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Speaker 1: Hey, Professional Homegirls.

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Speaker 2: In today's episode, we are diving into the remarkable journey

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Speaker 2: of my guests, who, at the age of forty, y'all,

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Speaker 2: meets her father for the very first time, so she

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Speaker 2: ages out of the foster care system. So her quest

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Speaker 2: for connection leads her to confront a whirlwind of emotions, excitement, apprehension,

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Speaker 2: and hope. Now, I shared with y'all a couple of

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Speaker 2: years ago on the first time that I met my

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Speaker 2: father via phone for the very first time. So one

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Speaker 2: of his female friends, y'all, she found me on Facebook, child,

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Speaker 2: and she was asking me was my father's name? This

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Speaker 2: was my grandmother's name that, and you know, I started

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Speaker 2: putting two and two together, and she is the one

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Speaker 2: who introduced me to him. So you know, when I

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Speaker 2: was halving my conversation with our professional homegirl for this week,

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Speaker 2: she made a profound comment that with me, she said

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Speaker 2: that we get our identities from our fathers. That really

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Speaker 2: resonated deeply because as I discover how much my father

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Speaker 2: and I have in common, I was just like, Wow,

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Speaker 2: maybe she's right. So listening to my guest story which

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Speaker 2: truly eye open him. So join me today as we

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Speaker 2: explore my guest story after forty years, I met my

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Speaker 2: father for the first time starting now. So to my guests,

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Speaker 2: thank you so much for being on the Professional Homegirl podcast.

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Speaker 1: How are you? How are you doing?

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Speaker 3: I'm good, girl, I'm good. I'm just out here, you know.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yes, okay, So we have to give them a

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Speaker 2: quick little background how we met, because I think that's

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Speaker 2: like so cool. So, guys, I don't know if I

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Speaker 2: told you all this. I think I did, But I

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Speaker 2: was invited to come to a Saint Jude celebration of hope.

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Speaker 1: And it was me along with other.

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Speaker 2: People that's in the podcast industry or the radio industry,

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Speaker 2: as well as some influential content creators and pretty much

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Speaker 2: anybody else like really doing the within their field. And

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Speaker 2: so the whole time it felt unreal.

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Speaker 1: I don't know where I.

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Speaker 3: Was at, y'all.

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Speaker 2: It felt like like Saint Jude kept us busy. When

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Speaker 2: I tell you, I could not talk to my loved

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Speaker 2: ones because it was NonStop.

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Speaker 1: Like did you feel that way?

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Speaker 3: We definitely did not. Yeah, we did not stop.

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Speaker 1: And then not only were we busy, but the emotions,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, we was all.

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Speaker 3: A hid, We was sad, we was inspired.

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Speaker 1: It was less say then I was.

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Speaker 2: The event was back in my hometown, which is Memphis.

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Speaker 2: So I had this like non nostalgic experience and it's

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Speaker 2: feeling and when I tell you, it was like a

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Speaker 2: roller coastal emotions. Like at the end, I was it

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Speaker 2: took Did it take you like a long time to

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Speaker 2: get like get back to yourself?

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Speaker 3: I think it took me like a week.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, right, I feel like we were like we

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Speaker 1: were all texting each other, like girl, you did because

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Speaker 1: you still like how I'm feeling. I don't know right right,

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Speaker 1: but to say all that.

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Speaker 2: So on the last day, we did a tour of

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Speaker 2: Memphis and I'm like, you know what, I haven't been

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Speaker 2: home in a minute, so let me just do this

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Speaker 2: tour shout out tour to was the tour Possibilities.

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Speaker 3: Is her name? She's a.

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Speaker 2: Queen, Yes, And so this was the last day of

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Speaker 2: the trip and my guest, she sat right in.

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Speaker 1: Front of me.

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Speaker 2: Remind you, we haven't seen each other. We never interacted

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Speaker 2: me in the same place at the same time. But

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Speaker 2: that's how packed and crazy it was. And so when

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Speaker 2: we was talking, you know, she was telling me about

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Speaker 2: the things that she's doing and I was telling her

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Speaker 2: about the show.

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Speaker 1: And I always tell people.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, you know, my show is really good, and

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Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't say it because it's my show,

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Speaker 2: but it's really good, and so it's right. So I'm

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Speaker 2: telling her and she was like, oh, she said, but

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Speaker 2: did you watch the Franklin documentary And I was like, no,

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Speaker 2: I haven't had the time. And she was like, you

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Speaker 2: should watch it because my story is damn near identical.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, girl, I was like, well, come

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Speaker 2: on the show. And one of the reasons why I

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Speaker 2: wanted her to come on.

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Speaker 1: The show, and y'all know this, and I disclosed this

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Speaker 1: to her, is because I met my father verbally not physically,

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Speaker 1: for the first time since ever.

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Speaker 2: So I was like, you know, I want to have

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Speaker 2: these conversations because I do feel like a lot of

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Speaker 2: people unfortunately, can relate to our experiences. So I really

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Speaker 2: appreciate you coming on the show.

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited and I really haven't had a chance

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Speaker 1: to like talk about this and share this story in

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Speaker 1: this way, so this will be really fun.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So when you first saw Klark Franklin's documentary, how did

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Speaker 1: that make you feel? I honestly, I feel like the

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Speaker 1: last year. So this is fairly new for me. This

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Speaker 1: is not something that I found my father in the

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Speaker 1: last year, right, And so I've spent the last year

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Speaker 1: figuring things out and getting to know family and really

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Speaker 1: figuring myself out. Like what does it look like to

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Speaker 1: be a forty one year old woman with now a father?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, after all these years, right.

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Speaker 1: Like you've been your father for a minute, I mean

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Speaker 1: for real, Like I've just really I mean, I didn't

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Speaker 1: grow up with either of my parents, so I've had

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Speaker 1: to like kind of learn how to parent myself and

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Speaker 1: also reparent myself. But watching Kirk Franklin's documentary, for me,

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Speaker 1: it just gave me words that I didn't have, Like

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Speaker 1: I didn't know how to explain it. And the story

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Speaker 1: is so unique.

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Speaker 3: It's not it's it's not.

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Speaker 1: That people don't like other people don't know who their

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Speaker 1: fathers are, but it's rare that people. It's just how

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Speaker 1: some of these stories come together that make them unique.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think that's kind of why I resonated

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Speaker 1: with Kirk franklin story, because it wasn't just about finding

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Speaker 1: my father, was like I was finding myself for the

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Speaker 1: first time.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And There was a part in.

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Speaker 1: Kirk Franklin's documentary where he talked about how he's only

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Speaker 1: known himself broken, like he's never known himself healed or whole.

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Speaker 1: And I feel like that's kind of my journey that

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Speaker 1: I've been on in the last year.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, one of the pieces that one of

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Speaker 2: the parts that really resonate with me. And I bashed

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Speaker 2: my mom's out there professional homegirls. But when he said

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Speaker 2: my mom a lied to me again, Oh man, that

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Speaker 2: did something to me.

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Speaker 3: It broke my heart too.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. How we all sitting here and we can all

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Speaker 1: see the truth and you still acting like this saint?

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Speaker 3: What it is like? That is so heartbreaking, It's so heartbreaking. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So can you share a bit about your journey into

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Speaker 1: foster caure, like what led you into the placement?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: So, I my mother actually is developed mentally delayed, so

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Speaker 1: she's like mentally handicapped. And when she was probably about

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Speaker 1: sixteen or seventeen years old, she was adopted as well.

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Speaker 1: I was never adopted, but my mom was adopted, and

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Speaker 1: when she was of age, her family sent her from

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Speaker 1: the Deep South the Washington State to live with one

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Speaker 1: of her adopted sisters that sister's husband was in the military,

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Speaker 1: was station tier at one of these military bases, and

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Speaker 1: so she was told she was going on a graduation trip,

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Speaker 1: but they were really like sitneying her away, and so

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Speaker 1: she ended up here in Washington State. Why did they

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Speaker 1: send her away? Like she was it too much to

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Speaker 1: deal with her or you know, these are like, really,

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Speaker 1: these are questions I have to Yeah, you know, some

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Speaker 1: questions that never have been answered.

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Speaker 4: Start.

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Speaker 1: My mom's story really complicated, and she ended up growing

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Speaker 1: up in the same city as her birth family.

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Speaker 3: And my mother's father.

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Speaker 1: Had another family before he got with my grandmother, so

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Speaker 1: she's like being raised an adopted family with has siblings

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Speaker 1: kind of running around. My grandmother was apparently really young

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Speaker 1: and was having an affair with my grandfather and got

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Speaker 1: pregnant with my aunt, and then a year later was pregnant.

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Speaker 3: With my mom, and they you know, he had a whole.

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Speaker 1: Family, he had a whole nother life, and so I

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Speaker 1: don't know how my mom ended up getting separated.

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Speaker 3: I've heard all kinds of things about it.

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Speaker 1: I've heard like the midwife didn't get paid and so

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Speaker 1: she kept my mom. I've heard that my grandmother couldn't

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Speaker 1: handle having both my mom and my aunt, because they

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Speaker 1: were just a year apart, and she was really young

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Speaker 1: and not educated. It's the South, it's crazy, it's jim Crow.

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Speaker 1: But whatever the case may be, she ended upwing up

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Speaker 1: in the same city. My grandfather ended up leaving his

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Speaker 1: wife and his other children. I think he had seven

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Speaker 1: within that family. He married my grandmother married my grandmother.

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Speaker 1: He had five children, so they ended up having three

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Speaker 1: more children, but my mom never came back into the family. Ooh,

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Speaker 1: this is some tea child. My goodness, I know it's

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Speaker 1: that wild and I wish I could see I'm like, what,

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Speaker 1: but this is this is the crazy part, right because

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Speaker 1: I found and and we'll go back to the beginning.

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Speaker 1: But when I found my mom's family, I was twenty

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Speaker 1: five years old. It was a couple months before I

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Speaker 1: married my husband, and I met my grandmother on my

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Speaker 1: wedding day. And yes, yes, you guys got to see

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Speaker 1: her faces. I wish you could see them.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess they will, and they will listen to

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Speaker 3: what's the emoji with the bug? I like what?

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Speaker 1: I I meet my grandmother and instead of having a

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Speaker 1: honeymoon and my husband went back to my family's family house.

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Speaker 1: Like we got married in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. The

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Speaker 1: family ended up having a house not too far away

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Speaker 1: from there. So instead of like having a traditional like honeymoon,

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Speaker 1: I went back to my family's house and I'm like

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Speaker 1: looking through all the albums and hearing all the stories,

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Speaker 1: and I'm seeing my mom's nuclear family. But it's like

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Speaker 1: there's another family that belongs to me that there's no

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Speaker 1: trace of me because my mom didn't grow up with them.

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Speaker 3: And so I would ask my grandmother, like how did

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Speaker 3: this happen? Girl?

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Speaker 1: She did not stay, and she took that to the grave.

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Speaker 1: She ended up dying in twenty twenty during COVID. She

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Speaker 1: didn't die of COVID, but during all of that, and

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Speaker 1: she never My uncle tried to get her to stay,

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Speaker 1: Like what happened?

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Speaker 3: How did my mom get separated from the family? She never?

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Speaker 3: She took that to the grave with me.

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Speaker 1: You think that might be because of guilt.

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know her well enough, Like there was not

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Speaker 1: really ever an emotional connection.

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Speaker 3: There was never, you know, I grew up in Washington.

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Speaker 1: All my families in the South, like I would see

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Speaker 1: them like once a year, maybe. So, I just feel

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Speaker 1: like there wasn't enough of a relationship there for her

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Speaker 1: to like even want to explain to me or express it.

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Speaker 1: And she was already old when I met her. She

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Speaker 1: was like in her like seventies or whatever. So girl,

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Speaker 1: she was like, girl.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it was all these years were here now right,

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Speaker 3: you made it here, you get it right, right right?

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Speaker 1: So Thattrack forty two years ago, my mom's here in

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Speaker 1: Washington State. The family that she was supposed to be

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Speaker 1: living with didn't want her there, and so they put

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Speaker 1: her in an adult group home, basically like a foster

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Speaker 1: care home for women with disabilities.

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Speaker 3: My mom got pregnant.

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Speaker 1: Everyone told her to have an abortion because she clearly

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Speaker 1: was not capable of.

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Speaker 3: Having a baby. But even people who have disabilities, they

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Speaker 3: have to give consent. And so refused. Yep, And she

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Speaker 3: refused to give consent. And so you have me, and

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Speaker 3: thank God for it, because yeah, it might have been

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Speaker 3: one of the best decisions of her life to say, no,

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Speaker 3: I'm going to keep my band.

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Speaker 1: Was your mom and your dad were they in a

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Speaker 1: relationship or they was just messing around or like did

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Speaker 1: he know about the challenge? Cheh? I wish I could.

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Speaker 3: See her girl.

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Speaker 1: So my father was My father is Haitian, and that's

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Speaker 1: not that important except that Haitian men tend to be

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Speaker 1: attracted and rolling stones. He was very very young when

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Speaker 1: he was stationed here, and he was like eighteen nineteen

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Speaker 1: years old. When I found my dad in twenty twenty

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Speaker 1: two and ask those questions, he's just like, he don't

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Speaker 1: even remember my mom. Quote unquote, he says, that's what

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Speaker 1: he says. My mom said they were in a relationship

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Speaker 1: over time. It sound like they had maybe a long

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Speaker 1: term relationship. But maybe maybe he sawt her more as

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Speaker 1: a booty call and she saw him as a boyfriend.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, So I'm not really sure.

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Speaker 1: It seems like the stories are different, but they did

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Speaker 1: have a long term something. And when my mom told

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Speaker 1: him that she was pregnant, he was getting ready to

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Speaker 1: get out of the army, get out of the military.

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Speaker 3: Girl. That man packed up his car.

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Speaker 1: And he left, and he did not leave any way

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Speaker 1: to be contacted.

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Speaker 3: And that was that.

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Speaker 1: How your mom feel? Yeah, And you know, we're not

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Speaker 1: talking about a human being who has full cognitive, intellectual whatever, right,

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Speaker 1: So my mom's cognitive levels like that of a third grader,

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Speaker 1: so we were talking like eight or nine years old.

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Speaker 1: And so you've got a woman who is pregnant, who's

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Speaker 1: functioning at and she may have had like a higher

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Speaker 1: cognitive level at that point, but like she's.

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Speaker 3: Not understanding what's going on.

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Speaker 1: And like, you know, she's pregnant, and this man is

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Speaker 1: left and that was her boyfriend, and she don't got

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Speaker 1: no way to find.

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Speaker 3: Him, no way to get a hold of him.

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Speaker 2: And I can see out here with this baby, right

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Speaker 2: and I can see why she thought that they was

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Speaker 2: in a relationship.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, you got me pregnant right.

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Speaker 3: Right here. So yeah, that's that's what happens.

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Speaker 1: And so the woman who ran the adult group home,

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Speaker 1: she had my mom write down on a piece of

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Speaker 1: paper everything she knew about this man that she had

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Speaker 1: slept with.

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Speaker 3: She wrote down his name, she wrote.

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Speaker 1: Down the year that it was, She wrote down all

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Speaker 1: the information that she knew about him, that he was

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Speaker 1: stationed tier, that he was in this branch of the military,

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Speaker 1: and the year, and then what his name was. And

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Speaker 1: that is the only piece of paper that I've had

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Speaker 1: for forty years to go by. Oh my goodness. So

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Speaker 1: when she gave birth to you, did they just take

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Speaker 1: you away.

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Speaker 3: Or yep, in the hospital. In the hospital if.

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Speaker 1: She didn't get reconsent, she didn't give consent to have

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Speaker 1: an abortion. But it was already determined by the state

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Speaker 1: was that she was not capable of being a mom.

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Speaker 1: And so the woman that was running the adult group home,

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Speaker 1: the custody was signed off. She had to sign custody

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Speaker 1: over and it was like, basically she was staying in

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Speaker 1: this TOLF and they're like, your baby can stay with you,

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Speaker 1: but you have to give up custody, and so custody

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Speaker 1: went to the woman who was running the adult group home.

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Speaker 2: Wow, but can your I mean, I know many years

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Speaker 2: have passed, but I'm just thinking, if your mom was

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Speaker 2: not able to fully understand what was going on, shouldn't

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Speaker 2: somebody could have like intervene or something like can she

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Speaker 2: like cause, y'all president.

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Speaker 1: Doesn't that sound like something that someone should have.

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Speaker 2: Done, because that sounds like they took you against her

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Speaker 2: will because she she didn't really understand what was going on.

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Speaker 3: No, she definitely didn't understand what was going on. But

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Speaker 3: the only family she had here was the woman who

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Speaker 3: didn't I want her living in.

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Speaker 1: The house, right, I don't know the it's it's as

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Speaker 1: we're talking through this, like I'm I almost just like

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Speaker 1: getting fired up again because I remember being like, so

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Speaker 1: no one thought.

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Speaker 3: To get involved, y'all just let me go with somebody else.

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Speaker 1: No one thought to call the family back in the

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Speaker 1: South and say, hey, he's here, she's pregnant, right, Well, no,

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Speaker 1: And so I was raised my whole life only knowing

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Speaker 1: of this aunt who lives here in the state with me,

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Speaker 1: not knowing that my mom had a whole nother family,

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Speaker 1: that this wasn't even actually her family. And yeah, it

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Speaker 1: wasn't until I was like sixteen or seventy years old

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Speaker 1: where I went to my aunt and I said, hey,

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Speaker 1: I don't look.

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Speaker 3: Like y'all we do. All you know, y'all have a

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Speaker 3: different last name.

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Speaker 1: My mom keeps talking about this family that she has

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Speaker 1: back home, and I never knew, like if that was true,

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Speaker 1: I would ask all these questions.

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Speaker 3: My mom talked about this.

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Speaker 1: Mom that she had named Rebecca, but you're always talking

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Speaker 1: about a woman named Maddie, Like who is this woman?

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Speaker 3: Oh? Oh, They would just.

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Speaker 1: Dismiss everything that I said. My mom talks about her brothers,

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Speaker 1: but I never hear you talk about these people like

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Speaker 1: who are these people that my mom is talking about

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Speaker 1: and they would basically just write it off as her disability. Mmmm,

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Speaker 1: that's fucked up. And I didn't have any way to

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Speaker 1: clarify it because I didn't I didn't know all of this.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know that my mom was adopted. I didn't

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Speaker 1: know that this woman that I had called my aunt

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Speaker 1: was not my blood aunt.

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Speaker 3: I didn't know these things, right.

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Speaker 1: Wait, so when did you get back into When did

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Speaker 1: you reconnect with your mom?

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Speaker 3: So my mom has always lived close to me. I've

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Speaker 3: always known who she was.

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Speaker 1: She lived in the house with me for the early

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Speaker 1: years of my life. But the woman who had the

349
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Speaker 1: group home, she always would say like, if you ever leave,

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Speaker 1: you can't come back. And so my mom decided that

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Speaker 1: she wanted to move out of the house. And when

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Speaker 1: she moved out of the house, that was it. So

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Speaker 1: I've always known who my mom was. I've always known

354
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Speaker 1: where my mom was out to find her things like that, right,

355
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Speaker 1: But I only lived with her during the early years

356
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Speaker 1: and then the house that I was in, it's called

357
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Speaker 1: foster care kind of comes in a lot of different

358
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Speaker 1: forms that this was considered an out of home placement.

359
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Speaker 1: So I was a ward of the state, and I

360
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Speaker 1: aged out of foster care. I didn't like move from

361
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Speaker 1: house to house, but I was outside of my family. Yeah,

362
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Speaker 1: how's your mom doing now?

363
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Speaker 3: It's doing good. I support her a lot. She lives

364
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Speaker 3: down the street from me. Yeah.

365
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Speaker 1: She's an incredible grandmother, an amazing grandmother. And I think

366
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Speaker 1: that's because I try really hard to my kids don't

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Speaker 1: know there's anything wrong with her.

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Speaker 3: Oh, Like I try to really.

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Speaker 1: Like empower them to have like the best relationship with her,

370
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Speaker 1: and I allow her to show up for them in

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Speaker 1: a way that she can. I think because I am

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Speaker 1: the adult in the situation that bridges the gap, they're

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Speaker 1: able to have like a really pure, beautiful relationship with her.

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Speaker 3: That's like, it's been really fun to watch in Florence.

375
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Speaker 1: Oh good, bless you. That's amazing. That really is, And

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Speaker 1: what a blessing it must feel like for you to

377
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Speaker 1: be her daughter, because for so many people to write

378
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Speaker 1: her off like that, I can only imagine how much

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Speaker 1: joy you bring her.

380
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Speaker 5: Oh.

381
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Speaker 1: I think the kids bring her more joy now. But

382
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Speaker 1: I think that's the way it's supposed to be.

383
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Speaker 3: Yah.

384
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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And that is the thing, like I as

385
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Speaker 1: I've gotten older I can see all of the way

386
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Speaker 1: is that people take advantage of her, overlooked her. You know,

387
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Speaker 1: basically they wrote her off. That's exactly what they did,

388
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Speaker 1: and for a long time they wrote me off too.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

390
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Speaker 1: I spent most of my childhood having to fight against

391
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Speaker 1: like these stereotypes that I had a disability, Like I

392
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Speaker 1: rode the short bus quote unquote for better terms.

393
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Speaker 3: But the school I had reading assistance programs, math assistant programs.

394
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Speaker 1: And it wasn't until I got to middle school that

395
00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:02,959
Speaker 1: I was like, you guys know, I can't read like

396
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Speaker 1: I know how to.

397
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,880
Speaker 3: Read, like I can do math. I don't need these classes.

398
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Speaker 1: But they automatically assumed that because my mom had a disability,

399
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Speaker 1: that I had a disability to mm.

400
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Speaker 3: So that's how I was treated.

401
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:21,960
Speaker 2: Wow, I have my questions in front of y'all, but

402
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,919
Speaker 2: I am at a loss of words. And that is

403
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:27,120
Speaker 2: crazy because imagine how many other kids are going through

404
00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:30,040
Speaker 2: that or have went through that.

405
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:34,040
Speaker 1: That's true, that's true, like people just assign a status

406
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,239
Speaker 1: to someone based on where they come from instead of

407
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:37,080
Speaker 1: like their potential.

408
00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:40,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, so were there any other misconceptions or stigmas that

409
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:42,360
Speaker 2: you dealt with, especially being in the foster care.

410
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:49,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I think those were the biggest ones.

411
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:52,119
Speaker 1: I think just like people assuming that like cognitively I

412
00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:55,760
Speaker 1: didn't understand or I didn't get it. My living situation

413
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:59,199
Speaker 1: wasn't the best. I never assimilated into the family that

414
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,840
Speaker 1: I was a at the time, so I spent a

415
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:07,640
Speaker 1: lot of time trying to be accepted. Can you imagine

416
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:11,439
Speaker 1: like being in a family and being reminded all the

417
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:15,200
Speaker 1: time of how dumb your mom is, how she's retarded.

418
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,280
Speaker 1: Those were the words that were being used, that you're

419
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:21,440
Speaker 1: not family, actually, that it's just our grandmother that takes

420
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:23,560
Speaker 1: care of you. Like you're not my cousin, you're actually

421
00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:25,600
Speaker 1: not my niece. Like these are the actual things that

422
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,720
Speaker 1: were said to me my entire childhood.

423
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Speaker 3: So while there.

424
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Speaker 1: Weren't stigmas, it's just like I was fighting for belonging

425
00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:35,040
Speaker 1: in a place where I just was never accepted. I

426
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:36,680
Speaker 1: was just about to say, I can only imagine how

427
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,280
Speaker 1: to shape your sense of identity and belonging.

428
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Speaker 3: One hundred percent.

429
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Speaker 1: I think what is miraculous about all of it is,

430
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:47,280
Speaker 1: instead of it making me bitter, I feel like what

431
00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:49,400
Speaker 1: it has done is opened my heart to make sure

432
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:52,440
Speaker 1: that people feel connected and feel like they're in community,

433
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:53,800
Speaker 1: because I know what it's like to be on the

434
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:56,879
Speaker 1: outside and I hate that. I hate that for people,

435
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,920
Speaker 1: and I don't like that, so I try really hard

436
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:01,760
Speaker 1: to be as exclusive as possible.

437
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:14,920
Speaker 2: Listen, y'all, we just we just started our friendship, maybe

438
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:15,960
Speaker 2: what a month ago?

439
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:21,119
Speaker 1: Yeah, we'd be key key. She has invited me to

440
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,840
Speaker 1: her home. I'm definitely going to visit her, so I

441
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,240
Speaker 1: can definitely say that she really do try her best

442
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:29,120
Speaker 1: and make to make sure that every everyone feels involved

443
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:32,879
Speaker 1: and included. Yeah, it's so important to me. There's so

444
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:35,879
Speaker 1: many things that we go through, right, and that we

445
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,440
Speaker 1: don't talk about, and it's just like man kindness goes

446
00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:38,920
Speaker 1: so far.

447
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:42,240
Speaker 3: You just you just have no idea. And really I

448
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,320
Speaker 3: survived my childhood because of people like me.

449
00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:48,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, in fact, people who knew nothing about my situation,

450
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:52,240
Speaker 1: but they were like, I'm gonna bring her in. You know,

451
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:55,040
Speaker 1: like the families that were like, come spend Christmas with us,

452
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:58,160
Speaker 1: or you know, the mom who had an extra seat

453
00:21:58,160 --> 00:21:59,679
Speaker 1: in her van so that I could go to the

454
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,600
Speaker 1: or the whatever. Like that stuff is the stuff that

455
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:05,520
Speaker 1: shapes my whole childhood.

456
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:08,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, same, same, thank God for my childhood friends because

457
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:11,200
Speaker 2: they took me everywhere because I didn't have a relationship

458
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,040
Speaker 2: with obviously with my father and my mother.

459
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,159
Speaker 1: That's a whole another conversation. So thank you.

460
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:15,399
Speaker 5: Right.

461
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:18,040
Speaker 1: Community is very important, and I learned about community at

462
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:19,080
Speaker 1: a very young age.

463
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:23,760
Speaker 3: It's a lot crazy, how like it's our own just

464
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:26,280
Speaker 3: our own weaknesses, our own the things that we lack.

465
00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:30,000
Speaker 3: That like teach us so much about what those things

466
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:30,359
Speaker 3: look like.

467
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, now, were you actively seeking information about your father

468
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,200
Speaker 2: or how did that come about?

469
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:39,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, so this is a great question. So the woman

470
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:41,160
Speaker 1: who raised me in foster care, I called her my grandma.

471
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:43,760
Speaker 1: She would always tell me like, you need to go

472
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:46,119
Speaker 1: find your family, You need to go find your family.

473
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:48,960
Speaker 4: And I'd be like, girl, I'm good I got family

474
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:52,240
Speaker 4: because I did in her and her I had a family.

475
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:57,119
Speaker 4: And it was I found my mom's family, like I said,

476
00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:01,240
Speaker 4: just a couple months before I got married, and she

477
00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:06,360
Speaker 4: was She died the next year, actually, though the timing

478
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,800
Speaker 4: could not have been more perfect. No, she died two

479
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:10,520
Speaker 4: years later. So I found my family in April of

480
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:13,600
Speaker 4: two thousand and seven. My mom's family, excuse me. And

481
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:15,919
Speaker 4: then my grandmother who raised me in foster care. She

482
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,560
Speaker 4: died in January of two thousand and nine, so it

483
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:23,000
Speaker 4: was almost like instantly, but she was really the one

484
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,680
Speaker 4: that was like, you should find your family.

485
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:27,960
Speaker 3: You need to know who you are, you need to

486
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,240
Speaker 3: know where you come from. And I was like hesitant.

487
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:32,679
Speaker 1: They had told me that this man that lived here

488
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,240
Speaker 1: was my father, So I took a DNA test with him.

489
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:37,040
Speaker 3: Girl. Then results was like.

490
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:40,160
Speaker 1: Yollie, like what did you do?

491
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:41,280
Speaker 3: Right?

492
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:44,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, but they were just like, did you look like him?

493
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:46,080
Speaker 3: I don't know.

494
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 1: I never looked like anyone my whole life growing up

495
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,960
Speaker 1: and so except for my mom, so I just didn't

496
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,800
Speaker 1: even have a context for that. And even now, like

497
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:57,560
Speaker 1: finding my family, I'm always like, I get so excited

498
00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,160
Speaker 1: when people are like, you look just like your sister

499
00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:00,840
Speaker 1: or your niece looks just like you, because I'm like,

500
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:01,879
Speaker 1: I'm not used to that.

501
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:04,560
Speaker 3: I'm not used to people saying you look like someone

502
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:05,960
Speaker 3: because I've never had that, you know.

503
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,920
Speaker 1: So this man they swore, this man was my dad, girl,

504
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,280
Speaker 1: this man, this man was not the father.

505
00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:13,720
Speaker 3: Okay, he just was not.

506
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:17,000
Speaker 1: And so I think when I did that test, which

507
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:22,320
Speaker 1: was around two thousand and eight, I just got curious

508
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:26,520
Speaker 1: but I also felt like, man, I got my mom's family, Like,

509
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:30,280
Speaker 1: this is more than I ever imagined would happen. So

510
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:33,879
Speaker 1: there wasn't really a huge desire or need. I'm not

511
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:37,000
Speaker 1: the kind of girl that felt like I needed a father, say.

512
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,760
Speaker 3: This, it wasn't. I didn't feel like I was lacking anything.

513
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:41,240
Speaker 1: Like you can't miss something you never had.

514
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:42,400
Speaker 3: No, I don't.

515
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,679
Speaker 1: I've never even used the word that before, Like, so,

516
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:46,360
Speaker 1: what do you mean? Like it just wasn't a thing.

517
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,720
Speaker 3: I think my longing a lot of my childhood was for.

518
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:52,280
Speaker 1: Mother and I have a lot of beautiful, supportive women

519
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:52,960
Speaker 1: in my life.

520
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:54,920
Speaker 3: I think that long eating.

521
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:58,200
Speaker 1: Kind of went away or subsided when I became a mother,

522
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:00,919
Speaker 1: and as I was like mothering my own children, I

523
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:04,120
Speaker 1: begin to learn about like reparenting and remothering myself.

524
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:04,600
Speaker 3: Yeah.

525
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:08,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's been helpful. But I also feel like as

526
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:11,240
Speaker 1: we grow older, like as women, we kind of take

527
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:14,000
Speaker 1: on the responsibility of like mothering each other.

528
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:15,120
Speaker 3: Yeah.

529
00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,280
Speaker 1: So, I mean I have friends that like kind of

530
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:19,400
Speaker 1: look out for me, and I feel like they that

531
00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:21,960
Speaker 1: maternal instinct comes out of them, and I definitely do

532
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:23,760
Speaker 1: that for I think I did that for you this week.

533
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:24,520
Speaker 3: I gotta tell you.

534
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:28,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, sleep go to bed right, Yeah, yeah,

535
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:30,280
Speaker 1: I'll not I'd be working harder than two dollars home.

536
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:30,560
Speaker 3: Man.

537
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:37,080
Speaker 1: She was like girl, clock out. Yeah, And that's the

538
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:39,679
Speaker 1: beauty of like getting older and just realizing, like the

539
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:43,160
Speaker 1: responsibility doesn't even when we're raising kids, it doesn't fall

540
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:44,920
Speaker 1: on just like the mom and dad. It like requires

541
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:48,040
Speaker 1: so many of us to your community. Yeah, it's a

542
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:52,240
Speaker 1: big deal. So yeah, so the longing for the father

543
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:55,080
Speaker 1: thing wasn't really a thing. But what ended up happening

544
00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:58,040
Speaker 1: is I got really sick in twenty seventeen. In fact,

545
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:02,120
Speaker 1: it was March first, twenty seventeen. I had been sick

546
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:05,760
Speaker 1: for a couple of weeks, really like it just was

547
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:06,240
Speaker 1: hanging on.

548
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:07,840
Speaker 3: It just was not going anywhere.

549
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:11,840
Speaker 1: I started kind of like experiencing some weird symptoms that

550
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:14,600
Speaker 1: I had never had. I was blacking out, wasn't eating.

551
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:18,639
Speaker 1: I was on my way to speak at a photography conference,

552
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:22,720
Speaker 1: and I ended up not going to the airport and

553
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:26,560
Speaker 1: going to the hospital. And when I got to the hospital,

554
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:30,160
Speaker 1: I was diagnosed with heart failure and I was put

555
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:34,160
Speaker 1: in ICU, and I was fighting for my life during

556
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:37,080
Speaker 1: that time. You know, I was asked all the time,

557
00:26:37,119 --> 00:26:39,719
Speaker 1: like what's your family history, do you have a you know,

558
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:42,800
Speaker 1: a history of heart issues, heart problems. I could not

559
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,600
Speaker 1: answer those questions, and that is kind of when it

560
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:48,479
Speaker 1: was just like, well, dang, like I don't even know.

561
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 1: I'm thirty four years old, I'm fighting for my life

562
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,280
Speaker 1: and I can't give them anything to work with about

563
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:59,280
Speaker 1: why this would be happening. So when I came out

564
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:03,280
Speaker 1: of the hospital and it was in here, I know

565
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:06,520
Speaker 1: it was. It was major. Like I'm talking gofundmes, I'm

566
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:10,600
Speaker 1: talking everybody pray, I'm talking they were putting me on

567
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:12,360
Speaker 1: the heart transplant list because.

568
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:15,560
Speaker 3: We don't know what calls it. It was a flu virus.

569
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:16,400
Speaker 3: Sometimes when you.

570
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:19,520
Speaker 1: Get the flu, I mean people talk about flus and

571
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:22,680
Speaker 1: cold interchangeably, but truly we learned in the last couple

572
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,960
Speaker 1: of years, like the flu is not the same as

573
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:28,120
Speaker 1: a cold, right. COVID taught us everything that we need

574
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 1: to know about how an illness or sickness can get

575
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:34,680
Speaker 1: into your body and like wreak havoc. Well, yeah, it's

576
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:37,000
Speaker 1: really similar. I think people are like, yeah, I got

577
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:40,480
Speaker 1: the flu. It's like no, most of us have never

578
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:41,560
Speaker 1: had the flu before.

579
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:42,560
Speaker 3: We've had colds.

580
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:45,320
Speaker 1: We've you know, So I ended up having the flu.

581
00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:47,320
Speaker 1: And one of the side effects of the flu is

582
00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 1: like you can get pneumonia, you can get kinds of

583
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:54,120
Speaker 1: other things. I had pneumonia the flu, and it sent

584
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:55,240
Speaker 1: me into heart failure.

585
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:58,080
Speaker 3: Damn. Yeah.

586
00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:01,919
Speaker 1: I spent sixteen days in the Hall Hospital and I

587
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:04,639
Speaker 1: was able to come out. But that week that I

588
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:06,679
Speaker 1: went to the hospital, there were four other people in

589
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:09,479
Speaker 1: the hospital with me with the same condition, and I

590
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:13,440
Speaker 1: was the only one that made it out. Oh joh,

591
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:14,560
Speaker 1: what kind of flu was that?

592
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:19,680
Speaker 3: I don't know, girl, But I get my flu shots.

593
00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:23,120
Speaker 1: So and it's it's not even about the flu, it's

594
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:26,199
Speaker 1: just about it was a perfect storm. It was there

595
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 1: was that flu and the pneumonia and whatever was going

596
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,080
Speaker 1: on in my body that my heart could not handle it.

597
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:34,520
Speaker 3: And so there we have it.

598
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:37,119
Speaker 1: So when COVID came, I was like terrified because I

599
00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:41,160
Speaker 1: had just come through that experience, and you know, some

600
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:43,680
Speaker 1: of us it just it really just is like it's

601
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:45,720
Speaker 1: not about our immune systems. It's just like the timing

602
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,600
Speaker 1: and things get crazy. So that's what happened. When I

603
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:51,959
Speaker 1: came out of the hospital. My uncle, my mom's brother,

604
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:57,080
Speaker 1: he had did his ancestry DNA results, and I had

605
00:28:57,120 --> 00:29:00,200
Speaker 1: always been curious about whether my mom had the same

606
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:02,880
Speaker 1: mom and dad as her brothers. Like I'm just like,

607
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:05,520
Speaker 1: is this your family? Are these are these half siblings?

608
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:08,200
Speaker 1: And I just wanted to know that, and I wasn't

609
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:11,320
Speaker 1: really getting any answers, And so when he posted his

610
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 1: results on Facebook, I was like, oh, I'm getting this

611
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:17,600
Speaker 1: test because at least I can get that part of

612
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:21,880
Speaker 1: my curiosity answered, right, right, So I got the test results,

613
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:24,160
Speaker 1: I took the test. I found out yes, this is

614
00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:27,440
Speaker 1: indeed my uncle. Like, so I had the peace of

615
00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:31,280
Speaker 1: mind that my mom's mom and dad were actually her

616
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:33,480
Speaker 1: mom and dad and that was a question that I had.

617
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:37,680
Speaker 1: And two years later, you know, I don't know if

618
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,600
Speaker 1: you guys have ever taken DNA test, but you know,

619
00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:44,480
Speaker 1: they're always changing, They're always evolving. She's always like changing.

620
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:48,080
Speaker 1: So what ended up happening is ancestry. They started this

621
00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:51,080
Speaker 1: new thing called communities, and so I got an update

622
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:53,240
Speaker 1: to my test and they were like, your most recent

623
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:59,320
Speaker 1: ancestors came from Haiti, Cuba, and Jamaica. And I'm like, ha,

624
00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:04,880
Speaker 1: like right, like yeah, like that's what my husbands always

625
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:06,600
Speaker 1: like girl, we regular black, like.

626
00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:10,320
Speaker 5: Just right right yeah, And so I'm just like, okay,

627
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:13,440
Speaker 5: well that's interesting because I know my mom's from the

628
00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:15,920
Speaker 5: South and so and we know I know who her

629
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:18,960
Speaker 5: parents are, so I know that that Caribbean heritage is

630
00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:20,560
Speaker 5: not coming from my mom's side.

631
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:27,120
Speaker 1: So that started like this curiosity of okay, I'm Haitian.

632
00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:29,640
Speaker 1: I think, I don't know what is this? What does

633
00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:34,120
Speaker 1: this mean? So I hired a genealogist and we did

634
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:38,320
Speaker 1: a bunch of like work together, and we kind of well,

635
00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:42,520
Speaker 1: it wasn't because I know this woman. This woman actually

636
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:45,080
Speaker 1: is a photographer and doues genealogy on the side, which

637
00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:46,400
Speaker 1: I'm so lucky to know.

638
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:48,320
Speaker 3: And so I don't know what.

639
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:50,320
Speaker 1: The average cost of hiring a genealogist is, but I

640
00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:52,400
Speaker 1: think when you're looking for someone like, you pay the price,

641
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:53,320
Speaker 1: Like I don't care what.

642
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:54,400
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.

643
00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:58,080
Speaker 1: So so I paid her. We talked and based on

644
00:30:58,120 --> 00:30:59,920
Speaker 1: the clues that we had, we kind of determined that

645
00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:02,719
Speaker 1: at okay, my father probably was like in his forties

646
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:03,760
Speaker 1: or his fifties when he.

647
00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:06,720
Speaker 3: Met my mom, and that you know, I'm.

648
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 1: Now way way wait wait wait, how old was your

649
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:15,320
Speaker 1: mom my? Mom would have been twenty one at the time, Okay, okay, yeah,

650
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:17,520
Speaker 1: So we were just assuming because I had only found

651
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:21,520
Speaker 1: third and fourth cousins, right, we're all like in their fifties,

652
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:25,520
Speaker 1: in their sixties. So based on that timeline, there was

653
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:28,480
Speaker 1: like a twenty year gap between me and the people

654
00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:31,880
Speaker 1: that I was finding, right, So we were making the

655
00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:37,600
Speaker 1: assumption that Okay, my father probably was in his thirties

656
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:40,120
Speaker 1: or forties or thirty between thirty and fifty when he

657
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 1: met my mom based on the distance between the relatives

658
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:47,280
Speaker 1: that I was finding their ages and my age right right, right,

659
00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:50,960
Speaker 1: So with that assumption, I'm like, I think thirty six

660
00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:54,200
Speaker 1: at the time, We're just like, okay, well, whoever this

661
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:56,840
Speaker 1: person is, they're probably like in their seventies or eighties,

662
00:31:56,880 --> 00:32:00,160
Speaker 1: so the likelihood that they're alive at this point it's

663
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:03,479
Speaker 1: probably slim. So girl, I just gave up on all

664
00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:05,880
Speaker 1: of it. I was like, Okay, well this is cool.

665
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:07,640
Speaker 1: I'm Haitian, like, let me see what I can do

666
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:11,600
Speaker 1: with That's not stop by saying okay, Like I was

667
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:13,880
Speaker 1: just like feeling like, hey, this is cool, Like let

668
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:16,200
Speaker 1: me let me just lean into this, let me learn

669
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 1: as much as I can yo. Let me like the

670
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:21,880
Speaker 1: people that I had access to, we were third and

671
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:22,440
Speaker 1: fourth cousins.

672
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:23,320
Speaker 3: Let me get to know them.

673
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:26,320
Speaker 1: I had absolutely no expectation of finding my father, like

674
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:27,560
Speaker 1: that just was out the window.

675
00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:28,560
Speaker 3: Oh wow.

676
00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:31,040
Speaker 1: So in twenty twenty, I went to Haiti like I

677
00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:34,520
Speaker 1: fell in love. I now like am in the culture.

678
00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:38,600
Speaker 1: I'm making friends. I'm meeting the Haitian bloggers, the influencers.

679
00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:42,640
Speaker 1: I'm donating to organizations. I'm serving on Oh you was

680
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:45,400
Speaker 1: fully it. I'm baby, I'm learning how to listen.

681
00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:46,040
Speaker 3: That's the piece.

682
00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:48,800
Speaker 1: We got a flag in our house. I'm teaching my girls.

683
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:53,120
Speaker 1: This is twenty twenty. Okay, so it is now twenty

684
00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:53,720
Speaker 1: twenty two.

685
00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:55,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I'm.

686
00:32:55,680 --> 00:33:01,440
Speaker 1: Turning forty and life is great and I'm minding my business.

687
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:05,240
Speaker 1: And my cousin who hosted me in Haiti, she's a

688
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:08,440
Speaker 1: third or fourth cousin. She was like, look, take the

689
00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:10,800
Speaker 1: twenty three and me test. She goes, there are a

690
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:12,719
Speaker 1: lot of people showing up on twenty three and me

691
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:15,720
Speaker 1: that are not on ancestry, Like, just give it a whirl.

692
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:18,440
Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, right, like I've been doing this

693
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:21,280
Speaker 1: right this, We've been at this now since twenty seventeen.

694
00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 1: I've had clues. It's like I get one clue, it

695
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:26,960
Speaker 1: feels like something's gonna happen, and then you know, I

696
00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:29,720
Speaker 1: get nowhere. It's like the more am the more confused

697
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:32,040
Speaker 1: I am. So I just never thought anything would come

698
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:35,280
Speaker 1: out of it. I take the test, I'm like, begrudgingly,

699
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:36,840
Speaker 1: just do it. Like she called me.

700
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:37,720
Speaker 3: Over and over. Did you take it?

701
00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:37,840
Speaker 4: Ed?

702
00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:39,280
Speaker 1: Did you take it yet? I'm like, I'm gonna get

703
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:41,720
Speaker 1: to it. I'm gonna get to it. You think she knew.

704
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:43,840
Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't think so.

705
00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:47,080
Speaker 1: I just think that she really I have three cousins

706
00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:50,440
Speaker 1: who I only know how one of them I'm related

707
00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:51,000
Speaker 1: to the other two.

708
00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:52,160
Speaker 3: I haven't figured it out yet.

709
00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:55,640
Speaker 1: But they really wanted to see this get solved for me.

710
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:59,960
Speaker 1: Like they were really invested in it. And I think

711
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:01,640
Speaker 1: they just wanted me to know who I was, and

712
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:03,440
Speaker 1: like their whole thing is like, look, Haiti is not

713
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 1: that big. At its largest time, there were probably four

714
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:07,640
Speaker 1: to six.

715
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:08,680
Speaker 3: Million people on the island.

716
00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:11,480
Speaker 1: That's not a lot of people the people in the

717
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:15,359
Speaker 1: city of Seattle, right, and so they were just like, look,

718
00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:17,239
Speaker 1: we've got to know somebody who knows who your dad

719
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:19,920
Speaker 1: is like, that's how Haitians are. They know everybody and

720
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:22,440
Speaker 1: they feel kind of figure this out kind of thing.

721
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:25,600
Speaker 1: So that was attitude. So I take the test girl.

722
00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:29,480
Speaker 1: Three weeks later, there's a match and it's a first cousin.

723
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:32,839
Speaker 1: And I know my first cousins the ones that I know,

724
00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:35,360
Speaker 1: so this is the first cousin on my dad's side.

725
00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 1: And the match was a young girl who was in

726
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:43,440
Speaker 1: her thirties from Texas. So I'm like, okay, she's from Texas,

727
00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:45,480
Speaker 1: she's in her thirty She got to be on social media,

728
00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:49,600
Speaker 1: so I got to work and it was like a

729
00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:52,080
Speaker 1: day later, I was on the phone with my dad.

730
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:56,160
Speaker 1: I never actually connected with that cousin. I've connected to

731
00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:58,440
Speaker 1: her now, but she was not. She didn't lead me

732
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 1: to my dad. What ended up happ I mean is

733
00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:04,279
Speaker 1: my father actually lives in the same town that my

734
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:07,759
Speaker 1: husband is from, Like they're like in it's apart, and

735
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:10,680
Speaker 1: my dad's lived there for the last twenty six years,

736
00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:13,440
Speaker 1: and I've gone to that same city for the last

737
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:15,879
Speaker 1: I've been married to my husband for seventeen years, we've

738
00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:17,000
Speaker 1: been together for nineteen.

739
00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:19,279
Speaker 3: So when I.

740
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:22,560
Speaker 1: Found this man, I had that piece of paper, remember

741
00:35:22,719 --> 00:35:25,560
Speaker 1: from earlier on the store. Yeah, what your mom wrote?

742
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:25,759
Speaker 2: That?

743
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:26,680
Speaker 3: My mom wrote?

744
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:30,759
Speaker 1: And this man that had found on Facebook, he had

745
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:35,560
Speaker 1: just lost siblings, one in January and one in August,

746
00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 1: so just a few where I took the tests. It

747
00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:41,920
Speaker 1: was the obituary of that family member that helped me

748
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:46,279
Speaker 1: determine that this was my father. And then we had

749
00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:49,600
Speaker 1: a couple friends in common, and I was able to

750
00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:52,320
Speaker 1: reach out to the friends that we had in common

751
00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:53,640
Speaker 1: to get his information.

752
00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:55,359
Speaker 3: And then I got on the phone with him.

753
00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:59,520
Speaker 1: Wow, this is what it looks like when God give

754
00:35:59,600 --> 00:35:59,919
Speaker 1: you break.

755
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:00,640
Speaker 3: Man.

756
00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:05,439
Speaker 1: Look, you just gotta follow that trail, look, okay all

757
00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:09,160
Speaker 1: the way through. So I got my results about four

758
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:12,279
Speaker 1: o'clock on a Saturday, and it was it probably wasn't

759
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:15,360
Speaker 1: even a full twenty four hours. By pay three o'clock

760
00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:17,920
Speaker 1: the next day, I was on the phone with them. Wow,

761
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:19,799
Speaker 1: and how did you prepare yourself emotionally?

762
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:19,960
Speaker 3: Like?

763
00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:22,360
Speaker 1: How was that? I don't even know, bro, Like that

764
00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:25,640
Speaker 1: the whole thing was just I think I was in shock,

765
00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:28,920
Speaker 1: Like looking now, it's just like is this really about

766
00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:31,240
Speaker 1: to happen? Like is this really about to go down?

767
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:36,000
Speaker 1: I spoke to the woman. So there was a pastor

768
00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:38,440
Speaker 1: who I knew who was friends with someone that was

769
00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:42,440
Speaker 1: friends with my dad, and I called that pastor's wife

770
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:44,800
Speaker 1: and said, look, I know we haven't talked in years,

771
00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:46,960
Speaker 1: but I feel like now like our relationship was for

772
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:50,879
Speaker 1: this exact moment, and like, you're friends with someone who's

773
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,960
Speaker 1: friends with my dad. I think this man is my dad.

774
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:56,320
Speaker 1: I really need you to reach out to this person

775
00:36:56,360 --> 00:36:57,799
Speaker 1: and see if you can get her on the phone

776
00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:00,319
Speaker 1: with me so that I can get to him. And

777
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,680
Speaker 1: so she worked on that. I think it might have

778
00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 1: been like five am on a Sunday morning here Pacific

779
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:08,520
Speaker 1: standard time, and she's like, well, I gotta go to

780
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:09,920
Speaker 1: church and I got to do all these things, and

781
00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:11,040
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my gosh.

782
00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:12,480
Speaker 3: So it was like like this.

783
00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:15,920
Speaker 1: Waiting period of like anxiety and like what's yeah. And

784
00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:19,520
Speaker 1: I ended up talking to the woman who was friends

785
00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:21,839
Speaker 1: with my dad. She actually went to church with him,

786
00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:25,160
Speaker 1: and she told me all about him before I got

787
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 1: on the phone with him, and I was able to

788
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:29,560
Speaker 1: ask her questions that she just was like, I.

789
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:31,759
Speaker 3: Think that if he knew that you existed, he would

790
00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:32,239
Speaker 3: want to know.

791
00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:34,759
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, do you think he knew? Or

792
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:38,719
Speaker 1: was he probably gonna say no, right, that's exactly what

793
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 1: he said.

794
00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:39,440
Speaker 3: No.

795
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 1: But then as as went on, he was like, okay, okay,

796
00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:46,400
Speaker 1: I did know. Your mom did come to me. She

797
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:49,319
Speaker 1: did tell me she was pregnant, and I didn't believe her.

798
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:51,880
Speaker 1: And I just figured that she probably was sleeping with

799
00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:54,239
Speaker 1: other people, because I'm guessing he probably was sleeping with

800
00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:57,840
Speaker 1: other people. He's a millionire man, so he was just

801
00:37:57,920 --> 00:38:01,240
Speaker 1: out here like doing his thing. It took him about

802
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,520
Speaker 1: a week to kind of be honest and say.

803
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:05,800
Speaker 3: Yes, I know your mom.

804
00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:08,840
Speaker 1: Yes, we were in a relationship. Yes, she told me

805
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:12,080
Speaker 1: she was pregnant, and I just left. And when you

806
00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:15,040
Speaker 1: get older, you gotta right your wrongs man, right, right,

807
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:16,800
Speaker 1: My mom stood by her story.

808
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:18,840
Speaker 3: She's like, is this person and we was in a

809
00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:22,239
Speaker 3: relationship for like two years? And he was just like, no,

810
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:24,080
Speaker 3: I didn't know, but he did. He came clean.

811
00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:27,000
Speaker 1: I actually went to visit him a week later.

812
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:29,760
Speaker 3: I did a DNA test.

813
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:33,440
Speaker 1: I did an ancestry test on him and twenty three

814
00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:36,359
Speaker 1: and meters because I was just like, you've never done

815
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:38,600
Speaker 1: anything for me in my life, so you're gonna do

816
00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:40,839
Speaker 1: this because at least you can do this, right, You're

817
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:42,400
Speaker 1: gonna do this and you're gonna do this so that

818
00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:46,279
Speaker 1: even when you're gone, if somebody else pops up, we're

819
00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:48,879
Speaker 1: gonna know, Like we're not gonna you're not gonna take

820
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:50,080
Speaker 1: this to the grave with you.

821
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:50,920
Speaker 3: Like we're gonna know.

822
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:55,279
Speaker 1: I went from being an only child to being the

823
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:58,680
Speaker 1: oldest child of five other girls.

824
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:02,400
Speaker 3: So there's five, he had all girls. He has five daughters.

825
00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:08,359
Speaker 1: Oh you know what that means. He was outside, he

826
00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:10,320
Speaker 1: was outside five daughters.

827
00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:15,720
Speaker 3: And yeah, and I have this big, huge Asian family.

828
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:18,200
Speaker 1: So the last year, I mean this is fairly new.

829
00:39:18,239 --> 00:39:22,840
Speaker 1: I just met my sister last June. Yeah, I met

830
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:25,759
Speaker 1: my cousins and my aunts like over the course of

831
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:28,160
Speaker 1: last year. So this is all very very fresh, still

832
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:33,480
Speaker 1: very very new. But yeah, girl, that is what happened. Yeah,

833
00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:35,880
Speaker 1: what was it like to finally meet him in person?

834
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 2: Like I can only imagine that the emotions you were experiencing, well,

835
00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:42,799
Speaker 2: you know, I think what made a lot of it

836
00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:45,680
Speaker 2: easier was when I went to go meet him, I

837
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:47,880
Speaker 2: was going back to a place that was so familiar

838
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:49,640
Speaker 2: to me. I was just going home, like it's my

839
00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:52,880
Speaker 2: home on the East Coast. So when I told my

840
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:54,400
Speaker 2: husband and like, I want to go meet him, like,

841
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:55,920
Speaker 2: I want to go do this. He's like, all right,

842
00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:59,360
Speaker 2: go And so it was like going home to see family,

843
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:01,040
Speaker 2: but not to making my family with me.

844
00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:05,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, and meeting him was really easy. He's a really

845
00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:08,759
Speaker 3: good guy. He he wasn't a good guy.

846
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:12,560
Speaker 1: And I'm really thankful that I was not a part

847
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:15,839
Speaker 1: of his life during that time because I have this

848
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:20,200
Speaker 1: version of him and my sisters. None of us were

849
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:22,040
Speaker 1: raised by our dad, none of us I grew up

850
00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:24,960
Speaker 1: with him. We all found him except for one of

851
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:28,520
Speaker 1: my sisters. My sister right below me is the only

852
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:30,960
Speaker 1: sister that my dad was married to her mom. But

853
00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:34,240
Speaker 1: everybody else they were like one night stands in passing

854
00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:37,520
Speaker 1: short relationships. You think he got more kids out there.

855
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:41,680
Speaker 3: I don't know, girl, but we're gonna find out something.

856
00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:46,520
Speaker 3: It won't be a surprise. I'll tell you that, right right.

857
00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:49,720
Speaker 1: I mean, he says, he says, I'm the oldest. He said,

858
00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:54,279
Speaker 1: there was no one before me, But girl, I don't know.

859
00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:57,839
Speaker 1: So Okay, So when I met my dad, what was

860
00:40:57,840 --> 00:40:59,839
Speaker 1: interesting is like one of the first places he took

861
00:40:59,880 --> 00:41:01,840
Speaker 1: me was on post, Like he took me on base,

862
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:04,399
Speaker 1: like the military base post to him. And as we're

863
00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:06,600
Speaker 1: like walking through the PX, I'm looking at these young

864
00:41:06,719 --> 00:41:09,920
Speaker 1: soldiers and I'm looking at them and I'm just like,

865
00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:13,640
Speaker 1: these are babies. And I just was like this he

866
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:16,279
Speaker 1: was a baby. Like I can't even be like mad

867
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:19,239
Speaker 1: at him. Yeah, he was a kid. Like I don't

868
00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:21,200
Speaker 1: want no kid raising me, you know what I'm saying.

869
00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:25,719
Speaker 1: So look, I'm just like I'm not even mad about it.

870
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:28,800
Speaker 1: Like I didn't have any anger or frustration or anything.

871
00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:30,439
Speaker 1: But I think a part of that too, is that

872
00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:34,360
Speaker 1: I've turned out Okay. I've turned out more than okay.

873
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:36,160
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you're doing a damn thing.

874
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:38,240
Speaker 3: And you know, I love my life.

875
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:42,880
Speaker 1: I have a really amazing supportive husband, I have beautiful children.

876
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:45,680
Speaker 1: I have a career that I love. So I even

877
00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:47,520
Speaker 1: though I didn't grow up with my parents and I

878
00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:51,720
Speaker 1: have this like kind of crazy upbringing, Like I turned

879
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:55,960
Speaker 1: out okay. And I think, could I have resentment?

880
00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:58,439
Speaker 3: Could I be frustrated? Yes? But who does that serve?

881
00:41:59,080 --> 00:41:59,960
Speaker 3: And yell for me?

882
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:03,319
Speaker 1: Meeting him, it was just easy because I feel like

883
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:07,440
Speaker 1: he wasn't like adding anything and he wasn't taking it away,

884
00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:10,880
Speaker 1: Like yeah, I'm like really good with my life. Like

885
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:13,759
Speaker 1: now he adds because we have a relationship, but I

886
00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:16,480
Speaker 1: didn't have any expectations of him. I didn't need anything

887
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:19,680
Speaker 1: from him, so I could just like be in the

888
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:22,000
Speaker 1: moment and be present and just see what happened.

889
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:33,920
Speaker 2: You know, that's so funny you said that, because, like

890
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:37,319
Speaker 2: I shared this with the Professional Homegirls, my father is

891
00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:42,520
Speaker 2: a drug addict, and so you know, I always think about, like, damn,

892
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:44,400
Speaker 2: like I wonder what my life would have been like

893
00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:47,560
Speaker 2: if he was involved in my life because my mom,

894
00:42:47,920 --> 00:42:50,120
Speaker 2: you know, we didn't have the best best relationship and

895
00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:55,160
Speaker 2: she was very abusive towards me physically and emotionally, right,

896
00:42:55,719 --> 00:42:57,360
Speaker 2: and so but then I think about my damn, I

897
00:42:57,680 --> 00:42:58,640
Speaker 2: turned out pretty good.

898
00:42:58,560 --> 00:43:03,000
Speaker 5: For myself, like turned out very well, right.

899
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:05,359
Speaker 1: So I'm just like, sometimes we gotta be.

900
00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:08,080
Speaker 2: Thankful for what we have and you know, just give

901
00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:10,480
Speaker 2: people grace, so we can't accept the version that they.

902
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:13,319
Speaker 1: Are in that moment in our lives. Or what if

903
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:18,239
Speaker 1: like their whole purpose was you, yeah, come on, now,

904
00:43:18,719 --> 00:43:21,120
Speaker 1: what if like maybe this is who they were, but

905
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:24,719
Speaker 1: maybe like very union and they're coming together was all

906
00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:25,400
Speaker 1: about you?

907
00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:27,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, And is that enough?

908
00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:31,040
Speaker 1: It's enough? And that's how I feel. I'm just like,

909
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:32,680
Speaker 1: you know, my parents, that was it right there.

910
00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:34,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, my parents are are.

911
00:43:34,560 --> 00:43:38,080
Speaker 1: Kind of an unlikely pair, and my father also has

912
00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 1: a history of drug abuse and really struggled. But like

913
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:46,320
Speaker 1: if the very best thing they did was make you, Yeah,

914
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:48,520
Speaker 1: I'm not mad about that because look at what I've

915
00:43:48,560 --> 00:43:51,439
Speaker 1: done and look my kids are gonna do, and that's

916
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:54,960
Speaker 1: their legacy. It's not what they weren't. It's like what

917
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:56,399
Speaker 1: they were able in spite of.

918
00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:57,640
Speaker 3: Who they are to do.

919
00:43:57,840 --> 00:44:02,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, facts, facts, So for you alone, I just I

920
00:44:02,719 --> 00:44:05,279
Speaker 1: honor them and I love them for who they are

921
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:08,400
Speaker 1: because without them, I wouldn't have all of these blessings

922
00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:11,520
Speaker 1: and all these opportunities like I am because of them.

923
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:14,920
Speaker 1: You know, it matter what they've done or what they

924
00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:17,759
Speaker 1: look like or you know, it's just like man like

925
00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:20,360
Speaker 1: y'all are, y'all are some misfits, but y'all did just

926
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:22,200
Speaker 1: you got this one thing right.

927
00:44:22,239 --> 00:44:22,479
Speaker 3: Well.

928
00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:25,440
Speaker 1: In my dad's case, he has really beautiful daughters who

929
00:44:25,480 --> 00:44:26,600
Speaker 1: have done incredible things.

930
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:29,280
Speaker 3: My mom only had one child, you know, and.

931
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:31,560
Speaker 1: I just always try to honor my mom and go, yo,

932
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:35,480
Speaker 1: I'm your legacy. Yeah, it doesn't matter what you didn't

933
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:37,680
Speaker 1: do and what you didn't accomplish, Like you only had

934
00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:42,840
Speaker 1: to do one thing, and that one thing did was enough. Yeah, facts, facts.

935
00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:45,160
Speaker 1: When you met your dad, did you notice any like

936
00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:46,239
Speaker 1: similarities between you?

937
00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:49,040
Speaker 3: I looked just like that man. And me too.

938
00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:50,960
Speaker 1: I look just like my father too. But it was

939
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:53,680
Speaker 1: so wild because my whole life, everybody was like, you

940
00:44:53,680 --> 00:44:55,279
Speaker 1: look just like your mom. You look just like your mom.

941
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:57,200
Speaker 1: And when I met my dad and it was like

942
00:44:57,480 --> 00:45:00,440
Speaker 1: my sisters were like, we knew that you were our

943
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:02,520
Speaker 1: sister because you looked just like our dad.

944
00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:06,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, that was like such a compliment.

945
00:45:07,200 --> 00:45:09,800
Speaker 1: And now that I met my dad, I really can't

946
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:12,399
Speaker 1: see my mom and me yo.

947
00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:15,600
Speaker 2: I honestly know, Lie, I was thinking the same thing

948
00:45:15,680 --> 00:45:18,359
Speaker 2: because I don't think I look like my mom. Like

949
00:45:18,960 --> 00:45:21,160
Speaker 2: back in my mom's prime, my mom was was she

950
00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:25,320
Speaker 2: She was a very beautiful woman. And when I reconnected

951
00:45:25,360 --> 00:45:27,080
Speaker 2: with his side of the family, I'm going through all

952
00:45:27,120 --> 00:45:28,759
Speaker 2: these pictures and I'm like, damn, like my parents were

953
00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:31,480
Speaker 2: good looking, like thank god and so. But when I

954
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:34,680
Speaker 2: saw him, I looked just like him. Like I don't

955
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:36,840
Speaker 2: see my mom and me I see him. It's probably

956
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:37,640
Speaker 2: why she hated me so.

957
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:40,680
Speaker 1: Much, because I looked just like she was like, yeah,

958
00:45:40,719 --> 00:45:44,120
Speaker 1: I'm good girl, I'm good no, I look so much

959
00:45:44,239 --> 00:45:49,080
Speaker 1: like my father, And it also helped make some of

960
00:45:49,120 --> 00:45:52,840
Speaker 1: my kids make sense because I feel my baby looks

961
00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:54,400
Speaker 1: just like him too. We're just like, where does she

962
00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:56,799
Speaker 1: come from? Like who she looked like? And she also

963
00:45:56,840 --> 00:45:59,759
Speaker 1: looks like my sister, and so it's so fun to

964
00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:03,640
Speaker 1: kind to see that. But the craziest thing is my sister,

965
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:07,200
Speaker 1: the one that I just came from seeing her son

966
00:46:07,440 --> 00:46:10,960
Speaker 1: and my middle daughter they could be twins.

967
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:11,239
Speaker 3: Bro.

968
00:46:11,560 --> 00:46:13,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, she sent me the picture, y'all. I'm like, yo,

969
00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:15,879
Speaker 1: first of all, the two little ones you have looked

970
00:46:15,920 --> 00:46:18,320
Speaker 1: like twins, because I thought she had two kids, y'all,

971
00:46:18,400 --> 00:46:19,920
Speaker 1: but she got three. And I'm like, wait, what do

972
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:22,640
Speaker 1: you mean you have three? Where did that one come from?

973
00:46:23,440 --> 00:46:24,799
Speaker 1: She was like, of course, I know how many kids

974
00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:25,080
Speaker 1: I got.

975
00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:25,359
Speaker 5: Big.

976
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:28,200
Speaker 3: I was so confused.

977
00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:29,160
Speaker 1: Because they look so much alike.

978
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:31,239
Speaker 3: I know, just one is shorter than the other.

979
00:46:32,760 --> 00:46:35,399
Speaker 1: Get to know them, you'll you'll like see the differences,

980
00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:38,480
Speaker 1: but like upon first glance, it definitely would be easy

981
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:40,000
Speaker 1: to believe that they're the same person.

982
00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:41,040
Speaker 3: Yeah.

983
00:46:41,239 --> 00:46:44,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, So did you have any challenges in this new

984
00:46:44,400 --> 00:46:45,479
Speaker 2: relationship with your father?

985
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:47,080
Speaker 1: And if you did, how did you navigate?

986
00:46:47,440 --> 00:46:47,720
Speaker 3: Yeah?

987
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:51,400
Speaker 1: I think so initially, no, it was a honeymoon stage

988
00:46:51,440 --> 00:46:54,799
Speaker 1: of course, like oh, of course, it was like so

989
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:57,160
Speaker 1: like I was so I just had so many questions

990
00:46:57,160 --> 00:46:58,920
Speaker 1: and I wanted to hear all his stories and I

991
00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:02,640
Speaker 1: needed to know everything about him. And he was just

992
00:47:02,719 --> 00:47:05,640
Speaker 1: so enamored by me, because like, why wouldn't you be

993
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:10,279
Speaker 1: like humbly, but I've done really well for myself and

994
00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 1: so he just like was really proud. I think the

995
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:17,080
Speaker 1: biggest the biggest issue for me in the beginning was

996
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:19,399
Speaker 1: like my dad is not like highly regarded by his

997
00:47:19,440 --> 00:47:21,880
Speaker 1: family because of the choices that he's made, and so

998
00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:24,839
Speaker 1: like from the start, he was just like, no one's

999
00:47:24,880 --> 00:47:27,319
Speaker 1: gonna accept you. No one's gonna accept you being my daughter.

1000
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:29,439
Speaker 1: So don't expect to have a relationship with my family

1001
00:47:30,120 --> 00:47:32,400
Speaker 1: a girl, because they don't even have a relationship with me.

1002
00:47:32,480 --> 00:47:34,319
Speaker 1: And I'm just like, well, dang, I just got here,

1003
00:47:34,520 --> 00:47:37,719
Speaker 1: Like why is got to sign off on all this

1004
00:47:37,800 --> 00:47:40,239
Speaker 1: paperwork and I just want you, you know, He's just

1005
00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:43,960
Speaker 1: I'm excited about you, but don't expect it to go

1006
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:46,960
Speaker 1: any further than this. And I was just like really heartbroken.

1007
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:50,200
Speaker 1: And then he was just like and yeah, your sisters,

1008
00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:52,120
Speaker 1: they probably not gonna really want to be down with

1009
00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:54,680
Speaker 1: you either, because they just not They not like that,

1010
00:47:54,800 --> 00:47:57,960
Speaker 1: and I'm just like, well, this moment, now that felt.

1011
00:47:57,760 --> 00:47:59,360
Speaker 3: Like such a big, amazing moment.

1012
00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:01,440
Speaker 1: It was like, so no one took a pin and

1013
00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:04,040
Speaker 1: they popped my balloon and I just felt so deflated.

1014
00:48:04,719 --> 00:48:08,160
Speaker 3: So that was pretty disappointing and really hard to accept

1015
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:10,680
Speaker 3: because you're gonna tell me I'm a part of this

1016
00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:12,960
Speaker 3: amazing culture and I have this big, huge family, but

1017
00:48:13,000 --> 00:48:16,000
Speaker 3: I don't get to have access to it. Like that sucks.

1018
00:48:16,080 --> 00:48:17,759
Speaker 1: You know, that's not fair to me. I didn't make

1019
00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:22,000
Speaker 1: those choices. And then my sisters. My dad really struggled

1020
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,960
Speaker 1: in the beginning with like being balanced and so he

1021
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:26,400
Speaker 1: almost treated me like a doll.

1022
00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:31,400
Speaker 3: And really, I think in the beginning could have driven

1023
00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:35,000
Speaker 3: a big, huge wedge between me and my sisters. And

1024
00:48:35,040 --> 00:48:36,360
Speaker 3: I really.

1025
00:48:36,080 --> 00:48:37,839
Speaker 1: Wanted to get to know them, but it was like

1026
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:41,120
Speaker 1: I was con It was almost like he was I

1027
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:43,680
Speaker 1: don't think he intentionally realized it, but he was putting

1028
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:48,600
Speaker 1: us against each other. Yeah, so he probably felt like

1029
00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:51,520
Speaker 1: he had a friend in you because everybody else they

1030
00:48:51,600 --> 00:48:54,040
Speaker 1: really missed with him like that lackly what it was,

1031
00:48:54,120 --> 00:48:56,440
Speaker 1: it was just like for the first time ever he

1032
00:48:56,560 --> 00:49:01,040
Speaker 1: had someone that like wasn't treating him based on what

1033
00:49:01,200 --> 00:49:04,279
Speaker 1: like a method, Yeah, yeah, a mess up. Yeah, And

1034
00:49:04,400 --> 00:49:07,759
Speaker 1: so yeah, that was really that was really rough. And

1035
00:49:07,840 --> 00:49:11,000
Speaker 1: then over time I started to kind of get to

1036
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:14,080
Speaker 1: know some of my family members and like they would

1037
00:49:14,080 --> 00:49:15,919
Speaker 1: be like, you know, I know you're excited about your dad,

1038
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:17,200
Speaker 1: but he's just he's.

1039
00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:18,480
Speaker 3: Not like a great guy or whatever.

1040
00:49:18,520 --> 00:49:20,560
Speaker 1: And I'm just like, well, wait a minute, Like I

1041
00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:23,360
Speaker 1: get that he made choices, but that doesn't really have

1042
00:49:23,400 --> 00:49:26,719
Speaker 1: any with me. So it was just really complicated. It

1043
00:49:26,800 --> 00:49:32,160
Speaker 1: was really complicated. But I just really I'm a believer,

1044
00:49:32,520 --> 00:49:35,720
Speaker 1: and I prayed, and God just kept showing me Joseph

1045
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:39,160
Speaker 1: in the Bible and how like his brother did him

1046
00:49:39,400 --> 00:49:42,040
Speaker 1: and how he got separated from his family, and how

1047
00:49:42,239 --> 00:49:44,920
Speaker 1: God used him to bring everyone back together and actually

1048
00:49:44,960 --> 00:49:46,040
Speaker 1: to save his family.

1049
00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:49,319
Speaker 3: God used him to save his family, and I just

1050
00:49:49,480 --> 00:49:52,560
Speaker 3: held onto that. I held on to that. It was hard.

1051
00:49:52,719 --> 00:49:55,759
Speaker 1: I had some uncomfortable conversations with my father, I had

1052
00:49:55,880 --> 00:49:59,960
Speaker 1: uncomfortable conversations with my sisters, with other family members.

1053
00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:01,359
Speaker 3: It was it was like.

1054
00:50:03,040 --> 00:50:05,759
Speaker 1: I had to keep reminding myself that while this was

1055
00:50:05,760 --> 00:50:08,279
Speaker 1: my story, wasn't just happening to me that everybody was

1056
00:50:08,320 --> 00:50:10,840
Speaker 1: having to adjust, everybody was having to get used to me,

1057
00:50:11,719 --> 00:50:13,759
Speaker 1: and then I'm for everyone. It's yeah, it's something new

1058
00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:16,440
Speaker 1: for everyone. And then I'm not like a quiet entrance,

1059
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:20,760
Speaker 1: like I came with a platform and with a social

1060
00:50:20,800 --> 00:50:23,319
Speaker 1: media presence, and so it was just like, well, are

1061
00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:24,760
Speaker 1: you doing this for social media?

1062
00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:26,680
Speaker 3: Are you doing to try to.

1063
00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:28,680
Speaker 1: Make money off of us and to exploit us? And

1064
00:50:28,719 --> 00:50:30,840
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, y'ah, I ain't got no money that

1065
00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:34,040
Speaker 1: I want. I got it's you's wrong with people, And

1066
00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:36,400
Speaker 1: it was just like no, like this is this like

1067
00:50:36,440 --> 00:50:38,840
Speaker 1: I get it, like it's but no, like that just

1068
00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:41,880
Speaker 1: wasn't what it was, you know, and like how tacky.

1069
00:50:42,320 --> 00:50:45,040
Speaker 1: I think that people had to get used to separating

1070
00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:49,480
Speaker 1: like the person from the job like content creator. I'm

1071
00:50:49,480 --> 00:50:53,799
Speaker 1: an influencer, but like you're not seeing my whole life like.

1072
00:50:53,719 --> 00:50:55,120
Speaker 3: You think far but you're not.

1073
00:50:55,560 --> 00:50:59,239
Speaker 1: And I think when people started to meet me and

1074
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:01,800
Speaker 1: to see that, and it's not that I'm fake or

1075
00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:05,560
Speaker 1: there's a persona, it's just that like I'm curating what

1076
00:51:05,640 --> 00:51:09,279
Speaker 1: you see, yeah, and you're not seeing everything. Like it's

1077
00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:11,560
Speaker 1: very authentic and it's very real and I'm showing up.

1078
00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:13,960
Speaker 1: I'm the same person online as I am in real life.

1079
00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:17,799
Speaker 1: But I'm not putting everything about my life. Why would

1080
00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:20,160
Speaker 1: you mind, right, And so like this is your job.

1081
00:51:20,200 --> 00:51:21,560
Speaker 3: Right, exactly, it's my job.

1082
00:51:21,600 --> 00:51:24,080
Speaker 1: And so I think like people got to know me

1083
00:51:24,160 --> 00:51:26,400
Speaker 1: once people met me in person, once people saw like

1084
00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:29,760
Speaker 1: how I moved. I think that helped people bring.

1085
00:51:29,600 --> 00:51:30,479
Speaker 3: Their walls down.

1086
00:51:30,760 --> 00:51:33,759
Speaker 1: And now everybody, it's beautiful.

1087
00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:36,960
Speaker 3: It's beautiful. Like we're in a beautiful relationship.

1088
00:51:37,960 --> 00:51:41,560
Speaker 1: My dad is more integrated into his family than he's

1089
00:51:41,600 --> 00:51:46,120
Speaker 1: been in several decades. He talks to people that he

1090
00:51:46,160 --> 00:51:51,360
Speaker 1: hasn't talked to in years. And my cousins are meeting

1091
00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:55,399
Speaker 1: each other and we're like planning things together. We've spent

1092
00:51:55,480 --> 00:51:57,080
Speaker 1: a lot of time together. We spent a lot of

1093
00:51:57,120 --> 00:51:59,680
Speaker 1: time together last year. There are huge parts of my life.

1094
00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:03,839
Speaker 1: My sister is one of my best friends. Like we're

1095
00:52:03,920 --> 00:52:06,399
Speaker 1: just we all like go hard for each other. And

1096
00:52:07,160 --> 00:52:09,280
Speaker 1: my birthdays in a couple of months, and my cousins

1097
00:52:09,280 --> 00:52:11,680
Speaker 1: and my sister are coming to town. And one of

1098
00:52:11,680 --> 00:52:13,640
Speaker 1: the things that I'm working on is like just creating

1099
00:52:13,680 --> 00:52:15,600
Speaker 1: a trip where we get to play together. Because we

1100
00:52:15,640 --> 00:52:18,000
Speaker 1: didn't grow up eight anywhere, and I just feel like

1101
00:52:18,800 --> 00:52:22,520
Speaker 1: that's the thing. So we're just we're rebuilding our family

1102
00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:27,760
Speaker 1: and kind of deciding what we want that to look like. Yeah,

1103
00:52:27,880 --> 00:52:31,359
Speaker 1: because it was dying and now it's like coming back

1104
00:52:31,400 --> 00:52:34,560
Speaker 1: to life, which is really cool. Yeah. How it mean

1105
00:52:34,719 --> 00:52:37,840
Speaker 1: your father influenced your understanding of yourself?

1106
00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:44,320
Speaker 3: Well, I think this is a great question.

1107
00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:47,040
Speaker 1: I remember the other day I told someone like, you know,

1108
00:52:47,320 --> 00:52:48,920
Speaker 1: I think we get our identity from.

1109
00:52:48,719 --> 00:52:51,400
Speaker 3: Our fathers, and I.

1110
00:52:51,280 --> 00:52:53,960
Speaker 1: Think that, hmm, that's interesting.

1111
00:52:54,400 --> 00:52:54,680
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1112
00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:58,879
Speaker 1: I And here's why I never cared. I never cared

1113
00:52:58,880 --> 00:53:01,480
Speaker 1: about having a dad. I know, it never mattered to me.

1114
00:53:03,719 --> 00:53:06,360
Speaker 1: I think we get our nurturing and our values and

1115
00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:09,240
Speaker 1: our love from our mothers, but I think who.

1116
00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:11,320
Speaker 3: We are comes from our dads.

1117
00:53:11,719 --> 00:53:13,960
Speaker 1: And the reason why I say that is when I

1118
00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:16,239
Speaker 1: found my dad, I felt like there was a piece

1119
00:53:16,239 --> 00:53:19,600
Speaker 1: of me that came back, or like there's a piece

1120
00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:22,560
Speaker 1: of me that I discovered. There was a confidence, there

1121
00:53:22,640 --> 00:53:25,800
Speaker 1: was a there was a something in me that I

1122
00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:31,520
Speaker 1: had never experienced before. And it's not because of him.

1123
00:53:31,680 --> 00:53:36,920
Speaker 1: It's just like, I don't know, it's I don't know

1124
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:38,719
Speaker 1: what it was, but it just felt like I knew

1125
00:53:38,719 --> 00:53:41,280
Speaker 1: who I was like I know where I come from.

1126
00:53:42,320 --> 00:53:44,840
Speaker 1: It's a sense of pride. Yeah, it's a sense of pride.

1127
00:53:44,840 --> 00:53:48,560
Speaker 1: It's a sense of like your your paternal your your

1128
00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:51,320
Speaker 1: father sets your name. It's like you carry your dad's

1129
00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:52,080
Speaker 1: name like.

1130
00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:53,239
Speaker 3: You you know.

1131
00:53:53,320 --> 00:53:56,080
Speaker 1: That's like I didn't have any of that, And so

1132
00:53:57,320 --> 00:53:59,640
Speaker 1: for me, all of a sudden, I'm like, Okay, this

1133
00:53:59,680 --> 00:54:02,279
Speaker 1: would have been my last name, Like this would have

1134
00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:04,359
Speaker 1: been the family I would have grown up into. These

1135
00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:07,000
Speaker 1: would have been the traditions, Like all of that identity,

1136
00:54:07,239 --> 00:54:10,200
Speaker 1: that part of my identity that came from him. And

1137
00:54:10,200 --> 00:54:12,520
Speaker 1: what's really interesting, I said this earlier this week when

1138
00:54:12,520 --> 00:54:15,200
Speaker 1: I was having lunch with a friend. My father has

1139
00:54:15,280 --> 00:54:17,560
Speaker 1: never done anything for me ever in my life except

1140
00:54:17,560 --> 00:54:21,319
Speaker 1: give me what I always wanted, which is me. I'm

1141
00:54:21,360 --> 00:54:23,880
Speaker 1: closer to my dad's family than I'm in than I

1142
00:54:23,920 --> 00:54:25,840
Speaker 1: am to any of the other families that I'm a

1143
00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:29,120
Speaker 1: part of. Yeah, and I think it's just because the

1144
00:54:29,239 --> 00:54:32,839
Speaker 1: identity that he put in me just by knowing who

1145
00:54:32,840 --> 00:54:35,680
Speaker 1: he was, has like really shaped me in a big

1146
00:54:35,719 --> 00:54:37,600
Speaker 1: way in such a short amount of time.

1147
00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:38,720
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1148
00:54:39,080 --> 00:54:42,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, And how has this changed or shape your perspective

1149
00:54:42,880 --> 00:54:43,960
Speaker 1: on forgiveness?

1150
00:54:45,400 --> 00:54:48,000
Speaker 3: I think forgiveness we hear this all the time. Forgiveness

1151
00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:50,719
Speaker 3: is for us, right and right it is for us

1152
00:54:50,840 --> 00:54:54,720
Speaker 3: because when there's a freedom that I have to enjoy

1153
00:54:54,800 --> 00:54:57,319
Speaker 3: him and to get to know him and.

1154
00:54:57,280 --> 00:55:00,239
Speaker 1: To experience him and to experience my other members my

1155
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:04,320
Speaker 1: family that I would have missed out on if I would.

1156
00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:05,040
Speaker 3: Have held a grudge.

1157
00:55:05,680 --> 00:55:07,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I don't have to like work through I

1158
00:55:07,760 --> 00:55:09,680
Speaker 1: don't have to clean the kitchen before I start to

1159
00:55:09,719 --> 00:55:12,719
Speaker 1: cook because the kitchen's already clean. I just had to

1160
00:55:12,760 --> 00:55:16,200
Speaker 1: go in and pull out the ingredients and yeah, And

1161
00:55:16,280 --> 00:55:18,560
Speaker 1: that's how I feel. It's like I don't have to

1162
00:55:18,640 --> 00:55:23,360
Speaker 1: wade through all of this stuff because it's just okay,

1163
00:55:23,480 --> 00:55:27,520
Speaker 1: Like that happened, but I'm okay. So it'll resent you

1164
00:55:27,640 --> 00:55:30,920
Speaker 1: because you weren't there, Like that sucks. And that's my story.

1165
00:55:30,960 --> 00:55:33,759
Speaker 1: And I understand that it's really complicated and that it's

1166
00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:37,040
Speaker 1: not always that easy, but sometimes it really.

1167
00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:37,520
Speaker 3: Is that easy.

1168
00:55:38,120 --> 00:55:40,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, Because I could spend these next five years upset

1169
00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:44,000
Speaker 1: with him and working through that, or I could go, man,

1170
00:55:44,160 --> 00:55:45,960
Speaker 1: this is the time I got with you. All right,

1171
00:55:46,040 --> 00:55:47,680
Speaker 1: let's go, let's roll out what we about to do.

1172
00:55:47,760 --> 00:55:50,399
Speaker 1: Tell me about it. And that's how I treated it

1173
00:55:50,960 --> 00:55:53,560
Speaker 1: and I think that my posture towards my dad, I

1174
00:55:53,640 --> 00:55:57,960
Speaker 1: know for sure it's changed my sister because he was like,

1175
00:55:58,960 --> 00:56:02,880
Speaker 1: watching you has taught me that my dad isn't as.

1176
00:56:02,719 --> 00:56:03,880
Speaker 3: Bad as I thought he was.

1177
00:56:04,440 --> 00:56:09,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, watching you and watching how you your posture your

1178
00:56:09,520 --> 00:56:12,160
Speaker 1: heart turts him has taught me that I can actually

1179
00:56:12,200 --> 00:56:14,640
Speaker 1: enjoy him. I can him and I don't have to

1180
00:56:15,520 --> 00:56:18,200
Speaker 1: beat him down for what he wasn't I can actually

1181
00:56:18,239 --> 00:56:20,399
Speaker 1: allow him to show up and be who he is now.

1182
00:56:21,200 --> 00:56:21,560
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1183
00:56:21,640 --> 00:56:24,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, sometimes you need other people perspectives to change your own.

1184
00:56:24,680 --> 00:56:25,920
Speaker 3: It's true, It's true.

1185
00:56:26,000 --> 00:56:28,160
Speaker 1: And I think it also has taught me a lot

1186
00:56:28,239 --> 00:56:30,840
Speaker 1: just about my own forgiveness, like forget my dad, but

1187
00:56:30,960 --> 00:56:33,840
Speaker 1: like ooh, like what other areas in my life?

1188
00:56:33,880 --> 00:56:37,520
Speaker 3: Am I not allowing freedom? Yeah?

1189
00:56:37,560 --> 00:56:40,800
Speaker 1: And am I forgiving myself? Like? Where am I holding

1190
00:56:40,840 --> 00:56:43,520
Speaker 1: myself back around choices that I've made and things like

1191
00:56:43,560 --> 00:56:46,799
Speaker 1: that I have that much grace for someone else, like

1192
00:56:47,040 --> 00:56:50,560
Speaker 1: I prayerfully am having that same kind of grace for myself?

1193
00:56:51,280 --> 00:56:51,720
Speaker 3: Facts?

1194
00:56:51,760 --> 00:56:54,560
Speaker 1: Facts, And did your relationship with your mom did it

1195
00:56:54,640 --> 00:56:57,120
Speaker 1: change or did it evolve since you met your father?

1196
00:56:57,560 --> 00:57:00,760
Speaker 1: So it really hasn't done anything because my mom Again,

1197
00:57:00,800 --> 00:57:02,840
Speaker 1: I told you, like she's the best. She just doesn't

1198
00:57:02,880 --> 00:57:05,080
Speaker 1: get it. Like I was like, mom, I found my dad.

1199
00:57:05,120 --> 00:57:07,399
Speaker 1: She's like, that's great, tell him. I said, Hi, that's

1200
00:57:07,480 --> 00:57:10,440
Speaker 1: kind of how it went. So she just doesn't quite

1201
00:57:10,440 --> 00:57:12,799
Speaker 1: get it, and that's so fine. You know, she's just

1202
00:57:12,880 --> 00:57:15,560
Speaker 1: kind of like, yeah, so where does he live? What's

1203
00:57:15,560 --> 00:57:18,440
Speaker 1: he doing? Like she just doesn't. It just doesn't register.

1204
00:57:18,600 --> 00:57:22,360
Speaker 1: So it's not something that like I'm able to kind

1205
00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:24,760
Speaker 1: of share with her because it just kind of goes

1206
00:57:24,760 --> 00:57:28,520
Speaker 1: over her head. Does that bother you?

1207
00:57:28,560 --> 00:57:28,680
Speaker 3: No?

1208
00:57:29,920 --> 00:57:33,480
Speaker 1: Because it's not her fault, right, Right's who she is.

1209
00:57:35,400 --> 00:57:37,200
Speaker 1: I don't think I think about it too much. I

1210
00:57:37,240 --> 00:57:40,360
Speaker 1: think like I just accepted that that's who she is

1211
00:57:40,440 --> 00:57:42,600
Speaker 1: and that's not that's not a place that.

1212
00:57:42,600 --> 00:57:44,680
Speaker 3: I go for this kind of thing.

1213
00:57:45,440 --> 00:57:47,520
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, Like I just have to like accept

1214
00:57:47,560 --> 00:57:51,080
Speaker 1: where she is and what she's really great at is

1215
00:57:51,240 --> 00:57:55,000
Speaker 1: coloring with the kids or mean and playing games. She's

1216
00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:58,200
Speaker 1: just not you know these these really like conceptually hard

1217
00:57:58,320 --> 00:58:00,280
Speaker 1: ideas and things that you have to like really think

1218
00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:02,520
Speaker 1: she just doesn't have capacity for.

1219
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:03,920
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1220
00:58:04,600 --> 00:58:07,960
Speaker 2: Oh man, I think this was a beautiful, beautiful conversation.

1221
00:58:08,120 --> 00:58:10,160
Speaker 2: I'm so glad that we were able to make this

1222
00:58:10,240 --> 00:58:11,360
Speaker 2: happen me too.

1223
00:58:11,960 --> 00:58:14,120
Speaker 3: Because everything was fighting against it.

1224
00:58:14,840 --> 00:58:17,640
Speaker 2: I know, y'all, she was looking traffic, she had a

1225
00:58:17,680 --> 00:58:18,920
Speaker 2: lot of things going on to that, and I was like,

1226
00:58:18,960 --> 00:58:19,919
Speaker 2: girl's completely fine.

1227
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:21,600
Speaker 1: She's like, no, we're gonna make this happen.

1228
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:25,640
Speaker 2: Ye, last, but not least, what advice would you offer

1229
00:58:25,760 --> 00:58:29,400
Speaker 2: to professional homegirls who may share a similar story or

1230
00:58:29,520 --> 00:58:33,680
Speaker 2: background to yours, especially those who have experienced family challenges

1231
00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:35,600
Speaker 2: or reunions later on in life.

1232
00:58:36,320 --> 00:58:41,240
Speaker 1: I have learned over the last forty two years almost

1233
00:58:41,240 --> 00:58:45,680
Speaker 1: of life that everybody's got junk.

1234
00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:46,240
Speaker 3: You know.

1235
00:58:46,320 --> 00:58:48,400
Speaker 1: I think sometimes we're like I'm the only one, or

1236
00:58:48,400 --> 00:58:51,800
Speaker 1: my family is so complicated. Please, I have just learned,

1237
00:58:51,840 --> 00:58:54,080
Speaker 1: And it took me meeting my mom's family, meeting my

1238
00:58:54,160 --> 00:58:56,440
Speaker 1: dad's family, growing up in this foster family, meeting my

1239
00:58:56,520 --> 00:58:59,560
Speaker 1: husband's family to go. You know what, when people are involved,

1240
00:59:00,200 --> 00:59:01,480
Speaker 1: that mess, it's a mess.

1241
00:59:01,840 --> 00:59:03,480
Speaker 3: It's yeah, it's.

1242
00:59:03,360 --> 00:59:05,640
Speaker 1: Just you have to decide what level of mess you're

1243
00:59:05,640 --> 00:59:08,240
Speaker 1: willing to deal with and what kind of mess is

1244
00:59:08,280 --> 00:59:12,800
Speaker 1: worth it. But yally, people are worth it, especially your people.

1245
00:59:13,200 --> 00:59:15,000
Speaker 3: You know, you got to just see people where they are.

1246
00:59:15,040 --> 00:59:18,880
Speaker 1: So my advice would be, man, if you can, if

1247
00:59:18,920 --> 00:59:22,520
Speaker 1: you can, like if they're a narcissist or histrionic or

1248
00:59:22,560 --> 00:59:26,680
Speaker 1: abusive like that, that's hard. But the the simple things

1249
00:59:26,720 --> 00:59:29,000
Speaker 1: that we get ashamed of or we get embarrassed by,

1250
00:59:29,280 --> 00:59:31,600
Speaker 1: or the things that we long for that we don't

1251
00:59:31,640 --> 00:59:35,400
Speaker 1: get to have, like having the people sometimes just has.

1252
00:59:35,280 --> 00:59:36,000
Speaker 3: To be good enough.

1253
00:59:36,720 --> 00:59:40,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a fact. It's ultimately this is there, who

1254
00:59:40,520 --> 00:59:43,959
Speaker 1: we who we come from, right, it doesn't happen before

1255
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:47,160
Speaker 1: they got here, right, exactly exactly, but we get to

1256
00:59:47,200 --> 00:59:50,560
Speaker 1: be whoever we want to be. Yeah, So.

1257
00:59:51,960 --> 00:59:54,760
Speaker 2: Facts, Well, thank you so much. I think this was

1258
00:59:54,840 --> 00:59:57,960
Speaker 2: an amazing conversation. I'm just like so thankful that we

1259
00:59:58,040 --> 01:00:00,120
Speaker 2: cross paths and a little time that we did, but

1260
01:00:00,160 --> 01:00:01,360
Speaker 2: we have so much more time.

1261
01:00:01,160 --> 01:00:03,439
Speaker 1: To spend with each other. So I appreciate you coming

1262
01:00:03,440 --> 01:00:04,800
Speaker 1: on the show and sharing your story.

1263
01:00:04,920 --> 01:00:06,479
Speaker 3: I'm so honored to be here, and I'm so proud

1264
01:00:06,520 --> 01:00:06,720
Speaker 3: of you.

1265
01:00:06,840 --> 01:00:09,080
Speaker 1: I know I've only know for like five minutes, but

1266
01:00:09,160 --> 01:00:11,800
Speaker 1: you my girl for real, and I'm just so amazed

1267
01:00:11,800 --> 01:00:14,840
Speaker 1: by all that you're doing. Thank you, Thank you friend.

1268
01:00:14,920 --> 01:00:17,960
Speaker 2: Yes, so she's already been reading her Bible, but I've

1269
01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:20,480
Speaker 2: been pulled to read my Bible for like the past

1270
01:00:20,600 --> 01:00:23,040
Speaker 2: month now, so I've been like trying to incorporate more

1271
01:00:23,080 --> 01:00:24,760
Speaker 2: into like reading the night or reading.

1272
01:00:24,600 --> 01:00:25,160
Speaker 1: The morning time.

1273
01:00:25,240 --> 01:00:28,640
Speaker 2: So she is my Bible study partner. Come on, girl, Yes,

1274
01:00:28,680 --> 01:00:30,680
Speaker 2: we're gonna getting this worse so we know what's real

1275
01:00:30,760 --> 01:00:31,160
Speaker 2: and true.

1276
01:00:31,200 --> 01:00:33,160
Speaker 3: Okay, yes, yes.

1277
01:00:33,240 --> 01:00:35,120
Speaker 2: And to the listeners, if you have any questions, comments,

1278
01:00:35,240 --> 01:00:37,360
Speaker 2: or concerns, please make sure to email me at hello

1279
01:00:37,400 --> 01:00:39,520
Speaker 2: at the psgpodcast dot com.

1280
01:00:39,920 --> 01:00:40,720
Speaker 3: And I hope that.

1281
01:00:40,680 --> 01:00:43,760
Speaker 1: This story encourage you to share your own storyline because

1282
01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:46,640
Speaker 1: you never know how it can be someone else's lifeline.

1283
01:00:46,680 --> 01:00:52,360
Speaker 2: Until next time. Everyone later, you're not gonna say.

1284
01:00:52,160 --> 01:00:57,080
Speaker 3: Bye, oh bye yo.

1285
01:00:57,160 --> 01:00:59,520
Speaker 1: I do this every time. Everybody be like they be

1286
01:00:59,560 --> 01:01:03,040
Speaker 1: frozen smiling. I'm like say bye, thank.

1287
01:01:02,920 --> 01:01:03,680
Speaker 3: You for having me.

1288
01:01:03,840 --> 01:01:10,080
Speaker 5: Bye Gary.

1289
01:01:10,840 --> 01:01:13,959
Speaker 2: The Professional Homegirl Podcast is a production of the Black

1290
01:01:13,960 --> 01:01:18,000
Speaker 2: Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the

1291
01:01:18,000 --> 01:01:21,200
Speaker 2: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your

1292
01:01:21,200 --> 01:01:24,280
Speaker 2: favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe and rate the show,

1293
01:01:24,600 --> 01:01:27,040
Speaker 2: and you can connect with me on social media at

1294
01:01:27,040 --> 01:01:28,360
Speaker 2: the PAG podcast