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Speaker 1: This is Unbreakable with Jay Glacier, a mental wealth podcast

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Speaker 1: Build you from the inside out.

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Speaker 2: Now here's Jay Glacier.

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Speaker 1: Welcome into Unbreakable, a mental wealth podcast with Jay Glazer.

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Speaker 2: I'm Jay Glazer and I love I have my friends on.

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Speaker 1: So I have a friend of mine on today, but

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Speaker 1: I love having friends of mine on also who have

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Speaker 1: just Matt.

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Speaker 2: Their story is incredible.

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Speaker 1: They have worked their asses off to create these universes

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Speaker 1: for themselves which you could never imagine us if we

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Speaker 1: looked at from a little kid on what will we becoming?

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Speaker 2: And our guest has certainly done that before I get

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Speaker 2: to her.

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Speaker 1: If you're like many people, you may be surprised to

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Speaker 1: learn that one in five adults in this country experienced

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Speaker 1: mental illness last year, yet far too many fail to

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Speaker 1: receive the support they need. Carol On behavioral health is

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Speaker 1: doing something about it. They understand that behavioral health is

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Speaker 1: a key part of whole health, delivering compassionate care that

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Speaker 1: treats physical, mental, emotional, and social needs. And to Carolyn,

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Speaker 1: behavioral health raising the quality of life through empathy and action.

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Speaker 1: Talking about action, this woman is a man. She is

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Speaker 1: a fireplug, She's a spark plug. And we became friends

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Speaker 1: through GOTTFIEI, who's been on the show as well, and

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Speaker 1: she's man Fred this whole new universe, just like Gaias did.

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Speaker 1: I'm just marvel at And we just had her on

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Speaker 1: our Fox Thanksgiving show in New York and she took

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Speaker 1: over the show, took over the set, wowed.

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Speaker 3: All of us.

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Speaker 1: The one and only super chef Antonio Lafassa. She has

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Speaker 1: free restaurants in La she has Scopa, she has Dama

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Speaker 1: and Black Market, She's all over the Food Network.

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Speaker 2: She is better at TV than all of us who's on.

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Speaker 1: Our show, and she is a I'm proud to caller

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Speaker 1: a super friend of mine now as well.

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Speaker 2: How are you?

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Speaker 3: I'm so good. Thank you for that introduction.

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Speaker 4: Like I was starting to sweat when you when you

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Speaker 4: were reading off that, like red, I was like, wait,

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Speaker 4: who who is that?

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Speaker 2: That's you? That's exactly who it is.

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Speaker 3: I know.

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Speaker 4: But you know, sometimes the years go on and you

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Speaker 4: actually forget or you know, don't necessarily calculate everything.

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Speaker 3: That's like, you know what you've done. But thank you,

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Speaker 3: thank you for that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, no, we all need to hype people around us, right,

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Speaker 1: And here's the thing, because I want to get into,

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Speaker 1: like how you got to where you're in the restaurant

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Speaker 1: Pistol before even after that, Like I didn't go to

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Speaker 1: school for TV. I did go for communicitchens, but because

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Speaker 1: my ADHD, I didn't go to class, you know, so

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Speaker 1: I got by on my two point three GPA at

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Speaker 1: past college. Your patient person right now downtown Manhattan. But

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Speaker 1: I just kind of, you know, learned and picked it up.

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Speaker 1: But when we're doing our fans steering show Man, you

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Speaker 1: were just fantastic and you know, knew how to hit

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Speaker 1: time and knew what we were looking for.

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Speaker 2: And now you're on how many TV shows are on

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Speaker 2: right now?

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Speaker 3: The food I mean, yeah, I mean Food Networks sometimes.

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Speaker 3: I mean it's crazy to think about it.

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Speaker 4: I mean, you know, probably close to seven or eight.

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Speaker 4: You know, it depends on you know what we're talking about.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, it's you know, and I know what you're

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Speaker 4: going to ask, how do you get good nuns eving?

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Speaker 4: So I have to tell you, you know, and I've

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Speaker 4: actually talked to producers about this, like you know, should

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Speaker 4: I be you know, in some kind of communications class

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Speaker 4: like as you know, as I was kind of coming

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Speaker 4: up and you know, what do you think about my

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Speaker 4: presence here, and honestly, my only thought.

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Speaker 3: Through this entire process was just be myself.

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Speaker 4: Try to communicate, you know, in a very sort of like,

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Speaker 4: you know, a small amount of time, what it is

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Speaker 4: that you're trying to say, you know, get get right

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Speaker 4: to the point. You know, guy actually says this all

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Speaker 4: the time. You know, try and talk in sound bites.

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Speaker 4: That's like the best way to explain it. But at

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Speaker 4: the heart of it, the core of it really is

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Speaker 4: just being myself, you know.

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Speaker 3: And I can date that back to my parents.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 3: My dad would joke all the time.

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Speaker 4: He's like, oh my god, we would take you on

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Speaker 4: an airplane from New York to California to visit family,

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Speaker 4: and you were walking up and down the aisle introducing

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Speaker 4: yourself to like strangers on the plane. My name is Antonia,

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Speaker 4: this is my brother Dominic. We're going to California to visit.

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Speaker 4: And just I was just free in my ways of communication, and.

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Speaker 3: I just wanted to talk to people.

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Speaker 4: And so, you know, when people ask me that question,

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Speaker 4: I'm like, there was no way of getting better at it.

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Speaker 4: There was just practice in being who I am, authentically right, being.

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Speaker 1: Authentic it is huge, and you know you could lose

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Speaker 1: that a lot on TV. Look like all of us

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Speaker 1: on Artrow as you saw, right, you saw some person.

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Speaker 1: We're exactly on TV as we were in a person.

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Speaker 2: Right, We're all fucking crazy, but in a good way.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's like the best part of it.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 4: It's it's like, you know, waiting your turn to talk,

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Speaker 4: but also listening to what someone else is actually saying,

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Speaker 4: not just waiting to say something, you know, like engaging

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Speaker 4: with someone authentically, you know, giving people the information about

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Speaker 4: what it is that you're doing and engaging and it's

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Speaker 4: it's all just social behavior, you know that Really, I

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Speaker 4: was taught by my parents. My father's like one of

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Speaker 4: the biggest you know, he's you know, a construction guy

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Speaker 4: from New York and a Sicilian construction guy from New York.

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Speaker 4: With any place he went into, whether restaurant, whether it

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Speaker 4: was a neighbor's house, it was like.

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Speaker 3: How are you? Who are you? This is who why

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Speaker 3: I am?

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Speaker 4: You know, and getting right down to the core of

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Speaker 4: like authentic stories about himself his family. Just connect with

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Speaker 4: people as quickly as possible so that you can like

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Speaker 4: share in a real moment.

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Speaker 1: I want people to hear this also because it's one

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Speaker 1: of the greatest skills we can all have. And you

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Speaker 1: talk a lot, I talk a lot, but the best

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Speaker 1: skill we have is that we listen and like people

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Speaker 1: that are, you know, trying to be sideline reporters.

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Speaker 2: And I always tell.

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Speaker 1: Them that in TV, like yeah, you got to talk

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Speaker 1: about your thing, but a lot of times we're trying

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Speaker 1: to think about our next question and we never hear

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Speaker 1: what that person across from us says.

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Speaker 2: The best TV is that reaction to what somebody says,

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Speaker 2: Oh wow, they just said that. Oh man, let's let's

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Speaker 2: talk about it.

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Speaker 1: And so many times people just gloss it over because

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Speaker 1: they're trying to think about the next thing to say

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Speaker 1: instead of hearing with that person's And that's a great

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Speaker 1: lesson for television, for business or relationship, for anything specifically relationships.

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Speaker 3: You know, I remember being in one of those while

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Speaker 3: back They're like, are you listening to me or just

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Speaker 3: waiting for your turn to respond?

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Speaker 5: I was like, I was like, I'm sorry now, so

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Speaker 5: I want to talk about your journey to where you're

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Speaker 5: at me Scopa is mad.

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Speaker 1: I love Scope. It's so freaking incredible. Come out to

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Speaker 1: Los Angeles. It's in Santa Monica. Get your ass over

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Speaker 1: to Scope. It's fucking unbelievable.

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Speaker 2: But again, being in the restaurant business and all own

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Speaker 2: a restaurant are two different things. Take take us all

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Speaker 2: through your journey.

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Speaker 3: Hey, you got here well, you know, I mean, you know,

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Speaker 3: very much the same.

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Speaker 4: I didn't go to college, you know, I took a

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Speaker 4: couple of classes in like I think it was, you know,

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Speaker 4: the history of movies in like the fifties, you know,

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Speaker 4: because I was like, I don't know what I want

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Speaker 4: to be, but I've always cooked, you know, as a

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Speaker 4: very young girl, I was always you know, my parents

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Speaker 4: own restaurants and delis, and I was just always in

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Speaker 4: the hospitality industry.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 4: I started on a hot dog and a stick when

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Speaker 4: I was sixteen years old because I needed to be

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Speaker 4: able to like pay my insurance on the car my

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Speaker 4: parents bought me, and you know, slinging corn dogs at

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Speaker 4: the mall and not realizing, you know, this is like

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Speaker 4: nineteen ninety five, that this is an opportunity, this, that

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Speaker 4: this is a profession, right, that this is a profession

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Speaker 4: for me. You know, if you look at a lot

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Speaker 4: of there was no television, culinary competitions, you know, food shows,

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Speaker 4: very very small amount you know you had and yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 4: you didn't see what you see now, right. So it's like,

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Speaker 4: you know, when I see kids on the street, they're like,

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Speaker 4: oh my god, I grew up watching you. I was like,

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Speaker 4: oh my god, that's how long I've been doing this

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Speaker 4: and where it becomes an actual like profession, and so,

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Speaker 4: you know, I was just working in restaurants and I

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Speaker 4: was like, you know what, this is what I want

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Speaker 4: to do, not with the idea of being on television,

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Speaker 4: not with the idea of doing cooking shows or cooking

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Speaker 4: competition shows. It was like, I just cannot get food

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Speaker 4: out of my system. I want to eat it, I

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Speaker 4: want to serve it, I want to cook it, I

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Speaker 4: want to share it with people. And that's kind of

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Speaker 4: where it started. And I worked for Wolfgang Puck for

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Speaker 4: many many years after I went to culinary school, and

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Speaker 4: I know.

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Speaker 2: That I don't know that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I worked for him at his flagship Spago in

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Speaker 4: Los Angeles. So got this like incredible, you know, Michelin

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Speaker 4: star background.

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Speaker 2: You know, how did you get that gig?

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Speaker 3: Ready for this?

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Speaker 4: My brother was sleeping with one of the waitresses. Okay,

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Speaker 4: not that hard.

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Speaker 3: He was like, it's.

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Speaker 1: There.

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Speaker 4: There was no like rhyme or reason, like, you know,

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Speaker 4: I didn't have to you know, I don't know jump

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Speaker 4: through that many hoops. But I did go in, you know,

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Speaker 4: in my like little blazer with my resume and my diploma,

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Speaker 4: and I remember giving it to the chef in the

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Speaker 4: kitchen like I graduated second my class and he was like.

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Speaker 3: Oh, could care less? Like could care less. He was

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Speaker 3: just like how hard do you work?

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Speaker 4: Like basically how long can you withstand you know, the

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Speaker 4: work in the kitchen, and let's see how hard you

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Speaker 4: can work? And I came in and I did like

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Speaker 4: a twelve hour stage. I think he like changed a

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Speaker 4: light bulb during my interview with him. I was like,

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Speaker 4: they're all nervous, and he was like changing a light bulb.

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Speaker 4: He's like, I don't really care. How can you come

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Speaker 4: in tomorrow and try out? Like words didn't matter. It

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Speaker 4: was like what can let me see what you can do?

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Speaker 4: And so I came in. I did like a twelve

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Speaker 4: hour stage with him, and I worked with the fish

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Speaker 4: guy and he's like, yeah, she's good enough, we can

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Speaker 4: put her in like Garmage three, which basically is just

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Speaker 4: like I can like heat up soups and maybe make salads.

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Speaker 3: And that was it.

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Speaker 4: And I worked garmage three in the lunch prep for

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Speaker 4: at Spago for I don't know, probably like three years

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Speaker 4: until like the girl who cooked fuagras and was able

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Speaker 4: to like make salmon salads got unfortunately had I go

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Speaker 4: have surgery, and I was like, yes, I'd have a

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Speaker 4: chance to move up, like because that's how cutthroat it

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Speaker 4: was at the time, Like you didn't move up unless

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Speaker 4: somebody quit, got fired or got sick.

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Speaker 3: And that was like that was the truth.

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Speaker 4: And so I just kind of made my way through

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Speaker 4: the Wolfgang Puck kitchen for many many years. I became

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Speaker 4: their first female pizza cook. I worked their grill, I

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Speaker 4: worked the fish station, I worked the pasa station. I

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Speaker 4: worked every station. I would go home after lunch service,

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Speaker 4: come back and work the parties for dinner service. I

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Speaker 4: would stay until like two o'clock in the morning and

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Speaker 4: clean fuagra like late at night. And I just tried

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Speaker 4: to soak up every part of that kitchen and I

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Speaker 4: possibly could. And then I left because I was like,

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Speaker 4: I've been here long enough. There's no room for growth.

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Speaker 4: This is like the opportunity where I'm going to stay

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Speaker 4: here and just sort of execute Wolfgang Pucks food for

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Speaker 4: the rest of my life. I'm going to go out

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Speaker 4: of my own and see what else is out there

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Speaker 4: in the world and potentially open.

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Speaker 3: Up something on my own, right, And so I left.

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Speaker 3: I left with honors.

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Speaker 1: Was there another opportunity you just said, I'm just gonna

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Speaker 1: out myself out there.

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Speaker 4: It was so scary because every chef in that kitchen

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Speaker 4: was like, I can't believe you're going to get ready

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Speaker 4: to leave this this empire right to go work for

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Speaker 4: at At the time, spe had just partnered with Michael Mina.

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Speaker 4: SBS was Sam ne'sarians restaurant group here in Los Angeles.

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Speaker 4: You know, they had a lot of different night clubs,

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Speaker 4: they had Hide. They had partnered with Katsuya to make

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Speaker 4: Katsuya more of like a you know, high end sushi brand.

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Speaker 4: Jose andreasaid they had just purchased the SLS Hotel, so

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Speaker 4: Jose was going in there. Michael Mina was opening up

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Speaker 4: fourteen on Sunset next to Hyde, and so in my mind,

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Speaker 4: I'm like, get in at the bottom part of like

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Speaker 4: this restaurant group that's opening these restaurants with all of

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Speaker 4: these you know, different chefs that you've never worked with,

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Speaker 4: and the only opportunity they had for me was to

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Speaker 4: work at the Abbey.

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Speaker 3: Do you know the Abbey in West Hollywood.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, yeah, So it.

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Speaker 4: Was I knew at that point I was going to

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Speaker 4: you know, have an opportunity to get in and work

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Speaker 4: at their supper club, which was Foxtail, And that's what

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Speaker 4: happened at the time. And so I then was able

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Speaker 4: to go and open their one of their first supper clubs,

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Speaker 4: which was Foxtown, and at the same time got on

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Speaker 4: the very first or the fourth season of Top Chef.

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Speaker 4: So their PR team was super excited that I came

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Speaker 4: in and then I had all this background and all

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Speaker 4: this knowledge that I was getting ready to be, you know,

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Speaker 4: the chef of this new supper club that they were

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Speaker 4: excited about opening that I had like you know, tried

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Speaker 4: out for.

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Speaker 3: They loved what I was doing.

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Speaker 4: The CEO at the time, Eric Berghammer, I think actually

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Speaker 4: now is the is like one of the big executives

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Speaker 4: at what's the music company that's like taken over everything

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Speaker 4: Live Nation, Okay, and so he was like, we want

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Speaker 4: to give you this opportunity the same time, I went

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Speaker 4: and did Top Chef and it just kind of blew

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Speaker 4: everything out of the water. They're like, oh my god,

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Speaker 4: she just did so great on Top Chef. Oh my god,

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Speaker 4: she's going to So I went from being like a

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Speaker 4: line cooks seue chef at Spago and at the Abbey

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Speaker 4: to all of a sudden being catapulted into executive chef

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Speaker 4: of a new like hot supper club and had just

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Speaker 4: finaled the season four of Top Chef, and so it

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Speaker 4: was like, all of a sudden, it was like a

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Speaker 4: whirlwind of you know, going from absolutely this to like this.

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Speaker 2: Well back up.

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Speaker 1: So, when you're a line strep for a shoe chef,

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Speaker 1: I don't know what kind of pay that is.

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Speaker 2: We're how hard is life?

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Speaker 4: I started at seven dollars and fifty cents an hour. Okay,

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Speaker 4: when I left Spago, I was making thirteen dollars and

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Speaker 4: fifty cents an hour.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 3: Really yep? And I started yep.

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Speaker 4: And when I started my first sou chef position at

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Speaker 4: the Abbey, I was making thirty two thousand dollars a year.

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Speaker 1: Big upgrade from fifty but still even in la thirty

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Speaker 1: two grad I hear you are you and I connect

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Speaker 1: on this right, I was making my nine grand a

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Speaker 1: year for eleven years.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I get the struggle.

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Speaker 3: It was, It was real.

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Speaker 4: And actually the crazy part is when I first started

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Speaker 4: at Spago, I was offered a job at the Peninsula

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Speaker 4: Hotel making eleven dollars an hour versus the seven fifty.

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Speaker 4: But I knew what I could learn at Spago making

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Speaker 4: the seven to fifty because everything was made from scratch pastas,

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Speaker 4: the pizzas, the does, the literally every we were getting

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Speaker 4: whole animals in for fabrication. The Peninsula is a larger,

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Speaker 4: you know company, so a lot of that stuff is

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Speaker 4: like fabricated outside of the venue. So I knew I

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Speaker 4: was going to take a pay cut, but I would

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Speaker 4: make it up in wealth of knowledge.

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Speaker 2: Is it hard being a female chef?

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Speaker 3: You know, there's just not that.

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Speaker 4: There's just that wasn't that many of us, Like I

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Speaker 4: was the only female chef that worked during the day

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Speaker 4: at Spago. That was the only female in the kitchen,

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Speaker 4: and at night there was another girl named Metta, and

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Speaker 4: we kind of looked alike.

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Speaker 3: So I was.

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Speaker 4: Actually just called day Meta because we looked alike.

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Speaker 3: And so for a long time, they were just like, oh,

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Speaker 3: it's day meta.

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Speaker 4: I was like, you mean Antonia, and so there's just yeah,

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Speaker 4: there just wasn't many of us, and so you either

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Speaker 4: you either played with the big boys or you know,

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Speaker 4: or it was very difficult.

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Speaker 1: It seems to me too, there's a lot of that

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Speaker 1: almost same kind of ribbing, hazing everything you'd have like

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Speaker 1: in the NFL locker room lid of the world that

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Speaker 1: I'm in.

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Speaker 3: One hundred percent.

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Speaker 4: And the crazy part is like I actually didn't mind it,

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Speaker 4: you know what I mean, Like I like to I

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Speaker 4: like to play around, you know, And honestly, I also

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Speaker 4: grew up in a kitchen though, like the Spago kitchen,

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Speaker 4: Like they were very respectful, like all of the chefs

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Speaker 4: in there, like the the the world that I lived in,

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Speaker 4: Like it wasn't some of the horror stories that I've

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Speaker 4: heard from, you know, a lot of like other people,

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Speaker 4: Like my my chefs were amazing. They taught me, they

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Speaker 4: loved me, they you know, I mean, we all messed

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Speaker 4: with each other big time, but like there was a

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Speaker 4: lot of respect, which was great.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Now I go from there.

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Speaker 4: So so well, I opened my first restaurant and then

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Speaker 4: it failed after a year.

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Speaker 1: You open it because now people knew who you were

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Speaker 1: from top chefs, so you can get investors or all.

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Speaker 4: So No, so I was able to open up Foxhoale

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Speaker 4: just based on my merit. Like Eric Berghammer at the

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Speaker 4: time fought for me.

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Speaker 3: He loved me.

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Speaker 4: He was just like, you're gonna love this girl, like

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Speaker 4: she's she's she's who needs to open Foxtown. I met

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Speaker 4: Brent bolt House of the time, who had who had

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Speaker 4: you know, basically was like the largest club promoter in

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Speaker 4: all of Los Angeles. Yeah, he now owns like all

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Speaker 4: the Bungalows like all throughout Los Angeles, the one you

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Speaker 4: know in Santa Monica, and there's another one up in

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Speaker 4: the north and near San Francisco and Long be and

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Speaker 4: so it's like all these people were kind.

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Speaker 3: Of just starting out.

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Speaker 2: And it was you didn't own it, you were opening

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Speaker 2: the I.

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Speaker 3: Just opened it. I was just an employee, Okay, yeah,

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Speaker 3: that's and.

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Speaker 4: So, and a lot of the things were a lot

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Speaker 4: of the decisions were taken away from me because again

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Speaker 4: I was an employee.

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Speaker 3: I wasn't a partner, I wasn't a chef that came in.

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Speaker 4: Really at the time, like you're talking about this is

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Speaker 4: like two thousand and four, No, two thousand and five,

384
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Speaker 4: two thousand and six. And so really if you look

385
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Speaker 4: back at like the history when chefs started to really

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Speaker 4: get equity, you know, sweat equity for restaurants, I mean

387
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Speaker 4: that's really only started over the last.

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Speaker 3: Like ten years, you know, ten fifteen years. Really it's

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Speaker 3: been not a long period.

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Speaker 4: Like most of the time chefs were just hired, they

391
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Speaker 4: made a salary, you know, they built these concepts along

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Speaker 4: with the money, and they really had no equity in the.

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Speaker 3: Business if it did well.

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Speaker 4: And so this all went down. The restaurant was right

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Speaker 4: above a nightclub. They were very specific about who came

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Speaker 4: in there, like the very la scene of this.

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Speaker 3: Isn't about the food. It's more about just who's.

398
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Speaker 4: Here and what they're drinking and can you know, can

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Speaker 4: it's just the restaurants I like a pit stop before

400
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Speaker 4: they go into the nightclub. And I was like wait

401
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Speaker 4: a second, Like that's not what I was planning, and

402
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Speaker 4: this isn't the food I wanted to do, and you know,

403
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Speaker 4: so there was just a lot of tension and a

404
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Speaker 4: lot of like rift between myself and and I was

405
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Speaker 4: someone who spoke up even though I had never opened

406
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Speaker 4: a restaurant before. I knew in my gut what was

407
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Speaker 4: right and what was wrong. I knew what I felt intuitively,

408
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Speaker 4: I can get behind this.

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Speaker 3: I can't get behind this.

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Speaker 4: So I was sort of like the loudest one in

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Speaker 4: the room screaming like this isn't going to work. This

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Speaker 4: doesn't feel right. I don't like where the direction it's going.

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Speaker 4: And everyone's like, no, no, no, don't worry about it. We're

414
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Speaker 4: still doing it, like you can either stay on the

415
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Speaker 4: train or get off the train. And the train didn't

416
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Speaker 4: even make it a year and a half, and you know,

417
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Speaker 4: they're like, oh, you know, people don't like the club,

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Speaker 4: and we have to lower the music so that people

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Speaker 4: can dine downstairs, and people don't like the chairs.

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Speaker 3: I was like, these are all the things that like.

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Speaker 4: We talked about before it opened, you know, like how

422
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Speaker 4: are we going to charge someone like ninety dollars for

423
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Speaker 4: a steak when they have to sit on a stool?

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Speaker 4: You know, it just doesn't make sense, Like the seating

425
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:01,680
Speaker 4: doesn't make sense, the tables don't make sense, Like you know,

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Speaker 4: Biggie Small is blaring upstairs at the nightclub while people

427
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Speaker 4: are trying to you know, enjoy seven hundred dollars bottle

428
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:09,119
Speaker 4: of wine Dunsters doesn't make sense, And so it just

429
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Speaker 4: became it was a failure, and I almost stopped cooking.

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Speaker 2: I like that.

431
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Speaker 4: Yeah, I was like, I took six months of severance

432
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Speaker 4: and I was like, I don't know if I can.

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Speaker 3: Do this anymore.

434
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Speaker 4: The headlines read like, you know, literally throughout you know,

435
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Speaker 4: any food blog, any food publication.

436
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Speaker 3: It was just like how poorly I had done.

437
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Speaker 4: You know, it was like a flash in the pan

438
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Speaker 4: because I had done so well on Top Chef, and see,

439
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Speaker 4: I really didn't have like the gumption to see it through.

440
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,920
Speaker 3: How people went after me so hard. It was so bad.

441
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Speaker 2: How did you handle that?

442
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:42,000
Speaker 3: Oh my god.

443
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:45,040
Speaker 4: I went and hid in my bedroom for like four

444
00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:47,000
Speaker 4: months and just took care of my daughter and was like,

445
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,679
Speaker 4: I don't think I'm gonna cook anymore. And my daughter's

446
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:53,159
Speaker 4: father at the time was just like, you are sad

447
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,919
Speaker 4: and depressed, and you're sad and depressed because you're not cooking.

448
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,760
Speaker 4: And he actually, at the time he's really good friends

449
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,840
Speaker 4: with Eddie Murphy, and Eddie Murphy was looking for a

450
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:04,200
Speaker 4: private chef and I had never done private chefing before,

451
00:18:04,359 --> 00:18:05,800
Speaker 4: and He's like, listen, just to get you back on

452
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:07,199
Speaker 4: the horse, why don't you just go cook up at

453
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:08,800
Speaker 4: Eddie's for a couple of days a week and like,

454
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:12,240
Speaker 4: you know, just get your like mojo back and enjoy yourself,

455
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:15,000
Speaker 4: like remember why you like cooking? And I was like, okay, fine,

456
00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:17,359
Speaker 4: I'm like I do need a job because my my

457
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,920
Speaker 4: severance is running out. And you know, it was like,

458
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:21,359
Speaker 4: you know when Stella got her groove back in that

459
00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:23,359
Speaker 4: movie like Angela Bascar, like that was me.

460
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:27,200
Speaker 2: Like with Eddie, yeah.

461
00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:30,520
Speaker 4: So good minus the sex, like it was no. But honestly,

462
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,399
Speaker 4: like I went up there, I was so well received

463
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:35,320
Speaker 4: by this family that just wanted good food and had

464
00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:38,879
Speaker 4: an unlimited budget and I made three different proteins and

465
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:42,119
Speaker 4: two cakes and different kinds of starches and and I

466
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,000
Speaker 4: just had the best time cooking for him, you know.

467
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,680
Speaker 4: And I did that for like two years. I basically

468
00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:48,480
Speaker 4: built my way back, you know. I they asked me

469
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:50,200
Speaker 4: to come back and do Top Chef All Stars again.

470
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:52,439
Speaker 4: I was like totally like, I don't want to do

471
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:55,119
Speaker 4: that again because the notoriety doing so well and it

472
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,919
Speaker 4: the first time what people expected from me in Los Angeles.

473
00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:00,160
Speaker 4: And then when I didn't deliver. It was just like

474
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:02,679
Speaker 4: you know, it was like you know, men in pitchforks

475
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:05,080
Speaker 4: chasing after me and you know, being like, don't let

476
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,040
Speaker 4: her open anything, like the guys.

477
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:08,760
Speaker 3: This was the best part. I think it was Think

478
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:10,080
Speaker 3: Food Group, not Think Food group.

479
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:13,480
Speaker 4: Was it one of the food groups that does what's

480
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:17,119
Speaker 4: that restaurant? Was it koy Sushi? Like I remember putting

481
00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:19,440
Speaker 4: my resumes. They wouldn't even call me back, like would

482
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:20,359
Speaker 4: not even call me back.

483
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:21,640
Speaker 1: Like I was like.

484
00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:26,040
Speaker 4: Scarlet letter, Wow, And I was like, you know what, fine,

485
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:27,840
Speaker 4: I'm gonna go back and do Top Chef All Stars.

486
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:29,080
Speaker 4: And if I do it, I have to commit to

487
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,000
Speaker 4: it because I was trying to sell my book at the.

488
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:32,919
Speaker 2: Time backing up here too because I know, and you

489
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:33,800
Speaker 2: know I talked about it or not.

490
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,200
Speaker 1: But yeah, we all we all do it with anxiety

491
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,360
Speaker 1: when things like that happened to us.

492
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,840
Speaker 2: We it's so loud for us with those with anxiety,

493
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:42,480
Speaker 2: where you.

494
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:45,679
Speaker 1: Think everybody's looking at you, everybody's point and then and

495
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:46,520
Speaker 1: most of the time they're not.

496
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:48,960
Speaker 2: But it's just so loud for us. It's hard for

497
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,120
Speaker 2: us to get ruined.

498
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,359
Speaker 1: But like you said, like the lesson there You've got

499
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:55,000
Speaker 1: to get back to what you do that you love.

500
00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:57,600
Speaker 2: But it is hard. You've got to figure it.

501
00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:00,199
Speaker 1: It's it's a it's a rare skiller trait to be

502
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:03,280
Speaker 1: able to tune out those voices and those were mentioning

503
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:06,240
Speaker 1: that everybody staring, pointing and laugh Well.

504
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:06,400
Speaker 3: It was.

505
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:09,720
Speaker 4: It was probably the scariest moment of my life because

506
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:12,560
Speaker 4: the thing that I loved the most, which was cooking

507
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:16,000
Speaker 4: and hospitality, was there was a part of it where

508
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,320
Speaker 4: I was like, I can't do this.

509
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:21,080
Speaker 3: I shouldn't do this. I don't belong there. They don't

510
00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:21,480
Speaker 3: want me.

511
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:25,119
Speaker 4: And you know, and Zaiya's dad at the time, you

512
00:20:25,119 --> 00:20:26,200
Speaker 4: know who's in entertainment.

513
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,320
Speaker 3: He, you know, who had seen failure himself.

514
00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:31,359
Speaker 4: And I think we don't talk enough about that part,

515
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:33,879
Speaker 4: Like successful people don't talk about how many times they

516
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,880
Speaker 4: fell down and almost stopped and you know, like skin

517
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:38,840
Speaker 4: their knees so bad that they thought they'd never walk

518
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:39,880
Speaker 4: again kind of a thing.

519
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:43,320
Speaker 2: And and this podcasts for for exactly that.

520
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:45,440
Speaker 4: In that moment, I had a choice, you know what

521
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:46,879
Speaker 4: I mean, And he said this to me, And mind you,

522
00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:48,480
Speaker 4: him and I weren't together at the time, and in fact,

523
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:52,199
Speaker 4: we were actually not in the greatest space other than

524
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:57,760
Speaker 4: being Zia's parents, but I respected his knowledge in the

525
00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:00,280
Speaker 4: career world, you know, so much that I was like,

526
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:02,560
Speaker 4: listen to what he's saying because he's just saying this

527
00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:04,800
Speaker 4: to you because he's been there before, which is like.

528
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:07,800
Speaker 3: Get up, Yes, who cares if anyone is talking? And

529
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:09,640
Speaker 3: no one cares? Do you know what I mean?

530
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:12,040
Speaker 4: And do the thing that you love and start over?

531
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,760
Speaker 4: You can start over. And I was like, okay, and

532
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:17,840
Speaker 4: I did. I started over and then got into the

533
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:20,960
Speaker 4: restaurant industry with business partners that I was like in

534
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:23,080
Speaker 4: that moment, I was like, here's the thing. If we

535
00:21:23,119 --> 00:21:26,280
Speaker 4: don't open up something that we both can mutually agree upon,

536
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:28,280
Speaker 4: then we shouldn't do this.

537
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:29,720
Speaker 3: And the crazy part.

538
00:21:29,560 --> 00:21:31,320
Speaker 4: Is are you ready for this, Jay of like the

539
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:35,160
Speaker 4: points in the universe that connect. Okay, this awful experience

540
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:37,520
Speaker 4: that I had where I almost stopped cooking because I

541
00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:38,040
Speaker 4: opened this.

542
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,439
Speaker 3: Restaurant with sbe at the time.

543
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:43,119
Speaker 4: One of the bartenders there who was just learning his

544
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:46,440
Speaker 4: mixology craft and his spirit craft is Pablo Moy who

545
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:49,800
Speaker 4: is my now business partner who actually introduced me to

546
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:52,359
Speaker 4: the business partners that we built. The last three restaurants

547
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:55,520
Speaker 4: with built basically a twenty million dollar restaurant empire over

548
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:56,560
Speaker 4: the last eleven years.

549
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:58,400
Speaker 3: And so this awful.

550
00:21:58,119 --> 00:22:01,200
Speaker 4: Experience that I had that I was like, oh my god,

551
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:04,919
Speaker 4: this almost stopped my entire career. I met someone there

552
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:08,800
Speaker 4: who then connected me and we all connected to build

553
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:12,240
Speaker 4: what have been some of the proudest restaurant moments of

554
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:15,359
Speaker 4: my life, which are Black Market, Scope A, and Dama,

555
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:18,879
Speaker 4: which are three restaurants in major market like Los Angeles

556
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:24,480
Speaker 4: that have survived recessions COVID, you know all the things

557
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:27,000
Speaker 4: that have taken restaurants out.

558
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:30,440
Speaker 3: You know ours are you know, still supported and thriving.

559
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:34,080
Speaker 2: What was the hardest for me? Again, I always go

560
00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:36,200
Speaker 2: back about nine grand a year for the eleven years.

561
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:39,439
Speaker 1: But like it's interesting, like I got rejected for all

562
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:41,520
Speaker 1: those eleven years for a full time job. But now

563
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:42,720
Speaker 1: I look at it like I try and use my

564
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,320
Speaker 1: mental health issues as my superpower. So like my depression

565
00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:47,600
Speaker 1: told me I was worthless, and you know, you were

566
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,560
Speaker 1: worthy of being rejected, So I didn't mind getting rejected.

567
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,160
Speaker 1: It turns out it ended up helping me. Okay, fine,

568
00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:55,159
Speaker 1: but fucking A was miserable. But you know, you have

569
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:57,840
Speaker 1: a lot of these moments you look back and you're like,

570
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:01,359
Speaker 1: oh my god, that was can't believe I pulled myself

571
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:01,760
Speaker 1: out of that.

572
00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:05,680
Speaker 2: But the opposite of I've had these moments, I'm like.

573
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:08,879
Speaker 1: Oh my god, like how did I get here? And

574
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,200
Speaker 1: I'm still waiting to wake up in fifth grade and

575
00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 1: my mom wakes me up at school.

576
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,000
Speaker 2: None of this happened. What was your first moment of

577
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:18,160
Speaker 2: oh my god, how did I get here?

578
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:23,480
Speaker 4: You know, I think it was, you know, true, truthfully,

579
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:25,320
Speaker 4: I think it was like pretty recent. And I know

580
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:28,439
Speaker 4: this is going to sound so crazy, right because you know,

581
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,720
Speaker 4: in the midst of me closing this restaurant, going back

582
00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:32,960
Speaker 4: and back to top.

583
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:35,000
Speaker 3: Chef, Zaiah's dad had passed away.

584
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:39,320
Speaker 4: And so even with all of this like restaurant failure,

585
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 4: what am I going to do? Then on top of it,

586
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:47,000
Speaker 4: my partner, who was supposed to be you know, financially partnership,

587
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:50,360
Speaker 4: you know, raising child partnership is now gone and it's

588
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:51,359
Speaker 4: just me, And.

589
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:53,480
Speaker 3: So I was like, what else can happen?

590
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,080
Speaker 4: Like that's where that's where I lived for a very

591
00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:58,359
Speaker 4: very long time with just waiting for the other shoot

592
00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:00,919
Speaker 4: to fall. So there's so much that happen with building

593
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:04,680
Speaker 4: black market, that being successful, building scope of that being successful,

594
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:07,600
Speaker 4: then building Dama, raising my daughter, and just trying to

595
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:10,960
Speaker 4: get through the day to day because my anxiety is

596
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,960
Speaker 4: through the roof. I'm having anxiety attacks. I don't have

597
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:15,680
Speaker 4: a choice but to go to work and make things

598
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:19,200
Speaker 4: happen because otherwise she doesn't get shoes on her feet

599
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:22,359
Speaker 4: because I can't make money type of reality. Right, there

600
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:24,480
Speaker 4: was no life insurance. I didn't have anything to kind

601
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,000
Speaker 4: of like fall back on. So I was just like

602
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:28,439
Speaker 4: in the middle of the ocean, and I was like,

603
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,840
Speaker 4: you either don't stop swimming or you drown, like end

604
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:35,560
Speaker 4: of story. And so really that all just settled like

605
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 4: probably over the last like four years, you know, where

606
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:41,520
Speaker 4: I've been able to take a deeper breath, been able

607
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,080
Speaker 4: to like make money. My daughter's like, you know, in

608
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,520
Speaker 4: her own world, doing her own thing, where I've been like,

609
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:49,800
Speaker 4: oh my goodness, I'm finally come out of this cocoon

610
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,919
Speaker 4: of just doing right and not even realizing what the

611
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:57,199
Speaker 4: hell I've created over the last ten years. Right, So,

612
00:24:57,320 --> 00:24:59,879
Speaker 4: like I'm not making a joke when you read my resume.

613
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,879
Speaker 4: Sometimes I'm like I'm still in awe of it, but

614
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:05,720
Speaker 4: it was I was driving and You'll get a kick

615
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:07,280
Speaker 4: out of this again because I'm still in the I

616
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:08,320
Speaker 4: only make seven dollars and.

617
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:09,120
Speaker 3: Fifty cent mentality.

618
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:13,720
Speaker 4: I was driving a car that I had won on

619
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:16,639
Speaker 4: Top Chef and this car, my daughter larned to driving it.

620
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:19,160
Speaker 4: The entire side was ripped off. They were like ripped

621
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:20,520
Speaker 4: in the leather of the seat, you know where.

622
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:22,200
Speaker 3: The kitchen starts to come out, do you know what

623
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:22,520
Speaker 3: I mean?

624
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:26,399
Speaker 4: And now, mind, I'm like making money, okay, but in

625
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:28,560
Speaker 4: my mind, I'm still makes seven dollars and fifty cents

626
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:31,960
Speaker 4: now and I haven't even come to like like haven't

627
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:35,639
Speaker 4: even like taken account for everything I've done. And my brother,

628
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:39,320
Speaker 4: you know, my younger brother who's twenty I think he

629
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,480
Speaker 4: was like twenty four at the time, had just gotten

630
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:45,040
Speaker 4: divorced and was kind of like not doing well in

631
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:46,960
Speaker 4: a way, and his wife had taken the car, and

632
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:47,920
Speaker 4: he's like, I can't get to work.

633
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,480
Speaker 3: Antonia. I know you were talking about selling your car.

634
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:51,680
Speaker 3: Would you sell me your car?

635
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:53,920
Speaker 4: And I was like, you know what, I'm going to

636
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:57,000
Speaker 4: give you my car because this car was gifted to me,

637
00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:01,840
Speaker 4: and I'm going to go buy myself a car, right,

638
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:03,879
Speaker 4: and I like I gifted I was like so excited

639
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:05,880
Speaker 4: that I could gift my brother this car. Of course

640
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:07,320
Speaker 4: that was falling apart, but he loves it and thinks

641
00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 4: it's like the best car in the world. And I

642
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:12,840
Speaker 4: went to the range Rover dealership and I bought myself

643
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:15,680
Speaker 4: a range Rover. And I walked in and I could

644
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:19,719
Speaker 4: like swipe my credit card for like the down payment.

645
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:21,440
Speaker 3: Then my credit score.

646
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,800
Speaker 4: Is amazing because I've never used it for anything, do

647
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:25,520
Speaker 4: you know what I mean? Because I've just had my head,

648
00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:27,440
Speaker 4: you know, buried in the sand. And in that moment,

649
00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:30,680
Speaker 4: I was just like, I can't believe that I can

650
00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:34,679
Speaker 4: actually like buy myself this car. And I literally I

651
00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:38,639
Speaker 4: drove out of the dealership like sobbing, because for the

652
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:42,239
Speaker 4: last ten years I had I was in the mode of, like,

653
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:45,440
Speaker 4: what does my daughter need? I was in full surviving mode.

654
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:48,000
Speaker 4: When is the next shoe? When is the next like

655
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:51,399
Speaker 4: attack going to happen on my life? When is the

656
00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:53,879
Speaker 4: next shoe gonna something bad's gonna happen? When is going

657
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:56,200
Speaker 4: to happen? I'm waiting for it. Okay, Sure they said

658
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:58,560
Speaker 4: the restaurant's doing good. Sure, I'm collecting paychecks and I'm

659
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:00,480
Speaker 4: just putting them in the bank, but I'm not living,

660
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:04,639
Speaker 4: like I'm not having any kind of life. And in

661
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:06,359
Speaker 4: that moment, I still look at this car now and

662
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:08,040
Speaker 4: everyone's like, it's really nice, and I was. And It's

663
00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:10,399
Speaker 4: the crazy part was everyone's response to me buying this

664
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:11,320
Speaker 4: car for myself.

665
00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:14,080
Speaker 3: They're like, you just can't. I can't believe it took you.

666
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:14,639
Speaker 3: I can't.

667
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 4: Like I was like crying every time I went near

668
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:18,560
Speaker 4: someone cause they were like, you deserve this so much,

669
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:20,960
Speaker 4: I'm so happy you did this for yourself. And I

670
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,280
Speaker 4: was like, I can't believe how many people were talking

671
00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:26,679
Speaker 4: about how I wasn't doing anything for myself or or

672
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:29,560
Speaker 4: enjoying anything that had happened. And so the truth is

673
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:32,960
Speaker 4: I haven't really been able to enjoy anything that has

674
00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:36,440
Speaker 4: happened because I've just been in full survival. And it's

675
00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:39,159
Speaker 4: really just a recent where I was like, I'm going

676
00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:41,399
Speaker 4: to buy myself this car, but really only because my

677
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:43,359
Speaker 4: brother was like, I need a car, and I was like.

678
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:47,000
Speaker 1: So, if this Antonia could go back to Antonia from

679
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:49,840
Speaker 1: ten to fifteen years ago, would you have advice for

680
00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:51,720
Speaker 1: her so she could enjoy it?

681
00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:53,360
Speaker 2: Earlier, like, how would you talk to her?

682
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:56,879
Speaker 3: You know, I don't. I don't know if I would

683
00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:57,680
Speaker 3: change anything.

684
00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:00,840
Speaker 4: Actually, you know, I think think what I would I

685
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:04,159
Speaker 4: think if my this antonia self could tell my younger

686
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:08,240
Speaker 4: antonia self anything is just like it'll be fine, because

687
00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:10,760
Speaker 4: that's what like this self tells.

688
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:13,120
Speaker 3: My future self, right like when I have.

689
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 4: These still spirals of like, at any given moment, everything

690
00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,480
Speaker 4: could be taken away from me at any given moment,

691
00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:22,120
Speaker 4: I will have no work at any given moment. You know,

692
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:24,440
Speaker 4: I went through this whole period where I wasn't competing

693
00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:26,120
Speaker 4: very well and I was like, Okay, now I can't cook.

694
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,320
Speaker 4: That's great, awesome, Like now I'm just like not even

695
00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:31,840
Speaker 4: a good chef anymore. I would just always remind myself

696
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:34,959
Speaker 4: that it actually always will be okay.

697
00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 3: You will always be okay, no matter what the outcome is.

698
00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:41,720
Speaker 4: You know, sometimes we don't like the path, we don't

699
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:44,840
Speaker 4: like the answer in the moment. We don't realize the

700
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:48,320
Speaker 4: answer in the moment leads to something greater, far better

701
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 4: for you ten folds down the road, and that the

702
00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:55,000
Speaker 4: path is backwards and down and up and left and right,

703
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:55,760
Speaker 4: not straight.

704
00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:58,600
Speaker 3: That I would just kind of say that to her to.

705
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:00,960
Speaker 4: Kind of give her a little like hot you know,

706
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,000
Speaker 4: but not not change anything.

707
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:06,080
Speaker 2: And look, we do people who are driven like we are.

708
00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:09,239
Speaker 1: Anybody who's successful has been doing so much and so

709
00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:10,760
Speaker 1: much heartache and so much.

710
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna call it.

711
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,440
Speaker 1: Failure because it's not part of the journey, but the

712
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:18,160
Speaker 1: rejection and the fuck ups and the hurdles, and that's

713
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:21,680
Speaker 1: what life that you're you could be successful because you've

714
00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:22,320
Speaker 1: been able to deal.

715
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:24,520
Speaker 2: With more hurdles than most have ever become more than

716
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:25,360
Speaker 2: everybody else.

717
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 1: And you know, I always say like, and I learned

718
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,520
Speaker 1: this from a therapist to mine because I wake up

719
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:33,000
Speaker 1: every day and it says to me, also, the remains

720
00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:36,160
Speaker 1: in my head men university going to come crashing down

721
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:38,240
Speaker 1: around you, And I got the therapist said, no, the

722
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:41,520
Speaker 1: universe conspires to help us. Yeah, we got to some

723
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:44,040
Speaker 1: help convince ourselves and let that sink in.

724
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:46,040
Speaker 2: And if we can in the world can be a

725
00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:47,680
Speaker 2: lot less scary for us.

726
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:50,000
Speaker 1: And it's exactly I think what you're doing here, like, hey,

727
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:51,880
Speaker 1: it's gonna be okay, but so hard for us to

728
00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:55,040
Speaker 1: comprehend while we're in that battle.

729
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:56,240
Speaker 2: And even after.

730
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,400
Speaker 1: You're successful, like look, there's still you know, a lot

731
00:29:58,400 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 1: of us who are at the top, like we have

732
00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 1: we have this monster in this that you know, makes

733
00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:04,640
Speaker 1: us think that tomorrow we're all gonna be canceled.

734
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:06,640
Speaker 2: It over and done and it's all gonna be gone.

735
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:08,640
Speaker 1: And it's I've been going through it, and I've been

736
00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:11,160
Speaker 1: you know, I've been on Fox for twenty years and

737
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 1: you know, me and Terry Bratcher, well this this we're

738
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 1: out after this year, We're done here. It's just like

739
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:19,240
Speaker 1: that's what the roommates in over head tell us when

740
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:20,239
Speaker 1: we're the best of what we do.

741
00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:23,080
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I just went through the period where you know,

742
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:25,440
Speaker 4: I wasn't competing just very well. And I was like, okay,

743
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:27,120
Speaker 4: it's just a matter of time now, Like I've just

744
00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:28,920
Speaker 4: gotten too old and I can't do it anymore and

745
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:31,320
Speaker 4: I've lost the you know, I've lost all of these

746
00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:33,160
Speaker 4: young people to come in. They just know so much

747
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:34,680
Speaker 4: more than you do and have And I was like

748
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:36,960
Speaker 4: and then I remember, you know, guy was like, You're

749
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:39,200
Speaker 4: doing Turnado Champions one more time this year. And I

750
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:42,040
Speaker 4: was like nauseous and like sick to my stomach about it,

751
00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 4: you know, And you know, I came out of the

752
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:48,160
Speaker 4: gate last year like a monster, a monster, you know,

753
00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:50,920
Speaker 4: and just you know, handled it in such a big way,

754
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:53,080
Speaker 4: and so I don't know.

755
00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:55,480
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter. I hope you see. Here's the thing

756
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:55,720
Speaker 2: for me.

757
00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:58,280
Speaker 1: I look at you like you're a gangster, right and

758
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 1: you've already done it. It doesn't matter or if you

759
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:01,800
Speaker 1: win or lose, now you've done it.

760
00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:02,880
Speaker 2: Around it. You already did it.

761
00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:04,840
Speaker 1: And I try and tell this to people who are

762
00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:07,280
Speaker 1: well used to be world champions in fighting, and I

763
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:09,960
Speaker 1: tell it to people who played in the NFL, like, dude,

764
00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:12,880
Speaker 1: you did it. Just because the uniforms off doesn't mean

765
00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:15,200
Speaker 1: you're still not a gangster. You'll always be a gangster.

766
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:17,680
Speaker 1: And you've got to realize that also, like you're there,

767
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:18,600
Speaker 1: you've done it.

768
00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:19,840
Speaker 2: It's not a week by week thing.

769
00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:21,760
Speaker 1: And that's we too many of us do that, like,

770
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:23,960
Speaker 1: oh man, this week, I do it like that crap

771
00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:25,360
Speaker 1: this week and I have a lot of scoops.

772
00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:28,720
Speaker 2: Fuck man, I suck. And yeah, it's no, we've done it.

773
00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:30,080
Speaker 2: We've done it at the highest level.

774
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:32,520
Speaker 1: But we got to play mind games with ourselves to

775
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:35,040
Speaker 1: make sure that we have to give ourselves that grace.

776
00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:36,920
Speaker 4: Well the crazy part let me ask you a good

777
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 4: question because I feel like this is the weird part, right,

778
00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:42,600
Speaker 4: Like I am the most self deprecating person alone. Like

779
00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:44,160
Speaker 4: Greg will tell you, Who'll be like, oh my god,

780
00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:47,160
Speaker 4: she's spiraling. Just give us some space, Like she'll come back,

781
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:49,200
Speaker 4: don't worry. Then you put me in a room where

782
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:53,280
Speaker 4: I have to sell myself, and I'm like my biggest cheerleader.

783
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:55,440
Speaker 3: Yes, Like you want to know what I could do?

784
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:59,040
Speaker 3: You want to know what I like? It's like how

785
00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 3: these two people live together?

786
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:03,200
Speaker 2: Right right? Right? Why could you do it? So?

787
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:05,440
Speaker 1: How do you get yourself Antony to then start? Make

788
00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:07,480
Speaker 1: sure you're those people in the room and you sell

789
00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:08,040
Speaker 1: yourself to you.

790
00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:11,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, sell myself to myself to myself.

791
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:12,840
Speaker 2: Right, That's what we have to do a million percent.

792
00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:15,040
Speaker 4: So many times, like producers will be like, oh my god,

793
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:16,960
Speaker 4: have you ever seen Antoni in the room with like

794
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:18,400
Speaker 4: the president of Food Network.

795
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:20,000
Speaker 3: She murders it, she kills it, And I'm like, yeah,

796
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:20,320
Speaker 3: put her.

797
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:20,479
Speaker 1: In the room.

798
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:21,720
Speaker 4: I was like, yeah, put me in the room, Coach

799
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:23,520
Speaker 4: like let me in, you know. And then I get

800
00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:24,680
Speaker 4: in the room and they're like, we love you, We'll

801
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 4: give you anything. And then all of a sudden, then

802
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:27,440
Speaker 4: I go home and I'm like, nobody likes me.

803
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:31,400
Speaker 1: Give me now that you're you're you've been on TV

804
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:33,800
Speaker 1: and you're this big name. And it's so funny because

805
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:35,480
Speaker 1: Antoni and I were at I was starting a super

806
00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 1: Bowl party a couple of years ago, and I roll

807
00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:42,360
Speaker 1: up with me her whis Khalifa and Guy Fieri and our.

808
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 2: Guys at Fox. One of my producers. You got Antonio

809
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:47,800
Speaker 2: la face here. Oh my god, I just want to

810
00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:49,440
Speaker 2: be her. I just want to meet her. Right. So,

811
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:52,280
Speaker 2: now now that you are where you've been on TV,

812
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:55,160
Speaker 2: Bill love, nobody loves you.

813
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:59,320
Speaker 1: But give me your moment of like did someone has

814
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:01,720
Speaker 1: come up to you and You're like, holy fuck, how

815
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:03,920
Speaker 1: did I get? Like someone just recognized me from TV?

816
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,320
Speaker 1: Then like I can't believe this shit happened. Like I'm

817
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:09,440
Speaker 1: gonna tell you real quick, like mine was. I'm were

818
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:11,880
Speaker 1: two things that I'm at the Emmys and I just

819
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:13,920
Speaker 1: went with some Fox people and I'm in the bathroom

820
00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:16,600
Speaker 1: and the big stars come in. They're like, I got

821
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:19,520
Speaker 1: Jake Glazer, Dude, I started Jason went in my fantasy

822
00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:21,560
Speaker 1: team this morning because of what you said, Well he's

823
00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 1: gonna play or that, and they hey, here's Jake and

824
00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:25,240
Speaker 1: the I'm like and they were like, oh dude, I

825
00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:27,000
Speaker 1: go out here stuff from my fantasy football too. And

826
00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 1: I'm like, is this really fucking happening right now? And

827
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:32,040
Speaker 1: they're all big stars and I'm like, God, how did

828
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:34,040
Speaker 1: I get here? Give me your moment like that?

829
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:38,560
Speaker 4: So it was actually a guy's uh uh star on

830
00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:42,080
Speaker 4: the Hollywood Walk of Fame because it was Matthew McConaughey. Yes,

831
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:43,880
Speaker 4: like Matthew McConaughey was there, and he was just like

832
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,400
Speaker 4: he presented him and he knew Like he.

833
00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:48,880
Speaker 3: Walked back, He's like, hey, Antoni is here.

834
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:53,160
Speaker 4: I was like, wait, what, Like was insane to me

835
00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:58,280
Speaker 4: that these celebrities like Selena Gomez. When I did Selena Show,

836
00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:00,680
Speaker 4: she was just like like someone came up to me

837
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:03,560
Speaker 4: at like the the food and wine event. They were

838
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:06,920
Speaker 4: just like, you know, Selena Gomez only follows like twenty people,

839
00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:08,640
Speaker 4: Like you know, she's got like some very small you know,

840
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:11,320
Speaker 4: she has like twenties you know, however many million people

841
00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:13,560
Speaker 4: follow her. But she's like that has like this many people.

842
00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:15,080
Speaker 3: And I'm like one of the people she follows.

843
00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:16,640
Speaker 4: And so it's like when you have these moments where

844
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:19,400
Speaker 4: you're like, oh my god, these huge celebrities that literally

845
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:22,480
Speaker 4: run that people look up to and run the they

846
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:24,960
Speaker 4: and then they're like, but you made this.

847
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:25,680
Speaker 3: Blah blah blah.

848
00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:28,200
Speaker 4: I was like, I just can't even believe that that's

849
00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:31,720
Speaker 4: part of your like vocabulary. That's like on the bigger level,

850
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:34,920
Speaker 4: right on the on the much more like important level

851
00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:37,879
Speaker 4: of like where I feel like I've touched people and

852
00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:40,840
Speaker 4: I want to cry about it. Is I will randomly

853
00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:44,120
Speaker 4: get DMS, and a lot happened when I gave the

854
00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:47,319
Speaker 4: commencement speech at the Culinary School a couple of years

855
00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:50,600
Speaker 4: ago here in Los Angeles, and to this day, I

856
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:53,120
Speaker 4: still get random kids that I gave the speech to

857
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:54,880
Speaker 4: that are in Los Angeles that are still working, that

858
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:56,600
Speaker 4: will see me in restaurants and they'll come up to

859
00:34:56,600 --> 00:34:59,240
Speaker 4: me and they go, you gave this speech and talked

860
00:34:59,239 --> 00:35:01,640
Speaker 4: about and they will pick a piece that I talked about.

861
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:02,200
Speaker 1: You know.

862
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:04,320
Speaker 3: Mostly, what I always say is don't skip the middle.

863
00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:06,080
Speaker 3: Everyone wants, you know, to.

864
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:08,840
Speaker 4: Just they started, and then they just want to be successful,

865
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 4: and I'm like, don't skip the middle. The middle is

866
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:14,399
Speaker 4: the most important part. And I've had students come up

867
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:16,799
Speaker 4: and quote that back to me and I want to

868
00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:20,120
Speaker 4: cry because I'm like, oh my god, they heard me,

869
00:35:20,239 --> 00:35:24,480
Speaker 4: these young little sponges who are so excited about this

870
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:27,520
Speaker 4: culinary industry that you know has jaded so many of

871
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:30,000
Speaker 4: us and me, I've wanted to quit, love it, hate

872
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:33,239
Speaker 4: it all the things. Right remembered that one piece that

873
00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:35,040
Speaker 4: I said to and they hung on to it, right,

874
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:37,400
Speaker 4: And it's like I changed this or I changed my

875
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:39,440
Speaker 4: path and now I'm doing this and I love what

876
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 4: I do because you said this, and I'm like, oh

877
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:45,480
Speaker 4: my god, I've changed the course of certain people's lives

878
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:46,640
Speaker 4: because of something I've said.

879
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:49,919
Speaker 2: And to me, that's like, you know, some fuck.

880
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:52,600
Speaker 1: Is My last question before the final ext question was

881
00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:54,240
Speaker 1: going to be like, hey, give me the best business

882
00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:56,520
Speaker 1: advice you can give the people out there, and then

883
00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:57,839
Speaker 1: I think you just answered it.

884
00:35:57,960 --> 00:36:02,600
Speaker 3: Don't skip the middle. The middle is. The middle is

885
00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:06,880
Speaker 3: like the hardest. It is the shit, you know what

886
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:09,560
Speaker 3: I mean. It's the it's the you know.

887
00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:12,320
Speaker 4: I stepped in shit for ten years kind of feeling.

888
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:14,920
Speaker 4: But it is like the most important part.

889
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:17,480
Speaker 2: I love that. All right, here's my last question for you.

890
00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:21,439
Speaker 1: I ask all my guesses give me the moment that

891
00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:25,040
Speaker 1: anytime of your life, career, anything that could have broken

892
00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:28,040
Speaker 1: you should have it didn't, and as a result, you

893
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:30,279
Speaker 1: came out of the other side of that tunnel much

894
00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:32,880
Speaker 1: stronger with this mental wealth we're talking about.

895
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:38,440
Speaker 4: You know, is probably the day that Zaiyah's dad died, Like,

896
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:41,360
Speaker 4: without question, that was when I think about my life.

897
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 3: I think about it.

898
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:47,000
Speaker 4: Before and after, right, So when he was here and

899
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:50,160
Speaker 4: now when he's gone, my life split into two pieces.

900
00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:55,360
Speaker 4: And it was a situation that, without questions, should have

901
00:36:55,440 --> 00:37:00,120
Speaker 4: broken me. Right, Like, financially, I was in no way

902
00:37:00,239 --> 00:37:03,600
Speaker 4: orform ready to just take care of her financially by myself,

903
00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:06,960
Speaker 4: you know, emotionally did I want to do it by myself?

904
00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:08,640
Speaker 3: No, you know I was.

905
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:10,920
Speaker 4: My daughter was eleven years old at the time. I

906
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:13,399
Speaker 4: had just opened black market, I'm trying to figure out

907
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:15,400
Speaker 4: my own career, and I talk about this all the time.

908
00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:17,960
Speaker 4: It's like success out of necessity, right, Like.

909
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:19,360
Speaker 3: I didn't have a moment.

910
00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:21,600
Speaker 4: I had a choice in that moment, Like I was

911
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 4: either going to be like victimized by this horrific thing

912
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:29,080
Speaker 4: that happened, or I was going to take.

913
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:33,319
Speaker 3: It and use that fuel to like.

914
00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:36,920
Speaker 4: Put me in a situation that was far better than

915
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:40,920
Speaker 4: where I had started, and it was something that like

916
00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:43,479
Speaker 4: every single day of like, you know, my young daughter

917
00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:45,920
Speaker 4: not wanting to go to school, not understanding why I was,

918
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:48,280
Speaker 4: why I was at work, you know, still being trying

919
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:52,680
Speaker 4: to like open restaurants and build teams, and every piece

920
00:37:52,719 --> 00:37:56,760
Speaker 4: of that shouldn't have worked in theory, every single piece

921
00:37:56,760 --> 00:37:58,879
Speaker 4: of it right, like, should.

922
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:01,920
Speaker 3: Not have worked in theory. And none of it was easy.

923
00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:02,400
Speaker 3: You know.

924
00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:06,759
Speaker 4: I've literally spent probably like ten years in purgatory or

925
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:11,520
Speaker 4: what felt like purgatory. But now the incredible thing is,

926
00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:15,440
Speaker 4: like my daughter did an interview with me for something

927
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:19,000
Speaker 4: probably like a year ago, and all she talks about

928
00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:22,520
Speaker 4: is my strength. All she talks about is my perseverance.

929
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:28,120
Speaker 4: All she talks about is remembering how I was almost

930
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:32,200
Speaker 4: catatonic when he first died and couldn't even figure out

931
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:34,640
Speaker 4: how to get us to New York. And then all

932
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:39,520
Speaker 4: she remembers is me like making every dream of hers

933
00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 4: come true.

934
00:38:40,239 --> 00:38:43,680
Speaker 2: Oh my god, Yeah, that's incredible. That's one of the

935
00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:45,480
Speaker 2: coolest answers I ever had that question.

936
00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:46,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, that is amazing.

937
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:48,320
Speaker 2: Are you proud of yourself?

938
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:51,399
Speaker 3: I you know, it's weird. I just when people people

939
00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:52,680
Speaker 3: I say that all the time, like, I'm so proud

940
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:53,760
Speaker 3: of you. You should be proud of yourself.

941
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:55,800
Speaker 4: I'm like, it almost just felt like it was my duty,

942
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:57,440
Speaker 4: if that makes sense, you know what I mean?

943
00:38:57,600 --> 00:38:59,799
Speaker 2: Like, no, your fucking answer needs to be yes, I'm

944
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:00,680
Speaker 2: proud of myself.

945
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:04,960
Speaker 3: I can't say anything nice. What's wrong with you?

946
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:08,560
Speaker 2: God? It needs to be ca Yeah, my.

947
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:10,840
Speaker 3: Gut visceral reaction is not to be able to do that.

948
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:13,120
Speaker 3: But yes, Okay, thank you, Jay, Yes, thank you.

949
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:15,200
Speaker 2: I love it And tiny Alla Foss I love you.

950
00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:16,280
Speaker 2: I appreciate you.

951
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:18,960
Speaker 1: I appreciate you as a friend, I appreciate you from

952
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:20,600
Speaker 1: what we learn from you as well. Thank you so

953
00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:23,360
Speaker 1: much for joining the Unbreakable Mental Health podcast.

954
00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:23,879
Speaker 2: You're the best.

955
00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:25,120
Speaker 3: Thank you, You're the best.