Speaker 1: Welcome back to I Do Part two.
Speaker 2: It's Kelly ben Simone, one of your celebrity mentors here
Speaker 2: on the pod. On the podcast, I've been having a
Speaker 2: blast getting to know my fellow mentors and getting to
Speaker 2: know everyone's personal journeys to finding love. Today, I wanted
Speaker 2: to bring in one half of our favorite deo on
Speaker 2: this show, Louise from Thelma Louise, to talk about dating
Speaker 2: in the new year.
Speaker 3: Hi Louise, Hi Kelly, thanks for having me.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm so excited to talk to you.
Speaker 2: How's everything.
Speaker 3: Everything is good? I mean, it's the new year, so
Speaker 3: just waiting for all those you know, uniforms and rainbows
Speaker 3: to drop out of the sky. Right, it's a fresh late.
Speaker 2: So let's get into it. So we're going to talk
Speaker 2: about our love journey. We both have really interesting love durings. Actually,
Speaker 2: let's start with yours. Tell me a little bit about
Speaker 2: who you are and how you fell in and out
Speaker 2: of love.
Speaker 3: Sure, I am. I live in Los Angeles and I
Speaker 3: was hit by a lightning bolt. When I met my husband,
Speaker 3: I knew I was going to marry him. I called
Speaker 3: my mom up and I said I met my husband,
Speaker 3: and she goes you're crazy to go to sleep, You've
Speaker 3: had too much to drink. That was the height of
Speaker 3: sex in the city. So I had those you know whatever,
Speaker 3: apple martinis. But I will tell you every time I've
Speaker 3: ended up dating somebody long term, there's always been some
Speaker 3: sort of a weird twist. So now I know, if
Speaker 3: I meet somebody and there's no like twist or weirdness
Speaker 3: or something, it's not my guy. We're married to fourteen years.
Speaker 3: He has a fabulous moral compass. I think ultimately we
Speaker 3: were probably better office friends because we're both killers quite frankly,
Speaker 3: dad fabulous co parent, and we do a lot together
Speaker 3: as a family, and I get the best parts of
Speaker 3: him and none of the bad parts. So it's like
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm winning.
Speaker 1: Do you guys travel together? Yes?
Speaker 3: And with his fiance, I mean we travel. Yes, it's
Speaker 3: like you're away with that. Yes, it's the greatest situation
Speaker 3: in the world. He's with all the kids and she
Speaker 3: and I are having cocktails, laughing all day long. We
Speaker 3: do holidays like it's amazing. Seriously, my youngest kids. When
Speaker 3: my youngest kid left for college, he said to me, Mom,
Speaker 3: I just want to tell you something I like. I
Speaker 3: don't have any baggage, emotional baggage. I go white. Is
Speaker 3: you guys did divorce? Amazing?
Speaker 1: I love that? Oh, I love that? What about you? So?
Speaker 2: I was married very young to a photographer and I
Speaker 2: have two gorgeous girls. We got divorced when my girls
Speaker 2: were young. I just he wasn't the right for the
Speaker 2: right job, and I just was having like so much anxiety.
Speaker 2: After I had both of my kids, I had really
Speaker 2: bad postpartum with my first daughter, and I just genuinely
Speaker 2: realized that, you know, he was fun. You know, as
Speaker 2: a artist and creative, he's incredible, but as a nurturer
Speaker 2: and provider and partner.
Speaker 1: He wasn't.
Speaker 2: And I just was having so much anxiety. And I
Speaker 2: just got pregnant again. And then the minute I got
Speaker 2: pregnant again, I was like, we're done. I just couldn't
Speaker 2: do it. I just couldn't handle it. And my interestingly enough,
Speaker 2: my post pardon was really bad with my first but
Speaker 2: then for my second, I had no part partum and
Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, the baby's out. I had these
Speaker 2: two good, beautiful, gourg girls. It's time for me to
Speaker 2: go into my new life. I don't know how this
Speaker 2: is gonna work, but I'm gonna try.
Speaker 3: Didn't you kind of look at it like you're unknown
Speaker 3: was going to be better than your known?
Speaker 2: That's really well said. I had so much fear, and
Speaker 2: I think that you know, I had great parents, and
Speaker 2: they were so super supportive of me being happy, but
Speaker 2: very very concerned about being me, being single and providing
Speaker 2: for two kids.
Speaker 1: And I just felt like.
Speaker 2: The unknown was just fueled and filled with possibility, and
Speaker 2: the past was just something that I didn't even want
Speaker 2: to remember, not in it. Not that he's a bad person,
Speaker 2: but it's just like, that's just not what I want.
Speaker 2: I wanted to I just wanted a family for my family.
Speaker 2: That's all what I've always said for a thousand years.
Speaker 2: Just all I want is a family for my family.
Speaker 3: And do you feel like when you're looking to date,
Speaker 3: are you looking to create like a Brady Bunch situation,
Speaker 3: to recreate the family that a thousand and it blew?
Speaker 1: Yeah, thousand percent.
Speaker 2: Like I'm always looking at so people would be like,
Speaker 2: why you did someone that doesn't have kids, I'm like, why,
Speaker 2: Like I wouldn't want to do that.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't mind, I wouldn't mind, but.
Speaker 2: It would be difficult to date someone that doesn't have
Speaker 2: children because they I wouldn't be able to talk to
Speaker 2: them about things that have to.
Speaker 1: Do with raising children.
Speaker 2: They'd be like what they would be like, you know,
Speaker 2: and it wouldn't be It would be a disservice to them,
Speaker 2: be a disservice to them.
Speaker 1: Because they weren't a part of that. So those memories
Speaker 1: they weren't a part of.
Speaker 3: I also think it's a different life experience because a
Speaker 3: few people I've dated that didn't have children, because I've
Speaker 3: kind of arrived at the same place as you, I
Speaker 3: just think they're I don't want to say the word selfish,
Speaker 3: but it's like you're not. It's not selfless, right like
Speaker 3: when you're a parent, what you know, everything goes to
Speaker 3: them first, like I'm last, Like I would give them
Speaker 3: my last dollar to eat. And I think for me,
Speaker 3: you know, I had a significant relationship with somebody who
Speaker 3: had quite frankly, never been married, never had kids, and
Speaker 3: it was just we just kind of spoke a different
Speaker 3: a different language. I think I have the opposite, like
Speaker 3: you're looking to create great bunch. I have a hard
Speaker 3: time merging like the people I've dated that have kids.
Speaker 3: I have a hard time merging my children with other
Speaker 3: kids and creating that like the idea of going on
Speaker 3: a trip all of us or like it's few and
Speaker 3: far between, Like I'm way more coupled keeping it separate.
Speaker 2: Isn't that because you have such like a good thing
Speaker 2: going that your family, You're like you have like an
Speaker 2: extended family, now, do you know what I mean? Like,
Speaker 2: because it's so comfortable, do you feel like that you
Speaker 2: would be like, wait, it's not going to be as good.
Speaker 3: As this, No, because I think that's only only in
Speaker 3: the last few years. I think it was more when
Speaker 3: I got divorce. My kids were young, and you know,
Speaker 3: when I had them, I was like all in on them.
Speaker 3: And then I looked at it like I had some
Speaker 3: key percent of the time to just do me and
Speaker 3: do that that I got so compartmentalized that it was
Speaker 3: like two It was like almost like a jecko on
Speaker 3: a high right, like I just couldn't never And then,
Speaker 3: you know, only one time in the last few years
Speaker 3: did I even do a couple of those meals with
Speaker 3: somebody I dated for close to two years, but I
Speaker 3: just wasn't it wasn't comfortable for me. Now it could
Speaker 3: have been a function. In my heart, I knew it
Speaker 3: wasn't the right relationships. I wasn't going to poison the
Speaker 3: well with my kids and you know, for lack of
Speaker 3: a better word, blow my wad with them and say
Speaker 3: this was the situation. I think what I've learned now
Speaker 3: after that, have now since learned that they didn't like him,
Speaker 3: that unless I think I'm going to marry this person
Speaker 3: and go to the distance, like, I don't really want
Speaker 3: to force that on them. I guess I don't know.
Speaker 2: So right, your kids are older, so are my kids,
Speaker 2: so like what do you how do you feel about so?
Speaker 2: For me, like I was a full time single parent,
Speaker 2: there was no fifty to fifty. There were no Wednesdays,
Speaker 2: there were no over the every other weekends, there was
Speaker 2: no there was no like time for me to create
Speaker 2: a life. It was just with my kids twenty four
Speaker 2: to seven. And I would never train to that. I'm
Speaker 2: so grateful for that.
Speaker 3: But they also know they can rely on you.
Speaker 2: I mean you're their foundation, right right, Yes, thank you
Speaker 2: for that and I appreciate that. You know, it was
Speaker 2: very stressful to raise two girls alone and I was
Speaker 2: around a lot of people, and so I never if
Speaker 2: there was someone that I that I liked, I would
Speaker 2: never I wouldn't think, Like I was having a super
Speaker 2: Bowl party, like I would my kids be there, I
Speaker 2: would invite them.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't think twice because I.
Speaker 2: Kind of wanted to see how that person navigated my
Speaker 2: friends and everything. My kids weren't like, oh, I was
Speaker 2: the same boyfriend, Like, they never even knew if I
Speaker 2: had if I was dating.
Speaker 1: Someone or not.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I was around so many people all the time.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I think I was nervous. I was scared of their reaction.
Speaker 3: I was scared that they the first that the person
Speaker 3: I would finally introduce them to, they wouldn't like when
Speaker 3: I think, what I've realized is they just want me
Speaker 3: to be happy. They want the person to be a
Speaker 3: nice person, treat me well, be respectful, you know, keep
Speaker 3: me safe. But I didn't know. I didn't know that then, right,
Speaker 3: So I just kind of shouldered it all on my
Speaker 3: own and all that. But it's hard. I mean every day,
Speaker 3: I mean they're home, they're going back to school next week,
Speaker 3: and they're like, Mom, are you dating on anyone? What's
Speaker 3: going on?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: And then this was the big one they came at
Speaker 3: me with today Mom. According to all the articles, today
Speaker 3: is the super Bowl for dating apps. This is the
Speaker 3: biggest day of the year that people sign up for
Speaker 3: dating apps. It's their New Year's resolution. What's the plan?
Speaker 3: Should we work on your profile? And I was like,
Speaker 3: it was horrified. I'm terrified to do a dating app.
Speaker 3: I don't do that. Do you do dating apps? Have
Speaker 3: you done dating apps?
Speaker 1: Have? I was on ria from the very beginning.
Speaker 2: I mean I've been single for a long time and
Speaker 2: so I was on riah and I never really met
Speaker 2: anyone that I was like amazing. But my ex fiance
Speaker 2: I met him because my assistant created an account for
Speaker 2: me and that's how I met him.
Speaker 3: So Thelma to my Louise, yeah, I I am her
Speaker 3: Sarah O de Bergerac and I have been I was like,
Speaker 3: you need to do this, and she went and so
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm doing it for you. So I
Speaker 3: have done some of her online dating, just for like
Speaker 3: the last two months. We put it on pause because
Speaker 3: it was just but the minute I give her phone
Speaker 3: number out, I call her up and be like, yo,
Speaker 3: you're going to be getting a call from the skylight.
Speaker 3: I'm out now. Take take it over. Let us know
Speaker 3: how we do on our date. So it's been actually
Speaker 3: a fun it's been a fun adventure. But I don't know.
Speaker 3: My kids are pretty invested in it. Now are yours?
Speaker 3: Are you dating anyone right now?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: You have? I heard your podcast tennis guy? Yes, how's
Speaker 3: that going?
Speaker 2: So we're twenty twenty five, Louise, and there's there's so
Speaker 2: much Okay, so we're talking about dating apps. Today's a
Speaker 2: super bowl of dating apps?
Speaker 1: Wild But what do I want to know? What you want?
Speaker 1: What you're leaving behind? And then I'll then I'll tell you.
Speaker 3: God, when am I leaving behind so much? I think
Speaker 3: I think I need to leave behind. And I think
Speaker 3: I need to be I don't know, like, I think
Speaker 3: I need to be a little bit easier on myself.
Speaker 3: I think I need to toe the line better between
Speaker 3: looking for the butterfly, which is probably just the mirror
Speaker 3: of a childhood wound, and really focus on a really good,
Speaker 3: thoughtful human being, companion, nice person, because I think our
Speaker 3: needs are different in our fifties as than when we
Speaker 3: were twenties, thirties, forties, and I really need to do that.
Speaker 3: I think I need to look I need to stay
Speaker 3: more even across the board. I need to find a
Speaker 3: little more gray, less black and white. And I think
Speaker 3: that that is a theme that just carries over in
Speaker 3: all kinds of areas of my life.
Speaker 2: It's interesting because I think a lot of people are
Speaker 2: talking about this gray area, and for me, I feel
Speaker 2: like I have been so black and white with like
Speaker 2: work and laser focused and you know what I want,
Speaker 2: what I'm going to do and how I'm going to
Speaker 2: do it, and how I'm going to make money and
Speaker 2: doing this and doing that. And one of my other
Speaker 2: co hosts who I love, Cheryl, like we always talk
Speaker 2: about like how busy we are and how great we
Speaker 2: are being busy, because like being busy is just kind
Speaker 2: of like taking away like the hurt, feel the feelings,
Speaker 2: the feelings of like what we're how we are feeling,
Speaker 2: not just how we're feeling about other things, but how
Speaker 2: we are internalizing everything.
Speaker 1: And so I really just want to like be.
Speaker 2: More confident and working with Amy and Heather and Cheryl
Speaker 2: and you know, Janna and everybody I've been so I
Speaker 2: have switched. I have become literally and I know this
Speaker 2: is strange, I have literally become a different person tell me,
Speaker 2: I just am so different. I'm just so more relaxed.
Speaker 2: I listen to people a lot more. I'm not like
Speaker 2: so eager to get my point across. I kind of
Speaker 2: want to hear what they're doing and you know, what
Speaker 2: tools they have in their tool belt, versus like hearing
Speaker 2: about mine all the time. I think that just too
Speaker 2: Like outside of like my relationships, I just had such
Speaker 2: PTSD from being on Housewives, and I was always trying
Speaker 2: to tell people like this is who i am. I'm great,
Speaker 2: I'm this, I'm really a nice person. I'm I'm filanthropic,
Speaker 2: I'm kind, I'm a good mother. And I was constantly
Speaker 2: telling people. And so this year is my year of
Speaker 2: just kind of listening and sitting back and just being
Speaker 2: more open to what other people are doing. I mean,
Speaker 2: I you know, like even like with you, like I
Speaker 2: want to know, like, you know, are you gonna mean
Speaker 2: a guy I celebrity on Riyah?
Speaker 1: Like are you going to go on Riya?
Speaker 2: Like what are your I want to know what people
Speaker 2: are doing and how they're doing it, versus me always
Speaker 2: telling people.
Speaker 3: So it seems like you have more confidence and sense
Speaker 3: of self. Maybe that's what all this has come from
Speaker 3: because I've part of got That's what I think we
Speaker 3: all need to work on. That's my point of bringing
Speaker 3: it up is I think we all need to just
Speaker 3: get comfortable with our own you know selves kind of
Speaker 3: words and all right, like being authentic and vulnerable and
Speaker 3: all of that stuff. And I think that that's you know,
Speaker 3: I I think I do a good job of putting
Speaker 3: a confident face on every day, but I think on
Speaker 3: the inside, like I can feel pretty small. Sometimes I
Speaker 3: can question myself and feel pretty lonely and sad and
Speaker 3: like how did I end up this way? And then
Speaker 3: I'll be like no, like look what I've I have
Speaker 3: to like have self talk, like look what I've accomplished. Like,
Speaker 3: But I think for me, you know, I don't know
Speaker 3: like I think i've I'm I'm a little I guess
Speaker 3: I'm disappointed that I haven't found my person in the
Speaker 3: nine years. I mean, I think you and I've been
Speaker 3: divorced around the same amount of time and but a
Speaker 3: lot of different experiences and dating and stuff. But I
Speaker 3: just I don't know, Like I I think I have
Speaker 3: a fear that I'm going to just end up alone,
Speaker 3: which I don't want that.
Speaker 2: I you know what, It's interesting that I had that
Speaker 2: fear for a long time and for some reason, and
Speaker 2: I don't know why.
Speaker 1: I just don't feel like that anymore. I feel like
Speaker 1: I am such I feel like.
Speaker 2: Such a different person and the way that people are
Speaker 2: responding to me is so different. And I I'm just
Speaker 2: I'm just open to all possibilities. I just I don't
Speaker 2: want to I don't want to, like say like, I
Speaker 2: don't want to put out that I'm afraid. I don't
Speaker 2: want to put out that. I you know, I don't want.
Speaker 1: To put on anything that's negative. I've put out that.
Speaker 2: I've just constantly put out negativity. And I just want
Speaker 2: to say, I'm just saying no. You know, I was
Speaker 2: saying no for so long and now I'm just saying yes,
Speaker 2: and I'm being more open. And I know that sounds
Speaker 2: like so simple.
Speaker 3: Well I say, I think they say like, you just
Speaker 3: have to you know, we have to raise our vibration
Speaker 3: and admit positive vibration and it comes back to us,
Speaker 3: right like, so if you smile at somebody or whatever,
Speaker 3: it's just like you're giving off a different energy.
Speaker 2: We's so interesting what you said, because I'm a smiler
Speaker 2: so I'll walk down the street and I'll be like,
Speaker 2: I'm a smiler.
Speaker 1: I just am a smiley person. I don't know like why.
Speaker 2: I mean, I live in New York and people are
Speaker 2: not smiling, so I'm always like smiling. People look at
Speaker 2: me like what's wrong with her? And it's interesting because
Speaker 2: just because I smile doesn't mean like I'm not in
Speaker 2: like a lot of pain.
Speaker 3: But I was thinking about that in yoga today. It
Speaker 3: was so funny because I was like, I was kind
Speaker 3: of feeling blah, to be totally honest with you, and
Speaker 3: I was looking in the room and I was like,
Speaker 3: I think people would look at me and my down
Speaker 3: dog and think like, probably I'm fine, right, you don't
Speaker 3: know person just when you kind of look at them
Speaker 3: from a distance. And I was like, how many people
Speaker 3: in this room feeling kind of straight today? Right? Like
Speaker 3: I don't know it. It was just an interesting thing
Speaker 3: that you're saying that like this, you know, like the
Speaker 3: smile on the exterior is masking the interior and you
Speaker 3: hear of all these bad things that are happening lately,
Speaker 3: and you're like, oh, like we don't really know what's
Speaker 3: going on behind somebody's face. Or behind closed doors. How
Speaker 3: do you deal with projection?
Speaker 2: So hold on, wait, that's that's interesting. I'll answer the
Speaker 2: rejection things. But that's interesting that you say that because
Speaker 2: I was dinner with a friend of mine who's a man,
Speaker 2: and he and I said to him, I'm like, why
Speaker 2: are these women like do they look at me with
Speaker 2: like such a weird look all the time? And how
Speaker 2: come they're like not nice to me? And he goes,
Speaker 2: because you're always smiling, And I'm like, what do you mean?
Speaker 2: He goes, You just make things look.
Speaker 1: So easy, And I'm like, wait.
Speaker 2: A minute, I didn't have this, like you know, all
Speaker 2: this money, I didn't you know. I made my own money.
Speaker 2: I've created my possibilities for myself. No one gave me anything.
Speaker 2: And here a lot of these women have a lot
Speaker 2: of money from their exes. And I was like, so
Speaker 2: hold on, let me get this straight, because I'm not like,
Speaker 2: because I'm not.
Speaker 3: Wearing my war worms now, they're just jealous. So they
Speaker 3: have their own stuff going on. Kelly, Like, I think
Speaker 3: somebody who's smiling is so engaging and they're so like
Speaker 3: it just attracts people. It's like your aura is warm,
Speaker 3: Like the second I got on with you. It was
Speaker 3: like literally like bees to honey. It was like just
Speaker 3: so easy to connect and talk to you, like so easy,
Speaker 3: Like certain people make you feel comfortable that you can
Speaker 3: chat or you can you know my barometers of I
Speaker 3: can sit in silence with somebody and be comfortable and
Speaker 3: not have to fill the air with conversation. And I
Speaker 3: think you actually give off a really warm, very real energy.
Speaker 3: I don't agree with him, your friend. Maybe he's in
Speaker 3: love with you and he doesn't want you to smile
Speaker 3: and attract people.
Speaker 1: All right, let's talk about dating. What are you gonna do?
Speaker 2: Okay, so are you gonna go on a dating app?
Speaker 2: Or are you just gonna like hide behind your friends dating?
Speaker 3: Well, so I'm lucky in that, Wylloy No, but I'm
Speaker 3: lucky in that. You know, I wouldn't want my circle
Speaker 3: to have been divorced and experienced out, but I would
Speaker 3: say I have a lot of best friends who are
Speaker 3: divorced also. So we have like this like kind of
Speaker 3: girl posse, which is fun. We do our girl trips,
Speaker 3: we do you know, our dinners, like we have like
Speaker 3: a crew. The hard thing is is in la I
Speaker 3: don't know how it is in New York. It's like
Speaker 3: you don't really meet people when you're out right, we
Speaker 3: sit at a girl table. No guy's approaching a table
Speaker 3: of five girls. It just doesn't happen, right, I mean
Speaker 3: it just I mean your best case scenario is to
Speaker 3: go to like, you know, Bald Hare after a golf
Speaker 3: tournament and hope for the best you know, in the
Speaker 3: bar area. It's like the red onion for this generation.
Speaker 2: Oh, I got so Louise, I have to tell you
Speaker 2: this a flirting tip that Countess Lwan gave me. So Basically,
Speaker 2: when you're at a table with a with a group
Speaker 2: of women having a great time, one of your the
Speaker 2: nice that you go out what you do is that
Speaker 2: you can either drop an hapkin or you can she
Speaker 2: said send a drink over. I would right, But you
Speaker 2: can send a drink over to somebody, or you can
Speaker 2: write them a note.
Speaker 1: Hi, Can I borrow your pen for a second? And right? Show?
Speaker 1: What can you do?
Speaker 3: Aloha? That's your word? But can you do that? Like,
Speaker 3: I'm so scared of rejection, Like I got to get
Speaker 3: a thicker skin with that.
Speaker 2: If I were with you and I saw the guy
Speaker 2: that you liked, I'd be like let's get that piece
Speaker 2: of peeling.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't do it on my own.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't like, I wouldn't like sit there and be
Speaker 2: like I'm gonna drop a bit.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna drop an upt But Luanne does that.
Speaker 1: She does that.
Speaker 3: I could wing women for you.
Speaker 1: No, No, she's gotting serious, serious game. She's like, what
Speaker 1: are you doing?
Speaker 2: She's like, if I had your she said to me,
Speaker 2: and she goes, if I had your body, I'd be
Speaker 2: having sex every day.
Speaker 1: I'm like, what you are?
Speaker 3: Okay? So we need to challenge ourselves. So you're asking
Speaker 3: about January. We need to have an accountability chart and
Speaker 3: do those things. I mean we really, that's really what
Speaker 3: we need to do. Like I know people that will
Speaker 3: go sit at a restaurant and a bar by themselves.
Speaker 3: They meet a million of people.
Speaker 2: Oh you, So what you do is you use the
Speaker 2: waiter to send the note to the guy.
Speaker 1: So you say, goog, come.
Speaker 2: Over here, and then you're like, I wrote this little note,
Speaker 2: dear smoke show.
Speaker 1: How are you?
Speaker 3: But what if they reject you? How do you handle rejection?
Speaker 2: I mean, imagine if you sent a note over or like,
Speaker 2: ask the guy if he wanted to glass, you know,
Speaker 2: if you want a glass of wine and he's like married,
Speaker 2: Oh my well, by the way, I guess they just
Speaker 2: rejected waiters.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter who cares.
Speaker 3: But like, oh my god, is it easy to meet people?
Speaker 3: Like is it easy to meet people in New York?
Speaker 1: Out?
Speaker 3: When you go out with your friend?
Speaker 1: Whoa in New York? Are you kidding me? You're sitting
Speaker 1: at places and people aren't even people like people like
Speaker 1: look through you.
Speaker 3: I'm like, hello, oh my god, I was just on
Speaker 3: a girls trip in New York. It was so I
Speaker 3: feel like there's a million more guys in you York.
Speaker 3: You probably feel that way about La.
Speaker 1: Well, I think that's the thing.
Speaker 2: I think it's like because me, I like go into
Speaker 2: these restaurants and I'm like, okay, I'm here all the time.
Speaker 2: People are not looking at me, and maybe and that's
Speaker 2: you know, it's like you were saying before about maybe
Speaker 2: that's a good tip, is that when you do go
Speaker 2: into a place that you typically go to, you know
Speaker 2: kind of like throw your shoulders back and be like
Speaker 2: it's the new girl in town, versus like, oh, I
Speaker 2: come here all the time, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: So that you give off that new energy like you're taught.
Speaker 2: You're always talking about like having you know, switching your energy,
Speaker 2: and maybe that's what you do. Maybe you're just like, no,
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna be like the everyday girl. I'm gonna
Speaker 2: be like the new girl. Okay, let's you just challenge
Speaker 2: each other to do something new with dating.
Speaker 1: So let's come up with the challenge. What yours? Well?
Speaker 3: I think I'm gonna have to take a play out
Speaker 3: of your friend's playbook and drop the nap and with
Speaker 3: the notes we can combine the accent.
Speaker 2: Okay, So Louise, I want you to try. So we're
Speaker 2: gonna we're challenging each other. Okay, I love, this is
Speaker 2: the game.
Speaker 1: I'm challenging you to do something and you're challenging me
Speaker 1: to do something in the dating world. So I'm gonna
Speaker 1: we're gonna.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna take the tip out of Countess Luance playbook
Speaker 2: and I want.
Speaker 1: You to tomorrow and.
Speaker 2: This week wherever you go, even if it's during the day,
Speaker 2: Like it doesn't have to be at night. It could
Speaker 2: be like at your coffee place or after yoga, and
Speaker 2: like maybe give it to like the coffee guy and
Speaker 2: be like, hey, this guy's really hot.
Speaker 1: Can you give no, write.
Speaker 2: The note before, write the note in one of your cards,
Speaker 2: not your business cards, but like a card, or.
Speaker 3: Bring it in my clutch and just.
Speaker 2: Have and if you see a hot guy, give it
Speaker 2: to whomever, the wait or whatever.
Speaker 1: Have it prepared, and like I should.
Speaker 3: Just give it to any guy and really emersion therapy
Speaker 3: and really challenge myself. Right, okay, so not you.
Speaker 1: You can't do it to give it to a waiter.
Speaker 3: Or I know, but I'll have it already.
Speaker 1: Okay, have it ready though, have it ready?
Speaker 3: Have to here's your challenge.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 3: You need to go to a place in New York
Speaker 3: you don't ever go to, and you need to sit
Speaker 3: at the bar by yourself, and you need to have
Speaker 3: a conversation with a man.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, well hold on.
Speaker 2: So it was last week or the week before, which
Speaker 2: is something I would literally and I'm not I don't
Speaker 2: really like the word never, but I'm telling you never
Speaker 2: do I sit at a barber myself.
Speaker 1: I will stand and wait.
Speaker 2: On my phone in the corner, pretending I'm talking to
Speaker 2: whomever like outside, versus sitting at a barber myself. Like
Speaker 2: it's like I'm like, oh my god, I just would
Speaker 2: like this. I'll freak out.
Speaker 1: And I went to I was supposed to.
Speaker 2: Honest, I was seeing this guy in New York and
Speaker 2: I was away in LA and I came back from
Speaker 2: jingle Ball and we were supposed to like walk around
Speaker 2: and do all this Christmas shopping and stuff, and he
Speaker 2: was like busy sleeping.
Speaker 1: So I was like, you know what, if you're sleeping,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna go.
Speaker 2: My daughters were doing their thing, and I just went
Speaker 2: to Saint Ambrose and I sat at the bar and
Speaker 2: I was chatting with all these different people and I
Speaker 2: was like, loving life.
Speaker 3: You know what if somebody told me really good advice,
Speaker 3: well was.
Speaker 1: I didn't talk to a man. I was talking to
Speaker 1: like everybody, but not to a man specifically.
Speaker 3: So I don't know where I heard this. It could
Speaker 3: have been you, but it was a good idea. So
Speaker 3: if you're about to go to like, let's say you've
Speaker 3: a friend's birthday dinner and it's at seven o'clock, you
Speaker 3: should go to the restaurant early, at like six point thirty,
Speaker 3: and then you should whatever the challenge is, force yourself
Speaker 3: to sit at the bar talk to a guy, drop,
Speaker 3: give a nap into a wait or whatever. And then
Speaker 3: if it's like a crash and burn, you already know
Speaker 3: that it was a thirty minute you know, kind of
Speaker 3: quick X window and then you sit at your girl's dinner. Anyways,
Speaker 3: that's the move.
Speaker 2: That's that is the move, because you have something to do.
Speaker 2: You're not just sitting there waiting around and like that.
Speaker 3: And then you don't feel like a total loser, right right.
Speaker 1: And then you don't go home and you're like, wow, but.
Speaker 3: Kelly, I heard you're being set up from your lovely
Speaker 3: producers and I love to be set up. It is
Speaker 3: my favorite thing. So how is mister tennant? And what
Speaker 3: is going on? You know, you guys heard the podcast. You
Speaker 3: had the first phone call. So where are we at?
Speaker 3: Are you excited?
Speaker 1: I am so excited.
Speaker 2: So he's coming this Thursday where he's going to work,
Speaker 2: and then we're gonna spend the weekend doing fun stuff
Speaker 2: in New York.
Speaker 3: You're going to spend the whole Is he staying in
Speaker 3: a hotel?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Of course and then in Manhattan. Okay, and do you
Speaker 3: guys have like okay, can I ask a logistical question?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 3: Are you making all the reservations because it's your town
Speaker 3: or is it on him to be the trigger puller?
Speaker 2: So that's a really good question. He was kind of
Speaker 2: like asking me things like what do you like to do?
Speaker 2: And He's like, one thing that I really want to
Speaker 2: do is I want to go and have a bourbon
Speaker 2: at like a really vibey place in New York, like
Speaker 2: a cool like a library bar.
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's cool, that's cool. That's very cool. I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm like, I don't drink bourbon, so I'm
Speaker 1: like I will be.
Speaker 2: But I thought that was really cool and I love
Speaker 2: that kind of like just vibe.
Speaker 1: Just sounded like very warm and fun and.
Speaker 3: Like still like in the winter and cozy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, winter cozy exactly. So I love that.
Speaker 2: And then he was like telling me stuff and asked
Speaker 2: he like send me sending me places and he liked.
Speaker 2: And then I my daughter was actually she was she
Speaker 2: was sitting at the table and she was like, Mom,
Speaker 2: what is what's going on? I was like, Oh, like,
Speaker 2: I'm going out with this guy named mister Tennis this
Speaker 2: week and he's giving me places to go. Oh my god, Mom,
Speaker 2: First of all, you have to go to Okay, then
Speaker 2: you have to go to Temple Bar then you have
Speaker 2: to do this.
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, oh my god, that is
Speaker 1: the funny. I was all right. I was like I
Speaker 1: need a place for b and she's like, I got it.
Speaker 3: Just go on TikTok. I know we can find everything on.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: It's interesting though for him, so you kind of have
Speaker 3: to feel bad, right, It's like he's nervous, like he
Speaker 3: wants to you know, he's coming to your area, but
Speaker 3: yet he wants to be a man and come up
Speaker 3: with good so good suggestion. It's like an interesting thing
Speaker 3: and he doesn't. Like there's something worse than when you're
Speaker 3: going out with somebody and they like pick a place
Speaker 3: and you're like okay, like you know what I'm saying, Like.
Speaker 2: I love yeah, but you know I also like to
Speaker 2: your point, like am I picking stuff? So I was like,
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna pick places for him because let him
Speaker 2: have fun.
Speaker 1: With that, do you know what I mean? Like he's
Speaker 1: from he's not.
Speaker 2: He traveled, he comes here a lot, so like let
Speaker 2: him like have fun with that. But I was like
Speaker 2: the one thing that I really wanted him to do,
Speaker 2: and I said, would I think you should play tennis
Speaker 2: while you're here, Like you're gonna be here for three days.
Speaker 2: One day you're working and then two days you're hanging
Speaker 2: out with me. But like, I really want you to
Speaker 2: play tennis because it's something that you love to do
Speaker 2: and I want to watch you.
Speaker 1: And so Vanderbilt at in uh in uh it's.
Speaker 2: Called Vanderbilt and it's this private it's not a private,
Speaker 2: it's just a small, one course tennis tennis court.
Speaker 1: It's one tennis court. It's in Vanderbilt, it's in.
Speaker 2: It's on forty second Street, and it's so bougie and
Speaker 2: so cool and so unique. And I was like, that
Speaker 2: would be so fun for him and I could be
Speaker 2: his I could like hit balls to him.
Speaker 3: But it will make him so you'll like actually love
Speaker 3: watching him because if he's like super hot on the
Speaker 3: tennis court, you'll get like totally even more into him.
Speaker 1: Right, I just want him to do something that makes
Speaker 1: him feel good.
Speaker 2: I mean, I really appreciate the fact that he's coming,
Speaker 2: but I also want to do something for him that
Speaker 2: shows that I, you know.
Speaker 1: I'm interested in him and I want him to be
Speaker 1: happy too.
Speaker 3: So question for you, it's good?
Speaker 1: Is that weird? No?
Speaker 3: I think it's really awesome. But let's assume it's going
Speaker 3: to be like amazing and you're gonna be But what
Speaker 3: happens if on day day two of his three day
Speaker 3: trip you're like just not that into it? What do
Speaker 3: you do?
Speaker 1: We talk a lot, we talk at the.
Speaker 3: Phone, so you already have a connection, you feel.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we talk and we get along so well, like
Speaker 2: we just get along really really well.
Speaker 3: That's amazing. I mean, setups truly are the best because
Speaker 3: a you have a little intel of somebody, you're already
Speaker 3: like kind of connecting. It's like a hometown pro so
Speaker 3: it feels safe and I don't know, a little more familiar.
Speaker 3: So it sounds like you guys are building a bit
Speaker 3: of a foundation already. So when you see him, it's
Speaker 3: just going to be like like probably you'll give him
Speaker 3: a kiss hello, not like a just like a perfunctory
Speaker 3: like hug or something.
Speaker 2: Wait.
Speaker 1: But you know what, also, it is he's a plu.
Speaker 1: So plu is people like you, people I like that.
Speaker 1: I don't know that.
Speaker 3: I've never heard that.
Speaker 2: So a PLU could be a lot of different things,
Speaker 2: but for me, a PLU is like people that are
Speaker 2: like me, that are interested, curious, you know, good parents,
Speaker 2: good friends. Like you said, strong moral compass. You know
Speaker 2: that is a that's a PLU. I mean you can
Speaker 2: meet a lot of people that.
Speaker 1: Are not Kelly.
Speaker 3: You should start a dating app called PLU. Unless you're
Speaker 3: a PLU, you cannot be a part of this dating app.
Speaker 3: We got to limit this pool better, right.
Speaker 2: Right, Everyone wants to make it bigger. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: no no.
Speaker 1: If you're not appealing you no, you know what.
Speaker 3: I think divorce attorneys as a side gig should start
Speaker 3: matchmaking thousand. I think you guys, I'm excited to hear
Speaker 3: about it on your I guess that podcast which we'll
Speaker 3: talk about like the kind of post mortem of this weekend.
Speaker 3: What if this is? What if this happened? I mean,
Speaker 3: wouldn't this be amazing?
Speaker 1: I have a good.
Speaker 3: Feeling he's I have a good feeling. He sounds like
Speaker 3: he's a good human being, he's passionate. What happens you
Speaker 3: created a connection, You've been talking to guy's flying, you know,
Speaker 3: three thousand miles to see when you see him, like,
Speaker 3: do you just give him a little handtake or do
Speaker 3: you give him like a kiss?
Speaker 1: Hello?
Speaker 3: Like what's the kind of what do you think is
Speaker 3: going to happen when you see him?
Speaker 1: I think I don't know. I'm not going to kiss
Speaker 1: him and be like, you know, I probably will, like.
Speaker 3: You're not going to row your tongue down his throat
Speaker 3: like a kiss on the kiss on the cheek. Are
Speaker 3: you going to see each other at first in the
Speaker 3: daytime or the nighttime?
Speaker 1: I think it's gonna be the night time because he
Speaker 1: has to be at work.
Speaker 3: So I think it's a liquid courage will be coming soon.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I'll probably just like hug him because I
Speaker 2: just I don't know. I'm like just I like just
Speaker 2: I like think he's so great. I think he's so
Speaker 2: great that when I texted the other guys, I'm like,
Speaker 2: I'm boring.
Speaker 3: Are you wow this? I am really crossing my fingers
Speaker 3: for you? And you know, there's a concept called do
Speaker 3: you know this concept of driftwood? Do you know who
Speaker 3: Gabby Bernstein is?
Speaker 1: You asked me this before and I did not do
Speaker 1: not to.
Speaker 3: This is my favorite concept and I'm gonna look at this.
Speaker 3: Your situation is my driftwood. Okay, concept of driftwood. You
Speaker 3: are being set up with somebody you're excited. It's good,
Speaker 3: you're talking. He's flying in and I'm sitting here and
Speaker 3: I'm looking at it like, oh, it's about to happen
Speaker 3: for me too. Instead of looking at it like why
Speaker 3: isn't it happening for me, I'm looking at it like
Speaker 3: I'm next. Yes, I mean probably know, Kelly, you might
Speaker 3: have somebody for.
Speaker 1: Me, exactly.
Speaker 2: Well, that's the whole point about like, you know, friends
Speaker 2: setting up friends, and yes, okay, you know people are like, oh,
Speaker 2: you can go on these dating apps and all this stuff,
Speaker 2: and like there's this big pool of people. But you know,
Speaker 2: I think it's really really important to set people up.
Speaker 2: And like we were saying, like recycle, recycle, and you said,
Speaker 2: like we said, you you went out with him, you
Speaker 2: went on a date with him, and I was asking,
Speaker 2: I was asking, like, what what are your what were
Speaker 2: your thoughts?
Speaker 3: It's important to recycle men because one woman's trash could
Speaker 3: be another woman's treasure.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you went on a date with mister Tennant.
Speaker 3: Yes I did.
Speaker 1: She's not trash, he's a treasure.
Speaker 3: He's not.
Speaker 2: But I'm just kidding, no, no, I'm just we're just because
Speaker 2: like before that, it was like trash and tree.
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, no, no, he's a really instellar human.
Speaker 3: I'm going to tell you first of all, I want
Speaker 3: you to know one thing and when you sit down.
Speaker 3: It was so many it was five years ago, but
Speaker 3: let me take one thing. He has the best style.
Speaker 3: His style was beautiful. We went to dinner. He was
Speaker 3: wearing this gorgeous cashmeir like kind of shawl like cardigan.
Speaker 3: He smelled really good. He's got a great body, obviously
Speaker 3: in tennis stead. He is a great dad. To be
Speaker 3: honest with you, what happened was when we got set up,
Speaker 3: I had just gotten out of a relationship and I
Speaker 3: was a little sad, and I think that was that's
Speaker 3: kind of hard to switch gears, and it was particularly
Speaker 3: hard for me and he. This is five six years ago.
Speaker 3: He had little kids in car seats and I don't
Speaker 3: know how old his kids are now. But wasn't I
Speaker 3: wasn't looking for that. I just think the timing was off.
Speaker 3: But he's and he's very close to his family, and
Speaker 3: so I think that great dad, close to his family, cute, warm, friendly,
Speaker 3: amaze his style. I want you to report back to
Speaker 3: me on it, because he had probably one of the
Speaker 3: better senses of style of any guy I'd ever gone out.
Speaker 2: I love that because I like, I worked at fash
Speaker 2: for so long.
Speaker 3: No, I know you're going to appreciate it.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 2: Actually, that makes me very very happy because there's so
Speaker 2: many guys that I literally that sounds awful, so many guys.
Speaker 2: But the guys in the past that I've dated, I
Speaker 2: definitely have to have given them a little amp up.
Speaker 3: And that's easy, and then that's so easy to do.
Speaker 2: It is, but it's also kind of like makes me
Speaker 2: like I feel badly that.
Speaker 1: I'm like, can you put that jacket on? And like,
Speaker 1: what should I wear? I'm like, can you wear that
Speaker 1: jacket with that shirt I have? I know it to wear.
Speaker 1: I'm like, please wear the shirt. Then what are you
Speaker 1: looking for? What are you looking for?
Speaker 3: Okay? I am looking for.
Speaker 1: Cause if I'm going to set you up, like I
Speaker 1: need to know, I love that. Okay.
Speaker 3: Most importantly, I'm looking for what I call my park bench,
Speaker 3: the person who makes me feel safe and the person
Speaker 3: who I can sit next to talking a mile a
Speaker 3: minute or quiet with a three dollars coffee in my hand,
Speaker 3: looking at the birds. Happy is to be that there's
Speaker 3: nowhere else they want to be. They need to be funny.
Speaker 3: I have to laugh. I'm funny. I'm super self deprecating.
Speaker 3: They need to be kind. They cannot have cheated on
Speaker 3: their wives. That to me is a total deal breaker. Confident, sophisticated, intelligent,
Speaker 3: fabulous father close to his family, talks politely about his
Speaker 3: ex wife.
Speaker 1: You're like a unicorn. Do you have one? Let me
Speaker 1: pull it out them.
Speaker 3: Let me taste. I was just in Sun Valley and
Speaker 3: I walked into that. I always asked for signs from
Speaker 3: the universe, and I said, Universe, show me a unicorn.
Speaker 3: That twenty twenty five is going to be amazing. And
Speaker 3: I walked into this vintage store and there was this
Speaker 3: big grass unicorn and it was for sale and I
Speaker 3: was like, oh my god. So I bought it. It should
Speaker 3: be ribing any day this week. It's going to go
Speaker 3: right on monnight table. But yes, I am looking for
Speaker 3: a unicorn.
Speaker 2: I started doing that everyone since I first met I
Speaker 2: like write down in my notes.
Speaker 1: I do like I'll ask for something.
Speaker 3: And I'll ask could I teach you about this?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: You told me that, Yeah, And I've done it and
Speaker 2: it's it's true, It's true.
Speaker 3: It's true. My friends and you have to come up
Speaker 3: with the most obscure signs. And my friend was like,
Speaker 3: show me a mini mouse that my ex she's going
Speaker 3: through divorce, my ex husband is thinking about me. And
Speaker 3: everywhere she turned out of the blue, like a friend
Speaker 3: of ours is sending a picture of her kids and
Speaker 3: the kid was in mini mouse sweatpants. And my friend
Speaker 3: was like, oh my god. And the more you do it,
Speaker 3: the more in tune you are with the universe. It's like,
Speaker 3: actually really fun. It's like a fun game.
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 3: You don't feel like you're alone, which is cool.
Speaker 2: Right, Okay, so you want a unicorn perfect park bench.
Speaker 3: I want nice, honest, funny, confident. You know, I need somebody.
Speaker 3: I don't need to be with somebody. I want to
Speaker 3: be with the right person.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: So it's like, I don't need somebody to pay my bills.
Speaker 3: I don't need somebody to pay my kids bills. I
Speaker 3: don't need somebody to fill my dance card. I have
Speaker 3: you know, I have friends, I have family here. I
Speaker 3: love to stay home and read a book like it really,
Speaker 3: you know, it's it's got to be totally added to
Speaker 3: my life. Or it just doesn't.
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 3: I'm not going to fit a square into a rand hole.
Speaker 3: I'd rather be the right situation.
Speaker 2: So I went out a date with this guy and
Speaker 2: there was a matchmaker and she said to me, are
Speaker 2: you too busy to date?
Speaker 1: Are you too busy to date?
Speaker 3: No, I'm actually not. And when I was turning fifty,
Speaker 3: this was two years ago, I woke up on January first,
Speaker 3: my birthdays in April, and I was like, this is
Speaker 3: going to be my year. I'm going to treat it
Speaker 3: like a job. And I was like, I'm going to
Speaker 3: figure out a way to go on a date or
Speaker 3: two a week. And I did it. And I don't
Speaker 3: think I'm too busy. Like if the right situation presented itself,
Speaker 3: my hurdle is I say yes day every day, right,
Speaker 3: I mean one hundred percent. Like I love meeting people
Speaker 3: talking to them like I can. I love to talk
Speaker 3: to people and get to know people, whether they're my
Speaker 3: person or not. A different story. I don't think I'm
Speaker 3: too busy. I think I just need to put myself
Speaker 3: into different situations to open up more avenues like date.
Speaker 2: So okay, so we were looking for different avenues. Okay,
Speaker 2: we talked about Luane or like waiter thing.
Speaker 1: Which is that tip is amazing. It makes me laugh
Speaker 1: so much. Oh my god, I'm dead.
Speaker 2: But okay, so we're like, so outside of going to
Speaker 2: bars and stuff like that, I.
Speaker 3: Think we need to go to airports. We could sit
Speaker 3: at airports. I think, you know, like we.
Speaker 1: Should go with you.
Speaker 2: I begued.
Speaker 3: I could do like a fun little adventure where it's
Speaker 3: like we just go. I think you should come to
Speaker 3: La I go to New York. Then we go sit
Speaker 3: at different airports, and we fly to Atlanta and sit
Speaker 3: at a bar there at a hotel. Hotel bars are
Speaker 3: the way to go.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you, wait, what about long distance? What
Speaker 1: are your thoughts on long distance?
Speaker 3: Oh god, okay, well I used to think it was great,
Speaker 3: and then I was, you know, like I recently gone
Speaker 3: out with a guy from San Francisco and he flew
Speaker 3: down and I was like, Okay, that's that's fine. Hour whatever,
Speaker 3: maybe two hours or whatever. But I would love to
Speaker 3: date a guy in like New York on the East
Speaker 3: Coast because quite frankly, you know, I would like to
Speaker 3: I'd love to have the opportunity to live elsewhere for
Speaker 3: chunks of time. I work full time here. Luckily I
Speaker 3: have an assistant. I live in a situation which is
Speaker 3: lock and leave. I'm totally okay with long distance. Genuinely,
Speaker 3: I think it would be fun to live in New
Speaker 3: York for a month and then fun to have him
Speaker 3: be here for a month. My kids are, you know, gone,
Speaker 3: They're in college, one's about to graduate, one's a sophomore.
Speaker 3: Who knows where one's gonna be in Nashville, Like, who knows?
Speaker 3: So I would totally do long distance. And I actually
Speaker 3: think I would love to spend time in a different city,
Speaker 3: meeting new people, doing I grew up in La I
Speaker 3: know it. I'm done with it. What about you?
Speaker 2: You know, I'm open to anything now because again, like
Speaker 2: you and I are similar where our kids are older,
Speaker 2: and I'm just open to every I mean, I have to,
Speaker 2: you know, I have to actually move because I am
Speaker 2: I'm you know, I'm one of my clients. I'm living
Speaker 2: in his apartment. I'm renting his apartment and he wants
Speaker 2: to sell it. And I'm like, okay, now I have
Speaker 2: to like get up and move. And I could just
Speaker 2: do anything and go anywhere. And I mean I was
Speaker 2: even thinking like I know this sounds not that far,
Speaker 2: but I was like, maybe I'll even move uptown. I've
Speaker 2: never lived uptown before, or I could literally just do
Speaker 2: anything I want. I mean, it'll probably be difficult for
Speaker 2: me to leave my kids, to like leave the state,
Speaker 2: but like, I mean, even I was thinking maybe I
Speaker 2: should have moved to Florida, or maybe I should go
Speaker 2: to Texas for a little bit. I had work in Texas,
Speaker 2: and so I'm just I'm I've never been open to
Speaker 2: moving or being away from my kids, even though they
Speaker 2: were in college.
Speaker 1: I was like, they have to have a family home.
Speaker 2: They have to have structure, they have to have comfort,
Speaker 2: they have to know that I'm you know, reliable and
Speaker 2: I'm there for them all the time. But now they're
Speaker 2: just being nice to me because like mom, we're sad.
Speaker 1: We don't want you to be sad.
Speaker 3: Well, like me, I think they worry about me, so
Speaker 3: I awful. I always saw my kids home is the people,
Speaker 3: not the structure. So I think that they've never been
Speaker 3: attached to an actual place. It's more about the people,
Speaker 3: which which is great. I think that do you remember
Speaker 3: the movie because you and I think are similar age
Speaker 3: remember the movie Sliding doors of Paltrow. Oh, Kelly, you've
Speaker 3: got to watch them.
Speaker 1: Wait, who else is in?
Speaker 3: It's Gwyneth Paltrow, some British actor. But the point of
Speaker 3: the movie is, which is how I'm choosing to look
Speaker 3: at my life now is sliding doors right and Back
Speaker 3: in the day, I used to probably make more impulsive decisions,
Speaker 3: not looking at the entire chessboard, saying well, if I
Speaker 3: do this and I For example, when I was graduating college,
Speaker 3: I went to Berkeley. I had this big plan. I
Speaker 3: wanted to spend the first five years post college and
Speaker 3: I wanted to live one year each in a different
Speaker 3: five cities. Choose five cities, New York, London, Dallas, whatever
Speaker 3: it was, because I was like, if I came straight
Speaker 3: back to LA, I knew I was going to never
Speaker 3: leave right, and I really wanted to drink their coffee.
Speaker 3: I had no idea what I wanted to do. So
Speaker 3: I got a job in New York and I was
Speaker 3: supposed to start in August of ninety four in an
Speaker 3: entertainment company, and I came home at such an idiot.
Speaker 3: I came home that summer to LA and I like
Speaker 3: met a guy and was like, oh, I'm not going
Speaker 3: to this is my guy, Like, I'm not moving to
Speaker 3: New York and I never did and it's the single
Speaker 3: biggest regret in my life. And you look at it
Speaker 3: like that was the sliding door, right, So to our
Speaker 3: kind of twenty twenty five philosophy of just say yes
Speaker 3: in a way, if we're just saying yes to opportunities,
Speaker 3: those are our sliding doors. So for all you know,
Speaker 3: Amy and Heather want to set you up with ten
Speaker 3: and as guy who's la, you guys get hit You
Speaker 3: said yes, you could hit it off. All of a sudden,
Speaker 3: you're not locked into, you know, a mortgage in New York.
Speaker 3: You could be living in La. You have no idea.
Speaker 3: These are sliding doors. Every day we have sliding doors
Speaker 3: that are presented to us and we have to decide,
Speaker 3: like which door are we going in or not going in?
Speaker 3: And what is that gonna domino effect?
Speaker 1: What about like making new friends?
Speaker 2: So we've talked about dating apps, we've talked about we're
Speaker 2: gonna do together, but what literally what about like it's
Speaker 2: so hard to meet Like I'm so happy to meet
Speaker 2: you just because you know, you're you're smart, you're interesting,
Speaker 2: you're engaging, you're insightful, like you just you you think
Speaker 2: differently a little bit, a little differently than than me,
Speaker 2: but we were we're in the same scope of possibility
Speaker 2: in our thought process, which I love about you. But like,
Speaker 2: if I didn't know Amy, I wouldn't know you. So how,
Speaker 2: you know, how do you meet other friends that are
Speaker 2: interested in the same things when they're when you don't
Speaker 2: Like when we're younger, we have all these you know,
Speaker 2: the play groups and the parents, and like you meet
Speaker 2: all these people and you're like the common denominators your kids.
Speaker 2: But now it's like I don't have a common denominator.
Speaker 2: Or if I meet someone, they're like, oh, you're single,
Speaker 2: and I'm like.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I'm single. They're like, oh, Like it's like
Speaker 1: a bad thing.
Speaker 3: Like you know, it's funny. I haven't had to be
Speaker 3: honest with you people. I don't I haven't had that.
Speaker 3: I haven't had that experience with which I I love
Speaker 3: my girlfriends so much, and I have such a great
Speaker 3: kind of posse of friends and I just love I
Speaker 3: don't know, like I actually love collecting amazing friends. I
Speaker 3: will tell you that new friendships. I'm a very open
Speaker 3: a new friendship and I'm really look, I might not
Speaker 3: be a lot of things right, but I know I'm
Speaker 3: a really good friend and I'm really loyal and I'm
Speaker 3: super like dependable, like I love my friend. I'm a giver,
Speaker 3: I'm not a taker. So for me, making friends has
Speaker 3: never been a challenge for me. I've had you know,
Speaker 3: friends since I was you know, like two years old.
Speaker 3: I have a hard time being more connectable to men,
Speaker 3: to be honest with you.
Speaker 4: And so for me, like I meet you, I goes
Speaker 4: back to me asking you like if you're too busy
Speaker 4: and maybe that's so, maybe it's not maybe maybe I
Speaker 4: have to rephrase the question, like because it's.
Speaker 1: You know, just from you know, listening.
Speaker 2: To you, you obviously are so proficient in so many
Speaker 2: things you know you are, You're like perfect in so
Speaker 2: many ways you are.
Speaker 1: But does that what? What? But what about for men?
Speaker 2: Like how how do they how do they come into
Speaker 2: into play? Like you know what void can they feel
Speaker 2: for you outside of being your your you know, you
Speaker 2: said you like your park bench, but there they have
Speaker 2: to be They need more than that than to just
Speaker 2: be your park bench. They need to feel wanted and needed.
Speaker 2: And if you have, if you're this, you know.
Speaker 3: I think you're right, Kelly. I think that's my You're beautiful.
Speaker 3: I'm super self sufficient. I'm super self sufficient, and I
Speaker 3: think that for a lot of men, you know, probably
Speaker 3: similar with you, Like you know, you've kind of done
Speaker 3: it on.
Speaker 2: Your self sufficient, but you're also really really beautiful. So
Speaker 2: it's like a lot of women are self sufficient, but
Speaker 2: they're not so beautiful. So it's like they are more
Speaker 2: maybe they're more insecure because they're they're not you know,
Speaker 2: they're not they don't look like you. I mean probably
Speaker 2: walk down the street and guys.
Speaker 1: Like, holy sug, who's that? Thank you?
Speaker 2: So how do they but no, just I'm asking, like, so,
Speaker 2: how like what can you do to be more open,
Speaker 2: like you said the grave, be more open to allowing
Speaker 2: these men.
Speaker 1: To see like who you are too. I mean that's
Speaker 1: what I've been doing.
Speaker 3: I need to be a little more dependent, not independent.
Speaker 3: I need to learn to be a little softer. I
Speaker 3: think I need to learn to ask for help more.
Speaker 3: I think I need to. You know, when I'm on
Speaker 3: a date, I tend to ask a lot of questions
Speaker 3: and deflect the off of me. And sometimes when I
Speaker 3: go on a date, now I like sit down my hands,
Speaker 3: you know, like Louise, stop asking so many questions, like
Speaker 3: let them ask you. You know what I'm saying, Like,
Speaker 3: I think it's just a default, right, it comes from
Speaker 3: stuff in my in my childhood.
Speaker 2: I think it's also genuinely like because you're really smart,
Speaker 2: so you're like asking questions and you probably know the
Speaker 2: answer to most of the questions that you're asking.
Speaker 1: Which is there's nothing that's amazing, by the way, But.
Speaker 2: One thing that I've learned in the past couple of
Speaker 2: months is not and people are calling it trauma bond,
Speaker 2: but I don't think.
Speaker 1: I don't like trauma bond.
Speaker 2: Like I don't need to say to you, I got
Speaker 2: divorced and my ex husband did this, and I've been
Speaker 2: doing all these things and my life is so bad.
Speaker 2: How bad is your life? Like that's not how I
Speaker 2: want to connect with you. I want to connect with
Speaker 2: you in ways like I know who you are, I
Speaker 2: know who your friends are.
Speaker 1: Let's talk about like you know.
Speaker 2: Solutions, tricks, fun things to do together, but at the
Speaker 2: end of the day, like the solutions that are that
Speaker 2: we are coming to at this time of our life,
Speaker 2: Like that's really really what's super important to me, and
Speaker 2: this podcast has been so crucial because it's opened me
Speaker 2: up to again like listening to be vulnerable.
Speaker 1: To before my fear, I had so much fear, but
Speaker 1: the way that it was projected was like this over
Speaker 1: self confidence, which was the opposite.
Speaker 3: I was literally like crawling inside you and I are
Speaker 3: the same person.
Speaker 2: I'd be grinding my teeth at night. My dentist is like,
Speaker 2: what are you doing. I'm like, I don't know. She's like,
Speaker 2: you're grinding. You're literally grinding your teeth down. I'm like,
Speaker 2: because I'm like a nervous wreck.
Speaker 3: That's me. That's me too. And you and I are
Speaker 3: super super I'm just like the blonde version of you.
Speaker 3: We're super super similar. And I think we have the
Speaker 3: same lessons to learn, and I think that we're learning
Speaker 3: them every day and we're going to be presented with
Speaker 3: different people to teach us those lessons. Right, Like every
Speaker 3: relationship I have has taught me something more about myself
Speaker 3: or made me be more vulnerable.
Speaker 2: I have something. So now we have a second challenge. Okay,
Speaker 2: so the first challenge is like what we're going to
Speaker 2: do for something that's fun to meet new.
Speaker 1: People, which I love that, but why don't What about
Speaker 1: our second challenge?
Speaker 2: Could be something that's we did something this week that
Speaker 2: made it extremely vulnerable, like in a super a super
Speaker 2: awkward position.
Speaker 1: I want to I want to do that. Okay, so
Speaker 1: what are your ideas? What are your ideas?
Speaker 3: I need to I need to think about it. I uh,
Speaker 3: I see my kids are here one more week and
Speaker 3: then they're leaving on Sunday. So I've kind of because
Speaker 3: they just got back from being gone with their dad
Speaker 3: for two weeks. So like my whole week is like it.
Speaker 3: I just want to focus on that.
Speaker 1: It could be like a ten minute thing.
Speaker 2: It's not like it's no yeah, like on your way
Speaker 2: to yoga or something like something I don't know, just
Speaker 2: something that would put you in a vulnerable position.
Speaker 3: There was a guy I'm dangerous.
Speaker 1: I'm not asking you to.
Speaker 3: Like no, no, no, no no no no no no. I
Speaker 3: had dated a really nice guy and we broke up
Speaker 3: in October and he was a good guy, and I'm like,
Speaker 3: part of me is like did I got? But he
Speaker 3: was a really good guy and he had texted me
Speaker 3: over Christmas and he's like, let's have dinner in January
Speaker 3: and I was like, yeah, totally. I think I'll reach out.
Speaker 3: I'll reach out to this week and see if he
Speaker 3: wants to.
Speaker 1: Have dinner or you don't have to have dinner. Why
Speaker 1: can't you just go for a coffee or.
Speaker 3: A drink or a coffee.
Speaker 1: But like I think, I, yeah, just have a coffee.
Speaker 1: And by the way, yeah, don't don't to the dinner.
Speaker 1: Don't to the dinner.
Speaker 2: Oh so one of my producers, she told the Starbucks
Speaker 2: barista about her breakup.
Speaker 1: So like, it's okay to you know, be.
Speaker 2: Open, and I think it's interesting, listen whatever happens with
Speaker 2: this guy. I think it's good to also have conversations.
Speaker 2: Like I'm the kind of person I'm so black and white.
Speaker 2: And maybe that's because I'm like I'm a super mom.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna protect my family. I can do it all.
Speaker 2: Here's my cape. And so what I do is I'm like,
Speaker 2: I don't like what you do. I'm like, you're done,
Speaker 2: and I just I just remove you.
Speaker 3: Oh, you and I are so similar. Do you look
Speaker 3: back in the rear view.
Speaker 2: If I see someone, if I see you in the stail, like, Hi,
Speaker 2: I have zero interested in calling you.
Speaker 1: I have zero. They're like, oh yeah, you're gonna call me,
Speaker 1: I'm like, no.
Speaker 3: So it, Kelly. If somebody crosses you, are you black
Speaker 3: and white? Whereas you just kind of look back.
Speaker 2: If I'm dating you and you did do things that
Speaker 2: really like put me in a position that makes me
Speaker 2: super vulnerable and afraid, I'm like we're done, like finished,
Speaker 2: or if you put me in a situation where like trust,
Speaker 2: you know, trust in this new part of my new
Speaker 2: world is like paramount to anything everything, And so if
Speaker 2: I can't trust you, or if I can't you know,
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm an action speak louder in the words,
Speaker 2: like a lot of people are like YadA, YadA, YadA,
Speaker 2: and so I just want to be able to trust people.
Speaker 2: And I just think it's great and I want to
Speaker 2: hear what I want to hear what happens, because if
Speaker 2: that happens, I want to hear what happens after you guys.
Speaker 3: After you guys talk, I'll do that, you know. And
Speaker 3: it's funny, I'm the same way with you with trust,
Speaker 3: Like trust is like a piece of paper. Once it's
Speaker 3: ripped or torn, you can glue and tape it, but
Speaker 3: the schism is always there. And I think that when
Speaker 3: somebody blows your trust or crosses you in a way
Speaker 3: like there's just no going back for me.
Speaker 1: In the spirit of your driftwood. It's like painting over
Speaker 1: rotten lumber.
Speaker 3: Yes, well, driftwood, you're my driftwood. Tennis and your driftwood.
Speaker 3: I'm so excited. Seriously, we have so many like texting
Speaker 3: things that we've got it. And when are you going
Speaker 3: to come to la will you might.
Speaker 1: Be hopefully soon, hopefully soon visiting.
Speaker 3: Tennis and then he's going to hunt you to me
Speaker 3: for an hour or we can all go to dinner,
Speaker 3: I know, remember.
Speaker 2: Louise, Oh my god, thank you so so so much. Okay,
Speaker 2: so we know what our marching orders are. Yes, something
Speaker 2: vulnerable and something really fun.
Speaker 3: Something vulnerable and something risky with like the Countess Luerns,
Speaker 3: like taking a play out of her playbook. And don't
Speaker 3: forget the going to a restaurant or a bar thirty
Speaker 3: minutes before your girl's dinner, because you can accomplish something
Speaker 3: there in a safe kind of time.
Speaker 1: Brame.
Speaker 2: But by the way, I'm actually going to do the
Speaker 2: same thing that you're doing. And I'm gonna write myself
Speaker 2: a little note and I'm gonna take a photo. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I want to write two notes tomorrow tonight, tomorrow to
Speaker 2: when I'm out about whoever I am.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna be like, can you give this that person?
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's do let's challenge ourselves because guess what we doing?
Speaker 3: Great stuff comes back and.
Speaker 1: Return You're like, should she drop something?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, you are so much fun. I love
Speaker 3: talking about meeting new friends and people that you know
Speaker 3: when you meet somebody in your life and they're aligned
Speaker 3: with kind of your core values and where you are,
Speaker 3: know you, well, you're that's you. You're my girl, You're new,
Speaker 3: You're my new twenty twenty five friend. I'm good, Louise.
Speaker 2: It was so great getting to chat with you today
Speaker 2: on the pod. You have such great insight, and it's
Speaker 2: been so cool to meet someone who's going through a
Speaker 2: similar journey as me.
Speaker 1: Do you want dating advice?
Speaker 2: Call us or email us, follow us on socials. All
Speaker 2: the information will be in the show notes, and make
Speaker 2: sure to rate and review the podcast. I Do Part
Speaker 2: two an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the
Speaker 2: main objective.
Speaker 3: EXTI EXTI fou