WEBVTT - A Soldier’s Heart 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:04.720 Third Squad is a podcast about war. All episodes contain 0:00:04.880 --> 0:00:07.760 strong language and graphic descriptions of violence that may not 0:00:07.840 --> 0:00:13.360 be suitable for all listeners. There's a line that Manny 0:00:13.440 --> 0:00:18.880 Mendoza almost never crosses. He gets close sometimes, but I 0:00:18.920 --> 0:00:24.119 won't say it. Well, you recorded, there's the line. Do 0:00:24.160 --> 0:00:28.120 you want to stop the recorder? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, stop it. 0:00:33.040 --> 0:00:43.320 I'm Elliott Woods. This is Third Squad Episode four, A 0:00:43.400 --> 0:00:53.400 Soldier's Heart. This is on now. So the first thing is, 0:00:53.680 --> 0:00:55.720 let me take you back to sang In for a minute. 0:00:56.560 --> 0:00:58.600 It was two thousand eleven and I was in one 0:00:58.600 --> 0:01:00.720 of those hot mud brick room is where the Marines 0:01:00.760 --> 0:01:03.880 slept at patrol based fires. I was trying to interview 0:01:03.920 --> 0:01:05.679 each of the guys when they had a few minutes 0:01:05.720 --> 0:01:12.000 between patrols and sleeping. All right, go, I am Copra Mendoza. 0:01:12.480 --> 0:01:14.840 Weis Loco Texas. I'm twenty years old. All right, try 0:01:14.880 --> 0:01:18.839 again a little bit louder. Mendoza was shirtless, and unlike 0:01:18.880 --> 0:01:21.679 some of the guys, he hadn't thinned out from the malnutrition. 0:01:22.280 --> 0:01:24.399 I was cutting into his chill time, and he wasn't 0:01:24.440 --> 0:01:28.160 all that excited about it. He was also nervous and 0:01:28.280 --> 0:01:30.319 listening back to the tape, I don't know whether to 0:01:30.440 --> 0:01:34.240 cringe or laugh at my stage directions. I'm Coporate Mendoza, 0:01:34.280 --> 0:01:38.479 Manuel Mendoza, I am corporate Manuel Mendoza. I'm twenty years 0:01:38.480 --> 0:01:42.959 old and from Wedlico, Texas. Mendoza barely looked back when 0:01:43.000 --> 0:01:45.800 he left Westloco to join the Marines. He earned the 0:01:45.840 --> 0:01:48.880 rank of corporal and became a team leader responsible for 0:01:49.000 --> 0:01:51.480 half the squad in one of the most dangerous combat 0:01:51.600 --> 0:01:55.280 zones in all of Afghanistan, and he took his job seriously. 0:01:55.800 --> 0:01:57.480 You gotta be on top of everything. You've gotta be 0:01:57.560 --> 0:02:01.960 thinking about real security, front security, everything. You got to 0:02:02.000 --> 0:02:05.440 be pretty much thinking for your team. He still had 0:02:05.480 --> 0:02:08.919 the wide eyes and bashful charm of a teenager. Everything 0:02:09.000 --> 0:02:12.400 was new and exciting for him, but it was also horrific. 0:02:13.320 --> 0:02:17.079 I wasn't expecting the blood bones dangling everywhere. I wasn't 0:02:17.080 --> 0:02:19.720 expecting that. I was hoping I wouldn't have to see that, 0:02:19.800 --> 0:02:24.240 but I did. Sangin was Mendoza's first deployment, and by 0:02:24.280 --> 0:02:26.200 the time we met, he'd been on the ground for 0:02:26.240 --> 0:02:30.200 four months. He'd already seen more than enough. He decided 0:02:30.240 --> 0:02:33.320 to get out dream scenario like ten years from now, 0:02:33.960 --> 0:02:38.960 just having a home, a family, and a job. I 0:02:39.000 --> 0:02:43.399 guess as that is, that would be considering the American dream. Yeah, 0:02:43.440 --> 0:02:52.760 I think so. I think so too. Now it's March, 0:02:56.240 --> 0:02:58.560 almost ten years have gone by since we talked and 0:02:58.639 --> 0:03:01.760 sang it. Mendoza is back living in Texas, and I'm 0:03:01.760 --> 0:03:04.359 here to find out how his plans shook out. How 0:03:04.400 --> 0:03:07.360 close has he gotten to that American dream? The home, 0:03:07.560 --> 0:03:13.520 the family, the job. That is a lot of cool stuff. 0:03:13.720 --> 0:03:16.200 Do here, we'll go, We'll start over at the engine. 0:03:16.480 --> 0:03:19.919 So Mendoza is a volunteer firefighter. Now, among other things, 0:03:20.240 --> 0:03:23.040 he's on shift tonight. It's about eleven PM and Tommy 0:03:23.080 --> 0:03:25.840 and I are here at the firehouse. He's showing us around. 0:03:26.280 --> 0:03:29.440 The very first thing I do coming in here, number 0:03:29.480 --> 0:03:33.760 one is figure out where your assignment is, because you 0:03:33.800 --> 0:03:37.040 don't actually just come in and just jump on the 0:03:37.040 --> 0:03:39.960 engine like you're good. No, you need an assignment. Tonight, 0:03:40.040 --> 0:03:43.680 Mendoza is on nozzle, the typical new guy job, and 0:03:43.920 --> 0:03:47.160 what that means is that in any case we respond 0:03:47.200 --> 0:03:49.480 to a fire, I would be the first one to 0:03:49.560 --> 0:03:52.160 grab a hose. So you keep your stuff in here 0:03:52.200 --> 0:03:55.280 ready to go. At all times. Usually in the movies 0:03:55.640 --> 0:03:58.280 you might see that they have their stuff outside. No, 0:03:58.520 --> 0:04:01.640 we we get dressed inside. In other words, jump in drive, 0:04:02.400 --> 0:04:05.400 get dressed on the way. That saves like two to 0:04:05.520 --> 0:04:08.200 three minutes. That's plenty of time to help save somebody. 0:04:08.760 --> 0:04:11.800 He's a volunteer, but the gig is demanding. It's at 0:04:11.880 --> 0:04:13.960 least twenty hours a week, and he often has to 0:04:14.000 --> 0:04:16.559 spend the night, which means he has to head straight 0:04:16.600 --> 0:04:18.920 to his other job as a civil engineer in the morning, 0:04:19.400 --> 0:04:22.560 what you might call his real job. So this is 0:04:22.600 --> 0:04:25.120 pretty intense. This is not just like you know something 0:04:25.160 --> 0:04:27.480 you do just because you have some spare time to volunteer. 0:04:27.560 --> 0:04:29.800 This is like a huge learning curve with a ton 0:04:29.839 --> 0:04:34.520 of real responsibility. Yeah you love it. Yeah, learning it's 0:04:34.560 --> 0:04:38.880 sucking awesome, dude, learning its fucking legit. The boyish enthusiasm 0:04:38.960 --> 0:04:41.720 I remember from saying and has not diminished. But do 0:04:41.760 --> 0:04:44.680 you ever take a day off? Yeah? Do you sleep? Yea? 0:04:44.960 --> 0:04:47.040 How often do you sleep? Right now, I'm trying to 0:04:47.080 --> 0:04:49.919 stick to go to sleep at ten, wake up at 0:04:49.960 --> 0:04:55.120 three because Jim, you're gonna get that gym in. It's 0:04:55.120 --> 0:04:57.799 getting close to midnight and we need to let Mendoza crash. 0:04:58.240 --> 0:04:59.880 We're gonna be around for a few days, so we 0:05:00.040 --> 0:05:01.960 make plans to meet up at his place on one 0:05:02.000 --> 0:05:04.480 of his nights off to talk more. But we can't 0:05:04.560 --> 0:05:08.520 leave without seeing the fire truck. This is what every 0:05:08.560 --> 0:05:10.680 little boy's dream is, to stand up top of that ladder. 0:05:10.720 --> 0:05:13.920 Do you want to go up there? Um? Now, you 0:05:13.960 --> 0:05:19.360 can go up there? Sure, Okay, we climb up onto 0:05:19.400 --> 0:05:22.640 the top. Be very careful to watch your head. We're 0:05:22.680 --> 0:05:25.440 probably ten ft off the ground. Crouch beneath the ceiling. 0:05:25.920 --> 0:05:27.280 One of the most important things to know about this 0:05:27.400 --> 0:05:30.520 thing is that little liver right there. Mendoza shows us 0:05:30.520 --> 0:05:32.719 how it works, but after a few minutes he gets 0:05:32.720 --> 0:05:35.320 a little confused. Where was it when we got here? 0:05:37.640 --> 0:05:39.599 I don't remember? He said it was set up for rescue. 0:05:40.080 --> 0:05:43.400 He flips the lever back and forth a couple of times. God, damn, 0:05:43.600 --> 0:05:47.400 can't you remember anymore? What is this? Did I break 0:05:47.440 --> 0:05:54.159 the fire truck? We're gonna this part? I just don't remember. 0:05:56.360 --> 0:06:02.760 Remember me to YouTube it now. I can use reasoning here. 0:06:03.720 --> 0:06:10.400 I just use YouTube YouTube rescue setting for scannon setting there. 0:06:20.560 --> 0:06:22.880 When we finally meet up with Mendoza at his apartment, 0:06:23.000 --> 0:06:26.680 he's watching Training Day, the Denzel Washington film for maybe 0:06:26.760 --> 0:06:32.760 the hundredth time. King Kong ain't got on me. He 0:06:32.880 --> 0:06:35.400 lives in a tidy, one bedroom in a suburban complex 0:06:35.440 --> 0:06:39.239 about a half hour north of Houston. The decorations are sparse. 0:06:39.800 --> 0:06:42.239 He's got a poster near the kitchen of retired Marine 0:06:42.279 --> 0:06:45.440 General Jim Mattis in the style of a religious icon, 0:06:45.720 --> 0:06:49.640 complete with a halo and a grenade. Underneath, there's a 0:06:49.680 --> 0:06:52.240 little shelf where I noticed a copy of I Am Malala, 0:06:52.960 --> 0:06:55.880 and there's a knee high stack of engineering textbooks piled 0:06:55.920 --> 0:06:59.640 by a small computer desk. Back in sang In, Mendoza 0:06:59.720 --> 0:07:01.520 told me he wanted to go to college, and he 0:07:01.640 --> 0:07:04.200 followed through on that plan. He earned a degree in 0:07:04.279 --> 0:07:07.239 civil engineering from Texas A and M in two thousand nineteen. 0:07:07.839 --> 0:07:10.040 Then he moved here to the Woodlands for a job 0:07:10.080 --> 0:07:13.320 with the construction firm. In less than two years, he's 0:07:13.320 --> 0:07:16.160 already worked his way up to manager. He tells me. 0:07:16.360 --> 0:07:19.760 He even bought a house, just not for himself, for 0:07:19.920 --> 0:07:22.200 his mom back in the Rio Grand Valley where he 0:07:22.280 --> 0:07:26.440 grew up. I was born in Weslico, Texas, which is 0:07:26.640 --> 0:07:30.480 deep deep south Texas. The very very south spout the 0:07:30.600 --> 0:07:34.520 stone toss away from Mexico. Um he was born, I 0:07:34.600 --> 0:07:37.800 didn't like it. He's the youngest of six with four 0:07:37.920 --> 0:07:41.280 sisters and a brother. His parents are from Mexico. They 0:07:41.360 --> 0:07:43.840 came to the US for work before Mendoza was born. 0:07:44.560 --> 0:07:47.520 They always went job to job. I was working in 0:07:47.600 --> 0:07:51.720 general labor. Everybody had to pitch in, even the little kids. 0:07:52.520 --> 0:07:55.920 I got my first job when I was like, We 0:07:56.000 --> 0:07:58.160 found a job for me out in the field because 0:07:58.160 --> 0:08:00.160 they couldn't work the factories because I was too long, 0:08:00.320 --> 0:08:05.240 and they had like laws or whatever, child labor laws. Yeah, 0:08:05.360 --> 0:08:08.200 one of one of the major advancements of the twentieth century. Yeah, 0:08:08.800 --> 0:08:11.680 I heard us. Yeah. Anyway, So I was working out 0:08:11.720 --> 0:08:14.760 in the fields where you know that nobody ever came 0:08:14.800 --> 0:08:18.440 to inspect. Every summer, the entire family went north to 0:08:18.520 --> 0:08:23.560 pick cherries. Where up north all the way from West Dakota, Michigan. 0:08:23.760 --> 0:08:26.200 That's basically all the way from the Mexican border to 0:08:26.240 --> 0:08:29.720 the Canadian border almost pretty much. Man, So there was 0:08:29.760 --> 0:08:33.320 work up there. The pay was good and even though 0:08:33.360 --> 0:08:39.079 it was seasonal, still provided some decent monitor income for 0:08:39.160 --> 0:08:41.480 the summer times. So you all went up there as 0:08:41.480 --> 0:08:45.360 a family, Yeah, in your family car or how did 0:08:45.400 --> 0:08:47.679 you get up there? Yeah, big old trucks that used 0:08:47.720 --> 0:08:50.959 to buy up north. Whatever was a good deal and 0:08:51.120 --> 0:08:55.000 whatever could hold all of us. One of the coolest 0:08:55.120 --> 0:08:57.080 ones was this big old brown band that we had. 0:08:57.080 --> 0:08:58.160 I think it was. Yeah, it was a big old 0:08:58.160 --> 0:08:59.760 brown band. We had a table in the back. We 0:08:59.800 --> 0:09:01.560 could all kind of just laid down. We would all 0:09:01.679 --> 0:09:04.800 just kind of enjoy the day or two day trip 0:09:05.480 --> 0:09:08.880 up to Michigan. They lived in migrant housing provided by 0:09:08.880 --> 0:09:11.679 the owners of the fruit farms. They were usually out 0:09:11.720 --> 0:09:14.520 in the field, kind of just out of the way. Um, 0:09:14.880 --> 0:09:17.080 kind of hidden because you know, a lot of us 0:09:17.160 --> 0:09:19.400 were a lot of them were illegals. A lot of 0:09:19.400 --> 0:09:24.960 the workers were illegal or undocumented whatever. Um. So yeah, 0:09:24.960 --> 0:09:26.840 they were kind of we were kind of in secluded 0:09:26.840 --> 0:09:31.240 areas in the farmers fields. It's pretty much a shed 0:09:31.360 --> 0:09:34.040 with sometimes with the running water in electricity other time 0:09:34.120 --> 0:09:38.839 it's not not that um. I think the worst one 0:09:38.880 --> 0:09:41.319 we dated and had a head and out house, like 0:09:41.679 --> 0:09:45.680 no no running water, just ship house in the back 0:09:46.880 --> 0:09:50.040 out in the orchards. Mendoza usually got the little kid jobs. 0:09:50.800 --> 0:09:55.280 Remember I had a tennis racket. I would scoop up 0:09:55.280 --> 0:09:57.360 all the bad ch Harris running behind this tractor, this 0:09:57.440 --> 0:10:02.240 equipped piece of equimage. That's pretty cool. So then did 0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:03.679 you get to keep the money that you made for 0:10:03.720 --> 0:10:05.600 that or did you family all pull the money together 0:10:05.679 --> 0:10:07.280 and use it to live for the rest of the year. 0:10:07.679 --> 0:10:11.480 That was for clothes, uh, for me, for my clothes 0:10:11.559 --> 0:10:13.679 for end whatever I needed for the coming school year. 0:10:14.600 --> 0:10:16.880 He has fond memories of this time in his life, 0:10:17.200 --> 0:10:19.440 the long road trips, the people he got to meet, 0:10:19.520 --> 0:10:21.920 and especially the sense that he was helping his family 0:10:22.000 --> 0:10:24.559 get by. But there was a cost for him that 0:10:24.640 --> 0:10:26.319 didn't help out with my education at all. I'll tell 0:10:26.320 --> 0:10:29.679 you that because you would come in sometimes a month 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:34.040 or too late to school in the fall. The super 0:10:34.160 --> 0:10:36.640 student who showed us around the firehouse and excelled at 0:10:36.720 --> 0:10:40.960 college wasn't always so hungry for education. I hate school. 0:10:41.480 --> 0:10:43.760 I just buys died it. Didn't like it, and in 0:10:43.880 --> 0:10:47.240 my head always had that mentality of I'm gonna go 0:10:47.240 --> 0:10:50.160 on the military. If he ever had any doubts, he 0:10:50.240 --> 0:10:53.079 says they vanished one autumn day in two thousand one. 0:10:53.920 --> 0:10:56.720 I knew right away that I want to join the military. 0:10:57.720 --> 0:11:04.000 At nine eleven, was ten years old. Yeah, that's when 0:11:04.040 --> 0:11:06.960 I absolutely you I was going to join. This isn't 0:11:06.960 --> 0:11:10.200 the first time I've heard this story. We play Mendoza 0:11:10.320 --> 0:11:13.600 some of our interview from Sangin joined the Marine Corps 0:11:13.679 --> 0:11:18.040 because I'll never forget September eleven. I'll never forget the 0:11:18.360 --> 0:11:21.800 what happened in New York, and I'll never forget um 0:11:22.080 --> 0:11:26.240 people never heard people that died. I love my country. 0:11:26.600 --> 0:11:29.880 I'm a patriot straight up like your Mexican. I love 0:11:30.280 --> 0:11:33.840 I love America because we had a lot of great 0:11:33.880 --> 0:11:38.160 things in our country, and I like to I feel 0:11:38.200 --> 0:11:41.920 like I have I have a depth at depth that 0:11:44.240 --> 0:11:46.079 try to speak in a little bit louder the voice, 0:11:47.440 --> 0:11:51.000 not like shouting, whispering this somewhere in the middle of 0:11:51.080 --> 0:11:54.439 just a strong, strong I feel like I got a 0:11:54.520 --> 0:11:58.400 debt to the United States because I have such a 0:11:58.480 --> 0:12:01.120 great life back home. I out my family, I got 0:12:02.000 --> 0:12:06.640 I had a good education. Now, so I felt like 0:12:06.720 --> 0:12:12.000 I needed to pay that dead you you busted out 0:12:12.080 --> 0:12:14.360 laughing when you heard I got a good education. You 0:12:14.480 --> 0:12:16.520 had like a full belly laugh. So why is that 0:12:16.880 --> 0:12:18.960 because it contradicted what I just said? Yeah, so why 0:12:19.000 --> 0:12:20.719 do you think you told me that? Back then, why 0:12:20.760 --> 0:12:22.280 do you think you said you had a good education 0:12:22.360 --> 0:12:26.679 back then? I don't know any better, And I think 0:12:26.720 --> 0:12:31.719 subconsciously what I was thinking was that compared to the 0:12:31.800 --> 0:12:35.400 Afghan kids, that's what I had, Yeah, a great education. 0:12:36.280 --> 0:12:39.480 Mendoza worked three jobs in high school. He steered clear 0:12:39.520 --> 0:12:42.000 of the drugs and the gangs that he says we're everywhere, 0:12:42.320 --> 0:12:44.160 and he kept his grades up enough to stay on 0:12:44.200 --> 0:12:47.440 the football team and graduate. All I was worried about 0:12:47.760 --> 0:12:52.240 was finishing up so I can, yeah, go ahead and 0:12:52.280 --> 0:12:53.800 get the hell out of here, out of the valley 0:12:54.000 --> 0:12:58.600 and go fight boredom and testosterone curiosity about the big 0:12:58.720 --> 0:13:01.800 wide world. Roman took ideals about the greatest adventure of 0:13:01.840 --> 0:13:05.360 them all. War. It's a powerful cocktail for a small 0:13:05.440 --> 0:13:08.200 town boy, and it leads often enough to the military. 0:13:08.640 --> 0:13:10.560 But there are a lot of other roads to adventure. 0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:12.480 There are a lot of other ways to get the 0:13:12.559 --> 0:13:15.240 hell out. What I want to know is why Mendoza 0:13:15.360 --> 0:13:18.800 was so eager to fight. What did that feeling in 0:13:19.040 --> 0:13:21.480 like in your body, this desire to fight? What did 0:13:21.520 --> 0:13:25.079 that feel like? I guess it wasn't a feeling. I 0:13:25.120 --> 0:13:28.400 guess my just my imagination just took me places with 0:13:28.640 --> 0:13:30.559 what I could do and what I wanted to do, 0:13:31.200 --> 0:13:36.440 because I had no really, no real way of feeling 0:13:37.640 --> 0:13:41.440 what combat might be like. His imagination was fueled by 0:13:41.520 --> 0:13:45.480 war movies, video games, and books about battles. Seventh grade, 0:13:46.400 --> 0:13:49.360 the first book I ever read like actual. It wasn't 0:13:49.360 --> 0:13:55.600 a Goose Bones book, it wasn't um some Captain Underpants whatever. 0:13:55.760 --> 0:13:59.960 It was a legit novel, and it was A Soldier 0:14:00.080 --> 0:14:05.839 His Heart. The books about a fifteen year old boy 0:14:05.960 --> 0:14:08.120 named Charlie who lies about his age so he can 0:14:08.240 --> 0:14:14.120 enlist and fight in the American Civil War. When he 0:14:14.200 --> 0:14:16.520 comes home from the war, he's walking with a cane 0:14:16.559 --> 0:14:20.080 and pissing blood, and he's tortured by the horrors he witnessed. 0:14:23.040 --> 0:14:25.840 He has what we now call PTSD, but back then 0:14:25.960 --> 0:14:32.480 it was sometimes called soldier's heart. In the final scene, 0:14:32.680 --> 0:14:34.840 Charlie sits down by a river to have a picnic. 0:14:35.360 --> 0:14:37.400 He takes out some bread and cheese, a chunk of 0:14:37.520 --> 0:14:45.600 roast beef, some coffee, and a pistol. It's not clear 0:14:45.680 --> 0:14:49.400 whether Charlie kills himself, but it's definitely not a happy ending. 0:14:54.000 --> 0:14:56.520 It may sound strange that someone would read that story 0:14:56.560 --> 0:15:00.240 and want to go to war. But Mendoza did, So 0:15:00.360 --> 0:15:03.160 what year did you? And listen to the Marines? Okay, 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:06.200 so you really are what they call a surge baby. Yeah. 0:15:06.760 --> 0:15:10.000 The surge babies are a generation of military recruits who 0:15:10.120 --> 0:15:13.640 joined during the surges in Rock and Afghanistan, when tens 0:15:13.680 --> 0:15:16.200 of thousands of extra troops were deployed to try to 0:15:16.280 --> 0:15:19.600 turn the wars around. The Iraq Surge began in two 0:15:19.640 --> 0:15:23.280 thousand seven and was ordered by President George Bush. If 0:15:23.320 --> 0:15:26.840 we increase our support at this crucial moment and help 0:15:26.920 --> 0:15:30.920 the Iraqis break the current cycle of violence, we can 0:15:31.000 --> 0:15:34.600 hasten the day our troops begin coming home. The Afghanistan 0:15:34.760 --> 0:15:37.680 Surge began in about two thousand ten and was ordered 0:15:37.720 --> 0:15:41.040 by President Barack Obama. These are the resources that we 0:15:41.120 --> 0:15:44.520 need to seize the initiative while building the Afghan capacity 0:15:44.600 --> 0:15:48.200 that can allow for a responsible transition of our forces 0:15:48.560 --> 0:15:52.480 out of Afghanistan. Most of Third Squad were surge babies. 0:15:53.840 --> 0:15:57.800 For Mendoza, becoming a Marine changed his entire sense of identity. 0:15:58.560 --> 0:16:02.280 You said, and this really stuck out to me at 0:16:02.320 --> 0:16:04.520 the time. You said, I love my country even though 0:16:04.560 --> 0:16:11.000 I'm Mexican, And I remember thinking, why did he feel 0:16:11.080 --> 0:16:14.040 like he had to make that clarification, probably because of that, 0:16:14.560 --> 0:16:18.760 the whole migrant thing. Growing up, my mom said, you're Mexican. 0:16:19.400 --> 0:16:21.200 She used to get mad at us for speaking English 0:16:21.240 --> 0:16:25.520 in the house. Um so, so it was weird learning English. 0:16:25.560 --> 0:16:27.960 That's probably why my my English is a little bit 0:16:28.000 --> 0:16:30.200 off at times, even though you you told me to 0:16:30.240 --> 0:16:33.120 speak louder. It's sometimes I get confused within this word. 0:16:33.640 --> 0:16:37.640 So now it was actually abusing bilingual kid. Who is 0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:41.280 you know? Great? Now I feel really great about myself. 0:16:41.440 --> 0:16:44.120 That's awesome. Um No, so growing up it was like 0:16:44.440 --> 0:16:50.480 not your Mexican, like you have cactus on your forehead. 0:16:52.000 --> 0:16:54.400 But at that time, do you think that you felt American? 0:16:54.600 --> 0:16:57.120 I mean because again, like, what's what's interesting about that 0:16:57.400 --> 0:17:00.160 is that in that clip that and when that up 0:17:00.200 --> 0:17:02.400 that we played, you're talking about how powerful of an 0:17:02.400 --> 0:17:06.400 impression nine eleven made on you. You're saying, I love 0:17:06.480 --> 0:17:09.959 my country even though I'm a Mexican, but you clearly 0:17:11.000 --> 0:17:15.600 felt that that attack as an American. Tell me a 0:17:15.640 --> 0:17:17.200 little bit about what it was like to have that 0:17:17.480 --> 0:17:21.960 split identity and how that identity has grown or changed 0:17:22.040 --> 0:17:25.280 over the years since then. I want to say that 0:17:25.400 --> 0:17:27.760 once I joined the Marine Corps. It was like, no, 0:17:27.960 --> 0:17:30.360 it was just you're you're. You've chosen your identity there, 0:17:31.160 --> 0:17:36.800 like you're you are American now. Teenage Mendoza didn't hesitate 0:17:36.880 --> 0:17:39.920 to claim that hundred percent American identity anymore than he 0:17:40.000 --> 0:17:43.200 hesitated to leave West Loco in the dust. But for 0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:46.440 his mom, his departure was a heavy blow. He tried 0:17:46.480 --> 0:17:49.480 to soften it the way boys often do by lying, 0:17:50.359 --> 0:17:52.359 and it is sound really fucked up, because I didn't 0:17:52.400 --> 0:17:53.840 want to make her worried, so I told her I 0:17:53.880 --> 0:17:57.440 was an electrician, I was in the Marine Corps. Yeah. 0:17:57.960 --> 0:18:00.680 I didn't tell her I was infantry until, oh, the 0:18:00.840 --> 0:18:06.720 night before I left. That's a big lie. Yeah, but 0:18:06.720 --> 0:18:08.200 it's my moment, man, I just I don't want to 0:18:08.600 --> 0:18:11.880 fucking put so much stress on her. He came clean 0:18:11.960 --> 0:18:14.680 while he was home in Westlico on leave from Camp Pendleton. 0:18:15.200 --> 0:18:17.639 He'd already been in the Marines for two years now. 0:18:17.800 --> 0:18:20.960 His battalion was gearing up for the Sangin deployment. That 0:18:21.160 --> 0:18:24.080 was at night. Uh, my flight was at like two 0:18:24.119 --> 0:18:27.080 in the morning or something like that or some ridiculous hour. 0:18:27.320 --> 0:18:30.000 But it was dark. I remember the only light in 0:18:30.000 --> 0:18:36.600 the house was on was the kitchen. I told him, oh, 0:18:37.040 --> 0:18:39.439 it's time to go. I mean just one. It's here 0:18:39.480 --> 0:18:40.960 to take me to my sisters, here to take me 0:18:41.000 --> 0:18:50.520 to the airport. And that's when I told him. I 0:18:50.640 --> 0:18:57.840 was like, Mom, so I'm not actually electrician, and uh yeah, 0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:01.280 I'll be on my way to Afghanistan within the next week. 0:19:05.920 --> 0:19:11.840 She's like, I am me who, Like why, why? Why 0:19:11.880 --> 0:19:18.439 did you do this? My dad he had just suffered 0:19:18.480 --> 0:19:25.880 a stroke, and I remember, oh, god, man, I remember 0:19:26.760 --> 0:19:36.440 him standing outside the front porch, the light on and 0:19:36.560 --> 0:19:39.639 the shadows like we're casting over his face, like he 0:19:39.680 --> 0:19:41.280 couldn't see his full face, but you could just see 0:19:41.280 --> 0:19:44.639 the figure of his face and his glasses and he 0:19:44.720 --> 0:19:51.240 had a cane. His left side was just hanging, you 0:19:51.320 --> 0:19:55.280 could barely hold himself up. And he was just standing 0:19:55.359 --> 0:19:57.720 as best he could to look at me, look at 0:19:57.760 --> 0:19:59.840 the car, see as I was going away. And I 0:20:00.040 --> 0:20:08.240 know my mom was crying in the kitchen. I can't 0:20:08.760 --> 0:20:10.879 that that image doesn't escape me as my dad as 0:20:10.920 --> 0:20:15.520 I'm driving away, looking back. So my dad watches me 0:20:15.600 --> 0:21:03.800 go away. We'll be back after the break. Not long 0:21:03.880 --> 0:21:06.800 after Mendoza told his family the truth, he deployed to 0:21:06.800 --> 0:21:10.320 Afghanistan with Third Squad. When we sat down to talk 0:21:10.440 --> 0:21:12.439 one on one at patrol based fires back in two 0:21:12.520 --> 0:21:15.280 thousand eleven, it was obvious he took his team leader 0:21:15.320 --> 0:21:19.159 responsibilities very seriously. He was putting a ton of pressure 0:21:19.200 --> 0:21:22.440 on himself. I love my Marines. Those are my boys. 0:21:23.400 --> 0:21:26.600 They got a lot of things going for them, and 0:21:26.720 --> 0:21:29.320 I just don't want anything to happen to them. I 0:21:29.400 --> 0:21:31.239 want to keep them as safe as I possibly can. 0:21:31.359 --> 0:21:33.520 And what I'd like to consider the most probably one 0:21:33.560 --> 0:21:36.520 of the most dangerous place on Earth. When Third Squad 0:21:36.600 --> 0:21:39.120 went out on patrol, the guys walked in single file 0:21:39.320 --> 0:21:41.720 with a marine at the front sweeping for I. E. D. S. 0:21:42.400 --> 0:21:44.919 As a team leader, Mendoza didn't want to leave anything 0:21:45.000 --> 0:21:48.040 to chance, so we walked behind the sweeper on every 0:21:48.119 --> 0:21:50.960 patrol if he could. It's the position the Third Squad 0:21:51.040 --> 0:21:55.200 Marines called point. Another thing I noticed is that you've 0:21:55.240 --> 0:21:58.440 been up front a lot. Tell me about why you 0:21:58.560 --> 0:22:02.400 like to be upfront in the sweeper. You gotta lead 0:22:02.440 --> 0:22:06.880 by example, and I like to tell my sweeper where 0:22:06.920 --> 0:22:10.400 to go because he's a pretty good he's a good sweeper, 0:22:11.000 --> 0:22:15.639 But like sometimes you know, the complacency starts to kick in, 0:22:16.480 --> 0:22:19.520 and they like to take the easy routes. I like 0:22:19.640 --> 0:22:21.400 to go the hard way. I like to go all 0:22:21.440 --> 0:22:24.120 the way around because that's where we're at least likely 0:22:24.200 --> 0:22:27.200 to get hit by anything, run into anything. It's kind 0:22:27.200 --> 0:22:29.679 of reckless. But I like to be up front because 0:22:30.320 --> 0:22:33.600 I found the second one through. Most likely I'll be 0:22:33.680 --> 0:22:35.720 the one to step on a pressure plate and nobody 0:22:35.760 --> 0:22:39.040 else behind me, I'll step on one. When I interviewed 0:22:39.119 --> 0:22:42.320 him in sangin June twelve was fresh on Mendoza's mind, 0:22:42.960 --> 0:22:46.440 the worst day of my life. That was definitely a 0:22:46.520 --> 0:22:50.880 reality check. That was the first day my whole team 0:22:50.920 --> 0:22:54.520 was in front of me, and that was literally the 0:22:54.680 --> 0:22:57.119 first day they were ever in front of me. And 0:23:00.240 --> 0:23:02.600 the one day that I let them walk in front 0:23:02.640 --> 0:23:06.280 of me is the one day that we run into 0:23:06.320 --> 0:23:09.560 an I D. That was the day of third Squad's 0:23:09.640 --> 0:23:12.480 mass casualty when they ran into a cluster of I E. 0:23:12.600 --> 0:23:15.560 D S just outside of patrol based fires, the day 0:23:15.640 --> 0:23:19.639 that Joshua McDaniels died. But you must know that you 0:23:19.720 --> 0:23:22.720 didn't hate that idea because you weren't up in front 0:23:22.840 --> 0:23:25.840 for me. If I would have been up front and 0:23:25.920 --> 0:23:28.159 somebody else wouldn't have got wouldn't be missing legs right now, 0:23:28.280 --> 0:23:35.000 somebody else might be alive. I trade places with him anytime. 0:23:36.119 --> 0:23:38.920 With O'Brien or mc daniels, I trade places with him anytime. 0:23:41.280 --> 0:23:45.040 Here in Mendoza's apartment, photos of McDaniels, O'Brien, and Dutcher 0:23:45.200 --> 0:23:47.080 looked down at us from a shelf in the corner. 0:23:48.320 --> 0:23:51.720 So who have you talked to? About? You know? Back 0:23:51.760 --> 0:23:53.600 in saying and I asked every one of you guys, 0:23:53.640 --> 0:23:55.040 I said, what are you gonna tell your friends and 0:23:55.119 --> 0:23:57.800 family when you come home? And I didn't say, you know, 0:23:57.880 --> 0:23:59.600 who are you going to talk to? But now I'd 0:23:59.640 --> 0:24:02.560 like to know who? Who have you learned that you 0:24:02.680 --> 0:24:04.960 can open up to? And when you do find someone 0:24:05.000 --> 0:24:06.680 who you think you can open up to, what what 0:24:06.800 --> 0:24:12.119 do you talk about? And go through basically levels? I 0:24:12.160 --> 0:24:15.280 guess a vetting process, if you will, for each person. 0:24:15.960 --> 0:24:19.119 And then we got to meet a certain criteria for 0:24:19.240 --> 0:24:24.920 me when it comes to talking, the depth of conversation 0:24:24.960 --> 0:24:27.439 in which we're having. I think one of my favorite 0:24:27.440 --> 0:24:32.359 tests is you're holding a conversation, the other person gets distracted, 0:24:32.920 --> 0:24:36.040 they come back, and then you change the subject and 0:24:36.680 --> 0:24:38.879 if they flow with a new subject, they're just like 0:24:39.440 --> 0:24:41.479 and then I'm just like, oh, okay, you don't care 0:24:41.520 --> 0:24:43.840 what I was saying just now before you get distracted 0:24:43.840 --> 0:24:48.639 by the butterfly. So okay. Yeah, then so you actually 0:24:48.760 --> 0:24:55.439 do that with new friends, love interests, family, who who? Who? 0:24:55.520 --> 0:24:59.359 Have you applied that test too? That's pretty ingenious. Everybody really, 0:25:00.760 --> 0:25:04.200 Hardly anyone passes the test. He tells me about one 0:25:04.280 --> 0:25:07.720 particular failure. I got to that point, like in the relationship, 0:25:07.800 --> 0:25:10.600 like we started dating and I was gonna open up 0:25:10.640 --> 0:25:13.639 to her, and I had a picture of mc daniels 0:25:13.680 --> 0:25:18.200