1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,600 Speaker 1: Hello, everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to 2 00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:07,840 Speaker 1: the podcast, new listeners, old listeners, Wherever you are in 3 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:10,640 Speaker 1: the world, it is so great to have you here. 4 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:15,040 Speaker 1: Back for another episode as we break down the psychology 5 00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:18,800 Speaker 1: of our twenties. Today, we are going to talk about 6 00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:22,560 Speaker 1: one of the most valuable skills that we can learn 7 00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 1: and that we can perfect during this decade, and that 8 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:30,040 Speaker 1: is mastering public speaking, Mastering how to hold a crowd, 9 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:33,440 Speaker 1: how to get your point across and be convincing in 10 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:36,600 Speaker 1: our professional lives in business when speaking about the things 11 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:41,120 Speaker 1: that we're passionate about. Essentially knowing how to walk onto 12 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:44,640 Speaker 1: a stage or into a room and just nail it 13 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:47,560 Speaker 1: and just leave people thinking this person knows what they're 14 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:51,040 Speaker 1: talking about. It is a rare skill, but a really 15 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:55,200 Speaker 1: really important one. From having to defend a thesis or 16 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:59,080 Speaker 1: pitch to investors or to a new employer, or talk 17 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:03,320 Speaker 1: at your best friends, public speaking is such a great 18 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:06,319 Speaker 1: opportunity to really impress or entertain a lot of people 19 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:10,760 Speaker 1: and hopefully be remembered. But it's something that is quite terrifying. 20 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:14,320 Speaker 1: I think the scary part of public speaking is the 21 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:18,840 Speaker 1: possibility of not only being remembered, but of being remembered 22 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:22,480 Speaker 1: in a way that is not favorable, of being judged 23 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:26,040 Speaker 1: or noticed. That is where our fear of public speaking 24 00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:29,440 Speaker 1: really comes from. You know, a social creatures. It's a 25 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:32,760 Speaker 1: bit of a natural fear, because humans are very paralyzed 26 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:36,120 Speaker 1: by the notion of doing wrong or making a mistake, 27 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:39,839 Speaker 1: especially in front of a large group of people whose 28 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:44,959 Speaker 1: opinions we care about most. In fact, our biggest collective 29 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:49,320 Speaker 1: fear as a species. It's not death, it's not spiders, 30 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:53,800 Speaker 1: it's not clowns, it is actually public speaking. Seventy five 31 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 1: percent of us have this fear, according to the National 32 00:01:56,800 --> 00:02:02,760 Speaker 1: Institute of Mental Health. It's otherwise known as glossophobia. Such 33 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:05,440 Speaker 1: a pretty name for something that can be very paralyzing. 34 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:09,160 Speaker 1: And I think it really comes down to not just confidence, 35 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:13,960 Speaker 1: but trust, trusting ourselves and knowing that whatever happens, we 36 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:17,080 Speaker 1: are going to be okay. We trust ourselves to do well, 37 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:21,600 Speaker 1: to perform well, and sometimes that trust is nowhere to 38 00:02:21,639 --> 00:02:25,200 Speaker 1: be found. I used to be so terrified of public 39 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:28,440 Speaker 1: speaking back in the day. I remember pretending to be 40 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,760 Speaker 1: sick when we'd have to do speeches or like debating 41 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 1: at school, any kind of performing. I just couldn't do it. 42 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,200 Speaker 1: And I actually went to a school that was really 43 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:41,280 Speaker 1: focused on music and performing arts, so you can see 44 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:43,079 Speaker 1: how that was going to be a bit of a problem. 45 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:46,240 Speaker 1: I remember having to do like a singing performance, not 46 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:50,320 Speaker 1: quite public speaking, but a performance nonetheless, and I held 47 00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:53,679 Speaker 1: the microphone so far away from me that no one 48 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,720 Speaker 1: was even able to hear me, because I was so 49 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:58,520 Speaker 1: scared that people would listen or hear and be like, well, 50 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:01,480 Speaker 1: that's just not very good. And although these days I 51 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:05,400 Speaker 1: do spend most of my time talking behind a microphone 52 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:08,880 Speaker 1: in my studio alone, I also have to give a 53 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:12,079 Speaker 1: lot of talks and speak to huge rooms of strangers 54 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:19,480 Speaker 1: to perform keynotes, presentations, inspirationals, speeches, whatever you can imagine. Nowadays, 55 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:23,760 Speaker 1: I get a real energy from it and I find 56 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,760 Speaker 1: that it is a great part of what I do. 57 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,639 Speaker 1: I'm excited by it. I love reaching people. I love 58 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:33,760 Speaker 1: talking to them, convincing them, maybe inspiring them, I can hope. 59 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:38,720 Speaker 1: And with that practice, with that exposure to public speaking 60 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:41,720 Speaker 1: that I've had, I've developed a number of skills that 61 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,400 Speaker 1: have taken me from someone who was very very anxious 62 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,640 Speaker 1: in doing so and really did avoid it, to someone 63 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:50,640 Speaker 1: who can you know kind of see it as a 64 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:54,120 Speaker 1: walk in a park and who feels very confident now 65 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:57,760 Speaker 1: in my ability? So I want to speak about it today. 66 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,560 Speaker 1: I want to speak to our natural fear of public 67 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:05,680 Speaker 1: speaking and provide you all with my guide for overcoming 68 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:09,160 Speaker 1: that fear and for stepping into your confidence, for stepping 69 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:13,320 Speaker 1: into your power when you are in the uncomfortable position 70 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:16,080 Speaker 1: that a lot of us find ourselves in of having 71 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:19,560 Speaker 1: to hold a crowd, hold an audience, persuade an audience, 72 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:22,839 Speaker 1: present at work, whatever it may be. There are so 73 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:26,719 Speaker 1: many tips that could help you, that have helped me 74 00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:30,799 Speaker 1: that I want to share today, so many small mental 75 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:34,520 Speaker 1: mindset shifts and hacks to get you to a place 76 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:38,200 Speaker 1: of feeling confident. So, without further ado, let us get 77 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:40,560 Speaker 1: into the story of how I got great at public 78 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:48,840 Speaker 1: speaking and how you can as well. Why exactly are 79 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:52,800 Speaker 1: we so afraid of public speaking? You know we all 80 00:04:52,839 --> 00:04:55,440 Speaker 1: have to do it at some stage. We all know 81 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:59,400 Speaker 1: that people probably won't remember us after a week or 82 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:03,119 Speaker 1: after a month, and yet we are united in this 83 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:07,960 Speaker 1: very common feeling of anticipation in the moments or even 84 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:11,679 Speaker 1: days or weeks before we get on stage, This tingle 85 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:15,200 Speaker 1: in our fingers, this nervousness in our bellies, this nausea, 86 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:19,599 Speaker 1: this anxiety, And like I explained before, what it really 87 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:23,480 Speaker 1: comes down to is a a fear of judgment and 88 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:28,560 Speaker 1: be our fear of being perceived from an evolutionary perspective, 89 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 1: And I speak about this a lot, so I'm sure 90 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:34,960 Speaker 1: you have heard this speech of mind before. But we 91 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:38,760 Speaker 1: as humans do have a very innate fear of rejection 92 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:44,080 Speaker 1: because in early societies, being ostracized from the group could 93 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:48,840 Speaker 1: threaten survival. It meant less food, less opportunities for shelter, 94 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:53,719 Speaker 1: less safety. Speaking in front of an audience triggers this fear. 95 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:57,080 Speaker 1: Even though it feels like a very different activity to 96 00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:00,919 Speaker 1: what would usually threaten our survival, it still has the 97 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:05,960 Speaker 1: same ability to activate the brains amygdala and initiate a 98 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:09,160 Speaker 1: fight or flight response the same way that we would 99 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:13,800 Speaker 1: experience if we were facing a physical threat. Public speaking 100 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:18,360 Speaker 1: is interpreted as a social threat. Will they think differently 101 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:22,000 Speaker 1: of me? Will they think I'm less intelligent, less well spoken, 102 00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:26,760 Speaker 1: less deserving, and therefore will they ostracize me? All of 103 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:30,400 Speaker 1: that comes down to something that is very foundational and 104 00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:36,080 Speaker 1: fundamental in our DNA as a species. Psychologically, many of 105 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:40,839 Speaker 1: us fear these kinds of negative evaluations. We worry about 106 00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 1: being judged, about being criticized, of embarrassing ourselves. And that's 107 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,760 Speaker 1: definitely made worse by the fact that in those moments 108 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:52,359 Speaker 1: where we are asked to speak publicly, to perform, to present, 109 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:56,200 Speaker 1: the stakes often feel a lot higher. We're often in 110 00:06:56,240 --> 00:07:00,039 Speaker 1: a professional environment or in a situation in which we 111 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:03,839 Speaker 1: we are being closely observed. We are being watched, judged, 112 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:09,400 Speaker 1: thought about. Because of that, public speaking heightens self consciousness 113 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:12,440 Speaker 1: and it leads to this phenomena that we know as 114 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:16,040 Speaker 1: the spotlight effect. So this is a term used by 115 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:19,480 Speaker 1: social psychologists to explain what it feels like when we 116 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:23,400 Speaker 1: know that people are paying attention to us, but ultimately, 117 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:28,000 Speaker 1: when we also overestimate how negative their opinions will be. 118 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:31,000 Speaker 1: We tend to think, you know, just because people can 119 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:36,440 Speaker 1: see us, they will automatically think of us poorly or negatively. 120 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:41,560 Speaker 1: Our brain likes to catastrophize, likes to put this pessimistic 121 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:46,320 Speaker 1: twinge or hue on these experiences. What I always like 122 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:49,200 Speaker 1: to remember in these moments when the spotlight effect is 123 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:52,000 Speaker 1: really taking hold of me, when I feel a lot 124 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,400 Speaker 1: of eyes on me and they might not be kind 125 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:57,680 Speaker 1: eyes is to think about my own experiences on the 126 00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:00,680 Speaker 1: other side, my own experiences as an all audience member 127 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:04,760 Speaker 1: when I watch a live performance or a speech, a keynote, 128 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:08,520 Speaker 1: whatever it is. How much do we actually truly pay attention? 129 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:12,239 Speaker 1: Be honest with yourself right now. You know, if someone's 130 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:16,320 Speaker 1: on the stage at work, how closely really are you listening? 131 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:19,640 Speaker 1: How much do you actually tend to be zoning out? 132 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:22,880 Speaker 1: Think about the last time you saw someone perform. Could 133 00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:26,560 Speaker 1: you tell me what they were wearing? Could you tell 134 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:29,840 Speaker 1: me the moments when they were nervous? Could you recall 135 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:33,320 Speaker 1: where they studed? You know, could you recall where they 136 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:37,040 Speaker 1: forgot a slide when something went wrong? You probably can't. 137 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:41,120 Speaker 1: All these details that we obsess over in ourselves we 138 00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:45,680 Speaker 1: tend to never see in other people because of the 139 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:50,280 Speaker 1: spotlight effect and the fact that we often think about 140 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:55,160 Speaker 1: ourselves much more unkindly and negatively than anybody else is 141 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:59,240 Speaker 1: ever thinking about us, And that spotlight effect is often 142 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:04,800 Speaker 1: linked to social anxiety and perfectionism. Social anxiety meaning that 143 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:08,800 Speaker 1: we feel a lot more worry and a much more 144 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:13,840 Speaker 1: heightened emotional state and anticipate anticipatory state in relation to 145 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:17,200 Speaker 1: what other people are thinking. But also perfectionism in the 146 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:20,760 Speaker 1: sense that if it's not perfect, if it's not exactly 147 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:24,360 Speaker 1: as we want it and how we imagined it, how 148 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:29,800 Speaker 1: will we survive by knowing that we've left a poor impression. Essentially, 149 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:33,280 Speaker 1: all of these psychological mechanisms. What they do is they 150 00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:37,720 Speaker 1: work to take something that should be quite normal and 151 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:41,400 Speaker 1: quite harmless, like speaking in front of other people, and 152 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:46,760 Speaker 1: they create and make it into this highly highly almost 153 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:52,560 Speaker 1: stressful experienced, this high stakes experience, this experience that feels 154 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:56,080 Speaker 1: intrinsically linked to all these other parts of us and 155 00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:58,559 Speaker 1: all these other parts of our lives that we care 156 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:03,640 Speaker 1: about belonging, being accepted, being respected. I also think it 157 00:10:03,679 --> 00:10:08,000 Speaker 1: typically comes down to how we store embarrassing memories. Some 158 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:10,640 Speaker 1: people will walk on stage and like you can say, 159 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,840 Speaker 1: they do not care, They do not care what you 160 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:16,720 Speaker 1: think about them. They have this aura, this confidence, this 161 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:21,480 Speaker 1: like magnetism, And I think that's because the way that 162 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:25,880 Speaker 1: they store embarrassing memories is very different to ours. You know, 163 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:30,120 Speaker 1: for me, after a week or two, my emotional attachment 164 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:34,440 Speaker 1: to something embarrassing tends to lessen, and by about two 165 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:36,280 Speaker 1: months I tend to kind of forget. I don't really 166 00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:39,320 Speaker 1: care about it anymore unless someone else brings it up. 167 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:42,240 Speaker 1: For others, these memories don't last longer than a day, 168 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:45,480 Speaker 1: And then there are people for whom they last a lifetime. 169 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:50,160 Speaker 1: Their mind might hold on to these moments for years, 170 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:55,480 Speaker 1: even decades, because of how individually important they feel, and 171 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:59,960 Speaker 1: that individual perception of our memories influences how they are store, 172 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:03,000 Speaker 1: for how long they are stored, and how easy it 173 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:05,080 Speaker 1: is for us to access them. So, if you are 174 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:11,320 Speaker 1: someone who stores embarrassing memories quite well and has it 175 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:15,440 Speaker 1: so that they're easily accessible when you step into an 176 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:18,679 Speaker 1: opportunity to public speak, when you're in that situation, you 177 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:21,040 Speaker 1: can very easily reflect on a time when it didn't 178 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:23,400 Speaker 1: go the way that you want. It may also be 179 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:26,800 Speaker 1: linked to how you fixated we get on these negative moments. 180 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:30,080 Speaker 1: Some people can brush past these moments easier than others. 181 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:32,920 Speaker 1: That's just part of life. It's linked to rumination. It's 182 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:36,680 Speaker 1: linked to sometimes even depression and anxiety. And so those 183 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:40,240 Speaker 1: prior events where you felt judged, orkwarld cringe on stage 184 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:44,200 Speaker 1: even if nobody said anything, even if everybody thought you 185 00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:48,840 Speaker 1: did amazing for you, that is an important kind of 186 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:51,679 Speaker 1: warning sign and that is an important thing that you remember, 187 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:55,840 Speaker 1: and that influences are your further experiences of public speaking, 188 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:59,880 Speaker 1: making it so that it's quite scary, it's quite anxiety inducing. 189 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,719 Speaker 1: All of this is basically to say that if you 190 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:06,120 Speaker 1: fear public speaking, if it's your worst nightmare, like some 191 00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:09,160 Speaker 1: seventy five percent of us, Firstly, you are not alone, 192 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:12,800 Speaker 1: which is always comforting. Secondly, this is something that your 193 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:16,040 Speaker 1: brain is doing to protect you. It's just getting confused 194 00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:20,280 Speaker 1: because there is no dangerous life ending threat that could 195 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,760 Speaker 1: ever be attached to a work presentation or a speech 196 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:27,480 Speaker 1: for your debating class. But thirdly, I think it's important 197 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,480 Speaker 1: to remember that we think about our actions and our 198 00:12:30,559 --> 00:12:34,120 Speaker 1: words and our performances are way more than others do. 199 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:38,400 Speaker 1: We scrutinize ourselves, way more than others scrutinize us. This 200 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:41,080 Speaker 1: is really what I want to hone in on. You 201 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,400 Speaker 1: and I are going to be a lot meaner to 202 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:47,960 Speaker 1: ourselves than others will ever be to us. We say 203 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:52,440 Speaker 1: things so nasty to ourselves that if someone else was 204 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,839 Speaker 1: to say them, we would never speak to that person again. 205 00:12:55,840 --> 00:13:00,000 Speaker 1: We believe far less than ourselves than anyone else. Would 206 00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:05,360 Speaker 1: you know your boss, your friend, your coworker believes in you, 207 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:08,840 Speaker 1: probably more than you believe in yourself. So when you 208 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:12,600 Speaker 1: feel yourself getting nervous, when you feel yourself, you know, 209 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:17,480 Speaker 1: being concerned about the natural fear of judgment, think about 210 00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:21,680 Speaker 1: what level of judgment or embarrassment you expect. What do 211 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:25,600 Speaker 1: you expect to encounter. Divide it by a thousand, Divide 212 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,520 Speaker 1: it by a million, and that is a more realistic 213 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:34,240 Speaker 1: level of what we are likely to experience or receive. Regardless, 214 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:38,640 Speaker 1: a fear of public speaking can manifest in avoidance, which 215 00:13:38,679 --> 00:13:42,400 Speaker 1: we know initially feels safe but actually causes us to 216 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:45,440 Speaker 1: miss out on a lot of things whilst also making 217 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:49,079 Speaker 1: the anxiety worse. And the reason that avoidance does this 218 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:52,480 Speaker 1: is because it never provides us with the opportunity to 219 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:57,520 Speaker 1: prove our irrational fear is wrong. So we have this 220 00:13:57,679 --> 00:13:59,840 Speaker 1: fear that you're going to get on stage, you're going 221 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:02,440 Speaker 1: to present on zoom, whatever it is. Just picture the 222 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:05,240 Speaker 1: thing that you're afraid of doing as it relates to 223 00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:09,200 Speaker 1: public speaking. Your brain is going to take that fear 224 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,200 Speaker 1: and make it into a monster. It's going to add 225 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:14,520 Speaker 1: on all these extra parts, all these extra possibilities that 226 00:14:14,559 --> 00:14:17,800 Speaker 1: are never going to happen, and because of all that 227 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:22,520 Speaker 1: anticipatory anxiety, you are probably going to avoid that experience. 228 00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:27,280 Speaker 1: But in avoiding that experience, your brain only has the 229 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:31,520 Speaker 1: delusional rational fears that it's concocted as evidence for what 230 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:34,560 Speaker 1: would have happened. Because you haven't exposed yourself to the 231 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,480 Speaker 1: actual real thing, or you haven't done so in a while, 232 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,480 Speaker 1: you have no evidence to say, hey, actually it doesn't 233 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:42,680 Speaker 1: It's never as bad as I think it is. It's 234 00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:47,239 Speaker 1: actually not terrible. I can do this, And that avoidance 235 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:50,560 Speaker 1: creates more anxiety, which creates more avoidance. You just see 236 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:54,240 Speaker 1: how this becomes a cycle. It also means that you know, 237 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:56,640 Speaker 1: sometimes the things that scare us the most are actually 238 00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,440 Speaker 1: the most important things to do. One of my friends 239 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:02,680 Speaker 1: is an entreprene and she really struggles with public speaking 240 00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:06,320 Speaker 1: and presenting. And what she's said to me when I 241 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,120 Speaker 1: was I was asking her about this topic. I was like, 242 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:09,880 Speaker 1: I know that you used to be really afraid of this. 243 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:12,680 Speaker 1: Now you are genuinely like the pro the person that 244 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:15,760 Speaker 1: I look up to when it comes to providing and 245 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:20,760 Speaker 1: presenting compelling, compelling arguments and convincing people. And what she 246 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:22,680 Speaker 1: said to me was she was like, I just realized 247 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:25,760 Speaker 1: the cost of not doing it was so much higher 248 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:29,120 Speaker 1: than the cost of doing it, Like there was so 249 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:32,080 Speaker 1: many more opportunities for it to go right than for 250 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:35,760 Speaker 1: it to go wrong. So with that mindset in mind, 251 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,560 Speaker 1: what are the tips that I have for you today 252 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:42,280 Speaker 1: to bring about that same epiphany that she had, and 253 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,360 Speaker 1: even if you don't have that epiphany, to just make 254 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:47,280 Speaker 1: it more bearable. I remember when we were younger, we 255 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,800 Speaker 1: always used to be told to like imagine the audience 256 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:53,240 Speaker 1: naked or like in their underwear. I find that so 257 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:57,520 Speaker 1: weird and creepy, not gonna lie, and incredibly unhelpful. So 258 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,800 Speaker 1: my first and biggest tip is to picture the person 259 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:06,680 Speaker 1: that you think is the best at public speaking, or 260 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:11,400 Speaker 1: the person you admire the most, and emulate them. For me, 261 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:15,160 Speaker 1: it's my friend. She is just magnificent, like no one 262 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:19,560 Speaker 1: will look away. She's so poised and self assured. And 263 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:21,720 Speaker 1: so when I have to do kenotes like I did 264 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:25,880 Speaker 1: a recent talk at south By Southwest in Sydney, I 265 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:30,800 Speaker 1: imagined her. I thought about how she would hold herself, 266 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:34,200 Speaker 1: how she would dress, what her tone would be, what 267 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:37,680 Speaker 1: her pace would be. This is a great technique because 268 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:41,400 Speaker 1: we give ourselves a mental example of someone who wouldn't 269 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:44,440 Speaker 1: be scared. We give ourselves a mental example of someone 270 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:48,240 Speaker 1: who couldn't fail, who we admire, and we can almost 271 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:54,400 Speaker 1: wear our image of them as an armor. By imagining 272 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:59,440 Speaker 1: ourselves as this confident individual, we engage in a psychological process. 273 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,760 Speaker 1: It's called modeling, and it's a concept that's rooted in 274 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:06,360 Speaker 1: social learning theory, and social learning theory was developed by 275 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,119 Speaker 1: Albert Bondura. You probably are familiar with his name if 276 00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:13,800 Speaker 1: you've studied psychology. Basically, what he said was that we 277 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:19,040 Speaker 1: learn all behaviors by observing and imitating others. So when 278 00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:22,360 Speaker 1: we mentally step into the shoes of someone we admire 279 00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:26,639 Speaker 1: and we model their behavior, basically what we are doing 280 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:31,880 Speaker 1: is we are activating neural pathways associated with confidence and competence, 281 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,919 Speaker 1: and we are effectively trigging our brain into believing that 282 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:39,440 Speaker 1: we possess those qualities ourself. This technique also taps into 283 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:45,320 Speaker 1: what we call embodied cognition. When we adopt the physical posture, tone, 284 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:50,119 Speaker 1: pace of a confident speaker, this can influence our internal state. 285 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:55,280 Speaker 1: What we do physically influences how we feel internally. And 286 00:17:55,359 --> 00:17:58,200 Speaker 1: so when you say I'm confident and you hold yourself 287 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:02,399 Speaker 1: with confidence, and you present with confidence and with expertise. 288 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:06,080 Speaker 1: It makes you feel like you already possess those things. 289 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:10,720 Speaker 1: So by embodying this persona, what we are able to 290 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:15,320 Speaker 1: do is temporarily bypowers our fear response and allow us 291 00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:18,480 Speaker 1: to just focus on speaking, focus on making our point 292 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:21,480 Speaker 1: rather than on the anxiety that it's going to elicit. 293 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:26,359 Speaker 1: I use this technique not just for public speaking, but 294 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:29,560 Speaker 1: for a lot of really fearful activities, when I need 295 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:32,040 Speaker 1: to go to things alone, when I need to fly, 296 00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:35,159 Speaker 1: when I need to meet new people. I find that 297 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:39,560 Speaker 1: it's just an incredible strategy to be like, Okay, yes 298 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:41,560 Speaker 1: I am me, but I am also this more confident 299 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,480 Speaker 1: version of me, or I am this role model that 300 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,639 Speaker 1: I have. What would they do? What would they look like? 301 00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:50,840 Speaker 1: How can I pretend almost or take what's best from them? 302 00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:52,560 Speaker 1: What I can learn from them and bring it to 303 00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:57,320 Speaker 1: this situation. If you have ever seen the TV show 304 00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:02,280 Speaker 1: ted Lasso, which I recommend to everyone, it's my favorite 305 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:05,960 Speaker 1: TV show of all time, hands down the best. There 306 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:08,639 Speaker 1: is a character in that TV show called Rebecca, and 307 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:11,920 Speaker 1: in that show, she has this practice, this method of 308 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:16,920 Speaker 1: making herself appear really big before she goes on stage 309 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:19,840 Speaker 1: to talk, she raises her arms above her head. She 310 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:22,480 Speaker 1: stands strong and tall and fierce and brave in front 311 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:26,080 Speaker 1: of a mirror, and then slowly she brings all of 312 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:29,119 Speaker 1: that back and she walks out into a room with 313 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:32,800 Speaker 1: the same energy that she just saw displayed to herself. 314 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:36,280 Speaker 1: Just try it, see if it works. My second tip 315 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:40,040 Speaker 1: for mastering public speaking is don't aim for perfect, just 316 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:44,119 Speaker 1: let yourself find the flow. I think our biggest inclination 317 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:48,320 Speaker 1: when we're scared of public speaking is to rehearse, to rehearse, prehearse, 318 00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:51,920 Speaker 1: to prehearse, just practice, practice, practice, to know everything word 319 00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:55,760 Speaker 1: for word, to be prepared. Honestly, being prepared is a 320 00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:58,600 Speaker 1: great way to be less stressed. But we can also 321 00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:01,919 Speaker 1: take it too far, and I think there is something 322 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:06,960 Speaker 1: to be said about preparing too strictly. People often like 323 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,800 Speaker 1: to write out huge scripts, like word for word, of 324 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:12,560 Speaker 1: things they want to say, because when we have a 325 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:15,480 Speaker 1: script like that, it provides us with a sense of control, 326 00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:18,960 Speaker 1: which is a natural anxiety reliever. But I find that 327 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:22,119 Speaker 1: this can be really overwhelming because you become a hyper 328 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:26,440 Speaker 1: fixated and overly focused on saying exactly what you wanted 329 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,480 Speaker 1: to say. At the right time, in the right order, 330 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:33,119 Speaker 1: and that leaves a lot of room to feel like 331 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:36,000 Speaker 1: you've made a mistake, even if the audience doesn't know 332 00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:38,639 Speaker 1: that you have. Maybe your timing was wrong, you just 333 00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:42,399 Speaker 1: missed a sentence or a word that you wanted to say, 334 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:44,920 Speaker 1: and instead of being able to segue and move on, 335 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:48,160 Speaker 1: because you have tied yourself so closely to a script, 336 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:51,239 Speaker 1: there's no room to improvise. The thing is is that 337 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:54,600 Speaker 1: the audience won't notice the sentence that you've missed because 338 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:56,560 Speaker 1: they didn't know what was going to be there. But 339 00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:59,600 Speaker 1: they will notice your reaction after the factors you get 340 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:03,040 Speaker 1: flush and stressed. So here's the thing I like to remember. 341 00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:05,479 Speaker 1: You might know exactly what you want to say and 342 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:08,960 Speaker 1: what you intend to say. Your audience doesn't. They haven't 343 00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:11,600 Speaker 1: seen your script, they don't know your plan. They will 344 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:14,080 Speaker 1: take whatever you give them and they will think that 345 00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:17,159 Speaker 1: it's brilliant and that was always what was intended. So 346 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:20,200 Speaker 1: you should really feel free to release the reins a 347 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:24,040 Speaker 1: little bit, as counterintuitive as that feels. How I like 348 00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:26,959 Speaker 1: to do this is that, yes, I do make an 349 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,280 Speaker 1: extensive plan of what I want to say, how I 350 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:32,080 Speaker 1: want to say it. My key points, and sometimes I 351 00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:35,520 Speaker 1: will write out a full script. But then instead of 352 00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:38,760 Speaker 1: just bringing a big clump of pages onto stage and 353 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:41,879 Speaker 1: then just staring down the whole time, what I do 354 00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:44,879 Speaker 1: is I create four to five sections, and with each 355 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,359 Speaker 1: within each of these sections, I make three main points. 356 00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:50,080 Speaker 1: So it means that over the span of my talk 357 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:52,560 Speaker 1: my speech, I have fifteen main points that I want 358 00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:55,320 Speaker 1: to make and each of these points they can't be 359 00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:57,680 Speaker 1: any more than ten words each. A lot of numbers, 360 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:02,639 Speaker 1: I know, but just visualize how having five cards five 361 00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:06,399 Speaker 1: cards for your speech, each card is a new section 362 00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:08,920 Speaker 1: of what you want to say, and each card only 363 00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:12,720 Speaker 1: has three points on it. So, for example, if I'm 364 00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:16,160 Speaker 1: doing a speech on I don't know, like the psychological 365 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:19,400 Speaker 1: benefits of nature and how we could incorporate nature into 366 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:22,560 Speaker 1: our approach to mental health, instead of having a script 367 00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:25,000 Speaker 1: in which I read off a huge paragraph like a 368 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:29,000 Speaker 1: twenty twelve article from the Natural Wildlife Institute provided a 369 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,639 Speaker 1: concrete estimate of blah blah blah, and have that written 370 00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:34,600 Speaker 1: out exactly that I need to read off the page, instead, 371 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,679 Speaker 1: I will have a point that says highlight benefits, less stress, 372 00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:40,720 Speaker 1: more present, good for depression. And then because I know, 373 00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:42,959 Speaker 1: and I have practiced, and I have spent time in 374 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,359 Speaker 1: my research. I know that I can bring that up 375 00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:47,679 Speaker 1: rather than having to read it off the page. And 376 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:49,720 Speaker 1: I said something at the beginning of this episode that 377 00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:52,600 Speaker 1: really relates to this tip, and that is self trust. 378 00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:56,160 Speaker 1: Trusting that when you get up onto that stage, into 379 00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:59,359 Speaker 1: that room, onto that zoom call whatever it is you 380 00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:01,520 Speaker 1: actually you're My brain is a lot more capable than 381 00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:04,159 Speaker 1: you think. You are a lot more capable than you 382 00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:07,399 Speaker 1: think of remembering what you need to say. I also 383 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:13,600 Speaker 1: like to create my hand cards plackcards, whatever you call them, 384 00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:16,080 Speaker 1: such that they have a very distinct structure, and I 385 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:20,399 Speaker 1: use highlighter red pen to just pull out keywords so 386 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:24,280 Speaker 1: that if I'm getting lost and flustered, I have this anchor, right, 387 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:25,879 Speaker 1: I have this thing that I can come back to, 388 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:29,159 Speaker 1: so I don't lose myself in like the spontaneity of 389 00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:32,960 Speaker 1: spontaneity of at all. Like I'm not completely ad libbing, 390 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:36,159 Speaker 1: but I'm also not stressed out by being boxed in. 391 00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:39,200 Speaker 1: I think this is the secret for anything, that when 392 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:41,760 Speaker 1: you aim for perfect, you will fall short, but when 393 00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:45,640 Speaker 1: you aim for good and natural and authentic, you get 394 00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,080 Speaker 1: a lot closer to the outcome that you want. So 395 00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:51,320 Speaker 1: sometimes getting good at public speaking is actually doing the 396 00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:54,760 Speaker 1: opposite of your instincts loosening the control a little bit. 397 00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:57,520 Speaker 1: We are about halfway through my strategies today, so when 398 00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:00,600 Speaker 1: we return, I want to talk about three more important 399 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:03,679 Speaker 1: tips that made me a great public speaker. We'll be 400 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:11,840 Speaker 1: back very soon. Anxiety has like this image in my 401 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:13,959 Speaker 1: mind and in many of our minds of being this 402 00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:19,119 Speaker 1: like very fast emotion, This like speedy, erratic, run around 403 00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:23,159 Speaker 1: the house, jittery, buzzed emotion, because that is essentially what 404 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:26,000 Speaker 1: it does to our nervous system. It pumps a whole 405 00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:29,159 Speaker 1: lot of energy into us to prepare to fight or 406 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:32,600 Speaker 1: run away from a danger. When that energy has nowhere 407 00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:36,520 Speaker 1: to go, it finds a way out through this jitteriness, 408 00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:40,400 Speaker 1: through this intensity and this speed. How that will show 409 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:42,760 Speaker 1: up when we're public speaking, and this is an entirely 410 00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:46,000 Speaker 1: natural response, is that we do tend to at the 411 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:50,920 Speaker 1: beginning feel very hot and flushed and rushed. We stumble, 412 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:55,399 Speaker 1: we feel jittery, we feel anxious, we can't really focus 413 00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:59,000 Speaker 1: on where we want to look totally normal. When you 414 00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:04,200 Speaker 1: find your cellf in that space, pause, slow it down, 415 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:10,000 Speaker 1: take a breath. This helps calm your nerves. It helps 416 00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:13,360 Speaker 1: communicate to yourself and your mind that there is no danger. 417 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,240 Speaker 1: If there was danger, why would you be slowing down. 418 00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:19,520 Speaker 1: When we slow down and take deliberate pauses, we not 419 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:22,520 Speaker 1: only regain control over our breathing and our heart rate 420 00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:25,280 Speaker 1: as well, but we also engage what we call the 421 00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:31,440 Speaker 1: parasympathetic nervous system. The parasympathetic nervous system counteracts our flight 422 00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:35,639 Speaker 1: or fight response. So essentially, what it does is it goes, okay, 423 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:39,119 Speaker 1: hold up, false alarm, Let's just take a breath, slow 424 00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:43,679 Speaker 1: it down, Let's ground ourself in the present moment, and 425 00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:48,600 Speaker 1: it reduces the intensity of anxiety's physical symptoms. It also 426 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:52,800 Speaker 1: has the added bonus of making what you're saying feel 427 00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:55,960 Speaker 1: more impactful and important. You know, when I talk like 428 00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:57,240 Speaker 1: this and I'm like rushing it, I'm just like I 429 00:25:57,320 --> 00:25:59,679 Speaker 1: want to make my point. You're not listening as much 430 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:03,320 Speaker 1: as one, and I'm really focusing in on what I 431 00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:08,440 Speaker 1: want to say and slowing down between my words. It 432 00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:11,520 Speaker 1: gives the audience time to absorb and reflect on what 433 00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:16,200 Speaker 1: you're saying. It enhances their engagement. It creates a rhythm 434 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:20,520 Speaker 1: that commands attention. It signals confidence and poise because you 435 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:22,560 Speaker 1: know that what you have to say is important, you 436 00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:26,760 Speaker 1: don't need to rush through it. And over time, practicing 437 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:31,000 Speaker 1: this like intentional pacing and slowing down, it trains our 438 00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:36,520 Speaker 1: brain to associate public speaking with calmness rather than fear, 439 00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:40,159 Speaker 1: and so it rewires our response to these situations. I 440 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:44,720 Speaker 1: really learned this through trial and error. I remember having 441 00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:47,760 Speaker 1: to do this presentation when I was maybe twenty two, 442 00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:50,280 Speaker 1: and it was actually really important. It was back I 443 00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:53,639 Speaker 1: think I just finished UNI. I can't actually remember the 444 00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,760 Speaker 1: circumstances of it. It was a work presentation, like maybe 445 00:26:56,760 --> 00:27:01,440 Speaker 1: an employee presentation, and remember it was in front of 446 00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:05,480 Speaker 1: maybe fifteen people. Oh, it was like an interview to 447 00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:09,000 Speaker 1: be promoted, and I was you had to give a talk. 448 00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:11,760 Speaker 1: Sorry details not necessary, but you have to give a 449 00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:14,560 Speaker 1: talk to present on something in front of like a 450 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:17,560 Speaker 1: panel of fifteen people, a room of fifteen people, and 451 00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:21,240 Speaker 1: I just got so frazzled that I just kept talking. 452 00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:23,800 Speaker 1: And then suddenly I was saying things that I didn't mean. 453 00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:27,280 Speaker 1: Suddenly I was going way too fast. I couldn't stop myself. 454 00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:31,040 Speaker 1: It all just like tumbled away from me. And afterwards 455 00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:33,840 Speaker 1: I was really embarrassed. I was like, that was not 456 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,399 Speaker 1: what I wanted to do. That wasn't the energy that 457 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:40,399 Speaker 1: I wanted to bring into this situation. And I really 458 00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,920 Speaker 1: was like, Okay, what could have I What should I 459 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:45,720 Speaker 1: have done differently? And the one thing that kept coming 460 00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:48,000 Speaker 1: to my mind was like, you should have just paused. 461 00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:51,040 Speaker 1: You should have just taken a really deep breath and 462 00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:55,719 Speaker 1: been silent, because silence is actually quite powerful. Here are 463 00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:58,040 Speaker 1: some other ways that we can really positively manage our 464 00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:04,560 Speaker 1: anxiety in the situations. Treat your anxiety like excitement. I've 465 00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:08,399 Speaker 1: spoken about this before. It doesn't work for everything. In 466 00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:12,320 Speaker 1: this situation, it is a game changer. We know that 467 00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:18,840 Speaker 1: anxiety and excitement they activate very similar pathways through the brain, 468 00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:25,480 Speaker 1: very similar areas in our body. So excitement, the nervousness, 469 00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:29,439 Speaker 1: the ball of energy in your stomach, the eye is 470 00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:33,199 Speaker 1: darting across the room. That energy you can feel rising 471 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,879 Speaker 1: to the top of your head, that shares a lot 472 00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:39,280 Speaker 1: of similarities in parallels with what it feels like for 473 00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:44,040 Speaker 1: your anxiety to be increasing. So taking a more cognitive 474 00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:48,520 Speaker 1: mental approach, you can basically say to yourself, Wow, I'm 475 00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:51,920 Speaker 1: so excited by this feeling I'm so excited by this 476 00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:56,720 Speaker 1: opportunity to deliver this speech. Not I'm excited for it 477 00:28:56,760 --> 00:29:00,200 Speaker 1: to be over, but I'm excited to test myself. If 478 00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:03,240 Speaker 1: this goes wrong, that's okay. I'm excited by the possibility 479 00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:07,320 Speaker 1: to learn the anxiety is still there. But then label 480 00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:13,440 Speaker 1: is different, and labeling your emotions is invaluable. How you 481 00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:17,000 Speaker 1: interpret and perceive your emotions has been shown to influence 482 00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:20,560 Speaker 1: how you experience them. I also would say, if it's 483 00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:23,440 Speaker 1: an environment where you are on a stage or in 484 00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:28,480 Speaker 1: an open space, move around, pace around, give that energy 485 00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:31,920 Speaker 1: that's sitting in your body somewhere to go. Pacing in 486 00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:35,800 Speaker 1: like purposeful movement during your speech, not only does it 487 00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:40,040 Speaker 1: release some of the anxiety from your body, it also 488 00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:45,800 Speaker 1: really enhances your confidence and the audience's engagement. Psychologically, we 489 00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:50,880 Speaker 1: know that movement helps calm and channel nervous energy by 490 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:54,400 Speaker 1: really providing like a physical outlet for our bodies natural 491 00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:59,080 Speaker 1: fight or flight response. For the audience, though movement creates 492 00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:03,920 Speaker 1: vis visual interest, it keeps their attention focused. As humans, 493 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:07,040 Speaker 1: we are naturally drawn to motion. You know, we're intrigued, 494 00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:11,080 Speaker 1: like what does that signal? So pacing is really important 495 00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:14,320 Speaker 1: in that regard as well, has the dual benefit of 496 00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:17,400 Speaker 1: making you feel better and making the audience feel more engaged. 497 00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:20,920 Speaker 1: It can also serve as a really important non verbal queue, 498 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:23,760 Speaker 1: so you know, when you're moving into a new part 499 00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:27,800 Speaker 1: of your speech, you know as you walk, it emphasizes 500 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:32,240 Speaker 1: a transition, and it can also improve memory. I read 501 00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:36,800 Speaker 1: this really interesting study that really good public speakers. I 502 00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:38,719 Speaker 1: guess it wasn't really a study, it was like an article. 503 00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:44,280 Speaker 1: Really good public speakers use certain movements to bring about flow, 504 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:47,600 Speaker 1: to make it feel like what they're talking about has 505 00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:50,840 Speaker 1: more of a fluidity to it, and to remember key 506 00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:53,800 Speaker 1: parts of what they want to say. So you know, 507 00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:56,960 Speaker 1: they associate standing in the left corner of a stage 508 00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:58,840 Speaker 1: with the first point they want to make, standing in 509 00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:00,760 Speaker 1: the right corner with the second point they want to 510 00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:03,320 Speaker 1: make little bit advanced. But it really does show the 511 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:07,920 Speaker 1: alignment of the physical and the mental and the emotional 512 00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:11,960 Speaker 1: when it comes to mastering public speaking. With that, I 513 00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:15,600 Speaker 1: would also say, you know, audience engagement is key. Pacing 514 00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:18,080 Speaker 1: is one way to do it. Slowing down and speeding 515 00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:22,120 Speaker 1: up you're pacing for your voice and your tone is 516 00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:26,239 Speaker 1: really great. Also, my mom taught me this focus on 517 00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:30,880 Speaker 1: a new person every twenty seconds. What says anxiety more 518 00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:33,720 Speaker 1: than darting eyes. It's a natural feeling though, you know, 519 00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:36,920 Speaker 1: darting eyes is basically our brain being like scanned. You know, 520 00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:39,240 Speaker 1: this is a scary situation. I want to scan my 521 00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:45,680 Speaker 1: environment for threats, slowly intentionally focus on one person every 522 00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:49,880 Speaker 1: twenty seconds. It can feel rather intense, but it kind 523 00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:53,440 Speaker 1: of also brings about an accountability of like, oh my god, 524 00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:57,440 Speaker 1: they're watching me. I better pay attention. And so again, 525 00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:00,560 Speaker 1: it means that people really feel that you have something 526 00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:04,760 Speaker 1: to say if you are saying it to them. Also, 527 00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:10,920 Speaker 1: making eye contact engages the audience's mirror neurons, which really 528 00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:15,520 Speaker 1: helps create a sense of connection and empathy, and it 529 00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:18,280 Speaker 1: gives you an anchor. I talked about the anchor in 530 00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:22,040 Speaker 1: the form of specific words that you highlight. A person 531 00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:25,000 Speaker 1: in the crowd can also be an anchor, a really, 532 00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:27,800 Speaker 1: really valuable one. Finally, I just want to give you 533 00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:29,440 Speaker 1: a little bit of a pep talk. If you are 534 00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:31,880 Speaker 1: listening to this in preparation for a big speech, or 535 00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:35,320 Speaker 1: you're trying to get ready and get your skills sharpened, 536 00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:38,640 Speaker 1: you're going to do amazing. The fact that you care 537 00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:42,040 Speaker 1: enough to be listening to something like this, wanting to 538 00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:44,840 Speaker 1: really hone in on your skill set and what is 539 00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:48,120 Speaker 1: such an important skill to have? Shows that you have 540 00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:51,480 Speaker 1: an attitude of confidence in your ability. It shows that 541 00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:54,400 Speaker 1: you have an attitude that is centered on wanting to 542 00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:57,520 Speaker 1: do well, that is centered on wanting to do your best. 543 00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:02,840 Speaker 1: That is going to come through. That excitement for this experience, 544 00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:06,320 Speaker 1: even if it feels like anxiety right now, is going 545 00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:09,720 Speaker 1: to come through. Remember that you are much more capable 546 00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:12,960 Speaker 1: than you ever think you are upon first assessment. You 547 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:16,440 Speaker 1: are so capable, You've done so many hard things. You've 548 00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:20,200 Speaker 1: also probably done a speech before, or debated or done 549 00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:23,240 Speaker 1: some public speaking, and you get that buzz afterwards, you 550 00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:26,720 Speaker 1: get that high. It always works out as much better 551 00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:28,400 Speaker 1: than you think it will, and even when it doesn't, 552 00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:32,320 Speaker 1: you still hear you survived. You're still okay, and there 553 00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:34,240 Speaker 1: are people who care about you that weren't in that 554 00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:36,600 Speaker 1: room or who were and still care about you. You know, 555 00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:40,880 Speaker 1: your whole life is not touched by one speech or 556 00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:44,160 Speaker 1: one presentation. I also think of people like Jennifer Lawrence, 557 00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:46,720 Speaker 1: who literally fell on her face when she got her 558 00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:51,400 Speaker 1: first oscar, and you know it became not something that 559 00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:54,320 Speaker 1: she was judged by. It became a funny little gag, 560 00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:58,000 Speaker 1: like no one really thought anything too deep about that. 561 00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:01,120 Speaker 1: We scrutinize our behaviors so much more than others do, 562 00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:05,120 Speaker 1: so I really want you to hold strong to that knowledge, 563 00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:08,040 Speaker 1: and I'm sure you're going to do absolutely amazing. I 564 00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:11,759 Speaker 1: hope that these tips and the psychology behind them and 565 00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:13,520 Speaker 1: why they do work and how they've worked for me 566 00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:17,120 Speaker 1: also really supports you and whatever you have coming up. 567 00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:19,719 Speaker 1: If there is someone else you know who needs to 568 00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:22,319 Speaker 1: hear this episode, please feel free to share it with them. 569 00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:25,320 Speaker 1: It really helps the show to grow, which we value 570 00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:29,520 Speaker 1: so deeply. I'm also really trying to get people to 571 00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:33,920 Speaker 1: leave reviews for the podcast. It's something that actually is 572 00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:37,880 Speaker 1: insanely helpful, not just for like reaching new people, but 573 00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:41,600 Speaker 1: also just for growing our own community, and they also 574 00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:45,360 Speaker 1: selfishly make my day. Make sure that you are following 575 00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:50,600 Speaker 1: us on Instagram. It is at that Psychology Podcast. If 576 00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:53,760 Speaker 1: you have episode suggestions, if you have any more tips 577 00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:56,399 Speaker 1: that you think people could benefit from when it comes 578 00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:58,600 Speaker 1: to public speaking, please feel free to share them with 579 00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:02,000 Speaker 1: me and I'll share them on until next time. Stay safe, 580 00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:04,520 Speaker 1: be kind, be gentle to yourself and we will talk 581 00:35:04,719 --> 00:35:05,399 Speaker 1: very very soon.