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Speaker 1: Get up, getto boys. It's back and reoaded all in

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Speaker 1: your mind. Yeah, not deep throating. This is for the streets,

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Speaker 1: the reel, the railroaded, the distant franchise, the truth, the scapegoating,

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Speaker 1: and they ain't knowing we speak the truth, so they

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Speaker 1: ain't quoted because we wrote it. The North South East

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Speaker 1: coat is the gv MY for keeping your head bobbing.

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Speaker 1: It ain't no stopping and wants to be trying to

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Speaker 1: head by then the system is so corrupt they throw

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Speaker 1: the rock out their heads and then blame it on us.

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Speaker 1: Don't get it twisted on code and me and danceing

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Speaker 1: for no buttament biscuits. It's Willie d y'all, scarfaces and recovery. Collectively,

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Speaker 1: we are the ghetto boys, reloaded with another episode of

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Speaker 1: information and instructions to help you navigate through this wild, crazy,

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Speaker 1: beautiful world. In the studio, I guess the great then conquerable.

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Speaker 1: Tamika Foster Raymond, thank you for having me. How are

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Speaker 1: you hey? I'm trying to be expended issue you are

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Speaker 1: or a quite interesting person? Uh, you got your hands full.

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Speaker 1: Every time I look up, You've got something else going on,

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Speaker 1: and it's not just anything it's big stuff you've got

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Speaker 1: going on. Um, I noticed, uh that you have a

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Speaker 1: somewhat of a connection with a good friend of mine,

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Speaker 1: Houston's own, Eric Carr. How did you? And Eric caught me?

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Speaker 1: Eric was actually, um gonna be my father in law

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Speaker 1: for a while. Yeah, he was dating my ex husband's mom.

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Speaker 1: It's a funny way that we met. He's now my

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Speaker 1: ex husband. At the time, he looked, yeah, yeah, so

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Speaker 1: Eric is a m Really he was a really great supporter. Um.

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Speaker 1: He just always kind of had my back. I think

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Speaker 1: we you know, real recognized as real, and he kind

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Speaker 1: of saw my spirit and you know, and I saw

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Speaker 1: his I thought he was very cool, so funny. He's

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Speaker 1: a hilarious any funny. So I took to him. He's

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Speaker 1: his big brother. He's definitely a big brother. He always

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Speaker 1: looked out right right right. You grew up in Oakland.

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Speaker 1: I love Oakland. I love the people. It's something about

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Speaker 1: the people in Oakland. It's a certain sense of pride

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Speaker 1: that comes with that. You know that that whole Bay

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Speaker 1: area really you know, too short, it's a cool real

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Speaker 1: super cool dude. You know, uh e forty did you

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Speaker 1: know those guys personally? Well, let me tell you, too Short,

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Speaker 1: we used to write the same bus to school. I

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Speaker 1: mean he went to a different school, but it would

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Speaker 1: stopped at his stop and he would be on the

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Speaker 1: back of the bus and when people would come on,

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Speaker 1: he's the guy that would join on everybody. Everybody on

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Speaker 1: the bus. He had jokes, you know, he'd rap a bottom,

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Speaker 1: he free style talk about him. Yeah, he would talk

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Speaker 1: about girls on the bus city bus to school. Bus

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Speaker 1: city bus. We used to be on the bust seven.

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Speaker 1: We get fifty seven and I used to take it

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Speaker 1: nice to remember, don't when he be on there talking

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Speaker 1: loud or rapping. I would just hide because I said,

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Speaker 1: don't get on me. I was skinny, you talk about me.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, if too Short is definitely that's my buddy.

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Speaker 1: We're cool. Still, Yeah, that's that's kind of odd to

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Speaker 1: me to think of Short like that, because Short is

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Speaker 1: kind of reserved duty. Anytime you see him out, he's reserved.

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Speaker 1: But he's a rapper that talks mad shit right right right?

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Speaker 1: Did you know mac jac mcdrey. I did not know him.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know. I feel like I feel like he

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Speaker 1: must have been younger. Yeah, I didn't know. I know

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Speaker 1: of him, but I don't know. Yeah, he's Valeto though

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Speaker 1: I think I think he's from Yeah, he's not open Yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: right right. I'm Oakland through and through town business, town, business, period.

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Speaker 1: And Oakland has a history of rod It's like like activists,

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Speaker 1: that's you know, very very strong activists, and which brings

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Speaker 1: me to something that I that's really dear to my heart, philanthropy,

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Speaker 1: you know, and that's something that you're involved with heavily.

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Speaker 1: You are a co founder of Oakland Oakland Natives Gives Yes,

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Speaker 1: Oakland Natives Gives back. Um, my partners and I thought

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Speaker 1: it was a huge problem. Truancy is a big problem

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Speaker 1: in the city of Oakland. Um, the graduation rates and

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Speaker 1: you know, keeping butts in in there in classrooms instead

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Speaker 1: of on the street, big, big important thing for us.

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Speaker 1: And um every year we do like giveaways. We give

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Speaker 1: away thousands, I mean like ten thousand backpacks and school supplies,

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Speaker 1: bus passes, choose everything, everything to get them prepared for

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Speaker 1: the first week, first days of school, no excuses. And

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Speaker 1: how long have you been doing that? This is our

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Speaker 1: fourteenth year. Four year. Yeah, we we've missed a year

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Speaker 1: of the giveaway because of the pandemic but um, Oakland

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Speaker 1: Natives is an important cause. Usually this is something that

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Speaker 1: I would do towards the end of the show, but

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Speaker 1: I want to do that right now. How do people

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Speaker 1: get involved with your foundation, especially people that want to contribute, Actually,

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Speaker 1: that would be great. Um Oakland Natives is um, like

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Speaker 1: I says, if I one C three based out of

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Speaker 1: Oakland and they just can go to Oakland Natives Gifts

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Speaker 1: back and they can definitely make donations that way, right,

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Speaker 1: So tell me to Maka, how was it growing up

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Speaker 1: in Oakland? Who is to make a growing up? And

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Speaker 1: and how do you dream? How do you aspire to

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Speaker 1: become who you are today? What? What? What put you

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Speaker 1: on that path? You know? I always liken myself to

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Speaker 1: a concrete rose, and that means that the environment around me,

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Speaker 1: while it wasn't ideal, Um, I saw more for myself always.

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Speaker 1: I had my father's family. Um they were I guess

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Speaker 1: I would say they were very classy. They are very classy. Um.

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Speaker 1: I have a aunt who's almost ninety eight who got

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Speaker 1: me into fashion at an early age. She owned a

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Speaker 1: boutique near the lake, and UM I worked in her boutique. UM,

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Speaker 1: my mother's side, they're classy as well, but they were

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Speaker 1: more southern. You know, that's your your grassroots, your you know,

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Speaker 1: your your your Baptist background and all that stuff. That's

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Speaker 1: where that comes from my mother's side. Um, so I

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Speaker 1: had I think I was very grounded, um just from

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Speaker 1: a goud perspective that was first and then just kind

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Speaker 1: of refined part. I think came more from my I'd say,

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Speaker 1: from my father's side. And that's where my fashion background

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Speaker 1: comes from. Right now, you attended the Fashion Institute of

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Speaker 1: Design and Merchandise. You're not just a stylist. You are

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Speaker 1: a technician, Like this is what you do for real.

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Speaker 1: You know, like there's a lot of people that are

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Speaker 1: stylis and they're like, man, I got styled, you know, uh,

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Speaker 1: oh con dress, you let me dress you what? But

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Speaker 1: they don't really have the And I'm not saying it's

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Speaker 1: a requirement, right, but to actually go to school for it,

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Speaker 1: to study it, you know, it puts you on a

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Speaker 1: different kind of level in my opinion. You know, like

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Speaker 1: it's it's kind of like somebody that go to that

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Speaker 1: that learns music, uh naturally versus someone who actually goes

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Speaker 1: to school and studies the art of music, right, it's

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Speaker 1: a little different, and you know, today, God is hard.

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Speaker 1: I don't like to call myself a stylist anymore because

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Speaker 1: it's it's a term that has been just kind of

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Speaker 1: they've kind of used it and kind of ruined it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so everybody, you know, everybody that worked in the mall

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Speaker 1: for three days will come out like I'm a stylist.

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Speaker 1: Just like it's a little harder than that. You have

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Speaker 1: to kind of get into the psychology of the artists,

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Speaker 1: you know who, who are their demographic who are they

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Speaker 1: trying to you know, what are they trying to portray?

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Speaker 1: You know, what don't they like? You know, there's a

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Speaker 1: lot of questions I asked. Before I shop for a

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Speaker 1: person or before I design something for a person, I

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Speaker 1: look at their body language, because you don't want clothes

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Speaker 1: on a person that's wearing them. You want a person

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Speaker 1: to wear the clothes and you don't want to close

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Speaker 1: the overpower their personality. Yeah, there's more to it than

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Speaker 1: just buying clothes and look good. And I noticed that's

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Speaker 1: what everyone's doing. Okay, okay, okay. Uh client list very impressive.

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Speaker 1: Petdal Libel nas jay Z, Lauren Hill, who you eventually married,

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Speaker 1: How did that come to be? How do you how

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Speaker 1: do you go from styling for somebody, dressing somebody to

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Speaker 1: actually forging a romantic relationship because you know, as a stylist,

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Speaker 1: you're a bit of a psychologist, you kind of because

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Speaker 1: you're getting into the heads of your client and your

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Speaker 1: Sometimes they talk to you about stuff that's going on

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Speaker 1: in their life. You know, you become a friend. You

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Speaker 1: really my clients, most of them will tell you, I'm

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Speaker 1: very opinionated. Um, I'm pretty wise, I'd say I think.

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Speaker 1: They'd say um, and they would run. They bounced different

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Speaker 1: things off of me that's going on in their life

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Speaker 1: or in their business. They talked to me about it. Um.

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Speaker 1: So in addition to styling, they start to talk to me,

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Speaker 1: you know, and say, you know, I'm going through this,

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Speaker 1: or like you know, in our case, we talked about

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Speaker 1: our friendship, you know, just different people were dating, or

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Speaker 1: my marriage when I was married at the time. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: we became friends best friends, right, and then at one

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Speaker 1: point it moves from a working relationship to a intimate

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Speaker 1: and intimate relations romantic, well romantic and then at some

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Speaker 1: point intimate. But that ain't that that goes what I say.

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Speaker 1: We got to talk about all. But but at what point,

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Speaker 1: who says, hey, I want more? Who does that? First?

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Speaker 1: You know, I was, I was UM in a shaky

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Speaker 1: marital situation. I was about to break up my husband

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Speaker 1: and I was talking to him about it, and he

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Speaker 1: was like, you gotta get counseling. He was encouraging me

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Speaker 1: not to break up. And once it was really finally over,

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Speaker 1: he was like, if you're serious and you really and

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Speaker 1: you're not living with him anymore, and you're gonna go

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Speaker 1: on about your way, we're gonna go out. And actually,

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Speaker 1: like really, you know, I thought he was a little

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Speaker 1: young and he had, you know, obviously some growing to do.

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Speaker 1: He was a little annoying as a client at times, UM,

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Speaker 1: and I took him up on you know, I took

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Speaker 1: him up on offer, and we went out. We went

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Speaker 1: on a vacation and then it just turned into first

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Speaker 1: date was a vacation kind of Look, our first real

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Speaker 1: date was a vacation. I mean we traveled. I mean

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Speaker 1: obviously we were on tour and stuff, so we were

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Speaker 1: together a little bit more than vacation. But our first official,

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Speaker 1: like we're gonna try to do this kind of date

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Speaker 1: was a vacation, went to ask him, So, let's back

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Speaker 1: up a little bit, how do you enter into the

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Speaker 1: fashion world like and start I know you went to

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Speaker 1: school and everything, but how do you transition and start

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Speaker 1: getting paid to stop? Um? I was on I was young,

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Speaker 1: I was living in l A. And I was kind

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Speaker 1: of on the club scene, just kind of hanging out,

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Speaker 1: you know, doing a normal Saturday night, Friday night parties

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Speaker 1: at the Palladium and wherever, and um, you know you

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Speaker 1: always see the same group of guys and girls when

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Speaker 1: you go out. And there was a guy named Todd

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Speaker 1: Russo he Um, I was working for Michael Bivins. And

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Speaker 1: when you when you say palladium, which l L because

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Speaker 1: you know we have a palladium in Houston, wasn't you know?

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Speaker 1: I asked, was better? But go ahead? You know, got

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Speaker 1: l A l A palladium. Um. So we would go

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Speaker 1: out to the clubs in l A and be able

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Speaker 1: to that's when stuff was open late, and go to

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Speaker 1: Larry Parker's hanging out on Beverly Drive. Larry Parkers was

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Speaker 1: spot and so anyway he would say, man, I love

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Speaker 1: your style, like just my regular party style like this

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Speaker 1: was Todd. So Todd worked for Michael Bivns, which he

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Speaker 1: had a label called bif ten Records, in a group

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Speaker 1: called Subways seven oh two. He hired me to style them,

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Speaker 1: and so he said, we have a video coming up,

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Speaker 1: a new new group, and I want you to put

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Speaker 1: your whole style on these girls. And I was like,

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Speaker 1: how do I do that? How does one going about that?

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Speaker 1: So I, um, I just went shopping and I met

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Speaker 1: I met with the girls. They drove from Vegas. They

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Speaker 1: were called seven o two. They came to l A

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Speaker 1: and I met with them. And I didn't know the

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Speaker 1: first thing about styling per se, but I knew how

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Speaker 1: to dress someone like myself. And I met with the

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Speaker 1: girls and they had me. They flew me to New

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Speaker 1: York and I just thought, you guys are gonna pay

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Speaker 1: me to do something I would do for free. And

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Speaker 1: I always say when you, when I speak to children

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Speaker 1: and young people, I say, always choose a career you

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Speaker 1: do for free, and then you never work a day

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Speaker 1: in your life. So um, they flew me to New York.

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Speaker 1: That was my first time in New York. And I

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Speaker 1: did a video called This Little Game We Play that

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Speaker 1: was Subway in seven o two. His first video and um.

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Speaker 1: I ended up doing their clothing in their makeup because

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Speaker 1: they had a makeup artist and the girls came in.

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Speaker 1: It was like, we hate our makeup. Oh this is horrible.

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Speaker 1: Was their first video, and it was my first video,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, don't worry, don't cry. I got

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Speaker 1: you and I fixed their little makeup and they were

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Speaker 1: happy and we shot the video and it came out

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Speaker 1: and word of mouth. It was word of mouth through motown.

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Speaker 1: I started doing like Eric read em c Brains. I

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Speaker 1: styled a lot of their artists, and then it went

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Speaker 1: over to Warner Brothers and I started doing something for

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Speaker 1: the people and Eric Bonet and all those new artists

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Speaker 1: back then, and just word of mouth. It was like

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Speaker 1: a snowball effect. Then I took me over the m

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Speaker 1: c A. Then Little Silas hired me to do Jesse Powell,

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Speaker 1: and then I started doing Patti LaBelle and then my

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Speaker 1: clients just went up and up and up, and then

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Speaker 1: Lauren Hill, you know, and it went on and it

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Speaker 1: was a snowball. I started working with everybody shock a

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Speaker 1: con and at what point you get to to to

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Speaker 1: where you say, I'm not even oppressed with this anymore,

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Speaker 1: you know. I can style anybody, you know, because in

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Speaker 1: the beginning, I'm sure like you, all of these people

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Speaker 1: that you normally see on television, you know, you're right

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Speaker 1: there having conversations with them, and you're shopping for them,

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Speaker 1: you're talking to them, you're you're styling them, and you know,

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Speaker 1: you you know, you're right there, you know, on their level.

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Speaker 1: And at some point, you know, you become to Meka Foster,

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Speaker 1: you become your everybody's looking at Tamika right at what

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Speaker 1: point did you ever get to that point where you saying,

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Speaker 1: you know, hey, uh, I need to you know, push

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Speaker 1: my brand more now, you know, because it's you know,

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Speaker 1: I mean, it's still a struggle. Um. Now, I'm very

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Speaker 1: personal in an intimate setting or like a dinner with

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Speaker 1: my friends, but I never wanted to be in front

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Speaker 1: of the camera. Um, this is a nervous even now,

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Speaker 1: Like I'm I'm a little nervous, like like I'm just

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Speaker 1: nervous in front of the camera. I don't think this

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Speaker 1: is really where I'm supposed to be in front of

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Speaker 1: the camera. But um, I always said I need to

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Speaker 1: do my own clothing line. I felt like I was,

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Speaker 1: um kind of wasting so many designs you know, people say, hey,

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Speaker 1: design me a look for my video or or like

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Speaker 1: you know, and Lauren and the Fuji's, Hey do our

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Speaker 1: tour designed the looks for that. And I would make

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Speaker 1: all these nice outfits for an award show, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, God, I could have produced, mass produced these

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Speaker 1: and made a million of these and made millions of dollars.

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Speaker 1: But that's I never thought pushed myself as far as

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Speaker 1: being in front of the scene. I always wanted to

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Speaker 1: be behind the scenes. But you have your own line now.

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Speaker 1: I have Eli Kish and I have Eli Kish is

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Speaker 1: my son that passed away. His name is Kyle Ishmael,

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Speaker 1: so Eli Kish is a play on his name, on

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Speaker 1: the words and the letters of his name and some

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Speaker 1: loungewere when we all got stuck in the house during

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Speaker 1: the pandemic, I said, I need to make clothes at

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Speaker 1: are transitional, Like you can just be at home doing

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Speaker 1: zoom calls and then if someone wants to go to

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Speaker 1: dinner or you need to run and go get some

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Speaker 1: toilet paper during the shortage, you have on a cute

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Speaker 1: dress or something you can just kind of run out.

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Speaker 1: So I made a lady's um kind of Loungewere Um

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Speaker 1: collection and then UM I have UM Cult de Jore,

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Speaker 1: which are these military inspired jackets, their vintage and they're

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Speaker 1: all adorned with patches and everything, and so um I

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Speaker 1: kind of have two small boutique lines that I'm I'm

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Speaker 1: happy doing that. How do you want to take that?

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Speaker 1: You know, I don't really wish to be in boutiques

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Speaker 1: or like major department stores. I kind of like it

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Speaker 1: being um a small line. I like. I like exclusivity,

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Speaker 1: so I like things that are not easy to obtain.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to see every girl walking down the

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Speaker 1: street and what I have, so um Eli Kish I

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Speaker 1: like for it to be small, but I'd like for

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Speaker 1: it to grow, go into more collections, more seasons. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you have this uh animation series that was also named

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Speaker 1: after Kyle. You're determined to keep his name alive, aren't you. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: You're you're determined. You know, it's it's beautiful to see

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Speaker 1: that type of love coming from a mother, you know. Um,

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Speaker 1: you know it's one thing too to have that his

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Speaker 1: memories to yourself, and you said, no, I'm gonna share

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Speaker 1: with the world. You know, I'm gonna make sure that

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Speaker 1: the world no who this boy was, you know, like

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Speaker 1: he was special. And I saw an interview where you

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Speaker 1: he was talking about him, and I think it was

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Speaker 1: on the on Tamras show Tamra Hall, and you said

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Speaker 1: that he had fulfilled this kind track. So to speak

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Speaker 1: with the world, can you explaind on that. I believe

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Speaker 1: that from the time we're born, from a time we're born,

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Speaker 1: God already hasn't written what's going to happen in our lives.

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Speaker 1: I think you know, from the time I came from

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Speaker 1: my mother's womb, I was gonna eventually do all the

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Speaker 1: things I did. I was gonna work in fashion, I

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Speaker 1: was gonna love style. I was gonna be probably the

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Speaker 1: spirit animal of my aunt Sadie, which I think I am.

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Speaker 1: She's ve um. And God knows what I'm gonna die.

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Speaker 1: He already knows. I don't know. We don't know. So

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Speaker 1: I feel that our lives are predestined. And I think

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Speaker 1: because I believe that, I believe that about everybody. The

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Speaker 1: same goals. From my son Kyle his time, he had

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Speaker 1: eleven years on this planet, um and something you know,

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Speaker 1: of course, I vacillate with my ideas about that. UM.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes I say, if just this hadn't happened differently, This

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00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:05,639
Speaker 1: hadn't happened differently, he'd still be here. But my faith

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Speaker 1: tells me no. Had he been with me, we could

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00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:12,720
Speaker 1: have been at home, but ceiling could have fallen in.

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Speaker 1: If it was his time to go, I think he

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00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:17,640
Speaker 1: was gonna go. So when I say he filled a contract,

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Speaker 1: I hate. I hate that it happened at age eleven.

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00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,280
Speaker 1: I hate it. I cried. I cried on the plane

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Speaker 1: on the way here, listening to a song Beyonce. I

341
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:29,720
Speaker 1: was here. I listened to that song and I'll break down. Um,

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Speaker 1: but I believe that to be true. So that has

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Speaker 1: given me comfort that he's made an impact. But I

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00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:39,199
Speaker 1: just feel that there was things he wanted to do.

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Speaker 1: He said it very distinctly to me. I want to

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Speaker 1: be an actor. I want to be on Nickelodeon. I

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00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:46,520
Speaker 1: want to be on Disney. I want to be on TV. Mom.

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Speaker 1: He said that to me before he passed. So it's

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Speaker 1: my honor, it's my duty to see it come to fruition. Um.

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Speaker 1: I think that he wanted he wanted an animal, he

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00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:01,200
Speaker 1: wanted to be in animation. You wanted to be on cartoons,

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Speaker 1: or you wanted to be on a television show. So

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Speaker 1: I'm going to create one, right, right, our lives are predestined,

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Speaker 1: our fate has already been decided. Well, we're gonna be

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Speaker 1: what we're gonna do. It's already in God's hands. Your words,

356
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,000
Speaker 1: that's exactly right. I heard that. I was like, this

357
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:24,280
Speaker 1: woman is something else. Man. I like her. I like

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00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:28,200
Speaker 1: your spirit. You got a good spirit. Thank you. That's good.

359
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:29,879
Speaker 1: That's good. And at you. But if I had a

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Speaker 1: mama like that, I ain't gonna ain't gonna do that.

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Speaker 1: I do don't do that, an don't do it. But

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00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:36,720
Speaker 1: but you know, it took time for me to learn

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Speaker 1: to be this person. Yeah, that's that's something else to

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Speaker 1: see that, see that type of Twenty years ago, I

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00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:46,239
Speaker 1: would have not said this. I would have been mad

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Speaker 1: at the world. Um. When I started writing, I was mad.

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Speaker 1: I was so angry. Um. I started writing my book

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Speaker 1: of Somewhat as a diary, just kind of journaling with

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Speaker 1: how I was feeling about different stuff and the space

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Speaker 1: I was in when I started writing it. Oh, I

371
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,439
Speaker 1: was mad at the world. I was blaming everybody in

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Speaker 1: the book. My words were just mad and it was

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Speaker 1: ship and damn and I was cursing, and I was

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Speaker 1: amiss and I put it down. And and also being

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Speaker 1: from Oakland, you know we lived by a kind of

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00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:20,920
Speaker 1: a street code, right, So street code until you shot

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Speaker 1: somebody before you started writing. I had the potential. I

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00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:28,720
Speaker 1: definitely had it in me to do so, No, I

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Speaker 1: did not, right, that's my boy, Swayze is my homie.

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Speaker 1: But um, no, street code is we don't tell. I

381
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:43,399
Speaker 1: don't care what happens around us, what we see. We

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00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:47,520
Speaker 1: keep our mouths closed. So it's kind of a really

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00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,679
Speaker 1: dumb and backwards mentality because you victims just don't. They

384
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:52,439
Speaker 1: just stay victims. They don't get to talk about it.

385
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:56,280
Speaker 1: They don't tell. So I wrote things down and I

386
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Speaker 1: was like, nope, nope, no, we're not gonna do that.

387
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Speaker 1: So I stopped writing. And then when my unpassed two

388
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:05,080
Speaker 1: years later, after my divorce and everything, I started writing again,

389
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:07,320
Speaker 1: just my feelings about what happened to him and just

390
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:09,880
Speaker 1: mad at God. So the book originally was called Mad

391
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:12,560
Speaker 1: at God. That's how mad it was. Now it's a

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Speaker 1: chapter in my book. We got a chapter when I

393
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Speaker 1: realized I wasn't mad enough for a whole book. I

394
00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:22,560
Speaker 1: wasn't mad. How can you write twenty chapter mad at God,

395
00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:26,760
Speaker 1: mess around, lightning strikes, like you give me that thing?

396
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:30,040
Speaker 1: Mad God is still good all the time. So no,

397
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Speaker 1: So um, I do have a chapter called mad at God,

398
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,040
Speaker 1: and I think a lot of people will relate to

399
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:38,760
Speaker 1: it because we've all been mad at him about different

400
00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:40,760
Speaker 1: things that happened in our lives, and we asked God

401
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:44,320
Speaker 1: like why you know, why? Why the kids over there?

402
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:46,240
Speaker 1: Why did he allow this to happen to kids? Why

403
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,200
Speaker 1: do you let my nights aunt get cancer? Why do

404
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:52,119
Speaker 1: you know? Things like that? So, um, it's interesting. I

405
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:55,439
Speaker 1: go through a lot of ebbs and flows different. Life is,

406
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:58,920
Speaker 1: life is. Life is a beautiful thing though. All in all,

407
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:02,879
Speaker 1: I lost my mother. I lost my son. That's the

408
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:06,280
Speaker 1: worst thing I think any mother or any parents could

409
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Speaker 1: ever do, is bury their child. Because it's not supposed

410
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:12,040
Speaker 1: to happen in that order, right, Yeah, it's out of

411
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:15,600
Speaker 1: order for sure. Yeah. I can definitely relate to that

412
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Speaker 1: chapter mad at God, because I questioned God, I mean

413
00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:27,040
Speaker 1: heavily when my godfather died. My godfather was a Baptist

414
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:31,119
Speaker 1: preacher and he and his wife died in a fire

415
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Speaker 1: house fire. My grandmother died like that, My grandmother died

416
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:40,359
Speaker 1: like that, and she was the most god fearing. Yeah. Yeah,

417
00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:45,600
Speaker 1: when that happened, that was so horrific. It threw me off.

418
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:49,520
Speaker 1: It threw all everything. It just questioned everything that I

419
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Speaker 1: thought I knew about, you know, God and my my

420
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:56,080
Speaker 1: spirit and everything. It just it shook me to my

421
00:23:56,200 --> 00:24:00,720
Speaker 1: core to see such great people died like in such

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00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:05,520
Speaker 1: a tragic way. I mean, these are people who the

423
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:10,440
Speaker 1: community was taken care of by. These are people who

424
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:16,720
Speaker 1: never knew no. They couldn't say no to anybody. Everybody

425
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:22,159
Speaker 1: came to them for assistance. Uh, and you know, to

426
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:27,240
Speaker 1: see them die like that, I was like, man, hey, man,

427
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:34,600
Speaker 1: So I understand mad at God. Absolutely absolutely. Listen. My grandmother,

428
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:39,159
Speaker 1: my father's mother, my father's mother and sister died in

429
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:42,040
Speaker 1: a house fire. I lived with my grandmother when I

430
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:45,240
Speaker 1: was young, and she was a Jehoah's witness and she

431
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:48,720
Speaker 1: was very if you know anything about Jehoa's witnesses. Besides

432
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,440
Speaker 1: for the fact that we used to get avoided, people

433
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:53,959
Speaker 1: hide under the couches when we knocked on the door.

434
00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:59,200
Speaker 1: But aside from that, it's a very um it's very

435
00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 1: disciplined related. So you have to be very convicted to

436
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:08,560
Speaker 1: be a Jehoa's witness. You don't celebrate all these pagan holidays,

437
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:10,040
Speaker 1: and you don't go and buy a bunch of stuff

438
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:13,359
Speaker 1: for Christmas, and you don't buy a tree in YadA, YadA, YadA.

439
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:16,760
Speaker 1: So my grandmother was a devout Jehoa's witness and she

440
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:19,119
Speaker 1: died in the fire. I couldn't believe it. In my aunt.

441
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:22,159
Speaker 1: She died trying to save my aunt in the in

442
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 1: the house fire. I thought there couldn't be a god.

443
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:27,040
Speaker 1: Somebody worshiped God as much. I was like, how is

444
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:30,000
Speaker 1: that possible. That's how my godfather died. He died trying

445
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:32,720
Speaker 1: to save his wife. They died that way, both of them.

446
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:36,040
Speaker 1: I didn't know that. Yeah, they were in the house

447
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 1: and you know that was a space heater and it

448
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:46,879
Speaker 1: was it was a gas space heater and it caught

449
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:50,320
Speaker 1: on fire, and you know, it took her out first,

450
00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:52,879
Speaker 1: and you know, it started burning in her room first,

451
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:55,120
Speaker 1: and then he went in and try to save her,

452
00:25:55,520 --> 00:26:02,360
Speaker 1: and you know he got him. You know. So yeah, man,

453
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:04,760
Speaker 1: you were done. You were like this, it's no God,

454
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:09,280
Speaker 1: there's no way. I know. Absolutely it was their time. Yeah,

455
00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:12,280
Speaker 1: well they had fulfilled it was their time, see and

456
00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:15,000
Speaker 1: see and see. And I hear people say that a lot,

457
00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:18,760
Speaker 1: and it's just for me, like, I just feel like

458
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:23,960
Speaker 1: that perhaps if you die of old age, maybe it

459
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:25,800
Speaker 1: was your time. This is my thinking. And I know

460
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 1: everybody got their thing. And because I hear people all

461
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:31,400
Speaker 1: the time say, well, you know, man, you know it's

462
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:33,320
Speaker 1: gonna happen. It's gonna happen. You know, we already got

463
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 1: our moment. We are we already, all of us already

464
00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:39,600
Speaker 1: got a time. I feel like, yeah, we're all gonna

465
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:42,399
Speaker 1: die and we got a time. But I do believe

466
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:45,320
Speaker 1: that there are some things you can do. The Russian frenchness.

467
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:49,800
Speaker 1: If a train is coming on the track and that

468
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:55,119
Speaker 1: train is going and the arms are coming down, the

469
00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:59,280
Speaker 1: guard arms are coming down, and you still decide that

470
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:02,000
Speaker 1: you're going to try to beat that train and that

471
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:06,440
Speaker 1: train smash your ass to smoother rings. You know, wasn't

472
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:09,520
Speaker 1: your time to die? Or did you rush it? You know?

473
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:12,840
Speaker 1: If you if you had a corner store and you

474
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:16,280
Speaker 1: see the you know, the local mafia, your boss's mother

475
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:20,800
Speaker 1: inside of the store, and your cuss out. You know

476
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, wasn't your time? You know? Or did you? Yeah?

477
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:29,359
Speaker 1: Did you expedity? You know, did you rush it? So

478
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,480
Speaker 1: I just believe that there are some things that we

479
00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:37,480
Speaker 1: can do to rush death. Uh, But you know, overall,

480
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:39,920
Speaker 1: I guess you know that is a There is a time,

481
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:41,960
Speaker 1: and you know for all of us, and we all

482
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:47,600
Speaker 1: got an expiration, and it's important to know that we're

483
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:50,479
Speaker 1: here temporarily, you know. I'll tell you what though, as

484
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:56,200
Speaker 1: a mother who lost a child, it's kind of what

485
00:27:56,960 --> 00:28:00,320
Speaker 1: gets me through, you know what I mean. If I

486
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 1: were to just think about it, I'd be mad again.

487
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:05,040
Speaker 1: It would be another book I would write cussing out

488
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:07,879
Speaker 1: the guy that ran into my son. But if I

489
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:10,639
Speaker 1: don't live in the spirit of forgiveness, I'd be angry

490
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:13,800
Speaker 1: about so much. So in order to remain in a

491
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 1: beautiful state, which my book is called, here I stand

492
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:22,359
Speaker 1: in a beautiful state, I have to kind of release

493
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:26,440
Speaker 1: things and I have to Yeah, I have to just

494
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:28,199
Speaker 1: go back because you have two states of being. You

495
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:30,560
Speaker 1: can you can be in a suffering state or a

496
00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:33,840
Speaker 1: beautiful state. There's only two states. There's no third state.

497
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:40,600
Speaker 1: You can suffer and that means be mad, hold resentment, anger,

498
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:42,600
Speaker 1: dada da da da, or you can go back to

499
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:44,840
Speaker 1: a beautiful state. So when things go wrong in your life,

500
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:47,120
Speaker 1: you have to you can take a moment to process.

501
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:49,440
Speaker 1: I ain't say it, don't get mad, cuss the folks out,

502
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:52,600
Speaker 1: whatever you're gonna do, let it go, release it, say

503
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:54,880
Speaker 1: what you have to say, Release it and go back

504
00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:57,000
Speaker 1: to a beautiful state, because you don't want the rest

505
00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:59,640
Speaker 1: of your day, or your weak or your life to

506
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:03,120
Speaker 1: be ruined by that thing over there. There's nothing that

507
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:06,920
Speaker 1: being angry at the guy who hurt my son. Trust me,

508
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,080
Speaker 1: I'm mad as the dickens, and everybody in my family

509
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:14,560
Speaker 1: is like, we're gonna take him out. You know what

510
00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 1: was that was that gonna bring my son back? So

511
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:20,640
Speaker 1: I have to release it. And I forgave him. I

512
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 1: knew it was an accident. He didn't mean to run

513
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:27,440
Speaker 1: into my son. I can't remain mad. He went to jail. Um,

514
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:30,480
Speaker 1: and your son died. Just for the record, he died

515
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 1: into some type of water accident. Right. He was with

516
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:36,400
Speaker 1: his father and um some of his dad's friends, and

517
00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 1: they went to the lake and his dad was driving

518
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 1: a pontoon boat and it had an enter tube connected

519
00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 1: to the boat and he pulled it through the lake

520
00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:47,440
Speaker 1: and the kids get on. They have fun. They had

521
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:49,800
Speaker 1: a joyous day at the lake, and they had jet

522
00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:52,520
Speaker 1: skis and people zipping around. You know jet skis, people

523
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 1: get crazy on them, not realizing there's no breaks on water.

524
00:29:56,440 --> 00:30:00,720
Speaker 1: And so the guy basically ran. He did some kind

525
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 1: of bee line towards whatever boat or to My son

526
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 1: and another little girl were on and he ran and

527
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:09,240
Speaker 1: he basically landed on the children. And there was another

528
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:12,480
Speaker 1: little girl on there who survived. My son basically saved

529
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:15,840
Speaker 1: her life. And um, he had a traumatic head and

530
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:19,960
Speaker 1: brain injury called a t p I. And UM he

531
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:22,960
Speaker 1: was in the hospital for two weeks. And I had

532
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:26,080
Speaker 1: to make peace. What what was going to happen? You

533
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:28,800
Speaker 1: know the way that the outcome was gonna go? Trust me?

534
00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:31,720
Speaker 1: Oh man, please. I was in there throwing stuff. I

535
00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:35,360
Speaker 1: acted a food Let's be clear. I was very angry,

536
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 1: mad at God. Like all the kids in the world there,

537
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:41,600
Speaker 1: you know, he got some bad kids. I hear robbing

538
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:45,000
Speaker 1: people at gunpoint and doing all kinds of things. He's

539
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 1: talking about Kyle. This was a kid that sat on

540
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:53,880
Speaker 1: his computer all day, computer genius. He was artist. He painted,

541
00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:56,400
Speaker 1: he sang. His voice was like an angel. I mean

542
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,800
Speaker 1: could sing he's posted on my page. You can see him.

543
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:03,040
Speaker 1: Could sing um and a mama's boy, like help me

544
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:05,800
Speaker 1: cook for Thanksgiving, cut up all He's my Sioux chef.

545
00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:08,240
Speaker 1: He would cut up all the all the tomatoes and

546
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:11,080
Speaker 1: all the onions and everything for the dressing. Like he

547
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:13,239
Speaker 1: was the guy to stand with me rapping gifts at

548
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:16,120
Speaker 1: four in the morning. This is my guy. I could

549
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:19,200
Speaker 1: not believe he was even on the tube because this

550
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:20,600
Speaker 1: is why I say it had to be his time.

551
00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:24,000
Speaker 1: He wasn't athletic, now that he wasn't. He hated sports,

552
00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 1: but he loved everything creative and artistic and writing and

553
00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:31,240
Speaker 1: singing and all that. Anyway, that said, he volunteered to

554
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:33,840
Speaker 1: get on this tube. The guy ran into him on

555
00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:36,520
Speaker 1: a jet ski and that's what happened. Did you blame

556
00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:43,840
Speaker 1: his dad? Um? No, I think his father probably you know,

557
00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:48,640
Speaker 1: suffers and has enough you know that he's dealing with,

558
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:53,400
Speaker 1: So it would be it would be kind kind of

559
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:58,440
Speaker 1: make no sense to blame him and put extra No. Yeah,

560
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:02,600
Speaker 1: I felt bad for Yeah, I feel bad for his father. Still. Yeah,

561
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:09,880
Speaker 1: here I stand and a beautiful state. How'd you come

562
00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:16,320
Speaker 1: up with the title, Well, well, my ex husband wrote

563
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:20,160
Speaker 1: an album called here I stand. Um, he put on

564
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:22,120
Speaker 1: that I'm called Here I stand, and the title track

565
00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:25,480
Speaker 1: is that, and each of the songs on the album.

566
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:28,640
Speaker 1: I think there's probably I don't want to lie, but

567
00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:30,520
Speaker 1: I think there's like twelve songs on the album that

568
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:42,720
Speaker 1: would dedicated to me. All twelve songs, every single one album.

569
00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:48,480
Speaker 1: So you added in a beautiful stage. Yes, here I stand. Well,

570
00:32:48,520 --> 00:32:51,640
Speaker 1: it was about the album, but more importantly, here I

571
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:56,040
Speaker 1: stand mean me as a person that's been through I

572
00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 1: was three months pregnant when my first son's father was

573
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:02,360
Speaker 1: killed in Oakland, so I have yeah, my son, I

574
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:06,600
Speaker 1: was nineteen and Um, I was having a baby by

575
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:09,520
Speaker 1: a guy who was a street guy and he was killed.

576
00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:15,640
Speaker 1: And I had a child by myself, single mom, and

577
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:19,320
Speaker 1: I did very well with him. He's a very independent,

578
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:23,880
Speaker 1: sweet loving person, no trouble, just good kids. So here

579
00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:26,040
Speaker 1: I stand. I've been through a lot. I've been through

580
00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:30,640
Speaker 1: just some egregious stuff. Um, losing my grandmother, losing my mother,

581
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:32,840
Speaker 1: losing my sister. I mean, I have a lot of

582
00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:35,280
Speaker 1: people have died in my family. How old were you

583
00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:40,680
Speaker 1: when your mom and grandmother died? Um, my grandmother, I

584
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:45,520
Speaker 1: would say I was about two. My grandmother in the fire.

585
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 1: My grandmother and aunt in the fire. Um. I was

586
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:51,680
Speaker 1: about twenty two. My son was a little boy. My

587
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:55,800
Speaker 1: mom passed, so that was not long ago. Yeah, she

588
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:58,719
Speaker 1: she had died. She was home her heart she had

589
00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:01,479
Speaker 1: a heart attack and we didn't even know for like

590
00:34:01,520 --> 00:34:04,560
Speaker 1: three days. She lived, you know, by herself in Oakland.

591
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:07,760
Speaker 1: And you know, I was actually on a beach and

592
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:09,440
Speaker 1: my sister was like, I'm trying to reach mine. You

593
00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:12,200
Speaker 1: talked to my mom? I was like, no, that's weird.

594
00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:13,920
Speaker 1: She didn't, cause she said she hadn't called anybody in

595
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:16,359
Speaker 1: a couple of days. I'm like, no, telling my mom

596
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:18,799
Speaker 1: was doing? You know, I don't know. And turns out

597
00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:23,080
Speaker 1: my mother was there dead for days. So UM, that

598
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:28,399
Speaker 1: was in my son. That happened in UM. I went

599
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:32,440
Speaker 1: through two divorces, So heartbreak, heartbreak. I'm no stranger to

600
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:35,759
Speaker 1: heartbreak and shock. And so it's here I stand, like,

601
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:37,760
Speaker 1: how do you still stand? How do you still get dressed?

602
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:40,960
Speaker 1: How do you still um take care of your other children?

603
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:42,680
Speaker 1: How do you still take care of your business? How

604
00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:44,640
Speaker 1: do you start a new business? How do you keep

605
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:49,040
Speaker 1: flourishing despite of all the things that have happened When

606
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:52,440
Speaker 1: your mom died and you were on a beach. Where

607
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:54,719
Speaker 1: were you? I was named Willa, same place I was

608
00:34:54,800 --> 00:35:02,440
Speaker 1: with my son. You you try. She has struck oftentimes

609
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:05,040
Speaker 1: when you were in a state, in a beautiful state

610
00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:08,759
Speaker 1: of celebration, where you were having fun. Uh, the same

611
00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:11,080
Speaker 1: thing happened to you. You came you had a near

612
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:17,840
Speaker 1: death experience yourself in Brazil. Explain what happened there. Oh, man,

613
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:22,840
Speaker 1: I forgot about that. Man, you're right, like today, I

614
00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:25,160
Speaker 1: didn't forget about it, but until you said it, I'm like,

615
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:28,520
Speaker 1: you're right. That's another thing that happened. I was in Brazil,

616
00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:33,160
Speaker 1: Um when I was married. It was hard being married

617
00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:35,960
Speaker 1: to a celebrity, you know. Like I said, I was

618
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:38,959
Speaker 1: not meant for being in front of the camera. So

619
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:42,520
Speaker 1: being put in front of the camera, in front of everybody,

620
00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:44,640
Speaker 1: UM put me on a lot of pressure, a lot

621
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:47,560
Speaker 1: of scrutiny, a lot of negative stuff was said about me.

622
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:52,520
Speaker 1: And and then also this was a sex symbol, you know,

623
00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:54,479
Speaker 1: so there was a lot of women that came along

624
00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:56,959
Speaker 1: with that package that I didn't like that. I didn't

625
00:35:57,000 --> 00:36:00,759
Speaker 1: quite sign up for that part of the deal. And

626
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:02,840
Speaker 1: so I went to Brazil. I was mad one time.

627
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:06,280
Speaker 1: It was my sister, my nanny my name was from Brazil,

628
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:10,279
Speaker 1: and my assistant and he was in Vegas, you know,

629
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:12,160
Speaker 1: having a good time, and I said, you know what,

630
00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:15,359
Speaker 1: let's go to Let's go to Brazil. We're gonna take

631
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:18,239
Speaker 1: Jenny to see her kids and we're gonna go kick it.

632
00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:20,359
Speaker 1: We're gonna lay out on the beach and just do us.

633
00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:24,600
Speaker 1: And that was my nanny. That was my nanny, and

634
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:26,880
Speaker 1: it was her. She was sad. It was her son's

635
00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:29,080
Speaker 1: birthday and she was always helping me take care of

636
00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 1: my kids. I said, let's go, let's go, We're out,

637
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:35,680
Speaker 1: and so we packed up and went went down in Brazil.

638
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:37,799
Speaker 1: And while I was there, I start seeing those people

639
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:40,160
Speaker 1: walk by, the little bathe and suits. I said, well,

640
00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:44,160
Speaker 1: let me need some of this body's situation. So I

641
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:46,080
Speaker 1: was like, I'm gonna have lapel suction while I'm here.

642
00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:48,239
Speaker 1: IM gonna give my stomach all flat. I'm gonna come

643
00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:51,520
Speaker 1: back cute. I'm gonna be ready. I'm gonna show him.

644
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:54,560
Speaker 1: And why did I do that? He had to come

645
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:59,440
Speaker 1: to Brazil. I um. I went under anesthesia with anesthesiologists,

646
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:03,440
Speaker 1: and when the cardiac arrest, my heart went crazy. I

647
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 1: don't know if they gave me something that I wasn't

648
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:10,840
Speaker 1: supposed to have. Um, but um, I followed all the instructions.

649
00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:13,720
Speaker 1: I didn't eat after midnight, and my blood work was fine.

650
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:18,320
Speaker 1: They still don't exactly know what happened, but yeah, I

651
00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:21,120
Speaker 1: want the cardiac arrest. And the doctor hadn't even entered

652
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:23,920
Speaker 1: the room yet. It was me and the anesthesiologist. Does

653
00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:26,279
Speaker 1: it scare you that they never found out what the

654
00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:29,360
Speaker 1: source was? Well, you know, I went I went to

655
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:32,160
Speaker 1: other cardiologists in the States and they just said, you know,

656
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:36,440
Speaker 1: they thought it was probably some bad uh whatever the

657
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:39,200
Speaker 1: anesthesia was. Yeah, it probably wasn't the right whatever. I

658
00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:42,680
Speaker 1: probably had allergic reaction. So I won't be doing anything

659
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:46,000
Speaker 1: like that again. Yeah, I'm good on that. No more

660
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:49,840
Speaker 1: going to sleep, I'll say that right right. Do you

661
00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:52,520
Speaker 1: have a warning for the other young ladies out there

662
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:56,240
Speaker 1: who have anse surgeries? I see them all the time.

663
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:59,040
Speaker 1: I just saw something where all these ladies were getting

664
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:01,880
Speaker 1: like these butt lifts and going on the wheelchairs in

665
00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:06,080
Speaker 1: the airport. But I'm like, okay, ladies, you'd be dead

666
00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:08,759
Speaker 1: to the bed like I was. I was. I'm telling you,

667
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:13,200
Speaker 1: I'm lucky to be here dead bid over beauty. Yeah.

668
00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:17,960
Speaker 1: The thing is is that, like I think with a

669
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:21,840
Speaker 1: lot of men, you know, we have an issue with business.

670
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:26,040
Speaker 1: The reason but it is by the way, see, and

671
00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:28,160
Speaker 1: that's what I was about to say. I'm glad you

672
00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:32,560
Speaker 1: said it, so I don't have to say, y'all blame

673
00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:39,240
Speaker 1: us for we gotta have these issues with these these

674
00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:44,520
Speaker 1: these surgeries or whatever. If something happens or whatever, come

675
00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:47,919
Speaker 1: out the form, that's something we get the blame right

676
00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:51,719
Speaker 1: the form. You know. I'm saying like that as some

677
00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:53,919
Speaker 1: women that have some women that go out and get

678
00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:57,160
Speaker 1: the b B L. It's called b bl B. What

679
00:38:57,239 --> 00:39:01,000
Speaker 1: do they call it, Brazilian butler and button left right,

680
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:04,600
Speaker 1: So the women that go out and get that lift

681
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:08,360
Speaker 1: and then they get the trip. Yeah, me too, because

682
00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:15,759
Speaker 1: it often doesn't lift it. But yeah, so when it

683
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:20,080
Speaker 1: goes bad, it really goes bad. Right Oftentimes I've seen

684
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:22,680
Speaker 1: a woman who had like a half a button. You know,

685
00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:25,440
Speaker 1: it's just it's just everything just kind of like it

686
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 1: went away. The round part just went away, and it

687
00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:31,279
Speaker 1: was like he could take it off and you know,

688
00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:39,239
Speaker 1: and people were like, uh, people were like you know, hey,

689
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:41,920
Speaker 1: you know, just go natural. Like a lot of guys.

690
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:48,239
Speaker 1: What I want women to understand is that guys, many

691
00:39:48,280 --> 00:39:51,000
Speaker 1: guys do like the big butt or whatever, but they

692
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:57,640
Speaker 1: want it natural. They wanted to be natural, not stuff. Well,

693
00:39:57,680 --> 00:39:59,600
Speaker 1: so I wasn't getting that, by the way, let me

694
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:02,480
Speaker 1: just for the record, I was not getting any additional

695
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:06,680
Speaker 1: but there, That's never been a problem. What I was

696
00:40:06,719 --> 00:40:08,880
Speaker 1: concerned about. I had just had two children. I did

697
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:12,480
Speaker 1: them back to back. Yeah, I know I wanted to

698
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:14,279
Speaker 1: I wanted light bulb. I was just getting because I

699
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:16,759
Speaker 1: was still slim. I've gained like twenty pounds since those

700
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:19,719
Speaker 1: days because I was, you know, ten twelve years ago

701
00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:22,840
Speaker 1: when this happened. Um, I just wanted to be skinny

702
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:24,800
Speaker 1: as I used to be. I wanted my waist smart

703
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:27,279
Speaker 1: on that I wanted to snatch a little waist. So

704
00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:30,359
Speaker 1: I was like, take all this little food pop off

705
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:33,520
Speaker 1: and take the waist in and let me have the flat,

706
00:40:33,719 --> 00:40:37,000
Speaker 1: little tiny waist. I'm more obsessed with that than anything else.

707
00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:42,120
Speaker 1: I've always had boobs and all that kind of stuff, like, well,

708
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:46,480
Speaker 1: why why do women check this out to me? Because

709
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:53,840
Speaker 1: why do women uh get the surgery or whatever, and

710
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:55,680
Speaker 1: and then they say, well, I'm doing this for me

711
00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:57,680
Speaker 1: I'm working out for me. They say, I'm doing this

712
00:40:57,760 --> 00:41:00,440
Speaker 1: for me. But then when something goes wrong, they say, well,

713
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:03,800
Speaker 1: if guys wouldn't be doing it, and if they didn't

714
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:06,600
Speaker 1: like it, then you know, we wouldn't be doing this stuff,

715
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:09,880
Speaker 1: and we wouldn't have girls out here objectifying themselves and stuff.

716
00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:13,560
Speaker 1: It's like, how do you blame a man for hold on,

717
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:17,080
Speaker 1: how do you blame a man for like objectifying you

718
00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:21,320
Speaker 1: when you objectify yourself. I'm not saying you personally, but

719
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:24,200
Speaker 1: I'm just saying in general, Like I keep I hear

720
00:41:24,239 --> 00:41:28,160
Speaker 1: these stories, it's like men have no problem owning their ship.

721
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:31,560
Speaker 1: I do believe. I think it's I think it's common

722
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:35,279
Speaker 1: knowledge that men would just be like, okay, uh yeah,

723
00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:40,720
Speaker 1: I'm a dog mental sage. What I'm saying in general

724
00:41:41,239 --> 00:41:44,960
Speaker 1: in general, For years, women have called men dogs, and

725
00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:46,920
Speaker 1: men don't put up too much of a fight trying

726
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:51,000
Speaker 1: to uh, you know, protested. They don't put too much

727
00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:56,000
Speaker 1: a fight up trying to protested it. But you know,

728
00:41:56,239 --> 00:41:59,919
Speaker 1: if a woman is out being loose, you know, act

729
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:03,600
Speaker 1: like a slut or whatever, you know, she don't she

730
00:42:03,719 --> 00:42:06,359
Speaker 1: don't own it. She'll say that, well, men do it,

731
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:10,520
Speaker 1: and and but men. Men. I think. I think men

732
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:16,360
Speaker 1: oftentimes will more often than not own their ship. And

733
00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:18,480
Speaker 1: you know, and I know I'm getting in trouble right now.

734
00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:20,680
Speaker 1: I know I'm getting in trouble right No, no, no,

735
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:23,839
Speaker 1: but let me say this. Men don't own it because

736
00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:30,520
Speaker 1: you see, the biggest problem with all men, I'll get

737
00:42:30,560 --> 00:42:33,319
Speaker 1: myself in trouble. The biggest problem with all men or

738
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:37,680
Speaker 1: for me, it is just the honesty factor. There is

739
00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:42,600
Speaker 1: nothing more attractive. I don't care how dirty, dirty, damn

740
00:42:42,680 --> 00:42:46,920
Speaker 1: dog you are. Tell the truth. There's something just sexy

741
00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:50,600
Speaker 1: about a man saying, look, you ain't the only one.

742
00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:57,080
Speaker 1: And I love Genie over here because whatever reason. So

743
00:42:57,120 --> 00:42:59,239
Speaker 1: then you can make an informed decision like okay, he

744
00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:01,759
Speaker 1: told me about her, so I can accept it or not.

745
00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:06,400
Speaker 1: So we have a problem when they lie when you

746
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:11,160
Speaker 1: because I love you. That lie is horrid. The lie

747
00:43:11,239 --> 00:43:14,200
Speaker 1: is so it's so weak. It's so I'm from Oakland.

748
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:17,120
Speaker 1: That's the other thing. I'm from Oakland. So we like

749
00:43:17,440 --> 00:43:20,720
Speaker 1: men that are gs in that sense, like you own

750
00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:23,080
Speaker 1: your stuff. It's boss to tell the truth. I don't

751
00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:25,400
Speaker 1: know it's sexy. You'd be looking at him like do

752
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:28,319
Speaker 1: I stay with him or not? Damn he told me.

753
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:31,319
Speaker 1: But I like him. That makes you like but that

754
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:35,080
Speaker 1: lion make him a little weasel, just lying ass, hate

755
00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:48,040
Speaker 1: a liar. I think that oftentimes I'm gonna get in

756
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:50,360
Speaker 1: trouble again, but I gotta say it's it's important that

757
00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:52,360
Speaker 1: I say this. I do believe tell the truth and

758
00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:57,280
Speaker 1: shame the devil. I do believe that women will say

759
00:43:57,640 --> 00:44:00,439
Speaker 1: most women will say that they want. Oh, I ain't

760
00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:02,279
Speaker 1: gonna say most, because I don't know most. Onom I

761
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:05,399
Speaker 1: was just saying, I've heard a lot of women say

762
00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:08,840
Speaker 1: that they want to hear the truth. But when a

763
00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:12,480
Speaker 1: man tells the truth, he seems to not get as

764
00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:14,640
Speaker 1: much out of a woman. And I'm not one of

765
00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:18,040
Speaker 1: those guys that I'm talking about right now. I'm I'm

766
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:20,680
Speaker 1: more honest because I believe like it's less of a headache,

767
00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:23,680
Speaker 1: you know. So I believe in just being transparent with

768
00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:26,359
Speaker 1: a woman. And that's why I told you that way.

769
00:44:26,360 --> 00:44:29,040
Speaker 1: When you start getting your feelings about something whatever, you

770
00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:31,120
Speaker 1: can't be started thinking like, Okay, I'm gonna get his

771
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:33,480
Speaker 1: ass back, you know, you know, like, no, he was

772
00:44:33,560 --> 00:44:35,600
Speaker 1: up he was up front, and most guys are not

773
00:44:35,719 --> 00:44:40,040
Speaker 1: that way. But when a guy lies he seems to

774
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:43,520
Speaker 1: get a lot further. Oftentimes if he's trying to like

775
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:46,879
Speaker 1: just have sex with a woman or whatever, and he said, yeah,

776
00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:49,000
Speaker 1: I want to be with you exclusively what or whatever,

777
00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:52,080
Speaker 1: and then you know, he might get some action out

778
00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:54,239
Speaker 1: of that if he tells the truth and say no,

779
00:44:54,520 --> 00:44:56,799
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to kno, get back out for the night,

780
00:44:57,239 --> 00:45:00,239
Speaker 1: and I'm out of this bitch, you know, su away

781
00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:05,120
Speaker 1: from me younger. It depends also, let me say this,

782
00:45:05,760 --> 00:45:10,440
Speaker 1: it depends on the age of the girl. Okay, age does.

783
00:45:10,680 --> 00:45:12,600
Speaker 1: Age does have a lot to do with Heck yeah,

784
00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:15,160
Speaker 1: because when I was younger, my tolerance and what I

785
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:17,239
Speaker 1: wanted to hear was different than what I want to hear,

786
00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:21,160
Speaker 1: you know now, So I don't understand. And also I

787
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:25,920
Speaker 1: do not understand the generation behind me. I'm worried about

788
00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:29,440
Speaker 1: the generation behind me because they're having children, and I'm

789
00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:32,279
Speaker 1: worried about these kids. I'm worried about just everything. I'm

790
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:34,799
Speaker 1: worried about our whole. So the generation behind me, the

791
00:45:34,920 --> 00:45:38,040
Speaker 1: girls that are younger in the thirties and late twenties

792
00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:43,680
Speaker 1: and all that, that's a real lost generation. But if

793
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:47,760
Speaker 1: they're lost, in order for something had to be lost,

794
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:50,759
Speaker 1: somebody has to misplace it. Who miss who? Who's so?

795
00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:54,240
Speaker 1: Who misplaced it? Who misplaced the generation? If they're lost

796
00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:57,680
Speaker 1: my generation, whose fault is that? So? So it's so,

797
00:45:57,719 --> 00:46:00,160
Speaker 1: it's incombindent on us to get it back. If we

798
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:01,680
Speaker 1: lost them, we got to go back and find them.

799
00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:07,280
Speaker 1: You exactly right, that's funny, that's interesting. Um, that's exactly

800
00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:11,719
Speaker 1: and it is. It's my generation. Because I'm fifty, all right,

801
00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:16,000
Speaker 1: so my son is thirty. I can only speak for

802
00:46:16,120 --> 00:46:19,279
Speaker 1: the sons I've had. You know, my my boys are.

803
00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:22,600
Speaker 1: They're great. I'm not worried about them in terms of

804
00:46:22,760 --> 00:46:25,319
Speaker 1: the way that I reared them. Um, the things that

805
00:46:25,360 --> 00:46:28,280
Speaker 1: I instill in them. I always tell my friends, I'm

806
00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:31,719
Speaker 1: a real fussy mom. I'm in they're like, man, they

807
00:46:31,719 --> 00:46:34,120
Speaker 1: can't hear, like this little gnat in their ear because

808
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:36,720
Speaker 1: I'm always worried that if something happens, if something should

809
00:46:36,719 --> 00:46:39,479
Speaker 1: happen to me. Can they make it on their own?

810
00:46:39,560 --> 00:46:42,080
Speaker 1: Would they be all right? Do they understand how to

811
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:43,960
Speaker 1: make money? Do they know how to save money? Do

812
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:46,120
Speaker 1: they not to clean their kitchen? Do they not to

813
00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:48,560
Speaker 1: make a bed properly? Can they do laundry? Do they

814
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:50,200
Speaker 1: not a talk? To people do they're not an enter

815
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:52,000
Speaker 1: a room, take their shoes off at the door, like,

816
00:46:52,719 --> 00:46:56,000
Speaker 1: but that's me. But I'm only one, so I don't

817
00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:58,640
Speaker 1: know what's happening with the rest. I'm worried about the

818
00:46:58,640 --> 00:47:02,400
Speaker 1: ones that had these girls. I think girls need so

819
00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:05,719
Speaker 1: much help because the girl men follow the women. Men

820
00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:07,879
Speaker 1: do what they do for the women. So we could

821
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:11,000
Speaker 1: fix the girl. I had a foundation called Lost Ones,

822
00:47:11,080 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 1: the Lost Ones Found. I had it until my son

823
00:47:13,160 --> 00:47:16,200
Speaker 1: passed away, Kyle. Um. Now I have Kyle's world, which

824
00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:19,439
Speaker 1: is for him. But Lost Ones. I mentored girls because

825
00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:21,719
Speaker 1: I feel like if we can get the girls in

826
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:23,719
Speaker 1: order and slow them down and get them to stop

827
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:26,080
Speaker 1: working so much and had them put a little bit

828
00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:28,880
Speaker 1: more clothes on and take the purple hair off, I

829
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:32,839
Speaker 1: think we can get the girls in order. The men

830
00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:36,640
Speaker 1: will follow. Oh absolutely, the men are gonna are gonna follow.

831
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:40,160
Speaker 1: They will follow. The men will follow. And I'm a

832
00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:42,000
Speaker 1: backtrack a little bit. You know when I was talking

833
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:47,640
Speaker 1: about how women will, women will make certain mistakes or whatever,

834
00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:50,160
Speaker 1: do certain stupid stuff, and then they always say, well

835
00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:51,840
Speaker 1: if the men, you try to put it on the

836
00:47:51,920 --> 00:47:57,920
Speaker 1: man right, Well, men? Uh, men does a lot of

837
00:47:57,960 --> 00:48:01,200
Speaker 1: stupid stuff. They even risk their lives to impress women

838
00:48:01,200 --> 00:48:03,640
Speaker 1: to try to get to that money and stuff, all

839
00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:09,480
Speaker 1: to impress women. Even sometimes uh, fighting in clubs or whatever,

840
00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:14,399
Speaker 1: trying to impress a woman, getting caught up in their

841
00:48:14,400 --> 00:48:17,959
Speaker 1: feelings again, trying to impress women. They end up taking

842
00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:23,200
Speaker 1: penitentiary chance, it's going to pin forty years, Uh, getting

843
00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:27,520
Speaker 1: caught up, getting killed, all kinds of things, and all

844
00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:31,200
Speaker 1: of this is to impress women. And that is why

845
00:48:32,719 --> 00:48:35,440
Speaker 1: when men walk around with their pants hanging off their

846
00:48:35,440 --> 00:48:40,680
Speaker 1: asks and he draws sean booty kracko. Uh, if women

847
00:48:40,680 --> 00:48:43,160
Speaker 1: would check them, they I'm talking about the men who

848
00:48:43,200 --> 00:48:47,080
Speaker 1: are interested in women. If women would check them, that

849
00:48:47,080 --> 00:48:49,560
Speaker 1: ship would be over like this. Let me tell you

850
00:48:50,520 --> 00:48:54,479
Speaker 1: the greatest wars of our time, all the way back

851
00:48:54,480 --> 00:48:57,359
Speaker 1: to the Romans. Every war you've seen have been over

852
00:48:57,480 --> 00:49:01,480
Speaker 1: two things, one of two things. Back then they called

853
00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:05,759
Speaker 1: it land, which is money or oil whatever, or a

854
00:49:05,760 --> 00:49:09,080
Speaker 1: woman your money is sex. That's it. That's it. If

855
00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:12,759
Speaker 1: you look at every war, everything from you know, and

856
00:49:12,800 --> 00:49:17,200
Speaker 1: if you look at everything historically from the hundred's the

857
00:49:17,239 --> 00:49:22,160
Speaker 1: first fights in the world has been over love or money.

858
00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:25,080
Speaker 1: That's it. That's it. That's why. I know the women

859
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:28,640
Speaker 1: can fix this. So so how do we resolve that conflict?

860
00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 1: The girls gotta the girls gotta tighten up. The girls

861
00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:39,800
Speaker 1: have to look at um, what type of what type

862
00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:45,359
Speaker 1: of woman? You've gotta become a little more virtuous. That's

863
00:49:45,360 --> 00:49:47,200
Speaker 1: what the women have to do. They have to get

864
00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:49,560
Speaker 1: it together. They got to cover up a little bit

865
00:49:50,000 --> 00:49:52,920
Speaker 1: and you know, look at themselves more as a prize

866
00:49:54,160 --> 00:49:57,160
Speaker 1: and and and make it a little bit leave some

867
00:49:57,239 --> 00:50:00,640
Speaker 1: mystique to it instead of putting everything out there. Here's

868
00:50:00,640 --> 00:50:02,480
Speaker 1: the thing, I'm just one person. I'm old though I

869
00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:04,359
Speaker 1: don't care. Don'tbody listening to me. And that's what they're

870
00:50:04,360 --> 00:50:07,839
Speaker 1: gonna hit you with the online that's what they're gonna

871
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:09,560
Speaker 1: come at you with. But y'all want what I got,

872
00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:14,960
Speaker 1: So go there, listen. Do you want what I gotta want?

873
00:50:14,960 --> 00:50:18,160
Speaker 1: What I had? You want something I've been there, done that.

874
00:50:18,280 --> 00:50:20,799
Speaker 1: You guys are trying to get here. So I want

875
00:50:20,840 --> 00:50:23,839
Speaker 1: the young girls to listen because I'm not even trying

876
00:50:23,880 --> 00:50:26,080
Speaker 1: to catch them anymore. I'm telling you, I let the

877
00:50:26,360 --> 00:50:28,160
Speaker 1: young girls do what they do. I just I try

878
00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:31,360
Speaker 1: to stay at their business. Stuff happens on social media.

879
00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:33,799
Speaker 1: I just be at home, Like, God, I want to

880
00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:37,759
Speaker 1: comment so bad my kids be like, get off of

881
00:50:37,840 --> 00:50:40,920
Speaker 1: social media, quick talking, getting people grown, folks business. I

882
00:50:41,040 --> 00:50:42,800
Speaker 1: look at all these little people running out here with

883
00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:45,880
Speaker 1: all this stuff on and strings covering up and the

884
00:50:45,920 --> 00:50:49,960
Speaker 1: privates out and on red carpet showing half that. I'm like, God,

885
00:50:51,040 --> 00:50:53,759
Speaker 1: I think that it's going to take I don't know.

886
00:50:54,040 --> 00:50:56,440
Speaker 1: I think it's going to take the bravery. It's going

887
00:50:56,480 --> 00:50:59,239
Speaker 1: to take the bravery of more women like you who

888
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:01,279
Speaker 1: have been that, done that, who they look up to,

889
00:51:01,840 --> 00:51:05,040
Speaker 1: who they aspired to be. But it's also gonna take

890
00:51:05,760 --> 00:51:08,800
Speaker 1: their peers. It's gonna take some some of the peers

891
00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:10,799
Speaker 1: gonna have to be brave enough to say this ain't cool,

892
00:51:10,880 --> 00:51:12,800
Speaker 1: that ain't cool. They got to be brave enough to

893
00:51:12,840 --> 00:51:16,520
Speaker 1: speak out. Because when I was growing up, it always

894
00:51:16,560 --> 00:51:20,080
Speaker 1: had like one thing that I know about human beings

895
00:51:20,080 --> 00:51:24,480
Speaker 1: is that two damn foods ain't gonna make it. Somebody

896
00:51:24,480 --> 00:51:29,160
Speaker 1: got to have some sense. Somebody got to have some sense,

897
00:51:29,719 --> 00:51:33,840
Speaker 1: you know. And and growing up early on, I was

898
00:51:33,920 --> 00:51:37,200
Speaker 1: the damn food. So my buddy was my want, my

899
00:51:37,200 --> 00:51:39,719
Speaker 1: my homeboy. He had a little bit more sense, Ron

900
00:51:39,800 --> 00:51:41,320
Speaker 1: had a little bit more sense than I did. He

901
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:43,320
Speaker 1: could talk to me off the ledge, but I was on,

902
00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:48,640
Speaker 1: go go go go. Yeah, well it's gonna always be

903
00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:50,279
Speaker 1: in me now because I and I and I, And

904
00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:52,680
Speaker 1: I'm okay with that, you know, because I think that

905
00:51:52,719 --> 00:51:55,239
Speaker 1: you gotta have that in you to survive in this

906
00:51:55,320 --> 00:51:59,120
Speaker 1: type of world we're living in, because people, people will

907
00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:02,799
Speaker 1: take your kind this for weakness, and so they that

908
00:52:03,080 --> 00:52:09,120
Speaker 1: threat must always exist otherwise they will walk over you. People.

909
00:52:09,120 --> 00:52:12,000
Speaker 1: Some people sit back and just wait for you to

910
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:15,880
Speaker 1: start reclining, like yeah, I'm done, I'm retired, and and

911
00:52:15,960 --> 00:52:20,799
Speaker 1: now okay, yeah, I mean I remember early on when

912
00:52:20,840 --> 00:52:22,719
Speaker 1: I started making money, I was like, man, you know,

913
00:52:22,840 --> 00:52:25,040
Speaker 1: I gotta I gotta I got chilled. I gotta fall back,

914
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:30,120
Speaker 1: you know. And uh, I realized that, Okay, they think

915
00:52:30,239 --> 00:52:36,040
Speaker 1: he's on tour, he's making records, living up, living fancy.

916
00:52:36,080 --> 00:52:38,000
Speaker 1: He ain't worried about what's going on right here in

917
00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:41,520
Speaker 1: the water, what's going on and on the north side

918
00:52:41,640 --> 00:52:43,759
Speaker 1: or the south side or whatever. He ain't worried about

919
00:52:43,800 --> 00:52:46,439
Speaker 1: what we do to this people or whatever. And then

920
00:52:46,560 --> 00:52:49,400
Speaker 1: you know, I had to you know, slide back in,

921
00:52:49,640 --> 00:52:51,919
Speaker 1: spankle the last and get back right and say hey,

922
00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:54,920
Speaker 1: you know, yeah, you know, it's it's gonna and I

923
00:52:54,960 --> 00:52:57,479
Speaker 1: had I had to realize that, you know what, these

924
00:52:57,520 --> 00:53:00,359
Speaker 1: foods ain't gonna let you retire. They're not gonna let

925
00:53:00,400 --> 00:53:03,400
Speaker 1: me retire you because the moment I do, they're going

926
00:53:03,440 --> 00:53:05,600
Speaker 1: to take that kindness for weakness. They're gonna think that

927
00:53:05,640 --> 00:53:09,400
Speaker 1: it's sweet. So I realized that, Okay, I gotta stay active,

928
00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:12,719
Speaker 1: but I had to change my method. You understand what

929
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:18,440
Speaker 1: I'm saying, you know, like anyway, let's move all. Yeah.

930
00:53:18,480 --> 00:53:26,439
Speaker 1: So I want to know how has your rearing of

931
00:53:26,480 --> 00:53:33,600
Speaker 1: your kids that you have remaining, uh changed? Are you

932
00:53:33,680 --> 00:53:37,399
Speaker 1: stricter stricter now that you know since Kyle's passing? Are

933
00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:41,240
Speaker 1: you hard on them? Do you think they probably think so? Um,

934
00:53:41,280 --> 00:53:44,759
Speaker 1: I'm not harder. I'm not harder. I'm probably softer. But

935
00:53:45,360 --> 00:53:50,520
Speaker 1: I am a bit of a helicopter mom, you know. Um,

936
00:53:50,560 --> 00:53:53,799
Speaker 1: I am a little more intuitive, and I also am

937
00:53:53,800 --> 00:53:56,759
Speaker 1: more intentional with the time I spend with them. I

938
00:53:56,840 --> 00:54:00,160
Speaker 1: make sure none of them ever leave my president. It's

939
00:54:00,200 --> 00:54:03,239
Speaker 1: without knowing that I loved them, and I probably am

940
00:54:03,280 --> 00:54:06,359
Speaker 1: a little more um chatty you know what I mean?

941
00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:09,160
Speaker 1: I mean there. I remember on Thursday, I was driving

942
00:54:09,160 --> 00:54:12,279
Speaker 1: my son to school and um little ushers. He looked

943
00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:15,480
Speaker 1: at me. He was like, I'm telling dad that we

944
00:54:15,600 --> 00:54:18,400
Speaker 1: gotta get um, we gotta ride the bus. We cannot

945
00:54:18,440 --> 00:54:21,680
Speaker 1: do this every day with you. We cannot. You know,

946
00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:24,879
Speaker 1: I can't do this no more my sons and eighth

947
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:28,000
Speaker 1: grade because I'm like in his ear, like when you

948
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:29,920
Speaker 1: want these teachers to think about you, I got a

949
00:54:29,960 --> 00:54:31,960
Speaker 1: note from your cheacher. I'm just fussing, fussing, fussing all

950
00:54:31,960 --> 00:54:33,880
Speaker 1: the way to school with and put some motion on

951
00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:36,120
Speaker 1: your face. And why would you set up when you're

952
00:54:36,120 --> 00:54:37,640
Speaker 1: in class? Do you slump like that that? He was

953
00:54:37,680 --> 00:54:39,920
Speaker 1: just looking at me, like you can't be fussed as

954
00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:44,080
Speaker 1: much at seven morton. Um, I think I'm just always

955
00:54:44,200 --> 00:54:47,320
Speaker 1: I'm teaching, teaching, teaching. I don't know why I feel

956
00:54:47,360 --> 00:54:49,960
Speaker 1: because I think I am a little anxious about time,

957
00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:52,560
Speaker 1: Like I don't know how much time I have. I

958
00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:57,560
Speaker 1: think one thing about losing Kyle. Um. I just feel

959
00:54:57,600 --> 00:54:59,440
Speaker 1: like I don't know. I feel like I'm running out

960
00:54:59,440 --> 00:55:01,480
Speaker 1: of time, don't That's the only thing I do have

961
00:55:01,600 --> 00:55:05,520
Speaker 1: to um, kind of relax a little bit about I

962
00:55:05,520 --> 00:55:07,600
Speaker 1: feel like there's not time. I just think that you

963
00:55:07,680 --> 00:55:10,080
Speaker 1: got to do it. So when I have the urge

964
00:55:10,080 --> 00:55:13,279
Speaker 1: to travel. I travel when I have the urge to,

965
00:55:13,640 --> 00:55:16,440
Speaker 1: um love on my kids. I'll say, hey, we're not

966
00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:19,000
Speaker 1: going to school today, We're going to Disneyland. Like I'll

967
00:55:19,040 --> 00:55:21,560
Speaker 1: make a decision, like we out or you know what,

968
00:55:21,920 --> 00:55:24,279
Speaker 1: it's a beautiful day, Let's get on a jet and

969
00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:26,239
Speaker 1: go to such as if I can afford it, you know,

970
00:55:26,400 --> 00:55:30,239
Speaker 1: at the time. But I try to do as much. Um.

971
00:55:30,280 --> 00:55:34,000
Speaker 1: I'm more spontaneous than I was and and I'm very

972
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:37,960
Speaker 1: intentional with my kids. Yeah, for sure, is your household

973
00:55:37,960 --> 00:55:40,439
Speaker 1: of the household that all the kids want to come over?

974
00:55:41,920 --> 00:55:45,320
Speaker 1: They hated No, not fun. I don't have no pets.

975
00:55:46,640 --> 00:55:49,400
Speaker 1: It's just too clean. I'm a little O. C D.

976
00:55:51,040 --> 00:55:53,480
Speaker 1: My house is like clean clean. But you seem like

977
00:55:53,520 --> 00:55:58,440
Speaker 1: the you. You seem like the you know, the the

978
00:55:58,440 --> 00:56:05,400
Speaker 1: the carrying type, but kind of fun. Fun. First of all,

979
00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:07,680
Speaker 1: I love music. So any household that has a lot

980
00:56:07,719 --> 00:56:11,400
Speaker 1: of music, it's always more fun. So music is in

981
00:56:11,480 --> 00:56:13,799
Speaker 1: my house. You're gonna have music. And in fact, when

982
00:56:13,800 --> 00:56:16,279
Speaker 1: you ordered my book, I have a playlist that comes

983
00:56:16,280 --> 00:56:18,040
Speaker 1: with the book. That's how much I mean. I'm so

984
00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:20,840
Speaker 1: in the music. My father was a musician. Yeah, my

985
00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:23,480
Speaker 1: father was in a group, an old group called the Ballots,

986
00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:26,120
Speaker 1: and used to perform everywhere. They opened for all the

987
00:56:26,280 --> 00:56:28,439
Speaker 1: you know, the Whispers and all of them. They kind

988
00:56:28,440 --> 00:56:31,480
Speaker 1: of put the Whispers on. Yes in Oakland when the

989
00:56:31,480 --> 00:56:36,160
Speaker 1: Whispers came to the it is John Foster, and there's

990
00:56:36,160 --> 00:56:39,239
Speaker 1: a group called the Ballots. In fact, guess what Wu

991
00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:42,440
Speaker 1: Tang sample my dad's song. One of his songs on

992
00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:47,080
Speaker 1: the Wu Tang album, a song called Conditioner with Snoop Dogg.

993
00:56:47,840 --> 00:56:51,000
Speaker 1: That's my dad's song, Dizzy World. My dad was in

994
00:56:51,000 --> 00:56:52,680
Speaker 1: a group called the Ballots. He was in a movie

995
00:56:52,719 --> 00:56:54,919
Speaker 1: called The Mac. You've heard of the Mac, of course,

996
00:56:55,160 --> 00:56:58,000
Speaker 1: my dad, that's what that was shot in No, Oakland,

997
00:56:59,600 --> 00:57:04,840
Speaker 1: for sure. I hate to see for sure. Eighteen siblings,

998
00:57:04,960 --> 00:57:10,759
Speaker 1: so do you? John Earl Foster's my daddy. How many

999
00:57:11,160 --> 00:57:19,280
Speaker 1: baby moms did your dad have? Eighteen? No, he had fourteen, fifteen.

1000
00:57:19,720 --> 00:57:21,560
Speaker 1: I mean, there's a couple of questionable kids that I'm

1001
00:57:21,680 --> 00:57:24,720
Speaker 1: kind of like, we need some DNA, we need to

1002
00:57:24,720 --> 00:57:27,160
Speaker 1: do a little swab. He like they're too old. It

1003
00:57:27,160 --> 00:57:33,520
Speaker 1: don't matter. It's like, so I'm looking John Foster, John Foster,

1004
00:57:33,680 --> 00:57:39,360
Speaker 1: and I got an Italian singer. Um look at the

1005
00:57:39,400 --> 00:57:43,120
Speaker 1: ballots to this group called the ballots LLL A d S.

1006
00:57:43,880 --> 00:57:47,800
Speaker 1: The ballots. Picture of them in my book. There's a

1007
00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:50,960
Speaker 1: picture in my book. Did they Did they do a

1008
00:57:50,960 --> 00:57:56,360
Speaker 1: lot of rehearsing at your house? Um? You know growing up.

1009
00:57:58,120 --> 00:58:00,880
Speaker 1: Let's see dope, man, please, I used to go to

1010
00:58:00,920 --> 00:58:06,800
Speaker 1: all the rehearsals. Yeah. Well I'll check it out later.

1011
00:58:06,920 --> 00:58:12,680
Speaker 1: But anyway, who out of all of these people that

1012
00:58:12,840 --> 00:58:17,600
Speaker 1: you have styled for, he's back with you. He's back

1013
00:58:17,600 --> 00:58:20,600
Speaker 1: with the things. Okay, they'll bring it in, he said,

1014
00:58:20,600 --> 00:58:23,120
Speaker 1: he's out there. You don't know which one to come into. Okay,

1015
00:58:23,200 --> 00:58:26,600
Speaker 1: hazard him till we can stop for a second. Oh okay,

1016
00:58:26,960 --> 00:58:29,200
Speaker 1: you have two things going on. Can we cut for

1017
00:58:29,200 --> 00:58:33,360
Speaker 1: a second. Okay, sorry, cut, Okay, you gotta go get that.

1018
00:58:33,480 --> 00:58:38,040
Speaker 1: Grabbed the book from the guy he has him? Oh

1019
00:58:38,440 --> 00:58:44,160
Speaker 1: there he Hasn't you have the book? Oh you want

1020
00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:46,960
Speaker 1: to grab them? Okay? So one second, So you said

1021
00:58:48,120 --> 00:58:55,560
Speaker 1: b A L l A d S. Yeah, what how

1022
00:58:55,640 --> 00:59:00,360
Speaker 1: is that possible? Did you put the balance at least

1023
00:59:02,320 --> 00:59:05,960
Speaker 1: you don't see the group? That's it, right, that is right.

1024
00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:08,000
Speaker 1: Just put in the ballots and then you'll see. I'll

1025
00:59:08,000 --> 00:59:15,280
Speaker 1: show you a picture him. My daddy, my papa. They

1026
00:59:15,320 --> 00:59:21,160
Speaker 1: sampled a song named pam Ooh daddy. He's the picture

1027
00:59:21,160 --> 00:59:24,240
Speaker 1: of his group. And my dad is a light skinning,

1028
00:59:24,360 --> 00:59:29,680
Speaker 1: real handsome guy. You like my first son's father. You

1029
00:59:29,680 --> 00:59:38,520
Speaker 1: look like him. Yes, it's very weird. Actually, do you

1030
00:59:38,560 --> 00:59:42,360
Speaker 1: like it? I shot that it was funny. I took

1031
00:59:42,400 --> 00:59:46,920
Speaker 1: that picture in BALI no intentions on it, uh, becoming

1032
00:59:46,960 --> 00:59:50,120
Speaker 1: a book, had no idea that, And I didn't have

1033
00:59:50,160 --> 00:59:54,120
Speaker 1: a stylist or makeup artist nothing. I did that myself.

1034
00:59:56,960 --> 01:00:01,680
Speaker 1: So which one of these guys? Let me see? How

1035
01:00:01,680 --> 01:00:06,600
Speaker 1: do you know? The mess? He's a mess, that's why. Yeah,

1036
01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:11,160
Speaker 1: my dad is my favorite guy. There's nobody dopers and

1037
01:00:11,240 --> 01:00:14,200
Speaker 1: this guy. That guy is and he's still alive. Wait, no,

1038
01:00:14,320 --> 01:00:18,400
Speaker 1: this gets worse. Look at him there on the corner.

1039
01:00:18,920 --> 01:00:26,400
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Yeah, here's what you call a hot mess. Okay, Uh,

1040
01:00:26,520 --> 01:00:36,000
Speaker 1: do you all remember when we stopped that? Yes, we're

1041
01:00:36,040 --> 01:00:41,360
Speaker 1: talking about my dad. I'm talking about where we stopped.

1042
01:00:41,360 --> 01:00:43,000
Speaker 1: I know we was talking about him, but I'm saying,

1043
01:00:43,080 --> 01:00:48,520
Speaker 1: you know what we say? What a stop? Was that one?

1044
01:00:48,560 --> 01:00:51,959
Speaker 1: You know? I'm talking like what we were talking about?

1045
01:00:51,960 --> 01:00:54,240
Speaker 1: What was the subject? No, we know what the subject?

1046
01:00:54,320 --> 01:00:56,960
Speaker 1: What I'm saying, like, what what do we What did

1047
01:00:56,960 --> 01:01:00,880
Speaker 1: I say last? You said? Kids? Him being in the Mac?

1048
01:01:00,960 --> 01:01:12,120
Speaker 1: I think I said, you know what the Mac is? Uma? Kids? Yeah,

1049
01:01:14,040 --> 01:01:15,760
Speaker 1: roll back because I don't want to miss this up.

1050
01:01:15,760 --> 01:01:17,760
Speaker 1: I don't want to make the Hattittes jumping and stuff.

1051
01:01:17,800 --> 01:01:20,480
Speaker 1: So roll back to the end, like like maybe fifteen

1052
01:01:20,480 --> 01:01:33,479
Speaker 1: seconds before it ended. Okay, yeah, so let's just let's

1053
01:01:33,520 --> 01:01:45,120
Speaker 1: just start start what the audience all right, let's go.

1054
01:01:49,000 --> 01:01:53,160
Speaker 1: So we're gonna jump back in to your father piece.

1055
01:01:53,640 --> 01:02:01,320
Speaker 1: Um so see you said, um, actually, what's your father Mac?

1056
01:02:02,320 --> 01:02:08,320
Speaker 1: My father was definitely a Mac. Are we ready? Okay?

1057
01:02:08,320 --> 01:02:12,920
Speaker 1: Here we go? Okay, okay, where's your father Mac? I

1058
01:02:12,960 --> 01:02:14,840
Speaker 1: think you know, he was in the movie The Mac,

1059
01:02:15,040 --> 01:02:18,480
Speaker 1: and uh, I think he really took this thing literally.

1060
01:02:19,120 --> 01:02:22,520
Speaker 1: So I think i'd like to say, yes, you a

1061
01:02:22,520 --> 01:02:25,080
Speaker 1: lot of children, a lot of a lot of women.

1062
01:02:25,480 --> 01:02:28,480
Speaker 1: But you know one thing I'll say about my father, Um,

1063
01:02:28,480 --> 01:02:31,320
Speaker 1: he's eighty years old now, so maybe he hung up

1064
01:02:31,360 --> 01:02:36,120
Speaker 1: his he retired his pimp cup, But but every woman

1065
01:02:36,160 --> 01:02:40,080
Speaker 1: in his life still loves him, the ones that are alive,

1066
01:02:40,680 --> 01:02:45,160
Speaker 1: you know, Um, I don't think he mistreated anyone truthfully,

1067
01:02:45,680 --> 01:02:48,800
Speaker 1: They really love him. And they have adoration for him,

1068
01:02:48,840 --> 01:02:54,000
Speaker 1: every woman, including you. I adore your dad, please. Yeah,

1069
01:02:54,200 --> 01:02:56,680
Speaker 1: but I noticed I gravitate to the same types of

1070
01:02:56,760 --> 01:03:03,080
Speaker 1: guys in terms of woman visors and men with many women.

1071
01:03:03,160 --> 01:03:07,760
Speaker 1: I don't go for the cornballs. I can't. My cornball

1072
01:03:07,800 --> 01:03:10,880
Speaker 1: meter is like so high. I don't think I'm gonna

1073
01:03:10,880 --> 01:03:17,920
Speaker 1: track this. And the reason being the reason being three,

1074
01:03:18,080 --> 01:03:20,840
Speaker 1: I don't know, because of my father treated me really well.

1075
01:03:20,960 --> 01:03:22,680
Speaker 1: He was he was a good dad. I had a

1076
01:03:22,720 --> 01:03:26,760
Speaker 1: good dad. Despite his I would he probably wasn't a

1077
01:03:26,760 --> 01:03:30,600
Speaker 1: good husband or a good boyfriend to those ladies, but

1078
01:03:30,680 --> 01:03:34,360
Speaker 1: he was a good dad to me. Right. Yeah, But

1079
01:03:36,080 --> 01:03:40,760
Speaker 1: we find a lot in society that women will whatever

1080
01:03:40,800 --> 01:03:44,160
Speaker 1: the dad is, they will gravitate towards that same kind

1081
01:03:44,200 --> 01:03:49,680
Speaker 1: of guy. And when when dad is a bad guy,

1082
01:03:49,840 --> 01:03:54,120
Speaker 1: he has certain flaws or whatever, if he treats you well,

1083
01:03:54,200 --> 01:03:57,760
Speaker 1: if it however he treats you, especially if that's love.

1084
01:03:57,880 --> 01:04:01,280
Speaker 1: Like in your situation, you felt loved, but you you

1085
01:04:01,520 --> 01:04:04,880
Speaker 1: you find out dad was Papa was rolling stone. So

1086
01:04:04,920 --> 01:04:09,640
Speaker 1: it's like even though you hated that part of him,

1087
01:04:09,800 --> 01:04:16,200
Speaker 1: you still gravitated towards him because you saw that that

1088
01:04:16,240 --> 01:04:21,439
Speaker 1: part came with the love. So when you're dating these

1089
01:04:21,480 --> 01:04:24,320
Speaker 1: type of guys and then they showed that same type

1090
01:04:24,360 --> 01:04:29,760
Speaker 1: of energy or whatever you equate that with the full

1091
01:04:29,800 --> 01:04:34,000
Speaker 1: package of being loved. I think you're right. You know.

1092
01:04:34,040 --> 01:04:36,520
Speaker 1: I've never thought of it that way, and I've always

1093
01:04:36,600 --> 01:04:39,400
Speaker 1: wondered why I kind of like the cool guy and

1094
01:04:39,440 --> 01:04:43,720
Speaker 1: the popular guys. And I think I think you're probably right.

1095
01:04:44,080 --> 01:04:46,280
Speaker 1: Because at the same time that my father was rolling stone,

1096
01:04:46,320 --> 01:04:50,320
Speaker 1: he also made a mean pot of chili cook He

1097
01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:54,760
Speaker 1: taught me how to make shrimp fried rice. He's not Asian.

1098
01:04:55,360 --> 01:04:59,520
Speaker 1: Um Um. He made the swords from my school play.

1099
01:04:59,600 --> 01:05:01,800
Speaker 1: He took me to school. He you know, he was

1100
01:05:02,040 --> 01:05:05,320
Speaker 1: very very was a doting father, but he was all

1101
01:05:05,320 --> 01:05:06,920
Speaker 1: over the place. He also took me to meet all

1102
01:05:06,920 --> 01:05:09,080
Speaker 1: my siblings, and my mother didn't know about it. I

1103
01:05:09,120 --> 01:05:10,880
Speaker 1: talked about all this in my book. I can't wait,

1104
01:05:12,000 --> 01:05:19,000
Speaker 1: And here I stand in a beautiful state, a beautiful state.

1105
01:05:19,600 --> 01:05:26,280
Speaker 1: That's it. How can they go by your your your book?

1106
01:05:26,320 --> 01:05:29,520
Speaker 1: How can they get it? Um? It's available on Tamika

1107
01:05:29,640 --> 01:05:34,400
Speaker 1: Raymond dot com. That's my personal website. It is going

1108
01:05:34,480 --> 01:05:36,840
Speaker 1: to be added to Amazon like in the next couple

1109
01:05:36,840 --> 01:05:40,080
Speaker 1: of days. I was hesitant about ever putting it on Amazon,

1110
01:05:40,120 --> 01:05:43,200
Speaker 1: but I realized I'm like being antiquated by not having

1111
01:05:43,240 --> 01:05:46,440
Speaker 1: it on there. So did you do an audio version?

1112
01:05:46,880 --> 01:05:50,280
Speaker 1: I've started. I have five chapters done. Oh it's so

1113
01:05:50,320 --> 01:05:53,720
Speaker 1: hard doing an audio book. It's hard anything because you

1114
01:05:53,760 --> 01:05:56,000
Speaker 1: gotta make it not sound. I didn't want to sound

1115
01:05:56,040 --> 01:05:59,120
Speaker 1: monotone has to have you know, different levels and all

1116
01:05:59,120 --> 01:06:04,280
Speaker 1: that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah, this is this is

1117
01:06:04,440 --> 01:06:07,479
Speaker 1: uh and a great cover. I hadn't had a chance

1118
01:06:07,520 --> 01:06:10,440
Speaker 1: to read it yet, but great cover. And you were

1119
01:06:10,480 --> 01:06:14,600
Speaker 1: saying something about the cover about how it came to be. Yeah,

1120
01:06:14,720 --> 01:06:18,760
Speaker 1: that I went to Bali. I travel. Travel has helped

1121
01:06:18,800 --> 01:06:21,840
Speaker 1: me with my recovery over just all the different things,

1122
01:06:21,920 --> 01:06:24,800
Speaker 1: like you know, the losses and divorced to this, to that.

1123
01:06:25,440 --> 01:06:28,040
Speaker 1: Um so I traveled. I went to Bali actually for

1124
01:06:28,120 --> 01:06:31,680
Speaker 1: Kyle what would have been Kyle's eighteenth birthday. I went

1125
01:06:31,720 --> 01:06:34,720
Speaker 1: to Bali and I decided to hire a photographer. And

1126
01:06:34,760 --> 01:06:40,160
Speaker 1: that picture was just in my hotel suite, um and

1127
01:06:40,680 --> 01:06:44,400
Speaker 1: uboo Bali. Yeah, I didn't have a makeup partners. I

1128
01:06:44,400 --> 01:06:47,480
Speaker 1: did it myself and did my hair. That was me lounging.

1129
01:06:47,880 --> 01:06:49,520
Speaker 1: And you said you had to find a picture of

1130
01:06:49,560 --> 01:06:51,920
Speaker 1: your standing. Yeah, because all the pictures I was sitting

1131
01:06:51,960 --> 01:06:54,680
Speaker 1: down and lounging in the room, and then I've had

1132
01:06:54,720 --> 01:06:56,640
Speaker 1: to find one that was a decent one that that's

1133
01:06:56,680 --> 01:07:01,560
Speaker 1: just a good cover picture. Yeah, yeah, it's beautiful, hundred

1134
01:07:01,600 --> 01:07:05,960
Speaker 1: dollar photo shoot right there. But you're a beautiful person

1135
01:07:06,000 --> 01:07:08,760
Speaker 1: with a more beautiful spirit. Thank you. I appreciate that.

1136
01:07:11,240 --> 01:07:19,240
Speaker 1: Final question, with all of the lost pain, the divorce,

1137
01:07:23,840 --> 01:07:28,240
Speaker 1: if there's a civil lining in your life, where do

1138
01:07:28,280 --> 01:07:37,920
Speaker 1: you think it is? Mm hmm A good question. I

1139
01:07:37,960 --> 01:07:41,000
Speaker 1: think you know. I have a lot more to do.

1140
01:07:42,040 --> 01:07:44,680
Speaker 1: I think that there's a reason why God spared me

1141
01:07:44,880 --> 01:07:47,840
Speaker 1: when I almost died in Brazil. I think there's a

1142
01:07:47,920 --> 01:07:51,240
Speaker 1: reason why he as much as I've tried to go

1143
01:07:51,360 --> 01:07:54,600
Speaker 1: crazy and been accused of being crazy, that my brain

1144
01:07:54,640 --> 01:07:58,160
Speaker 1: won't even let me go crazy. My brain unscrambles, I

1145
01:07:58,160 --> 01:07:59,720
Speaker 1: don't have time to go crazy. As soon as I

1146
01:07:59,760 --> 01:08:01,760
Speaker 1: try later and say I'm going crazy today, is it

1147
01:08:02,200 --> 01:08:05,680
Speaker 1: checking out? Get to check figure it out, my brain says, girl,

1148
01:08:05,720 --> 01:08:07,919
Speaker 1: get up, you gotta take those kids. What You've got

1149
01:08:07,960 --> 01:08:10,680
Speaker 1: things to do. So I think the silver lining is

1150
01:08:10,680 --> 01:08:13,680
Speaker 1: that God has kept me sane, He's kept me healthy

1151
01:08:14,040 --> 01:08:18,760
Speaker 1: at COVID. I mean I'm fine. I you know, I

1152
01:08:18,840 --> 01:08:21,160
Speaker 1: just think I'm very blessed. There's a lot of bad

1153
01:08:21,200 --> 01:08:24,920
Speaker 1: things that have happened in my life, but overall, I

1154
01:08:24,960 --> 01:08:28,439
Speaker 1: wouldn't want a different life, you know. Overall I love

1155
01:08:28,560 --> 01:08:31,479
Speaker 1: my life. I love I love myself. I love my life,

1156
01:08:31,479 --> 01:08:34,240
Speaker 1: I love my children. I still have my Kyle in

1157
01:08:34,280 --> 01:08:38,120
Speaker 1: my spirit of my heart. Um, I love him. So

1158
01:08:38,600 --> 01:08:43,240
Speaker 1: I think life is good despite the bad things. Yes,

1159
01:08:43,760 --> 01:08:47,160
Speaker 1: there's in gentleman to make a foster. Raymond, thank you

1160
01:08:47,280 --> 01:08:50,759
Speaker 1: so much for having them. So awesome. What a good interview.

1161
01:08:53,600 --> 01:08:59,320
Speaker 1: Beautiful a thank you. This episode was produced by a

1162
01:08:59,479 --> 01:09:02,800
Speaker 1: King and brought to you by The Black Effect Podcast

1163
01:09:02,920 --> 01:09:05,400
Speaker 1: Network and I Heart Radio.