1
00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:07,840
Speaker 1: Hey, this is any and Samantha and welcome to Stephane

2
00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:19,239
Speaker 1: Never Told You production of I Heart Radio. It's time

3
00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:23,840
Speaker 1: for another book club, and today we're discussing Kid Brown's

4
00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:27,080
Speaker 1: The Pretty One on life, pop culture, disability, and other

5
00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:29,720
Speaker 1: reasons to fall in love with Me. Key Brown is

6
00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:32,440
Speaker 1: a disability activist and is also behind the viral hashtag

7
00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:35,960
Speaker 1: disabled and Cute. The book is a series of essays

8
00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:39,600
Speaker 1: on various topics ranging from chairs to jealousy, to ponytails,

9
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,520
Speaker 1: to music too, friendships to love, all through the lens

10
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,120
Speaker 1: of a black woman with a disability. And she's very

11
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:49,400
Speaker 1: very open about her anxiety, depression, disordered eating, suicidal thoughts

12
00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:52,040
Speaker 1: and that being said, because that's kind of a laundry

13
00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:54,760
Speaker 1: list of like upsetting topics at the end that I

14
00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:57,800
Speaker 1: put in there. But it is immediately delightful, like I

15
00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:02,400
Speaker 1: was drawn in from like the forward. Oh, this sounds

16
00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:07,679
Speaker 1: like a really fun person who's just right and interesting

17
00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:11,000
Speaker 1: and lovely and delightful. She opens up about her love

18
00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:14,080
Speaker 1: of pop culture, of music and TV and books. That's

19
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:17,840
Speaker 1: something that returns throughout, which is also something that we

20
00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:22,920
Speaker 1: can relate to. The whole book is brimming with pop

21
00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:26,559
Speaker 1: culture references, some of which we'll be talking about later. Yeah,

22
00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:29,720
Speaker 1: it's often very infectiously joyous. It's this book definitely does

23
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:33,800
Speaker 1: not shy away from difficult topics at all. But I

24
00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:37,800
Speaker 1: just found myself just kind of feeling this bubbling happiness

25
00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:40,200
Speaker 1: a lot while I was reading it. Right, I just

26
00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:43,560
Speaker 1: love her honesty and all of it, as well as

27
00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:45,440
Speaker 1: the fact that she does do a lot of the

28
00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:47,880
Speaker 1: pop culture reference so that I know very well. Like

29
00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:52,360
Speaker 1: she immediately talked about Cinderella Brandy's Generella, and I was

30
00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:55,360
Speaker 1: so excited. I'm like, yes, I get what you're coming from.

31
00:01:55,400 --> 00:02:00,680
Speaker 1: This is the Cinderella as it should be. And absolutely

32
00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:03,800
Speaker 1: feel like, yes, these are the reasons she lists, and

33
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:06,400
Speaker 1: just her personality alone that comes off of the book.

34
00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:08,600
Speaker 1: Reasons to fall in love with her and can we

35
00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:12,600
Speaker 1: be friends? I want to be your friend, but it's

36
00:02:12,639 --> 00:02:15,440
Speaker 1: okay because you've got lots of friends. But just go

37
00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:18,200
Speaker 1: ahead and start off with a quote from the book.

38
00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:20,600
Speaker 1: I never thought anyone would want to hear what I

39
00:02:20,639 --> 00:02:24,040
Speaker 1: had to say until I started telling stories and talking

40
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:26,640
Speaker 1: about the things and people that matter to me. The

41
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:30,560
Speaker 1: truth is this, I've always felt average playing and wrong,

42
00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,840
Speaker 1: but there's nothing average, plain or wrong about me, And

43
00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:36,360
Speaker 1: it took me only half my life so far to

44
00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:39,560
Speaker 1: figure that out. I wrote an entire book and you

45
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:42,119
Speaker 1: are getting up to read it. How cool? Is that?

46
00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:46,920
Speaker 1: So cool? Sometimes it is beautiful to prove yourself wrong.

47
00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:49,959
Speaker 1: Love that, Yeah, And that captus so much of what

48
00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:55,200
Speaker 1: this book is. And I do legitimately feel like that

49
00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:58,400
Speaker 1: is beautiful. And I think a lot of us, especially

50
00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:00,840
Speaker 1: anybody from any type of marginalized and you can relate

51
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,200
Speaker 1: to that feeling of like I don't have anything interesting

52
00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:05,120
Speaker 1: to say, or I'm just average, or I'm just playing

53
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:11,040
Speaker 1: or what what have you? And when you unlearned that

54
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:13,120
Speaker 1: and start to see the good things in you, which

55
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:18,079
Speaker 1: is really difficult work and can be exhausting, I think

56
00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:22,040
Speaker 1: that's really powerful. And that is at the heart of

57
00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:26,280
Speaker 1: a lot of this book. And speaking of like when

58
00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:29,120
Speaker 1: it comes to themes, one of the main ones is

59
00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:33,800
Speaker 1: this theme of self acceptance and Kia Brown finding this

60
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:39,960
Speaker 1: self acceptance, the road, walks along the way, the obstacles,

61
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,520
Speaker 1: and then the beauty of it, like all the things

62
00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:45,920
Speaker 1: she's discovered about herself that she loves. And I think

63
00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:50,120
Speaker 1: that's that's really it's nice too, It's refreshing as someone

64
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:52,480
Speaker 1: who's been thinking a lot, and I bet a lot

65
00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:56,000
Speaker 1: of us have. My negative self talk is off the chain,

66
00:03:56,520 --> 00:04:00,200
Speaker 1: like sometimes I'll be shocked that I would even think

67
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:05,560
Speaker 1: that about myself, Like WHOA and I know for a

68
00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:08,400
Speaker 1: while growing up, and we've talked about this in past

69
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:11,480
Speaker 1: book clubs. Actually, for women, a lot of what we

70
00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:14,320
Speaker 1: would hold off as a loud of ble or this

71
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:18,120
Speaker 1: is a good trait is like selflessness or being humble

72
00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:21,560
Speaker 1: and all these things. I thought it was really refreshing

73
00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:23,280
Speaker 1: to hear someone be like, you know what, I love

74
00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:26,640
Speaker 1: this about myself and this is about myself. There was

75
00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:28,880
Speaker 1: no part of me that was like she's bragging, I

76
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,400
Speaker 1: wish she was top. It was just like nice, It

77
00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:34,120
Speaker 1: was nice and it was genuine. I think it's one

78
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:37,719
Speaker 1: of those things that's rare that you hear so many

79
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:41,640
Speaker 1: people trying to convince themselves that's how they feel, and

80
00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,280
Speaker 1: over to the point that it's over compensating to uh,

81
00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:46,599
Speaker 1: this is weird, this is not I'm not sure I

82
00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:49,320
Speaker 1: usually believe this. And she's gotten to a point which

83
00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:52,600
Speaker 1: most people never get to and being able to really

84
00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:55,200
Speaker 1: be genuinely say this is what I'm proud of, and

85
00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,200
Speaker 1: this is who I am, and it's still I've still

86
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:59,279
Speaker 1: got a lot to learn, but this is what I

87
00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:01,560
Speaker 1: do know that I love about myself, and and that's

88
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:04,520
Speaker 1: a beautiful, refreshing thing to see as well as a

89
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:07,800
Speaker 1: place where for the longest time she feared herself. And

90
00:05:07,839 --> 00:05:10,440
Speaker 1: she even talks about it in aspects of different people's

91
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,480
Speaker 1: perspective as and like she's talking about her sister learning

92
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,279
Speaker 1: that for herself as well. And I found that really

93
00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,880
Speaker 1: nice to see, like she does spread that beyond because

94
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,120
Speaker 1: as we're gonna talk about later, her relationship with her

95
00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:25,720
Speaker 1: sister is complicated, Yeah, but beautiful and and not so uncommon.

96
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:30,120
Speaker 1: I found that very interesting as well. Yeah, so here's

97
00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:33,240
Speaker 1: another quote. My point is that I do all these

98
00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:35,359
Speaker 1: things in a disabled body, not because I am brave

99
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,240
Speaker 1: are bold, but because I like doing them and I

100
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:39,839
Speaker 1: would love doing them in anybody. I adapt to the

101
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:42,000
Speaker 1: world because I have to do so in order to live.

102
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,480
Speaker 1: My disability is three will palsy, and it affects the

103
00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:48,520
Speaker 1: right side of my body, effectively altering my motor skills

104
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,080
Speaker 1: and reaction time, as well as the strength of my

105
00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,839
Speaker 1: bones on that side. I don't do things in spite

106
00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:55,919
Speaker 1: of anything except for maybe the people who told me

107
00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:58,400
Speaker 1: I'd be nothing in No One. I don't mind being

108
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,080
Speaker 1: an inspiration if it is for a aalid reason, such

109
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,480
Speaker 1: as admiring how many slices of pizza I ate, an

110
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:06,200
Speaker 1: essay or an article I wrote, my clothing choices, or

111
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,080
Speaker 1: how quickly I can learn the lyrics to a song.

112
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:10,520
Speaker 1: As long as the inspiration doesn't come with pity or

113
00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:13,920
Speaker 1: self congratulatorie pats on the back, I am all for it.

114
00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:16,240
Speaker 1: Let my love of cheesecake inspire you the way it

115
00:06:16,279 --> 00:06:20,240
Speaker 1: will one day inspire a nation. Look, car lipstick game

116
00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:24,280
Speaker 1: is on point, ce are on Twitter or whenever she

117
00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:27,680
Speaker 1: posts the pictures, I'm like, yeah, that color is amazing.

118
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:30,880
Speaker 1: How did you find this color and give me it? Yes?

119
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,960
Speaker 1: And I think this, all of this was so so

120
00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:40,200
Speaker 1: well written, because we're going to talk about uh in

121
00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:43,560
Speaker 1: a minute. Able is m and how that's impacted like

122
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,200
Speaker 1: all of us. But in this case Kia Brown and

123
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:50,440
Speaker 1: having people kind of using you for inspiration porn right,

124
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:55,120
Speaker 1: And I feel like that is something that we see

125
00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:58,880
Speaker 1: a lot in entertainment, and we see it a lot

126
00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:06,119
Speaker 1: more for philanthropy. They want to say they're giving, and

127
00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:09,120
Speaker 1: so their videotaping themselves giving money to the home, other

128
00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:12,840
Speaker 1: videotaping themselves during these things. That is to me the

129
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:16,760
Speaker 1: most irksome thing that I think I've seen in a

130
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:19,760
Speaker 1: long time, and really having people going and God, bless you,

131
00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:21,520
Speaker 1: you did such a great thing you're doing. You're such

132
00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:24,360
Speaker 1: an amazing person for recognizing this, and it's kind of

133
00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:28,640
Speaker 1: gross to that. Yeah, you are absolutely dismissing that other

134
00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:31,440
Speaker 1: person as it as a dog needing to be rescued.

135
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:37,840
Speaker 1: Like there's this whole level of inhumane tactics that get

136
00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:42,280
Speaker 1: mistaken for philanthropy, and I don't quite get it. It

137
00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:44,960
Speaker 1: makes me really uncomfortable. Again, maybe it's just been in

138
00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:48,920
Speaker 1: the world where people who are going through things like

139
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:53,840
Speaker 1: this often don't realize that is seen as a negative thing.

140
00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:55,800
Speaker 1: So kind of that same round of like this has

141
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:58,560
Speaker 1: been my life. Why are you pitying me? This is

142
00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:01,920
Speaker 1: weird as well as to them it is a barrier,

143
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:04,080
Speaker 1: but it's not a barrier something that's just a part

144
00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:07,000
Speaker 1: of who they are. And why are you commenting on it,

145
00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:09,440
Speaker 1: and why are you feeling sorry for me? And or

146
00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:11,520
Speaker 1: why are you brating me for it? It's kind of

147
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:15,520
Speaker 1: this again, like I don't quite get it, but I mean,

148
00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:17,760
Speaker 1: and she doesn't talk about that level, but that's that

149
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,800
Speaker 1: level of like that pity. Same thing with like the

150
00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:24,240
Speaker 1: healing and the regular which I know we're gonna talk

151
00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:27,920
Speaker 1: about more, and the religious aspect of it all. It's

152
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:32,400
Speaker 1: really like unfortunate that that's one more added thing that

153
00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:36,040
Speaker 1: whether if you truly believe they're hurdles so that people

154
00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:37,600
Speaker 1: are having to do that you do not have to,

155
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:41,679
Speaker 1: that's amazing. Why are you making it more difficult by

156
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:46,040
Speaker 1: bringing this onslaught of randomness and attention that they don't

157
00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:49,599
Speaker 1: necessarily want nore need. I know, people feel really comfortable

158
00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:55,920
Speaker 1: approaching others about especially in this case like disability, but

159
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:59,040
Speaker 1: also I mean we've talked about before with weight like people. Yeah,

160
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,800
Speaker 1: I feel like it can just come up and and

161
00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:08,439
Speaker 1: give people advice or just like to say they need

162
00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:11,040
Speaker 1: to be saved and that they're doing something that's going

163
00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:13,200
Speaker 1: to be heroic, and you're kind of just like, that's

164
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:17,319
Speaker 1: not my whole concept of white savior thing, and this

165
00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:19,520
Speaker 1: is kind of this is not necessarily about race at all,

166
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:24,199
Speaker 1: but in general just that overall I have to rescue them,

167
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:25,800
Speaker 1: but they don't think they need to be rescued. So

168
00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:28,760
Speaker 1: what are you doing? What is it's called if you're

169
00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:32,440
Speaker 1: doing it to gratify your own conscience or and or

170
00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:37,240
Speaker 1: your own ego. Right, But yeah, I really am glad

171
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,760
Speaker 1: to say she actually addresses that in such a great way.

172
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,600
Speaker 1: But moving on to a different quote, my disability is

173
00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:45,280
Speaker 1: not a thing to see past, but instead of them,

174
00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:48,240
Speaker 1: to acknowledge and except before able bodied people and I

175
00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:52,040
Speaker 1: continue existing at the same time in this world. I

176
00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:55,319
Speaker 1: have both physical and invisible disabilities, and I refuse to

177
00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,800
Speaker 1: be ashamed of them because they are beautiful in their

178
00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:01,840
Speaker 1: uniqueness and their familiarity their mind. But they also belonged

179
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:04,080
Speaker 1: to a world of others, and that makes them worthy

180
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:07,840
Speaker 1: of my appreciation and acceptance. And yeah, I think she

181
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:10,000
Speaker 1: does a great job in talking about both of those

182
00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:13,960
Speaker 1: things because she also wants to acknowledge invisible disability, which

183
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,600
Speaker 1: has been a thing for a long time and not

184
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:20,360
Speaker 1: recognized enough to the point that we've seen people harass

185
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:24,560
Speaker 1: people for parking in handicapped blocks because they don't see

186
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,200
Speaker 1: a physical disability. And you're like, oh, you don't know

187
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:31,040
Speaker 1: what's going on. Calm down, this is not about you. Yeah,

188
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:34,960
Speaker 1: And you can see past episode Eaves did on Spindy

189
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:39,080
Speaker 1: before Female First she came out and talked about invisible disabilities.

190
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,559
Speaker 1: It was great. It was really eye opening for me

191
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:48,440
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, wait, visible because yeah, we

192
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,960
Speaker 1: don't talk about it enough, and I think this is

193
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:58,480
Speaker 1: another thing that we do I have. I guess I

194
00:10:58,520 --> 00:10:59,920
Speaker 1: won't speak for a lot of people, but I haven't

195
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:04,400
Speaker 1: analyzed from media. I've consumed a lot of like feeling

196
00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:07,360
Speaker 1: ashamed of your body if it's not if it doesn't

197
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:10,040
Speaker 1: work in the quote normal way and whatever way that is.

198
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:13,960
Speaker 1: And it's only recently I remember I told you, like,

199
00:11:14,559 --> 00:11:19,199
Speaker 1: I have these kind of runners bumps on my feet

200
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:20,600
Speaker 1: and I used to hate them and I thought they

201
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:22,360
Speaker 1: were so ugly. And now I'm like, you know what,

202
00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:25,040
Speaker 1: that's a part of me and it is something that

203
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:29,800
Speaker 1: I earned. Like I don't know, it's not the same

204
00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:32,720
Speaker 1: as what what she's talking about exactly, but kind of

205
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:37,080
Speaker 1: taking those things where you people might perceive them one way,

206
00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:39,280
Speaker 1: but learning to appreciate them and they are a piece

207
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:56,520
Speaker 1: of of what makes you you and what makes you unique.

208
00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:01,400
Speaker 1: So she also writes this quote, I love um. I

209
00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:03,760
Speaker 1: am a black woman with cerebral palsy who loves herself

210
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:06,280
Speaker 1: and most days that feels like a revolutionary act. It

211
00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:07,920
Speaker 1: took a lot of work to get to this place,

212
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,240
Speaker 1: a fountain of tears, grief and loss, but I'm here

213
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:13,080
Speaker 1: and it's beautiful. And I want to include that one

214
00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:17,199
Speaker 1: because I think we've talked about that before where Bridget

215
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,480
Speaker 1: used the phrase once. I've never heard anyone use it,

216
00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:23,720
Speaker 1: but like radical self love and and like we were

217
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:27,280
Speaker 1: talking about, it can be so difficult to to love yourself,

218
00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:33,680
Speaker 1: especially outside of like the white cis male when they're

219
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:37,960
Speaker 1: just like factors, all these intersecting factors against you, against you,

220
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:41,920
Speaker 1: and heavy quotes in society of like society doesn't seem

221
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:46,560
Speaker 1: to love you or value you for whatever reason, and

222
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,800
Speaker 1: it that can be really difficult to to do that

223
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,920
Speaker 1: yourself in the face of that. So I just really again,

224
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:56,880
Speaker 1: I really appreciated that, and I do. I do think

225
00:12:56,960 --> 00:13:03,400
Speaker 1: that it's hard but beautiful. You can yeah, she goes

226
00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:05,760
Speaker 1: under right. I refuse to be a reminder of someone's

227
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:07,720
Speaker 1: worst case scenario. Again, if you need me to be

228
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,199
Speaker 1: a reminder, I will be a reminder that things will

229
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,160
Speaker 1: get better. I will be a reminder that people like

230
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,400
Speaker 1: need exist and thrive, and that we aren't going anywhere

231
00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:17,840
Speaker 1: long gun are the days of silence and complacency. I

232
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,439
Speaker 1: will see and be seen. I no longer care about

233
00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:23,280
Speaker 1: the comfort of those who would rather be quiet or

234
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,120
Speaker 1: wait my turn for proper and positive representation in our

235
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:30,240
Speaker 1: culture and mainstream media disabled people or at once invisible

236
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:34,560
Speaker 1: and a burden. And yeah, I think she explains that

237
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:39,840
Speaker 1: and writes about that in her experience with people feeling

238
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:43,720
Speaker 1: uncomfortable and and feeling like like maybe that's the reason

239
00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:47,920
Speaker 1: they come up and give you un solicited advice whoever,

240
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,200
Speaker 1: it is like their comfort is more important than you

241
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:54,520
Speaker 1: just being existing and being left alone, which is something

242
00:13:54,559 --> 00:13:56,920
Speaker 1: that we do see. But at the same time kind

243
00:13:56,960 --> 00:14:04,880
Speaker 1: of the yeah, being invisible in in a society that

244
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:09,480
Speaker 1: where you still fight for like access and a d A.

245
00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:13,439
Speaker 1: And there were a lot of things she wrote about

246
00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:17,520
Speaker 1: that I kind of we're eye opening for me of like, wow,

247
00:14:17,559 --> 00:14:21,280
Speaker 1: I really do take that for granted, like doing my

248
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:25,000
Speaker 1: hair like in a ponytail, or not having to worry

249
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:28,920
Speaker 1: so much about a chair situation or write things like that.

250
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,680
Speaker 1: I just love the way she wrote about them, but

251
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:36,080
Speaker 1: it can be a good way to describe it, especially

252
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:38,239
Speaker 1: in what I've seen in media of like the invisible

253
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:43,080
Speaker 1: and a burden, right, which is not great, which actually

254
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:46,040
Speaker 1: had been a thing of controversy because recently an article

255
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:49,520
Speaker 1: was written in the perspective of the caregiver and about

256
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:53,160
Speaker 1: them not being paid. And although the article I think

257
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:57,040
Speaker 1: was implying that it needed help and more assistance and

258
00:14:57,160 --> 00:15:00,080
Speaker 1: we should think about the caregivers as being professional and

259
00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:03,479
Speaker 1: paying them as such, but it came off really ablest

260
00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:08,200
Speaker 1: and dismissing the disabled partner and being like, Hey, you're

261
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:10,040
Speaker 1: really talking about us as if we're burdens and if

262
00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:13,360
Speaker 1: we're not existing, you're acting as were infants. And it

263
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:16,960
Speaker 1: was really like, oh, yeah, this is really bad and

264
00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:21,240
Speaker 1: something needs to change, because this is someone who thought

265
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:24,600
Speaker 1: she was helping but instead just came on with more

266
00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:27,040
Speaker 1: ablest tone. And again, this is kind of that whole

267
00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:29,000
Speaker 1: level of like, your this is the worst case scenario.

268
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:30,960
Speaker 1: This is where you're telling me I'm a burden and

269
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:34,920
Speaker 1: I've already felt like that my entire life. Thank you

270
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:39,600
Speaker 1: for once again again invalidating my existence when I have

271
00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:42,680
Speaker 1: fought hard to get to this point. And yeah, I

272
00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:45,040
Speaker 1: feel like there was so much like oh God, please

273
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:48,040
Speaker 1: stop doing this. We have to do better. As advocates

274
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,840
Speaker 1: and allies, we have to do better in keeping ourselves

275
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:55,800
Speaker 1: accountable and understanding the language that pity language is damaging

276
00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:59,640
Speaker 1: in every damn way. And again, this whole heroism thing

277
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:03,080
Speaker 1: that I don't quite understand. I can't let go of it,

278
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:06,800
Speaker 1: and I'll probably especially when we talk about religion, can't

279
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:10,000
Speaker 1: get past this whole level of like this is my philanthropy.

280
00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:12,600
Speaker 1: Pat me on the back. Look, I'm caring for someone

281
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:14,960
Speaker 1: who has disabled, Aren't I the bigger person? You're kind

282
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:19,640
Speaker 1: of like, no, what is wrong with you? This is gross? Like,

283
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:22,240
Speaker 1: don't do it. If this is your attitude, just please don't.

284
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:25,320
Speaker 1: I have a feeling that the individuals who are under

285
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:27,560
Speaker 1: your care would rather you be here because you love

286
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,320
Speaker 1: them and don't see them but as a burden than

287
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:34,680
Speaker 1: trying to create a narrative as if you were the hero. Yeah. Yeah,

288
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:40,080
Speaker 1: like using other people to make yourself feel better. It's

289
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:44,360
Speaker 1: a weird white Knight thing that assists. Yeah. But again,

290
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:46,360
Speaker 1: like this kind of reminded me of that of like

291
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,680
Speaker 1: this is what she's talking about and seeing as a burden,

292
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:53,200
Speaker 1: like we need to change. But yeah, as this is written,

293
00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:57,160
Speaker 1: this is a couple of years ago, and I really

294
00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:00,560
Speaker 1: hate that we're still here, like I think we've finally

295
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,120
Speaker 1: and maybe it's just because we are recognizing it because

296
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,520
Speaker 1: of what we do, but there are so many who

297
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,240
Speaker 1: continue to say the same. And by the way, some

298
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:11,199
Speaker 1: of the biggest advocates for disability for those who are

299
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:13,639
Speaker 1: disabled are disabled people, like they are the biggest and

300
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:16,360
Speaker 1: the loudest voices we should be listening, but have been

301
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:20,320
Speaker 1: doing the work to begin with. So let's not forget that. Yes, okay,

302
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:25,240
Speaker 1: done with rant. Oh I don't know about that, because true,

303
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:29,800
Speaker 1: it's not. It's not. We're moving into some discussion around

304
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:32,080
Speaker 1: able ism, some more discussion around able is M because

305
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:35,440
Speaker 1: you know, as I said, self acceptance is a lot

306
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:38,040
Speaker 1: of the heart of this book, But the flip side

307
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:43,040
Speaker 1: of that is the years of self hatred and all

308
00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:46,880
Speaker 1: of the obstacles that were in the way for Kia

309
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:50,360
Speaker 1: Brown to arrive at this point. And it did take

310
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:52,720
Speaker 1: her several several years and a lot of hard work.

311
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:57,679
Speaker 1: And yeah, a big part of that was able is UM.

312
00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:01,560
Speaker 1: Some of it internalized and she talked about in her family.

313
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,120
Speaker 1: I think she did a really good job talking about

314
00:18:04,119 --> 00:18:06,480
Speaker 1: the pros and cons of this, but in her family

315
00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:11,960
Speaker 1: they never really brought up her disability. It wasn't really

316
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:16,280
Speaker 1: a thing I wasn't really discussed. And when she was

317
00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:20,560
Speaker 1: made fun of by a kid from school, um at

318
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:23,840
Speaker 1: a pretty young age, that was like her her first

319
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:28,320
Speaker 1: time of thinking, oh there's something heavy, quotes wrong, are

320
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:31,800
Speaker 1: different about me right, and that people are making fun

321
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:35,800
Speaker 1: of it. And I mean it wasn't funny, but I

322
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:38,080
Speaker 1: feel like we all do this. Where like she remembers

323
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:41,040
Speaker 1: that kid's name, I thought the same, yeah, And she

324
00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:43,520
Speaker 1: was like, he probably never you know, it doesn't know

325
00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:45,560
Speaker 1: my name, maybe never thinks about it. Maybe it's a

326
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:49,240
Speaker 1: great person now, but like this event was huge for

327
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,040
Speaker 1: me and I feel like I have kids like that

328
00:18:51,119 --> 00:18:54,040
Speaker 1: from my fast too. I'm like, right, I can't forget

329
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:57,560
Speaker 1: your name. Yeah, thanks so and so you did this.

330
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,400
Speaker 1: It was a kind of fun shade like she also

331
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:04,440
Speaker 1: recognizes he was a child, perhaps he's changed, but she's

332
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:05,920
Speaker 1: not gonna let go of the fact that you are

333
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:08,960
Speaker 1: the reason that I started doubting myself and not understanding

334
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:13,440
Speaker 1: how it was different until you brought that point out. Yeah,

335
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:16,080
Speaker 1: she did. She did talk about the family dynamic, and

336
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:19,040
Speaker 1: I can understand to a certain degree of the installation,

337
00:19:20,119 --> 00:19:23,080
Speaker 1: being told you fit in, you fit in, you fit

338
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,400
Speaker 1: in your part part of us, and and and being

339
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,840
Speaker 1: true because that's what I felt, and then going outside

340
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:30,440
Speaker 1: of that world realizing, no, this is not true, this

341
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:33,760
Speaker 1: is not true. I'm very much another and these strangers

342
00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:38,200
Speaker 1: have pointed it out to me a lot, and there's

343
00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:41,040
Speaker 1: nothing I can deny about that. And I wasn't prepared,

344
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,679
Speaker 1: But at the same time, I was loved because I

345
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:47,719
Speaker 1: was being so protected. It is that it is that

346
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:51,400
Speaker 1: variability that is both good and bad. And of course

347
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,200
Speaker 1: if I was a parent, I wouldn't know, I wouldn't

348
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,440
Speaker 1: know what to do, and I would want the same

349
00:19:56,560 --> 00:20:01,760
Speaker 1: level of protection in that too, but that there is

350
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,520
Speaker 1: that pros and cons of it, all that being insulated.

351
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:06,720
Speaker 1: Of course, you know, she's able to say I had

352
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,840
Speaker 1: loving family who was there to do that for me.

353
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,880
Speaker 1: But the problem is when I came out of that

354
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:17,520
Speaker 1: and was faced with that, I did. I wasn't prepared

355
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,000
Speaker 1: to handle that at that point in time or or

356
00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:22,879
Speaker 1: knew how to handle that completely. And yeah, there was

357
00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:27,480
Speaker 1: a whole level Again, school is cruel and for those

358
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:31,520
Speaker 1: who are marginalized even more so. And she definitely talks

359
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:34,639
Speaker 1: about the privilege she did have because she had a

360
00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:37,840
Speaker 1: supportive family, but the fact that she did not have

361
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,640
Speaker 1: that white privilege, she did not have the ablest privilege

362
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:43,720
Speaker 1: like all of those things. She didn't have the gender privilege.

363
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:47,359
Speaker 1: There are those things that was a shock and you

364
00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:51,080
Speaker 1: have to work through. No one can really do it

365
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:56,160
Speaker 1: for you. And and that protection at least gives her,

366
00:20:56,359 --> 00:21:00,280
Speaker 1: and it did for myself some level of ground to

367
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:03,840
Speaker 1: be like. But that's not the true that can't be

368
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:07,160
Speaker 1: right because of this. But yeah, that's that's the whole

369
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:10,280
Speaker 1: thing for sure. Um And she she also writes, it's

370
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:11,879
Speaker 1: something that I helped me because you and I have

371
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:13,880
Speaker 1: been struggling with this for a minute on this show

372
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:16,840
Speaker 1: in general. But she writes, I am a black disabled woman.

373
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:20,760
Speaker 1: I am not handy, capable, differently abled, special needs, or

374
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:24,199
Speaker 1: any other iteration of disabled that says anything but the

375
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:27,600
Speaker 1: word disabled. When I say as much, I'm speaking for

376
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,960
Speaker 1: myself and myself alone. My thoughts on the matter are

377
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:33,760
Speaker 1: not the case for every person with disabilities, because we

378
00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:37,560
Speaker 1: are not monolithic. Some people like or use the terms above,

379
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:40,440
Speaker 1: but I do not. What I'm about to say might

380
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:44,880
Speaker 1: make some of you uncomfortable, but discomfort is imperative here.

381
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:47,840
Speaker 1: Discomfort has made a lot of things better in the

382
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:50,840
Speaker 1: long run. When I stopped caring about the comfort of

383
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:54,040
Speaker 1: abled bodied people with regard to language he used about

384
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:57,159
Speaker 1: my disability, I felt free for the first time in

385
00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:01,000
Speaker 1: my life. You see, these other synonym for disability were

386
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:04,920
Speaker 1: created because the word disabled often makes able bodied people

387
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:09,159
Speaker 1: more uncomfortable than it makes those of us with disabilities.

388
00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:10,960
Speaker 1: And I think that was huge because you and I

389
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:13,960
Speaker 1: have gone back and forth. Any Okay, we want to

390
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:17,080
Speaker 1: highlight and and and bring out especially whether women around

391
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:21,040
Speaker 1: the world who are strong advocates and fighters, and recognize

392
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:25,280
Speaker 1: these people who have done so many amazing things and

393
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,800
Speaker 1: making change, whether it's in the U n whether it's

394
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:31,199
Speaker 1: in the US, whether it's like I'm just in cultural altogether.

395
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:34,080
Speaker 1: And I think it's so important that we do talk

396
00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:38,560
Speaker 1: about these things. But as able bodied people, we are very,

397
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:45,479
Speaker 1: very wary of the connotations of language and against She

398
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:49,960
Speaker 1: says this for herself, so disabled for her, it's fine,

399
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:53,560
Speaker 1: and we will absolutely recognize anyone who says otherwise and

400
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:58,960
Speaker 1: says please say this instead, then we would definitely recognize it.

401
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,440
Speaker 1: But it is you have to remember language is important

402
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,240
Speaker 1: and why it is, and again you have to also

403
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:07,320
Speaker 1: figure out for yourself why you are uncomfortable, and if

404
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:11,359
Speaker 1: you are the ally and not the disabled individual, don't

405
00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:14,199
Speaker 1: just rely on yourself listen. We have to We have

406
00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:16,639
Speaker 1: to listen. That's the other part to that. And I

407
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:19,680
Speaker 1: also love that she does talk about that for her

408
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,840
Speaker 1: when she hears people saying things like handy capable, it's

409
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:26,520
Speaker 1: typically those who are caretakers who say that right, and

410
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:30,960
Speaker 1: not the individuals, because again they are uncomfortable or they

411
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:34,679
Speaker 1: feel like it's a failure to say otherwise. So we

412
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:36,879
Speaker 1: have to recognize we need to talk to the source,

413
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,879
Speaker 1: research the source, make sure we understand they are coming from.

414
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:45,159
Speaker 1: Such a language in itself is so important. Yes, I

415
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:47,640
Speaker 1: love that to you because we have been discussing that

416
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:50,280
Speaker 1: and we never want to not talk about something because

417
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:54,359
Speaker 1: we're too afraid to like use the incorrect language, but

418
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:55,840
Speaker 1: we do want to get it right, and we wanted

419
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:58,040
Speaker 1: to not be offensive and be up to date. But

420
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:01,600
Speaker 1: I just really appreciated the this And I remember back

421
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:05,159
Speaker 1: when Eaves came on and we did that episode she

422
00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:07,639
Speaker 1: was talking about, Yeah, there's you know, debate in the

423
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,800
Speaker 1: community about which term is is a better term? Or

424
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 1: which way is better, and that debate is healthy and ongoing. Right, Yeah,

425
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:19,680
Speaker 1: so that that's good to know. I did like reading this.

426
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:21,600
Speaker 1: It does remind me of what we were talking about

427
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:26,959
Speaker 1: earlier of yeah, kind of the inspiration porn aspects, and

428
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,200
Speaker 1: we see this a lot where it is usually not

429
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:36,600
Speaker 1: the the community in question using the term, unless it's

430
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:39,240
Speaker 1: somebody trying to make money. But that's I'm thinking more

431
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:43,680
Speaker 1: widely of like when we had amandaged, she was talking

432
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:47,840
Speaker 1: about like entrepreneur. You know, these kind of words that

433
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:53,080
Speaker 1: are usually in this case used to sell something, right,

434
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:57,639
Speaker 1: I feel like there's also an aspect of that discomfort

435
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:01,800
Speaker 1: and trying to for the person using that term. And

436
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 1: these are generalizations. Can't speak for everybody who uses handy

437
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:08,679
Speaker 1: capable for instance, but it feels like a lot of

438
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:16,040
Speaker 1: times it is someone who is has their own it's

439
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:19,280
Speaker 1: not internalized, but I mean no, like they feel they

440
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:22,840
Speaker 1: do think something is wrong, or like you are the

441
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:25,159
Speaker 1: worst case scenario and they're trying to like build you

442
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:28,359
Speaker 1: up like they think you're doing they're doing you a

443
00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:32,159
Speaker 1: favor by using this terminology. Yeah, if I feel like

444
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:34,959
Speaker 1: we see similar conversations happening in a lot of communities.

445
00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:39,520
Speaker 1: The language is very, very very important. So yeah, I

446
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,720
Speaker 1: was really happy that that was in there too. Here's

447
00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:45,399
Speaker 1: another quote. But I didn't know earlier, but I'm grateful

448
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:47,639
Speaker 1: that I know now is that my cerebral quality is

449
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:49,800
Speaker 1: an integral part of who I am and how I

450
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:52,720
Speaker 1: navigate the world. And my refusal to acknowledge this I

451
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:54,880
Speaker 1: was nying the world and myself a glimpse of who

452
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:58,239
Speaker 1: I really am. All that time wasted hiding away when

453
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:01,240
Speaker 1: I could have embraced my girl CP and word disabled

454
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:05,439
Speaker 1: and found unapologetic happiness sooner. I was embarrassed disability, of

455
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:08,719
Speaker 1: being disabled and of other disabled people. I thought processes

456
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,639
Speaker 1: were that if able bodied people discussed my disability, then

457
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:14,359
Speaker 1: they would see me as inferior, and I already saw

458
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:18,159
Speaker 1: myself as inferior. I didn't want them to as well.

459
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:20,719
Speaker 1: I would rather have been ignored than pitied. But I

460
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:23,760
Speaker 1: was never ignored, not then or now. The only thing

461
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:25,800
Speaker 1: that has changed is the way I feel about myself.

462
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 1: Pity was my greatest fear and my biggest foe, and

463
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 1: now I can confidently say that I do not care

464
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 1: about it because I know how I feel about myself

465
00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 1: and that accompasses a lot, and at one quote, but

466
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:42,600
Speaker 1: also in the book and the struggle with especially when

467
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:45,720
Speaker 1: she was younger, of feeling this self hatred and shame

468
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:51,080
Speaker 1: around it and just like wishing she didn't have cerebral palsy.

469
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:53,200
Speaker 1: And that's something else that she does that I love

470
00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:55,560
Speaker 1: is she talks about cerebral palsy like it's a character,

471
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:59,639
Speaker 1: like a person, my girl CP, and she's open about

472
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:02,000
Speaker 1: like you know of some days she's a real bit

473
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:05,280
Speaker 1: and I hate her, like the's no reason for why

474
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:08,520
Speaker 1: this is happening. I can't figure it out. But you know,

475
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:10,479
Speaker 1: other times it's like, yeah, this is a part of

476
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:13,240
Speaker 1: me and it's it's made me who I am. And

477
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 1: I think that's that was really nice too and really

478
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:20,080
Speaker 1: refreshing because it's it's like a relationship. It's like, you know,

479
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:23,960
Speaker 1: it changes some days, you got yours downs, your ebbs

480
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:26,280
Speaker 1: and flows, and I think we can say that from

481
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 1: those things. And I questioned to like for myself, there's

482
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:32,080
Speaker 1: many things that I don't like, and growing up in

483
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:35,840
Speaker 1: all white communities, really hated being Asian, I really hated

484
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:39,040
Speaker 1: big brown, really hate my eyes, and even to this day,

485
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:43,320
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily love my identity, my ethnicity. Part of

486
00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:45,080
Speaker 1: that is because I don't know it. Part of that

487
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:47,760
Speaker 1: is trying to discover that. But I think I'm in

488
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:50,439
Speaker 1: a healthier place because I don't necessarily love it, but

489
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:53,800
Speaker 1: I accept it, and I accept my differences and just

490
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:57,080
Speaker 1: encompassing that in my life. So there's definitely a whole

491
00:27:57,160 --> 00:28:01,159
Speaker 1: process in acceptance and and moving on to love. And

492
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:03,639
Speaker 1: what that looks like for me is different, obviously, And

493
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:08,120
Speaker 1: this is a whole different level because obviously she has

494
00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 1: a lot of pain that I don't want, just literal

495
00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:12,680
Speaker 1: physical pain that she has to deal with and and

496
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 1: and face every day. But it is an interesting concept

497
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:18,760
Speaker 1: of what it is to fall in love with something

498
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:22,280
Speaker 1: that is a difference than what is deemed as normal,

499
00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:40,520
Speaker 1: which whatever that is. And I've been kind of harping

500
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:44,080
Speaker 1: about it already and I'm ready to talk about it now.

501
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:47,960
Speaker 1: Is that whole idea of like unsolicited advice and this

502
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:54,680
Speaker 1: whole that whole thing like of cures, whether it's prayer, yeah,

503
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:58,640
Speaker 1: and your marathons trying to raise money and and not

504
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 1: that we don't necessarily think cures are bad. I definitely don't,

505
00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 1: but I think there's a whole level of when you

506
00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:08,600
Speaker 1: talk about cures, thinking about something as an enemy, and

507
00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:10,960
Speaker 1: so those people who are dealing with that in their life,

508
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:14,040
Speaker 1: feeling that there's that means they are the enemy. So

509
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:16,840
Speaker 1: there's a whole lot of things. But here's another quote.

510
00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:19,880
Speaker 1: A recent study found that a disabled person is killed

511
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:23,680
Speaker 1: once a week by a family member or other caregivers.

512
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:25,960
Speaker 1: There are fifty two weeks in a year, and a

513
00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:30,320
Speaker 1: disabled human is murdered at least once every week, yet

514
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:34,600
Speaker 1: there's hardly any coverage or outrage about it. These stories

515
00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:38,240
Speaker 1: are often framed in two ways. The killers just couldn't

516
00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:41,320
Speaker 1: take it anymore, finding the caretaking too much for them

517
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:43,960
Speaker 1: to deal with, or they were just trying to set

518
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:47,720
Speaker 1: the disabled person free because their faith told them that

519
00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:51,920
Speaker 1: their loved ones could be free of disability and death.

520
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:58,320
Speaker 1: And yeah, we have constantly seeing this whole narrative, and

521
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:02,760
Speaker 1: don't get me wrong, I think for those who again

522
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:05,160
Speaker 1: I kind of mentioned that story about the fact that

523
00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:09,760
Speaker 1: caregivers were being highlighted as heroes and and seeing as

524
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:14,240
Speaker 1: the disabled member of the family member being the burden.

525
00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:19,200
Speaker 1: But this whole level that it is a death sentence

526
00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:24,480
Speaker 1: in itself, is so tragic in so many ways and

527
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:28,520
Speaker 1: I can't and we don't. We don't talk about this enough.

528
00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:32,080
Speaker 1: We don't talk about this. We have talked about that,

529
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:36,200
Speaker 1: the fact that the statistics for abuse in those in

530
00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:41,040
Speaker 1: the disabled communities are much higher, poverty level death rates, uh,

531
00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:46,000
Speaker 1: sexual abuse, sexual violence is higher than the abled community.

532
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:49,880
Speaker 1: And we really have to keep mentioning this conversation because

533
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:53,719
Speaker 1: nobody protects them. And and this absolutely is a horror

534
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:56,680
Speaker 1: that the fact that there's no law that goes beyond

535
00:30:57,480 --> 00:31:00,800
Speaker 1: the regular I guess uh state means and that you

536
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:04,000
Speaker 1: we already know it's hard to prove. There's so many

537
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:07,360
Speaker 1: ways like this, This type of crimes against humanities are

538
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:10,760
Speaker 1: really hard to prove, and it is a horrifying thing

539
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:14,840
Speaker 1: that we're not talking more of it. But yeah, also

540
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:18,560
Speaker 1: this weird narrative because it's in books, because it's in

541
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:22,760
Speaker 1: movies that the caretakers who do these things are heroes

542
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:25,720
Speaker 1: and had to choose because they're suffering. And it's like, no,

543
00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:30,000
Speaker 1: if it's not a disabled person's choice to you know,

544
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:34,000
Speaker 1: say that they don't want you to revivee them or something. Yeah,

545
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:36,440
Speaker 1: that's not that's not what that's not what you're doing.

546
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:41,280
Speaker 1: And we've been talking a lot about entertainment. As we said,

547
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 1: that is key throughout this book. We're gonna talk about

548
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 1: it more in a little bit, but that's something I

549
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:50,160
Speaker 1: don't think we've ever We've touched on, like tangentially a lot,

550
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:52,440
Speaker 1: but I don't think we've ever directly discussed. But that's

551
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:55,280
Speaker 1: as you know, we love horror. I love horror movies,

552
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:57,840
Speaker 1: but that's a big problem in horror movies. I feel like,

553
00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:02,239
Speaker 1: is someone with a disability, whether it's invisible or not,

554
00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:06,840
Speaker 1: is in one way or the other the villain or

555
00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:13,880
Speaker 1: something is wrong with them, or in some cases this

556
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 1: kind of thing happens where somebody will kill the disabled

557
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:24,080
Speaker 1: person to start off the plot, which is not great either.

558
00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:26,240
Speaker 1: That's like what we talked about when we're talking about

559
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:29,400
Speaker 1: fridging of women or the barrier gauge trope. It's the

560
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:32,480
Speaker 1: same kind of thing. But yeah, a lot of the

561
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:34,960
Speaker 1: when she was talking about in Your Team, there's a

562
00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:38,640
Speaker 1: whole chapter kind of devoted to representation and entertainment. That's

563
00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:40,239
Speaker 1: one of the things that kept coming back to me

564
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:43,760
Speaker 1: is like all of these examples I had she was

565
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:45,360
Speaker 1: she was good. She pointed out a lot of times,

566
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:49,560
Speaker 1: it's like sad usually white men hating themselves and wanting

567
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:53,520
Speaker 1: to be cured or yeah, the villain. But I have

568
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:57,000
Speaker 1: seen this. I've seen this plot line as well, for sure, right,

569
00:32:57,120 --> 00:32:59,200
Speaker 1: And I think she also talks about that there's not

570
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:03,920
Speaker 1: enough represent nation within any any I don't know if

571
00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:07,920
Speaker 1: there's I've seen one. Yeah, I think the only closest

572
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 1: one that I have is that in Glee, not the

573
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:14,040
Speaker 1: guy Kevin, I think that's his name. I forgot to

574
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:16,320
Speaker 1: character his name. He's in a wheelchair, but he's not

575
00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:19,000
Speaker 1: actually disabled because he has a whole scene dancing. But

576
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:22,040
Speaker 1: they bring on a love interest who is and she

577
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:25,080
Speaker 1: is actually disabled. But even then, and her character was

578
00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:27,880
Speaker 1: fun because she got to be sassy and she got

579
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 1: to be uh, pretty much the thing, and she was

580
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:33,680
Speaker 1: she was killing it with her style. But the whole

581
00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:36,440
Speaker 1: level was like people pairing the two of them together

582
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:40,120
Speaker 1: since they are both in wheelchairs, and it's kind of like, Okay, see,

583
00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:42,480
Speaker 1: you're doing it again, even though you brought finally brought

584
00:33:42,840 --> 00:33:45,920
Speaker 1: someone on who can be a representative because they actually

585
00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 1: are in a wheelchair and are disabled, you're pairing him

586
00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:51,320
Speaker 1: up with the one and that's the only plot line

587
00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:54,920
Speaker 1: you're giving her. Why as where you have the other dude,

588
00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:58,959
Speaker 1: Arnie I think it's his name. He is pretty much

589
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:01,160
Speaker 1: until towards the end of it, where he actually accepts

590
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:04,320
Speaker 1: it because of his parents, is trying to find a cure,

591
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:07,560
Speaker 1: and that's the whole point. That's the whole plot point,

592
00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 1: to the point that one of his girlfriends wishes it

593
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:11,439
Speaker 1: for Christmas and because he doesn't get it, she doesn't

594
00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:15,279
Speaker 1: believe in Santa Claus. So like, it's just why that

595
00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:19,359
Speaker 1: is very able us and we follow along with it thinking, oh,

596
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:22,839
Speaker 1: of course, this is what being disabled looks like, being

597
00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:25,280
Speaker 1: sad all the time, and it's not. It's not that case.

598
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:29,680
Speaker 1: And Shamon was for thinking that, yeah, well, and and

599
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:32,080
Speaker 1: she she talks about that too, and it's like one

600
00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:37,200
Speaker 1: of the other kind of frequent troops is um like

601
00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:41,000
Speaker 1: the sad teenage movie where one of them has some

602
00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:43,839
Speaker 1: illness or disability that will kill them in the end,

603
00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:46,919
Speaker 1: or they decide that they would rather die than go on, right,

604
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:52,320
Speaker 1: which yeah, is I ain't know exactly how she's talking

605
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:55,320
Speaker 1: about this very common troop. And that's one of the

606
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:58,759
Speaker 1: reasons she wrote this book. And she was like, you know,

607
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:01,800
Speaker 1: we can have other things that tragedy it's not just stragedy,

608
00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:04,840
Speaker 1: and that's sort of we talked about that vaguely and

609
00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:07,000
Speaker 1: like a happy hour forever ago, where I was saying,

610
00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:10,200
Speaker 1: you know, if that's the only representation you have, and

611
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:14,680
Speaker 1: you know those short tragedy and sadness exists in like

612
00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 1: any community. But if that's all you see, then that's

613
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:22,400
Speaker 1: not accurate. That's not great representation. So she goes on,

614
00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:25,120
Speaker 1: there's another quote. Disabled people do not need strangers or

615
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:27,080
Speaker 1: people we do not know telling us how we should

616
00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:29,160
Speaker 1: try to fix our change our bodies, when we never

617
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:31,400
Speaker 1: said we had a problem with our bodies in the

618
00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:34,000
Speaker 1: first place. We are not problems. We are people who

619
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:35,719
Speaker 1: deserve the same rights to life, liberty, and in the

620
00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:38,440
Speaker 1: pursuit of happiness is everyone else. The fight for changes

621
00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:40,919
Speaker 1: not ours alone. We need to end the constant cure

622
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:44,600
Speaker 1: narratives ingrained and championed within our culture. We need to

623
00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:46,960
Speaker 1: end at the just kidding you were never sick narratives.

624
00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:50,120
Speaker 1: The death means freedom from disability narratives and the idea

625
00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:52,560
Speaker 1: that if the body is not one able all of

626
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:55,960
Speaker 1: the time is to be pitied and dismissed while simultaneously

627
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:59,440
Speaker 1: being molded into something that can never be, which is great.

628
00:35:59,440 --> 00:36:03,040
Speaker 1: There's so much there that, um she expounds upon and

629
00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:06,960
Speaker 1: in the book. But like she she points out, she

630
00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:09,239
Speaker 1: shouldn't have to. But yeah, like you can have a

631
00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:12,520
Speaker 1: disability for a short time, um Like, so if you

632
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:15,360
Speaker 1: like break a leg or something, then suddenly that access

633
00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:19,520
Speaker 1: will be very important to you. Right, And then it's

634
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:22,280
Speaker 1: not exactly the same thing. But when my dad was dying,

635
00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:25,840
Speaker 1: I remember so many well meaning people, and I truly

636
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:27,879
Speaker 1: believe they were well meaning, but it did make them

637
00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 1: uncomfortable were talking someone who's dying and in pain. They

638
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:34,839
Speaker 1: would say things like, you know, basically kind of religious

639
00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:39,040
Speaker 1: usually just pray, you know, things would get better. If

640
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:41,319
Speaker 1: you do good, you will get better. And it would

641
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:45,680
Speaker 1: just he would be so furious, like and he you know,

642
00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:47,879
Speaker 1: people would come up and like I've read the other day,

643
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:49,640
Speaker 1: if you go to Mexico and they have X y

644
00:36:49,719 --> 00:36:55,040
Speaker 1: Z there's this care for cancer, I kind of I

645
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:58,880
Speaker 1: get the knee jerk like impulse in this case. But

646
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:05,000
Speaker 1: your your son, like implying that this person who's dying

647
00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:08,480
Speaker 1: didn't look into those things or either was just like

648
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:11,680
Speaker 1: you were the one that had the answer, right and

649
00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:14,640
Speaker 1: good luck with that. This is the most imperiating. And

650
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:16,560
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. One of the reasons I think

651
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:20,080
Speaker 1: I stopped being as religious as I was that that

652
00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:23,840
Speaker 1: narrative in itself implied that God cared more for another

653
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:27,000
Speaker 1: than this one. So if you were cured, that makes

654
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:30,719
Speaker 1: Jesus really loved you. Um, if you're not cured, well

655
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:33,160
Speaker 1: that's Jesus's plan. That means you're probably going to hell,

656
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:36,120
Speaker 1: right And I think, which is not that they would

657
00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:38,440
Speaker 1: never say that, but that's the implication to me, And

658
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:42,160
Speaker 1: I could not grasp that concept, And like, do you

659
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:48,480
Speaker 1: really think you're that important that somehow a deity of

660
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:52,440
Speaker 1: billions of people I thought you were special and therefore

661
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:55,600
Speaker 1: cured you. And not to dismiss those who may have

662
00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:59,120
Speaker 1: gone through something they feel like it was a miracle, wonderful,

663
00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:02,160
Speaker 1: But the act of the matter is that narrative does

664
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 1: imply a hierarchy of those who are healed and those

665
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:07,280
Speaker 1: who are not, as well as those who are chosen

666
00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:09,799
Speaker 1: and those who are not. And that woman who came

667
00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:11,439
Speaker 1: up to her and said, I'm praying for a cure

668
00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:14,799
Speaker 1: for you, and that's what I would said. She was

669
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:17,799
Speaker 1: much nicer and apparently in shock, but In my mind,

670
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:21,120
Speaker 1: I was like, how dare you come at me implying

671
00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 1: that God doesn't love me if something doesn't happen. How

672
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:26,239
Speaker 1: dare you, especially she who is a religious woman and

673
00:38:26,239 --> 00:38:28,880
Speaker 1: has finally, as she says in the book, come to

674
00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:31,680
Speaker 1: have one of the best relationships in a long time

675
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:35,560
Speaker 1: in her religious beliefs, how dare you imply because it's

676
00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:39,279
Speaker 1: not your standard, that perhaps God doesn't love me. And

677
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:41,239
Speaker 1: she was a kid when this happened, by the way, yeah,

678
00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:43,520
Speaker 1: she was a teenager. And I was like, that is

679
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:46,600
Speaker 1: that alone for me would have been enough to turn

680
00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:48,919
Speaker 1: around and spit on somebody like I think I would

681
00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:52,279
Speaker 1: have been ready because this narrative is damaging in so

682
00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:55,720
Speaker 1: many ways, and you're damaging other people who truly needed

683
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:58,440
Speaker 1: Jesus or truly needed a deity, it truly needed a

684
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:03,239
Speaker 1: faith by implying if something doesn't happen, that something has

685
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:06,160
Speaker 1: gone wrong and you have done wrong, and that is

686
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:09,359
Speaker 1: probably obviously I feel very very strongly because I've seen

687
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:11,600
Speaker 1: that way too much. I've seen it in this industry.

688
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:14,440
Speaker 1: I've seen it in many industries where that is implied,

689
00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:18,440
Speaker 1: especially in the US, for US, especially in the South,

690
00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:22,680
Speaker 1: where that is an implication of prayer hills all and

691
00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:24,759
Speaker 1: and then coming back with well, that's not God's plan

692
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:26,960
Speaker 1: to all these things, and like you can't have one

693
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:29,800
Speaker 1: or the other like that. Don't sit here and imply

694
00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:33,400
Speaker 1: you know God's plan by doing these things. Yeah, and

695
00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:37,319
Speaker 1: then tell me, oh, just playing that wasn't God's plan.

696
00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:41,799
Speaker 1: So you're wrong, No need to say it's front. If

697
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:44,000
Speaker 1: you want to pray for someone, that's just kindness. That's

698
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:46,799
Speaker 1: great to do that. Do that on your own. You

699
00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:51,800
Speaker 1: don't have to do this because that again puts those

700
00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:56,239
Speaker 1: kind of connotations on someone else with expectations that may

701
00:39:56,239 --> 00:39:58,680
Speaker 1: not be met. And how dare you you have killed

702
00:39:58,719 --> 00:40:02,360
Speaker 1: someone's spirit because of that? Again coming back to the

703
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:05,800
Speaker 1: fact that Kia Brown seems like a woman of faith

704
00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:08,279
Speaker 1: and believes that and it's and has come to a

705
00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 1: point that she loves herself and so I'm glad that

706
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:13,839
Speaker 1: she did not have that for herself. Who who could

707
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:16,640
Speaker 1: have easily done so? But just as a reminder of

708
00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:19,640
Speaker 1: what this is, this whole savior is m this whole

709
00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:22,319
Speaker 1: level of things that you're like, you can't you need

710
00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:24,719
Speaker 1: to be careful. We all need to be careful when

711
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:27,600
Speaker 1: implying that do you think someone's in a bad place

712
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:30,120
Speaker 1: because you feel like you could not handle it. I

713
00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:33,359
Speaker 1: hate this. I hate this narrative in every aspect, just

714
00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:36,000
Speaker 1: as someone who is a survivor of any type of

715
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:39,600
Speaker 1: abuse or victimization in general to come and be like,

716
00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:43,080
Speaker 1: I don't know how it could handle that situation. It's infuriating,

717
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:45,600
Speaker 1: as if I deserved it or was built to handle it.

718
00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:49,480
Speaker 1: Don't say this, don't do this. This is out of bounds.

719
00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:53,800
Speaker 1: This is ugly's ugly. As you want to bless someone's ugly,

720
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:57,160
Speaker 1: don't do it. As again, you can tell him very

721
00:40:57,239 --> 00:41:00,680
Speaker 1: very very passionate about this. And of course I'm trying

722
00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:03,040
Speaker 1: to ring myself in and saying on the curse words

723
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:05,120
Speaker 1: because I've gone through this way too many times, I think.

724
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:08,399
Speaker 1: And obviously you have to between all of the things

725
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:11,000
Speaker 1: that you grew up as a child and all the

726
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:13,799
Speaker 1: things with your father, there's too much in that that

727
00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:17,640
Speaker 1: it's like you your good intentions, this is this is

728
00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:19,840
Speaker 1: the road leading to hell? Like this is that that

729
00:41:20,239 --> 00:41:24,080
Speaker 1: part of it. And just because you may have one experience,

730
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:26,280
Speaker 1: or just because you think you know of an experience

731
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:29,480
Speaker 1: or you think you could understand experience, doesn't mean you

732
00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:37,160
Speaker 1: have the right to speak, especially to strangers, especially to strangers. Yeah,

733
00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 1: it definitely clearly. We could go into this in depth,

734
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:44,719
Speaker 1: maybe in a future episode, but it definitely And for me,

735
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:48,600
Speaker 1: it feels like it is implying that you, at some

736
00:41:48,680 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 1: time or the other did something bad, did something to

737
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:53,960
Speaker 1: deserve it. And in this case, I'm thinking my own experiences,

738
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:57,560
Speaker 1: but like there's a holier than out Like no pun intended,

739
00:41:57,560 --> 00:42:00,439
Speaker 1: but like I'm better than you, and I'm the better,

740
00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:04,359
Speaker 1: bigger person by imparting on you this advice or these

741
00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:08,960
Speaker 1: prayers or whatever, because you've failed somewhere and that's what's

742
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:11,680
Speaker 1: happening with you, and that's the reason it is happening

743
00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:14,040
Speaker 1: with me. And we've talked about that with like the

744
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:18,560
Speaker 1: human brain interprets reason where there's often no reason. So

745
00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:22,600
Speaker 1: just because something hasn't happened to you, that doesn't mean

746
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:28,719
Speaker 1: that God was like the reasons, right, right, Yeah, that's

747
00:42:28,719 --> 00:42:32,080
Speaker 1: a whole different thing, right, and and we should talk

748
00:42:32,120 --> 00:42:34,600
Speaker 1: about it in a whole different manner. But when it

749
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:37,680
Speaker 1: comes back to this, when we're talking about strangers implying

750
00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:41,360
Speaker 1: these things and bringing religion into it, and or with cures,

751
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:44,880
Speaker 1: she mentioned the flash I was very appreciative this because

752
00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:48,560
Speaker 1: it's one of my favorite shows, So thank you. I

753
00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:53,760
Speaker 1: thought that I was here we go. But she also

754
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:59,879
Speaker 1: talks about this, this whole cure all mentality and our

755
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:03,279
Speaker 1: side of the pains that she goes through her her

756
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:05,319
Speaker 1: embracing of who she is and having the good days

757
00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:08,000
Speaker 1: in the bad days, and we all we all hit that,

758
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:10,120
Speaker 1: and of course we all want things to be what

759
00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:12,560
Speaker 1: we expected to be better. We're like, oh, if we

760
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:14,759
Speaker 1: had this, this would be better. If we did this,

761
00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:16,640
Speaker 1: this would be better. If this was here, this would

762
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:19,840
Speaker 1: be better, which is what she does in this alternate timeline.

763
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:23,120
Speaker 1: But it's that narrative that we didn't realize anything was

764
00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:25,440
Speaker 1: wrong until people told us we were wrong, or people

765
00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:29,440
Speaker 1: told us people told her she should be sad, or

766
00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:32,239
Speaker 1: people told her she can't do this, and that's when she,

767
00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:34,719
Speaker 1: for the longest time, did not realize there was a

768
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:38,279
Speaker 1: difference until that point in time, until she couldn't be

769
00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:42,080
Speaker 1: the norm by finding a seat because she's because they

770
00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:44,360
Speaker 1: didn't think about people outside of that, like this is

771
00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:49,520
Speaker 1: the ablest idea is this teaches those who aren't uh

772
00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:52,480
Speaker 1: in that same level or aren't able to do these

773
00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:56,200
Speaker 1: things you're not normal. This is the normal. And had

774
00:43:56,239 --> 00:43:59,239
Speaker 1: we not had these narratives to begin with that you're

775
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:01,080
Speaker 1: a problem to be fixed. When someone is the problem

776
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:03,319
Speaker 1: to be fixed, they would have never known. We would

777
00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:06,279
Speaker 1: have never known. And then when we were faced with that,

778
00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:10,080
Speaker 1: it's not so much that that we feel wrong, it's

779
00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:13,200
Speaker 1: more so that the narrative tells us we're wrong. Yeah,

780
00:44:13,239 --> 00:44:15,640
Speaker 1: And she brings up the coverage around after when Stephen

781
00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:18,600
Speaker 1: Hawking died and we had an episode a while back

782
00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:22,799
Speaker 1: when Bridget was on with Annie Sagara was another activists

783
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:26,400
Speaker 1: in the disabled community, and if you somehow missed his coverage,

784
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:29,920
Speaker 1: a lot of it was like Stephen Hawking being freed

785
00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:35,319
Speaker 1: from his wheelchair and death, and Kia Brown writes like,

786
00:44:35,640 --> 00:44:38,560
Speaker 1: that's what you took from everything he accomplished, Like what

787
00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:43,919
Speaker 1: about his life was not like that was the thing?

788
00:44:44,040 --> 00:44:47,600
Speaker 1: That was what the narrative we're gonna run with? Okay,

789
00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:53,279
Speaker 1: then yeah, and it was like, dude, he's a genius.

790
00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:56,120
Speaker 1: Well by standard, he didn't do everything great, but he

791
00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:59,200
Speaker 1: accomplished some amazing things. What I don't think that his

792
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:02,080
Speaker 1: biggest fault was in a wheelchair, by the way, either,

793
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:08,200
Speaker 1: That's why I But yeah, and continuing with that, she

794
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:12,040
Speaker 1: talks about the importance of accessibility, and she writes the

795
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:14,880
Speaker 1: A d A Education and Reform Act, which passed in

796
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:19,960
Speaker 1: the U. S. House of Representative as HR six, is

797
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:23,600
Speaker 1: designed to roll back the rights of disabled people, which

798
00:45:23,640 --> 00:45:27,320
Speaker 1: require that people with disabilities who wish to report access

799
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:32,319
Speaker 1: barriers and buildings in public spaces become essentially code experts,

800
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:36,040
Speaker 1: give notice to the appropriate owners, and then wait six

801
00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 1: months or longer for the business or government agencies to

802
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:42,759
Speaker 1: make substantial progress. And that doesn't even guarantee that the

803
00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 1: issues in question will be fixed. And that's, oh my god, infuriating.

804
00:45:49,719 --> 00:45:52,040
Speaker 1: There's so many things that happened in that administration like

805
00:45:52,320 --> 00:45:57,800
Speaker 1: this wasn't even necessary, It wasn't why, Yeah, it's it's ridiculous.

806
00:46:11,640 --> 00:46:14,440
Speaker 1: And then we wanted to talk about hughes relationship with

807
00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:17,400
Speaker 1: her twin sister Leah, and kind of this jealousy around

808
00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:21,720
Speaker 1: it when they were growing up and resenting Leah's body

809
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:26,560
Speaker 1: when she would compare it to her own right, and

810
00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:30,520
Speaker 1: she writes, how dare she walk around beautiful and quote

811
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 1: normal with her standard and normal working legs and arms

812
00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:37,720
Speaker 1: while I walked around like a freak And the older Leah,

813
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:40,880
Speaker 1: and I got the deeper my anger to groot and grew.

814
00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:44,120
Speaker 1: I pick fights with Leah, call her name, scratched her

815
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:47,440
Speaker 1: body by using my stronger left arm and bite down

816
00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:49,800
Speaker 1: before she could block me. I did this in a

817
00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:52,400
Speaker 1: desperate attempt to make her as ugly as I thought

818
00:46:52,440 --> 00:46:55,880
Speaker 1: I was. I became very desperate around the time boys

819
00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:58,640
Speaker 1: started to find her attractive and asked me to put

820
00:46:58,640 --> 00:47:00,960
Speaker 1: in a good word with her. I believe that the

821
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:05,120
Speaker 1: attention she received made me uglier. And yeah, she talks

822
00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:09,000
Speaker 1: about specific incidents about getting her hopes up and realizing

823
00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:11,879
Speaker 1: they were asking about Leah, and it made me so

824
00:47:11,960 --> 00:47:15,359
Speaker 1: sad because of course she comes back and talks about

825
00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:18,680
Speaker 1: the fact that she had pictured it bigger than what

826
00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:21,879
Speaker 1: her sister pictured it, but that she was the one

827
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:25,080
Speaker 1: who damaged their relationship, and it like she was the

828
00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:31,399
Speaker 1: ming girl essentially of this relationship. And it made me like, all, yeah, yeah,

829
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:35,040
Speaker 1: because they're twins. Yeah, And it is one of those

830
00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:38,840
Speaker 1: things where I was reading it and it reminded me

831
00:47:38,880 --> 00:47:41,319
Speaker 1: of what we talked about recently in Lanking for his Body,

832
00:47:41,320 --> 00:47:45,160
Speaker 1: where these like oppressive, like white supremacy patriarchal systems end

833
00:47:45,239 --> 00:47:49,640
Speaker 1: up turning, you know, people marginalized people against other marginalized people,

834
00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:53,000
Speaker 1: or just people in your life. I'm glad that their

835
00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:55,879
Speaker 1: relationship is well on the mend and healing and they're

836
00:47:55,960 --> 00:47:57,960
Speaker 1: very close now, but it is sad when you think

837
00:47:58,000 --> 00:47:59,759
Speaker 1: about those things in your life where you're like I

838
00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:03,640
Speaker 1: was lashing out at the wrong person. She has this

839
00:48:03,640 --> 00:48:06,600
Speaker 1: whole chapter on jealousy, looking at looking into it and

840
00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:10,000
Speaker 1: why it happens and why it happened in this case,

841
00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:15,120
Speaker 1: and it's it is very relatable, but it is very

842
00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 1: sad because, like you were saying, you know, it's one

843
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:18,880
Speaker 1: of those things that she kind of learned this hatred

844
00:48:18,920 --> 00:48:21,600
Speaker 1: of herself. She didn't have it, and then she learned it,

845
00:48:21,719 --> 00:48:24,640
Speaker 1: and then that separated her even further from like a

846
00:48:24,719 --> 00:48:27,520
Speaker 1: relationship in her life that had been healthy and nice

847
00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:31,600
Speaker 1: and would have hopefully been that way throughout when she

848
00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:38,000
Speaker 1: could have used it. Instead, you know, UM flashed out.

849
00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:42,040
Speaker 1: And I think we've all been there where we've taken

850
00:48:42,200 --> 00:48:45,400
Speaker 1: things out that we are feeling out it ourselves essentially,

851
00:48:45,440 --> 00:48:48,640
Speaker 1: but taking it out on other people. Right. So she

852
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:50,680
Speaker 1: also writes I often took lee as lack of concern

853
00:48:50,760 --> 00:48:53,399
Speaker 1: or care about boys as personal attack. Leah was single

854
00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:54,960
Speaker 1: because she wanted to be, while I felt I had

855
00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:57,480
Speaker 1: no other choice. This lack of choice made me angry.

856
00:48:58,000 --> 00:49:00,600
Speaker 1: And I want to include this because they was a lot.

857
00:49:01,200 --> 00:49:06,440
Speaker 1: I was recently on Holly's Star Wars show, Holly Fry Stuff.

858
00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:08,680
Speaker 1: He class he's been on this show. I was recently

859
00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:10,279
Speaker 1: on her Star Wars show Full of Sith you can

860
00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:12,040
Speaker 1: check it out, and in the middle of it, she

861
00:49:12,120 --> 00:49:13,279
Speaker 1: was kind of like, you know what, I feel like

862
00:49:13,320 --> 00:49:15,640
Speaker 1: I can tell a lot about people based on their

863
00:49:15,640 --> 00:49:17,640
Speaker 1: experience with Star Wars, and I can tell you've got

864
00:49:17,680 --> 00:49:21,920
Speaker 1: a lot of family drama. And I was like, so

865
00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:25,200
Speaker 1: she said something so deep, but I did. I really

866
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:26,719
Speaker 1: related to that because me and my little brother had

867
00:49:26,719 --> 00:49:30,080
Speaker 1: a huge fight about this very thing, where he he

868
00:49:30,280 --> 00:49:35,640
Speaker 1: thought that me not being interested in dating was essentially

869
00:49:35,719 --> 00:49:38,920
Speaker 1: hurting or impacting him, and I never saw it that way.

870
00:49:39,239 --> 00:49:41,680
Speaker 1: But she also writes about her relationship with her brother

871
00:49:42,440 --> 00:49:44,960
Speaker 1: and how stressful bastmen, and that reminded me of my

872
00:49:45,040 --> 00:49:49,000
Speaker 1: relationship was my brother. It's just a very complicated relationship

873
00:49:49,040 --> 00:49:50,760
Speaker 1: that we have and I often struggle with even talking

874
00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:54,239
Speaker 1: about it because I I'm like, very protective of him,

875
00:49:54,280 --> 00:49:56,480
Speaker 1: but have been very hurt by him at the same time,

876
00:49:57,080 --> 00:49:59,120
Speaker 1: so it's like I always feel like I have to

877
00:49:59,120 --> 00:50:03,359
Speaker 1: give people contact to everything, like before you judge. But yeah,

878
00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:05,520
Speaker 1: I just that was a very personal note for me.

879
00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:08,400
Speaker 1: Or I felt like I really connected with that. I

880
00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:10,960
Speaker 1: also really connected where she kept she mentioned Mary, Kate

881
00:50:10,960 --> 00:50:14,279
Speaker 1: and Ashley. I thought about us so well on this one.

882
00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:17,000
Speaker 1: I'm like man, she said in all our buttons. Yes

883
00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:19,400
Speaker 1: she is, she said to Darella with Brandy, and I

884
00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:23,360
Speaker 1: was like in the flash and now Mary, Kayton Ashley

885
00:50:23,480 --> 00:50:28,600
Speaker 1: for you, Yeah, I thought. Yeah. She also talked about

886
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:30,319
Speaker 1: ten and Tamara, what she was thinking about these, and

887
00:50:30,400 --> 00:50:32,920
Speaker 1: like this is the twin relationship. She thought she should

888
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:36,160
Speaker 1: have the twins she was watching, but did want to

889
00:50:36,160 --> 00:50:38,320
Speaker 1: include this quote because we have been talking about entertaining

890
00:50:38,360 --> 00:50:41,520
Speaker 1: a lot. The idea that disability is punishment is reflected

891
00:50:41,520 --> 00:50:44,480
Speaker 1: back to us in TV and movies, thus influencing policy

892
00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:47,040
Speaker 1: and law. The fear of expressing a part of who

893
00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:49,760
Speaker 1: you are for fear of backlash is a familiar concept

894
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:52,399
Speaker 1: to most marginalized people. The cycle can be broken once

895
00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:54,840
Speaker 1: we take the step of ending the stigma so that

896
00:50:54,880 --> 00:50:58,200
Speaker 1: people feel comfortable disclosing and telling worthwhile stories about disability

897
00:50:58,320 --> 00:51:01,680
Speaker 1: which can change cultural ideas and policies that negatively affect

898
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:04,960
Speaker 1: the disability community. And we've talked about that before that

899
00:51:05,440 --> 00:51:10,080
Speaker 1: what people see on TV. There have been studies that

900
00:51:10,120 --> 00:51:14,279
Speaker 1: show it does impact policy. It impacts the laws that

901
00:51:14,400 --> 00:51:18,200
Speaker 1: we make or don't make, or what we put money behind, um,

902
00:51:18,239 --> 00:51:21,960
Speaker 1: which we could have a whole commentary on the cons

903
00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:24,799
Speaker 1: of that, but it's true. So this was when she

904
00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:29,480
Speaker 1: was talking about the importance of good representation, right, I mean,

905
00:51:29,680 --> 00:51:32,640
Speaker 1: we can talk about that with the pandemic and what's

906
00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:37,480
Speaker 1: happening right now as the delta variant is happening, and

907
00:51:37,520 --> 00:51:40,840
Speaker 1: the fact that they are dismissing any of the disabled

908
00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:44,080
Speaker 1: community in high risk communities by sitting everybody back to

909
00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:48,759
Speaker 1: school without the option of doing virtual And again, no

910
00:51:48,800 --> 00:51:51,160
Speaker 1: one's really talking about it as much as a disabled

911
00:51:51,160 --> 00:51:54,239
Speaker 1: community or those who are impacted by it. And that's

912
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:57,160
Speaker 1: the unfortunate parts because people are not willing to talk

913
00:51:57,200 --> 00:52:01,600
Speaker 1: about it if it's not personal to them. So other children, Sure,

914
00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:05,560
Speaker 1: children are annoyed by masks, don't make them wear masks. Oh,

915
00:52:05,640 --> 00:52:07,960
Speaker 1: children need to be back in school because I don't

916
00:52:07,960 --> 00:52:11,200
Speaker 1: want them here. To be fair, that's not that's not

917
00:52:11,280 --> 00:52:14,160
Speaker 1: most people. I'm not dismissing the fact that having children

918
00:52:14,160 --> 00:52:17,200
Speaker 1: at home is hard, I know, and that those who

919
00:52:17,239 --> 00:52:20,279
Speaker 1: do not have access. But what I'm saying is those

920
00:52:20,280 --> 00:52:23,840
Speaker 1: are the larger conversations than those who have the disabled community,

921
00:52:24,080 --> 00:52:28,160
Speaker 1: so we have to recognize that. Yeah, just saying for sure,

922
00:52:28,200 --> 00:52:30,680
Speaker 1: a lot of putting the comfort first. That's what used

923
00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:33,680
Speaker 1: me about the masses. I'm like, you know what, I

924
00:52:33,760 --> 00:52:36,400
Speaker 1: get that. Maybe it's more comfortable for you, but in

925
00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:40,239
Speaker 1: the end, it's about comfort. I can do it. It's

926
00:52:40,280 --> 00:52:43,640
Speaker 1: gonna be fine. That's not a need. Comfortable is not

927
00:52:43,680 --> 00:52:48,200
Speaker 1: necessarily need based used to getting what you want. The

928
00:52:48,200 --> 00:52:50,719
Speaker 1: same thing was a critical race theory. But hey, yep,

929
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:56,120
Speaker 1: exactly erg indeed. And then I did want to include

930
00:52:56,120 --> 00:52:58,680
Speaker 1: this very briefly before we close out to you. She

931
00:52:58,719 --> 00:53:01,080
Speaker 1: has this whole thing about love and how much she

932
00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:03,160
Speaker 1: wants to find love, her love of rom coms. That

933
00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:05,680
Speaker 1: also made me think of you. I love a She

934
00:53:05,719 --> 00:53:07,719
Speaker 1: has like Hallmark one where she was like, oh, this

935
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:11,240
Speaker 1: is my relationship, like just picking up on those things,

936
00:53:11,800 --> 00:53:14,200
Speaker 1: and she writes about like never having been in love

937
00:53:14,239 --> 00:53:16,439
Speaker 1: and the fear of never finding love, of never being

938
00:53:16,440 --> 00:53:19,680
Speaker 1: in love of being worthy of love and how she

939
00:53:19,800 --> 00:53:22,520
Speaker 1: wants those things, and I was just really moved by

940
00:53:22,520 --> 00:53:25,239
Speaker 1: it because it's a very personal thing to be open

941
00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:28,520
Speaker 1: about with, but it's something I also connected connected with

942
00:53:28,600 --> 00:53:32,239
Speaker 1: because I have caught myself wanting those things even though

943
00:53:32,280 --> 00:53:35,799
Speaker 1: I identify as a sexual or gray sexual, and I

944
00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:37,279
Speaker 1: think it's because I do see it and it looks

945
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:40,200
Speaker 1: so wonderful and entertainment. But it was just kind of

946
00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:42,640
Speaker 1: nice to read about, like, oh, yeah, this is sort

947
00:53:42,680 --> 00:53:45,960
Speaker 1: of what I'm talking about. It's like, it sounds lovely.

948
00:53:46,760 --> 00:53:48,319
Speaker 1: I think we all yearned for that. And she she

949
00:53:48,360 --> 00:53:50,839
Speaker 1: talks about this with our music to like her her

950
00:53:50,960 --> 00:53:54,239
Speaker 1: moods and what she felt through music, whether it was

951
00:53:54,320 --> 00:53:58,080
Speaker 1: through Paramore or any of the old school stuff. She

952
00:53:58,160 --> 00:54:01,359
Speaker 1: also talks about Dimmi Lavato and their song Sky's Favor,

953
00:54:01,440 --> 00:54:04,160
Speaker 1: which actually I loved that song and it's probably one

954
00:54:04,160 --> 00:54:07,440
Speaker 1: of the most tear jerking, like open raw songs for

955
00:54:07,520 --> 00:54:09,960
Speaker 1: me as well. So when Kia was talking about it,

956
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:13,600
Speaker 1: was like, Yeah, they do an amazing job in this level,

957
00:54:13,640 --> 00:54:16,680
Speaker 1: because I think the me levado was coming through the

958
00:54:16,719 --> 00:54:20,920
Speaker 1: first rehabstant and just letting those go and just feeling

959
00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:24,239
Speaker 1: so fragile but at the same time breaking through all

960
00:54:24,280 --> 00:54:27,640
Speaker 1: of that, because there is there's something about this level

961
00:54:27,719 --> 00:54:30,640
Speaker 1: of songs that they've got the right coorse, they've got

962
00:54:30,640 --> 00:54:33,680
Speaker 1: the right lyrics, and I know you know with your

963
00:54:33,719 --> 00:54:37,040
Speaker 1: soundtracks that I do too, and like feeling that depth

964
00:54:37,080 --> 00:54:40,520
Speaker 1: and that level, but that emotion of just wanting to

965
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:46,680
Speaker 1: be wanted and that that is a a level that

966
00:54:46,760 --> 00:54:52,120
Speaker 1: goes beyond just rationale, like rationally we know that this

967
00:54:52,200 --> 00:54:54,480
Speaker 1: is not maybe not realistic, this is not what happens,

968
00:54:54,480 --> 00:54:57,040
Speaker 1: this is not the real world, but that need, that

969
00:54:57,120 --> 00:55:01,279
Speaker 1: favorite pitch of like wanting to feel the songs and

970
00:55:01,560 --> 00:55:04,879
Speaker 1: such a depth of emotion and we can whether it's

971
00:55:04,920 --> 00:55:08,760
Speaker 1: feeling all of a sudden inspired or feeling so sad

972
00:55:08,840 --> 00:55:12,279
Speaker 1: and broken or so like empty and alone, which is

973
00:55:12,280 --> 00:55:16,160
Speaker 1: the emo phase. But finding that love, that that being

974
00:55:16,239 --> 00:55:19,040
Speaker 1: told you're that girl, that special one that you know

975
00:55:19,120 --> 00:55:21,719
Speaker 1: you're the beautiful, most beautiful woman in the worst state

976
00:55:21,719 --> 00:55:25,560
Speaker 1: of being and never really actually hearing that. To actually

977
00:55:25,640 --> 00:55:28,720
Speaker 1: find that it is rare and that is that one,

978
00:55:29,040 --> 00:55:31,239
Speaker 1: like holy grill. I think for a lot of young

979
00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:36,640
Speaker 1: girls to wish to be the boy band fantasy, yes

980
00:55:38,200 --> 00:55:40,799
Speaker 1: you know, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, I feel that

981
00:55:40,920 --> 00:55:43,239
Speaker 1: I hear that, and and when you feel like there's

982
00:55:43,280 --> 00:55:46,040
Speaker 1: something wrong with you, when there's feeling like these are

983
00:55:46,080 --> 00:55:49,520
Speaker 1: the reasons why they can't love me, it's it's this

984
00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:52,960
Speaker 1: whole level like trying to go past that and how

985
00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:55,560
Speaker 1: do I get to this? I will say also appreciated

986
00:55:56,120 --> 00:55:59,680
Speaker 1: her stories, which makes me disgusted about like trying to

987
00:55:59,719 --> 00:56:03,480
Speaker 1: ond date and all that, because I don't necessarily have

988
00:56:03,600 --> 00:56:07,600
Speaker 1: the same experience. But I definitely had that, Oh, you're Asian,

989
00:56:07,600 --> 00:56:09,239
Speaker 1: and I'm sorry, I have a fetist for Asian, so

990
00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:11,359
Speaker 1: let me go ahead and talk to you and see

991
00:56:11,360 --> 00:56:12,960
Speaker 1: if you'll do these things for me. And I'm like,

992
00:56:13,400 --> 00:56:21,280
Speaker 1: hell Na, no, no, no, nah, m hm m m yeah.

993
00:56:22,080 --> 00:56:23,960
Speaker 1: I think it was just it was also really nice

994
00:56:24,000 --> 00:56:28,279
Speaker 1: to hear someone being so open and hopeful about it. Yeah,

995
00:56:28,840 --> 00:56:33,239
Speaker 1: at it older age, and she's not older at all,

996
00:56:33,280 --> 00:56:34,920
Speaker 1: but I feel like a lot of times more than me,

997
00:56:35,040 --> 00:56:36,839
Speaker 1: So how dare you? Oh no, no, no, I think

998
00:56:36,840 --> 00:56:40,839
Speaker 1: she's young me. Okay, she's younger than me, and I'm

999
00:56:40,920 --> 00:56:43,880
Speaker 1: so young. I did hear a podcast the other day

1000
00:56:43,920 --> 00:56:45,919
Speaker 1: where I was like, I'm twenty nine. I'm like, what,

1001
00:56:46,160 --> 00:56:48,399
Speaker 1: oh my god, I've been doing this welcome to my world,

1002
00:56:48,480 --> 00:56:51,560
Speaker 1: it gets worse. No, No, but I think there's it

1003
00:56:51,600 --> 00:56:54,520
Speaker 1: reaches a certain age where you kind of close up

1004
00:56:54,560 --> 00:56:57,279
Speaker 1: about that stuff or you might feel ashamed about like

1005
00:56:57,360 --> 00:57:00,520
Speaker 1: you haven't found it yet. I think that's definitely changing

1006
00:57:00,880 --> 00:57:02,840
Speaker 1: for sure. But like we've talked about, I thought I

1007
00:57:02,880 --> 00:57:07,640
Speaker 1: was gonna be married by Andy or whatever. So I

1008
00:57:07,719 --> 00:57:10,239
Speaker 1: don't know. I just really appreciated that. And then I

1009
00:57:10,280 --> 00:57:15,680
Speaker 1: wanted to close on this quote, which I love. I

1010
00:57:15,719 --> 00:57:17,280
Speaker 1: like me so much that when I think about it,

1011
00:57:17,320 --> 00:57:19,640
Speaker 1: I giggle like I've got a crush. When I smile,

1012
00:57:19,680 --> 00:57:21,320
Speaker 1: it feels like the sun is filling up in my

1013
00:57:21,400 --> 00:57:23,520
Speaker 1: body so that when I move around the world, I

1014
00:57:23,520 --> 00:57:25,800
Speaker 1: can light it up. I like me so much now

1015
00:57:25,840 --> 00:57:27,520
Speaker 1: that I know I don't need to be the best

1016
00:57:27,640 --> 00:57:29,680
Speaker 1: or the prettiest person anyone meets. I just need to

1017
00:57:29,720 --> 00:57:32,720
Speaker 1: be me, and that's enough. The world at largest still

1018
00:57:32,720 --> 00:57:36,160
Speaker 1: clinging to ablest and harmful ideas of disabled people. Still,

1019
00:57:36,200 --> 00:57:38,080
Speaker 1: I can't allow myself to let the opinions of a

1020
00:57:38,120 --> 00:57:41,040
Speaker 1: culture influenced my whole view the way they did before.

1021
00:57:41,360 --> 00:57:42,919
Speaker 1: I have too much left to do and I've worked

1022
00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:45,400
Speaker 1: too damn hard to get here. The rest of the

1023
00:57:45,400 --> 00:57:48,520
Speaker 1: world will catch up whether it wants to or not,

1024
00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:51,800
Speaker 1: especially with the work that disability community and especially the

1025
00:57:51,840 --> 00:57:54,360
Speaker 1: women in our community are doing to ensure that it

1026
00:57:54,480 --> 00:57:57,120
Speaker 1: is happening through hell or high water. Outside of my

1027
00:57:57,120 --> 00:57:59,160
Speaker 1: disability work, I want to write books that mean as

1028
00:57:59,240 --> 00:58:02,040
Speaker 1: much to me as Desson's and Morrison's do. I want

1029
00:58:02,040 --> 00:58:05,080
Speaker 1: my future books to be all light for someone and

1030
00:58:05,120 --> 00:58:11,240
Speaker 1: I love that. And this was y it was so lovely. Listeners,

1031
00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:14,400
Speaker 1: if you haven't read it, we highly highly recommend going

1032
00:58:14,440 --> 00:58:16,880
Speaker 1: to pick it up right now, Yes, right now, and

1033
00:58:16,920 --> 00:58:20,919
Speaker 1: then listen to this again and make more sense. Come back, yes,

1034
00:58:21,000 --> 00:58:23,840
Speaker 1: come back always. And if you have any book suggestions

1035
00:58:23,840 --> 00:58:26,240
Speaker 1: for our next book club but you can email them

1036
00:58:26,280 --> 00:58:28,880
Speaker 1: to us our emails stephaniea mom Stuff at iHeart media

1037
00:58:28,960 --> 00:58:30,880
Speaker 1: dot com. You can find us on Twitter at mom

1038
00:58:30,920 --> 00:58:33,200
Speaker 1: Stuff podcast or on Instagram at stuff I've Never Told

1039
00:58:33,200 --> 00:58:36,200
Speaker 1: You Things as always to our super producer, Christina, also

1040
00:58:36,280 --> 00:58:38,760
Speaker 1: the light of our lives. Yes, and thanks to you

1041
00:58:38,840 --> 00:58:41,240
Speaker 1: for listening Stuff I Never Told You. Protection of iHeart

1042
00:58:41,320 --> 00:58:43,280
Speaker 1: Radio for more podcast from I Heart Radio, but the

1043
00:58:43,400 --> 00:58:45,560
Speaker 1: iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast, or whever you listen to

1044
00:58:45,600 --> 00:58:46,400
Speaker 1: your favorite shows.