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Speaker 1: One o three five Kiss FM, Chicago's number one hit

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Speaker 1: music station, The Fresh Show is on. It's stay or Go.

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Speaker 1: All right, abye, it is here. Good morning, a welcome

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Speaker 1: to the show. How are you.

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Speaker 2: Hey? You there?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Oh no, we're here.

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Speaker 3: Ay.

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Speaker 1: What's going on with.

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Speaker 2: This?

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Speaker 1: Is your wife? Right?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Kind of going through a little something with my wife here?

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Speaker 1: All right, Well, thank you for the note. So you

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Speaker 1: I want you to kind of walk us through this.

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Speaker 1: But I you were adopted, but you never met your

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Speaker 1: birth mother, right, that's where this whole thing. That's kind

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Speaker 1: of like where it starts.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, correct, correct, Like you said, I'm adopted. I've never

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Speaker 2: met my birth mother. I made it very clear my

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Speaker 2: whole life to everybody, not just my wife, but to everybody,

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Speaker 2: that I have no interest. I do not want to

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Speaker 2: meet my birth mother, my biological mother. Never something I

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Speaker 2: wanted to do. I took a DNA test recently because

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Speaker 2: I needed to know if I had any specific health

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Speaker 2: issues and try to figure out some background about my

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Speaker 2: my health.

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Speaker 1: Really, yeah, a lot of people doing this because you know,

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Speaker 1: if you don't have a relationship with your birth parents,

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Speaker 1: then there's there are holes obviously in your in your

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Speaker 1: lineage or you know in your history as to what

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Speaker 1: what might be sort of looming there and if you

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Speaker 1: want to have kids. I know that can also be

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Speaker 1: helpful to know ahead of time, you know what might

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Speaker 1: be in your family history from a health standpoint, but

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Speaker 1: you don't You don't know, right because you don't know

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Speaker 1: this woman, right right, I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know any any of my family. So

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Speaker 2: I wanted to take this DNA test, right, Okay, So

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Speaker 2: my wife goes behind my back and finds my birth

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Speaker 2: mother and sets up a meeting, thinking it was it

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Speaker 2: was going to be a good thing. I went to

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Speaker 2: the meeting and I met my biological mother, and it

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Speaker 2: did not go well at all.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like to avoid this your whole life and then

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Speaker 1: for it to happen and then it not go well.

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Speaker 1: It's like, well, this is why I was avoiding it, right,

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Speaker 1: Like this is I wasn't. I didn't want to do this.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't want to do it. I had a

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Speaker 2: feeling that whatever I'm going through, it just it was

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Speaker 2: something I did not want to do.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 2: She thought she was helping my wife I'm talking about

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Speaker 2: she thought she was helping She wasn't and it's just

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Speaker 2: something I can't seem to get over. I'm really upset

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Speaker 2: at my wife. It's something she knew I didn't want

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Speaker 2: to do. She made me go to this meeting anyway,

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Speaker 2: and now it's just something I can't undo, I can't

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Speaker 2: take back.

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Speaker 5: And.

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Speaker 2: I just I feel like I can't get over it.

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Speaker 2: I feel like I'm I don't know if this is

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Speaker 2: something I'm ever going to get over.

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Speaker 1: I'd be betrayed on any level, like because I'm thinking

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Speaker 1: in my head, what could she have done to get

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Speaker 1: this information for you to, you know, because we could

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Speaker 1: potentially affect if you want to have children, It could

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Speaker 1: affect children, and that would be half hers. So I

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Speaker 1: can understand her interest in this, But like, I don't

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Speaker 1: think I have estrangement, right, I'm a stranger in my

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Speaker 1: birth father. I don't. I would not be okay if

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Speaker 1: my wife called him and had some form of interaction

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Speaker 1: with him, even if it was just a fact finding mission,

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't be okay with it. I certainly wouldn't be

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Speaker 1: okay if there was a meeting broker that I wasn't

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Speaker 1: a part of, especially if I expressed my wishes, which

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Speaker 1: is I want nothing to do with this. I've had

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Speaker 1: nothing to do with this. I've made a conscious decision

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Speaker 1: in my whole life not to have anything to do

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Speaker 1: with this. So why are you now going and deciding

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Speaker 1: this is what I should be doing. I wouldn't be

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Speaker 1: okay with that. And so where are you guys at now?

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Speaker 1: Like you did it because okay, okay, it's been set up,

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Speaker 1: so I'll do it. Maybe she encouraged you. It goes poorly,

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Speaker 1: So now you're mad?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, very mad. We had an initial blowout, big argument

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Speaker 2: that day into the next day, lasted, you know, quite

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Speaker 2: a while. We were pretty I was pretty upset at her,

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Speaker 2: and lately we've been, you know, kind of cordial to

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Speaker 2: each other, but it's just been a lot of tension.

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Speaker 2: It's just it's just festering inside me. I'm getting very

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Speaker 2: angry when I see her, you know, our time together,

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Speaker 2: and I'm just I just I'm not over it. If

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Speaker 2: I'm being honest, I feel like it's something I'm not over.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to take me a while to get over

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Speaker 2: if I'm even going to get over it. But it

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Speaker 2: was a I can't help but to take it as

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Speaker 2: an act of betrayal from her. And I don't know

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Speaker 2: what to do from here.

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Speaker 1: Well, let me take some calls on this, because it's

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Speaker 1: his group therapy, of course, eighty five to five unlicensed

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Speaker 1: group therapy. Ie, you get what you paid for eight

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Speaker 1: five five five nine to one and one o three

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Speaker 1: five you can call it texta the same number. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna take these calls. Have the radio one uh and

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Speaker 1: you can hear people have to say. But good luck

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Speaker 1: with all of this. It's a tough situation. I'm sorry

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Speaker 1: going through it. I appreciate it. Yeah, take care of man,

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Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. What do you guys? I mean, I

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Speaker 1: don't what jumps out of you.

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Speaker 6: I'm big on intention, right, So, like, I understand he

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Speaker 6: feels betrayed and this is not what he wanted. But like,

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Speaker 6: I don't think his wife's intention was to hurt him

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Speaker 6: in any type of way. If anything, she may, because

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Speaker 6: she's his partner, may notice some issues there, some mimmy

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Speaker 6: issues and some things that are not resolved, and this

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Speaker 6: might have been her attempt to try to help, although

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Speaker 6: not the best way, and it really wasn't up to

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Speaker 6: her to do that. I really hope he doesn't leave her,

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Speaker 6: because I do think she had she didn't have ill

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Speaker 6: intention in setting this up.

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Speaker 1: I'm big on intent too, But he did say I

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Speaker 1: don't want to do this. He has avoided it his

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Speaker 1: whole life, I know.

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Speaker 6: But and then as somebody who's maybe in a relationship

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Speaker 6: with you may say, you need to confront this. You know,

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Speaker 6: you need to heal from this, you need some resolution there.

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Speaker 6: And as your wife and as your partner, I think

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Speaker 6: she thought she was doing what was best for him.

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Speaker 6: And you know, even though he still is upset about it,

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Speaker 6: I think he kind of needed to come like confront it.

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Speaker 1: As well and maybe work through it. You can kick you,

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Speaker 1: this is a big deal. It's hurt, it rupt to you.

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Speaker 1: But this is a big deal. Like what else is

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Speaker 1: she going to take into her own hands that is his?

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Speaker 6: I know, I just don't think it was ill intent

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Speaker 6: at all. And I just, you know, yeah.

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Speaker 7: I'm really big on not going I mean, he said,

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Speaker 7: he said it over and over and over, and now

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Speaker 7: he's probably way more hurt than he was.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what the mom said.

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Speaker 7: And I also think if you're not in a situation,

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Speaker 7: you can't understand how it affects you. So I'm assuming

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Speaker 7: that she wasn't adopted, so she may not know how

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Speaker 7: that feels.

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Speaker 4: And maybe he.

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Speaker 7: Had you know, great parents growing up and they weren't

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Speaker 7: his biological parents, but he doesn't want maybe they didn't

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Speaker 7: want him to go, So I'm not for it. I

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Speaker 7: think if somebody says I don't want this over and

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Speaker 7: over again, I don't think you can go behind someone's

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Speaker 7: back and do that, and I wouldn't be able to

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Speaker 7: get over it, especially that it ended badly.

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Speaker 1: Well. I haven't shared this before because well there was

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Speaker 1: there's also estrangement on my mom my mom's part of

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Speaker 1: the family with her sisters, and that woman just passed away,

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Speaker 1: so I guess I can say it. But you know,

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Speaker 1: she has an estranged child, an extended member of my family,

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Speaker 1: and that child reached out found my mom on like

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Speaker 1: a ancestry or one of those things, reached out and

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Speaker 1: specifically said I do not want any I don't want

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Speaker 1: any contact with this person. Do not tell like I

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Speaker 1: know I'm asking a stranger for a lot, but I

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Speaker 1: am about to have children. We're trying to have kids,

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Speaker 1: and I do want to know what I'm up against.

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Speaker 1: Would you mind? You know I'm not asking for any

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Speaker 1: sort of link up here. I just want you to

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Speaker 1: provide me with the information, which my mom did and

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Speaker 1: kept her personal opinion out of it for the most part. Wow,

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Speaker 1: because you know, I think she would have probably encouraged

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Speaker 1: this person not to go down that road. But again,

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Speaker 1: it's one of those things where you know, had a

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Speaker 1: decision to make right. It was, you know, and obviously

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Speaker 1: the estrangement helped. They weren't talking anyway, But I mean,

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Speaker 1: I thought it was a very valid question something I

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Speaker 1: had never considered before that Hey, I don't I don't

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Speaker 1: know what's looming, and if you've never met your birth parents,

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Speaker 1: you may not have any clue what you're up against

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Speaker 1: one hundred person.

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Speaker 8: So yes, I think what this you know, his wife

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Speaker 8: did was a form of betrayal, going behind somebody's back,

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Speaker 8: I do, one hundred percent. But as somebody who goes

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Speaker 8: to the doctor and I'm constantly asked like, you know, oh,

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Speaker 8: tell me about your father's you know whatever health history,

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Speaker 8: and somebody who's never even met their biological father me,

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Speaker 8: I that question just I can't answer it because I

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Speaker 8: don't know. So like I have a child now too,

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Speaker 8: so obviously you know, I don't know what my dad,

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Speaker 8: you know, his health and all of them, what that

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Speaker 8: looks like for me in my future because I don't

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Speaker 8: have that answer. So like the only thing or part

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Speaker 8: I respect out of this is that maybe that he'll

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Speaker 8: get some medical information that he'll need.

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Speaker 1: He is that something that you got.

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Speaker 7: I know you've taken DNA test and I know that

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Speaker 7: you can do the health one. I did the health

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Speaker 7: one and I think you did and you can see,

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Speaker 7: you know things that are our gene are showing. Is

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Speaker 7: that you feel like that's not enough of a sample

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Speaker 7: survey or whatever to know.

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Speaker 9: I mean it is, but like I would rather know,

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Speaker 9: like oh, my father or from our course side of

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Speaker 9: the family, you know, our carriers for this, right or

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Speaker 9: maybe I'm making this out my grandfather had this, like

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Speaker 9: you know, because I get asked all these questions and

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Speaker 9: I honestly don't have the answer.

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Speaker 1: I just have my mom's infault, right, and that's I

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Speaker 1: barely have that. I don't know the answers, and I

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Speaker 1: knew my grandparents.

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Speaker 7: By the way, I'm like, I don't know what the

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Speaker 7: hell health Yeah, they have not to do, but.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I am a way. Good morning, Welcome to the

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Speaker 1: Friend Show. How are you good, are you?

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Speaker 5: Hey?

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Speaker 1: So just to recap here doing well, thanks for asking.

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Speaker 1: This dude is upset because he doesn't talk to his mother.

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Speaker 1: Never knew his mother got married. They were talking about

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Speaker 1: sort of like previous health issues and things like that.

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Speaker 1: The wife went and reached out to the mother, linked

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Speaker 1: them up without his knowledge, and the meeting went poorly,

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Speaker 1: and now he's resentful, very resentful. What do you think?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, so a couple things first, either needs to

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Speaker 3: go or they need to go to therapy at a

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Speaker 3: very bare minimum, just to figure out if like it's

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Speaker 3: moving on from this is even within the realm of possibilities,

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Speaker 3: because I mean, obviously he's portrayed like there's literally I

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Speaker 3: cannot and I understood health things whatever. I cannot think

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Speaker 3: of though of a reason why she would go behind

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Speaker 3: his back and not like talk it through with him first, like, oh,

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Speaker 3: I think this would be good for it, Like there's

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Speaker 3: just no reason she should have gone behind his back.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean in my life, for example, that is

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Speaker 1: not a debatable thing, like even if you deeply believe

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Speaker 1: that it is important to me, like if I make

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Speaker 1: the decision no, the decisions no, and I would expect

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Speaker 1: my wife if I had one to understand that that's

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Speaker 1: you know, this is a forty plus year thing you

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Speaker 1: know that has it's way bigger than that. You know,

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Speaker 1: so this is this is not for you to sit,

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Speaker 1: you know, to say, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 10: And the other thing that that's too with health like

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Speaker 10: and I know, like this isn't necessarily a possibility for

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Speaker 10: everybody because you know, health stuff is expensive and whatnot.

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Speaker 10: But like there's also like just genetic testing and what

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Speaker 10: you can go through a doctor. Like there's like which

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Speaker 10: is actually technically two even more accurate than just word

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Speaker 10: about whatever. Anyways, there are other options.

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Speaker 3: She did not need to do this at all.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I agree. Hey, Emily, thanks for listening, Thanks

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Speaker 1: for calling. Have a good day you too. Yeah, now

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Speaker 1: Liz has a different Liz, you have a different take

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Speaker 1: on this. Good morning, welcome Hi. And I'm saying this

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Speaker 1: on the text too. A lot of people feel the

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Speaker 1: same way, But go ahead.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, I definitely agree that the wife should

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Speaker 4: not have done it, she should have stayed on it.

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Speaker 4: But I don't necessarily think it's a go situation. I

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Speaker 4: think it's something that can be worked out, because you know,

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Speaker 4: there's a portion of it that he has to take

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Speaker 4: responsibility and accountability for sure. The wife planned the meeting,

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Speaker 4: but it was his choice to go through with the meeting,

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Speaker 4: and I definitely think that's an important piece of the puzzle.

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Speaker 4: It's not all on her.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, But and I don't know this because I don't

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Speaker 1: know her or really him. But have you ever been

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Speaker 1: in a relationship where someone just harps on something to

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Speaker 1: the point where you're like, fine, I'm going to do this.

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Speaker 1: If anything, he was doing it for her. It almost

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Speaker 1: seems like, fine, I'll do this, I'll do this for you,

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Speaker 1: and I'm making I'm taking some liberties here because I

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Speaker 1: don't know that, but it's like, okay, fine, like you

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Speaker 1: need It's almost like she needed this information in order

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Speaker 1: to feel confident moving forward, and maybe I'd like to

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Speaker 1: believe she thought it would be helpful. But if do

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Speaker 1: it is like this is not going to help me.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I think that you got to sort of

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Speaker 1: respect that, don't you.

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I totally agree. But you know, I'm very

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Speaker 4: big on at the end of the day, everybody has choices, and.

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Speaker 1: You know, yeah, he could. Thank you, Liz, have a

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Speaker 1: good day.

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Speaker 4: Welcome you too.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much for calling her for listening. Hey Jessica,

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Speaker 1: good morning, Good morning, Hi Jessica. What do you think

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Speaker 1: you know?

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Speaker 3: Honestly, I agree with Kiki. I feel like there's I

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Speaker 3: think there's a reason she set it up.

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Speaker 5: I mean, if he continuously said no, whether he was

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Speaker 5: making like subliminal comments or something along with line, something

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Speaker 5: in her gut sets out like it was something she

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Speaker 5: needed to do.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I'm big on intention too, because because I

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Speaker 1: do think like people need to take into consideration. I

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Speaker 1: think as a society we need to take into consideration

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Speaker 1: sometimes like where's somebody coming from when they said something

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Speaker 1: before we just get, you know, absolutely furious and livid.

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Speaker 1: And I understand that you're entitled to feel however you

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Speaker 1: feel about something, but I do think intention matters in

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Speaker 1: this case though. This is beyond all.

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Speaker 7: Of that, and I thinking, you know better like for

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Speaker 7: somebody than they know the foundational.

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Speaker 1: Right like this is this is not you know I

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Speaker 1: said this and you interpreted it as this. You know,

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Speaker 1: this isn't like I didn't say good morning to you

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Speaker 1: in the right way and you get pissed off and

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Speaker 1: you're mad at me all day, you know, and like,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, like what I said good morning,

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Speaker 1: Like I know what you're mad at me, but like

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Speaker 1: I say, good morning, this isn't that. This isn't a

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Speaker 1: communicative you know, a difference, right.

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Speaker 5: She loves them, you know, Yeah, I just like you know,

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Speaker 5: they're married, she loves them, And I feel like I agree, Seeky.

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Speaker 5: I just feel like there had to have been some

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Speaker 5: type of reason.

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Speaker 1: She did that.

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Speaker 2: She's not going to stop and doing like, oh, you

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Speaker 2: just need to meet her.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, fair enough. But again and kick Y'll get

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Speaker 1: you to say if you're not going to if we

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Speaker 1: talked about that and I said no, and you do

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Speaker 1: it anyway. Now I'm going to wonder for the rest

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Speaker 1: of our relationship, what else are you going to disregard?

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Speaker 1: What do you want to say?

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Speaker 6: I just think that she loves him. I don't think

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Speaker 6: she's trying to hurt him. Yes, it did hurt, you know,

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Speaker 6: it did hurt. She made a mistake, but I don't

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Speaker 6: think she intentionally tried to set this up to hurt

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Speaker 6: him in any kind of way.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe I agree, Jessica. Thank you have a great day.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for listening too, Thank you, glad you called Tanya. Okay, Tanya,

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Speaker 1: good morning.

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Speaker 4: Hey.

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Speaker 1: So you you have adopted children, correct? Okay? And so

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Speaker 1: you how would your kids feel about that? Like what

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Speaker 1: is kind of Can you give us like a little backstory,

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Speaker 1: a little bit of the context.

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Speaker 11: Yeah, yeah, I've had my so I got it as

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Speaker 11: a single mother. I've had him since they were very young,

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Speaker 11: so they don't know anything different. And they're fifteen and

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Speaker 11: seventeen now, okay. And what I'm thinking about is like

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Speaker 11: the wife hasn't been there all their childhood or all

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Speaker 11: his childhood, so you know, the white doesn't know the

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Speaker 11: feelings that he went through growing up.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 11: You know, my children, even no matter how great I

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Speaker 11: am to them as a mother, they still feel so abandoned.

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Speaker 11: You know, my own mother didn't love me. You know,

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Speaker 11: how could that she leave me? And that hurt that

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Speaker 11: they carried all their childhood and you know, the pain

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Speaker 11: they've been through. So I think the wife doesn't know

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Speaker 11: that she's been there maybe three years, five years, you know,

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Speaker 11: she hasn't seen that all the childhood and all that

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Speaker 11: trauma that carried along with feeling abandoned by you know,

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Speaker 11: your birth mother. So I think for somebody to set

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Speaker 11: that up and to do that if he didn't want

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Speaker 11: to do on his own, nobody should ever do that

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Speaker 11: for him. Like I will never do that for my children.

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Speaker 11: I will, you know, never force them to go meet

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Speaker 11: their birth mother. They can do it on their own,

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Speaker 11: but I would never push that on them.

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Speaker 1: Well, and you can tell me you can instill in

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Speaker 1: your kids that hey, maybe maybe you weren't unwanted, Maybe

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Speaker 1: they were circumstances. I mean, you can say all this,

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Speaker 1: but and who knows, maybe that conversation would be beneficial

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Speaker 1: for them to hear from. You know, I don't know

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Speaker 1: the situation. But let's say that mother was very young

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Speaker 1: or incapable of caring for them and this was the

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Speaker 1: best choice for you know, whatever. It's possible that conversation

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Speaker 1: could benefit them, But they have to decide that it

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Speaker 1: can't be you because you're the next closest thing. They

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Speaker 1: trust you, right, and they said no. So now if

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Speaker 1: you go do it, now, you're putting your relationship with

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Speaker 1: them at risk. It's almost like another level of betrayal.

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Speaker 11: Exactly another in that you know, he's his wife, he

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Speaker 11: has you know, a relationship with and he trusted her

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Speaker 11: and now she's making him feel I don't know, maybe

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Speaker 11: that feeling of like abandonment again, like she's abandoning him

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Speaker 11: in the relationship, like she's turning on him. Yeah, and

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Speaker 11: I think that's probably that's what's like.

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Speaker 3: Striking with it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's hard, that's hard. That's a lot.

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Speaker 11: And we don't know what it feels like, you know,

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Speaker 11: if we unless you're in that situation as a child.

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Speaker 11: I don't think of any clue what it feels like, right.

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Speaker 1: I agree, I agree, Thank you, Tania, have a good day.

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Speaker 1: I'd be pretty pissed if somebody went around me. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and just win. He has a right to be mad.

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Speaker 1: Don't get me wrong here.

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Speaker 6: I'm just trying to extend a little grace to the wife,

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Speaker 6: Like I just I don't think she tried to hurt.

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Speaker 1: You know, well, well forget it, man, don't leave it. Wow,

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Speaker 1: okay Ki Yeah, Usually I say the I'm gonna say,

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Speaker 1: I'm surprised. I'm just taking it in the entertainment of