WEBVTT - The Green Flags of Cheating Feat. Marcus Black 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.520 Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife. 0:00:03.680 --> 0:00:04.280 She couldn't. 0:00:04.440 --> 0:00:06.840 She cleaned and cared for her children and the man 0:00:06.880 --> 0:00:09.680 of the house, and of course she didn't talk back. 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:11.280 She was both obedient and. 0:00:11.280 --> 0:00:12.240 Soft by nature. 0:00:12.360 --> 0:00:15.640 She was a good woman who always made good choices. 0:00:17.440 --> 0:00:18.759 We're good Mom's bad choices. 0:00:18.800 --> 0:00:21.520 You's single mom who said fuck the patriarchy, shared all 0:00:21.520 --> 0:00:22.480 their bad choices and. 0:00:22.440 --> 0:00:24.000 Found out they were so bad after all. 0:00:24.040 --> 0:00:26.600 We're experts, overshares and your new besties. 0:00:26.720 --> 0:00:28.240 Sit back and enjoy the ride. 0:00:28.800 --> 0:00:29.160 I can. 0:00:32.640 --> 0:00:35.320 Welcome back to good Mom's bad choices. I'm Erica and 0:00:35.360 --> 0:00:36.080 I'm Nila. 0:00:36.400 --> 0:00:39.120 Happy hump Day, bitches, Happy. 0:00:38.880 --> 0:00:43.800 Motherfucking hump Day. It's another wonderful week of good moms, 0:00:44.400 --> 0:00:48.960 bad motherfucking choices, and happy Valentine's Day. Yes, it's the 0:00:49.000 --> 0:00:52.480 week of Valentine's Day. And if you are not celebrating love, 0:00:53.280 --> 0:00:54.320 celebrate love, bitches. 0:00:54.320 --> 0:00:56.800 All we got even if you're single. Celebrate the love 0:00:56.800 --> 0:00:57.200 of self. 0:00:57.800 --> 0:01:00.920 Celebrate the love that's coming. Yeah, celebrate the love of family. 0:01:01.000 --> 0:01:04.480 Celebrate the love of girlfriends. More love, more love, more love. 0:01:04.520 --> 0:01:06.160 We're in the student. I called Melave this morning. I 0:01:06.160 --> 0:01:09.959 was like, bitch, we're pink, and I was. 0:01:10.000 --> 0:01:11.800 Like, okay, because I already have an outfit right here. 0:01:11.800 --> 0:01:15.920 I'm looking at it, but okay, I got it. So 0:01:16.080 --> 0:01:20.039 here are my pink my pink pants, my pink my 0:01:20.080 --> 0:01:22.560 professional pink pants. I feel like Oprah. 0:01:22.720 --> 0:01:27.520 You look beautiful, gorgeous, very soft and feminine, lovely. 0:01:30.680 --> 0:01:30.880 Yeah. 0:01:30.959 --> 0:01:33.080 We have a special guest today, and I'm really excited 0:01:33.080 --> 0:01:34.560 because we're gonna get straight into it. 0:01:35.240 --> 0:01:36.880 This is a former guest, but it's been. 0:01:36.760 --> 0:01:40.560 A few years since this gentleman has joined us on 0:01:40.680 --> 0:01:43.039 in the Girl Cave, the Woman Cave, the wild woman Cave. 0:01:43.160 --> 0:01:45.039 This is first time here at this wild woman Cave. 0:01:45.040 --> 0:01:46.640 Oh yeah, because before I was at the other at 0:01:46.640 --> 0:01:47.440 the other spot. 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:51.560 I'm very excited to welcome to the show none other 0:01:51.880 --> 0:01:57.920 than relationship coach, author, writer, producer mister Marcus Black. 0:01:59.720 --> 0:02:00.840 Hey, welcome back. 0:02:01.400 --> 0:02:03.240 So what did you call this the what kind of case? 0:02:03.360 --> 0:02:04.080 Wild woman case? 0:02:06.600 --> 0:02:09.160 I'm built for it, though you ready you made it 0:02:09.160 --> 0:02:09.720 out before. 0:02:09.800 --> 0:02:14.400 Yeah, I got four sisters, two daughter's wife, ex wife. 0:02:15.800 --> 0:02:19.560 You've been married twice, you've been initiated. I have a 0:02:19.639 --> 0:02:21.640 question when you because you know when you ask what 0:02:21.720 --> 0:02:24.680 is that does the word the term wild woman like 0:02:24.800 --> 0:02:26.560 make you feel a way. I feel like sometimes men 0:02:26.600 --> 0:02:28.640 get turned off by the term wild woman. 0:02:28.919 --> 0:02:31.680 I don't it, don't it, don't it, don't budge me. Okay, 0:02:32.040 --> 0:02:34.440 you know I think wild. 0:02:34.280 --> 0:02:34.800 As in. 0:02:36.919 --> 0:02:41.800 Uncontrolled by men, right, so sounds fair. 0:02:42.360 --> 0:02:44.959 Never put it that way, but I like that control. 0:02:45.040 --> 0:02:46.800 And you know, I mean there's more legs, so that 0:02:46.840 --> 0:02:48.720 it's not all about we're not we're not centering men 0:02:48.720 --> 0:02:51.400 in our wildness, right, Like, there's other aspects to our wildness. 0:02:51.520 --> 0:02:53.000 What makes you guys wild? 0:02:53.320 --> 0:02:55.720 I like to think of myself as wild in the 0:02:55.800 --> 0:03:02.760 sense of like fairal not like incubated. When I think 0:03:02.800 --> 0:03:05.120 of the opposite of wild, people like why wild, I'm like, 0:03:05.200 --> 0:03:08.880 why not like free? I think a free primal. 0:03:09.000 --> 0:03:09.919 So not controlled? 0:03:10.520 --> 0:03:11.640 Yeah, not in the zoo. 0:03:12.440 --> 0:03:14.440 What's it? What's your what's your idea. 0:03:14.120 --> 0:03:17.520 Of I think for me, it's just someone that's like 0:03:17.560 --> 0:03:20.000 authentically themselves no matter what, no matter where what room 0:03:20.040 --> 0:03:22.440 you enter, whether you know you're in the presence of 0:03:23.080 --> 0:03:25.800 uh a politician or you're in a presence in the 0:03:25.800 --> 0:03:27.519 presence of a child, like you are who you are 0:03:27.680 --> 0:03:30.160 all the time, through and through. There's nothing that tames 0:03:30.400 --> 0:03:31.919 the spirit of who you are and. 0:03:31.880 --> 0:03:34.359 There's no control, like, there's no there's You're not you're 0:03:34.360 --> 0:03:39.800 not trying to abide by this invisible outline of what 0:03:39.880 --> 0:03:42.280 a lady is supposed to be or how you're supposed 0:03:42.280 --> 0:03:44.920 to be. It's rather to your own, your own standard 0:03:45.000 --> 0:03:45.560 of living. 0:03:46.040 --> 0:03:48.440 So you like that I said control, You just don't 0:03:48.520 --> 0:03:51.840 like the by men because you like, like men have 0:03:51.960 --> 0:03:54.120 nothing to do with this, like they're so far out. 0:03:54.200 --> 0:03:54.720 Well, I think that. 0:03:54.720 --> 0:03:57.160 There's probably an element to that, and I think that there's. 0:03:56.960 --> 0:04:00.400 Like I think that me and Mila have you in 0:04:00.520 --> 0:04:03.120 our wildness over the years, right, because I think that 0:04:03.160 --> 0:04:06.680 there's definitely Obviously Mila is a wife, right, so she 0:04:06.960 --> 0:04:12.520 in in in many spaces and in her life. I've 0:04:12.560 --> 0:04:14.960 seen her submit to Orlando. So it's not about like 0:04:15.440 --> 0:04:18.440 not being controlled. I think that word, I mean, it's 0:04:18.520 --> 0:04:20.719 it's the word is layered, right, So I think that 0:04:21.320 --> 0:04:23.719 it's not I don't think that as women who are wild, 0:04:23.920 --> 0:04:27.440 it's there's not a lack of submissiveness that we can 0:04:27.760 --> 0:04:30.960 possess in partnership with man. It's also like who is 0:04:31.000 --> 0:04:34.040 the man that's leading us? So I don't mind submitting. 0:04:33.640 --> 0:04:34.039 To a man. 0:04:34.160 --> 0:04:36.160 I don't mind I love it please, for the love 0:04:36.200 --> 0:04:36.760 of God. 0:04:38.040 --> 0:04:39.040 Submitting I do. 0:04:39.200 --> 0:04:40.480 I'm very right, man. 0:04:40.560 --> 0:04:43.160 Yeah, Like I feel like in this season of my life. 0:04:43.160 --> 0:04:44.960 I've been in my relationship for almost two years now, 0:04:44.960 --> 0:04:47.559 and like the other day I was like cooking lunch 0:04:47.600 --> 0:04:48.920 for Shakham and I. 0:04:48.839 --> 0:04:51.400 Was like, wow, I've been doing this a lot, and 0:04:51.440 --> 0:04:53.960 I really enjoy it. I enjoy it. 0:04:54.040 --> 0:04:56.479 I enjoy like making sure like he's taken care of 0:04:56.680 --> 0:04:59.360 I enjoy you know, I enjoy taking care of him 0:04:59.360 --> 0:05:03.479 in all ways. So I think for other for other men, 0:05:03.520 --> 0:05:05.560 though I would have been a lot more resistant, I've 0:05:05.600 --> 0:05:07.000 been resistant. 0:05:07.279 --> 0:05:10.039 So it's about the men that you choose, I think. 0:05:10.160 --> 0:05:12.200 And I think that's what pisses me off about like 0:05:12.279 --> 0:05:16.000 this era of I don't know how you say, like 0:05:16.360 --> 0:05:19.120 insults or like this love this error of a lot 0:05:19.120 --> 0:05:22.640 of men, about like when men don't women don't want 0:05:22.680 --> 0:05:24.880 to submit, and women don't want to be It's like, no, nigga, 0:05:25.400 --> 0:05:28.280 it's just not to your non man ass, you know, 0:05:28.400 --> 0:05:31.279 Like no, just not to you who's over there hating 0:05:31.560 --> 0:05:34.599 hating women out loud on a podcast, you know, Like 0:05:34.640 --> 0:05:37.599 that irritates me. And for that reason, I was thinking 0:05:37.600 --> 0:05:41.359 about this recently, like I intentionally use a lot of 0:05:41.440 --> 0:05:46.440 language that I know is going to irritate or bother 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:50.000 a small minded man, you know what I mean. Like sometimes, 0:05:50.200 --> 0:05:52.240 like I said, wild women, I can tell it like 0:05:52.960 --> 0:05:55.640 I can start twitching or like ho like I'm a 0:05:55.760 --> 0:05:57.760 I'm a former hope and like oh, you know, like 0:05:57.760 --> 0:05:59.520 there's certain words that I know it's going to really 0:06:00.160 --> 0:06:04.360 they're a basic man, so I use them to see 0:06:04.360 --> 0:06:05.440 if they're gonna melt. 0:06:05.760 --> 0:06:07.440 Yeah, and it works. 0:06:07.600 --> 0:06:09.960 Yeah, but I also want to I also will say 0:06:10.160 --> 0:06:13.479 as a woman who has had I mean, I guess 0:06:13.520 --> 0:06:16.080 submission has been a journey for me, and it's I'm 0:06:16.120 --> 0:06:18.839 still in the journey of it even currently in this relationship. 0:06:18.960 --> 0:06:20.760 Is like I think a lot of women say, like 0:06:20.760 --> 0:06:22.359 for the right man, I will submit, but that's not 0:06:22.400 --> 0:06:24.479 always true because when you find the right man because 0:06:24.480 --> 0:06:26.920 you've been in the practice of not submitting, there's actually 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:29.520 like there's actually like a training that has to happen. 0:06:29.560 --> 0:06:31.880 I'm still in it too, yeah, married, but I'm still 0:06:31.960 --> 0:06:33.719 actively like I twitch every time you. 0:06:33.760 --> 0:06:35.960 Tell me I get Like Shakam was like, you know, 0:06:36.000 --> 0:06:37.720 I've been thinking someone the other day. He's like, I'm 0:06:37.760 --> 0:06:40.200 just contemplating, Like where you submit to me, and like 0:06:40.240 --> 0:06:42.160 you when we go to the gym, like you submit one, 0:06:43.240 --> 0:06:45.320 like you're no problem, Like you'll like listen to everything 0:06:45.320 --> 0:06:47.479 that I say. He's like, with Iri, you've given me 0:06:47.480 --> 0:06:48.960 a lot of trust. My daughter, you've given me a 0:06:49.000 --> 0:06:50.960 lot of trust. So there's like a submission there. But 0:06:51.080 --> 0:06:53.279 in the household, there's a lack of submission that I 0:06:53.320 --> 0:06:56.159 experienced with both you and your Daughter's very challenging in 0:06:56.160 --> 0:06:56.560 this house. 0:06:57.040 --> 0:07:00.360 And you know, he was like, you know, we're debating 0:07:00.360 --> 0:07:01.480 about what why that. 0:07:01.440 --> 0:07:03.479 Could possibly be. Not at the gym, you do it, 0:07:03.520 --> 0:07:04.760 but he said, he. 0:07:04.680 --> 0:07:07.919 Said, sexually, I submit like in places where I have 0:07:08.080 --> 0:07:12.040 seen him, like where I know, well, yeah, where I 0:07:12.040 --> 0:07:15.720 believe or i've seen the proof, I can say no problem, 0:07:15.960 --> 0:07:16.200 you know. 0:07:16.440 --> 0:07:18.640 And he was talking about the house and I was 0:07:18.680 --> 0:07:19.240 telling him, well. 0:07:19.160 --> 0:07:20.960 I was like, well, well she cam actually like my baby 0:07:21.000 --> 0:07:23.200 daddy told me I had I wouldn't submit to him 0:07:23.200 --> 0:07:26.320 in the house. So it's not like whatever what we were 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:28.680 talking about. I was like, it's not that. It's that 0:07:29.000 --> 0:07:31.920 as a single mom, and I also, no, it's this, 0:07:32.080 --> 0:07:34.120 it's that a I've never I've never been in that 0:07:34.200 --> 0:07:36.480 my mom, my grandmother, they're not. I've never seen them 0:07:36.480 --> 0:07:38.600 submit to a man in the house. My mom and 0:07:38.640 --> 0:07:41.360 my stepdad's dynamic. She is she runs the ship, she 0:07:41.440 --> 0:07:44.600 runs the ship. My grandmother runs the ship. I've literally 0:07:44.760 --> 0:07:47.600 never seen it. I have not experienced it. And then 0:07:47.640 --> 0:07:50.760 also layering that on to so that was what my 0:07:50.800 --> 0:07:52.760 baby daddy experienced for me because he would say that all. 0:07:52.720 --> 0:07:55.160 The time, you don't ever let me lead. I was like, well, 0:07:55.160 --> 0:07:56.280 I don't trust you, and he goes, oh, no, I'm 0:07:56.320 --> 0:07:56.960 not going to literally lead. 0:07:57.200 --> 0:07:58.640 But now that I'm with a man that I trust, 0:07:58.760 --> 0:08:01.640 it still shows up. And I think for me now 0:08:03.720 --> 0:08:06.000 because I've never seen it. But then there's the added 0:08:06.080 --> 0:08:08.640 layer of being a single mother and having to be 0:08:08.720 --> 0:08:10.240 the man of the house and having to make sure 0:08:10.280 --> 0:08:14.320 everything gets done and it's like, if if anything's off, 0:08:14.360 --> 0:08:17.000 then it's on me. And now having someone come in 0:08:17.320 --> 0:08:21.400 and like, it's been challenging for me to like, yeah, 0:08:21.720 --> 0:08:24.160 submit to that. And so I'm still in the practice 0:08:24.200 --> 0:08:25.480 of learning how to do that. Even though I have 0:08:25.520 --> 0:08:26.920 a good man, even though I have someone that I 0:08:26.960 --> 0:08:28.560 can be soft with, I can trust all those things. 0:08:28.640 --> 0:08:30.840 So for the ladies that think, oh, when I find 0:08:30.840 --> 0:08:34.200 the right man, then I'll submit. No, bitch, you might not. 0:08:34.440 --> 0:08:36.240 You're still gonna need to learn how to do that 0:08:36.280 --> 0:08:38.160 because it actually feels really uncomfortable. 0:08:38.440 --> 0:08:38.920 Yeah. 0:08:39.200 --> 0:08:42.400 I actually my latest book that I just put out 0:08:42.480 --> 0:08:46.280 is called Bulletproof Love, right, and I'm teaching people how 0:08:46.320 --> 0:08:49.280 to bulletproof your relationship. But and I actually created the 0:08:49.320 --> 0:08:52.559 whole curriculum. I have a community. It's called Bulletproof University, 0:08:52.960 --> 0:08:54.959 and I created the first curriculm. Because you know, any 0:08:55.480 --> 0:08:59.240 any license you go get, right, I don't care if 0:08:59.280 --> 0:09:01.720 it's a beautician like saying the drivers, Like, any license 0:09:01.720 --> 0:09:05.040 you go get you have to read something, you have 0:09:05.200 --> 0:09:06.920 to study it, you have to and you have to 0:09:06.920 --> 0:09:08.760 pass a test that says you know how to do it. 0:09:09.240 --> 0:09:11.040 But the marriage LI likes is the only license you need. 0:09:10.960 --> 0:09:12.800 To get Crazy that you say that and. 0:09:12.720 --> 0:09:14.679 They give you a license that says you know how 0:09:14.720 --> 0:09:15.120 to do this. 0:09:15.400 --> 0:09:16.120 You don't know shit. 0:09:16.760 --> 0:09:18.200 You pay two hundred and fifty dollars and you are 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:20.000 not clear to ruin your life. 0:09:21.400 --> 0:09:22.040 You know what I'm saying. 0:09:22.280 --> 0:09:25.320 And so for me, I'm like, I had never seen 0:09:25.360 --> 0:09:27.200 it either, you know, I had never seen it up 0:09:27.240 --> 0:09:31.600 close and personal, impersonal, but I had seen it on 0:09:31.760 --> 0:09:33.440 like because we come from a different era, right, So 0:09:33.480 --> 0:09:36.280 I saw Cosby Show, I saw First Prince of bel At, I. 0:09:36.240 --> 0:09:40.240 Saw family matters, I saw a step by step you 0:09:40.240 --> 0:09:40.680 know what I'm saying. 0:09:40.679 --> 0:09:44.240 I saw all different shows, and I'm like, hmmm, So 0:09:45.720 --> 0:09:47.600 there's a way that this is supposed to be done. 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:49.120 We just don't know how to do it. You know 0:09:49.160 --> 0:09:50.080 what I'm saying. I didn't know. 0:09:50.200 --> 0:09:52.160 I had no idea how to be a husband. I 0:09:52.200 --> 0:09:54.000 had no idea how to be a father. You know 0:09:54.000 --> 0:09:54.480 what I'm saying. 0:09:55.960 --> 0:09:58.000 My dad had no idea. You know what I'm saying. 0:09:58.120 --> 0:10:01.199 His dad had no idea. Where do I get this from? 0:10:01.280 --> 0:10:04.720 You know what I'm saying. So we find ourselves going 0:10:04.800 --> 0:10:08.040 by societal standards or going what we saw our parents 0:10:08.080 --> 0:10:10.880 do or what our friends said, and you know, we 0:10:11.000 --> 0:10:14.440 take an input from people who are unsuccessful in the space, 0:10:14.480 --> 0:10:17.120 you know what I'm saying. So I created the actual 0:10:17.160 --> 0:10:20.680 curriculum on how to do it. And so I'm teaching 0:10:20.720 --> 0:10:23.440 people how to bulletproof your relationship so that. 0:10:24.160 --> 0:10:26.800 It's durable, you know what I mean. 0:10:26.840 --> 0:10:30.600 So you can interact with you from so you can 0:10:30.679 --> 0:10:35.360 so you can approach it from a covenant concept and 0:10:35.400 --> 0:10:36.640 not a contract concept. 0:10:37.240 --> 0:10:42.240 You know and have creed and communication and yeah, and 0:10:42.280 --> 0:10:44.680 I've never heard anybody put it that blatantly, but it's true. 0:10:44.720 --> 0:10:48.680 Like me and Orlando did some pre marital divorce proof 0:10:49.000 --> 0:10:51.560 club before we got married, which I thought was important. 0:10:51.640 --> 0:10:53.439 But the only time we really see that happen is 0:10:53.480 --> 0:10:59.120 in like religious form formats like Catholicism and Christianity. There's 0:10:59.120 --> 0:11:01.080 generally before they are you in a church, you have 0:11:01.160 --> 0:11:03.520 to go through you know, something with the pastor or 0:11:03.559 --> 0:11:05.960 something like that, but prior to marriage. But if you're 0:11:05.960 --> 0:11:09.240 not in those those religious you know spaces, or you 0:11:09.240 --> 0:11:10.960 don't belong to a church, or you don't opt to 0:11:10.960 --> 0:11:13.760 do that, generally people are doing it blindsided as fuck, 0:11:13.840 --> 0:11:15.760 and there's no blueprint and they're just like fuck it. 0:11:16.200 --> 0:11:18.880 And a lot of times we see it fails, and. 0:11:18.920 --> 0:11:21.640 It's it's it's even it's even whacking the church though, 0:11:22.080 --> 0:11:25.160 like we're not going to act like the The marriage 0:11:25.800 --> 0:11:30.960 rate is higher for Christians and Catholics than everybody else. 0:11:31.120 --> 0:11:32.559 I mean, and if it is, it's because they were 0:11:32.559 --> 0:11:34.640 like I don't want to go to Hell. It's like 0:11:34.679 --> 0:11:37.800 because they're afraid of the of the like the shame 0:11:38.000 --> 0:11:40.960 of being divorced, there's like that understanding, not because they're 0:11:40.960 --> 0:11:42.200 necessarily more happy. 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:44.280 Yeah, And I don't even want to get going down 0:11:44.320 --> 0:11:47.240 that road because I really it really irks me. I 0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:55.720 really get going down religion. Religion, Yeah, because if you 0:11:55.920 --> 0:11:59.640 actually read and studied a lot of the things in 0:11:59.640 --> 0:12:02.600 shoulds that are upheld in the church, these are not 0:12:02.720 --> 0:12:07.120 the things that Jesus taught or scripture even it's not. 0:12:07.880 --> 0:12:09.960 And so when I dove in, I begin to do 0:12:10.040 --> 0:12:11.920 my research and I begin to study, and I begin 0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:13.360 to actually seek. 0:12:13.559 --> 0:12:17.640 I'm like, y'all said it said. It don't say that. 0:12:18.400 --> 0:12:19.840 It kind of doesn't say that at all, y'all something 0:12:19.840 --> 0:12:22.200 I was gonna go to hell it is. It doesn't 0:12:22.240 --> 0:12:24.120 say that either, you know what I'm saying. And it's 0:12:24.200 --> 0:12:27.199 like so many people have a really bad taste in 0:12:27.240 --> 0:12:32.760 their mouth regarding true spirituality and truly seeking God because 0:12:32.960 --> 0:12:34.360 religion has cooked everybody. 0:12:34.520 --> 0:12:36.400 Yeah, you know what I'm saying. The institution of it. 0:12:37.240 --> 0:12:40.160 Yeah, it turned everybody off from what the spirit of 0:12:40.200 --> 0:12:44.000 it truly being love, you know, yeah, loving thy neighbor, 0:12:44.120 --> 0:12:48.200 simple shit, the basics, basic shit. They've turned into something very. 0:12:49.600 --> 0:12:54.160 Yeah, I'm curious about the bullet their bulletproof concept of 0:12:54.960 --> 0:12:57.079 bulletproof in your relationship or your marriage, because I was 0:12:57.280 --> 0:12:59.120 I was reading this quote on your Instagram and said, 0:12:59.160 --> 0:13:02.000 anyone can say I love you. Bulletproof love is shown 0:13:02.040 --> 0:13:03.760 when staying costs you something. 0:13:04.559 --> 0:13:05.360 What do you mean by that? 0:13:05.840 --> 0:13:14.120 So love can only be shown after an offense? Right? 0:13:14.880 --> 0:13:19.880 Love is sacrificial? Right, It's all about. 0:13:19.880 --> 0:13:27.720 I only know somebody loves me by what they're willing 0:13:27.800 --> 0:13:31.280 to offer you when it's not convenient for them. You 0:13:31.320 --> 0:13:33.560 know what I'm saying. If what you give me is 0:13:33.600 --> 0:13:40.960 based off of you, guys are genuinely, generally just just 0:13:41.040 --> 0:13:45.000 decent human beings, right, So if I ask one of 0:13:45.040 --> 0:13:49.080 you guys for something and it's not an inconvenience, you'd 0:13:49.080 --> 0:13:49.719 probably do it. 0:13:50.160 --> 0:13:55.080 Right. Once I ask for something that isn't inconvenience. 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:56.719 Because the relationship is that we're not best friends, we 0:13:56.760 --> 0:13:58.679 didn't grow up together, right, then it's like. 0:13:58.920 --> 0:14:02.080 Uh, is he okay? Right? 0:14:02.559 --> 0:14:08.880 So when I'm talking about bulletproof love, man for me. 0:14:09.360 --> 0:14:09.920 This is just for me. 0:14:09.960 --> 0:14:12.920 I can't speak for nobody else in this scenario. I 0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:16.680 didn't even know my wife truly loved me until I 0:14:16.720 --> 0:14:19.720 completely failed her and she chose me when I knew 0:14:19.760 --> 0:14:22.880 she shouldn't have chose me when I knew you very 0:14:23.920 --> 0:14:25.040 you wouldn't have been wrong. 0:14:24.800 --> 0:14:29.680 For choosing against me, and she chose me and it didn't. 0:14:30.680 --> 0:14:32.720 It was It was eye opening because I think most 0:14:32.760 --> 0:14:37.360 men we don't. I had never seen unconditional love. I 0:14:37.360 --> 0:14:40.520 had never seen selfless love. I had never seen anyone, 0:14:42.040 --> 0:14:48.920 uh choose love or choose their partner. And I'm not 0:14:48.960 --> 0:14:54.360 talking about from from an emotionally manipulative way. 0:14:54.400 --> 0:14:54.840 You know what I'm saying. 0:14:54.840 --> 0:14:57.560 I'm not talking about from a place of like, uh, 0:14:59.840 --> 0:15:02.640 from a place of weakness. I'm talking about intentionally, from 0:15:02.640 --> 0:15:04.880 a place of strength. I'm not talking about I'm gonna 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:07.080 choose you because I have no other choice and what 0:15:07.080 --> 0:15:09.280 else am I gonna do with her? No, I'm gonna 0:15:09.320 --> 0:15:11.920 choose you because I actually know who you are. I 0:15:11.920 --> 0:15:12.840 don't know what that. 0:15:12.840 --> 0:15:13.680 Was that you just did. 0:15:14.120 --> 0:15:19.680 And I believe that there's more. I believe that you know, 0:15:20.160 --> 0:15:24.160 you can be strong. I believe in uh, you know 0:15:24.240 --> 0:15:26.280 what God has has shown me or what I believe 0:15:26.280 --> 0:15:27.280 I've seen regarding you. 0:15:27.360 --> 0:15:28.960 Know what I'm saying. So I'm going to. 0:15:30.960 --> 0:15:33.160 I'm gonna I'm gonna sit back and watch. Let me, 0:15:33.160 --> 0:15:35.640 see what you do with this, you know? And then 0:15:35.800 --> 0:15:38.000 for me, no one had to tell me to go 0:15:38.040 --> 0:15:40.480 to therapy. You know what I'm saying. No one had 0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:41.920 to tell me to go do the work, you know 0:15:41.960 --> 0:15:45.480 what I mean. Like, I wanted to be strong. I 0:15:45.520 --> 0:15:47.200 wanted to be better. I wanted to figure out how 0:15:47.240 --> 0:15:49.600 to be a good husband. I wanted to heal from 0:15:49.920 --> 0:15:53.000 childhood trauma. I wanted to heal from certain things that 0:15:53.240 --> 0:15:55.920 I deal with in my life that was passed down. 0:15:56.320 --> 0:15:58.440 It's generational trauma, you know what I'm saying. I never 0:15:58.440 --> 0:15:59.320 even seen it, you. 0:15:59.320 --> 0:15:59.680 Know what I mean? 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:02.520 Things that I met my biological father when I was 0:16:02.520 --> 0:16:05.960 twenty seven years old, right, and when I met I 0:16:05.960 --> 0:16:08.000 was like, wow, I walk like him, you know what 0:16:08.000 --> 0:16:09.800 I'm saying. We built the same But then there's certain 0:16:09.800 --> 0:16:11.760 things that he struggles with in his life, and I'm like, 0:16:13.480 --> 0:16:14.840 how do I struggle with the same thing? 0:16:14.840 --> 0:16:16.320 And I didn't grow up in the same house with you. 0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:17.720 A genetics boom. 0:16:17.800 --> 0:16:20.680 It's certain, it's spiritual. Certain things has passed down through 0:16:20.680 --> 0:16:23.640 the blood. So I wanted to do the work to 0:16:23.680 --> 0:16:25.920 health from those things and break some of those generational 0:16:25.960 --> 0:16:27.600 curses in my family. 0:16:27.680 --> 0:16:30.440 And yeah, so that's that's that's where I was coming from. 0:16:30.560 --> 0:16:32.680 Let me ask you a question. Do you feel like 0:16:32.720 --> 0:16:36.480 you had that desire to heal, to seek therapy, to 0:16:36.560 --> 0:16:40.200 be this better version of yourself prior to her choosing 0:16:40.240 --> 0:16:44.680 you when she shouldn't have or could have or could 0:16:44.720 --> 0:16:48.880 have opted to do something different. Because when you said that, initially. 0:16:49.840 --> 0:16:50.560 I saw your face. 0:16:50.680 --> 0:16:54.120 I was like, I think there's this understand I think 0:16:54.120 --> 0:16:56.840 it's just a slippery a slippery slope, because I think 0:16:56.840 --> 0:16:59.960 for black women there's this there's this understanding like, yes, 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:03.080 marriage and partnership are difficult, and there's going to be 0:17:03.120 --> 0:17:04.679 things that you don't like and there's going to be 0:17:04.760 --> 0:17:07.040 things you have to get past. But I don't think 0:17:07.080 --> 0:17:09.560 that love should be like this struggle love, And I 0:17:09.560 --> 0:17:11.480 don't think that's a narrative that we should go on. 0:17:11.560 --> 0:17:13.159 And I'm not saying you're saying this was just this 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:15.720 isolated event. She knew who you were and she chose you, 0:17:15.760 --> 0:17:17.720 which you know that happened. Sometimes niggas fuck up, we 0:17:17.760 --> 0:17:21.359 fuck up, we're human. But I feel like sometimes it's 0:17:21.400 --> 0:17:26.720 you know, women specifically, because there's also this idea that like, 0:17:26.800 --> 0:17:29.320 let's just say for infidelity, for instance, because that's something 0:17:29.359 --> 0:17:31.520 that happens often in relationships that we hear is may 0:17:31.520 --> 0:17:34.720 be unforgivable or there's a riff that you can't come 0:17:34.760 --> 0:17:37.679 back from. Women are like, I'm going to give him 0:17:37.720 --> 0:17:40.720 more chance. This isn't a man's nature, Da da da da, 0:17:40.760 --> 0:17:43.520 And then like with men, it doesn't, it's not reciprocated 0:17:43.560 --> 0:17:47.880 if that is maybe the same break in the relationship. 0:17:48.280 --> 0:17:50.800 And so I feel like when we say this to 0:17:50.880 --> 0:17:54.320 women about coming back from things that are fucked up, 0:17:55.440 --> 0:17:58.399 it's it's a slippery slope because sometimes you see a 0:17:58.440 --> 0:18:01.399 bitch or I mean, I say, bitch, go back and 0:18:01.440 --> 0:18:03.120 go back and go back and go back and get 0:18:03.200 --> 0:18:05.040 hurt and get hurt and get hurt until there's nothing 0:18:05.119 --> 0:18:06.879 left and then they hate man. And then as always, 0:18:06.880 --> 0:18:10.119 it's this whole cycle of things. So I'm just wondering if, like, 0:18:10.200 --> 0:18:13.800 did you have that that seed planted in you prior 0:18:13.880 --> 0:18:17.920 to her, to her, to you feeling unconditionally loved by her. 0:18:19.760 --> 0:18:22.080 So I'm somebody who I've always wanted to be the 0:18:22.080 --> 0:18:25.240 best version of myself, you know what I'm saying. I 0:18:25.280 --> 0:18:27.879 think as you get older, there's certain things that you 0:18:27.880 --> 0:18:30.399 find about yourself that you didn't know were there? You know, 0:18:31.880 --> 0:18:34.840 when you talk about infidelity, which is you know, because 0:18:34.880 --> 0:18:36.200 it's because of TV, because. 0:18:35.960 --> 0:18:37.879