,

734
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:23,640
Speaker 6: but I had to step down two months before the

735
00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:27,560
Speaker 6: big day and three weeks before the bachelorette trip. Here's why.

736
00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 6: By the way, this comes from Gemini Mochi and if

737
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:32,120
Speaker 6: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

738
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:34,720
Speaker 6: r slash Okay Storytime, A Separated It and I'm Angie,

739
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:37,960
Speaker 6: I'm Sophia, and Op says. Jamie's mom passed away six

740
00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:40,920
Speaker 6: months before her wedding, which was incredibly tough for her.

741
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:44,480
Speaker 6: Oh Wow. Just before her mom got sick, Jamie fired

742
00:36:44,520 --> 00:36:47,279
Speaker 6: her original Made of Honor for being too cheap and

743
00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:49,840
Speaker 6: promoted my friend Haley and I to be her duel

744
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:52,719
Speaker 6: Made of Honors. Given her mom's condition, we didn't bother

745
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:56,720
Speaker 6: her about wedding planning, respecting her wishes. After her mom passed,

746
00:36:56,719 --> 00:36:59,680
Speaker 6: we gave Jamie some space, but checked in to ensure

747
00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:01,400
Speaker 6: that she was okay and wanted to stick with the

748
00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:03,760
Speaker 6: original dates that she had planned. On a call planning

749
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 6: the bridle shower in Bachelorette, Jamie had an attitude and

750
00:37:06,719 --> 00:37:09,719
Speaker 6: was distant. I expressed that I didn't want the bachelorette

751
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:12,719
Speaker 6: trip on my birthday over Memorial Day weekend due to

752
00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:16,120
Speaker 6: travel and cost issues and prior family plans. She was

753
00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:18,840
Speaker 6: frustrated that our spending budget for The bridal shower was

754
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:21,319
Speaker 6: two hundred dollars each. Since it was just Haley and

755
00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:25,680
Speaker 6: I in the bridal party, Jamie expected us to cover everything,

756
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:30,399
Speaker 6: citing her mom's passing. We explained our financial situations, which

757
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:33,680
Speaker 6: were tight, but offered help in other ways. Jamie then

758
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:37,880
Speaker 6: sent long texts expressing disappointment and saying that we weren't

759
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:41,200
Speaker 6: good friend. We tried to be understanding given her emotional state.

760
00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:45,439
Speaker 6: Then she changed plans last minute, demanding that we arrive

761
00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:48,960
Speaker 6: at day early for dress spitting. Unfortunately, I had been

762
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:51,440
Speaker 6: in a car accident and was dealing with nerve damage

763
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:54,880
Speaker 6: in Sciatica. The drive from New Jersey to New Hampshire

764
00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:57,200
Speaker 6: is typically six hours, so I planned to split it

765
00:37:57,239 --> 00:38:01,440
Speaker 6: into two days for my back. Jamie was furious, calling

766
00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:05,000
Speaker 6: us bad friends. When Haley and I arrived, Jamie was

767
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:08,080
Speaker 6: cold and distant. She barely acknowledged that I had been

768
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:11,680
Speaker 6: in an accident, replying oh, and refused help from her

769
00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:14,480
Speaker 6: fiance to carry our heavy bags, even though he was

770
00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:17,600
Speaker 6: just watching TV. After our long drive, they offered us

771
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:21,399
Speaker 6: three day old pizza, which we declined, suggesting go out

772
00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:24,520
Speaker 6: to eat. Jamie was frustrated and told us to pick

773
00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:27,719
Speaker 6: the place. At the nails, law and Jamie excluded me

774
00:38:27,719 --> 00:38:29,960
Speaker 6: from the conversation. On the way to pick up balloons,

775
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:33,680
Speaker 6: she almost caused an accident due to road rage. She

776
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:36,279
Speaker 6: then shared that she wouldn't talk to her sister in

777
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:38,759
Speaker 6: law after the honeymoon because she didn't want her kids

778
00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:42,040
Speaker 6: at the wedding nor her fiance's grandma in the photos,

779
00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:45,680
Speaker 6: despite how kind they had been to her. At dinner,

780
00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:48,440
Speaker 6: Jamie's fiance joined and they expected us to split the

781
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:52,439
Speaker 6: bill three ways, including Jamie's portion. This was surprising since

782
00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:55,120
Speaker 6: we had traveled far and spent a lot on planning.

783
00:38:55,920 --> 00:38:58,359
Speaker 6: Back in the condo, Jamie and her fiance accused us

784
00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:01,760
Speaker 6: of being bad friends, primarily upset about my split drive.

785
00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:06,440
Speaker 6: I explained my situation, but Jamie broke down and demanded

786
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:09,120
Speaker 6: that we come two days early to the wedding. What

787
00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:12,359
Speaker 6: The next day, after the bridal shower, Haley and I

788
00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:15,000
Speaker 6: decided that we couldn't continue as made of honors. We

789
00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:18,560
Speaker 6: had to cancel all bachelorette trip represervations since they were

790
00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:22,600
Speaker 6: under our credit cards. This was a heartbreaking decision, but

791
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:26,359
Speaker 6: we couldn't handle the emotional and physical toll anymore. Has

792
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:30,080
Speaker 6: anyone else experienced something similar in how did you handle it?

793
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 6: And there are some relevant comments and much more to

794
00:39:32,719 --> 00:39:37,320
Speaker 6: this story, But have you experienced it in a similar No,

795
00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:38,840
Speaker 6: I can't.

796
00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 7: Say that I have, but I think that was the

797
00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:44,840
Speaker 7: right decision. If someone keeps calling you a bad friend

798
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:47,960
Speaker 7: when you're trying to help them plan their wedding, literally,

799
00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:50,800
Speaker 7: then we just don't do it anymore.

800
00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:54,240
Speaker 6: Yeah, like, yeah, I've definitely not been in that situation.

801
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:56,000
Speaker 6: I have had people call me a bad friend for

802
00:39:56,040 --> 00:39:58,360
Speaker 6: things that I do not believe make me a bad friend.

803
00:39:58,400 --> 00:40:01,560
Speaker 6: And it's like, what, Like, she's being a bad friend

804
00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:03,240
Speaker 6: for not understanding Op's situation.

805
00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:05,400
Speaker 7: Yeah, you just hit them with the una reverse and

806
00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:06,040
Speaker 7: you go, no.

807
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:09,920
Speaker 6: You, yeah, no, you have a bad friend, not me,

808
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:16,640
Speaker 6: not Haley you. Some comments say, well, at least she

809
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:19,680
Speaker 6: found a groom that sounds just as crappy as she is,

810
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:23,040
Speaker 6: and their drama will keep them riding their emotional rollercoaster

811
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:26,040
Speaker 6: without any real friends or family to count on. Good thing.

812
00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:29,120
Speaker 6: OPI got out an ope response to that, she's one

813
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:31,440
Speaker 6: of those people who will latch on her boyfriend and

814
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:34,880
Speaker 6: ignore her friends when she's in a relationship. Her fiance,

815
00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:38,280
Speaker 6: her father, and her fiance's friends are all she has left.

816
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:41,440
Speaker 6: She hates both of her sister in laws, her brother,

817
00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:44,600
Speaker 6: and her extended family on both sides. She is going

818
00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:48,600
Speaker 6: to struggle through life. Another commentary says, sorry, op but

819
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:51,040
Speaker 6: if this person judges her friendships by whether people are

820
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:54,399
Speaker 6: willing to spend money they don't have on her wedding preparations,

821
00:40:54,840 --> 00:40:57,239
Speaker 6: she's going to find herself with zero friends. People have

822
00:40:57,280 --> 00:40:59,960
Speaker 6: gone the idea that bride should expect friends to spend

823
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:02,960
Speaker 6: money on her wedding from social media, and well, we

824
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:05,200
Speaker 6: all know how many lies there are on social media.

825
00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:08,160
Speaker 6: And then another commenter says, not just zero friends, but

826
00:41:08,239 --> 00:41:10,880
Speaker 6: what do you think will happen when the fiance realizes

827
00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:13,360
Speaker 6: that she's trying to cut off sister in law and grandma.

828
00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:16,240
Speaker 6: This girl will end up totally alone and I can't

829
00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:20,240
Speaker 6: symplize it all. Opie says, her fiance laughed about cutting

830
00:41:20,280 --> 00:41:22,720
Speaker 6: his sister out of his life and talking crap behind

831
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:25,719
Speaker 6: her back. Her fiance, Oh yeah, he is still hurt

832
00:41:25,719 --> 00:41:27,600
Speaker 6: that she does not want his grandma in the pictures,

833
00:41:27,600 --> 00:41:31,640
Speaker 6: though he is whipped beyond belief. I think he is

834
00:41:31,760 --> 00:41:35,200
Speaker 6: part of enabling her bad behavior. Another commenter says, how

835
00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:36,879
Speaker 6: did it go when you told the bride you two

836
00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:39,680
Speaker 6: were out? Are you cutting ties with her? Opie says,

837
00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:42,600
Speaker 6: my friend will be telling her today. She arrived at

838
00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:44,279
Speaker 6: the decision a bit later than I did due to

839
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:47,600
Speaker 6: the guilt if she were to harm herself. Over the phone,

840
00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:50,080
Speaker 6: she was cold and distant. She did not take any

841
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:53,480
Speaker 6: accountability for her actions, and then shifted blame towards myself

842
00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 6: and Haley. She claims that I was the rude and

843
00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:58,920
Speaker 6: disrespectful one. I kept my cool and didn't argue with

844
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:02,239
Speaker 6: her and said we can agree to disagree. She also

845
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:04,279
Speaker 6: asked towards the end of the call if I would

846
00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:06,120
Speaker 6: still attend the wedding, and I told her no and

847
00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:09,560
Speaker 6: that she could mark me down as a decline and yes,

848
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:12,800
Speaker 6: we are cutting ties with her. As far as I'm concerned,

849
00:42:12,840 --> 00:42:15,759
Speaker 6: we are no longer friends. She has been blocked on

850
00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:18,120
Speaker 6: all forms of social media along with her and the

851
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:23,240
Speaker 6: fiances at number and there is an update. Jamie reached

852
00:42:23,239 --> 00:42:26,040
Speaker 6: out to Haley the day after the bridal shower, which

853
00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:28,040
Speaker 6: was this past Monday, and so that she wanted to

854
00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:30,080
Speaker 6: check on me because I seemed off for the bridle

855
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:33,000
Speaker 6: shower at that point I had my mind made up

856
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:34,360
Speaker 6: that I was going to drop out of the wedding.

857
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:36,160
Speaker 6: I had already called both of my parents, who told

858
00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:37,960
Speaker 6: me that I should drop out. It was hard for

859
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:40,080
Speaker 6: them to see how much dress I was under at

860
00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:42,760
Speaker 6: the shower. It was all over my face, how upset

861
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:44,880
Speaker 6: I was. I was barely able to talk and was

862
00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:48,360
Speaker 6: holding back tears, only able to give one word answers,

863
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:52,160
Speaker 6: including to Jamie's father, who walked away after seeing how

864
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:55,640
Speaker 6: sad I was without asking how I was doing. Despite

865
00:42:55,719 --> 00:42:58,360
Speaker 6: knowing my accident, I told Haley I would call Jamie

866
00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:00,879
Speaker 6: leader since I had physical therapy to work as well

867
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:03,680
Speaker 6: as regular therapy. My therapist also agreed that I should

868
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:05,759
Speaker 6: drop out of the wedding due to concerns for my

869
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:09,160
Speaker 6: physical and mental health. After my therapy appointment, I called

870
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:11,279
Speaker 6: Hailey and let her know about my decision, and I

871
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:13,879
Speaker 6: offered to transfer all the info and reservations I had

872
00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 6: for Jamie's bachelorette party, which was in three weeks. I

873
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:18,920
Speaker 6: told her that she could reach out to me if

874
00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:21,160
Speaker 6: she needed help or had questions about anything that I

875
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:23,480
Speaker 6: had set up or prepared. I was more concerned about

876
00:43:23,719 --> 00:43:26,280
Speaker 6: how Hailey would take it, since I did not want

877
00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:28,680
Speaker 6: it to affect our friendship. She was very understanding of

878
00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:31,200
Speaker 6: my decision and supported me. I tried to call Jamie

879
00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:34,399
Speaker 6: around ten pm, but she didn't pick up. She told

880
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:36,640
Speaker 6: me that she would call me after work on Tuesday.

881
00:43:36,719 --> 00:43:39,879
Speaker 6: When we finally connected, I told her that I would

882
00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:41,920
Speaker 6: step down for my role in the wedding and blamed

883
00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:44,200
Speaker 6: it on my back injury. He didn't freak out until

884
00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:48,400
Speaker 6: I mentioned feeling disrespected and unappreciate it. Then she got

885
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:52,040
Speaker 6: mad and blamed Hailey and I for everything. She said

886
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:54,799
Speaker 6: that the thing that bothered her the most was that

887
00:43:54,840 --> 00:43:57,000
Speaker 6: I told her that I couldn't afford to go to Nashville,

888
00:43:57,320 --> 00:44:00,200
Speaker 6: her first choice for the bachelorette, and that I didn't

889
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:02,440
Speaker 6: want the bachelorette trip on my birthday weekend.

890
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:07,120
Speaker 7: And another thing, Yeah, you didn't have more money. Yeah,

891
00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:10,279
Speaker 7: so you wanted to have your own birthday party, right.

892
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:14,920
Speaker 7: I didn't like that what she accused me of.

893
00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:17,960
Speaker 6: Being lazy and only knowing how to tan by my

894
00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:22,160
Speaker 6: pool what I was upset she felt entitled to how

895
00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:23,440
Speaker 6: I spent my own birthday.

896
00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:26,200
Speaker 7: I said that we would have to agree to a piece,

897
00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:29,359
Speaker 7: just like agree to disagree and She's like, and I,

898
00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:33,440
Speaker 7: you're a bad friend. Yeah, agreed to disagree. You're useless

899
00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:34,960
Speaker 7: and lazy. It only coun tan.

900
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:37,799
Speaker 6: That's all you do, I know, because I mean, you

901
00:44:37,840 --> 00:44:40,080
Speaker 6: can't argue with something like that, so that's really all

902
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:42,600
Speaker 6: she can do. I informed Hayley of what we spoke about,

903
00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:46,000
Speaker 6: and after that, Hailey decided that down as well. That night,

904
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:47,880
Speaker 6: we had to cancel each reservation we had for the

905
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:50,799
Speaker 6: bachelorette trips and they were under our credit cards. The

906
00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:54,080
Speaker 6: next day, yesterday, Haley told Jamie that she would be

907
00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:58,040
Speaker 6: stepping down. Jamie reiterated the same things that bothered her

908
00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:02,160
Speaker 6: and ended up cursing out Hailey before hanging up. Haley

909
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:04,839
Speaker 6: didn't have a chance to finish telling her that all

910
00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:07,759
Speaker 6: the reservations were canceled, so she texted Jamie, who responded,

911
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:11,319
Speaker 6: I appreciate you canceling the hotel last night before you

912
00:45:11,360 --> 00:45:14,879
Speaker 6: even talked to me. This reaction just confirms that Haley

913
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:16,640
Speaker 6: and I made the right decision to drop out of

914
00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:19,080
Speaker 6: the wedding. And there is an update.

915
00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:22,040
Speaker 7: Oo man, it's not over yet.

916
00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:24,680
Speaker 6: Not over yet, oh my goodness.

917
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:28,920
Speaker 7: Ummm yeah, no, definitely the right decision to drop out. Yeah,

918
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:31,520
Speaker 7: I feel like there's gonna be some sort of blow

919
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:33,920
Speaker 7: up at the wedding. Well, I mean, it sounds like

920
00:45:33,920 --> 00:45:36,040
Speaker 7: they're not even gonna go, so I know, I know,

921
00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:38,040
Speaker 7: but I feel like they're gonna hear about like some

922
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:41,000
Speaker 7: sort of like Grandma's not come and all the fans.

923
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:43,520
Speaker 7: It's gonna be upset or maybe it gets like called off.

924
00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:49,400
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, let's find out update too, bride Scilla I

925
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:52,560
Speaker 5: dropped as maid of honor and mailed me disturbing letters,

926
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:56,279
Speaker 5: old keepsakes, and a funeral book on her wedding anniversary.

927
00:45:56,480 --> 00:46:00,160
Speaker 6: It's thirteen months later. Remember Haley, the other bridesmaid. She

928
00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:03,120
Speaker 6: stayed longer than I did, a few days, but eventually

929
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:06,359
Speaker 6: she experienced same treatment I had. On the exact one

930
00:46:06,440 --> 00:46:10,839
Speaker 6: year anniversary of Jamie's wedding, both of us received unexpected

931
00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:15,520
Speaker 6: packages from her, and the mail inside were multiple page

932
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:19,520
Speaker 6: typed letters. They were formal in tone and signed at

933
00:46:19,600 --> 00:46:23,080
Speaker 6: the bottom with things like yours truly and your perfect

934
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:27,760
Speaker 6: match Little And these were not apologies. They were long,

935
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:32,560
Speaker 6: rambling and accusatory. In them, Jamie blamed us for abandoning her,

936
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:36,400
Speaker 6: questioned our character, dragged in our families, and even referenced

937
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:38,520
Speaker 6: very private things that we had gone through in our

938
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:43,040
Speaker 6: personal lives. She compared our friendship to a performance improvement

939
00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:46,360
Speaker 6: plan and said that we were just a chapter in

940
00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:49,720
Speaker 6: her life and painted herself as the victim. She didn't

941
00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:53,160
Speaker 6: just send the letters. She mailed back copies of old

942
00:46:53,239 --> 00:46:55,879
Speaker 6: letters that Haley and I had written her years ago.

943
00:46:56,160 --> 00:46:59,040
Speaker 6: Returned like evidence, these are copies of the letters too.

944
00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:01,800
Speaker 6: It's not even the actual letter that's weird.

945
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:05,000
Speaker 7: Here are copies of the letters. It's like, it's not

946
00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:08,520
Speaker 7: even sending acts like back. Yeah, act, which is right,

947
00:47:08,520 --> 00:47:10,360
Speaker 7: but I mean still doesn't make a lot of sense.

948
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:12,120
Speaker 7: But it would be like, yeah, I don't even want

949
00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:14,400
Speaker 7: to keep these anymore. It's like, no, I want.

950
00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:16,279
Speaker 5: You guys, like I want to keep them, but I

951
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:19,560
Speaker 5: need you guys to remember what you said I used

952
00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:20,480
Speaker 5: to say them because.

953
00:47:20,320 --> 00:47:23,000
Speaker 7: I'm going to start referencing them when I send you

954
00:47:23,080 --> 00:47:27,360
Speaker 7: another letter. Right, please refer to page eight in the

955
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:28,840
Speaker 7: letter two point six.

956
00:47:29,120 --> 00:47:34,439
Speaker 6: Yeah. She included photos of us together too, and most disturbingly,

957
00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:38,880
Speaker 6: she sent me her mother's funeral book, which had pictures

958
00:47:38,920 --> 00:47:40,719
Speaker 6: of me and her mom inside of the book. From

959
00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:46,680
Speaker 6: the service. None of these packages had a return address. Dang,

960
00:47:46,719 --> 00:47:50,279
Speaker 6: this girl is crazy. Yeah, dude, she doesn't want to

961
00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:51,800
Speaker 6: keep her own funeral book.

962
00:47:51,960 --> 00:47:54,960
Speaker 7: Yeah, well, I feel like she's sending a copy or something.

963
00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:58,240
Speaker 6: I mean, it says that this was it was copies

964
00:47:58,239 --> 00:48:00,719
Speaker 6: of the letters, and then this is the funeral book.

965
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:01,520
Speaker 6: Well I see.

966
00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:04,480
Speaker 7: Okay, So I was imagining kind of a yearbook type

967
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:06,719
Speaker 7: thing where they like print out a bunch of these

968
00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:10,760
Speaker 7: and then give them out. Oh, I totally could be wrong.

969
00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:14,320
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm imagining like a like a like a photo

970
00:48:14,400 --> 00:48:17,200
Speaker 6: album with a bunch of pictures that just included pictures

971
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:19,600
Speaker 6: of Ope. But it's also what I was seeing. Yeah.

972
00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:23,920
Speaker 6: Either way, that's change. That is strange and like, I

973
00:48:23,960 --> 00:48:25,239
Speaker 6: don't know what she's trying to get out.

974
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:27,080
Speaker 7: Yeah, truly, I'm not.

975
00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:33,120
Speaker 6: I don't understand. I don't understand. I don't get it. Uh.

976
00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:34,839
Speaker 6: The fact that she chose to do this on her

977
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:38,760
Speaker 6: wedding anniversary speaks of volumes. Instead of celebrating her marriage,

978
00:48:38,760 --> 00:48:42,640
Speaker 6: she spent that day at digging up old letters, printing photos,

979
00:48:42,760 --> 00:48:46,759
Speaker 6: writing pages of blame, and mailing them out. For Haley,

980
00:48:46,840 --> 00:48:49,560
Speaker 6: this was the final straw for me. It was the

981
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:52,240
Speaker 6: validation I needed that my instincts had been right all along.

982
00:48:52,800 --> 00:48:55,560
Speaker 6: I no longer need to feel guilty for stepping or

983
00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:58,200
Speaker 6: I no longer feel guilty for stepping down. Looking back,

984
00:48:58,440 --> 00:49:01,200
Speaker 6: I see a very clear power love bombing when she

985
00:49:01,239 --> 00:49:03,839
Speaker 6: wanted something, guilt tripping when she didn't get her way,

986
00:49:04,040 --> 00:49:07,600
Speaker 6: and rewriting history to make herself the victim. It wasn't

987
00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:09,680
Speaker 6: that I was a bad friend. This is simply how

988
00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:12,319
Speaker 6: Jamie treats the people closest to her. If you are

989
00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:14,600
Speaker 6: ever questioning whether it's okay to walk away from a

990
00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:18,720
Speaker 6: friendship that makes you feel drained, blamed, or unsafe, please

991
00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:22,319
Speaker 6: know that it is. Sometimes the healthiest and bravest thing

992
00:49:22,320 --> 00:49:24,000
Speaker 6: you can do is create distant.

993
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:27,839
Speaker 7: My friend staged an intervention to get me to break

994
00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:28,960
Speaker 7: up with my boyfriend.

995
00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:31,520
Speaker 6: They are very serious about this.

996
00:49:31,719 --> 00:49:34,680
Speaker 7: I'm nineteen, female and have been dating my boyfriend for

997
00:49:34,800 --> 00:49:38,440
Speaker 7: five months now. He's really sweet and kind, one of

998
00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:44,080
Speaker 7: those machilatte feminist literature guys you see on TikTok. He's

999
00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:46,799
Speaker 7: also incredibly funny and goes out of his way to

1000
00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:49,719
Speaker 7: include me in activities, even when I'm too overwhelmed to

1001
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:52,239
Speaker 7: really enjoy them. I'm in the middle of getting an

1002
00:49:52,239 --> 00:49:56,520
Speaker 7: autism diagnosis. So that's why I get overwhelmed easily. We

1003
00:49:56,640 --> 00:49:59,840
Speaker 7: have a he talks I listen relationship, which is perfect

1004
00:50:00,040 --> 00:50:00,920
Speaker 7: because I could.

1005
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:02,240
Speaker 6: Listen to him talk for days.

1006
00:50:02,400 --> 00:50:05,000
Speaker 7: By the way, this comes from odd expression nine two three.

1007
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:06,600
Speaker 7: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

1008
00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:09,800
Speaker 7: to the r slash Okay storytime subvert at I'm Sophia.

1009
00:50:09,480 --> 00:50:11,280
Speaker 6: And I'm Angie and op says.

1010
00:50:11,640 --> 00:50:16,319
Speaker 7: My friends, however, hate him. I don't have a very

1011
00:50:16,320 --> 00:50:18,439
Speaker 7: big friend group five female and two male.

1012
00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:19,400
Speaker 3: Uh.

1013
00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:21,520
Speaker 7: The first time we went on a date, they said

1014
00:50:21,880 --> 00:50:24,840
Speaker 7: he looks like he'd mount your eyeballs on his walls

1015
00:50:25,040 --> 00:50:27,759
Speaker 7: and kept commenting on his appearance. I told him that

1016
00:50:27,840 --> 00:50:31,080
Speaker 7: wasn't fair because he's very handsome, and even if he wasn't,

1017
00:50:31,239 --> 00:50:33,600
Speaker 7: it wouldn't matter since I don't care about that stuff.

1018
00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:36,080
Speaker 7: When I told my boyfriend what they said, we had

1019
00:50:36,080 --> 00:50:38,160
Speaker 7: a good laugh about it. Now it's an inside joke

1020
00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:40,399
Speaker 7: where he points at his shelf and says that's where

1021
00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:44,399
Speaker 7: I'm going to display your eyes, which my friends find disturbing.

1022
00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:47,920
Speaker 7: They've made numerous comments about his personality and looks, saying

1023
00:50:47,960 --> 00:50:51,000
Speaker 7: stuff like you're too pretty for him, and he's annoying

1024
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:54,160
Speaker 7: like a dog that doesn't stop barking. Here's where I

1025
00:50:54,200 --> 00:50:54,960
Speaker 7: think I might be.

1026
00:50:54,920 --> 00:50:55,399
Speaker 6: The a hole.

1027
00:50:55,600 --> 00:50:58,400
Speaker 7: My boyfriend has an ex girlfriend who calls and pesters

1028
00:50:58,480 --> 00:51:03,120
Speaker 7: him constantly. I'm talking NonStop anonymous phone calls for two

1029
00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:06,520
Speaker 7: hours straight. It's mostly stopped now, but it was pretty

1030
00:51:06,560 --> 00:51:09,919
Speaker 7: consistent at the start of our relationship. About a month ago,

1031
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:13,160
Speaker 7: I started receiving similar calls. I ignored them for the

1032
00:51:13,200 --> 00:51:15,399
Speaker 7: most part, but at some point they forgot to turn

1033
00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:19,640
Speaker 7: off no caller ID and it was my best friend's number.

1034
00:51:19,840 --> 00:51:22,479
Speaker 7: I was annoyed and asked her why she was doing that.

1035
00:51:22,719 --> 00:51:25,200
Speaker 7: She confessed and told me they thought if I believed

1036
00:51:25,239 --> 00:51:28,279
Speaker 7: I was being pestered by his ex, I'd break up

1037
00:51:28,280 --> 00:51:31,640
Speaker 7: with him. I was fuming and told her she needs

1038
00:51:31,680 --> 00:51:35,440
Speaker 7: to back off because my relationship is none of her business.

1039
00:51:36,080 --> 00:51:38,120
Speaker 7: The whole friend group had been ignoring me for the

1040
00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:40,719
Speaker 7: past couple of days until last night, when they put

1041
00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:43,640
Speaker 7: me into a group chat for an intervention. They kept

1042
00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:46,279
Speaker 7: saying how I could do so much better than my boyfriend,

1043
00:51:46,400 --> 00:51:48,520
Speaker 7: and they just wanted me to see how annoying he

1044
00:51:48,600 --> 00:51:52,440
Speaker 7: truly was. They've never even met him because they refused to.

1045
00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:55,360
Speaker 7: I told them all to f off and left the

1046
00:51:55,360 --> 00:51:58,400
Speaker 7: group chat. They all keep spamming my phone saying I

1047
00:51:58,520 --> 00:52:00,000
Speaker 7: was rude and need to apologize.

1048
00:52:00,840 --> 00:52:02,040
Speaker 6: So am I the a hole?

1049
00:52:02,360 --> 00:52:04,520
Speaker 7: I feel like one, But at the same time, they're

1050
00:52:04,560 --> 00:52:09,120
Speaker 7: being plain rude and disrespectful to my boyfriend and my relationship.

1051
00:52:09,800 --> 00:52:12,920
Speaker 7: I'm currently on holiday and Turkey and have been for

1052
00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:14,960
Speaker 7: the past week, so I'm going to talk to them

1053
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:17,600
Speaker 7: all in person when I get back. That's why I

1054
00:52:17,600 --> 00:52:19,880
Speaker 7: haven't blocked them yet, since they've been my friends for

1055
00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:21,919
Speaker 7: years and I don't want to cut them off until

1056
00:52:21,960 --> 00:52:25,120
Speaker 7: I actually talk to them in person. I've let my

1057
00:52:25,120 --> 00:52:27,320
Speaker 7: boyfriend know what's going on, so he's now in the

1058
00:52:27,360 --> 00:52:29,560
Speaker 7: loop and agrees I should speak to my friends before

1059
00:52:29,560 --> 00:52:32,560
Speaker 7: cutting them off. And there are some comments, but what

1060
00:52:32,600 --> 00:52:34,000
Speaker 7: do you think, oh, he should do?

1061
00:52:34,440 --> 00:52:36,839
Speaker 6: I am so taken aback by the fact that they

1062
00:52:36,880 --> 00:52:40,319
Speaker 6: haven't even met him yet. That was the craziest part

1063
00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:40,520
Speaker 6: to me.

1064
00:52:40,840 --> 00:52:43,200
Speaker 7: Yeah, that was the craziest part, Like me.

1065
00:52:43,320 --> 00:52:46,600
Speaker 6: Gussed because that's like, how do they know that he's

1066
00:52:46,760 --> 00:52:49,200
Speaker 6: a dog that won't stop barking if they haven't even

1067
00:52:49,760 --> 00:52:50,200
Speaker 6: met him.

1068
00:52:50,320 --> 00:52:53,719
Speaker 7: I don't understand where they're getting any of this information

1069
00:52:54,360 --> 00:52:56,560
Speaker 7: because I thought that they had met him. He too,

1070
00:52:57,080 --> 00:53:00,879
Speaker 7: but like I really maybe some of them have. I'm

1071
00:53:00,920 --> 00:53:02,719
Speaker 7: really confused by that.

1072
00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:05,759
Speaker 6: Yeah, maybe some of them have, or maybe they've met

1073
00:53:05,800 --> 00:53:10,000
Speaker 6: over like video call or something. But yeah, that's just

1074
00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:15,359
Speaker 6: it's hard because especially if this is their first relationship,

1075
00:53:15,680 --> 00:53:17,840
Speaker 6: which I don't know if was completely I don't know

1076
00:53:17,880 --> 00:53:18,279
Speaker 6: if that was.

1077
00:53:18,560 --> 00:53:21,880
Speaker 7: You know, he's nineteen, so it's like his first serious

1078
00:53:21,960 --> 00:53:23,160
Speaker 7: relationship maybe.

1079
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:26,960
Speaker 6: Yeah, something like that, Like it I understand territorial, it's

1080
00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:30,000
Speaker 6: very possible, Yeah, because I understand if like someone you

1081
00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:33,719
Speaker 6: know has friends that are like, oh uh, I don't know,

1082
00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:37,800
Speaker 6: like sometimes you can trust your friend's opinions of your boyfriend. Yeah,

1083
00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:40,840
Speaker 6: and you know, you don't want to be the person

1084
00:53:40,880 --> 00:53:44,040
Speaker 6: that's like totally ignoring their friends for their boyfriend. But

1085
00:53:44,040 --> 00:53:47,560
Speaker 6: that's not what's happening in the situation, Like that's they're

1086
00:53:47,600 --> 00:53:50,960
Speaker 6: just going off of nothing, giving bad reasons and then

1087
00:53:51,040 --> 00:53:53,960
Speaker 6: acting so immaturely and trying to pretend to be his

1088
00:53:54,120 --> 00:53:56,400
Speaker 6: ex calling you that's crazy.

1089
00:53:56,640 --> 00:53:58,920
Speaker 7: But there are some comments common one, I mean, do

1090
00:53:58,960 --> 00:54:01,080
Speaker 7: you want to be friends with these people because at

1091
00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:03,520
Speaker 7: a certain point it's gonna come down to your boyfriend

1092
00:54:03,680 --> 00:54:07,160
Speaker 7: or them, because they're not gonna stop. They've already tried something,

1093
00:54:07,239 --> 00:54:10,399
Speaker 7: It'll only get worse. Honestly, for your boyfriend, I would

1094
00:54:10,400 --> 00:54:12,040
Speaker 7: tell him to break up with you if you still

1095
00:54:12,080 --> 00:54:15,120
Speaker 7: insist on being friends with them, because they could do

1096
00:54:15,200 --> 00:54:18,560
Speaker 7: something next that winds him in handcuffs.

1097
00:54:18,680 --> 00:54:19,279
Speaker 6: Oh, he says.

1098
00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:21,160
Speaker 7: I've been friends with them for a few years now

1099
00:54:21,200 --> 00:54:23,240
Speaker 7: and I've never seen them acting like this before.

1100
00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:25,200
Speaker 6: It's all very out of the blue.

1101
00:54:25,200 --> 00:54:27,520
Speaker 7: But if they continue acting like this, I won't have

1102
00:54:27,560 --> 00:54:30,440
Speaker 7: a choice but to cut them off. Update things have

1103
00:54:30,560 --> 00:54:33,840
Speaker 7: gone south? Uh Oh. I asked my best friend Sarah

1104
00:54:33,880 --> 00:54:35,319
Speaker 7: to meet with me the week I got back from

1105
00:54:35,360 --> 00:54:38,279
Speaker 7: a holiday to talk things out, and she agreed. We

1106
00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:41,200
Speaker 7: met up at a cafe and she told me everything,

1107
00:54:41,800 --> 00:54:45,840
Speaker 7: including that, yes, this all started because one of my

1108
00:54:46,040 --> 00:54:49,839
Speaker 7: male friends has a crush on me. Apparently he's liked

1109
00:54:49,840 --> 00:54:51,960
Speaker 7: me since we met two years ago and has been

1110
00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:53,840
Speaker 7: begging our friends to help him get with me.

1111
00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:55,440
Speaker 6: She said she was shocked.

1112
00:54:55,480 --> 00:54:57,960
Speaker 7: I didn't know, because they'd always make sure he bumped

1113
00:54:58,000 --> 00:55:01,239
Speaker 7: into me, made sure we sat together at hangouts, and

1114
00:55:01,320 --> 00:55:04,000
Speaker 7: talked about him when he wasn't there. I hadn't noticed

1115
00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:06,000
Speaker 7: any of that. I feel a bit stupid now because

1116
00:55:06,040 --> 00:55:08,200
Speaker 7: if I had noticed, I would have just told him

1117
00:55:08,239 --> 00:55:10,600
Speaker 7: I wasn't interested. He was really upset when I got

1118
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:12,759
Speaker 7: a boyfriend, which I do feel bad about in a way.

1119
00:55:12,960 --> 00:55:15,319
Speaker 7: Sarah told me they all decided to try and get

1120
00:55:15,320 --> 00:55:17,480
Speaker 7: me and my boyfriend to break up, and when I

1121
00:55:17,520 --> 00:55:20,919
Speaker 7: told him about my boyfriend's ex girlfriend pestering him, they

1122
00:55:20,960 --> 00:55:23,560
Speaker 7: decided it would be the thing to break us up.

1123
00:55:23,840 --> 00:55:25,759
Speaker 7: The rest of the talk at the cafe went as

1124
00:55:25,760 --> 00:55:28,560
Speaker 7: well as it possibly could go. I told her I

1125
00:55:28,560 --> 00:55:32,080
Speaker 7: didn't want to be contacted by anyone anymore, and she

1126
00:55:32,200 --> 00:55:34,880
Speaker 7: said I was being dramatic. I didn't bring up the

1127
00:55:34,920 --> 00:55:36,920
Speaker 7: money they owe me because at this point I just

1128
00:55:36,960 --> 00:55:42,040
Speaker 7: want this whole ordeal over with. Here comes the real punter, though.

1129
00:55:42,840 --> 00:55:46,200
Speaker 7: Four days after the cafe meeting, my boyfriend starts getting

1130
00:55:46,280 --> 00:55:50,160
Speaker 7: bombarded with Instagram dms. He has a public Instagram that

1131
00:55:50,160 --> 00:55:53,200
Speaker 7: I've shown them before, so I guess that's where they

1132
00:55:53,239 --> 00:55:56,919
Speaker 7: got it from. He showed me the dms and they're

1133
00:55:57,040 --> 00:56:00,359
Speaker 7: genuinely disgusting. I don't want to repeat any what they

1134
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:06,520
Speaker 7: said because it's mostly threats, slurs, and pestermentt yikes, big yikes,

1135
00:56:06,760 --> 00:56:08,120
Speaker 7: Oh my goodness, yikes.

1136
00:56:08,200 --> 00:56:11,719
Speaker 6: Wow, it's really just another story of like you're just

1137
00:56:11,960 --> 00:56:14,120
Speaker 6: confirming why I'm rejecting.

1138
00:56:14,080 --> 00:56:17,960
Speaker 7: Like I just again, also shocking that we didn't see

1139
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:21,640
Speaker 7: these red flags. I'm mortified when he shows me he

1140
00:56:21,719 --> 00:56:24,640
Speaker 7: blocks the accounts and ends up making his account private.

1141
00:56:25,320 --> 00:56:28,320
Speaker 7: That's when I start getting spam messages with the same stuff.

1142
00:56:28,840 --> 00:56:30,560
Speaker 7: Me and my boyfriend have had to talk about this

1143
00:56:30,680 --> 00:56:33,399
Speaker 7: and have decided to just let them tire themselves out.

1144
00:56:34,040 --> 00:56:35,560
Speaker 7: I thought he was going to break up with me

1145
00:56:35,640 --> 00:56:39,120
Speaker 7: over this, honestly, but he hasn't. Just comforted me, which

1146
00:56:39,160 --> 00:56:42,839
Speaker 7: is really nice. So yeah, it's a crap situation, but

1147
00:56:42,880 --> 00:56:45,120
Speaker 7: I'm just gonna have to wait it out. On a

1148
00:56:45,120 --> 00:56:47,959
Speaker 7: happier note, me and my boyfriend are going strong. Hey,

1149
00:56:48,880 --> 00:56:51,040
Speaker 7: I love him a lot, and thankfully he's willing to

1150
00:56:51,040 --> 00:56:54,279
Speaker 7: put up with such an awful situation even when he

1151
00:56:54,360 --> 00:56:57,800
Speaker 7: doesn't and shouldn't have to. I woke up this morning

1152
00:56:57,840 --> 00:57:00,920
Speaker 7: to about seven messages from my old friend on Tumblr,

1153
00:57:01,200 --> 00:57:05,160
Speaker 7: which I forgot to block them on. Only two are relevant,

1154
00:57:05,520 --> 00:57:07,399
Speaker 7: the boy who has a crush on me, I'll call

1155
00:57:07,560 --> 00:57:09,600
Speaker 7: Derek and Sarah.

1156
00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:09,920
Speaker 4: Oh.

1157
00:57:09,960 --> 00:57:11,799
Speaker 7: Put Sarah's message first since it was.

1158
00:57:11,760 --> 00:57:13,120
Speaker 6: Pretty much what I expected.

1159
00:57:13,800 --> 00:57:16,680
Speaker 7: Hi, Sweetee, I know you've blocked me on everything but here,

1160
00:57:17,200 --> 00:57:20,040
Speaker 7: but I wanted to clear some things up. One, we

1161
00:57:20,080 --> 00:57:23,160
Speaker 7: aren't angry with you. When you calm down, we're more

1162
00:57:23,200 --> 00:57:25,360
Speaker 7: than happy to be friends with you again. I'm sorry

1163
00:57:25,400 --> 00:57:27,280
Speaker 7: I got dragged to this point, but we all love

1164
00:57:27,320 --> 00:57:30,200
Speaker 7: you and genuinely want the best for you, which we

1165
00:57:30,360 --> 00:57:31,920
Speaker 7: know it'sn't boyfriend.

1166
00:57:33,280 --> 00:57:33,640
Speaker 6: Two.

1167
00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:36,120
Speaker 7: I know the others have messaged you this, but we

1168
00:57:36,160 --> 00:57:37,720
Speaker 7: want to set up a date where we can all

1169
00:57:37,760 --> 00:57:41,000
Speaker 7: talk about this in person. I know me and you talked,

1170
00:57:41,040 --> 00:57:43,480
Speaker 7: but it's only fair if everyone else gets to say

1171
00:57:43,480 --> 00:57:46,440
Speaker 7: their piece. We all care for you a lot, and

1172
00:57:46,520 --> 00:57:49,640
Speaker 7: you cutting us off like this hurts a lot. Quite frankly,

1173
00:57:49,680 --> 00:57:52,320
Speaker 7: you're acting like a child who's throwing her toys out

1174
00:57:52,360 --> 00:57:54,280
Speaker 7: of the prem Because we want what's best for you,

1175
00:57:55,160 --> 00:57:57,080
Speaker 7: let us know what day suits you best and we'll

1176
00:57:57,160 --> 00:57:58,320
Speaker 7: organize the talk from there.

1177
00:57:58,720 --> 00:57:59,320
Speaker 6: Yikes.

1178
00:57:59,520 --> 00:58:06,000
Speaker 7: Wow, these people are really really uh blind and self absorbed.

1179
00:58:06,560 --> 00:58:11,480
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm so shocked by that. That's so insane.

1180
00:58:11,680 --> 00:58:15,880
Speaker 7: Yeah, wow, wow, you just have to you have your

1181
00:58:15,920 --> 00:58:19,400
Speaker 7: acting with the acting like a child? Crazy yeap, when

1182
00:58:19,480 --> 00:58:22,320
Speaker 7: you guys are the one harassed like prank calling op

1183
00:58:22,680 --> 00:58:26,000
Speaker 7: literally literally and then and then to say just like

1184
00:58:26,800 --> 00:58:29,400
Speaker 7: we are owed a conversation.

1185
00:58:29,720 --> 00:58:32,720
Speaker 6: Yeah, and you know it's not gonna be a conversation too,

1186
00:58:32,800 --> 00:58:36,439
Speaker 6: like to like everyone deserves to say their piece. It's

1187
00:58:36,440 --> 00:58:39,480
Speaker 6: just gonna be them yelling at Ope one and just

1188
00:58:39,480 --> 00:58:41,880
Speaker 6: like building off of each other. Because OP said that

1189
00:58:41,960 --> 00:58:45,680
Speaker 6: this isn't a big friend group, but five is seven

1190
00:58:45,760 --> 00:58:49,160
Speaker 6: people other than OP, or even including that's still a

1191
00:58:49,200 --> 00:58:52,400
Speaker 6: lot like that's that is a lot of people that

1192
00:58:52,440 --> 00:58:55,200
Speaker 6: are just going to sit there and just build off

1193
00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:57,280
Speaker 6: of each other and just like oh yeah, and then

1194
00:58:57,440 --> 00:59:00,880
Speaker 6: that's another thing. And then it's like just there's no

1195
00:59:00,920 --> 00:59:02,800
Speaker 6: reason for OP to be there. They need to rant

1196
00:59:02,800 --> 00:59:06,000
Speaker 6: on their own. Oh he should not respond or if

1197
00:59:06,440 --> 00:59:08,760
Speaker 6: if she does, then just to be like I just

1198
00:59:08,960 --> 00:59:13,400
Speaker 6: uh nah nah but uh.

1199
00:59:13,480 --> 00:59:16,840
Speaker 7: Derek also messaged something, oh gosh, and this is the

1200
00:59:16,880 --> 00:59:19,280
Speaker 7: guy who had a crush and OPI. Derek's message is

1201
00:59:19,320 --> 00:59:22,560
Speaker 7: pretty much the same. Hi, I know things have pretty

1202
00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:25,800
Speaker 7: much exploded between us, but I talked to Sarah and

1203
00:59:25,880 --> 00:59:29,360
Speaker 7: I need to talk to you. Honestly, I'm effing amazed

1204
00:59:29,400 --> 00:59:31,840
Speaker 7: you didn't know I love you because that crap was

1205
00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:35,840
Speaker 7: obvious as f like I knew you were oblivious, But

1206
00:59:36,120 --> 00:59:39,439
Speaker 7: Christ Almighty, just so you know, I've loved you since

1207
00:59:39,480 --> 00:59:42,680
Speaker 7: we first met, and I know boyfriend isn't good for

1208
00:59:42,760 --> 00:59:47,080
Speaker 7: you. You need someone who can understand your issues and that's

1209
00:59:47,200 --> 00:59:49,360
Speaker 7: not him, and you effing know that.

1210
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:53,960
Speaker 6: Wow, you just said you had issues crazy and you

1211
00:59:54,520 --> 00:59:58,720
Speaker 6: efing know that too. That's so aggressive for no reason.

1212
00:59:58,880 --> 01:00:02,000
Speaker 7: Message me back when you've come to your damn senses

1213
01:00:02,080 --> 01:00:03,040
Speaker 7: and I'll block us.

1214
01:00:03,240 --> 01:00:05,920
Speaker 6: What a great way to start a relationship. Can you

1215
01:00:06,120 --> 01:00:09,640
Speaker 6: make like you're freaking stupid that you didn't see I

1216
01:00:09,680 --> 01:00:13,040
Speaker 6: loved you so the first time we met, which is

1217
01:00:13,120 --> 01:00:16,919
Speaker 6: not possible, and then like oh, yeah, you clearly don't

1218
01:00:16,960 --> 01:00:21,400
Speaker 6: love her now. Yeah, this is not bullying her. Absolutely,

1219
01:00:21,720 --> 01:00:24,880
Speaker 6: that's like, like, what is she gonna do? Just be like, oh,

1220
01:00:25,000 --> 01:00:27,800
Speaker 6: you're so right. I don't know why I didn't think

1221
01:00:27,800 --> 01:00:29,720
Speaker 6: about that. Yeah, I just you're so right. You do

1222
01:00:29,800 --> 01:00:31,600
Speaker 6: love me, and I was stupid.

1223
01:00:32,160 --> 01:00:34,360
Speaker 7: I've been stupid this whole time. No, the rest of

1224
01:00:34,400 --> 01:00:37,800
Speaker 7: the messages are basically along the same lines, which isn't great.

1225
01:00:38,360 --> 01:00:41,640
Speaker 7: I feel awful, and honestly, at this point, I'm just done.

1226
01:00:42,040 --> 01:00:45,400
Speaker 7: I've also been sent images of myself from the spam messages,

1227
01:00:45,520 --> 01:00:46,160
Speaker 7: and it's.

1228
01:00:46,080 --> 01:00:46,960
Speaker 6: Creepy as eck.

1229
01:00:47,640 --> 01:00:50,720
Speaker 7: At this point, I'm just lost. I've shown everything to

1230
01:00:50,760 --> 01:00:53,160
Speaker 7: my boyfriend and we're going out tonight to report it.

1231
01:00:53,640 --> 01:00:57,120
Speaker 7: Pretty bad update, but hopefully everything will stop soon.

1232
01:00:57,360 --> 01:00:59,000
Speaker 6: I hope. So yeah, I hope.

1233
01:00:59,040 --> 01:01:00,600
Speaker 2: So John here og host.

1234
01:01:00,720 --> 01:01:02,400
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to these stories, but a quick

1235
01:01:02,440 --> 01:01:04,400
Speaker 1: three minute break from as from our sponsors.

1236
01:01:04,760 --> 01:01:08,600
Speaker 6: My friend decided to hide her pregnancy. Now I want

1237
01:01:08,640 --> 01:01:13,280
Speaker 6: to meddle. Stop meddling. Trigger warning brief mention of pregnancy termination.

1238
01:01:13,560 --> 01:01:16,280
Speaker 6: By the way, this comes from No Horse eighty one

1239
01:01:16,480 --> 01:01:18,440
Speaker 6: ninety six, And if you want to submit your own stories,

1240
01:01:18,440 --> 01:01:20,560
Speaker 6: go to the r slash Okay storytime is subreddit and

1241
01:01:20,640 --> 01:01:24,360
Speaker 6: I'm Angie. I'm Sophia and Opie says. A close friend

1242
01:01:24,400 --> 01:01:26,840
Speaker 6: of almost ten years informed me yesterday that she is

1243
01:01:26,880 --> 01:01:30,680
Speaker 6: seven weeks print. I am beyond excited for her. I

1244
01:01:30,720 --> 01:01:33,400
Speaker 6: have a three month old who she's been a wonderful

1245
01:01:33,440 --> 01:01:35,920
Speaker 6: lot too, and I can see that she's going to

1246
01:01:35,960 --> 01:01:39,440
Speaker 6: be a wonderful mother. But admittedly I was confused. She

1247
01:01:39,560 --> 01:01:42,720
Speaker 6: had gotten out of her long term relationship about six

1248
01:01:42,840 --> 01:01:45,560
Speaker 6: months ago. We tell each other pretty much everything. I

1249
01:01:45,680 --> 01:01:48,160
Speaker 6: knew she'd had a one night stand, but that was

1250
01:01:48,280 --> 01:01:50,640
Speaker 6: three and a half months ago, so the dates didn't

1251
01:01:50,640 --> 01:01:53,600
Speaker 6: add up. After being excited and gladly telling her that

1252
01:01:53,640 --> 01:01:55,240
Speaker 6: I'll have so much stuff to give her that my

1253
01:01:55,360 --> 01:01:58,920
Speaker 6: daughter out grows. I asked who the father was. Turns

1254
01:01:58,920 --> 01:02:02,040
Speaker 6: out it was her ex. They'd met up at a

1255
01:02:02,120 --> 01:02:05,120
Speaker 6: mutual friend's thirtieth birthday celebration. I didn't go as I

1256
01:02:05,160 --> 01:02:07,680
Speaker 6: had the baby and one thing led to another. She

1257
01:02:07,720 --> 01:02:09,960
Speaker 6: said that it was a mistake and she had regretted

1258
01:02:10,000 --> 01:02:13,520
Speaker 6: it days later, but this pregnancy was a welcomed surprise.

1259
01:02:14,080 --> 01:02:16,200
Speaker 6: I asked if she had told him yet. She said

1260
01:02:16,200 --> 01:02:19,360
Speaker 6: that she doesn't plan to. I was taken aback. They'd

1261
01:02:19,360 --> 01:02:22,120
Speaker 6: been together for eight years and were truly wonderful together,

1262
01:02:22,440 --> 01:02:25,520
Speaker 6: even discussing starting a family. Things only got rough at

1263
01:02:25,520 --> 01:02:27,439
Speaker 6: the start of the year when his mother passed away

1264
01:02:27,520 --> 01:02:29,480
Speaker 6: and he took on the role of looking after his

1265
01:02:29,600 --> 01:02:33,880
Speaker 6: father with early onset dementia. They ended up arguing a lot.

1266
01:02:34,120 --> 01:02:37,120
Speaker 6: She wanted the father to go into assisted lying, but

1267
01:02:37,280 --> 01:02:40,320
Speaker 6: he wasn't ready for that yet. Ultimately they decided to split.

1268
01:02:40,600 --> 01:02:43,040
Speaker 6: I told her that he deserves to know they had

1269
01:02:43,120 --> 01:02:46,919
Speaker 6: a long, loving history, and while not together anymore, he's

1270
01:02:47,000 --> 01:02:49,840
Speaker 6: a great guy who would be an amazing father. She

1271
01:02:50,160 --> 01:02:52,640
Speaker 6: can bet that he would do anything to help them.

1272
01:02:52,960 --> 01:02:56,840
Speaker 6: She got upset, saying it's her body, her choice. I said,

1273
01:02:56,880 --> 01:02:58,880
Speaker 6: I agree that it's her body and those decisions are

1274
01:02:58,920 --> 01:03:01,200
Speaker 6: always hers, but she's just to have this baby, and

1275
01:03:01,280 --> 01:03:03,520
Speaker 6: it takes two to make a child. I said that

1276
01:03:03,560 --> 01:03:05,880
Speaker 6: he'll figure it out eventually, as we all still run

1277
01:03:05,880 --> 01:03:08,000
Speaker 6: in the same friend group, but we also live in

1278
01:03:08,040 --> 01:03:10,439
Speaker 6: the same town. She ended up saying that she wasn't

1279
01:03:10,480 --> 01:03:12,680
Speaker 6: going to tell him and that was final. Later, I

1280
01:03:12,720 --> 01:03:15,120
Speaker 6: received a Facebook message from a mutual friend saying that

1281
01:03:15,160 --> 01:03:17,520
Speaker 6: she was disappointed in me for trying to push her

1282
01:03:17,560 --> 01:03:20,480
Speaker 6: into telling the father, and that I should support her decision.

1283
01:03:20,840 --> 01:03:23,120
Speaker 6: She said that I was prejudiced and that I have

1284
01:03:23,200 --> 01:03:25,720
Speaker 6: a loving, involved husband. So I don't know what it's

1285
01:03:25,760 --> 01:03:28,080
Speaker 6: like to be a single mom. Am, I row, no,

1286
01:03:28,800 --> 01:03:31,760
Speaker 6: but she doesn't. That's so that's like so unfair.

1287
01:03:31,840 --> 01:03:34,920
Speaker 7: Okay, One, this woman doesn't know what it's like to

1288
01:03:34,920 --> 01:03:37,720
Speaker 7: be a single mom either. She isn't a single mom yet. Yes,

1289
01:03:37,880 --> 01:03:41,560
Speaker 7: she's pregnant, so she will be sure, but like she's

1290
01:03:41,560 --> 01:03:43,480
Speaker 7: not yet, So I feel like that's a little bit affair.

1291
01:03:43,840 --> 01:03:48,120
Speaker 7: And also she's making like she she's taking that decision

1292
01:03:48,160 --> 01:03:53,000
Speaker 7: away from the ex exactly. It's like she doesn't there

1293
01:03:53,000 --> 01:03:55,040
Speaker 7: would there could be a chance that he might be

1294
01:03:55,120 --> 01:03:55,880
Speaker 7: want to be involved.

1295
01:03:56,000 --> 01:03:59,800
Speaker 6: Yeah, it feels like she's using arguments that are usually

1296
01:03:59,880 --> 01:04:02,080
Speaker 6: very are valid in the right context, but this is

1297
01:04:02,120 --> 01:04:03,920
Speaker 6: not the right context. Yeah, I don't know.

1298
01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:06,280
Speaker 7: It's like, op's just like, hey, maybe you should tell

1299
01:04:06,320 --> 01:04:09,680
Speaker 7: the guy that would be the father of your child, like,

1300
01:04:09,720 --> 01:04:11,080
Speaker 7: let him know, just let him know.

1301
01:04:11,480 --> 01:04:14,120
Speaker 6: Yeah, but am I wrong? I'm not saying that she's

1302
01:04:14,200 --> 01:04:16,320
Speaker 6: obligated to do so, but I think that morally is

1303
01:04:16,360 --> 01:04:19,280
Speaker 6: the right thing to do. Again, he'll find out eventually,

1304
01:04:19,320 --> 01:04:21,840
Speaker 6: and unless she lies to him about sleeping with other people,

1305
01:04:21,880 --> 01:04:24,320
Speaker 6: I'm sure he will easily put it together. I think

1306
01:04:24,360 --> 01:04:26,920
Speaker 6: she's setting herself up for a really difficult time in

1307
01:04:26,960 --> 01:04:29,360
Speaker 6: the future. My husband and her ex are friends who

1308
01:04:29,400 --> 01:04:31,680
Speaker 6: talk regularly. I haven't told my husband yet. I know

1309
01:04:31,720 --> 01:04:33,400
Speaker 6: that he will tell him right away if I do.

1310
01:04:33,680 --> 01:04:35,480
Speaker 6: In the almost ten years that I've known her, she's

1311
01:04:35,480 --> 01:04:37,440
Speaker 6: always been an open book and open to tell you

1312
01:04:37,480 --> 01:04:39,800
Speaker 6: exactly what she thinks. She's the type to tell strangers

1313
01:04:39,840 --> 01:04:41,880
Speaker 6: on the train her whole life story if they said hi,

1314
01:04:41,960 --> 01:04:44,760
Speaker 6: in passing. It's something that I've always admired about her

1315
01:04:44,840 --> 01:04:48,640
Speaker 6: her confidence and honesty, so this is surprising. My husband

1316
01:04:48,680 --> 01:04:51,880
Speaker 6: has known the ex for eighteen years but has only

1317
01:04:51,920 --> 01:04:55,120
Speaker 6: been close for the past five. There are some comments coming.

1318
01:04:55,200 --> 01:04:58,240
Speaker 6: Number one says, if you're getting Facebook messages and she's

1319
01:04:58,240 --> 01:05:01,800
Speaker 6: doing a terrible job keeping it quiet, sit back, be

1320
01:05:01,960 --> 01:05:04,320
Speaker 6: a friend and let him find out another way, or

1321
01:05:04,360 --> 01:05:07,720
Speaker 6: it'll happen anyways. Opie says, I know she's told three

1322
01:05:07,720 --> 01:05:11,000
Speaker 6: of our mutual friends, her parents and sister, possibly told more.

1323
01:05:11,120 --> 01:05:13,240
Speaker 6: So definitely had a transfer it to spread a lot

1324
01:05:13,320 --> 01:05:15,920
Speaker 6: more quickly than him just finding out later down the line.

1325
01:05:16,160 --> 01:05:19,440
Speaker 6: Someone responds, just don't keep secrets from hubby. It'll sort

1326
01:05:19,480 --> 01:05:22,680
Speaker 6: itself out. Comma number two says, if he finds out

1327
01:05:22,720 --> 01:05:25,160
Speaker 6: and she has not informed him, that is a heap

1328
01:05:25,200 --> 01:05:28,720
Speaker 6: of legal trouble her body. Her choice applies to pregnancy termination.

1329
01:05:29,080 --> 01:05:31,960
Speaker 6: I can just hear a judge losing their mind if

1330
01:05:31,960 --> 01:05:34,480
Speaker 6: she says that in court. If she gives live birth,

1331
01:05:34,600 --> 01:05:37,120
Speaker 6: he is and he has not offered partial custody or

1332
01:05:37,200 --> 01:05:40,960
Speaker 6: visitation from the start, he can sue for full custody

1333
01:05:41,000 --> 01:05:43,800
Speaker 6: and support. Twenty years ago he would lose. But today

1334
01:05:44,080 --> 01:05:48,000
Speaker 6: she gets crushed. The moment that baby breathes air. She is,

1335
01:05:48,040 --> 01:05:51,160
Speaker 6: in fact obligated not the a hole. Right now is

1336
01:05:51,240 --> 01:05:53,640
Speaker 6: always the right time to do the right thing. Comment

1337
01:05:53,680 --> 01:05:55,760
Speaker 6: tra number three says she's only seven weeks a long,

1338
01:05:55,800 --> 01:05:58,800
Speaker 6: she's probably still processing the whole thing. An unexpected pregnancy,

1339
01:05:58,880 --> 01:06:00,840
Speaker 6: no matter how welcome, is a lot to take in.

1340
01:06:01,280 --> 01:06:04,440
Speaker 7: Yeah, I was gonna say, like, yeah, I do think

1341
01:06:04,480 --> 01:06:07,480
Speaker 7: that op should Why don't you know?

1342
01:06:07,600 --> 01:06:09,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, is there any want to tell or is there.

1343
01:06:09,560 --> 01:06:11,960
Speaker 7: Anything that happened right or just like see if you

1344
01:06:11,960 --> 01:06:12,920
Speaker 7: can get to the bottom of it.

1345
01:06:13,160 --> 01:06:15,760
Speaker 6: Yeah, maybe like wait a little bit, just friend for now,

1346
01:06:15,800 --> 01:06:17,720
Speaker 6: and then maybe you can bring it up again and

1347
01:06:17,840 --> 01:06:19,560
Speaker 6: be like like, I'm not got nine months.

1348
01:06:19,720 --> 01:06:19,919
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1349
01:06:20,280 --> 01:06:22,280
Speaker 7: It doesn't have to even have to be like ah

1350
01:06:22,400 --> 01:06:24,080
Speaker 7: you should tell him, blah blah blah. It can just

1351
01:06:24,120 --> 01:06:28,680
Speaker 7: be hey, I'm not gonna pressure you to do anything. Yeah,

1352
01:06:28,880 --> 01:06:31,080
Speaker 7: but why why don't you want to write?

1353
01:06:31,080 --> 01:06:35,360
Speaker 6: Because the the change in UH personality doesn't feel like

1354
01:06:35,400 --> 01:06:37,440
Speaker 6: a thing of like, oh I don't know this person anymore,

1355
01:06:37,560 --> 01:06:39,640
Speaker 6: just kind of. It definitely is because like you know,

1356
01:06:40,040 --> 01:06:43,720
Speaker 6: having some uh going through some changes when creating a child.

1357
01:06:44,040 --> 01:06:46,160
Speaker 7: Yes, and also it could be somewhat mormonal.

1358
01:06:46,240 --> 01:06:48,520
Speaker 6: So this is what she's saying now, she very well

1359
01:06:48,560 --> 01:06:51,240
Speaker 6: may change her mind as things progress and she has

1360
01:06:51,280 --> 01:06:53,400
Speaker 6: a chance to think. Not that you hold for your opinion,

1361
01:06:53,440 --> 01:06:55,320
Speaker 6: but right now, give her the space to process this,

1362
01:06:55,440 --> 01:06:58,000
Speaker 6: and chances are she will likely tell him you need

1363
01:06:58,040 --> 01:07:00,720
Speaker 6: to back off for now. And there is an update,

1364
01:07:00,720 --> 01:07:02,840
Speaker 6: so let's just jump right into it. A few days

1365
01:07:02,880 --> 01:07:05,480
Speaker 6: after finding out my friend is pregnant and isn't planning

1366
01:07:05,480 --> 01:07:08,520
Speaker 6: on telling the father her ex, my husband comes home

1367
01:07:08,520 --> 01:07:11,160
Speaker 6: from work. Friends sister came into work today. She asked

1368
01:07:11,200 --> 01:07:14,880
Speaker 6: what we'd be passing on to a friend baby wise,

1369
01:07:14,960 --> 01:07:18,040
Speaker 6: so she knew what not to get for gifts. Did

1370
01:07:18,080 --> 01:07:20,080
Speaker 6: you know she was pregnant? No, because she was. She's

1371
01:07:20,080 --> 01:07:21,680
Speaker 6: trying to keep it secret because he knew he wasn't

1372
01:07:21,680 --> 01:07:23,120
Speaker 6: good with se. I told him that she had told

1373
01:07:23,120 --> 01:07:24,600
Speaker 6: me a few days earlier, and I was going to

1374
01:07:24,600 --> 01:07:28,120
Speaker 6: tell him after her and ipt results were back. I

1375
01:07:28,160 --> 01:07:29,920
Speaker 6: was planning on letting my friend know that I was

1376
01:07:29,920 --> 01:07:32,320
Speaker 6: going to tell my husband, even though she never actually

1377
01:07:32,360 --> 01:07:34,760
Speaker 6: asked me not. She actually never asked me not to

1378
01:07:34,760 --> 01:07:37,080
Speaker 6: say anything to anyone, but I'm sure it was late.

1379
01:07:37,280 --> 01:07:39,600
Speaker 6: I'm sure it was silently implied. I hadn't even really

1380
01:07:39,640 --> 01:07:42,640
Speaker 6: finished saying that I knew when he says it's her exes,

1381
01:07:42,680 --> 01:07:44,640
Speaker 6: isn't it. He told me that they hooked up at

1382
01:07:44,680 --> 01:07:46,840
Speaker 6: a mutual friends party last month? Does he know?

1383
01:07:47,760 --> 01:07:47,920
Speaker 5: So?

1384
01:07:48,320 --> 01:07:49,960
Speaker 6: I told him all that I knew and what I

1385
01:07:50,000 --> 01:07:52,160
Speaker 6: had told my friend. He looked at our daughter and

1386
01:07:52,240 --> 01:07:54,960
Speaker 6: said he's going to find out eventually. If not from her,

1387
01:07:55,080 --> 01:07:57,080
Speaker 6: I feel it should still come from a friend at

1388
01:07:57,160 --> 01:07:59,560
Speaker 6: least so he knows that we haven't all lied to him.

1389
01:07:59,840 --> 01:08:01,600
Speaker 6: I said that I was staying out of it for now,

1390
01:08:01,720 --> 01:08:03,880
Speaker 6: planning on waiting until my friend and I met up again.

1391
01:08:04,120 --> 01:08:06,200
Speaker 6: She has been silently texting me letting me know when

1392
01:08:06,200 --> 01:08:08,720
Speaker 6: scans are like nothing happened. I was going to talk

1393
01:08:08,720 --> 01:08:10,919
Speaker 6: with her again, asking why she feels the way she does,

1394
01:08:11,160 --> 01:08:14,240
Speaker 6: talking more logistically than morally. At the end of the day,

1395
01:08:14,400 --> 01:08:16,720
Speaker 6: I will respect her decision if it's final, but let

1396
01:08:16,720 --> 01:08:19,080
Speaker 6: her know that it's likely a bad one. If she

1397
01:08:19,080 --> 01:08:21,040
Speaker 6: didn't want to talk, then I was going to leave

1398
01:08:21,080 --> 01:08:22,960
Speaker 6: it at that, but let her know if there are

1399
01:08:23,000 --> 01:08:26,320
Speaker 6: any bad situations that arise from this. I am staying

1400
01:08:26,439 --> 01:08:29,200
Speaker 6: out of it entirely. I said it was up to

1401
01:08:29,280 --> 01:08:31,160
Speaker 6: him what he wanted to do for the X. He

1402
01:08:31,240 --> 01:08:34,000
Speaker 6: said that he figures if my friend's sister is happily

1403
01:08:34,040 --> 01:08:36,280
Speaker 6: chatting away, he can't be that big of a secret,

1404
01:08:36,320 --> 01:08:38,360
Speaker 6: and he's going to mention it next time that he

1405
01:08:38,439 --> 01:08:40,759
Speaker 6: and the X talk. He said he probably won't outright

1406
01:08:40,840 --> 01:08:43,000
Speaker 6: say that he knows he's the father, as he figures

1407
01:08:43,040 --> 01:08:45,760
Speaker 6: the X will realize pretty quickly. He also said that

1408
01:08:45,840 --> 01:08:48,360
Speaker 6: if sides are to be chosen, he would pick the

1409
01:08:48,600 --> 01:08:51,679
Speaker 6: X one hundred percent. You know, I mean, I think

1410
01:08:51,760 --> 01:08:54,760
Speaker 6: this is kind of all they can do. Yeah, I

1411
01:08:54,760 --> 01:08:55,000
Speaker 6: don't know.

1412
01:08:55,040 --> 01:08:57,560
Speaker 7: I mean, like he said, Oh, if I had to

1413
01:08:57,600 --> 01:08:59,080
Speaker 7: choose sides, I pick the Xes.

1414
01:08:59,680 --> 01:09:01,760
Speaker 6: Yeah, which I understand where he's coming from.

1415
01:09:01,760 --> 01:09:03,840
Speaker 7: But also it seems like they're about to have a kid,

1416
01:09:04,080 --> 01:09:06,080
Speaker 7: so I feel like, yeah, you have to, you know,

1417
01:09:06,560 --> 01:09:09,400
Speaker 7: provide both of them a little bit of your help

1418
01:09:09,479 --> 01:09:10,320
Speaker 7: and a little price.

1419
01:09:10,560 --> 01:09:14,000
Speaker 6: It doesn't really seem necessary to choose sides, but I

1420
01:09:14,040 --> 01:09:17,240
Speaker 6: guess maybe if they're thinking about like who to talk

1421
01:09:17,320 --> 01:09:20,719
Speaker 6: to about this? Sure, sure, but even then it's like, still,

1422
01:09:21,040 --> 01:09:22,840
Speaker 6: you can still be there for both, I said, it

1423
01:09:22,840 --> 01:09:25,800
Speaker 6: comes to any battles, I'm focusing on my own peace

1424
01:09:25,840 --> 01:09:28,479
Speaker 6: and family. I'm happy to pass on outgrown baby clothes

1425
01:09:28,520 --> 01:09:31,360
Speaker 6: and items to help my friend out, but otherwise I'm

1426
01:09:31,360 --> 01:09:34,080
Speaker 6: out for all those concerned that I was endangering my

1427
01:09:34,120 --> 01:09:36,680
Speaker 6: marriage by not telling my husband straight away. I've been

1428
01:09:36,720 --> 01:09:38,880
Speaker 6: with the man for almost fourteen years and known him

1429
01:09:38,920 --> 01:09:42,040
Speaker 6: for twenty. We're childhood sweethearts. I know how he thinks

1430
01:09:42,080 --> 01:09:44,080
Speaker 6: and feels. I did tell him that I made a

1431
01:09:44,120 --> 01:09:46,439
Speaker 6: Reddit post and people were concerned. He said that if

1432
01:09:46,439 --> 01:09:49,040
Speaker 6: this was a marriage breaking secret, one that has no

1433
01:09:49,080 --> 01:09:51,479
Speaker 6: effect on him at all, he can't imagine what other

1434
01:09:51,520 --> 01:09:54,439
Speaker 6: basic things people break up over, and surely it must

1435
01:09:54,479 --> 01:09:56,599
Speaker 6: be fragile to begin with. And there are some comments.

1436
01:09:56,680 --> 01:09:59,439
Speaker 6: Comment number one says, so I read the initial post,

1437
01:09:59,439 --> 01:10:01,760
Speaker 6: and your friend is either a coward or an a hole.

1438
01:10:02,320 --> 01:10:04,920
Speaker 6: She needs to be an adult and tell her ec Okay,

1439
01:10:04,960 --> 01:10:08,000
Speaker 6: well I do just like she's just found out that

1440
01:10:08,000 --> 01:10:10,559
Speaker 6: she's pregnant. Yeah, we can have a little bit more

1441
01:10:10,560 --> 01:10:13,120
Speaker 6: sympathy for this, just a little bit, a little bit more.

1442
01:10:13,120 --> 01:10:16,799
Speaker 7: Do I disagree with her decision to not tell her ex? Yes,

1443
01:10:17,400 --> 01:10:18,880
Speaker 7: I feel like to say she's a coward in an

1444
01:10:18,920 --> 01:10:20,920
Speaker 7: a hole when she just found out, Like, give her

1445
01:10:20,920 --> 01:10:23,439
Speaker 7: a minute, Yeah, just one right?

1446
01:10:23,640 --> 01:10:26,439
Speaker 6: And honestly, oh, he doesn't even respond to those comments. Yeah,

1447
01:10:26,640 --> 01:10:28,519
Speaker 6: I'm not even gonna read the rest of that comment

1448
01:10:28,680 --> 01:10:31,360
Speaker 6: because I don't think it's gonna be good. No, I think, Yeah,

1449
01:10:31,360 --> 01:10:36,160
Speaker 6: a lot of people just jump to conclusions on on online. Yeah,

1450
01:10:36,200 --> 01:10:38,120
Speaker 6: so I think this is definitely no exception.

1451
01:10:38,360 --> 01:10:40,240
Speaker 7: Yeah, I think. I think at the end of the day,

1452
01:10:40,240 --> 01:10:43,800
Speaker 7: there's not much you can do. Yeah, I think he'll

1453
01:10:43,840 --> 01:10:46,679
Speaker 7: probably if your husband just found out he's this ex

1454
01:10:46,760 --> 01:10:47,720
Speaker 7: is probably gonna find out.

1455
01:10:47,880 --> 01:10:50,960
Speaker 6: Yeah. I think you know that hash it out, you

1456
01:10:50,960 --> 01:10:53,920
Speaker 6: know exactly. It's not a bad decision to, you know,

1457
01:10:54,040 --> 01:10:57,240
Speaker 6: choose yourself if any like fights breakout or anything like that.

1458
01:10:57,320 --> 01:10:59,720
Speaker 6: But until that happens, I don't think you need to

1459
01:10:59,720 --> 01:11:02,760
Speaker 6: freak about it. Even if it is something that you

1460
01:11:02,840 --> 01:11:07,120
Speaker 6: disagree with morally, it doesn't seem like something that's so

1461
01:11:07,160 --> 01:11:10,479
Speaker 6: immoral to break a friendship over, yeah, to like, yeah,

1462
01:11:11,120 --> 01:11:12,800
Speaker 6: not be friends with someone over Oh.

1463
01:11:12,920 --> 01:11:14,599
Speaker 7: I mean, I guess it depends on how close they

1464
01:11:14,600 --> 01:11:17,760
Speaker 7: are with the X sure, because that would be kind

1465
01:11:17,760 --> 01:11:19,320
Speaker 7: of a tricky situation, like hurt him.

1466
01:11:19,400 --> 01:11:19,719
Speaker 6: Yeah,