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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is John, the og story

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Speaker 1: Time podcast host.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: But before that, we get a teeny two minute break

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Speaker 1: from the sponsors that keep this show propped up like

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Speaker 1: a little house.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, my father disowned me because I want to

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Speaker 2: take control of my life.

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Speaker 1: Control it. Get all the cheat codes, go off into

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Speaker 1: the sunset, put that joy stick and drive.

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Speaker 2: Oh god, Well, I am facing being disowned by my

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Speaker 2: family because I'm planning on moving in with my girlfriends

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Speaker 2: next year. Oo. Sounds like family troubles. But first a

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Speaker 2: little background. I come from a very conservative driven family.

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Speaker 2: My father has been very involved in my life and

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Speaker 2: I owe a lot of my success to him. Okay, okay.

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Speaker 2: He has worked hard to provide me with opportunities, to

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Speaker 2: keep me motivated and to ensure that I reach my potential.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Nico and and if

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Speaker 2: you want to submit your own story and reach your potential,

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Speaker 2: go to the r slash Okay, story times over it

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Speaker 2: and send him in. Now. I am attending college on

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Speaker 2: a full ride scholarship do in part to my own

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Speaker 2: heart work, but also as a result of his guidance

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Speaker 2: and involvement. In my life. That said, my father's methods

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Speaker 2: aren't the best.

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Speaker 1: What are his methods? Tell me, John, hm, oh I will.

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Speaker 2: While he only does the things he does out of

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Speaker 2: love for me and a desire to help me, he

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Speaker 2: has always been extremely strict and controlling. While this was

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Speaker 2: somewhat necessary when I was younger, his approach means the

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Speaker 2: same despite the fact that I am now twenty two

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Speaker 2: years old. So basically he's like he's treating him like

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Speaker 2: a ten year old, like, hey, little Jimmy, did you

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Speaker 2: clean your room? And he's like, yeah, Dad, I cleaned

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Speaker 2: my room nigh.

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Speaker 1: But I'm also twenty two and you don't need to

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Speaker 1: police that anymore.

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Speaker 2: Father, Yeah, no, no, I do. It's like when my

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Speaker 2: dad tried to make me sign a contract to not

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Speaker 2: drop out of college.

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Speaker 1: And you're like, fat chance, daddy, Oh I'm dropping out.

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Speaker 1: Boom didn't work. Same reality TV star true story. For

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Speaker 1: those that know the John lore.

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Speaker 2: There you go google it. It's not on there now. Essentially,

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Speaker 2: his word is final. Disagreeing with him is unacceptable and disrespectful,

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Speaker 2: and going against his will on any major issue is

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Speaker 2: grounds for disnment. In my family. Wow, that's that's not

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Speaker 2: just strict.

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Speaker 1: The ultimate punishment. What does this selment even mean? Like

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Speaker 1: it's just like I'm not talking to you anymore, Like

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Speaker 1: I want to know what the levels are.

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Speaker 2: That's the quest. My guess here is is uh, Dad

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Speaker 2: will push for ex communication as hard as.

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Speaker 1: Ex communication is like the pope.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, just get him ex communication from the pope.

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Speaker 1: Ex Communication is a is a papal Uh I thought

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Speaker 1: it was a different word. X Well you could, you

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Speaker 1: could say, I guess, I guess it works. But excommunication

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Speaker 1: is like it comes from the pope and from the

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Speaker 1: days of European churches, being like the worst thing that

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Speaker 1: you could do is get excommunicated from the church.

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Speaker 2: It was like, is ex communicated? Yeah, yeah, you're right,

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Speaker 2: shout out to the pope. Better than this dad, I think. Now,

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Speaker 2: for example, my older brother has been disowned for my

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Speaker 2: family four marrying his now wife against my dad's wishes.

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Speaker 2: How dare you?

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Speaker 1: Sounds sounds like you found love.

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Speaker 2: That is unacceptable? Just kidding. They met at the beginning

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Speaker 2: of college, dated for four years, and got married soon

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Speaker 2: after graduating. Okay, So while part of my dad's disapproval

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Speaker 2: stems from the fact that he and my brother's wife

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Speaker 2: do not get along. The main issue is that my

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Speaker 2: father thinks my brother got married too young. Interestingly enough,

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Speaker 2: my parents' relationship history perfectly mirrors my brothers.

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Speaker 1: I hate that, I e hypocrisy.

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Speaker 2: My parents met in college and got married when they graduated.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's like kind of like, I feel like

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Speaker 1: relationships as they move forward in time have interests, Like

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Speaker 1: my parents got together earlier, then I'll probably get together,

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Speaker 1: and like their parents got together earlier than they got together,

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Speaker 1: and then my grandparents got together probably like my great

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Speaker 1: grandparents probably got together like twelve.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: Wow, I don't know if that's true, but I like

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Speaker 1: I feel like they you know, as you go back,

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Speaker 1: people people uh got married earlier and earlier.

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Speaker 2: But dude, the the the the level of hypocrisy this

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Speaker 2: would it's crazy.

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Speaker 1: It's crazy. Insane. Yeah, insane. I would be a little

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Speaker 1: bit peeved.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it is abundantly clear that my dad regrets getting

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Speaker 2: married so young. I see you. Oh, I'm just saying.

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying he's like, I hate my marriage. I

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Speaker 1: don't want you to hit too.

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Speaker 2: Keep watching, we'll see what happens. So now here's where

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Speaker 2: I come in. After losing my older brother. Oh oh, oh,

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Speaker 2: maybe it could be.

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Speaker 1: It could be.

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Speaker 2: I think we're gonna get more details here. Oh my god.

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Speaker 2: After losing my older brother, my dad has really latched

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Speaker 2: onto me. He routinely tells me that I'm his best friend,

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Speaker 2: and he cares deeply about my success in future. It's

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Speaker 2: safe to say that I am his favorite child. I

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Speaker 2: have to s as well as I am the most

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Speaker 2: like my dad in terms of my interests and also

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Speaker 2: the most successful.

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Speaker 1: Okay, all right, be your own chest. Okay, all ye.

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Speaker 2: In fact, my dad and I get along very well

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Speaker 2: most of the time. Unfortunately, I also have a very

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Speaker 2: serious girlfriend. It's like saying, like, hey, guys, I got

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Speaker 2: some some serious news to tell you. I am in

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Speaker 2: a committed relationship.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, outrage, it's uh, it could be you.

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Speaker 2: You know, I'm only twenty two and guess what it

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Speaker 2: could be terminal. It could be for the rest of

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Speaker 2: my life.

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Speaker 1: Oh jeez, I know, I know how disgusted rock off

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Speaker 1: the plank right now, terrible.

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Speaker 2: We've been dating for over four years now, since senior

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Speaker 2: year of high school, and we intend to stay together

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Speaker 2: after we graduate. While my dad actually likes my girlfriend,

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Speaker 2: he is diametrically opposed to how serious we are. In

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Speaker 2: his mind, I need to date as many girls as possible, bro,

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Speaker 2: and I shouldn't even consider being in such a serious relationship.

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Speaker 1: Made like spread your seed Sun, take those ladies to

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Speaker 1: the stabbing cabin.

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Speaker 2: We need to reload this sun. We need as many

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Speaker 2: shots in as possible. God, Michael Jordan.

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Speaker 1: Dude, that's be a little a little whore.

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Speaker 2: So he needs he needs that machine we pulled up.

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Speaker 2: What is it? The the the back ho tractor, the

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Speaker 2: thing that it's like a thousand seeds once. We need

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Speaker 2: one of those, Riley, look up those old exactly. We'll

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Speaker 2: let we'll let hop he know what he needs now

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Speaker 2: as sorry. It's like a fertilizer thing. There's like a

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Speaker 2: fertilizer thing that goes like and it is like this

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Speaker 2: and as a giant like how many seeds is are playing?

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Speaker 2: Like a thousand seeds per second or something crazy? So

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Speaker 2: many seeds. That's that's what his dad wants for his

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Speaker 2: kid now. As a result, it is his view that

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Speaker 2: I need to spend at least one to two years

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Speaker 2: away from my girlfriend after we graduate, to grow independently

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Speaker 2: and to find myself.

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Speaker 1: I mean he's like, I like, I feel like his

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Speaker 1: heart's in the right place. He's basically like, I hate

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Speaker 1: my marriage. I don't want you to hate your marriage too,

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Speaker 1: But it's misplaced because dude, OPI does not hate his partner.

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Speaker 2: I think this is a great example of when a

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Speaker 2: potentially extremely productive intention and conversation was like, hey, hey, man,

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Speaker 2: you know this was my experience. I just want you

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Speaker 2: to be able to explore. But OPI is facing OPI

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Speaker 2: is like, I love my girlfriend. I want to move

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Speaker 2: in with her. Huh. And now he has to face

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Speaker 2: being disowned from his family because his brother already was.

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Speaker 2: I mean, that is this could be, It could be

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Speaker 2: so great.

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Speaker 1: His dad just wants a bunch of bachelors, you know. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he wants to live vicariously through his his boys messing around.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, there's there's some there's some some stinkiness. There's some

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Speaker 2: stinkiness and some uh yeah, something in the dad like

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Speaker 2: again like, oh, I think.

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Speaker 1: A lot of seed probably uh dude unsown.

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Speaker 2: He he has so much seed that he did not spill. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and he just wants to He just wants to don't

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Speaker 2: pass it down. He wants he wants to pass it forward. Oh, daddy, no, daddy,

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Speaker 2: chill now. Of course, neither my girlfriend nor myself want

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Speaker 2: this to be apart from one to two years. I'm

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Speaker 2: planning on pursuing a PhD after I graduate. I've already

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Speaker 2: been accepted to several good programs.

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Speaker 1: Whoo, let's go.

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Speaker 2: This kid is like the greatest kid ever know.

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Speaker 1: He has a relationship, he's very successful, got the PhD. Oh,

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Speaker 1: nothing's going wrong for this man.

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Speaker 2: And my girlfriend is currently applying for jobs in the

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Speaker 2: places where I have applied to schools. Everything is falling

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Speaker 2: into place here. So for some time now, our plan

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Speaker 2: has been to move in together after we graduate, given

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Speaker 2: my dad's opinion on a relationship. However, I have misrepresented

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Speaker 2: this plan to him, telling him that we are applying

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Speaker 2: for things independently but hoping to end up near each other. Essentially,

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Speaker 2: the plan was to pretend that her dream job and

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Speaker 2: my dream school just happened to end up being in

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Speaker 2: the same place and that we got lucky. As stupid

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Speaker 2: as this plan was, it actually seemed like it might

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Speaker 2: be working until a few days ago.

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Speaker 1: Wait, just to understand that, so they're applying to a

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Speaker 1: bunch of different things at the same time, and they're

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Speaker 1: trying to they're planning to be together, right, So it's

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Speaker 1: like they're planning to be together, are they? But is it?

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Speaker 1: Is it not that where like, like it's not exactly

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Speaker 1: their dream school, they're choosing like to be together over

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Speaker 1: their dream scenarios. Is that what's kind of happening.

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Speaker 2: He's already been accepted to places and she's just applying.

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Speaker 2: She's only looking for jobs in the areas he's.

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Speaker 1: Been so it's not her dream job. It's just like

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Speaker 1: it's just a job near him.

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Speaker 2: It seems that she she is the one making more

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Speaker 2: of the sacrifice. But I think the big picture thing

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Speaker 2: here and maybe to like break down really quick, is

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Speaker 2: he is essentially like lying to his dad in order

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Speaker 2: to kind of trickle truth. Now it is a it

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Speaker 2: is a one could say, a a trickle truth in

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Speaker 2: the pursuit of something good, him being able to be

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Speaker 2: with who he loves and not be disowned by his dad.

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Speaker 2: But what do we think about that?

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Speaker 1: But what costs? I don't know.

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Speaker 2: It's a tough one to be honest.

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Speaker 1: But I recognize that there are people that can't tell

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Speaker 1: their parents things, you know, exactly. Not everyone's gonna be

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Speaker 1: understanding of who you are and how you choose to

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Speaker 1: show up in the world. But as we've I feel

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Speaker 1: like a general rule of the show is communicate early

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Speaker 1: and often, and you know, like it's it's gonna come

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Speaker 1: out regardless. It's not his business. But if the dad's

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Speaker 1: already in your business, he's going to know your business,

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Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think yeah again generally, like I think for

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Speaker 2: sure the rule of thumb generally here is like, just

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Speaker 2: go ahead and communicate what's happening, because then you get

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Speaker 2: to like live authentically as who you actually are. You

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Speaker 2: are in love with this woman and want to move

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Speaker 2: in with her, but I do I don't want one

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Speaker 2: hundred percent co sign it, but I do see the

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Speaker 2: the very tender balance here of like, of course, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I want to be able to, uh, you know, move

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Speaker 2: in and live with my girlfriend and not my own

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Speaker 2: and do my best not to be his own and

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Speaker 2: that's not his fault, like it's that's doing that.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I think if I mean, like, should Ope

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Speaker 1: have done anything differently? Should op have been fourth? Right?

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Speaker 1: You think with exactly what was happening, Hey have already

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Speaker 1: been to except to the school and my girlfriend's looking

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Speaker 1: for jobs near it.

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Speaker 2: To be honest, I think at this point maybe not

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Speaker 2: maybe tonight. So he so what he's done is he's good,

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Speaker 2: I think for the time being, because I see him

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Speaker 2: struggling to try to continue this relationship with his dad.

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Speaker 2: He he clearly sees the good and his dad, and

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Speaker 2: he obviously, as he absolutely should and is well entitled to.

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Speaker 2: He wants to live with his girlfriend and be with

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Speaker 2: his girlfriend, and he's like, very harshly, like taking his

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Speaker 2: own judges and biases and using them to cut them off.

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Speaker 1: So but then he says, the dad will disone you

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Speaker 1: for being with the person you love. Time to go

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Speaker 1: hang out with disown bro and have a good life

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Speaker 1: without him, you know, like I thin, and I think

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Speaker 1: this generally goes to like and then you know there

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Speaker 1: are exceptions to this rule. But to say the rule,

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Speaker 1: if you being who you are it makes makes you

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Speaker 1: be disowned by who you love, then I don't know

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Speaker 1: if that was a relationship that is worth protecting.

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Speaker 2: A phenomenal point, and you could also say, hey, look

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Speaker 2: this is me, this is who I am. I would

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Speaker 2: love to be in your life. But if you choose to,

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Speaker 2: you know, you know, basically remove me from the family.

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Speaker 2: That's fine. I would want to continue and like, like

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Speaker 2: work through this and and like remain a part of

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Speaker 2: your life because I love you. Yeah, and you kind

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Speaker 2: of just lead.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you court balls in your court. You can choose

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Speaker 1: to to move towards me if you'd like.

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Speaker 2: I feel like that now, thinking all the way through,

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Speaker 2: feel like that's a pretty good yeah.

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Speaker 1: And I think when you're when you tell the truth

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Speaker 1: early enough, and you communicate early and often you basically

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Speaker 1: allow people to say, like I like this or I

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Speaker 1: don't like this, and uh, and you still stay in

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Speaker 1: integrity with yourself, which is I think the most important thing.

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Speaker 2: Agreed, But let's see what OP actually does now. As

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Speaker 2: stupid as a plan as this was, it actually seemed

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Speaker 2: like it might be working until a few days ago

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Speaker 2: when my dad asked me if I would live with

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Speaker 2: my girlfriend should we end up in the same place.

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Speaker 2: Caught off guard, I told him yes, we probably would.

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Speaker 2: The truth is out, all right, Okay. That is when

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Speaker 2: everything came crashing down. My parents are extremely conservative, and

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Speaker 2: while they are not practicing Christians, they use the Bible

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Speaker 2: when it is convenient for their arguments.

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Speaker 3: The worst can I know you love without all the

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Speaker 3: full context. I know you hate it, right, Yeah, come

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Speaker 3: on now, It just like bothers me when people use

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Speaker 3: Bible versus out of context. Ya, why why are we

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Speaker 3: doing this?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, it's the worst. Thus, they are completely opposed

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Speaker 2: to any form of a cohabitation before marriage, despite the

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Speaker 2: fact that they themselves lived together before marriage.

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Speaker 3: You know that happened to me growing up, Like my

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Speaker 3: mom was always like, you can't do X y Z

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Speaker 3: before you're married. And then I was like, wait a minute,

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Speaker 3: but grandpa, grandma and grandpa did, and you and dad did.

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Speaker 1: Wait a minute, this is this is as I say,

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Speaker 1: not as I do.

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Speaker 2: And at least if you're like, hey, you know this

295
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Speaker 2: is a mistake I made, that's a way different story.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, when you're just like, I will disown you

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Speaker 2: if you don't do this, but you did it, how

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Speaker 2: about how about you disown yourself my mom? Oh, just

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Speaker 2: an idea. Now at this point, I think it's relevant

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Speaker 2: to include the email that my father sent me soon

301
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Speaker 2: after this conversation. Family. Okay, so this is to everybody

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Speaker 2: I have learned today that Op plans to live with

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Speaker 2: his girlfriend if they happen to end up in the

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Speaker 2: same place. Quote unquote, I am appalled, disgusted, and pissed off.

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Speaker 2: OPI you could have not honored your parents more than

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Speaker 2: to make such a huge life decision without so much

307
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Speaker 2: as even an attempt to get advice or consider the

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Speaker 2: implications of your actions on others.

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Speaker 1: What implications? How is this affecting you?

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Speaker 4: Hey, I don't buy it, and now I'm gonna be

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Speaker 4: mad daddy, and I want to be I want to

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Speaker 4: be happy, Daddy.

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Speaker 1: Don't you want to have exactly that? That's what I'm

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Speaker 1: imagining that, Daddy?

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Speaker 2: Oh me, your daddy. Don't you love me? It is

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Speaker 2: completely against your family's values and your faith. You have

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Speaker 2: shown how ridiculously immature and self centered you truly are.

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Speaker 2: Becoming an adult does not mean you can do whatever

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Speaker 2: you want, no matter the consequences. To decide to live

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Speaker 2: together not because of unpassing away love and commitments, but

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Speaker 2: because it just worked out is morally and ethically disastrous.

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Speaker 2: It seems that in this case, neither party are willing

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Speaker 2: to give up their own overly inflated self interests to

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Speaker 2: sacrifice their individual goals for the other, but instead have

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Speaker 2: decided to go their own ways. And live together if

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Speaker 2: by chance, their individual choices brought them to the same place. Wow,

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00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:18,320
Speaker 2: dot dot dot. Choices like this have immense consequences. None

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Speaker 2: of you are even remotely mature enough to be making

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Speaker 2: decisions like this without a serious study, debate, and mentorship.

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Speaker 2: Avoidance of the discussion is yet another symptom of cowardice

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Speaker 2: and immaturity. Sister has shown the maturity and respect to

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Speaker 2: discuss the possibility of living with her boyfriend at some

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Speaker 2: point with both her mom and I, both separately and

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Speaker 2: together on several occasions. She is taking your time to

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Speaker 2: consider the decision carefully and how decision impacts everyone involved.

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Speaker 2: That is exactly how a mature, consider respectful family member behaves.

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Speaker 2: To do so otherwise is disrespectful to your family in

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Speaker 2: every and in such an egregious manner as to threaten

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Speaker 2: the very existence of your family relationships. You're the one

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Speaker 2: threatening to friendly again.

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Speaker 1: How is this threatening your familiar relationships? You're the one.

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Speaker 2: It's him.

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Speaker 1: It's him. He's the guy with like the gun being like,

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Speaker 1: don't make me shoot you? Why why are you making

345
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Speaker 1: me do this? I guess I should say, pup you.

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Speaker 1: He's the one with the Pupo is like, don't make

347
00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:16,280
Speaker 1: me bang you, and man, we have to do so

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Speaker 1: much censorship and yeah.

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Speaker 2: Right, and again too, I think, like back to the

350
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Speaker 2: earlier point of like, hey, I'm gonna do this. I

351
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Speaker 2: want to be involved in my life. But it's it's

352
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:28,200
Speaker 2: the it's it's it's unliving them with kindness. Like I

353
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Speaker 2: think if you unlive them with kindness, it show it

354
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Speaker 2: just so shows how insane they are, who the real

355
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Speaker 2: villain is, and who the real villain is, and hopefully

356
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Speaker 2: if they actually learned, they'll be like, wow, here I

357
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Speaker 2: was ready to sown my son, and he was still

358
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Speaker 2: like I'm here if if you if you want to

359
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,359
Speaker 2: be yeah, but you know, I have to live my

360
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Speaker 2: life and respect myself.

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Speaker 1: But something that I am seeing in the dad email

362
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Speaker 1: is it's almost like he's mad that op he didn't

363
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Speaker 1: ask him about the living with a girlfriend. More than

364
00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:09,000
Speaker 1: Opie living with the girlfriend. It it seems like he

365
00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:12,480
Speaker 1: just wants I feel like he feels hurt that he

366
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Speaker 1: wasn't consulted, and yeah, and like if that is true,

367
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Speaker 1: which I don't think it is entirely true, but I

368
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Speaker 1: think there's a portion of it that that is affecting

369
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Speaker 1: the dad's answer. I think that goes back to our

370
00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:29,320
Speaker 1: first point is maybe if OPI had communicated this early,

371
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:33,000
Speaker 1: often and transparently, the fallout from the dad feeling like

372
00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:39,159
Speaker 1: he was blindsided would be less because he's talking about

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Speaker 1: how the sister is basically asking for the same thing,

374
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Speaker 1: but he's like, she did it in a better way

375
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Speaker 1: because she started talking to me before it happened and

376
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Speaker 1: kind of giving me a heads up.

377
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it probably would have helped. But I

378
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:56,480
Speaker 2: feel like he also might be using that as a

379
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Speaker 2: mechanism of control, where it's like where it's like, hey,

380
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:02,760
Speaker 2: she told me, it's like if you if a, if

381
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:05,720
Speaker 2: you tell me when you're in the decision making process,

382
00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:07,840
Speaker 2: I can more easily like stamp it out of you

383
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:11,120
Speaker 2: and control what you're doing. But I do think at

384
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Speaker 2: least maybe this, I mean, this is probably so traumatic

385
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:19,600
Speaker 2: to OP to Well, imagine it's receiving this email from

386
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,600
Speaker 2: your dad not just to you, but to the whole family.

387
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:26,040
Speaker 1: Dude, Yeah, I mean that would be getting flammed in

388
00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:29,040
Speaker 1: on the family group chat. That's kind of whack.

389
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:31,800
Speaker 3: Also, why do you have all of your family members

390
00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:33,000
Speaker 3: email addresses?

391
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:39,119
Speaker 1: That's what I'm pretty wild, big family chains. Yeah, that's

392
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:43,000
Speaker 1: that's normal for us. Emails, text emails, and text.

393
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Speaker 3: Baby, Okay, text makes sense, baby, be not an email.

394
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:47,840
Speaker 1: Email email.

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00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:52,119
Speaker 2: Y'all are organized. I'll give you that. Now. The letter

396
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:55,399
Speaker 2: is not over. Okay, the dad continues, Let me be

397
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:56,639
Speaker 2: completely clear.

398
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,560
Speaker 1: Oh wow't clear enough.

399
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:03,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, Mom and I are completely, absolutely, one hundred percent

400
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:06,600
Speaker 2: against any of you living with a boyfriend or girlfriend,

401
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:10,159
Speaker 2: which I think again goes back to like he just

402
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:11,800
Speaker 2: wants to be able to control this. Yeah.

403
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:15,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm also I'm confused because he was, like, your

404
00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:17,239
Speaker 1: sister told me about how she was going to live

405
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:18,840
Speaker 1: with a boyfriend, and that's like how we should do

406
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,720
Speaker 1: things around here. But also I want none of you

407
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:23,439
Speaker 1: living with your partners.

408
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:28,119
Speaker 2: That's all Again, I feel like just another like mechanism

409
00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:28,879
Speaker 2: of control.

410
00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:34,639
Speaker 1: Oh, it's all about control. Critique is a oligarchic season power.

411
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:37,359
Speaker 2: We don't like that. We don't now. While we have

412
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:40,320
Speaker 2: not had any real in depth discussion surrounding the ethical

413
00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:43,960
Speaker 2: and moral implications of co inhabitation, say that five times fast.

414
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,560
Speaker 2: There's much to consider and discuss. I'm well aware that

415
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:48,719
Speaker 2: your mom and I did it, but we both completely

416
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:51,760
Speaker 2: regret it for many reasons. A responsible family member might

417
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,600
Speaker 2: consider the implications of deciding to live with someone without

418
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:57,359
Speaker 2: first seeking the council and blessing of their mother and

419
00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,840
Speaker 2: father in a decision of this magnitude. I have a

420
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:02,960
Speaker 2: hatch a small primer on just some of the issues

421
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:05,720
Speaker 2: that you might want to consider before making such a move.

422
00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:07,200
Speaker 1: This is gonna be fun.

423
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:11,280
Speaker 2: I expect you to read all of it in its entirety.

424
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:14,600
Speaker 1: I want to hear the primers. I'm actually super curious,

425
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:17,800
Speaker 1: Well me, what you got.

426
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:21,959
Speaker 2: We are not getting into the primers. What we are

427
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:25,320
Speaker 2: getting into the response from the sun.

428
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:29,560
Speaker 1: Oh, responding to the email.

429
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:33,200
Speaker 2: Literally responding to the email, I am assuming everyone CEC

430
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:34,880
Speaker 2: this is a oh.

431
00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:39,639
Speaker 1: Also, the dad has got to be aware that this

432
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:42,880
Speaker 1: is not gonna look good to the rest of the family, right.

433
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:48,040
Speaker 2: I wonder he might be so in his bubble that

434
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:52,720
Speaker 2: like this is just he wants it at any cost.

435
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:57,960
Speaker 2: He's willing to lose his son to have the you know,

436
00:21:58,119 --> 00:22:02,000
Speaker 2: the satisfaction of knowing like, Okay, they're doing it the

437
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:03,359
Speaker 2: way I want them to.

438
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:08,000
Speaker 1: That is a lame trade. That is a not a

439
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,520
Speaker 1: trade deal. I would want insane trade.

440
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:13,080
Speaker 2: No, so Just to be clear, the issues with my

441
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,119
Speaker 2: dad's stem not just from my decision to live with

442
00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:18,280
Speaker 2: my girlfriend, but also from how I have approached the issue.

443
00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:21,000
Speaker 2: I have purposefully hidden my intentions from him because of

444
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:24,280
Speaker 2: the example of both my older siblings. Not reflected in

445
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:27,000
Speaker 2: the email above is the fact that my older sister

446
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,920
Speaker 2: broached the issue of living with her boyfriend two years ago,

447
00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:33,760
Speaker 2: and there was a similar explosion in the family. After

448
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,239
Speaker 2: much pressure, she backed down, and it appears she is

449
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:38,840
Speaker 2: just now reopening the discussion. I didn't know about that

450
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,120
Speaker 2: until this email. The fact that I hid this from

451
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,800
Speaker 2: my father is a gross betrayal and prove to him

452
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:45,960
Speaker 2: that I am not mature enough to make these kinds

453
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:49,800
Speaker 2: of decisions. However, I certainly have an approached this issue

454
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:52,240
Speaker 2: in a vacuum. I have discussed the implications of moving

455
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:54,320
Speaker 2: in with my girlfriend with multiple other people, and I

456
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:58,199
Speaker 2: have actually been given extensive consideration not just to the

457
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:01,000
Speaker 2: consequences of my relationship with my girl friend, but also

458
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:04,520
Speaker 2: for the inevitable consequences for my relationship with my dad.

459
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:07,200
Speaker 2: I simply haven't brought it up with my dad because,

460
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:09,320
Speaker 2: as he states above, I know he is one hundred

461
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:12,080
Speaker 2: percent against it. Nevertheless, I am not ready to lose

462
00:23:12,119 --> 00:23:14,720
Speaker 2: my relationship with my father and, by extension, my family

463
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:17,080
Speaker 2: as a result. I met with my father the day

464
00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:19,359
Speaker 2: after he sent the email. Tried to explain to him

465
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:21,000
Speaker 2: that I didn't talk to him about this because I

466
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,439
Speaker 2: felt that I couldn't and that I felt couldn't come

467
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:25,600
Speaker 2: to him for advice on most issues because I am

468
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 2: a trader if I don't end up taking his advice, which,

469
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:32,119
Speaker 2: by the way, so far great. Yeah, like he's like going, he's.

470
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:36,240
Speaker 1: Like very like systematically like this is why, this is why.

471
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:39,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's not even attacking, he's like, this is just

472
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:41,480
Speaker 2: the reason why I felt like I felt like i'd

473
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,719
Speaker 2: be a trader if I came to you for anything.

474
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:46,120
Speaker 2: I explained to him that I want to be able

475
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:48,159
Speaker 2: to talk to him about big issues like this, but

476
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,959
Speaker 2: that I won't be able to until he can support

477
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:54,679
Speaker 2: my decision, even if they contradict his advice. Unfortunately, this

478
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 2: was less effective. My father likened my request for him

479
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:01,040
Speaker 2: to support my decision to live with my girlfriend to

480
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:04,600
Speaker 2: him asking me support and cheating on my mom.

481
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:08,159
Speaker 1: Wait wait wait wait wait.

482
00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:11,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, so my father likened my request for him to

483
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:15,760
Speaker 2: support my decision living with my girlfriend to him asking

484
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,280
Speaker 2: me to support him and cheating on my mom.

485
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:25,919
Speaker 1: What dude, dude, dude, you're kidding me.

486
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:36,280
Speaker 2: Yep. I mean if people are honest and share the

487
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:39,840
Speaker 2: like how they have, what they actually want to do,

488
00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:43,440
Speaker 2: I feel like dad will basically end up cutting everyone

489
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:46,359
Speaker 2: else off until he is alone on an island and

490
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:52,119
Speaker 2: forced to reconcile because what about mom? Is Mom just

491
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:54,719
Speaker 2: cool with like, Hey, I don't I great? I have

492
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:57,720
Speaker 2: to disown my kids now, all of them? Yeah, like

493
00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:01,080
Speaker 2: literally of all the kids want to live with their partner.

494
00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:05,040
Speaker 1: I'm also curious marriage what the what? Like you know,

495
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:08,000
Speaker 1: is this is this a cultural thing? Like is this

496
00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:12,480
Speaker 1: you know, like like what what? What is the dad

497
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,040
Speaker 1: like the patriarch of the household and the mom is

498
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:17,639
Speaker 1: just being like all right, co signing whatever the dad says. Like,

499
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:21,160
Speaker 1: I'm curious what the familial dynamic is because yeah, where's

500
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:21,919
Speaker 1: the mom and all this?

501
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:22,920
Speaker 2: I feel like.

502
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,439
Speaker 1: There's no way she's okay with this, right.

503
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,520
Speaker 2: It's I mean it's it's it's we haven't heard from her,

504
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:32,440
Speaker 2: so we I think it's hard to say right now,

505
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:36,840
Speaker 2: but it does seem like he grasps at whatever you know,

506
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,879
Speaker 2: Bible quotes, not knowing the Bible, and all these different

507
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:43,080
Speaker 2: things in order to be used or like, hey, you

508
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:45,480
Speaker 2: gotta tell me first. You know, he uses all of

509
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:49,080
Speaker 2: these things as as tools, maybe to get them to

510
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:53,120
Speaker 2: do what he wants. Avery from the Swamp says Dad

511
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 2: is a control freak.

512
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:57,439
Speaker 1: So even if op he had gone to Dad in

513
00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:00,280
Speaker 1: the way that what his sister went to Dad about

514
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:03,159
Speaker 1: her relationship, it probably would have blown up in the

515
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:04,679
Speaker 1: same way. Yeah, there's no wedding with.

516
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 2: Him, given Opie's levelheadedness. I'm you know, narrators never one

517
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:13,000
Speaker 2: hundred percent, but I'm inclined to believe like a lot

518
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:14,800
Speaker 2: of what Opie's saying about, like that there was an

519
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:18,840
Speaker 2: explosion there. But Opie continues, I'm not ready to give

520
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:21,080
Speaker 2: up yet. I then ask my dad what it would

521
00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 2: take for him to approve with a relationship with my girlfriend.

522
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 2: My dad believes that my girlfriend, my girlfriend and I

523
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 2: are too dependent on one another, so he prescribed that

524
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,320
Speaker 2: we live apart for around two years, and that he

525
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:33,680
Speaker 2: would support us getting married and moving in together if

526
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 2: we are still committed to each other after that. However,

527
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 2: he predicts that we will realize that we're wrong for

528
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:41,200
Speaker 2: each other during that time and break up.

529
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:45,160
Speaker 1: Interesting, So maybe Dad just doesn't like the girlfriend too.

530
00:26:45,359 --> 00:26:48,720
Speaker 2: I think, like again, there's I feel like there's something

531
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:52,080
Speaker 2: just like deep rooted in Dad that like is above

532
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:53,280
Speaker 2: our weight class.

533
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:55,000
Speaker 1: To teacher doesn't want his son to make the same

534
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,119
Speaker 1: mistakes that he did, and he's going about it in

535
00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:58,960
Speaker 1: the complete wrong way.

536
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 2: But it's like it's like he said, like, oh, he

537
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:03,600
Speaker 2: even at least op he said, like, oh, it seems

538
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:05,639
Speaker 2: like he likes my girlfriend. And he's like, ah, but

539
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 2: I thank you.

540
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:06,200
Speaker 1: Guys.

541
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:09,680
Speaker 2: Are when am I supposed to get married? One hundred? Yeah,

542
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:14,680
Speaker 2: meet my age dude. Come on, let me live, Let

543
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:18,040
Speaker 2: me live now. I'm actually open to living apart from

544
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:20,200
Speaker 2: my girlfriend for around a year. I have no doubt

545
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:23,720
Speaker 2: we would survive it. We survived her living abroad for

546
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:27,440
Speaker 2: five months. But logistically it does not work. With graduate school,

547
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:29,159
Speaker 2: I will be in the same place for five to

548
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:31,560
Speaker 2: six years, and his plan would have us living in

549
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:34,800
Speaker 2: separate places. Thus, in order to reunite after a year

550
00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:37,280
Speaker 2: or two, she would have to quit whatever job she

551
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:39,760
Speaker 2: gets now and then move to where I am. When

552
00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:43,359
Speaker 2: I pointed this out, he said that he's essentially requiring

553
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:45,800
Speaker 2: my girlfriend to make all of the sacrifices here, and

554
00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:49,560
Speaker 2: my dad did not budge. He told me that if

555
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:51,439
Speaker 2: she really loved me, she'd be willing to do that

556
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 2: for me, and that she shouldn't have a problem with

557
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:56,520
Speaker 2: it since I'll be the breadwinner anyways. Just to be clear,

558
00:27:56,760 --> 00:28:02,240
Speaker 2: my girlfriend is studying engineering and has career aspirations, so

559
00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:05,720
Speaker 2: she's gonna be making some some goop. Okay, So at

560
00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:07,840
Speaker 2: this point, I feel like I'm in an impass If

561
00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:09,600
Speaker 2: I move forward and live with my girlfriend next year,

562
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:12,480
Speaker 2: I will lose my family. However, if I capitulate to

563
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:15,359
Speaker 2: my dad's demands, I will lose the love of my life.

564
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,520
Speaker 2: More than that, however, I will be reinforcing my dad's

565
00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:21,679
Speaker 2: controlling behavior. Every major issue in my life and the

566
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:24,520
Speaker 2: lives of my siblings are approached by him in this manner.

567
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:26,800
Speaker 2: Up until now, I have felt that I have no

568
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:30,000
Speaker 2: real control over my life because all of my decisions

569
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:33,280
Speaker 2: are dictated by my dad's wishes, regardless of my own desires.

570
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:35,600
Speaker 2: I felt for some time now that things will eventually

571
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 2: and badly end between us when I eventually take control

572
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 2: of my life. But now that it is happening. I

573
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:43,320
Speaker 2: have to ask if I'm making the right decision. Sorry,

574
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,000
Speaker 2: if any of this is nonsensical, or if there are

575
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:48,280
Speaker 2: any egregious errors or typos. It's quite long, and I'm

576
00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:50,600
Speaker 2: not sure. I mean, I'm not exactly in great shape

577
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:52,760
Speaker 2: right now. Also, I didn't manage to work in the

578
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,280
Speaker 2: fact that I am now an atheist. But I cannot

579
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:57,840
Speaker 2: tell my dad because that is grounds for being disowned.

580
00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:00,360
Speaker 1: That the grounds for being sound.

581
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:06,320
Speaker 4: Literally, you you drink orange juice. I hate orange juice.

582
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:08,680
Speaker 4: I had a cut in my mouth and it hurt

583
00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:14,120
Speaker 4: this sound. That's that's dad. That's Dad.

584
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:18,040
Speaker 2: That's fairly important, as I can't argue with him that

585
00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:22,400
Speaker 2: cohabitation is in fact morally acceptable while I'm while I

586
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:25,520
Speaker 2: still profess to be a Christian. There is an update.

587
00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:27,040
Speaker 1: Is it juicy?

588
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:32,960
Speaker 2: It is the fattest, juiciest, most shall I say.

589
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:33,960
Speaker 1: Is it orange juiciest?

590
00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 2: Well broken down?

591
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:37,920
Speaker 1: Oh dude, to the point where the dad might not

592
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:40,400
Speaker 1: even like it.

593
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:43,239
Speaker 2: It's it's juicy.

594
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:44,680
Speaker 1: Boy.

595
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:48,560
Speaker 2: Before we get into that really quickly, I just want

596
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:51,600
Speaker 2: to like shout out Ope for being so emotionally mature

597
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,760
Speaker 2: and communicative at twenty two years old, like he has

598
00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 2: a one thousand ex better grasp on how to U

599
00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:03,160
Speaker 2: communicate around these issues than his own father.

600
00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:06,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think what's like, I mean, the father

601
00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:08,719
Speaker 1: keeps saying, oh my god, you're not mature, You're not mature.

602
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:13,360
Speaker 1: But every like, at every opportunity, OPI has shown how

603
00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:14,360
Speaker 1: mature he actually is.

604
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:18,040
Speaker 2: So much more than his own dad, so much more. Yeah,

605
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:20,080
Speaker 2: do we think he should just go for it live

606
00:30:20,080 --> 00:30:20,720
Speaker 2: with girlfriends?

607
00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:25,560
Speaker 1: I mean, does he need the dad for anything?

608
00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:28,880
Speaker 2: It kind of sounds like from just like context clues,

609
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:31,000
Speaker 2: does it seems like he's set?

610
00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:33,800
Speaker 1: Yeah. I saw a comment earlier it's like, dude, did

611
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:35,360
Speaker 1: your dad and go hang out with your brother? I

612
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:36,760
Speaker 1: feel like it might be at that point now.

613
00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:40,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think actually, I think prescribing a talk with

614
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 2: the brother would be really good dude, because he's still

615
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 2: you can kind of still see you remember he's like,

616
00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:50,520
Speaker 2: uh oh, I know that I have not considered maybe

617
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:52,480
Speaker 2: some of the moral implications that it out. I feel

618
00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:55,520
Speaker 2: like there's still that like brainwashing, which is I mean,

619
00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 2: his dad has probably brainwashed him like that his entire life.

620
00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:00,400
Speaker 2: It's totally understandable, but like, I feel like talking with

621
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:03,920
Speaker 2: the brother will really help him get the clearest vision.

622
00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:09,080
Speaker 1: Moved the curtain a bit. I agree. I agree. Yeah,

623
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:11,000
Speaker 1: let's let's let's skip with the brother.

624
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:15,240
Speaker 2: Well, let's see what happens in this updates.

625
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:17,680
Speaker 1: All right, Sam, here, we're gonna get back to the stories.

626
00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:19,680
Speaker 1: But here's three of us bads from our sponsors.

627
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:23,240
Speaker 2: Hey, everybody, I posted Narslosh Relationships a month ago regarding

628
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:25,160
Speaker 2: my dad threatening to disown me after I told him

629
00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:27,120
Speaker 2: I'm planning on moving in with my girlfriend of four years.

630
00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:28,720
Speaker 2: You can find the original post here. I am not

631
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 2: much of a readit user, but I come for advice

632
00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:32,840
Speaker 2: from time to time, so I didn't provide any updates

633
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:35,440
Speaker 2: after the original post. But you guys were all very

634
00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:37,480
Speaker 2: supportive and helpful, so I wanted to provide an update.

635
00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 2: After the meeting I described with my dad in the

636
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:42,240
Speaker 2: last post, we didn't speak at all. I kept in

637
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:45,080
Speaker 2: contact with my mom. She periodically begged me to fix

638
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:47,920
Speaker 2: things with my dad and come to apologize, which I

639
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:51,080
Speaker 2: think now, maybe mom wants the relationship with the kids,

640
00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 2: but maybe he's afraid of.

641
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:53,600
Speaker 1: Like the afraid of the dad.

642
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:54,160
Speaker 2: The dad.

643
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, and like she's like she wants to keep the peace.

644
00:31:57,200 --> 00:32:01,760
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, but I've been incredibly busy, traveling almost every

645
00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:05,520
Speaker 2: weekend to visit graduate schools. This past week I finally

646
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:08,200
Speaker 2: got some time, so I decided to write my dad

647
00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:10,720
Speaker 2: an email apologizing for the fact that I hid my

648
00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:14,360
Speaker 2: intentions to live with my girlfriend from him while still

649
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:18,040
Speaker 2: standing my ground. I sent this email last night, and

650
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:20,280
Speaker 2: here it is Mom and Dad. To start, I'd like

651
00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:22,240
Speaker 2: to apologize for how long it's been the way things

652
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:25,080
Speaker 2: and the way things have all gone. No matter the reason,

653
00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:27,440
Speaker 2: it was not right for me to misrepresent my plans

654
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:29,840
Speaker 2: to you or my intent to live with my girlfriend.

655
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 2: I know that this was incredibly hurtful to you, and

656
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:34,680
Speaker 2: there's no justification for it. I'm sorry. I'd also like

657
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:36,680
Speaker 2: to acknowledge that I know that you are on my

658
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:39,360
Speaker 2: side and that you're just trying to prevent me from

659
00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:41,320
Speaker 2: making what you view as a grave mistake. I do

660
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,120
Speaker 2: not believe that living with my girlfriend next year will

661
00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:47,440
Speaker 2: be as detrimental to my continued growth in development as

662
00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:50,200
Speaker 2: you imply. To be sure, I understand your concern in

663
00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:52,760
Speaker 2: this area. Girlfriend and I are young, and I agree

664
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:54,560
Speaker 2: that we still have a lot to learn about ourselves.

665
00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:57,280
Speaker 2: But where you see girlfriend as a hindrance to my development,

666
00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 2: a crutch that lets me avoid the painful process of growth.

667
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:03,040
Speaker 2: I see a partner who's going to help me along

668
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:06,760
Speaker 2: the way. Growth and development is awesome again, just like

669
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:09,920
Speaker 2: op is very mature, she's so mach sure.

670
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:13,880
Speaker 1: Ugh, it's had to be with these buffoons running around

671
00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 1: in this.

672
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:17,760
Speaker 2: Come on, dude, it is a miracle that his brain

673
00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:21,040
Speaker 2: grew to work like this under his parents. I know,

674
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:24,920
Speaker 2: a freaking miracle. Theyk God, growth and development don't have

675
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:27,520
Speaker 2: to happen alone. It's something that you've been helping me

676
00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:30,520
Speaker 2: with my entire life, and it's something that girlfriend can

677
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:33,840
Speaker 2: help me with as well. Dude. Oh, he's good, after

678
00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:37,080
Speaker 2: bos He's so good. In fact, after a considerable amount

679
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:39,720
Speaker 2: of thoughts, I believe that my relationship with my girlfriend

680
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:42,520
Speaker 2: has fostered significant growth for me. Girlfriend has pushed me

681
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:44,320
Speaker 2: to try a vastery of new things that I never

682
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:47,160
Speaker 2: would have without her. Simply put, she is adventurous and

683
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,920
Speaker 2: eager to try new things. I cannot even express how

684
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:51,800
Speaker 2: this has pushed me outside of my comfort zone in

685
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:54,160
Speaker 2: beneficial ways. So, while there are certainly ways in which

686
00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:57,200
Speaker 2: our relationship limits our new experiences, I don't disagree that

687
00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:59,400
Speaker 2: we spend a lot of time together, it's also expanded

688
00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:02,880
Speaker 2: them greatly. Likewise, girlfriend and I hold some fairly different views.

689
00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:05,960
Speaker 2: While you've spoken about this as a fundamental incompatibility which

690
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:09,080
Speaker 2: will cause increased conflict as our young love matures, I

691
00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:10,919
Speaker 2: see it as a blessing and one of the parts

692
00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:14,160
Speaker 2: of our relationship, our differing viewpoints of fostering incredibly foodful

693
00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:17,279
Speaker 2: conversations on a regular basis, creating exactly the type of

694
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:20,239
Speaker 2: hard reflection that is necessary for self discovery. While it's

695
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:22,920
Speaker 2: true that sometimes it creates discomfort, it's also helped me

696
00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:25,319
Speaker 2: learn how to disagree in constructive ways, and it keeps

697
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 2: both of us honest.

698
00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:32,839
Speaker 1: One hundred percent degree. Often like having similar ways of

699
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 1: understanding truth in the world, but different conclusions of what

700
00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:40,560
Speaker 1: truth about the world is leads to the most engaging

701
00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:44,520
Speaker 1: debate that grows your understanding of each other and the

702
00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:47,439
Speaker 1: world more. It's like it's like one of the coolest.

703
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:50,319
Speaker 2: Things, and like it seems like not only is like

704
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:53,800
Speaker 2: op has attracted someone like himself, a like brilliant mature

705
00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 2: and they're going to be a doctor in an engineer

706
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:59,279
Speaker 2: like it is any parent should be like throwing a

707
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:03,200
Speaker 2: ping odd in the streets for this child.

708
00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:09,920
Speaker 1: Ah, but instead they're just like creating these dumb little emails.

709
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:15,719
Speaker 2: God, they need to get off the emails a little thread. Yeah,

710
00:35:15,719 --> 00:35:19,839
Speaker 2: come on, let's let's graduate. Come on. It makes our

711
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:23,440
Speaker 2: independable positions obvious while simultaneously forcing us to provide real

712
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:26,560
Speaker 2: justifications for our positions. Essentially, it's taught us how to fight,

713
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:29,759
Speaker 2: an incredibly important skill in any serious relationship, and has

714
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:32,640
Speaker 2: also made us better educated and more articulate people. Still,

715
00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:34,359
Speaker 2: there's a lot, uh, there's there's a lot of risk

716
00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:36,879
Speaker 2: of us living together. I understand that living together comes

717
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:38,680
Speaker 2: with a whole new set of challenges that well, I'll

718
00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:40,719
Speaker 2: have to learn how to navigate while suddenly to a

719
00:35:40,719 --> 00:35:42,880
Speaker 2: new state and new school. I understand the divorce rate

720
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:45,880
Speaker 2: is higher amongst couples who lived together before marriage. I

721
00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 2: understand that living with my girlfriend has the potential to

722
00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:50,680
Speaker 2: distract me and undermine my studies. I understand that moving

723
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:52,080
Speaker 2: to a new place when my girlfriend makes it more

724
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:54,880
Speaker 2: difficult to got me new people. At the same time,

725
00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:57,319
Speaker 2: all of these risks are manageable and worth it to me.

726
00:35:57,520 --> 00:36:00,280
Speaker 2: I've never let distractions impact my school, and to assume

727
00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:02,520
Speaker 2: that I would is just silly. And while the divorce

728
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:05,040
Speaker 2: rate is higher amongst couples who live together before marriage,

729
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:09,280
Speaker 2: it also decreases significantly with education and income level. Girlfriend

730
00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:11,520
Speaker 2: and I love each other, and after over four years together,

731
00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:14,000
Speaker 2: we're both ready to move forward with our relationship. I

732
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:16,000
Speaker 2: know this is the opposite of what you think is

733
00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:18,120
Speaker 2: right for me. I should just be getting less serious

734
00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:22,239
Speaker 2: with girlfriend, not more, And like I acknowledge above, I

735
00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:24,520
Speaker 2: know that there are risks associated with it. I'm happy

736
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:26,439
Speaker 2: to talk about those risks, and in fact I want

737
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:28,360
Speaker 2: to know. I know you have a lot more knowledge

738
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:30,879
Speaker 2: and life experience than me. Countless times I've been certain

739
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:33,240
Speaker 2: about my choices, only to see that you're right all along.

740
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,600
Speaker 2: But with how we stand now, I don't feel like

741
00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:37,040
Speaker 2: I can talk to you about some of the big

742
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:39,000
Speaker 2: questions of my life if I make a choice that

743
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:41,640
Speaker 2: you feel you cannot condone, at least a major conflict

744
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:44,840
Speaker 2: in the possibility of losing my family. That's not to

745
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:46,920
Speaker 2: say that I don't ever want to object to your decisions,

746
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:49,680
Speaker 2: But as long as these objections carry ultimatums about family

747
00:36:49,719 --> 00:36:52,239
Speaker 2: and place I will have will I will never be

748
00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:55,080
Speaker 2: able to seeker advice all conflict aside. This last month

749
00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:57,440
Speaker 2: has been terrible, and I don't have much time left

750
00:36:57,440 --> 00:36:58,840
Speaker 2: before I go to grad school, and I want to

751
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:00,839
Speaker 2: spend as much time as possible with you before I do.

752
00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:02,920
Speaker 2: I love you both more than I can ever express,

753
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:06,120
Speaker 2: and it's not worth wasting our valuable time together fighting

754
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:08,920
Speaker 2: or not speaking. I know this conversation needs to continue,

755
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:12,279
Speaker 2: but let's continue to have it as a family. Love OP.

756
00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:15,840
Speaker 1: That are some heats.

757
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:19,120
Speaker 2: I don't know if I've ever read I mean this,

758
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:22,920
Speaker 2: I'm gonna I'm going to do a Dakota. The OP

759
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:26,560
Speaker 2: to letter writing pipeline needs to be studied, like the

760
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:30,839
Speaker 2: way that OP thinks about and approaches this. I mean,

761
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:33,040
Speaker 2: is there is there any notes here?

762
00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:35,960
Speaker 1: Like no, no, there's no notes for us?

763
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:37,960
Speaker 2: Wow? Perfect? Wow.

764
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:43,279
Speaker 1: He's respectful, yeah, but firm. It's he is empathetic, but

765
00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:47,840
Speaker 1: like also clearly gets his view a point across. And

766
00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:51,520
Speaker 1: also he's like, like the the thing that we mentioned earlier,

767
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:53,680
Speaker 1: it's like the dad probably just wants him to like

768
00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:57,480
Speaker 1: ask him advice as well. He even does that. He

769
00:37:57,520 --> 00:37:58,359
Speaker 1: even does that.

770
00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:02,080
Speaker 2: He He's like, Wow, literally want to ask your advice,

771
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:05,320
Speaker 2: But I'm terrified of losing my entire family.

772
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:11,400
Speaker 1: Oh dude, I want you masterclass. I want your advice, Opie. Yeah,

773
00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:12,680
Speaker 1: you're you're crushing it.

774
00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:16,040
Speaker 2: Please, dude, Opie, if this ever makes it back to you,

775
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:20,600
Speaker 2: come on the show for an f man like, give us,

776
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:22,560
Speaker 2: give us the give us the good, give us, give

777
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:25,080
Speaker 2: us the give us the keys, the keys, the success.

778
00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:28,920
Speaker 1: How did you develop and such a lovely young man? Yeah,

779
00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:31,960
Speaker 1: my god, let chat thirst over you respectfully.

780
00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:34,160
Speaker 2: I'm imagining he'll be going like a little bow tie

781
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:36,360
Speaker 2: just he's just so like, Yeah, you just put together

782
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:43,080
Speaker 2: the winters. Yeah, definitely suspenders. Well, ladies and gentlemen. Uh,

783
00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:48,200
Speaker 2: this is gonna be a total left turn curveball. You

784
00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:52,920
Speaker 2: never would have expected what his dad writes him another email.

785
00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:55,960
Speaker 1: Is it gonna be crap. It's gonna be crap. It's

786
00:38:55,960 --> 00:39:02,120
Speaker 1: gonna be crap. Yeah, this is not gonna uh so ah.

787
00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:06,759
Speaker 2: Here's Dad's reply to op Apologies are best delivered in

788
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:14,320
Speaker 2: person and without justification of every wrong afterward starting off horrible, horrible.

789
00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:18,080
Speaker 2: Uh take this sort of takes the sincerity out of it.

790
00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:21,080
Speaker 2: You and girlfriend have done so much damage to our family.

791
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,919
Speaker 2: You both lied to us for months. Crazy to phrase

792
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:26,320
Speaker 2: it that way and In doing so, you disgrace yourselves

793
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:29,279
Speaker 2: and our family and greatly disrespected me and everything I

794
00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:32,759
Speaker 2: stand for. You stand for stupidity. I'm so I'm so

795
00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:33,319
Speaker 2: glad that.

796
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:34,040
Speaker 1: I'm got that.

797
00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:37,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, we spent the last twenty two years sacrificing for you.

798
00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:42,600
Speaker 2: In return, you have stuck us in the back and

799
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:47,840
Speaker 2: crapt all over our family values. Oh my god, I'm sorry.

800
00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:51,200
Speaker 2: I do not like this man. There's no honor in

801
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:54,520
Speaker 2: anything you've said below, only your own self justifications for

802
00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:57,960
Speaker 2: your dishonorable behavior. You expect those of us with principles

803
00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:00,680
Speaker 2: to abandon them and go along with what what you want.

804
00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:04,680
Speaker 2: If we're unwilling, then you've absolved any responsibility under the

805
00:40:04,719 --> 00:40:09,200
Speaker 2: excuse of ultimatums. Mature adults face hard conversations with poise

806
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:12,160
Speaker 2: in an open mind. I feel like, literally, Op could

807
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:15,359
Speaker 2: write this letter to Dad and everything would work. He's

808
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:18,080
Speaker 2: literally critiquing just everything he's doing wrong. He is not

809
00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:20,440
Speaker 2: having a maturity and poise.

810
00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:24,239
Speaker 1: Wait, but he said, like like putting ultimatums. Isn't the

811
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:28,960
Speaker 1: dad putting ultimatums? How is Op putting ultimatums?

812
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:32,719
Speaker 2: He literally isn't. He's just all Op is saying is like, hey,

813
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:34,560
Speaker 2: I'm going to be doing this moving forward, and I

814
00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:36,560
Speaker 2: want your advice and I want you in my life.

815
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:42,600
Speaker 2: That's not an ultimatum. Bro needs a dictionary. So I

816
00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:47,360
Speaker 2: was honest, open and upfront and proactive with you. You lied, betrayed, backstuck,

817
00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:51,680
Speaker 2: and manipulated, and I'm the bad guy. Yes here, I

818
00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:54,480
Speaker 2: have the courage to ask for and receive advice before

819
00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:56,960
Speaker 2: you make a life decision, whether you think you'll agree

820
00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:59,680
Speaker 2: with it or not. Engaging only in conversations where you

821
00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:03,280
Speaker 2: get what you want is pathetically self indulgent and cowardly.

822
00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:06,840
Speaker 2: What you again, What do you think you're doing this?

823
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:07,080
Speaker 1: Guy?

824
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:08,520
Speaker 2: What do you think you're doing?

825
00:41:08,880 --> 00:41:09,080
Speaker 1: Bro?

826
00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:11,960
Speaker 2: I got this crazy thing for you to buy. It's

827
00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:14,520
Speaker 2: going to change your life. It is called a mirror.

828
00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:19,760
Speaker 2: A mirror. Yep, you will see yourself in yourself.

829
00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:26,680
Speaker 1: I something pause, I am. I don't know how you

830
00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:30,160
Speaker 1: could write this, read it back and not be like,

831
00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:31,480
Speaker 1: oh way, I'm ready about myself.

832
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:38,120
Speaker 2: It's insane, like the level of mental Olympics this man

833
00:41:38,200 --> 00:41:40,759
Speaker 2: has had to jump through. Bro is the Usain Bolt

834
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:42,000
Speaker 2: to the Simone Biles.

835
00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:46,320
Speaker 1: Yeah. Air, He's flipping through the air.

836
00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:49,200
Speaker 2: Every every piece of logic. He's he's doing a quadruple

837
00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:51,640
Speaker 2: three sixty back of the boat. Every piece of logic.

838
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:53,680
Speaker 2: You say, you girl, you and your girlfriend love each other,

839
00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:55,680
Speaker 2: and after four years you're both ready to move forward

840
00:41:55,719 --> 00:41:58,640
Speaker 2: to your relationship. Is this how you both move forward?

841
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:00,799
Speaker 2: By deceit and betrayal?

842
00:42:02,239 --> 00:42:06,359
Speaker 1: Food dishonor food dishonor what is all this dishonor talk?

843
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:08,640
Speaker 2: The story is making me sick? Is this the basis

844
00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:10,640
Speaker 2: you want to start the next phase of your relationship on?

845
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:12,960
Speaker 2: If you love each other so much, why aren't you

846
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:16,520
Speaker 2: doing the honorable thing and getting engaged or married. You're

847
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:19,120
Speaker 2: both adults. Do what you will, but don't expect me

848
00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:22,000
Speaker 2: to go along with it or be your friend or father.

849
00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:22,880
Speaker 1: Wow.

850
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:27,560
Speaker 2: When you lie to me, betray me and disrespect me.

851
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:30,239
Speaker 1: Wow. Okay, this is some I feel like this is

852
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:35,920
Speaker 1: some like cultural like like there's there's some there, there's

853
00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:42,040
Speaker 1: some like deepot cultural standards. Yeah that the dad is

854
00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:43,200
Speaker 1: is adhering to.

855
00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:47,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, God, this is tough. It's tough to watch.

856
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:51,080
Speaker 3: You gotta come from a loving perspective, not an accusatory perspective.

857
00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:53,799
Speaker 2: And this is I mean, bro has has has taken

858
00:42:53,840 --> 00:42:56,719
Speaker 2: accusatory to a level I've never seen before in two

859
00:42:56,800 --> 00:42:59,719
Speaker 2: thousand stories. I have lost all respect for you when

860
00:42:59,719 --> 00:43:03,799
Speaker 2: you're you have destroyed our friendship and our relationship. So

861
00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:05,520
Speaker 2: there you have it. So I got this email a

862
00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:07,960
Speaker 2: few hours ago, and I'm trying to figure out what

863
00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:10,600
Speaker 2: to do. I've been hoping naively it seems for the

864
00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:12,879
Speaker 2: past month that we'll be able to work it out,

865
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:15,359
Speaker 2: but now it's pretty clear the only way I can

866
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:18,040
Speaker 2: salvage my relationship with my dad would be to not

867
00:43:18,120 --> 00:43:21,359
Speaker 2: move in with my girlfriend next year. Of course, then

868
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:24,399
Speaker 2: he's got just as much control over me as when

869
00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:28,160
Speaker 2: this started. And that you're back to square one, correct,

870
00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:31,320
Speaker 2: back to square, back to square run. Katira Rain says

871
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:35,239
Speaker 2: this is classic authoritarian father that Tamas says Dad is

872
00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:41,000
Speaker 2: a narcissist. Lady Morgan says cultural religion, Yeah, definitely. Kimberly

873
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:45,000
Speaker 2: Fines says not cultural scorned narcissist. Yeah. I think there's something,

874
00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:50,399
Speaker 2: something deeply warned, something deeply rooted there. Things will still

875
00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:51,840
Speaker 2: be bad with him because of all of this, and

876
00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:54,440
Speaker 2: I won't be living with my girlfriend. So I think

877
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:58,560
Speaker 2: my decision is pretty clear. Stand my ground and live

878
00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:00,879
Speaker 2: with my girlfriend next year.

879
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:05,040
Speaker 1: Balls on you, open the balls on you.

880
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:09,560
Speaker 2: You've done literally all you can with the most grace

881
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:12,520
Speaker 2: and elegance and respect and empathy I've ever seen.

882
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:13,880
Speaker 1: Balls are graceful.

883
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:18,800
Speaker 2: Your balls the most graceful balls I've ever had, the your.

884
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:21,520
Speaker 1: Bowling with them, and they're hitting strikes every time you

885
00:44:21,719 --> 00:44:22,319
Speaker 1: got you got a.

886
00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:26,360
Speaker 2: Turkey, even the best balls I've ever feasted, best balled

887
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:30,520
Speaker 2: eyes on ever. So congratulations to you and your respectable balls.

888
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:34,360
Speaker 1: Waxed up? Ye?

889
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:35,480
Speaker 2: Ouch?

890
00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:41,839
Speaker 1: Cold? Someone something to rest your head on a warm day.

891
00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:48,799
Speaker 2: How that's too much weight though?

892
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:55,280
Speaker 3: Oh god, you got the idea.

893
00:44:56,960 --> 00:45:00,960
Speaker 2: Now. My question for all of you me is how

894
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:03,080
Speaker 2: should I move forward with my dad? I really don't

895
00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:05,239
Speaker 2: want to lose my relationship with him. I feel like

896
00:45:05,320 --> 00:45:07,680
Speaker 2: I'll regret it later in life if I don't continue

897
00:45:07,719 --> 00:45:10,520
Speaker 2: doing everything I can to salvage my relationship with him.

898
00:45:10,719 --> 00:45:12,480
Speaker 2: At least that way I can look back on it,

899
00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:14,800
Speaker 2: I could reassure myself that I did everything I could

900
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:16,959
Speaker 2: and that our lack of a relationship is on him.

901
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:19,080
Speaker 2: On the other hand, would it be better for me

902
00:45:19,160 --> 00:45:22,960
Speaker 2: to just cut my losses and move on and we

903
00:45:23,160 --> 00:45:29,280
Speaker 2: have some edits with some updates coming up? Oh boy?

904
00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:36,680
Speaker 2: But to answer Opie's question, how should he approach uh.

905
00:45:37,239 --> 00:45:41,960
Speaker 1: I think, honestly, you know, just like just know your

906
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:46,640
Speaker 1: dad is being unruly like this, these these things that

907
00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:50,320
Speaker 1: are that he's saying are unjustified, and at a certain point,

908
00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:54,359
Speaker 1: you just gotta live your life. Like you have two options, right,

909
00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:57,960
Speaker 1: preserve the relationship with your dad by living under his

910
00:45:58,040 --> 00:46:01,640
Speaker 1: thumb or escaping the thumb and living your own life

911
00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:05,319
Speaker 1: at the risk of not having a relationship with your dad.

912
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:07,360
Speaker 1: And you know, it's like, I think it's more important

913
00:46:07,880 --> 00:46:13,360
Speaker 1: to live your life than to ensure that the relationship

914
00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:16,319
Speaker 1: with your dad is good because it's really a relationship

915
00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:19,120
Speaker 1: outside of your control. You've done everything that you can

916
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:21,600
Speaker 1: on your side, and now the rest is up to him.

917
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:24,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think all you can do is, like in

918
00:46:24,360 --> 00:46:29,000
Speaker 2: any type of interaction, just reiterate everything you've already said,

919
00:46:29,040 --> 00:46:31,879
Speaker 2: Like I feel like you've already said everything there is

920
00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:34,879
Speaker 2: to say on this, and it's just a I do.

921
00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:39,600
Speaker 2: Like if I was op though, maybe I would kind

922
00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:41,920
Speaker 2: of have the hope of, like, you know, all the

923
00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:44,319
Speaker 2: kids will be exiled and he'll be like alone in

924
00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:47,879
Speaker 2: the island. Maybe Mom eventually comes over, and maybe that's

925
00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:51,839
Speaker 2: the only thing that will make dad finally see once

926
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:54,480
Speaker 2: all of his family has like he once he's caught

927
00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:57,319
Speaker 2: off all of his family, like, oh maybe I am

928
00:46:57,320 --> 00:46:59,719
Speaker 2: in the wrong. Yeah, that's I feel like the only

929
00:47:00,880 --> 00:47:01,680
Speaker 2: not the only hope.

930
00:47:01,719 --> 00:47:04,560
Speaker 1: But yeah, I I well, I mean he's got the

931
00:47:04,600 --> 00:47:07,160
Speaker 1: brother immediately, so that's a win. As soon as he

932
00:47:07,239 --> 00:47:10,800
Speaker 1: leaves the dad, he's got his excommunicated brother. Does seem

933
00:47:10,840 --> 00:47:12,319
Speaker 1: like the mom. Yeah, like you said, like.

934
00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:13,799
Speaker 2: The mom eventually over.

935
00:47:14,280 --> 00:47:17,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I agree, you like live your most authetic life.

936
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:18,600
Speaker 1: Maybe the rest of them will come and the dad

937
00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:19,560
Speaker 1: will come at the very end.

938
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:21,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, rally rally around brother.

939
00:47:21,200 --> 00:47:23,799
Speaker 1: But you can't you can't expect that. That's the only thing.

940
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:26,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't expect it. That's very true. Gott gott

941
00:47:26,560 --> 00:47:27,280
Speaker 2: to prepare yoursel.

942
00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:28,600
Speaker 1: Let us know what you think, Oh he should do

943
00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:31,080
Speaker 1: or do anything differently, I would love to know. In

944
00:47:31,120 --> 00:47:32,600
Speaker 1: the chat blue.

945
00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:35,839
Speaker 2: Yes, please let us know. But we have so Matt,

946
00:47:35,920 --> 00:47:38,279
Speaker 2: it's hey, y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna

947
00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:39,520
Speaker 2: get back to the story. So but here's a quick

948
00:47:39,520 --> 00:47:42,040
Speaker 2: three minute break from ASP for more sponsors. So I

949
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:44,239
Speaker 2: missed my girlfriend's name. One of the emails just a

950
00:47:44,239 --> 00:47:47,000
Speaker 2: note and then edit two. Thanks for all the support, guys.

951
00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:48,359
Speaker 2: I've tried to reply it to as many of as

952
00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:49,680
Speaker 2: I can, but it's tough to keep up. Not a

953
00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:51,960
Speaker 2: whole lot's changed, but at this point I've decided to

954
00:47:51,960 --> 00:47:54,920
Speaker 2: talk to my dad in person one last time, although

955
00:47:54,920 --> 00:47:57,600
Speaker 2: he hasn't responded to my text about meeting. My plan

956
00:47:57,680 --> 00:47:59,520
Speaker 2: is to make one last effort to work things out.

957
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:02,239
Speaker 2: I basically have no hope that it'll work out, but

958
00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:02,919
Speaker 2: I'm gonna try.

959
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:05,040
Speaker 1: I hope he's trying to do this in person.

960
00:48:05,400 --> 00:48:07,040
Speaker 2: He wants to do it in person, I think because

961
00:48:07,040 --> 00:48:10,719
Speaker 2: they have the Dad was like, oh, you do talk

962
00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:11,359
Speaker 2: about it in person.

963
00:48:11,360 --> 00:48:13,600
Speaker 1: But I think that's good. I think that's good. Honestly.

964
00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:16,759
Speaker 2: If things don't work out, though, I'll use the opportunity

965
00:48:16,800 --> 00:48:19,000
Speaker 2: to start wrapping things up because my life is pretty

966
00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:21,479
Speaker 2: intertime twined with my parents at this point. My dad

967
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:23,759
Speaker 2: is my landlord, but I have an official lease, so

968
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:25,279
Speaker 2: it's not like he can pump me out or raise

969
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:28,080
Speaker 2: my rent. That's good. I also bought my car for

970
00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:32,000
Speaker 2: my dad, but he hasn't officially but he hasn't officially

971
00:48:32,040 --> 00:48:37,560
Speaker 2: transferred it to me yet. God, I love it. He will.

972
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:40,120
Speaker 2: We've talked about it. Shout out if you just read

973
00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:43,839
Speaker 2: our hilarious censorship. As crazy as my dad is, he

974
00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:47,520
Speaker 2: would never just steal thousands of dollars from me. I

975
00:48:47,600 --> 00:48:49,799
Speaker 2: see you. I know that probably wouldn't be true in

976
00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:52,120
Speaker 2: a lot of situations like this, so I can be

977
00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:55,279
Speaker 2: thankful for that. Then there's things like the fact that

978
00:48:55,320 --> 00:48:57,640
Speaker 2: my parents still pay for my cell phone, health insurance,

979
00:48:57,640 --> 00:49:00,360
Speaker 2: car insurance. If things don't go well, I'll return myself

980
00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:01,920
Speaker 2: on to them and ask me to take them off

981
00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:05,600
Speaker 2: their car insurance. I will, however, ask them to not

982
00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:08,560
Speaker 2: take me off their health insurance until I start grad school.

983
00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:11,440
Speaker 2: I hate the idea of being dependent on them for

984
00:49:11,480 --> 00:49:13,720
Speaker 2: anything if we can't work this out, but I simply

985
00:49:13,719 --> 00:49:15,600
Speaker 2: can't afford health insurance and I don't want to risk

986
00:49:15,680 --> 00:49:17,759
Speaker 2: crippling debt if something happens between now and when I

987
00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:20,279
Speaker 2: start grad school. Once I start school, I'll get health

988
00:49:20,280 --> 00:49:22,360
Speaker 2: insurance as part of my fellowship. On another note, for

989
00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:24,400
Speaker 2: those of you who have read my last post, you'll

990
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:27,440
Speaker 2: know that my sister is in a similar situation. To

991
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:29,759
Speaker 2: get everyone else up to speed, my dad wrote this

992
00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:32,600
Speaker 2: in an email to my entire family when this all started.

993
00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:35,560
Speaker 2: Sister has shown them maturity and respect to discuss the

994
00:49:35,560 --> 00:49:38,200
Speaker 2: possibility of living with sister's boyfriend at some point, with

995
00:49:38,239 --> 00:49:41,120
Speaker 2: both her mom and I, both separately and together on

996
00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:44,040
Speaker 2: several occasions. She's taking her time to consider the decision

997
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:47,840
Speaker 2: carefully and how her decisions impact everyone involved. That's exactly

998
00:49:47,920 --> 00:49:51,440
Speaker 2: how a mature, considerate, respectful family member behaves. To do

999
00:49:51,520 --> 00:49:54,279
Speaker 2: otherwise is to disrespect family in an egregious manner and

1000
00:49:54,320 --> 00:49:57,880
Speaker 2: to threaten the very existence of our familiar relationships. I

1001
00:49:58,160 --> 00:50:00,359
Speaker 2: just talked to my sister last night and she told

1002
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:03,239
Speaker 2: me things have gotten worse for her as well. We

1003
00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:05,600
Speaker 2: don't talk much. She lives in La now and we've

1004
00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:08,319
Speaker 2: never been super close. She said that my dad was

1005
00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:12,000
Speaker 2: fairly open to her living with her boyfriend, but since

1006
00:50:12,080 --> 00:50:14,400
Speaker 2: things fell out between me and my dad, he's given

1007
00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:17,799
Speaker 2: her the same ultimatum and will disown her if she

1008
00:50:17,920 --> 00:50:20,920
Speaker 2: moves in with her boyfriend. She's less determined to live

1009
00:50:20,920 --> 00:50:23,319
Speaker 2: with her boyfriend and is actually trying to live with

1010
00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:26,040
Speaker 2: a friend next year, but if that doesn't work out,

1011
00:50:26,080 --> 00:50:29,120
Speaker 2: she'll she'll probably live with him. She can't afford to

1012
00:50:29,120 --> 00:50:32,520
Speaker 2: live alone, so it may turn out that my dad

1013
00:50:32,560 --> 00:50:34,920
Speaker 2: will have to cut two children at once.

1014
00:50:35,080 --> 00:50:38,480
Speaker 1: I mean, when will the dad realize, like, this is

1015
00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:39,239
Speaker 1: not worth it?

1016
00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:44,000
Speaker 2: I think again, Like my kind of hope and what

1017
00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:46,560
Speaker 2: I would probably tell a p is like, hey, maybe

1018
00:50:46,760 --> 00:50:49,759
Speaker 2: you know you're like being so respectful to your dad

1019
00:50:49,800 --> 00:50:54,600
Speaker 2: while also like standing your ground and living authentically and

1020
00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:56,880
Speaker 2: going for what you want being with your partner. I

1021
00:50:56,880 --> 00:51:00,960
Speaker 2: think you should maybe simply encourage your siblings to do

1022
00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:02,600
Speaker 2: the same and hopefully that yields.

1023
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:07,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe union, you know literally like my sibling union,

1024
00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:08,960
Speaker 1: and then protest dad.

1025
00:51:09,440 --> 00:51:13,640
Speaker 2: I feel like if anything's stop wasting time on dad,

1026
00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:17,880
Speaker 2: start reconnecting with with siblings and you know, rebuild the

1027
00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:21,799
Speaker 2: you know, the sibling family over here, and hopefully that

1028
00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:26,440
Speaker 2: will naturally make the dad realize because he's alone on

1029
00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:29,160
Speaker 2: an island that he left up.

1030
00:51:29,920 --> 00:51:34,880
Speaker 1: Hey, hey, ho ho, Excommunicating your children has got to go. Hey, hey,

1031
00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:38,399
Speaker 1: excommunicating your children has got to go.

1032
00:51:39,360 --> 00:51:42,359
Speaker 2: That's a new chance, get behind it. But we have

1033
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:46,960
Speaker 2: update number two all right now, onto this update. I

1034
00:51:46,960 --> 00:51:48,960
Speaker 2: talked to my dad in person this time, so don't

1035
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:51,000
Speaker 2: have any emails to post this time. I'll do my

1036
00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:54,600
Speaker 2: best to summarize. Thank God. After my last post, I

1037
00:51:54,640 --> 00:51:56,359
Speaker 2: decided to try and sore things out with my dad

1038
00:51:56,400 --> 00:51:58,759
Speaker 2: one last time by talking in person. It was my

1039
00:51:59,160 --> 00:52:01,600
Speaker 2: Spring Bak last week and I was originally supposed to

1040
00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:03,760
Speaker 2: go on a ski vacation to my with my family.

1041
00:52:04,440 --> 00:52:08,200
Speaker 2: I was uninvited, but I arranged to come up and talk. Yeah,

1042
00:52:08,320 --> 00:52:11,520
Speaker 2: they uninvited him, so they're they're they're doing it. They're

1043
00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:13,520
Speaker 2: already the process has begun.

1044
00:52:13,320 --> 00:52:15,799
Speaker 1: The process of ex communicado, and.

1045
00:52:15,760 --> 00:52:18,799
Speaker 2: He's and he hasn't even like I guess. He has

1046
00:52:18,840 --> 00:52:20,000
Speaker 2: basically said I'm.

1047
00:52:19,719 --> 00:52:22,240
Speaker 1: Gonna yeah, but he hasn't started living with his girlfriend

1048
00:52:22,280 --> 00:52:25,600
Speaker 1: even he's yeah, golly wow.

1049
00:52:25,960 --> 00:52:28,359
Speaker 2: Last Wednesday, I made the two hour drive up to them.

1050
00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:33,799
Speaker 2: In short, it went terribly funk it. I resolved to

1051
00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:36,399
Speaker 2: apologize to my dad for hiding my intentions from him

1052
00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:39,239
Speaker 2: and for allowing the situation to drag on for so long,

1053
00:52:39,560 --> 00:52:41,719
Speaker 2: but to hold my ground about my decision to live

1054
00:52:41,760 --> 00:52:46,040
Speaker 2: with my girlfriend. My dad didn't receive this well and

1055
00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:49,520
Speaker 2: and held that one. I was not at all remorseful

1056
00:52:49,560 --> 00:52:52,359
Speaker 2: for hiding my intent to live with my girlfriend from him,

1057
00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:54,640
Speaker 2: and since since I still intend to live with her,

1058
00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:58,440
Speaker 2: my apology doesn't change anything. Three, he is not disowning me.

1059
00:52:59,000 --> 00:53:02,600
Speaker 2: But my decision to live with my girlfriend makes me

1060
00:53:02,719 --> 00:53:04,520
Speaker 2: an unprincipled coward.

1061
00:53:05,239 --> 00:53:10,000
Speaker 1: What dude, this guy has all these principles but has

1062
00:53:10,080 --> 00:53:11,319
Speaker 1: no idea how to use him.

1063
00:53:11,320 --> 00:53:14,319
Speaker 2: Bro, all these he has all the principles that are

1064
00:53:14,360 --> 00:53:17,440
Speaker 2: that are wrong. He has f minus principles, op he

1065
00:53:17,480 --> 00:53:22,160
Speaker 2: has a plus principles. As such, he does not respect

1066
00:53:22,239 --> 00:53:24,759
Speaker 2: or like me, and therefore doesn't want to talk to

1067
00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:27,040
Speaker 2: me or spend any time with me. He was very

1068
00:53:27,080 --> 00:53:28,919
Speaker 2: careful to put the blame for the ending of our

1069
00:53:28,960 --> 00:53:33,600
Speaker 2: relationship on me. My actions are forcing his response. We

1070
00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:37,480
Speaker 2: end up talking fighting for about two hours, and I

1071
00:53:37,640 --> 00:53:39,520
Speaker 2: made it clear to my dad that for me, the

1072
00:53:39,600 --> 00:53:42,080
Speaker 2: conflict is not really about wanting to live with my girlfriend,

1073
00:53:42,280 --> 00:53:46,240
Speaker 2: but about the nature of our relationship in general. Dude,

1074
00:53:46,280 --> 00:53:51,120
Speaker 2: OPI stays standing on business. I love this guy, me too.

1075
00:53:51,239 --> 00:53:53,960
Speaker 2: I love this guy, me too, Dude. He's holding his

1076
00:53:54,080 --> 00:53:57,560
Speaker 2: grad which you know that takes a lot of courage. Dude,

1077
00:53:57,800 --> 00:53:59,440
Speaker 2: so much, so much courage.

1078
00:53:59,600 --> 00:54:01,879
Speaker 1: The dad all say, DOPI has not like it, has

1079
00:54:01,880 --> 00:54:06,239
Speaker 1: no courage, has no scruples, but like the they're like. Basically,

1080
00:54:06,440 --> 00:54:12,000
Speaker 1: OPI is showing exactly the kind of characteristics that Dad

1081
00:54:12,360 --> 00:54:16,239
Speaker 1: says he wants in combating yes and pushing back on the.

1082
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:19,000
Speaker 2: Dad and and if he had, for example, said like

1083
00:54:19,560 --> 00:54:22,040
Speaker 2: I've tried this is too much. I need to walk

1084
00:54:22,040 --> 00:54:23,839
Speaker 2: away and go live my life. I'm here for you

1085
00:54:23,640 --> 00:54:27,640
Speaker 2: if you need to but whatever, I wouldn't have been mad. Yeah,

1086
00:54:27,719 --> 00:54:30,840
Speaker 2: I'm like, well, protect protect your piece at this point,

1087
00:54:31,080 --> 00:54:35,560
Speaker 2: but like he stays standing ten tippy toes down.

1088
00:54:35,719 --> 00:54:37,160
Speaker 1: Pretty great, huh.

1089
00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:39,400
Speaker 2: I told him that I don't feel in control of

1090
00:54:39,400 --> 00:54:41,360
Speaker 2: my life and that I don't base my decisions on

1091
00:54:41,360 --> 00:54:44,000
Speaker 2: what's right for me. I base them on how he

1092
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:47,160
Speaker 2: will react. I essentially told him that he controls me

1093
00:54:47,239 --> 00:54:50,080
Speaker 2: and all of my siblings through emotional manipulation and that

1094
00:54:50,280 --> 00:54:53,640
Speaker 2: I wasn't gonna take it anymore. Big Again. I made

1095
00:54:53,680 --> 00:54:56,920
Speaker 2: it clear that I'm actually willing to compromise and not

1096
00:54:57,120 --> 00:55:00,200
Speaker 2: live with my girlfriend next year, but not because is

1097
00:55:00,239 --> 00:55:02,760
Speaker 2: he threatened to cut me out of the family instead.

1098
00:55:02,840 --> 00:55:06,400
Speaker 2: I would only do so if I decided as a

1099
00:55:06,440 --> 00:55:10,120
Speaker 2: result of an open discussion where the ultimate decision was

1100
00:55:10,239 --> 00:55:13,719
Speaker 2: left up to me. I also told him that even

1101
00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:15,879
Speaker 2: if I decided to not live with my girlfriend next year,

1102
00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:19,920
Speaker 2: it doesn't really change anything about our current conflict. After

1103
00:55:19,960 --> 00:55:22,600
Speaker 2: the conversation. There was one point on which both the

1104
00:55:22,640 --> 00:55:26,160
Speaker 2: Great predictably my dad did not take well to me

1105
00:55:26,320 --> 00:55:29,799
Speaker 2: calling him controlling, and eventually the conversation just evolved into

1106
00:55:29,920 --> 00:55:32,520
Speaker 2: verbal jabs at each other. After a while, we both

1107
00:55:32,600 --> 00:55:35,120
Speaker 2: just got tired of it and decided to stop. Things

1108
00:55:35,120 --> 00:55:39,520
Speaker 2: were worse, not better, and we were getting nowhere.

1109
00:55:40,320 --> 00:55:42,160
Speaker 1: We're going to continue to get No, Like, is it?

1110
00:55:42,640 --> 00:55:44,319
Speaker 1: How much more to the story is there?

1111
00:55:44,480 --> 00:55:46,959
Speaker 2: Pels? We've got like ten percent left?

1112
00:55:47,160 --> 00:55:50,880
Speaker 1: Okay, this is a saga.

1113
00:55:51,040 --> 00:55:57,560
Speaker 2: Yeahga OPI is who's like a Alexander the Great or whatever.

1114
00:55:57,719 --> 00:56:02,080
Speaker 2: He led into back with all of his army of

1115
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:08,120
Speaker 2: reasonable empothetic you know, a communicative idea is spat on

1116
00:56:08,560 --> 00:56:13,359
Speaker 2: and he just got freaking spat and chat demolished. Now,

1117
00:56:13,400 --> 00:56:16,319
Speaker 2: at this point, I volunteered to leave. I didn't want

1118
00:56:16,360 --> 00:56:18,760
Speaker 2: to be there and it was uncomfortable for everyone. However,

1119
00:56:19,160 --> 00:56:21,319
Speaker 2: my mom didn't want me to leave, and both she

1120
00:56:21,480 --> 00:56:23,800
Speaker 2: and my dad told me to not run away again,

1121
00:56:24,160 --> 00:56:26,960
Speaker 2: so I stayed. It was a terrible decision. I have

1122
00:56:27,120 --> 00:56:30,280
Speaker 2: never been more uncomfortable in my life. My dad completely

1123
00:56:30,280 --> 00:56:32,400
Speaker 2: ignored me and just shot me looks of disdain and

1124
00:56:32,440 --> 00:56:34,480
Speaker 2: hatred Throughout the evening. I tried to talk to him

1125
00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:37,960
Speaker 2: a few times about various things like my grad school visits,

1126
00:56:38,120 --> 00:56:40,319
Speaker 2: but he wanted nothing to do with me. It was

1127
00:56:40,400 --> 00:56:43,200
Speaker 2: actually a lot more painful than I expected to be

1128
00:56:43,239 --> 00:56:47,040
Speaker 2: so vehemently rejected by him, So eventually I gave up

1129
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:50,080
Speaker 2: and resorted to binge watching TV on my laptop. The

1130
00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:52,080
Speaker 2: next morning, I woke up to my mom telling my

1131
00:56:52,120 --> 00:56:54,279
Speaker 2: little sister that they were going to leave after a

1132
00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:56,440
Speaker 2: few hours of skiing because it didn't feel like a

1133
00:56:56,520 --> 00:57:01,799
Speaker 2: vacation anymore. You are the most immag sure adult man

1134
00:57:01,880 --> 00:57:03,800
Speaker 2: father of all time.

1135
00:57:04,520 --> 00:57:06,520
Speaker 1: He canceled the whole skiing trip.

1136
00:57:06,320 --> 00:57:08,640
Speaker 2: The whole like do you do you not want to

1137
00:57:08,800 --> 00:57:12,480
Speaker 2: enjoy ski? Do you not wanna? Like you're probably wasting money,

1138
00:57:12,600 --> 00:57:16,240
Speaker 2: like you probably can't get refunds, You're throwing money down

1139
00:57:16,280 --> 00:57:16,760
Speaker 2: the garbage.

1140
00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:19,000
Speaker 1: He doesn't be here, John, He's a man of principle.

1141
00:57:19,240 --> 00:57:19,400
Speaker 2: Bro.

1142
00:57:19,640 --> 00:57:22,320
Speaker 1: The puney is no object for the principled man.

1143
00:57:22,880 --> 00:57:26,200
Speaker 3: But that checks out though that it's this is a

1144
00:57:26,200 --> 00:57:30,680
Speaker 3: skiing family, not a snowboarding family. A snowboarding family, a

1145
00:57:30,680 --> 00:57:33,520
Speaker 3: snowboarding father would never do this. A snowboarding father would

1146
00:57:33,560 --> 00:57:35,640
Speaker 3: be chill skiing ski father.

1147
00:57:35,800 --> 00:57:39,000
Speaker 1: No it'd be like, whatever you want, dude, Yeah, she's

1148
00:57:39,080 --> 00:57:39,960
Speaker 1: lad down the mountain.

1149
00:57:40,880 --> 00:57:43,880
Speaker 2: Pizza French fries. If you moved to your girlfriend, I

1150
00:57:43,920 --> 00:57:46,240
Speaker 2: will just on you.

1151
00:57:46,320 --> 00:57:49,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, ye, pizza French fries.

1152
00:57:49,080 --> 00:57:50,880
Speaker 2: Yeah. I know what I did. I know what I did,

1153
00:57:50,880 --> 00:57:53,480
Speaker 2: and I'm not gonna change it. It's it's and I

1154
00:57:53,520 --> 00:57:55,960
Speaker 2: know you're gonna all comment and say, oh, you did

1155
00:57:55,960 --> 00:57:58,960
Speaker 2: it wrong. I did, but it was still funny.

1156
00:57:59,120 --> 00:57:59,600
Speaker 1: I liked it.

1157
00:57:59,680 --> 00:58:03,800
Speaker 2: So now I got up and I told my mom

1158
00:58:03,960 --> 00:58:05,920
Speaker 2: that they didn't have to go. I was planning on

1159
00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:08,520
Speaker 2: leaving that morning anyways. She just brushed me off and

1160
00:58:08,560 --> 00:58:11,000
Speaker 2: said they were gonna leave regardless. She then told me

1161
00:58:11,080 --> 00:58:13,760
Speaker 2: that she couldn't believe I would say such hurtful things

1162
00:58:13,760 --> 00:58:16,160
Speaker 2: to my dad and that the son she knew would

1163
00:58:16,160 --> 00:58:20,800
Speaker 2: never be so mean. What about husband you married? I

1164
00:58:20,840 --> 00:58:23,080
Speaker 2: told her that I simply told the truth and that

1165
00:58:23,120 --> 00:58:24,920
Speaker 2: I couldn't live under his thumb any longer.

1166
00:58:25,040 --> 00:58:26,800
Speaker 1: Well this, which is also true, which.

1167
00:58:26,640 --> 00:58:30,240
Speaker 2: Is also true. While this was going on, my dad

1168
00:58:30,320 --> 00:58:32,400
Speaker 2: left to go skiing without a word. I then started

1169
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:34,520
Speaker 2: to collect my things to leave, and my mom also

1170
00:58:34,600 --> 00:58:36,760
Speaker 2: left without saying a word. I tried to chase her

1171
00:58:36,800 --> 00:58:38,960
Speaker 2: down to say goodbye, but I couldn't find her, so

1172
00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:42,040
Speaker 2: I left without saying goodbye. We haven't spoken since.

1173
00:58:42,120 --> 00:58:42,320
Speaker 1: Wow.

1174
00:58:42,480 --> 00:58:44,439
Speaker 2: At this point, I'm not planning on trying to fix

1175
00:58:44,480 --> 00:58:46,920
Speaker 2: things with my dad anymore. While at the ski condo,

1176
00:58:47,240 --> 00:58:48,920
Speaker 2: I got him to sign my car over to me.

1177
00:58:49,040 --> 00:58:50,840
Speaker 2: I bought it from him for a very large amount

1178
00:58:50,840 --> 00:58:53,560
Speaker 2: of money two years ago, but he never transferred it

1179
00:58:53,560 --> 00:58:56,360
Speaker 2: to me, and I've also registered it so I don't

1180
00:58:56,400 --> 00:58:58,120
Speaker 2: have to worry about him trying to steal it. I'm

1181
00:58:58,160 --> 00:59:00,520
Speaker 2: still on my car, my parents' car insurance, health insurance

1182
00:59:00,520 --> 00:59:02,800
Speaker 2: and cell phone plan. I intend to talk to them

1183
00:59:02,840 --> 00:59:05,560
Speaker 2: to remove me if our in person conversation did not

1184
00:59:05,640 --> 00:59:07,960
Speaker 2: go well, but with my dad ignoring me so pointedly,

1185
00:59:08,240 --> 00:59:10,600
Speaker 2: I decided not to broach the issue. Yeah, bro, listen,

1186
00:59:10,640 --> 00:59:12,880
Speaker 2: you've already been through enough. Get some free cell phone

1187
00:59:12,880 --> 00:59:15,600
Speaker 2: and health insurance for a bit. Like, my god, they

1188
00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:17,760
Speaker 2: should be, you know, helping you out. Anyways, you're so

1189
00:59:18,520 --> 00:59:21,360
Speaker 2: on top of it, like, come on. Instead, I'm just

1190
00:59:21,400 --> 00:59:23,560
Speaker 2: gonna wait for him to make the move. I don't

1191
00:59:23,560 --> 00:59:25,400
Speaker 2: really have the ability to pay for these things until

1192
00:59:25,400 --> 00:59:27,400
Speaker 2: I start grad school and my fellowship begins. And I'm

1193
00:59:27,400 --> 00:59:29,920
Speaker 2: pretty upset that he's willing to throw our relationship away

1194
00:59:30,320 --> 00:59:33,439
Speaker 2: over such a petty issue. So at least right now,

1195
00:59:33,560 --> 00:59:35,680
Speaker 2: I'm happy to let him keep paying. If you choose

1196
00:59:35,760 --> 00:59:37,280
Speaker 2: to cut me off, I'll do whatever it takes to

1197
00:59:37,280 --> 00:59:39,600
Speaker 2: get by. But if not, I'm not planning to cut

1198
00:59:39,600 --> 00:59:44,880
Speaker 2: these ties until my fellowship starts. By the way, if

1199
00:59:44,920 --> 00:59:49,440
Speaker 2: you want full episodes chock full of stories just like this.

1200
00:59:49,480 --> 00:59:53,400
Speaker 2: If you want two thousand episodes for your listening pleasure,

1201
00:59:53,400 --> 00:59:55,560
Speaker 2: got a Spotify, Apple podcast or your favorite pot app

1202
00:59:55,560 --> 00:59:59,160
Speaker 2: and search. Okay, story time to listen to all those episodes.

1203
01:00:00,240 --> 01:00:04,800
Speaker 2: We are almost done with this dangerously close, dangerously close.

1204
01:00:05,960 --> 01:00:07,640
Speaker 2: What's it annoying right now?

1205
01:00:07,760 --> 01:00:10,280
Speaker 1: Is I really want there to be like a nice resolution,

1206
01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:12,280
Speaker 1: but the dad's such a butt like, I don't think

1207
01:00:12,280 --> 01:00:13,160
Speaker 1: we're gonna get one.

1208
01:00:13,320 --> 01:00:17,600
Speaker 2: I honestly, I thought of one thing that Ope didn't say,

1209
01:00:18,160 --> 01:00:25,200
Speaker 2: and that is realizing that you only love me when

1210
01:00:25,240 --> 01:00:27,560
Speaker 2: I like, you know, do what you want, and that

1211
01:00:28,160 --> 01:00:31,280
Speaker 2: me doing this thing causes you to not just not

1212
01:00:31,600 --> 01:00:35,640
Speaker 2: love me, but to like kind of despise me. Yeah,

1213
01:00:35,960 --> 01:00:36,560
Speaker 2: is like the.

1214
01:00:36,480 --> 01:00:39,640
Speaker 1: Most unfatherlike thing.

1215
01:00:39,840 --> 01:00:41,960
Speaker 2: It's the most unfatherlike not.

1216
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:45,080
Speaker 1: Being a parent, you are being a dictator.

1217
01:00:45,400 --> 01:00:48,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, And in that in that like Op gave him

1218
01:00:48,600 --> 01:00:52,240
Speaker 2: phenomenal feedback. He's doing nothing with but give him phenomenal feedback.

1219
01:00:52,440 --> 01:00:55,160
Speaker 2: I feel like that. You know, maybe it wouldn't have

1220
01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:58,680
Speaker 2: broken through, but it's another thing I think he needs

1221
01:00:58,960 --> 01:01:02,280
Speaker 2: slash kind of deserve to hear like, these are the

1222
01:01:02,280 --> 01:01:06,960
Speaker 2: consequences of you treating me your son like this? Yea,

1223
01:01:07,560 --> 01:01:08,440
Speaker 2: the pain I feel.

1224
01:01:09,120 --> 01:01:12,080
Speaker 1: All right, let's let's finish this thing up. Let's see let's.

1225
01:01:11,960 --> 01:01:16,120
Speaker 2: Close her out. So that's it, no real resolution. I

1226
01:01:16,160 --> 01:01:18,720
Speaker 2: think my relationship with my dad is irreversibly damaged. And

1227
01:01:18,760 --> 01:01:20,520
Speaker 2: while I believe we may be able to work things

1228
01:01:20,520 --> 01:01:22,920
Speaker 2: out eventually, I don't think we'll ever be able to

1229
01:01:23,200 --> 01:01:25,640
Speaker 2: be close again. I heard him incredibly when I accused

1230
01:01:25,680 --> 01:01:27,520
Speaker 2: him of being controlling, and he has shown to me

1231
01:01:27,640 --> 01:01:30,640
Speaker 2: that his love for me is conditional at best, Yo,

1232
01:01:31,400 --> 01:01:36,320
Speaker 2: if not nonexistent. Dude, guess whose love is unconditional? Hours?

1233
01:01:36,520 --> 01:01:36,920
Speaker 1: Hours?

1234
01:01:37,040 --> 01:01:40,400
Speaker 2: Yeah? Wow? Yeah? And the and that guy that he

1235
01:01:40,440 --> 01:01:44,240
Speaker 2: reads the Book of Yeah, that too. You can't know gosh, no, uh,

1236
01:01:44,280 --> 01:01:45,520
Speaker 2: who got which guy?

1237
01:01:45,640 --> 01:01:48,800
Speaker 3: Well, if he's a Christian, you know that's unconditional love.

1238
01:01:48,840 --> 01:01:50,800
Speaker 3: They always talk about unconditional love. And he's like my

1239
01:01:50,840 --> 01:01:51,959
Speaker 3: love is conditional for you.

1240
01:01:51,880 --> 01:01:57,920
Speaker 2: Bro, don't don't you remember Philippians eight seventeen thou shalt

1241
01:01:57,960 --> 01:02:01,120
Speaker 2: not move in with fine girlfriend or will disown you

1242
01:02:01,280 --> 01:02:06,720
Speaker 2: and we'll call you a coward on that email. Wow, banger,

1243
01:02:07,520 --> 01:02:11,040
Speaker 2: just saying now, thanks to everyone for following all along

1244
01:02:11,040 --> 01:02:13,040
Speaker 2: with all the advice. I don't see there being any

1245
01:02:13,040 --> 01:02:16,040
Speaker 2: need to update anything in the future. And what do

1246
01:02:16,040 --> 01:02:18,720
Speaker 2: you know, there wasn't because that's the end of the story.

1247
01:02:19,200 --> 01:02:23,080
Speaker 1: Wow, I'm I feel bad for OPI, but in a

1248
01:02:23,360 --> 01:02:26,280
Speaker 1: much more real way. I don't feel bad. And let

1249
01:02:26,360 --> 01:02:27,000
Speaker 1: me tell you why.

1250
01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:28,680
Speaker 2: Tell me Man is.

1251
01:02:28,720 --> 01:02:31,920
Speaker 1: Prepared for the world, dude. He is going to have

1252
01:02:32,320 --> 01:02:36,320
Speaker 1: such a good, happy, healthy life with all the other

1253
01:02:36,400 --> 01:02:41,000
Speaker 1: relationships that he creates from henceforth. This relationship with his

1254
01:02:41,080 --> 01:02:43,640
Speaker 1: dad will be the worst relationship in his life, and

1255
01:02:43,680 --> 01:02:46,160
Speaker 1: everything else is going to be gravy, because wow, does

1256
01:02:46,200 --> 01:02:49,080
Speaker 1: that kid know how to communicate so good? He probably

1257
01:02:49,160 --> 01:02:53,840
Speaker 1: has a massive hog too. Oh don't you know it?

1258
01:02:54,160 --> 01:02:56,840
Speaker 2: Doctor Dong's that's what they're gonna call him.

1259
01:02:56,840 --> 01:02:59,959
Speaker 1: As much confidence, It's no way he doesn't have a hog,

1260
01:03:00,080 --> 01:03:03,600
Speaker 1: that's right. But I think that's where this episode ends.

1261
01:03:03,600 --> 01:03:06,440
Speaker 1: It's so if you love us. Make sure to subscribe.

1262
01:03:06,480 --> 01:03:08,560
Speaker 1: We love you and see you tomorrow.