Speaker 1: What's Up Tribe.
Speaker 2: I'm Erica and I'm Mila, and this is Good.
Speaker 3: Mom's Bad Choices Podcast.
Speaker 4: Beach season two.
Speaker 2: If you joined us for season one, you got three
Speaker 2: hundred uncensored episodes.
Speaker 1: But things are a little different in twenty twenty four.
Speaker 1: Not only are we.
Speaker 3: Having new guests, new segments, but we're going outside, y'all.
Speaker 3: We're getting out of our studio and podcasting in the wild,
Speaker 3: So make sure you check us out on YouTube to
Speaker 3: see where we're headed next.
Speaker 2: This podcast is for all the good moms, all the
Speaker 2: good dads, and even y'all hain't got no kids.
Speaker 1: Pull up.
Speaker 4: Join us in season two.
Speaker 2: As we deep dive into even more uncensored topics like love, sex, dating, and.
Speaker 1: Just look at this as the ultimate group chat.
Speaker 3: All the shit you're afraid to say out loud or
Speaker 3: even try, We say it and do it for you.
Speaker 4: Because nothing's off limits here.
Speaker 3: This is a judgment free zone to show up exactly
Speaker 3: as you are, and let's be honest, we've all made
Speaker 3: a few bad choices, so sit back, relax, and enjoy
Speaker 3: the ride.
Speaker 1: This bitch is always late.
Speaker 5: M surprised surprise, Happy Valentine today, So cute the same
Speaker 5: we are.
Speaker 2: I love you, I love you, thank you.
Speaker 1: Thank you for says smack my red shreds.
Speaker 4: Did you come on? I am so ready, you're late.
Speaker 1: Come on.
Speaker 4: Only the best sold food.
Speaker 1: Gon'd be war for your baby.
Speaker 3: I'm black, Welcome back to good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica,
Speaker 3: and I'm Nila. Happy fucking Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day, tribe.
Speaker 3: So if you are listening right now, you might want
Speaker 3: to check us out on YouTube because we are in
Speaker 3: the wild again. We are out of the office, and
Speaker 3: this time we came to Harold and Bell's, which is
Speaker 3: a black owned restaurant in LA that we love, love, love,
Speaker 3: And what better way to celebrate Valentine's d than even
Speaker 3: some motherfucking creole soul food.
Speaker 2: Right. Not only is Valentine's Day, it's Black History Months,
Speaker 2: so you know you got to get all the black
Speaker 2: owned good shit and our good friends here at Harolen Bell's.
Speaker 2: Let us let me come take my wife on Valentine's Day,
Speaker 2: because you know.
Speaker 4: We like that VIP shit. We in the back and shit.
Speaker 4: Only the best for my lady.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I know me.
Speaker 3: Look called me and was like, bitch, We're going to dinner
Speaker 3: and you need to dress up so look cute.
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, hold on, and you.
Speaker 2: Know, had a little pushback because it's not in the valley.
Speaker 2: You know, valley girls very very rarely rear over the hill.
Speaker 2: But when I tempted her with fried chicken and gumbo,
Speaker 2: she was on the whizzays. So thank you for joining me,
Speaker 2: my lon What else would I be on Valentine's Day?
Speaker 1: Right with your wife exactly?
Speaker 2: This episode is all about love and friendship and you.
Speaker 4: Know, loving on your friends.
Speaker 2: I think we forget to love on our friends because
Speaker 2: we love on our niggas.
Speaker 4: We're wasting all the love on the niggas.
Speaker 2: Or bitches, you know, whoever you're romantically involved with.
Speaker 6: But you know, I wanted to remind you how much
Speaker 6: I love you, and you know, I just treat you
Speaker 6: real nice and special and do something kind for you
Speaker 6: so that we can take time to talk without business,
Speaker 6: without the who well and you know, hang out and
Speaker 6: hit well.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 3: I appreciate that, And I think that's it was a
Speaker 3: beautiful reminder because I think often we do forget like
Speaker 3: we always are like brunching or like that's your girl day, right,
Speaker 3: But like when you have a really intentional day where
Speaker 3: it's like, hey, I want to have one on one
Speaker 3: time with you, and I want to celebrate our friendship.
Speaker 1: It's like not something that we I think do a
Speaker 1: lot with our friends.
Speaker 3: Were just like, yeah, bitch, let's just go have some
Speaker 3: drinks and we'll talk about those niggas over the drinks.
Speaker 1: So we might do that today, but cause we are bases.
Speaker 3: But I just I just love being able to spend
Speaker 3: time with you because I think in twenty twenty three,
Speaker 3: so much of our alone time was about business, and
Speaker 3: I think we're like raining our friendship back in to
Speaker 3: remind ourselves.
Speaker 1: Wait, hold on, let's cut the business.
Speaker 3: Talk and let's just talk about, well, how are you doing,
Speaker 3: how are you feeling?
Speaker 1: Are you happy? Are you good?
Speaker 4: Yeah? I am, I'm happy. I'm good.
Speaker 1: Okay, good.
Speaker 2: I know, but I think it's true not all best
Speaker 2: friends are also in business with each other, which has
Speaker 2: been quite the learning curve, but it does require that
Speaker 2: we do it with intention and remember, yeah, I think
Speaker 2: most of twenty twenty three, eighty nine percent of our
Speaker 2: conversations were beginning and ending with business and.
Speaker 4: What we needed to do.
Speaker 2: And I think it's important to just slow down and
Speaker 2: remember what's important, you know, because business is always going
Speaker 2: to be there.
Speaker 4: But our friendship requires nurturing.
Speaker 2: You know. We call our friendship an entity because when
Speaker 2: we met, something otherworldly took place, and so it does
Speaker 2: require that it's nurtured.
Speaker 1: Absolutely. Well.
Speaker 7: Cheers to that, my dear, Oh cheers.
Speaker 4: So you know I wanted to bring you here.
Speaker 2: I drug you all the way from the valley, but
Speaker 2: I wanted you to meet the owner of this restaurant,
Speaker 2: Ryan Lego, and tell you a little bit about Haroland Bell's,
Speaker 2: and tell you all about Harolin Bells because.
Speaker 4: This is a landmark. Hi, Ryan, how's it going good?
Speaker 8: Absolom for you to guys.
Speaker 4: Thank you, yes, yes, thank you.
Speaker 2: Come have a seat with us for a minute. I
Speaker 2: appreciate you letting you know, letting us come here, bringing
Speaker 2: my wife.
Speaker 8: I'm glad to have you guys.
Speaker 4: I haven't been here in a little bit.
Speaker 1: It is.
Speaker 4: It is a very special day. I haven't been here
Speaker 4: in a long time, but I still to come here.
Speaker 2: When I was a little girl, my dad used to
Speaker 2: come pull up and bring me, so I know it's
Speaker 2: been here for a long time.
Speaker 4: Tell us about the restaurant.
Speaker 9: All right, So would you say that's a familiar story?
Speaker 9: Is generation started in nineteen sixty nine. The area itself,
Speaker 9: Jefferson Park. This was like the settling round for people
Speaker 9: coming to California from New Orleans in the forties, fifties
Speaker 9: and sixties. So my grandparents were part of that migration,
Speaker 9: so to speak, along with a bunch of their friends
Speaker 9: and families. And what they wanted was they wanted to
Speaker 9: play similar to New Orleans where they can come hang
Speaker 9: out and gather.
Speaker 8: You know.
Speaker 9: It wasn't a restaurant then when it first started, and
Speaker 9: food was like kind of an afterward. It was really
Speaker 9: a spot to drink, to play cards, the bad horses,
Speaker 9: and there was pool tables and jukebox and build the
Speaker 9: dancers and things like that. So it's definitely evolved over
Speaker 9: the years. That's how That's how it started, and there's
Speaker 9: been a family affair ever since.
Speaker 8: This is a year at Universe sixty four.
Speaker 4: Wow, So you inherited this place.
Speaker 9: You know, there was a financial transaction and it wasn't
Speaker 9: just my parents, they had business partners also, you know,
Speaker 9: so in the eighties they did a really big expansion,
Speaker 9: you know, so there was other business partners involved other.
Speaker 8: Than my family.
Speaker 9: So they see want some real est stadiums and business
Speaker 9: and other things you know of mont it so inherent.
Speaker 9: I was in the first position to say, but you know,
Speaker 9: a business deal still had to occur.
Speaker 4: Basically you had to you had to pay too.
Speaker 3: Is there anything on the menu that has been on
Speaker 3: the menu from like the very beginning?
Speaker 9: Yeah, gumbo, of course, gumbo fried, trim pried catfish, oyster
Speaker 9: po boys. You know, I don't know if you notice
Speaker 9: stuff prod in the restaurant. There is the original menu
Speaker 9: up there right now. We're talking like trimp po boys
Speaker 9: for seventy five cents.
Speaker 4: Oh damn, A lot of times that changed.
Speaker 2: You were just telling us how the City of Los
Speaker 2: Angeles just made this area officially what was it.
Speaker 8: The New Orleans Corridor.
Speaker 9: So what that story I just told you is that
Speaker 9: they made it officials this year by designating.
Speaker 8: Jefferson Boulevard from where we are.
Speaker 9: Jefferson and Tenth Avenue down the Holy Name of Jesus
Speaker 9: Catholic Church, which was everyone's first church, those people moving
Speaker 9: from New Orleans, very strong Catholic tradition.
Speaker 8: It was everyone's first choice. Or our first church when
Speaker 8: they moved to La.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: I didn't realize like the culture of like specifically like
Speaker 2: creole people either, did I it was so strong in
Speaker 2: La I mean I knew that there was like a
Speaker 2: migration that happened from the South because of like the
Speaker 2: like industrialism and stuff in business, like jobs opportunities opening up,
Speaker 2: but I didn't realize specifically like New Orleans people were
Speaker 2: you know right here in this area. Yeah.
Speaker 8: I don't know how.
Speaker 9: Distreat in particular ended up being able to have may
Speaker 9: have had something to do with the church, but yeah, forties, fifties,
Speaker 9: and sixties they were, they were here and they were
Speaker 9: coming in ways. My grandfather came post World War two
Speaker 9: when he was in the Navy, and uh, he had
Speaker 9: a series of jobs and businesses before starting this. He
Speaker 9: was kind of like a serial entrepreneur. So he had
Speaker 9: a Texico franchise down the street. He had a painting business,
Speaker 9: and he had a bike shop. And this was you know,
Speaker 9: like the fourth or fifth one that he had. And
Speaker 9: like I said, this was just like a joint. It
Speaker 9: was not a restaurant.
Speaker 3: You know. It's still was something that's been like provably
Speaker 3: in your family obviously everyone eats, but it's it's cooking
Speaker 3: in the house.
Speaker 9: Yeah, you know, in New Orleans it's you know, it's
Speaker 9: it's part life, right, And a lot of times it's men,
Speaker 9: men doing a lot of the cooking, which is different
Speaker 9: than other causes. I'm not saying that like the women
Speaker 9: don't cook either, but I've felt like it's been a
Speaker 9: larger portion of a little men and the Louisiana household
Speaker 9: is cookin.
Speaker 2: That's funny that you say that, because my dad cooks
Speaker 2: in my household, Like in my house growing up, my
Speaker 2: dad cooked, and even now in my household.
Speaker 4: Like my boyfriend cooks.
Speaker 2: And I was like, I I we get this image
Speaker 2: that women are always the ones cooking and cleaning, but
Speaker 2: I haven't really experienced that.
Speaker 4: And I'm just thinking like.
Speaker 2: The influx of just like the migration of how people
Speaker 2: came in and how food was introduced to America's and
Speaker 2: like how much we've influenced American cuisine and like just
Speaker 2: even lies.
Speaker 4: We've been told that women be in the kitchen.
Speaker 2: Men have been prominently cooked in that, like you know,
Speaker 2: in restaurants. And also I think probably after like slavery,
Speaker 2: and they were.
Speaker 4: Like let me give you a break, let me actually
Speaker 4: get in here and do some shit. Yeah, you know
Speaker 4: what I mean. So it's interesting.
Speaker 1: So as Harold your grandfather and Belli your grand.
Speaker 9: Yeah, my dad was also named Herold also but yeah
Speaker 9: the original rold All. Uh Mary though, who's blind my grandma?
Speaker 1: Oh well, I love the history.
Speaker 3: I can't wait to dig into this food. It looks delicious.
Speaker 4: Yes, thank you?
Speaker 8: Uh try and true Uh recipes?
Speaker 1: What would you say? Is like your top? Like what
Speaker 1: are the people? What do the people think? Things that
Speaker 1: people always come.
Speaker 9: Back for Dumbo fried, cafish, propheciate you say mm, trimple boys?
Speaker 8: Uh Begnet's and breakfast.
Speaker 4: I didn't know that.
Speaker 1: Hym, we're getting the Nye's what fast, bitch?
Speaker 4: I got smoke a blind in the parking lot to
Speaker 4: make more room.
Speaker 1: What is happening?
Speaker 2: Thank you so so so much. I'm excited to to
Speaker 2: dig in.
Speaker 8: Welcome, You're welcome. Happy to have you guys.
Speaker 4: It was lovely, This food is lovely.
Speaker 7: I know.
Speaker 3: I'm so grateful to be in the space, this black owned,
Speaker 3: family owned landmark space, and here the history is really beautiful.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 2: I think we forget like that Black people in America
Speaker 2: is relatively recently and just remembered to actually like investigate
Speaker 2: the history of where you are and how you got there,
Speaker 2: because honestly, it's so divine, you know when I think
Speaker 2: about just the divine interventions and meetings of just people
Speaker 2: intersecting and creating ideas and birthing businesses that you know,
Speaker 2: withstand the test of time, and they're still here and
Speaker 2: they're still feeding us, like spiritually and physically, but like
Speaker 2: even with us, you know, and like how we got
Speaker 2: to California by way of our parents and Ryan and
Speaker 2: the things that we've created in this place and the
Speaker 2: memories we've created and how it's shaped us. I think,
Speaker 2: as black people shout out to February Black History Month,
Speaker 2: wherever you live, investigate how your people got there and
Speaker 2: who you are, and like how the migration of honestly,
Speaker 2: like African chattel slavery has like migrated and impacted the
Speaker 2: United States so significantly. I've been watching this show on Netflix,
Speaker 2: Hog High on the Hog.
Speaker 4: Just so you guys know, I'm a fucking foodie. Like
Speaker 4: I know, I'm ninety eight pounds, but a.
Speaker 2: Bitch eats a lot and specifically like soul food. I
Speaker 2: can cook soul food really well, like I really.
Speaker 4: Can throw down. So this is like near and dear
Speaker 4: to my heart.
Speaker 2: But just how that show really highlights how like African
Speaker 2: Americans have impacted American cuisines so significantly through the slave
Speaker 2: you know, that's through slavery, and you know just how
Speaker 2: we've moved out of that and how we've blossomed because
Speaker 2: I don't think we really take an account from a
Speaker 2: day to day basis sometimes just.
Speaker 4: Like oh shit, my grandmother or my great grandmother.
Speaker 2: Just had privileges and they really, like I know, we're
Speaker 2: figuring out ourselves and figuring out adulthood, but imagine imagine
Speaker 2: figuring out adulthood and the guys of the Jim Crow
Speaker 2: or like right after slavery when you haven't been able
Speaker 2: had access to education and to all these things, you know,
Speaker 2: and you just pack your shit up and say we're
Speaker 2: going to California because I heard there's some jobs. Like
Speaker 2: it'd be a day days long, you know, days and
Speaker 2: days travel. You've not really just maybe got a car.
Speaker 2: You know, you may get harassed in between. You can't
Speaker 2: stay at every hotel. You probably have kids in tow
Speaker 2: and the fear and then you show up in a
Speaker 2: new place and you have to like soil, you.
Speaker 4: Know, like you have to like make roots.
Speaker 2: And the beautiful things that we've gotten from the strength
Speaker 2: and the diligence of our ancestors is some real shit.
Speaker 2: And I think when we can like hone in on
Speaker 2: that information and investigate that history, it kind of reminds you,
Speaker 2: like why the fuck you're here and how important like
Speaker 2: your purpose is and whatever it is you do and
Speaker 2: however you contribute, and like Ryan's family started a little
Speaker 2: jup joint so they could like hang out and chill
Speaker 2: and kick it, and it's still here, you know, serving us.
Speaker 2: So I think it's important, you know, especially in this month,
Speaker 2: especially all year, just to be curious about all the
Speaker 2: things and like how you ended up where you're at,
Speaker 2: and like imagine your daddy stayed in Texas, Like but
Speaker 2: if you were a Texas.
Speaker 4: Baby, who the fuck would you be?
Speaker 2: Or if I was a Philly baby that stayed in Philly,
Speaker 2: you know, right.
Speaker 3: It Also as you're as you were talking, it was
Speaker 3: I was thinking about just the grace that we need
Speaker 3: to extend sometimes to our grandparents, to even our parents,
Speaker 3: because they are you know, the result of their parenting
Speaker 3: and and what those not having the opportunity to work
Speaker 3: on yourself because you're just trying to survive, and how
Speaker 3: that manifests in how they've parented your parents or how
Speaker 3: they parented your grandparents, and how that trickles down and
Speaker 3: then we say, like why.
Speaker 1: The fuck would you treat me this way? How could
Speaker 1: you do this?
Speaker 3: And it's like we're not really taking into consideration the
Speaker 3: full scope of the trauma of being black in America.
Speaker 2: It's true, and like the beauty of it is like
Speaker 2: there's two sides to every point, right, Like there is
Speaker 2: significant trauma and there is like this this place where
Speaker 2: it's like I'm surviving and I'm trying to figure it out,
Speaker 2: and I'm trying to make away from my family and
Speaker 2: I'm trying to you know, stay safe and stay alive
Speaker 2: in a place where everybody really is trying to kill
Speaker 2: me and make me like make me less than and
Speaker 2: you know how that trauma builds on and how that
Speaker 2: contributes to your parenting. I was watching a video yesterday
Speaker 2: about like a football player like basically reading a letter
Speaker 2: to his parents, you know, just like how he was
Speaker 2: yelled at in the morning before school and like how
Speaker 2: he's changing that and his you know, with his kids,
Speaker 2: and so it's true, like the grace you have to
Speaker 2: give is like imagine the anger, Imagine the fear, Imagine
Speaker 2: the frustration and the rage living and existing like I can.
Speaker 2: I don't even watch certain movies because I'm too emotional,
Speaker 2: like about a certain period of time unless I'm really
Speaker 2: mentally prepared for it. So imagine living in it and
Speaker 2: then still having to be kind to your kids and
Speaker 2: compassionate and soft and being scared but still having to
Speaker 2: be brave and being scared, but still moving into neighborhoods
Speaker 2: where people were literally trying to harass you and getting
Speaker 2: away with it.
Speaker 4: And also like thinking about.
Speaker 2: Ryan and his great grandparents making this place for play, right,
Speaker 2: you know, still making a place to like we're gonna
Speaker 2: have our place, but inside these walls it's and we're
Speaker 2: gonna we're gonna commune and we're gonna drink and we're
Speaker 2: gonna dance, and we're gonna celebrate life despite all the bullshit,
Speaker 2: you know, despite the journey here, and that's really beautiful too,
Speaker 2: and even like thinking about this place starting here, you know,
Speaker 2: this new, this this Los Angeles establishing this place this
Speaker 2: side of town as New Orleans Quarters or whatever, like
Speaker 2: from here to the church, how deeply spirituality has served
Speaker 2: in our community and specifically New Orleans is like a
Speaker 2: witchy but Catholic place, and you know, the the intersection
Speaker 2: of religion and spiritual spiritualism and how like I think
Speaker 2: it's coming back. Whereas before it was really scary, everything
Speaker 2: witchy or everything was very separate.
Speaker 1: There was no there wasn't we weren't allowed to intersect
Speaker 1: those two things.
Speaker 2: Well because well but I think that's a part of
Speaker 2: the scheme, the gimmick, right because inevitably, as a Black American,
Speaker 2: you have your African culture and religion that is probably
Speaker 2: what we now call label witchy or magic. And then
Speaker 2: we have this the we have this rigid form of
Speaker 2: Christianity which was you know, nine times out of ten
Speaker 2: provided to you by your slave owners. And then we've
Speaker 2: meshed it and we've covered it in those things, and
Speaker 2: like just to recoming back to that in general, like
Speaker 2: as even us you know, on this journey in the
Speaker 2: last six years, like I don't think I mean, I
Speaker 2: think I've always been a witch, but I don't know
Speaker 2: if I was like out loud self proclaiming that I'm
Speaker 2: a witch five years ago. You know, but this journey
Speaker 2: has kind of an unheedled like this part of me,
Speaker 2: and I think it's just a return to our roots.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 4: It's like I'm not scared of that, Like this is
Speaker 4: actually my shit.
Speaker 2: But I'd like to give a little toast to our
Speaker 2: ancestors and to the journey here and our journey here
Speaker 2: and just the divine, just the divine intervention in our
Speaker 2: lives that if we honor it can really birth beautiful
Speaker 2: things that last a really long time.
Speaker 7: It is.
Speaker 4: So speaking of witchy shit, it's.
Speaker 2: Terole time where because we travel with our Chao cards everywhere. Literally,
Speaker 2: I have my other like may pack in my purse.
Speaker 2: I always say this, but it's also like a party
Speaker 2: Oh okay, it's also it's also like a party trick.
Speaker 4: Like, oh, everybody's poor. Do you want to Oh, I'm Mila.
Speaker 1: You want to know my you want to know my?
Speaker 4: Want to have my purse? Can things like cat crawling
Speaker 4: under the card? I love it? But what better place
Speaker 4: do you want these cards?
Speaker 1: Sure, we'll take those cards. I need to be in
Speaker 1: the tack.
Speaker 4: Usually when they usually when they fall out.
Speaker 1: I know I use them.
Speaker 3: We're gonna use off for all five of those cars.
Speaker 10: Those are the cards, and then I'm let you choose
Speaker 10: one of the fun Okay, okay, hmm, I know it.
Speaker 4: Why'd you know it?
Speaker 1: I'll just knew it.
Speaker 4: There's a eight of sorts, okay, eight of sorts?
Speaker 1: I don't I've pulled this one a few different times.
Speaker 4: This is the season.
Speaker 3: Well, I saw it when it fell and then I
Speaker 3: when you when you laid them out, I was like,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna.
Speaker 1: Get that one. Okay that doesn't know No, No, it's
Speaker 1: a good one.
Speaker 4: It's not bad.
Speaker 1: Okay. So you see the eight of Sorts shout out
Speaker 1: to mahogany Taro.
Speaker 3: And if I remember correctly and we can flee, should
Speaker 3: pull up BDDY because I don't remember everything. But in
Speaker 3: the Eight of Swords, there's a woman that's h bound
Speaker 3: and then there's this beautiful castle behind her, and she
Speaker 3: feels like she doesn't have any options. But all she
Speaker 3: has to do is untie herself and turn around and
Speaker 3: she could be free, but she feels like she's stuck
Speaker 3: in the confines of whatever situation she's in, and she
Speaker 3: feels like she's stuck. But really it's it's a mind shift,
Speaker 3: and it's really about shifting your mindset and knowing that
Speaker 3: you have options.
Speaker 4: Yeah, let me read no, Yeah, that's what it says.
Speaker 2: It says negative thoughts, self imposed restriction, imprisonment, victim, mentality.
Speaker 2: The aid of Swords reveals that you feel trapped and restricted.
Speaker 4: By your circumstances.
Speaker 2: Hmm, it's interesting that we were just talking about the
Speaker 2: circumstances of growing up black in America. You believe your
Speaker 2: options are limited with no clear path out. You might
Speaker 2: be in an unfulfilling job, an abusive relationship, a significant
Speaker 2: amount of debt, or a situation way out of alignment
Speaker 2: with your inner being. You are now trapped between a
Speaker 2: rock and a hard place with no resolution available. However,
Speaker 2: take note, but the woman in the card is not
Speaker 2: entirely imprisoned by the aid of Swords around her, and
Speaker 2: if she wanted to escape, she could.
Speaker 4: She merely needs to move.
Speaker 2: That blindfold and free herself from the self imposed bindings
Speaker 2: that hold her back. When the aid of Swords appears
Speaker 2: in Tara reading, it comes as a warning that your
Speaker 2: thoughts and beliefs are no longer serving you. You may
Speaker 2: be overthinking things, creating negative patterns, or limiting yourself only
Speaker 2: considering the worst case scenario. The more you think about
Speaker 2: the situation, the more you feel stuck and without any options.
Speaker 2: It is time to get out of your head and
Speaker 2: let go of those thoughts and beliefs holding you back.
Speaker 4: As you change your thoughts, you change your reality.
Speaker 3: HM that's received and resonate with that.
Speaker 2: It feels sometimes like you can't get out of fucking situations,
Speaker 2: but it is, It is always.
Speaker 4: There is always a brighter side.
Speaker 2: And like the things that we are usually battling with
Speaker 2: or that are like suffocating us, are generally.
Speaker 4: Not that serious.
Speaker 3: Yes, but you have to make a choice though, and
Speaker 3: you act. You have to actively change or work on
Speaker 3: changing your mind. And that's and that's really uncomfortable. And
Speaker 3: I think that's why a lot of people get stuck
Speaker 3: in whatever mind state or whatever state of mind that
Speaker 3: they're in, because it requires you to actually move against
Speaker 3: whatever limiting belief system that's been serving you for however
Speaker 3: long or not serving you. But it requires you to
Speaker 3: get uncomfortable, and I think that's often the hardest part,
Speaker 3: and that's why people don't That's why people get stuck
Speaker 3: and that's why people who continue to I guess, suffer
Speaker 3: essentially because there's a short term suffering that has to
Speaker 3: occur in order for the mind shift to happen, and
Speaker 3: people aren't willing to just.
Speaker 4: Get out of it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, people aren't willing to get uncomfortable and for
Speaker 3: it to hurt a little bit. We're such in a
Speaker 3: society that we're always like numbing ourselves down with all
Speaker 3: different types of things, whether it's drugs, alcohol, television, distraction relationships.
Speaker 3: There's a numbing that we've become accustomed to where that's
Speaker 3: the easier thing. We'd rather do that than actually rip
Speaker 3: off the band aid and get really uncomfortable for a
Speaker 3: few months. And that's what I was telling my friend
Speaker 3: that the other day. I was like, you can just like,
Speaker 3: if you could just commit to be uncomfortable for six months,
Speaker 3: it could totally change your fucking life, just to commit
Speaker 3: to being uncomfortable for six months out of the long
Speaker 3: ass life that you were about to live and just
Speaker 3: see what happens.
Speaker 4: The thing about.
Speaker 2: Numbing yourself is that we live in a society that
Speaker 2: that is the programming you have to actively fight out
Speaker 2: of not only the numbing, but the misery, like making
Speaker 2: the misery a part of your story, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean, Like we actively live your default inner voice
Speaker 2: is probably negative unless you actively.
Speaker 4: Work out of it. Because everything in our programming, everything.
Speaker 2: In our environment is going to tell you you're not
Speaker 2: good enough, you're not beautiful enough. It's too difficult, it's
Speaker 2: too far fetch, it's not possible. Because that's kind of
Speaker 2: how they want you to feel. Because if everybody knew
Speaker 2: that they were magic, then we'd all be doing everything
Speaker 2: we need and that would really benefit the powers that be.
Speaker 2: And so I think that, like sometimes the numbing starts
Speaker 2: early because think about it. As a child, you're just
Speaker 2: like this big you know, like you go, our kids
Speaker 2: will fucking play out a whole imaginary scene right here
Speaker 2: and don't give a fuck who's in here.
Speaker 4: But are we going to do that? Probably not?
Speaker 2: I mean yeah, yeah, but most people don't have that
Speaker 2: bravery to do that. And it's it's this revolving door
Speaker 2: of pain and Buddhism they say, like conflict is conflict
Speaker 2: is expected, Suffering is optional.
Speaker 4: Suffering is optional.
Speaker 2: We're going to feel whatever the emotion is that is
Speaker 2: behind whatever obstacle, but for how long and just generally
Speaker 2: listen to the way you think and pay attention to
Speaker 2: how you feel, because that's where the numbing comes in, right,
Speaker 2: because if you don't pay attention to how you feel,
Speaker 2: then you're just numb.
Speaker 3: And also taking into account, like if we're talking about too,
Speaker 3: just like the history of our people and like the
Speaker 3: numbing that we've had to we've had to, we've had
Speaker 3: to enact in order to survive, and then like trying
Speaker 3: to unnumb those.
Speaker 1: Parts of you.
Speaker 3: You don't even know our numb because you've never even
Speaker 3: known what it is to feel in that space anymore.
Speaker 3: And I think like the beginning of that is really
Speaker 3: looking at your parents and seeing where are you numbed out?
Speaker 1: Because nine times out of ten, that's also where you are?
Speaker 2: And how have I adopted them?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: Because even if you don't fuck with your parents, if
Speaker 2: you were raised with them, you were inevitably adopting.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: However, they are numbed out, you need to evaluate if
Speaker 3: that's how you are as well, because nine times out
Speaker 3: of ten, yeah, probably, or sometimes instead of doing that,
Speaker 3: we go the total opposite, right, Like we go the
Speaker 3: total extreme, like our parents totally neglected us, and now
Speaker 3: like as parents, we are helicopter ass parents over our
Speaker 3: children because we were so neglected as children.
Speaker 1: So it's like.
Speaker 3: Investigating and then understanding how this is showing up in
Speaker 3: my life, in my body, in my relationships, and then
Speaker 3: changing it, and then and then being okay and knowing
Speaker 3: that the change reply's time, knowing that it requires patience, practice, practice,
Speaker 3: and pain.
Speaker 1: Pain.
Speaker 4: It's going to be uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: I was telling Erica recently, Luna was like doing something
Speaker 2: and I was like, give me a hug, Come give
Speaker 2: me a hug, and Orlando was like please, and I
Speaker 2: was like, shut the fuck up, Like I've just broke
Speaker 2: this person came out of my pussy, so you need
Speaker 2: to shut the fuck up about when I'm demanding hugs.
Speaker 2: And I had told him that later, like I really
Speaker 2: hate when you do that, because I was like, tantrik speech,
Speaker 2: tantrik speech. I'm like, sometimes you just need to shut
Speaker 2: the fuck up, like don't use me on me. But
Speaker 2: you know, he said to me something that was kind
Speaker 2: of profound, and I was high when he told me,
Speaker 2: so maybe it just made me go even deeper. But
Speaker 2: he was just like, it's not that you know, and
Speaker 2: I'm not trying to interfere, and maybe I shouldn't do
Speaker 2: it in that way, but you don't want her to
Speaker 2: get used to even something that you're requesting and love
Speaker 2: feel hard or feel demanding. And that's the thing with
Speaker 2: tantic speech, like it takes a demand and it makes
Speaker 2: it a request consciously just by being like please, can
Speaker 2: you please panent me?
Speaker 4: Can you thank you?
Speaker 2: Like and I'd like to say I'm the Queen of finesse,
Speaker 2: but with people close to me, we forget, you know,
Speaker 2: like give me that, give me a kiss, do that
Speaker 2: for me. And so it made me really seep deeply
Speaker 2: into that statement, and it made me realize, like I
Speaker 2: generally don't I don't want, I don't like to speak
Speaker 2: this permanency over my who I am. But I don't
Speaker 2: really have the tools sometimes to be soft, because that's
Speaker 2: not how I was spoken to as a.
Speaker 4: Child, you know.
Speaker 2: And so I'm like, yeah, give me a kiss, and
Speaker 2: it is loving, but this is how I'm asking for it,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 4: And like just.
Speaker 2: Being honest with myself about how I speak to Luna,
Speaker 2: even if it's in love, how it feels, what vibration
Speaker 2: it's giving by the words I'm choosing by not saying
Speaker 2: please or thank you because I'm feeling like i'm saying
Speaker 2: something in love. I'm actually asking for what I need,
Speaker 2: but not asking for it kindly, and it creates this
Speaker 2: weird environ around the very thing that is loving. And
Speaker 2: it made me realize like, oh my god, Like this
Speaker 2: is a big issue for me because this is what
Speaker 2: I was exposed to. This is literally the only way
Speaker 2: I know how to express myself. And even for me,
Speaker 2: like asking for dick, I'm like, give me some dick.
Speaker 2: I'm like, Wow, I'm not sexy at all.
Speaker 1: You know, there's no sexy.
Speaker 4: Take that out, but I did.
Speaker 2: It's like it was this moment of clarity and I
Speaker 2: was just like, wow, I have to work on this
Speaker 2: because I don't want that to be the undertone to
Speaker 2: all of my relationships with people that I love.
Speaker 4: And that can very much be the case, but it's true.
Speaker 2: I mean, investigate and examine the places our parents came from,
Speaker 2: even us what we do right now.
Speaker 4: Our parents are like what the fuck are you doing?
Speaker 4: You know, like, and I'm like this is important.
Speaker 2: They're like, you know, you, whatever the fuck it is
Speaker 2: you guys, you're doing over there on.
Speaker 4: Stage, barely clothes, cucumbers in people's mouths, with them on
Speaker 4: all floors.
Speaker 2: I don't get it, and I can see how they
Speaker 2: can be misconstrued when you come from an environment that
Speaker 2: you have not where you've had to survive and you've
Speaker 2: had to protect yourself and you've had to be weary
Speaker 2: of people.
Speaker 1: So it's so funny, yes, because I feel like.
Speaker 3: Our parents have a hard time, and not even just
Speaker 3: our parents, parents in general sometimes have a hard time
Speaker 3: witnessing their children in play as adults, you know, because
Speaker 3: they didn't get to experience that type of play. And however,
Speaker 3: they've worked hard because they wanted to provide a life
Speaker 3: for their children could experience something different, right, And then
Speaker 3: they are experiencing it, but it's not maybe not exactly
Speaker 3: how they expected them to experience it.
Speaker 1: And then they're like, what are you doing? Why are
Speaker 1: you doing that?
Speaker 3: And this is a conversation I've had to have with
Speaker 3: my moms too, because there was a time where I
Speaker 3: was traveling a lot and for leisure and she had
Speaker 3: a problem with it, and I was just like, is
Speaker 3: it this why you've worked so hard so that I
Speaker 3: you always complained that your youth well, she traveled a
Speaker 3: lot before she had me, and then her life.
Speaker 1: Kind of went to shit.
Speaker 3: I did it, But my mom was pretty living a
Speaker 3: real good life before me. She was dating like cheeks
Speaker 3: and shit and princes and she needs.
Speaker 1: To write her own book about all that.
Speaker 3: And then she met a football player and he fucking
Speaker 3: downgradr downgraded her from her Saudi raping lifestyle.
Speaker 4: The athletes, guys.
Speaker 3: But you know, when she had me, like, she sacrificed
Speaker 3: a lot. She didn't get to enjoy herself. She didn't
Speaker 3: get to travel for leisure. And she's worked incredibly hard
Speaker 3: to build a lifestyle for her family and her children
Speaker 3: so that they don't have to do that, you know.
Speaker 3: And so I had to remind her of that. I
Speaker 3: was like, first of all, Mom, this is my money.
Speaker 3: Second of all, Mom, didn't you work really hard so
Speaker 3: that we could experience and not have to suffer and
Speaker 3: not have to stay put because we have to do
Speaker 3: because we have to put our heads down and work hard.
Speaker 3: And granted, I'm gonna do that anyway. I'm doing that anyway.
Speaker 3: I'm of you. I'm a hard ass working bitch because
Speaker 3: of you. But I had to remind her of that.
Speaker 3: And she didn't even know what to say to me.
Speaker 3: She was just like and I was like.
Speaker 4: Got me there be med.
Speaker 3: And it's funny because I the more I talk to
Speaker 3: other women and they have the same thing to say
Speaker 3: about their parents as well. There's a judgment around, like
Speaker 3: what type of what you seek as pleasure, what you
Speaker 3: seek as joy, what you seek is fun and the time,
Speaker 3: it's like a time limit to how much energy you
Speaker 3: can put into those things, Like that's a little too much.
Speaker 1: You're going a little too hard with the joy over there.
Speaker 2: Well, the thing is, and I say this all the time,
Speaker 2: and I've said this, it's joy and leisure like ease
Speaker 2: is a foreign concept to black people, to immigrants, to
Speaker 2: children of immigrants.
Speaker 4: It is literally a foreign concept.
Speaker 11: And because we're children of those people, we existed in
Speaker 11: their bodies before we existed in these bodies, and so
Speaker 11: we have inherited those feelings for protection.
Speaker 4: That is biologically, that's how we are made. If something,
Speaker 4: if you have lived in a.
Speaker 2: Life where you would be murdered for too loud play joy,
Speaker 2: and so your kids are born with the instincts to
Speaker 2: know you don't go too hard in play. And so
Speaker 2: I've realized like fighting for safety, fighting to feel safe,
Speaker 2: fighting to regulate my nervous system, fighting.
Speaker 4: To be aware of.
Speaker 2: When the guilt of play comes up, because this is
Speaker 2: how I've been programmed, and how my parents have been programmed,
Speaker 2: and how their parents have been programmed, and that actually
Speaker 2: playing is releasing generational curses. Playing is healing, it's healing generational.
Speaker 4: Wounds, because these are the things that.
Speaker 2: Are ancestors did not get the opportunity to plan and
Speaker 2: play doesn't look like this or like that.
Speaker 4: It looks like how the fuck it looks for you,
Speaker 4: because only you can deem what's fun for you.
Speaker 2: And like even with Orlando, it is so happy all
Speaker 2: the time and has like so much joy and so
Speaker 2: many ideas, and sometimes I'm like working and I'm like,
Speaker 2: shut the fuck up, it's too much right now, Like
Speaker 2: I need to schedule your joy and I need to
Speaker 2: schedule your ideas because I don't have time for your
Speaker 2: ideas right now.
Speaker 4: And I didn't like that one, so now I'm definitely
Speaker 4: can't hear you.
Speaker 2: But it's it's made me work on myself because I'm like,
Speaker 2: I'm showing up as a bitch. And there was times
Speaker 2: as a kid I saw my mom show up, which
Speaker 2: I thought was a bitch, and I was like, what
Speaker 2: the fuck is her problem? And only because I had
Speaker 2: those conscious thoughts, can I apply them now? And even
Speaker 2: in love, like I'm in a very healthy, loving relationship,
Speaker 2: and still like the first year, I was just like
Speaker 2: waiting for him to fuck it up because I don't
Speaker 2: feel safe being I didn't feel normal being normal, like
Speaker 2: we all work to have these normal lives and be
Speaker 2: able to play and be able to travel and have
Speaker 2: kids and do this thing and be in love and
Speaker 2: like be cheesy, and then you get there and you're like,
Speaker 2: something's wrong here.
Speaker 4: It doesn't feel right.
Speaker 2: And I'm investigating this because nigga, you're about to fuck up.
Speaker 4: But no, bitch, this is this is what the white
Speaker 4: people are doing. This is this is the happily ever ever,
Speaker 4: happily ever after. This is what it feels like. And
Speaker 4: I really had to be like, oh, this is what's fun.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I don't need to stress out. Masks does
Speaker 4: not come to get me. But you know, and even
Speaker 4: with Luna, like I don't like kid noises, I'm like, bitch,
Speaker 4: you had a kid and you want her to be happy.
Speaker 4: And I'm like, God, this is so noisy your happiness.
Speaker 2: But then sometimes she's in the other room on the FaceTime,
Speaker 2: like an old cackling lady, like what the fuck is
Speaker 2: so funny, and I'm happy to hear her joy, and
Speaker 2: it reminds me.
Speaker 4: It's like, bring back that childlike joy.
Speaker 2: Whatever you're stressed about, whatever adult shit that's so important,
Speaker 2: the fucking email or the fucking mark from fucking on
Speaker 2: brand and not sending your shit on time, It's fine.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: It's just like, be present in the moment and enjoy it.
Speaker 2: And I've just realized, like the practice of pleasure is
Speaker 2: so important, and I'm really grateful that we get this
Speaker 2: space and this opportunity to remind ourselves, to remind each
Speaker 2: other to play, and also to just like check ourselves,
Speaker 2: because I really feel like, even if our parents think
Speaker 2: our jobs are stupid, it's important for us to play
Speaker 2: so that our people see us play and remind them
Speaker 2: that you should be in love. You deserve to be
Speaker 2: in these epic romantic loves. You deserve to have fun,
Speaker 2: You deserve to cart wheel.
Speaker 4: You deserve to dance with your titties. App without no
Speaker 4: nigga's opinions because you're you've.
Speaker 2: Worked for this, being born and being existing as black
Speaker 2: and brown people, existing in this form today right now
Speaker 2: is enough to be feel liberated and at ease and
Speaker 2: whatever play you choose, because sexually, platonically, whatever it is,
Speaker 2: because these are the dreams of our ancestors. It was
Speaker 2: my Mela rant for the day.
Speaker 1: Amen, speaking of pleasure, Is it time to smoke a blood?
Speaker 1: Is it smoke?
Speaker 4: Breakup time?
Speaker 1: A lot of time, smoke a lot of time.
Speaker 4: But we have more food coming, so it's definitely. You know,
Speaker 4: nigga's got a smokeing eat.
Speaker 1: So that I could open up.
Speaker 4: A nigga diet. Niggas would be like smoke a blamp
Speaker 4: before you eat more.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Absolutely, And we got meals and we got.
Speaker 1: Got more ship coming, So I think it's time for smoking. Clock.
Speaker 3: I hope you let up with us and smoked a good,
Speaker 3: nice blunt with us during our smoke break.
Speaker 1: If not, what the are you doing?
Speaker 4: I love the afternoon smoke break, dear.
Speaker 3: So in the spirit of our talk, today's affirmation is
Speaker 3: fuck the fear, do it for your ancestors.
Speaker 4: Fuck the fear, do it for your ancestors. So I
Speaker 4: guess that's not like a song. Fluck the feet do
Speaker 4: it for your ancest.
Speaker 1: Fuck the feet do it for your answers.
Speaker 4: The feet do it for your ancest. Fuck the feet
Speaker 4: do it for your ass back back like I wanted.
Speaker 1: To bend over.
Speaker 4: I'm like, God, I got them. I got the private
Speaker 4: section for.
Speaker 1: You, so I mean I could. I got the way ready.
Speaker 4: This is a remix. Fuck the feet do it for
Speaker 4: your ass. Fuck the feet do it for you. This
Speaker 4: is like what's the girl from the name and the one?
Speaker 1: Wait? What's your name? Big?
Speaker 4: Fuck the fee do it for your ans is fun?
Speaker 4: Do it for your answer? Yeah, we need to call her. Hey,
Speaker 4: Big Freeda go we gotta sound. We could feel it
Speaker 4: right here. We can feel it right here in New Orleans, LA.
Speaker 2: Whoever knows Big Freda, tell her to call us because
Speaker 2: we got to motherfucking hit.
Speaker 1: I know nobody asked for that, but you're welcome.
Speaker 4: Doesn't matter, doesn't matter, you get it anyway. Everyone just listening.
Speaker 2: You need to tune into YouTube because Erica just backs
Speaker 2: it up in a tight velvet dress in the in
Speaker 2: the middle of the restaurant.
Speaker 4: Totally necessary. I like that one. I fear do it
Speaker 4: for your ancestors. Every time you question yourself, question should you?
Speaker 1: Could you?
Speaker 4: Is it too much? Nothing's too much, Honya.
Speaker 3: Just imagine your ancestors wishing they could do half the
Speaker 3: ship that you're doing right the fuck now, literally just
Speaker 3: walking down the street in freedom.
Speaker 2: Without the gaze of white folks. Sorry, I watched it
Speaker 2: a segregation movie recently, going.
Speaker 3: To the bathroom in fucking peace.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I watched good God's so funny. My daughter is
Speaker 1: she's learning about she learns about I'm okay every year.
Speaker 3: But she asked me at the end of the day,
Speaker 3: She's like, Mommy, do you know who Rosa Parks is?
Speaker 1: And I was like, of course, I had Rosa parts is.
Speaker 1: And she's like, is she alive? I was like, no,
Speaker 1: she was, She's not alive.
Speaker 3: And then I thought to myself, this is a very
Speaker 3: crucial learning moment that I can enact on her and
Speaker 3: not be for the.
Speaker 1: Reasons you think.
Speaker 3: Because my daughter is a rule follower, right, Like she's
Speaker 3: a stickler of a following, this is a.
Speaker 4: Time to tell her if not, yeah, she is.
Speaker 1: A stickler for followers. I was like, so, honey, like
Speaker 1: you've been learning about Rosa Parks. I'm like, so what
Speaker 1: did she do? She was like, she sat somewhere she
Speaker 1: wasn't supposed to sit. And I was like, and what happened?
Speaker 1: She was like things changed for us.
Speaker 4: And I was like yeah.
Speaker 3: And I was like, you know, I know that you
Speaker 3: really love to follow rules, but just imagine if Rosa
Speaker 3: Parks never sat in the front of the bus.
Speaker 1: Just imagine what would have happened.
Speaker 3: And I was like, and this is a good example
Speaker 3: of sometimes we have to say fuck those rules and
Speaker 3: go against the rules to.
Speaker 1: Make the change that you want to make. And she
Speaker 1: was like okay, And.
Speaker 3: I was like, gosh, she's hearing me, like hearing me
Speaker 3: because I want to park in the fucking wred.
Speaker 1: Shut the fuck up.
Speaker 4: These are pervotal moments in our kids' lives.
Speaker 2: I mean, even for you listening, I think we all
Speaker 2: here heard that story all one through fifth grade or whatever.
Speaker 4: The fuck.
Speaker 2: They never stop telling it because there's no other important
Speaker 2: marks in fucking black history.
Speaker 4: But that's a joke if there are.
Speaker 2: But yeah, sometimes following the rules is not what you're
Speaker 2: supposed to do.
Speaker 4: In fact, people who follow the rules make no change.
Speaker 2: So for everybody in our comments talking fucking shit for
Speaker 2: our parents, anybody else has anything else to say about
Speaker 2: what the fuck we're doing. No change comes from well
Speaker 2: behaved women. So when we're loud, when we're rowdy, when
Speaker 2: we're doing whatever the fuck we want, it's because we
Speaker 2: have an agenda, and that agenda is to free the
Speaker 2: people in their minds.
Speaker 1: Wait.
Speaker 3: I have one other random fact, and this is actually
Speaker 3: this could be for today's years old. And I learned
Speaker 3: this because when I was telling my daughter this, then
Speaker 3: that night we went to dinner with my cousin and
Speaker 3: she was I reasked her who Rosa Parks was, and
Speaker 3: if she knew how old she would be right, like
Speaker 3: be at this current age, I think she'd be like,
Speaker 3: I think it was like one hundred and ten or something,
Speaker 3: one hundred and nine.
Speaker 4: Rosa just died.
Speaker 1: No, she died like fifteen, ten years ago.
Speaker 4: No, she did look it up.
Speaker 1: She did.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I guess I reads.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, since we've been like recently ten years ago.
Speaker 4: Okay, child, is you are twenty five?
Speaker 1: No, bitch, that was recently twenty five, two thousand and five.
Speaker 2: So ye, she died even longer ago than that today,
Speaker 2: that nineteen years ago, bitch, five.
Speaker 4: Was just around the corner. I was just in eleventh grade.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: Anyway, my cousin was telling me that she used to
Speaker 3: write letters to Rosa Parks and she would write her back.
Speaker 1: Really, yes, that's so cool, I know, And she said.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she wrote me back many times then when I
Speaker 3: was a kid, because.
Speaker 1: I will Yeah, yeah, put the fuck because I was right.
Speaker 4: I never writing I don't know.
Speaker 1: But then she said, do you know that this is
Speaker 1: a fun fact about Rosa Parks.
Speaker 3: Did you know that the owner of Little Caesar's paid
Speaker 3: her rent for like the last from twenty five years
Speaker 3: from like she was like homeless. Basically, he got her
Speaker 3: an apartment and paid her rent for ten years. She
Speaker 3: didn't even know it was him that was paying it,
Speaker 3: and then eventually she found out and he paid her
Speaker 3: rent for the duration of her life.
Speaker 4: Wow. Yeah, it's got chows. I don't even know who
Speaker 4: mister Little Caesar is.
Speaker 1: He's worth six billion dollars and he's also dead.
Speaker 2: Can you imagine doing all you have done for history?
Speaker 2: You've been in every motherfucking history book and been ending homeless.
Speaker 2: Can you imagine them writing you up in every history
Speaker 2: book and these motherfucker the word I want to say
Speaker 2: is probably these motherfucking crackers got you out here homeless,
Speaker 2: but they've used you and you're liking to paint this piece.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there are your pictures in every classroom.
Speaker 2: Fucking classroom, but you can't even afford to live in
Speaker 2: this bitch.
Speaker 4: That's crazy, little mister, little Caesar.
Speaker 1: Mister Caesar, mister Caesar.
Speaker 2: You know what, it's just a reminder to do something
Speaker 2: kind for somebody, whether they know it or not.
Speaker 4: Right, But it's like, how do you like? He was
Speaker 4: somewhere like, where's this woman at? I need to pick
Speaker 4: her rent?
Speaker 1: I mean, it's nothing, It's like nothing to him.
Speaker 3: And just imagine how many legends, how many people that
Speaker 3: have impacted our society that are like down and out
Speaker 3: that it would be absolutely nothing for someone to come
Speaker 3: in and just fucking save their life a little bit.
Speaker 2: Speaking of this, I'm gonna go dark because I have
Speaker 2: no choice my darkness. Did you know that the five
Speaker 2: richest men in the world, there's only five. The five
Speaker 2: richest men in the world have doubled their wealth since
Speaker 2: twenty twenty COVID.
Speaker 4: I know, but it's only been four years.
Speaker 12: You're the fucking fifth five richest niggas in the world,
Speaker 12: and you've doubled that wealth since fucking COVID, you bitch
Speaker 12: ass niggas. People are fucking starving, and then the government
Speaker 12: is getting all this money to kill people in other countries,
Speaker 12: but you fucking five bucks.
Speaker 4: You can't even spend.
Speaker 2: First of all, four out of three, out of five
Speaker 2: of them are fucking about to die anyway if they
Speaker 2: haven't stolen eleven hundred black people's organs.
Speaker 4: But we're gonna get shut down for that.
Speaker 2: But you haven't doubled your wealth while the rest of
Speaker 2: the world, like you could literally.
Speaker 4: Give that back and be perfectly fucking fine.
Speaker 2: And three of you niggas are about to die any
Speaker 2: second now, so really, you need to just let it go.
Speaker 2: I can't imagine having access to that much money, you
Speaker 2: can't even have that much luxury, and then still being
Speaker 2: like fuck the poors.
Speaker 4: Wild.
Speaker 2: I can't even imagine getting that much wealth and still
Speaker 2: having hate in my heart.
Speaker 4: It's wild, Like, what do you have to hate?
Speaker 7: You rich?
Speaker 4: You might as well as give it out. I'm gonna
Speaker 4: go to all the poor countries take a sack. I
Speaker 4: don't know, it's just so why.
Speaker 1: They might not be hateful, they might be some happy
Speaker 1: old white men.
Speaker 9: M M.
Speaker 4: I saw them.
Speaker 2: None of them are happy, none of them are getting
Speaker 2: They're not getting fucked sucked.
Speaker 3: They're they're definitely getting sucked and sucks. They had gotten
Speaker 3: fucked in such a lot in their life because they've
Speaker 3: paid for it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but that's not love.
Speaker 2: That isn't that that that that vibrates different those little penises.
Speaker 4: They don't look happy. No, I saw them. Anyway, back
Speaker 4: to a regularly scheduled love program. Okay, you're not a
Speaker 4: black panther that you guys know. My middle name is Asada.
Speaker 4: I'm kind, but deep down I have reach. Anyway, I've
Speaker 4: written you a love letter. I wrote you one too, okay,
Speaker 4: in the in the in the spirit of love and friendship.
Speaker 2: We've written each other letters because that's how cheesy we
Speaker 2: are cheesy.
Speaker 3: And also I want you guys to consider writing a
Speaker 3: love letter to your friends, because I think it's really
Speaker 3: important and it was really I mean, I wrote you
Speaker 3: a love letter in our book as well.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah you did?
Speaker 1: Did I read that? You should? You never read it?
Speaker 2: I don't you know, honestly, confession, I don't know if
Speaker 2: I've read our book.
Speaker 4: To bat, have you?
Speaker 1: I mean in the process of writing it.
Speaker 2: I have, Yeah, but that's when we're like in Costa Rica,
Speaker 2: two days before a retreat looking for spy.
Speaker 1: I think I'm on like chapter three on Autio.
Speaker 2: Really wow, I never even downloaded it. I don't want
Speaker 2: to hear my own voice.
Speaker 1: Why bitch, pay us? What the fun? Give me that?
Speaker 1: Give us the.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I guess I do have a love letter to
Speaker 4: you too. Did I need to read that book? Okay?
Speaker 4: So I'm an analogue girl. So I wrote my own paper.
Speaker 7: Write it?
Speaker 1: Wow? Three page? What is the three pages.
Speaker 4: I'm spend taking a full page?
Speaker 2: Let up and not mclosed with the kids.
Speaker 1: Okay, gonna make it comfortable. Okay, this is so cheesy.
Speaker 4: Wow, she's up your friends. It's very important. My sister,
Speaker 4: my bestie, my wife, my soulmate.
Speaker 2: I had no idea this life changing love and friendship
Speaker 2: was on its way. I truly had no idea I
Speaker 2: could experience love like this in adulthood. You have truly
Speaker 2: been my mirror because of the love strength drive you exude,
Speaker 2: you showed.
Speaker 4: Me my own power.
Speaker 2: This love was so unexpected, yet so intentional and divine.
Speaker 2: Experiencing your love allowed me to drop guards I hadn't
Speaker 2: even realized I had up Erica.
Speaker 4: You're beautiful, wild, emotional.
Speaker 2: Strong, moody, resilient, driven, poised, powerful, gentle, funny, silly and fun.
Speaker 4: The amount of memories we share are endless.
Speaker 2: We have We have such a good range, from the
Speaker 2: morning you drove me to planned parenthood at five am
Speaker 2: when we first started, to that night you showed up
Speaker 2: at my apartment and shambles over new news to Coachella's
Speaker 2: Goddess self, coins named Goddess, experiences, tours, tor shenanigans.
Speaker 4: Late nights, uh late nights in.
Speaker 2: Your dining room, new boyfriends, breakups, arguments over boobs and boys,
Speaker 2: to signing six figure contracts. I could honestly go on
Speaker 2: for hours, but the point is I could not imagine this.
Speaker 4: Life without you. I love you so deeply.
Speaker 2: This covenant, this entity is unbreakable and divine. Sharing and friendship, business,
Speaker 2: motherhood and growth with you has been an honor, And
Speaker 2: I know God sent us each other to shake shit
Speaker 2: up and make shit happen. No matter where life takes us,
Speaker 2: I will always be here for you, to love on you,
Speaker 2: to cry with you, to fight with you.
Speaker 4: If I that means not with you but with your mother.
Speaker 1: Yeah, be gross.
Speaker 2: If I ever, if I ever make you feel unappreciated
Speaker 2: or unloved by me, always know that's cap Oh okay,
Speaker 2: yeah like that.
Speaker 4: At my core, you are truly a piece of me.
Speaker 1: I love you too. Thank you.
Speaker 7: Okay.
Speaker 1: I am not an analog girl. I am actually, but
Speaker 1: this was easier in my phone.
Speaker 4: Let me tell you.
Speaker 2: Erica fucking text me last night like, don't forget to
Speaker 2: write my love letter, and I was like, okay.
Speaker 4: And then this morning I was like, fuck, I forgot.
Speaker 4: I never forget and schedule it. So I intentionally ubered
Speaker 4: here so that I could write it. And then she
Speaker 4: got here, She's like, you didn't already. I said, bitch,
Speaker 4: you reminded me.
Speaker 1: I wasn't. I didn't uber I was driving.
Speaker 4: You didn't take your own mind.
Speaker 3: I thought maybe I was going to do it on
Speaker 3: the whim, you know how like people when they accept
Speaker 3: their accepted space and then they dried it on the wind,
Speaker 3: and then they fuck it up and then they're mad.
Speaker 1: Because they should have said thousand thank you. But then
Speaker 1: I said, no, let me write this shit down.
Speaker 3: Okay, Jamila, God knew I needed this friendship and the sisterhood.
Speaker 3: Back when I stopped you on Instagram in twenty fifteen.
Speaker 3: Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that
Speaker 3: we would have created a relationship that has not only
Speaker 3: comforted me in my darkest hours, but blossomed and expanded
Speaker 3: my life in ways I didn't even think possible. The
Speaker 3: moment I saw you, you were a mirror to me,
Speaker 3: a mirror to the things that I deny to myself,
Speaker 3: and also a mirror in the similar similarities that we
Speaker 3: share and I had been searching for in a friend.
Speaker 1: Our friendship has shown me. Our friendship has shown me
Speaker 1: how crucial.
Speaker 3: It is for women to have at least one woman
Speaker 3: in their life that they love just as much as
Speaker 3: the person they choose to share their body, time, and
Speaker 3: heart with. You have protected me more than any man has.
Speaker 3: You have championed me more than my family members have.
Speaker 3: You have been patient with me like a mother is
Speaker 3: patient to her child. You have shown me that you
Speaker 3: love me over and over, even when you think you
Speaker 3: haven't cause you think you're not.
Speaker 1: Good at that part.
Speaker 3: You have been a shoulder to cry on and a
Speaker 3: person I call to share all my good and bad
Speaker 3: choices with, just like people choose to spend their life
Speaker 3: with someone and see no end in sight of their love.
Speaker 3: I see no insight, no end in sight for ours.
Speaker 3: I'm committed to this friendship for life, and even when
Speaker 3: we have children or get married. Just know you'll always
Speaker 3: be my wife and I'll always be here for you,
Speaker 3: no matter how dark or light it gets. You are
Speaker 3: my soulmate, and God did her mother fucking thing when
Speaker 3: she summoned us together. I want nothing more than for
Speaker 3: you to be successful in all your devil endeavors with
Speaker 3: me and outside of me. I want you to continue
Speaker 3: to experience juicy sex, soul filling love in all your relationships,
Speaker 3: and to share your magic everywhere you go, to be
Speaker 3: exactly as you are.
Speaker 1: Titties over sharing it all. Thank you for sharing your
Speaker 1: love and life with me. Happy Valentine's Day, my love
Speaker 1: cheers to many more.
Speaker 4: Oh, Happy Valentine Day.
Speaker 1: I M.
Speaker 4: Wow, I'm an emotional bite.
Speaker 1: I kind.
Speaker 3: I'm trying to hold it together cause I don't know
Speaker 3: if this water is and this mascara is waterproof.
Speaker 2: Is it?
Speaker 4: I think it looks like it's holding up.
Speaker 1: I told you, I googled it. I googled the mascar
Speaker 1: I don't think I looked up waterproof.
Speaker 4: Do you research the shit out of this? Mascar?
Speaker 1: You know my researching? Yes, bitch?
Speaker 4: Wait is my makeup fucked up?
Speaker 2: Now? I don't know.
Speaker 1: Just we'll just dry a little hair. Okay.
Speaker 3: Wait, speaking of research, because I did do some research
Speaker 3: and I wanted to share some fa facts about why
Speaker 3: it's so important for women to have friends and why
Speaker 3: this relationship in particular has been so healing, has been
Speaker 3: so like ben official to my health overall in general.
Speaker 1: Because I was really curious.
Speaker 3: I was like, what is like, what are the stats
Speaker 3: around like female friendships? And it was so interesting the
Speaker 3: things that I found.
Speaker 4: What did you find?
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm gonna tell you.
Speaker 3: I found that so it says how long does the
Speaker 3: average female friendship last? Recent research actually tells us that
Speaker 3: the average female friendship lasts sixteen years, which is six
Speaker 3: years longer than.
Speaker 1: The average romantic relationship.
Speaker 3: If a friendship lasts longer than seven years, psychologists say
Speaker 3: it will last a lifetime.
Speaker 4: We're nine years in so rewards.
Speaker 1: Yeah, done, it's done.
Speaker 3: And then there's this apparently there's this like I don't know,
Speaker 3: this rule around friendship.
Speaker 1: It's the eighty twenty Rule of friendship.
Speaker 3: It says eighty percent of eighty percent of the value
Speaker 3: of your friendships will come from twenty percent of your friends.
Speaker 3: For example, you might have ten casual friends, but probably
Speaker 3: only two or three are dark hour friends, like the
Speaker 3: person to recall in the dark darkness of your hour.
Speaker 3: These friends will support you through tough times and stay
Speaker 3: with you without any selfish benefit. And I was thinking
Speaker 3: about that, and I was thinking about, like how many
Speaker 3: women in general think they have an eighty percentage of
Speaker 3: friends Like that really would be there, but then things happen, like,
Speaker 3: for example, you have a child, right, Like there's so
Speaker 3: many women that encounter this when you have a kid,
Speaker 3: and you're like, where the fuck are all my friends?
Speaker 3: And you realize, like your friend group gets substantially smaller
Speaker 3: when you have these we have these rights of passage
Speaker 3: in your life, whether that's in death, whether that's in birth,
Speaker 3: whatever it is.
Speaker 1: When you need that support.
Speaker 3: And I was like, I think a lot more women
Speaker 3: need to really take inventory of like their friends, like do.
Speaker 1: You have an eighty twenty do you even have twenty?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: I think the fucked up part about this because like
Speaker 2: when I as you talk about this. I'm thinking about
Speaker 2: particular time in my life where I have some friends
Speaker 2: that I've known my whole life and that I've just
Speaker 2: like gone to in certain situations and they did not
Speaker 2: show up in the way I thought that they would,
Speaker 2: and like how deeply devastating that was for me, Like
Speaker 2: my cancer, I feck and.
Speaker 4: Self can't take it.
Speaker 2: But I think when I met you, or when we
Speaker 2: started to start this and like rekindle this friendship, I
Speaker 2: was in a place that I.
Speaker 4: Didn't realize, like I really was like not fuck bitches,
Speaker 4: because I'm really a girl's girl, but.
Speaker 2: I was in need of like a friendship, that dark
Speaker 2: hour of friendship in a way that I thought I
Speaker 2: had and I did it, and it was it was
Speaker 2: like I was in a time where I had lost
Speaker 2: I was not.
Speaker 4: In my relationship with my baby daddy that I'd been with.
Speaker 2: For years, and I was going through really hard times
Speaker 2: and the people I thought that were going to really
Speaker 2: show up for me did not and it was difficult.
Speaker 2: And then when I found you, I was like I
Speaker 2: I didn't think that there was a time where I
Speaker 2: could find a friend of this depth.
Speaker 4: This age, at this age, these are the friends I got.
Speaker 4: This is what I got. This is why I got
Speaker 4: to deal with these bitches. I'm like, they're got my nerves.
Speaker 4: I don't have no choice if I have no friends.
Speaker 2: So I think there are times like where you showed
Speaker 2: up for me and I was like, oh shit, like
Speaker 2: this is different than that, and I can I can
Speaker 2: release that part of me that doesn't expect that love
Speaker 2: or doesn't you know, want to count on a person
Speaker 2: to show up in their darkest hour. But I think
Speaker 2: that was one of the things that was extremely shifting
Speaker 2: for a relationship because I think when you start or
Speaker 2: an adult friendship.
Speaker 4: It is with caution, you know, like who is this bitch?
Speaker 4: Who are you?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 4: What do you really want?
Speaker 2: You know, the same people, yeah, like do you know okay?
Speaker 2: But when you started to show up for me, you know,
Speaker 2: because inevitably it doesn't start that way, but when things
Speaker 2: start real, shit started to happen and.
Speaker 4: You continued continue to be there.
Speaker 2: Like I got an abortion the first year that the
Speaker 2: fucking show started, and it was with the nigga across country.
Speaker 2: I didn't have no business having a baby with And
Speaker 2: thank god, my inner witch said bitch s shitsh morshin
Speaker 2: for real and Erica took me to play Para hairt
Speaker 2: like five am. I wrote about this in the book,
Speaker 2: with fucking Iry in the backseat, and I was like
Speaker 2: looked over, like this pitch is really my friend, and
Speaker 2: there was no judgment, there was no questions, and like
Speaker 2: I was like, you could just let you could just
Speaker 2: let me out here, and You're like, no, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: come in.
Speaker 4: And I was like, okay, I just leave you there.
Speaker 2: And the lobby like I'm fucking fifteen, and the fucking
Speaker 2: playing parahead. But I didn't even if though I wanted
Speaker 2: to get out of the car and deal with it myself.
Speaker 4: You didn't let me. And I needed that, you know.
Speaker 1: I really needed.
Speaker 2: Someone to be like, even if you don't ask for it,
Speaker 2: so emotional, even if you don't ask for it, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna be here, you know.
Speaker 4: And I think that's the difference. I think as women,
Speaker 4: especially as Black.
Speaker 2: Women, you've and so strong and you've dealt with shit
Speaker 2: by yourself.
Speaker 4: It's like I got this.
Speaker 2: But when someone is like you got it, but I'm
Speaker 2: here still, those are the shifting points. And I think
Speaker 2: because we are so strong, because we deal with shit
Speaker 2: so often alone or we're programmed in this like hyper
Speaker 2: independence that we don't expect it and so when we
Speaker 2: don't know how to receive it. And so I think
Speaker 2: this relationship has really allowed me to take inventory of
Speaker 2: that and then receive it and then also be like,
Speaker 2: you can do it, but you don't have to, you know.
Speaker 2: And those are the type of friendships I think that
Speaker 2: are divine and that are you know, life changing, And
Speaker 2: this has been a life changing relationship.
Speaker 4: And we've come up on some magical fucking I don't know,
Speaker 4: like I don't know what the fuck, I'm a bird,
Speaker 4: I'm like fucking gem, you know, some treasure that has
Speaker 4: has like.
Speaker 2: Allowed us to rebirth in this phoenix M S E
Speaker 2: with each other, you know. And I think that women
Speaker 2: really have the the ability to do that for each other, right,
Speaker 2: we are so magical we birth people. And so when
Speaker 2: we bring that magic and you know that co creation,
Speaker 2: that sex energy without the sex, you guys, you know
Speaker 2: that creative energy, then something really magical and powerful can
Speaker 2: be exchanged and be created. And I think we are
Speaker 2: a living proof of that, you know. And s like
Speaker 2: literally cook some shit up in the kitchen and here
Speaker 2: we are.
Speaker 4: So yeah, that eighty twenty. Shit is real.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it is too. And I think about just.
Speaker 3: Even my friends outside, like my friends outside of this
Speaker 3: are also your friends outside of this.
Speaker 1: But I even I even.
Speaker 3: Like, I'm like, damn, I'm blessed because it's I got
Speaker 3: like it's more like forty sixty uh for me, Like
Speaker 3: I have a very solid, beautiful group of friends that
Speaker 3: I know that I can rely on for different things
Speaker 3: and and also everything too at the same time, like
Speaker 3: I know which friend is am is maybe more gifted
Speaker 3: in supporting me in this way or that way or
Speaker 3: this way, but ultimately, each and every one of them,
Speaker 3: the ones I really choose to call my friends and sisters,
Speaker 3: are going to to show up for me no matter what. Absolutely,
Speaker 3: you know. And I realize how I know how where
Speaker 3: that is, I know how how isolating it is, and
Speaker 3: I know that because of so many people that well,
Speaker 3: I know because myself, I mean, I've I've I've always
Speaker 3: had a a s a group of friends.
Speaker 1: But it wasn't until I had.
Speaker 3: My daughter that I realized I didn't have I was
Speaker 3: more leaning on like the ten ninety and and then
Speaker 3: just within this work and talking to so many women
Speaker 3: and then beying like I ain't got nobody, Like I
Speaker 3: don't even know where to begin, and so I think, like, uh,
Speaker 3: what the beauty full thing that our entity has created
Speaker 3: has been this birthing of a community where women who
Speaker 3: don't have friends can find each other. And it does
Speaker 3: require you to get uncomfortable. It does require and you
Speaker 3: go out on a limb. It may not be like seamless.
Speaker 3: You may not just find your bestie walking down the
Speaker 3: street and that's your fucking storyline.
Speaker 1: Like, no, you might have to really nurture that relationship.
Speaker 1: And that brings me to my last statistic.
Speaker 4: Kind of statistic queen.
Speaker 3: It takes about eleven different encounters that are that are
Speaker 3: each three hours long over a period of six months
Speaker 3: to turn an acquaintance into a real friend.
Speaker 4: That makes sense.
Speaker 2: I think by the time, like between March and shit August,
Speaker 2: it's just when like I got that abortion. We when
Speaker 2: we started the podcast, we probably had not spent three
Speaker 2: hours consecutively together, do you think so that first episode.
Speaker 4: Was probably the beginning, the beginning of us spending.
Speaker 2: That may have been our second time spending three hours together.
Speaker 2: In the first two were photo shooting in a shopping.
Speaker 1: I'm not joking like that.
Speaker 2: I'm probably the one time I went to the club,
Speaker 2: but that doesn't count when we're talking, right, But honestly,
Speaker 2: you know, though, like this this exact space.
Speaker 4: You know, obviously not physically here.
Speaker 2: But good Mom's bad choices were the three hour conversations
Speaker 2: over a six month period that took our relationship from
Speaker 2: zero to best friends quickly. And you know, I have
Speaker 2: other friends who just like started texting me a lot
Speaker 2: their business and I was like, oh, okay, I guess
Speaker 2: for friends.
Speaker 4: You know, and I'm that type of bitch.
Speaker 2: But I realized that women have a hard time being vulnerable,
Speaker 2: and women have a hard time like I think, you know,
Speaker 2: I say for black women a lot because I'm a
Speaker 2: black woman.
Speaker 4: It's all I know, it's the only experience I have.
Speaker 2: But we've also been very much conditioned to like, don't
Speaker 2: tell your business and to show up a certain way
Speaker 2: and too like our shit has to be together, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean. And there's been times in our
Speaker 2: relationship where, like I knew we were dealing in different realms,
Speaker 2: but I still felt comfortable enough to tell you, like
Speaker 2: my car got repossessed in front of Erica's house, and
Speaker 2: I was embarrassed, but I didn't this is where I
Speaker 2: was at, and I had a friend who wasn't gonna
Speaker 2: judge me or and I felt embarrassed and I felt ways,
Speaker 2: but it wasn't like it. It's never been judgment. It's like,
Speaker 2: oh I got pregnant by this dumbass guy. It's never
Speaker 2: been judgment. It's like, what are we gonna do? And
Speaker 2: how are we gonna how are we gonna heal you?
Speaker 4: You know? What can I do for you?
Speaker 2: And I think that we fuck ourselves a lot not
Speaker 2: being able to show up as ourselves, you know, vulnerable,
Speaker 2: fucked up.
Speaker 4: Sometimes it's not beautiful. And I'm one of those people.
Speaker 2: Who really wants to present is everything is okay, because
Speaker 2: I don't want too much of your attention because I
Speaker 2: think it's weird and I can deal with it by myself.
Speaker 2: But it does require that you kind of let go
Speaker 2: of that perfection, Like perfection isn't in order to be
Speaker 2: vulnerable in a friendship in a real way.
Speaker 4: Not yeah, yeah, because we all have some shit you have.
Speaker 1: To you have to do.
Speaker 3: If you if you really say you want the friendship
Speaker 3: or the friend group that you desire, there is a
Speaker 3: disarming that has to happen or else you can just
Speaker 3: have a bunch of you can just have a bunch
Speaker 3: of eighty friends and you be in that group too.
Speaker 3: You're gonna be the eighty friend to a lot of bitches,
Speaker 3: and you won't.
Speaker 1: You won't. You're not even part of the twenty percent.
Speaker 2: But then when you actually need somebody you have, you
Speaker 2: won't even feel comfortable calling any of those bitches, right,
Speaker 2: And that is that's of all of the things that
Speaker 2: we've that we've cultivated, Like, our friendship is my most
Speaker 2: proud like the thing I'm most proud of, and like
Speaker 2: it really is a marriage, you know, it really is
Speaker 2: a marriage. Like we've put in the work and we
Speaker 2: are constantly finding new ways to better our friendship so
Speaker 2: that we can keep doing the work for the community.
Speaker 3: So yeah, well that's cheers to that you don't barely
Speaker 3: have nothing to dream.
Speaker 2: I don't know, I mean, I guess cheers to forever
Speaker 2: friendship and to being vulnerable in them and sharing the
Speaker 2: message of sisterhood.
Speaker 4: So I brought couples.
Speaker 2: We're not really strangers because we're a couple. Actually, they're
Speaker 2: sending us some stuff. Yeah, send us some money.
Speaker 4: What have you been extra sensitive too lately?
Speaker 13: What have I been extra sensitive too lately? M Because
Speaker 13: the same should have always sends it up about.
Speaker 4: Which is I.
Speaker 1: I think I'm very sensitive.
Speaker 3: About how I parent and like how I show up
Speaker 3: as a parent. Really Yeah, when people have opinions like
Speaker 3: my mom, I think I'm also been extra sensitive to touch,
Speaker 3: physical touch. I think because I I mean, I'm I'm
Speaker 3: a touchy type of bitch anyway with.
Speaker 1: With men, not so much women, which I'm not like,
Speaker 1: I'm always trying to work on why are you laughing?
Speaker 1: Why are you laughing?
Speaker 7: Everything?
Speaker 3: With women, I feel very I think my heart is
Speaker 3: very sensitive.
Speaker 1: It's very sensitive.
Speaker 3: It's very open because after my last relationship, I told myself,
Speaker 3: I'm not like closing myself off and I wasn't going
Speaker 3: to like harden myself. And that was also the message
Speaker 3: I got last year when I also tried to I
Speaker 3: was like, I'm not you should I should have Yeah,
Speaker 3: And I did it, and then I got the voice
Speaker 3: and the voice told me that your lesson is not over.
Speaker 1: And then I went back and then I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: you got it, lesson is received.
Speaker 4: Got it? We had it eleven months later got it.
Speaker 4: We got it.
Speaker 1: It was really important.
Speaker 4: It was it was.
Speaker 3: I think I'm just very sensitive to energy in general.
Speaker 3: So I feel like I can feel people's energy even
Speaker 3: more so than before. And like the other day, Mela
Speaker 3: asked me if I'm an mpath and I like took
Speaker 3: a very long time to answer, and then she was like, well,
Speaker 3: you're not, bitch, and I was like, but I think
Speaker 3: I am. And I think there's a spectrum of like
Speaker 3: what empathy looks like for people and how deeply impacted
Speaker 3: you are by people's energy, and mine is mine shows
Speaker 3: up differently, Like some people cry very easily right like,
Speaker 3: and I can tell me I can and I can cry.
Speaker 1: I can cry easily too, depending on what it is,
Speaker 1: but we can.
Speaker 3: But I think, just in general right now, I feel
Speaker 3: like just very sensitive to.
Speaker 1: Energy and people overall.
Speaker 2: What about you, Uh, yeah, I am always sensitive to
Speaker 2: energy and people.
Speaker 4: But yeah, I think that I am hyper sensitive. But
Speaker 4: I think I'm really sensitive to myself.
Speaker 2: Where as I'm like on this deep investigative journey into
Speaker 2: why I am the way I am and how I
Speaker 2: show up and being really conscious of the thoughts that
Speaker 2: I have and honestly like like I've said this to you,
Speaker 2: like even thoughts like about you or in a relationship,
Speaker 2: or think you're mad at me, or even just like
Speaker 2: how I respond to situations, and like I think then.
Speaker 4: It's been I'm I'm sensitive to it because now I'm
Speaker 4: it's time to do this work.
Speaker 2: But I think it's also like the hardest work I've
Speaker 2: ever had to do, not changing myself, but being open
Speaker 2: to change about how I show up and even my
Speaker 2: thought process and like, you know, recognizing when thoughts are
Speaker 2: negative or and like or I'm feeling jealousy, you know,
Speaker 2: and then I'm like that you need to do air element,
Speaker 2: you know, Like I had this crazy it's so ridiculous.
Speaker 2: I don't want to admit it and out loud. It
Speaker 2: was so dumb. But immediately I was like, bitch, you
Speaker 2: need to do your own limit, like you need to
Speaker 2: sit down. And it helped, you know, but it was
Speaker 2: just like a ridiculous thought. It was very childish and.
Speaker 4: I had to check myself. And so I just think
Speaker 4: that I'm in this this space where I was.
Speaker 2: Like, I don't know if you're hanging out with somebody,
Speaker 2: and I was like, jealousy, it's me poor.
Speaker 4: It was stupid. It was like the last few weeks,
Speaker 4: but I had to like check it, you know what
Speaker 4: I mean, Like where is this coming from?
Speaker 2: Like you it's literally made up, and just just being
Speaker 2: cognizant of that, you know.
Speaker 4: And just like all those things. So I think.
Speaker 1: She was jealous.
Speaker 4: For not the bitch I spent every week in a
Speaker 4: moment with Psycho. But yeah, this really extra sensitive about
Speaker 4: me lately, and like how I show up and who
Speaker 4: I am, my tru.
Speaker 3: What's something we used to do at the beginning of
Speaker 3: our l What is something we used to do at
Speaker 3: the beginning of our relationship that you miss the most?
Speaker 4: I picked up. Yeah, I don't think we do anything
Speaker 4: but nothing. It's never happening again.
Speaker 1: M I guess hang out alone, hang out by ourselves more.
Speaker 3: I think like when we hang out there's always a
Speaker 3: lot of people around.
Speaker 1: It's either like we're.
Speaker 3: With our group of friends, or we're working, or there's
Speaker 3: someone behind the camera or Orlando's there or whatever. It is, Like,
Speaker 3: I think that I miss hanging out with you one.
Speaker 4: On one more.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was gonna say working, I mean not working out,
Speaker 2: hanging out without being work related or not having to
Speaker 2: talk about anything. Work related, like I'm not doing nothing
Speaker 2: but kind of yeah, kind of, you know, because there
Speaker 2: was a time we're like, we're just doing this when
Speaker 2: it was time to do this, and then we just
Speaker 2: hang out.
Speaker 4: But now it's like everything and revolves.
Speaker 2: Around this machine that we've created and like how it
Speaker 2: can improve and how it can be better, and how
Speaker 2: we can make.
Speaker 4: More money and like are we making money yet?
Speaker 1: No? No, no, no, you.
Speaker 2: Know, I never paying you know, And it's just like
Speaker 2: a consciousness that has overtaken, not overtaken the friendship because
Speaker 2: it's so deeply tied together. But yeah, like where we
Speaker 2: can just kind of decompress and separate these two things,
Speaker 2: which is difficult because our friendship is our business and
Speaker 2: vice versa.
Speaker 4: But yeah, like just being in the backyard naked, smoking weed, doing.
Speaker 1: Nothing bringing into more of that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, well summer's coming.
Speaker 4: Okay, one more?
Speaker 2: In what ways is this relationship unlike any other before?
Speaker 1: It's so many ways.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Uh. I think the level of like vulnerability I've been
Speaker 3: able to that's been able to exist in this I
Speaker 3: think also just and and vulnerability even in like my
Speaker 3: deepest insecurity is about our relationship and being able to
Speaker 3: say that out loud to you and on multiple occasions,
Speaker 3: and probably I could do it even more honestly, And
Speaker 3: so I think, like I've never experienced that with a woman.
Speaker 3: I might've experienced that with a man because women were
Speaker 3: really good at telling me cause how we feel, but
Speaker 3: with women, we don't really do that. And so I
Speaker 3: would say that like being able to do that, I
Speaker 3: think also.
Speaker 1: Being naked a lot, because I.
Speaker 3: Don't really have a lot of friends that I would've
Speaker 3: may been able to do that with. I mean, I
Speaker 3: think I I've always felt pretty comfortable in my body
Speaker 3: and being naked. I think when that comes from my
Speaker 3: mom because she was really ni she was mute a
Speaker 3: lot in the house, even though now she acts like
Speaker 3: that ever existed. But but there's like, uh, the freedom
Speaker 3: of like just I think existing in my body is
Speaker 3: something that I never really got to do with any
Speaker 3: woman in my life like that, thank you.
Speaker 2: I think in what ways this relationship is unlike any
Speaker 2: other before.
Speaker 4: I think that we have been able to.
Speaker 2: Yeah, grow together, consciously, healed together, and like be vulnerable
Speaker 2: about the things that we're healing and where we're at,
Speaker 2: and also just make the rules, you know, Like we've
Speaker 2: really made the rules in our relationship and there's been
Speaker 2: no blueprint, and it's like.
Speaker 4: You wanna party this guy?
Speaker 2: Okay, wha party our friend's boyfriend with her permission?
Speaker 4: Okay you know, and like, oh like just whatever, it is,
Speaker 4: like you think I should shu?
Speaker 2: You think we should send this guy a picture of
Speaker 2: us inner lingerie and see if I'll come on our show.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, shout out to band Lathan, Thanks thanks man.
Speaker 3: I mean wait, not wait, not this being Neila's tactic,
Speaker 3: because Mila.
Speaker 1: Was like, we gotta get Kat Williams on our ship.
Speaker 1: Was like, I have a probably run that tactic back.
Speaker 4: I said, you think we just send the pictures on lingerie?
Speaker 4: I think it's too thirsty now. But she was gonna
Speaker 4: be too thirsty.
Speaker 2: If worked back in twenty eighteen. Did I don't think
Speaker 2: I sent? I told Nellie and she was like, no,
Speaker 2: you can't ask the people. You can't ask old people.
Speaker 2: You can't they don't understand.
Speaker 4: No, you got no no, you know, pull pull cat's
Speaker 4: DMS ups.
Speaker 1: If anything's on the.
Speaker 4: Cat is gonna understand the call, just like just like
Speaker 4: Ban did. Fucking band what is he?
Speaker 1: Oh my god?
Speaker 2: But yeah, like just making the rules and just knowing
Speaker 2: that I can be my full complete cells here, naked
Speaker 2: titties out, your boyfriend there, your new boyfriend there. I
Speaker 2: don't care what boyfriend this is, and just like be
Speaker 2: full blown myself and know that you have my back.
Speaker 4: And that there's no weird energy.
Speaker 1: Hey amen, amen Amen.
Speaker 2: So our males are about to come out because bitches
Speaker 2: are very hungry now that we've smoked and Erica has
Speaker 2: been dying, I mean fucking dying Erica and Luna for
Speaker 2: us to do ASMR and wait side note. That's when
Speaker 2: I was in the bathtub in Luna and she goes
Speaker 2: she made me watch ASMR and I was like she
Speaker 2: whispering the whole time and she's like yeah.
Speaker 4: So she's like, let's who do you want to watch you?
Speaker 4: And I was like no, and she puts us in.
Speaker 4: She goes good Mom's Bad Choices with kids and I
Speaker 4: was like, no, it's called the forest is a pharmacy. She'said,
Speaker 4: oh yeah, And then I was like why do you
Speaker 4: want to watch this? She's like, so you can see
Speaker 4: like if you mess up. I was like, remain. She
Speaker 4: was like, you canna see to watch yourself to see
Speaker 4: if you mess up. She was okay, Well, I was like,
Speaker 4: but I'm being myself. I don't think I can mess up.
Speaker 4: And I was like, is she right? Do I need
Speaker 4: to like watch to see what I do? Weird? Like,
Speaker 4: you know what it is? You guys do letely honest.
Speaker 2: I am so and I wouldn't say insecure, but I
Speaker 2: am so overly conscious that I don't want to watch
Speaker 2: it at all because I don't want to have any attachment.
Speaker 2: If I don't like it, I literally just be like
Speaker 2: it's done. I could have a bookheer in my nose,
Speaker 2: I could do some Fox up shit.
Speaker 4: I don't know, I don't know. I'm not having it.
Speaker 2: I'm not looking at it because I don't like to
Speaker 2: rewatch and like to we listen. I probably listen to
Speaker 2: eighteen percent of our episodes in the last six years.
Speaker 4: But when she said that, I was like, she's smart.
Speaker 2: I could have been improving the last six years, but
Speaker 2: I've avoided myself because it's too scary.
Speaker 4: Not too scary for you, too scary for me.
Speaker 2: So we finally for Erica, because we are here eating,
Speaker 2: we are gifting the people which you've always been dying for.
Speaker 3: Us eating and doing ASMR so if you want to
Speaker 3: make sure you subscribe to our YouTube channel because we're
Speaker 3: going to create another channel for ASMR because all my
Speaker 3: ASMR dreams are finally.
Speaker 4: But hold your horses. I don't think we're recruiting another channel.
Speaker 1: Doesn't know it yet, but we're creating a channel.
Speaker 3: The channel's happening, and it's what's gonna take our YouTube
Speaker 3: to the next level. Just to fucking wait, just you wait,
Speaker 3: We're gonna come YouTube fucking stars on the rise.
Speaker 4: What is that plaque?
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're gonna be a plaque.
Speaker 3: That's gonna see a million views and it's gonna be
Speaker 3: that as Mr video.
Speaker 1: Of you just lurping on fucking charboiled oysters.
Speaker 4: It's gonna be like longer nails or something.
Speaker 2: Okay, anyway, we love you, thank you for sitting through
Speaker 2: this love fest of Erica, and I remember to love
Speaker 2: on your friends, Remember to write your friends and love
Speaker 2: letter order fucking are we really strangers? And get to
Speaker 2: know your lovers and your wives and your friends better
Speaker 2: and rate when we view this fucking episode and also
Speaker 2: download it. I don't know if you know this. We
Speaker 2: don't get streams unless people are downloading. So it's this
Speaker 2: is not based on listens. It's based on downloads. So
Speaker 2: if you haven't downloaded the episode, review it, leave a comment,
Speaker 2: download it, because that's what actually matters, even if you're
Speaker 2: the deleted late.
Speaker 4: Honestly, you know where to find us.
Speaker 2: Good Moms Underscore back Choices on Instagram, Good Momsbad Choices dot.
Speaker 4: Com for everything Good Moms. We're coming to a city
Speaker 4: near you very soon.
Speaker 2: We have retreats lined up, we have merch, we have
Speaker 2: good looks, and now we have ASMR.
Speaker 4: So don't play yourself, treat yourself.
Speaker 2: Subscribe to our YouTube channel and we'll see you next week.
Speaker 1: Bye,