1 00:00:00,520 --> 00:00:03,080 Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew mcarry and I'm David Roth and 2 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:07,040 Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together 3 00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:10,039 Speaker 1: called defect or Defector, and we're gonna have a new 4 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:12,920 Speaker 1: podcast to go with it. This very podcast which has 5 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:16,400 Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now, available every rust. 6 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:20,279 Speaker 1: Get your podcast at such a Spotify, Apple Go listen 7 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:22,520 Speaker 1: right now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now. 8 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:31,400 Speaker 1: Go listen to see by everybody thought that I had 9 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:33,960 Speaker 1: lost my mind when I told them I wanted to 10 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:37,880 Speaker 1: have our third and final baby at home. I was 11 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:41,080 Speaker 1: with you. I just didn't know that you wanted me 12 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:43,879 Speaker 1: to get in the water too. That's when things got 13 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:50,920 Speaker 1: a little crazy. Dead ads. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're 14 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,680 Speaker 1: the ellis Is. You may know us were posting funny 15 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:57,480 Speaker 1: videos without boys and reading each other publicly as a 16 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:02,320 Speaker 1: form of therapy. I make you need therapy most days. Wow. Oh, 17 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:05,080 Speaker 1: and one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, 18 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:08,679 Speaker 1: we all. We created this podcast to open dialogue about 19 00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:11,840 Speaker 1: some of the live's most taboo topics, things most folks 20 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:13,840 Speaker 1: don't want to talk about. Through the lens of a 21 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 1: millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we 22 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:18,600 Speaker 1: say every day. When we say dead ass, we're actually 23 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:22,360 Speaker 1: saying facts on the truth, the whole truth, and nothing 24 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:24,800 Speaker 1: but the truth. And we're about to take Phillow's talk 25 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:29,520 Speaker 1: to a whole new level. Dead ass starts now. So 26 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:32,559 Speaker 1: there's nothing more nerve racking as a woman then finding 27 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:36,600 Speaker 1: out you're pregnant and then thinking about your body having 28 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:40,840 Speaker 1: to grow and nurture and sustain an entire human being 29 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:44,520 Speaker 1: for nine months. The first thing that came to mind 30 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:47,920 Speaker 1: after my first two experiences with Jackson and Cairo, is, 31 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:50,720 Speaker 1: you know what, I think I could do this joint 32 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:54,000 Speaker 1: at home. Let me find someone who will be able 33 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 1: to work with me, who will learn my body and 34 00:01:57,080 --> 00:02:00,559 Speaker 1: allow me the opportunity to have my baby at home, 35 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:04,480 Speaker 1: because that way I can call the shots. I would 36 00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:06,760 Speaker 1: be able to document our entire birth story, which was 37 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:10,400 Speaker 1: great as a vlogger, and I would be able to 38 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:12,440 Speaker 1: have a bunch of family around and being an environment 39 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:15,160 Speaker 1: where naturally I can bring this baby into the world 40 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,880 Speaker 1: the way the body is supposed to do it. And 41 00:02:17,919 --> 00:02:21,600 Speaker 1: everybody looked at me like I was crazy. With the 42 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,399 Speaker 1: exception of de Vel, I think he was the only 43 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:25,080 Speaker 1: person that said, you know what, baby, you could do it. 44 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:28,160 Speaker 1: Because after having the experience I had in the hospital 45 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:33,600 Speaker 1: with Jackson, which was a really traumatic experience being induced, 46 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:37,720 Speaker 1: and then having Cairo pretty much in the car almost 47 00:02:37,919 --> 00:02:40,680 Speaker 1: on my own, I felt like, you know what, my 48 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:44,120 Speaker 1: body was made to do this, and as long as 49 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:47,400 Speaker 1: I do my due diligence and do my research and 50 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:52,160 Speaker 1: find a midwife who was able to help me on 51 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:59,000 Speaker 1: this journey, it's all good. So yeah, having my baby 52 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:03,760 Speaker 1: and in being so much to me three times three times, 53 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:11,280 Speaker 1: there's nothing more frescous then to raise a family. Now 54 00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:18,639 Speaker 1: that baby is born, healthy and strong, pool in my bedroom. Hey, 55 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:23,520 Speaker 1: our dreams reality. I love Joe to see, but you 56 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:26,400 Speaker 1: cannot sing with Joe to see. I can't cannot. My 57 00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:28,280 Speaker 1: voice is not made to sing with Joe to see. 58 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:32,240 Speaker 1: Nobody nobody scared if I started to sound like Casey 59 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:35,400 Speaker 1: or Joe Joe, I would any of the other guys. 60 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,800 Speaker 1: And there's certain people that you just cannot sing with, 61 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:42,360 Speaker 1: even in karaoke, even even me. No, you're right, I 62 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:45,280 Speaker 1: would never try to sing like Whitney. Like there's certain 63 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,120 Speaker 1: songs that just needs to be exempt from, like carry, 64 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,680 Speaker 1: because you can't compete now you can't. You just gonna 65 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:53,880 Speaker 1: damage these people's songs. But the words everything like a 66 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:57,280 Speaker 1: little horm But yes, that was that was it. I 67 00:03:57,360 --> 00:04:01,160 Speaker 1: had your baby three whole times out, three whole times, 68 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:06,640 Speaker 1: oh man, I mean pregnancy, labor, delivery, childbirth. Is funny 69 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:08,280 Speaker 1: because when I talked to my friends, even prior to 70 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:10,600 Speaker 1: having children, or even just talking to people who are 71 00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:13,400 Speaker 1: thinking about having children, you always wonder like, when is 72 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:16,880 Speaker 1: the right time to do it? You know, you try 73 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:21,159 Speaker 1: to prepare everything, and there is no right time. But 74 00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:24,320 Speaker 1: there is nothing, for me, at least more nerve wracking 75 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:26,520 Speaker 1: than actually finding out you're pregnant and thinking like, oh 76 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:28,320 Speaker 1: my goodness, I don't want to do everything in my 77 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:32,560 Speaker 1: power to ensure that I'm doing my part to ensure 78 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:39,160 Speaker 1: that this baby grows healthily and I'm health healthily. Healthily? 79 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:43,840 Speaker 1: Is it? I think waking up words. I'm gonna have 80 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:45,560 Speaker 1: my own dictionary soon. You know, this is the urban 81 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:48,720 Speaker 1: dictionary whatnot. I'm going to have a dictionary soon. But 82 00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:53,320 Speaker 1: any who, Um, so today we're talking pregnancy, We're talking labor, 83 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:56,640 Speaker 1: We're we're talking delivery, we're talking self care, women's rights 84 00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:59,919 Speaker 1: and all that good stuff. Why this is important to 85 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:02,880 Speaker 1: not only you as a woman, but me as your 86 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,839 Speaker 1: life partner, absolutely and the person that got you pregnant 87 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:08,039 Speaker 1: three whole time, because it's a team effort. And it 88 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:11,760 Speaker 1: was important to me after our first situation with Jackson 89 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:14,239 Speaker 1: and you being induced and having a rush in the surgery, 90 00:05:14,279 --> 00:05:17,080 Speaker 1: it became real to me that you can lose you know, 91 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:20,400 Speaker 1: your your wife on that table. So it became very 92 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,480 Speaker 1: very important to me. So and it's important as well 93 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:27,880 Speaker 1: to speak about the rate of women, particularly Black women, 94 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:33,719 Speaker 1: UM dying during childbirth, you know, through complications before, during, 95 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:37,520 Speaker 1: or after. So it's very necessary conversation to have. And 96 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:39,559 Speaker 1: of course I had to bring in a special guest 97 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:43,200 Speaker 1: today who is literally become a part of our families, 98 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:45,920 Speaker 1: whether she likes it or not. This was not just 99 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,200 Speaker 1: going to be you know, a couple of months journey. Yeah, 100 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,440 Speaker 1: we didn't ask her if she wanted to be We're 101 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,200 Speaker 1: going crazy, you know. However, I'm not trying to keep 102 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:56,159 Speaker 1: her in business solely by myself, so I will prefer her. 103 00:05:56,440 --> 00:06:00,440 Speaker 1: I am, I will refer her. But Takeia Allard is 104 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:05,839 Speaker 1: in the house today with us, and she was my midwife. Um. 105 00:06:05,839 --> 00:06:08,640 Speaker 1: She was a source of strength and knowledge for me 106 00:06:08,839 --> 00:06:11,919 Speaker 1: as I went through the latter half of my pregnancy 107 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:16,720 Speaker 1: with kaz Um straight through labor, delivery, postpartum and still 108 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:21,760 Speaker 1: now we talk and yeah, we talked, you know. I 109 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:23,200 Speaker 1: told her, I said, you know, I need a dose 110 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:24,920 Speaker 1: of you every now and again. You know, I need 111 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:26,840 Speaker 1: a dose of you. I kind of get jealous once 112 00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:28,120 Speaker 1: in a while because I'm like, you know what, as 113 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:30,320 Speaker 1: much as you'll talk, I should just get you pregnant again, 114 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:34,000 Speaker 1: you know, if you want to be involved in the process, right, Yeah, 115 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:36,159 Speaker 1: that's the only way I can be. But I would 116 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:41,080 Speaker 1: say that Tia was also responsible for the insertion of 117 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:45,920 Speaker 1: my u D, so that's being said. Yeah, I don't 118 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:50,880 Speaker 1: know about all that. How are you? I am great? 119 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:55,000 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, thank you guys, so happy. I'm excited. 120 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:56,960 Speaker 1: It's just a pleasure to see you too. Thank you 121 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,600 Speaker 1: for taking time out of your busy schedule and for 122 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:01,479 Speaker 1: insure worrying that no babies were going to be born 123 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,800 Speaker 1: with one so you wouldn't have to rush out of here. Absolutely, 124 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:05,960 Speaker 1: because at any time, these babies just be doing what 125 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:09,279 Speaker 1: they want to do, and they do and they don't 126 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:14,440 Speaker 1: care if the life wants to life about that whenever 127 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:17,360 Speaker 1: they want. Takia reminds me of I grew up watching 128 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:20,000 Speaker 1: the Cosbys, and you know how Bill used to get 129 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,680 Speaker 1: the call in the middle of the episode how far 130 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:27,240 Speaker 1: part of the contraction. I remember when we were going 131 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,880 Speaker 1: through what we were timing, and we're like, I think 132 00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:30,840 Speaker 1: we need to call the kids. It just reminded me 133 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:32,160 Speaker 1: of like you being on the other side of the 134 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:35,120 Speaker 1: phone asking how far part of the contraction? Absolutely, but 135 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:38,640 Speaker 1: it's it's insane how in tune you were with my body. 136 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:43,520 Speaker 1: It was around Thanksgiving time I was due December. I 137 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:46,640 Speaker 1: knew that you probably I wasn't gonna last past thirty 138 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,880 Speaker 1: seven weeks because I've had all of my children within 139 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:52,760 Speaker 1: thirty seven weeks. And I remember Takia saying, enjoy your 140 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:55,720 Speaker 1: Thanksgiving dinner because this baby will probably not last through 141 00:07:55,720 --> 00:08:00,480 Speaker 1: the weekend. And so said, so done. It was Sunday 142 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:05,080 Speaker 1: evening and my water broke at eleven PM. I was like, 143 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:10,240 Speaker 1: she just be no and nowhere. She just knew my 144 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 1: body to a t and that is such a gift. Um, 145 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:18,520 Speaker 1: So Takia, tell us or explain, um what is the 146 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:22,440 Speaker 1: midwife and why you decided to become one? So, Um, 147 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:25,720 Speaker 1: there's a lot of misconceptions out there about what midwives are. 148 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:29,960 Speaker 1: Midwives are women. Predominantly. There are male midwives, but predominantly women. 149 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:33,000 Speaker 1: Since the beginning of time, we've been existing, since there 150 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:36,080 Speaker 1: have been people on this planet. Midwives have existed through 151 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:40,040 Speaker 1: all cultures, through all uh you know ages, women have 152 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:44,240 Speaker 1: been with women having babies, and so midwife means with women. 153 00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:50,760 Speaker 1: And more recently midwives have been um sort of having 154 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:54,280 Speaker 1: to go through the natural or the the medical channels 155 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:57,640 Speaker 1: or the political channels in order to be licensed, you know, 156 00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,760 Speaker 1: certified and things like that, in order to become a 157 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,920 Speaker 1: mid wife. Um. But prior to that, we were lay midwives. 158 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,680 Speaker 1: So we were midwives that learned from our the midwife 159 00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:08,160 Speaker 1: before us. A lot of times you saw that in 160 00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:11,160 Speaker 1: the black community, uh, and during slavery times you saw 161 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:14,840 Speaker 1: midwives learning from other midwives and an apprentice style format. 162 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:19,079 Speaker 1: And so because um, with the establishment of laws and 163 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:23,439 Speaker 1: the medical community, what ended up happening those midwives weren't uneducated, 164 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:25,280 Speaker 1: didn't really know how to read and write, and those 165 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:27,600 Speaker 1: midwives were sort of pushed out of this off to 166 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:29,760 Speaker 1: the side because they were told that they had to 167 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,720 Speaker 1: be licensed or pass certain examinations and things like that, 168 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:36,000 Speaker 1: even if they knew exactly what to do. Now, can 169 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:37,719 Speaker 1: you talk a little bit about that, because Nadine and 170 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,640 Speaker 1: I always talk about the institution and how the institution 171 00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:42,800 Speaker 1: is created for the bottom line. It is so a 172 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:44,920 Speaker 1: lot of times, all of these laws and things they create, 173 00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:46,720 Speaker 1: it's pretty much to make a bottom line so they 174 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:51,360 Speaker 1: can make money, can you Yeah, So, because midwives, especially 175 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:54,440 Speaker 1: in areas that were really remote from major hospitals and 176 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:57,520 Speaker 1: things like that, were predominantly served by community midwives, and 177 00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:01,079 Speaker 1: so as hospitals were being established and built in those areas, 178 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:04,680 Speaker 1: what they decided to do was try to pull those 179 00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:07,560 Speaker 1: resources or those families, those patients who were going to 180 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:10,679 Speaker 1: the local midwife and pull them into the hospital. And 181 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:13,880 Speaker 1: so they made the hospital setting glamorous so that people 182 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,040 Speaker 1: like us, you know, would want to go to the 183 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:23,520 Speaker 1: hospital because it was the better care um right, right. So, 184 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,800 Speaker 1: so pregnancy and birth is big business. And if you know, UM, 185 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:30,120 Speaker 1: any hospital that does not have a labor and delivery ward, 186 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:34,679 Speaker 1: they're usually on the lower end of capital um. And 187 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:38,440 Speaker 1: so the labor and delivery areas are the moneymakers for 188 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:40,560 Speaker 1: those hospitals. So if they are pushing out a lot 189 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:43,240 Speaker 1: of babies. That hospital is a big time hospital in 190 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:46,520 Speaker 1: that particular community. And so what was happening is that 191 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:49,079 Speaker 1: those midwives were then being told that you had to 192 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:51,760 Speaker 1: be licensed or you had to go through certain criteria 193 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,160 Speaker 1: in order to be you know, licensed by the state. 194 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,839 Speaker 1: And if you practice midwif free, now you're you know, 195 00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:59,480 Speaker 1: you're going against the law and you could be arrested. 196 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,560 Speaker 1: Um And I think, I think again and think about that, 197 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:04,440 Speaker 1: and think about everything that's going on now in the 198 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:08,640 Speaker 1: country with abortion laws. You just said, childbirth is one 199 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:11,480 Speaker 1: of the biggest businesses in the country. So if you 200 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:14,880 Speaker 1: eliminate the ability to have abortion just increased you just 201 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:19,680 Speaker 1: the bottom line ahead. Yeah. So and so that's what 202 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:22,199 Speaker 1: was happening. And midwives, We're losing their jobs, they were 203 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:25,880 Speaker 1: losing their ability to practice, and women were now seeking 204 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:28,200 Speaker 1: hospitals because they were told that it was better to 205 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:31,920 Speaker 1: have your care there. Yeah, it seem as if mid 206 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:38,800 Speaker 1: were free was some sort of antiquated right from uneducated women. 207 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,080 Speaker 1: So just because that woman did not know how to 208 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:43,440 Speaker 1: read and write, per se, did not mean that that 209 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:48,040 Speaker 1: woman wasn't an absolutely grand midwife. But isn't that always 210 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:54,320 Speaker 1: how America does things? First you dehumanize the then you 211 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:57,360 Speaker 1: criminalize it, right, and once you criminalize that, you are 212 00:11:57,559 --> 00:11:59,800 Speaker 1: able to believe that it's against the law to do that. 213 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:03,160 Speaker 1: So now I have to spend money. That's pretty much 214 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:07,120 Speaker 1: the American American And what we want to be careful 215 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,280 Speaker 1: to do is not to take away from doctors who 216 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,800 Speaker 1: do go to school, you know, to their formal education, 217 00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:15,760 Speaker 1: because of course they're that's necessary, that's necessary. But today 218 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,520 Speaker 1: we particularly want to speak about mid with free and 219 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:21,600 Speaker 1: the options that women do have that UM And it's 220 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:25,480 Speaker 1: funny we also mentioned, you know, the processes that take place, 221 00:12:25,559 --> 00:12:28,720 Speaker 1: because how do you get paid as a midwife? Do 222 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:33,280 Speaker 1: insurance companies recognize you as you know, someone who's delivering 223 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:36,120 Speaker 1: a baby and pay you accordingly? And I know you've 224 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,120 Speaker 1: had to jump through hoops, even just through hoops every 225 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:41,440 Speaker 1: day just to just to get your fears, you know, 226 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:43,840 Speaker 1: So talk a little bit about maybe even obstacles now 227 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:46,040 Speaker 1: that you know you you are a midwife and you're 228 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:50,040 Speaker 1: you're having to UM get certain certifications and certain guidelines 229 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:51,880 Speaker 1: that have to be you know, you have to ensure 230 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,200 Speaker 1: that you have How does that now, how do you 231 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,800 Speaker 1: have to continue to fight? So one of the biggest 232 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:59,960 Speaker 1: reasons why I'm jumping through hoops and most midwife's like 233 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,000 Speaker 1: me or jumping through hoops is because we're not seen 234 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:07,600 Speaker 1: as equal um practitioners UM. Most people would would classify 235 00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:11,040 Speaker 1: us as mid level providers, which basically means that there's 236 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:13,840 Speaker 1: someone supervising us. There's a doctor that's supervising us. In 237 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,600 Speaker 1: a lot of states, particularly New York State, says that 238 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:19,760 Speaker 1: we don't have to have a supervising physician over us 239 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:22,319 Speaker 1: or dictating to us what to do. That we are 240 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:25,040 Speaker 1: independent providers. And just like you would go to see 241 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:28,200 Speaker 1: a primary doctor for chest pain and that primary doctor 242 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:30,560 Speaker 1: would maybe sending you to a cardiologist to rule out 243 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:34,480 Speaker 1: a or hard conditions, I would refer you to someone 244 00:13:34,679 --> 00:13:37,040 Speaker 1: if it's outside of my scope of practice, but still 245 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:39,280 Speaker 1: be able to take care of the pregnancy. That's the 246 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:42,320 Speaker 1: way that a midwife you know, works and is licensed 247 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:45,640 Speaker 1: to work within the state of New York. However, there 248 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:49,360 Speaker 1: are insurance companies that are national, and so these insurance 249 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:53,280 Speaker 1: companies have specific you know, UM requirements their hospitals as well, 250 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:55,520 Speaker 1: and they look at us as mid level and so 251 00:13:55,559 --> 00:13:57,360 Speaker 1: they say that there has to be a physician over 252 00:13:57,480 --> 00:14:00,560 Speaker 1: us telling us what to do or supervising our role. 253 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:04,080 Speaker 1: And so when you get into those those dynamics or 254 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:08,000 Speaker 1: that hierarchy structure, and it's in place everywhere, that's one 255 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,520 Speaker 1: of the biggest hoops that we have to jump over 256 00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:14,360 Speaker 1: because we can't, you know, not necessarily get malpractice. Insurance 257 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:17,840 Speaker 1: is a problem because we have to have a supervising physician. However, 258 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:19,880 Speaker 1: the State of New York says that we don't you know, 259 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,320 Speaker 1: we can practice independently if we want to get into 260 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:24,840 Speaker 1: the hospital. They want to know who's our supervising physician, 261 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:27,320 Speaker 1: who's your you know, your physician that you work with. 262 00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:29,000 Speaker 1: Those are those are some of the things. And then 263 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:32,320 Speaker 1: with in terms of reimbursement, some insurance companies will not 264 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:36,160 Speaker 1: reimburse because we don't have a collaborative physician or a 265 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:39,360 Speaker 1: doctor on paper, which is crazy. Or they won't even 266 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:44,240 Speaker 1: approve a home which is that pretty much? That yeah, 267 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:47,200 Speaker 1: that that they felt as if she was not quality 268 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:51,080 Speaker 1: or classified as a caregiver. And then too many we 269 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:58,320 Speaker 1: have baby sup Yeah, yeah and Cairo were close together. 270 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:03,400 Speaker 1: I was not crazy. It's crazy. Yes, we've spoken about 271 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:05,600 Speaker 1: this in the past. How you feel like this is 272 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:08,720 Speaker 1: your purpose? Yes, it's pretty much called you to say, 273 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,560 Speaker 1: this is what you are going to do. So her 274 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:15,520 Speaker 1: birth story was crazy, Yeah, how did you get to here? 275 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,400 Speaker 1: Like with all the hoops that you continue to have 276 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:19,960 Speaker 1: the JOm you you always show up with a smile 277 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,920 Speaker 1: on your face. And it is about the women, it's 278 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:26,160 Speaker 1: about the families, it's about these children. What inspired you 279 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:27,880 Speaker 1: and how do you stay inspired? So it was my 280 00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:30,680 Speaker 1: own birth story that inspired me. Um. I became a 281 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:34,280 Speaker 1: mother at twenty. I was a college student at Syracuse University. 282 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:36,480 Speaker 1: I had just lost my father a year and a 283 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,680 Speaker 1: half before that, and in the same year lost my 284 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:40,480 Speaker 1: my dad and I was just looking for love and 285 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:43,760 Speaker 1: all the wrong places and ended up getting pregnant and 286 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:48,880 Speaker 1: had my son in college. Um, And when I started school, 287 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:51,080 Speaker 1: you know, I never thought that that would be something 288 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,320 Speaker 1: that I would be doing, you know, having a baby, 289 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:56,280 Speaker 1: ya right, trying to go to school. And so I 290 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,360 Speaker 1: ended up just staying focused. And I said, you know what, 291 00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:01,080 Speaker 1: I'm not going to let this, you know, change my direction. 292 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,760 Speaker 1: I'm going to keep doing what I need to do. 293 00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:05,880 Speaker 1: I'm gonna have my child, you know. And and I 294 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,520 Speaker 1: couldn't see myself having an abortion just because I had 295 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:12,200 Speaker 1: just so much loss, you know, recently, and so I decided, 296 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,720 Speaker 1: you know, even though everyone in my corner, every person, 297 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:16,560 Speaker 1: every person in my family was telling me I needed 298 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,720 Speaker 1: to have an abortion, I decided not to. And so 299 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:21,360 Speaker 1: I had to figure out, just me and me, you know, 300 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,480 Speaker 1: how I was going to get this done. And so 301 00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:27,480 Speaker 1: I went and asked my um, my guidance counselor you know, 302 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:30,160 Speaker 1: for advice. They really didn't have anything. They suggested I, 303 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:34,720 Speaker 1: you know, spinished school later, you know, delay things. And 304 00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:36,760 Speaker 1: I decided, no, I'm not going to do that. So 305 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:38,960 Speaker 1: I went to the dean and got special permission to 306 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:42,040 Speaker 1: take extra credits the semester that I was pregnant. So 307 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,960 Speaker 1: I think I ended up taking like twenty two or 308 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,080 Speaker 1: something like that, or twenty four credits, which is like 309 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:51,440 Speaker 1: literally unheard, unheard of. When I was pregnant, UM got 310 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:55,400 Speaker 1: on Medicaid, got a welfare did the whole thing, got 311 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:58,960 Speaker 1: into family housing. And it so happened that while I 312 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:02,280 Speaker 1: was in school, I was obviously studying to be a nurse, 313 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:05,159 Speaker 1: and that particular semester that I was pregnant, I was 314 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:09,280 Speaker 1: studying maternal child nursing. So my textbook became my childbirth 315 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:12,800 Speaker 1: education as I was growing life. Right as I was 316 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:15,840 Speaker 1: growing life, I was learning about, you know, how life 317 00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,680 Speaker 1: is formed and developed and so on and so forth. 318 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:20,800 Speaker 1: And so I remember going to Lama's class and just 319 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:23,879 Speaker 1: not really focusing because I had so much on my plate, 320 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,560 Speaker 1: so much to do, so much heavy burden, you know, 321 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:30,600 Speaker 1: to to live through. And so eventually I invited two 322 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:32,960 Speaker 1: of my girlfriends to be my support. My son's father 323 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:36,600 Speaker 1: was and I mean a football player, so there was 324 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:38,720 Speaker 1: no and I'm sure you understand about there was no 325 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:43,360 Speaker 1: not coming to practice. Yeah he was at Yeah, there 326 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:45,320 Speaker 1: was no not coming to practice. So we didn't know 327 00:17:45,359 --> 00:17:46,480 Speaker 1: if he was going to be able to be a 328 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,440 Speaker 1: part of the birth. And so I remember the morning 329 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:52,200 Speaker 1: I went into labor, and um, I called my girlfriends. 330 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,199 Speaker 1: They drove me to the hospital. I called him and 331 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,679 Speaker 1: he's like, I gotta go, I gotta go. And it 332 00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:59,040 Speaker 1: was Coach P at the time, that was his coach. 333 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:00,560 Speaker 1: Was like, he's not gonna let me out. So he 334 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:03,560 Speaker 1: went to his practice and some of his guy friends 335 00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:06,199 Speaker 1: you know, drove him when he got done, and he 336 00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:08,840 Speaker 1: got there just in time. But before when I got 337 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,320 Speaker 1: to the hospital, I realized that the nurse that was 338 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:15,960 Speaker 1: there was actually my instructor, and I saw her face 339 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,159 Speaker 1: and I saw, you know who who she was, and 340 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:19,680 Speaker 1: I didn't, you know, I just was in labor, so 341 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:21,919 Speaker 1: I didn't think anything of it. It turns out that 342 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:25,440 Speaker 1: she ended up taking me as a patient, UM, and 343 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:29,400 Speaker 1: she worked walked me to the whirlpool. So your Syracuse 344 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:33,479 Speaker 1: in struct my Syracuse instructor, ended up being my my labor. 345 00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:36,760 Speaker 1: I know it was. It was insane, insane miracles like 346 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:40,119 Speaker 1: that whole entire day. And so she put me into 347 00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:44,080 Speaker 1: a jacuzzi room like a whirlpool. And at this time, 348 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,120 Speaker 1: my son is twenty two years old. At this time, 349 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:48,959 Speaker 1: they weren't doing water bursts per se, but they allowed 350 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,840 Speaker 1: you to labor and water. She left me in there 351 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:53,240 Speaker 1: the entire time. I don't even recall the time that 352 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:55,760 Speaker 1: they really even listened to the baby a lot, just 353 00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:57,840 Speaker 1: like how I did for you, condem just putting the 354 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:01,080 Speaker 1: doppler on my belly and leaving me free to manage 355 00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:03,919 Speaker 1: my contractions. And I didn't ask for those things. She 356 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,760 Speaker 1: just willingly did it for me. And then when it 357 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:08,919 Speaker 1: was time for me to have the baby, UM, I 358 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,120 Speaker 1: kept saying I had to push, and she said okay, 359 00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:12,800 Speaker 1: it's time to get out. And so she walked me 360 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:15,639 Speaker 1: to my room and at this time I remember one 361 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:18,000 Speaker 1: of the biggest things I remember was um that the 362 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:21,080 Speaker 1: room seemed so far away. It was only just a 363 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:28,840 Speaker 1: few away. And then it was this young guy in 364 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:30,760 Speaker 1: the hall and he had on a white jacket and 365 00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:33,479 Speaker 1: I walked up to him and labor it and I'm like, 366 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,760 Speaker 1: just help me. They won't help me, and he's like, ma'am, 367 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:39,040 Speaker 1: I'm the candy striper, Like I don't know who you are, 368 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:42,359 Speaker 1: Please stop joking me. I'm like holding on to his left, 369 00:19:42,359 --> 00:19:46,240 Speaker 1: go like help me please. The nurse is like, no, 370 00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:48,080 Speaker 1: it's okay, you could do it, you know. So she 371 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,199 Speaker 1: walks me to the room and I'm like having to 372 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:53,040 Speaker 1: push the entire time, and long story short, I got 373 00:19:53,119 --> 00:19:55,480 Speaker 1: into the bed and two pushes, my son was born. 374 00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:58,240 Speaker 1: And it so happened as I was walking into the 375 00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:00,440 Speaker 1: room and as I was beginning to push, his dad 376 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,359 Speaker 1: ran down the hall and came into the room. So 377 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:05,360 Speaker 1: it was it was the vine. It was for all 378 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:09,520 Speaker 1: of us to be. We need to talk about that. 379 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:15,399 Speaker 1: Yeah shows yeah, yeah, Hollywood, like you should be. You'll 380 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:16,720 Speaker 1: be in the whole way. The whole way will be 381 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:24,240 Speaker 1: really long. You know that somebody the receiver to side. 382 00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:31,040 Speaker 1: So um. But I think what I took away from 383 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,720 Speaker 1: that moment was somebody watched out for me, and I 384 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:37,080 Speaker 1: didn't have to ask she she could tell me. She 385 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:40,359 Speaker 1: could you know, anticipate my needs, and I didn't have 386 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,000 Speaker 1: to mention her say a word. And the fact that 387 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:46,760 Speaker 1: she basically ushered me into motherhood and allowed me to 388 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,840 Speaker 1: walk while she walked alongside me meant the world to me. 389 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:53,359 Speaker 1: She didn't she didn't do anything to take over. She 390 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:55,320 Speaker 1: allowed me and I didn't even know I needed that. 391 00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,680 Speaker 1: I didn't even know that I could ask for that, 392 00:20:57,760 --> 00:20:59,760 Speaker 1: but she gave it to me willingly. And I never 393 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:03,000 Speaker 1: really got an opportunity to talk to her about it 394 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:05,359 Speaker 1: because then life went on and I was just you know, 395 00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:07,479 Speaker 1: I was at the end. It was at the end 396 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:10,399 Speaker 1: of the semester. So um. I had him during the 397 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,479 Speaker 1: week of finals, and I, you know, as soon as 398 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,920 Speaker 1: I was discharged, I went to finals and was breastfeeding 399 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:16,560 Speaker 1: while I was in finals. I really never had the 400 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:19,000 Speaker 1: chance to go back to her and say thank you 401 00:21:19,119 --> 00:21:22,320 Speaker 1: or to ask why. But I, you know, it's stuck 402 00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:24,240 Speaker 1: with me, you know, and that was the beginning of 403 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,280 Speaker 1: my journey to be a mother to this young man. 404 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:30,720 Speaker 1: And I went into nursing, but something was missing. I 405 00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:33,240 Speaker 1: can't I wasn't working as a nurse, but something was missing, 406 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:34,960 Speaker 1: and so I decided, you know what, I'm going to 407 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,800 Speaker 1: go to Middlewere Free School because during that time I 408 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,480 Speaker 1: also heard there was a woman who came to talk 409 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:44,000 Speaker 1: to us about just advanced practice nursing. And at that 410 00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:46,239 Speaker 1: time it were Free was sort of new, you know, 411 00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:50,199 Speaker 1: as an advanced practice um modality within the department of 412 00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:53,920 Speaker 1: or the organizational piece of nursing. And so we learned 413 00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:55,680 Speaker 1: about mid red Free and I thought, wow, that would 414 00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:57,800 Speaker 1: be something I would love to do. First of all, 415 00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:01,359 Speaker 1: because I I am I think I have leadership quality, 416 00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:04,320 Speaker 1: so I'm a leader by nature, and so just to 417 00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:06,320 Speaker 1: be a nurse wasn't something that I think I would 418 00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:09,280 Speaker 1: have been complete with and so I wanted to do 419 00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:12,560 Speaker 1: something a little bit more yeah, and so um I 420 00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:15,600 Speaker 1: went back to school and when I became a midwife, 421 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:17,800 Speaker 1: I was like, Wow, this is this is what I 422 00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:20,560 Speaker 1: want to do. But then just to be a midwife 423 00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:23,000 Speaker 1: and being in the act at the mid of a midwife, 424 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,439 Speaker 1: it allowed me to start paying it forward. You know, 425 00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:29,800 Speaker 1: I wanted to always make my my life's work mean something. 426 00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:33,440 Speaker 1: That's why I worked with with us because we always 427 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:35,359 Speaker 1: talk about the same thing. We always talk about paying 428 00:22:35,359 --> 00:22:37,399 Speaker 1: it for. We have paid forward in the gym wall 429 00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:43,000 Speaker 1: that we own. We always talk about legacy. You're hearing 430 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:46,439 Speaker 1: your story just sounds the exact opposite to what you 431 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:49,320 Speaker 1: hear from so many women of color in the hospital. UM, 432 00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:52,560 Speaker 1: can you talk a little bit about the mortality rates 433 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:55,280 Speaker 1: and why mid re Fee is so important to you 434 00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:57,679 Speaker 1: because we're here now in the country, you know, a 435 00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:01,080 Speaker 1: black woman is four times more likely to die on 436 00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:04,800 Speaker 1: that table. The morbidity immortality rates for infants that are 437 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,400 Speaker 1: black infants and also from others have not changed. They've 438 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:10,040 Speaker 1: been like that for years. The only reason why it's 439 00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:13,879 Speaker 1: becoming more UM recognized in the community is because it 440 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:17,600 Speaker 1: touched the lives of people like Serena Williams and people 441 00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:22,800 Speaker 1: you know, like Dr Hackett's daughter, Kira Um. It's touched 442 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:26,800 Speaker 1: people's lives who whose voices are maybe bigger than the 443 00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:31,280 Speaker 1: woman who lives in Brooklyn, New York, on Flatbush Avenue, 444 00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:32,960 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And in the social media 445 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:36,280 Speaker 1: edge and now we have access to that. So those 446 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:39,320 Speaker 1: types of things are coming out and becoming more um 447 00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:43,080 Speaker 1: vibrant in the community in terms of being recognized. UM. 448 00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:47,040 Speaker 1: So this has always been a problem. UM. But the 449 00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:50,000 Speaker 1: reason why these things are happening for you know, because 450 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:53,080 Speaker 1: of many reasons. The biggest one obviously is racism. And 451 00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:57,560 Speaker 1: racism exists in the hospital structure. It hugely exists. There's 452 00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:02,240 Speaker 1: implicit biases that will allow a practitioner to assume something 453 00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:05,879 Speaker 1: of a woman without because of how right, because she 454 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:10,439 Speaker 1: looks a certain way, they'll assume her her status, you know, 455 00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:13,160 Speaker 1: who she is, what kind of money she has, which 456 00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:16,520 Speaker 1: her insurance, all of that, just by the way she looks, 457 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:20,360 Speaker 1: and then that dictates how they care for that person. Um. 458 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:24,159 Speaker 1: And so this is happening where we're you know, on 459 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:27,520 Speaker 1: the front lines of the hospital. And so the majority 460 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:31,120 Speaker 1: of these these stats are not from home births, they're 461 00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:34,280 Speaker 1: not from birth center birth these stats are from hospital births. 462 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,960 Speaker 1: And soople it's important you say that though. Yeah, Like, 463 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,480 Speaker 1: as we talked about institutions, I feel like sometimes people 464 00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:42,680 Speaker 1: get in their own way and their entitlement allows them 465 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:45,439 Speaker 1: to trust the institution. Oh, they're not going to do 466 00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:49,280 Speaker 1: this to me, no they will. And it's not just hospitals, 467 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:52,639 Speaker 1: it's any institution because the institution only cares about the 468 00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:55,960 Speaker 1: bottom line and the institution. So most people walk into 469 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,280 Speaker 1: institutions believing like, oh, they won't do this to me. 470 00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:03,760 Speaker 1: Say at schools, edges you not only universities are professional sports. 471 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,760 Speaker 1: Oh they're gonna take care of me because no, no, no, no, 472 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:10,080 Speaker 1: they're gonna take care of themselves. And thinking about even 473 00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:12,960 Speaker 1: things that are dictated. When I was pregnant with Jackson, 474 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:15,680 Speaker 1: the first O B G y N who I saw, 475 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:19,760 Speaker 1: I remember speaking with a nurse who worked in the 476 00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:23,320 Speaker 1: hospital that he was affiliated with, and I said, hey, 477 00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:25,800 Speaker 1: what do you think of Dr so and so? And 478 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:27,560 Speaker 1: my mom just so happened to know her as well, 479 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:30,440 Speaker 1: because the nursing world is small, and she said, if 480 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:34,040 Speaker 1: you want a good surgeon, you can stick with him. 481 00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:37,280 Speaker 1: His C section rate was something like sixty something per cent. 482 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:41,120 Speaker 1: She said, he was very impatient, didn't like to wait 483 00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:45,040 Speaker 1: labor out. And what happens with the C section versus 484 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:49,359 Speaker 1: a natural delivery more money, more money, more money, more money. 485 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,720 Speaker 1: It's just crazy how that's already a preconceived idea like, oh, 486 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:54,600 Speaker 1: she needs a c section. Great, let's just go ahead 487 00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:58,880 Speaker 1: and cut her because there's a bigger and the care 488 00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:02,600 Speaker 1: with your apidural. This woman that was sticking condemned with 489 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,119 Speaker 1: this needle did she had no care at all. It 490 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:07,680 Speaker 1: was almost like she was stabbing her and she had 491 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:10,280 Speaker 1: she had to get stuck three times, and it almost 492 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,199 Speaker 1: seemed like she didn't care, like she just you know, 493 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:15,199 Speaker 1: she kept in and she pulled out. She's moving. I'm like, 494 00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:18,920 Speaker 1: she's not moving. And we were young. We were young 495 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:20,840 Speaker 1: at the time. We looked young. They probably felt like, oh, 496 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:24,000 Speaker 1: here's this young couple. You know what I'm saying. I 497 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:25,840 Speaker 1: didn't have my wedding ring on because I came from 498 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:28,480 Speaker 1: the gym literally and I looked like I was about seventeen. 499 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:31,560 Speaker 1: So they probably automatically felt like, oh whatever. And that's 500 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:33,400 Speaker 1: how that you know, she was treating with the upper door. 501 00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:37,320 Speaker 1: And that experience to me was just meanwhile, man on 502 00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:41,240 Speaker 1: the flip side with Takia, when I'm in labor with Kaz, 503 00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:43,919 Speaker 1: out of my peripheral I could see that she was 504 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,960 Speaker 1: watching me, and you knew exactly what my body was 505 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,920 Speaker 1: doing without me having to say it. Yes, that's how 506 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:53,159 Speaker 1: in tune you were. And how invested you were in 507 00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:57,239 Speaker 1: the process. And I remember being in the pool and 508 00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:59,720 Speaker 1: you knew and however you knew it was about to 509 00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:01,399 Speaker 1: be that time. She's like, let's go to the pool. 510 00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:04,800 Speaker 1: I'm like, okay. First of all, that's not the key 511 00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:11,480 Speaker 1: his voice. Okay, that's not voice. The whole it was amazing, 512 00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:15,800 Speaker 1: how are you feeling. I was saying to myself, like, well, 513 00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:19,800 Speaker 1: we got this the whole talk two kids like that. 514 00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:24,000 Speaker 1: Literally was like, listen to my voice and everything else 515 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,320 Speaker 1: out because we had the family was there. There are 516 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:28,600 Speaker 1: a bunch of people, you know, so she wanted to instruct. 517 00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:31,240 Speaker 1: She was always making sure I was okay. She was like, Kadine, 518 00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:32,879 Speaker 1: at any point if you want, if you want to 519 00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:35,560 Speaker 1: clear this room, you let me know you were the boss. 520 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:37,880 Speaker 1: And I'm like okay. And I remember the point where 521 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:39,280 Speaker 1: I was like, can you please tell me when I 522 00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:42,040 Speaker 1: have to push because I was definitely afraid. I was 523 00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:46,040 Speaker 1: definitely afraid of tearing. And she was like, you tell me, 524 00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,000 Speaker 1: you're to tell me. You're going to have to tell me. 525 00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:54,560 Speaker 1: I want you to tell me what to do that 526 00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:57,000 Speaker 1: I was sitting back there looking at both Listen to 527 00:27:57,080 --> 00:28:01,560 Speaker 1: your body. Your body will tell you portions. I didn't 528 00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:03,480 Speaker 1: know what to do. I'm holding your shoulder and then 529 00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:05,640 Speaker 1: you asked her. You were just like, you canna tell 530 00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:07,280 Speaker 1: me when the push right? She was like, you're gonna 531 00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:10,879 Speaker 1: tell me when, Like, somebody better tell somebody want to push, 532 00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:12,920 Speaker 1: because I might have to catch this baby where to 533 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:16,960 Speaker 1: come out? And I do, And it was amazing how 534 00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,760 Speaker 1: I was. I literally heard nothing but Takia's voice, like 535 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,520 Speaker 1: music was playing. My sister. You guys would have a conversation, 536 00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:25,000 Speaker 1: and I heard nothing but Takias. We were arguing about 537 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:26,879 Speaker 1: the flowers that your mom threw into the water. When 538 00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:29,320 Speaker 1: she was both, you're not going good on my girl 539 00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:33,119 Speaker 1: with the flower flowers were beautiful. Oh my goodness. If 540 00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:38,560 Speaker 1: you had forehead but actually sprinkled the flowers like a 541 00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:42,000 Speaker 1: flower did on her way out, She's like, here you go. 542 00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:45,080 Speaker 1: If y'all haven't caught that vlog, you have to tube 543 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:48,400 Speaker 1: channel and you can catch umks is amazing home birth. 544 00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:52,760 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, so much information here, so um all right, Takia, 545 00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:54,800 Speaker 1: So tell me if you're planning to have a child. 546 00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:57,240 Speaker 1: If a woman is planning to have a child, um, 547 00:28:57,480 --> 00:29:00,080 Speaker 1: how do you choose the birthday plan that's best? For you. 548 00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:02,720 Speaker 1: What are some of the like guidelines. What do you 549 00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:05,440 Speaker 1: think people who are researching mid with free um or 550 00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:07,880 Speaker 1: finding a midwife who may work for them, what are 551 00:29:07,920 --> 00:29:09,320 Speaker 1: some of the pros and con Just give me like 552 00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:11,840 Speaker 1: a whole, like a little bit. The biggest thing that 553 00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:14,760 Speaker 1: I think that women struggle with is that they wait 554 00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:18,480 Speaker 1: too long. Some women decide to get married and they 555 00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:21,560 Speaker 1: take a year plus to to plan a wedding, They 556 00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:24,320 Speaker 1: take a year plus to plan a vacation, but wait 557 00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:26,520 Speaker 1: until they're pregnant to figure out what they're gonna do. 558 00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:32,120 Speaker 1: And so if women, especially more specifically Black women, because 559 00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:34,760 Speaker 1: we're the ones out there dying at a faster rate 560 00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:37,959 Speaker 1: than any other race, if you want to have a 561 00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:40,400 Speaker 1: better outcome, you need to start when you know you 562 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:44,440 Speaker 1: want to get pregnant and have a preconception counseling. You know, 563 00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:48,200 Speaker 1: visit with a provider, interview people. Just like you're trying 564 00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:50,000 Speaker 1: on a new pair of shoes. You need to go 565 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:52,720 Speaker 1: and try people out and see whether they fit or not. 566 00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:55,000 Speaker 1: Because if they don't fit and they're rubbing you wrong, 567 00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:57,600 Speaker 1: you need to go find you another provider. And so 568 00:29:57,640 --> 00:29:59,720 Speaker 1: you're gonna need time to do that. The other thing 569 00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:03,160 Speaker 1: that women need to do. It's understand their benefit. Understand 570 00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:06,720 Speaker 1: their insurance. A lot of people, especially if they're employed, 571 00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:10,240 Speaker 1: get insurance through their employers, and so they're usually looking 572 00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:13,520 Speaker 1: at how much is coming out my check, they're looking 573 00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:17,760 Speaker 1: at what They're not looking at what the benefit is. 574 00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:20,920 Speaker 1: You know, what does it pay for? What do I 575 00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:23,120 Speaker 1: have to pay out of pocket? Do I have some 576 00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:27,000 Speaker 1: you know, wiggle room with choosing providers? Can I choose 577 00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:29,760 Speaker 1: whoever I want out of network? And network all of 578 00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:33,600 Speaker 1: those things need to be looked at, and you know, deductibles, 579 00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:35,840 Speaker 1: co insurances, all of that needs to be looked at 580 00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:39,800 Speaker 1: because eventually it's going to affect you for things like childbirth. 581 00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:45,520 Speaker 1: I think about John Q movies of all time. It 582 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,440 Speaker 1: wasn't until something happened that he actually looked at his 583 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:51,520 Speaker 1: insurance papers and said, y'all won't cover this. You've been 584 00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:54,960 Speaker 1: taking this, but it doesn't cover And that happens every day. 585 00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:58,320 Speaker 1: It happens every day it happened. So that's one of 586 00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:00,840 Speaker 1: the biggest things. It's just understanding that and then know 587 00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:05,320 Speaker 1: that there because the the system is rigged and it 588 00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:08,800 Speaker 1: doesn't support for example, home birth, then it's gonna be 589 00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:11,480 Speaker 1: a challenge, and usually home birth requires some out of 590 00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:13,880 Speaker 1: pocket payments because the insurance is not going to cover 591 00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:15,880 Speaker 1: it all for many, many reasons that we don't have 592 00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:22,000 Speaker 1: time to discuss today. Um yeah yeah so um. So 593 00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:26,160 Speaker 1: there has to be some type of money put aside 594 00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:28,880 Speaker 1: and planning if you're deciding to go that route. If 595 00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:31,040 Speaker 1: a woman is just deciding, you know, she wants to 596 00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:33,200 Speaker 1: have a baby, she really doesn't know where she wants 597 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:35,680 Speaker 1: to go. First is first and foremost is to look 598 00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:39,680 Speaker 1: and see what the hospital stats are throughout the city 599 00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:41,720 Speaker 1: or the community and where you're living. So there is 600 00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:45,000 Speaker 1: a Baby Friendly Initiative and they have a website, so 601 00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:46,920 Speaker 1: you can go on their website and see who's been, 602 00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:51,720 Speaker 1: who's in what particular status of their baby friendly designation. UM. 603 00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:54,400 Speaker 1: You can simply call the hospital itself and ask the 604 00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:58,760 Speaker 1: hospital are they baby friendly designated UM, because once they're designated, 605 00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:01,960 Speaker 1: they're gonna preach it to the masses because they want 606 00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:05,320 Speaker 1: people to come. So that's that's public information. The other 607 00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:07,280 Speaker 1: thing in terms of the stats of the hospital, that 608 00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:09,920 Speaker 1: is also pretty public. So if you just look up 609 00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:12,920 Speaker 1: stats in the state you know or the area that 610 00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:15,560 Speaker 1: you live in for the hospitals. A lot of times 611 00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:19,520 Speaker 1: people are keeping those stats. Larger organizations are keeping those stats, 612 00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:21,720 Speaker 1: and so it's pretty easy to also get that if 613 00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:23,960 Speaker 1: they have a high sea section rate, don't go there. 614 00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:27,080 Speaker 1: If they're not baby friendly, don't go there. Baby friendly 615 00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:30,280 Speaker 1: means that they're going to you know, take time and 616 00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:32,720 Speaker 1: try to push for more of a natural birth. More 617 00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:35,920 Speaker 1: specifically though, it's that they're going to provide skinner skin 618 00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:39,160 Speaker 1: contact or the baby immediately after birth. A lot of 619 00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:41,880 Speaker 1: time they'll delay cord clamping so that the baby gets 620 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:45,280 Speaker 1: the blood you know, um, come the place center right 621 00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:48,760 Speaker 1: right after birth, and usually baby friendly also includes that 622 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:51,880 Speaker 1: they are not going to provide formula as the base 623 00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:54,080 Speaker 1: of nutrition for the baby, but that would only be 624 00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:58,360 Speaker 1: used as needed or as a doctor's order. So that's 625 00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:01,200 Speaker 1: breed for promoting breastfeeding. So a woman wants a more 626 00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:04,360 Speaker 1: natural birth, a birth where she's going to have those 627 00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:06,760 Speaker 1: things for the baby, then she needs to choose a 628 00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:10,320 Speaker 1: hospital that is baby friendly. Um. But then more more 629 00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:14,240 Speaker 1: importantly is trying to find a good provider, whether it's 630 00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:16,840 Speaker 1: a doctor, whether it's a midwife. But there needs to 631 00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:19,160 Speaker 1: be a good provider, a person who listens, a person 632 00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:21,880 Speaker 1: who gives you their time, a person who doesn't judge you, 633 00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:25,480 Speaker 1: a person who gives you information and true informed consent. 634 00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:28,840 Speaker 1: And informed consent means letting the person know what their 635 00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:32,600 Speaker 1: options are, risks, benefits, and removing yourself from their decision. 636 00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:35,360 Speaker 1: So I have a question, we as is everyone a 637 00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:38,200 Speaker 1: good candidate for home birthing? Because people ask me that 638 00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:41,280 Speaker 1: I have man men contact me all the time. Yes, 639 00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:43,480 Speaker 1: they either watch the vlog or they heard about Nina 640 00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:46,320 Speaker 1: story and they're concerned. They're like, I want to make 641 00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:49,240 Speaker 1: sure that my wife or my girl chance to bring 642 00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:52,400 Speaker 1: a baby in the world healthy. Would you recommend um 643 00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:54,480 Speaker 1: home birth? And I'm the first one that you listen, 644 00:33:54,760 --> 00:34:03,000 Speaker 1: I don't know enough about it, so is anyone most 645 00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:06,520 Speaker 1: majority of women are because majority of women are healthy. 646 00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:10,040 Speaker 1: So if there's no com mobilities like diabetes, heart condition 647 00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:11,719 Speaker 1: or anything like that, and a woman had to have 648 00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:15,239 Speaker 1: any prior uterine surgeries, there she's a candidate for home 649 00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:18,120 Speaker 1: birth um and and then of course you have to 650 00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:20,480 Speaker 1: have a healthy pregnancy, right, So as long as the 651 00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:23,439 Speaker 1: pregnancy is healthy, then you have a low risk mother 652 00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:26,960 Speaker 1: and a low risk pregnancy. So a woman who fits 653 00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:30,200 Speaker 1: those categories certainly can have a home birth. That's amazing. 654 00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:33,520 Speaker 1: It's nine times out of tend more women are are 655 00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:36,239 Speaker 1: not at risk and can have a home birth, then 656 00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:39,719 Speaker 1: there are people who are at risk. Awesome, and before 657 00:34:39,719 --> 00:34:43,200 Speaker 1: we wret really quickly. UM midwife versus dula. Sometimes people 658 00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:45,560 Speaker 1: think they're the same thing. They're not, but there they aren't. 659 00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:49,800 Speaker 1: They are not they're not. Yes, dulas are basically UM 660 00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:53,400 Speaker 1: providers or or or you know a friend or a 661 00:34:53,400 --> 00:35:02,279 Speaker 1: family member or someone, but dula has like certification or 662 00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:05,120 Speaker 1: they've gone through some extra training to learn how to 663 00:35:05,160 --> 00:35:08,840 Speaker 1: be a companion in birth. Their responsibility is to advocate 664 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:12,359 Speaker 1: their responsibilities to educate um and to support a woman 665 00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:16,360 Speaker 1: during during birth emotionally, physically all of those things and 666 00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:20,960 Speaker 1: and postpartnings assisting and sometimes doulas have extra you know, 667 00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:27,960 Speaker 1: certifications like they might be a lactation counselor they might 668 00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:31,839 Speaker 1: you know, do massage or raiky and certain other things 669 00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:36,080 Speaker 1: and so that it adds to their qualification experience, their 670 00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:38,840 Speaker 1: right right. So that's what. But adula does not have 671 00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:44,360 Speaker 1: scientific medical mid re free education to actually be to 672 00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:48,120 Speaker 1: manage a pregnancy, deliver a baby, and manage the postpartum. 673 00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:51,759 Speaker 1: That is only someone a midwife or you know, or 674 00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:54,879 Speaker 1: a doctor like my sister. I feel like dula for me. Yeah, 675 00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:58,800 Speaker 1: absolutely rubbing my back if I needed anything. Yeah, putting 676 00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:05,520 Speaker 1: the flexi straw drinks. You're you're You're someone that she 677 00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:08,760 Speaker 1: could not replace ever, ever, ever, all those little forehead 678 00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:16,520 Speaker 1: kisses you gave me, I mean, your prices, You're priceless. Sky. 679 00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:18,080 Speaker 1: I feel like we could talk so much more about this. 680 00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:19,799 Speaker 1: We could talk to have you back on season two 681 00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:27,600 Speaker 1: or three. Yeah, predominantly serving the Queens and Nasau counties. 682 00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:31,759 Speaker 1: My email is midwife at Sechina midwifree dot com and 683 00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:34,000 Speaker 1: your Instagram as well. I know you normally posts, you know, 684 00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:36,880 Speaker 1: some tips and tried you try to. Yeah, I'm a 685 00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:39,359 Speaker 1: one woman's show, so I'm really needing to figure out 686 00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:42,440 Speaker 1: the whole social media thing. And so yeah, I can 687 00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:45,880 Speaker 1: be found on Instagram as well at Sechina Midwfree. Sounds 688 00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:49,640 Speaker 1: great And don't know everybody bombard her with you know, yeah, 689 00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:52,920 Speaker 1: don't Bombara because she's busy out here serving the community 690 00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:58,279 Speaker 1: and jealous I'm doing. But I want to thank you 691 00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:02,880 Speaker 1: guys because you guys really really did the community uh 692 00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:06,600 Speaker 1: such a service by vlogging your birth because it allowed 693 00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:08,440 Speaker 1: women to know and families to know that they have 694 00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:11,000 Speaker 1: a choice. And then you did it with humor and 695 00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:14,520 Speaker 1: and finaz and grace and just like you guys do 696 00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:19,960 Speaker 1: than you you know, and it was classy and it 697 00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:22,719 Speaker 1: was wealth you know, well done. But the fact that 698 00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:25,640 Speaker 1: people could see that you could do this this way 699 00:37:25,719 --> 00:37:27,960 Speaker 1: and you have autonomy at the end of the day 700 00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:33,040 Speaker 1: completely as is the one that's respected. All right, coming up, 701 00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:35,720 Speaker 1: we're going to get into some listener letters, but after 702 00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:47,120 Speaker 1: these ads, this for the record. There it is a 703 00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:51,920 Speaker 1: win for the ages. Tiger Woods is one of our 704 00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:56,560 Speaker 1: most inspiring sports icons. In his story, it comes with 705 00:37:56,719 --> 00:38:01,400 Speaker 1: many chapters. I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and 706 00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:07,040 Speaker 1: selfish behavior, but here it is the return to glory. 707 00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:14,120 Speaker 1: This is All American, a new series from Stitcher, hosted 708 00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:17,279 Speaker 1: by me Jordan Bell. You realized Tiger Wis doesn't know 709 00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:21,000 Speaker 1: who he is in the history of golf, no question 710 00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:24,840 Speaker 1: in my mind. And this season, with the health of 711 00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:29,640 Speaker 1: journalist Albert Chen, we're asking what if the story of 712 00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:33,400 Speaker 1: Tiger Woods that the media has been telling, what if 713 00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:38,399 Speaker 1: it's been completely wrong? All American Tiger is out now. 714 00:38:38,719 --> 00:38:46,800 Speaker 1: Listen and Stitcher, Apple podcasts or your favorite podcast app. Alright, 715 00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:49,360 Speaker 1: so it's super important to have these conversations for so 716 00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:52,840 Speaker 1: many reasons, um about women's health and you know, what 717 00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:55,800 Speaker 1: we have rights to and whatnot and all that. But 718 00:38:55,880 --> 00:38:58,760 Speaker 1: we're gonna switch scares and let's get into these listener 719 00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:02,239 Speaker 1: letter Come on, babe, go ahead and read this first one? 720 00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:10,239 Speaker 1: Whoever sent this question one. I've been in New York 721 00:39:10,280 --> 00:39:12,200 Speaker 1: City for the entirety of my adult life and have 722 00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:15,480 Speaker 1: grown to love the area, people in lifestyle, and I'm 723 00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:18,960 Speaker 1: entirely cognizant of how unique and different Brooklyn is. The 724 00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:21,759 Speaker 1: subway to dollar cabs, people in a rush, and the 725 00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:23,920 Speaker 1: way we talk to each other can be jarring in 726 00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:27,920 Speaker 1: so many questions, What ways can you help your spouse 727 00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:30,520 Speaker 1: enjoy where you live and be it and make it 728 00:39:30,680 --> 00:39:33,719 Speaker 1: become her home? So pretty much here Brooklyn, dude, And 729 00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:36,120 Speaker 1: probably got somebody from bunds off like I ain't used 730 00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:41,279 Speaker 1: to this. Just some background. She's born bread and bleeds Pittsburgh. Wow. 731 00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:45,520 Speaker 1: Her family is from the South South Carolina, just like 732 00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:49,319 Speaker 1: my family Orangeburg stand up to be exact. So there 733 00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:52,600 Speaker 1: are a lot of polite, charming, very appropriate undertones that 734 00:39:52,719 --> 00:39:54,359 Speaker 1: make up the best parts of her, but I think 735 00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:58,360 Speaker 1: also makes her disgusted with New York understandable totally. I 736 00:39:58,440 --> 00:40:01,160 Speaker 1: figured you both are in uniqu positions, having traveled and 737 00:40:01,239 --> 00:40:03,640 Speaker 1: moved a lot, and also that you're both from Brooklyn. 738 00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:15,480 Speaker 1: A you're asking to people who live, die, breathe, what's 739 00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:18,040 Speaker 1: the problem. Stop waving at everybody you see. They don't 740 00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:23,000 Speaker 1: know you developer ice grow develop this term right here. 741 00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:26,520 Speaker 1: But you're looking at right. You're looking at right. No, 742 00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:30,160 Speaker 1: don't do that. I mean, New York is a lot, 743 00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:33,319 Speaker 1: though New York is a lot for people who are 744 00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:35,880 Speaker 1: not from here. In part why two, we're just like, 745 00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:38,960 Speaker 1: maybe we need to spread our wings and fly and 746 00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:41,759 Speaker 1: maybe head to a different location. You know, New York 747 00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:44,359 Speaker 1: is specific for people, I think depending on the point 748 00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:46,960 Speaker 1: you are in life too. Like we now have three children, 749 00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:49,320 Speaker 1: you know, we want some more space, so it's Brooklyn 750 00:40:49,400 --> 00:40:53,600 Speaker 1: necessarily the way for us. Still, this is my thing. 751 00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:55,879 Speaker 1: Though they don't have kids, he said, he's just trying 752 00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:59,680 Speaker 1: to get his his country southern bell to get a 753 00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:02,200 Speaker 1: cuss them to Brooklyn. Here's the biggest thing. Even though 754 00:41:02,239 --> 00:41:04,480 Speaker 1: I'm from Brooklyn, I still have a lot of my 755 00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:08,360 Speaker 1: country family morals. I speak to everybody in my neighborhood 756 00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:13,040 Speaker 1: cade laughing because I walked by. When I see people, 757 00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:15,959 Speaker 1: I don't know what's good? Bro? What's good boss? How's 758 00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:20,280 Speaker 1: everybody doing? And this is what's funny. Right. People respect 759 00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:22,959 Speaker 1: you in the community when you talk to them. Also, 760 00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:26,080 Speaker 1: it's a way for you to eliminate that awkwardness where 761 00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:29,560 Speaker 1: people think you soft, because when you walk by people 762 00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:32,600 Speaker 1: and you look down or you look away, then they're like, oh, 763 00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:35,040 Speaker 1: he is sucker. But then if you ice grill them, 764 00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:37,640 Speaker 1: or you're becoming kind of like a target, become a target. 765 00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:40,839 Speaker 1: Well you seem unaware if you look away or if 766 00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:42,640 Speaker 1: you look him in the eye and you say nothing, 767 00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:45,480 Speaker 1: then it's like, yo, what's his problem? It's very simple, 768 00:41:45,560 --> 00:41:47,160 Speaker 1: you speak to people. I feel like it would just 769 00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:49,640 Speaker 1: be great across the board if we can just walk 770 00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:51,880 Speaker 1: past somebody and just give a nod or give a smile. 771 00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:54,160 Speaker 1: It just doesn't seem to be the New York way 772 00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:56,279 Speaker 1: of life, but you can. For me, it is, I 773 00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:58,400 Speaker 1: say hello to everybody, right, I say hello, it'd be 774 00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:01,319 Speaker 1: it'd be a group of young teen young dude. They 775 00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:03,160 Speaker 1: look they look like they're ready to do something that 776 00:42:03,239 --> 00:42:05,000 Speaker 1: somebody you walk by but it was good fellas. You 777 00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:07,279 Speaker 1: know what, they'd be like, what's up, what's up? O G? 778 00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:09,920 Speaker 1: Because you're like an O G. Now in the I'm 779 00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:15,600 Speaker 1: not I'm not that O G. Don't be upset. They 780 00:42:15,719 --> 00:42:17,080 Speaker 1: sure do. But I also think it has a lot 781 00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:18,560 Speaker 1: to do with our upbringing. You think about it, like 782 00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:22,399 Speaker 1: my family with West Sending roots, your family with Southern roots. Hospitality, 783 00:42:22,920 --> 00:42:24,680 Speaker 1: you know, saying hello to somebody like in the in 784 00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:27,320 Speaker 1: the West Indies or you know in the Islands, you 785 00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:30,360 Speaker 1: can't walk past somebody and not say hello, good morning, 786 00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:33,200 Speaker 1: good night, or you know all that. So I think 787 00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:35,880 Speaker 1: what he could do is he could walk around with her, 788 00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:38,080 Speaker 1: because this is what I do with Coadin never understands it. 789 00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:40,680 Speaker 1: We'll walk places in the neighborhood and I'll say hello 790 00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:42,279 Speaker 1: to people, and then the beginning she's like you know them, 791 00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:44,600 Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, you know what them. No. But 792 00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:46,840 Speaker 1: what happens is people get a custom seeing seeing you 793 00:42:46,960 --> 00:42:49,759 Speaker 1: in the neighborhood and they see your woman on the 794 00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:52,719 Speaker 1: woman you with, they'll take care of your family. Like 795 00:42:52,800 --> 00:42:55,000 Speaker 1: I don't worry about Codeine when she's walking where we 796 00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:57,279 Speaker 1: were because they know that that's my wife. When she's 797 00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:59,799 Speaker 1: walking home. There's one guy in particular, I don't even 798 00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:02,640 Speaker 1: know his name, but every time he sees Codeine getting 799 00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:04,399 Speaker 1: out the car, he's always like, Hey, how you doing, 800 00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:06,600 Speaker 1: And it's almost like, I know, if anything would have happened, 801 00:43:06,640 --> 00:43:08,480 Speaker 1: he would be like, yo, yo, you know what I'm saying. 802 00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:10,560 Speaker 1: Watch that's you know, that's the vows girl, that's the 803 00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:13,719 Speaker 1: Vowles wife. And it's important for us to have that community. Absolutely, 804 00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:15,879 Speaker 1: and it's tough. And also, you know, we should find 805 00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:19,200 Speaker 1: out what part of Brooklyn man, because Brooklyn has changed. 806 00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:24,800 Speaker 1: You could be in bed style. I'd be around old school, 807 00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:28,200 Speaker 1: biggie type of Brooklyn and then walk one block and 808 00:43:28,280 --> 00:43:31,000 Speaker 1: then being like park Slope type of exactly. You'd be like, 809 00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:36,560 Speaker 1: what in the Connecticut Muffin is exactly Connecticut Muffin pop up? 810 00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:39,759 Speaker 1: And we were just like, what the hell across from 811 00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:44,800 Speaker 1: the Roster spot connect Me, nobody gonna go there? Closed 812 00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:50,399 Speaker 1: down a six months the hood rejected Connecticut. They sure did. 813 00:43:50,719 --> 00:43:52,480 Speaker 1: But you know what, also too, with your girl, we 814 00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:55,080 Speaker 1: can totally have her bring some of her Southern hospitality 815 00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:57,640 Speaker 1: up here. It's refreshing sometimes to see that, well me 816 00:43:57,719 --> 00:43:59,880 Speaker 1: at least, it's refreshing to see someone you know smiling 817 00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:04,160 Speaker 1: say hello. So since don't be discouraged, don't make discourage. 818 00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:07,000 Speaker 1: You're gonna you're gonna love the nightlife and stuff being 819 00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:09,279 Speaker 1: open late and you want you can hit up the 820 00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:11,239 Speaker 1: jerk chicken spot mad late because you know he's still 821 00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:13,640 Speaker 1: gonna have this grill out on the side of you know, 822 00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:16,719 Speaker 1: four o'clock in the morning after the club, like, you know, 823 00:44:16,840 --> 00:44:18,160 Speaker 1: take it for what it is, and you should probably 824 00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:19,520 Speaker 1: head down to the South to to see what she 825 00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:21,640 Speaker 1: were not even in the South, but she's in from Pittsburgh, 826 00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:23,600 Speaker 1: so you can take a look and see what if 827 00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:25,960 Speaker 1: he's over there. If you speak to people in the neighborhood, 828 00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:31,720 Speaker 1: they'll speak back. Yeah. Absolutely, spread love. It's the Brooklyn way. Hey, baby, baby, alright, 829 00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:33,960 Speaker 1: question number two, Question number two, want me to read 830 00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:36,520 Speaker 1: this one? I read it all right ahead. We live 831 00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:38,680 Speaker 1: in For some reason, she's like reading out loud today. 832 00:44:38,719 --> 00:44:40,640 Speaker 1: I don't know. Just school, Jackson's out of school. It's 833 00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:44,040 Speaker 1: just we live in Virginia Beach. And my wife recently 834 00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:46,040 Speaker 1: explained to me that she is having a hard time 835 00:44:46,080 --> 00:44:48,360 Speaker 1: in our marriage because we got married at such a 836 00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:50,800 Speaker 1: young age, and she feels that she hasn't gotten a 837 00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:53,319 Speaker 1: figure out what she really wants in life, and now 838 00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:55,839 Speaker 1: she lives in my shadow because she sees me coming 839 00:44:55,920 --> 00:44:59,040 Speaker 1: home from work and feeling fulfilled. Oh this sounds so 840 00:44:59,239 --> 00:45:02,400 Speaker 1: familiar in there. Meanwhile, she hates her job. How do 841 00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:05,320 Speaker 1: I support her and figuring this out? I'll let you 842 00:45:05,320 --> 00:45:08,000 Speaker 1: answer to speak to us. So why don't she It's 843 00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:12,040 Speaker 1: funny because we've had different phases through our relationship where 844 00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:15,320 Speaker 1: I did feel like, you know what, I'd love to be, 845 00:45:15,680 --> 00:45:18,200 Speaker 1: you know, at home and just take care of the 846 00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:20,560 Speaker 1: household and rear the kids. And at this point, I 847 00:45:20,600 --> 00:45:22,640 Speaker 1: don't even think we only had one child. Yeah, we 848 00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:24,239 Speaker 1: didn't have no child? Or do we we didn't have 849 00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:26,600 Speaker 1: any children? The first one I was playing balls still, 850 00:45:26,719 --> 00:45:28,239 Speaker 1: oh yes, when if I was playing ball, so I 851 00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:29,680 Speaker 1: felt like it's like, you know, I can be at 852 00:45:29,719 --> 00:45:32,400 Speaker 1: home and be the support of DeVos knees and all that. 853 00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:35,360 Speaker 1: And after about two point five seconds that I was like, 854 00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:38,560 Speaker 1: what's my purpose in life? I have none. I need 855 00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:41,560 Speaker 1: to find something to do for myself. So, you know, 856 00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:44,560 Speaker 1: it's hard because when you're with somebody, especially if I'm 857 00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:46,799 Speaker 1: not sure how long you guys have been together, Um, 858 00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:48,680 Speaker 1: but you know, a lot of your hopes and dreams 859 00:45:48,719 --> 00:45:53,080 Speaker 1: and aspirations become each other's, So I would say encourageurn 860 00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:56,200 Speaker 1: not to lose sight of what that is. Um. It's 861 00:45:56,239 --> 00:45:59,320 Speaker 1: hard sometimes as an individual when you're with somebody and 862 00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:01,360 Speaker 1: growing in a really ship, you kind of feel like 863 00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:03,480 Speaker 1: sometimes you you kind of take a back seat, you know, 864 00:46:03,719 --> 00:46:07,439 Speaker 1: but also too in a relationship you have. UM, there's 865 00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:09,840 Speaker 1: like ebbs and flows. So at one point you may 866 00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:11,520 Speaker 1: be thriving in your career, she may have to take 867 00:46:11,560 --> 00:46:13,239 Speaker 1: a back seat to be the support system you need 868 00:46:13,320 --> 00:46:16,279 Speaker 1: a home, and then vice versa, the title shift. UM. 869 00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:18,239 Speaker 1: But I think the biggest thing for you helping her 870 00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:19,840 Speaker 1: through this is trying to help her figure out what 871 00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:21,560 Speaker 1: it is she wants to do. You know, if she's 872 00:46:21,560 --> 00:46:23,480 Speaker 1: miserable in her job, is it just the job itself? 873 00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:26,120 Speaker 1: Is it her career choice? Um? And how you can 874 00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:28,319 Speaker 1: be able to help her get to that next level 875 00:46:28,400 --> 00:46:31,120 Speaker 1: whatever it is. I mean, that was very vocal about 876 00:46:31,719 --> 00:46:34,759 Speaker 1: not allowing me to sulk in my sorrows and being like, hey, 877 00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:37,319 Speaker 1: if you really want to do X y Z, how 878 00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:39,440 Speaker 1: can we make this happen? How can I assist you 879 00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:42,040 Speaker 1: in that? Um? So, yeah, it is hard, but I 880 00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:44,399 Speaker 1: did learn some things. Thought you did? Would you learn? 881 00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:48,840 Speaker 1: I learned this? Okay, gentlemen, A lot of men have 882 00:46:48,960 --> 00:46:51,759 Speaker 1: a superhero guide complex where we feel like we can 883 00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:57,600 Speaker 1: solve all of our women's problems. We fucking can't. Sometimes 884 00:46:57,640 --> 00:47:01,320 Speaker 1: you have to just sit back and say, Bay, figure 885 00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:06,200 Speaker 1: it out because what happens, No, seriously, because this is 886 00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:08,880 Speaker 1: her life. It's her purpose sometimes in her life, and 887 00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:12,520 Speaker 1: her purpose will not involve you at all. You see 888 00:47:12,560 --> 00:47:16,120 Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And I remember when one time, in particular, 889 00:47:16,160 --> 00:47:19,080 Speaker 1: it's two thousand seven, I'm making a lot of money. 890 00:47:19,320 --> 00:47:21,759 Speaker 1: You're at home. We have our own apartment. I'm like, Yo, 891 00:47:21,800 --> 00:47:24,080 Speaker 1: I'm doing this something, this this man thing I'm doing, 892 00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:26,120 Speaker 1: and my wife is taking care of She's kept. I 893 00:47:26,239 --> 00:47:28,560 Speaker 1: come home nine sitting in the dark with no TV on, 894 00:47:30,200 --> 00:47:33,239 Speaker 1: and I'm like, I'm like, yo, what is wrong with you? 895 00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:36,200 Speaker 1: And she's like, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm 896 00:47:36,239 --> 00:47:39,680 Speaker 1: just here. I just here. I got my degree. You're 897 00:47:39,719 --> 00:47:43,920 Speaker 1: just sitting exactly a bunch of stuff. Yeah, we went shopping, 898 00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:47,279 Speaker 1: We went to whatever North wille mall, spend a ton 899 00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:51,000 Speaker 1: of money. She was a happy right. Two days later, 900 00:47:53,080 --> 00:47:56,920 Speaker 1: I have a friend bag. So I was like, you 901 00:47:56,960 --> 00:47:58,719 Speaker 1: know what, you know, what do you want to do? 902 00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:02,200 Speaker 1: And it's really the finding happiness in yourself. You cannot 903 00:48:02,239 --> 00:48:05,759 Speaker 1: rely on your spouse or your significant other to be 904 00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:09,000 Speaker 1: your soul source of happy because if that's the case, 905 00:48:09,080 --> 00:48:12,440 Speaker 1: you're going to be left disappointed time and time and 906 00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:14,880 Speaker 1: time again. And but for men. But that's part of 907 00:48:14,960 --> 00:48:17,239 Speaker 1: the problem though, because it's question is a great question. 908 00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:19,760 Speaker 1: How could I support you? Know what I'm saying, because 909 00:48:19,800 --> 00:48:21,680 Speaker 1: because we have to find ways to support you guys. 910 00:48:21,719 --> 00:48:24,160 Speaker 1: But a lot of times in supporting, supporting doesn't mean 911 00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:28,080 Speaker 1: doing the work. Supporting means sometimes falling back, not being 912 00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:30,000 Speaker 1: a crutch and saying this is what you want, go 913 00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:31,640 Speaker 1: get it. You know, I'm saying, oh, you have a 914 00:48:31,719 --> 00:48:34,439 Speaker 1: job interview. Okay, I'll make sure you get there on time, 915 00:48:34,640 --> 00:48:37,600 Speaker 1: but go do it. Because her doing that in herself 916 00:48:37,719 --> 00:48:40,600 Speaker 1: on her own maybe so fulfilling and she'll realize, like, 917 00:48:40,760 --> 00:48:42,960 Speaker 1: this is what I meant to do. So sometimes that 918 00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:45,400 Speaker 1: support system is falling back and let her just be 919 00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:48,239 Speaker 1: a woman and be herself and and just be like 920 00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:50,719 Speaker 1: be there for being here to listen to and don't 921 00:48:50,760 --> 00:48:53,560 Speaker 1: say nothing and just keep your mouth shut. But I mean, 922 00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:56,560 Speaker 1: every everyone, regardless of this man woman relationship or not, 923 00:48:56,719 --> 00:48:59,440 Speaker 1: you are constantly working to figure out what your purpose is. 924 00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:02,000 Speaker 1: Something went right off the bat, like said early on, 925 00:49:02,120 --> 00:49:04,040 Speaker 1: you know with her, she knew off the bat, after 926 00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:05,719 Speaker 1: her experience at twenty years old, that this was going 927 00:49:05,760 --> 00:49:07,880 Speaker 1: to be her path. Some people have to take the 928 00:49:07,920 --> 00:49:10,480 Speaker 1: scenic route to getting to that purpose, and that just 929 00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:13,919 Speaker 1: maybe where your girlfriend is, um right now? So yeah, 930 00:49:14,120 --> 00:49:16,960 Speaker 1: you know what, friend, that your wife they are married. 931 00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:18,919 Speaker 1: They're married. We didn't even point out and I can't 932 00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:20,719 Speaker 1: believe I missed this right They said they got married 933 00:49:20,760 --> 00:49:23,600 Speaker 1: at a young age, and she says now in their marriage, 934 00:49:23,640 --> 00:49:25,600 Speaker 1: she feels like she wants to find her purpose. You 935 00:49:25,680 --> 00:49:28,840 Speaker 1: know what probably happened. She probably felt like being a 936 00:49:28,960 --> 00:49:32,359 Speaker 1: wife was going to fulfill her purpose. And now she's 937 00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:34,719 Speaker 1: a wife and it's like, okay, what's next, what's next? 938 00:49:34,920 --> 00:49:36,799 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. And the thing is, as men, 939 00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:39,880 Speaker 1: we don't have that. We don't have that like that 940 00:49:40,040 --> 00:49:43,319 Speaker 1: isn't socially conditioning condition for us to feel like, oh, 941 00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:45,799 Speaker 1: I want to become a husband. You see what I'm saying. 942 00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:47,680 Speaker 1: For a for a woman, it's almost like a prize. 943 00:49:47,719 --> 00:49:51,120 Speaker 1: Oh you're someone's wife, and not necessarily I think. I 944 00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:53,120 Speaker 1: think that there's some men who pride themselves and being 945 00:49:53,160 --> 00:49:55,759 Speaker 1: a husband and being able to provide, and some women 946 00:49:55,800 --> 00:49:58,320 Speaker 1: don't aspire to be wives are married either. I get that. 947 00:49:58,440 --> 00:50:00,960 Speaker 1: But what I'm saying is is think about how we 948 00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:03,759 Speaker 1: condition our young men and young women growing up. Right, 949 00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:07,360 Speaker 1: for prom women, you for the prom, you wait for 950 00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:10,320 Speaker 1: a boy to ask you to prom, right to get engaged, 951 00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:13,239 Speaker 1: you wait for the guy to propose, because I sure 952 00:50:13,280 --> 00:50:15,279 Speaker 1: it's helling getting down on one knee, see what I'm saying. 953 00:50:15,360 --> 00:50:17,279 Speaker 1: So as much as you can have this woman hearing 954 00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:21,120 Speaker 1: me roar moments, I'll get down on both kneeds. And 955 00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:27,400 Speaker 1: that's not right. There is why we need to here. No, 956 00:50:28,680 --> 00:50:32,399 Speaker 1: you're funny, but it's true, you know what I'm saying. 957 00:50:32,440 --> 00:50:35,319 Speaker 1: Like we've conditioned our women to feel like you feel 958 00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:38,000 Speaker 1: fulfilled when you be asked on a date, or you 959 00:50:38,120 --> 00:50:40,720 Speaker 1: get engaged, or you get married. And for some women, 960 00:50:40,800 --> 00:50:43,960 Speaker 1: like you said, that's not fulfilling. I need other things, 961 00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:46,280 Speaker 1: And maybe that's what they need to have a conversation 962 00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:48,040 Speaker 1: and find out like what else do you want to do? 963 00:50:48,160 --> 00:50:49,879 Speaker 1: And what else do you want to do? Six? Yeah, 964 00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:53,000 Speaker 1: and be open about it. Absolutely, And if you want 965 00:50:53,040 --> 00:50:55,520 Speaker 1: to be featured as one of our listener letters, email 966 00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:59,239 Speaker 1: us at dead ass Advice at gmail dot com. That 967 00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:02,239 Speaker 1: is D A D A S S A D V 968 00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:05,879 Speaker 1: I C E at gmail dot com. If you want 969 00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:09,680 Speaker 1: to hear from us, Yes, and now it's time for 970 00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:13,480 Speaker 1: the moment of truth. Can yes, sir, this episode was 971 00:51:13,560 --> 00:51:19,320 Speaker 1: greatly about you. Yes you had. I sure did with 972 00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:21,799 Speaker 1: you by my side. Yes, So talk to me. What's 973 00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:24,439 Speaker 1: your moment of truth for today? I think after talking 974 00:51:24,520 --> 00:51:28,920 Speaker 1: to Takia, having experienced her care, having had pretty much 975 00:51:28,960 --> 00:51:33,360 Speaker 1: an extensive portfolio of different types of childbirth and labors 976 00:51:33,400 --> 00:51:36,600 Speaker 1: and stuff with our three boys, my biggest takeaway or 977 00:51:36,640 --> 00:51:39,120 Speaker 1: my biggest moment of truth would be for any woman 978 00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:43,920 Speaker 1: to ensure that you are being your own advocate, and 979 00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:48,120 Speaker 1: that means doing your due diligence with your research, knowing 980 00:51:48,239 --> 00:51:52,239 Speaker 1: exactly what you want, having a birthing plan, having a 981 00:51:52,320 --> 00:51:56,360 Speaker 1: pregnancy plan. Um. Sometimes pregnancy come up unexpected, but in 982 00:51:56,480 --> 00:51:58,440 Speaker 1: that once you do know you're pregnant, just make sure 983 00:51:58,480 --> 00:52:00,160 Speaker 1: that you're doing your due diligence so you can you're 984 00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:03,560 Speaker 1: out what it is exactly you want and naturally sometimes 985 00:52:03,719 --> 00:52:06,400 Speaker 1: you know mother nature kicks in, there may be complications 986 00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:10,200 Speaker 1: that arise, But the most gratifying and the most calming 987 00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:15,800 Speaker 1: thing is to know that you have UM confidence in 988 00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:19,320 Speaker 1: the person that you choose to be alongside you on 989 00:52:19,400 --> 00:52:22,600 Speaker 1: this journey, meaning whether it's a midwife or it's an O, B, G, 990 00:52:22,800 --> 00:52:25,560 Speaker 1: Y n UM, whatever route you decide to take, make 991 00:52:25,600 --> 00:52:27,520 Speaker 1: sure that you are your own advocate. You speak up 992 00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:30,520 Speaker 1: for what you want. UM. You rely on them to 993 00:52:30,600 --> 00:52:34,360 Speaker 1: be that source of expert opinion and expert knowledge, but 994 00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:37,960 Speaker 1: be vocal about what it is you want out of 995 00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:40,880 Speaker 1: your experience because it's a major time in life and 996 00:52:41,280 --> 00:52:44,680 Speaker 1: having a baby is life changing. UM. With each child 997 00:52:44,840 --> 00:52:48,000 Speaker 1: it gets to be a different experience. Every pregnancy is different, 998 00:52:48,160 --> 00:52:51,080 Speaker 1: every labor is different, every delivery is different. UM. So 999 00:52:51,239 --> 00:52:53,520 Speaker 1: just making sure that you have that autonomy over yourself, 1000 00:52:53,600 --> 00:52:57,359 Speaker 1: over your body, and over your care. I am listen 1001 00:52:57,440 --> 00:52:59,480 Speaker 1: to you speak about it as a woman. It seems 1002 00:52:59,520 --> 00:53:02,040 Speaker 1: so common place to you because you speak about care 1003 00:53:02,160 --> 00:53:04,920 Speaker 1: and I have a different take on it. Is your 1004 00:53:04,960 --> 00:53:06,320 Speaker 1: moment of truth having to deal more with like a 1005 00:53:06,400 --> 00:53:09,080 Speaker 1: man's perspective as a father, because I know a lot 1006 00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:11,399 Speaker 1: of guys talk to you about it. No My moment 1007 00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:14,600 Speaker 1: of truth is all about women. There is a divine, 1008 00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:19,880 Speaker 1: esoteric being about being a woman. Right. Women are the 1009 00:53:19,960 --> 00:53:24,759 Speaker 1: vessel that bring forth life into the world. Think about that. Right, 1010 00:53:25,239 --> 00:53:28,000 Speaker 1: if you take even with modern science, you take all 1011 00:53:28,080 --> 00:53:31,120 Speaker 1: of the sperm, all of the eggs, right, you get 1012 00:53:31,200 --> 00:53:33,200 Speaker 1: rid of all of the men in the world, you 1013 00:53:33,320 --> 00:53:36,320 Speaker 1: can still create life because you have women. That's the vessel. 1014 00:53:36,640 --> 00:53:38,640 Speaker 1: You get rid of all the women and you have men, 1015 00:53:39,040 --> 00:53:41,719 Speaker 1: we can't do ship right. I don't think people want 1016 00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:44,440 Speaker 1: to admit that that there's something divine about being a woman, 1017 00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:47,320 Speaker 1: and I think it's important that we remember that, especially 1018 00:53:47,400 --> 00:53:50,600 Speaker 1: when it comes to childbirth, the fact that you can 1019 00:53:50,680 --> 00:53:52,839 Speaker 1: bring life into the world. We have to take more 1020 00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:55,640 Speaker 1: care and more take heed to how important it is 1021 00:53:56,080 --> 00:54:00,680 Speaker 1: to understand how valuable the women reproductive system is and 1022 00:54:00,800 --> 00:54:03,480 Speaker 1: the ability to to bring in life, how important that 1023 00:54:03,640 --> 00:54:07,760 Speaker 1: is for humanity, absolutely, the outside of race, outside of anything, 1024 00:54:07,880 --> 00:54:10,680 Speaker 1: for just for humanity, for humanity women. If we want 1025 00:54:10,719 --> 00:54:13,960 Speaker 1: to continue to exist, we need women and we need 1026 00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:16,800 Speaker 1: to take care of them, take care of themselves. We 1027 00:54:16,880 --> 00:54:20,560 Speaker 1: have to know our rights, we have to have autonomy 1028 00:54:20,719 --> 00:54:24,640 Speaker 1: over our body. Absolutely, And you took over my moment 1029 00:54:24,680 --> 00:54:27,920 Speaker 1: of truth. I don't mind because I'm passionate about it exactly. 1030 00:54:27,960 --> 00:54:30,680 Speaker 1: And I don't mind because this is about women and 1031 00:54:30,920 --> 00:54:32,920 Speaker 1: I think that we all need to realize. And I 1032 00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:36,120 Speaker 1: love you for supporting me every single pregnancy and devoured 1033 00:54:36,280 --> 00:54:38,680 Speaker 1: so much research on his own. Every single time I've 1034 00:54:38,719 --> 00:54:40,400 Speaker 1: had a baby and wanted to do something different, he 1035 00:54:40,480 --> 00:54:42,560 Speaker 1: did his own research. When it came to the home 1036 00:54:42,600 --> 00:54:45,000 Speaker 1: birth thing, finding him in wife, he was actually bringing 1037 00:54:45,120 --> 00:54:49,240 Speaker 1: me information and statistics. So it was definitely a dual 1038 00:54:50,239 --> 00:54:52,640 Speaker 1: partnership all the way. He's like, if we're going to 1039 00:54:52,719 --> 00:54:54,440 Speaker 1: do this together and I'm going to be supporting you, 1040 00:54:54,480 --> 00:54:56,279 Speaker 1: I want to make sure I understand what's happening with 1041 00:54:56,400 --> 00:54:58,520 Speaker 1: your body to the best of my ability, which I 1042 00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:00,759 Speaker 1: respect about you as a man. Know, why do you 1043 00:55:00,840 --> 00:55:03,160 Speaker 1: know what it's like to look at the person you 1044 00:55:03,320 --> 00:55:06,080 Speaker 1: chose to bring forth life into the world and not 1045 00:55:06,200 --> 00:55:07,480 Speaker 1: know if you're going to see them when they come 1046 00:55:07,520 --> 00:55:10,680 Speaker 1: out of that room. I've been there before. I've been there. 1047 00:55:11,360 --> 00:55:14,480 Speaker 1: That means a lot to me when I when I 1048 00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:16,759 Speaker 1: watched you go in there and say that, Wow, this 1049 00:55:16,920 --> 00:55:19,319 Speaker 1: is the sacrifice she's making to help me bring forth life, 1050 00:55:19,640 --> 00:55:22,960 Speaker 1: continue my legacy. We talk a lot about equality in 1051 00:55:23,040 --> 00:55:26,080 Speaker 1: this world. There's nothing equal about being a man or 1052 00:55:26,080 --> 00:55:28,320 Speaker 1: a woman. There are things that women can do that 1053 00:55:28,440 --> 00:55:30,960 Speaker 1: men cannot do, and we have to take hey to that. 1054 00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:34,160 Speaker 1: All right now, look at him trying to get me 1055 00:55:34,239 --> 00:55:35,920 Speaker 1: to have another baby. That's all this is about, guy. 1056 00:55:39,480 --> 00:55:41,920 Speaker 1: I can get one more, absolutely not. I told you 1057 00:55:42,040 --> 00:55:45,560 Speaker 1: to keep it myde I will go check for my strings. 1058 00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:52,080 Speaker 1: Be sure to follow us on social media. I am Cadine, 1059 00:55:52,160 --> 00:55:56,320 Speaker 1: I am on Instagram and I am devoured. That's I 1060 00:55:56,520 --> 00:55:59,640 Speaker 1: A M. D E V A L E on Instagram, 1061 00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:03,080 Speaker 1: Twitter and also Facebook. And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, 1062 00:56:03,120 --> 00:56:05,600 Speaker 1: be shut to rate review because we love to have 1063 00:56:05,800 --> 00:56:08,520 Speaker 1: feedback what you like and what we can improve on. 1064 00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:11,399 Speaker 1: And don't forget to hit that subscribe button that when 1065 00:56:11,480 --> 00:56:15,320 Speaker 1: we do a new episode automatically downloads to your phone, 1066 00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:18,040 Speaker 1: all automatic. I'm all about the automatic soundload, you know. 1067 00:56:18,120 --> 00:56:20,600 Speaker 1: That's why it's there and I can listen and all 1068 00:56:20,640 --> 00:56:29,960 Speaker 1: that good stuff. Dead as dead ass, we'll back. I'm 1069 00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:32,240 Speaker 1: Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth. We have a podcast 1070 00:56:32,280 --> 00:56:34,200 Speaker 1: going on right now as part as the stitchen Net. 1071 00:56:34,239 --> 00:56:39,360 Speaker 1: We're called Substraction that's available everywhere Get a podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, 1072 00:56:39,760 --> 00:56:42,480 Speaker 1: Apple Go. Listen right now to the distraction, right now, 1073 00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:43,640 Speaker 1: it's out. Do it. Please,