WEBVTT - Miss Maked Up 0:00:08.680 --> 0:00:15.640 Misspelling with Tory spelling and iHeartRadio podcast. Hi you guys, 0:00:15.760 --> 0:00:19.279 So I have a Tory story for you. Actually, my 0:00:19.400 --> 0:00:21.759 boy Bessie, Brian Austin Green told me that I need 0:00:21.760 --> 0:00:23.800 to tell this story, and he told me this is 0:00:23.840 --> 0:00:26.520 my next toy story, so I'm going with it. So 0:00:27.120 --> 0:00:32.480 this past weekend, Brian and I went to New York 0:00:33.000 --> 0:00:37.680 on this top secret mission thing that's happening that I 0:00:37.680 --> 0:00:40.639 can't talk about. That we had to sign all kinds 0:00:40.640 --> 0:00:42.640 of NDAs and it's something really really cool and really 0:00:42.680 --> 0:00:47.720 really special. So it kind of happened out of nowhere 0:00:47.760 --> 0:00:50.000 and it's really awesome and you guys are gonna love 0:00:50.040 --> 0:00:52.400 it and I can't wait to share it with you anyway. Okay, 0:00:52.720 --> 0:00:56.320 bean gave me energy. Okay, I love work. Anyway. Ruthanne 0:00:56.360 --> 0:01:00.720 and I flew from LA to New York. We've been 0:01:00.760 --> 0:01:05.000 traveling all day and everything happened so fast. I was 0:01:05.040 --> 0:01:06.920 like it was like one of those things like pack 0:01:06.959 --> 0:01:09.320 a bag, get on the plane, and go. So I 0:01:09.400 --> 0:01:13.560 actually didn't have any makeup on, and I had my 0:01:13.600 --> 0:01:16.600 sunglasses and I had a beanie on. I was in 0:01:16.640 --> 0:01:19.959 my sweats and we got to the hotel late at 0:01:20.040 --> 0:01:23.560 night and Brian and his manager Tracy had gotten in 0:01:23.600 --> 0:01:25.240 and they were like, oh, you know, we're at the 0:01:25.280 --> 0:01:27.520 bar if you guys want to join us. And I 0:01:27.680 --> 0:01:30.800 literally said to Ruthan like, oh my god, no, I 0:01:30.800 --> 0:01:32.760 can't see Brian right now. I don't have makeup on. 0:01:33.160 --> 0:01:35.440 Did I not say this, Ruthman, you totally said it. 0:01:35.800 --> 0:01:36.080 I did. 0:01:36.160 --> 0:01:39.880 I understood, not because I thought you didn't look amazing, 0:01:40.040 --> 0:01:43.400 but I understand that feeling a female. 0:01:43.480 --> 0:01:47.000 Yeah, there's a lot of things as women that I 0:01:47.000 --> 0:01:50.440 think we you know, my god, boys are so lucky. 0:01:51.080 --> 0:01:54.240 But I actually have always loved the fact that, you know, 0:01:54.720 --> 0:01:56.960 we do get to put on makeup, and we do 0:01:57.080 --> 0:02:01.040 get to adjust how we appear to others physically, at 0:02:01.160 --> 0:02:04.600 least I thought I did. So anyway, we check in 0:02:04.760 --> 0:02:06.480 and I was like, oh my gosh, I don't know, 0:02:06.560 --> 0:02:08.720 just tell them we're tired, and I just we're shooting 0:02:08.720 --> 0:02:11.440 early in the morning, and all of a sudden, as 0:02:11.440 --> 0:02:13.000 we go to the Elvare, I'm like, oh my god, 0:02:13.000 --> 0:02:15.919 they're right there, and I'm like, okay, I want to 0:02:15.919 --> 0:02:18.680 see Brian and Tracy. Anyway, so we go over and 0:02:20.320 --> 0:02:22.080 it was it was one of those things that everything 0:02:22.080 --> 0:02:24.880 happens for a reason. So we go over and we're 0:02:24.919 --> 0:02:27.160 all like, you know, talking, and we're having a drink 0:02:27.760 --> 0:02:30.040 and Brian and I decide to go to the bar. 0:02:31.200 --> 0:02:33.400 So we go to the bar to get everyone another 0:02:33.560 --> 0:02:35.320 round of drinks. And we were just having like one 0:02:35.360 --> 0:02:38.040 or two drinks and then going to bed, and he 0:02:38.120 --> 0:02:41.160 says to me at the bar, do you know I'm 0:02:41.160 --> 0:02:44.079 not this isn't for batim, but basically, do you know 0:02:44.840 --> 0:02:48.040 how pretty look with less makeup? And that tanks me 0:02:48.360 --> 0:02:50.640 and I was like, oh my god, I knew this 0:02:50.760 --> 0:02:53.080 was going to happen. And I turned into that sixteen 0:02:53.160 --> 0:02:55.080 year old girl around Brian Green again, and I was like, 0:02:55.960 --> 0:02:57.560 I'm not kidding. I told Ruth and I didn't want 0:02:57.560 --> 0:02:59.160 to see you tonight because I don't have makeup on. 0:02:59.400 --> 0:03:02.440 And he's like that's ridiculous. He goes, you look so 0:03:02.960 --> 0:03:07.440 beautiful with less makeup, and he's such a good man, like, 0:03:07.480 --> 0:03:09.840 you know, he chose his words carefully, not no makeup, 0:03:09.919 --> 0:03:14.520 he said, with less makeup. So I was like, gosh, 0:03:14.560 --> 0:03:17.079 I don't know, I don't see it. So we got 0:03:17.120 --> 0:03:23.120 into this conversation about he said, you know, not only 0:03:23.240 --> 0:03:26.000 do you look prettier, because we could see your face like, 0:03:26.360 --> 0:03:29.839 but you look younger, and it became this whole thing. 0:03:29.880 --> 0:03:31.440 We then got back to the table. Did we start 0:03:31.440 --> 0:03:32.840 talking to you guys about it when we got back 0:03:32.880 --> 0:03:33.679 to the table. 0:03:34.040 --> 0:03:38.320 Yes, and Tracy and I concurred with Brian, but you 0:03:38.320 --> 0:03:41.160 would never hear it from certainly you wouldn't hear it 0:03:41.160 --> 0:03:41.440 from me. 0:03:42.520 --> 0:03:46.880 Maybe a little bit from Tracy, but more so. And 0:03:46.960 --> 0:03:49.240 what I ended up saying, and I don't know if 0:03:49.280 --> 0:03:50.880 this is at the bar when we came back to 0:03:50.920 --> 0:03:53.320 the table, was that I don't know, I feel like 0:03:53.480 --> 0:03:56.840 I've been so conditioned my whole life being in the 0:03:56.840 --> 0:04:00.720 public eye and having your looks just torn apart from 0:04:00.720 --> 0:04:04.520 a young age. I mean literally, not literally like like 0:04:04.560 --> 0:04:07.040 I don't know the moment it was, the exact moment. 0:04:07.080 --> 0:04:07.280 I know. 0:04:07.560 --> 0:04:11.520 It was when I was seventeen and the Globe magazine 0:04:11.520 --> 0:04:14.000 which doesn't even exist, but a tabloid, this is when 0:04:14.000 --> 0:04:17.039 there were paper tabloids, came out with a story. It 0:04:17.120 --> 0:04:19.599 was like, you know, the Inquirer, the Globe was like 0:04:19.760 --> 0:04:22.680 it was a big one and nine, O two and 0:04:22.720 --> 0:04:25.599 zero was in the Tayday. I was seventeen, though, you know, 0:04:25.640 --> 0:04:29.160 it's like the second season. Itd just blown up and 0:04:29.640 --> 0:04:32.360 all these pictures of me, saying Tory Spelling has had 0:04:32.440 --> 0:04:36.880 all this plastic surgery. I was like seventeen, Like I 0:04:36.920 --> 0:04:39.320 had my nose done at sixteen, but like you know, 0:04:39.360 --> 0:04:41.600 it's it. Keep in mind, you guys, this is the nineties, 0:04:41.680 --> 0:04:44.479 not today, when you know there's so much available and 0:04:44.480 --> 0:04:47.559 people do botox and they do all different things, starting young. 0:04:48.240 --> 0:04:50.839 And it said a source says. They always say a 0:04:50.839 --> 0:04:53.039 source says, which means no one really said it, but 0:04:54.000 --> 0:04:57.640 possibly they showed pictures of me when I was like nine, 0:04:58.040 --> 0:05:00.000 or when I was like twelve, and it says people 0:05:00.040 --> 0:05:01.400 that went to high school with her knew her, and 0:05:01.440 --> 0:05:04.839 elementary so she looks completely different. And it went on 0:05:04.960 --> 0:05:07.440 to say things like I had had cheecken plants and 0:05:08.279 --> 0:05:13.760 a chinen plant and ribs removed. It was the wildest thing. 0:05:14.200 --> 0:05:16.560 And I'm looking at these pictures and I'm a seventeen 0:05:16.600 --> 0:05:18.920 year old girl, and I had just gotten it from 0:05:18.920 --> 0:05:22.560 the news stand, which doesn't really exist anymore in Westwood, 0:05:22.880 --> 0:05:26.159 and I was driving back home. We had just moved 0:05:26.200 --> 0:05:29.240 into the manor, so I was driving home and I 0:05:29.320 --> 0:05:33.320 remember pulling into my parents' driveway and I called my dad. 0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:36.360 He was at work, and I was in tears, and 0:05:36.440 --> 0:05:38.320 I was like, oh my god, I don't know what 0:05:38.400 --> 0:05:41.040 I'm seeing. But they're saying I've had all this plastic 0:05:41.080 --> 0:05:44.559 surgery and like I've had nothing done. And my dad 0:05:44.680 --> 0:05:48.200 was like, always the eternal optimist. He was like, Babe, 0:05:48.880 --> 0:05:52.400 when they're talking about you, it's good press is press 0:05:52.600 --> 0:05:55.160 bad or good, and they'll move on to someone else 0:05:55.200 --> 0:05:59.039 next week. And I was like, okay, okay, let me 0:05:59.080 --> 0:06:00.440 try to think of it that way. But it was 0:06:00.480 --> 0:06:04.359 devastating because I want it to be like, first of all, 0:06:04.480 --> 0:06:07.640 I look completely different. Was something wrong with me before? 0:06:08.320 --> 0:06:10.880 You know, we have those like weird moments we go 0:06:10.920 --> 0:06:13.880 through in life, like your formative years and you're like 0:06:13.960 --> 0:06:17.640 a tween, like you know, I had like baby fat cheeks, 0:06:17.160 --> 0:06:20.000 and you know, now my face was thinning out. But 0:06:20.040 --> 0:06:21.800 I hadn't had cheek and plants, I hadn't had my 0:06:22.360 --> 0:06:26.080 chin redone, and I certainly hadn't had ribs removed. I 0:06:26.200 --> 0:06:28.840 was like, oh my gosh, how do you even do that? 0:06:29.040 --> 0:06:32.679 Like I'd always had a thin frame my dad and mom. 0:06:32.760 --> 0:06:35.799 My dad was then my mom is thin, Like I 0:06:35.839 --> 0:06:40.800 had not even thought about dieting or anything. But I'll 0:06:40.839 --> 0:06:43.320 never forget that day because my dad said, don't worry, 0:06:43.320 --> 0:06:46.279 they'll be on to someone else next week. But that 0:06:46.640 --> 0:06:48.680 never went away, that story. And I know we're talking 0:06:48.680 --> 0:06:51.200 about Brian and him saying I should wear less makeup, 0:06:51.200 --> 0:06:53.320 but this is where it started, with me thinking I 0:06:53.360 --> 0:06:55.040 needed to wear makeup. So I have to go back 0:06:55.080 --> 0:06:59.000 to the beginning. But I was seventeen and the press 0:06:59.360 --> 0:07:02.240 never let that go. I am fifty two right now, 0:07:02.720 --> 0:07:05.760 and if you look up any comments about me, not 0:07:05.920 --> 0:07:09.720 just from the press, like fans read into it, people 0:07:09.960 --> 0:07:13.920 like my very existence is tory spelling. I remember I'd 0:07:14.000 --> 0:07:16.760 read stuff when Michael Jackson was still alive, like the 0:07:16.760 --> 0:07:19.120 only other person that's had more plastic surgery than Michael 0:07:19.200 --> 0:07:22.960 Jackson is tory spelling it Like that one tabloid's story 0:07:23.200 --> 0:07:27.160 stayed with me my entire life, and you know what, 0:07:27.720 --> 0:07:31.200 it fucked me up, like it. Not only was I 0:07:31.280 --> 0:07:37.000 like thrust into like stardom at an early age, living 0:07:37.080 --> 0:07:40.520 out my bad moments good moments on TV for the world, 0:07:41.200 --> 0:07:44.040 but I was a seventeen year old girl that didn't 0:07:44.560 --> 0:07:47.880 think I looked bad. I didn't think I looked that bad. 0:07:48.120 --> 0:07:50.960 I definitely had had my nose done, which you know, 0:07:51.040 --> 0:07:53.560 at sixteen. Nowadays, I think that's way too young. But 0:07:53.680 --> 0:07:56.280 back in the day, it was a it was a thing. 0:07:56.360 --> 0:07:59.120 You know, when you turned sixteen, you know, disgussed it 0:07:59.160 --> 0:08:01.640 with your parents and you got yours done. And other 0:08:01.720 --> 0:08:04.200 than that, though I don't know, I was just like, 0:08:04.280 --> 0:08:06.680 oh my god, I must be like a troll. I 0:08:06.760 --> 0:08:10.240 must be the ugliest human alive if they think I've 0:08:10.240 --> 0:08:12.360 had to have all this stuff to even be where 0:08:12.360 --> 0:08:15.240 I am now. And then the comments just kept going. 0:08:15.440 --> 0:08:18.760 And as much as I say I have thick skin, like, 0:08:18.800 --> 0:08:21.720 it really stayed with me my whole life, to the 0:08:21.800 --> 0:08:25.920 point where people still say on comments on my Instagram, 0:08:26.120 --> 0:08:29.280 I post something like, oh my gosh, lay off the filler, 0:08:29.600 --> 0:08:32.680 lay off the bowtox. Stop getting so much plastic surgery. 0:08:33.320 --> 0:08:35.960 And I'm not supposed to interact with people saying, you know, 0:08:36.040 --> 0:08:38.360 mean things. I'm sped to just take it on the chin, right, 0:08:38.559 --> 0:08:41.240 But I haven't had my chin done. I don't have 0:08:41.600 --> 0:08:43.600 filler like I have no filler in my face, you 0:08:43.640 --> 0:08:47.880 guys like I've had botox. So I went the other direction. 0:08:48.480 --> 0:08:52.080 I feel I at fifty two, I look at all 0:08:52.120 --> 0:08:55.000 this stuff on social media. I see women my age 0:08:55.040 --> 0:08:58.880 that have had lasers done, they've had you know, they've 0:08:58.920 --> 0:09:01.360 had lower face lifts, they've had things done. I've had 0:09:01.480 --> 0:09:06.040 nothing done because I'm so terrified of what people will 0:09:06.040 --> 0:09:08.280 say because they already say I had stuff done that 0:09:08.320 --> 0:09:11.839 I haven't had done. So I'm like super careful. Like 0:09:11.880 --> 0:09:14.199 when I get my boatox and I do I get botox, 0:09:14.800 --> 0:09:16.960 I'm always like, don't do too much. People think I've 0:09:17.000 --> 0:09:20.319 had something else done. Like it has really messed me 0:09:20.600 --> 0:09:24.840 up of how I perceive myself. And I think makeup 0:09:25.000 --> 0:09:30.600 plays into that because I always thought, gosh, I must 0:09:30.880 --> 0:09:35.160 be unattractive, and in order to be attractive, what does 0:09:35.200 --> 0:09:37.720 a female do? Oh, we have that choice. We can 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:41.360 add makeup, we can put on a quote unquote beauty mask. Right. 0:09:42.080 --> 0:09:47.640 So I always wore a lot of makeup, and you 0:09:47.679 --> 0:09:50.040 know now that, especially in the last year, the whole 0:09:50.120 --> 0:09:53.240 you know, Pamela Anderson and the whole no makeup look 0:09:53.320 --> 0:09:55.960 is back in. That messed me up too, because I 0:09:56.000 --> 0:09:57.320 was like, oh my god, I'm trying to change with 0:09:57.360 --> 0:09:59.520 the times. I don't even feel comfortable wearing, you know, 0:09:59.600 --> 0:10:04.520 less meat. So yeah, that's where that started and Brian 0:10:04.640 --> 0:10:07.920 said you should try it, and he's like, you should 0:10:07.960 --> 0:10:11.160 try wearing less makeup, and I was like, I don't know. 0:10:11.240 --> 0:10:13.280 I don't know where I would start. First of all, 0:10:13.280 --> 0:10:16.720 I actually love makeup the application. I feel like I'm 0:10:16.760 --> 0:10:20.120 really good at it. And it's so it is an 0:10:20.120 --> 0:10:23.040 expression on one hand, like I get my nails done 0:10:23.080 --> 0:10:25.920 and I get, you know, crazy nails. Sometimes I'm like, 0:10:26.200 --> 0:10:29.960 that's me expressing myself. So I do do like good 0:10:30.040 --> 0:10:32.760 eye makeup, and when I do a lot of eye makeup, 0:10:32.840 --> 0:10:37.720 I'm expressing myself. But that's not completely true. After we talked, 0:10:37.760 --> 0:10:41.640 I was like, no, I'm hiding myself. So's it's both 0:10:41.679 --> 0:10:45.199 at the same time. And we were about to do 0:10:45.240 --> 0:10:48.719 this big thing and I was like, oh my gosh, 0:10:49.320 --> 0:10:51.760 really and he said, well, you know, maybe just don't 0:10:51.760 --> 0:10:56.040 do everything at once, like do like if you're married 0:10:56.080 --> 0:10:58.880 to doing a lot of eyes, do less foundation. I 0:10:58.920 --> 0:11:01.360 was like, but my skin, and my skin is terrible, 0:11:01.720 --> 0:11:04.160 and he's like, your skin is great, and I'm like, 0:11:04.200 --> 0:11:06.400 oh my god, I'm so confused, Like I don't know 0:11:06.760 --> 0:11:08.560 what I'm looking at when I look in the mirror 0:11:09.040 --> 0:11:12.760 that I'm seeing things that other people don't see, and 0:11:13.400 --> 0:11:16.200 I trust Brian with my life, so if someone randomly 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:19.880 tells me this, and of course, you know, I'm thinking 0:11:19.920 --> 0:11:21.679 that whole thing, like, oh, men always say they like 0:11:21.760 --> 0:11:24.040 women with less makeup, So I'm like, are you sure 0:11:24.040 --> 0:11:26.160 it's not just that guy thing, because I've heard this before. 0:11:26.240 --> 0:11:27.920 I've heard it from my ex husband, I've heard it 0:11:27.960 --> 0:11:29.480 from the guys i've been with, like you look so 0:11:29.520 --> 0:11:32.320 pretty with no makeup, and I'm like, they don't mean it. 0:11:32.360 --> 0:11:43.160 He's like, no, you really do. So long story short, 0:11:43.440 --> 0:11:45.679 we did this big, top secret thing the next day, 0:11:45.760 --> 0:11:48.840 and I definitely came into it with the mindset of 0:11:50.640 --> 0:11:52.920 you know, me go you know, go big or go home. 0:11:53.040 --> 0:11:55.599 So I wasn't like, let me try this out on 0:11:55.640 --> 0:11:58.520 an Instagram photo. I chose to choose like this huge 0:11:58.559 --> 0:12:01.400 project to be like, I'm gonna were less makeup. So 0:12:01.640 --> 0:12:03.719 I did, and Brian and I were on set and 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:07.480 I was like so, and he's like, you look beautiful. 0:12:07.559 --> 0:12:11.200 You wore less makeup and you look so good. And 0:12:11.280 --> 0:12:12.840 I was like, he goes, how does it feel? And 0:12:12.880 --> 0:12:16.319 I go, I actually feel pretty good? And I noticed 0:12:16.320 --> 0:12:18.480 the podcast so you can only see the social clips, 0:12:18.520 --> 0:12:22.480 but I'm literally wearing basically no makeup today. Wow, it 0:12:22.480 --> 0:12:24.880 really helps my schedule because I can get so much 0:12:24.880 --> 0:12:26.760 more done if I don't have to take like thirty 0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:30.319 months in my makeup. But I really did like how 0:12:30.320 --> 0:12:34.640 I looked, and it just like But then we came 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:37.240 back from this project and I was on Instagram and 0:12:37.280 --> 0:12:40.600 I'm seeing all these people with you know, the majorly 0:12:40.679 --> 0:12:44.000 defined eyebrows and the eye makeup, and I'm like, oh, 0:12:44.600 --> 0:12:46.600 but isn't that the look that looks better on me? 0:12:46.720 --> 0:12:49.200 And anyway, I'm talking to you guys about it because 0:12:49.200 --> 0:12:51.040 I'm a little confused. So it's I'm in the moment 0:12:51.080 --> 0:12:53.400 of going through this process and I thought, well, I 0:12:53.440 --> 0:12:55.960 tell you guys everything. I'm an open book now, an 0:12:56.000 --> 0:12:58.560 open face with no makeup. But it's so I don't 0:12:58.559 --> 0:13:02.000 know him, and where did I land on that. I 0:13:02.040 --> 0:13:05.240 don't know, to be honest, but I think it's an 0:13:05.280 --> 0:13:08.880 important conversation, not just for me, like it's a conversation 0:13:10.280 --> 0:13:14.000 all women. Chef my sixteen year old daughter, she gets 0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:16.600 up an hour and a half before school every day 0:13:17.480 --> 0:13:21.080 to do her makeup. She does amazing makeup, like the 0:13:21.080 --> 0:13:24.400 most gorgeous eyes, and for her, I get it because 0:13:24.440 --> 0:13:27.079 she's very creative and part of her she's like, I'm 0:13:27.080 --> 0:13:29.040 not sure do I want to do I want to 0:13:29.080 --> 0:13:30.920 be a baker, Do I want to be a makeup artist? 0:13:30.960 --> 0:13:33.240 Like she has so many different things, a fashion design, 0:13:33.360 --> 0:13:36.839 She's so good at everything that I tell her. I 0:13:36.920 --> 0:13:40.080 remember we we had to go somewhere recently and she's like, 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:42.120 I don't know any makeup on. And I was like, 0:13:42.160 --> 0:13:44.640 you look beautiful without makeup. And I heard myself, this 0:13:44.679 --> 0:13:46.280 is before Brian told me the other day, this is 0:13:46.280 --> 0:13:49.960 like two weeks ago. And I heard myself saying what 0:13:50.040 --> 0:13:53.280 I have been told before by other people. Don't worry 0:13:53.320 --> 0:13:55.600 about it. You look beautiful without makeup. And I stopped 0:13:55.640 --> 0:13:59.080 myself and I said, I get it though, because I do. 0:14:00.200 --> 0:14:04.479 Does she look gorgeous with not a stitch of makeup? Unbelievable. 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:07.000 She's also sixteen, Like it's harder for me at fifty 0:14:07.000 --> 0:14:10.080 two to rationalize now being like, no, I'm not going 0:14:10.160 --> 0:14:14.360 to wear makeup. But I get it. It's a real 0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:18.040 thing once it's in your head. And we have social media, 0:14:18.200 --> 0:14:21.000 like we see all this stuff where like it's a 0:14:21.040 --> 0:14:24.040 tough thing and it's like to makeup or not makeup? 0:14:24.480 --> 0:14:28.600 What is the answer, And I don't know. I'm not sure, 0:14:28.720 --> 0:14:31.720 and I'm not sure if I look in the mirror 0:14:31.760 --> 0:14:34.480 and I'm like, oh, I look younger without makeup, I'm 0:14:34.480 --> 0:14:37.920 not sure I see what Brian sees. But I definitely 0:14:38.160 --> 0:14:41.400 there's something to it. And I wonder at fifty two, like, 0:14:41.440 --> 0:14:45.760 can I readjust my brain to actually see something that 0:14:45.800 --> 0:14:48.800 I haven't seen all these years, something that's part of me? 0:14:49.040 --> 0:14:52.360 And is that part of self growth and loving yourself? 0:14:53.320 --> 0:14:54.920 I don't know. I'm posing all these questions that I 0:14:54.920 --> 0:14:57.280 don't have answers to because it's happening in the moment 0:14:57.360 --> 0:14:59.920 right now. Brian's gonna be so proud I did this 0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:05.360 podcast with no makeup today. But here I am, and like, 0:15:05.400 --> 0:15:07.400 I guarantee you guys, if I put a picture of 0:15:07.440 --> 0:15:12.640 myself on social today with no makeup, people will still 0:15:12.680 --> 0:15:15.920 be like, look at all the plastic surgery she's had done. 0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:19.960 People will listen to this podcast and will hear me 0:15:20.080 --> 0:15:24.040 say the words I have not had all this work 0:15:24.160 --> 0:15:28.360 done that I'm like supposedly had all these years, and 0:15:28.440 --> 0:15:32.480 they will still choose to believe an article that came 0:15:32.480 --> 0:15:35.080 out when I was seventeen years old. It's just like 0:15:35.120 --> 0:15:37.960 this thing that has stayed with me my entire life. 0:15:38.720 --> 0:15:40.920 I wish I could shed it, Like I'm sure one 0:15:40.960 --> 0:15:42.880 day I'll want to have something done in my face, 0:15:43.560 --> 0:15:45.560 and I don't want to be scared not to because 0:15:45.600 --> 0:15:47.400 I'm scared what people are going to think because they 0:15:47.440 --> 0:15:49.280 already think it, Or do I just do it because 0:15:49.280 --> 0:15:51.600 they already assume I've done it? Anyway, I don't know, 0:15:51.680 --> 0:15:53.880 it's such an odd thing, what an odd conversation. 0:15:54.640 --> 0:16:03.360 No, Yeah, I think I think most women grapple with this. 0:16:04.080 --> 0:16:07.360 You know, in a perfect world, the rule would be 0:16:08.000 --> 0:16:11.000 you do what makes you feel good about you, not 0:16:12.120 --> 0:16:17.240 because you're responding to negative feedback if you don't, or 0:16:17.280 --> 0:16:19.000 even negative feedback in your head. 0:16:20.040 --> 0:16:22.720 But that's easier said than done. You know, it'd be 0:16:22.760 --> 0:16:25.680 great if every time somebody said, oh, you look great 0:16:25.720 --> 0:16:28.960 without makeup, or you look you know, you look young, 0:16:29.120 --> 0:16:31.840 or whatever, we believed it. I mean, I think the 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:35.080 problem is more what goes on inside our heads as 0:16:35.080 --> 0:16:41.160 opposed to what the external is saying. And that's work 0:16:41.200 --> 0:16:43.240 everybody has to do on themselves. 0:16:43.560 --> 0:16:48.240 Yeah, it's really hard in a world where we're shown 0:16:48.240 --> 0:16:53.240 to extremes right now, right like there's people that were 0:16:53.400 --> 0:16:55.680 a lot of makeup, Like not that they don't look great, 0:16:55.680 --> 0:16:58.280 but like the Kardashians set a whole trend with makeup, 0:16:58.400 --> 0:17:02.240 you know, with that that look, you know, and it 0:17:02.320 --> 0:17:09.199 was definitely major makeup, defined contouring eyes, and you know what, 0:17:09.400 --> 0:17:12.560 Sometimes when I watch their show and there's some scenes 0:17:12.560 --> 0:17:15.000 where they have no makeup on They've just spontaneously done it, 0:17:15.040 --> 0:17:17.200 I'm like, I say the same thing. I'm like, Kim 0:17:17.240 --> 0:17:19.520 looks so pretty with no makeup, and I'm like thinking, 0:17:19.520 --> 0:17:21.320 in my head, oh my god, this is the age 0:17:21.320 --> 0:17:24.879 old thing, Like what is it? So it's either you 0:17:24.960 --> 0:17:27.560 wear all that makeup and you look great, or now 0:17:27.640 --> 0:17:30.280 you wear no makeup and you're just like this is me, 0:17:30.520 --> 0:17:32.840 you know, and this is my age. And so what's 0:17:32.880 --> 0:17:36.960 the in between? I don't know. And we're always depending 0:17:36.960 --> 0:17:38.600 on society to tell us like, oh, this is in 0:17:38.680 --> 0:17:41.800 right now. So I don't know, no makeup's in right now, 0:17:43.359 --> 0:17:45.919 but like in a year, it might be something completely different. 0:17:46.440 --> 0:17:48.879 So I understand you're supposed to do what works best 0:17:48.920 --> 0:17:52.720 for you, but it's really hard, I think in life. 0:17:52.840 --> 0:17:55.720 I'm not just saying because I'm in the public eye, Like, no, 0:17:55.840 --> 0:17:57.240 I am saying because I'm in the public eye. I 0:17:57.240 --> 0:18:00.320 want to apologize for a second. Sorry, like how I 0:18:00.359 --> 0:18:02.399 tried to do that, Like it's not about me, No, 0:18:02.520 --> 0:18:07.440 it is. It's much harder having been in people's living room, 0:18:07.720 --> 0:18:11.399 you know, since I was a teenager. Now I do 0:18:11.440 --> 0:18:15.000 a rewatch, you know, watching myself back as a teenager, thinking, 0:18:15.880 --> 0:18:17.399 I do think when I watched nine o two one, 0:18:17.440 --> 0:18:19.000 oh and Jenny and Amy, and I watch it back 0:18:19.040 --> 0:18:22.000 on nine O two one. OMG, I do watch Donna 0:18:22.000 --> 0:18:26.240 through a different lens now, and I definitely am able 0:18:26.320 --> 0:18:28.479 to see now because I know then I used to 0:18:28.560 --> 0:18:31.560 cry in the makeup chair. I used to cry. And 0:18:31.560 --> 0:18:33.840 I remember my makeup artist, Nick I had a male, 0:18:34.040 --> 0:18:37.000 a straight male makeup artist that was very and back then, 0:18:38.040 --> 0:18:40.720 and he was married with kids, and I would just 0:18:40.800 --> 0:18:44.120 be hysterically crying. I had some bad boyfriend that told 0:18:44.119 --> 0:18:47.480 me I was ugly. I'm working with these gorgeous women. 0:18:48.480 --> 0:18:51.320 That article had come out saying, oh, she's ugly and 0:18:51.359 --> 0:18:55.160 she's had all this plastic surgery. And I'm sitting here 0:18:55.160 --> 0:18:58.800 on this huge TV show and I would just cry 0:18:58.840 --> 0:19:01.159 and cry all my makeup off and he'd have to 0:19:01.160 --> 0:19:05.119 put it back on, and I remember him saying, You're 0:19:07.000 --> 0:19:08.960 you're going to fall in love with yourself more as 0:19:09.000 --> 0:19:12.560 you get older. You're such a beautiful girl, and you're 0:19:12.560 --> 0:19:15.880 only going to age even better, and you're gonna look 0:19:15.920 --> 0:19:18.320 at yourself. He would say, like thirty years around and 0:19:18.320 --> 0:19:21.480 be like, oh my gosh, and feel comfortable with yourself. 0:19:21.520 --> 0:19:23.080 And here I am, you know, thirty plus years later, 0:19:23.080 --> 0:19:25.680 and I'm still not comfortable with myself. But I am 0:19:25.800 --> 0:19:28.840 able to watch Donna back and know the heartache I 0:19:28.880 --> 0:19:31.320 went through feeling like I had to keep up with 0:19:31.400 --> 0:19:33.239 the other girls, feeling like I had to look as 0:19:33.280 --> 0:19:37.919 pretty as them or maybe I wouldn't be light. And 0:19:37.960 --> 0:19:41.720 it was really hard for a young girl, where you know, 0:19:41.720 --> 0:19:45.280 I'm watching my daughter the same age, and they're worried 0:19:45.320 --> 0:19:47.320 about how they look, but they're worried about how their 0:19:47.359 --> 0:19:50.879 friends at school look. I had to worry about the 0:19:50.880 --> 0:19:56.479 way millions perceived me and didn't perceive me, and it 0:19:56.520 --> 0:19:58.240 was a hard thing. But I watched Donna now and 0:19:58.280 --> 0:20:01.480 I'm like, you were so pretty. Like I'm able to 0:20:01.520 --> 0:20:03.680 separate it and watch the show as a fan. Now, 0:20:04.080 --> 0:20:07.399 I'm like, Donna Martin, you're a really pretty girl. Akay, 0:20:07.520 --> 0:20:10.639 that's Tory spelling, you were a really pretty girl, and 0:20:10.680 --> 0:20:14.719 I wish I don't believe in regrets. Everything's your journey, 0:20:14.720 --> 0:20:16.439 but I do wish that I could go back and 0:20:16.440 --> 0:20:20.080 tell that girl like, you're pretty, like, don't listen to 0:20:20.119 --> 0:20:22.840 what people say, like, and I wish I could make 0:20:22.840 --> 0:20:26.639 her love herself then, because it'd be a whole different 0:20:26.680 --> 0:20:31.120 ballgame now for me. Yeah, because it's funny. I'll watch 0:20:31.280 --> 0:20:33.840 Donna then me as a teenager, me in my early 0:20:33.880 --> 0:20:36.640 twenties and be like, oh, you were so pretty, like 0:20:36.800 --> 0:20:41.199 you didn't need all that makeup, And I wish I 0:20:41.200 --> 0:20:43.480 had loved myself. But I look at Tory now in 0:20:43.520 --> 0:20:46.040 the mirror and I'm like, no, I don't see it. 0:20:47.119 --> 0:20:49.320 So I don't know. It's a lot of ketchup work 0:20:49.320 --> 0:20:50.920 you have to do. I don't know if you ever 0:20:50.960 --> 0:20:53.080 get there. It'd be nice to get there. Oh that'd 0:20:53.119 --> 0:20:55.480 be so nice. It'd be so nice to look in 0:20:55.480 --> 0:21:01.320 the mirror and be like cool, feeling good up, rock on. 0:21:03.560 --> 0:21:05.960 And I have a lot of respect for people that 0:21:06.040 --> 0:21:09.600 can do that, and I aim to get there one day. Anyway, 0:21:11.520 --> 0:21:15.520 I'm doing this podcast. You'll hear most of it, see 0:21:15.520 --> 0:21:17.639 the social clips. But I have to watch myself the 0:21:17.760 --> 0:21:21.280 entire time. So I'm literally looking into my computer on 0:21:21.280 --> 0:21:24.240 my zoom speaking to myself and I'm sitting here with 0:21:24.280 --> 0:21:30.120 no makeup, and I'm like, I'm getting through it. I'm 0:21:30.119 --> 0:21:33.160