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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up.

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Speaker 2: Before that, we have a quick two minute break from

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Speaker 2: the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

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Speaker 3: My mother in law insulted my friend. Now I want

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Speaker 3: to cut her off. Don't come after my bestie. I

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Speaker 3: twenty six female, married my husband twenty eight male, in

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Speaker 3: October twenty twenty four. I'm now twenty seven weeks pregnant

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Speaker 3: with our first baby Ahoo. Before the wedding, I got

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Speaker 3: along with his family, but right before we got married,

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Speaker 3: drama started with his sister, thirty three female. His parents

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Speaker 3: always offend her no matter what, and things have been

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Speaker 3: rocky ever since. By the way, this comes from Content

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Speaker 3: Assist twenty thirty one, and if you want to submit

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Speaker 3: your own stories, go.

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Speaker 4: To the r slash Okay Storytime subbreddits.

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Speaker 3: I'm Angie, I'm Sophia, and I'm Riley and Opie says

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Speaker 3: for context, my husband is the glue guy and his

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Speaker 3: family they literally call him that. He grew up learning

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Speaker 3: to swallow his feelings and keep the peace while his parents.

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Speaker 4: And sister caused drama. Fast forward.

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Speaker 3: Last weekend was our co ed baby shower my mom hosted,

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Speaker 3: but my in law's helped by bringing drinks and dessert.

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Speaker 3: Week before, my sister in law texted my husband saying

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Speaker 3: that she couldn't come because of her six year old's

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Speaker 3: first soccer game. He was clearly hurt, but didn't say anything.

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Speaker 3: He's gone to all of her big life events and

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Speaker 3: baby showers, but now that it's his turn, she bailed.

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Speaker 3: She had already volunteered to bring food, so she dropped

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Speaker 3: it off before the shower, had us take pictures with her,

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Speaker 3: and made us open her gift before she left. It

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Speaker 3: annoyed me because guests were arriving, but I just went along.

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Speaker 3: The shower itself went well, except my father in law

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Speaker 3: never spoke to me once, not even hello.

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Speaker 4: If I don't approach him first, he won't bother. Here's

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Speaker 4: where it blew up.

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Speaker 3: On the drive home, my mother in law called my

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Speaker 3: husband to check in. She asked if we dropped our

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Speaker 3: friend who flew in just for the shower at the

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Speaker 3: airport before leaving town.

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Speaker 5: We had.

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Speaker 3: My mother in law immediately said it was ridiculous our

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Speaker 3: friend expected that of us. I chimed in that I

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Speaker 3: offered since she traveled so far for us. That's when

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Speaker 3: my mother in law went off. She said she doesn't

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Speaker 3: trust my friend, that our friendship has strings attached, that

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Speaker 3: she's mean, and then she said my friend looked pregnant

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Speaker 3: and basically called her fat.

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Speaker 4: I was done.

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Speaker 3: I finally cut her off and said, okay, that's enough

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Speaker 3: and hung up. She called back three times and then

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Speaker 3: sent a string of texts in a group chat with

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Speaker 3: me and my husband. Taylor just hung up on me.

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Speaker 3: I am not cool with this regardless. If you don't

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Speaker 3: like my opinion, I'll expect an apology. You don't treat

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Speaker 3: family like this, Taylor. You didn't even say thank you.

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Speaker 3: Super disappointed right now. We ignored her until we got home.

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Speaker 3: My husband finally texted her saying that he was disappointed

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Speaker 3: and how the conversation went and wanted to talk later

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Speaker 3: after things cooled down.

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Speaker 4: She backed down with him. Of course.

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Speaker 3: Meanwhile, I'm seven months pregnant, my dad just passed away

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Speaker 3: a few months ago, and the last thing I want

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Speaker 3: is more drama. My sister in law bailed, my father

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Speaker 3: in law ignores me unless I make the effort, and

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Speaker 3: now my mother in law is attacking my friends and

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Speaker 3: demanding apologies.

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Speaker 4: From me.

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Speaker 5: Why is she attacking all of your friends? Those are

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Speaker 5: your friend and she's so bothered.

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Speaker 3: That's like, it's not even like that's you know family

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Speaker 3: members that now your families are combined, it's just my friends.

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Speaker 5: You don't have to talk to your your daughter in

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Speaker 5: law's friends, so it's not even your child, right.

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Speaker 4: This is the only time you really ever have to

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Speaker 4: see them.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, my husband is planning to talk to them and

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Speaker 3: set boundaries, but they always sweep things under the.

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Speaker 4: Rug until the next blow up. So am I the

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Speaker 4: hole for hanging up with my mother in law?

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Speaker 3: And there is an edit I've posted before about my

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Speaker 3: sister in law and the wedding drama. If you want

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Speaker 3: to read that, sure do. After the wedding, I didn't

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Speaker 3: speak to her for a little over six months. My

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Speaker 3: husband's parents were not happy about that, even though they

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Speaker 3: knew that I was grieving my dad's passing. On Christmas

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Speaker 3: Eve Eve twenty twenty four, just thirteen days after my

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Speaker 3: dad passed, my in laws got upset with me and

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Speaker 3: my husband because we told them that we weren't coming.

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Speaker 4: Over for Christmas.

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Speaker 3: They assumed it was because I didn't want to see

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Speaker 3: sister in law. In reality, I had just lost my

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Speaker 3: dad and couldn't handle being around people. It felt incredibly

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Speaker 3: selfish that they made it about sister in law instead

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Speaker 3: of an acknowledge my own grief. Since then, we have

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Speaker 3: been pretty low contact with him, but because we're having

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Speaker 3: a baby, there's been more interaction lately, and honestly, it

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Speaker 3: hasn't been good. Father my father in law, especially makes

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Speaker 3: me uncomfortable. He says creepy things that cross boundaries. For example,

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Speaker 3: before he and mother in law came to visit a

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Speaker 3: few weeks ago, he told my mom that he was

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Speaker 3: going to have his hands all over my belly.

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Speaker 5: No, you aren't.

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Speaker 3: Just because there's a baby in there. It doesn't mean

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Speaker 3: that you can't touch me.

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Speaker 5: Don't touch me.

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Speaker 2: No.

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Speaker 4: I thought that was gross and weird.

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Speaker 3: He also told me that his daughter is the apple

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Speaker 3: of his eye, just like I was the apple of

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Speaker 3: my dad's eye, and that he will always defend her

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Speaker 3: no matter what.

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Speaker 4: To me, that just proves where his priorities are.

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Speaker 3: If his family expected me to get over it and

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Speaker 3: make nice with sister in law and even expected us

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Speaker 3: to show up at Christmas while I was freshly grieving,

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Speaker 3: then I don't think it's unreasonable to expect father in

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Speaker 3: law to show me basic respects like simply saying hello

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Speaker 3: if he wants to be.

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Speaker 4: A part of our daughter's life.

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Speaker 3: So that's why I included stuff about my sister in

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Speaker 3: law and father in law in this post. It's honestly

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Speaker 3: the whole family. Oh and also, I'd like to note

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Speaker 3: that my husband and I are signing up for couples counseling.

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Speaker 5: Okay, nice, it's probably goodful. Yeah, he needs to know

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Speaker 5: how to stand up to his family for you.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, absolutely.

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Speaker 3: After my mother in law said all those things to me,

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Speaker 3: something in his brain clicked and he's agreed that he

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Speaker 3: needs to change.

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Speaker 4: But I do agree that he.

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Speaker 3: Could have done this a long time ago. I will

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Speaker 3: update after my husband talks to his family. It looks

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Speaker 3: like we may be super low contact, if any at all,

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Speaker 3: after this, and we do have that update, you believe.

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Speaker 3: But what do you think about this? I mean, going back?

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Speaker 3: Do you think that it was the a whole move

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Speaker 3: to hang up on the mother in law?

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Speaker 5: Not if she's like hurting you, Yeah, if she's bothered,

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Speaker 5: if she's pastoring you, m hmm, hang up, there's no

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Speaker 5: point in having a call with someone who can't be

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Speaker 5: reasoned with exactly. A couple's counseling is going to be

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Speaker 5: super helpful for y'all. Yeah, and the low contact because

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Speaker 5: right now your husband's family is just way too involved,

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Speaker 5: like with your friends, that's too involved.

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Speaker 4: And it's just like, so's so ridiculous.

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Speaker 3: Like it's not like you, you know, blew anyone off

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Speaker 3: to go pick up your friend. It's not like you,

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Speaker 3: you know, left TESNL stranded to pick up your friend.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's just that you. Oh, my friend is just

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Speaker 4: in town.

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Speaker 3: I was just going to go, like pick her up

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Speaker 3: or drop her off at the airport.

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Speaker 4: That's all.

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Speaker 5: That's it.

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Speaker 4: Why are you Why are you screaming at you about her?

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Speaker 5: Why are you freaking bothered? Why are you bothered?

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Speaker 4: We do have an update.

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Speaker 3: My husband called his parents today after work. According to him,

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Speaker 3: the conversation.

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Speaker 4: Did not go well at all.

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Speaker 3: His parents are furious with me, but he told me

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Speaker 3: that he defended me against everything they said and said

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Speaker 3: firm that they were wrong.

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Speaker 5: He's like, babe, babe, guess what. They were so rude

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Speaker 5: about you, But I defended you. I stood up for you.

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Speaker 3: He was strict and harsh with them, and I am

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Speaker 3: really proud of how he handled it. One of the

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Speaker 3: main reasons they're mad is because I hung up on

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Speaker 3: mother in law. They also said that I never thanked

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Speaker 3: them for what they did at the shower. For the record,

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Speaker 3: I did think mother in law for everything that she did.

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Speaker 3: I texted her before the shower, thanking her for helping

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Speaker 3: with the drinks and dessert. I just did not thank

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Speaker 3: her in person. At the actual shower. That morning, she

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Speaker 3: and father in law had a massive fight and both

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Speaker 3: dragged my husband into it by calling him separately. I

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Speaker 3: was furious and had no energy to fake being cheerful

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Speaker 3: around them. I barely spoke to mother in law and

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Speaker 3: father in law made zero effort to speak to me

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Speaker 3: at all. I hung up on mother law because she

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Speaker 3: was bashing my friend NonStop and I was not going

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Speaker 3: to sit there and take it. Here are the other

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Speaker 3: reasons that they're mount at me, according to my husband. One,

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Speaker 3: it took me several months to send out wedding thank

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Speaker 3: you cards, even though my dad passed away during that

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Speaker 3: time and I was overwhelmed. I defended my friend who

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Speaker 3: flew out for the shower instead of prioritizing them. They

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Speaker 3: think that because they have known me longer, they should

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Speaker 3: come before anyone else. They claim that I have not

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Speaker 3: put the effort into a relationship with them for the

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Speaker 3: past year. Truthfully, I have been depressed since my dad

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Speaker 3: passed away, so I have not been great at any relationships.

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Speaker 3: They also do not like the way that I talked

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Speaker 3: to my husband. For context, they are referring to one

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Speaker 3: time at our house when they were visiting, I corrected

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Speaker 3: my husband in front of them when he was wrong

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Speaker 3: about something. They're upset that I.

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Speaker 4: Do not participate in the family group chat.

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Speaker 3: I stay out of it because all they talk about

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Speaker 3: is sister in law's kids and I don't care.

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Speaker 5: Doing a dude, I'm in a giant family group chat.

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Speaker 5: I've never texted that yet.

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Speaker 3: Any big group chats anyway is just like I ain't

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Speaker 3: text whatever you're talking about. Only the people involved really

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Speaker 3: need to say anything. Here is the worst part. Mother

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Speaker 3: in law actually called my husband's workplace today to talk

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Speaker 3: about all of this drama.

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Speaker 4: He is livid and embarrassed.

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Speaker 3: We also found out the truth about sister in law

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Speaker 3: skipping the shower.

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Speaker 4: Oh, she's lying.

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Speaker 3: It was not because of her daughter's soccer game. She

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Speaker 3: bailed because she did not want to see one of

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Speaker 3: my friends who was coming. Mother in law and father

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Speaker 3: in law knew this and lied to us about it.

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Speaker 3: What's up with the friends? Why does she even know

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Speaker 3: the friends?

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Speaker 5: Why do you have skin in the game with these friends?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Why does she not want to see them?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, she really hates your friends. I feel like there's

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Speaker 5: some sort of history she's got with them.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and she's That's probably why mother in law blew up,

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Speaker 3: and not just about like the dropping her off, things like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: probably getting all this weird info that could be skewed.

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Speaker 4: From the sister in law. Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Probably.

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Speaker 3: Once again, they defended sister in law and covered for her.

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Speaker 3: I might just jump right on in, do you jump

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Speaker 3: right on in? Jump right on in? But overall, my

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Speaker 3: husband stood his ground and called them out on everything.

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Speaker 4: He told me, I now have a choice.

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Speaker 3: I can either talk to them with him and defend myself,

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Speaker 3: or we can go completely no contact right now. He

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Speaker 3: said that he's fine with cutting them off, even if

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Speaker 3: that means that they will not meet our daughter and

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Speaker 3: she's born. I refuse to apologize for anything because I

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Speaker 3: do not believe I've done anything wrong and I do

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Speaker 3: not see how this relationship can ever move forward unless

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Speaker 3: they apologize to me, which they will not. So now

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Speaker 3: I'm stuck between it two options. Do I sit down

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Speaker 3: with them and get everything off my chest and see

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Speaker 3: what happens? Or do I just end it now and

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Speaker 3: go no contact and that's the end of that story.

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Speaker 3: That's our question. Do we go no contact? Or do

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Speaker 3: we talk to them about everything? I feel like you're

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Speaker 3: husband should be talking. Yeah, I mean, I don't think

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Speaker 3: it necessarily needs to be you sure, I feel like

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Speaker 3: it would probably be good for you both to talk.

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Speaker 5: Yeah or yeah, either both of you or him.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, not just you.

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Speaker 5: Yeah. My brother in law ruined my sister's wedding over

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Speaker 5: me wearing a suit.

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Speaker 4: We only allowed gender norms at this wedding.

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Speaker 5: My twenty five non binary sister, twenty six female, recently

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Speaker 5: got married to her now husband, twenty five male. It

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Speaker 5: was a beautiful wedding and I'm happy for both of them.

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Speaker 5: The two of them really make each other happy, and

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Speaker 5: you could see that in how they looked at each

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Speaker 5: other throughout the entire ceremony and reception. Unfortunately, the husband's

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Speaker 5: brother was not quite as serene as either of them.

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Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from your paramedic eight seven

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Speaker 5: three six And if you want to spit your own stories,

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Speaker 5: go to the r slash okay storytime, separate it. I'm

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Speaker 5: Sophia and I'm Angie, and Opie says. The two each

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Speaker 5: had five people as part of their wedding parties. Their

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Speaker 5: best friends were the maid of honor. Twenty eight female

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Speaker 5: bridesmaid and siblings filled out most of the bridesmaids, groomsmen,

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Speaker 5: the groom as a brother and a sister, and the

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Speaker 5: bride is two brothers and me. The groom's brother and

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Speaker 5: my two brothers were groomsmen, along with the bride'smaid and

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Speaker 5: one of the groom's other friends. Myself, the groom, sister,

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Speaker 5: and two of the bride's friends joined the maid of

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Speaker 5: honor for the rest of her party. Oh sorry, I've

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Speaker 5: been saying bride'smaid, it's best man. The groomsmen, including the

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Speaker 5: best man, all were asked to wear gray suits with

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Speaker 5: a green tie and a neutral undershirt that matched the suit.

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Speaker 5: The base outfit for bridesmaids was a green or gray

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Speaker 5: dress your choice that seemed generally like it might work

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Speaker 5: at a medieval or renfair. Their wedding as some light

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Speaker 5: medieval theming, so while there was no expectation for historical accuracy,

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Speaker 5: the idea was that these would at least sort of

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Speaker 5: match the theme. I was matching the groomsmen, while the

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Speaker 5: Maid of Honor wore an all green suit that looked

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Speaker 5: phenomenal on her with a gray tie, so basically the inverse.

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Speaker 5: The best man was given the same option to invert

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Speaker 5: the colors as the Maid of Honor, but decided he'd

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Speaker 5: rather wear gray than green. We also used fake swords

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Speaker 5: to make a tunnel for the couple to walk under

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Speaker 5: when leaving the altar. That's so sick, sick. That is amazing,

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Speaker 5: That's awesome. I want that all of the grooms been,

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Speaker 5: plus me, the Maid of Honor, and the efficient had

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Speaker 5: fake swords as part of our outfits. It was a

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Speaker 5: ton of fun. We looked amazing, and it seemed to

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Speaker 5: fit in well with the overall theme of the wedding.

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Speaker 5: I generally am read as female, but identify as non

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Speaker 5: binary and try to present myself more masculine. The Made

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Speaker 5: of Honor is a butch sapphik. Neither of us felt

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Speaker 5: comfortable wearing a dress which the bride and groom were

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Speaker 5: both very accepting and supportive of which is why we

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Speaker 5: were wearing suits throughout the entire wedding. Both of them

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Speaker 5: were wonderful about this. In fact, my sister made sure

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Speaker 5: to bring up potential alternatives for all members of the

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Speaker 5: wedding party if they wanted a different presentation when discussing

307
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Speaker 5: the dress cup. They were proactive about finding options because

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Speaker 5: they knew this would happen. Most of the bridal party,

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Speaker 5: including both of my brothers, the brides and groom's friends,

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Speaker 5: the best man, and the groom's sister, were at least

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Speaker 5: accepting of the two of us wearing suits, as well

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Speaker 5: as both sets of parents. I'm not going to say

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Speaker 5: everyone was as accepting as the couple was, because that

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Speaker 5: would be a lie. Especially with the parents. You could

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Speaker 5: tell there was some confusion about us not wearing dresses. Still,

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Speaker 5: they were all tolerant enough that no one mentioned except

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Speaker 5: for the grooms Brad there from the start he tried

318
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Speaker 5: to comment on how it really should be suits and

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Speaker 5: dresses and seemed concerned about it not being the case.

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Speaker 5: This wasn't all that surprising to me, given he generally

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Speaker 5: doesn't use my pronouns, though we'll use my chosen name

322
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Speaker 5: because I won't respond if he doesn't. The bride shut

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Speaker 5: it down quickly, but he kept bringing up through planning.

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Speaker 5: The first major incident was during pictures. We didn't take

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Speaker 5: most photos during the wedding itself, especially when it came

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Speaker 5: to the wedding party or immediate family photos, so we

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Speaker 5: wouldn't have to fit that somewhere in the big day.

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Speaker 5: Almost all of the photos we had from the day

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Speaker 5: of were candidates, plus a handful in front of the altar.

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Speaker 5: We started with the group photos for each of the

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Speaker 5: couples plus their entourage, then some larger ones of the

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Speaker 5: whole party. A couple of the group photos were trying

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Speaker 5: to do everyone as close together rather than the spread

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Speaker 5: out mirrors that wedding photos typically take the form of,

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Speaker 5: so there were multiple rows based on height and stiff

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Speaker 5: The brother in law refused to stand next to the

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Speaker 5: maid of honor when the photographer positioned them together for

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Speaker 5: framing purposes, because he thought the Maid of honor wouldn't

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00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:11,600
Speaker 5: dress appropriately, so it would look bad for him to

340
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Speaker 5: stand next to her. The photographer jumped into action and

341
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,720
Speaker 5: swapped some of them around, and we got off with it.

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00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:19,240
Speaker 5: The next incident was at the rehearsal dinner. They had

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Speaker 5: an order for us to walk down the aisle together

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Speaker 5: with bride's friends matched with groomsmen. These were again largely

345
00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:28,840
Speaker 5: based on things like height and framing order so we

346
00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:31,240
Speaker 5: would all be seen during the ceremony to make sure

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00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:33,480
Speaker 5: none of us would be blocked by decorations or other

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Speaker 5: bridal party members. I managed to be paired next to

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Speaker 5: the brother in law, not the brother in law he's

350
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Speaker 5: such o man, which he also refused to do because

351
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Speaker 5: he didn't want it to look like he was dating

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Speaker 5: a groomsman. I want to again stress these pairings were

353
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Speaker 5: based on a height organization and not coupling people up.

354
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,680
Speaker 5: Case in point being the sapphig made of honor walking

355
00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:56,560
Speaker 5: down the aisle next to the straight best man and

356
00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:59,160
Speaker 5: both knowing it meant nothing, they swapped a couple of

357
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:01,840
Speaker 5: people around. But and now the other bridesmaids were refusing

358
00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:03,840
Speaker 5: to be paired with him. His sister and the other

359
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:06,720
Speaker 5: two bridesmaids, both of whom were in long term relationships,

360
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,680
Speaker 5: were uncomfortable walking with him if he was going to

361
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Speaker 5: treat it as them coupling them up In the end,

362
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:15,600
Speaker 5: we had the bridal party walk down, alternating bride's friends

363
00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,400
Speaker 5: and groomsmen, with the maid of honor and best man

364
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:21,960
Speaker 5: still walking together. The third and big one was during

365
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Speaker 5: the reception. After the first dance, father daughter dance and

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Speaker 5: mother son dance, we had a bridal party dance scheduled

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Speaker 5: before the main dancing open. Basically, the bridal party and

368
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Speaker 5: their essos would get a special dance like. It wasn't

369
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Speaker 5: any type of internal pairs or anything. All of the

370
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:39,200
Speaker 5: bride's friends had their essos, but brother in law and

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Speaker 5: one of my brothers are currently single, so stood off

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00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:45,160
Speaker 5: to the side. Both were already a little wasted and

373
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Speaker 5: started tossing out comments.

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Speaker 3: No, keep it together, people, Come on, it isn't a

375
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Speaker 3: fun day, literally, it's just one day.

376
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Speaker 4: You don't ever have to see this person again.

377
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Speaker 5: Yeah. They started lighthearted enough, some friendly ribbing that got

378
00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,200
Speaker 5: laughs from the crowd as well as the people they

379
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,280
Speaker 5: were joking about, and everyone seemed to be having a

380
00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:05,400
Speaker 5: good time, you know, fairly standard well meaning sibling banter.

381
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:08,240
Speaker 5: But they got progressively meaner as the song went on

382
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:11,480
Speaker 5: until the big one. My brother in law at least

383
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:14,120
Speaker 5: they didn't force me to walk down the aisle with

384
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Speaker 5: that dieselur or my name. Everyone suddenly went silent and

385
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:21,360
Speaker 5: those of us on the floor stopped dancing, and the

386
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:24,120
Speaker 5: groom shouted the F is wrong with you. To make

387
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,760
Speaker 5: a long story short, the best man, both of the

388
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,680
Speaker 5: groom's men who were dancing, and my partner ended up

389
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:32,560
Speaker 5: tossing the brother in law out on his butt based

390
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,640
Speaker 5: on a black eye he was sporting the next morning.

391
00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:37,560
Speaker 5: At least one of them also clocked him hard wow,

392
00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:39,360
Speaker 5: though I'm not sure which one. They took him out

393
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,720
Speaker 5: of sight, so none of us quite saw what happened next.

394
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,560
Speaker 5: But the rest of the night was awkward, and me

395
00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:45,680
Speaker 5: and the maid of honor plus our partners ended up

396
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:48,760
Speaker 5: ducking out early as we kept getting stares and comments

397
00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:51,520
Speaker 5: why are they staring at you? Mind your own business?

398
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:54,600
Speaker 5: Stare at the bride. In particular, a couple of other

399
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:57,720
Speaker 5: guests were now emboldened to comment on our attire, and

400
00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:00,200
Speaker 5: it just wasn't worth the energy, especially given and some

401
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,640
Speaker 5: of those people didn't know me prior to this, so

402
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:06,639
Speaker 5: effectively were introduced to me by my name. Oh oh,

403
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:09,560
Speaker 5: that's terrible. I didn't want to spend my sister's entire

404
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:12,359
Speaker 5: wedding correcting people about my name. The couple hasn't talked

405
00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:14,640
Speaker 5: to brother in law since this. I don't think they're

406
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,119
Speaker 5: planning on cutting them off altogether, but are hoping to

407
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:20,000
Speaker 5: distance themselves for long enough that he gets the point.

408
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,040
Speaker 5: Nde of Honor and I went with our partners to

409
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:24,439
Speaker 5: a local drag bar after the wedding and got really

410
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:26,800
Speaker 5: wasted and add some fun after it all.

411
00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:28,160
Speaker 4: There we go, There you go.

412
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:30,240
Speaker 5: All you needed was a little drag. The four of

413
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,480
Speaker 5: us are treating my sister and her new husband to

414
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:35,160
Speaker 5: a dinner at a niceish restaurant next week. We still

415
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,640
Speaker 5: want to celebrate them, given they've been wonderful to us

416
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:39,919
Speaker 5: and we missed much of the reception. And there is

417
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:41,920
Speaker 5: an update folks, get any.

418
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:44,480
Speaker 3: Thoughts, it's of course, it's just like listen, you know,

419
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:49,480
Speaker 3: I know people can't always be like the most accepting

420
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:52,679
Speaker 3: of things. Yeah, And of course it's frustrating when you

421
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,760
Speaker 3: know you are, yeah, accepting of these things, and it's

422
00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:57,000
Speaker 3: frustrating that people can't see the things the way you do.

423
00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:58,720
Speaker 3: But at the same time, it's like even if you

424
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:00,960
Speaker 3: don't accept it, or if you think it's weird or

425
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:01,800
Speaker 3: you're not just.

426
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:04,760
Speaker 4: Used to knowing people like that. Let him be. They're

427
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,919
Speaker 4: still not affecting you at all.

428
00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:10,800
Speaker 5: So it's just I mean, like this same sense of

429
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,320
Speaker 5: like I feel like when we're younger. You know, you

430
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:15,320
Speaker 5: have someone who maybe was missing a limb or something

431
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:16,920
Speaker 5: that you see on the street and tarts to like, Okay,

432
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:19,680
Speaker 5: we don't stare. Yeah, we don't go up and say

433
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:21,919
Speaker 5: what happened? You know, you have to be tasted the

434
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:26,000
Speaker 5: same thing parents, don't. You don't stare exactly, don't don't

435
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:26,600
Speaker 5: point at.

436
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:28,920
Speaker 4: Them and go, whoa why are you wearing a suit? Exactly?

437
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,760
Speaker 5: They're wearing a suit because they're wearing a suit.

438
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:33,880
Speaker 3: Right, it's clothes based on like them and their personal style.

439
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,800
Speaker 3: It'd probably be weird if they were wearing a dress,

440
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:37,040
Speaker 3: probably look a lot weirder.

441
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, so come on.

442
00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:41,360
Speaker 5: Update turns out it was the best man who gave

443
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,359
Speaker 5: the brother in law the black eye? How did we

444
00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:46,879
Speaker 5: find out? Brother in law decided to press charges. Best

445
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:49,359
Speaker 5: man pled guilty and took a low level deal with

446
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,760
Speaker 5: a bit of community service. No one's mad at him

447
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,600
Speaker 5: for what he did. Since then, brother in law has

448
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,360
Speaker 5: continued to pester me made of Honor and our respective

449
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,479
Speaker 5: partners for embarrassing him. He said, if that we acted

450
00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,240
Speaker 5: like broad maids should, none of this would have happened.

451
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:05,359
Speaker 5: The issue wasn't him being queer phobic, despite him using

452
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:08,280
Speaker 5: a slur and naming me. It was us for not

453
00:19:08,359 --> 00:19:11,560
Speaker 5: wearing dresses. Yes, of course you're right. You just you

454
00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:14,159
Speaker 5: can't put it on yourself. You gotta put it on

455
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:17,000
Speaker 5: everyone else. Yeah, we obviously can see the bs and

456
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:19,439
Speaker 5: aren't buying it. At first, our plan was just to

457
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:21,439
Speaker 5: let it blow over. It's not like either of us

458
00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:24,000
Speaker 5: is unfamiliar with this sort of crap. However, as time

459
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,760
Speaker 5: passed and it became clear he wasn't letting up, other

460
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:29,879
Speaker 5: family members also started to distance themselves from him. This

461
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,600
Speaker 5: has only made the pestumint worse, as he now blames

462
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:35,359
Speaker 5: us for ruining his relationship with his family, Which brings

463
00:19:35,359 --> 00:19:37,600
Speaker 5: me to the big update. The Maid of Honor and

464
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:41,320
Speaker 5: I are looking into getting restraining orders against him. Whoooo,

465
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,200
Speaker 5: it's gotten to the point where the pestument is disrupting

466
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,200
Speaker 5: our lives enough for us to think it's worth it. Reverbably,

467
00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:49,399
Speaker 5: our partners would also be covered, but given most of

468
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,680
Speaker 5: the pestu ment has targeted us. The goal is to

469
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:53,680
Speaker 5: get at least the two of us protected. We're already

470
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:56,280
Speaker 5: speaking with a lawyer. They okay this post so long

471
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:59,240
Speaker 5: as I didn't share specific details of the pestument, but

472
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,439
Speaker 5: said that once we start the process, I should go

473
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,120
Speaker 5: silent here for a while. Their main concern isn't whether

474
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,560
Speaker 5: the actions meet the standard for one, but rather if

475
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:09,720
Speaker 5: courts will accept the motivation queer phobia, as we live

476
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:13,600
Speaker 5: somewhere without many protections for queer people targeted for their identities.

477
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:15,439
Speaker 5: I wish you luck and I hope that you do

478
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:18,080
Speaker 5: get that restraining order because this guy stinks.

479
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:19,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, he's the worst.

480
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:22,159
Speaker 3: He's pestering you and he just has all of this

481
00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:24,919
Speaker 3: like hate for you. And we already know that he

482
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:26,600
Speaker 3: has gotten into a physical leducation.

483
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:27,439
Speaker 1: Yeah we don't know.

484
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,960
Speaker 4: You know how much he contributed to that, but I

485
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,440
Speaker 4: wouldn't but have pasked him to.

486
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:34,159
Speaker 5: Do something potentially dangerous. I agree, I agree.

487
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:35,520
Speaker 4: I think that's a great move.

488
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:39,200
Speaker 3: My sister in law is living a lifestyle she can't afford,

489
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:40,720
Speaker 3: and it's holding.

490
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,440
Speaker 4: My life back. Girl, you're broke.

491
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:45,320
Speaker 3: My husband, who is a doctor, and I part time

492
00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:48,600
Speaker 3: healthcare live in a two bed flat owned by his dad.

493
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,840
Speaker 3: We've been paying the mortgage as rent. When times were

494
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,880
Speaker 3: tight during maternity leave or when my husband's pay was cut,

495
00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:57,040
Speaker 3: my father in law covered us. The mortgage has recently

496
00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:59,720
Speaker 3: been paid off, so we gratefully live here rent free

497
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:03,680
Speaker 3: and trying to save aggressively, but it's not sustainable. We

498
00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:06,760
Speaker 3: have three kids, ten female, four male, and two male

499
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,080
Speaker 3: who share a bedger By the way, this comes from

500
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:11,400
Speaker 3: deleted and if you want to submit your own stories,

501
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,720
Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay story time is subreddit

502
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:14,680
Speaker 3: and I'm Angie.

503
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:15,440
Speaker 5: I'm Sophia.

504
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,160
Speaker 3: We never bought our own place because in twenty seventeen,

505
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:21,320
Speaker 3: my husband was emotionally pressured into going on his sister's

506
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:24,639
Speaker 3: dentist mortgage to buy a five bed house. This was

507
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:27,080
Speaker 3: before he met me. He doesn't pay towards it. His

508
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:29,760
Speaker 3: income was used to boost her borrowing. At the time,

509
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,879
Speaker 3: it was presented as the family home where his parents

510
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:33,520
Speaker 3: would retire.

511
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:35,200
Speaker 4: His father provided the deposit.

512
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:38,160
Speaker 3: My husband was promised that he would not be disadvantaged

513
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,040
Speaker 3: and would get helped to buy a house. Later in

514
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:43,720
Speaker 3: twenty eighteen, they did a big renno. Last year, she

515
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:48,000
Speaker 3: became pregnant with twins. Now at five kids, they started

516
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:52,240
Speaker 3: another big renno, going from two reception rooms, five beds

517
00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:56,240
Speaker 3: and three baths to four reception rooms, six or seven beds,

518
00:21:56,359 --> 00:22:01,640
Speaker 3: five baths and plus an extra kitchenette. Everything has been extended, remodeled,

519
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:05,440
Speaker 3: and refitted again in seven years. I'm guessing it took

520
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:09,960
Speaker 3: around two hundred thousand days from father in.

521
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,800
Speaker 4: Law has gone into this day.

522
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:16,080
Speaker 5: That's expensive. I wonder how much they paid for the house.

523
00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:16,600
Speaker 1: Yeah?

524
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:19,639
Speaker 4: Right. The current plan devised with the mortgage advisor is

525
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:22,680
Speaker 4: we sell our flat the father in law's place, get

526
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:25,320
Speaker 4: a deposit for a house, and move into a rental.

527
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:28,000
Speaker 4: They use one hundred k pounds from the sale to

528
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:30,240
Speaker 4: remortgage to get my husband off.

529
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:33,880
Speaker 3: But there's a catch. She has credit card and shopping

530
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:38,840
Speaker 3: debts to pay shopping shopping debts, please me, shopping debts.

531
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:39,560
Speaker 5: Stop buying things.

532
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,480
Speaker 3: She needs to get rid of her car, finance two

533
00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:45,399
Speaker 3: brand new evs. She has to increase her salary and

534
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:48,680
Speaker 3: complete tax returns. Until she does those things, her borrowing

535
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:52,640
Speaker 3: power isn't high enough. As her debts, liabilities and declared

536
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:55,919
Speaker 3: earnings currently stand. She would only be able to remortgage

537
00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:59,040
Speaker 3: for a small amount she needs eighteen times.

538
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:00,439
Speaker 4: What was calculated yiked.

539
00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:04,560
Speaker 3: She spends freely and goes on expensive holidays. She's already

540
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,760
Speaker 3: talking about an island get away for her fortieth birthday.

541
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,280
Speaker 3: In the meantime, we could be stuck in a rental

542
00:23:10,359 --> 00:23:13,080
Speaker 3: and sitting on our deposit in the bank, just waiting.

543
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:15,680
Speaker 3: I want us to hold off on selling until she's

544
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:19,240
Speaker 3: actually ticked the boxes. Otherwise we bear all the risk

545
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:21,959
Speaker 3: with no guarantee of being able to buy. One idea

546
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,320
Speaker 3: was to use equity from the flat sale on top

547
00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:27,439
Speaker 3: of one hundred K pounds to boost her borrowing to

548
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:30,560
Speaker 3: help her pay down her debts and liabilities. This seems

549
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:35,000
Speaker 3: insane after they just spent two hundred k on unnecessary renovations,

550
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:37,520
Speaker 3: but it might be our only way out. I know

551
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:41,159
Speaker 3: it's her personal finances, but her decisions directly affect our future.

552
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:43,400
Speaker 3: I'm being told not to have feelings about it or

553
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:45,639
Speaker 3: be upset, as it's not our money.

554
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:47,960
Speaker 4: But I am I the a hole.

555
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:50,640
Speaker 3: For being frustrated when my three kids are sharing one

556
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:54,320
Speaker 3: room and our future depends on her paying her debts.

557
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:58,000
Speaker 3: And there is some relevant info, But what's our quick

558
00:23:58,040 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 3: answer to that? No?

559
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:02,320
Speaker 5: I mean, like, you're absolutely very valid if you've had

560
00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:05,359
Speaker 5: an agreement, you know, and that's not being met. I

561
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:08,200
Speaker 5: do think maybe if you can work on not becoming

562
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:11,960
Speaker 5: dependent on herbs since she's so flighty and right not

563
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:13,960
Speaker 5: you know, dependable.

564
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:15,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, you might need to like boot you're out of

565
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:18,600
Speaker 3: the deal. If yeah, you can. My husband has never

566
00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:21,600
Speaker 3: paid her mortgage. She pays it and her husband it

567
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,400
Speaker 3: doesn't work, so he can't go on it. My husband

568
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,640
Speaker 3: has not paid into her house in any other way,

569
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:29,320
Speaker 3: such as deposit or a down payment. We have a

570
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:32,000
Speaker 3: small savings of our own, about twenty k, but we

571
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,600
Speaker 3: need a bigger deposit to stay in this area otherwise.

572
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,680
Speaker 3: The mortgage advisor said that we were good to go

573
00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:39,040
Speaker 3: and would easily be able to buy and afford a

574
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:41,359
Speaker 3: house with some help on the deposit or a down payment.

575
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,880
Speaker 3: I'm willing to rent long term, but my husband doesn't

576
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:46,280
Speaker 3: want to pay someone else's mortgage and is hopeful his

577
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:48,959
Speaker 3: family will get their finances in order and help them out.

578
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:52,160
Speaker 4: We pay our own bills, childcare and living costs. We

579
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:55,200
Speaker 4: drive eleven year old cars and holiday once a year.

580
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:58,000
Speaker 3: Our debts are low and we're trying to save it

581
00:24:58,040 --> 00:25:00,960
Speaker 3: more aggressively. All the two h k pe less has

582
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,639
Speaker 3: been spent on the sister in law's house. Father in

583
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:07,560
Speaker 3: law works abroad. There are some comments. Comment number one says,

584
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:11,159
Speaker 3: stop co signing for idiots. Yeah, there is a reason

585
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:14,000
Speaker 3: people can't get expensive homes or cars on their own credit.

586
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:16,399
Speaker 3: The reason is they can't afford those things.

587
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:21,240
Speaker 5: No, absolutely, that's just general life advice. Don't co sign

588
00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 5: for people who you think are unreliable.

589
00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:27,719
Speaker 3: It is unconscionable to ask a family member to jeopardize

590
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,240
Speaker 3: their own financial well being to help some jack but

591
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:34,399
Speaker 3: acquire something that they absolutely cannot afford. If your husband

592
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:36,359
Speaker 3: is on the deed, he does have equity in the

593
00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:38,800
Speaker 3: house and he can force the sale. If he had

594
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:41,359
Speaker 3: a set of balls, he would tell his sister and

595
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:43,960
Speaker 3: his unemployed brother in law to re mortgage the house

596
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:45,879
Speaker 3: or sell it so he could move on with his

597
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:48,560
Speaker 3: life and take care of his own family. They should

598
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:51,399
Speaker 3: have removed him from the mortgage before they spent money

599
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:54,840
Speaker 3: on renovations, but they didn't because they are selfish ahles,

600
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:58,359
Speaker 3: and your husband is spineless. Hope your responds, Wow, I

601
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:00,800
Speaker 3: have no response because I fear.

602
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:01,199
Speaker 4: Your spot on.

603
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:04,280
Speaker 5: Oh dam, I don't have a thinks her husband's spineless too.

604
00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:06,320
Speaker 4: I guess so I don't have a spine either. I

605
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:08,200
Speaker 4: wish I could say all of this out loud, but.

606
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:10,560
Speaker 3: I'm a very non conversational person and I need to

607
00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:12,960
Speaker 3: be braver coming Number two says, not the a hole.

608
00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:15,120
Speaker 3: I would be focusing on figuring out how to get

609
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:18,520
Speaker 3: his name off the mortgage. What an extremely high risk

610
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:20,879
Speaker 3: for your family if you end up having to be

611
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,639
Speaker 3: responsible for the mortgage. Can you temporarily move in with

612
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:25,520
Speaker 3: sister in law or at least add it in as

613
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:28,400
Speaker 3: a solution instead of you having to rent? Might help

614
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:30,480
Speaker 3: get them to come to a quicker solution as well

615
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,320
Speaker 3: to resolve this. The priority is to get his name

616
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 3: off the mortgage asap. Until then, I'm not sure how

617
00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:39,760
Speaker 3: you can move forward with security for your family. Op responds.

618
00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:42,919
Speaker 3: The mortgage advisors suggested moving in with them yesterday. I

619
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:45,640
Speaker 3: was against it initially, but agree now that it might

620
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:48,000
Speaker 3: help force a quicker resolution. That makes sense to Yeah,

621
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:49,680
Speaker 3: I didn't really think about that. Like if they're living

622
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:52,080
Speaker 3: separately but they're planning on, you know, going in on

623
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 3: a house together anyway, then like why not just start now?

624
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:59,480
Speaker 4: It's like you just renovated this my husband's live in Yeah, exactly.

625
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:04,119
Speaker 3: Comment number three She's never going to pay down her

626
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:07,040
Speaker 3: debts because everyone is enabling her. Comment number four says,

627
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:09,320
Speaker 3: why did you marry into this mess and have another

628
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:12,080
Speaker 3: kid knowing there was no room and your husband is

629
00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:15,200
Speaker 3: never going to have financial independence from his sister, Opie.

630
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:17,399
Speaker 4: Says, I'm not sure I was in love. He's my

631
00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:18,000
Speaker 4: best friend.

632
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:19,719
Speaker 5: I was in love.

633
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,840
Speaker 3: We're aligned in all other matters. I thought it would

634
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:25,080
Speaker 3: be resolved in a year or two. I think he

635
00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:27,440
Speaker 3: did as well, and now we're stuck in a crap situation.

636
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:30,399
Speaker 3: He's optimistic it'll all work out within the next six months.

637
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:33,800
Speaker 3: I am less. So someone else responds, it's been eight years,

638
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:37,160
Speaker 3: six married years. You are well past a six year

639
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:38,200
Speaker 3: or two.

640
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:40,399
Speaker 4: And he is just flat delusional.

641
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:42,840
Speaker 3: Being in love explains being married, but not two kids

642
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:46,240
Speaker 3: in a two bedroom flat when there is already one

643
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:49,120
Speaker 3: living there. He's a terrible best friend and worse husband.

644
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,800
Speaker 3: Your bar is far too low for yourself and kids.

645
00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:54,480
Speaker 3: We do you have an update my husband? Who will

646
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:57,680
Speaker 3: say to your husband and his dad met with the

647
00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 3: mortgage advisor. As mentioned in my first post, it was

648
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:02,880
Speaker 3: clear how dire. The prospects were for sister in law

649
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:05,359
Speaker 3: to afford the mortgage on her own. The loan was

650
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:08,480
Speaker 3: too big and she had lots of debts and liabilities.

651
00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:10,919
Speaker 3: Plan was father in law would sell the flat that

652
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:13,280
Speaker 3: we live in, which he owns, and use the funds

653
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:15,480
Speaker 3: to pay down sister in law's house loan and her

654
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 3: credit card and shopping debts so she can refinance on

655
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:20,840
Speaker 3: her own. My husband would also get help with the

656
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:23,760
Speaker 3: large down payment for a house. Father in law always

657
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 3: assured that my husband would not be disadvantaged by the

658
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:30,520
Speaker 3: other mortgage and would get significant help to buy. My

659
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:34,240
Speaker 3: husband went to visit them yesterday and found them ripping

660
00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:36,639
Speaker 3: out the floor of the kitchen, the new one, costing

661
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:41,680
Speaker 3: thousands of pounds. This kitchen was extended, remodeled, and fitted.

662
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:42,400
Speaker 4: In twenty nineteen.

663
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:46,360
Speaker 3: And ye did it twenty k They just did it. Yeah,

664
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:51,080
Speaker 3: that's crazy, It is so crazy. He wasn't happy. I

665
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:53,320
Speaker 3: guess it became immediately clear to him that they are

666
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:56,600
Speaker 3: not capable or interested in making good financial decisions. Everyone

667
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:59,160
Speaker 3: also forgot that my mother in law co owns the

668
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 3: flat that we My husband doesn't want to take any

669
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:04,400
Speaker 3: money from the sale of the flat for a deposit

670
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:08,160
Speaker 3: as it will disadvantage his mother, who is retired, so

671
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 3: the flat has been listed to sell.

672
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:12,240
Speaker 4: The proceeds will go to mother in law and father

673
00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:14,800
Speaker 4: in law only. Father in law will use his share

674
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,520
Speaker 4: one hundred to one fifty k to bail out my

675
00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:20,320
Speaker 4: sister in law. My husband's name can finally come off

676
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:23,640
Speaker 4: the mortgage off for one point one million hous She

677
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:27,040
Speaker 4: still needs to lose the new cars though. It was

678
00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:29,920
Speaker 4: a little upsetting for my husband yesterday, but he's at

679
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:31,640
Speaker 4: peace with it. After all, it was.

680
00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:33,400
Speaker 3: Never his money and his dad can do what he

681
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:35,960
Speaker 3: wants with it, so he won't get a deposit and

682
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,840
Speaker 3: that's okay. We are worse off than if we had

683
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:42,320
Speaker 3: never been involved. House prizings have gone up and we

684
00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:45,600
Speaker 3: need a bigger deposit now, and he wasted years waiting

685
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:46,120
Speaker 3: around on.

686
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:48,280
Speaker 4: Promises of help. The help never came.

687
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:51,200
Speaker 3: He was used as collateral so they could keep a

688
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:53,640
Speaker 3: house and cling to a lifestyle that they can't afford.

689
00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 3: But it does also feel like a weight has been

690
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:58,520
Speaker 3: lifted and he's going to be free, not strung along

691
00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 3: for years in a toxic cycle obligation and disappointment. We're

692
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:04,520
Speaker 3: currently looking for a long term rental nearby, somewhere with

693
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,160
Speaker 3: three bedrooms and a garden for our kids. We're also

694
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:09,520
Speaker 3: planning on meeting a financial advisor to come up with

695
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:12,080
Speaker 3: an achievable plan to save hard for our own house

696
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:15,200
Speaker 3: and for our children's future on our own. If buying

697
00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:17,880
Speaker 3: house isn't meant to happen for us, then so be it.

698
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:20,760
Speaker 3: We're walking away with peace of mind, a clean slate,

699
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:24,080
Speaker 3: and the ability to make decisions for ourselves without interference

700
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:25,400
Speaker 3: or reliance on others.

701
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:26,560
Speaker 4: And that's the end of that story.

702
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:28,520
Speaker 3: There, do you go? Yeah, So, I guess you know

703
00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:32,440
Speaker 3: you're not getting a deposit from you know, what's being sold.

704
00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:34,720
Speaker 4: I guess, Ryan, I'm pretty sure that's what that means.

705
00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 5: Right, Well, yeah, if they were taken, if the name

706
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:37,000
Speaker 5: was out.

707
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:39,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, but hopefully they're still getting well, like from the

708
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 3: flat that they were staying in.

709
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:42,400
Speaker 4: Uh, that's what I was talking about.

710
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:44,959
Speaker 3: Hopefully it doesn't mean like they're not gonna a deposit

711
00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:47,200
Speaker 3: from you know, being taken off the mortgage.

712
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:49,040
Speaker 1: Sam. Here, we're gonna get back to the stories. But

713
00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:50,880
Speaker 1: here's three of it's bad from our sponsors.

714
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:55,280
Speaker 5: My girlfriend gave my song a bad rating. Because she

715
00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:58,760
Speaker 5: didn't know it was mine. Well, at least she was honest,

716
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:01,080
Speaker 5: So let me star art off by saying that I

717
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:04,600
Speaker 5: know this was slightly manipulative. I deceived her by a

718
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:08,520
Speaker 5: mission and it speaks volumes about my communication skills. I

719
00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:11,479
Speaker 5: understand that, and I actually feel really guilty about it.

720
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:14,280
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from girlfriend music to throw

721
00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:15,920
Speaker 5: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

722
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:20,040
Speaker 5: to the r slash Okay storytime subvered it. So here's

723
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:24,520
Speaker 5: what happened. My girlfriend is very critical about music. I

724
00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:26,720
Speaker 5: make music on my own, but I never felt like

725
00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 5: she ever gave me real criticism, despite me pleading with

726
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:31,840
Speaker 5: her to give me something blunt and real.

727
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:36,440
Speaker 2: Oh but careful what you ask for, Be careful what

728
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 2: you wish for my guy, She.

729
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:40,720
Speaker 5: Always said it was great and never had anything else

730
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:43,680
Speaker 5: to say. But when she would critique other music, she

731
00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:47,720
Speaker 5: would get extremely detailed critiquing down to the very last detail.

732
00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:50,560
Speaker 5: I really admire her thoughts on music, and all I

733
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:53,120
Speaker 5: wanted was for her to do that for mine as well,

734
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:55,800
Speaker 5: But she would always just say it was great without

735
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 5: much else, and I never believed her due to the

736
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:00,760
Speaker 5: stark differences in how she framed these opinions.

737
00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:03,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's not very good at like even lying about it.

738
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:06,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, she looks like, just tell me you hate it bad.

739
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:10,880
Speaker 1: I love your notes. I want to learn so I

740
00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:12,520
Speaker 1: can make you better music.

741
00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:15,680
Speaker 5: I love you, and therefore I love when you do

742
00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:20,480
Speaker 5: stuff that you're happy doing. So one day I had

743
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 5: her listen to some music without telling her it was mine.

744
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:27,000
Speaker 5: I just said, hey, check out this track. She went in.

745
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:29,480
Speaker 5: She said it was the work of someone who had

746
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:33,200
Speaker 5: no idea what they were doing. The composition was all

747
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:35,760
Speaker 5: over the place, and I didn't flow together. Sections were

748
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:38,200
Speaker 5: much too long. There was a rise with that climax,

749
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:40,560
Speaker 5: and she said it was just a boring song all around.

750
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:42,720
Speaker 1: Dude, you could have just said it was a bad song.

751
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:46,680
Speaker 5: I feel terrible, but at the same time, I also

752
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:49,960
Speaker 5: feel a bit vindicated. Also, I feel like she's overreacting.

753
00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:52,120
Speaker 5: I don't really know where to go from here because

754
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:53,880
Speaker 5: I don't want to lie to her about how I

755
00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:57,000
Speaker 5: feel about what I did. Feel sort of bad that again,

756
00:32:57,120 --> 00:33:00,360
Speaker 5: not really did I do the right thing? And there

757
00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:04,400
Speaker 5: are some relevant comments, but what are your relevant comments?

758
00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:07,200
Speaker 2: I mean, okay, approaching this from just like a like

759
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:12,720
Speaker 2: an artist slash musical angle it's like, you know, you

760
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:15,520
Speaker 2: need to be making your art like for you, as

761
00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:18,320
Speaker 2: slash by you, And it's like you can have other

762
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:20,400
Speaker 2: people's like opinions and thoughts about it in form it,

763
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:22,320
Speaker 2: but it's like there's no one out there who's like

764
00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:24,560
Speaker 2: the arbiter of truth when it comes to like what

765
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:27,760
Speaker 2: is good and what is bad. Fully sure, there's people

766
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:30,880
Speaker 2: who are like good, like you know, are like good

767
00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:31,960
Speaker 2: ears and stuff or whatever.

768
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:34,800
Speaker 1: I don't know how well versed.

769
00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:37,960
Speaker 2: Your girlfriend is or whatever, but it's like it shouldn't

770
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:39,920
Speaker 2: even really matter if your girlfriend doesn't like your music,

771
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:40,840
Speaker 2: do you like your music?

772
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,160
Speaker 5: Well, I think the conversation needs to be you need

773
00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:45,440
Speaker 5: to go to her and say, hey, I'm sorry for

774
00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:48,680
Speaker 5: lying to you, but I really value your opinion and

775
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,080
Speaker 5: I really wanted to know what you thought about my songs.

776
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 5: And it felt like you weren't really giving me an honest.

777
00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:56,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, say sorry I lied to you, but I could

778
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:58,520
Speaker 2: tell you've been lying to me this whole time.

779
00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:02,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, And it's like and just say, like, hopefully you

780
00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:07,320
Speaker 5: know you aren't going to take her criticism, you know,

781
00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:11,360
Speaker 5: to too harshly because it's what you said you wanted.

782
00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:13,160
Speaker 5: So if you double back and mirror like, why would

783
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:14,560
Speaker 5: you say that? That would be messed up.

784
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:16,520
Speaker 2: I don't think he's doing anything. I think it's just

785
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:18,040
Speaker 2: more like a you know.

786
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:21,600
Speaker 5: But I think that you know, if hopefully that's not

787
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:25,600
Speaker 5: the case and you accept this, you know, criticism constructively,

788
00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:27,799
Speaker 5: and then you can have a whole conversation about saying like, hey,

789
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:33,040
Speaker 5: I can accept constructive criticism. I'm working on this. Please

790
00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:34,799
Speaker 5: just be honest with me going forward, and I'll do

791
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:39,560
Speaker 5: the same relevant comments. ETwA says, regardless of the specific

792
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:41,680
Speaker 5: she very clearly told you I don't want to do

793
00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:43,759
Speaker 5: this thing, and you tricked her into doing the things

794
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:46,200
Speaker 5: she clearly told you she didn't want to do. If

795
00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:48,000
Speaker 5: you want to get it all mixed up in feelings

796
00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:51,120
Speaker 5: around music criticism, that's your business. But the plain facts

797
00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:54,200
Speaker 5: are as above, and people are allowed to feel that

798
00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:56,960
Speaker 5: it's not cool to a not have their own decisions

799
00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:59,520
Speaker 5: about what they don't want to do, be respected, and

800
00:34:59,719 --> 00:35:03,439
Speaker 5: be tricked by someone they trusted. If the vindication about

801
00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:06,000
Speaker 5: her opinion is worth doing A and B towork, then

802
00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:07,600
Speaker 5: I guess it was worth it, and you'll need to

803
00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:08,680
Speaker 5: live with the fallout from it.

804
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:11,279
Speaker 2: Eh. I don't agree with that, because she's literally doing

805
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 2: the exact same thing that the comment is saying. Yeah,

806
00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:16,600
Speaker 2: by being like you're tricking she's tricking him by not

807
00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:17,959
Speaker 2: being honest about her.

808
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:20,759
Speaker 5: Thoughts, and Opewe says she didn't tell me she didn't

809
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:23,680
Speaker 5: want to critique my music. Well, I agree with most

810
00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:26,560
Speaker 5: people here that I did something manipulative, and I feel

811
00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:29,320
Speaker 5: horrible about it. I think it highlights a bigger issue

812
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:33,560
Speaker 5: of communication in this relationship. I value blunt honesty, and

813
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:36,600
Speaker 5: she knows this about me, yet continue to placate me

814
00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:39,279
Speaker 5: and tell me it's great with no real comment. I

815
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:42,560
Speaker 5: felt that was condescending. I totally regret not grilling her

816
00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:44,680
Speaker 5: on this kind of thing, but I didn't think it

817
00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:46,400
Speaker 5: was fair for me to force her to tell me

818
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:49,040
Speaker 5: something she obviously didn't want to tell me. But I

819
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:51,239
Speaker 5: also don't think it's fair that she kept lying to

820
00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:53,600
Speaker 5: me telling me that my music is great, when I

821
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 5: have to manipulate her into admitting she was lying the

822
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:59,080
Speaker 5: whole time. This was a breakdown in communication in a

823
00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:02,000
Speaker 5: huge way. And while neither of us are saints, I

824
00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:05,160
Speaker 5: don't believe I was the only bad guy in this situation.

825
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:10,359
Speaker 5: Uh Devil's Lettuce pot says one, I hope you don't

826
00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:13,080
Speaker 5: feel bad. She's your girlfriend, not someone who's expected to

827
00:36:13,080 --> 00:36:16,319
Speaker 5: love everything you create. You do appreciate her criticism, and

828
00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:18,440
Speaker 5: she gave it to you. You should be glad if

829
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 5: you respect her opinion, apologize for manipulating her, and thank

830
00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:25,080
Speaker 5: her for her honest feedback. Let her know that her

831
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:28,200
Speaker 5: opinion of your song does not hurt your feelings, and

832
00:36:28,239 --> 00:36:30,000
Speaker 5: then in the future you don't have to play games

833
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:31,120
Speaker 5: like that to get her opinion.

834
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:33,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean, her opinion could just be really

835
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:36,920
Speaker 2: valuable if she does have like a super solid, you.

836
00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:38,120
Speaker 5: Know, music background.

837
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:39,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's like.

838
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:41,080
Speaker 2: Okay, so maybe that was a bit of a mess

839
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:43,839
Speaker 2: and maybe maybe that was unsatisfying and if I didn't

840
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:45,560
Speaker 2: do that on purpose, I should change it and blah

841
00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:46,480
Speaker 2: blah blah blah blah.

842
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:49,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, oh, he says, I really do appreciate the actual

843
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:52,600
Speaker 5: opinion she gave me, but I lost respect for her

844
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:56,120
Speaker 5: as a person just because I frankly feel infantalized by

845
00:36:56,200 --> 00:36:58,960
Speaker 5: her desire to bl to me in order to protect

846
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:01,680
Speaker 5: my feelings when I was bluntly trying to tell her

847
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:04,680
Speaker 5: that I really want her real blunt opinions on my music,

848
00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:08,880
Speaker 5: No lover says good. People don't enjoy insulting or hurting

849
00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:12,320
Speaker 5: their partners. It's not fun, it's painful. If yours so

850
00:37:12,520 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 5: is anything like me, then critiquing the creative work of

851
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:18,799
Speaker 5: someone you love as bad is the same as insulting

852
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:21,919
Speaker 5: that person. It's taking something she knows you worked hard

853
00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:24,640
Speaker 5: on and telling you your effort was worthless. That is

854
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:26,200
Speaker 5: not an enjoyable experience.

855
00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:30,200
Speaker 1: It's not what critique or criticism is about what. It's

856
00:37:30,239 --> 00:37:32,160
Speaker 1: not that it was worthless, it's that it can be

857
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:32,840
Speaker 1: improved upon it.

858
00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:36,239
Speaker 5: I don't know. My mom's always been very blunt about it,

859
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:37,719
Speaker 5: Like my parents have always been very.

860
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:40,520
Speaker 1: Look how talented both of you have become cute?

861
00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 5: Well, yeah, I think they've been very honest about like

862
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:44,879
Speaker 5: the stuff that we do. Like they tell me when

863
00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:46,719
Speaker 5: my work is not good, and they tell me when

864
00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:48,959
Speaker 5: it is good, and yeah, I really appreciate it because

865
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:52,839
Speaker 5: then I'm like, oh, this work is actually good. And

866
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:55,399
Speaker 5: I think that's kind of how I approach critique. I mean,

867
00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:57,480
Speaker 5: i'd try to be a little less blunt than they are,

868
00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:00,440
Speaker 5: but uh, I don't know. I wouldn't. I didn't want

869
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:03,080
Speaker 5: to lie to someone who's asking me for actual critique.

870
00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 5: There are ways to go about, you know, giving compliments

871
00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:10,600
Speaker 5: and also giving criticism in an effective way. It's painful

872
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:12,840
Speaker 5: and it's extremely unkind of you to put her in

873
00:38:12,880 --> 00:38:15,320
Speaker 5: the position. If she wants to keep your relationship positive,

874
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:17,120
Speaker 5: you've ruined that and it will be hard for her

875
00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:19,319
Speaker 5: to forgive you for that. There is an update. I

876
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:21,320
Speaker 5: don't fully I think there's a little bit of everyone

877
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:24,480
Speaker 5: sucks situation going on here, Like Opie shouldn't have.

878
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:25,800
Speaker 1: Manipulated the situation.

879
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:30,319
Speaker 5: Yeah. Update three days later. I didn't get a whole

880
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:32,919
Speaker 5: lot of well wishing words on my last post. Most

881
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:35,719
Speaker 5: people felt that I was manipulative, took away her agency

882
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:38,719
Speaker 5: by deceiving her, and that I deserve to have my

883
00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:39,840
Speaker 5: relationship fall apart.

884
00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:42,439
Speaker 4: Wow, well, you guys were right.

885
00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:43,359
Speaker 5: You win.

886
00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:45,080
Speaker 6: No freaking way.

887
00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:48,080
Speaker 5: Hasn't officially broken up with me, but I could tell

888
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:52,359
Speaker 5: the relationship was in its final stages. Dang well, I mean,

889
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:53,719
Speaker 5: you know, if this was what could break you.

890
00:38:53,719 --> 00:38:57,240
Speaker 1: Apart, then wasn't very sturdy. Yeah, was not sturdy.

891
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:59,959
Speaker 5: Also, if she thought that her criticism of your work

892
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:03,799
Speaker 5: could break your relationship up, then it also wasn't that strong. Yeah.

893
00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:07,120
Speaker 5: Long story short. The day after I wrote my post,

894
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:09,920
Speaker 5: a few hours after responding to most of the comments,

895
00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:12,760
Speaker 5: I called her told her to stay at her mom's place,

896
00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:17,279
Speaker 5: that we were fundamentally incompatible and this obviously wasn't going

897
00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:19,920
Speaker 5: to work. I want to provide some background to clarify

898
00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:23,160
Speaker 5: what I believe were misunderstandings in the responses to my

899
00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:25,960
Speaker 5: previous post. I had been asking her for a long

900
00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:29,239
Speaker 5: time to provide honest critique of my music, and I

901
00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 5: approached her before about why her answers were so vague

902
00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:35,279
Speaker 5: and placating when it came to my work. I told

903
00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:37,840
Speaker 5: her I could obviously see the contrast between that and

904
00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:41,400
Speaker 5: how she critiques all other music. She outright denied that

905
00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:44,480
Speaker 5: she was just placating me, saying there was nothing to

906
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:46,880
Speaker 5: worry about. All my music was great and I was

907
00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:49,759
Speaker 5: being crazy about it. Last time we talked about this,

908
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:53,480
Speaker 5: I was not subtle in my communication. I directly told

909
00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:56,760
Speaker 5: her I would value her critiques, whether positive or negative.

910
00:39:57,200 --> 00:40:00,839
Speaker 5: I just really wanted her opinion, particularly considering she'd been

911
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:03,799
Speaker 5: a primary inspiration to some of my best work. I

912
00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:05,440
Speaker 5: had made it clear that I didn't want to be

913
00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:08,880
Speaker 5: playcated because music is so important to me and the

914
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:11,319
Speaker 5: same goes for her. I'm not in it to get

915
00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:13,279
Speaker 5: people to suck me off and tell me how great

916
00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:16,160
Speaker 5: I am. I want to be the best possible musician

917
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:20,319
Speaker 5: I can be, and I feel incredibly disrespected by being playcated,

918
00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:23,839
Speaker 5: like I'm some child who can't take criticism. I've never

919
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:26,520
Speaker 5: given anyone, let alone her, reason to believe I would

920
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:29,400
Speaker 5: need playcation. Beyond this, she still denied it all, but

921
00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:31,759
Speaker 5: I could tell it was pretty much BS and it

922
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:35,960
Speaker 5: was driving me crazy. So months later, I'd gotten nowhere

923
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:38,920
Speaker 5: with communication with her, and I still have this nagging

924
00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:41,400
Speaker 5: suspicion to the point where I wasn't even asking her

925
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:44,359
Speaker 5: opinion anymore because it just made me mad. A few

926
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:46,920
Speaker 5: days ago, it just popped into my mind like it

927
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:48,719
Speaker 5: was no big deal to play her one of my

928
00:40:49,320 --> 00:40:52,040
Speaker 5: pretty okay pretty much in my opinion, but still had

929
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:55,279
Speaker 5: decent responses from the general public songs basically just to

930
00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:57,640
Speaker 5: throw away instrumental I did when I was bored, and

931
00:40:57,719 --> 00:40:59,640
Speaker 5: I didn't tell her it was me. Oh my gosh,

932
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:02,320
Speaker 5: finished listening and I asked what she thought of that tune.

933
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:05,600
Speaker 5: She goes off on it, basically hating it. See my

934
00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:08,560
Speaker 5: previous post. I said, okay, thanks so much. I'm so

935
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:10,239
Speaker 5: glad I could finally get it out of you. I

936
00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:13,080
Speaker 5: agree with a lot of what you said. She goes, wait,

937
00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:15,720
Speaker 5: that's your saw. I said, yeah, it's an old one.

938
00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:18,719
Speaker 5: She gets mad and says, what the f op? We

939
00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:21,359
Speaker 5: get into an argument about it. She thinks I went

940
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:23,880
Speaker 5: out of my way to manipulate her, like I was

941
00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:25,840
Speaker 5: sociopathic and premeditated.

942
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:27,880
Speaker 1: But that's wasn't even that bad, dude.

943
00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:30,120
Speaker 5: It's like it wasn't even I thought, you know, it

944
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:32,759
Speaker 5: would have been worse if he was like, oh, now

945
00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:35,400
Speaker 5: I finally figured out what you feel.

946
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:36,760
Speaker 1: You hate my nose?

947
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:39,160
Speaker 5: He was like, oh, yeah, you know, I agree.

948
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:42,399
Speaker 2: With that was mine's sociopathic. It's like the easiest thing ever.

949
00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:44,600
Speaker 2: It's like it's not like a you can coct it

950
00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:47,759
Speaker 2: a wild lie about like your whole life and like

951
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:51,399
Speaker 2: your job and your school, and like a like sociopathic

952
00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:53,400
Speaker 2: would be like pretending you're in a band and that

953
00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:55,959
Speaker 2: you're not actually in one because you think that she's

954
00:41:55,960 --> 00:41:56,840
Speaker 2: into musicians.

955
00:41:56,920 --> 00:41:57,920
Speaker 1: That's sociopathic.

956
00:41:58,040 --> 00:42:00,919
Speaker 5: That would be crazy. I'm telling her, it's not even

957
00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:02,719
Speaker 5: that big of a deal. Why were you lying to me?

958
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:04,759
Speaker 5: In the first place, and she said, because I don't

959
00:42:04,880 --> 00:42:08,160
Speaker 5: like her yosic, are you happy? We continued to fight.

960
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:11,160
Speaker 5: It escalated to the point where we started swearing, so

961
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:13,680
Speaker 5: she said, you know what, I don't need this and

962
00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:17,080
Speaker 5: walked out. She's been there ever since. Fast forward to

963
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:20,640
Speaker 5: the breakup conversation. She said she felt guilty about not

964
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:23,919
Speaker 5: liking my music for two reasons. One because she thought

965
00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 5: I was effed up that she simply didn't like her

966
00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:28,439
Speaker 5: esso's art and she was ashamed of that. The other

967
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:30,200
Speaker 5: reason was that a lot of the time she feels

968
00:42:30,239 --> 00:42:32,880
Speaker 5: like she doesn't know what she's talking about and didn't

969
00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:34,880
Speaker 5: want to rip my musical part like she does with

970
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:37,839
Speaker 5: most songs, because she could totally be wrong and then

971
00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:41,040
Speaker 5: she'd be an alem. I was really upset by this.

972
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:43,160
Speaker 5: I feel like I called her out on her lying

973
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:46,279
Speaker 5: months ago, and she kept lying to me instead of

974
00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:48,960
Speaker 5: just saying that. I tried so hard to tell her

975
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:51,239
Speaker 5: months ago that it's okay if she doesn't like it,

976
00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:53,800
Speaker 5: but she just clammed up, thinking I was going to

977
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:56,319
Speaker 5: fly off the handle and end our relationship over it,

978
00:42:56,719 --> 00:42:59,160
Speaker 5: and look where we are now. After months of telling

979
00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:01,560
Speaker 5: her I didn't want to be playcated. She kept trying

980
00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:05,320
Speaker 5: to placate me and wouldn't communicate the real reason. How

981
00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:07,520
Speaker 5: am I supposed to expect her to be an adult

982
00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:10,799
Speaker 5: and communicate what she really feels instead of lying to

983
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:14,560
Speaker 5: avert imagine conflict when we have a relationship issue in

984
00:43:14,600 --> 00:43:18,000
Speaker 5: the future. Music is such a huge and important piece

985
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:20,759
Speaker 5: of our lives together, and this situation probably wouldn't have

986
00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:23,520
Speaker 5: gotten to where it is if it weren't. It may

987
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:26,000
Speaker 5: seem silly to those on the outside that what appears

988
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:29,000
Speaker 5: to be just a stupid, petty argument led to the

989
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:32,359
Speaker 5: complete breakdown of a relationship. And now I'm just left

990
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:35,000
Speaker 5: confused and lonely. She was also my best friend in

991
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:37,719
Speaker 5: the entire world, and there's a void inside of me

992
00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:40,120
Speaker 5: and a voice telling me I'm making a huge mistake

993
00:43:40,480 --> 00:43:44,600
Speaker 5: and I'm confused and pulled into multiple directions. Thanks for

994
00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:47,720
Speaker 5: taking time to read this, and uh, honestly, the relevant

995
00:43:47,719 --> 00:43:51,400
Speaker 5: comment is just saying what people already said. And Ope

996
00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:56,239
Speaker 5: responds last comment, OHP's girlfriend didn't have any domain expertise.

997
00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:59,600
Speaker 5: Yeah she does, she's a professional in our local music community,

998
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:03,760
Speaker 5: but we know that she does have experience with this. Okay, cool, Yeah,

999
00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:06,360
Speaker 5: I think if you guys couldn't get through this really

1000
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:07,600
Speaker 5: minor tiff.

1001
00:44:07,640 --> 00:44:08,399
Speaker 1: It's not worth it.

1002
00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:10,239
Speaker 5: Yeah, and if she's not real to be honest with you,

1003
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:11,080
Speaker 5: that's nothing there.

1004
00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:14,600
Speaker 2: My girlfriend and I ran into people she dislikes and

1005
00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:16,320
Speaker 2: it's ruining our relationship.

1006
00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:19,160
Speaker 5: M did you not gossip about them with her?

1007
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:22,640
Speaker 2: Afterwards? I, twenty seven male, have been with my girlfriend

1008
00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:26,160
Speaker 2: twenty seven female for almost three years. This feels dumb

1009
00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:29,160
Speaker 2: even typing it out. Tonight, it was supposed to be

1010
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:31,919
Speaker 2: a great night. A band that my girlfriend really loves

1011
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:34,480
Speaker 2: was on tour. I spent hundreds of dollars on tickets

1012
00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:36,880
Speaker 2: and a hotel, and we drove three hours to the show,

1013
00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:38,120
Speaker 2: all for it to.

1014
00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:41,799
Speaker 1: Get spoiled boiled boiled it.

1015
00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:44,200
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from use her own dragon

1016
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:46,479
Speaker 2: Fruit ninety seventy four and if you want to submit

1017
00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:48,360
Speaker 2: your own stories, go to the our slash Okay story

1018
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:51,680
Speaker 2: Times subreddit. So we went to the bar to get

1019
00:44:51,719 --> 00:44:54,920
Speaker 2: a drink and someone recognized me and said hi. I

1020
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:57,399
Speaker 2: introduced my girlfriend and we made small talk and win

1021
00:44:57,480 --> 00:45:00,640
Speaker 2: our separate ways. Then we were talking about it and

1022
00:45:00,680 --> 00:45:03,120
Speaker 2: I told her they were in this band that she hates.

1023
00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:07,440
Speaker 2: It's already been previously established that I like the band

1024
00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:10,440
Speaker 2: and she doesn't. But and she always goes on a

1025
00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:13,080
Speaker 2: rant about them and insults them anytime they're brought up.

1026
00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:15,960
Speaker 2: They're a decently big band, like over a million streams

1027
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:20,120
Speaker 2: on Spotify. Anyway, her reasons for not liking them are

1028
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:24,440
Speaker 2: strictly about the music, not any controversies or anything personal.

1029
00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:26,560
Speaker 2: I thought we would share a laugh over the fact

1030
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:28,880
Speaker 2: that she finally met people in this band that she

1031
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:30,960
Speaker 2: hates and they turned out to be pleasant people who

1032
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:33,920
Speaker 2: are also fans of one of her favorite bands. Nope,

1033
00:45:34,400 --> 00:45:37,279
Speaker 2: she was pissed for some reason and started ranting about

1034
00:45:37,280 --> 00:45:40,680
Speaker 2: how she hates them and their loser fans. I told

1035
00:45:40,680 --> 00:45:43,720
Speaker 2: her I can't control who I run into in public,

1036
00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:45,120
Speaker 2: and that it's kind of silly for her to get

1037
00:45:45,160 --> 00:45:48,120
Speaker 2: so worked up over it. Then she angrily went off

1038
00:45:48,160 --> 00:45:51,000
Speaker 2: to get another drink. I went over to her to

1039
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:53,040
Speaker 2: stand next to her in line, and she yelled, get

1040
00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:55,200
Speaker 2: away from me in front of a bunch of people.

1041
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:57,400
Speaker 1: I'm just break dude, I break over her neck.

1042
00:45:57,600 --> 00:45:59,520
Speaker 5: Oh kay, I'm gonna stay away forever.

1043
00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:02,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll just you and you hate me. I basically

1044
00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:04,880
Speaker 2: decided at that point that this was the last straw.

1045
00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:08,120
Speaker 2: We have broken up previously over her yelling at me

1046
00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:10,840
Speaker 2: in public, and there have been more times than I

1047
00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:12,680
Speaker 2: can count where I take her to some event or

1048
00:46:12,680 --> 00:46:15,120
Speaker 2: on a trip and regret taking her because it's impossible

1049
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:17,160
Speaker 2: for me to predict what she's going to get mad

1050
00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:18,000
Speaker 2: at me about next.

1051
00:46:18,040 --> 00:46:20,799
Speaker 5: Okay, this is just an unhealthy relationship. It doesn't really

1052
00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:22,920
Speaker 5: have anything to do with this specific instance.

1053
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:26,480
Speaker 6: Yeah, so why would you keep spending hundreds of dollars

1054
00:46:26,480 --> 00:46:28,280
Speaker 6: if you know this is a past of freak ability.

1055
00:46:28,440 --> 00:46:30,800
Speaker 5: I'm sorry. If every time I went to an event

1056
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:34,080
Speaker 5: with a partner they like spoiled it, I'd be like,

1057
00:46:34,440 --> 00:46:35,680
Speaker 5: I don't think this is working.

1058
00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:39,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd be like, what, of course, it's my fault

1059
00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:42,399
Speaker 2: every time, and even if I apologize, it will still

1060
00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:46,160
Speaker 2: be held against me forever. She came back all apologetic

1061
00:46:46,200 --> 00:46:48,239
Speaker 2: and we ended up having a good night, and I

1062
00:46:48,320 --> 00:46:49,560
Speaker 2: thought it was behind us.

1063
00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:50,640
Speaker 1: Then we got back to.

1064
00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:52,160
Speaker 2: The hotel and I was like, hey, I have a

1065
00:46:52,239 --> 00:46:54,120
Speaker 2: video to show you, and then she was like it

1066
00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:56,960
Speaker 2: better not be that effing band and proceeded to go

1067
00:46:57,000 --> 00:46:59,600
Speaker 2: on a five minute uninterrupted rant about them again while

1068
00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:01,600
Speaker 2: insult them and people who like them.

1069
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:02,680
Speaker 1: Aka me.

1070
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:05,239
Speaker 2: I was just kind of taken aback and I said

1071
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:07,040
Speaker 2: to her. All I said was I have a video

1072
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:09,280
Speaker 2: to show you, and then you go on that rant.

1073
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:12,680
Speaker 2: That's kind of nuts. This turned into like fifteen minutes

1074
00:47:12,719 --> 00:47:15,279
Speaker 2: of arguing, and she basically blamed me for taking it

1075
00:47:15,320 --> 00:47:17,120
Speaker 2: personally and making a bigger thing out of it than

1076
00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:20,040
Speaker 2: it is. Now she's asleep and I'm still awake in bed,

1077
00:47:20,040 --> 00:47:22,680
Speaker 2: typing this out, planning on breaking things off tomorrow once

1078
00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:24,000
Speaker 2: I've made it home safely.

1079
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:26,120
Speaker 1: Probably a good idea to do it.

1080
00:47:26,160 --> 00:47:27,040
Speaker 5: Then I agree.

1081
00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:29,480
Speaker 2: There's an edit here. Thank you guys for sharing your

1082
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:31,640
Speaker 2: opinions and letting me event. It's very late, but I

1083
00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:34,480
Speaker 2: can't sleep and really needed this outlet. In just the

1084
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:37,520
Speaker 2: last three weeks, I've lost my job and a family member.

1085
00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:42,279
Speaker 2: Losing my girlfriend too just feels like another punt in

1086
00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:45,080
Speaker 2: the balls, but I worry it may hurt me more

1087
00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:45,799
Speaker 2: to stay with her.

1088
00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:48,120
Speaker 1: I agree, But in the long term, I agree.

1089
00:47:48,360 --> 00:47:50,400
Speaker 6: I agree, But with this short term, just get back

1090
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:52,359
Speaker 6: where they're seeing it through all these hard things, use

1091
00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:54,600
Speaker 6: her for emotional stability, and then get out of there.

1092
00:47:54,800 --> 00:47:59,319
Speaker 2: Horrific advice from Riley, And that's why we love we

1093
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:01,600
Speaker 2: always know what not to do when Riley gives us

1094
00:48:01,640 --> 00:48:03,320
Speaker 2: the most horrific advice possible.

1095
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:05,680
Speaker 5: I likes to rage bait sometimes.

1096
00:48:05,520 --> 00:48:08,320
Speaker 1: No invaluable service.

1097
00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:13,040
Speaker 2: I hate to be all for me, but things have

1098
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:15,720
Speaker 2: been rough and I have a hard time sharing stuff

1099
00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:18,200
Speaker 2: like this with people that I know. So I appreciate

1100
00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:22,600
Speaker 2: all of you. And there are some comments comments number

1101
00:48:22,600 --> 00:48:26,080
Speaker 2: one not overreacting. What did this band ever do to her?

1102
00:48:26,440 --> 00:48:28,480
Speaker 2: Was there music in the background during some trauma she

1103
00:48:28,520 --> 00:48:32,120
Speaker 2: suffered or something? OPI says, it's dumb. Basically, she thinks

1104
00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:34,879
Speaker 2: they're posers that ripped off other bands that she does

1105
00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:37,400
Speaker 2: like coming to she's clearly unhinged.

1106
00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:38,480
Speaker 1: Why do you put up with this?

1107
00:48:38,760 --> 00:48:41,480
Speaker 2: She has done this before and you put up with it,

1108
00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:46,080
Speaker 2: Opie says, I don't know, man, it sounds ridiculous typing

1109
00:48:46,120 --> 00:48:50,160
Speaker 2: this stuff out loud. Last week was even worse. Left

1110
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:52,160
Speaker 2: a funeral early to go to a show that we

1111
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:55,160
Speaker 2: had planned for a Valentine's weekend to get away, and

1112
00:48:55,239 --> 00:48:57,799
Speaker 2: on the way there we stopped at McDonald's and I

1113
00:48:57,800 --> 00:49:01,239
Speaker 2: got her nuggets without fries, even though she didn't tell

1114
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:03,920
Speaker 2: me what she wanted. After I said we'd be stopping

1115
00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:06,760
Speaker 2: at McDonald's. The fact that I did not get fries

1116
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:10,040
Speaker 2: was a massive f up that almost ruined the whole evening.

1117
00:49:10,080 --> 00:49:13,480
Speaker 5: He sounds like a nightmare. You left a funeral. You

1118
00:49:13,520 --> 00:49:16,320
Speaker 5: guys had just been at a funeral, and she's acting

1119
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:16,759
Speaker 5: like this.

1120
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:20,359
Speaker 2: And you know what, I really did think? How could

1121
00:49:20,360 --> 00:49:22,839
Speaker 2: I be so stupid and inconsiderate as to not ask

1122
00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:24,520
Speaker 2: what she wanted and make sure to get fries?

1123
00:49:24,640 --> 00:49:24,920
Speaker 1: Oh my?

1124
00:49:25,440 --> 00:49:27,239
Speaker 2: Then after that show, she wanted to go to a bar.

1125
00:49:27,400 --> 00:49:29,319
Speaker 2: We hadn't even checked into the hotel yet because we'd

1126
00:49:29,360 --> 00:49:31,879
Speaker 2: gone straight to the venue from the funeral. Then that

1127
00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:34,439
Speaker 2: became a whole fight because I was exhausted and didn't

1128
00:49:34,480 --> 00:49:37,520
Speaker 2: want to go. Of course, it is my fault. My

1129
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:39,719
Speaker 2: uncle had passed away and ruined the vibe.

1130
00:49:39,719 --> 00:49:42,640
Speaker 5: I guess, why is your uncle boss away? We had

1131
00:49:42,680 --> 00:49:44,480
Speaker 5: such a nice evening plan and then we had to

1132
00:49:44,480 --> 00:49:47,040
Speaker 5: go and see your deceased uncle.

1133
00:49:47,400 --> 00:49:49,720
Speaker 1: It's like, what is he gonna say? He's not going anywhere,

1134
00:49:49,880 --> 00:49:50,720
Speaker 1: not goalie anywhere.

1135
00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:51,400
Speaker 5: What's the point.

1136
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:52,440
Speaker 1: I don't know.

1137
00:49:52,480 --> 00:49:54,839
Speaker 2: Man, we always kiss and make up and keep going

1138
00:49:54,880 --> 00:49:55,840
Speaker 2: like business as usual.

1139
00:49:55,960 --> 00:49:56,480
Speaker 1: Yikes.

1140
00:49:56,560 --> 00:49:59,960
Speaker 2: It's hard to end a three year relationship, oh, especially

1141
00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:01,840
Speaker 2: hard when your life has gone down the drain in

1142
00:50:01,880 --> 00:50:05,800
Speaker 2: that time, got laid off, living at home, financial situation sucks,

1143
00:50:05,840 --> 00:50:08,520
Speaker 2: social life has declined. Confidence lower than it's been in

1144
00:50:08,560 --> 00:50:10,080
Speaker 2: a long time. I feel like the last three of

1145
00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:12,400
Speaker 2: those things could be directly tied to your girlfriend.

1146
00:50:12,520 --> 00:50:13,480
Speaker 5: Yep, I agree.

1147
00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:17,120
Speaker 2: It feels like she's all I got and that's why

1148
00:50:17,160 --> 00:50:20,120
Speaker 2: you feel so terrible. Yep, she's got you feeling like that.

1149
00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:22,560
Speaker 5: She got you feeling terrible, terrible, like.

1150
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:25,799
Speaker 1: Having a hot girlfriend. There it is, there, it is.

1151
00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:31,400
Speaker 5: With this woman for three years. She's hot, She's crazy

1152
00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:33,719
Speaker 5: and hot, like having a hot girlfriend is the only

1153
00:50:33,719 --> 00:50:34,800
Speaker 5: thing I have to show the world.

1154
00:50:34,840 --> 00:50:37,400
Speaker 2: I'm not a complete loser, and she's stuck with me

1155
00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:40,000
Speaker 2: through a whole lot. For a while, I really thought

1156
00:50:40,040 --> 00:50:42,799
Speaker 2: she was the one comment three. The yelling of get

1157
00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:44,719
Speaker 2: away from me in a bar as dangerous as f

1158
00:50:44,800 --> 00:50:47,759
Speaker 2: for him. I know, I and several other people would

1159
00:50:47,800 --> 00:50:49,719
Speaker 2: investigate if a woman was screaming at some dude to

1160
00:50:49,719 --> 00:50:50,759
Speaker 2: get away from her in a bar.

1161
00:50:51,320 --> 00:50:53,960
Speaker 1: And there's an update, Uh oh, let's go ahead and

1162
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:54,480
Speaker 1: get into it.

1163
00:50:55,600 --> 00:50:58,480
Speaker 2: It was a long car ride back. She tried patching

1164
00:50:58,520 --> 00:51:01,160
Speaker 2: things up this morning. It definitely tells something was up

1165
00:51:01,200 --> 00:51:03,120
Speaker 2: and was adamant that we used the three hour drive

1166
00:51:03,200 --> 00:51:05,440
Speaker 2: to have a talk to try to fix things. She

1167
00:51:05,560 --> 00:51:08,240
Speaker 2: was optimistic even she still blamed the band for ruining

1168
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:10,560
Speaker 2: the night, but admitted that her yelling at me was

1169
00:51:10,600 --> 00:51:13,239
Speaker 2: not okay. I told her that this one night was

1170
00:51:13,280 --> 00:51:15,960
Speaker 2: not even the big issue. It's the pattern that's the issue.

1171
00:51:16,239 --> 00:51:18,759
Speaker 2: I'm hurting badly and I don't feel supported at all,

1172
00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:21,560
Speaker 2: and it hurts me to see her upset, and it

1173
00:51:21,560 --> 00:51:23,759
Speaker 2: feels like I can't make her happy no matter what

1174
00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:27,040
Speaker 2: I do, which just makes me feel even worse, and

1175
00:51:27,080 --> 00:51:29,520
Speaker 2: I just can't do it anymore. I brought up how

1176
00:51:29,520 --> 00:51:32,400
Speaker 2: we'd broken up before, and when we got back together,

1177
00:51:32,800 --> 00:51:35,440
Speaker 2: we agreed to handle things differently, but now it feels

1178
00:51:35,480 --> 00:51:38,200
Speaker 2: like we're just right back where we were, only now

1179
00:51:38,239 --> 00:51:41,000
Speaker 2: I'm even lower than I was. Then. She made it

1180
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:43,680
Speaker 2: seem like she's fine with how things are going. She

1181
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:46,560
Speaker 2: just gets jealous and angry. It's no big deal. And

1182
00:51:46,640 --> 00:51:48,919
Speaker 2: it was kind of strange because I poured my heart

1183
00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:50,960
Speaker 2: out and then she was quiet for like twenty minutes.

1184
00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:53,000
Speaker 2: Then I said it was strange that she wants us

1185
00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:55,120
Speaker 2: to fix it, but isn't saying anything about how we

1186
00:51:55,200 --> 00:51:57,680
Speaker 2: might do that, and she said, well, it seems like

1187
00:51:57,719 --> 00:51:59,359
Speaker 2: you already made up your mind and I can't change

1188
00:51:59,400 --> 00:51:59,960
Speaker 2: who I am.

1189
00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:03,320
Speaker 1: Oh, there it is everyone that's crazy.

1190
00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:06,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, you could change into being a better person.

1191
00:52:06,719 --> 00:52:08,879
Speaker 1: But oh, I'm sorry.

1192
00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:11,040
Speaker 2: I didn't realize that you were still the same Google

1193
00:52:11,040 --> 00:52:12,879
Speaker 2: got got baby that your mom pushed out.

1194
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:14,839
Speaker 1: Oh, you're a little baby because you can't. You can't

1195
00:52:14,880 --> 00:52:16,960
Speaker 1: change it all, your little baby, and you never change.

1196
00:52:17,239 --> 00:52:19,479
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, Oh that's not true, because you can.

1197
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:22,800
Speaker 5: Saeme nightmare child you were when you were two.

1198
00:52:23,320 --> 00:52:24,840
Speaker 2: And then she said, if I really loved her and

1199
00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:26,480
Speaker 2: had a passion for her, that I would make us

1200
00:52:26,480 --> 00:52:28,319
Speaker 2: do the work to stay together and wouldn't give up.

1201
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:30,000
Speaker 5: I guess, but I don't really love you.

1202
00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:33,120
Speaker 2: Then you literally just said you're not going to change anything,

1203
00:52:33,160 --> 00:52:34,799
Speaker 2: and then you're telling him he needs to do the work.

1204
00:52:34,880 --> 00:52:37,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, of course that's so reasonable.

1205
00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:40,200
Speaker 2: Guys, I can't tell you how many times we fought

1206
00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:42,880
Speaker 2: and then had conversations that at the time seemed productive

1207
00:52:42,880 --> 00:52:45,399
Speaker 2: about how we can be better moving forward, which ended

1208
00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:46,720
Speaker 2: up changing absolutely nothing.

1209
00:52:47,080 --> 00:52:48,960
Speaker 1: I tried to make it work, and it took a

1210
00:52:48,960 --> 00:52:51,040
Speaker 1: long time for me to give it up. I don't

1211
00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:52,520
Speaker 1: even have anything left to sell.

1212
00:52:52,680 --> 00:52:55,239
Speaker 5: This break up with her, Yeah, nightmare.

1213
00:52:55,600 --> 00:52:59,200
Speaker 2: I would probably it sounds like somebody who's going to

1214
00:53:00,320 --> 00:53:02,839
Speaker 2: not really let it go off into the night.

1215
00:53:02,960 --> 00:53:05,239
Speaker 1: Quietly. I think she's being like, well, it sounds like

1216
00:53:05,239 --> 00:53:06,080
Speaker 1: you've already made her mind.

1217
00:53:06,080 --> 00:53:08,160
Speaker 5: I'm gently off into this night.

1218
00:53:08,480 --> 00:53:11,600
Speaker 1: She also asked if I quote found someone else.

1219
00:53:11,800 --> 00:53:14,760
Speaker 2: Oh, lord, like I said, get ready for the crazy,

1220
00:53:15,239 --> 00:53:17,560
Speaker 2: because this was so sudden and out of nowhere, and

1221
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:20,160
Speaker 2: I'm like, it's not out of nowhere. We fight all

1222
00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:22,400
Speaker 2: the time, and I've been telling you I don't feel loved.

1223
00:53:22,719 --> 00:53:23,000
Speaker 5: Yep.

1224
00:53:23,080 --> 00:53:25,760
Speaker 2: We shifted gears eventually and reminisced about the good times,

1225
00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:28,840
Speaker 2: which I guessed to her was misleading, because then she

1226
00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:30,359
Speaker 2: seemed to think we weren't breaking up.

1227
00:53:30,400 --> 00:53:32,680
Speaker 1: And that's when I said, I think we are. I

1228
00:53:32,680 --> 00:53:33,719
Speaker 1: don't know what else to do.

1229
00:53:34,239 --> 00:53:36,000
Speaker 2: It just kind of spilled out of me, and she

1230
00:53:36,120 --> 00:53:38,239
Speaker 2: was shocked and angry, and then she didn't want to

1231
00:53:38,239 --> 00:53:40,840
Speaker 2: talk anymore. Well, there you go, and now she is gone,

1232
00:53:41,040 --> 00:53:43,959
Speaker 2: and I am in shambles. Oh, don't beat shambles, brother,

1233
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:47,279
Speaker 2: You just lost a whole bunch of weight. Don't even

1234
00:53:47,280 --> 00:53:47,880
Speaker 2: worry about it.

1235
00:53:48,120 --> 00:53:48,960
Speaker 5: You're good, buddy.

1236
00:53:49,120 --> 00:53:50,320
Speaker 1: I feel really bad.

1237
00:53:50,360 --> 00:53:52,960
Speaker 2: And it hurts even more knowing she probably feels as

1238
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:55,600
Speaker 2: bad as I do right now, maybe even worse. I

1239
00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:57,439
Speaker 2: feel like maybe if I were in a better state

1240
00:53:57,480 --> 00:54:00,239
Speaker 2: of mind, I would not have done this, but I've

1241
00:54:00,280 --> 00:54:02,080
Speaker 2: been so down that I don't know what else to do.

1242
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:04,960
Speaker 2: It's like I just said, oh, this hurts, I gotta

1243
00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:07,759
Speaker 2: make it stop, without really thinking about the long term repercussions.

1244
00:54:07,800 --> 00:54:09,400
Speaker 2: One of the long term repercussions that you don't have

1245
00:54:09,440 --> 00:54:11,160
Speaker 2: a terrible toxic girlfriend.

1246
00:54:11,320 --> 00:54:13,760
Speaker 5: Long term repercussions, since you're going to be much happier.

1247
00:54:14,360 --> 00:54:16,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Oh no, I don't know.

1248
00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 2: I'm so sad. Yeah, because you just broke up with

1249
00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:20,520
Speaker 2: your girlfriend. But it's going to be better.

1250
00:54:20,640 --> 00:54:22,640
Speaker 5: It'll be so much better. In long you're gonna be like,

1251
00:54:22,719 --> 00:54:26,200
Speaker 5: oh wow, this is good. Like three months from now,

1252
00:54:26,320 --> 00:54:26,960
Speaker 5: this is good.

1253
00:54:27,120 --> 00:54:31,960
Speaker 1: Goods Mark, you can be a bee. Hey y'all, it's

1254
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:34,000
Speaker 1: John og Host here. We're gonna get back to the stories.

1255
00:54:34,040 --> 00:54:35,560
Speaker 1: But here's a quick three minute break from Ask for

1256
00:54:35,560 --> 00:54:36,239
Speaker 1: more sponsors.

1257
00:54:36,600 --> 00:54:39,960
Speaker 5: My boyfriend lied to me about being divorced to his wife.

1258
00:54:40,320 --> 00:54:41,240
Speaker 1: That's bad.

1259
00:54:41,600 --> 00:54:44,040
Speaker 5: I have thirty five female am from an Asian country,

1260
00:54:44,080 --> 00:54:47,759
Speaker 5: and I've worked in a government organization for five years

1261
00:54:48,040 --> 00:54:51,280
Speaker 5: at work. I'm kind of famous for being the girl

1262
00:54:51,320 --> 00:54:54,759
Speaker 5: who never dates coworkers. It is one of my principles

1263
00:54:55,239 --> 00:54:56,200
Speaker 5: important for later.

1264
00:54:56,840 --> 00:55:00,600
Speaker 1: I'm famous. I'm famous for not dat anyone.

1265
00:55:00,840 --> 00:55:03,080
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from natural Strange seventy two

1266
00:55:03,120 --> 00:55:05,600
Speaker 5: to ten on the Charlotte Dobray YouTube subpred it and

1267
00:55:05,640 --> 00:55:07,080
Speaker 5: if you want to spend your own stories, go to

1268
00:55:07,080 --> 00:55:10,560
Speaker 5: the r slash Okay storytime separate it. So fast forward.

1269
00:55:10,680 --> 00:55:13,359
Speaker 5: Three years ago, I met a guy fifty mail at

1270
00:55:13,360 --> 00:55:16,759
Speaker 5: work who is one hundred percent my type. I was

1271
00:55:16,800 --> 00:55:19,279
Speaker 5: speechless and I was sure that my heart skipped a

1272
00:55:19,280 --> 00:55:21,520
Speaker 5: beat when I saw him. I have never seen a

1273
00:55:21,560 --> 00:55:24,600
Speaker 5: guy like him except in my dreams, but I figured

1274
00:55:24,640 --> 00:55:27,560
Speaker 5: he was married due to our age gap. Since then,

1275
00:55:27,600 --> 00:55:31,160
Speaker 5: we communicated only professionally, never outside of work hours or

1276
00:55:31,239 --> 00:55:34,560
Speaker 5: about anything more than work related subjects, even though I

1277
00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:37,360
Speaker 5: had a huge crush on him. After a year, I

1278
00:55:37,400 --> 00:55:40,960
Speaker 5: stopped having a crush. I just respected him professionally and

1279
00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:45,240
Speaker 5: looked up to him. Then last Christmas, something strange happened.

1280
00:55:45,719 --> 00:55:45,879
Speaker 4: Woo.

1281
00:55:46,719 --> 00:55:49,160
Speaker 5: He texted me wishing me a merry Christmas and a

1282
00:55:49,160 --> 00:55:49,759
Speaker 5: happy New Year.

1283
00:55:49,880 --> 00:55:51,400
Speaker 6: Dude, you do that with all your coworkers.

1284
00:55:51,440 --> 00:55:55,320
Speaker 1: What a strange move, so strange that.

1285
00:55:55,400 --> 00:55:59,080
Speaker 5: Was unordinary for him to do. We had never exchanged

1286
00:55:59,160 --> 00:56:02,959
Speaker 5: any wishes for any holidays before, I replied, wishing the same,

1287
00:56:03,040 --> 00:56:05,480
Speaker 5: but kept my word short and professional.

1288
00:56:05,600 --> 00:56:07,520
Speaker 4: And professional professional.

1289
00:56:08,160 --> 00:56:11,040
Speaker 5: He worked on a project together. After the team meeting,

1290
00:56:11,040 --> 00:56:13,280
Speaker 5: a friend of mine's slip that he divorced his wife

1291
00:56:13,400 --> 00:56:14,640
Speaker 5: due to infidelity.

1292
00:56:14,840 --> 00:56:17,600
Speaker 1: Is what I cheated, he said, Oh ooh.

1293
00:56:17,600 --> 00:56:19,360
Speaker 5: He didn't know what I should do with that information,

1294
00:56:19,480 --> 00:56:21,880
Speaker 5: so I just brushed it off. Then one day he

1295
00:56:21,920 --> 00:56:23,640
Speaker 5: asked me to go out with him for a coffee.

1296
00:56:23,719 --> 00:56:26,879
Speaker 5: I said no. I told him we're colleagues and that's it.

1297
00:56:27,280 --> 00:56:31,680
Speaker 4: He said, it was work related, not a day.

1298
00:56:30,719 --> 00:56:33,839
Speaker 2: O keep your friends and your business completely separated.

1299
00:56:34,040 --> 00:56:35,920
Speaker 5: I told him that we should grab a coffee at

1300
00:56:35,920 --> 00:56:39,360
Speaker 5: work during work hours. You agreed a couple of days

1301
00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:41,560
Speaker 5: past and we met up for coffee at the work cafe.

1302
00:56:41,920 --> 00:56:44,520
Speaker 5: You confessed. He said he saw me before we met

1303
00:56:44,560 --> 00:56:46,160
Speaker 5: and just fell in love with me.

1304
00:56:46,360 --> 00:56:48,759
Speaker 1: All right. Oh, He said that I was his.

1305
00:56:48,800 --> 00:56:51,000
Speaker 5: Dream for years, but he could never make a move

1306
00:56:51,040 --> 00:56:54,200
Speaker 5: on me because of my no dating coworker thing and also.

1307
00:56:54,080 --> 00:56:57,080
Speaker 1: Your wife, Well, your wife, brother, do you wife? Do

1308
00:56:57,160 --> 00:57:00,480
Speaker 1: you remember your wife. But also, isn't it like that guy?

1309
00:57:01,000 --> 00:57:02,080
Speaker 6: Oh, pease dream?

1310
00:57:02,560 --> 00:57:03,320
Speaker 1: And can't they.

1311
00:57:03,239 --> 00:57:04,400
Speaker 5: Be in a dream together?

1312
00:57:04,880 --> 00:57:07,759
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, if you divorce your wife, I guess.

1313
00:57:08,160 --> 00:57:10,239
Speaker 5: He said he had just been looking after me from

1314
00:57:10,280 --> 00:57:13,200
Speaker 5: a distance for all these years without my knowledge, creepy,

1315
00:57:13,640 --> 00:57:16,200
Speaker 5: But since we started working on this project together, he

1316
00:57:16,240 --> 00:57:20,080
Speaker 5: could not maintain the professional communication any longer and had

1317
00:57:20,120 --> 00:57:23,480
Speaker 5: to confess. I was shocked, and, to be honest, a

1318
00:57:23,480 --> 00:57:25,840
Speaker 5: bit happy to know my ex crush how to crush

1319
00:57:25,880 --> 00:57:26,120
Speaker 5: on me?

1320
00:57:26,440 --> 00:57:26,680
Speaker 3: Aw.

1321
00:57:27,280 --> 00:57:30,240
Speaker 5: I told him I appreciated his honesty, but I would

1322
00:57:30,240 --> 00:57:34,120
Speaker 5: not engage in any further communication that was not work related.

1323
00:57:34,600 --> 00:57:37,440
Speaker 5: He told me he understood and respected my wish. I

1324
00:57:37,560 --> 00:57:40,840
Speaker 5: was crushed to reject him. For the love of God,

1325
00:57:40,880 --> 00:57:44,120
Speaker 5: he's the perfect guy in my opinion. After that, meaning,

1326
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:47,040
Speaker 5: things seemed normal. He was just normal with me at work.

1327
00:57:47,400 --> 00:57:51,440
Speaker 5: Then something started. I began receiving gifts at work via delivery.

1328
00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:54,240
Speaker 5: When I asked the delivery driver who the gift was from,

1329
00:57:54,320 --> 00:57:58,320
Speaker 5: the driver always said it was anonymous. I suspected it

1330
00:57:58,320 --> 00:58:00,920
Speaker 5: could be him, but he was just normal, just like before,

1331
00:58:01,160 --> 00:58:03,960
Speaker 5: so I was confused. Then the barista of the work

1332
00:58:03,960 --> 00:58:07,280
Speaker 5: cafe started delivering my favorite coffee to my office. When

1333
00:58:07,280 --> 00:58:09,840
Speaker 5: I asked her who was from, she just shrugged and

1334
00:58:09,840 --> 00:58:11,800
Speaker 5: said it was from someone who adores me.

1335
00:58:12,560 --> 00:58:17,080
Speaker 2: Ohfter, does he have a wife and.

1336
00:58:17,080 --> 00:58:19,520
Speaker 5: Does he tell a wife? After the second coffee, I

1337
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:21,640
Speaker 5: told her thank you and please do not bring me

1338
00:58:21,680 --> 00:58:24,400
Speaker 5: anymore again. She assured me she would not bring coffee

1339
00:58:24,400 --> 00:58:26,920
Speaker 5: again and it stopped. But the flowers and gifts did

1340
00:58:27,000 --> 00:58:30,000
Speaker 5: not stop. Over a month, I received so many gifts

1341
00:58:30,040 --> 00:58:33,880
Speaker 5: without knowing the sender. It was exhausting. Then one Friday,

1342
00:58:33,920 --> 00:58:36,840
Speaker 5: when I was leaving work, he was outside. He politely

1343
00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:38,880
Speaker 5: told me to have a nice weekend. I told him

1344
00:58:38,880 --> 00:58:41,160
Speaker 5: the same. He then asked if I could give him

1345
00:58:41,160 --> 00:58:43,920
Speaker 5: a ride. It was strange that he never asked me

1346
00:58:43,960 --> 00:58:47,720
Speaker 5: such a thing before. Yeah, I agreed, If it was normal,

1347
00:58:48,440 --> 00:58:50,400
Speaker 5: he said, yeah, just ride.

1348
00:58:50,840 --> 00:58:53,880
Speaker 2: Just a normal ride with a normal guy. He's totally

1349
00:58:53,920 --> 00:58:56,280
Speaker 2: not into you. Normal, just normal.

1350
00:58:56,920 --> 00:58:59,000
Speaker 5: I agreed. He said he was going to a place

1351
00:58:59,080 --> 00:59:02,120
Speaker 5: near my place. Mind you, my place is one and

1352
00:59:02,120 --> 00:59:05,800
Speaker 5: a half hours away from work. WHOA, that's pretty far.

1353
00:59:06,640 --> 00:59:08,960
Speaker 5: In the beginning of the ride, he was just asking

1354
00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:11,800
Speaker 5: work related questions. Then he slipped, how do you like

1355
00:59:11,840 --> 00:59:14,720
Speaker 5: my gifts? And I'm wondering why he rejected coffee offers

1356
00:59:14,760 --> 00:59:16,520
Speaker 5: since you drink a lot of coffee during the day.

1357
00:59:17,080 --> 00:59:19,240
Speaker 5: I was honest with him. I told him that I

1358
00:59:19,280 --> 00:59:21,360
Speaker 5: suspected it was from him, which is why I told

1359
00:59:21,360 --> 00:59:24,960
Speaker 5: the barista not to bring me coffee anymore. For the gifts,

1360
00:59:25,000 --> 00:59:26,960
Speaker 5: I had no power to project them due to the

1361
00:59:27,040 --> 00:59:29,720
Speaker 5: delivery system. He said he just wanted to make sure

1362
00:59:29,760 --> 00:59:32,040
Speaker 5: I drank my favorite coffee and had cute gifts to

1363
00:59:32,040 --> 00:59:34,840
Speaker 5: get me through my tough work day. Then we talked

1364
00:59:34,920 --> 00:59:37,840
Speaker 5: sincerely for the whole ride. It was nice. When we

1365
00:59:37,920 --> 00:59:40,560
Speaker 5: arrived at his destination, he asked me out for a

1366
00:59:40,720 --> 00:59:44,360
Speaker 5: proper date. I said yes. During the first date, I

1367
00:59:44,360 --> 00:59:47,520
Speaker 5: asked him about his marriage situation. He said he's divorced,

1368
00:59:47,560 --> 00:59:49,760
Speaker 5: and as a nine year old boy, I told him

1369
00:59:49,800 --> 00:59:52,040
Speaker 5: to be truly honest with me and regarding his marriage.

1370
00:59:52,160 --> 00:59:54,600
Speaker 5: I also asked him to be professional with me at

1371
00:59:54,640 --> 00:59:57,400
Speaker 5: work and to separate our relationship from work.

1372
00:59:57,800 --> 00:59:58,280
Speaker 4: He agreed.

1373
00:59:58,720 --> 01:00:01,240
Speaker 5: After two months into our reallytionship, it was just perfect.

1374
01:00:01,440 --> 01:00:04,400
Speaker 5: We were so similar and compatible that I once thought

1375
01:00:04,440 --> 01:00:07,240
Speaker 5: he might be my soulmate. He was so careful and

1376
01:00:07,280 --> 01:00:10,800
Speaker 5: thoughtful of me throughout our relationship. He's kind, of a

1377
01:00:10,840 --> 01:00:13,560
Speaker 5: tough guy at work but well respected, but when he's

1378
01:00:13,560 --> 01:00:17,000
Speaker 5: with me, he's so kind and soft. He always told

1379
01:00:17,040 --> 01:00:19,440
Speaker 5: me that he's obsessed with me and thinks I'm his soulmate.

1380
01:00:19,840 --> 01:00:21,600
Speaker 5: At the time, I thought this was kind of cute.

1381
01:00:22,040 --> 01:00:25,200
Speaker 5: After half a year, things started to escalate. He started

1382
01:00:25,200 --> 01:00:27,800
Speaker 5: to talk about the future. He was really good to me,

1383
01:00:28,240 --> 01:00:29,919
Speaker 5: and I told him I felt the same as him

1384
01:00:29,960 --> 01:00:33,040
Speaker 5: and was seeing a future with him. Oh then he

1385
01:00:33,200 --> 01:00:36,320
Speaker 5: dropped the bomb. He said he's still in the divorce

1386
01:00:36,400 --> 01:00:38,240
Speaker 5: situation with his wife.

1387
01:00:38,680 --> 01:00:43,280
Speaker 1: As I was shocked. Well, I mean, like while still

1388
01:00:43,320 --> 01:00:45,120
Speaker 1: going on, that's one thing.

1389
01:00:45,240 --> 01:00:46,000
Speaker 5: But the thing is.

1390
01:00:45,920 --> 01:00:48,120
Speaker 2: If he still has a secret, like if they're still

1391
01:00:48,160 --> 01:00:50,600
Speaker 2: married and acting like their husband and wife.

1392
01:00:50,640 --> 01:00:53,080
Speaker 5: But he lied about it, so I don't even care

1393
01:00:53,680 --> 01:00:55,240
Speaker 5: that he's divorcing his wife.

1394
01:00:55,320 --> 01:00:57,760
Speaker 4: He lied about it, but like she asked him for.

1395
01:00:58,080 --> 01:01:00,600
Speaker 2: Emotionally lying about it, where it's it's like, yeah, I'm

1396
01:01:00,600 --> 01:01:03,480
Speaker 2: divorced for my wife, Like it's just that I can't

1397
01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:06,640
Speaker 2: legally be married to you at the same time because

1398
01:01:06,920 --> 01:01:08,520
Speaker 2: the divorce is still proceeding.

1399
01:01:08,640 --> 01:01:10,720
Speaker 5: I would feel supertrayed if he lied about it, and

1400
01:01:10,760 --> 01:01:12,960
Speaker 5: I asked him for honesty. I told him that he

1401
01:01:13,000 --> 01:01:15,480
Speaker 5: said he was already divorced. He said he hasn't been

1402
01:01:15,520 --> 01:01:17,240
Speaker 5: living with his wife for more than a year now,

1403
01:01:17,280 --> 01:01:19,760
Speaker 5: and they have a boy who's nine, so they constantly

1404
01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:22,520
Speaker 5: connect with each other regarding their child. I told him

1405
01:01:22,520 --> 01:01:24,760
Speaker 5: I understood that he had to keep communication with his

1406
01:01:24,800 --> 01:01:27,760
Speaker 5: wife regarding his child, but if he was not fully

1407
01:01:27,800 --> 01:01:31,080
Speaker 5: divorced yet, I didn't feel comfortable being with them. I

1408
01:01:31,160 --> 01:01:32,960
Speaker 5: told him we should take a break and stay no

1409
01:01:33,040 --> 01:01:36,400
Speaker 5: contact until everything settles. He was crushed, but said he

1410
01:01:36,480 --> 01:01:40,160
Speaker 5: understood where I stood, so we separated. After two weeks.

1411
01:01:40,200 --> 01:01:43,400
Speaker 5: He reached out to me, saying no contact was unliving him.

1412
01:01:43,720 --> 01:01:45,760
Speaker 5: He said he had already made his decision to divorce

1413
01:01:45,800 --> 01:01:48,520
Speaker 5: his wife long before we started seeing each other, so

1414
01:01:48,640 --> 01:01:51,720
Speaker 5: there was no problem with us continuing our relationship. I

1415
01:01:51,760 --> 01:01:53,800
Speaker 5: told him I felt like an affair partner for him

1416
01:01:53,880 --> 01:01:56,680
Speaker 5: during his divorce, which is why we needed to have

1417
01:01:56,720 --> 01:01:59,440
Speaker 5: a time out. He said he understood my feelings but

1418
01:01:59,560 --> 01:02:02,439
Speaker 5: wanted to a normal communication with me during this time out.

1419
01:02:02,800 --> 01:02:05,480
Speaker 5: I told them no, because if we stayed in contact

1420
01:02:05,480 --> 01:02:07,720
Speaker 5: but didn't see each other, it would feel like torture

1421
01:02:07,760 --> 01:02:10,480
Speaker 5: for me. He said he would keep our conversation professional

1422
01:02:10,960 --> 01:02:14,880
Speaker 5: and friendly. Nothing more, and this man is definitely a

1423
01:02:14,920 --> 01:02:17,440
Speaker 5: man of his word. I told him we could try

1424
01:02:17,840 --> 01:02:22,080
Speaker 5: for another two weeks. His messages were normal, friendly and professional,

1425
01:02:22,640 --> 01:02:26,480
Speaker 5: occasionally taking care of me, but his work performance drastically

1426
01:02:26,560 --> 01:02:28,800
Speaker 5: dropped and he started to look worn out all the

1427
01:02:28,840 --> 01:02:31,760
Speaker 5: time at work. Then one day he bombarded me with

1428
01:02:31,840 --> 01:02:35,040
Speaker 5: messages that he missed me, was losing his mind over

1429
01:02:35,080 --> 01:02:38,920
Speaker 5: the timeout and couldn't concentrate without me. Long story short,

1430
01:02:39,080 --> 01:02:41,520
Speaker 5: he was losing it. I told him if he didn't

1431
01:02:41,520 --> 01:02:44,000
Speaker 5: stop texting me more than what we had discussed prior,

1432
01:02:44,520 --> 01:02:47,080
Speaker 5: I would cut any further contact with him and break

1433
01:02:47,160 --> 01:02:48,120
Speaker 5: up with him then and there.

1434
01:02:48,240 --> 01:02:50,640
Speaker 6: Bro Okay, real quick, if you're going through this divorce

1435
01:02:50,680 --> 01:02:52,680
Speaker 6: and you really want to see this girl, you have

1436
01:02:52,880 --> 01:02:55,920
Speaker 6: to have to just write letters and give it to

1437
01:02:55,960 --> 01:02:59,280
Speaker 6: her after that's done, Okay, just stop texting her.

1438
01:02:59,360 --> 01:02:59,520
Speaker 3: Yeah?

1439
01:02:59,560 --> 01:02:59,800
Speaker 5: Please?

1440
01:03:00,880 --> 01:03:03,360
Speaker 4: This man, but like throughout their whole.

1441
01:03:03,160 --> 01:03:06,280
Speaker 5: Kind of like lead up to the relationship, would not

1442
01:03:06,400 --> 01:03:09,640
Speaker 5: respect our boundaries, like cat pushing and pushing and pushing.

1443
01:03:10,080 --> 01:03:12,600
Speaker 5: After that text, he told me he would try low

1444
01:03:12,680 --> 01:03:15,880
Speaker 5: contact again. Then a few days later the same thing happened.

1445
01:03:16,480 --> 01:03:19,240
Speaker 5: Now I'm not sure anymore. I feel like he's keeping

1446
01:03:19,280 --> 01:03:21,200
Speaker 5: me on the hook by making me feel guilty for

1447
01:03:21,280 --> 01:03:23,960
Speaker 5: his poor performance at work and distracting behavior.

1448
01:03:24,200 --> 01:03:26,680
Speaker 2: Don't say you're divorced when you're not divorced and you're

1449
01:03:26,800 --> 01:03:28,320
Speaker 2: just like I'm divorced in my head.

1450
01:03:28,560 --> 01:03:29,480
Speaker 5: Yep, don't do that.

1451
01:03:29,560 --> 01:03:30,320
Speaker 1: I say I'm going to.

1452
01:03:30,360 --> 01:03:32,320
Speaker 5: Divorce, don't lie about it. And then when someone says, hey,

1453
01:03:32,320 --> 01:03:32,680
Speaker 5: I don't.

1454
01:03:32,520 --> 01:03:34,760
Speaker 1: Want to shake againforce we're separated, just say we're separated.

1455
01:03:34,760 --> 01:03:38,360
Speaker 5: Does say that easy. I'm not saying I'm feeling great either.

1456
01:03:38,480 --> 01:03:41,680
Speaker 5: I feel unlucky, less loved, and full of self doubt

1457
01:03:41,680 --> 01:03:43,720
Speaker 5: after the break. I miss him a lot too, but

1458
01:03:43,800 --> 01:03:46,320
Speaker 5: I'm trying to maintain my principle not to be by

1459
01:03:46,360 --> 01:03:49,640
Speaker 5: his side during his divorce procedure. I'm writing this hoping

1460
01:03:49,640 --> 01:03:51,280
Speaker 5: to get any advice on what I should do in

1461
01:03:51,280 --> 01:03:54,160
Speaker 5: the circumstance. Also, as I was writing this, he sent

1462
01:03:54,200 --> 01:03:56,840
Speaker 5: me a voice message of him singing a song about

1463
01:03:56,920 --> 01:03:59,400
Speaker 5: lost love and crying. He told me, I'm being too

1464
01:03:59,480 --> 01:04:01,680
Speaker 5: harsh on him, So am I the a hole for

1465
01:04:01,760 --> 01:04:04,600
Speaker 5: not wanting to keep our relationship? Comment one is love

1466
01:04:04,640 --> 01:04:08,680
Speaker 5: for you sounds an awful lot like obsession. He he

1467
01:04:08,800 --> 01:04:11,760
Speaker 5: literally said that he was obsessed with you, which can

1468
01:04:11,840 --> 01:04:13,720
Speaker 5: be cute at the beginning, but it could evolve into

1469
01:04:13,720 --> 01:04:17,120
Speaker 5: something very unhealthy. It's already there, We've already evolved. You

1470
01:04:17,160 --> 01:04:19,640
Speaker 5: already set some reasonable boundaries with him, and he doesn't

1471
01:04:19,640 --> 01:04:22,720
Speaker 5: seem able to respect them. Unfortunately, that's the kind of

1472
01:04:22,720 --> 01:04:26,160
Speaker 5: behavior that usually gets worse over time. I'd say you

1473
01:04:26,280 --> 01:04:29,200
Speaker 5: lay it out very clearly one least time, that you

1474
01:04:29,240 --> 01:04:31,920
Speaker 5: won't have any romantic involvement with him until his divorce

1475
01:04:31,960 --> 01:04:35,600
Speaker 5: is finalized, and that's all. If he still doesn't respect that,

1476
01:04:35,880 --> 01:04:38,280
Speaker 5: then cut it off in the most brutal way you can.

1477
01:04:38,960 --> 01:04:41,640
Speaker 5: Love Bombing is different from love, and the signs he's

1478
01:04:41,640 --> 01:04:44,000
Speaker 5: showing you are not promising at all for a healthy

1479
01:04:44,040 --> 01:04:47,200
Speaker 5: future together. And that's the end of that story. Good luck,

1480
01:04:47,200 --> 01:04:49,960
Speaker 5: o pie. Yeah, I think it's difficult because you work

1481
01:04:50,000 --> 01:04:51,800
Speaker 5: with them, and you made that promise about not dating

1482
01:04:51,840 --> 01:04:53,640
Speaker 5: anyone you work with, then here it is, and here

1483
01:04:54,160 --> 01:04:55,000
Speaker 5: now it's difficult.

1484
01:04:55,240 --> 01:04:58,360
Speaker 2: He could have just like heard you and been like, okay, yeah,

1485
01:04:58,400 --> 01:05:00,880
Speaker 2: I will not talk to you until I am literally

1486
01:05:00,920 --> 01:05:01,520
Speaker 2: and then he can go.

1487
01:05:02,360 --> 01:05:05,520
Speaker 5: Yes, divorce doesn't understand the word no. He's done it

1488
01:05:05,520 --> 01:05:06,160
Speaker 5: from the start.

1489
01:05:06,560 --> 01:05:08,680
Speaker 1: You like literally gave him the blueprint of like here's

1490
01:05:08,680 --> 01:05:09,680
Speaker 1: how we can make this work.

1491
01:05:09,680 --> 01:05:11,280
Speaker 5: You said, just be honest with me, and he said,

1492
01:05:11,320 --> 01:05:11,840
Speaker 5: oh uh.

1493
01:05:12,440 --> 01:05:15,160
Speaker 2: Lies, we know, talk until you get divorce and then

1494
01:05:15,720 --> 01:05:17,040
Speaker 2: but I can't.

1495
01:05:20,480 --> 01:05:22,000
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, then I guess I don't like you anymore,

1496
01:05:22,000 --> 01:05:23,320
Speaker 1: because what bye,