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Speaker 1: The Nicky Nicky. Hello here I am. It's Nicky Glazer podcast.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the show. I'm in Los Angeles, California, in

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Speaker 1: my hotel room. It is two hours later in St. Louis,

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Speaker 1: where Andrew is Hello, Andrew, back to you, and Noah

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Speaker 1: is in Arizona, which I don't know what time zone

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Speaker 1: you guys are on. Isn't Hell? Yeah, girl, it's a

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Speaker 1: nice place to be. Um, I've been here since God,

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Speaker 1: I don't even remember now Thursday, Friday, Wednesday, thurs Thursday

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Speaker 1: yet Thursday because we had to pre tape Thursday. Yes,

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Speaker 1: that is what happened. So much. So many good responses

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Speaker 1: on last week's show shows with Aria, Um, my friend, Wow,

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Speaker 1: that was really nice to read all of those, and

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Speaker 1: I sent her a lot of the d M s

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Speaker 1: I got, And man, you made someone's day by writing

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Speaker 1: all those nice things. So thank you guys so much.

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Speaker 1: It's always so nice to get your feedback on that stuff.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, I'm feeling a little grogged this morning, but

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Speaker 1: I'm waking up, but I'm in like a debt, Like

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Speaker 1: I have my blackout curtains drawn because I have to,

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Speaker 1: for there's nowhere to sit in here where if I

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Speaker 1: if I opened the curtains, I would be backlit and

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Speaker 1: I would look like an ominous you know, the deal

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Speaker 1: or no deal guy, And so I just have to

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Speaker 1: keep the curtains drawn into my room. Is quite depressing.

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Speaker 1: And I could have slept till five pm today like easily,

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Speaker 1: no problem, no questions asked. Um, I've been doing it

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Speaker 1: a lot. I had some good times, good sleeping in

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Speaker 1: times this weekend, but still not enough. Like I can

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Speaker 1: sleep all the time, and I don't know what's wrong

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Speaker 1: with me why I And I don't know what's wrong

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Speaker 1: with people that get up and like do stuff. If

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Speaker 1: you have free time, why aren't you in bed? And

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Speaker 1: that is my Um, that's my conundrum recently. It's like

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Speaker 1: when I have free time, I just want to be

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Speaker 1: in bed. I don't want to be writing a book.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to be going hiking. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to go to Sepphora to restock my makeup. I don't

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Speaker 1: want to go shopping for an outfit to wear on conan. Um, well,

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Speaker 1: I just want to sleep, um, and I just want

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Speaker 1: to be in bed on my phone. And I'm not depressed,

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Speaker 1: maybe a little bit, but like that's what's soothing to me.

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Speaker 1: But like it feels really sad getting back into bed

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Speaker 1: when it's beautiful outside and there are tons of friends

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Speaker 1: that live in this town that I can hang out with. Um,

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Speaker 1: and I'm doing that instead. Any thoughts, Well, I think

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Speaker 1: if you're being very active when you're not in bed,

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Speaker 1: then bed is okay. You know, it's a balance. Um,

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Speaker 1: if it's active for thirty minutes, bed for twenty three

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Speaker 1: hours and thirty it's that's you know. I mean, you're

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Speaker 1: doing a lot of ship. You're not just like someone

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Speaker 1: that's like, uh, you know, you got like fucking a

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Speaker 1: gator have drinking gatorade bottle by the bed and you're

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Speaker 1: just eating from a Chinese take out. You just have

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Speaker 1: the same underwear on for five days. Now you're doing

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Speaker 1: you're very active, like you're not. It's not weird to

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Speaker 1: think that you need rest and when you are performing,

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Speaker 1: I'm sure you're probably better when you're getting out of bed. No,

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Speaker 1: I would hope. So do you feel refreshed or do

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Speaker 1: you feel more tired because of you know, I feel

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Speaker 1: resentful that I have to get out of bed, and

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Speaker 1: like that that the only reason I get out of

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Speaker 1: bed is to appear normal because I know that it's

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Speaker 1: what I should do as opposed to what I that's

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Speaker 1: the difference between my life and everyone else's. Yes, I

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Speaker 1: do do things, but I don't ever want to do

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Speaker 1: any of them. And I feel like people like I

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Speaker 1: was comparing myself to Kirsten because she's just someone who

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Speaker 1: just likes to get up. She likes to go out,

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Speaker 1: and she likes to go on hikes, and she likes

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Speaker 1: to go shopping, and she likes to like cook, and

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Speaker 1: she likes to clean up, and she like of course,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes she likes to go to work, Like I

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Speaker 1: don't like to do any of the things. Everything I

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Speaker 1: do I do out of um because I know it's

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Speaker 1: what I should do. It's not because I want to

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Speaker 1: do it. If it were up to me, it would

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Speaker 1: be being in bet on my phone reading a new

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Speaker 1: Columbine book. But that's what I want to do. I

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Speaker 1: think it's a happiness issue. Her Columbine book is doing

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Speaker 1: those things like that's what makes her column bie. Why

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Speaker 1: would anyone's Columbine book not be a Columbine book. Why

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Speaker 1: would it be going to home depot to pick out

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Speaker 1: sconces or talking for the new tub they're putting in,

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Speaker 1: like I feel. I know, I returned to this over

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Speaker 1: and over, but I just I wish I were a

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Speaker 1: person who liked doing things. And I like going in

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Speaker 1: her with friends. I like sleeping, I like staying in bed.

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Speaker 1: I like snacking. I like going to lunch with friends.

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Speaker 1: But that is that's That's really only the things I

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Speaker 1: like to do. Everything else in my life. I like

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Speaker 1: podcasting because it makes me feel accomplished at the end

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Speaker 1: of it. And I like like talking to friends and

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Speaker 1: hanging out with friends. But um, and I like performing

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Speaker 1: at sometimes. But if I'm gonna be honest, I'd rather

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Speaker 1: be in bed reading a Columbie my true course self

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Speaker 1: would rather be in bed on Reddit reading Columbine UM

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Speaker 1: than than outdoing things. And I think that people. What

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Speaker 1: about when you're genuinely like this weekend and you see

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Speaker 1: if you see Carlisle, you see your your your friends

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Speaker 1: in comedy, and you're performing. Does that give you a

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Speaker 1: little bit of life? Yes, it does. But I'm there

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Speaker 1: out of obligation. I'm not there for the love of

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Speaker 1: the game. I don't think I'm there because I have

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Speaker 1: people that are coming to see me and I have to. Like,

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Speaker 1: I was just talking in on you about this, and

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Speaker 1: you wrote me this morning that she's in New York

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Speaker 1: City and she was at the Comedy Seller last night

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Speaker 1: and she noticed this trend of comedians like blaming the

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Speaker 1: audience and getting like kind of mad at the audience

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Speaker 1: for being shitty and like, you guys don't get that, like, oh,

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Speaker 1: you guys are sensitive, you know, and like scolding the

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Speaker 1: audience a little bit. And she's like, I just really

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Speaker 1: like you never do that. She was like, you just

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Speaker 1: I've never seen I've watched you a million times. You've

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Speaker 1: never once gotten mad at the audience for not getting something.

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Speaker 1: You always are just like you. Just that's so much sure,

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Speaker 1: that's so evolved of you. It's just such new comic energy.

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Speaker 1: I feel to get mad audience. And I was like, yes,

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Speaker 1: and no, I feel that I don't get mad at

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Speaker 1: the audience because because sometimes there are shitty audiences, like

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Speaker 1: sometimes these l A crowds recently have been very growny,

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Speaker 1: like so like everything I say, it's just like, oh,

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Speaker 1: like they just hear a word. It's it's very it's

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Speaker 1: an interesting new facet to the l A audience that

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Speaker 1: I don't remember encountering when I lived here, but I

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Speaker 1: don't get mad at them ever in person. I will

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Speaker 1: talk to you about audience when I get off stage. Man,

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Speaker 1: they sucked. God, they were awful funk. I hate them,

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Speaker 1: but I never do it in person. And it's not

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Speaker 1: because I'm like I'm I'm I'm a more mature comedian.

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Speaker 1: It's because I have low self esteem, and I truly

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Speaker 1: feel that if I were to be like you guys

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Speaker 1: suck someone and might go you suck and you're ugly

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Speaker 1: and we like other people better than you. My fear

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Speaker 1: me not me not getting mad at anyone ever in

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Speaker 1: my life, is never me being up the better person

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Speaker 1: or being like It's not a maturity. It's actually me

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Speaker 1: fearing retribution from them that I cannot take because I'm

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Speaker 1: so scared of any criticism. I'm so scared of being

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Speaker 1: told that I did something wrong. So instead I will

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Speaker 1: talk about them behind their back. I feel like the

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Speaker 1: comedian know that goes you guys suck, You don't get it,

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Speaker 1: you're too fucking woke, you're too weak, whatever, that they're

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Speaker 1: already getting that response that you fear from the crowd,

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Speaker 1: and that's their insecurity showing of them being like, well

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Speaker 1: it's on dim, it's on me, and that their fear

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Speaker 1: already happened. They didn't get the laugh, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean. But this fear of mine, it's it's in

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Speaker 1: everything I do, Like I I just don't I don't

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Speaker 1: ever like to tell anyone they're wrong because I and

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Speaker 1: I've talked about this with the therapist before and she

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Speaker 1: said that that's the fear of a fifteen year old girl,

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Speaker 1: that someone's going to call you ugly. Um. But that's

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Speaker 1: truly always my biggest fear is that someone can, just everyone,

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Speaker 1: anyone can win an argument with me by saying, well,

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Speaker 1: you're ugly, Like that is my biggest fear, and I

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Speaker 1: don't trust people not to use that against me, and

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Speaker 1: then it will show, like if we're argue about the environment,

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Speaker 1: if we're arguing about whether I'm funny or not, like,

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Speaker 1: if they pull out you're ugly and um, then I

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Speaker 1: then the arguments over and I will go cry and

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Speaker 1: I will not be able to talk anymore. And so

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Speaker 1: I just am always trying to I always take blame first.

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Speaker 1: I'd rather always have blame than ever blame someone else

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Speaker 1: because I'm just scared they're gonna say either you're a

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Speaker 1: bit or you're ugly? Yeah, does that make sense? How

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Speaker 1: many times does that happen? I mean, you know, I

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Speaker 1: mean since grade school? I mean enough times that that's

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Speaker 1: never something I want to feel again because I might

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Speaker 1: kill myself if it happens, you know what I mean? Like,

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Speaker 1: the feeling of feeling ugly or feeling undesirable is so uh.

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Speaker 1: Do you know what? But the counter force to fear?

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Speaker 1: What is it? Um? What do you think it is? Bravery? No, happiness,

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Speaker 1: self love, happiness, happiness, Yes, And I'm reading all about it.

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Speaker 1: I just need to get a little bit more into

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Speaker 1: it to be able to um it's it's called the

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Speaker 1: book is called What Happy People Know, And he talks

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Speaker 1: a lot about like why we've evolved in a certain

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Speaker 1: way that fear inhibits our our happiness and exactly what

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Speaker 1: you were talking about before of like, well, I just

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Speaker 1: want to stay in bed, I just want to be

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Speaker 1: on my phone, isolate myself. I can't enjoy myself when

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Speaker 1: I'm out with my friends or doing the thing that

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Speaker 1: I love to do. And I think a lot of

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Speaker 1: it is fear based, But I don't know what else

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Speaker 1: to tell you from this point on, I do enjoy

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Speaker 1: hanging out with my friends when I get out there,

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Speaker 1: and I do enjoy doing sets, and that you're right,

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Speaker 1: it is about fear, and I encountered it a lot.

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Speaker 1: Last night, Like my friend Ben Gleeb wanted to like

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Speaker 1: do what we did, a karaoke night. He got a

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Speaker 1: karaoke room and I invited a bunch of people and

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Speaker 1: then we were going to go to a Korean spot

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Speaker 1: after that, and it was just gonna be like a

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Speaker 1: fun night of hangs. And Ben is someone who always

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Speaker 1: is just like has such fun things planned and he

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Speaker 1: always gets to be involved, and like it always becomes

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Speaker 1: like our thing that we're planning, that we're inviting our friends,

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Speaker 1: and for some reason we always turned into like it's

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Speaker 1: our joint party. And I'm like, I didn't even want

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Speaker 1: to do this in the first place, so I invited

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Speaker 1: like all these people. And I have to say that, like, um,

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Speaker 1: through from the people that we like wanted to be there,

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Speaker 1: three or four didn't come because I was like trying

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Speaker 1: to prod and like figure out like why didn't you,

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Speaker 1: why don't you want to come? And it I thought tiredness.

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Speaker 1: Um I don't like karaoke. Um, I don't like someone

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Speaker 1: who's gonna be there. But it was honestly like social anxiety.

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Speaker 1: People were just like scared to be around people, which

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Speaker 1: I do not understand. Like I get. I mean, I

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Speaker 1: sometimes I don't want to talk to people, but I

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Speaker 1: think that's the best place to go as a karaoke

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Speaker 1: room because you literally don't know, people are singing and

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Speaker 1: you don't have to talk. But we lost a lot

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Speaker 1: of people last night because of that. So I know

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Speaker 1: this isn't like but like abnormal. I didn't have it

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Speaker 1: for this for whatever reason. But I like just people

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Speaker 1: being like I just don't want to talk about my life.

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Speaker 1: Everyone in l A wants to hear about what you're

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Speaker 1: up to, and I don't like what I'm up to,

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Speaker 1: and so I don't want to talk about it. And

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Speaker 1: I don't know, like, can't you just skip that? Can't

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Speaker 1: you just go, oh, I've just been like my dog

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Speaker 1: is my life? Now, like just find something two or

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Speaker 1: or just be honest, because you could just say I'm depressed.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I I feel like I'm not scared

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Speaker 1: of those interactions as much. I'm just like I just

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Speaker 1: don't want to. I don't want to do it, not

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Speaker 1: because I'm scared of talking to people. I'm doing because

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Speaker 1: I would rather be in bed reading. I mean, do

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Speaker 1: they actually have a fear of singing? I mean, if

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Speaker 1: you're in a small room you feel like you have

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Speaker 1: to sing, Maybe they don't want to sing. That's an

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Speaker 1: anxiety that people don't want to deal with. Uh. People Also,

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Speaker 1: you know l A. People are competitive, Like if you're

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Speaker 1: not doing something, if you don't have a show, if

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Speaker 1: you don't have, you know, something going on, you're often

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Speaker 1: seen as less then, maybe more so in your head

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Speaker 1: than you actually are. You know, you're in a in

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Speaker 1: a city that if you're not working, you might as

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Speaker 1: well be debt, you know what I mean. Like, so

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Speaker 1: someone like you, you're there, you you're there to promote

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Speaker 1: your special you have so much going on. I used

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Speaker 1: to live here and have nothing going on. I know

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Speaker 1: what it's like that, But do you remember that feeling

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Speaker 1: then of not I never cared if people ask because

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Speaker 1: I always knew that my future was bright, Like this

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Speaker 1: is part of the process to get to where I'm going.

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Speaker 1: M h. I mean, that's a great outlook. That's a

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Speaker 1: very positive outlook that you like, I just never thought, like,

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Speaker 1: because something's not happening now, it's because I'm not talented.

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Speaker 1: But I don't even think. But how can you not

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Speaker 1: apply that then to when someone goes when you're worried

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Speaker 1: someone's gonna call you ugly, but you're like, well, I'm talented.

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Speaker 1: But then I guess underneath it all, do you think,

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Speaker 1: because no one in a conversation is gonna say to

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Speaker 1: me you're not talented. If I'm talking to a friend

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Speaker 1: and I go, I don't really have anything going on

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Speaker 1: right now, they're not gonna go, you're ugly and not talented.

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Speaker 1: They might say that if I say you suck you

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Speaker 1: guys aren't laughing, then, Like that's why I don't. I

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Speaker 1: don't ever get into altercations with people and confront them

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Speaker 1: because I'm scared they'll use the ugly card. But no

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Speaker 1: one's going to use the ugly card when I'm just

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Speaker 1: saying I don't have anything going on. Yeah, it's a

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Speaker 1: different thing, I guess, and I know what you're saying.

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Speaker 1: I get what you're saying, but I just I think

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Speaker 1: that like when I hear my friends say, like, I

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Speaker 1: don't have anything going on and I don't. I'm like

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Speaker 1: depressed about my life and I don't want to talk

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Speaker 1: to anyone about like I'll depressed they I'm I'm like

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Speaker 1: to me, I'm like even the people that are killing

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Speaker 1: it are depressed, and just say just say you're depressed.

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Speaker 1: Like that will connect to saying like, oh, I'm working

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Speaker 1: on this web series that I'm writing, like instead of

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Speaker 1: like trying to make something of like yeah, I just

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Speaker 1: feel like that could be the answer. And also but

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Speaker 1: I get it, like like I don't relate to that,

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Speaker 1: like some people might not relate to, like Kirsten might

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Speaker 1: not be relate to relate to wanting to stay in bed.

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Speaker 1: Like Kirsten, her being sick is like the worst thing ever,

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Speaker 1: Whereas like I would I really, I know, I don't

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Speaker 1: get physically sick ever. And I my my boyfriend says

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Speaker 1: when I when he was got COVID, when he was

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Speaker 1: got COVID, when he got COVID, I remember saying, I'm

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Speaker 1: a little bit jealous you have COVID because you have

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Speaker 1: an excuse to be in bed, And like I just

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Speaker 1: never have an excuse to be in bed. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I could say I'm depressed, but people sometimes get a

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Speaker 1: little bit like depression. People don't really take as like

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Speaker 1: like like for me, it's like a cold, it lasts

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Speaker 1: a couple of days. People that don't understand depression, they're like,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna this might she might kill herself. She's a liability.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to work with her, like it's it's

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Speaker 1: not the same as the depression being like I want

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Speaker 1: to I can't make it today. I'm depressed. It becomes

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Speaker 1: like this cloud as if you're saying, like I have

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Speaker 1: stage one something like this is this is gonna end

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Speaker 1: in my death perhaps, and you should be worried about

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Speaker 1: me as opposed to like I'm just feeling down today. Um.

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Speaker 1: Whereas if you call and you say I have COVID,

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Speaker 1: people go, oh man, that sucks, and they're not like

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Speaker 1: I'm so worried about Nikki she might die, you know,

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Speaker 1: like COVID now, as opposed to like before do you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, like, um, I wish I could

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Speaker 1: get sick of it? But then Chris was like, you

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Speaker 1: don't want to be sick because you feel sick, And

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I forgot about that part, Like

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Speaker 1: I don't I don't know what it's like to feel sick.

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Speaker 1: So I don't know. I feel sick in the head

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Speaker 1: a lot, but I don't know what it's like to

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Speaker 1: feel like physically, like so sick. And I know that

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Speaker 1: that's awful and I don't wish that all myself. But

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Speaker 1: you know, during the Dancing with the Stars, I prayed

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Speaker 1: to God to get injured, and I did. And sometimes

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Speaker 1: I feel like I want to just like I know

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Speaker 1: that if I asked for it, I'd be like so

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Speaker 1: mad once I got it. I just don't want to migraine.

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Speaker 1: I want any kind of sickness except the migraine. I

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Speaker 1: think I can handle stomach. I just want something to

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Speaker 1: get me out of the constant stream of text and

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Speaker 1: emails that I get bombarded with every day. And I

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Speaker 1: know that I'm very lucky to be working and having

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Speaker 1: people want to work with me, but it is, it's

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Speaker 1: just it's just too much. Me and THEO were talking.

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Speaker 1: I did Theo's podcast this weekend and we were talking

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Speaker 1: about just um burnout and like when and I think people,

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Speaker 1: anyone who even is unemployed, can feel burnout of just

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Speaker 1: like I gotta work on my garden, I gotta clean

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Speaker 1: the garage. I gotta take the kids to school. I

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Speaker 1: gotta take the kids to practice. I gotta take the

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Speaker 1: kids a little league. I gotta have the cable. I

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Speaker 1: gotta meet the cable man. Like just saying yes to

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Speaker 1: too many things, too many things have to get done,

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Speaker 1: and then nothing gets done. I just feel that if

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Speaker 1: you say no to this one thing, that could have

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Speaker 1: been the thing that makes someone Like if I say

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Speaker 1: no to a podcast, a producer or someone who an

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Speaker 1: actress or someone who wants to work with me could

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Speaker 1: have heard me and been like, I want to work

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Speaker 1: with her, and like that leads to this opportunity that

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Speaker 1: I missed because I just didn't do this one podcast.

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Speaker 1: But an opportunity that will put more on your plate

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Speaker 1: that will actually make you unhappy. No, an opportunity that

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Speaker 1: actually I might like that will make me so much

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Speaker 1: money that will make it so that I can, you know,

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Speaker 1: retire sooner my parents, by my parents a house, you know,

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00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:29,639
Speaker 1: like it's money. I get. Yeah, It's like, there's this

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Speaker 1: photo shoot that I just turned down that's like this

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00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:34,959
Speaker 1: amazing photo shoot that's done by this amazing photographer and

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Speaker 1: um and it would be in New York right before

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Speaker 1: I'm doing Seth Meuyers next week. It would be on

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Speaker 1: that day, and I'm like, I want to focus on

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Speaker 1: my Seth Buyers interview. I don't want to style myself.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to pay a thousand dollars per look

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Speaker 1: for a stylist to come in when I'm not getting

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Speaker 1: paid for this thing. It's up for a magazine no

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Speaker 1: one's even heard of. But it would be cool pictures

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Speaker 1: that I would have the rest of my life. And

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Speaker 1: I need new pictures because I've aged significantly since my

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Speaker 1: last ones. UM. And it would be these really cool

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Speaker 1: like Vogue E type like model shots. UM. And I

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Speaker 1: turned it down because I just don't want to start.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to come up with three outfits. I can't.

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Speaker 1: I have to go on The Talk this week. I

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Speaker 1: have to go on Conan's podcast, so I have to

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Speaker 1: at least wear something cute from the bottom up or

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Speaker 1: from the waist up. I had to go on Bill

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Speaker 1: Maher's podcast. That's a full outfit. The Talk is a

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Speaker 1: full outfit because I think I have to walk to

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Speaker 1: the desk. Um. Seth Meyer's next next week is a

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Speaker 1: full outfit. Um. It's like coming up with outfits is alone,

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Speaker 1: like just such a hair and makeup to like like

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Speaker 1: figuring out that I'm doing a shoot with the Hollywood

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Speaker 1: Reporter tomorrow. Um, it's all just like so everything you

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Speaker 1: say yes to isn't just like showing up, even podcasting

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Speaker 1: like the use podcasts. I look as like a quarter

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Speaker 1: of a million views within two hours or something, you know,

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Speaker 1: like that's gonna have more views than my TV show

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Speaker 1: on E Like and I'm not and I'm wing it.

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Speaker 1: I'm doing my hair and makeup on the uber. They're like,

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Speaker 1: where are my priorities? I mean, I just I don't

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Speaker 1: want to do anymore. I mean, these are champaign problems

384
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Speaker 1: in a way, but they're real problems. They're not it's

385
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Speaker 1: not fake. It's not like just because it sounds like

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Speaker 1: I don't know, like on the flip side, like look

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Speaker 1: at my ship right now, like I have I feel like, um,

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Speaker 1: some I'm somewhat successful in this business, right Like I

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Speaker 1: I make more money probably in stand up comedians, you know.

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Speaker 1: I if I do, like put on a show in Nashville,

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Speaker 1: I'm sure my ticket sales aren't like insane, but they're

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Speaker 1: pretty decent. I bet if I called and asked, like, man,

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Speaker 1: engagement is good. I talked to an agent and he's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'll give you to one of my you know, below agents,

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Speaker 1: you know, like something, but it will be on my team.

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00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,000
Speaker 1: And then he talks to his team and they're like, well,

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Speaker 1: actually no one can take you right now, even the

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Speaker 1: below agents. So like the flip side of what you're

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Speaker 1: going through, and like here I am as someone that

400
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,480
Speaker 1: I know, like if you put me, I will do

401
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:11,800
Speaker 1: well and stand up and I could probably draw a

402
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:15,199
Speaker 1: decent amount and they don't even want to make the

403
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:18,320
Speaker 1: phone calls for me to get and none for them.

404
00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:23,879
Speaker 1: Agencies don't if these are problems of like I can't

405
00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:26,960
Speaker 1: even get someone to get me something, even though now

406
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,800
Speaker 1: I'm just reaching out the clubs myself. Now that's like

407
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:33,560
Speaker 1: my new thing. I got this. That's what you do,

408
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:38,119
Speaker 1: That's what everyone does. My point is, though, is that

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00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:43,040
Speaker 1: like like here you are having opportunities sent out you,

410
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:46,040
Speaker 1: and then on the flip side here I can't even

411
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Speaker 1: get so together. I'm just saying like to that, like

412
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Speaker 1: so I don't know. I'm just trying to put things

413
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:57,080
Speaker 1: maybe in perspective problems and you proved it. Let's the break,

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Speaker 1: We'll be right back. Hand raut. Every rose is a thorn.

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00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:06,800
Speaker 1: I did that one. That one. It's okay. I don't

416
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:11,440
Speaker 1: think you've ever said every road is before. Yeah, think

417
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:20,200
Speaker 1: about it. We're back. Yeah, I hear what you're saying.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not trying to be like I'm not trying

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Speaker 1: to be not grateful for the things, but I'm just

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00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:30,960
Speaker 1: a little bit saying like it, Um, yeah, I I've

421
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,800
Speaker 1: been I've been in your shoes. I've been in these

422
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:39,159
Speaker 1: sandals I'm wearing, and it doesn't get easier for some reason.

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Speaker 1: And the difference is like you're making a living wage

424
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,480
Speaker 1: though like you're not, at least you're not like you

425
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:51,800
Speaker 1: know it, broke and having to do stuff you don't

426
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:56,359
Speaker 1: want to do necessarily for money. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, money,

427
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:59,359
Speaker 1: it's probably more than just money. It just what doesn't

428
00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:04,040
Speaker 1: make sense to But that's the thing, Like I think

429
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:09,240
Speaker 1: I generate income however, like and future income and like yeah,

430
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:11,120
Speaker 1: I know, like some of these agents they only want

431
00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:15,560
Speaker 1: to represent people that do theaters, but there are junior

432
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:17,960
Speaker 1: agents that are representing people that would be less of

433
00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:21,720
Speaker 1: a draw than me that for some reason, I don't

434
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:24,000
Speaker 1: want you know, and granted, like I gotta go to

435
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:27,679
Speaker 1: maybe different agencies and talk to multiple and like I

436
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:30,080
Speaker 1: understand that, but I'm just saying, like it's just like

437
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:32,840
Speaker 1: some you know, some things just don't make sense in

438
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:36,439
Speaker 1: this business, like where like even in the past, like

439
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,800
Speaker 1: when I've done very well at clubs in New York

440
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:42,640
Speaker 1: and I didn't get a fair look, I felt like,

441
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 1: you know, like I don't know, there's just a lot

442
00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:48,480
Speaker 1: of like nose in this business where you think, well, why,

443
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:51,399
Speaker 1: like what is it about me that's not good enough?

444
00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:56,639
Speaker 1: You know, like I don't know personally of course, I

445
00:23:56,680 --> 00:24:00,840
Speaker 1: mean I didn't get on Comedy Central. I Comedy Central

446
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:03,679
Speaker 1: would not look at me, not acknowledge me. There was

447
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:05,919
Speaker 1: this you know, Live at Gotham was the show to

448
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:10,040
Speaker 1: get on, and then Comedy Central Presents was a thing

449
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:11,840
Speaker 1: that you couldn't even get a half hour until you

450
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:15,240
Speaker 1: got on on Live at Gotham. And I was in

451
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:18,199
Speaker 1: New York, I had been on the Tonight Show, I

452
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:21,000
Speaker 1: had been on Last Comic Standing, and they just would

453
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:24,520
Speaker 1: not ever acknowledge me. They would I would do their

454
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:27,760
Speaker 1: showcases every year to get on Live at Gotham or

455
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,160
Speaker 1: whatever they whatever kind of thing they had never ever

456
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:33,080
Speaker 1: and it was just like what is it? It's personal

457
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:37,040
Speaker 1: like and sometimes it is like, um, I was talking

458
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:38,920
Speaker 1: to a comic this weekend who's like, I can't get

459
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,760
Speaker 1: spots this place because the person new books it does

460
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:44,000
Speaker 1: not like me. Just I know they don't like me.

461
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:45,880
Speaker 1: I know why they don't like me. It's a misunderstanding,

462
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:48,200
Speaker 1: but they just don't like me. And I'm like, then

463
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:52,159
Speaker 1: like find another way then, like instead of complaining about

464
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,080
Speaker 1: why don't they like me, like just do just give

465
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:58,639
Speaker 1: up on that, because like, you can't convince someone to

466
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:02,320
Speaker 1: like you really, I mean, it's gonna be their thing.

467
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:05,359
Speaker 1: I remember the second that I got an MPTV show,

468
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:08,440
Speaker 1: Comedy Central came calling because it's like, oh, someone else

469
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:11,680
Speaker 1: likes you, now we want you. Or it was like

470
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:16,000
Speaker 1: you know the people that we're controlling that we're saying

471
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:19,160
Speaker 1: yes to things that Comedy Central just kind of got

472
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:21,199
Speaker 1: a bad idea of who I was because I was

473
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:23,520
Speaker 1: like dating comedians and they thought I was just like

474
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 1: they dismissed me because they thought I was just some

475
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:29,359
Speaker 1: like stupid whore that like wanted to be a good

476
00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:32,200
Speaker 1: comedian by fucking them or something. Even though I wasn't.

477
00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:34,840
Speaker 1: And I think that once they got to know me,

478
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:37,800
Speaker 1: they you know, at a party like like you know,

479
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 1: a Christmas party at a club once and I met

480
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:42,520
Speaker 1: the people that were making the decisions, they were like, oh,

481
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:44,600
Speaker 1: we actually do like like, I don't know what happened,

482
00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:48,639
Speaker 1: but it was never in my control. Yeah, it's running.

483
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:50,639
Speaker 1: The agent that I spoke to was like, oh, I

484
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:53,520
Speaker 1: just assumed you had an agent. You know. That's another

485
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:56,359
Speaker 1: thing that is a way to look at it, Like, oh,

486
00:25:56,440 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 1: they probably assumed that I have someone like some one helping.

487
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:04,840
Speaker 1: But it's whatever. I don't know. I'm just like, it's

488
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:07,080
Speaker 1: just you know, I sent out probably like thirty different

489
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:09,960
Speaker 1: emails to clubs and you hear back from like one

490
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:12,239
Speaker 1: after like two weeks, and you're just like, do I

491
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:15,399
Speaker 1: write again? I guess I'll just send another one. You know.

492
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:18,760
Speaker 1: It's just it's, you know, whatever it is. But um,

493
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:21,480
Speaker 1: that's good that you did that. Though, yeah, no if

494
00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:24,040
Speaker 1: you if you it felt proactive. It feels like I'm

495
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:28,280
Speaker 1: actually like, you know, I'm feeling motivated about it, and

496
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:31,040
Speaker 1: you know that felt good to just do it. So

497
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:35,680
Speaker 1: and I've got um, but it is what it is. Uh,

498
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 1: what else has been going on. It is what it is,

499
00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:43,120
Speaker 1: you know, like the Roses Thorne. You know, it's just

500
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:47,560
Speaker 1: like such a thing that you say. It never makes

501
00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:52,000
Speaker 1: anyone feel better about anything. Hey, it was what it was.

502
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:56,040
Speaker 1: It's like the like it is what I'll never forget.

503
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:57,479
Speaker 1: It's a part of a bit I used to do.

504
00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:02,840
Speaker 1: But my friend Um who discovered one night when we

505
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:06,840
Speaker 1: were all showing each other our Labia's um one night

506
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:09,000
Speaker 1: because I was like, I was the first one of

507
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:12,719
Speaker 1: all my friends. I was my first of my friends

508
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,480
Speaker 1: to like feel insecure about my vagina and they didn't

509
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:17,720
Speaker 1: even know that they should feel insecure about their's based

510
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:20,920
Speaker 1: on like what people talking, you know, like basically they're

511
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:22,960
Speaker 1: not listening. My friends were not listening to what men

512
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 1: had were saying. I've always I had to say, I've

513
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:31,840
Speaker 1: always been more SENSI to like what what men around

514
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 1: me are saying about women's bodies, what the internet is saying,

515
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:39,679
Speaker 1: Like I scope out, you know, land mines that I

516
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:42,560
Speaker 1: could possibly avoid to not get made fun of or

517
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:44,760
Speaker 1: not be called ugly or not be unlovable. And one

518
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:46,679
Speaker 1: of the things I found was like if you have

519
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:50,520
Speaker 1: a fucking sloppy pussy, and that men will make fun

520
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:53,080
Speaker 1: of you and they don't like it. And so one

521
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:55,080
Speaker 1: night at a college party, I told my friends, like

522
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:57,920
Speaker 1: I got drunk and like, I think it was the

523
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,119
Speaker 1: first time admitted like I hate my vagina and I

524
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:02,080
Speaker 1: think there's something wrong with it, and like I'm not

525
00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:03,840
Speaker 1: ever going to hook up with anyone until i can

526
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,359
Speaker 1: get surgery and I'm saving up for it. And they

527
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:07,960
Speaker 1: were just like what. And then we all went in

528
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:12,320
Speaker 1: the bathroom to compare because it was like me, I

529
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:15,680
Speaker 1: think it was meet Kirsten Halla. And then there was

530
00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:19,359
Speaker 1: a couple I'm not gonna say names, but it was

531
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:24,800
Speaker 1: in no it was that's the corn up version, but

532
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:27,879
Speaker 1: it was all it was just all my best friends,

533
00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:29,879
Speaker 1: but it was it was a I've done this a

534
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:32,040
Speaker 1: lot in different parts of my life, but this was

535
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 1: the first time I did. And it was in Kansas City, Missouri,

536
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:37,399
Speaker 1: downtown Casey. We runned a hotel I forget what for,

537
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:43,320
Speaker 1: and I remember my friend like they were there were

538
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:44,840
Speaker 1: I do a longer a bit about it. I'm not

539
00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 1: gonna like do the whole bit, but my one friend

540
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:51,160
Speaker 1: had really really long labe up, like way longer than mine,

541
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:52,880
Speaker 1: and it made me feel so good because I'm like,

542
00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:56,800
Speaker 1: she doesn't care about hers like there like and she doesn't.

543
00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:58,600
Speaker 1: She's like hooks up a lot. She's like, I've never

544
00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:02,520
Speaker 1: had any complaints, like it's mine. And then my other

545
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:05,480
Speaker 1: friend had like nothing, and it was like her vagina

546
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 1: was perfect, and I was like, of course, yours is

547
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:10,360
Speaker 1: like amazing. And maybe you can guess who that is

548
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:13,080
Speaker 1: based on who I talked about before, who just seems

549
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:19,160
Speaker 1: to like like hiking and like decorating. She just wants

550
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:22,840
Speaker 1: to bring that perfect pussy everywhere. Yeah, it was just

551
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:24,640
Speaker 1: like it was so as soon as I saw it,

552
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:27,320
Speaker 1: I was just like, of course, and and you know

553
00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:29,280
Speaker 1: that friend, this one is trying to get like like

554
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:32,520
Speaker 1: she's she's super thin and fit and like the rest

555
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:34,920
Speaker 1: of her friends are bitching about feeling like fat, and

556
00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:37,680
Speaker 1: like she goes like, yeah, I know, I'm like so bloated,

557
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,280
Speaker 1: and you're like, get the funk out of here. Like

558
00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:42,080
Speaker 1: they tried it. They want to feel a part of

559
00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:44,360
Speaker 1: the group of like they want to join in on

560
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:48,080
Speaker 1: those self hating women talk, but they can't really because

561
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:51,160
Speaker 1: it's almost like me bitching about my career and you

562
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:54,120
Speaker 1: being like, well, look at what I like and you're like, yeah,

563
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 1: look look at my my laby. I didn't even get

564
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:02,320
Speaker 1: a call back. That's how I got into clubs. I

565
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 1: was like, I got this amazing laby A joke you

566
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,400
Speaker 1: gotta see. Um, you should write them about your labia,

567
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:09,960
Speaker 1: which is really just your ball sack as a woman.

568
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:13,400
Speaker 1: Um So there, But then there was this one friend

569
00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:15,240
Speaker 1: of mine that had like an in between, like if

570
00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 1: you were like, you know, goldilocks. She was like the

571
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:22,320
Speaker 1: mild one, but they were still longer than maybe. I

572
00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:25,800
Speaker 1: showed pictures of like this is what men like, I guess,

573
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:28,120
Speaker 1: and please don't write me and be like I love

574
00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:30,680
Speaker 1: meaty pussies. Please. It disgust me when you write that.

575
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:33,800
Speaker 1: I don't care what you like. Anyone who's listening, do

576
00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:36,680
Speaker 1: not write me what you prefer in bed that I

577
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:39,600
Speaker 1: shouldn't be insecure about mine. Don't fucking write me anything

578
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:41,840
Speaker 1: about my vagina. It is my thing to talk about,

579
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:45,960
Speaker 1: not yours to comment on. Please God stop. Um So

580
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:49,320
Speaker 1: she wrote to or she um she was like a

581
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 1: little bit traumatized. She was like, fuck, I didn't even

582
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 1: know this was a thing. And I'm like it is

583
00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:57,040
Speaker 1: like you're unlovable, Like you need to get surgery, like

584
00:30:57,320 --> 00:31:00,600
Speaker 1: we can you know, save up together, because hers were

585
00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:03,280
Speaker 1: a little bit more like mine, and she was like

586
00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:06,360
Speaker 1: really like bombed out. And it was like I suddenly

587
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:09,760
Speaker 1: gave her this new insecurity that seconds before she had

588
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:12,240
Speaker 1: would never have thought about herself. And this is a

589
00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:14,640
Speaker 1: friend of mine who like shares all the same insecurities

590
00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:17,040
Speaker 1: I do, a really good friend. And so she was

591
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:18,800
Speaker 1: just like I could see and it was nice for

592
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:22,920
Speaker 1: me to like share this burden with someone. She was

593
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:24,480
Speaker 1: really sad. And then she was like, I have to

594
00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:26,840
Speaker 1: call Steve and she was like I was like what

595
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:30,680
Speaker 1: she So she calls her ex boyfriend, who is in

596
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:33,920
Speaker 1: a different time zone and out like at parties we

597
00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:36,560
Speaker 1: were in college, and she called him one speaker phone

598
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 1: and she's and we're drunk and she's drunk and she's

599
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:43,400
Speaker 1: like Steve and he's like, yeah, what's up. He's like, Hey,

600
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:46,160
Speaker 1: I have a quick question, like you know my like

601
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:50,000
Speaker 1: you know my labia and he's like, um what. She's like,

602
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:52,800
Speaker 1: so my vagina okay, and he's like yeah. He's like

603
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:55,440
Speaker 1: She's like, are I like labia like the lips that

604
00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:58,800
Speaker 1: like hang out? Is it? Like? Are they like really long?

605
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:04,400
Speaker 1: And he was like yeah, and she was like she

606
00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:08,840
Speaker 1: was like she was like like the longest like you've

607
00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:14,640
Speaker 1: ever seen. He's like yeah, probably, and we're all wingerphone

608
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:18,400
Speaker 1: waiting and then she goes, is that a bad thing,

609
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:23,080
Speaker 1: and he just goes, I mean, it is what it is,

610
00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:28,880
Speaker 1: and it was just like, oh, yeah, is what it is.

611
00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 1: Which is what you say if you like, lose your

612
00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:35,240
Speaker 1: arm in war or something like listen, no one wants this,

613
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:38,480
Speaker 1: but it is what it's like a defeatist like, it's

614
00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:41,920
Speaker 1: it is what it is, is never proceeded by anything

615
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:46,720
Speaker 1: or preceded by anything good, like I want a million dollars.

616
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:49,960
Speaker 1: I mean, it is what it is. That it's always

617
00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:52,000
Speaker 1: I lost a million dollars. It is what is. And

618
00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:57,479
Speaker 1: so after that we will be will be say raw,

619
00:32:57,680 --> 00:32:59,920
Speaker 1: so raw, that's what you know? Yeah, in case or

620
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:03,040
Speaker 1: rassara whatever, will will I be pretty, will be will

621
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:07,480
Speaker 1: be I guess it's a precursor to is man just

622
00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:09,520
Speaker 1: it is what it is. If you can ever avoid

623
00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:14,400
Speaker 1: using that in response to your woman's body, please try

624
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:17,480
Speaker 1: your own story about your crude. I saw a fucking

625
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:26,920
Speaker 1: picture of myself last weekend that was the state, Like, dude,

626
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:31,080
Speaker 1: it was so what it is. It was. It was

627
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:34,440
Speaker 1: I'm not even joking you. I showed Carlile because she

628
00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 1: was commented on some like you know, she was saying,

629
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:38,720
Speaker 1: like I'm so fat right now whatever. She was like

630
00:33:38,840 --> 00:33:43,240
Speaker 1: lamenting about her body, as women often do. And she

631
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:45,280
Speaker 1: like showed me a picture like, look at this picture

632
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:46,840
Speaker 1: someone took me on stage. Look at my double chip.

633
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:48,320
Speaker 1: It was a bad picture of her. She just did

634
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 1: not look herself, and I go, oh, I had that

635
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,880
Speaker 1: moment to look at this and like I could see

636
00:33:53,920 --> 00:34:00,480
Speaker 1: how much she couldn't spin it. There was nothing to

637
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:03,320
Speaker 1: be said about, like that's not really what you look like,

638
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 1: like it was me from the back wearing a one piece,

639
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:11,960
Speaker 1: and she goes, Honestly, Nikki, I've been doing this thing

640
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:15,319
Speaker 1: where I do twenty squads today. Like it really like

641
00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:19,680
Speaker 1: it was about every It was about my arm, my butt,

642
00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:23,960
Speaker 1: my back, my hump, my hump, shoulder, my legs, my cellulite,

643
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:26,440
Speaker 1: like it was about everything that could be wrong in

644
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:28,640
Speaker 1: a photo. I just didn't know I looked like that

645
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:34,320
Speaker 1: at all at all. And Chris's brother took the picture

646
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:36,719
Speaker 1: and then air dropped it to all of us, and

647
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:40,440
Speaker 1: all I could picture is Jack's wife, who is like

648
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:44,040
Speaker 1: an adorable little tiny thing zooming in on that picture

649
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:46,560
Speaker 1: much like I would if my husband were with like

650
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:49,680
Speaker 1: a famous comedian, and like I kind of like not

651
00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:52,680
Speaker 1: that she Like, I just know that any time I

652
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:55,200
Speaker 1: zooming on women's bodies all the time, if I go,

653
00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:57,520
Speaker 1: oh my god, they're kind of like not perfect, let

654
00:34:57,520 --> 00:34:59,840
Speaker 1: me zoom in like, and I was like, how do

655
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,040
Speaker 1: I get that off their fucking phones? Because we all

656
00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:04,840
Speaker 1: shared to each other, and I took Chris aside and

657
00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:07,000
Speaker 1: I was like, no more pictures of me in a

658
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:09,680
Speaker 1: swimsuit without like and you cannot, we cannot air drop

659
00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:12,799
Speaker 1: to those to everyone like I feel. So he's like,

660
00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:14,480
Speaker 1: do you want me to get them back? Like I

661
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:18,520
Speaker 1: was like no, because then it's a thing. But I

662
00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 1: can't do this. And it was so hard for me

663
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 1: not to let that ruin my fucking weekend. Um but

664
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:27,280
Speaker 1: and I said it to Anya because I just wanted

665
00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:29,839
Speaker 1: to like send it to everyone that like I knew

666
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:32,920
Speaker 1: could not like there was no like it's bad lighting,

667
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 1: it's a bad angle. You don't look like the way

668
00:35:34,719 --> 00:35:37,080
Speaker 1: and it's like, no, you have put on some weight.

669
00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:39,759
Speaker 1: This is not a good look. No one would ever

670
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:42,160
Speaker 1: say that is an attractive body. It looks like it

671
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:47,240
Speaker 1: should be a National Enquirer, like you know, the stars

672
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:50,560
Speaker 1: are are not like any of it. Like it's almost like,

673
00:35:50,719 --> 00:35:53,280
Speaker 1: you know, one of those like the most horrifying picture

674
00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:54,960
Speaker 1: that could ever be of me. And I was like,

675
00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:57,520
Speaker 1: I forget what my point was, but it was it

676
00:35:57,640 --> 00:36:01,200
Speaker 1: is what it is. I've let it go. I have

677
00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:04,240
Speaker 1: started doing squads. I didn't like your way of getting

678
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:07,520
Speaker 1: like ahead of something that that was sent to a

679
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:10,279
Speaker 1: lot of people, and send it to more people. You

680
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:13,000
Speaker 1: know what I mean, because I want other people. I

681
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:15,160
Speaker 1: want to be able to go like my friends can't

682
00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:17,359
Speaker 1: lie to me because you know, and then and then

683
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:20,640
Speaker 1: and then it confirms to me like I am undesirable.

684
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:23,440
Speaker 1: I know that they would probably kill themselves if they

685
00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:25,239
Speaker 1: looked like this, Like that's what I always do, is

686
00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:27,840
Speaker 1: like where there are the photos you liked of yourself

687
00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 1: in that drop box? And by this way, when I

688
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:32,680
Speaker 1: say cold myself and kill yourself, you looked like that.

689
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:35,160
Speaker 1: Please don't be like Nikki. I'm bigger than you, so

690
00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:37,080
Speaker 1: this makes this hurts my feelings. Here you say this,

691
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:39,560
Speaker 1: I'm allowed to not like my body no matter what

692
00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:42,399
Speaker 1: size I am, and so are you. And it's not.

693
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:45,480
Speaker 1: It's not because of I'm not undesirable. I know that

694
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:50,319
Speaker 1: deep inside, and my female psyche it gets through that

695
00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:52,399
Speaker 1: I am because I'm a little bit depressed because I'm

696
00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:55,319
Speaker 1: living in a fucking you know what. You know what

697
00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:59,040
Speaker 1: I did yesterday? I went to I went to the

698
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:03,319
Speaker 1: pool and I had like a dark like workout shirt on.

699
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 1: I just went in the pool with the shirt on,

700
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:09,000
Speaker 1: rolled the sleeves up to work on you know, the

701
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:11,919
Speaker 1: upper arm dan because I have an insane farmer's dand

702
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:13,880
Speaker 1: right now from playing golf so much, and I just

703
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:16,279
Speaker 1: leaned into wearing a T shirt in the pool. At

704
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:18,480
Speaker 1: first people were like what are you doing? And then

705
00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:22,600
Speaker 1: eventually like no one can say what are you doing? Well,

706
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:24,840
Speaker 1: Brenna was kind of just like, you're not taking the

707
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:26,680
Speaker 1: shirt off, and I was like, no, I'm just going

708
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:30,840
Speaker 1: going with the shirt in the pool. And honestly, I

709
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:33,239
Speaker 1: felt more like usually when I'm at the pool, I'm

710
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:36,160
Speaker 1: uncomfortable because my shirts off and I just feel like

711
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:39,680
Speaker 1: my body's okay, but like certain positions, like I just

712
00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 1: feel like I have manned tits a lot of time,

713
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:45,480
Speaker 1: and it's just like and uh, and I have a

714
00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:47,839
Speaker 1: little bit of hair on my back whatever, and so

715
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:49,960
Speaker 1: I had my T shirt on. I sat at the

716
00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:52,640
Speaker 1: pool for like two hours. I've never been more comfortable.

717
00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:56,680
Speaker 1: And it was just like leaning into just stuff, being like, oh, no,

718
00:37:56,719 --> 00:38:00,160
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do this thing. But I guess she's ever

719
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:02,200
Speaker 1: take your shirt off sex either, So the only time

720
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:05,520
Speaker 1: you would see it is a shower by yourself. Right, cool,

721
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:10,120
Speaker 1: it's a cooler farmer or a massage. But do you

722
00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:13,560
Speaker 1: still leave your shirt on during sex? No? I take

723
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:16,759
Speaker 1: it off. I mean there's certain positions where I'd rather not,

724
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:22,120
Speaker 1: um have my shirt off. If I'm standing up and

725
00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:25,640
Speaker 1: fucking shirt, it's great. But if I'm like leaning over

726
00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:29,799
Speaker 1: and I could look down and I hate hanging over,

727
00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:33,920
Speaker 1: and I see I hate it. They've got to be

728
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:39,839
Speaker 1: really stacked and like full for that like hangover like utters. Yes,

729
00:38:40,239 --> 00:38:43,960
Speaker 1: they're bad. Okay, let's get to the news. Like my

730
00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:47,640
Speaker 1: lower stomach will hang like not past my dick. But

731
00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:50,360
Speaker 1: just like it's hard to like our biggest fear is

732
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:53,640
Speaker 1: we're unfuckable, and yet we're fucking someone during this and

733
00:38:53,719 --> 00:38:58,120
Speaker 1: yet we still feel unfuckable. Like that's our real fear

734
00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:00,480
Speaker 1: is like someone's gonna not love us and that we're

735
00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:03,680
Speaker 1: not fuckable. But we First of all, you're sucking someone

736
00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:07,120
Speaker 1: that does love you. Yet you still I feel like

737
00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:10,120
Speaker 1: it is happening in the moment, yet you still feel unfussible.

738
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:12,440
Speaker 1: Why are they fucking me? I don't deserve this pleasure.

739
00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:14,839
Speaker 1: Why are you fucking me? What's wrong with you? Yes?

740
00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:18,799
Speaker 1: What's wrong? Literally? Nick? At me. I'm right on top

741
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:20,319
Speaker 1: of you. Look at me. We have so much show

742
00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:29,160
Speaker 1: to get to. Let's get to the news first. I

743
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:31,920
Speaker 1: hope you had all the swells this weekend. It sounds

744
00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:34,040
Speaker 1: like we did too. We love our bodies. It's great

745
00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:39,160
Speaker 1: here having all the swells. Um, yeah, it's Monday. You

746
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:40,960
Speaker 1: know what that means. It's Monday. All right, back to

747
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:44,880
Speaker 1: you know in the studio over there in Arizona. Thanks Andrew,

748
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:48,719
Speaker 1: You're welcome, and over to you too. Then back to

749
00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:54,680
Speaker 1: all right. Well, Nikki's in l A this week. She's

750
00:39:54,719 --> 00:39:57,600
Speaker 1: got a lot of appearances, as we heard about in

751
00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:01,960
Speaker 1: the first segment. Um so, but something that everyone needs

752
00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:05,360
Speaker 1: to be aware of because on Saturday, July six, the

753
00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:10,880
Speaker 1: Suicide Prevention Lifeline is getting a new number. Dialing eight

754
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:13,200
Speaker 1: will connect you with people who can help in a

755
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:19,840
Speaker 1: mental health crisis. Yeah, eight July sixteen. There's also the

756
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:25,560
Speaker 1: date of my special coming out called Good Clean Filth.

757
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:31,440
Speaker 1: I thought this was crossed promotion. Yeah, yeah, I know

758
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:33,640
Speaker 1: what number. I'll be dialing that night when the when

759
00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:38,919
Speaker 1: the tweets don't come in? Wait, what was the suicide number? Before?

760
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:47,200
Speaker 1: Was like really long? It was that one song? Yeah, no,

761
00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:49,880
Speaker 1: what was it? I didn't I don't just have it.

762
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:51,719
Speaker 1: I mean I don't have a memorize because it's just

763
00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:55,319
Speaker 1: in my phone under help you know, No, I don't

764
00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:56,719
Speaker 1: have it in my phone, like but we don't have

765
00:40:56,840 --> 00:41:00,759
Speaker 1: any But it was that song. Remember that song? I

766
00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:05,120
Speaker 1: love that song. That's logic. It would be so hard

767
00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:11,239
Speaker 1: to um request that at a radio station, like you know,

768
00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:15,600
Speaker 1: like if you're calling in. I think that's the number

769
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:17,480
Speaker 1: that it made on the charts. To know that was

770
00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:20,920
Speaker 1: actually a good song, I think of that. It doesn't

771
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:22,959
Speaker 1: that doesn't conjure any lyrics for me. I was trying

772
00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:24,520
Speaker 1: to think of like what the lyrics were to like

773
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:26,960
Speaker 1: spur any sort of like sing a long thing here,

774
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:34,480
Speaker 1: But I can't remember it. Yeah, that's a nice song lyrics,

775
00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:38,919
Speaker 1: Hold on, I want to look it up. Um, I've

776
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:41,719
Speaker 1: been on the low. I've been taking my time. I

777
00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:45,719
Speaker 1: feel like a mat A mom mand that. I feel

778
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:50,080
Speaker 1: like my last faint mine. Who can relate? That's so good.

779
00:41:51,239 --> 00:41:54,360
Speaker 1: I don't want to be alive. I don't want alive.

780
00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:58,360
Speaker 1: Yeah that song is really good. Um but yeah, that

781
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:00,839
Speaker 1: he named it, now he can rename that's on nine eight.

782
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:05,319
Speaker 1: So if you're feeling suicide, call and someone will talk

783
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:08,200
Speaker 1: to you. That's pretty that's a pretty nice thing out there.

784
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:10,919
Speaker 1: I wonder how long it'll take them to get back

785
00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:15,440
Speaker 1: in Detroit. Oh my god, yeah, no kidding. If you

786
00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:18,239
Speaker 1: call nine one one and detroited, what did they say?

787
00:42:18,239 --> 00:42:21,680
Speaker 1: It takes an hour for them to do. That was

788
00:42:21,719 --> 00:42:23,280
Speaker 1: one of my jokes from when we were in Detroit.

789
00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:24,600
Speaker 1: When I had to look up things about it. It

790
00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:27,680
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, the average weight time is like an

791
00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:32,120
Speaker 1: hour for the cops to respond to a call. Like

792
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:34,359
Speaker 1: if you call the cops and you get through to one, which,

793
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:35,640
Speaker 1: by the way, when I called the cops to get

794
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:38,479
Speaker 1: through when I we were in Detroit because we saw

795
00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:42,799
Speaker 1: a car accident about to happen, it kept ringing and

796
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:44,960
Speaker 1: I never got through and they did call me back.

797
00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:49,920
Speaker 1: But um, yeah, so called nine eight. Don't call nine

798
00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:52,960
Speaker 1: one one if you're feeling suicidal. Um, no, what were

799
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:55,399
Speaker 1: you gonna say? You said something else about this? Oh,

800
00:42:55,440 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 1: I was going to say that. Also, the suicide hotline

801
00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:03,040
Speaker 1: is not just for suicide. It's call if you're having

802
00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:06,200
Speaker 1: a mental mental health crisis of any kind, or if

803
00:43:06,239 --> 00:43:10,239
Speaker 1: someone you're concerned about is about is thinking of suicide

804
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:12,759
Speaker 1: and you want to find ways to help them. Oh,

805
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:16,799
Speaker 1: that's not the I T guy that works for like

806
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:22,000
Speaker 1: Amazon is also that suicide. Like I used to date

807
00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:26,800
Speaker 1: someone who volunteered for that. He was an aspiring comedian,

808
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:32,360
Speaker 1: He had no personality. It was perfect for him for

809
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:35,000
Speaker 1: a suicide. That sounds like you'd want to Yeah, because

810
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:39,359
Speaker 1: you have to be neutral nation you got to talk

811
00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:46,399
Speaker 1: to people logically literally like the Yeah, I would do that,

812
00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:49,080
Speaker 1: I think, but I would feel so burdened, Like I

813
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:53,200
Speaker 1: don't know. Sometimes I feel like even when like my

814
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:57,840
Speaker 1: friends or like other people in my life get really

815
00:43:57,880 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 1: sad and like need my help, I like kind of

816
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:03,440
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, now it's up to me that this

817
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:07,920
Speaker 1: person doesn't kill themselves, Like I don't want this, Like

818
00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:09,560
Speaker 1: do you ever feel that way when a friend is

819
00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:12,120
Speaker 1: like deeply in need and you're like, but I and

820
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:15,399
Speaker 1: too busy right now, Like I literally can't and now

821
00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:17,520
Speaker 1: it's up to me that you don't hurt. You're like,

822
00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:20,279
Speaker 1: what do I do? It's it feels sometimes like I

823
00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:23,520
Speaker 1: get scared and I get a little bit resentful where

824
00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:26,120
Speaker 1: I'm like where someone is like I really need you

825
00:44:26,200 --> 00:44:29,319
Speaker 1: right now and like puts it all on you. I

826
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:31,080
Speaker 1: don't think I've ever done that when I was feeling

827
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:34,600
Speaker 1: like really sad. Um. And that's when you call that

828
00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:37,520
Speaker 1: fucking line. Actually is when your friends are not able

829
00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:39,439
Speaker 1: to be there for you, or maybe you don't have friends,

830
00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:41,640
Speaker 1: which is not a fucking crime. If you don't have friends,

831
00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:45,960
Speaker 1: it's sometimes call it's you, it's your buddy. I'm at

832
00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:50,440
Speaker 1: work right now. I'm working a suicide hotline, so I

833
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:52,839
Speaker 1: can't be here. Wait is that you, Dave? I can't

834
00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:56,719
Speaker 1: say who it is. Uh, you didn't text me back. Yeah,

835
00:44:56,760 --> 00:45:03,640
Speaker 1: I'm working, so I'm making you want to baby. The

836
00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:07,520
Speaker 1: next news story, Okay, the next news story is about

837
00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:13,440
Speaker 1: your favorite Starbucks um After launching its new chicken sandwich

838
00:45:13,880 --> 00:45:17,279
Speaker 1: this week or last week, they quietly pulled it off

839
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:23,440
Speaker 1: the market because of complaints of diarrhea yeah, um, chicken

840
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:28,600
Speaker 1: squirrel shed. Guys, stop it, stop it with your It's healthy,

841
00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:33,360
Speaker 1: just that. But coffee makes the diuretic makes you ship

842
00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:39,920
Speaker 1: so much like they're like, yeah, I drinking coffee, I'm

843
00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:44,759
Speaker 1: shipping before I take the first sip. That's great. Love

844
00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:50,399
Speaker 1: it too? A chicken chip not so much? Yeah, that's interesting. Ship.

845
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:55,000
Speaker 1: What a great name for a little bit a little

846
00:45:55,080 --> 00:46:01,040
Speaker 1: chicken shit. Oh it is a really good one. It's

847
00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:03,920
Speaker 1: I mean, I can't even I don't even want to.

848
00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:06,160
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm so not in the mood to talk

849
00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:09,279
Speaker 1: about chickens and why we shouldn't be more than the

850
00:46:09,280 --> 00:46:16,759
Speaker 1: fact it was diarrhea. Yeah, but never mind. Every do

851
00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:19,960
Speaker 1: you like having? Would you rather have sol diarrhea ships

852
00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:23,680
Speaker 1: or art ships? Um, that's a good question. I would

853
00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:29,399
Speaker 1: rather have diarrhea because at least I feel thin. I mean,

854
00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:35,839
Speaker 1: I cannot stand like U t I s feel like

855
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:37,919
Speaker 1: in cramps, feel like you have to take a ship

856
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:40,560
Speaker 1: out of your vagina and it hurts so bad, Like

857
00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:42,879
Speaker 1: I just hate having hard things down there. It's so

858
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:47,280
Speaker 1: But diarrhea is terrible. But again, I love an excuse

859
00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:49,080
Speaker 1: to get out of anything. And when you have diarrhea,

860
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:53,000
Speaker 1: you really can't leave your place. You can't do anything,

861
00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:54,600
Speaker 1: and you can tell someone you're sick and then you

862
00:46:54,719 --> 00:46:59,760
Speaker 1: just sit on the toilet, which sucks. Both of them suck.

863
00:47:00,440 --> 00:47:03,560
Speaker 1: But man, I saw this great thing today. There's this

864
00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:08,040
Speaker 1: girl that I met through mutual friends and we kind

865
00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:09,640
Speaker 1: of like we hung out a little bit, but we

866
00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:11,759
Speaker 1: always just followed each other on Instagram and she has

867
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:14,319
Speaker 1: a baby now, and she posted this thing on her

868
00:47:14,360 --> 00:47:19,080
Speaker 1: Instagram story today that was you know, She like wrote,

869
00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:21,400
Speaker 1: like what you're about to see actually happened. I am

870
00:47:21,440 --> 00:47:24,800
Speaker 1: a new mom, and I was feeling hungover this morning

871
00:47:24,840 --> 00:47:27,359
Speaker 1: and kind of like pissed at myself for even going

872
00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:29,719
Speaker 1: to this musical festival last night even though I'm a

873
00:47:29,719 --> 00:47:31,880
Speaker 1: new mom, but like I deserved it, but also like

874
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:36,400
Speaker 1: I'm fucking suffering today. And I walked in to my

875
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:39,200
Speaker 1: daughter who was in one of those like little like

876
00:47:39,400 --> 00:47:41,719
Speaker 1: round things where they just like kind of bounce and

877
00:47:41,760 --> 00:47:43,879
Speaker 1: they like stand up. Babies can stand up, but it's

878
00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:46,600
Speaker 1: like round and they can spin around, you know, And

879
00:47:46,640 --> 00:47:50,320
Speaker 1: she was like my daughter, I like it was maybe

880
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:53,520
Speaker 1: not being the most attentive mom today. She had diarrhea.

881
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:58,440
Speaker 1: It ran down her leg, onto the onto the surface

882
00:47:58,600 --> 00:48:01,640
Speaker 1: that would she bounced and my daughter is just slipping

883
00:48:01,640 --> 00:48:05,799
Speaker 1: and slidding and like dancing upon her diarrhea. And then

884
00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:08,839
Speaker 1: she posted the video of it, and it's so funny

885
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:11,160
Speaker 1: and it makes me feel like I just was like,

886
00:48:11,280 --> 00:48:13,399
Speaker 1: thank you for posting this, because I bet so many

887
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 1: moms can relate of just like fucking like I look

888
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:20,560
Speaker 1: away for like I give myself five extra minutes where

889
00:48:20,560 --> 00:48:23,200
Speaker 1: my husband is maybe like I know he is nearby

890
00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:26,520
Speaker 1: watching TV. He falls asleep, and our daughter is dancing

891
00:48:26,560 --> 00:48:29,400
Speaker 1: and her diarrhea, and like what a real moment that

892
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:31,400
Speaker 1: was that. I just don't think a lot of moms

893
00:48:31,440 --> 00:48:34,080
Speaker 1: post that stuff because it's just humiliating and you feel

894
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:36,600
Speaker 1: like a neglectful mom. But really it's just like you're

895
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:39,279
Speaker 1: allowed to look away for a little bit. So she

896
00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:41,920
Speaker 1: probably looked just like her the night before at the dance.

897
00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:46,640
Speaker 1: The baby was so happy too, and just like sliding

898
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:51,359
Speaker 1: around like than watching a baby et pudding and not

899
00:48:51,440 --> 00:48:54,480
Speaker 1: give a fuck, Like they don't give a fuck the

900
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:57,920
Speaker 1: idea there are such mailboxes like they don't they're not

901
00:48:58,000 --> 00:49:00,920
Speaker 1: affected the baby's cannons or of your anger, but they

902
00:49:00,960 --> 00:49:03,920
Speaker 1: just don't care. It's so freeing and that's why when

903
00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:06,200
Speaker 1: you look at a baby, they have perfect posture there.

904
00:49:06,239 --> 00:49:08,160
Speaker 1: But if they're sitting up and they have no back

905
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:11,520
Speaker 1: to a chair and they're just sitting, babies have perfect posture.

906
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:14,640
Speaker 1: They're not weighed down by life yet, they're not touched

907
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:17,719
Speaker 1: over when they're on a device there, they just look

908
00:49:17,840 --> 00:49:19,920
Speaker 1: down with their head like this, which is where you're

909
00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:22,560
Speaker 1: supposed to look down. You're supposed to they haven't had

910
00:49:22,600 --> 00:49:25,680
Speaker 1: a cell phone yet, you're yeah, but when you but

911
00:49:25,719 --> 00:49:28,359
Speaker 1: if you're natural, like your natural way to look at

912
00:49:28,360 --> 00:49:32,360
Speaker 1: things is there's like um there, you just kind of

913
00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:34,360
Speaker 1: take your ears and if there was a bar going

914
00:49:34,360 --> 00:49:37,479
Speaker 1: through right where your ear is, pretty much that's where

915
00:49:37,480 --> 00:49:39,680
Speaker 1: your head should rotate from to go up and down.

916
00:49:39,920 --> 00:49:42,759
Speaker 1: That's all you need side to side. You don't need

917
00:49:43,040 --> 00:49:45,879
Speaker 1: to do your neck like this. You just need this.

918
00:49:46,719 --> 00:49:49,120
Speaker 1: That's all you need. And babies do that naturally. And

919
00:49:49,120 --> 00:49:52,200
Speaker 1: babies also sit up straight naturally and have their butt

920
00:49:52,760 --> 00:49:54,799
Speaker 1: like kind of babies look like they're like waddling, but

921
00:49:54,880 --> 00:49:57,040
Speaker 1: that's the natural way to sit. Like I saw a baby.

922
00:49:57,440 --> 00:50:01,080
Speaker 1: When I'm sitting without a chair back, I'm like much immediately.

923
00:50:01,480 --> 00:50:04,480
Speaker 1: And babies, if you watch a baby, try to naturally

924
00:50:05,360 --> 00:50:07,200
Speaker 1: walk like a baby or sit like a baby, and

925
00:50:07,239 --> 00:50:09,520
Speaker 1: you'll be doing it the natural way because babies aren't

926
00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:14,360
Speaker 1: burdened by life yet. And when babies cry, they aren't

927
00:50:14,360 --> 00:50:17,640
Speaker 1: stifling their cries yet because they're not they're not trying

928
00:50:17,680 --> 00:50:20,200
Speaker 1: to be polite, they're not worried what other people think.

929
00:50:20,239 --> 00:50:23,040
Speaker 1: So babies they sound so loud because their bodies are

930
00:50:23,040 --> 00:50:26,239
Speaker 1: completely comfortable, so their bodies are vibrating and making this

931
00:50:26,280 --> 00:50:29,560
Speaker 1: sound get so much bigger. Whereas human us humans were

932
00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:33,400
Speaker 1: so tense and when we cry, we're like like it

933
00:50:33,520 --> 00:50:35,800
Speaker 1: stays up in your head. But if we were relaxed

934
00:50:35,800 --> 00:50:38,560
Speaker 1: and letting it cry, like really letting ourselves, our cries

935
00:50:38,600 --> 00:50:41,600
Speaker 1: would be so much louder because our body would vibrate

936
00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:44,840
Speaker 1: like like an instrument. It's very interesting. Let's go to

937
00:50:44,880 --> 00:50:50,520
Speaker 1: break and come back with um. Top bottom one. Alright,

938
00:50:50,560 --> 00:50:54,120
Speaker 1: we're back. It's Monday, so it's time for top one,

939
00:50:54,360 --> 00:50:59,600
Speaker 1: bottom one and the category today as something in a

940
00:50:59,680 --> 00:51:03,880
Speaker 1: hotel tell room. Okay, top one, bottom one things in

941
00:51:03,920 --> 00:51:07,000
Speaker 1: your hotel room, in a hotel room, any hotel room

942
00:51:07,040 --> 00:51:11,240
Speaker 1: that you like and then don't like. Um, let's start

943
00:51:11,280 --> 00:51:15,440
Speaker 1: with bottom. I'll go first. The worst thing in a

944
00:51:15,560 --> 00:51:19,880
Speaker 1: hotel room is how I got to I'm sorry, I

945
00:51:19,920 --> 00:51:23,360
Speaker 1: always go to um no place to charge your phone.

946
00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:26,640
Speaker 1: Next like the charge like the plug to plug in

947
00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:29,439
Speaker 1: your phone, you have to like pull out the bed,

948
00:51:30,040 --> 00:51:33,160
Speaker 1: which is disgusting because you see all the things that

949
00:51:33,200 --> 00:51:35,800
Speaker 1: the maid didn't has never gotten over thousands of stays.

950
00:51:36,719 --> 00:51:41,439
Speaker 1: Or the plug is just like precarious, like we need

951
00:51:41,680 --> 00:51:44,760
Speaker 1: plugs next to the bed for your phones at Airbnb's

952
00:51:44,880 --> 00:51:47,000
Speaker 1: at hotels. If you don't have that going on at

953
00:51:47,040 --> 00:51:50,560
Speaker 1: your Airbnb, give me my money back, bit that is insane.

954
00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:53,920
Speaker 1: And then secondly, the most disgusting thing in a hotel

955
00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:56,160
Speaker 1: room that I didn't learn until I did Last Comic

956
00:51:56,239 --> 00:51:59,759
Speaker 1: Standing in two thousand and six. I it was not

957
00:51:59,800 --> 00:52:02,040
Speaker 1: a road comic before that, so I didn't have experience

958
00:52:02,080 --> 00:52:04,280
Speaker 1: in hotels. I remember I got to the Hilton Garden

959
00:52:04,360 --> 00:52:07,319
Speaker 1: in in two dozen six and I was staying with

960
00:52:07,400 --> 00:52:10,120
Speaker 1: jack you Cation because we were at the semifinals for

961
00:52:10,280 --> 00:52:13,840
Speaker 1: Last Coming Standing. She's another comedian, Jacucation, and we were

962
00:52:13,840 --> 00:52:16,279
Speaker 1: sharing hotel room and Doug Benson came by to like

963
00:52:16,320 --> 00:52:18,000
Speaker 1: just hang out because he was also a semifinal and

964
00:52:18,040 --> 00:52:19,480
Speaker 1: we were all staying at the same hotel kind of

965
00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:22,400
Speaker 1: quarantine there. And he came by and he was like,

966
00:52:23,239 --> 00:52:26,399
Speaker 1: and Jackie's bed had the top sheet off and mine

967
00:52:26,480 --> 00:52:28,239
Speaker 1: still was on. And he was like, I can tell

968
00:52:28,360 --> 00:52:30,800
Speaker 1: here who is a road comic and who is actually

969
00:52:31,239 --> 00:52:34,359
Speaker 1: experienced room comic. And I was like, and he was like,

970
00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:38,040
Speaker 1: because the fact that you left that on, like it's

971
00:52:38,080 --> 00:52:40,799
Speaker 1: like she like, and now when I'm on and the road,

972
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:43,960
Speaker 1: that thing comes off lickety split. Like now I stay

973
00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:47,600
Speaker 1: at nicer hotels, but like that have like nice betting

974
00:52:47,719 --> 00:52:51,840
Speaker 1: that they washed the dube. But like there are times

975
00:52:51,840 --> 00:52:55,680
Speaker 1: where I still stay at like double trees or courtyards.

976
00:52:56,200 --> 00:52:59,120
Speaker 1: That top sheet, whatever it is, there's a top thing

977
00:52:59,200 --> 00:53:01,360
Speaker 1: that you can remove that doesn't involve the whole comforter.

978
00:53:01,680 --> 00:53:03,560
Speaker 1: Get it the funk off your bed, especially if it's

979
00:53:03,560 --> 00:53:06,440
Speaker 1: like a quilted thing or a runner at the bottom

980
00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:09,680
Speaker 1: of the bed. That thing never gets washed. Get it

981
00:53:09,760 --> 00:53:11,880
Speaker 1: off your bed, Do not set anything on it, do

982
00:53:11,920 --> 00:53:13,880
Speaker 1: not touch it. And I am someone who is dirty

983
00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:16,920
Speaker 1: as fuck. I do not care at all about germs,

984
00:53:17,480 --> 00:53:20,080
Speaker 1: and that thing I would never ever leave on my bed.

985
00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:22,120
Speaker 1: I pick it up with my fingers like I'm picking

986
00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:24,719
Speaker 1: up a dirty taper. The tips of my fingers with

987
00:53:24,760 --> 00:53:28,560
Speaker 1: my nails and then I wash my nails. So um,

988
00:53:28,640 --> 00:53:30,920
Speaker 1: that is if you if you're not an experienced traveler,

989
00:53:31,000 --> 00:53:32,760
Speaker 1: just know that is the dirtiest thing in a hotel

990
00:53:32,840 --> 00:53:35,440
Speaker 1: room besides the pillows, and bring your own pillow. Pillows

991
00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:38,719
Speaker 1: are disgusting, maids. Have I've watched enough things and I

992
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:41,120
Speaker 1: actually did a segment on my show Not Safe about

993
00:53:41,840 --> 00:53:43,480
Speaker 1: the dirtiest thing in a hotel room, and it is

994
00:53:43,520 --> 00:53:46,560
Speaker 1: by far the pillows. The pillowcases are washed, but the

995
00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:50,920
Speaker 1: pillows underneath are horrific that even a pillow case, you

996
00:53:50,920 --> 00:53:52,840
Speaker 1: would not trust it to protect you from what happens

997
00:53:52,840 --> 00:53:55,359
Speaker 1: on those pillows so much Seaman gets wiped on them.

998
00:53:55,520 --> 00:53:58,840
Speaker 1: Even I wipe like my like, if I'm using a

999
00:53:58,880 --> 00:54:00,640
Speaker 1: toy and it's like as some stuff on it, I

1000
00:54:00,680 --> 00:54:04,160
Speaker 1: will wipe it on the pillow next, Like it's gross. Guys,

1001
00:54:05,560 --> 00:54:08,640
Speaker 1: all right, what's your least favorite thing in a hotel room? Well,

1002
00:54:08,680 --> 00:54:11,000
Speaker 1: now it's the top sheet. Um, I didn't even think

1003
00:54:11,000 --> 00:54:18,239
Speaker 1: of it. I've already helped someone. You know, it's really frustrating,

1004
00:54:18,280 --> 00:54:21,040
Speaker 1: but it's it's not It's not in enough hotel rooms

1005
00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:23,640
Speaker 1: to become an insane problem. For a lot of people,

1006
00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:27,239
Speaker 1: but I just hate it. Is the shower that you

1007
00:54:27,400 --> 00:54:29,799
Speaker 1: have to get to the heat. You have to go

1008
00:54:29,840 --> 00:54:32,440
Speaker 1: through the water, so like the door is set up

1009
00:54:32,440 --> 00:54:35,920
Speaker 1: that it goes in, so you have to get wet

1010
00:54:36,920 --> 00:54:40,400
Speaker 1: with very cold water to turn the shower on. And

1011
00:54:40,400 --> 00:54:46,120
Speaker 1: it's like your ronic is bullshit. It's bullshit, and you

1012
00:54:46,160 --> 00:54:49,279
Speaker 1: have so much money to just fix it. It's like

1013
00:54:49,880 --> 00:54:53,719
Speaker 1: and and it's probably some dickhead like engineer designer that's like, oh,

1014
00:54:53,800 --> 00:54:57,120
Speaker 1: I'm doing it different. I'm showing the world that I

1015
00:54:57,120 --> 00:55:00,880
Speaker 1: I studied abroad in my rid or whatever ever. That

1016
00:55:00,960 --> 00:55:02,920
Speaker 1: might just be me. I've lived there for two weeks,

1017
00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:06,680
Speaker 1: not to brag. But whoever designed that thinks they're being

1018
00:55:06,800 --> 00:55:10,239
Speaker 1: like clever or whatever, stop it. Just stop it. Just

1019
00:55:10,320 --> 00:55:13,560
Speaker 1: fucking have a curtain or a door that opens out.

1020
00:55:14,080 --> 00:55:15,919
Speaker 1: You have to get your arm wet and the wet

1021
00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:18,600
Speaker 1: And I know this is like so first word world problems,

1022
00:55:18,640 --> 00:55:21,839
Speaker 1: but like getting your wet, getting your arm wet with

1023
00:55:21,880 --> 00:55:25,000
Speaker 1: like wet cold water when you're just trying to turn

1024
00:55:25,000 --> 00:55:28,960
Speaker 1: on and figure out the shower itself to like pull

1025
00:55:29,040 --> 00:55:32,280
Speaker 1: the right thing, because sometimes there's a knob that switches

1026
00:55:32,320 --> 00:55:36,719
Speaker 1: it from the overhead shower to the side thing or

1027
00:55:36,760 --> 00:55:40,919
Speaker 1: like the little novel. Yeah, so you're doing all You're

1028
00:55:40,960 --> 00:55:43,839
Speaker 1: pulling all these levers and you to get wet doing it.

1029
00:55:43,840 --> 00:55:46,080
Speaker 1: It is insane. I don't even know. I don't understand

1030
00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:48,319
Speaker 1: how the engineering could be that bad. And so many

1031
00:55:48,320 --> 00:55:51,560
Speaker 1: hotels this happens all the time. Yeah, it's wild, So

1032
00:55:51,880 --> 00:55:58,040
Speaker 1: fucking fix it. Yeah, good one bottom. Okay, wait, so

1033
00:55:58,160 --> 00:56:03,040
Speaker 1: mine is also bathroom related thing. I cannot stand when

1034
00:56:03,080 --> 00:56:07,040
Speaker 1: they put the sink outside of the actual bathroom and

1035
00:56:07,080 --> 00:56:12,279
Speaker 1: you're like literally flossing and brushing your teeth in the

1036
00:56:12,320 --> 00:56:17,600
Speaker 1: middle of the room. Yes, yes, and you know, I

1037
00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:21,120
Speaker 1: just like a sink belongs in the bathroom, please, especially

1038
00:56:21,120 --> 00:56:24,880
Speaker 1: if I'm paying for the room. That is a good point. Okay,

1039
00:56:24,920 --> 00:56:27,200
Speaker 1: I like that too. It's never really bothered me, but

1040
00:56:27,280 --> 00:56:30,920
Speaker 1: now it really is. Um. I think it never bothered

1041
00:56:30,920 --> 00:56:34,640
Speaker 1: me because it kept me accountable to washing my hands

1042
00:56:34,719 --> 00:56:38,400
Speaker 1: because I would then encounter it in the hallway and

1043
00:56:38,480 --> 00:56:39,960
Speaker 1: I go, oh, I gotta do this. And if I'm

1044
00:56:40,000 --> 00:56:42,680
Speaker 1: sharing a hotel room with someone, it like it's really

1045
00:56:42,680 --> 00:56:45,800
Speaker 1: got to happen. Yeah, if I'm sharing a room with someone,

1046
00:56:45,840 --> 00:56:49,239
Speaker 1: then they can they see too much of what I do.

1047
00:56:49,320 --> 00:56:54,239
Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, hate when I need to shoot in

1048
00:56:54,239 --> 00:56:57,520
Speaker 1: the sink because it's clogged the toilet and they have

1049
00:56:57,560 --> 00:57:00,960
Speaker 1: to will watch me then ship in the same thing

1050
00:57:05,200 --> 00:57:07,960
Speaker 1: that gets wasted after Like you just open it and

1051
00:57:08,000 --> 00:57:11,040
Speaker 1: it's one stay and use it for one hand washing

1052
00:57:11,800 --> 00:57:13,759
Speaker 1: and then you just go, oh, well, that's just gonna

1053
00:57:13,800 --> 00:57:16,600
Speaker 1: go the little Every time I use the little plastic things,

1054
00:57:16,640 --> 00:57:19,360
Speaker 1: I'm just like, God, this is all just so fucking wasteful.

1055
00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:23,240
Speaker 1: It's just a constant reminder. The hotel room, I'm saying

1056
00:57:23,240 --> 00:57:26,280
Speaker 1: out now, is like this eco friendly place. The key

1057
00:57:26,280 --> 00:57:30,320
Speaker 1: cards are wooden chips. They're little round wooden chips the

1058
00:57:30,320 --> 00:57:33,880
Speaker 1: size of like eight poker ship and in the bathroom

1059
00:57:33,880 --> 00:57:37,120
Speaker 1: and it has a timer like that you would come

1060
00:57:37,160 --> 00:57:39,360
Speaker 1: in the game of like Milton Bradley is like sorry,

1061
00:57:39,480 --> 00:57:42,360
Speaker 1: you know, like it's like a little sand and you

1062
00:57:42,480 --> 00:57:45,160
Speaker 1: flip it when you go in the shower so that

1063
00:57:45,200 --> 00:57:49,360
Speaker 1: you don't waste too much water. Um. And it's also

1064
00:57:49,440 --> 00:57:53,480
Speaker 1: like this this hotel is supposed to be like you

1065
00:57:53,520 --> 00:57:56,360
Speaker 1: only stay here to relax. Even when you go onto

1066
00:57:56,360 --> 00:57:58,880
Speaker 1: their WiFi, it's like we know that you're just here

1067
00:57:58,880 --> 00:58:01,200
Speaker 1: to relax. But sometimes as you need a little WiFi,

1068
00:58:01,280 --> 00:58:08,320
Speaker 1: and it's like, who is ever relaxing ever anymore? Um,

1069
00:58:08,360 --> 00:58:10,440
Speaker 1: so yeah, I'm staying at this. I do like this

1070
00:58:10,480 --> 00:58:12,680
Speaker 1: hotel though it's smells so fucking good in the lobby,

1071
00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:14,600
Speaker 1: even though I haven't even been there in a while

1072
00:58:14,800 --> 00:58:16,240
Speaker 1: because I stay in my room all day and I

1073
00:58:16,480 --> 00:58:18,600
Speaker 1: use a weird exit to get out. But I do

1074
00:58:18,680 --> 00:58:21,440
Speaker 1: get off at face Jim, which is where they go

1075
00:58:21,480 --> 00:58:25,120
Speaker 1: pummel your face. Oh face massage is so good. Okay,

1076
00:58:25,160 --> 00:58:28,760
Speaker 1: let's get to the top. Final thought. Let's say our

1077
00:58:28,800 --> 00:58:31,320
Speaker 1: favorite things about hotel rooms. What we encounter that is

1078
00:58:31,320 --> 00:58:35,120
Speaker 1: our favorite thing. Anyone want to go first? I thought

1079
00:58:35,280 --> 00:58:38,240
Speaker 1: you were gonna. I'll go first. Blackout curtains a sufficient

1080
00:58:38,320 --> 00:58:41,520
Speaker 1: blackout curtain that I don't have to like there's not

1081
00:58:41,560 --> 00:58:46,600
Speaker 1: a sliver of light coming through. Um. And also one

1082
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:50,200
Speaker 1: that gets you know cold. Um, this one gets down

1083
00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:53,160
Speaker 1: to sixty six degrees. I appreciate it very much. Uh

1084
00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:56,680
Speaker 1: that that is my favorite thing. Blackout curtains are so good.

1085
00:58:56,720 --> 00:58:59,240
Speaker 1: People always are like I don't get enough sleep. Oh

1086
00:58:59,320 --> 00:59:02,479
Speaker 1: I couldn't sleeping, Like, did you have the room dark?

1087
00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:04,960
Speaker 1: No one ever thinks about the light, Like that's what's

1088
00:59:04,960 --> 00:59:08,920
Speaker 1: waking you up. Light and sound, white noise, blackout curtain. Otherwise,

1089
00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:10,480
Speaker 1: I don't want to hear about you not getting sleep.

1090
00:59:10,520 --> 00:59:12,920
Speaker 1: You're not doing everything you can and it's very simple.

1091
00:59:18,680 --> 00:59:23,520
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, go ahead, Okay. So my favorite thing, uh,

1092
00:59:23,600 --> 00:59:27,360
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess there's a lot, but lighting. I

1093
00:59:27,400 --> 00:59:31,240
Speaker 1: like the hotels have like a light by the bed,

1094
00:59:31,600 --> 00:59:33,880
Speaker 1: a light in the corner. Like it's just it's more

1095
00:59:33,960 --> 00:59:36,120
Speaker 1: it's kind of like, wow, I don't know how to

1096
00:59:36,120 --> 00:59:39,320
Speaker 1: do this in my own house, and it's cool that

1097
00:59:40,320 --> 00:59:44,920
Speaker 1: I haven't here. There's like accident lightning. Yes, a bedside

1098
00:59:44,960 --> 00:59:49,680
Speaker 1: light is so cruise. I also love um. I love

1099
00:59:49,760 --> 00:59:52,040
Speaker 1: like a different kind of mattress than you get usually

1100
00:59:52,080 --> 00:59:54,360
Speaker 1: you get to kind of try out different things. I

1101
00:59:54,440 --> 00:59:59,760
Speaker 1: love um robes, um. I love the amount of towels

1102
01:00:00,080 --> 01:00:03,720
Speaker 1: was in Microbiculous movie, but he was you know about

1103
01:00:03,760 --> 01:00:05,760
Speaker 1: being a comic on the road, but using towels as

1104
01:00:05,840 --> 01:00:07,920
Speaker 1: napkins is like my favorite thing is like draping a

1105
01:00:07,960 --> 01:00:10,280
Speaker 1: towel on me and like just wiping my hand, like

1106
01:00:10,520 --> 01:00:12,600
Speaker 1: just being able to get so dirty because you have

1107
01:00:12,880 --> 01:00:17,160
Speaker 1: so many napkins and their towels. There's something really nice

1108
01:00:17,200 --> 01:00:19,840
Speaker 1: to about having a limited amount of clothes. When you

1109
01:00:19,880 --> 01:00:21,960
Speaker 1: go to a hotel where even if you destroy the

1110
01:00:22,000 --> 01:00:25,760
Speaker 1: hotel you throw everything everywhere, it's not that much stuff

1111
01:00:26,360 --> 01:00:29,880
Speaker 1: where it feels like you're weighted down, which is nice.

1112
01:00:30,120 --> 01:00:32,600
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, I was thinking about robe. I

1113
01:00:32,640 --> 01:00:34,800
Speaker 1: love a robe because I don't I'm not a robe

1114
01:00:34,840 --> 01:00:37,680
Speaker 1: guy during my real life, So when I do it

1115
01:00:37,720 --> 01:00:41,000
Speaker 1: at a hotel, it's extra special, and I really feel

1116
01:00:41,040 --> 01:00:43,720
Speaker 1: like a billionaire that I could just tell people what

1117
01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:46,560
Speaker 1: to do and clip my toe nails and ship and

1118
01:00:46,600 --> 01:00:50,320
Speaker 1: be like. I mean, Jim Gaffcan has a bit about it.

1119
01:00:50,360 --> 01:00:52,560
Speaker 1: But the fact that robes we try them on and

1120
01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:57,000
Speaker 1: we wear them is so disgusting that like, if you

1121
01:00:57,080 --> 01:01:00,240
Speaker 1: found a secondhand robe at Goodwill, you'd be like, got

1122
01:01:00,240 --> 01:01:02,800
Speaker 1: this robe from Goodwill? You'd be disgusted. Or if you've

1123
01:01:02,800 --> 01:01:06,200
Speaker 1: got a mattress, a used mattress from goodwill, Yet we

1124
01:01:06,240 --> 01:01:09,920
Speaker 1: sleep unused mattresses, use used robes, and we act like

1125
01:01:09,960 --> 01:01:12,400
Speaker 1: they're new or something. But Andrew's dick has been like

1126
01:01:12,480 --> 01:01:17,600
Speaker 1: all inside those wiping around. Yeah, but I'm not using Yeah,

1127
01:01:17,600 --> 01:01:20,800
Speaker 1: but I have a hotel condom from the last guy on,

1128
01:01:21,000 --> 01:01:23,720
Speaker 1: so it doesn't touch the robe, you know, me for

1129
01:01:23,760 --> 01:01:28,240
Speaker 1: this interview. Um yeah, that's a good point. Um no, no,

1130
01:01:28,320 --> 01:01:30,480
Speaker 1: I get that, I get that. But the things that

1131
01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:32,920
Speaker 1: goodwill are just sitting there at least there. You know

1132
01:01:33,000 --> 01:01:36,600
Speaker 1: that it's probably clean that day, you know. I mean no,

1133
01:01:36,720 --> 01:01:39,560
Speaker 1: but even if someone said this mattress is used, and

1134
01:01:39,600 --> 01:01:41,439
Speaker 1: the people before it were like, you know, the one

1135
01:01:41,480 --> 01:01:44,520
Speaker 1: owner use it, buying a used mattress, Like people don't

1136
01:01:44,560 --> 01:01:47,200
Speaker 1: do that, but we are, like we celebrated in the

1137
01:01:47,240 --> 01:01:49,320
Speaker 1: hotel room. And Gavigan has a great bit about the

1138
01:01:49,400 --> 01:01:54,360
Speaker 1: hotels where like the level of disbelief that we live

1139
01:01:54,440 --> 01:01:58,400
Speaker 1: in to enjoy all the things that thousands of people

1140
01:01:58,440 --> 01:02:02,120
Speaker 1: before you have used and their genitals on. I mean,

1141
01:02:02,200 --> 01:02:05,640
Speaker 1: it's truly disgusting. I can't believe that some of the

1142
01:02:05,680 --> 01:02:08,240
Speaker 1: discussing things I've done or accidentally done in hotel rooms,

1143
01:02:09,280 --> 01:02:11,440
Speaker 1: knowing that, like I am not that gross of a

1144
01:02:11,480 --> 01:02:14,360
Speaker 1: person if I've done them, Like what could what are

1145
01:02:14,440 --> 01:02:18,640
Speaker 1: what are people capable of? I mean, really, you've you've

1146
01:02:19,360 --> 01:02:21,600
Speaker 1: you've got you've had to have had some really gross

1147
01:02:21,600 --> 01:02:23,960
Speaker 1: things happened in a hotel room. Yeah, I've done some

1148
01:02:24,040 --> 01:02:28,040
Speaker 1: gross things. I've been lazy about certain clean up situation.

1149
01:02:28,080 --> 01:02:30,520
Speaker 1: Ship your pants last week. I feel like you probably

1150
01:02:30,560 --> 01:02:33,880
Speaker 1: have gotten shipped somewhere in a hotel room. Before that

1151
01:02:33,960 --> 01:02:42,520
Speaker 1: was the toilet. I'm gonna plead the fifth, all those fifth,

1152
01:02:43,520 --> 01:02:45,120
Speaker 1: all right, we gotta go, I gotta do an interview.

1153
01:02:45,160 --> 01:02:47,680
Speaker 1: We'll be back tomorrow with more show. Thank you guys

1154
01:02:47,720 --> 01:02:49,400
Speaker 1: for putting up with my mood. Today I'll be in

1155
01:02:49,400 --> 01:02:52,760
Speaker 1: a better mood. And next time, uh, you know, it

1156
01:02:52,880 --> 01:02:57,520
Speaker 1: comes and goes, but don't be cut out there and

1157
01:02:58,040 --> 01:03:00,800
Speaker 1: Jack Globe Jackhammer four