WEBVTT - Mental Health May: Will The Moms Be Alright? 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:02.080 What is it like being a mom in twenty twenty five? 0:00:02.320 --> 0:00:05.680 I feel like I have multiple full time jobs. I mean, 0:00:05.720 --> 0:00:08.319 it's super fun, but it's a lot. And there are 0:00:08.400 --> 0:00:10.600 days where I'm like, why did I do this to myself? 0:00:10.680 --> 0:00:12.400 It's because, you know, one kid is one thing, but 0:00:12.440 --> 0:00:14.520 then two kids is another thing. And I think I'm 0:00:14.800 --> 0:00:17.639 at this stage now where I just don't have the time. 0:00:17.600 --> 0:00:21.520 Being intentional about building a village for myself. Adopting other 0:00:22.200 --> 0:00:25.520 moms in the parking lot, at daycare and at school. 0:00:25.520 --> 0:00:27.360 It has worked for me. I'm just like, want to 0:00:27.360 --> 0:00:28.000 be my friend. 0:00:29.480 --> 0:00:30.160 I mean to do that. 0:00:35.520 --> 0:00:38.360 Hey, the a Fam, Welcome to Brown Ambition. I could 0:00:38.360 --> 0:00:40.840 not be more excited to introduce you to my guests 0:00:40.880 --> 0:00:44.879 at the Brown Table today. My mama's in crime, as 0:00:44.920 --> 0:00:47.440 I call them. Listen, y'all kind of are like in 0:00:47.479 --> 0:00:50.960 a secret club. You're in my secret mom podcasters club. 0:00:51.000 --> 0:00:53.480 There's no benefits to being in this club other than 0:00:53.560 --> 0:00:56.600 that when I am really struggling, I think about y'all, 0:00:56.640 --> 0:00:59.960 but I may not like, you know, email or tie 0:01:00.200 --> 0:01:02.080 a like let you know that I'm thinking about y'all, 0:01:02.080 --> 0:01:05.560 but I'm like somewhere out there, Jessica and Reina are 0:01:05.600 --> 0:01:09.959 doing the same thing, and they also probably like would 0:01:10.000 --> 0:01:12.320 have something really encouraging to stay to me right now, 0:01:12.319 --> 0:01:15.360 so I'll just like say it to myself. So thanks 0:01:15.440 --> 0:01:18.679 for being the mama's friends in my head that I need. 0:01:18.959 --> 0:01:22.160 I want to introduce ba Fan to Jessica Norwood. She 0:01:22.480 --> 0:01:26.320 is one half of the podcast Sugar Daddy with her husband, 0:01:26.520 --> 0:01:29.920 and then also Reina has a podcast. It's been going 0:01:29.920 --> 0:01:33.080 almost as long as Brown Ambition. We're like geriatric podcasters 0:01:33.120 --> 0:01:38.760 together Dreams and Drive the podcast. Welcome to Brown Ambition, y'all. 0:01:39.400 --> 0:01:42.560 Hey, many happy to be here, so catch me up. 0:01:42.600 --> 0:01:44.880 Braina. You and I met, as you know. It's so 0:01:44.959 --> 0:01:48.240 funny because we met once five four years ago. 0:01:48.200 --> 0:01:52.960 Three wellever Jeff turned two. 0:01:52.200 --> 0:01:54.520 Yeah, like three years ago, so at a birthday party 0:01:55.360 --> 0:01:58.320 for a mutual friend, and I just remember clicking with 0:01:58.400 --> 0:02:00.440 you and our sons were the same age, and I 0:02:00.480 --> 0:02:01.920 was like, wow, I want to be her friend. But then, 0:02:01.920 --> 0:02:04.960 of course, like we're both young moms, and like, of 0:02:04.960 --> 0:02:07.640 course we were not going to be like seeing each 0:02:07.640 --> 0:02:09.760 other all the time. Maybe of course we would talk 0:02:09.919 --> 0:02:14.359 twice in three years, and then we went and done 0:02:14.360 --> 0:02:17.480 had another baby, and then Jessica. I forget how I 0:02:17.520 --> 0:02:19.840 met you. I think that you had reached out because 0:02:19.840 --> 0:02:22.240 you were starting Sugar Daddy, and I think it was 0:02:22.280 --> 0:02:25.440 more like business first. And then I met y'all in 0:02:25.480 --> 0:02:28.040 person for the first time at a conference, so it's 0:02:28.120 --> 0:02:30.800 just nice to get to, you know, interact with y'all 0:02:30.800 --> 0:02:32.680 and see yeah. Yeah. 0:02:33.280 --> 0:02:36.840 I mean when I saw you at you know, our 0:02:36.919 --> 0:02:38.720 Mutual Friends party, I was. 0:02:38.639 --> 0:02:41.080 Like, oh my god, that's Mandy from Round and Vision, right, 0:02:41.120 --> 0:02:42.520 and I'm like, how does she know you? 0:02:42.720 --> 0:02:42.840 Right? 0:02:42.880 --> 0:02:45.640 And it was just like it's one of those like 0:02:46.040 --> 0:02:49.079 fangirl moments. But I don't think I told you that 0:02:49.120 --> 0:02:49.760 when I met you. 0:02:51.600 --> 0:02:53.840 That's so fun that's really funny. I mean you have 0:02:53.880 --> 0:02:55.760 to be I feel like, in the niche podcasting world 0:02:55.840 --> 0:02:59.000 to have recognized me. But we will be a you 0:02:59.080 --> 0:03:00.720 were be a fan. It's so funny. 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:01.200 Yeah. 0:03:01.200 --> 0:03:03.560 Because I had Tiffany on the podcast, like she was 0:03:03.600 --> 0:03:06.600 my eighth guest on Dreams and Drive back in the day, 0:03:07.240 --> 0:03:10.600 she was episode number eight, I think. 0:03:10.480 --> 0:03:15.600 Wow, okay, so let's talk about that, all right. We're 0:03:15.639 --> 0:03:18.639 both we're all three podcasters, so I really want this conversation. 0:03:18.840 --> 0:03:20.240 I want to I want to just talk about like, 0:03:20.280 --> 0:03:22.280 what is it like being a mom in twenty twenty five? 0:03:22.760 --> 0:03:24.960 How are we maintaining our sanity? How are we giving 0:03:24.960 --> 0:03:27.880 ourselves grace all of that good stuff. But y'all are 0:03:27.880 --> 0:03:30.200 both I guess we all are to a certain extent 0:03:30.360 --> 0:03:34.840 juggling multiple I don't know if like her career is 0:03:34.880 --> 0:03:39.960 all encompassing, but like multiple hats professionally, So y'all both 0:03:40.040 --> 0:03:43.600 work full time in corporate? Is that right for some 0:03:43.720 --> 0:03:47.680 like big brands? Maybe they rhyme with Google and Dismount. 0:03:47.720 --> 0:03:53.640 I don't know, whatever doesn't matter. But y'all have been 0:03:53.640 --> 0:03:57.040 building these brand, your professional brands, while also doing the podcast. 0:03:57.040 --> 0:03:59.400 So like what has that journey been for you? I'll 0:03:59.400 --> 0:04:02.000 start with you, Jessica, Like when did you incorporate the 0:04:02.040 --> 0:04:04.880 podcast into your journey? And like how is that all 0:04:04.920 --> 0:04:05.400 working out? 0:04:05.440 --> 0:04:08.760 Now? It's the latest, Yeah, so the podcast will be 0:04:08.960 --> 0:04:13.080 three years old in June. And I mean it's a 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:16.120 full time job. Like I feel like I have multiple 0:04:16.240 --> 0:04:19.520 full time jobs, so you know, corporate nine to five 0:04:20.240 --> 0:04:22.760 and then the podcast and trying to do the newsletter 0:04:22.839 --> 0:04:26.240 and trying to keep up with social media and trying 0:04:26.279 --> 0:04:28.400 to book guests, and I mean it's a lot. I mean, 0:04:28.440 --> 0:04:31.560 it's super fun, but it's a lot, and there are 0:04:31.640 --> 0:04:33.880 days where I'm like, why did I do this to myself? 0:04:34.040 --> 0:04:36.200 And then you know, we'll get an email or we'll 0:04:36.240 --> 0:04:38.440 get dms that are like we did this, or I 0:04:38.520 --> 0:04:41.679 save that or I paid this off, and then it's like, okay, 0:04:41.680 --> 0:04:43.800 well we have to keep going because it's actually working 0:04:43.839 --> 0:04:46.840 and people are getting their money right, But it's a lot. 0:04:46.960 --> 0:04:47.760 It feels like a lot. 0:04:48.200 --> 0:04:50.200 Was it your husband pulling you along because he's a 0:04:50.240 --> 0:04:52.040 financial planner, right, like this is his world. 0:04:52.360 --> 0:04:52.560 Yeah. 0:04:52.640 --> 0:04:55.599 No, he's a licensed financial planner and he just wanted 0:04:55.600 --> 0:04:57.560 to talk to me about all things money at the 0:04:57.640 --> 0:05:00.799 end of every day, and I was It's like, booh, 0:05:00.839 --> 0:05:03.359 I love you, but I cannot I cannot have this 0:05:03.440 --> 0:05:06.720 conversation with you right now, Like you need a different outlet. 0:05:07.000 --> 0:05:09.360 And so that's how the podcast came about. Because he's 0:05:09.440 --> 0:05:12.560 not he's not a social media person. He's not just 0:05:12.600 --> 0:05:15.640 going to put up like a fun video. He's not 0:05:15.640 --> 0:05:17.760 going to dance for you. You know, he's not going to 0:05:17.839 --> 0:05:20.279 do any of that, and so he needs a forum 0:05:20.279 --> 0:05:22.960 where he can say all the things he needs to say. 0:05:23.000 --> 0:05:26.800 He's very thorough and so the podcast just made sense, 0:05:26.839 --> 0:05:28.480 and so I told him, I think we should do 0:05:28.520 --> 0:05:31.479 a podcast, and he really liked that idea. And so 0:05:31.560 --> 0:05:34.719 it really is the perspective of a licensed financial planner 0:05:34.760 --> 0:05:37.360 who does this for his clients every day, and then 0:05:37.440 --> 0:05:40.840 me asking all the questions that a normal person would ask, 0:05:40.920 --> 0:05:42.560 like well, what does that actually mean? And what is 0:05:42.600 --> 0:05:45.240 that word? Don't you know? Don't lingo me to death? 0:05:45.600 --> 0:05:48.880 And so it's a really nice balance of his and hers, 0:05:48.960 --> 0:05:51.160 you know, because we talk a lot about relationships and 0:05:51.240 --> 0:05:53.839 money as well, and how do you bring that into 0:05:53.920 --> 0:05:57.679 your your relationship, whether it's you know, an established marriage 0:05:57.800 --> 0:06:00.560 or early on. But it works out really well. We 0:06:00.600 --> 0:06:03.560 have a lot of fun with it, and y'all still 0:06:03.600 --> 0:06:06.240 like each other like most of we do. Yeah, I mean, 0:06:06.279 --> 0:06:08.760 you know, we have our moments, no, but we really do. 0:06:08.839 --> 0:06:10.960 I mean I work from home, he works from home, 0:06:11.040 --> 0:06:14.400 so my office is downstairs, his office is upstairs. We're 0:06:14.440 --> 0:06:17.640 literally together all the time. But I still feel like 0:06:17.640 --> 0:06:20.160 we're ships passing in the night Monday through Friday. I mean, 0:06:20.160 --> 0:06:22.600 I'll see him in the kitchen, we'll pass each other 0:06:22.640 --> 0:06:24.800 in the living room, and I'm like running to another meeting. 0:06:25.040 --> 0:06:27.640 But yes, we do still like and love each other. 0:06:27.720 --> 0:06:28.520 So that's a good thing. 0:06:28.720 --> 0:06:30.440 I love that. I'm glad for y'all. I mean, my 0:06:30.520 --> 0:06:33.320 husband just randomly stayed home today and I was like, 0:06:33.800 --> 0:06:36.320 why I don't I realize I don't like it. And 0:06:36.360 --> 0:06:38.599 he came out five minutes before I hit record. He's 0:06:38.640 --> 0:06:41.360 like shuffling around looking at recycling then and I'm like, 0:06:41.839 --> 0:06:44.120 I'm in the middle of the house. So and he's like, oh, yeah, 0:06:44.120 --> 0:06:46.080 what time do you go? On? Like one o'clock. I 0:06:46.160 --> 0:06:50.240 told you that's five minutes. He's like, okay, I'm going 0:06:51.080 --> 0:06:53.760 I didn't realize. I mean, I guess I did realize 0:06:53.800 --> 0:06:56.440 that one of the things that I value so much 0:06:56.640 --> 0:07:00.240 is just my own brain. I love my brain. I 0:07:00.279 --> 0:07:04.440 love my thoughts, I love what ideas I have. I 0:07:04.480 --> 0:07:07.760 love my creativity, and I just I can't be that 0:07:07.839 --> 0:07:11.440 when I am surrounded by them, you know, the children 0:07:11.520 --> 0:07:13.880 and the husband, because they take up, you know, a 0:07:13.920 --> 0:07:16.840 lot of that space. So like, for one thing, as 0:07:16.880 --> 0:07:18.960 a podcaster and as you know, a business person that 0:07:19.040 --> 0:07:22.360 I've tried to do is just not feel any type 0:07:22.360 --> 0:07:26.400 of way about claiming my brain time. I'm like, it's 0:07:26.440 --> 0:07:28.320 not that I don't I could play with you and 0:07:28.360 --> 0:07:31.080 I could you know, I could take you out of 0:07:31.120 --> 0:07:33.280 daycare three days a week instead of five days a 0:07:33.320 --> 0:07:36.320 week or whatever to spend more time with you. But 0:07:37.040 --> 0:07:40.640 mommy needs more one hundred percent brain time, and. 0:07:40.600 --> 0:07:43.080 You're better when you get that right for them in 0:07:43.120 --> 0:07:46.280 the long term. That's the That's the big thing Mandy 0:07:46.320 --> 0:07:48.800 and Jessica. But I've been finally struggling with lately is 0:07:49.280 --> 0:07:50.880 just thinking about, like how did I get here. I 0:07:50.920 --> 0:07:52.320 don't know, if you guys are in social media, if 0:07:52.320 --> 0:07:54.920 you've been seeing that trend like she she wouldn't know 0:07:55.000 --> 0:07:57.480 a little. Did she know that her life change? He's 0:07:57.560 --> 0:07:58.160 been seeing that? 0:07:58.400 --> 0:07:59.480 Yes, I saw me. 0:08:00.200 --> 0:08:02.360 If I was to do that from like twenty sixteen, 0:08:02.440 --> 0:08:04.760 right when I first started the podcast, There's so many 0:08:04.800 --> 0:08:07.040 things that would have happened that I would have never known, 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:09.920 like almost nine years later, and I think motherhood for 0:08:09.960 --> 0:08:12.800 me was like the biggest wrench in it all, only 0:08:12.840 --> 0:08:14.800 because when I started the podcast, I was working on 0:08:14.880 --> 0:08:17.679 another job, and like I just had so much time 0:08:17.760 --> 0:08:20.280 to put into it. I want to say, like the 0:08:20.280 --> 0:08:23.440 heydays of Dreams and driver, like twenty sixteen and twenty nineteen, 0:08:23.720 --> 0:08:24.440 I was building. 0:08:24.480 --> 0:08:25.160 I was hustling. 0:08:25.200 --> 0:08:27.360 I was doing the Twitter parties whatever they used to 0:08:27.360 --> 0:08:30.280 do back on Twitter. Remember probably have Twitter chats or 0:08:30.280 --> 0:08:30.920 whatever they like. 0:08:30.920 --> 0:08:32.760 People would have a tigering when you show up. 0:08:32.800 --> 0:08:33.880 Let's watch scandal together. 0:08:34.080 --> 0:08:37.360 Yeah, I was doing everything I had just started trying 0:08:37.400 --> 0:08:40.120 to do, like happy hour meetups events. And then the 0:08:40.160 --> 0:08:43.640 pandemic happened, and by that time I was doing Dreams 0:08:43.640 --> 0:08:49.440 and Drives solo twenty twenty eighteen, twenty nineteen. Yeah, pandemic happened. 0:08:49.480 --> 0:08:53.120 My ass got pregnant, right, so I had a pandemic baby. 0:08:53.200 --> 0:08:57.480 I was still doing it solo, still doing the podcast independently, 0:08:57.640 --> 0:09:00.040 wasn't working for anyone, and then I'm like, I'm I 0:09:00.160 --> 0:09:01.880 need to get a real job because I have a 0:09:01.880 --> 0:09:04.760 real baby, and you know, we need real expenses. 0:09:04.800 --> 0:09:06.839 Page I didn't realize. So you were one hundred percent 0:09:06.920 --> 0:09:07.679 Dreams and Drive. 0:09:08.320 --> 0:09:10.360 Yeah, I was one hundred percent Dreams and Drive from 0:09:10.360 --> 0:09:12.480 like twenty eighteen to twenty twenty one. 0:09:12.640 --> 0:09:14.080 I was just doing that. 0:09:14.600 --> 0:09:16.920 So we did have some other consulting stuff on the side, 0:09:16.960 --> 0:09:18.920 and I had also saved a lot of money from 0:09:18.960 --> 0:09:21.719 my prior job, so like I was able to kind 0:09:21.720 --> 0:09:22.280 of just close. 0:09:22.360 --> 0:09:24.480 I was living at home number one also saving a 0:09:24.520 --> 0:09:25.080 lot of money. 0:09:26.080 --> 0:09:29.280 So when I got pregnant and I just realized, like, oh, 0:09:29.480 --> 0:09:31.199 I think I got to be a big girl now. 0:09:31.280 --> 0:09:34.120 And so that's when, ironically I got a job through 0:09:34.120 --> 0:09:36.840 one of my past guests on the show. She was like, 0:09:36.880 --> 0:09:39.200 I don't know if you're looking, but they're hiring at 0:09:39.320 --> 0:09:46.040 you know this company that rhymes with dismount, And I 0:09:46.200 --> 0:09:48.720 just jumped right into it. But little did I know 0:09:48.720 --> 0:09:50.400 I would have two kids, because you know, one kid 0:09:50.480 --> 0:09:52.480 is one thing, but then two kids is another thing. 0:09:52.520 --> 0:09:54.880 And I think I'm at this stage now where I 0:09:54.960 --> 0:09:55.560 just don't. 0:09:55.360 --> 0:09:56.120 Have the time. 0:09:56.480 --> 0:09:59.920 I have the desire and I have like the willing 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:03.600 this and the motivation, but I just don't have the time. 0:10:03.720 --> 0:10:05.880 And I don't think I'm at a stage where like 0:10:06.000 --> 0:10:09.640 I'm willing to try to find more time, if that 0:10:09.720 --> 0:10:12.560 makes sense, right, Like, I do what I can with 0:10:12.600 --> 0:10:14.440 the time that I have. And I think for me, 0:10:14.600 --> 0:10:17.280 I have to be okay with like growth not being 0:10:17.320 --> 0:10:19.720 what I might want it to be. And that's been 0:10:19.760 --> 0:10:22.320 the hardest thing. I think as mothers, we sacrifice so 0:10:22.600 --> 0:10:26.120 much for our children, and I'm in this stage of 0:10:26.200 --> 0:10:29.720 just reckoning with like what does it mean to sacrifice? 0:10:29.840 --> 0:10:33.160 And like how long do the dreams have to be 0:10:33.360 --> 0:10:36.240 not as big because you might not have the support right, 0:10:36.320 --> 0:10:40.440 or you might not have the help or the village 0:10:40.480 --> 0:10:42.760 or the community, like you know, we're all just going 0:10:42.840 --> 0:10:45.360 through so much. So that's been the biggest thing. I've 0:10:45.400 --> 0:10:48.439 also been debating about this whole like women right and 0:10:48.520 --> 0:10:50.320 are we supposed to work? But I'm like, you know what, 0:10:50.400 --> 0:10:52.559 back in the day, we weren't working, but we had 0:10:52.600 --> 0:10:56.800 eighteen kids, so we were still crazy, so it doesn't matter. 0:10:55.880 --> 0:10:59.600 It's like we're still gonna give me this. 0:11:00.360 --> 0:11:03.560 So yeah, So that's been my podcasting and motherhood journey. 0:11:03.600 --> 0:11:06.720 Like you're talking about you don't want like you're kind 0:11:06.720 --> 0:11:09.040 of maxed out on what you can do with your podcast, 0:11:09.480 --> 0:11:12.400 and for you, it's like you have this job, you 0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:15.720 got the two babies. Now, yeah, that's really fair. 0:11:15.840 --> 0:11:19.240 You know, my father passed away in November of last year. 0:11:19.320 --> 0:11:21.680 He was such a huge like help for me and 0:11:21.720 --> 0:11:26.120 my partner. That like just not having support the support 0:11:26.200 --> 0:11:30.040 system that you want to like it, it's just a lot, 0:11:30.080 --> 0:11:32.239 And I think it just goes into the bigger conversation 0:11:32.360 --> 0:11:36.280 about like mothers being supported and like where's the motherhood community? Right? 0:11:36.960 --> 0:11:38.760 I have friends who are mothers, but like we're all 0:11:38.760 --> 0:11:41.040 in the same rub just trying to figure it out. 0:11:41.120 --> 0:11:41.880 Like I don't think I. 0:11:41.840 --> 0:11:45.200 Have one friend who's a mom who's like I got 0:11:45.200 --> 0:11:47.640 this girl, Like, you know, we're all in different ways. 0:11:47.760 --> 0:11:49.080 Just I don't want friends like that. 0:11:51.160 --> 0:11:53.439 Does those times feel like we're just like with your 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:56.000 two drowning people trying to help each other and it's 0:11:56.040 --> 0:11:59.000 like we're both going down, Like I kind of want 0:11:59.040 --> 0:12:00.839 you to win, so let me not pull you down, 0:12:00.880 --> 0:12:05.360 but like go ground. Yes, it's that's so real because 0:12:05.400 --> 0:12:07.160 I think we want to be there for one another. 0:12:07.240 --> 0:12:09.920 But you know, it's just like I said at the beginning, 0:12:10.040 --> 0:12:11.960 you know I think about all the time, but it's 0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:14.600 like I ain't about to call nobody between the hours 0:12:14.600 --> 0:12:17.560 of like seven to nine because that is like get 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:20.280 drassed to school and insanity. And then like also in 0:12:20.360 --> 0:12:23.679 the PM from like five to nine, I just and 0:12:23.679 --> 0:12:25.800 and then it's like what sleep work? 0:12:25.920 --> 0:12:27.640 And then it's like I want to do something for 0:12:27.679 --> 0:12:31.199 myself and you just you know, doing scrolling on Instagram. 0:12:32.240 --> 0:12:34.640 Yeah, it's just a box of cereal watching. 0:12:34.480 --> 0:12:37.560 What's balanced, And I think that's the biggest thing. What's balanced? 0:12:37.760 --> 0:12:40.640 How do you define balance? And then how can you be? 0:12:40.880 --> 0:12:43.600 And you know your podcast is called Brown Ambition. What 0:12:43.679 --> 0:12:45.640 does it mean to be a brown woman and be 0:12:45.800 --> 0:12:47.280 ambitious and be a mother? 0:12:47.760 --> 0:12:48.400 It means you're. 0:12:50.679 --> 0:12:52.640 Jessica said, it means you're going to be exhausted. 0:12:53.559 --> 0:12:56.040 And do we want to be exhausted? Like I know 0:12:56.120 --> 0:12:59.000 in college I was never you know how people used 0:12:59.040 --> 0:13:01.080 to pull all nighters. I was like, nope, I'm gonna 0:13:01.080 --> 0:13:03.600 go take my sleep, go take myself to bed. I 0:13:03.640 --> 0:13:05.560 was not an all nighter type of person. So I'm like, 0:13:06.040 --> 0:13:09.400 I hate being exhausted, Like I just don't like, like, 0:13:09.440 --> 0:13:10.120 guess I might. 0:13:10.000 --> 0:13:13.080 Have to do you feel but I sense that, like 0:13:13.200 --> 0:13:16.560 I'm just curious, Like I sense that you almost feel 0:13:16.600 --> 0:13:21.120 like you feel like not guilty, but like you seem 0:13:21.160 --> 0:13:23.360 a little bit like I feel I don't like being tired. 0:13:23.400 --> 0:13:27.240 Is this what everyone's doing? Ew like that for me? 0:13:27.320 --> 0:13:28.080 I'm healthy? 0:13:29.280 --> 0:13:32.720 I think no, No, I think I feel guilty more. 0:13:32.880 --> 0:13:36.240 Just like with the state of my podcast, I feel 0:13:36.240 --> 0:13:39.360 like it could be further along if I was like 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:44.720 maybe being okay with being tired and still doing work. 0:13:44.760 --> 0:13:47.719 Does that make sense? Like at the end of the day. 0:13:47.760 --> 0:13:51.199 I'm like, listen, I could be on time with this schedule, 0:13:51.440 --> 0:13:54.160 you know, have my Monday releases or you know it's 0:13:54.160 --> 0:13:56.280 gonna be on Monday Wednesday release this week. 0:13:56.360 --> 0:13:58.360 Because I just don't have the time or energy. 0:13:58.400 --> 0:14:01.839 So I think it's more so like I'm not guilty, 0:14:02.040 --> 0:14:05.360 but it's just like I just don't have the energy 0:14:05.480 --> 0:14:09.000 to put towards it, and then I don't want to 0:14:09.040 --> 0:14:12.600 be more exhausted by trying to meet the deadline of 0:14:12.679 --> 0:14:14.680 like a Monday release. And like, the part of being 0:14:15.000 --> 0:14:19.080 as independent podcaster is having that flexibility. And a lot 0:14:19.120 --> 0:14:21.120 of people have been like, give yourself grace. You going 0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:23.320 through so much change in these past few months, like 0:14:23.800 --> 0:14:26.640 you need to kind of restore yourself. So it's just 0:14:26.720 --> 0:14:28.120 balancing all of that for me. 0:14:28.200 --> 0:14:32.320 Honestly, Can we talk about the whole idea of support 0:14:32.520 --> 0:14:37.000 and a village, because like, Rina, what I'm hearing is 0:14:37.080 --> 0:14:39.560 that I'm so sorry, by the way about your dad 0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:42.400 passing away, especially if he was helping with the caregiving. 0:14:42.520 --> 0:14:46.040 I mean that, and he was like a go to person, 0:14:46.320 --> 0:14:48.560 because how valuable is it to have that person who 0:14:48.600 --> 0:14:51.880 you can just trust they understand things, The kids are 0:14:51.880 --> 0:14:54.640 comfortable with them. They can drive a car, they can 0:14:54.720 --> 0:14:58.600 do the pick up whatever. It's just like priceless gold 0:14:59.240 --> 0:15:01.160 and plus it's your Yeah, So I'm just I'm really 0:15:01.200 --> 0:15:05.800 sorry about that. Hey, ba fam, we got to take 0:15:05.840 --> 0:15:08.680 a quick break, pay some bills, and we'll be right back. 0:15:09.320 --> 0:15:12.880 All right, ba fam, We're back. I feel like being 0:15:12.920 --> 0:15:16.800 intentional about building a village for myself was one of 0:15:16.960 --> 0:15:20.920 the aspects of motherhood that I wasn't necessarily prepared for. 0:15:21.040 --> 0:15:23.360 No one really told me about that, but it's one 0:15:23.360 --> 0:15:26.040 of the things. It's also been most challenging to do. 0:15:26.080 --> 0:15:29.040 But it's one of the most rewarding things that I 0:15:29.080 --> 0:15:35.760 have done. Is like invest in close relationships, like physically close. 0:15:36.480 --> 0:15:38.760 My mom is in Saint Louis, my sister's in Wisconsin, 0:15:38.800 --> 0:15:41.640 my dad's in Georgia. I got no family really here 0:15:41.920 --> 0:15:44.160 other than my in laws. And like they don't drive. 0:15:44.360 --> 0:15:46.640 They only live forty minutes away, but they don't drive. 0:15:46.680 --> 0:15:50.840 You're not exactly very helpful when they come. It's kind 0:15:50.840 --> 0:15:53.360 of like having extra babies to take care of. But 0:15:54.120 --> 0:15:57.880 I've had to reach across to neighbors, like actual on 0:15:57.880 --> 0:16:01.920 my street, my neighbors have become getting to know them 0:16:01.960 --> 0:16:07.320 has been a huge source of you know, comfort and support. 0:16:07.760 --> 0:16:12.480 And then just like adopting other moms in the parking 0:16:12.480 --> 0:16:15.640 lot at daycare and at school has has worked for me, 0:16:16.080 --> 0:16:18.240 I'll just adopt. I'm just like, want to be my friend. 0:16:19.720 --> 0:16:22.040 I mean to do that. I like that. I like that. 0:16:22.920 --> 0:16:25.200 Not saying that I have any kind of perfect village, 0:16:25.280 --> 0:16:29.600 but if it were not for those relationships, the few 0:16:29.640 --> 0:16:32.200 good ones that I have made since I, you know, 0:16:32.280 --> 0:16:34.880 became a mom and isolated myself because it was my 0:16:34.960 --> 0:16:37.360 decision to move to the suburbs and away from my 0:16:37.440 --> 0:16:41.400 family and all of that has been really important for me. 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:43.160 So I want how would they help? 0:16:43.200 --> 0:16:43.760 You? Like how? 0:16:44.120 --> 0:16:46.120 I guess it's like, what's the what's the benefit so 0:16:46.160 --> 0:16:47.640 I can be more motivated. 0:16:49.880 --> 0:16:53.680 Yeah, I'll give you one example today literally today was 0:16:53.840 --> 0:16:57.200 a school it's a school holiday or a day off 0:16:57.240 --> 0:16:59.840 that was not on the calendar. Because my so, my 0:16:59.840 --> 0:17:01.760 my one of my sister wife friends here, her name 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:05.399 is Jess. She and I both give the school calendar. 0:17:05.440 --> 0:17:07.679 We're two of our assistants and are like put all 0:17:07.760 --> 0:17:10.280 these dates on our calendar so we know what's coming up. 0:17:10.320 --> 0:17:13.920 This was like an add on and last week both 0:17:13.920 --> 0:17:15.960 of us were like, what did you see this? Did 0:17:15.960 --> 0:17:20.040 you see that? And we and she chose the day 0:17:20.119 --> 0:17:21.920 camp that we were going to send We have two 0:17:21.920 --> 0:17:24.160 boys the same age to go to the same school, and 0:17:24.200 --> 0:17:27.119 thank god, they're really good friends too, So she chose 0:17:27.160 --> 0:17:28.600 the camp that we were going to send them to. 0:17:28.720 --> 0:17:31.000 She found it, and then I just paid my one 0:17:31.080 --> 0:17:33.920 hundred dollars because like, of course is one hundred dollars, 0:17:34.400 --> 0:17:37.600 and her husband came and picked up my son this 0:17:37.680 --> 0:17:40.359 morning and took him to the camp because of course, 0:17:40.440 --> 0:17:43.520 the hours are stupid. It's not like nine to five, 0:17:43.680 --> 0:17:46.760 it's nine to twelve for a half day, and nine 0:17:46.840 --> 0:17:49.040 to three is somehow a full day. And then I'm 0:17:49.080 --> 0:17:51.439 going to pick them up at three o'clock and I'm 0:17:51.480 --> 0:17:53.240 going to bring both boys here and they're going to 0:17:53.280 --> 0:17:55.600 play and entertain each other, and then later on she 0:17:55.680 --> 0:17:58.680 might pick them up. But that's one of the instances 0:17:58.720 --> 0:18:02.200 like we're in it together and we plan things together, 0:18:02.240 --> 0:18:05.640 and we've built that much trust. We've really invested time 0:18:05.640 --> 0:18:07.680 in each other's kids so that they love us too. 0:18:08.240 --> 0:18:10.640 So if I have to, you know, and last week 0:18:10.680 --> 0:18:13.679 my baby was sick, Remy was sick, and I was like, 0:18:13.800 --> 0:18:16.000 can Rio, my older son. Can he go home with 0:18:16.080 --> 0:18:18.920 Carey today and just spend the evening with y'all because 0:18:19.000 --> 0:18:21.080 I got to deal with sick baby. I don't want 0:18:21.160 --> 0:18:23.000 Rio in the mix. He's going to be neglected and 0:18:23.040 --> 0:18:26.480 be on the phone for four hours. So I mean 0:18:26.520 --> 0:18:29.359 that to me, is like a real benefit to have 0:18:29.440 --> 0:18:31.040 that kind of relationship. 0:18:31.160 --> 0:18:32.960 And they're in close proximity, right. 0:18:33.200 --> 0:18:36.040 Yeah, less than ten minutes drive because they go they're 0:18:36.080 --> 0:18:38.080 in the same school district. So that's what I mean 0:18:38.119 --> 0:18:40.199 by adopting a mom in the parking lot. I just 0:18:40.400 --> 0:18:43.480 was like, hey, you other black mom, there's not that 0:18:43.560 --> 0:18:45.959 many of us. You want to be my friend? And 0:18:46.280 --> 0:18:48.200 I've done that a few times, and I mean Jess 0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:51.480 was a good example of She was so happy that 0:18:51.560 --> 0:18:54.040 I did that. And I remember I invited her to 0:18:54.080 --> 0:18:56.480 the park with another friend that I had met in 0:18:56.480 --> 0:19:00.600 the parking lot, and she gave me the biggest and 0:19:01.080 --> 0:19:03.119