WEBVTT - A Shore Thing with Vinny Guadagnino 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:02.680 Can you at least lesten. Hey, everybody, Welcome to an 0:00:02.680 --> 0:00:04.280 all new episode of Hell No, No No, No No, I 0:00:04.320 --> 0:00:06.040 want to send this thing that the jingle for us. 0:00:06.160 --> 0:00:12.520 Oh God, I Suck a Dating with Dean, Vanessa and 0:00:12.640 --> 0:00:17.560 Jared and I heart radio podcast. Gotta hope we're leaving 0:00:17.600 --> 0:00:19.520 that in. Hello everybody, and welcome to a brand new 0:00:19.560 --> 0:00:21.759 episode of Help I Suck a Dating. I'm Jared, have 0:00:21.840 --> 0:00:25.119 been in studio with Dean anglerd with Vanessa Grimaldi calling 0:00:25.160 --> 0:00:27.360 in from Monterreal. We have a pretty great episode for 0:00:27.400 --> 0:00:30.280 you today. We have Vinny from Jersey Shore, and of 0:00:30.320 --> 0:00:33.400 course and of course Double Shot at Love. That was 0:00:33.440 --> 0:00:35.879 such a Jersey or accent. Of course, of course, well 0:00:35.880 --> 0:00:38.200 it's more of a Rhode Island accent. But I've always 0:00:38.280 --> 0:00:41.280 loved jose Shore. Jersey Shore was the only reality show 0:00:41.640 --> 0:00:45.000 I ever watched before going on The Bachelor. Really, did 0:00:45.000 --> 0:00:49.159 you ever watched the Real World? Or was like top not? 0:00:49.560 --> 0:00:52.400 I never got into Real World or Road Rules or 0:00:52.440 --> 0:00:56.800 any of those MTV shows right here and the Newly 0:00:56.800 --> 0:01:00.560 Wed Show with Jessica Simpson and Nick lash actually was 0:01:00.720 --> 0:01:04.240 huge into that show. Dean, you is that show still 0:01:04.280 --> 0:01:07.080 on Rules? So I actually I think Vanessa might have 0:01:07.080 --> 0:01:09.200 gotten this too. I got asked to join the challenge 0:01:09.240 --> 0:01:12.080 like a year ago, but it was infringing upon my 0:01:12.120 --> 0:01:14.680 bachelor contract and I was so I was like, please 0:01:14.760 --> 0:01:16.600 let me find a way to break this. I'll be 0:01:16.680 --> 0:01:18.119 on the show. I don't care what it takes. I'll 0:01:18.120 --> 0:01:19.520 do it no matter what. And it just ended up 0:01:19.520 --> 0:01:21.039 falling through. I So I was really upset about that. 0:01:21.080 --> 0:01:24.520 But UM, well, you're not on contract anymore. Unless you 0:01:24.480 --> 0:01:26.920 do it, reach out to him, You'll be fine. We're 0:01:26.959 --> 0:01:29.880 really excited to have Vinnie and studio. But first we're 0:01:29.880 --> 0:01:32.479 going to talk to a body language expert. Her name 0:01:32.560 --> 0:01:36.000 is Katilise l She has a website called Love Destination. 0:01:36.080 --> 0:01:39.640 It's a complete online relationships streaming service. Um and I 0:01:39.680 --> 0:01:41.800 want to make sure we're saying your name correctly, catil 0:01:41.920 --> 0:01:46.160 was l Oh. I did, okay. So you are a 0:01:46.200 --> 0:01:50.120 relationship and body language expert and I checked out your website. 0:01:50.440 --> 0:01:54.040 There's so many amazing things going on there. You have documentaries, 0:01:54.240 --> 0:01:59.440 um uh, courses and TV shows. So explain. Can you 0:01:59.480 --> 0:02:01.280 explain to us a little bit more what you do 0:02:01.560 --> 0:02:08.519 and how someone like ourselves can benefit from your website? Absolutely? Well, look, 0:02:08.600 --> 0:02:12.040 let's just start with a simple fact right when, whether 0:02:12.080 --> 0:02:16.320 you're looking for a new partner, whether you're already coupled up, 0:02:16.639 --> 0:02:19.640 looking to her broken heart, or to fix your relationship, 0:02:19.680 --> 0:02:23.320 the reality is relationships aren't always easy, and there's a 0:02:23.360 --> 0:02:25.519 matter of fact, for a lot of us, we get 0:02:25.560 --> 0:02:28.640 to a point where you know, our relationships are downright confusing. 0:02:28.680 --> 0:02:32.160 So the idea behind the Love Destination is really to 0:02:32.520 --> 0:02:38.920 provide experts at your fingertips, courses, um expert tips and resources, 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:40.880 as well as documentaries and films, so that no matter 0:02:40.960 --> 0:02:45.080 what stage of your love relationship you're in, you've got 0:02:45.120 --> 0:02:49.600 these amazing resources that will help you navigate your navigate 0:02:49.639 --> 0:02:54.040 your relationships, improve your confidence, you know, overcome self doubt, 0:02:54.280 --> 0:02:57.200 and really mean that you can have more fulfilling relationships 0:02:57.240 --> 0:02:59.200 with yourself and others. Because at the end of the day, 0:02:59.639 --> 0:03:01.760 you know, if we're going out generally dating or we've 0:03:01.800 --> 0:03:05.360 got a wonderful partner, but we're also having issues with 0:03:05.919 --> 0:03:09.240 ourselves in terms of self doubt, in terms of being 0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:12.440 not able to say no when or express how we feel, 0:03:12.560 --> 0:03:15.959 and that's actually going to affake all of our locationships, 0:03:16.440 --> 0:03:20.119 not just the one we have with ourselves. So your website. 0:03:20.639 --> 0:03:24.440 Love destination dot com is a complete online relationship streaming service. 0:03:25.000 --> 0:03:28.240 And you talk about body language and also about the 0:03:28.280 --> 0:03:31.160 simple action of a kiss and how a kiss can 0:03:31.200 --> 0:03:35.040 determine what someone what their intentions are in a relationship. 0:03:35.040 --> 0:03:37.200 And I actually have a funny story about this. I 0:03:37.280 --> 0:03:39.920 was kissing a guy. Oh this is I mean, it's 0:03:39.920 --> 0:03:44.960 pretty dirty. I was kissing a guy and you know, 0:03:45.040 --> 0:03:48.320 it started off really sweet, so I thought my intentions 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:50.000 his intentions were like, oh, he wants to date me. 0:03:50.240 --> 0:03:52.840 And then like you know, some really good tongue action happened. 0:03:52.880 --> 0:03:56.080 I was like, Okay, this is interesting, and then that's 0:03:56.120 --> 0:04:00.880 exactly what I think of a tongue action. Then spits 0:04:00.920 --> 0:04:07.120 in my mouth like this strike So I spat in 0:04:07.200 --> 0:04:10.840 his mouth? WHOA hold on, on on, let's just make 0:04:10.840 --> 0:04:14.160 sure that we're clarifying. Is this like saliva going back 0:04:14.200 --> 0:04:15.680 and forth? Not to be to t M. I but 0:04:15.880 --> 0:04:17.600 you said it, so now we have to clarify. Or 0:04:17.760 --> 0:04:21.520 was it actually like I mean, in your mouth? Yeah? 0:04:22.320 --> 0:04:24.359 Was it wet the hawka lugi into your mouth? What 0:04:24.400 --> 0:04:27.520 does that even mean? No? No, it wasn't like that. 0:04:27.600 --> 0:04:31.440 It was more like a poor listeners. They had to 0:04:31.480 --> 0:04:35.200 just hear that. Oh no, so then I knew. Then 0:04:35.200 --> 0:04:38.560 I knew what were facts about. Here's some interesting facts 0:04:38.600 --> 0:04:41.440 about kissing. And we actually got a course on how 0:04:41.480 --> 0:04:43.599 to be an amazing kisser, and it covers this is 0:04:43.600 --> 0:04:45.960 that you know that men and women have pre wide 0:04:46.000 --> 0:04:49.000 differences when it comes to kissing. So guys are more 0:04:49.040 --> 0:04:53.159 likely to like a kiss with a lot more saliva 0:04:53.279 --> 0:04:57.559 because theoretically, when you kiss somebody, there's a small amount 0:04:57.560 --> 0:05:00.320 of testoster and that's released in your mouth, and your 0:05:00.400 --> 0:05:03.000 cheeks are the inside memories of your cheeks are actually impermeable, 0:05:03.080 --> 0:05:08.120 so over time that teststo slone might actually improve your 0:05:08.160 --> 0:05:10.160 libido or makes you more in the mood. But I 0:05:10.160 --> 0:05:12.560 don't know about speaking in your mouth. I've actually never 0:05:12.600 --> 0:05:21.720 heard of I've never heard of somebody somebody you do 0:05:21.800 --> 0:05:24.200 say you do say a kiss is worth a thousand words. 0:05:24.400 --> 0:05:26.320 I've never heard anyone say that before. Is that a 0:05:26.360 --> 0:05:30.920 real thing or is it the thing? So kipping kissing 0:05:30.960 --> 0:05:36.520 affects us emotionally, Biochemistry affects our biochemistry, it affects our thegeology. 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:39.120 It actually activates all five of our senses. So when 0:05:39.160 --> 0:05:42.479 we kiss, this is why it's actually an important part 0:05:42.520 --> 0:05:44.599 of mate sellection that helps us bond to the couple. 0:05:44.640 --> 0:05:48.840 When we kiss it actually we get information from our sensors, 0:05:48.880 --> 0:05:52.400 smell from obviously the seni a chemically in oursal life. 0:05:52.800 --> 0:05:56.720 But it also, yes, it challenged us about the other 0:05:56.760 --> 0:06:00.719 person's intentions. As we said, So basically, if somebody speak 0:06:00.760 --> 0:06:04.360 in your mouth on the fruit cues, just basically up 0:06:04.480 --> 0:06:06.760 straight in and go straight for the hot you know, 0:06:06.880 --> 0:06:10.960 smooth pass with no tenderness at all, no eye contact, 0:06:11.520 --> 0:06:13.680 or literally doesn't kiss you at all, then you can 0:06:13.720 --> 0:06:17.279 pretty much guarantee that person if it's the first kiss, 0:06:17.440 --> 0:06:21.919 is really mostly after some physical action or intimacy. But 0:06:22.640 --> 0:06:24.880 if you if you have somebody or you're in a 0:06:24.920 --> 0:06:29.880 long term relationship and you know, we have more touching, 0:06:29.920 --> 0:06:32.360 more caressing, perhaps you know, a kiss on the cheek, 0:06:32.680 --> 0:06:38.640 from the nose, kiss on the forehead, which activates Yeah, 0:06:38.839 --> 0:06:42.000 isn't it? It's so beautiful and this, you know, shows 0:06:42.560 --> 0:06:46.680 it gives us a sense of security, feel nurtured. It 0:06:46.760 --> 0:06:50.479 indicates a level of emotional and physical intimacy, and it 0:06:50.560 --> 0:06:53.240 shows you that yes, you know, they think your heart 0:06:53.279 --> 0:06:55.680 potentially depending on how close your groins are, you know, 0:06:55.839 --> 0:06:58.840 that's really important. You could just be platonic as well, 0:06:59.320 --> 0:07:02.720 but so that you know that they that did there 0:07:02.760 --> 0:07:05.680 for you, and when we're talking about relationships, that's that's 0:07:05.720 --> 0:07:10.400 just as important as the hot stuff, right. So you 0:07:10.480 --> 0:07:14.040 have a twelve lesson video of how to be an 0:07:14.080 --> 0:07:18.880 Amazing Kisser on your website, loves the Destination dot com. 0:07:19.080 --> 0:07:24.920 I guess my question is kissing is hard sometimes, especially 0:07:24.960 --> 0:07:29.320 as guys, we sometimes maybe I think that the girl 0:07:29.360 --> 0:07:30.760 will like it or don't like it, and then we 0:07:30.760 --> 0:07:33.800 get insecure and then we overcompensate. So is it really 0:07:33.960 --> 0:07:36.240 can you tell a lot in a relationship by the 0:07:36.320 --> 0:07:40.760 first kiss, Like with Vanessa's story as an example, Like 0:07:40.840 --> 0:07:44.360 maybe that guy was just like I'm you know, girls 0:07:44.440 --> 0:07:47.120 like this, and like maybe he maybe he didn't mean 0:07:47.160 --> 0:07:49.480 to like put on this vibe that he just wanted 0:07:49.480 --> 0:07:53.240 a physical action, but maybe he was just well I 0:07:53.240 --> 0:07:57.480 don't know what else he did. But this is the 0:07:57.600 --> 0:08:00.120 thing is that you know, and they's a big big 0:08:00.240 --> 0:08:02.320 thing here when we're talking about dating, when we're talking 0:08:02.360 --> 0:08:05.480 about first days, when we're talking about first kisses, there's 0:08:05.600 --> 0:08:07.200 one big thing that gets in the way, and that 0:08:07.360 --> 0:08:10.880 is nerves. When we an expectation, So two big things 0:08:10.960 --> 0:08:15.080 that really stuff us up when we're talking about relationships. So, 0:08:15.600 --> 0:08:18.920 you know, when we're going for that first kiss, obviously 0:08:18.960 --> 0:08:21.760 when we're nervous, it actually affects the amount of for 0:08:21.880 --> 0:08:24.880 lie in our mouths, affects them our ability to actually 0:08:24.880 --> 0:08:27.960 connect with somebody for a start, and it actually can 0:08:28.040 --> 0:08:32.080 affect our ability to kiss like we normally would. You know, 0:08:32.080 --> 0:08:34.480 we're not usually our best self when we're so stressed. 0:08:34.480 --> 0:08:36.120 We can't even remember the person who are about the 0:08:36.160 --> 0:08:39.200 kids and we can't even remember their name. Um. But 0:08:39.240 --> 0:08:41.760 the thing is is there was a study done and 0:08:41.800 --> 0:08:45.120 it found that if you flank the first kiss, almost 0:08:45.120 --> 0:08:48.640 seventy women and nearly sixty of gods won't go there 0:08:48.679 --> 0:08:51.600 again because the kids does. What it does is it 0:08:51.679 --> 0:08:55.960 actually affects us subconsciously our decision whether or not we 0:08:56.000 --> 0:08:58.560 want to go for round two. And that's not always 0:08:58.640 --> 0:09:00.760 because they're a bad kids are. Maybe it was because 0:09:00.800 --> 0:09:04.440 their breath was really bad. Perhaps it was actually their 0:09:04.559 --> 0:09:08.880 genetic compatibility. So kissing actually does information about somebody's genetic 0:09:08.880 --> 0:09:11.920 compatibility as well. And sometimes it's not actually that the 0:09:11.960 --> 0:09:14.680 person was a bad kiss. It's just the fact that 0:09:14.880 --> 0:09:16.920 maybe we wouldn't make good babies, which doesn't mean we 0:09:16.920 --> 0:09:19.040 wouldn't have a good relationship. But you know, have you 0:09:19.040 --> 0:09:20.920 ever been in that situation? I know I have where 0:09:20.960 --> 0:09:24.800 you think somebody is gorgeous and you're so attracted to 0:09:24.840 --> 0:09:26.719 each other you almost can't breathe, and then you go 0:09:26.760 --> 0:09:28.760 and kiss them, and then all of a sudden, it's 0:09:28.800 --> 0:09:32.120 just like, oh, oh god, it's like kissing my brother 0:09:32.240 --> 0:09:36.920 or kissing my sister. Um. And that's because your your 0:09:37.000 --> 0:09:38.960 kiss is letting you know that you're actually just not 0:09:39.000 --> 0:09:42.920 genetically compatiblely said, the first kissing actually really really important. Well, 0:09:42.920 --> 0:09:45.040 so let's say for the listener. For let's say out 0:09:45.040 --> 0:09:47.160 there somewhere in the world, there's a listener listening to 0:09:47.160 --> 0:09:50.280 this right now that just recently experienced the first kiss 0:09:50.640 --> 0:09:53.800 with someone they were so so interested in. It didn't 0:09:53.800 --> 0:09:56.800 go as maybe they had expected it to. What would 0:09:56.840 --> 0:09:59.960 your advice be for follow up with them or next step? 0:10:00.160 --> 0:10:02.240 Do you think that they should maybe given another try? 0:10:02.520 --> 0:10:03.959 Do you think that first kiss is a big enough 0:10:04.000 --> 0:10:06.480 indicator to then cut ties all together? What kind of 0:10:06.480 --> 0:10:10.200 advice would you have for someone in that situation? Yes, 0:10:10.440 --> 0:10:14.080 absolutely give it another try. Definitely do not go missing 0:10:14.120 --> 0:10:17.080 in action. I've had some really funny stories, were not funny, 0:10:17.080 --> 0:10:20.520 heartbreaking stories of people who literally were so mortified by 0:10:20.520 --> 0:10:23.400 the first kiss that they just didn't speak to never again, 0:10:23.720 --> 0:10:26.160 just didn't follow up, fell off the edge of the planet. 0:10:26.440 --> 0:10:29.960 So definitely, the best advice I can give you is, 0:10:30.040 --> 0:10:32.440 you know, humor goes a long way when it comes 0:10:32.480 --> 0:10:35.760 to dating relationships. They are just as nervous as you are. 0:10:36.280 --> 0:10:38.800 And if the first kiss was bad, they're taking as 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:42.600 much responsibility for it as you are. They're thinking, you know, 0:10:42.880 --> 0:10:44.640 there you go, Let there go. I'm a loser, I'm 0:10:44.679 --> 0:10:47.640 not attractive of such a bad kisser. What have I done? 0:10:48.040 --> 0:10:51.719 And so make you know, make it playful, be lighthearted 0:10:51.720 --> 0:10:54.120 about it. Suggest round two. You might say, gosh, that 0:10:54.200 --> 0:10:55.839 was that was a bit awkward, wasn't it. I think 0:10:55.840 --> 0:10:59.240 I was pretty nervous. Maybe we should have another round. Um, 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:01.600 but do this to what your body is telling you. 0:11:01.679 --> 0:11:05.560 So if you're it's terrible, it could be terrible because 0:11:05.679 --> 0:11:10.840 you're both felling really anxious, because you're both um feeling awkward, 0:11:10.920 --> 0:11:13.080 or because you really like this person and you're really 0:11:13.120 --> 0:11:14.880 nervous that that's going to affect the kids. Or it 0:11:14.920 --> 0:11:17.680 could be that they're actually just not into you. And 0:11:18.040 --> 0:11:20.400 the way that we tell that is to think about 0:11:20.440 --> 0:11:23.680 sort of you know, flirting one oh one, um, and 0:11:23.720 --> 0:11:25.520 there's a course on body language of attraction if you 0:11:25.559 --> 0:11:27.560 want to name one on that love destination, but flirting 0:11:27.600 --> 0:11:29.800 one oh one. So when we're attracted to someone, we 0:11:29.840 --> 0:11:33.880 have increased proximity, increased eye contact, increased touch, and so 0:11:34.000 --> 0:11:36.920 we would have a lot more you know, holding of 0:11:37.040 --> 0:11:40.280 your gaze, you know, touching your face, getting close to you, 0:11:40.400 --> 0:11:44.400 their their torso orientated towards you, their mouth open, and 0:11:44.520 --> 0:11:46.800 you can't fake a kids. So if you're not into 0:11:46.840 --> 0:11:51.400 a kiss, your lips are cold, hard and definitely not 0:11:51.480 --> 0:11:54.400 moist or plump. But when you're into a kiss, what 0:11:54.480 --> 0:11:57.680 happens is, you know, blood flow increases. We actually get 0:11:58.400 --> 0:12:00.720 blood flow goes to our lips and other parts of 0:12:00.720 --> 0:12:03.240 our body and it actually makes the warm plump and 0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:07.120 increases also saliza and lubricates, and so if somebody is 0:12:07.160 --> 0:12:09.839 into the kiss, then their lips are going to let 0:12:09.840 --> 0:12:13.040 you know. And so there are some signs there that 0:12:13.080 --> 0:12:14.880 will let you know if you if you're not just 0:12:14.920 --> 0:12:17.720 listening to your expectations and hopes and dreams, if this 0:12:17.800 --> 0:12:20.360 person is the love of your life, whether or not 0:12:20.800 --> 0:12:22.600 it was just a bad kiss or whether they just 0:12:22.720 --> 0:12:27.520 maybe not into you, which happens right From an evolutionary perspective, 0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:30.040 what is it about kissing someone that's so arousing for us? 0:12:30.120 --> 0:12:32.000 You know, like why do I get a little tingle 0:12:32.040 --> 0:12:34.440 downstairs when I kissed someone for the first time? What 0:12:34.600 --> 0:12:36.560 is it? What is it about the actual process of 0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:41.199 doing yes? And you know, kissing actually sends out neural 0:12:41.240 --> 0:12:45.679 networks into overdrive. It actually releases serotonin and dopamine or 0:12:45.720 --> 0:12:48.200 a pine front and or a stellar mine. It actually 0:12:48.240 --> 0:12:50.800 sends us on an obsessive pie. That's why you can 0:12:50.920 --> 0:12:55.840 sometimes kiss somebody who you have this insane attraction to 0:12:56.520 --> 0:12:59.240 and then you cannot get them out of your head. 0:12:59.320 --> 0:13:02.880 It literally on cloud nine. So we have an incredible 0:13:02.880 --> 0:13:06.400 amount of nerve endings dedicated to our and a lot 0:13:06.440 --> 0:13:09.120 of these nerve ending same as with our fuehead samers. 0:13:09.120 --> 0:13:11.840 With the ear there there are biggest de Roginus zone. 0:13:11.880 --> 0:13:15.560 So obviously when where the somebody who's if if if 0:13:15.600 --> 0:13:17.520 your ears are on a Roginus zone and somebody who's 0:13:17.559 --> 0:13:19.959 kicking your ears or lips which are definitely on a 0:13:20.040 --> 0:13:23.360 roginous zone obviously that you know, this is all part 0:13:23.440 --> 0:13:28.520 of arousal that stimulates us in other areas as well. Um, 0:13:28.720 --> 0:13:34.199 how can I say, well you? So you also spoke 0:13:34.240 --> 0:13:37.400 about body language, and I don't know what the percentages. 0:13:37.440 --> 0:13:41.520 I think it's like really high. Our communication is through 0:13:41.559 --> 0:13:45.760 body language, nonverbal communication. So for the body language, but 0:13:45.840 --> 0:13:48.680 then we also have facial expressions and paral language. So 0:13:48.760 --> 0:13:51.880 in actual fact, the amount of our communication that's non 0:13:51.960 --> 0:13:56.360 veriable is much closer to the body language is one aspect, 0:13:56.440 --> 0:13:58.400 but we've also got our face, and then we've got 0:13:58.400 --> 0:14:01.440 the way we speak so curly, which is our speed, 0:14:01.559 --> 0:14:03.680 our tone, our pitch. So you could say you know, 0:14:03.720 --> 0:14:06.520 I love you and in other words get lost I 0:14:06.800 --> 0:14:09.520 talking to you today, or you could say I love you, 0:14:09.720 --> 0:14:12.679 and it doesn't mean the same thing, right, So it's 0:14:12.760 --> 0:14:16.199 not actually the words we're using, it's our nonverbal communication 0:14:16.320 --> 0:14:20.560 that loads that we're meaning. Um, in terms of courtship befo, 0:14:20.560 --> 0:14:24.520 we're talking about love and attraction. Then it's even higher 0:14:24.560 --> 0:14:26.640 because we have a part of our brain that's actually 0:14:26.680 --> 0:14:35.640 dedicated two courtship seas notts and I'm sorry, So we 0:14:35.720 --> 0:14:38.000 have a part of our brain that's actually dedicated to 0:14:38.720 --> 0:14:42.960 understanding courtship signals or mating because obviously finding a mate 0:14:43.000 --> 0:14:47.400 from an evolutionary perspective is pretty important. UM. And so 0:14:47.560 --> 0:14:51.440 when we're talking about courtship, when we're talking about dating, 0:14:51.480 --> 0:14:55.520 which we're talking about obviously relationships, communication comes much more 0:14:55.560 --> 0:14:58.720 into it. But if we're talking about attraction, it's very 0:14:58.880 --> 0:15:02.680 much near be all about nonverbal communication right at the beginning. 0:15:04.040 --> 0:15:07.720 Oh well, yeah, totally touched case eye contact. Like you said, 0:15:07.800 --> 0:15:10.640 it's all about nonverbal communication, especially at the beginning, because 0:15:10.640 --> 0:15:14.160 you're too scared to actually articulate how you actually feel. 0:15:15.520 --> 0:15:17.400 And so, and you know, the thing is is what 0:15:17.440 --> 0:15:19.600 a lot of people don't realize that our bodies shoot 0:15:19.640 --> 0:15:22.920 out over ten thousand stimulize a non verbal stimula during 0:15:23.000 --> 0:15:26.680 every interaction that actually you reveal not what we're thinking, 0:15:27.200 --> 0:15:31.920 because you know what it reveals our emotions or negative 0:15:32.040 --> 0:15:36.400 emotion or positive emotion, or how we're feeling. Um, that 0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:39.080 actually reveal how we're feeling. But a lot of the 0:15:39.200 --> 0:15:43.480 time body language or nonverbal communication is actually misinterpreted because 0:15:43.960 --> 0:15:47.360 our we all have we all come from different experiences 0:15:47.560 --> 0:15:51.479 different Um, we all have different hopes, dreams and expectations 0:15:51.600 --> 0:15:55.240 and Also, the closer you are emotionally to somebody, the 0:15:55.440 --> 0:15:57.480 less likely it is you believe it or not that 0:15:57.800 --> 0:16:00.120 that in some cases you'll be able to accurately eat 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:02.680 their body language, particularly if they are aligned, because you're 0:16:02.720 --> 0:16:05.360 actually really home to the outcome. You know, you believe 0:16:05.720 --> 0:16:10.160 the reality is we you know body languages. Non Verbal 0:16:10.160 --> 0:16:12.600 communication is our first language. It's how we communicate when 0:16:12.600 --> 0:16:15.680 we babies right, how we get love and affection. Um 0:16:17.560 --> 0:16:23.720 communicate Danie babies catchy. I have one question I really 0:16:23.760 --> 0:16:25.280 want to ask you, but first we're gonna have to 0:16:25.320 --> 0:16:27.880 take a small break before we get into it. Hiring 0:16:28.000 --> 0:16:31.080 used to be hard, multiple job site, stacks of resumes 0:16:31.080 --> 0:16:34.520 and confusing review process. But today hiring can be easy 0:16:34.680 --> 0:16:36.240 and you only have to go to one place to 0:16:36.280 --> 0:16:38.240 get it done. You guys know what that place is. 0:16:38.280 --> 0:16:40.720 We've talked about it millions of times on this podcast. 0:16:41.040 --> 0:16:44.280 It's zip recruiter dot com slash date. Zip recruiter sends 0:16:44.280 --> 0:16:46.600 your job to over one hundred of the web's leading 0:16:46.680 --> 0:16:49.840 job boards, but they do not stop there. With their 0:16:49.880 --> 0:16:53.000 powerful matching technologies, zip recruiter scans thousands of resumes to 0:16:53.040 --> 0:16:55.400 find people with the right experience and invites them to 0:16:55.480 --> 0:16:59.120 apply to your job. As applications come in, zip recruiter 0:16:59.160 --> 0:17:02.680 analyzes each one and spotlights the top candidates so you 0:17:02.880 --> 0:17:05.879 never miss a great match. Zip recruiter actually is so 0:17:06.000 --> 0:17:09.520 effective that four out of five employers who post on 0:17:09.680 --> 0:17:12.680 zip recruiter get a quality candidate through the site within 0:17:12.760 --> 0:17:15.479 the first day. School is almost out, and it can 0:17:15.520 --> 0:17:18.240 be hard to find an internship, let alone a job, 0:17:18.440 --> 0:17:21.359 especially in today's world. Now. I struggled right out of 0:17:21.400 --> 0:17:23.600 college trying to find a job. I know Ashley did. 0:17:23.680 --> 0:17:25.600 She actually went back to school because she couldn't find 0:17:25.640 --> 0:17:27.920 a job. So did my sister. So it's very difficult 0:17:27.960 --> 0:17:29.760 out there. So make your life easier by going on 0:17:29.880 --> 0:17:32.960 zip recruiter dot com and right now our listeners can 0:17:33.000 --> 0:17:36.240 try zip recruiter for free as zip recruiter dot com 0:17:36.400 --> 0:17:40.920 slash date. That's zip recruiter dot com slash d a 0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:44.600 t e. Zip recruiter dot com slash date. The smartest 0:17:44.680 --> 0:17:48.120 way to hire For someone who's single and listening, how 0:17:48.280 --> 0:17:52.280 can what advice can you give them? UM to communicate 0:17:52.440 --> 0:17:54.480 more with their body language, like I know when I 0:17:54.640 --> 0:17:57.640 was working UM at one point I had my arms 0:17:57.680 --> 0:17:59.200 crossed and my manager was like, no, no, no, no. 0:17:59.359 --> 0:18:02.600 Make sure your arms to the side so you're welcoming. Um. So, 0:18:02.760 --> 0:18:04.600 for someone who's at a borrow or at an event, 0:18:05.119 --> 0:18:07.920 how should they stand or what should their facial expressions 0:18:08.000 --> 0:18:11.840 be like in order to attract you know, a significant 0:18:11.880 --> 0:18:14.840 other or someone they would like to date. Absolutely, the 0:18:15.000 --> 0:18:19.280 best advice I think is anyone is often we think 0:18:19.359 --> 0:18:23.359 of non our body language or nonverbal communications from our perspective. 0:18:23.480 --> 0:18:25.760 I feel comfortable crossing my arms and I deal with 0:18:25.920 --> 0:18:28.760 my friends and so there's nothing wrong with it. What 0:18:28.920 --> 0:18:31.200 we need to do is flip it around. The reality 0:18:31.359 --> 0:18:34.760 is most people, particularly in the dating scene, if they're 0:18:34.800 --> 0:18:37.399 out there and they're actively looking for a hook up 0:18:37.520 --> 0:18:39.840 or love or whatever they're looking for, are going to 0:18:39.960 --> 0:18:43.600 feel nervous. They're going to feel intimidated approaching you, just 0:18:43.760 --> 0:18:46.040 like we do when we see someone we're attracted to. 0:18:46.160 --> 0:18:48.800 If you're single, they're going to feel the same way. 0:18:49.160 --> 0:18:53.240 So the key to attraction, the key to being liked, 0:18:53.480 --> 0:18:56.320 is actually we like people who like us. We also 0:18:56.480 --> 0:19:00.560 like people who we see more often, and even if 0:19:00.600 --> 0:19:02.959 it's three times in the space of half an hour. 0:19:03.040 --> 0:19:05.159 Of research shows that we will be more likely to 0:19:05.240 --> 0:19:07.080 give that person yet or go on a date with them. 0:19:07.160 --> 0:19:09.880 So my first thing advice is to do a non 0:19:10.080 --> 0:19:15.000 verbal check of your body language. Ask yourself the question, 0:19:15.080 --> 0:19:18.560 would I approach me? Do I look open, friendly and approachable? 0:19:18.600 --> 0:19:20.440 If I was having a crap day? Would I look 0:19:20.480 --> 0:19:23.080 at me and think that's a safe person. If the 0:19:23.160 --> 0:19:26.440 answer is no, uncrossed your arms, uncrossed, your legs, scan 0:19:26.560 --> 0:19:29.040 the room, make eye contact and smile and straight away 0:19:29.200 --> 0:19:32.720 what you're sending out to people, remember the nonverbal the kids, 0:19:32.880 --> 0:19:36.440 we send out ten thous stimuli that reveal what we're 0:19:36.480 --> 0:19:40.000 really feeling. Your non verbal communication is going to say 0:19:40.040 --> 0:19:43.560 I'm a safe and approachable So that's my my first 0:19:44.320 --> 0:19:47.080 um thing it's about It's actually about the other person. 0:19:47.160 --> 0:19:51.000 It's not about you, and realize that you know, we 0:19:51.119 --> 0:19:53.520 all feel as they were the only person sometimes you 0:19:53.600 --> 0:19:56.040 feel is nervous, the only person who feels like we've 0:19:56.080 --> 0:19:57.800 got nothing to say, or feels like a bit of 0:19:57.840 --> 0:20:01.520 a loser. But you know, stranger anxiety is part of 0:20:01.640 --> 0:20:04.639 the human condition. We all we're pretty wide to feel 0:20:04.720 --> 0:20:06.960 that way. It keeps us safe when their baby is 0:20:07.000 --> 0:20:10.200 not necessarily as adults. Another thing that I would say 0:20:10.560 --> 0:20:13.560 in terms of the familiarity effected. If you were the bar, 0:20:13.720 --> 0:20:18.320 it's just say three times, so walk not past that 0:20:18.400 --> 0:20:20.440 person to bump into them three times, but sort of 0:20:20.520 --> 0:20:23.119 just walk past them. You know, you might to go 0:20:23.200 --> 0:20:25.280 into a drink and then maybe walk past them to 0:20:25.320 --> 0:20:27.960 go to the bathroom and just smile and make eye 0:20:28.000 --> 0:20:30.320 contact if you walk past three times, and that's going 0:20:30.400 --> 0:20:35.000 to increase the um the likelihood that they would be 0:20:35.080 --> 0:20:37.520 more open to at least talking to you. I used 0:20:37.520 --> 0:20:39.040 to do that all the time when I be at bars. 0:20:39.080 --> 0:20:40.440 I would just if I saw a girl that I 0:20:40.720 --> 0:20:42.320 was attracted and I wanted to say hi, instead of 0:20:42.359 --> 0:20:44.280 actually just going up, I would always make sure that 0:20:44.359 --> 0:20:47.040 I was walking past them and try to make eye contact, 0:20:47.080 --> 0:20:48.600 you know, just to break the ice a little bit 0:20:48.640 --> 0:20:50.680 and hopefully it would be like a more natural meaning 0:20:50.760 --> 0:20:54.160 instead of me coming up. But Katillo, we really appreciate 0:20:54.240 --> 0:20:57.119 you coming on now. I don't want to mispronounce your name. 0:20:57.160 --> 0:21:03.920 I'm terrible with names. Katia, Catty, I think Katia, And 0:21:04.080 --> 0:21:07.280 I just wanted to give the listeners as well. If 0:21:07.320 --> 0:21:09.480 you hop on to love destination dot com modes on 0:21:10.040 --> 0:21:12.119 Android and I always as well. If you're put in 0:21:12.200 --> 0:21:16.280 promo code love dirty. Um, you can get extra love 0:21:16.359 --> 0:21:18.879 so you can get thirty days free access. It's been 0:21:18.920 --> 0:21:21.840 more loving your life free to dirty days perfect perfect 0:21:21.880 --> 0:21:23.479 and we you see even on your website right now, 0:21:23.480 --> 0:21:24.920 I see that you have. Also you can just do 0:21:24.960 --> 0:21:27.200 a seven day free trial as well. Um, so you 0:21:27.240 --> 0:21:29.120 guys can use the code. But this way you get 0:21:29.200 --> 0:21:34.160 thirty perfect And what was the code again, love dirty? 0:21:34.440 --> 0:21:37.840