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Speaker 1: I'm not an emotional person. That's right, You're not, even

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Speaker 1: though are like lately than I've ever seen you cry. Ever, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it'd be the kid that doesn't. Kid. This has just

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Speaker 1: been so so hard. But I know that I'll get

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Speaker 1: through it. Of course you will. Yeah, it's just of

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Speaker 1: course you will.

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Speaker 2: And you're gonna be surprised too, because usually after that

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Speaker 2: first year, and I heard this from a lot of moms,

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Speaker 2: they come home and they're like a little different because

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Speaker 2: now they've had this like I don't know, independence, and

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Speaker 2: it's like fun to like see that evolution for them, right,

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Speaker 2: And you'll enjoy that process, but man, it is it

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Speaker 2: be your kid. This episode of IRL podcast is powered

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Speaker 2: by boost Mobile.

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Speaker 1: All right, guys, I'm excited about today's episode. I can't

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Speaker 1: believe it's taking her so long to get here. I'm

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Speaker 1: so happy. But today we have actress, producer, entrepreneur.

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Speaker 2: She has built a career spanning TV, film, beauty, fashion,

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Speaker 2: from early days radio MTV to television power BMF, The Shy.

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Speaker 1: There's more. There's many minutes more.

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Speaker 2: She is also like one of the most recognizable and

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Speaker 2: relatable voices in entertainment.

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Speaker 1: She is also a very proud mom.

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Speaker 2: She's a published author, best selling author, and she has

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Speaker 2: gracefully navigated public love, heartbreak, and reinvention all in front

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Speaker 2: of our eyes.

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Speaker 1: Well a lot, Anthony. They can't want an intro thank

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Speaker 1: you hi, true, but I love that, and you know

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Speaker 1: it's so funny as I'm saying all that, And even

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Speaker 1: when you came in today, I was like, Yo, We've

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Speaker 1: had so many great interviews over the years, and.

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Speaker 2: Really it's because, like I said there, you have lived

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Speaker 2: like your life has been really public for a really

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Speaker 2: long time, but you also know how to navigate those waters.

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Speaker 1: So I don't always know, like I learn as I go.

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Speaker 1: I learn as I go. What season are you in now?

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Speaker 1: Right now? So I think for me, I'm in a

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Speaker 1: very interesting season of my life. Cayenne has officially left

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Speaker 1: for college, and I keep telling people that it's just

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Speaker 1: something that I don't think I heard enough people talk about,

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Speaker 1: or like maybe I just wasn't prepared for it. Like

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Speaker 1: you hear conversations about everything that people go through in life.

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Speaker 1: For some reason, I wasn't private to the conversations about

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Speaker 1: when your kid leaves for college, when your only child

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Speaker 1: leaves for college, and like that void and you know, sorry,

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Speaker 1: but like the void and the emptiness and just like

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Speaker 1: literally one day he's there and then one day he's

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Speaker 1: just not. And when he left also like how long

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Speaker 1: has he been gone? So he's been gone now for

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Speaker 1: about I would say, like a month, and you know

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Speaker 1: when he left is like I just feel like and

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Speaker 1: the house kind of just left, because my house has

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Speaker 1: always been the fun house, all his friends and music

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Speaker 1: and just fun all the time, and then he just

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Speaker 1: left and it just got quiet. And that has been

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Speaker 1: really really hard for me. And I'm not embarrassed to

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Speaker 1: say it, or like I'm leaning into it so I

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Speaker 1: can understand what that feeling is and try to like

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Speaker 1: move past it and get to whatever the other side is.

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Speaker 1: But right now I'm so deep in that feeling and

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Speaker 1: it's been hard. Yeah, did you not expect it? I

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Speaker 1: don't know what I expected. Like I think that obviously

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Speaker 1: I always he was going to go to college, but

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Speaker 1: it always seems so far away, and then as it

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Speaker 1: even got closer, I'm like, well still another month. Still,

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Speaker 1: Like I was just savoring all that time, and I

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Speaker 1: guess I didn't just realize just what avoided was an impact,

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Speaker 1: Like it was gonna happen. Like I said, it's not

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Speaker 1: something like I'm never in conversations with people and that's

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Speaker 1: what people are talking about. I don't know if I'm

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Speaker 1: not running with a different crowd, but I don't talk

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Speaker 1: to people that are like, prepare yourself. This is how

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Speaker 1: it is, or this is how we should have talked more.

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Speaker 1: We should have talked more. We should have sure.

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Speaker 2: Talked more, because I definitely had. I think before Nico left,

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Speaker 2: I had maybe like I was six months in preparation

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Speaker 2: for him leaving. I was like sad and almost it

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Speaker 2: was weird because it was almost like things.

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Speaker 1: I was just like irritable and said like I.

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Speaker 2: Had built up so much before he left, right because

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Speaker 2: I was anticipating it, which I think maybe you weren't

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Speaker 2: even I was right, So I had been anticipating it,

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Speaker 2: and then when he left, I was I remember telling,

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Speaker 2: you know, my friend's Shaka, not Zulu, Chaka Pilgrim. I

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Speaker 2: was telling Chaka Pilgrim. I said, Nicos, I gotta take

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Speaker 2: him to school. I'm gonna I'm gonna lose it. I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna be a mess. And she was like, no, you're not,

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Speaker 2: and I was like, no, I am she was like, no,

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Speaker 2: you're not.

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Speaker 1: I was like, what do you mean.

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Speaker 2: She was like, imagine for him, this is the first

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Speaker 2: time he's not he's leaving home. He's not going to

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Speaker 2: be living in the house. He's walking into a new place,

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Speaker 2: and you don't want to add to that. And it

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Speaker 2: had that had an even I was so, I was

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Speaker 2: so in myral how I was feeling about it. I was, oh, shit, okay,

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Speaker 2: you're right. I don't want to do that to him.

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Speaker 2: So I went I dropped him off.

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Speaker 1: I was fine. Of course, I was a little emo

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Speaker 1: on the way home.

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Speaker 2: But then I realized, like, they don't go anywhere, you know,

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Speaker 2: I'm saying, like, okay, tve me that, so.

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Speaker 1: I don't you know, we facetimed a lot. We I

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Speaker 1: felt like the conversations.

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Speaker 2: Were more meaningful on the phone and longer before it

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Speaker 2: would be like if he called me because he needed sover,

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Speaker 2: Hey Mom, I'm trying out here. But now because he's away,

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Speaker 2: when we would be on the phone, the conversations just

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Speaker 2: a little stronger and more meaningful because and then they

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Speaker 2: come home for the holidays and you still miss them,

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Speaker 2: but they still come home and you're still their mother

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Speaker 2: and you guys are so close. It's just it's just

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Speaker 2: an adjustment. There's no easy answer, but it is you

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Speaker 2: you are okay, and you realize like your bond is

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Speaker 2: not going in where.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if that helps that it's because I'm

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Speaker 1: talking to somebody who's been through it, so it's like

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Speaker 1: I'm really listening to your words because you've been through it.

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Speaker 2: And then it started to just become more comfortable. I

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Speaker 2: can't expect, like this the new norm.

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Speaker 1: It's like the new norm. Yeah, in a weird way.

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Speaker 1: I'm just praying that. So you're like, I get there.

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Speaker 1: You're like in the early stages of it noon And

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Speaker 1: like you said, I don't want to put that pressure

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Speaker 1: on him because it's not his responsibility to take care

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Speaker 1: of me or make sure I'm good. So like I

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Speaker 1: always try to like I'm okay. I think one time

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Speaker 1: it was one night, it was like two o'clock in

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Speaker 1: the morning. I couldn't sleep and I called him and

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Speaker 1: I just started crying. He's like, no, are you don't care?

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Speaker 1: Like I He's like, I can't come home right now.

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Speaker 1: I have like basketball practice I got. I was like,

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Speaker 1: but that it only happened once, so and then I

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Speaker 1: like pulled it together. But see I get sad.

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Speaker 2: Just oh but how great is that that you have

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Speaker 2: a love that strong that he knows that you love

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Speaker 2: him that bad?

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like that you unraveled that way. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I tell you I'm not an emotional person. It's just right,

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Speaker 1: you're not, even though more like lately than I've ever

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Speaker 1: seen you cry. Ever, Yeah, it'd be the kid that doesn't. Kid,

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Speaker 1: this has just been so so hard, but I know

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Speaker 1: that I'll get through it. Of course you will. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's just of course you will.

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Speaker 2: And you're gonna be surprised too, because usually after that

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Speaker 2: first year, and I heard this from a lot of moms,

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Speaker 2: they come home and they're like a little different because

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Speaker 2: now they've had this like I don't know, independence, and

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Speaker 2: it's like fun to like see that evolution for them, right,

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Speaker 2: and you'll enjoy that process, But man, it is it'd

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Speaker 2: be your kid.

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Speaker 1: Just figure it out, Like you know what this next

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Speaker 1: chapter looks like? Me too? You know that part that

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Speaker 1: part had you thought about that before or no? I

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Speaker 1: feel like I mean I always think about like work

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Speaker 1: and what I have coming up, but not in this

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Speaker 1: way to where like I come home and he's like

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Speaker 1: not there. Like I would work and know that when

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Speaker 1: I got home, he's there. You know, we would plan

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Speaker 1: our evenings or whatever we're going to do. And now

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Speaker 1: it's like I could come off of you know, a

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Speaker 1: trip or doing some work somewhere and get off the

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Speaker 1: plane and come home and it's just like quiet. So

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Speaker 1: it's just adjusting to that, but also finding things that

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Speaker 1: I enjoy doing or that I want to do in

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Speaker 1: my spare time because my life has always just been working, Cayenne,

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Speaker 1: I never had like I never made a life for

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Speaker 1: myself in between that. It was always work.

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Speaker 2: And Kyane, really that's so interesting because you are known

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Speaker 2: right as different, like yeah, you have so many your

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Speaker 2: so many friends, you have like just a full life

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Speaker 2: you would seen.

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Speaker 1: But life was always has always been about work, and

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Speaker 1: I'm able to be a great friend of people. It

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Speaker 1: doesn't change because I'm working all the time. But I've

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Speaker 1: never been a person taking trips all the time on

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Speaker 1: vacations or like like that person. I used to always

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Speaker 1: feel guilty about that, Like I used to be like

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Speaker 1: I gotta work, Like I don't have time to be

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Speaker 1: sitting on a beach somewhere. I'll be on Instagram like,

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Speaker 1: how is everybody always on a fucking vacation? Like this

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Speaker 1: is crazy, I'm on set. I'm more like everybody's just

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Speaker 1: But I just never did that and never allow myself

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Speaker 1: time to really find things that I really enjoy it.

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Speaker 1: You know how people are like, well, what are you

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Speaker 1: doing your free time or what do you do to unwind?

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Speaker 1: Like yeah, I never really had the answer to that

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Speaker 1: because it was always like I'll mean with Cayenne or

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Speaker 1: I'm you know, like I'm working or I'm working. So

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Speaker 1: now it's like finding those things and I am excited

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Speaker 1: to find that because I do need to find stuff

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Speaker 1: to fill that time and to avoid when I'm not working.

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Speaker 1: And also I've been working for so long. Do you

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Speaker 1: feel like you've neglected yourself in a way. I definitely

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Speaker 1: feel like I've neglected myself. I feel like I've worked

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Speaker 1: so hard to probably in some ways avoid like dealing

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Speaker 1: with life stuff like if I'm always working, then I

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Speaker 1: don't have to pay attention to feel in this way

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Speaker 1: or different things that I went through, whether it was

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Speaker 1: publicly or privately, or what happened, you know, in my

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Speaker 1: relationship or whatever it's like just keep working, just keep working.

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Speaker 1: Then you could be distracted. You can not have to

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Speaker 1: deal with that. But at some point it all comes

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Speaker 1: back around and you have to face it and deal

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Speaker 1: with it. There's only so many shows I could be on.

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Speaker 1: Everyone's like, oh we think about lolaves, you gonna find

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Speaker 1: a job, you gonna find a check, You're gonna find this.

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Speaker 1: There's only so much of that. Or it's like, no,

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Speaker 1: you gotta deal with some of this stuff and you

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Speaker 1: gotta be okay with being with yourself. But what do

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Speaker 1: you do when it's quiet? Like how do do you

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Speaker 1: have a quiet thing that you do?

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Speaker 2: Like comfortable quiet, like if somebody just flopped you on

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Speaker 2: a beach by yourself.

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Speaker 1: I'm not comfortable quiet, really, and I'm not comfortable alone.

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Speaker 1: I always have been the person that's around so many people,

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Speaker 1: So I created that environment in my house to be

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Speaker 1: like that, which is why it's Kyanne's friends. You know,

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Speaker 1: they open in the fridge cooking with they like that's

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Speaker 1: always been the environment at the house because I always

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Speaker 1: just function better when there's a lot of things happen

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Speaker 1: in any I could still be super focused, like I'm

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Speaker 1: focused even in all this stuff. Happening around me. But

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Speaker 1: when it's just me, I'm not good at that. And

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Speaker 1: I know that that's a thing that I have to

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Speaker 1: work on, Like you have to be okay with being

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Speaker 1: alone and being by yourself and having those alone moments,

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Speaker 1: and I just haven't mastered that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's amazing and super brave that because

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Speaker 2: we always share our story afterward at the victory we

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Speaker 2: passed the victory of it, you know, we're like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I went through that and I came out on the

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Speaker 2: other side, and this is how I did it right,

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Speaker 2: And it's you know, but it's another thing to talk about.

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Speaker 1: Man, I'm so sad right now. But it's like I

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Speaker 1: can only be honest with where I'm at right now.

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Speaker 1: It's going on. Of course, I still have my incredibly

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Speaker 1: happy moments and laugh and have fun and like success

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Speaker 1: has been great and life has been great, but this

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Speaker 1: is just like a moment of adjustment and like reframing

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Speaker 1: things and that's kind of like where I'm at. Yeah. No,

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Speaker 1: I'm sure there's a lot of women that can relate

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Speaker 1: to this, to this moment. Yeah, And I want to

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Speaker 1: be the person I want to use a platform like

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Speaker 1: this to talk about it because, like I said, I

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Speaker 1: never heard people talking about it. I would hear every

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Speaker 1: other issue, but I would never hear about when your

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Speaker 1: kids lead. Don't you hate it's the fucking podcast talking

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Speaker 1: about when you're geting for college. So I couldn't listened

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Speaker 1: to that.

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Speaker 2: I feel like I've talked about it a couple of times.

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Speaker 2: I will send you some clins, but it wasn't. But

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Speaker 2: it's not because it's a very specific situation. I mean,

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Speaker 2: this shit that we never let what about parenting. I

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Speaker 2: always say, there's things that nobody ever told me about

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Speaker 2: parenting that you don't find out too.

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Speaker 1: We see people talking about parenting, but there's things that

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Speaker 1: you just don't know until you're going it.

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Speaker 2: Hey, guys, you ever sign up for a phone plan

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Speaker 2: thinking wow, this is a great price, and then a

261
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Speaker 2: pay twenty five dollars a month as long as they

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Speaker 2: remain active on the Boost Unlimited plan.

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Speaker 1: So how did that, even just becoming a mom change you? Like?

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Speaker 1: How what did you learn about that? What was your

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Speaker 1: It's just I just when I had Kienne and because

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Speaker 1: he is my only child, I just like gave my

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Speaker 1: whole everything to him, and he became, you know, my

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Speaker 1: best friend. He became everything. And you know how many

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Speaker 1: people be like, oh, your kid's not supposed to be

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Speaker 1: your best friend. I hear that all the time. I

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Speaker 1: guess supposed to be the disciplinarian, your kid is supposed

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Speaker 1: to fear you. They're not supposed to say, my son

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Speaker 1: is my best friend. Like, it's just what it is,

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Speaker 1: and that's the relation, sorry that we formed. And does

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Speaker 1: he have the utmost respect me? Of course he knows

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Speaker 1: I'm his mommy. He knows I'm not I'm not playing

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Speaker 1: with you, Like, at the end of the day, we

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Speaker 1: have a good time, but you're gonna respect me and

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Speaker 1: you're gonna respect what I have to say. But he

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Speaker 1: just that's our relationship. So it's just like, that's so

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Speaker 1: beautiful and it is great and it just took it

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Speaker 1: just became that and then you don't even remember what

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Speaker 1: life was like before that. Before it's just what is

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Speaker 1: the trick to that?

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Speaker 2: So for people who say you can't be best friends

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Speaker 2: with your kid, because I think there probably is sometimes

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Speaker 2: some challenges.

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Speaker 1: It can't be perfect all the time, right, I mean

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Speaker 1: there's been a couple like, he's never given me any problems.

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Speaker 1: He's just a quiet, calm, good kid. But there had

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Speaker 1: been a couple of times in his life where I

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Speaker 1: had to remind him like, yo, i'm your mom, Like

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Speaker 1: I'm not one of your friends, Like I'm your mom, Yes,

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Speaker 1: best friend, but I'm your mom first. Yeah, And I've

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Speaker 1: had to remind him, not often, but there were times.

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Speaker 1: But I think that, you know, because of our relationship,

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Speaker 1: it makes it easier for him to feel comfortable talking

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Speaker 1: to me about things. I want my kid to be

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Speaker 1: able to come to me and ask questions and you know,

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Speaker 1: ask advice like I love that we have that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so new season of your Life now because

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Speaker 2: my life.

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Speaker 1: Empty nester, empty nest. And then the work perspective like

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Speaker 1: be a method done. So you know, I had a

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Speaker 1: cool closure there. We had a good a good run,

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Speaker 1: you know me transitioning from I went from Power right

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Speaker 1: into BMF. It's six seasons of Power and then four

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Speaker 1: seasons of BMF. So it was like that's ten almost

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Speaker 1: ten years of just back to back television there, and

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Speaker 1: in between I was shooting the Shy as well. The

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Speaker 1: Shy is still continuing, which is amazing. So you'll still

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Speaker 1: see me there. But you know, kind of like you said,

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Speaker 1: closing a chapter on even though BMF and Power aren't

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Speaker 1: connected to me, it's the same kind of world, you know,

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Speaker 1: on top of all of that, So it's closing that

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Speaker 1: chapter and figuring out, okay, what's next there. And people

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Speaker 1: just got used to seeing me on those shows, you know,

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Speaker 1: playing those characters, and now I'm stepping into something different

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Speaker 1: with the new show Group Chat that Kim and I

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Speaker 1: are producing for Hulu. It's gonna be interesting in this

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Speaker 1: new season of your Life.

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Speaker 2: How the scales shift because at some point it's like work.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, it's like doesn't Does it give you

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Speaker 2: back what you put into it?

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Speaker 1: Would you say that it does?

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Speaker 2: Like do you do you feel that amount of your

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Speaker 2: life that you've put into it work? Is?

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Speaker 1: I think in many ways yes, because I'm able to

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Speaker 1: live the life that I live because of it. You know,

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Speaker 1: I'm able to do certain things because of it. But

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Speaker 1: sometimes I'm just like this, like this is a lot.

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Speaker 1: It's okay to slow down a little bit. It's okay

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Speaker 1: to pour into you. It's okay to take that trip

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Speaker 1: that you always say no to because you gotta work

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Speaker 1: or you feel guilty about like you said, sitting on

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Speaker 1: a beach somewhere, when you feel like I should be working,

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Speaker 1: I should be doing this, Like it's now for me

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Speaker 1: exactly what you said, finding more of the balance. I

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Speaker 1: don't think I ever had the balance. We got to

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Speaker 1: get you some balance. I gotta get some bal You

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Speaker 1: gotta get you some balance. But it's good that I'm

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Speaker 1: recognizing it because I'm like, Okay, I got it. I

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Speaker 1: got it. First to recognize the first step is to

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Speaker 1: and start saying yes, like you know, get invited to

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Speaker 1: certain events or trips and be like you know what,

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Speaker 1: I'm going like cool instead of like nah, I gotta

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Speaker 1: do this or I gotta go to this this work thing,

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Speaker 1: like I'm not gonna be like fuck it, I'm going

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Speaker 1: going like I'm just going. You just went on a trip, right,

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Speaker 1: I just went on a trip to Korea, and I

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Speaker 1: was like fuck it, I'm going like I got the

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Speaker 1: call like what were you doing? Want to come to

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Speaker 1: just like doing all different Korean like skincare and all

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Speaker 1: like you know on TikTok everything is Korean skincare products

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Speaker 1: and finding out like what the best like cleanser and

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Speaker 1: best this is, and just I was like again, I

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Speaker 1: just said I'm going like fuck it, I'm going like

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna look for a reason to say I can.

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Speaker 1: I'm busy. I got this or Cayenne like I'm going

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Speaker 1: And I had a great, great experience. It was a

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Speaker 1: two day quick trip in and out. Was it like

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Speaker 1: an old girls or yeah, it was like Kim, myself, Chloe,

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Speaker 1: a few a few other stuff, a few other of

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Speaker 1: our friends and we were just like let's roll out.

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Speaker 1: So Kim caught me like, yo, you want to go

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Speaker 1: to Korea, Like Korea. It was like, I'm out, We're going.

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Speaker 1: I love that, And I just rolled. Is it good?

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Speaker 1: Did you learn anything? Any good skin treatments? I did?

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Speaker 1: I brought back, man, I brought back a whole luggage

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Speaker 1: just filled with shit. I'm just like all my fathers, like,

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Speaker 1: come over and just take whatever you want. I love

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Speaker 1: that you're doing that. You gotta do trips. You gotta

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Speaker 1: live with your life, definitely. And I'm also super excited

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Speaker 1: and happy because Sierra is in New York now. You know,

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Speaker 1: Russ got traded to the Giants, so they're living in

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Speaker 1: New York now. And I I've been the only one

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Speaker 1: in New York for a long time out of like

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Speaker 1: my immediate friend group. Everyone's like La and other places,

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Speaker 1: so I've just been here. So it's nice to have

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Speaker 1: one of my best friends now living in New York.

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Speaker 2: Are your friends all aware of like this state that

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Speaker 2: you're in right now? Like have you shared this with

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Speaker 2: all my closest.

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Speaker 1: Friends I have shared with? And yeah, they're they're well,

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Speaker 1: their kids are younger right now. Yeah, their kids they

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Speaker 1: are younger. They haven't had this experience. So I'm just

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Speaker 1: like telling them, like it's just real like prepare yourself.

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Speaker 1: But what is it?

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Speaker 2: What of your friend group or just your friends in general,

401
00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:01,920
Speaker 2: what do you think is like, ah, the best or

402
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:05,440
Speaker 2: important friendship qualities? Like you know what I mean, because

403
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Speaker 2: even in these moments, you it's like you want people that.

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00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:12,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think. I think for us it's it's the support,

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Speaker 1: it's the trust. Like even just going on a trip

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Speaker 1: to Korea, like she knows how I've been feeling, and

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Speaker 1: it's like you just kids. You just get out of

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Speaker 1: New York, come to Korea. It's a crazy trip for

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Speaker 1: two days. It's a thirteen hour flight, but just come.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, cool, I need it and I

411
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:31,160
Speaker 1: needed to do that. Yeah, you know, so it's unspoken,

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Speaker 1: like I know that's why she told me to come

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Speaker 1: on that trip, you know what I mean. So it's

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Speaker 1: like it's unspoken, you know, whether it's Kelly or Sierra

415
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:42,120
Speaker 1: or anyone, like the check ins or the come meet

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Speaker 1: up with us here, you know, like I know that

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00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:47,720
Speaker 1: they're aware and they're trying me going to La now

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Speaker 1: to shoot the pilot, just getting to be around everybody

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Speaker 1: in La again, Like I am excited for That's good,

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Speaker 1: you know. And I also outside of my friends, I

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Speaker 1: have an incredible family, you know. Yeah, close with my family.

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Speaker 1: My cousins die to all of them, Like that's my

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Speaker 1: you know this squad, my squad. Yeah, they come stay

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Speaker 1: at the house, like they'll just pop up, like you

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00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,679
Speaker 1: they probably miss kay into. Yeah they visit too, but

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00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:12,359
Speaker 1: like that, so calm my cousin Lauren, you know news,

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00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:14,399
Speaker 1: all of them just we here, were staying for a

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00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:16,000
Speaker 1: couple of days with you. I'm like, yeah, stay there,

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00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,159
Speaker 1: like yeah, we just stay and we don't want you

430
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,160
Speaker 1: to be here by yourself, And like I love that,

431
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,520
Speaker 1: you know it. Yeah, it means a while. And I

432
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:25,240
Speaker 1: think everyone will find either a character or something that

433
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:27,760
Speaker 1: they can personally relate to.

434
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:32,320
Speaker 2: How about like, because even like thirties and forties is

435
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,600
Speaker 2: a whole different Your life in thirties and your life

436
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:35,760
Speaker 2: in forties is a whole difference.

437
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:36,760
Speaker 1: It's very different.

438
00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:40,320
Speaker 2: How has that been for you because you started sixteen?

439
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:44,440
Speaker 2: Yeah so you you did twenties publicly, you did thirties publicly,

440
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:49,320
Speaker 2: You're in forties now publicly, how have you transitioned? And

441
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:52,280
Speaker 2: like dealing with age and stuff like that, how are

442
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:53,479
Speaker 2: you managing like age?

443
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:56,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, that and changes and like you're the only person

444
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,280
Speaker 1: who's ever asked that. Quizarly, it's such a good question

445
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:04,359
Speaker 1: because the industry you we're in doesn't always make you

446
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:07,359
Speaker 1: feel good about getting older. It's like you feel like

447
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:12,280
Speaker 1: the industry can make you feel like after a certain age,

448
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:15,760
Speaker 1: you're not relevant anymore, you're washed up, or we said

449
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:18,719
Speaker 1: at the same time, or especially in an acting space

450
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:22,280
Speaker 1: where the roles are getting cast younger and younger, or

451
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:25,040
Speaker 1: once you reach a certain age, now you're not being

452
00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:28,320
Speaker 1: looked at as like the hot girlfriend anymore. It's like different.

453
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:31,080
Speaker 1: So I see all that happening. So there are times

454
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:35,560
Speaker 1: where I've struggled with it because I'm like, my whole

455
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:38,880
Speaker 1: thing claim to fame was being on a radio at sixteen,

456
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:42,480
Speaker 1: doing this at seventeen. You'll being on MTV at nineteen,

457
00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:45,200
Speaker 1: Like that was always what came behind, Like she the

458
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:46,600
Speaker 1: youngest to ever do that, she was the youngest on

459
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,199
Speaker 1: the radio. She was like that was everything. So that

460
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:50,000
Speaker 1: when you get out of that and that's not what

461
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:53,320
Speaker 1: people are, that's not the story anymore, you just kind

462
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:56,000
Speaker 1: of like, don't I don't want to be the old head,

463
00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:58,480
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But it's life, and you

464
00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:01,200
Speaker 1: get older, So I'm I'm trying to lean into it

465
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:04,679
Speaker 1: with more you know, grace, and like embrace it because

466
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:07,239
Speaker 1: it is such a blessing to be able to, you know,

467
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:09,960
Speaker 1: get older and have the wisdom and everything that we've

468
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:12,760
Speaker 1: been through. And just I think I'm at a place

469
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:16,840
Speaker 1: now where outside noise and opinions don't matter to me

470
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,320
Speaker 1: as much anymore. I used to really care about that stuff,

471
00:22:19,359 --> 00:22:21,560
Speaker 1: like I was always even before in the industry, like

472
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:24,480
Speaker 1: in high school, like the girl that wanted to be

473
00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:26,600
Speaker 1: liked by everyone. If someone didn't like me, it's like,

474
00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:28,639
Speaker 1: well what did I do? Like why? Like I'm a

475
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,720
Speaker 1: nice person, Like why don't they like me? And then

476
00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:33,480
Speaker 1: you get in this industry and people just tearing you

477
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:37,399
Speaker 1: up twenty four to seven about anything. I just gotten

478
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:41,720
Speaker 1: to a point where it the public perception, outside noise

479
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:44,840
Speaker 1: just doesn't matter to me as much anymore. We all

480
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:48,800
Speaker 1: say that, but sometimes that's just still cut. Sometimes it cuts.

481
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:51,040
Speaker 1: But I've gotten better, I understand and what works for me,

482
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:53,040
Speaker 1: So for me, I don't read the comments, you know, yeah,

483
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,240
Speaker 1: because if I'm having a good day, why am I

484
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:58,040
Speaker 1: gonna purposely fuck my day up by reading the comments

485
00:22:58,040 --> 00:22:59,760
Speaker 1: that I know are gonna tear me up, say some

486
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:01,919
Speaker 1: crazy shit like why would I do that? And just

487
00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:04,720
Speaker 1: human beings we're going to focus on the negative is

488
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:09,120
Speaker 1: one hundred thousands I love you. That is like these

489
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,440
Speaker 1: and that's what we're hyper focused so on, like oh

490
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:14,240
Speaker 1: is Peter is so unhealthy? So I'm like, I just

491
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:16,399
Speaker 1: don't read the comments anymore, like I had to figure

492
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:19,320
Speaker 1: out what works for me, and like I just I

493
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:23,159
Speaker 1: just I don't even touch it, like I'm don't the

494
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:26,480
Speaker 1: shade room posts. I do not think that is so funny.

495
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:29,439
Speaker 1: If they post it about me, I'll go under and

496
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:31,959
Speaker 1: I'll just put like them emoji or like thank you

497
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:33,639
Speaker 1: or heart and I just get right out of it.

498
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:37,960
Speaker 1: I will not read a comment. And sometimes Brittany's here,

499
00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:40,560
Speaker 1: my sister would be like not the actually was saying

500
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:43,800
Speaker 1: good things about you, Like I'm like great, I just

501
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:46,520
Speaker 1: leave it alone, like I will not do it because

502
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:48,760
Speaker 1: you gotta know what works for you, good for you. You

503
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:49,560
Speaker 1: gotta know what works for you.

504
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,400
Speaker 2: But the thing too is it is like, especially when

505
00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:53,640
Speaker 2: we've been at this for so long, it's like it's

506
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:56,119
Speaker 2: hard because people want to compare you to an older

507
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 2: version of yourself. But sometimes I feel like women, whether

508
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:01,280
Speaker 2: you're in the public eye or not, women in general,

509
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:05,399
Speaker 2: we like we want to hold ourselves to a version

510
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:08,639
Speaker 2: of us. It's so funny because yesterday I had this

511
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:11,400
Speaker 2: little these shorts on. I was at Joe's house birthday

512
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:14,040
Speaker 2: and had these little shorts on, and a girl said

513
00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:17,359
Speaker 2: to me it was actually Christy jim Jones, like Christy

514
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:18,160
Speaker 2: was I had shorts.

515
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:19,800
Speaker 1: So she was like, you look cute. Those look good.

516
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:21,880
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, my legs right here if I could,

517
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:22,800
Speaker 1: and the thing, you.

518
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:26,960
Speaker 2: Know, and she was like, you not twenty five, those

519
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,199
Speaker 2: are good And the way she said it, I was like,

520
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,679
Speaker 2: because in my mind I wanted to look like the

521
00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:35,680
Speaker 2: same way they looked when I was twenty five.

522
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:37,960
Speaker 1: I understand that. And it was such a like a

523
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,040
Speaker 1: she just said it on subit you? You like, so

524
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:42,359
Speaker 1: what about You're not twenty five? Your legs look good?

525
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:45,400
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, all right.

526
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,399
Speaker 2: But we do that shitting to ourselves where we compare

527
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,359
Speaker 2: ourselves to a version of ourselves from ten years ago,

528
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:55,159
Speaker 2: twenty years ago, and it's really hard not to do that.

529
00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:57,040
Speaker 2: I just wonder for you, especially because you take a

530
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:58,479
Speaker 2: lot of photos.

531
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:00,400
Speaker 1: It's really hard not to do that. Everything you just said,

532
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:02,240
Speaker 1: it's hard not to do that. And sometimes in my

533
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:06,919
Speaker 1: mind I feel super young, so like in my bottom

534
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:09,680
Speaker 1: like why they're not handling me like I'm twenty five

535
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,679
Speaker 1: thirty years old? Like and I'm like, because you're not,

536
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:15,159
Speaker 1: like you know what I mean. But if you got

537
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,800
Speaker 1: to remind yourself, like because like you said, sometimes I'm

538
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:21,359
Speaker 1: stuck in that old version of me. So you do

539
00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:23,760
Speaker 1: deal with that. But that's why you have to get

540
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:27,000
Speaker 1: off of caring so much about what people say and think,

541
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 1: cause you'll be miserable every day. There's nothing you, I,

542
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:33,080
Speaker 1: or anyone could do that's gonna please everybody across the board.

543
00:25:33,119 --> 00:25:35,520
Speaker 1: There's not an outfit, there's not a makeup, there's not

544
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:37,960
Speaker 1: a hairstyle that it's going to be like they all

545
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:43,199
Speaker 1: loved it. It's never gonna happen. Oh my god. I

546
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:46,520
Speaker 1: just by the way, I just did a I don't know.

547
00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:47,760
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not to lead.

548
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:50,040
Speaker 2: I'm about to lean into some other shit right now

549
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:53,399
Speaker 2: because I just did. I just did a photo shoot

550
00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:55,880
Speaker 2: for so Far to collab with Timberland. So they asked

551
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:57,720
Speaker 2: me to come down and I was like, normally those

552
00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:00,600
Speaker 2: things you know how it is you go in you over.

553
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:01,919
Speaker 2: I don't want to way that. I don't like the

554
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:03,600
Speaker 2: way this riats to take me look fat? How does

555
00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:04,520
Speaker 2: it look when I sit here?

556
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,119
Speaker 1: This hair? Does this make me? Hair? Make me look older?

557
00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:09,359
Speaker 2: You know all that shit that we do to ourselves.

558
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:12,040
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm gonna go have fun. I just

559
00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:13,520
Speaker 2: had a different mentality.

560
00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:14,720
Speaker 1: I'm gonna put the.

561
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:16,400
Speaker 2: Crazy out for you want to put on right, Let's

562
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:19,280
Speaker 2: just see, let's just try it. Hey, guys, it's Angie.

563
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:21,320
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for watching the pod today.

564
00:26:21,359 --> 00:26:24,320
Speaker 1: We appreciate you. I cannot believe summer is over.

565
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:26,320
Speaker 2: We are in a new season, and for me that

566
00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:29,159
Speaker 2: means doing some updating in my house when the season changes.

567
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:32,320
Speaker 2: I like to do something fresh, even if it's something small.

568
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:34,639
Speaker 2: I was just saying recently, I just changed some of

569
00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:36,720
Speaker 2: the doorknobs in my home and that makes a really

570
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 2: big difference in the house.

571
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:41,119
Speaker 1: But also like storing things.

572
00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,119
Speaker 2: From last season that you're not gonna wear that stuff

573
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:46,600
Speaker 2: up your closet. They have great bins of all sizes

574
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:49,280
Speaker 2: at Wayfair. I'll get some bins that put stuff under

575
00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 2: the bedd I get some bins to just pack up

576
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:54,080
Speaker 2: seasonal clothes that I know I'm not gonna wear for

577
00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:57,320
Speaker 2: a long time. Very easy stuff to get at Wayfair. Also,

578
00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:59,760
Speaker 2: my son just went away to college. We got a

579
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:03,359
Speaker 2: lot of stuff for packing and storage there, and also

580
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:05,679
Speaker 2: I bought a few things to refresh the room so

581
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:07,320
Speaker 2: I could use it while he's gone. It's a little

582
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,280
Speaker 2: kind of place for me, so I got a new

583
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,760
Speaker 2: rug in there. It looks great. So yeah, Wayfair is

584
00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:13,520
Speaker 2: great for all of those type of things, and they

585
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:14,680
Speaker 2: have something for every room.

586
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:17,000
Speaker 1: They have something for every budget.

587
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:21,000
Speaker 2: Get organized, refreshed, and back to routine whatever your routine is.

588
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,480
Speaker 2: For way less at Wayfair, you can head to wayfair

589
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 2: dot com right now and shop all things home that's

590
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:31,399
Speaker 2: w a y fai r dot com. Wayfair every style,

591
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:34,040
Speaker 2: every home the dair style is wanted to put I

592
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 2: don't ever wear wigs. I wear extensions wigs and some

593
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:38,560
Speaker 2: people will love them.

594
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:40,080
Speaker 1: It's for me. I just it's not my thing.

595
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:41,960
Speaker 2: I never realized it was a wig girl, right, I

596
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:45,320
Speaker 2: will wear extension or I do clippings or something like that.

597
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:47,720
Speaker 2: They wanted to put me in a wig. I was like, Okay,

598
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:50,320
Speaker 2: fuck it, let's try it. They pulled up some photos

599
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:51,879
Speaker 2: of me from back in the day. They were like,

600
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:53,359
Speaker 2: you used to do this color, Let's try it.

601
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:54,920
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, fuck it, let's do it.

602
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:56,800
Speaker 2: And then they were putting me in clothes I would

603
00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:00,960
Speaker 2: never pick for myself, and it was I think it's

604
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:01,560
Speaker 2: really good.

605
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:04,679
Speaker 1: I'm like yeah, And everybody was like, oh, this is fire.

606
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 1: I gotta spot. I'll show you show why now, don't

607
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:11,560
Speaker 1: show you what now.

608
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:15,280
Speaker 2: But my point was just like you had to surrender.

609
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:18,160
Speaker 2: I had to surrender, and it was so much more fun.

610
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,040
Speaker 1: Yeah. And now, granted it could have gone bad. It

611
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:23,720
Speaker 1: could have, but I still had so much fun. Yeah.

612
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:29,800
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. It's like something I had

613
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:33,600
Speaker 1: gone loud. My god, it's like a whole production.

614
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:39,040
Speaker 2: You hear Brittany's voice in the background that they come out, okay,

615
00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:39,600
Speaker 2: here's cut.

616
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 1: Hold on, yeah, yes, why not right? How you hear this?

617
00:28:50,920 --> 00:28:53,480
Speaker 1: Your color? I love this?

618
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:55,680
Speaker 2: You know? No?

619
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:58,080
Speaker 1: But I had too much fun. But don't you love that?

620
00:28:58,240 --> 00:28:58,280
Speaker 2: No?

621
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 1: I had so much fun. I love that you just

622
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:04,600
Speaker 1: let yourself be free and experienced like I would never

623
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:09,200
Speaker 1: We don't know. Not the head though. I was like, mofu,

624
00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:14,840
Speaker 1: this not the hat? Oh yeah, the red hair, the

625
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 1: red orange anyway, point what stop? Get out of you?

626
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:22,800
Speaker 1: Please go. I just like your hair that color for sure.

627
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:24,880
Speaker 1: Point is is that it was like, let me just

628
00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:27,520
Speaker 1: go and lean in and have fun and like not

629
00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 1: micromanage or think about this isn't gonna work, or worry

630
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 1: about how it's gonna somebody else is gonna think it.

631
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:35,440
Speaker 1: Look that's what I mean. Should she be in that hair? Yeah?

632
00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:38,280
Speaker 1: Or what she just trying to look like he's twenty five?

633
00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:41,560
Speaker 2: Like, No, I didn't care, like I just and honestly,

634
00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:43,600
Speaker 2: it's a testament to the energy on set.

635
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 1: Have you ever met tell phar Yeah, and I have.

636
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:49,680
Speaker 1: You know his energy is beautiful maybe yeah, yeah, so like,

637
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:52,400
Speaker 1: and he just made you feel confident, and everybody in

638
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:55,040
Speaker 1: the room was super like just it was good energy

639
00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:57,080
Speaker 1: and sometimes you just gotta lean into the energy of

640
00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:57,560
Speaker 1: a space.

641
00:29:57,640 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 2: I love that And so yeah, I went a little

642
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:01,080
Speaker 2: bit out of my comfort zone. But I had so

643
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 2: much fun. I told him I'm start dressing like this

644
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:07,920
Speaker 2: old not but like I'm just gonna start just wearing good.

645
00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:10,600
Speaker 1: So I can't wait for this that's dropping soon. I

646
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:13,240
Speaker 1: can't wait. I can't wait. So cool that I can't

647
00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:14,440
Speaker 1: wait do you do stuff like that?

648
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:16,480
Speaker 2: Off, it was the last time you leaned into something

649
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 2: that is completely out of character for you.

650
00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:22,600
Speaker 1: I would say, like a lot of times with the

651
00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:25,840
Speaker 1: wigs and stuff with arrogant ay, he's always like, no,

652
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:27,680
Speaker 1: you about to try this, We're doing this, and he

653
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:29,840
Speaker 1: doesn't even give me a choice. There's not even a conversation,

654
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:31,760
Speaker 1: like you're putting this on, and then afterwards, I'm like,

655
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:34,880
Speaker 1: with ice blue hair, something crazy, but I'm like, I

656
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:37,640
Speaker 1: like it, Like it just feels fun and freeing, and

657
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:39,920
Speaker 1: like I'm out it. He's like, if you wear another

658
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:43,640
Speaker 1: fucking ponytail, half a half down, Like I'm sick of

659
00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:46,160
Speaker 1: seeing that look half a bad dab. I'm sick of

660
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:49,000
Speaker 1: seeing that. Like I'm like, all right, So he's the

661
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:51,840
Speaker 1: person that pushes me out of my comfort zone just

662
00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:53,880
Speaker 1: to have fun and try different things.

663
00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:56,400
Speaker 2: But part of that also is it's having people that

664
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:59,640
Speaker 2: push you, which is great, but also it's like allowing

665
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:03,400
Speaker 2: yourself self, Yeah, be free because because you have to

666
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:05,840
Speaker 2: do like what you said, you have to not care

667
00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:08,320
Speaker 2: about the outside, because if you live your life on

668
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:11,680
Speaker 2: how the outside is perceived, you don't even allow yourself

669
00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:12,120
Speaker 2: to be free.

670
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:13,680
Speaker 1: I don't even allow yourself to be free. And like

671
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:16,280
Speaker 1: I said, this industry makes you feel like after a

672
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:18,960
Speaker 1: certain age, like what do he wants to be doing?

673
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:21,800
Speaker 1: Like turtlenecket, Like what do we like after so like

674
00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:25,200
Speaker 1: why she's she's a mom? She's like what does that mean?

675
00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 1: Like you can't lean into your sexiness, you can't be free,

676
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:30,560
Speaker 1: you can't have fun, Like I just never understood that.

677
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:32,760
Speaker 1: But it starts. Yeah, it's like nah, fuck that, Like

678
00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be who I am? Word love that for you. Yeah,

679
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:38,200
Speaker 1: I can't wait, d see my whole Shoot, that's how

680
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:38,920
Speaker 1: I can't wait.

681
00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 2: Oh, we should talk about this work that you're doing

682
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:42,320
Speaker 2: with reform.

683
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,120
Speaker 1: Years ago I did a panel.

684
00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:46,080
Speaker 2: It was actually the Obama administration brought me in to

685
00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:48,560
Speaker 2: speak at this reform panel. That was my introduction to

686
00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:51,600
Speaker 2: the space. And I wasn't as educated as I wish

687
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:53,200
Speaker 2: I had been for a long time. I mean, I

688
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:55,000
Speaker 2: knew the system, right, I knew a lot of things,

689
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:57,560
Speaker 2: but I just learned a lot when I went in

690
00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:59,800
Speaker 2: for that, And I made a lot of friends in

691
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:03,520
Speaker 2: this And I think what has what drew me to

692
00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:06,480
Speaker 2: it is the idea of redemption.

693
00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:07,600
Speaker 1: I believe in it.

694
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:09,840
Speaker 2: You know, and so I think a lot of times

695
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:11,720
Speaker 2: people get thrown away, and they get thrown a system,

696
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:13,960
Speaker 2: and then the system's not set up for them to

697
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:18,160
Speaker 2: bounce back or to help them at all anyway. So

698
00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:20,160
Speaker 2: when I see this work that you're doing, I'm like, Wow,

699
00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:20,880
Speaker 2: that's super dope.

700
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:23,280
Speaker 1: But yeah, so for me it was. You know, the

701
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:26,480
Speaker 1: name of my program is three sixty and we're based

702
00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:28,960
Speaker 1: in Rikers Island. We're in the R and DC Building,

703
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 1: which is a building that houses the younger population, so

704
00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:34,680
Speaker 1: young men ages eighteen or twenty one. So for me,

705
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 1: I always felt more connected to that age group because

706
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:41,560
Speaker 1: of Cayenne, Like I felt like these are Kyanne's friends,

707
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:43,360
Speaker 1: it's peers, like I can talk to them the way

708
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:45,480
Speaker 1: I talked to Kyen, And I felt like at that

709
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:49,120
Speaker 1: age there was still a chance to change the mentality,

710
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:52,080
Speaker 1: change the way of thinking. So we run a program

711
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:55,080
Speaker 1: inside Rikers Island. We go in there like twice a

712
00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:59,120
Speaker 1: week with mentorship, how to conduct yourself in a job, interview,

713
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:03,479
Speaker 1: just self esteem, anything you could think of. We're tackling it.

714
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:05,440
Speaker 1: And then when the guys are released, some of them

715
00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:08,440
Speaker 1: have to go, you know, upstate to do a significant

716
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:10,040
Speaker 1: amount of time. But the ones that are able to

717
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 1: come home, we set them up with jobs, we help

718
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:14,600
Speaker 1: them with housing, like anything that they need, and we've

719
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:18,200
Speaker 1: seen so much incredible success and to me, like that's

720
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:23,160
Speaker 1: the most fulfilling work for me. Like and I myself

721
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:26,640
Speaker 1: am going into Rikers Island all the time, Like there's

722
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 1: never been someone that spend more time in Rikers Island

723
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:31,440
Speaker 1: on the outside than I have. Like I'm there. They'll

724
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:33,360
Speaker 1: tell you we see lat here all the time. It's

725
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:36,800
Speaker 1: just like that's become you know, take bridge over there,

726
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:39,920
Speaker 1: you take that little bridge, that bridge of like here

727
00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:43,560
Speaker 1: we go and going there and just seeing the work

728
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:46,600
Speaker 1: that's happening is so like powerful. What's the best story

729
00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:49,880
Speaker 1: you have from that? So I don't know. Best story

730
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:52,800
Speaker 1: I have is a kid name we call him Rondo's

731
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:56,200
Speaker 1: name is Michael. He was incarcerated Rikers Island and I

732
00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:58,480
Speaker 1: remember he was in my program, and I was like,

733
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:01,280
Speaker 1: there's just something like you always know when it's something different.

734
00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:03,840
Speaker 1: They're all special, but you always know when there's something

735
00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:06,680
Speaker 1: a little bit different. And I called Jessica Jackson from

736
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:09,680
Speaker 1: Reform a Line who works with Michael Rubin, and I said,

737
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:11,200
Speaker 1: you got to come in here and see this kid,

738
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:13,439
Speaker 1: like this is different. So she came with me, met

739
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:15,759
Speaker 1: with him and said, when you get out, I'm going

740
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:18,080
Speaker 1: to have a job for you, Like there's something so

741
00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:21,280
Speaker 1: special about you. He got out on a Thursday. That Monday,

742
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:25,400
Speaker 1: he started at Reform. Who's you know, Jay Meek, Michael Rubin,

743
00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:27,680
Speaker 1: all of them he started at Reform. Now he's the

744
00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:31,560
Speaker 1: head of their entire gen Z division, pushing for policy

745
00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:34,240
Speaker 1: change all over the United States. Has spoken on panels

746
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:37,080
Speaker 1: with Kim and little Baby and Michael Rubin and it

747
00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:41,080
Speaker 1: just got a full scholarship to Columbia University. Like it's incredible.

748
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:44,040
Speaker 1: And when I saw him, he was a former gang member,

749
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:46,520
Speaker 1: like just defeated, didn't know what he was doing with

750
00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:48,640
Speaker 1: his life. So to see him now, I see him

751
00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:50,600
Speaker 1: all the time, Like he spends Christmases with me and

752
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:53,879
Speaker 1: my family Thanksgivings, like he's just part of our family now.

753
00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:56,680
Speaker 1: But to see how his life has just changed, that's

754
00:34:56,760 --> 00:35:00,960
Speaker 1: like one of my most successful, powerful stories. That's beautiful.

755
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:01,759
Speaker 1: Love that.

756
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:05,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, Dad makes the comments section feel a little less

757
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:07,560
Speaker 2: right exactly.

758
00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:10,160
Speaker 1: It's like, come on, we all here doing real work,

759
00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:13,239
Speaker 1: like changing lives, and you know, even for the kids

760
00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:15,839
Speaker 1: that unfortunately have you know, I have eighteen year olds

761
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:18,400
Speaker 1: facing life and the kids that have to go upstate,

762
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 1: Like I always feel like I hope even if they

763
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:24,360
Speaker 1: kept a little piece of what I told them or

764
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:27,320
Speaker 1: taught them or whatever, like, as they continue on their journey,

765
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:29,200
Speaker 1: I feel like I did my job because unfortunately a

766
00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:30,920
Speaker 1: lot of them don't get the opportunity to come out.

767
00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:33,719
Speaker 1: I got kids fifteen years, twenty years. The numbers in

768
00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:36,160
Speaker 1: my mind just keep getting bigger, Like it's very rare

769
00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:38,040
Speaker 1: I meet someone that's like, I got a year, I

770
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:39,600
Speaker 1: got two years. It's like to the point now of

771
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:41,040
Speaker 1: a kid tells me, you know, I got eight years,

772
00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:43,279
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, that's all right, Like you could do that.

773
00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:46,279
Speaker 1: Like eight years feels like a small number now because

774
00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:49,399
Speaker 1: everything is double digits and that. But I always feel

775
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:51,600
Speaker 1: like even when they go and leave the program, because

776
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,960
Speaker 1: I try to still keep in touch with them upstate,

777
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:55,920
Speaker 1: like and they'll repeace stuff to me, like when you

778
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:57,719
Speaker 1: told me that, that just stuck with me, and I'm

779
00:35:57,719 --> 00:36:00,560
Speaker 1: like wow, Like it's the littlest things times you don't

780
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:03,000
Speaker 1: even think makes an impact on somebody that really does.

781
00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:04,960
Speaker 1: How many kids are in the program, so generally we

782
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:07,560
Speaker 1: have like fifteen or twenty at a time because it's

783
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:10,440
Speaker 1: a smaller group. But you know they're constantly rotating in

784
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:12,560
Speaker 1: and out when they go upstate or new people come in.

785
00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:16,120
Speaker 1: So but fifteen or twenty at a time, that's beautiful. Man. Yeah, wow,

786
00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:18,239
Speaker 1: wow wow, Yeah, you gotta come up there. I will

787
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:20,480
Speaker 1: allow you that we talked about. I just said a date.

788
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 1: Let's listen it. I would love love for you to Yeah,

789
00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:25,200
Speaker 1: I would love that. Yeah, that would be great on

790
00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:27,920
Speaker 1: the little bus that goes Aquosy. I've been up to

791
00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:29,239
Speaker 1: records a lot of times. I did I used.

792
00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:31,920
Speaker 2: I've done a lot of time with the women with women. Yeahs,

793
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:33,000
Speaker 2: I would love that.

794
00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:36,239
Speaker 1: She just set that up. Okay, good, Okay? In real life?

795
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:39,600
Speaker 1: Should we do the bowl is boll time? That's fun.

796
00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:41,839
Speaker 2: I have a bowl of questions in the bowl la

797
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:45,000
Speaker 2: la oh god these are in real life.

798
00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:50,359
Speaker 1: Question here we go? Okay, I don't know? Am I? Oh?

799
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:52,279
Speaker 1: I like this? What is it when I walk in

800
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:56,000
Speaker 1: a room. I want people to feel blank when I

801
00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:58,360
Speaker 1: walk in a room, I want people to feel happy,

802
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,680
Speaker 1: like I just want to be that person at like

803
00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:03,399
Speaker 1: when people see me, it's like happiness like, oh, there's

804
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:05,440
Speaker 1: a lot like they're happy about it. I think you

805
00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:07,759
Speaker 1: do that, Thank you, I try. I think you do that.

806
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:10,040
Speaker 1: I think people are genuinely happy to see. Let's do

807
00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:13,440
Speaker 1: what more? Okay more, let me see. Uh, if you

808
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:18,120
Speaker 1: could instantly master any skill, what would it be? And

809
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:20,200
Speaker 1: I don't know, you know what's funny, I don't know

810
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:22,600
Speaker 1: if this is a skill. But you're going to be

811
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:27,359
Speaker 1: surprised by his answer. Okay, I'm excited love. Oh if

812
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:30,120
Speaker 1: I can master that, I should I'll be perfect. But

813
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:33,359
Speaker 1: if I can master that, all right, I'll be perfect. Well,

814
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:36,120
Speaker 1: let's be honest, is that a skill? No? I was

815
00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:39,719
Speaker 1: going to ask, how many people do you know that

816
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 1: have mastered love? I don't think anyone's mastered it. I

817
00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:48,120
Speaker 1: don't think anyone's ever mastered it. But I do you know,

818
00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:50,480
Speaker 1: there was a time where I felt like I didn't

819
00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:54,640
Speaker 1: really know or see people that were happy with love.

820
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:57,360
Speaker 1: That has changed, like now I do feel like I

821
00:37:57,880 --> 00:38:00,399
Speaker 1: didn't really have ever have examples of that girling up.

822
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:03,160
Speaker 1: But I do have examples of that now, like where

823
00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:06,280
Speaker 1: I could look at certain relationships like no, they're actually

824
00:38:06,320 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 1: like genuinely happy, like this is a good well, what

825
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:10,360
Speaker 1: do they do? How do they get it right? Like,

826
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:12,400
Speaker 1: what is the thing? Have you figured that out? Well?

827
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:15,919
Speaker 1: I just thought to see her about all ye's super happy, Yeah,

828
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:19,640
Speaker 1: super and like got it right. And definitely if you

829
00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:21,840
Speaker 1: were to ask her, she would say, you know, it's

830
00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:25,040
Speaker 1: primarily because God is at the center of their relationship

831
00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:27,920
Speaker 1: and date nights and putting each other first and communication

832
00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:30,000
Speaker 1: all of those things. When you have to find someone

833
00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:34,279
Speaker 1: that's equally yoked with you in that sense. I still

834
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:36,200
Speaker 1: think it's it's it's always going to be work. It's

835
00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:39,880
Speaker 1: never like a care free kind of thing. But I

836
00:38:39,880 --> 00:38:43,080
Speaker 1: would just like, I don't know, you never master it.

837
00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:45,719
Speaker 1: Maybe you can better at it. That's so funny because

838
00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:48,600
Speaker 1: we just our last guests, we had Asia and Israel here.

839
00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:52,960
Speaker 1: I saw that and they same thing. They got it right.

840
00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:55,120
Speaker 1: They're so happy and really happy.

841
00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:58,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, you could tell. And God is at the center

842
00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:00,600
Speaker 2: of it. They make time for check in.

843
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:03,600
Speaker 1: Date night nights, all the things.

844
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:06,440
Speaker 2: There are some threads that when you speak with people

845
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:08,320
Speaker 2: who have gotten it right and are truly happy.

846
00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:11,120
Speaker 1: And yesterday the trainer I was telling you about, the

847
00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:13,560
Speaker 1: one that keeps me going to them. She got married yesterday,

848
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:15,080
Speaker 1: which is so crazy that I went to her wedding

849
00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:18,839
Speaker 1: and even the vows, everything was God at the center

850
00:39:18,880 --> 00:39:20,520
Speaker 1: of everything, Like this is the first time I went

851
00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:23,279
Speaker 1: to a wedding where they washed each other's feet and

852
00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:24,640
Speaker 1: like did it all. And I was like, wow, this

853
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:28,360
Speaker 1: is different. But God at the center. God at the

854
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:29,719
Speaker 1: center every single time.

855
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:32,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure, it's funny we're talking about because we

856
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:34,759
Speaker 2: talking about Adrian and that whole thing. We also had

857
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:38,640
Speaker 2: Evonne who was telling the story about meeting her husband

858
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:41,480
Speaker 2: and the state that she had to be in because

859
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:44,000
Speaker 2: she said she had stopped dating because she was tired

860
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:45,799
Speaker 2: of like the guys and she's like, I was living

861
00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:48,000
Speaker 2: in LA and the guys were like, you know, I

862
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:50,200
Speaker 2: like you, you like me. Let's see how this goes.

863
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:54,440
Speaker 1: Situation ships, right, situation, and she just was like over it.

864
00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:57,480
Speaker 2: She was like, I wanted something grown up. I wanted

865
00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:00,319
Speaker 2: something real, And so she had to make it. She

866
00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:03,000
Speaker 2: had to make a decision to shift, and so she

867
00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:06,000
Speaker 2: just shut everything down. And then she met him and

868
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:08,799
Speaker 2: she said she reverted. She went back to like when

869
00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:10,160
Speaker 2: he first called it, she was like, you know, cause

870
00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 2: I'm seeing some few people and he was like, all right,

871
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:16,000
Speaker 2: we'll call me when that changes, she was like.

872
00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:21,399
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, o man, right, okay, growl man.

873
00:40:21,719 --> 00:40:24,160
Speaker 2: But I think I think there's something too that, like

874
00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:26,839
Speaker 2: making a decision for the type of love you want

875
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:29,319
Speaker 2: in your life so that you set the.

876
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:31,600
Speaker 1: Sierra always talks about that. She does this is my

877
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:34,239
Speaker 1: guru for all. She always talks about like she's just

878
00:40:34,239 --> 00:40:37,560
Speaker 1: like you have to envision it, like every part of it,

879
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:39,480
Speaker 1: like how you want it to be, what you wanted

880
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:41,720
Speaker 1: to look like, like you have to write it down.

881
00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:43,719
Speaker 1: You have to like feel it, like you have to

882
00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:48,279
Speaker 1: like it. She really like steps into that. Do you

883
00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:49,719
Speaker 1: feel like you're going to get this right?

884
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:52,200
Speaker 2: You had to put money on yourself if you had

885
00:40:52,239 --> 00:40:55,040
Speaker 2: to bet on yourself, you were outside betting on law.

886
00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:58,759
Speaker 1: Do you think you're going to get this right? I

887
00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:05,399
Speaker 1: think that I have to believe that I am. The

888
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:07,799
Speaker 1: only way to get it right is to believe that

889
00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:10,880
Speaker 1: I can and that I will. Otherwise what am I

890
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:13,080
Speaker 1: doing it for? Like just to fail?

891
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:13,279
Speaker 2: Like?

892
00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:16,200
Speaker 1: What am I doing it for? I have to believe that? So, yes,

893
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:22,920
Speaker 1: what do you think it will take from you? From me? Uh?

894
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:26,279
Speaker 2: Because we always think about what the person has to

895
00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:28,200
Speaker 2: do the other person? Yeah, like yeah, the person has

896
00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:29,640
Speaker 2: to do, but we don't always talk. Yeah, I think

897
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:30,839
Speaker 2: what would we have? Yeah?

898
00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:33,120
Speaker 1: No, And I have thought about that because when you

899
00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:36,239
Speaker 1: know things didn't work out in my marriage, you have

900
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:40,680
Speaker 1: to look at things and take accountability, like for whatever

901
00:41:40,719 --> 00:41:42,319
Speaker 1: you could have done better. You know, you have to

902
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:45,080
Speaker 1: look at the whole thing. It's funny. I think I

903
00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:47,920
Speaker 1: saw your interview with uh Tiana. She was talking a

904
00:41:47,920 --> 00:41:52,840
Speaker 1: little bit about that. But for me, I think the balance,

905
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:57,759
Speaker 1: the balance, the balance of like being okay with it's

906
00:41:57,800 --> 00:41:59,880
Speaker 1: not even like putting somebody else before me, but like

907
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:04,600
Speaker 1: the balance like where they feel like a priority or

908
00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:07,520
Speaker 1: they are a priority, and it's not after work and

909
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:10,080
Speaker 1: after this and after that. You know, I think that

910
00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:13,839
Speaker 1: that's probably something I can be better at in real life.

911
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:16,799
Speaker 2: This might be tricky because of this actual moment that

912
00:42:16,840 --> 00:42:18,920
Speaker 2: you're in, but in real life, how happy are you

913
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:20,160
Speaker 2: on a scale of one to ten?

914
00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:24,360
Speaker 1: Generally? Maybe not right now because of Cayenne leaving. Generally

915
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:28,759
Speaker 1: I would say I'm a strong eight. Yeah, I would

916
00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:31,279
Speaker 1: say a strong eight, A strong eight. I would love

917
00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:33,759
Speaker 1: to be at ten, but I'm a strong usually a

918
00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:36,640
Speaker 1: eight eight, like I can live and they're talking about

919
00:42:36,719 --> 00:42:42,839
Speaker 1: right now today today, today, I'm like at a five,

920
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:46,320
Speaker 1: at a five, but only because of what's happening with Cayenne.

921
00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:48,600
Speaker 1: It's not like I feel like my life is bad

922
00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:51,520
Speaker 1: or yeah, I'm just like that's the reason. It's like

923
00:42:51,560 --> 00:42:54,359
Speaker 1: that our kid, like the Cayenne thing. You missed your son.

924
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:57,879
Speaker 1: I missed him so much. That's okay, so much any

925
00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:00,160
Speaker 1: mother can understand. Yes, And it doesn't mean that the

926
00:43:00,160 --> 00:43:02,840
Speaker 1: parts of my life aren't great and amazing or that

927
00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:06,800
Speaker 1: you're not grateful for those Exactly, yeah, exactly. How often

928
00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:09,640
Speaker 1: in real life, how often do you think about your legacy?

929
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:16,360
Speaker 1: That's a great question. I won't say I think about

930
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:20,000
Speaker 1: it often. I feel like I think about it the

931
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:24,359
Speaker 1: most when I am doing the prison reform work. Like

932
00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:28,000
Speaker 1: I'm sitting there like these kids, these young men are

933
00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:31,520
Speaker 1: like hanging on to my every word, Like if I

934
00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:33,480
Speaker 1: say this is how it is, they really believe that

935
00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:36,240
Speaker 1: this is how it is, and there's such a responsibility

936
00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:38,320
Speaker 1: that comes with that. And I don't take that lightly.

937
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:40,720
Speaker 1: I don't take that for granted. So in those moments,

938
00:43:40,719 --> 00:43:44,920
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm really leaving a legacy that these kids

939
00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:47,839
Speaker 1: could say I impacted and affected their life in this way,

940
00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:51,640
Speaker 1: like it's a big deal to me. So in those moments,

941
00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:55,040
Speaker 1: I'm like, Wow, this is powerful work and not that

942
00:43:55,120 --> 00:43:57,600
Speaker 1: my other work isn't, but like entertaining is cool, but

943
00:43:57,680 --> 00:44:02,120
Speaker 1: this is like people's lives and like you helping them

944
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:04,640
Speaker 1: with direction in their life. It's just that's when I

945
00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:05,640
Speaker 1: think about legacy.

946
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:10,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, my brain just went tend different places because I wonder,

947
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:12,120
Speaker 2: because I know Kim does a lot of reform work,

948
00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:13,200
Speaker 2: have you brought her down at all?

949
00:44:13,280 --> 00:44:15,000
Speaker 1: And then I thought could she be at Riker's? And

950
00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:17,720
Speaker 1: that be crazy, like does she could come to Rikers?

951
00:44:17,719 --> 00:44:19,600
Speaker 1: She hasn't come yet with me, but she could come

952
00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:20,839
Speaker 1: to write. I don't mean that in any way.

953
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:24,000
Speaker 2: It's just that and this is a whole other topic.

954
00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:26,120
Speaker 2: It's like there's like levels of fame.

955
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:28,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it's a real No, no, it's a real thing.

956
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:31,160
Speaker 1: It's a real thing. It's a real life, like understand

957
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:32,000
Speaker 1: what you can do.

958
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:37,520
Speaker 2: It's that's not only it's safe and not just for

959
00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 2: yourself but for other people even.

960
00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:42,680
Speaker 1: Like you have to move 're moving around. Yes, it's

961
00:44:42,840 --> 00:44:46,399
Speaker 1: end of different. It's different. No, it's really different. It's different. Yes,

962
00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:49,239
Speaker 1: it is levels you're right, but she can come to

963
00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:52,880
Speaker 1: Rikers and has been super interested in coming and support it.

964
00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:54,759
Speaker 1: We just got to get her out here and in there.

965
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:58,399
Speaker 1: But she does a lot of you know, reform work

966
00:44:58,440 --> 00:45:00,840
Speaker 1: as well, and you know, with her becoming a lawyer,

967
00:45:00,920 --> 00:45:03,879
Speaker 1: now there's so many things that I can ask her

968
00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:07,200
Speaker 1: from a legal perspective, like with certain people's cases, like

969
00:45:07,239 --> 00:45:09,120
Speaker 1: what does this mean? And like she knows, like he

970
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:11,440
Speaker 1: really knows. He's like, okay, this is that. This is

971
00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:14,000
Speaker 1: how you translate that. I'm like, this is like my

972
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:16,520
Speaker 1: own like pocket lawyer that I got all the time,

973
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:19,000
Speaker 1: which is incredible. So it is so helpful. What are

974
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:24,480
Speaker 1: you most proud about of yourself? I'm most proud of

975
00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:29,000
Speaker 1: you that I the things that I've went through and

976
00:45:29,040 --> 00:45:33,840
Speaker 1: that I still here, I still could have a positive

977
00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:37,799
Speaker 1: outlook on life, love, relationships, whatever it is, despite what

978
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 1: you know I went through, Like a lot of that

979
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:42,880
Speaker 1: stuff could harden somebody, could make somebody really bitter, like

980
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:45,520
Speaker 1: I never allowed that to happen. I remember speaking of

981
00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:47,920
Speaker 1: friends like Sierra. I remember one day I did an

982
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:50,080
Speaker 1: interview I think it was with like Charlemagne and they

983
00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:51,600
Speaker 1: were like, you know, would you ever get married again?

984
00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:54,200
Speaker 1: And I was like no, like I'm never getting married again.

985
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:56,319
Speaker 1: It's not for me. And she called me and was like,

986
00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:01,080
Speaker 1: stop saying that, Like words have so much power, like

987
00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:04,000
Speaker 1: stop putting it out there, like whatever God has meant

988
00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:06,560
Speaker 1: for you, it's gonna be like stop saying that, like

989
00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:10,799
Speaker 1: so definitely like and she checked me in a real way,

990
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:12,680
Speaker 1: in a loving way, but in a real way, and

991
00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:15,239
Speaker 1: I had to stop and think, like she's right. And

992
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:18,120
Speaker 1: since then, I've stopped saying that, like I don't know

993
00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:19,880
Speaker 1: what the future holds for me. I don't know what

994
00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:22,839
Speaker 1: it's gonna be, but I'm not gonna put that out there.

995
00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:26,640
Speaker 1: And understanding how much power our words have on us

996
00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:30,439
Speaker 1: and how we approach certain things. And she really gave

997
00:46:30,480 --> 00:46:31,919
Speaker 1: me an understanding.

998
00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:34,560
Speaker 2: Of that, probably protecting yourself too, yeah, just guarding yourself.

999
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:37,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's I was like, man, I want I

1000
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:41,759
Speaker 1: was like, ah, we skim over that. But it's like

1001
00:46:42,640 --> 00:46:43,600
Speaker 1: people don't realize that.

1002
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:46,080
Speaker 2: I've always said this, like people don't talk about how

1003
00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:49,160
Speaker 2: bad and we don't prepare ourselves to like heartbreak.

1004
00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:52,040
Speaker 1: It's how you was like nobody told us.

1005
00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:55,239
Speaker 2: Nobody told me as a mom, I'm gonna miss my kids,

1006
00:46:55,200 --> 00:46:57,200
Speaker 2: and that I feel like for young people, you get

1007
00:46:57,239 --> 00:47:00,760
Speaker 2: into bad relationships or you or a marriage that doesn't

1008
00:47:00,800 --> 00:47:05,400
Speaker 2: work out, Like how challenging that could be to your life.

1009
00:47:05,400 --> 00:47:07,239
Speaker 2: And we hear it heartbreak, and we know people have

1010
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:09,640
Speaker 2: gone to jail for it, they've murdered for it or whatever,

1011
00:47:09,719 --> 00:47:14,440
Speaker 2: but like really like the depths of that feeling of like,

1012
00:47:14,760 --> 00:47:18,080
Speaker 2: I'm sure there's moments after everything that happened that you

1013
00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:20,359
Speaker 2: probably didn't want to get up off of floor.

1014
00:47:20,520 --> 00:47:22,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course, the hardest part of my life. And

1015
00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:24,799
Speaker 1: then playing it out publicly, so then you have that

1016
00:47:24,880 --> 00:47:28,400
Speaker 1: part like to where they're watching it she looks as

1017
00:47:28,480 --> 00:47:31,120
Speaker 1: she looks depressed, like they're watching everything. So then you

1018
00:47:31,160 --> 00:47:34,800
Speaker 1: have like the fake smile like no, I'm good, everything's okay,

1019
00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:37,200
Speaker 1: and you're like fucking dying inside and you're just like,

1020
00:47:37,520 --> 00:47:42,280
Speaker 1: I'm all right, But it is. It is incredibly you know, hard,

1021
00:47:42,400 --> 00:47:46,319
Speaker 1: incredibly hard, But what are you gonna do? You got

1022
00:47:46,320 --> 00:47:49,040
Speaker 1: to push forward, like every day a little bit, a

1023
00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:53,319
Speaker 1: little bit stronger, stronger, stronger, until you get past it.

1024
00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:57,160
Speaker 1: And there are days could be years later where it'll

1025
00:47:57,280 --> 00:47:59,440
Speaker 1: something will just hit you and it'll just hurt or

1026
00:47:59,480 --> 00:48:01,600
Speaker 1: you remind you of something because nobody gets me. I

1027
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:04,760
Speaker 1: always says, nobody gets married with the thought of getting divorced.

1028
00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:07,239
Speaker 1: You don't marry somebody thinking I'm gonna get divorced. You

1029
00:48:07,239 --> 00:48:09,120
Speaker 1: marry somebody thinking that's who are gonna be with for

1030
00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:10,640
Speaker 1: the rest of your life. And this is your life.

1031
00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:13,640
Speaker 1: Someone that changes, It's like, oh, what do I do now?

1032
00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:15,920
Speaker 1: I wasn't prepared for this. This is not what I

1033
00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:18,600
Speaker 1: thought was gonna happen. But you have to and you

1034
00:48:18,640 --> 00:48:20,399
Speaker 1: and you have to keep going. You got to live.

1035
00:48:20,480 --> 00:48:23,280
Speaker 1: You have a child or women out there with children

1036
00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:25,560
Speaker 1: like you got to keep going. And you're not the

1037
00:48:25,560 --> 00:48:28,239
Speaker 1: first person. By the way, Gee, well, my mom tells

1038
00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:31,480
Speaker 1: me all the time, you know, I know, my moll

1039
00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:34,240
Speaker 1: tells you all the time, like all the like during

1040
00:48:34,280 --> 00:48:35,680
Speaker 1: when it was going to like and you won't be

1041
00:48:35,719 --> 00:48:38,360
Speaker 1: the last. I'm like, my damn you, Like you're not

1042
00:48:38,400 --> 00:48:40,399
Speaker 1: the person. You won't be the last. I'm like, all right,

1043
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:43,360
Speaker 1: So you just watching you guys like do an interview

1044
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:46,440
Speaker 1: with your son at this point, right, like, yeah, you

1045
00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:48,600
Speaker 1: got you did something right, you got something right, and

1046
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:51,359
Speaker 1: I'm and I'm proud of that. I'm proud of that.

1047
00:48:51,440 --> 00:48:54,600
Speaker 1: And if that's what that was supposed to be, then

1048
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:55,960
Speaker 1: we did a hell of a job at that.

1049
00:48:56,440 --> 00:48:58,399
Speaker 2: What is the number one thing you could what the

1050
00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:00,640
Speaker 2: number one advice you could give this someone who's on

1051
00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:02,279
Speaker 2: the other side of the divorce or going through it

1052
00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:04,960
Speaker 2: and starting the journey of co parenting.

1053
00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:09,319
Speaker 1: It does get better. It is hard, you know in

1054
00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:13,359
Speaker 1: the beginning. But just remember every single thing you do,

1055
00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:16,840
Speaker 1: your kid is watching and looking at that and forming

1056
00:49:16,840 --> 00:49:21,799
Speaker 1: their own ideas and opinions about how parents should be.

1057
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:24,760
Speaker 1: A relationship are or love is, and I never wanted

1058
00:49:24,800 --> 00:49:28,480
Speaker 1: Cayenne to have like a messed up view or version

1059
00:49:28,520 --> 00:49:30,200
Speaker 1: of that. It's like it didn't work out, but we

1060
00:49:30,280 --> 00:49:33,080
Speaker 1: still are family. We still love you, We still love

1061
00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:34,719
Speaker 1: each other, and we're going to be there for you

1062
00:49:34,800 --> 00:49:37,280
Speaker 1: no matter what. That was so important to the both

1063
00:49:37,280 --> 00:49:40,240
Speaker 1: of us that he saw that because how we acted

1064
00:49:40,360 --> 00:49:43,000
Speaker 1: was going to affect how he is in relationships. He's

1065
00:49:43,040 --> 00:49:45,560
Speaker 1: eighteen now having his he has a girlfriend. Now you know,

1066
00:49:45,719 --> 00:49:48,600
Speaker 1: do exactly doing his own thing. Like we wanted to

1067
00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:50,799
Speaker 1: be a good example when it came to that. So

1068
00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:53,719
Speaker 1: just remember the kids are watching everything.

1069
00:49:54,160 --> 00:49:57,640
Speaker 2: How you dealing with the girlfriend? How's that this first girlfriend?

1070
00:49:57,719 --> 00:49:59,560
Speaker 2: He has a girlfriend? Yes, he has a girlfriend. How's

1071
00:49:59,560 --> 00:50:00,560
Speaker 2: that first how's that going.

1072
00:50:00,640 --> 00:50:02,960
Speaker 1: It's going well. I really like her. I think he's

1073
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:06,080
Speaker 1: made a great choice. I'm just like, we're here now.

1074
00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:12,279
Speaker 1: My kid has a girlfriend. His first girlfriend is like

1075
00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:14,920
Speaker 1: but like girlfriend where it's like, Mom, this is my girlfriend,

1076
00:50:14,960 --> 00:50:17,000
Speaker 1: and like brought her home to meet me. Yes, this

1077
00:50:17,040 --> 00:50:19,239
Speaker 1: is the first time. How did that go on the

1078
00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:22,200
Speaker 1: first meeting? It wasn't great? It wasn't great. I mean,

1079
00:50:22,280 --> 00:50:24,880
Speaker 1: she's a great girl. He seems super I think is

1080
00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:28,600
Speaker 1: if he's happy. I'm happy, Like he seems happy, she's great.

1081
00:50:28,680 --> 00:50:30,920
Speaker 1: Like i'd be like, who is you? Yes see No,

1082
00:50:31,080 --> 00:50:34,200
Speaker 1: I'm like I'm like, yeah, you know, I'm just what

1083
00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:38,200
Speaker 1: are you thinking? Let me see who this girl? Attention? Okay,

1084
00:50:38,280 --> 00:50:40,359
Speaker 1: I think I know I don't always have it right,

1085
00:50:40,400 --> 00:50:42,399
Speaker 1: but I think I know some of the signs are

1086
00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:45,640
Speaker 1: like the red flags and haven't seen that? Thank God?

1087
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:48,400
Speaker 1: Thank God? All right, before we go, last I r

1088
00:50:48,520 --> 00:50:51,239
Speaker 1: L question, Oh not from the ball? Yeah, take the ball?

1089
00:50:51,360 --> 00:50:57,680
Speaker 2: Okay, take it from the ball? Okay, okay, pick whichever

1090
00:50:57,719 --> 00:51:01,160
Speaker 2: one you want to that resonates. Wow, it was a

1091
00:51:01,200 --> 00:51:02,520
Speaker 2: good One's questions?

1092
00:51:02,640 --> 00:51:04,200
Speaker 1: Is it a good one? Is it my favorite one?

1093
00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:06,759
Speaker 1: Maybe it's my favorite? If God were to text you

1094
00:51:06,880 --> 00:51:09,480
Speaker 1: right now, what would it What would it say?

1095
00:51:10,080 --> 00:51:12,400
Speaker 2: That's my favorite question in that bowl, and I swear

1096
00:51:13,520 --> 00:51:14,959
Speaker 2: it just comes every time.

1097
00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:17,400
Speaker 1: I think that if God were to text me, it

1098
00:51:17,440 --> 00:51:19,960
Speaker 1: would say I've never been asked that, it would say

1099
00:51:21,920 --> 00:51:24,480
Speaker 1: I got you. I think it would just say I

1100
00:51:24,520 --> 00:51:28,239
Speaker 1: got you, like I got you, and that's enough for me.

1101
00:51:29,080 --> 00:51:32,319
Speaker 1: That's enough to make me feel like I got this.

1102
00:51:32,400 --> 00:51:35,000
Speaker 1: I can go through anything I can. It's it's okay.

1103
00:51:35,239 --> 00:51:38,400
Speaker 1: I think that's that's what. That's all the kind of

1104
00:51:38,719 --> 00:51:44,960
Speaker 1: strength I would need. Lalah, thank you. This was awesome. Hey,

1105
00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:47,759
Speaker 1: what's up? Everybody? Is La La Anthony and this is

1106
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:48,600
Speaker 1: in real life.

1107
00:51:49,280 --> 00:51:52,919
Speaker 2: For more episodes, you know to do subscribe like comments

1108
00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:54,800
Speaker 2: and we'll see you on the next I r L

1109
00:51:54,920 --> 00:51:55,360
Speaker 2: podcast