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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to

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Speaker 1: the podcast, new listeners, old listeners, Wherever you are in

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Speaker 1: the world, it is so great to have you here.

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Speaker 1: Back for another episode as we of course break down

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Speaker 1: the psychology of our twenties. I would like to extend

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Speaker 1: an official welcome to the final episode of twenty twenty four.

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Speaker 1: And honestly, what a year it has been, like, What

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Speaker 1: an insane, massive, phenomenal year for the podcast and for

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Speaker 1: me as well. So I just want to start by

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Speaker 1: expressing my gratitude and having a little quick chat about

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Speaker 1: what we have done. The biggest thing for me this

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Speaker 1: year was of course announcing my book, announcing that I

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Speaker 1: wrote a book basically based on this podcast called Person

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Speaker 1: in Progress. And it does not pass me by a

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Speaker 1: single day that there would be no way in this

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Speaker 1: world that I would have had the opportunity to write

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Speaker 1: that book without you guys, without the listeners and the

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Speaker 1: support that you have given me. And this year, so

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Speaker 1: much of twenty twenty four was focused on writing that book,

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Speaker 1: making it the best possible, most scientific, most researched, but

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Speaker 1: also personal, vulnerable story that I could make it. And

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Speaker 1: there were so many like long nights, you know, up

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Speaker 1: to one two am, waking up at eight am the

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Speaker 1: following morning, working the whole day to write this book

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Speaker 1: and make it good. And it was such an obsessive

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Speaker 1: passion project for me that there is no way that

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Speaker 1: it couldn't not define this year, and then next year

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Speaker 1: is probably going to be defined by the fact that

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Speaker 1: it's going to be released. It comes out in April

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty five, and I feel like that's just going

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Speaker 1: to be an equally surreal moment. But for now, I

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Speaker 1: am just planning my feet where I am and reminiscing

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Speaker 1: on what an insane journey that was. Honestly, I was

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Speaker 1: speaking to like my family about this today and I

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Speaker 1: was like, I can't believe I wrote almost one hundred

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Speaker 1: thousand words this year, plus all the other writing that

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Speaker 1: I did for the podcast, But it was just such

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Speaker 1: a mammoth exercise, like it's you know, there was just

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Speaker 1: so many opportunities in this life where we really get

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Speaker 1: to test ourselves and see how much we are capable

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Speaker 1: of and how hard we can work, and so, you know,

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Speaker 1: often we don't actually take those opportunities, like when was

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Speaker 1: the last time you really tested yourself and gave yourself

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Speaker 1: a real massive thing to work towards, and that was

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Speaker 1: like something that I did this year, so I'm very

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Speaker 1: very proud of that. I'm very very grateful for the opportunity.

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Speaker 1: Another insane, crazy, beautiful thing we did this year was

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Speaker 1: we held our first two meetups, our first two friendship

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Speaker 1: meetups for the podcast. We had one in July in Sydney,

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Speaker 1: which was the inur gural meetup, and it just went

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Speaker 1: so well, So if you attended, thank you for being

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Speaker 1: my guinea pigs. But I also feel like we all

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Speaker 1: had such an amazing time. And then we held our

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Speaker 1: second one in October. October, yeah, October, in Melbourne, and

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Speaker 1: that was just equally fulfilling. And actually that was where

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Speaker 1: I announced the book for the first time, so the

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Speaker 1: people in that room, all seventy five of them, were

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Speaker 1: the first ones to hear about it. My heart was

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Speaker 1: so full after each of those experiences. So many hours,

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Speaker 1: and I would say anxiety and stress went into creating

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Speaker 1: them because I wanted it to be like value for money,

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Speaker 1: but I also wanted to make sure that it was

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Speaker 1: fun and that people really wanted to be there and

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Speaker 1: got something out of it. And as soon as I

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Speaker 1: stepped into that room and you guys all started coming,

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Speaker 1: I was like, wow, like this community is just like

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Speaker 1: literally speechless to even trying to explain the memory, like

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Speaker 1: just beautiful, beyond beautiful, intelligent, kind, generous. Every single person

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Speaker 1: who came to those meetups was like the most impressive person,

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Speaker 1: the most interesting person, the most creative person I had

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Speaker 1: ever met. And that was just such a beautiful thing

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Speaker 1: to be able to witness and to be able to

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Speaker 1: bring everyone together. So if you were at one of

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Speaker 1: those two meetups, thank you so much for coming along,

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Speaker 1: even when there wasn't much like prior information about it.

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Speaker 1: You really were the test subjects. But that means that

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Speaker 1: next year we will be doing ten of those meetups,

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Speaker 1: not just in Australia but across the world. We're going

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Speaker 1: to be starting in Canberra, We're going to do another

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Speaker 1: one in Sydney, another one in Melbourne, We're going to

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Speaker 1: do one in Queensland, and then we're heading over to

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Speaker 1: the UK and to Europe and also to the US.

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Speaker 1: Hopefully we can bring it to more places later on

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Speaker 1: in the year, but we're going slow, we're taking baby

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Speaker 1: steps with this, but I'm just so excited for that,

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Speaker 1: and I'm so excited for what twenty twenty five is

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Speaker 1: going to bring. So with all of my op bewhelming

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Speaker 1: gratitude aside, I want to introduce you to our theme

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Speaker 1: for twenty twenty five, so long term listeners of the

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Speaker 1: podcast will know that each year, I'd like to choose

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Speaker 1: a theme, a theme for the year, a theme, an

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Speaker 1: attitude basically for what we're going to bring into twenty

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Speaker 1: twenty five. So twenty twenty four it was our year

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Speaker 1: for taking risks, and twenty twenty five it is our

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Speaker 1: year for fully trusting ourselves. Now, the opposite of anxiety

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Speaker 1: is trust, and so what this theme really means for

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Speaker 1: me this year is allowing ourselves to be scared, allowing

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Speaker 1: ourselves to be uncomfortable, allowing ourselves to feel anxiety about

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Speaker 1: the future, about our circumstances, and trusting ourselves anyway, almost

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Speaker 1: being delusional, and how much we trust ourselves and our path.

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Speaker 1: That is an amazing power to have, and we're going

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Speaker 1: to talk about it more in just a second. But

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Speaker 1: to explain the reason firstly as to why I like

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Speaker 1: to choose a theme instead of a goal or a

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Speaker 1: New Year's resolution, it's because a theme to me applies

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Speaker 1: to everything. So it's a mindset, it's an attitude, it's

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Speaker 1: an approach. It's a lens through which you can see

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Speaker 1: your whole life, not just one goal at a time.

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Speaker 1: So instead of having to set, you know, a goal

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Speaker 1: for every area of my life, a professional goal, a

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Speaker 1: relationship goal, a financial goal, a personal goal, a health goal,

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Speaker 1: whatever it is. Instead you prioritize one larger idea that

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Speaker 1: influences all of these elements at once, and by doing so,

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Speaker 1: you don't have to be a stretch thin trying to

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Speaker 1: accomplish five to ten individual things. You know all of

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Speaker 1: your attention is going to be focused on onligning your

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Speaker 1: behavior with the theme of trusting yourself, going after what

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Speaker 1: you want, deciding what is and what isn't for you,

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Speaker 1: and knowing that you can pursue that even when it

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Speaker 1: scares you. I think that's a really really powerful mindset

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Speaker 1: to have, and this idea works much better for me,

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Speaker 1: this perspective, this method, especially since our brains have such

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Speaker 1: finite cognitive resources and we really struggle with attention and

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Speaker 1: sometimes with motivation. So instead, when I say I am

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Speaker 1: someone who trusts myself, or I say I'm someone who

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Speaker 1: takes risks or whatever your theme is for the year,

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Speaker 1: it stretches a lot wider, it reaches new areas, and

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Speaker 1: I really do find that the transformation in my life

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Speaker 1: is deeper. So yes, that is my basic premise or

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Speaker 1: explanation for this way of going about things, and why

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Speaker 1: this is how I approach the new year. I think

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Speaker 1: obviously this is also a time when we can really

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Speaker 1: galvanize ourselves around something new and a fresh, purposeful philosophy

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Speaker 1: on life because of the emotional and mental significance of

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Speaker 1: new beginnings, especially for our brains. And there is this

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Speaker 1: theory in psychology called the fresh start effect, which basically

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Speaker 1: explains how when you think about it, rather arbitrary landmarks

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Speaker 1: like a new year or a birthday or a new job,

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Speaker 1: a new season, it really motivates us to break away

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Speaker 1: from past habits because it gives the impression of a

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Speaker 1: blank slate. And yes, the new year is really just

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Speaker 1: a one day, you know, It's just a day, and

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Speaker 1: another day and another day. It's just we have put

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Speaker 1: these you know, human human ideas around time passing. But

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Speaker 1: that is significant enough. And a twenty fifteen study that

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Speaker 1: really examined this and examined this across five laboratory experiments,

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Speaker 1: and it found consistently that when humans are given this

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Speaker 1: idea of a new beginning or a new time period,

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Speaker 1: it really increases our intentions to pursue our goals and

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Speaker 1: ultimately our success in achieving them. So this is your time,

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Speaker 1: This is when to start, This is when to take

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Speaker 1: up a new theme. So, without further ado, let's talk

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Speaker 1: about why this year is going to be your year

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Speaker 1: for fully trusting yourself. Firstly, let's start off by really

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Speaker 1: examining what self trust looks like. Self trust is firstly,

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Speaker 1: not having all the answers. Self trust is not arrogance

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Speaker 1: or ego. It is instead a deep belief in your

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Speaker 1: ability to encounter problems and get through them, but also

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Speaker 1: an equally deep belief that you know what your life

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Speaker 1: should look like. You know what you want from your life,

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Speaker 1: and you are so sure of it that you are

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Speaker 1: willing to go after it despite what other people might believe,

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Speaker 1: despite the naysayers. Essentially, self trust to me is the

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Speaker 1: opposite of self doubt. You know where self doubt call

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Speaker 1: you a fraud and might say you're not capable of this,

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Speaker 1: You're not ready you can't possibly handle this. Self trust

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Speaker 1: is something even greater than confidence. It's steadiness, it's self assurance.

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Speaker 1: You can look at a challenge, say, for example, an

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Speaker 1: uncertain future which a lot of us in our twenties

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Speaker 1: are dealing with, or a new job or a big move,

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Speaker 1: and you can confidently say, I actually don't know how

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Speaker 1: this is going to work out, but I trust the

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Speaker 1: future version of myself to do what's best and to

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Speaker 1: handle it. Therefore, that allows you to take the leap.

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Speaker 1: I think there's this incredible article by Psychology Today that

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Speaker 1: explains the roots of self trust, and they just put

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Speaker 1: it so well, and what they basically explain is that

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Speaker 1: when we look at examples of people who are self trusting,

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Speaker 1: we find that they have clarity and confidence in their choices.

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Speaker 1: They are healthily depend on other peoples while other people

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Speaker 1: whilst also independent, so they're not overly dependent on other people,

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Speaker 1: but they're also not hyperindependent. They speak with authority that

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Speaker 1: comes from a very deep place, but is not arrogant.

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Speaker 1: They are good observers, and they have also, and this

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Speaker 1: is critical, cultivated the ability to learn from their experiences,

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Speaker 1: both the successes and failures. And I think we can

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Speaker 1: acknowledge why that's so important. When we don't have self trust,

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Speaker 1: we feel very much pulled by other people's opinions and judgments,

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Speaker 1: or we feel very much dictated by failure, or we

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Speaker 1: rely too heavily on external validation. So what that means

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Speaker 1: is that what someone else thinks about me or thinks

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Speaker 1: is right for me must be the truth because my

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Speaker 1: internal validation system is damaged or it's left me. So

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Speaker 1: I see this a lot, actually, especially amongst those of

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Speaker 1: us in our twenties, because given our aid, which I

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Speaker 1: do feel like, we sometimes believe that we don't have

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Speaker 1: full authority over our lives because we're so young and

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Speaker 1: we're just getting started, and also we're so confused, so

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Speaker 1: we're looking for someone to say, actually, no, you're wrong,

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Speaker 1: let me show you how to do it. And we're like,

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Speaker 1: thank god, thank gosh, someone's going to tell me what

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Speaker 1: to do. And one way this manifests is when you

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Speaker 1: have to make a really important decision, and you may

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Speaker 1: ask every single person in your life what they think,

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Speaker 1: what do you think? Should I do this, Should I

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Speaker 1: not do this? Should I go? Should I stay? Please

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Speaker 1: give me the answers, And yet you are still confused,

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Speaker 1: or you still feel like despite all this additional information

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Speaker 1: that's coming from people's opinions, you still can't act because

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Speaker 1: at the end of the day, a decision is yours

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Speaker 1: to make. Even if other people are saying you have

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Speaker 1: to do this, you should do this, this is what

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Speaker 1: I think is best for you, you are still the

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Speaker 1: one who makes the decision, and you are still the

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Speaker 1: one that will have to carry the burden, the potential

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Speaker 1: burden of that being the wrong decision. So it's not

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Speaker 1: the decision that you fear. You fear change, and you

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Speaker 1: fear not being able to handle any unexpected consequences of

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Speaker 1: your choices. I also see it when we don't want

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Speaker 1: to step out of our comfort zone because we are

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Speaker 1: scared of not being able to manage it alone. I

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Speaker 1: honestly believe that a lack of self trust is why

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Speaker 1: so many of us stay in relationships, and that includes

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Speaker 1: friendships that aren't fulfilling, because we don't think that we

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Speaker 1: can trust ourselves to be happy alone. Think about you

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Speaker 1: know relationships in your life currently, Why you know that

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Speaker 1: the relationship isn't actually fulfilling. It's not a fun relationship,

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Speaker 1: It drains your energy, you feel like you let out

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Speaker 1: a huge sigh of relief every time the hangout ends,

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Speaker 1: or you feel anxious every time you see them. But

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Speaker 1: we hold onto those relationships because we don't trust ourselves

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Speaker 1: to be alone. We don't trust our selves to handle

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Speaker 1: the emotions of having to let the relationship go. It

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Speaker 1: all comes down to this sense of self doubt. Who

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Speaker 1: am I without other people dictating my character? A lack

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Speaker 1: of self trust is also why we don't take risks

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Speaker 1: like pursuing our passion, even if it's a side project

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Speaker 1: or solo traveling, because we don't feel like we can

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Speaker 1: trust ourselves to figure things out that we don't yet

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Speaker 1: know and be adaptable. So when it comes down to it,

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Speaker 1: we can see that this actually filters into every element

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Speaker 1: of our lives, and it might be why it might

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Speaker 1: be at the route actually of a lot of our indecisiveness,

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Speaker 1: our stagnation, our fear. Think about just for a second,

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Speaker 1: how many situations come up for us nearly every day

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Speaker 1: in our twenties and beyond really that require a baseline

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Speaker 1: of self trust to accomplish. And I mean give you

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Speaker 1: a little list here. Choosing a major at university or

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Speaker 1: college or a career asking for a promotion, setting boundaries,

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Speaker 1: standing up for yourself, making big purchases or saving or investing,

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Speaker 1: trusting that you know what's best for your body and

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Speaker 1: your health, making risky decisions, even deciding what's worth your energy.

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Speaker 1: That or all of those decisions require you to be

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Speaker 1: able to look in the mirror and say, hey, you

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Speaker 1: might not know all the answers, but I trust that

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Speaker 1: you're going to figure it out, so do what feels best.

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Speaker 1: I trust you. Fomo is another one actually that just

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Speaker 1: came to the top of my mind just then. Fomo

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Speaker 1: comes into this big time. If you don't have self trust,

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Speaker 1: you may be more easily convinced that you have to

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Speaker 1: be where everyone else is doing what they are, even

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Speaker 1: when that might not suit you, because you don't feel

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Speaker 1: confident or safe in your own choices or your own company.

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Speaker 1: So we say self trust, and we think it's a

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Speaker 1: small thing, but it really does touch our lives in

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Speaker 1: a much deeper way. And there's actually a theory in

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Speaker 1: psychology called trust theory, which says that trusting ourselves is

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Speaker 1: what allows us to trust others, our friends, our family,

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Speaker 1: our colleagues, and that is a prerequisite for so many

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Speaker 1: other things trust. I don't know. I really don't know

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Speaker 1: why it doesn't get more attention. It's so important to

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Speaker 1: be a well functioning human. And a really great study

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Speaker 1: that talks about this was published in twenty twelve from

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Speaker 1: Huntington University in the US, and it talks about the

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Speaker 1: correlation between self esteem, loneliness, and self trust, and they

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Speaker 1: found that when you are low on self trust, you

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Speaker 1: also experience loneliness more intensely, your self esteem is lower,

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Speaker 1: and you feel more anxious about your relationships. This was

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Speaker 1: totally me, maybe like six or seven years back. I

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Speaker 1: was in the pit of this. I had absolutely no

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Speaker 1: trusted myself. I was so doubtful of every single thing

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Speaker 1: I did, and I kind of approached relationships friendships in

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Speaker 1: particular kind of like a little injured bird, being like,

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Speaker 1: please like me, and if you don't like me, don't worry,

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Speaker 1: I'll change for you. Like I have no strong self

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Speaker 1: concept because I don't know who I am and I

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Speaker 1: don't trust myself to figure it out. So I was

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Speaker 1: very like bendable and easily manipulated by friendships because I

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Speaker 1: really did not believe that I knew what was best

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Speaker 1: for me, and I did not believe that I could

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Speaker 1: feel like I was okay without someone else telling me

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Speaker 1: that I was okay. So there's a little personal story

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Speaker 1: for you. However, you know, if our theme this year

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Speaker 1: is to reverse our lack of self trust, we probably

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Speaker 1: you know, you firstly really need to know what damage

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Speaker 1: is it in the first place, and then how to

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Speaker 1: really you know, undo those interactions, those emotional interactions, the

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Speaker 1: emotional trauma that has caused you to really have a

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Speaker 1: lot of self doubt. So I'm going to take a

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Speaker 1: quick pause, and then when we return, I want to

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Speaker 1: talk about the roots about lack of self trust and

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Speaker 1: how to rebuild it after this shortbreak. So, the theory

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Speaker 1: with self trust goes that we are all born with

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Speaker 1: an internal compass, and this internal emotional compass is really

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Speaker 1: what allows us to direct our life by following our north.

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Speaker 1: And our north is something that really develops as children

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Speaker 1: and then into our teenage years, and it's basically our purpose,

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Speaker 1: what we want from life, our values, our truth. Along

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Speaker 1: the way, though, the compass is really thrown off by

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Speaker 1: things like excessive criticism from family, from friends, from people

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Speaker 1: in general, overbearing parental pressure as well, especially you know

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Speaker 1: when our parents don't allow us to be individuals, and

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Speaker 1: they keep us emotionally and physically dependent on them by

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Speaker 1: making all our choices for us or shaming us for

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Speaker 1: doing something counter to what they want. Self trust is

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Speaker 1: also damaged by internal patterns like people pleasing a fear

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Speaker 1: of failure perfectionism, essentially meaning that we don't really feel

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Speaker 1: like we can meet our own standards, or that letting

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Speaker 1: ourselves be in control of our lives could mean that

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Speaker 1: we would make major mistakes. I also want to talk

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Speaker 1: about the influence of past relationship betrayal and you know,

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Speaker 1: separately ignoring our intuition, and how those two sometimes come together.

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Speaker 1: So past relationship trauma and betrayal can significantly harm our

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Speaker 1: sense of self trust because these experiences often disrupt our

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Speaker 1: ability to accurately interpret and rely on our judgments and instincts.

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Speaker 1: You know, gas lighting is a big component of this.

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Speaker 1: But when someone we trusted deceives or hurts us, it

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Speaker 1: creates a real deep sense of confusion and self blame,

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Speaker 1: and it leads us to really question our ability to

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Speaker 1: discern red flags, to make safe choices, to protect ourselves emotionally,

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Speaker 1: big caveat here, None of this is actually our fault,

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Speaker 1: literally not a single part, but this external erosion of

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Speaker 1: trust in others makes us believe that it is. It

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Speaker 1: makes us very hypervigilant, It makes us doubtful of our

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Speaker 1: own perceptions. You know. It's honestly, one of the craziest

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Speaker 1: things to me in my mind is that love is

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Speaker 1: such a beautiful thing that when it is used cruelly

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Speaker 1: and when it is turned sour, how much it can

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Speaker 1: hurt someone. And that is really what betrayal does. And

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Speaker 1: it doesn't just hurt our heart, it hurts our entire

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Speaker 1: perception of self, and that betrayal often triggers feelings of shame, worthlessness, inadequacy,

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Speaker 1: and that further distances us from the confidence we need

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Speaker 1: to trust our own decisions. Over time as well, repeated

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Speaker 1: relational trauma can really embed within us a belief that

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Speaker 1: we are incapable of navigating relationships effectively, and that perpetuates

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Speaker 1: the cycle of self doubt and a fear of vulnerability

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Speaker 1: as well. So, if you're really struggling to trust yourself,

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Speaker 1: sometimes the origin of that is really in a past

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Speaker 1: relationship where of course you were made to feel like

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Speaker 1: you know, of course I can't trust myself because look

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Speaker 1: at how this turned out. This person has just treated

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Speaker 1: me so poorly that I have no sense of self anymore.

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Speaker 1: It's a really big contributor. Ignoring our intuition is another

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Speaker 1: component of this. And that's not necessarily ignoring our intuition

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Speaker 1: in a relationship, but in everyday situations that also a

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Speaker 1: roade self trust. I read this really beautiful quote. Intuition

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Speaker 1: is our birthright as humans. It comes with our DNA,

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Speaker 1: it comes with our blueprint. And a twenty sixteen study

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Speaker 1: really showed that, and it showed that when you and

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Speaker 1: I have got instincts about something, it's actually because because

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Speaker 1: our brains are processing a lot more information subconsciously than

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Speaker 1: we can think about consciously. So when, for example, you

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Speaker 1: have a gut feeling you know, you meet someone, you're like,

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Speaker 1: I don't think you're a nice person. I think you're

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Speaker 1: a bad egg. Or you're in this situation, you get

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Speaker 1: that sudden feeling of like I shouldn't be here. I

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Speaker 1: shouldn't be here, something about this is wrong. I need

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Speaker 1: to go. That is something that oftentimes you really should trust. However,

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Speaker 1: when you continuously ignore that intuition, you tell your brain

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Speaker 1: that what it's doing isn't useful, and how you perceive

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Speaker 1: the world is wrong. Anxiety also comes into play here. Obviously,

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Speaker 1: anxiety is the opposite of trust, and so anxiety really

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Speaker 1: messes with our intuition. It says, Wit, you should be

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Speaker 1: scared right now. You should be scared right now, and

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Speaker 1: you know, the more rational part of your brain is like,

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Speaker 1: there's nothing to be scared of. I trust myself, like

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Speaker 1: this is so fine, but your brain's like no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: be anxious, be anxious, be anxious. It's messing with your intuition.

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Speaker 1: Anxiety opposite of self trust. Intuition huge important part of

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Speaker 1: self trust. So over time this can lead to self doubt,

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Speaker 1: second guessing, and an inability to really confidently make decisions.

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Speaker 1: So psychologically, this disconnection fosters a lot of confusion and

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Speaker 1: we become less attuned to our instincts but also our needs,

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Speaker 1: so repeatedly silencing our intuition. It can also diminish our

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Speaker 1: self efficacy, and that is our belief in our ability

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Speaker 1: to handle challenges or to create the outcome that we want,

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Speaker 1: and that's really critical for personal growth and resilience. You

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Speaker 1: need self efficacy if you want to do anything, if

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Speaker 1: you want to run a marathon, if you want to

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Speaker 1: finish a really huge personal project, anything any change in

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Speaker 1: your lifestyle, you actually have to believe that you are

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Speaker 1: able to do something and able to achieve what you

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Speaker 1: set your mind to. But if you lack self trust,

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Speaker 1: of course you're not going to be able to believe that.

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Speaker 1: And if your intuition is off, if you keep ignoring

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Speaker 1: the signs that you should be doing something, that this

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Speaker 1: is your calling or that you can do it, or

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Speaker 1: ignoring your intuition saying go this way, go that way,

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Speaker 1: all of this is really really connected. I hope that's

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Speaker 1: been persuasive for you, but and I hope you understand

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Speaker 1: that relationship better now. If you are struggling with self trust,

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Speaker 1: I really think that it's probably something that has been

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Speaker 1: diminished slowly over time until you are at a point

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Speaker 1: now where instinct, intuition, confidence, self efficacy, they have all

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Speaker 1: been replaced with doubt. So that being said, going into

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty five, how can we reverse some of these

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Speaker 1: processes and really reclaim our intuition and our self assurance.

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Speaker 1: If this is the year for trusting yourself, I think

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Speaker 1: that firstly, you really are going to have to prove

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Speaker 1: it to yourself, prove that you can, and that's going

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Speaker 1: to require some experimentation, some trial and error, and pushing

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Speaker 1: yourself into a place of discomfort, not into a place

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Speaker 1: of danger, but into a place where you can truly grow.

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Speaker 1: I really believe this self trust is actually a skill.

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Speaker 1: It's a muscle that can be built with practice and

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Speaker 1: commitment to almost a routine. And the routine I'm talking

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Speaker 1: about is an emotional routine, is a psychological routine. It

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Speaker 1: involves taking chances that feel big and important and showing

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Speaker 1: yourself that, like the outcome that you want is what

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Speaker 1: will come from this. So how do I want you

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Speaker 1: to practice proving to yourself that you can trust yourself?

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Speaker 1: I want you to start saying yes to things that

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Speaker 1: you might not quite feel ready to do instead of

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Speaker 1: waiting for the perfect time, because the perfect time is

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Speaker 1: a fallacy. It never actually comes. And what I still

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Speaker 1: want you to see is, you know, win or fail,

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Speaker 1: win or lose, success or failure, whatever it is, you

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Speaker 1: are still going to be okay. You will still survive

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Speaker 1: every single time, even if things aren't perfect. So let

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Speaker 1: me give you some examples of how we can practice this.

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Speaker 1: In twenty twenty five. How we can make self trust

432
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:21,040
Speaker 1: part of our routine, so a big one and every

433
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:22,520
Speaker 1: single one of us can do this is to go

434
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:25,600
Speaker 1: to things alone, even if you're scared, or even if

435
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 1: it could be a disaster. So you get invited to

436
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:32,000
Speaker 1: a party, go by yourself. You really want to go

437
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:34,359
Speaker 1: to an event you don't know anyone, go by yourself.

438
00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:37,040
Speaker 1: There's a movie that no one else wants to see

439
00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:39,760
Speaker 1: with you, go by yourself. Go out for dinner by yourself.

440
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,080
Speaker 1: There's a lot of fear around that sometimes, especially if

441
00:26:43,119 --> 00:26:45,600
Speaker 1: you're someone who is quite socially anxious, like myself, there's

442
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:47,680
Speaker 1: a lot of fear. Am I going to be able

443
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:49,200
Speaker 1: to handle this? What if someone looks at me the

444
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:53,640
Speaker 1: wrong way? What if someone judges me? Doesn't matter? You

445
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 1: trust yourself. This is your year for trusting yourself, and

446
00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:01,280
Speaker 1: someone who trusts themselves would be okay with going into

447
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:03,959
Speaker 1: that situation not knowing what other people are thinking, not

448
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:06,320
Speaker 1: knowing how it's going to work out, knowing that they're

449
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:08,080
Speaker 1: still going to have fun and get what they want

450
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:12,320
Speaker 1: out of it by being alone. Another way that you

451
00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:15,080
Speaker 1: can really make self trust part of your routine is

452
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:18,160
Speaker 1: to confront a big fear that you have this year.

453
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:22,080
Speaker 1: It could be of public speaking, of traveling alone, going

454
00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:25,760
Speaker 1: on a blind date, of flying, of being embarrassed, of

455
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:28,159
Speaker 1: going to the gym. What is the fear that you

456
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,159
Speaker 1: have in your mind right now? Just think about it

457
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 1: really quickly. That is holding you back. So you really

458
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:40,760
Speaker 1: don't know how you react and how brave and strong

459
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:45,080
Speaker 1: you can be until you face a fear and you

460
00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:50,680
Speaker 1: see how your reaction will surprise you. The anxiety that

461
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:53,400
Speaker 1: we feel in regards to a big fear is normally

462
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:57,679
Speaker 1: actually anticipation, and then when you get there, when you

463
00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:00,560
Speaker 1: get into the moment of your fear, yes it might

464
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:04,040
Speaker 1: be uncomfortable, yes it might not go your way, but

465
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:08,000
Speaker 1: actually a lot of our anxiety tends to fade and

466
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:12,960
Speaker 1: the adrenaline takes over and you get to see yourself adapt.

467
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:15,440
Speaker 1: You get to see yourself in all of your glory,

468
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:19,560
Speaker 1: face a fear and come out of it. And what

469
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,240
Speaker 1: that really requires is also leaving room for the mess

470
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 1: of trusting yourself. Now, this is really this is a

471
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:27,919
Speaker 1: really important component. And I have to thank an article

472
00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:30,359
Speaker 1: from Well and Good for this, and they interviewed a

473
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:33,560
Speaker 1: really amazing author called Liz Moody who wrote the book

474
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:36,879
Speaker 1: One Hundred Ways to Change Your Life. Really good book,

475
00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:39,920
Speaker 1: also amazing. It's on like probably one of my top

476
00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:43,800
Speaker 1: ten books. And she made this incredible point about self trust.

477
00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:46,640
Speaker 1: She said, doing what you think is right for you

478
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:51,080
Speaker 1: isn't always going to be a clean process. In learning

479
00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:54,560
Speaker 1: to trust yourself, you will make painful mistakes. You will

480
00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:57,080
Speaker 1: have to give up on things, you will have to

481
00:28:57,320 --> 00:29:02,120
Speaker 1: let things go. But as you learn disappointing people, closing

482
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:05,920
Speaker 1: certain chapters of your life, making mistakes, you realize that

483
00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:10,360
Speaker 1: those are all important parts of trusting yourself. And sometimes

484
00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:12,760
Speaker 1: that might feel like a really big loss to bear. Right.

485
00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:15,600
Speaker 1: Sometimes you might be like, ah, I really don't have

486
00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 1: it in me right now to experience failure or to

487
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:20,520
Speaker 1: lose a friendship or to stand up for myself. That's

488
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:23,720
Speaker 1: a totally normal reaction. But you will never build self

489
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:26,680
Speaker 1: trust if you don't just try, step by step, maybe

490
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:30,560
Speaker 1: steps at a time, to encounter situations where you don't

491
00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 1: know how things are going to go, where there is

492
00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:36,959
Speaker 1: fear there and choose trust over doubt. The more risks

493
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 1: you take in service of trusting yourself, the more reinforcement

494
00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:41,920
Speaker 1: you'll get as well, and the more that you'll realize

495
00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:45,120
Speaker 1: that this is an exercise that it's worthwhile. So even

496
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:47,760
Speaker 1: when the decisions don't always work out, it's still actually

497
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 1: a really valuable exercise. It's basically building an internal sense

498
00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 1: of like okayness, like this is going to be fine.

499
00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:58,160
Speaker 1: And this really brings me to my next point, which

500
00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:01,960
Speaker 1: is intuition, which is too really examine when your intuition

501
00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 1: is that instinct and when it is anxiety, when is

502
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:09,840
Speaker 1: it actually not intuition but it's just fear. So I

503
00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:13,240
Speaker 1: think that a really great way to think about intuition

504
00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:16,120
Speaker 1: is that intuition isn't just something that is in us

505
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:21,120
Speaker 1: to avoid things. It's not just an avoidance technique. Intuition

506
00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:25,640
Speaker 1: is also something that guides us to abundance. So all

507
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:28,040
Speaker 1: of us have this intuition somewherey on us that we

508
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:31,360
Speaker 1: should be doing something, that there is something calling us,

509
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:33,720
Speaker 1: that there is a purpose that we have, that we

510
00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 1: should be volunteering more, we should be creating more, we

511
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:39,200
Speaker 1: should be writing more, we should be saying yes to

512
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:43,640
Speaker 1: more things. Intuition comes in that form as well. It's

513
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:46,240
Speaker 1: guiding you to something that's important for who you are.

514
00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:51,560
Speaker 1: Don't ignore it, don't listen to the anxious thought that's

515
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:55,920
Speaker 1: giving you a reason to doubt your positive intuition, And

516
00:30:56,120 --> 00:31:00,640
Speaker 1: with your negative intuition, test and see what times is

517
00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:03,640
Speaker 1: that just anxiety, and what times is it actually it

518
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:07,960
Speaker 1: got instinct? When could I have pushed forward a little

519
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:10,840
Speaker 1: bit and really got to the bottom of whether this

520
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:14,000
Speaker 1: was my intuition telling me what to do or whether

521
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:17,720
Speaker 1: it was just fear. That's a really important challenge, and

522
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:20,360
Speaker 1: I would also challenge you to start reconsidering your need

523
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:24,400
Speaker 1: for the approval of others or the validation of your choices.

524
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:28,040
Speaker 1: So if you have a positive intuition or a positive

525
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:31,480
Speaker 1: got instinct towards a decision telling you to do something,

526
00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:34,080
Speaker 1: telling you to make a big change, to move somewhere,

527
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:39,160
Speaker 1: to create something, to dump someone, whatever it is, I

528
00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:41,000
Speaker 1: don't think that you need others to tell you that

529
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:44,520
Speaker 1: you're right, because chances are that if you have that feeling,

530
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:47,280
Speaker 1: you already know that this is what you should be doing.

531
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 1: And sometimes we bury ourselves again in getting as many

532
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:54,000
Speaker 1: of the opinions of others and the advice from others.

533
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 1: We do that because we don't want to make a decision.

534
00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:59,640
Speaker 1: But if you're gout instinct to saying this is something

535
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:03,600
Speaker 1: that's really calling me. You've got to do it. Also,

536
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:05,880
Speaker 1: these people who give you their advice, right, they're not

537
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:08,880
Speaker 1: the ones who have to encounter the decision right. They

538
00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:10,600
Speaker 1: don't actually have to pull the trigger the way that

539
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:13,959
Speaker 1: you do. They also probably aren't as invested in this

540
00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:15,920
Speaker 1: as you are. They probably don't know you as well

541
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:19,560
Speaker 1: as you know yourself. They might believe they know what's

542
00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:22,360
Speaker 1: best for you, but you actually know what's best for you.

543
00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 1: That's part of self trust. So what that involves is, yes,

544
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:30,280
Speaker 1: making decisions without getting a million pieces of advice from

545
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:34,040
Speaker 1: everyone from your best friend to your neighbor to some stranger, like,

546
00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:37,280
Speaker 1: just do what feels best for you, but also just

547
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:41,560
Speaker 1: slowly testing that by wearing outfits without you know, asking

548
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:44,200
Speaker 1: if your friends like them, buying the things that you

549
00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:46,640
Speaker 1: want to buy without asking someone else whether it looks cute,

550
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:50,040
Speaker 1: making career choices without first needing to ask everyone whether

551
00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:52,960
Speaker 1: it's a good idea. Obviously, we all love feedback, but

552
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:57,000
Speaker 1: when you're going after excessive feedback, it can also be

553
00:32:57,040 --> 00:33:01,320
Speaker 1: a form of avoidance. Avoidance is not self trust, and

554
00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:03,400
Speaker 1: that is our year. Our year is for self trust.

555
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 1: So twenty twenty five In summary, your theme is your

556
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:11,040
Speaker 1: year for trusting yourself, and what that really means is

557
00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 1: releasing the need for external validation, tapping into your positive

558
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:18,000
Speaker 1: intuition that is telling you this is where you need

559
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 1: to be, This is where you need to go, knowing

560
00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:24,200
Speaker 1: that you can survive being uncomfortable, knowing that you can

561
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:29,800
Speaker 1: survive being uncertain and just seriously living for you. It's

562
00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:32,200
Speaker 1: a new year, it's a blank page, it's a fresh start.

563
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:35,040
Speaker 1: And I know that's rather arbitrary, but sometimes we need

564
00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:38,600
Speaker 1: the arbitrary idea of a new chapter to really commit

565
00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:41,560
Speaker 1: to a new mindset and unnune lifestyle. And I hope

566
00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:44,120
Speaker 1: that this is one that really resonates with you. If

567
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 1: your year for fully trusting yourself is not the theme

568
00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:50,160
Speaker 1: that suits you, I really also employ you to come

569
00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:52,480
Speaker 1: up with your own. It could be your year for

570
00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:55,200
Speaker 1: self discipline. It could be your year for taking risks

571
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:57,320
Speaker 1: if that wasn't the one that you took on last year.

572
00:33:57,800 --> 00:33:59,720
Speaker 1: It could be your year for gratitude. It could be

573
00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:02,840
Speaker 1: your ye for saying yes. It could be your year

574
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:06,760
Speaker 1: for eliminating people pleasing. What is your theme and how

575
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:09,640
Speaker 1: does it touch every area of your life? Write it

576
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:11,960
Speaker 1: on a piece of paper, Write it real big, Have

577
00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:14,040
Speaker 1: it on your desk, have it in your car, have

578
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:18,680
Speaker 1: it at your place of work, anywhere on your mirror

579
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:21,640
Speaker 1: so that you can fully embrace how a theme will

580
00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:24,120
Speaker 1: touch every single part of your year. Thank you so

581
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:26,640
Speaker 1: much for listening, and thank you so much for your

582
00:34:26,680 --> 00:34:30,160
Speaker 1: support in twenty twenty four. Twenty twenty five is about

583
00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:32,879
Speaker 1: to be a wild year. I can't wait to meet

584
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:37,759
Speaker 1: more of you, speak to you, hear your journeys. I

585
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:41,160
Speaker 1: just that's like my favorite part about this. You guys

586
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:43,080
Speaker 1: just inspire me so much, So I can't wait for

587
00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:44,719
Speaker 1: more of that. I can't wait for you guys to

588
00:34:44,719 --> 00:34:48,120
Speaker 1: read my book, can't wait for more episodes. And also

589
00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:53,040
Speaker 1: next episode, I have a big surprise, huge surprise. So

590
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:55,759
Speaker 1: if you have made it this far, I really want

591
00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:59,080
Speaker 1: you to tune in because it's it's just like the

592
00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:02,440
Speaker 1: craziest thing of ever. As always, if you enjoyed this episode,

593
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:04,600
Speaker 1: make sure that you are following along on Spotify or

594
00:35:04,640 --> 00:35:08,719
Speaker 1: Apple podcasts, wherever you are listening. It's a new year,

595
00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:12,120
Speaker 1: so maybe think about leaving us a five star review

596
00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:14,359
Speaker 1: so more people can find us in twenty twenty five.

597
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:16,759
Speaker 1: Of course, only if you feel cool to do so,

598
00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:20,200
Speaker 1: but we really do appreciate it. Share this episode on Instagram,

599
00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:22,760
Speaker 1: Share it with your friends, share it with your partner,

600
00:35:23,239 --> 00:35:25,160
Speaker 1: Share it with someone else who you think really needs

601
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:28,440
Speaker 1: to begin trusting themselves, whoever that may be. And until

602
00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:32,040
Speaker 1: next time, stay safe, be kind, be gentle with yourself,

603
00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:35,359
Speaker 1: and we will talk very very soon. Happy New Year,