Speaker 1: What is it like being a mom in twenty twenty five?
Speaker 2: I feel like I have multiple full time jobs. I mean,
Speaker 2: it's super fun, but it's a lot. And there are
Speaker 2: days where I'm like, why did I do this to myself?
Speaker 3: It's because, you know, one kid is one thing, but
Speaker 3: then two kids is another thing. And I think I'm
Speaker 3: at this stage now where I just don't have the time.
Speaker 1: Being intentional about building a village for myself. Adopting other
Speaker 1: moms in the parking lot, at daycare and at school.
Speaker 1: It has worked for me. I'm just like, want to
Speaker 1: be my friend.
Speaker 4: I mean to do that.
Speaker 1: Hey, the a Fam, Welcome to Brown Ambition. I could
Speaker 1: not be more excited to introduce you to my guests
Speaker 1: at the Brown Table today. My mama's in crime, as
Speaker 1: I call them. Listen, y'all kind of are like in
Speaker 1: a secret club. You're in my secret mom podcasters club.
Speaker 1: There's no benefits to being in this club other than
Speaker 1: that when I am really struggling, I think about y'all,
Speaker 1: but I may not like, you know, email or tie
Speaker 1: a like let you know that I'm thinking about y'all,
Speaker 1: but I'm like somewhere out there, Jessica and Reina are
Speaker 1: doing the same thing, and they also probably like would
Speaker 1: have something really encouraging to stay to me right now,
Speaker 1: so I'll just like say it to myself. So thanks
Speaker 1: for being the mama's friends in my head that I need.
Speaker 1: I want to introduce ba Fan to Jessica Norwood. She
Speaker 1: is one half of the podcast Sugar Daddy with her husband,
Speaker 1: and then also Reina has a podcast. It's been going
Speaker 1: almost as long as Brown Ambition. We're like geriatric podcasters
Speaker 1: together Dreams and Drive the podcast. Welcome to Brown Ambition, y'all.
Speaker 4: Hey, many happy to be here, so catch me up.
Speaker 1: Braina. You and I met, as you know. It's so
Speaker 1: funny because we met once five four years ago.
Speaker 4: Three wellever Jeff turned two.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like three years ago, so at a birthday party
Speaker 1: for a mutual friend, and I just remember clicking with
Speaker 1: you and our sons were the same age, and I
Speaker 1: was like, wow, I want to be her friend. But then,
Speaker 1: of course, like we're both young moms, and like, of
Speaker 1: course we were not going to be like seeing each
Speaker 1: other all the time. Maybe of course we would talk
Speaker 1: twice in three years, and then we went and done
Speaker 1: had another baby, and then Jessica. I forget how I
Speaker 1: met you. I think that you had reached out because
Speaker 1: you were starting Sugar Daddy, and I think it was
Speaker 1: more like business first. And then I met y'all in
Speaker 1: person for the first time at a conference, so it's
Speaker 1: just nice to get to, you know, interact with y'all
Speaker 1: and see yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I mean when I saw you at you know, our
Speaker 3: Mutual Friends party, I was.
Speaker 4: Like, oh my god, that's Mandy from Round and Vision, right,
Speaker 4: and I'm like, how does she know you?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 4: And it was just like it's one of those like
Speaker 4: fangirl moments. But I don't think I told you that
Speaker 4: when I met you.
Speaker 1: That's so fun that's really funny. I mean you have
Speaker 1: to be I feel like, in the niche podcasting world
Speaker 1: to have recognized me. But we will be a you
Speaker 1: were be a fan. It's so funny.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Because I had Tiffany on the podcast, like she was
Speaker 3: my eighth guest on Dreams and Drive back in the day,
Speaker 3: she was episode number eight, I think.
Speaker 1: Wow, okay, so let's talk about that, all right. We're
Speaker 1: both we're all three podcasters, so I really want this conversation.
Speaker 1: I want to I want to just talk about like,
Speaker 1: what is it like being a mom in twenty twenty five?
Speaker 1: How are we maintaining our sanity? How are we giving
Speaker 1: ourselves grace all of that good stuff. But y'all are
Speaker 1: both I guess we all are to a certain extent
Speaker 1: juggling multiple I don't know if like her career is
Speaker 1: all encompassing, but like multiple hats professionally, So y'all both
Speaker 1: work full time in corporate? Is that right for some
Speaker 1: like big brands? Maybe they rhyme with Google and Dismount.
Speaker 1: I don't know, whatever doesn't matter. But y'all have been
Speaker 1: building these brand, your professional brands, while also doing the podcast.
Speaker 1: So like what has that journey been for you? I'll
Speaker 1: start with you, Jessica, Like when did you incorporate the
Speaker 1: podcast into your journey? And like how is that all
Speaker 1: working out?
Speaker 2: Now? It's the latest, Yeah, so the podcast will be
Speaker 2: three years old in June. And I mean it's a
Speaker 2: full time job. Like I feel like I have multiple
Speaker 2: full time jobs, so you know, corporate nine to five
Speaker 2: and then the podcast and trying to do the newsletter
Speaker 2: and trying to keep up with social media and trying
Speaker 2: to book guests, and I mean it's a lot. I mean,
Speaker 2: it's super fun, but it's a lot, and there are
Speaker 2: days where I'm like, why did I do this to myself?
Speaker 2: And then you know, we'll get an email or we'll
Speaker 2: get dms that are like we did this, or I
Speaker 2: save that or I paid this off, and then it's like, okay,
Speaker 2: well we have to keep going because it's actually working
Speaker 2: and people are getting their money right, But it's a lot.
Speaker 2: It feels like a lot.
Speaker 1: Was it your husband pulling you along because he's a
Speaker 1: financial planner, right, like this is his world.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: No, he's a licensed financial planner and he just wanted
Speaker 2: to talk to me about all things money at the
Speaker 2: end of every day, and I was It's like, booh,
Speaker 2: I love you, but I cannot I cannot have this
Speaker 2: conversation with you right now, Like you need a different outlet.
Speaker 2: And so that's how the podcast came about. Because he's
Speaker 2: not he's not a social media person. He's not just
Speaker 2: going to put up like a fun video. He's not
Speaker 2: going to dance for you. You know, he's not going to
Speaker 2: do any of that, and so he needs a forum
Speaker 2: where he can say all the things he needs to say.
Speaker 2: He's very thorough and so the podcast just made sense,
Speaker 2: and so I told him, I think we should do
Speaker 2: a podcast, and he really liked that idea. And so
Speaker 2: it really is the perspective of a licensed financial planner
Speaker 2: who does this for his clients every day, and then
Speaker 2: me asking all the questions that a normal person would ask,
Speaker 2: like well, what does that actually mean? And what is
Speaker 2: that word? Don't you know? Don't lingo me to death?
Speaker 2: And so it's a really nice balance of his and hers,
Speaker 2: you know, because we talk a lot about relationships and
Speaker 2: money as well, and how do you bring that into
Speaker 2: your your relationship, whether it's you know, an established marriage
Speaker 2: or early on. But it works out really well. We
Speaker 2: have a lot of fun with it, and y'all still
Speaker 2: like each other like most of we do. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 2: you know, we have our moments, no, but we really do.
Speaker 2: I mean I work from home, he works from home,
Speaker 2: so my office is downstairs, his office is upstairs. We're
Speaker 2: literally together all the time. But I still feel like
Speaker 2: we're ships passing in the night Monday through Friday. I mean,
Speaker 2: I'll see him in the kitchen, we'll pass each other
Speaker 2: in the living room, and I'm like running to another meeting.
Speaker 2: But yes, we do still like and love each other.
Speaker 2: So that's a good thing.
Speaker 1: I love that. I'm glad for y'all. I mean, my
Speaker 1: husband just randomly stayed home today and I was like,
Speaker 1: why I don't I realize I don't like it. And
Speaker 1: he came out five minutes before I hit record. He's
Speaker 1: like shuffling around looking at recycling then and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm in the middle of the house. So and he's like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: what time do you go? On? Like one o'clock. I
Speaker 1: told you that's five minutes. He's like, okay, I'm going
Speaker 1: I didn't realize. I mean, I guess I did realize
Speaker 1: that one of the things that I value so much
Speaker 1: is just my own brain. I love my brain. I
Speaker 1: love my thoughts, I love what ideas I have. I
Speaker 1: love my creativity, and I just I can't be that
Speaker 1: when I am surrounded by them, you know, the children
Speaker 1: and the husband, because they take up, you know, a
Speaker 1: lot of that space. So like, for one thing, as
Speaker 1: a podcaster and as you know, a business person that
Speaker 1: I've tried to do is just not feel any type
Speaker 1: of way about claiming my brain time. I'm like, it's
Speaker 1: not that I don't I could play with you and
Speaker 1: I could you know, I could take you out of
Speaker 1: daycare three days a week instead of five days a
Speaker 1: week or whatever to spend more time with you. But
Speaker 1: mommy needs more one hundred percent brain time, and.
Speaker 3: You're better when you get that right for them in
Speaker 3: the long term. That's the That's the big thing Mandy
Speaker 3: and Jessica. But I've been finally struggling with lately is
Speaker 3: just thinking about, like how did I get here. I
Speaker 3: don't know, if you guys are in social media, if
Speaker 3: you've been seeing that trend like she she wouldn't know
Speaker 3: a little. Did she know that her life change? He's
Speaker 3: been seeing that?
Speaker 1: Yes, I saw me.
Speaker 3: If I was to do that from like twenty sixteen,
Speaker 3: right when I first started the podcast, There's so many
Speaker 3: things that would have happened that I would have never known,
Speaker 3: like almost nine years later, and I think motherhood for
Speaker 3: me was like the biggest wrench in it all, only
Speaker 3: because when I started the podcast, I was working on
Speaker 3: another job, and like I just had so much time
Speaker 3: to put into it. I want to say, like the
Speaker 3: heydays of Dreams and driver, like twenty sixteen and twenty nineteen,
Speaker 3: I was building.
Speaker 4: I was hustling.
Speaker 3: I was doing the Twitter parties whatever they used to
Speaker 3: do back on Twitter. Remember probably have Twitter chats or
Speaker 3: whatever they like.
Speaker 4: People would have a tigering when you show up.
Speaker 1: Let's watch scandal together.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was doing everything I had just started trying
Speaker 3: to do, like happy hour meetups events. And then the
Speaker 3: pandemic happened, and by that time I was doing Dreams
Speaker 3: and Drives solo twenty twenty eighteen, twenty nineteen. Yeah, pandemic happened.
Speaker 3: My ass got pregnant, right, so I had a pandemic baby.
Speaker 3: I was still doing it solo, still doing the podcast independently,
Speaker 3: wasn't working for anyone, and then I'm like, I'm I
Speaker 3: need to get a real job because I have a
Speaker 3: real baby, and you know, we need real expenses.
Speaker 1: Page I didn't realize. So you were one hundred percent
Speaker 1: Dreams and Drive.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was one hundred percent Dreams and Drive from
Speaker 3: like twenty eighteen to twenty twenty one.
Speaker 4: I was just doing that.
Speaker 3: So we did have some other consulting stuff on the side,
Speaker 3: and I had also saved a lot of money from
Speaker 3: my prior job, so like I was able to kind
Speaker 3: of just close.
Speaker 4: I was living at home number one also saving a
Speaker 4: lot of money.
Speaker 3: So when I got pregnant and I just realized, like, oh,
Speaker 3: I think I got to be a big girl now.
Speaker 3: And so that's when, ironically I got a job through
Speaker 3: one of my past guests on the show. She was like,
Speaker 3: I don't know if you're looking, but they're hiring at
Speaker 3: you know this company that rhymes with dismount, And I
Speaker 3: just jumped right into it. But little did I know
Speaker 3: I would have two kids, because you know, one kid
Speaker 3: is one thing, but then two kids is another thing.
Speaker 3: And I think I'm at this stage now where I
Speaker 3: just don't.
Speaker 4: Have the time.
Speaker 3: I have the desire and I have like the willing
Speaker 3: this and the motivation, but I just don't have the time.
Speaker 3: And I don't think I'm at a stage where like
Speaker 3: I'm willing to try to find more time, if that
Speaker 3: makes sense, right, Like, I do what I can with
Speaker 3: the time that I have. And I think for me,
Speaker 3: I have to be okay with like growth not being
Speaker 3: what I might want it to be. And that's been
Speaker 3: the hardest thing. I think as mothers, we sacrifice so
Speaker 3: much for our children, and I'm in this stage of
Speaker 3: just reckoning with like what does it mean to sacrifice?
Speaker 3: And like how long do the dreams have to be
Speaker 3: not as big because you might not have the support right,
Speaker 3: or you might not have the help or the village
Speaker 3: or the community, like you know, we're all just going
Speaker 3: through so much. So that's been the biggest thing. I've
Speaker 3: also been debating about this whole like women right and
Speaker 3: are we supposed to work? But I'm like, you know what,
Speaker 3: back in the day, we weren't working, but we had
Speaker 3: eighteen kids, so we were still crazy, so it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2: It's like we're still gonna give me this.
Speaker 4: So yeah, So that's been my podcasting and motherhood journey.
Speaker 1: Like you're talking about you don't want like you're kind
Speaker 1: of maxed out on what you can do with your podcast,
Speaker 1: and for you, it's like you have this job, you
Speaker 1: got the two babies. Now, yeah, that's really fair.
Speaker 3: You know, my father passed away in November of last year.
Speaker 3: He was such a huge like help for me and
Speaker 3: my partner. That like just not having support the support
Speaker 3: system that you want to like it, it's just a lot,
Speaker 3: And I think it just goes into the bigger conversation
Speaker 3: about like mothers being supported and like where's the motherhood community? Right?
Speaker 3: I have friends who are mothers, but like we're all
Speaker 3: in the same rub just trying to figure it out.
Speaker 4: Like I don't think I.
Speaker 3: Have one friend who's a mom who's like I got
Speaker 3: this girl, Like, you know, we're all in different ways.
Speaker 2: Just I don't want friends like that.
Speaker 1: Does those times feel like we're just like with your
Speaker 1: two drowning people trying to help each other and it's
Speaker 1: like we're both going down, Like I kind of want
Speaker 1: you to win, so let me not pull you down,
Speaker 1: but like go ground. Yes, it's that's so real because
Speaker 1: I think we want to be there for one another.
Speaker 1: But you know, it's just like I said at the beginning,
Speaker 1: you know I think about all the time, but it's
Speaker 1: like I ain't about to call nobody between the hours
Speaker 1: of like seven to nine because that is like get
Speaker 1: drassed to school and insanity. And then like also in
Speaker 1: the PM from like five to nine, I just and
Speaker 1: and then it's like what sleep work?
Speaker 3: And then it's like I want to do something for
Speaker 3: myself and you just you know, doing scrolling on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just a box of cereal watching.
Speaker 3: What's balanced, And I think that's the biggest thing. What's balanced?
Speaker 3: How do you define balance? And then how can you be?
Speaker 3: And you know your podcast is called Brown Ambition. What
Speaker 3: does it mean to be a brown woman and be
Speaker 3: ambitious and be a mother?
Speaker 2: It means you're.
Speaker 1: Jessica said, it means you're going to be exhausted.
Speaker 3: And do we want to be exhausted? Like I know
Speaker 3: in college I was never you know how people used
Speaker 3: to pull all nighters. I was like, nope, I'm gonna
Speaker 3: go take my sleep, go take myself to bed. I
Speaker 3: was not an all nighter type of person. So I'm like,
Speaker 3: I hate being exhausted, Like I just don't like, like,
Speaker 3: guess I might.
Speaker 1: Have to do you feel but I sense that, like
Speaker 1: I'm just curious, Like I sense that you almost feel
Speaker 1: like you feel like not guilty, but like you seem
Speaker 1: a little bit like I feel I don't like being tired.
Speaker 1: Is this what everyone's doing? Ew like that for me?
Speaker 4: I'm healthy?
Speaker 3: I think no, No, I think I feel guilty more.
Speaker 3: Just like with the state of my podcast, I feel
Speaker 3: like it could be further along if I was like
Speaker 3: maybe being okay with being tired and still doing work.
Speaker 4: Does that make sense? Like at the end of the day.
Speaker 3: I'm like, listen, I could be on time with this schedule,
Speaker 3: you know, have my Monday releases or you know it's
Speaker 3: gonna be on Monday Wednesday release this week.
Speaker 4: Because I just don't have the time or energy.
Speaker 3: So I think it's more so like I'm not guilty,
Speaker 3: but it's just like I just don't have the energy
Speaker 3: to put towards it, and then I don't want to
Speaker 3: be more exhausted by trying to meet the deadline of
Speaker 3: like a Monday release. And like, the part of being
Speaker 3: as independent podcaster is having that flexibility. And a lot
Speaker 3: of people have been like, give yourself grace. You going
Speaker 3: through so much change in these past few months, like
Speaker 3: you need to kind of restore yourself. So it's just
Speaker 3: balancing all of that for me.
Speaker 1: Honestly, Can we talk about the whole idea of support
Speaker 1: and a village, because like, Rina, what I'm hearing is
Speaker 1: that I'm so sorry, by the way about your dad
Speaker 1: passing away, especially if he was helping with the caregiving.
Speaker 1: I mean that, and he was like a go to person,
Speaker 1: because how valuable is it to have that person who
Speaker 1: you can just trust they understand things, The kids are
Speaker 1: comfortable with them. They can drive a car, they can
Speaker 1: do the pick up whatever. It's just like priceless gold
Speaker 1: and plus it's your Yeah, So I'm just I'm really
Speaker 1: sorry about that. Hey, ba fam, we got to take
Speaker 1: a quick break, pay some bills, and we'll be right back.
Speaker 1: All right, ba fam, We're back. I feel like being
Speaker 1: intentional about building a village for myself was one of
Speaker 1: the aspects of motherhood that I wasn't necessarily prepared for.
Speaker 1: No one really told me about that, but it's one
Speaker 1: of the things. It's also been most challenging to do.
Speaker 1: But it's one of the most rewarding things that I
Speaker 1: have done. Is like invest in close relationships, like physically close.
Speaker 1: My mom is in Saint Louis, my sister's in Wisconsin,
Speaker 1: my dad's in Georgia. I got no family really here
Speaker 1: other than my in laws. And like they don't drive.
Speaker 1: They only live forty minutes away, but they don't drive.
Speaker 1: You're not exactly very helpful when they come. It's kind
Speaker 1: of like having extra babies to take care of. But
Speaker 1: I've had to reach across to neighbors, like actual on
Speaker 1: my street, my neighbors have become getting to know them
Speaker 1: has been a huge source of you know, comfort and support.
Speaker 1: And then just like adopting other moms in the parking
Speaker 1: lot at daycare and at school has has worked for me,
Speaker 1: I'll just adopt. I'm just like, want to be my friend.
Speaker 4: I mean to do that. I like that. I like that.
Speaker 1: Not saying that I have any kind of perfect village,
Speaker 1: but if it were not for those relationships, the few
Speaker 1: good ones that I have made since I, you know,
Speaker 1: became a mom and isolated myself because it was my
Speaker 1: decision to move to the suburbs and away from my
Speaker 1: family and all of that has been really important for me.
Speaker 2: So I want how would they help?
Speaker 4: You? Like how?
Speaker 3: I guess it's like, what's the what's the benefit so
Speaker 3: I can be more motivated.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll give you one example today literally today was
Speaker 1: a school it's a school holiday or a day off
Speaker 1: that was not on the calendar. Because my so, my
Speaker 1: my one of my sister wife friends here, her name
Speaker 1: is Jess. She and I both give the school calendar.
Speaker 1: We're two of our assistants and are like put all
Speaker 1: these dates on our calendar so we know what's coming up.
Speaker 1: This was like an add on and last week both
Speaker 1: of us were like, what did you see this? Did
Speaker 1: you see that? And we and she chose the day
Speaker 1: camp that we were going to send We have two
Speaker 1: boys the same age to go to the same school, and
Speaker 1: thank god, they're really good friends too, So she chose
Speaker 1: the camp that we were going to send them to.
Speaker 1: She found it, and then I just paid my one
Speaker 1: hundred dollars because like, of course is one hundred dollars,
Speaker 1: and her husband came and picked up my son this
Speaker 1: morning and took him to the camp because of course,
Speaker 1: the hours are stupid. It's not like nine to five,
Speaker 1: it's nine to twelve for a half day, and nine
Speaker 1: to three is somehow a full day. And then I'm
Speaker 1: going to pick them up at three o'clock and I'm
Speaker 1: going to bring both boys here and they're going to
Speaker 1: play and entertain each other, and then later on she
Speaker 1: might pick them up. But that's one of the instances
Speaker 1: like we're in it together and we plan things together,
Speaker 1: and we've built that much trust. We've really invested time
Speaker 1: in each other's kids so that they love us too.
Speaker 1: So if I have to, you know, and last week
Speaker 1: my baby was sick, Remy was sick, and I was like,
Speaker 1: can Rio, my older son. Can he go home with
Speaker 1: Carey today and just spend the evening with y'all because
Speaker 1: I got to deal with sick baby. I don't want
Speaker 1: Rio in the mix. He's going to be neglected and
Speaker 1: be on the phone for four hours. So I mean
Speaker 1: that to me, is like a real benefit to have
Speaker 1: that kind of relationship.
Speaker 4: And they're in close proximity, right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, less than ten minutes drive because they go they're
Speaker 1: in the same school district. So that's what I mean
Speaker 1: by adopting a mom in the parking lot. I just
Speaker 1: was like, hey, you other black mom, there's not that
Speaker 1: many of us. You want to be my friend? And
Speaker 1: I've done that a few times, and I mean Jess
Speaker 1: was a good example of She was so happy that
Speaker 1: I did that. And I remember I invited her to
Speaker 1: the park with another friend that I had met in
Speaker 1: the parking lot, and she gave me the biggest and
Speaker 1: longest hug when we met at the park that day,
Speaker 1: and we didn't really know each other, and she's just like,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for asking me to come, Like,
Speaker 1: you don't know, we moved here, you know, not that
Speaker 1: long ago. And she needed a village too, and she
Speaker 1: has so many friends, so many friends. She went to
Speaker 1: a big school, so they have a huge network. But
Speaker 1: within five ten minutes away, no, like, where did that
Speaker 1: support for each other?
Speaker 2: I think being able to like meet up at the park,
Speaker 2: go for a walk, let the kids ride their scooters,
Speaker 2: come over for a quick lunch, let's do popsicles, and
Speaker 2: you know, chalk on the driveway. That really is a
Speaker 2: game changer. I mean, proximity matters because the kids can
Speaker 2: be off playing and you can actually have a conversation.
Speaker 2: And most of the time, at least in my circle,
Speaker 2: it ends up being venting. Right, exactly what you said,
Speaker 2: Mandy about like how am I paying one hundred and
Speaker 2: eighty dollars and the camp ends at eleven thirty and
Speaker 2: I dropped them off four and a half minutes ago, right, Like,
Speaker 2: first of all, and if.
Speaker 1: You want them to do the lunch, okay.
Speaker 2: Hello, and I have to pack a lunch eat that
Speaker 2: they will eat, right, that they'll bring home. Oh, don't
Speaker 2: get me started on the lunch as y'all. But then
Speaker 2: also you know the teacher work days and the holidays,
Speaker 2: and wait, are they at home more than they're at school?
Speaker 2: Because what is the schedule especially as a you know
Speaker 2: mom who works out outside of the home. I work
Speaker 2: from home, but you know, corporate, it's just hard. You
Speaker 2: get the calendar at the beginning of the school year
Speaker 2: and you put it in your your work calendar and
Speaker 2: you're like, what in the world is happening. So it's
Speaker 2: just I think it's just nice to have the community
Speaker 2: of moms who are going through it with you and
Speaker 2: it you know, it's not the misery Loves Company, but
Speaker 2: it's more of man, I'm not the only one going
Speaker 2: through it. It's it's that sense of like normy likes normally. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 2: we're all in the thick of it.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm someone to reflect our like, to reflect
Speaker 1: an experience back to us, so we feel seen.
Speaker 2: Yes, I was.
Speaker 4: I was perusing on Instagram and.
Speaker 3: This you know, research article ak video that I don't
Speaker 3: know if it really is real or basically it came out,
Speaker 3: So I was watching on Instagram a video could have
Speaker 3: been AI could have been listening to my thoughts. Was
Speaker 3: basically just saying that, you know, mothers were meant to
Speaker 3: be around other mothers and like modern day society has
Speaker 3: really taken that away from us and coupled with the
Speaker 3: ambitious woman as well.
Speaker 4: How do you kind of mitigate the two right?
Speaker 3: How do you also show up at work at your hustle,
Speaker 3: building your dreams and then also take care of your kids.
Speaker 3: It's possible, but there's so much that's been that gets involved.
Speaker 3: And that's the thing that I like talking to other mothers,
Speaker 3: like yourselves, Like how are you guys managing that right?
Speaker 3: Like making sure there's a balance, if there's a balance, right,
Speaker 3: Like making sure you're carving out your time for yourself
Speaker 3: so that you don't get overwhelmed. That's been my big thing,
Speaker 3: is like trying to just get hints from other moms
Speaker 3: who are doing it, because like it's been done right,
Speaker 3: and then also raising kids who don't we're still.
Speaker 4: Like, you know, a whole and secure attached.
Speaker 1: The hard part it's not like ambitious career, it's that
Speaker 1: now being a mom is like it got to be
Speaker 1: a conscious mom, a gentle parent and raise these kids
Speaker 1: who were in like the Internet pact, right, yeah, no, screens,
Speaker 1: the screens are coming and the fortnight and the minecraft
Speaker 1: and like what's safe on the internet.
Speaker 2: Like nothing.
Speaker 1: It's also never been scarier to be a mom, Like
Speaker 1: it's so scary. You know, career for me is like
Speaker 1: almost you know, I don't know if I wanna say
Speaker 1: it's an easy thing, but for me, the general suffocating
Speaker 1: weight of danger and risk that seems to be out
Speaker 1: there for kids today. That and preparing myself forward and
Speaker 1: like trying to you know, really instill their tiny person
Speaker 1: like their their personalities and their strength and they're like
Speaker 1: they're self worth at a young age. Because I just
Speaker 1: I think of those dangers and risks and I'm like,
Speaker 1: there's no way I can be there every time. All
Speaker 1: I all I can do is like try to raise
Speaker 1: humans who love themselves, love other people, and can think
Speaker 1: for themselves and can think critically and are kind. And
Speaker 1: I don't know know how to dig in the dirt,
Speaker 1: like it's so much.
Speaker 3: And we have boys, And I always say that too,
Speaker 3: because like I think there's also this rhetoric around like
Speaker 3: men in general, you know how we just complain to
Speaker 3: like you know, we can complain about men all day.
Speaker 3: But then I'm like, oh, wait, I'm raising a man.
Speaker 3: I don't want some little girl one day to be
Speaker 3: like he's not helping me, you know, wash the dishes,
Speaker 3: or he doesn't know how to do this. So it's like,
Speaker 3: how do you also raise a whole man who understands
Speaker 3: how to be a partner, so a woman or whatever,
Speaker 3: you know, whoever they partner with later in life, Like
Speaker 3: how do I make sure that they're a whole person
Speaker 3: in in always as well?
Speaker 2: But I think the fact that you're even even raising
Speaker 2: that question shows that you are going to do that
Speaker 2: all right, because I could do the od I mean
Speaker 2: they could. But I think you're conscious. So you're probably
Speaker 2: also doing things at home to show like Okay, well
Speaker 2: you can sweep, or you can help me with the dishwasher,
Speaker 2: or you can help wipe down this countertop, you know.
Speaker 4: Or you can talk about your feelings, or you can exactly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's modeling, Like modeling is something that I've been
Speaker 1: thinking a lot more, especially around I had such a
Speaker 1: great love of reading and books and libraries when I
Speaker 1: was a kid, and I can see that my son.
Speaker 1: I mean, he's just like a kid, of course, like
Speaker 1: if I had screens. I mean I was obsessed with
Speaker 1: a game boy and in a Nintendo Duck Hunter game,
Speaker 1: Like what the games I got? Yeah? What the game
Speaker 1: they got? Now, I'm like, of course he wants to
Speaker 1: do this instead of go sit in the library. But
Speaker 1: he loves me and he loves his mama, and if
Speaker 1: I'm doing something so like, I would find myself going
Speaker 1: to the library with him and he would go, you know,
Speaker 1: you know, do whatever he's doing, and I'll be on
Speaker 1: my phone catching up on email. And I was like, no, lady,
Speaker 1: go get a book and model the behavior that you
Speaker 1: want to see. And that for me, it's almost like
Speaker 1: it's kind of killing two birds with one stone. It's
Speaker 1: not like we're sitting there and teaching like you should
Speaker 1: do this and you should like that. It's like, if
Speaker 1: we make sure that we're good and if we make
Speaker 1: sure that we are living the values that we want
Speaker 1: them to sort of like get through osmosis, then they're
Speaker 1: watching all the time. They're watching, and I mean, I
Speaker 1: think you mentioned you have a partner, Rena, and I
Speaker 1: hope that partner is also being that model of what
Speaker 1: a good other half can be and like how to
Speaker 1: be supportive and you know, how to take care of
Speaker 1: a partner. Yeah, my husband all the time, I'm like,
Speaker 1: you gon' and see that in front of the kids,
Speaker 1: Like they're gonna say that to their wife someday.
Speaker 4: Like, don't they also know we all come from different backgrounds.
Speaker 1: Or husband or are they then whatever? I don't care.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you got to make sure you include that, right.
Speaker 3: It's just like there's so much and like everyone's bringing
Speaker 3: their own I think the big thing for me that
Speaker 3: parenting maybe for you guys, like parenting makes you confront
Speaker 3: things you've never confronted about yourself, or parts of yourself
Speaker 3: that you might have never healed, or just you know,
Speaker 3: parts of like just who you are. Everything comes to
Speaker 3: the service where you're then trying to teach someone else.
Speaker 3: So it's like, how do you make sense of all
Speaker 3: of that?
Speaker 1: And you in therapy?
Speaker 4: Me, no, I should be right. So I okay, let's.
Speaker 1: Break it down. This has kind of become like Jessica
Speaker 1: and Mandy somehow we're like the experts.
Speaker 2: And listen, not claiming to be an expert.
Speaker 4: I mean, sign up.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: It's funny I did because you know doctor Joy from
Speaker 3: Therapy for Black Girls, that's my girl. We were all
Speaker 3: in the Mastermind together, and I'm like, I went to
Speaker 3: Therapy for Black Girls, I found I spoke to two
Speaker 3: different therapists, so I did choose one. So we're in
Speaker 3: the process of I had to like send in it
Speaker 3: because after this grief process, I'm like, I definitely tough
Speaker 3: someboud it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh that's big, definitely definitely yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well, going back to the question earlier, and I want
Speaker 1: to be sure that we like touch on that as
Speaker 1: you mentioned, like how to be ambitious, and like I
Speaker 1: want to hear from you too, Jessica on that, like
Speaker 1: how do you juggle what you hope for yourself, your dreams,
Speaker 1: your career, your ambitions with the all consuming, all encompassing
Speaker 1: responsibility and joy and fun of being a mom.
Speaker 2: You know, I kind of am giving myself this like
Speaker 2: ten year window of like, all right, I can sleep
Speaker 2: some other time.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: I do value my sleep, and I go to bed
Speaker 2: very early, So don't ask me what's on TV, because
Speaker 2: I'm probably not watching it. I'm doing work. Then you know,
Speaker 2: it's dinner, book, bathbed, and then maybe a podcast, newsletter
Speaker 2: or you know, sending an email for a guest or
Speaker 2: teeing something like that up and then I go to bed.
Speaker 2: So I don't do a lot of TV. I do
Speaker 2: a lot of pot I do a lot of audiobooks. So, Mandy,
Speaker 2: that's something I've been thinking about of like we go
Speaker 2: to the library and we love books and we read
Speaker 2: every night, but the kids don't see me reading. So
Speaker 2: that's something that I've thought about of like modeling. So
Speaker 2: I'll tell them, like, mommy's listening to this book, because again,
Speaker 2: I want them to know that I am consuming something
Speaker 2: other than my phone. So you know, I'm kind of
Speaker 2: struggling with that because it's optics, like I am reading.
Speaker 2: I read almost one hundred books a year, but like
Speaker 2: you don't see me.
Speaker 4: You can't see it.
Speaker 2: You can't see it exactly.
Speaker 1: So there's just go get the prop from the library.
Speaker 2: And then put it on the counter. Yeah, I should
Speaker 2: do that.
Speaker 1: I have done that. Sometimes I want both forms just
Speaker 1: in case.
Speaker 2: M see, if I read with a book in my hand,
Speaker 2: I will fall asleep. So it's just it's not going
Speaker 2: to happen. But I do like the idea of the props.
Speaker 1: I might.
Speaker 2: I might do that. Yeah, but I in my head,
Speaker 2: I'm like, Okay, what am I doing this for? And
Speaker 2: that's just kind of what brings me back, and I
Speaker 2: try to ground myself in that because in my head,
Speaker 2: I'm like, I think I have ten more years of
Speaker 2: corporate in me and then I really want to do
Speaker 2: my own thing. And because my kids will be teenagers,
Speaker 2: then to me, that's I want to be whatever schedule
Speaker 2: they need me to be on, to support them, to
Speaker 2: be there, to encourage them, to be there, to reaate
Speaker 2: them on, to be there for every you know, track me, recital,
Speaker 2: whatever it is. I want to make sure that nobody
Speaker 2: is questioning my schedule and that I can be where
Speaker 2: I need to be for my family. And then the
Speaker 2: other thing is we want to travel like, we want
Speaker 2: to be a traveling family. We've been talking about potentially
Speaker 2: moving out of the country, So what would that look
Speaker 2: like and how do we set that up? And can
Speaker 2: I be a corporate girly and still do that? And
Speaker 2: so I have a lot of these thoughts, but really
Speaker 2: in my head, I'm like, Okay, get it done now
Speaker 2: so that when I'm fifty, I turn forty next month.
Speaker 2: When I'm fifty, I have all the options that I
Speaker 2: want to have. And that's kind of what keeps me going, don't.
Speaker 2: I don't believe in balance. I feel like I'm either
Speaker 2: crushing at work or I'm crushing it at motherhoo. Good listen.
Speaker 2: If I'm crushing it at work, then the laundry room
Speaker 2: is overflowing with clothes, okay, And if I'm crushing it
Speaker 2: at home, then you know something else is kind of
Speaker 2: falling off. And I've let that idea go a long
Speaker 2: time ago because I just don't think it's reality. It's
Speaker 2: not my season for balance.
Speaker 1: So what I'm hearing there is like you have a
Speaker 1: clear goal in mind, like you have, and that I
Speaker 1: feel like has been really helpful. The times when I
Speaker 1: haven't been so clear on what I want for myself
Speaker 1: five ten years out, that's when it's been harder for
Speaker 1: me and I felt more like lost. So the last
Speaker 1: few years especially have been like really uncertain for me
Speaker 1: and also just kind of trying trying to tread water
Speaker 1: and not really able to see very far out because
Speaker 1: I was dealing with some burnout and I was dealing
Speaker 1: with like some mental health challenges and like there's just
Speaker 1: so much going on, and I feel like Raina like
Speaker 1: when you're able to be clearer with like where you
Speaker 1: want to see yourself, that may help you make choices
Speaker 1: today that if you can see the value in it
Speaker 1: and you see how it's getting you to that goal
Speaker 1: that you want, it can make it easier to deal
Speaker 1: with the inconvenience of whatever the choice is today.
Speaker 3: I think that's so real, and I think like it's
Speaker 3: just something i've known. Like sometimes I'm the type of
Speaker 3: person if I do something really well, I'll keep doing it.
Speaker 3: But if I know that it might cause me some
Speaker 3: kind of discomfort or I might be pushed outside my
Speaker 3: comfort zone in some way, I might steer away from it.
Speaker 3: So I think it's a learning to be uncomfortable in
Speaker 3: the process of trying to get to do something new.
Speaker 3: And you can't keep doing the same things if you
Speaker 3: want different results. Wait is that the right Yah? Yeah, right,
Speaker 3: So it's like you have to I think for me
Speaker 3: it's like raina. You might not, like, you know, being
Speaker 3: a little bit tired at night, but just sit and
Speaker 3: get the thing done and you'll like the result after
Speaker 3: doing that, and then you'll realize it wasn't that bad,
Speaker 3: or like you said, be more clear about what it
Speaker 3: is that I'm working towards. And then I think it's
Speaker 3: like having that confidence in myself too. Like for me,
Speaker 3: one of the big things I've been working with a
Speaker 3: coach through Have you guys heard of score?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, So I got like a business coach, and
Speaker 3: we realized, like he's like, it's not the.
Speaker 4: Business that's the issue, it's you. And I was like,
Speaker 4: oh me.
Speaker 3: He was like, you need to get clear or what
Speaker 3: you want or like carve out time for you because
Speaker 3: like he's like, I'm very confident in your ability to
Speaker 3: actually execute, but like you're just really overwhelmed right now.
Speaker 3: So he's like, if it's buying your time back, if
Speaker 3: it's buying the help, meaning like hiring a nanny or
Speaker 3: hiring you know, someone to come in and clean the house,
Speaker 3: whatever that is, he's like, you have to carve out
Speaker 3: that time. And I when you get that part of
Speaker 3: yourself clear, when you work on you, that will then
Speaker 3: translate to the business and to your overall goals. And
Speaker 3: when I think about that, it also goes back to
Speaker 3: the podcast, Like I've had over like three hundred something
Speaker 3: yes on my.
Speaker 2: Show, right and Aw'll.
Speaker 3: Say, like whenever I interview people, they say all sorts
Speaker 3: of industries, the common thread is the thing that helped
Speaker 3: them get to their dream is not like the tactical
Speaker 3: logistical like learning how to make a business plan.
Speaker 4: They're like, I had to learn myself.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, right, that's.
Speaker 3: The I think with motherhood and trying to pursue ambitious goals,
Speaker 3: it's like learning yourself and really centering who you are
Speaker 3: will help the journey move forward.
Speaker 1: Yeah, hey, ba fam, We're going to take a quick break,
Speaker 1: pay some bills, and we'll be right back. Welcome back,
Speaker 1: bea faan, let's get back to the show.
Speaker 2: You did say a few things that I think are helpful.
Speaker 2: So I had. So I've been in corporate since I
Speaker 2: mean I could work, and there was a former executive
Speaker 2: she said to out source everything but love. Now, obviously
Speaker 2: that comes with a price tag. So I would encourage
Speaker 2: people to outsource what you can comfortably afford and what
Speaker 2: fits in your budget. One thing that I've outsourced for many,
Speaker 2: many years is housework. So I have a cleaner that
Speaker 2: comes every other Monday. And listen if I if you
Speaker 2: told me I had to choose between my cleaner and
Speaker 2: getting my nails done, I'm choosing the cleaner.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: It is so valuable because I know my mind does
Speaker 2: not work when my house is not clean. So that's
Speaker 2: number one. Number Two something that I've been outsourcing is meals,
Speaker 2: and I only do it for myself. I don't do
Speaker 2: it for my kids because again, they don't eat anything anyway,
Speaker 2: I waste the money. Why waste the money?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 2: And then my husband does his own thing. He you know,
Speaker 2: he's the macro counter. He literally weighs his coffee creamer
Speaker 2: every morning. So I'm not gonna worry about him. He
Speaker 2: can do his own thing. So all I have to
Speaker 2: do is worry about me. And there's a local place here.
Speaker 2: They have a huge array of meals. I will even deliver.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I pick it up. Sometimes they'll deliver. Sometimes depending
Speaker 2: on my week, I'll do like two meals a day
Speaker 2: and then like today, I have to go and pick
Speaker 2: it up. And I'm gonna do one meal a week
Speaker 2: or one meal every day for the week, And so
Speaker 2: that's one less thing I have to think about. I
Speaker 2: don't have to go to the grocery store. I don't
Speaker 2: have to chop anything, I don't have to cook it,
Speaker 2: and that puts more time back in my day. So
Speaker 2: I would encourage you if there's something where you're.
Speaker 1: Like this, just love second, Can we normalize that everybody
Speaker 1: eats different things? Because I love that the whole Like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna make a pot of food, and if you
Speaker 1: don't like it. Well, then you don't eat like kind
Speaker 1: of vibe.
Speaker 2: I'm just like, it's not nineteen eighty five. We're not
Speaker 2: doing that anymore.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just like, if you want to have this,
Speaker 1: I'll have that. Like my husband and I eat something different,
Speaker 1: like most nights during the week, he gets home at
Speaker 1: different times. I usually eat at four pm, like before
Speaker 1: I pick up my kids, and then I'm not even
Speaker 1: hungry for dinner because I'm like, let me get my
Speaker 1: late lunch early dinner.
Speaker 3: In exactly before someone else is trying to be like mom,
Speaker 3: what do people want?
Speaker 4: Then they don't even eat it. Yeah, yeah, couch later.
Speaker 2: Or I'm standing at the counter right the butter noodles.
Speaker 2: I'm standing at the counter while the kids are eating.
Speaker 2: And then Brandon is my own thing.
Speaker 1: I'm picking up with them, I'm talking to them, I'm
Speaker 1: doing homework, or I'm just like chatting, I'm watching them together.
Speaker 2: But it's not that like everybody's eating this one meal
Speaker 2: that was cooked sexually.
Speaker 1: No, not dessert. Maybe well I'll have a popsicle after.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Reina, you're taking it too far. You're taking it
Speaker 2: too far now.
Speaker 1: Jessica, what helps you what helps you feel because you
Speaker 1: said you're turning forty. That's a big milestone and very exciting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I'm wondering that you know, you always hear like
Speaker 1: from older women that the older you get, the more
Speaker 1: you understand yourself and it becomes more freeing. And I
Speaker 1: know Raina you had talked about I have also been
Speaker 1: on this huge journey to better understand the way that
Speaker 1: my like, the reason why I feel the way I do, think,
Speaker 1: the way I do, act the way I do. I'm
Speaker 1: really getting to understand myself. It's been so liberating and
Speaker 1: to your point, Raina, it has helped me make decisions
Speaker 1: for myself that for the business that have made me
Speaker 1: feel more capable and confident of doing it. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I just want to take a pause there, Jessica and
Speaker 1: ask if you can share there's anything that you're doing
Speaker 1: or do you have a practice that you have that
Speaker 1: helps you feel more connected to who you are and
Speaker 1: understanding who you are now and what you want Well.
Speaker 2: Through therapy, I think that I've learned to lower the
Speaker 2: bar for myself, and that's really difficult. That is the
Speaker 2: repeated statement that I am told constantly is to just
Speaker 2: lower the bar. The expectations are too high. I'm putting
Speaker 2: too much pressure on myself. I have to give myself
Speaker 2: more grace. Not everything has to be done in a day,
Speaker 2: in a week, in a month, right, and so learning
Speaker 2: how to prioritize or see barwaere like wherever wherever I
Speaker 2: find peace, Okay, I need to find peace. And that
Speaker 2: could be different in this month than it is next month.
Speaker 2: It could be different based on my work schedule. It
Speaker 2: could be different based on what's going on with the kids.
Speaker 2: You know. I think one of the things that I've
Speaker 2: learned is it's okay to say no. No is good
Speaker 2: and it's a complete sentence. You don't have to go
Speaker 2: to every single birthday party that your kids are invited to.
Speaker 2: Your house doesn't have to be perfect for you to
Speaker 2: invite somebody over.
Speaker 1: Do not invite me to the bounce house experience.
Speaker 2: I will see you're the worst.
Speaker 1: They're I hate them same my kids doing it too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so then I can stand around and smell other
Speaker 2: people's feet for two hours. Gross. No, that is not
Speaker 2: how I want to spend my Saturday. Yes, so by
Speaker 2: saying no, I mean that alone will put three hours
Speaker 2: back in your day on a Saturday, And honestly, I'd
Speaker 2: rather sit outside with my kids at a park and
Speaker 2: bring a picnic and let them play and run around
Speaker 2: and invite one of my girlfriends whose kids also need
Speaker 2: to get out and play and run around, than to
Speaker 2: be at some bounce house. You know, but I think
Speaker 2: lowering the bar prioritizing you know, what do you have
Speaker 2: to get done today? What would you like to get done?
Speaker 2: I still very much struggle with, like finding time for me.
Speaker 2: I'm very much the person that I'm going to choose
Speaker 2: to do the laundry versus go to the gym, even
Speaker 2: though I know I need to go to the gym,
Speaker 2: but I feel better when the laundry's done. And so
Speaker 2: those are things that I'm still working through where I'm like,
Speaker 2: you know what, No, I'm allowed to have an hour
Speaker 2: to myself where I do something good for me and
Speaker 2: my body and my health because it will also benefit
Speaker 2: and serve my family in the long run. So, you know,
Speaker 2: again giving myself grace, learning along the way. But no
Speaker 2: is a complete sentence. Your kids, you know, they don't
Speaker 2: need the newest gadget. You don't have to, you know,
Speaker 2: go to the store with them and let them go
Speaker 2: crazy at target. You can just you know, be outside
Speaker 2: with them and run around everything.
Speaker 4: And teaching them it's okay to like be okay with
Speaker 4: me exactly.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think we all need to learn how to
Speaker 2: be okay with less. But I think too that just
Speaker 2: lowers the bar again, right, like like the bar is
Speaker 2: just so high and he also break.
Speaker 1: It's almoso about Like one of the things that I
Speaker 1: meditate on a lot with my children is I feel
Speaker 1: like I've created these humans, and I mean I have
Speaker 1: a little bit of hope, but like I created these
Speaker 1: humans and my job is to get to know them too.
Speaker 1: And a lot of the time what's become easier for
Speaker 1: me to say no on behalf of my son and
Speaker 1: like say no to things is if he doesn't like
Speaker 1: if if who he is doesn't it doesn't align with
Speaker 1: what he is, what he likes, you know, what he enjoys.
Speaker 1: Like if he doesn't like the loud bounce house experience,
Speaker 1: it makes him like kind of go nuts, which it did.
Speaker 1: I'm like, well that's not good for him. So that's
Speaker 1: what I'm learning. Rio is not a fan of that,
Speaker 1: you know, or if you know he's a snuggle, like
Speaker 1: he really wants his you know, cuddle time. So I'm
Speaker 1: not going like sometimes I will you know, skip a
Speaker 1: homework or I'll skip even like playtime, you know, like
Speaker 1: or I don't do after school sports for him yet
Speaker 1: because he has not shown an interest even though all
Speaker 1: the other kids are in soccer and basketball and stuff.
Speaker 1: And I took him to a basketball camp and he
Speaker 1: was like, I want to go run around the lobby
Speaker 1: with my little brother and not do this. And I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, well I tried it.
Speaker 2: And you could have saved yourself three hundred dollars.
Speaker 3: We did next little karate and he legit would not
Speaker 3: even go on like the mat. His dad was like
Speaker 3: holding him on the side and he just left half
Speaker 3: way through. We're like, oh, but he does piano now
Speaker 3: he actually really likes it.
Speaker 1: He's just like there you go.
Speaker 4: He's excited him.
Speaker 1: But they're not forcing them, and like you get all stress,
Speaker 1: like are they gonna like it? Do they get? Oh?
Speaker 1: They didn't like it. I failed Africa Afro Beats dance
Speaker 1: class was a bust. Try.
Speaker 3: I want to know what you guys think about this?
Speaker 3: Is this something that I've been standing up for myself
Speaker 3: more being okay with one of my like being okay
Speaker 3: with being a mother and telling people I am a
Speaker 3: mother and that's a noun. And I say that because
Speaker 3: like this happened in corporate right, Like we're talking about
Speaker 3: like end of year goals and we have like an
Speaker 3: internal mom's group, and my boss, you know, my boss
Speaker 3: was like I was telling my boss how like I
Speaker 3: really want to be more active with this mom's group
Speaker 3: because I think it's an important initiative that can really
Speaker 3: benefit from a lot of people. And you know, he's
Speaker 3: a dad himself, but I think mothers and fathers just
Speaker 3: think about things differently. And he was kind of like, well,
Speaker 3: do you not feel supported enough from our team? Like
Speaker 3: why do you need to be on this mom's group?
Speaker 3: And I'm like, hey, I just want to level set
Speaker 3: with you. I think that mom's in general, no matter what,
Speaker 3: we are mothers and there's always going to be a
Speaker 3: need for extra support and right.
Speaker 1: And plus your company offers it, so like, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3: It's just the thing that I'm not scared to tell
Speaker 3: people I'm a mom, and I think that's no, no, no,
Speaker 3: I'm not I'm just saying that I think there.
Speaker 4: Are some moms who don't lead.
Speaker 3: I've met mothers corporate with their mothers because it's.
Speaker 2: Almost a weakness, right, like, oh, she's not going to
Speaker 2: come to the after hours, tell.
Speaker 4: People, Hey, I'm a mom.
Speaker 3: I'm not scared to say like order request, Hey I
Speaker 3: need to leave the office early because I have to
Speaker 3: have an after school obligation for my son. And I
Speaker 3: say that because if we don't stand up for ourselves
Speaker 3: in those arenas, and it never becomes normalized, and I'm
Speaker 3: always going to be marginalized. So that's why I just
Speaker 3: say for anyone who's working, I mean, it depends on
Speaker 3: your corporate culture.
Speaker 4: Like I do feel supported here.
Speaker 3: As a mom, right and we have a lot of flexibility.
Speaker 3: But I just also think that it's important to continue
Speaker 3: to show people that I am a mom and I
Speaker 3: also work here. And I also this because I just
Speaker 3: think that they might want you to diminish that part
Speaker 3: of who you are, and when you stand up, that's
Speaker 3: when people really respect you and they don't try to
Speaker 3: play games with you. Because I'm like my kids confirst,
Speaker 3: like I love my job, I love doing this, but
Speaker 3: like if I had to choose, I'm going to I
Speaker 3: want to be there for his talent show. I want
Speaker 3: to be there for you know, the little mom's day
Speaker 3: or whatever it is.
Speaker 2: So yeah, yeah, I got it whole lot Monday through
Speaker 2: Friday for kid pick up and you know what, Brandon
Speaker 2: does kid pick up, but just in case, just in
Speaker 2: case something pops off and I need to be there.
Speaker 2: That is my time and you need to not block
Speaker 2: over it. Thank you.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's it, period.
Speaker 2: Period, part stop.
Speaker 1: I think where you work is so important to your
Speaker 1: mental health as a woman, as a mother, Like, if
Speaker 1: you want to be a mother, I would. I know
Speaker 1: that not every pregnancy is planned and you can't be
Speaker 1: sometimes you're not meticulous and all of that, but as
Speaker 1: much as you can ensure that you are at a
Speaker 1: place where you are, you do have that support and
Speaker 1: the culture. And it doesn't have to be the full
Speaker 1: any culture, but at least your manager, your team, like
Speaker 1: they need to. You need to feel supported at work
Speaker 1: because you will have those days, you know, where you
Speaker 1: need to call in sick or leave early or whatever,
Speaker 1: and that is a huge That's something that you may
Speaker 1: not have to think about if you don't have children,
Speaker 1: but we deserve to consider that and you know, as
Speaker 1: a career coach, myself like would I say ask in
Speaker 1: the interview, like do you support working moms? It's sad,
Speaker 1: but I would say no because I do feel like
Speaker 1: sometimes they'll think about, oh, they're just going to call
Speaker 1: it all the time. But you can get a sense
Speaker 1: from speaking to people in an interview process if they
Speaker 1: are supportive of families and family, like your family needs
Speaker 1: through whether they're have flexible work hours, if you can
Speaker 1: work from home. Do they offer a daycare benefit or
Speaker 1: a childcare benefit? And so many so few do, but
Speaker 1: right you know, do they have do they talk about
Speaker 1: having families? You know that type of thing. It makes
Speaker 1: a huge difference. And I love how you know you're
Speaker 1: talking about just being like unapologetic about it, because how
Speaker 1: are we supposed to claim that time for ourselves and
Speaker 1: like claim what we ask for what we need if
Speaker 1: we're denying this huge part, like this huge compass in
Speaker 1: our life and our day.
Speaker 2: But I think showing up as a mom, I know,
Speaker 2: for me makes me a better employee because I'm not
Speaker 2: saying that other people aren't working for something. But everything
Speaker 2: I do, every meeting, I take, every business trip I
Speaker 2: go on, I feel the sacrifice. Like I've traveled twice
Speaker 2: internationally this month alone, so Brandon had to hold it
Speaker 2: down for two full weeks. That's a lot. That's a
Speaker 2: lot of guilt, you know that I kind of carry on,
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, is everybody okay? The kids are totally fine.
Speaker 2: Brandon did great, But like, I take these opportunities so
Speaker 2: seriously because I know that they're going to help me
Speaker 2: get to where I want to be in those next
Speaker 2: ten years, you know, kind of bringing it back full circle.
Speaker 2: And I have to show up to me. I show
Speaker 2: up the way that I do every single day at work,
Speaker 2: so that if I do have a kid with an
Speaker 2: ear infection and I have to say, hey, I can't
Speaker 2: come to those meetings, we need to move them or
Speaker 2: record them. I'll listen to them later. Nobody's questioning how
Speaker 2: hard I work, right, So it's constantly that balance of like, Okay,
Speaker 2: show up as best I can so that nobody questions
Speaker 2: me for when I do have to be out or
Speaker 2: for when I do want a chaperone the field trip
Speaker 2: or whatever that is. And that's guilt and that's pressure,
Speaker 2: and that's probably unrealized trauma that I still need to
Speaker 2: work through. But I do feel like it helps me
Speaker 2: show up in a way that is intentional because it's
Speaker 2: time away from my kid's, time away from my family,
Speaker 2: and I also want that to be meaningful.
Speaker 1: But it's got to tick that box of how is
Speaker 1: this bringing value to my end goal? And like one
Speaker 1: hundred percent, everything has to be filtered through that lens.
Speaker 1: I can say no to so much when I ask myself,
Speaker 1: is this something that will bring value to me through
Speaker 1: you know, for brown ambition to my family? Does it
Speaker 1: serve this purpose to bank account? Yeah? And the time
Speaker 1: is so limited and you'll probably hate this rain now,
Speaker 1: but I also love waking up at four am. Now
Speaker 1: I'm at four am, go to I told you I
Speaker 1: love my quiet my brain. I just it's a beautiful
Speaker 1: brain when I can. And you know, some mornings, if
Speaker 1: it's like really late and I can't get up at four,
Speaker 1: then I don't get up at four. But like I do,
Speaker 1: try to go to bed when I can, and I
Speaker 1: will leave a dirty You should see my kitchen right now,
Speaker 1: I'm staring at it. I can tolerate a mess, and
Speaker 1: I will tolerate a mess so that I can get
Speaker 1: some quiet time for my own brain.
Speaker 2: And you know, and you're writing a book I mean, like,
Speaker 2: come on, because there's just something's got to give, you know,
Speaker 2: laundry pickup forty bucks a week for my kids clothes
Speaker 2: because I just folding little time to try and get there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm buck to take forty Sorry, not forty bucks
Speaker 1: a month, Poppen forty bucks a week. No, just my
Speaker 1: local laundry mat.
Speaker 2: Oh, just text her.
Speaker 1: I'm like, Carmen, can you come pick up the boys stuff?
Speaker 1: And she'll pick it up and drop it off in
Speaker 1: a few hours. And it's just like, oh my god, that's.
Speaker 4: A nice one.
Speaker 3: I haven't thought about that, And I'm like.
Speaker 4: Oh, I should just be more on top of this.
Speaker 1: Laundry takes. Oh I hate it.
Speaker 2: No, it's never ending. It's the worst. It's my one
Speaker 2: chore where I'm like, if I never had to do
Speaker 2: this again.
Speaker 1: Outsource the kids stuff because like, who cares, it's not
Speaker 1: all delicate and stuff. And then my stuff I'll put
Speaker 1: aside and do that the way I want it to
Speaker 1: be done. But yeah, the kid's stuff, I send their
Speaker 1: fancy tie, gentle free and gentle soap with it. No,
Speaker 1: here go use this well as you guys are so busy.
Speaker 1: This is great. I mean I wish we I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna have you guys on more often because I feel like,
Speaker 1: if it's a podcast.
Speaker 4: Could be your mom correspondence.
Speaker 3: Yes, I bet you there's somebody listening who's like, I
Speaker 3: can resonate with that, or you know that makes sense
Speaker 3: to me.
Speaker 1: I hope that y'all both get more time to just
Speaker 1: like think your thoughts and you know, have that quiet
Speaker 1: time and take that time. I love a sound bath.
Speaker 1: I've been. I started. I did a sound bath last week.
Speaker 1: I did, and I'm doing another one and in April,
Speaker 1: like a full moon one, and it's so so helpful
Speaker 1: and meditative.
Speaker 2: Did we just plan a retreat or I'm done?
Speaker 1: If y'all want to, like, I mean, you know, we're.
Speaker 2: Up in the listen. I got Miles, I'll come up.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you know Nikaela Nikola is a girl. She's
Speaker 1: the one who got me onto the laundry service. I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, you're right, I can do that.
Speaker 4: You know what.
Speaker 3: I've also told myself guys that there's a season for everything, right,
Speaker 3: And I say that because, like, I have a kid
Speaker 3: who's still nursing in the middle of the night, which
Speaker 3: is a big thing. I've been trying to wean him forever.
Speaker 3: So it's like my knights are just like up and down, right.
Speaker 3: So but everyone's like, there's a season. He's not gonna
Speaker 3: be breastfeeding forever, right, or he's not going to be
Speaker 3: at this age because like seek through the night now.
Speaker 3: But these was just like.
Speaker 4: Mom my, mom, I'm just like, oh, here's me.
Speaker 3: So it's like there's a season, and in each season
Speaker 3: you learn something that you'll take to the next season.
Speaker 3: So for anybody listening, you feel like you know this
Speaker 3: is gonna last forever. It probably won't whatever you last forever. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: the sun always comes out eventually, right, the rain has
Speaker 3: to stop.
Speaker 1: And that's what I tell myself about these four am
Speaker 1: wake up calls. I'm like, this is what I need
Speaker 1: right now, and what my work demands of me is
Speaker 1: a ton of focus and you know, and that helps
Speaker 1: me get through those challenging nights. I mean, we had
Speaker 1: a I don't even want to and also like immediately
Speaker 1: forgetting a rough night of sleep, but I'll quickly relive
Speaker 1: it for y'all. Last night, both boys were I mean
Speaker 1: my two year old almost two year old, like Remy
Speaker 1: was a he was like possessed. He was overtired, he
Speaker 1: would possessed screaming bloody murder for an hour straight anyway,
Speaker 1: and he finally, like what he finally fell asleep. I'm
Speaker 1: curled up on the floor in front of our staircase
Speaker 1: because I won't tell you why we were downstairs on
Speaker 1: the hardwood floor with him. And he just finally throws
Speaker 1: his arms back and lays down on my thigh and
Speaker 1: just like passes out. He's like, and I was like,
Speaker 1: it's ten thirty at this point, and I'm just like,
Speaker 1: I'll just quickly forget about that. That's just the you know,
Speaker 1: we're just in this like transition or whatever right now,
Speaker 1: and it'll it's not going to be forever. And that
Speaker 1: relieves so much suffering this too. Shell pass this. Yep, yes,
Speaker 1: lean into friends right now. We got to talk about
Speaker 1: how to get you some mom friends and near U.
Speaker 3: Yes, you know, you know have cousins like my cousin
Speaker 3: who's like my best friend. She also has two kids
Speaker 3: who are my son and her son in the same
Speaker 3: age and her daughter.
Speaker 4: They love each other. But like, you know, how you.
Speaker 3: Don't want you know, someone's already going through it too.
Speaker 3: It's like dang, you got two kids, we're the same age.
Speaker 3: I don't want How can you support each other?
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, go through it.
Speaker 4: You went to the.
Speaker 3: Park last Saturday when the day where we thought it
Speaker 3: was it was summer, but it really still spring. We
Speaker 3: went to They love like I love just going over
Speaker 3: there and being like, hey, kids run around and you know, mess.
Speaker 1: With each other on each other's houses and like sitting
Speaker 1: around while one of your meal preps and the other like.
Speaker 2: Or folds laundry, laundry like yeah, come.
Speaker 1: Sit and like take my dog for a walk, like
Speaker 1: I don't know, love that too, Yeah.
Speaker 3: And then the kids see that and they normalize like
Speaker 3: mom needs time for herself or mom and auntsie are
Speaker 3: going to have like you know, my kid knows what alcoholism, Like, no, you.
Speaker 4: Can't have this, this is alcohol. He's like, I don't
Speaker 4: drink alcohol. Okay, I'm so gled.
Speaker 1: I got to wrap up, y'all, but this has been
Speaker 1: Oh no, thank you so so much for the time.
Speaker 1: We're all doing amazing and.
Speaker 4: We are moms.
Speaker 3: Are moms, was just we're just goddesses, guys, Like legit,
Speaker 3: super we made lucky little.
Speaker 2: Humans, right, Yeah, absolutely, they really are to have us. Amen.
Speaker 1: Well, if you guys need anything and I can support,
Speaker 1: just let me know. And it goes both ways as well.
Speaker 1: I will ask y'all as well when I need support
Speaker 1: to Jessica Terina go check out their podcast right now,
Speaker 1: Sugar Daddy Podcast and Dreams and Drive and yeah, this
Speaker 1: is Brandonbition. Thank y'all so much for listening. Bye, okay
Speaker 1: va fam, thank you so much for listening to this
Speaker 1: week's show. I want to shout out to our production team, Courtney,
Speaker 1: our editor, Carla, our fearless leader for idea to launch productions.
Speaker 1: I want to shout out my assistant Lauda Escalante and
Speaker 1: Cameron McNair for helping me put the show together. It
Speaker 1: is not a one person project, as much as I
Speaker 1: have tried to make it so these past ten years.
Speaker 1: I need help y'all, and thank goodness I've been able
Speaker 1: to put this team around me to support me on
Speaker 1: this journey. And to y'all be a fam. I love
Speaker 1: you so so so so much. Please rate, review, subscribe,
Speaker 1: make sure you're sign up to the newsletter to get
Speaker 1: all the latest updates on upcoming episodes, our tenth year
Speaker 1: anniversary celebrations to come, and until next time, talk to
Speaker 1: you soon ba bye.