Speaker 1: Kubbooms.
Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
Speaker 2: of the old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special.
Speaker 2: The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
Speaker 1: In the air everywhere.
Speaker 4: The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben Mahler and Danny g
Speaker 4: Radio A Happy Saturday to you.
Speaker 1: What are we at the second day of August?
Speaker 4: Now the second day of August, and I've made an
Speaker 4: editorial decision that I do not want to talk about
Speaker 4: Micah Parsons.
Speaker 3: Danny.
Speaker 1: I was debating. I was like, I could come in here.
Speaker 4: Parsons yesterday asked for a trade, and I was like,
Speaker 4: this is still going to be a story when I
Speaker 4: get back into the the main studio on Sunday night
Speaker 4: for the overnight show. So I don't need to talk
Speaker 4: about Michah Parson's demanding a trade. This is all like,
Speaker 4: this is the standard playbook, Danny, because the day before
Speaker 4: McLaurin asked for a trade. This is what you do
Speaker 4: during training camp. If you don't get a contract, you
Speaker 4: ask for a trade. So I'm not gonna ran it
Speaker 4: about that, Okay, I don't. That's gonna be a story
Speaker 4: for another month. Right, at least I would.
Speaker 3: Think, thank God, because I could not hide. Every channel
Speaker 3: I turned on it said breaking news, and the breaking
Speaker 3: news banner on the screen was there all day long.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean this is they got their pants down.
Speaker 1: At ESPN.
Speaker 4: You get to talk about Micah Parsons all day and
Speaker 4: the Cowboys my god. But so we're not going to
Speaker 4: do that here, and that you don't tune in to
Speaker 4: the Fifth Hour podcast for that kind of stuff. Now,
Speaker 4: occasionally we do go sporty. We call that Danny working
Speaker 4: Blue when we do sporty. So on this one, though,
Speaker 4: we've got the Southwest is calling, so you think you're
Speaker 4: better than us? The Cinema group text, and if we
Speaker 4: have time, we'll get to the slipping slide. But I
Speaker 4: wanted to start with this, so you want to get away? Yeah,
Speaker 4: I would like to get away. So I'm gonna begin
Speaker 4: the Saturday pod here with what I like to call
Speaker 4: corrections and retractions, the old slip of the tongue. So
Speaker 4: I was trying to do the right thing. I was
Speaker 4: trying to stick the landing. I had this in my
Speaker 4: head planned out from earlier in the week. I thought
Speaker 4: I'd come in here to the podcast studio. I would
Speaker 4: have just a clean, small podcast farewell, a dignified goodbye
Speaker 4: to the television dreamscape that lasted a couple of NFL seasons.
Speaker 4: Benny Versus the Penny, which was born in the shadows
Speaker 4: of weekend overnight sports radio, raised in obscurity of week
Speaker 4: day overnight sports radio, and then somehow ended up airing
Speaker 4: on national cable television via NBC, the National Broadcast Company,
Speaker 4: and then.
Speaker 1: Thud because I had a.
Speaker 4: Moment when I woke up Danny, where I realized I
Speaker 4: had made a major boo boo and there was nothing
Speaker 4: I could do. And it was one of you ever
Speaker 4: had that happen when you wake up You're like, I
Speaker 4: think I f something up.
Speaker 1: And oh my god.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll wake up in a cold sweat some weekend
Speaker 3: days where I'm taking a nap because I'm like, oh shit,
Speaker 3: did the podcast fire?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so you understand.
Speaker 4: So, So midway through yesterday's pod, the Goodbye episode as
Speaker 4: we were lowering the casket of Cable TV Bennie versus
Speaker 4: the penny into for now and who knows what the
Speaker 4: future holes.
Speaker 1: It could come back.
Speaker 4: From the dead and rise from the dead like the
Speaker 4: phoenix from the ashes, but for now it's dead. So
Speaker 4: we were lowering the casket of Cable TV Benni versus
Speaker 4: the Penny into its final resting place. And I committed
Speaker 4: a felony, a blown on air crime against humanity. Danny,
Speaker 4: no good deed goes unpunished, So I didn't realize this
Speaker 4: till I woke up. So I ended up somehow Danny
Speaker 4: butchering the name of my friend, my guy, the very
Speaker 4: NBA NBA, the very NBC executive who made it all happen,
Speaker 4: who cracked the door open, who gave a fat gas
Speaker 4: bag with a dream of shot.
Speaker 3: Wow. Uh yeah, First President Trump watches tua's name I saw,
Speaker 3: and then you do this.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: So his name is is Bill Bridgten, not Brighton uh
Speaker 4: or whatever I called the bright but whatever sleepy name
Speaker 4: rolled off my tongue before my brain clocked out. So
Speaker 4: a big apology to Bill Bridge and a good man,
Speaker 4: a powerful player in televisi, a mensh someone that's been
Speaker 4: a big champion of mine.
Speaker 1: And what do I do to repay him? Danny?
Speaker 4: Uh I had him a slap on the way out
Speaker 4: the door.
Speaker 3: Oh man, I think you should say his name five
Speaker 3: times in a row.
Speaker 4: Right on this episode, Bill Bridge and Bill Begeton, Big
Speaker 4: Bill Begeton, Bill beidgerin best I putched it Bill Bridgeton.
Speaker 1: But again, that was a show.
Speaker 3: Uh, I love what we just make things worse.
Speaker 1: I know, I know, I was like in my head,
Speaker 1: this was gonna be perfect.
Speaker 4: I was gonna I was gonna dot the I you
Speaker 4: know on the show that I did. We did this
Speaker 4: to you know, obviously wecre these things very early, right
Speaker 4: and most humans are still spooning with pillows, and you know.
Speaker 1: For me, it's the end of my day.
Speaker 4: Normally I'm still a zombie, just because a different kind
Speaker 4: of zombie and uh no lifeline and just foot meet
Speaker 4: mouth and uh so, I I have given myself a
Speaker 4: two minute major Danny for butchering a benefactor. And if
Speaker 4: there is a Hall of Fame for self inflicted PR debacles,
Speaker 4: I think they're gonna get me one of those blazers
Speaker 4: and I can put that on.
Speaker 1: But let me again, be very clear.
Speaker 4: I woke up and realized what I had done, and
Speaker 4: my god, Bill.
Speaker 3: Now, now post mortem, would you like to pay me
Speaker 3: overtime to go into yesterday's episode and fix it?
Speaker 1: Now? That would be, that would be. That would be
Speaker 1: pretty cool. That would be. That would be pretty cool.
Speaker 3: I can do it. I know.
Speaker 4: I Just to be clear, I mean Bill Bridgton, who
Speaker 4: does listen to this podcast.
Speaker 1: You know he did not have to say, He did
Speaker 1: not have to allow me to do the show.
Speaker 4: He greenlit it for two years and you know he
Speaker 4: could have swiped left and all that stuff.
Speaker 3: So again, okay, I need I need a take of
Speaker 3: you thanking him the way you did yesterday, and then
Speaker 3: I'll slide it in there and fix it, and anyone
Speaker 3: that listens to that podcast as of today it will
Speaker 3: sound like it never happened.
Speaker 4: But then they'll hear this podcast and they'll be like, well,
Speaker 4: wait a minute, I won't go back and listen to that.
Speaker 4: But but anyway, again, thank you, Bill. You believed in
Speaker 4: Benny versus the penny, You backed us. You let a
Speaker 4: niche gambling show with a corny name make its way
Speaker 4: on you know, cable network, and that is.
Speaker 3: Really it, And I almost feel like this is better
Speaker 3: because instead of just his name being thanked in passing yesterday,
Speaker 3: he got five minutes on the podcast today.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 4: So you know, of course, like the klutz, I am
Speaker 4: in that farewell moment, you know, the chance to tip
Speaker 4: the cap and to raise the glass and pour one
Speaker 4: out and you know, offer this heartfelt thank you to
Speaker 4: a tag O volli ya. He said it like he
Speaker 4: was very confident that he was getting it right. I
Speaker 4: mean he didn't pause a little bit bit.
Speaker 3: Ants was standing off to the side and he was
Speaker 3: trying not to crack up.
Speaker 1: Tag oh volley.
Speaker 2: Ah.
Speaker 1: That was great.
Speaker 4: So but unlike the president, I am, I am going
Speaker 4: full Southwest Airlines here.
Speaker 1: I want to get away clearly that I'm living the commercial.
Speaker 4: If I had when I woke up, if there had
Speaker 4: been a trap door under the bed, I would have
Speaker 4: pulled the lever on myself and fallen into whatever it
Speaker 4: was there. So again, sincerely, just to put the ball
Speaker 4: on this part of the podcast, a sincere thank you
Speaker 4: to Bill Bridgden. Uh full accountability on my part, Danny,
Speaker 4: I am again I'm gonna go to the penalty box,
Speaker 4: big l for Loser Scarlett letter l on my I mean, I,
Speaker 4: oh my god, I was like all all afternoon. When
Speaker 4: I woke up yesterday, I was like, Holy you know,
Speaker 4: I can't believe I did that. This is a guy
Speaker 4: that made up radio guy's TV dream come true? And
Speaker 4: how do I repay him? I mentioned his name, Danny,
Speaker 4: I know the man's name.
Speaker 1: And I butchered it.
Speaker 4: So anyway, listen, enough of that, but I just wanted
Speaker 4: to mention that off the top and my again tip
Speaker 4: of the microphone to Bill and slip of the tongue here.
Speaker 4: But I do not think that I am better than him, Danny.
Speaker 4: I don't think I'm better than him. I just you know,
Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: Well, clearly he's doing TV and you're not.
Speaker 1: Yes, TV people are better people. So I've become a
Speaker 1: worse person now that I'm just doing radio and podcasting
Speaker 1: for sure.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're slumming again. You're back to the slums. I
Speaker 3: just texted you. This is a state that thinks they're
Speaker 3: better than California. Right now. You and I have had
Speaker 3: a lot of fun over the past year making fun
Speaker 3: of the wildlife crossing in Agora Hills, slash Calabasas, California.
Speaker 3: Don't look now, but this thing is going to cover
Speaker 3: six lanes of the I twenty five, is going to
Speaker 3: create thirty nine thousand acres of land. The overpass will
Speaker 3: be two hundred and four feet wide and will cost
Speaker 3: fifteen million dollars. It is going to be the world's
Speaker 3: biggest wildlife crossing bridge, and it's under construction just south
Speaker 3: of Denver.
Speaker 1: Who's paying for it? Do we know? Do we know
Speaker 1: that's fair?
Speaker 3: That's a great question. I guess we're going to have
Speaker 3: to ask AI.
Speaker 4: Here fifteen million dollars to build a bridge for animals
Speaker 4: in common.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we thought it was outrageous that they spent a
Speaker 3: few million here in California. They're spending fifteen million dollars
Speaker 3: in Colorado.
Speaker 4: Well, wasn't the thing allegedly in California out near you
Speaker 4: in the in the valley? Wasn't that privately financed? They
Speaker 4: claimed half of it half it was privately financed. This
Speaker 4: has got to be the new hustle, the new Hey,
Speaker 4: we can take advantage of dumb people who are politicians.
Speaker 1: If you're in the environmental.
Speaker 4: Game, if that's your world, like this has got to
Speaker 4: be like, hey, we can get these bridges built, you know,
Speaker 4: we can get lots of money out of these idiot politicians,
Speaker 4: taxpayer money. So so what a mountain lion can cross
Speaker 4: the highway or whatever?
Speaker 3: And then, my god, the most ironic part of the
Speaker 3: one out here by me is literally when you're going
Speaker 3: underneath that new overpass, there's a big dip in the
Speaker 3: freeway where the where it needs to be fixed. So
Speaker 3: they can't fix the actual damn freeway, but they're spending
Speaker 3: like millions of dollars to put this thing above so
Speaker 3: that some squirrels can run across the top of the freeway.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, here's my question, Danny, So the interstate highway system
Speaker 4: as we know it in America, doesn't that go back to.
Speaker 1: At least the nineteen fifties.
Speaker 4: I believe it goes back to some like the nineteen fifties,
Speaker 4: So yeah, I think it was Dwight Eisenhower. So if
Speaker 4: you go back to the nineteen fifties, that is seventy
Speaker 4: plus years where animals were able to cross the highway, right,
Speaker 4: but now here in twenty twenty five they can't.
Speaker 1: Is that where we are? Are the animals getting stupid?
Speaker 4: Do we have a problem, Danny, where we need to
Speaker 4: educate our animals more. Do you think that's the issue, Danny,
Speaker 4: that rather than spend millions to build an overpass on
Speaker 4: these highways, just.
Speaker 1: Educate the animals so they know where to go. How
Speaker 1: about that?
Speaker 3: Well, some of our country is getting soft. First it's
Speaker 3: not okay to eat them, and now it's not okay
Speaker 3: to hit them with your car.
Speaker 1: Yeah, why don't we just let them move into our homes.
Speaker 4: We'll just let them, you know, we can go out
Speaker 4: and live in the woods.
Speaker 1: And then the animals.
Speaker 3: I have some rats in my garage, so I'm halfway there.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I see some raccoons on my way home, wandering around,
Speaker 4: scrummaging for food. I have noticed the animals, As I've
Speaker 4: said this before, but I reminded of it that the
Speaker 4: animals know when trash day is because you always see
Speaker 4: kind of scavenging around that morning when people take their
Speaker 4: trash cans out.
Speaker 1: Uh. He just kind of you know the vibe, man,
Speaker 1: you know when that's going.
Speaker 3: And In other animal related news.
Speaker 1: Animal Thunderdome, when's it starting? Is it starting?
Speaker 4: Let me guess he's going to start October first. Animal Thunderdome,
Speaker 4: Clay Travis, Danny g Radio, iHeartRadio podcasting, the whole.
Speaker 3: Thing insert buzzer here still have not been told to date,
Speaker 3: but play Travis announced that it's going to be starting
Speaker 3: on his OutKick Daily podcast show that he streams, so
Speaker 3: he actually announced it on his show. He didn't give
Speaker 3: a start date, but he announced that it's coming soon,
Speaker 3: and I later that same day got a text from
Speaker 3: our boss, Scott Shapiro saying that he was crossing the
Speaker 3: t's and dotting the eyes to get things finalized, which
Speaker 3: I thought things were being finalized for the past three years.
Speaker 3: But as far as what Clay is saying on his
Speaker 3: OutKick podcast, this thing is a go.
Speaker 4: How many teas and how many eyes are we talking
Speaker 4: about Danny? There's a lot of tea that's like, my god,
Speaker 4: well that's good. Now will it be on iHeart? Is
Speaker 4: he gonna be on Clay's OutKick? Are you gonna become
Speaker 4: an OutKick guy?
Speaker 3: I think that's what they're ironing out right now is
Speaker 3: exactly how it's going to be carried.
Speaker 4: I got you, so I have an idea and I
Speaker 4: think me and you can do this, and you know
Speaker 4: I don't if Clay wants to do it, he can
Speaker 4: do it. You have animal Thunderdome. How about sex toy
Speaker 4: Thunderdome where we can just debate what sex toys are
Speaker 4: thrown on the court at w NBA games.
Speaker 1: How about that, Danny? What do you think sexist? You
Speaker 1: think there's a market for that? You think? What are we?
Speaker 3: Two?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 4: There was another one yesterday, another flying phallus plastic. Yeah.
Speaker 3: The crazy part about that is the way it bounces
Speaker 3: on the court.
Speaker 4: So today is this? Now I'm not on TikTok. I
Speaker 4: don't know if you are. Is it a TikTok challenge now?
Speaker 4: To see who can throw a dildo on the court?
Speaker 1: Is that? I don't know? But that is give me
Speaker 1: a spinoff.
Speaker 4: So anyway, before I forget, I watched and I'm going
Speaker 4: to do a Malor film review brief Malor film review.
Speaker 1: Did you watch Happy Gilmore too? Danny? Have you watched
Speaker 1: a Happy Gilmore? Yeah?
Speaker 3: I did the day it dropped on Netflix.
Speaker 1: Okay, I watched it last week as well.
Speaker 4: And while I admit, listen it is nice to see
Speaker 4: Adam Sandler back with the hockey stick putter. It flashes
Speaker 4: back to my younger days and all that stuff. The
Speaker 4: I don't know how you felt. The sequel felt more
Speaker 4: like it was like a reunion special at a celebrity
Speaker 4: golf tournament.
Speaker 1: It wasn't really a movie. It was more like.
Speaker 3: Got carried away when they were doing the whole Maxi
Speaker 3: golf thing where the surgery had to take place on
Speaker 3: those Axi golf players to where their torque changed with
Speaker 3: their sling. Yeah, and I know, I know it's supposed
Speaker 3: to be a ridiculous movie, but I watched the original
Speaker 3: before I watched the sequel, so I watched them back
Speaker 3: to back so that I could have the original Happy
Speaker 3: Gilmore movie fresh in my mind. And I'm just gonna
Speaker 3: say this, Yeah, you did have to suspend belief a
Speaker 3: little bit, but it wasn't as outlandish and crazy and
Speaker 3: ridiculous as the second one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I did the same thing, me and the wife.
Speaker 4: We watched the first one and then we were like,
Speaker 4: all we watched the first one, and the next day
Speaker 4: we watched the second one, and again it was like
Speaker 4: a doppelganger.
Speaker 1: But you know, it's com It was just the other thing.
Speaker 4: The storyline aside, because you know, who am I to
Speaker 4: did critique a story in a movie, the Endless Parade
Speaker 4: of cameos and family like it. Yeah, felt like and
Speaker 4: I went, I looked as I knew Sandler's my wife's like, well,
Speaker 4: that's Adam Sandler's daughter.
Speaker 1: I was like, okay. And then but his.
Speaker 4: Wife, Adamson's wife, two daughters, his real life mother, his cousin,
Speaker 4: his brother.
Speaker 1: In law, his mother in law, all had had gigs.
Speaker 3: But oh yeah, emin m Dan Patrick with a bad.
Speaker 4: Mustache, Travis Kelcey as an angry waiter for some reason,
Speaker 4: Reggie Bush was. I didn't even know that until I
Speaker 4: looked back. I don't remember being him being in it. Yeah,
Speaker 4: Stephen a our old morning guys. You said Dan Patrick
Speaker 4: was in it a couple of times. Chris Berman, Jim
Speaker 4: Gray was in there, Guy Fieri remember everywhere you know.
Speaker 3: Then he had the usual like John Lovett's friends there.
Speaker 3: And there were seventy four cameos.
Speaker 4: Seventy Oh my god, all those golfers, they just lined
Speaker 4: them up. Brooks Koepka and Roy McElroy and Fred Couples
Speaker 4: and John Daly.
Speaker 1: Was a big part of the movie.
Speaker 4: And he had former Clipper legend boban Marjanovich.
Speaker 1: He was in there a lot, right, he was.
Speaker 4: The play played Drago, right, yes, yeah, the Sun, the
Speaker 4: Sun the character played by the previous guy. So, I mean,
Speaker 4: you know what it was.
Speaker 3: And that's one thing I don't like about these sequels
Speaker 3: that take forever to come out, is that the storyline
Speaker 3: is always the son of the original characters.
Speaker 4: Well, these other guys are dead, I mean, one of
Speaker 4: the they can't bring them back, Richard Keele died. But
Speaker 4: the movie it must have been one of those things
Speaker 4: where it was like a the cinematic equivalent of a
Speaker 4: group text thread. And somehow somebody at Netflix signed off
Speaker 4: on a sixty million dollar budget, right and uh and
Speaker 4: and say it was like, let me just put all
Speaker 4: my buddies and all my you know, people in here,
Speaker 4: and that's it.
Speaker 1: And he did.
Speaker 4: I mean, it just felt it felt like I feel
Speaker 4: after I eat a chicken palm bloated, you know, just
Speaker 4: a it was.
Speaker 1: It was bloated.
Speaker 4: And uh, you mentioned the first Happy Gilmore, which I
Speaker 4: also watched, and it was absurd and all that stuff,
Speaker 4: and just this one, as you said, Danny, it just
Speaker 4: is I guess.
Speaker 1: Maybe we're older. Could that be we're older? You know
Speaker 1: they always say the sequels not the equal.
Speaker 4: They always say that the sequel's not the equal, But
Speaker 4: every five minutes it was a random celebrity popping in.
Speaker 3: While explaining to you, like this the first one didn't
Speaker 3: feel forced.
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, that's a good way to describe it. That's
Speaker 4: a good way to describe it. You know, it was
Speaker 4: cool with Vern Lundquist is retired. Is good to see Vern.
Speaker 1: He was in the original, and it was.
Speaker 3: All It was one of the highlights of the movie.
Speaker 4: I thought, yeah, yeah, Vern's great, eighty five years old, still.
Speaker 1: Doing his thing, And it just seemed.
Speaker 4: Like the whole point of the movie was to try
Speaker 4: to get viral videos on TikTok.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I thought bad Bunny as the caddy, he
Speaker 3: did really good.
Speaker 4: He was in there a lot. Bad Bundy was in
Speaker 4: there a lot, just again manufactured. I you know, who
Speaker 4: am I to critique anything? But I just could have
Speaker 4: could have done without about seventeen to twenty of the
Speaker 4: cameo appearances.
Speaker 3: So yeah, let's read the seventy four cameos right now,
Speaker 3: and then the podcast will be over.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's it, we'll be done. We can just go
Speaker 4: get out of here and go enjoy our day. I
Speaker 4: don't think we have to worry about a Happy Go
Speaker 4: More three. Although Danny this did very well accord to Netflix,
Speaker 4: so people watched it and they loved it.
Speaker 3: I think we'll see some other movies that were in
Speaker 3: the same category and didn't have a sequel, and they'll
Speaker 3: jump on this, and so we'll see some other ridiculous
Speaker 3: sequels come out that feel forced because it's a copy
Speaker 3: It's like they always say the NFL is a copycat league.
Speaker 3: Movies are the same way. If somebody sees a formula
Speaker 3: for success, then all these other movie companies jump in
Speaker 3: and copy.
Speaker 1: Well, it's really anything that was popular. I read about
Speaker 1: this years ago, and when I used to read books.
Speaker 1: I don't read books anymore, but I used to read books,
Speaker 1: and I.
Speaker 4: Read a book about infomercials. And there was another book
Speaker 4: that I had read. I don't remember the name of it,
Speaker 4: but it talked about how they've figured out a formula
Speaker 4: where when the coming of age period, you know, how
Speaker 4: in you're you know, teenager, early twenties kind of that
Speaker 4: period of time, and they say that if you take
Speaker 4: whatever was really popular at that point in society, pop culture,
Speaker 4: and you wait twenty five or so, years, twenty five,
Speaker 4: thirty years.
Speaker 1: And you bring that back.
Speaker 4: It is a guaranteed stone cold success because the people
Speaker 4: that were young kids, teenagers, early twenties when that became popular,
Speaker 4: they're now in their forties and fifties and.
Speaker 1: They have a lot of money.
Speaker 4: They've lived their life right, they've made their fortune hopefully,
Speaker 4: and they can then they want to go back to
Speaker 4: that time. So whatever, whether it's movies, TV shows. I
Speaker 4: don't know how it's going to work now though, anyway,
Speaker 4: because everything seems to be on these social media platforms.
Speaker 4: Can you really, like in I'm trying to think twenty
Speaker 4: years from now, twenty forty five or twenty fifty, are
Speaker 4: you going to bring back a TikTok trend?
Speaker 1: You know? Can you really can you make any money
Speaker 1: on that? You know?
Speaker 4: I don't know how that's gonna work, but it is
Speaker 4: interesting to know, Danny, the way that works there that
Speaker 4: you just have to wait, you know, twenty five years
Speaker 4: or so, people in their twenties and then in their
Speaker 4: mid forties, and then.
Speaker 1: You've got just add water and you're good to go.
Speaker 3: Now that means there's a chance Benny versus the penny
Speaker 3: could come back in twenty years.
Speaker 4: That's right, baby, don't forget Bill. Benny versus the Penny.
Speaker 4: Twenty years from now we will dominate absolutely. So the
Speaker 4: water thing, that's a good transition, good jumping off point, Danny,
Speaker 4: because I've got a real story here, a tale of suspense.
Speaker 4: Yet again clumsiness, much like me butchering the name of
Speaker 4: the man that made Benny versus the Penny possible, and
Speaker 4: some hydration gone wrong. So another example of me being
Speaker 4: a klutz and not a one time thing.
Speaker 1: This is a recurring event in my life.
Speaker 4: It's like the Olympics, happened every few years, gout whatever.
Speaker 1: So how do I say this?
Speaker 4: So the other night or morning, I was holding my
Speaker 4: cup of water and it was getting low, and I
Speaker 4: was a man on a mission during the overnight show
Speaker 4: mission impossible recon assignment, and so let me let me
Speaker 4: paint the scene. So it's the middle of the night,
Speaker 4: doing the show, giving out lukewarm sports takes, and we
Speaker 4: go to the top of the hour break and so
Speaker 4: I'm like, okay, I got I didn't leave the studio
Speaker 4: right away, and I was like, I need some water
Speaker 4: and I need to go to the to the bathroom.
Speaker 4: So I looked at the clock. I know how much
Speaker 4: time I had at this point. I had about two minutes.
Speaker 4: But that's I can do that in two minutes. You
Speaker 4: can go to the bathroom. You can wash your hands
Speaker 4: real quick, get some water.
Speaker 1: So I'm on a mission.
Speaker 4: I have about two minutes to make it to the
Speaker 4: powder room, grab some agua, make it back behind the
Speaker 4: microphone to launch into some take about Jerry Jones dental
Speaker 4: hygiene or some other drama or rama or something like that.
Speaker 1: So don't ask Soway.
Speaker 4: The The mission started fine. I grabbed my cup. I
Speaker 4: made a quick pivot out of the studio. I made
Speaker 4: a left turn down the hall. I then made a quick,
Speaker 4: quick left turn to the Smurf kitchen and I put
Speaker 4: the water cup under the thin, got some water, got
Speaker 4: a little ice out of the fridge. I then put
Speaker 4: the cup down on the blue Smurf table. I then
Speaker 4: went to the powder room to take care of business.
Speaker 1: I did that real quick. I put some water and
Speaker 1: some soap in my hands. I washed my hands. I
Speaker 1: then came out of the bathroom and then went back into.
Speaker 4: The Smurf kitchen just across the hall, and I did
Speaker 4: like a eurostep thing around a chair and grab my
Speaker 4: water and boom goes to the dynamite.
Speaker 1: Down goes the water, the water. So my cup of ice.
Speaker 4: Water ended up doing a cartwheel like it was auditioning
Speaker 4: for America's Got Talent, and ice was in the air everywhere.
Speaker 4: Water was all over the floor, the carpet there. It
Speaker 4: was this tragic water ballet, you know, water gone wrong.
Speaker 4: And so then I'm like, oh crap, because I know
Speaker 4: I'm only got at this point. I probably got about
Speaker 4: twenty seconds before the music starts and I got to
Speaker 4: start talking. I have no time to clean up the
Speaker 4: great flood the kitchen. The carpet looks like the Titanic
Speaker 4: lower deck at this point, and it's like a slipping
Speaker 4: slide thing, and so you know, this is this is
Speaker 4: the life Danny. There's no one else there, you know,
Speaker 4: and I know no one I work with is gonna
Speaker 4: bother to help me out and clean it up. So
Speaker 4: you know, hey, boom, I security cameras.
Speaker 1: There are cameras in there.
Speaker 4: You're right, But I figured it was like water and
Speaker 4: it was on the carpet, so I think I was okay.
Speaker 1: It was dry, and I made my way back and
Speaker 1: that was it.
Speaker 3: I did.
Speaker 4: I did the show, and then I went back and
Speaker 4: there was a giant puddle the rest of the night,
Speaker 4: but nobody said anything to me, So I think it
Speaker 4: must have dried up at some point, right, it must
Speaker 4: have dried up at some point.
Speaker 1: So just a reminder, you can prep all day.
Speaker 4: You can have everything ready to go, all your bullet
Speaker 4: points for your monologues and your hot takes are teed up,
Speaker 4: and all it takes is one little rogue incident in
Speaker 4: the kitchen with an ice, a couple of ice, and
Speaker 4: suddenly you're running around your egos bruised. And I had
Speaker 4: no water for that whole monologue. But I did survive it.
Speaker 4: I did survive.
Speaker 3: So it all makes sense now because what you don't know.
Speaker 3: Later that day they had to rent one of those
Speaker 3: big industrial sized fans. Yeah it was blower.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I know what you're talking about. All right,
Speaker 4: all right, we'll get out of that, Danny. Enjoy your
Speaker 4: Saturday here, the first Saturday of August. And we've got
Speaker 4: the mail bag. The mail bag. We'll get to that tomorrow.
Speaker 1: Tomorrow, tomorrow, Asta pasta, my folation