WEBVTT - Molested as a Young Boy: An NBA Star Breaks His Silence 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:02.720 Hey, fam, I'm Jada Pinkett Smith and this is the 0:00:02.759 --> 0:00:06.080 Red Table Pop Podcast, all your favorite episodes from the 0:00:06.120 --> 0:00:10.280 Facebook Watch show in audio produced by Westbrook Audio and 0:00:10.360 --> 0:00:13.360 I Heart Radio. Please don't forget to rate and review 0:00:13.680 --> 0:00:19.040 on Apple Podcasts. Hello RTT family. Um, this particular Red 0:00:19.040 --> 0:00:22.640 Table Talk is about a subject matter that has rarely 0:00:22.680 --> 0:00:26.360 talked about, and that is the sexual abuse of young boys. 0:00:27.120 --> 0:00:31.960 The headlines keep coming, priests, pop stars, even the boy scouts. 0:00:32.680 --> 0:00:37.000 Every new accusation of sexual abuse exposes a hidden epidemic 0:00:37.040 --> 0:00:40.320 that tortures our young boys and leaves them suffering in silence. 0:00:40.840 --> 0:00:45.120 Just days ago, Common, the multi talented Oscar winner, courageously 0:00:45.200 --> 0:00:48.479 revealed a painful experience he had repressed for years of 0:00:48.520 --> 0:00:51.640 being molested by a family friend as a young boy. 0:00:52.000 --> 0:00:53.720 So I want people to be like, man, I can 0:00:53.840 --> 0:00:56.520 you know I've experienced this and I can say something 0:00:56.560 --> 0:00:58.760 about it if I find out how to heal myself. 0:00:58.920 --> 0:01:00.600 And a lot of people afraid to talk about it. 0:01:00.600 --> 0:01:02.319 But the only way we stopped the cycling to talk 0:01:02.360 --> 0:01:04.280 about it. So that's why I told you to say something. 0:01:04.840 --> 0:01:07.000 And when a friend told me about a courageous NBA 0:01:07.080 --> 0:01:09.680 player who was revealing a trauma from his childhood. I 0:01:09.760 --> 0:01:11.720 knew we needed to hear a story at the Red Table. 0:01:14.800 --> 0:01:23.600 Let's do it. One of the reasons why this particular 0:01:23.640 --> 0:01:28.360 show um was really important to me is because how 0:01:28.400 --> 0:01:33.600 many men told me, really men that you knew personally. Yes, 0:01:33.840 --> 0:01:35.680 if I think it's about the list of twenty men 0:01:35.720 --> 0:01:38.360 in my own life, they'll be like four or five 0:01:38.840 --> 0:01:43.040 out of twenty that have been you know, sexually abused, 0:01:43.160 --> 0:01:46.759 I mean even to the extreme of rape. So over 0:01:46.800 --> 0:01:52.080 the years, I've been really shocked at how common it is. 0:01:52.440 --> 0:01:55.720 Most men won't report it, they won't come out and 0:01:55.760 --> 0:01:59.720 talk about it, such a secretive matter. Joining the Red 0:01:59.760 --> 0:02:03.320 Tape was a former NBA player, Kian Dueling, who for 0:02:03.400 --> 0:02:08.400 a very long time had kept a deep secret. In twelve, 0:02:08.560 --> 0:02:11.280 Kion Dueling had a picture perfect life with a beautiful 0:02:11.280 --> 0:02:14.160 wife and four adorable kids. He was starting his twelfth 0:02:14.240 --> 0:02:16.640 year as an NBA player, and I just signed a 0:02:16.760 --> 0:02:20.639 new one point four million dollar contract with the Boston Celtics. 0:02:20.800 --> 0:02:24.639 He played for the legendary NBA championship coach Doc Rivers, 0:02:24.680 --> 0:02:28.480 and his best friends were as teammates, All Star point 0:02:28.520 --> 0:02:33.200 guard Region Rondo and a young rising star Avery Bradley, 0:02:33.360 --> 0:02:37.040 the Celtics had become a second family. Our Celtic culture 0:02:37.160 --> 0:02:40.960 was was just it was extremely tight. Um we were 0:02:40.960 --> 0:02:45.720 a family. He was very intelligent, articular guy who was 0:02:45.800 --> 0:02:47.520 kind of more like a mentor big brother than me. 0:02:47.760 --> 0:02:50.200 Our families were closed, our kids played together. Me and 0:02:50.320 --> 0:02:53.640 ki Are instantly just had like a special relationship. He 0:02:53.720 --> 0:02:56.720 was like an older brother for me. Avery invited key 0:02:56.800 --> 0:03:00.079 On to Seattle for a charity event, but afterwards his 0:03:00.160 --> 0:03:04.040 life took a dark and drastic turn. After the event, 0:03:04.320 --> 0:03:08.760 Kian having an incident with someone in the bathroom and 0:03:08.880 --> 0:03:12.280 us having to stop him, like calm him down. And 0:03:12.320 --> 0:03:15.560 this is kind of where everything started. Kian was in 0:03:15.560 --> 0:03:19.920 the bathroom. A drunk man grabbed us behind and Kian snapped. 0:03:20.320 --> 0:03:22.480 We walked outside and we happened to see the guy 0:03:22.560 --> 0:03:26.000 that Kion saw on the restroom and he started choking him. 0:03:26.040 --> 0:03:29.919 To calm Kion down, I just held him tight, told 0:03:30.000 --> 0:03:32.520 him it wasn't worth it. From that day on, his 0:03:32.600 --> 0:03:36.400 teammates say Kian became someone they didn't recognize. He came 0:03:36.400 --> 0:03:38.440 back from Seattle when we kind of had to gather 0:03:38.520 --> 0:03:40.040 at the house. I started to see the difference and 0:03:40.200 --> 0:03:42.560 changed in. He kept talking about, you know how we 0:03:42.600 --> 0:03:47.400 all need to repent and ask for forgiveness is coming soon, 0:03:47.440 --> 0:03:50.880 and I was definitely worried. A few days later, Kian 0:03:51.000 --> 0:03:53.360 went to the Celtics gym and brought his little boy 0:03:53.600 --> 0:03:56.000 kJ with him. Guys were playing pick up on the 0:03:56.040 --> 0:03:59.600 court at the time, and Kian went on the court 0:03:59.640 --> 0:04:02.920 and stop to pick up Gay and it took the ball, 0:04:03.280 --> 0:04:05.560 and so everybody was like, man, what's wrong with key Are? 0:04:06.040 --> 0:04:08.680 And I remember him saying that he wanted to give 0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:10.960 his contract up. He didn't, he didn't want to play anymore. 0:04:11.120 --> 0:04:13.960 I got a call from my assistant, Emrie, you need 0:04:14.000 --> 0:04:18.159 to hurry up and get here. Kean is having a meltdown. 0:04:18.720 --> 0:04:22.280 And so when I pull up at the facility, the 0:04:22.320 --> 0:04:26.640 door bust opening his key on in his shorts and 0:04:26.720 --> 0:04:30.800 those shirts, cold outside, and he hugs me, but he 0:04:30.880 --> 0:04:35.640 hugs me tight and hard. And for a long time 0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:40.680 he was literally talking about Illuminati's evil God. He wasn't 0:04:40.720 --> 0:04:43.200 making a lot of sense. I wanted to get a 0:04:43.240 --> 0:04:46.040 son away because he still was acting a little bit different, 0:04:46.480 --> 0:04:51.600 and I remember Rondo grabbing his son um kJ, and 0:04:51.600 --> 0:04:56.360 and me driving him home. I was like man, this 0:04:56.440 --> 0:05:00.400 isn't my brethren. No, I have no no idea what 0:05:01.360 --> 0:05:05.000 I couldn't went wrong for him to just snap. Mamory 0:05:05.080 --> 0:05:07.560 calls me and tells me they put him in a 0:05:07.600 --> 0:05:11.600 mental institution. I just jumped in the car and I 0:05:11.640 --> 0:05:15.200 went to see Kia. And when I pull into this facility, 0:05:15.600 --> 0:05:18.200 if you've ever seen one over the Cuckoo's nest, it 0:05:18.360 --> 0:05:21.839 was worse. I said, you don't belong here. What's going on? Kia? 0:05:22.560 --> 0:05:25.400 And that's when he opened up about what happened, that 0:05:25.520 --> 0:05:29.240 he was abused sexually abuse. He said, I must have 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:32.040 blocked it out of my mind all these years, and 0:05:32.120 --> 0:05:38.039 somehow it came pouring out of me. I thought he 0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:41.920 was in trouble, and to watch what he went through, 0:05:42.760 --> 0:05:46.200 I don't think you'll ever understand the fear of all 0:05:46.240 --> 0:05:54.720 the people who loved him. Wow, how does that make 0:05:54.760 --> 0:06:00.200 you feel a lot of emotions. I feel supported, I 0:06:00.240 --> 0:06:03.960 feel loved um, and I also feel like a man 0:06:04.520 --> 0:06:07.440 who was in the battlefield and my brothers didn't just 0:06:07.520 --> 0:06:10.400 leave me there. Yeah. That proved to me that man, 0:06:10.560 --> 0:06:12.599 my folks got love for me. Yeah. Yeah, so I 0:06:12.640 --> 0:06:15.960 was very happy about that. Also during PTSD, you don't 0:06:16.000 --> 0:06:20.640 remember everything you experienced. And that's a very difficult place 0:06:20.680 --> 0:06:23.120 to be for me as a man to say, hey, 0:06:23.520 --> 0:06:26.680 I don't remember some of those things that happened during 0:06:26.720 --> 0:06:29.760 those times. And so to hear the different prospectives, um, 0:06:29.800 --> 0:06:31.600 you know kind of really brings the full circle to 0:06:31.680 --> 0:06:35.159 me as well. Can you take us back to the beginning. 0:06:35.440 --> 0:06:39.159 Can you take us back to the actual incident? I can? 0:06:39.360 --> 0:06:41.920 I can. Um. So it was a rainy day South 0:06:41.960 --> 0:06:44.720 Florida in the summer. Um, my friend and I we 0:06:44.720 --> 0:06:47.360 were at one of my brother's friends house and uh, 0:06:47.640 --> 0:06:50.040 we've been there before, we've hung out there before, played 0:06:50.040 --> 0:06:52.480 the video game, but this day it was different. This 0:06:52.640 --> 0:06:55.960 day he put porn on. UM, and that was really 0:06:56.760 --> 0:06:59.599 to me. You know, a part of the grooming didn't know. 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:02.760 You're young, you're curious, you don't really know what to expect, 0:07:02.839 --> 0:07:05.640 but you also know that you're human beings. So when 0:07:05.720 --> 0:07:08.920 porn's on and kind of grabbed your attention, um, and 0:07:08.960 --> 0:07:14.040 as that whole process went on, um, you know, you know, Oh, 0:07:14.160 --> 0:07:16.920 it's always still tough to talk about, but that was 0:07:16.960 --> 0:07:19.640 a that was a point where you know, um, he 0:07:19.680 --> 0:07:26.000 first orally raped me. Yeah, and then yeah, and UM, 0:07:26.040 --> 0:07:29.880 I remember running out of there, going home and jumping 0:07:29.920 --> 0:07:32.880 in the shower. I got my bike, I threw it down, 0:07:32.960 --> 0:07:36.240 I took my handlebars off, I taped up a knife, 0:07:36.280 --> 0:07:39.000 and you know, I put my handlebars back together and 0:07:39.000 --> 0:07:42.360 I kind of started riding with a knife with me. 0:07:42.840 --> 0:07:47.040 How old were you? I was seven years old, got it? 0:07:47.240 --> 0:07:49.440 I was seven years old at the time. And how 0:07:49.440 --> 0:07:52.560 old was he um at the time? He had to 0:07:52.600 --> 0:07:56.520 be about fifteen sixteen years old. It was it an 0:07:56.520 --> 0:08:00.600 isolated incident? Yeah, that that was an isolated incident. And 0:08:00.680 --> 0:08:04.800 you never told anyone. I never told anyone. I didn't 0:08:04.840 --> 0:08:07.680 tell my mom, I didn't tell anybody. What was it 0:08:07.840 --> 0:08:12.680 that made you not tell anyone? Fear? There was a 0:08:12.720 --> 0:08:15.280 fear of me telling my pops that I was touched 0:08:15.320 --> 0:08:20.600 by boy, right, you know, and that dynamic, those conversations 0:08:20.600 --> 0:08:24.960 aren't necessarily had, you know, in a healthy way. And 0:08:25.000 --> 0:08:27.000 then there's a there's a fear that comes along with 0:08:27.080 --> 0:08:30.640 telling your protectors out of fear of what they might do, 0:08:30.760 --> 0:08:34.280 how would they retaliate, and what repercussions would have been 0:08:34.320 --> 0:08:40.280 for them. Yes, did you still have to see this person? Yeah? 0:08:40.440 --> 0:08:42.720 I had to see him quite a bit. Did it 0:08:42.760 --> 0:08:47.120 ever make you can on question like your sexuality, right, 0:08:47.280 --> 0:08:51.480 question just your just you. Yeah, I think you have to. 0:08:52.040 --> 0:08:54.920 You have to, you know, ask yourself questions in order 0:08:54.920 --> 0:08:57.800 to try and wrap your mind around it. So, uh, 0:08:58.000 --> 0:09:00.320 you know, the first question is what was it in 0:09:00.400 --> 0:09:03.480 me that they saw that it happened to me? You know? 0:09:03.640 --> 0:09:05.720 Was it some type of you know, energy that I 0:09:05.800 --> 0:09:07.960 was giving off? So a lot of times, you know, 0:09:08.000 --> 0:09:11.199 I blamed myself, like dagn he caught me slipping? What 0:09:11.280 --> 0:09:15.760 was I doing there? Also you questioned your toughness, you know, 0:09:15.800 --> 0:09:19.280 you questioning your masculine energy because I wasn't strong enough 0:09:19.320 --> 0:09:23.080 to fight him off. And so I blamed myself for years. 0:09:23.440 --> 0:09:28.200 So you were only seven. Do you remember whether you 0:09:28.400 --> 0:09:32.840 noticed in yourself any kind of change and behavior that 0:09:32.960 --> 0:09:35.920 you can recall now because you wouldn't have recognized it then. Yeah, 0:09:36.240 --> 0:09:39.600 it made me angry. You know. I went from being 0:09:39.640 --> 0:09:42.280 you know, happy, go lucky toube. You know, if I 0:09:42.320 --> 0:09:44.800 didn't get my way, I might you know, throw bottles 0:09:44.840 --> 0:09:48.160 on the basketball court nobody playing the day. Started smoking 0:09:48.240 --> 0:09:52.800 very early, started drinking very early. I became more promiscuous 0:09:53.320 --> 0:09:56.040 at a very early age. I got to prove to 0:09:56.120 --> 0:09:59.720 myself that this wasn't real, so I gotta go chase 0:09:59.800 --> 0:10:02.400 his many girls as I potentially can. You know, so 0:10:02.520 --> 0:10:07.080 it made me very promiscuous. Did you ever confront your abuser? No, 0:10:07.559 --> 0:10:10.600 I never got that opportunity to confront him or get 0:10:10.640 --> 0:10:13.640 that you know, justice. A lot of times when you're abused, 0:10:13.679 --> 0:10:16.200 you might not get justice, but I think you gotta 0:10:16.240 --> 0:10:20.079 get healing. Yeah, you know, Um, I think they're both important. 0:10:20.960 --> 0:10:23.360 But for me, the track that I chose was the 0:10:23.400 --> 0:10:26.040 healing track. And so the first person I told about 0:10:26.040 --> 0:10:28.240 it was my wife and then I told Doc about it. 0:10:28.520 --> 0:10:32.200 How did she react? It was tough. Yeah, she was 0:10:32.240 --> 0:10:36.320 just so disappointed that you know I didn't tell her. Yeah, Um, 0:10:37.000 --> 0:10:39.400 from my perspective, you know, I thought she would look 0:10:39.440 --> 0:10:41.560 at me as less than a man, you know, so 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:46.400 there was some fear associated with that. Um. Also, you know, 0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:50.720 just being in a very masculine industry, you know, how 0:10:50.760 --> 0:10:53.760 would the guys perceived that I've been you know, sexually 0:10:53.760 --> 0:10:56.880 abused at the hands of a teenage man, Right, so 0:10:57.360 --> 0:10:59.679 there was a lot of you know, um, doubt and 0:10:59.800 --> 0:11:05.200 in securities and confliction within me. Um during that time. Right. 0:11:05.679 --> 0:11:09.680 We don't always think about how sexual abuse affects a 0:11:09.800 --> 0:11:15.080 survivor's loved one, but Kian's wife, Tasha has been dealing 0:11:15.120 --> 0:11:18.920 with this trauma as well. Kian Dueling and his wife 0:11:18.920 --> 0:11:22.040 Tasha were high school sweethearts. I met Kian at a 0:11:22.080 --> 0:11:25.640 football game and were sixteen years old. I like that 0:11:25.760 --> 0:11:30.360 he was funny and he was caring. We went to 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:33.840 all the events together, ProMED, we went to homecoming together. 0:11:34.280 --> 0:11:37.160 You couldn't pull us apart. At just twenty years old, 0:11:37.320 --> 0:11:40.480 the Duelings began their life together. They got married, started 0:11:40.480 --> 0:11:43.520 a family, and watched Kian's dream of joining the NBA 0:11:43.880 --> 0:11:46.360 come true when he was drafted in the first round. 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:52.160 They had a happy life until the incident in the bathroom. 0:11:52.240 --> 0:11:56.920 After Kian came back from Seattle, he changed a lot 0:11:57.600 --> 0:12:00.400 and he was acting weird. He see thing and said 0:12:00.440 --> 0:12:02.800 we didn't see you know. He thought people was out 0:12:02.840 --> 0:12:06.560 to get him. One day, my daughter Gabby ran upstairs 0:12:06.559 --> 0:12:08.560 and she was like, Mommy, mommy, dadd is in the 0:12:08.600 --> 0:12:11.880 street and cars are coming and they're blowing at him, 0:12:12.040 --> 0:12:14.880 and I'm just like what. So one of the neighbors 0:12:14.920 --> 0:12:18.360 saw Kian in the street and they called the police. 0:12:19.080 --> 0:12:22.240 The police came and it was a whole bunch of 0:12:22.240 --> 0:12:24.800 police and I'm just like, oh my god, nie knocking 0:12:24.840 --> 0:12:27.240 and bamming on the door. They had their guns and 0:12:27.280 --> 0:12:30.280 they handcuffed him on the floor and they was just like, 0:12:30.600 --> 0:12:33.360 is he having a mental break now? I said yes. 0:12:33.760 --> 0:12:35.680 He was like, we have to take him because he 0:12:35.720 --> 0:12:38.960 can't be here around the kids. Tasha followed the police 0:12:39.000 --> 0:12:42.160 card to the hospital. But when she got there, Yeah, 0:12:42.320 --> 0:12:52.200 it broke my heart because he didn't know who I was. Yeah, 0:12:52.760 --> 0:12:57.319 I was like, I'm Natasha Doing, I'm your wife. He 0:12:57.440 --> 0:13:02.280 said you sure, I said yeah, and so he said 0:13:02.280 --> 0:13:04.880 what then who am I? I said, you're killing doing? 0:13:07.880 --> 0:13:12.640 I said, we have four kids and that that was 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:15.560 really hard and I knew I couldn't take him back 0:13:15.600 --> 0:13:19.160 around the kids until he got better. I sent him 0:13:19.200 --> 0:13:22.480 to the mental institution and that was hard too. It 0:13:22.559 --> 0:13:26.080 wasn't until the next day Tasha was allowed to visit him. 0:13:26.120 --> 0:13:29.600 That mental hospital was really honestly like a horror movie, 0:13:30.160 --> 0:13:32.280 like something that I've seen off of film. It was. 0:13:32.360 --> 0:13:36.080 It was really scary. When I got in to see him, 0:13:36.240 --> 0:13:38.640 he just like had his hand behind his head laying 0:13:38.679 --> 0:13:40.880 on the bed, and I just got in the bed 0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:45.200 and laid next to him. He told me that he 0:13:45.360 --> 0:13:53.520 was molested and that he cheated, and I'm just like, okay, Ken, like, damn, 0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:56.920 you wait till you thirty five to tell me this, 0:13:57.240 --> 0:13:59.760 and then on top of that, you tell me you hid. 0:14:00.640 --> 0:14:04.880 So now I have to not only like help you 0:14:04.920 --> 0:14:06.679 get out of here, I gotta help you get out 0:14:06.720 --> 0:14:09.320 of here knowing that you cheated on me. I wanted 0:14:09.360 --> 0:14:11.560 to say, okay, way the women you were sleeping with, 0:14:11.760 --> 0:14:13.520 help them come help you get out in the middle too, 0:14:13.720 --> 0:14:16.120 That's what I really wanted to say. But I could 0:14:16.120 --> 0:14:19.760 not leave my husband in that hospital. I think I 0:14:19.800 --> 0:14:22.400 went through every emotion that you could possibly go through 0:14:22.800 --> 0:14:26.760 at that time. I was hurt, and I still feel rage. 0:14:27.200 --> 0:14:31.880 I'm surprised I'm able to sit here. M hmm, wow, 0:14:34.440 --> 0:14:39.880 you still feel rage about m Just it's just like 0:14:39.920 --> 0:14:43.480 when I think about certain things, you know, like if 0:14:43.480 --> 0:14:46.080 I'm fooling this underworld, you know, stuff like you know, 0:14:46.160 --> 0:14:49.280 these little things like you just sometimes you just think 0:14:49.320 --> 0:14:53.240 about it and you just start thinking and just get angry. So, 0:14:53.480 --> 0:14:56.520 you know, I just had to get him out of 0:14:56.520 --> 0:15:00.880 there first, dan deal with all that, yeah, with all 0:15:00.920 --> 0:15:03.480 that other stuff. So finally, when I got him out, 0:15:03.640 --> 0:15:05.600 then he got well. Then I had to deal with 0:15:06.000 --> 0:15:08.160 what I was going through because I felt like he 0:15:08.200 --> 0:15:10.640 was getting worse there. It seemed like every time I 0:15:10.680 --> 0:15:13.120 went there, they was doping him up. That's what I 0:15:13.160 --> 0:15:16.600 was going to ask. Was he for medication? Yeah, he 0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:19.080 was on medication. And I just felt like it was 0:15:19.120 --> 0:15:21.520 really worse. And I was just like, if I don't 0:15:21.520 --> 0:15:23.800 get my husband out of here, I'm gonna lose him. Yeah. 0:15:24.240 --> 0:15:28.160 Have you been able to grasp what he was dealing 0:15:28.160 --> 0:15:34.520 with that could lead to lead to the promise. I 0:15:34.560 --> 0:15:37.440 didn't understand that at first, but you do now. I 0:15:37.480 --> 0:15:40.680 do now. It was it's really tough to even think about, 0:15:40.840 --> 0:15:43.160 you know what I mean. But it wasn't about me, 0:15:43.400 --> 0:15:46.800 not in the least. Yeah. Yeah, I can't be fault 0:15:46.840 --> 0:15:49.000 for what he did. And that's what I had to 0:15:49.000 --> 0:15:52.000 tell myself. Yeah, you feel like that, that's kind of 0:15:52.680 --> 0:15:55.560 your anger is kind of smooth enough. It is, It 0:15:55.680 --> 0:15:58.040 is smooth enough. It has too. I got four babies. 0:15:58.360 --> 0:16:02.640 I just can't be got a beautiful Yes I do who. Yes, 0:16:03.240 --> 0:16:05.880 I love this man since I was a kid and 0:16:06.040 --> 0:16:09.720 all the work that he's Yes, I'm of him. I 0:16:09.760 --> 0:16:14.040 am alone. Yeah, we we just really had to re 0:16:14.200 --> 0:16:18.080 vamp and read, learn each other differently, you know, learn 0:16:18.080 --> 0:16:22.360 each other's love language, how to communicate. Also where I well, 0:16:26.000 --> 0:16:32.440 guys work, Yes, yes, you have, you have. I'm so impressed. 0:16:32.480 --> 0:16:35.040 I'm trying to grow with my family. So I just 0:16:35.080 --> 0:16:38.760 think Tasha for being vulnerable enough. This process has allowed 0:16:38.800 --> 0:16:40.520 me to hit levels of love that I didn't know. 0:16:40.840 --> 0:16:46.120 I Yes, as difficult as this time has been for you, guys, 0:16:46.600 --> 0:16:50.440 it's been a blessing it has, you know, because you're 0:16:50.480 --> 0:16:53.560 all better for it. Yes, you know, sometimes like the 0:16:53.600 --> 0:16:56.160 best part about your life would be sometimes the most 0:16:56.240 --> 0:16:58.800 darkest on the thing that might you know, you might 0:16:58.800 --> 0:17:01.120 be ashamed of. And I just knew I couldn't get 0:17:01.160 --> 0:17:04.359 stuck and be another story, um, of somebody who just 0:17:04.400 --> 0:17:07.159 lost his mind and then disappeared. And I had a 0:17:07.200 --> 0:17:10.439 redemption story to tell that part. Well, you know, I 0:17:10.520 --> 0:17:13.240 also have to say, you know, as far as I'm 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:19.280 proud of the community that has surrounded you and supported you. Um, 0:17:19.359 --> 0:17:26.520 and we got a message from some folks. Yeah, it's 0:17:26.520 --> 0:17:29.160 been has been a journey. I'm very proud of man 0:17:29.200 --> 0:17:31.080 you've become. And I appreciate the brothers you've been for 0:17:31.160 --> 0:17:33.199 me in my entire life. Thank you for helping me 0:17:33.280 --> 0:17:36.439 become not only a better basketball player, better better person. 0:17:36.680 --> 0:17:39.560 You are a leader of men, um, You're an important 0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:43.960 figure in all our lives. I know that Doc has 0:17:44.000 --> 0:17:50.600 been like one of your number one your number one supporter, um, 0:17:50.640 --> 0:18:02.439 but he has more to tell you. Yeah, So just first, 0:18:02.880 --> 0:18:06.800 how you doing. I'm doing great? So Doc, I gotta 0:18:06.840 --> 0:18:08.480 show you this. You didn't get to see this, Doc. 0:18:09.119 --> 0:18:16.560 Oh my god. I had to get that team that 0:18:16.600 --> 0:18:18.600 Dot gave us when I was with the Celtics and 0:18:18.680 --> 0:18:20.720 the goals in order to me to be all that 0:18:20.800 --> 0:18:22.480 I could be. I need you to be all you 0:18:22.480 --> 0:18:24.639 can be so that we could be all that we 0:18:24.720 --> 0:18:27.200 could be. It's an African word and so like that's 0:18:27.200 --> 0:18:30.200 something that just really really, you know, resonated with me. 0:18:30.400 --> 0:18:33.040 And man, the fact that you showed up for me. Man, 0:18:33.119 --> 0:18:35.480 you don't leave me. You want to know where you 0:18:35.480 --> 0:18:40.320 know you saw me, you know through you know that experience. Man, 0:18:40.400 --> 0:18:43.800 it just it's life changing for me. So I just 0:18:44.080 --> 0:18:46.600 you know you love always for that coach, love you 0:18:47.080 --> 0:18:51.720 love you always. Just she was like the silent like 0:18:51.800 --> 0:18:55.640 warrior him. You know you really were Like it's amazing 0:18:55.720 --> 0:18:58.040 and everyone always says what you were going through. And 0:18:58.119 --> 0:19:00.800 I remember telling that Marie. I think Tash is going 0:19:01.640 --> 0:19:04.520 you know, she's got two kids. And when that call came, 0:19:04.600 --> 0:19:06.879 I swear I was on the golf course and I 0:19:06.880 --> 0:19:11.320 don't walk off the golf course just anybody. I ran like, 0:19:11.400 --> 0:19:13.680 I was like, no, this is you were there man 0:19:13.960 --> 0:19:17.600 when you were struggling. You know, we all became sad 0:19:18.000 --> 0:19:20.440 like as a group, our team, and I did. And 0:19:20.480 --> 0:19:22.520 you know, we go back to that one day when 0:19:22.520 --> 0:19:24.399 I walked in that mental institution and you know, I 0:19:24.440 --> 0:19:26.600 told you later like the first thing I thought was 0:19:27.640 --> 0:19:30.240 this man is he didn't belong here? Right like, we're 0:19:30.280 --> 0:19:33.440 getting him out of here. That's why Dog, I really 0:19:33.480 --> 0:19:36.240 have a lot of admiration for you as well, because 0:19:36.800 --> 0:19:40.560 you really saw this young man in trouble and you 0:19:40.680 --> 0:19:43.840 really did what you could. But we wasn't letting him 0:19:43.920 --> 0:19:48.280 go anybody then, you know, right, well, I'll be I'll 0:19:48.320 --> 0:19:50.800 be frank with you. There's times there's there's people in 0:19:50.800 --> 0:19:53.000 your life you do let go. You know there are 0:19:53.119 --> 0:19:56.360 there really are, uh, but he wasn't one of them, 0:19:56.680 --> 0:19:58.960 you know, you just I just know him. I knew him, 0:19:59.000 --> 0:20:01.480 like there's no way we're gonna let him go? What 0:20:01.520 --> 0:20:05.879 was it about him? So the spirit um he was 0:20:06.200 --> 0:20:08.520 you know, you hate to say a good one just 0:20:09.280 --> 0:20:12.480 it's such a good human being. And this was a 0:20:12.520 --> 0:20:15.399 guy we're saving. And I do think your relationship with 0:20:15.440 --> 0:20:18.520 the players was the help. I mean Rondo and all 0:20:18.520 --> 0:20:21.199 those guys. You know, Rondo could be a pain in 0:20:21.200 --> 0:20:24.360 the butt. Uh and you know that, am I right? 0:20:24.520 --> 0:20:30.200 I can need to confirm. But having said that, when 0:20:30.240 --> 0:20:34.240 this happened, Rondo was on top of it. So it's 0:20:34.240 --> 0:20:37.679 funny how like that helped me with Rondo because all 0:20:37.680 --> 0:20:40.080 of a sudden, I'm like, wait a minute, Rondo is 0:20:40.080 --> 0:20:43.320 a great dude. You know, people think athletes are perfect, 0:20:43.400 --> 0:20:46.240 but we have problems just like everybody else. That's why 0:20:46.280 --> 0:20:48.879 we like coming here at the Red Table. I'm hoping 0:20:48.920 --> 0:20:52.400 that we can create um more vulnerable space for our men. 0:20:52.560 --> 0:20:56.080 Oh you know, because it's the vulnerability as well that 0:20:56.080 --> 0:21:00.600 that that nurtures the strength. We don't talk. You come 0:21:00.640 --> 0:21:03.240 on from practice and what you do to that nothing, 0:21:04.000 --> 0:21:07.080 you know, what's going on? Nothing, It's just who we are. 0:21:07.240 --> 0:21:09.159 I guess I don't know. And when we do, we 0:21:09.240 --> 0:21:11.560 do feel better about it, but we just don't share 0:21:11.680 --> 0:21:14.199 I'm guilty of that as much as anybody. I just 0:21:14.320 --> 0:21:18.160 don't I yeah, I just think it's an Unfortunately, that's 0:21:18.200 --> 0:21:23.040 why we carry wallets. You guys carry persons, y'all. Y'all 0:21:23.040 --> 0:21:27.200 got all this stuff. We don't have. We don't carry much, 0:21:27.320 --> 0:21:33.640 you know, we don't. We don't go to therapy black man. 0:21:33.760 --> 0:21:35.880 Black man, don't want to go to the dentist. Yeah, 0:21:36.640 --> 0:21:39.040 it's true. We don't like, we don't trust doctor. We 0:21:39.080 --> 0:21:42.040 don't trust we don't we don't trust doctors. To try 0:21:42.080 --> 0:21:46.440 to get an athlete to a therapist is brutal. It's 0:21:46.520 --> 0:21:50.400 hard because to them it's it's a sign of weakness, 0:21:50.880 --> 0:21:53.880 and you can't show weakness. The thing that I realized 0:21:53.880 --> 0:21:57.280 when I went to therapy, it was like a physical relief, 0:21:57.359 --> 0:22:00.480 like weights went off my shoulders. Not my personality was different. 0:22:00.480 --> 0:22:03.000 Sometimes I was like pop because I was mad up 0:22:03.000 --> 0:22:07.760 in their joint. Sometimes I was hopeless, like sad. But 0:22:07.840 --> 0:22:10.800 I went through all those different emotions, dropped that baggage off. 0:22:11.200 --> 0:22:13.240 I'm telling you, there's so many guys carrying their whole 0:22:13.280 --> 0:22:15.800 life experience around with them, and if they really want 0:22:15.800 --> 0:22:17.359 to soar, they got to get rid of some of 0:22:17.359 --> 0:22:20.600 that emotional baggage so that they can just soar that unload. 0:22:20.840 --> 0:22:22.879 I was really grateful that I had a lot of 0:22:22.880 --> 0:22:26.760 male friends that share their experiences with me because I 0:22:26.800 --> 0:22:29.920 was as strict of where my boys were staying, where 0:22:29.920 --> 0:22:32.760 they were going as I was with my girl, because 0:22:33.040 --> 0:22:35.679 I had heard enough stories to know that it was 0:22:35.720 --> 0:22:40.760 a reality that your boys could be victimized. They look 0:22:40.800 --> 0:22:43.240 at my kids, they're all athletes, they have all been 0:22:43.320 --> 0:22:47.040 on road trip. Anything could have happened and we would 0:22:47.080 --> 0:22:52.280 have never known. Yeah, make everything so taboo. Uh, you know, 0:22:52.359 --> 0:22:55.400 it creates a problem. That's why people don't talk about it. Yeah, 0:22:55.440 --> 0:22:58.200 well we're changing that. You touched a lot of people. Man, Man, 0:22:58.240 --> 0:23:00.520 things you really did. You allowed me to doc You 0:23:00.600 --> 0:23:05.320 empowered me. You empowered me to have a voice. You know, 0:23:05.400 --> 0:23:08.520 you sat me right next to Rondo. You know one 0:23:08.560 --> 0:23:10.320 time you called me out in the locker room and 0:23:10.359 --> 0:23:13.000 you told a guy, look at him. I look back, like, 0:23:13.000 --> 0:23:17.320 who me? Look at him? He's totally giving himself to 0:23:17.400 --> 0:23:20.280 the team. And it was Rondo, it was KG was 0:23:20.320 --> 0:23:22.480 Paul Pierce was real and all these guys in the 0:23:22.520 --> 0:23:25.320 locker room and you said look at him, and man, 0:23:25.359 --> 0:23:27.200 you just empowered me like no other man, so I'm 0:23:27.240 --> 0:23:31.359 always grateful for that. We really appreciate having had the 0:23:31.359 --> 0:23:35.480 opportunity to sing with you guys. Thank you for having Yeah, seriously, 0:23:35.480 --> 0:23:42.720 thank you, Doc, thank you, thank you. Solder love right there. 0:23:43.400 --> 0:23:45.520