WEBVTT - Dear Banya: In Our Game Era 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:04.120 Scrubbing In with Becka Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio 0:00:04.240 --> 0:00:07.480 and two times People's Choice Award winning podcast. 0:00:10.880 --> 0:00:18.680 Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in full shaky, What hard Buddy? 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:25.599 Maybe Rato? Any new songs you're listening to right now? 0:00:26.560 --> 0:00:28.680 I've just been listening to the new Grazy Gabrahms album 0:00:28.720 --> 0:00:29.000 A lot. 0:00:29.080 --> 0:00:30.120 Which songs do you love? 0:00:30.280 --> 0:00:32.760 I love them all? Honestly, I don't skip. I love 0:00:32.800 --> 0:00:35.199 MIDI Bar well, Yeah, I mean that's like the standout 0:00:35.240 --> 0:00:37.520 Star and look at My Life and hit the Wall. 0:00:37.560 --> 0:00:40.800 Those are like the standouts. But I really don't skip, 0:00:41.120 --> 0:00:43.240 weirdly because a lot of them are slow and I 0:00:43.280 --> 0:00:47.360 don't really I'm not like my ballad Era, but they're 0:00:47.400 --> 0:00:47.959 all really good. 0:00:48.040 --> 0:00:50.599 Yeah, ballad Era have you. So there's a trend right 0:00:50.640 --> 0:00:53.080 now where people will take they're taking photos of the 0:00:53.159 --> 0:00:55.760 fall of like twenty twenty two, and they're like, I 0:00:55.800 --> 0:00:59.000 took this on my walk back from class listening and 0:00:59.040 --> 0:01:00.960 it was like during the mid Night's release. 0:01:01.080 --> 0:01:04.720 You know that was a great fall twenty twenty two when. 0:01:04.520 --> 0:01:08.160 Midnights came out, Just like I love a Taylor Swush release. 0:01:08.560 --> 0:01:09.640 It's a trend right now. 0:01:09.720 --> 0:01:13.600 What a weird thing, just like people sick with nostalgia 0:01:13.720 --> 0:01:16.959 for like a specific time, place and feeling. 0:01:17.360 --> 0:01:19.600 My trend I'm seeing right now this is probably old, 0:01:19.680 --> 0:01:22.040 but like the picture of yourself that could be a 0:01:23.319 --> 0:01:25.880 oh yeah going around. Oh so it's still current. 0:01:26.480 --> 0:01:28.080 I guess I just see it on stories. 0:01:28.319 --> 0:01:31.240 Yeah yeah, yeah, no, no, no. 0:01:31.240 --> 0:01:35.040 Just maybe in a few months maybe maybe maybe. 0:01:35.319 --> 0:01:39.319 But you know what, this podcast is going to turn 0:01:39.400 --> 0:01:41.240 nine years old in September, and I think we need 0:01:41.280 --> 0:01:45.720 to have like some sort of something, okay, like like 0:01:45.800 --> 0:01:50.760 a party, like a party, perhaps like a revam. Perhaps 0:01:50.800 --> 0:01:51.600 we should do a lot. 0:01:51.680 --> 0:01:53.360 I mean, I don't know how long. I mean, we 0:01:53.400 --> 0:01:56.920 have like a month to figure this out. But if 0:01:56.960 --> 0:01:59.520 we did, like a little mini live show rent the 0:01:59.600 --> 0:02:00.520 Roxy again. 0:02:00.680 --> 0:02:02.960 Are you out of your mind? What? First of all, 0:02:03.000 --> 0:02:05.720 those things take so much time to prepare, we can't 0:02:05.760 --> 0:02:09.400 just whittle it away in a month. And second of all. 0:02:09.400 --> 0:02:13.919 You're overestimating a little live show that that's not even 0:02:13.919 --> 0:02:14.280 a thing. 0:02:14.960 --> 0:02:16.360 And then I think the whole reason why we didn't 0:02:16.360 --> 0:02:20.080 do any more live shows is because they didn't do well. 0:02:21.120 --> 0:02:24.079 You know what, No need to squash my dreams. I'm 0:02:24.120 --> 0:02:26.160 so sorry, just because I'm a dreamer. 0:02:26.280 --> 0:02:33.480 Okay, I'm gonna let you plan it then, So in September, I'm. 0:02:33.400 --> 0:02:34.959 Not gonna plan it, but I would be down to 0:02:35.000 --> 0:02:39.560 do something to celebrate. Yeah, almost a decade. 0:02:39.120 --> 0:02:43.520 Literally almost a decade, Like that's crazy. So I don't know. 0:02:43.600 --> 0:02:45.560 Maybe I'll look into something. Maybe just have a little 0:02:45.600 --> 0:02:48.600 party that day for the podcast. I'm not sure, but 0:02:49.320 --> 0:02:50.119 I'm feeling the vibe. 0:02:50.200 --> 0:02:53.560 I was thinking of something that involves scrubbers, as they 0:02:53.560 --> 0:02:56.720 are the reason we have had nine years of scrubbing it. 0:02:56.840 --> 0:02:57.600 How do we do it? 0:02:57.840 --> 0:03:01.040 Maybe this is I was pitching if you want to 0:03:01.400 --> 0:03:04.880 plan it, but all me, No, I'm not a planner. 0:03:05.080 --> 0:03:07.960 Yeah I know, but I do think we could. 0:03:07.960 --> 0:03:10.760 Put a little something, a little podcast in the park 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:13.240 or something that'd be. 0:03:13.560 --> 0:03:14.760 What I'm saying is, maybe we just do like an 0:03:14.840 --> 0:03:18.360 unofficial like Oh okay, okay, yeah, oh I thought you 0:03:18.440 --> 0:03:20.400 got like a whole full ticketed like thing. 0:03:20.600 --> 0:03:22.919 No, I was joking about the roxy that was just. 0:03:22.880 --> 0:03:26.880 Like a podcast in the park is super cute. Yeah, 0:03:26.919 --> 0:03:31.760 a little Sunday soire. Let's get the dates, get the 0:03:31.880 --> 0:03:36.400 date of our actual thing anniversary, and then we can yeah, 0:03:37.200 --> 0:03:39.000 chill do like a little chill something. 0:03:38.880 --> 0:03:42.080 Yeah, we'll do a little uh session. 0:03:42.280 --> 0:03:43.720 What's it called Sunday session? 0:03:43.960 --> 0:03:47.520 No, what's it called when you make plans in your brainstorm? 0:03:47.560 --> 0:03:48.560 A brainstorm session? 0:03:48.680 --> 0:03:49.560 Brainstorm session. 0:03:50.120 --> 0:03:52.440 Anyways, we have a Dear Bonnie episode where. 0:03:52.280 --> 0:03:54.520 She just wants to get straight in. We're to fun 0:03:54.600 --> 0:03:55.400 fodder for Becca. 0:03:55.520 --> 0:03:57.720 We're trying to decide if we wanted to do a 0:03:57.760 --> 0:04:00.920 game at the end, and Tanya last week or on Monday, 0:04:01.040 --> 0:04:03.680 was like, well, some people don't like it, some like it, 0:04:03.720 --> 0:04:05.560 and I'm like, you know what, We're going to do 0:04:05.640 --> 0:04:07.720 it for those who like it, and if you don't 0:04:07.800 --> 0:04:09.960 like it, then we'll just tell you when we're going 0:04:10.000 --> 0:04:10.800 to do it and you can just. 0:04:10.960 --> 0:04:11.800 In the podcast. 0:04:12.080 --> 0:04:15.560 Yeah, and that's just how life works sometimes, you know. 0:04:15.880 --> 0:04:16.479 Yeah, that's true. 0:04:16.480 --> 0:04:18.840 And we're going to give you the option. We're gonna 0:04:18.839 --> 0:04:22.120 say it's starting now if you want to play along. 0:04:22.920 --> 0:04:24.680 We love you, love to have you. 0:04:24.920 --> 0:04:27.440 And I'm listening to the notes, you know, I know. 0:04:27.600 --> 0:04:29.440 But the thing is if you listen too much to 0:04:29.480 --> 0:04:33.120 the notes, then you have fifty. 0:04:32.480 --> 0:04:34.400 Year Oh no, But I think the notes are helping. 0:04:34.440 --> 0:04:36.719 I think they're guiding this game into a path. Like 0:04:36.760 --> 0:04:39.280 people did enjoy the one by one, but because it 0:04:39.320 --> 0:04:39.840 was like. 0:04:39.839 --> 0:04:42.360 I hated this format, So you're going to have people 0:04:42.400 --> 0:04:46.159 who it said that someone commented I hated this format. 0:04:46.360 --> 0:04:51.120 Well that person I saw more appreciation for the one 0:04:51.160 --> 0:04:51.560 on one. 0:04:51.680 --> 0:04:55.400 All I'm saying is we'll just do it. What what 0:04:55.600 --> 0:04:58.520 the majority ones, and then if they want to be 0:04:58.640 --> 0:05:00.480 a part of it, great and if not, the it's okay. 0:05:00.680 --> 0:05:02.240 It's just in our game era. 0:05:02.600 --> 0:05:05.480 Yeah we are. Games are fun and light. 0:05:05.760 --> 0:05:09.480 They're really fun. They're light. Tanya needs light, so y'all 0:05:09.560 --> 0:05:11.400 quit dampening Tanya's lightness. 0:05:11.440 --> 0:05:13.920 I need light and I need levity. 0:05:14.520 --> 0:05:18.560 Okay, we're taking away Tanya's levity when we just need games. 0:05:18.839 --> 0:05:23.440 Yes for our non competitive queen. Yes, so many years 0:05:23.480 --> 0:05:26.559 ago as she said she's not competitive. 0:05:26.040 --> 0:05:28.080 I'm not. I lose every week and yet I'm coming 0:05:28.120 --> 0:05:28.600 back here. 0:05:28.800 --> 0:05:29.480 But you care? 0:05:30.560 --> 0:05:31.159 I do care. 0:05:31.279 --> 0:05:34.040 Yeah, that's good. It's growth. If we're not growing, what 0:05:34.040 --> 0:05:34.520 are we doing? 0:05:35.600 --> 0:05:36.480 My point exactly? 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:38.360 I know? Okay, shall we get started? 0:05:38.480 --> 0:05:38.760 Yes? 0:05:39.560 --> 0:05:40.640 You want to start? Do you want me to? 0:05:41.480 --> 0:05:43.600 Why don't I start? Now? Why don't you start? 0:05:43.640 --> 0:05:43.919 Okay? 0:05:44.040 --> 0:05:45.159 I just want to do the third one. 0:05:45.440 --> 0:05:49.040 Okay. I'm in my forties and have been on and 0:05:49.080 --> 0:05:52.400 off the dating apps for years since my last serious relationship. 0:05:52.760 --> 0:05:54.880 I recently met a guy on Hinge who was married 0:05:54.920 --> 0:05:57.359 for twenty years and has been divorced for about a 0:05:57.400 --> 0:05:59.680 year and a half. We've only been seeing each other 0:05:59.720 --> 0:06:02.279 for three three weeks, but he's very secure, knows he 0:06:02.320 --> 0:06:05.640 wants a relationship and isn't afraid to show it. Dating 0:06:05.680 --> 0:06:08.120 in my forties has made me more of an overthinker 0:06:08.160 --> 0:06:11.480 and cautiously optimistic. We agree on all the big things 0:06:11.480 --> 0:06:14.600 and everything feels so easy. But he's definitely more confident 0:06:14.640 --> 0:06:17.280 about us than I am. At this point, I'm curious 0:06:17.279 --> 0:06:19.640 how Becca let her guard down with Hailey. We're either 0:06:19.680 --> 0:06:21.719 of you ever in a relationship where one person fell 0:06:21.760 --> 0:06:23.680 all the way in while the other needed more time 0:06:24.040 --> 0:06:27.200 even though they were really interested. Also, I'm definitely not 0:06:27.240 --> 0:06:31.240 a Tanya. Oh but he is. He's already brought me flowers, 0:06:31.360 --> 0:06:35.039 cute cards, and even dog treats for my two dogs. Tanya, 0:06:35.040 --> 0:06:36.719 what are some of the little things you did earlier 0:06:36.720 --> 0:06:39.359 on that Robbie really appreciated you. Both are such a 0:06:39.400 --> 0:06:45.320 refreshing break in my week. Thank you so nice, so nice, Gosh, 0:06:47.040 --> 0:06:51.040 I just never had my guard up with Haley, I 0:06:51.200 --> 0:06:59.200 was just so in, so fast, so scary. But I 0:06:59.279 --> 0:07:03.400 also think like sometimes it's a I think for some 0:07:03.440 --> 0:07:07.200 people sometimes it's a slow burn. It wasn't for me 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:09.559 with my relationship or Falie, and it wasn't for you either, 0:07:10.200 --> 0:07:12.400 But I think I get it. I think the older 0:07:12.440 --> 0:07:15.480 you get, the more you have your way of doing things, 0:07:15.560 --> 0:07:19.080 the more you're cautious about who you let in. And 0:07:19.120 --> 0:07:21.560 I think the more time that goes by where you're 0:07:21.600 --> 0:07:24.320 not opening yourself up and opening your heart, the more 0:07:25.240 --> 0:07:27.640 inward you go. I think that's just the natural thing 0:07:27.640 --> 0:07:27.880 to do. 0:07:27.960 --> 0:07:30.120 And I also think people can get very comfortable being 0:07:30.160 --> 0:07:31.680 single totally. 0:07:31.680 --> 0:07:34.320 That's what I'm saying. Yeah, so having someone coming in 0:07:34.360 --> 0:07:37.160 and doing nice things for you but also kind of 0:07:37.960 --> 0:07:40.920 taking up your time and space probably does feel almost 0:07:40.960 --> 0:07:44.200 like threatening in a way to this like version of 0:07:44.240 --> 0:07:46.360 yourself that you've gotten so used to. So I wouldn't 0:07:46.400 --> 0:07:48.600 be super hard on yourself. But I also feel like, 0:07:49.040 --> 0:07:52.040 if you really like him and you're interested in him, 0:07:52.080 --> 0:07:54.560 I wantn't necessarily let it scare you off. But I 0:07:54.560 --> 0:07:56.960 also don't want you to get love bombed like that 0:07:57.040 --> 0:07:57.600 happens too. 0:07:58.680 --> 0:08:00.560 So does it sound like he's of bombing. 0:08:01.040 --> 0:08:04.120 I'm just saying, like there's a fine line, you know, 0:08:04.280 --> 0:08:07.560 of doing all the nice things and then it being 0:08:07.640 --> 0:08:09.440 loved bombing. But what were some of the things that 0:08:09.480 --> 0:08:11.200 you did for Robbie that he appreciated. 0:08:11.920 --> 0:08:14.680 I always like had This is like so silly because 0:08:15.000 --> 0:08:18.040 like he doesn't eat Reese's pieces like you know, but 0:08:18.120 --> 0:08:21.920 like I always took notes on the things that he liked. 0:08:22.480 --> 0:08:24.560 So Reeseist pieces, those little like. 0:08:24.720 --> 0:08:27.640 Yeah, almost like an eminem b yes pieces. 0:08:27.800 --> 0:08:29.720 Those were like his favorite candy, So I always like 0:08:30.040 --> 0:08:32.400 had those in my apartment. There was like a green 0:08:32.480 --> 0:08:34.520 juice he got from Creation, Like I would have like 0:08:34.520 --> 0:08:36.880 the green juice there for him. I knew his favorite 0:08:36.880 --> 0:08:38.360 type of apple, so I would always have like his 0:08:38.400 --> 0:08:41.640 favorite type of apple there. I knew if he was 0:08:41.640 --> 0:08:44.520 coming over, like on a Friday afternoon, and I knew 0:08:44.520 --> 0:08:45.959 we were like going to get drinks or something, I 0:08:45.960 --> 0:08:48.440 would always have or we were like going out, I 0:08:48.440 --> 0:08:51.959 would have his favorite like drink ready for him when 0:08:51.960 --> 0:08:55.719 he got to my apartment. I would leave him like 0:08:55.760 --> 0:08:59.120 little notes. One night one time he came over and 0:08:59.160 --> 0:09:02.320 I like left a bunch of different like notes, like 0:09:02.320 --> 0:09:04.000 like one card in the kitchen and then like then 0:09:04.000 --> 0:09:06.400 your next one is upstairs on the bed, and then 0:09:06.400 --> 0:09:08.040 like I left him like little things and we're doing 0:09:08.040 --> 0:09:11.800 like a paint, little paint thing upstairs, you. 0:09:11.720 --> 0:09:13.920 Know, quite romantic, very thoughtful. 0:09:14.000 --> 0:09:16.320 It was also the pandemic, so I would go all 0:09:16.360 --> 0:09:17.200 out for these things. 0:09:17.240 --> 0:09:21.000 You know, your dates were in the house. Yeah, I 0:09:21.040 --> 0:09:24.520 think it's like I definitely feel like I was in 0:09:25.720 --> 0:09:28.440 uh like I felt like with Robert, my guard was 0:09:28.640 --> 0:09:35.760 very much up. I felt very prideful of my almost 0:09:35.800 --> 0:09:40.120 like stoicism towards relationships. Like I felt almost like you 0:09:40.160 --> 0:09:43.360 can't break down my wall. Yeah, and I don't know 0:09:43.400 --> 0:09:47.199 why he was so patient, and what a what a 0:09:47.240 --> 0:09:52.760 wonderful patient man he was, because I was is yeah, 0:09:52.960 --> 0:09:55.040 well I haven't seen him in a long time, but 0:09:54.320 --> 0:09:54.560 at the. 0:09:55.120 --> 0:09:57.240 Imagine him, I'm he's still patient. 0:09:58.400 --> 0:10:01.679 But I think it's I think it's okay to let 0:10:01.760 --> 0:10:04.840 your guard down, because even if this isn't your person, 0:10:04.920 --> 0:10:07.720 and even if it's like he ends up not being 0:10:07.760 --> 0:10:10.480 the guy or being not as wonderful as you think 0:10:10.520 --> 0:10:13.199 he is, you don't even you're you're not even gonna 0:10:13.200 --> 0:10:15.600 give yourself a chance to experience something great if you're 0:10:15.640 --> 0:10:19.400 so closed off so I think it can feel scary, 0:10:19.559 --> 0:10:24.080 but the worst that can happen is you move on. 0:10:24.880 --> 0:10:26.480 I don't even know how to put my guard up. 0:10:28.400 --> 0:10:31.199 Your guard is like locked, and it's like locked on the. 0:10:31.200 --> 0:10:34.599 Down my guard. My guard doesn't even know how to 0:10:34.600 --> 0:10:38.000 get out of the cage. So I can't I can't 0:10:38.000 --> 0:10:38.440 help there. 0:10:38.559 --> 0:10:40.760 I think just just enjoy it. And also, you've only 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:43.760 been dating for three weeks, and I don't think you 0:10:43.760 --> 0:10:45.760 should close if you're like not one hundred percent in 0:10:45.840 --> 0:10:48.120 on this guy. I don't think you should close yourself 0:10:48.160 --> 0:10:52.360 off to meeting other people. You don't have to spread 0:10:52.360 --> 0:10:55.719 your seed, but I think you can not put all 0:10:55.760 --> 0:10:59.640 your eggs in one basket. Yes, disperse your eggs. 0:10:59.480 --> 0:11:03.440 Yeah, but not figure not literally. 0:11:03.760 --> 0:11:06.240 Yeah, your not your eggs. Yeah, but. 0:11:08.559 --> 0:11:12.439 It always goes back there for me. Anyways, I'm gonna 0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:14.920 do Janelle next, just because I want to do that one. 0:11:14.960 --> 0:11:16.320 Then you can do the honest. 0:11:16.360 --> 0:11:19.160 Okay, we're skipping around, Yeah. 0:11:19.040 --> 0:11:22.800 I'm picking and choosing, all right. This is from Jenelle. 0:11:23.360 --> 0:11:26.079 This is mainly for Tanya, my fellow fair skin queen. 0:11:26.160 --> 0:11:29.240 I'm extremely pale with dark hair, similar to Sophia Carson. 0:11:29.520 --> 0:11:31.720 I've been using self tanner and getting spray tan since 0:11:31.720 --> 0:11:34.360 I was eighteen and I'm thirty six now. It's exhausting, 0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:37.000 and honestly, I hate feeling like I have to do it. 0:11:37.320 --> 0:11:40.640 My pale skin keeps me from wearing dresses, shorts, and swimsuits, 0:11:40.800 --> 0:11:42.800 and it really affects my confidence. When I skip the 0:11:42.840 --> 0:11:45.360 self tanner, people always comment on how white I look. 0:11:45.400 --> 0:11:48.280 It's so discouraging. I'm actually in tears writing this because 0:11:48.280 --> 0:11:50.679 I'm trying to get ready for date night and I 0:11:50.720 --> 0:11:53.000 hate how I look without a tan. I'm working through 0:11:53.000 --> 0:11:54.840 this in therapy, but I'm hoping Tanya might have some 0:11:54.960 --> 0:12:00.320 encouraging words. So it's so crazy because I who used 0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:03.080 to get ray tans all the time, and then once 0:12:03.120 --> 0:12:08.199 I realized how toxic they were, I stopped getting them. 0:12:08.559 --> 0:12:11.320 Not to say I won't dabble. I might even get 0:12:11.320 --> 0:12:15.640 one this week, that's right. So I don't like swear 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:17.840 them off. I'm just doing them, not as often as 0:12:17.880 --> 0:12:23.959 I used to. In moderation, if you will, but me too. 0:12:24.040 --> 0:12:26.160 My skin is like the color of milk. My legs 0:12:26.160 --> 0:12:29.600 are the color of milk. Sometimes tanner, well, I am 0:12:29.640 --> 0:12:31.480 a little tann right now. It's still from Cabo and 0:12:31.520 --> 0:12:33.839 I also like walk outside, it's like a bazillion degree, 0:12:33.880 --> 0:12:35.080 so I have a little bit of a tan. But 0:12:35.120 --> 0:12:37.720 my legs, no, no, no, my legs are as white 0:12:37.720 --> 0:12:42.240 as as white as a cloud. I mean, come on, 0:12:43.280 --> 0:12:49.440 I'm just saying I don't it's pretty white anyways, Janelle, 0:12:51.440 --> 0:12:58.160 here's the thing. Who cares what people think about your legs? 0:12:58.600 --> 0:13:01.920 We all have different Like if your legs aren't too white, 0:13:02.080 --> 0:13:04.960 then you have viicos veins. If you don't have vericose veins, 0:13:05.000 --> 0:13:08.160 then your skin is blotchy. If your skin's not blotchy, 0:13:08.280 --> 0:13:11.160 then you have razor burn. If you don't have razor burn, 0:13:11.280 --> 0:13:15.640 then you have ingrown hairs on your bikini line. Like 0:13:15.679 --> 0:13:18.120 you know what I mean, Like everybody has something, I 0:13:18.160 --> 0:13:20.480 can guarantee you, even people that you look at and 0:13:20.480 --> 0:13:23.080 you think, oh my gosh, they're probably so confident they 0:13:23.120 --> 0:13:26.200 have whatever in their head, you know, cell you light, 0:13:26.360 --> 0:13:30.480 whatever it may be. And I just think it's gonna 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:33.240 sound so silly, but I think you should practice doing 0:13:33.280 --> 0:13:35.439 stuff with like shorts on, like going to the things 0:13:35.480 --> 0:13:37.320 that are like low stakes, not going on dates with 0:13:37.360 --> 0:13:39.959 shorts on, but like going to the store with shorts on. 0:13:40.520 --> 0:13:44.800 Good doing exposure therapy, because and then you're gonna just 0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:46.559 be like, why have I been wearing pants? Or like 0:13:46.679 --> 0:13:50.440 why do I I just think the more you do something, 0:13:50.880 --> 0:13:52.959 the more it becomes just like a habit. 0:13:53.520 --> 0:13:56.199 I think when someone if someone makes a clummet, I 0:13:56.440 --> 0:13:58.400 feel like you should just own it and be like, yeah, 0:13:58.400 --> 0:14:00.360 I take really good care of my skin so that 0:14:00.960 --> 0:14:02.400 I stay looking younger longer. 0:14:02.600 --> 0:14:05.240 People tell me all the time, WHOA, you're so white? 0:14:05.480 --> 0:14:09.360 This all the time my friends. I'm like, oh my gosh, 0:14:09.400 --> 0:14:10.679 your legs are so pale. 0:14:11.480 --> 0:14:13.240 But I'd like to clarify I've never. 0:14:13.240 --> 0:14:16.199 Once I think you have one. I have never said that, 0:14:16.600 --> 0:14:19.480 but I'm not offended by it. I'm my legs haven't 0:14:19.480 --> 0:14:22.600 seen the light of days since like January twenty twenty three. 0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:25.360 Even when you go, should I do a spray tin? 0:14:25.440 --> 0:14:27.720 I really don't want to, but my legs look so pale. 0:14:27.760 --> 0:14:29.840 I'm like, do what you want if you feel good 0:14:29.880 --> 0:14:31.640 with your legs looking all Like. 0:14:31.800 --> 0:14:34.720 All I'm saying is people comment on how white I 0:14:34.840 --> 0:14:39.280 look often, and I don't care, Like I'm like, I'm 0:14:39.280 --> 0:14:41.680 just like I know I haven't like, I haven't gone 0:14:41.840 --> 0:14:43.200 my legs haven't seen the light of day. 0:14:43.320 --> 0:14:45.400 Yeah, Jane, this is like one of those things where 0:14:46.320 --> 0:14:48.200 we've talked about this on the podcast before, but like 0:14:48.280 --> 0:14:50.640 when someone has kids and they are going on dates 0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:53.240 and they feel like they have to, they almost are 0:14:53.320 --> 0:14:55.640 like ashamed to say that they have kids instead of 0:14:55.680 --> 0:14:56.640 being confident about it. 0:14:56.840 --> 0:14:58.480 Yeah, let's like play it out. 0:14:59.680 --> 0:15:02.160 Am I are you Janelle? Or am I? No? No? 0:15:02.200 --> 0:15:02.560 No not? 0:15:02.640 --> 0:15:04.240 You know like what the kids saying, Well, let's do 0:15:04.720 --> 0:15:06.760 let's do you know? Okay? Fine, fine, fine, you know 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:09.480 I'll bet you know? Okay, no you okay? Because this 0:15:09.520 --> 0:15:11.040 is your the guy on the date. 0:15:11.640 --> 0:15:15.720 Oh okay, how do you know? Hi? Am I supposed to. 0:15:15.680 --> 0:15:18.640 Say, like, wow, you you're like your legs are so pale? 0:15:18.800 --> 0:15:22.440 Oh I do you know you look beautiful? Whoa, your 0:15:22.520 --> 0:15:23.520 legs are really pale? 0:15:23.840 --> 0:15:26.080 I know, tell me about I haven't been on vacation 0:15:26.200 --> 0:15:26.720 in a minute. 0:15:28.040 --> 0:15:31.240 I don't think vacation is the no, well no, because 0:15:31.880 --> 0:15:34.800 I don't think she needs to be on vacation in 0:15:34.880 --> 0:15:35.280 the sun. 0:15:35.400 --> 0:15:37.320 The only time my skin sees the sun. 0:15:37.640 --> 0:15:40.200 I don't think she like I think she's protective of 0:15:40.280 --> 0:15:44.800 her skin, is what I'm sensing. Oh, or maybe she 0:15:44.920 --> 0:15:48.000 just doesn't tand maybe she just burns, so maybe. 0:15:48.720 --> 0:15:50.440 It is harder. Yeah, this is harder than I thought. Jane, 0:15:50.520 --> 0:15:51.680 I'm so glad we're playing this out. 0:15:51.800 --> 0:15:55.600 Yeah, okay, you know you look beautiful. Oh your legs 0:15:55.640 --> 0:15:56.480 are really pale. 0:15:58.480 --> 0:16:00.600 I know is beautiful. 0:16:02.160 --> 0:16:05.160 Wow. That that's one way to do it. 0:16:05.320 --> 0:16:09.160 Mm hmm. I watched me in thirty years without the 0:16:09.240 --> 0:16:11.800 wrinkly wrinkles over my knees, wondering. 0:16:11.600 --> 0:16:13.920 If okay, I'm really trying to play that. I want 0:16:14.000 --> 0:16:16.480 I want her to know what to say if someone 0:16:16.560 --> 0:16:17.160 ever says. 0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:19.440 That again, is on a date. I feel like it's 0:16:19.480 --> 0:16:21.280 just she's more self conscious about it. It's not like 0:16:21.360 --> 0:16:21.720 the guys. 0:16:21.720 --> 0:16:24.040 It's not saying that's I'm saying. But she said people 0:16:24.120 --> 0:16:24.960 have said it, and so have. 0:16:25.040 --> 0:16:26.720 Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, Oh my gosh, I've heard it 0:16:26.800 --> 0:16:27.480 time and time again. 0:16:27.760 --> 0:16:30.360 I think you should just say, yeah, you should see 0:16:30.400 --> 0:16:31.960 what happens when I go in the sun. I burn 0:16:32.080 --> 0:16:34.720 like crazy and I'm just I'm rocking it, just like 0:16:34.920 --> 0:16:37.880 own what you're doing, Like own the fact that you're like, yeah, 0:16:37.880 --> 0:16:40.200 I've always done spray TNDS and I'm I'm this is 0:16:40.240 --> 0:16:42.960 my exposure therapy, and I want to like feel comfortable 0:16:43.000 --> 0:16:43.480 in my skin. 0:16:43.840 --> 0:16:44.080 Yeah. 0:16:44.760 --> 0:16:46.520 I think that's the whole thing. And it's so much 0:16:46.560 --> 0:16:49.760 easier said than done. I know, like when confidence about something, 0:16:49.840 --> 0:16:53.320 but just know that you are protecting your skin. And 0:16:53.800 --> 0:16:57.480 there's other people who are just like worship the sun 0:16:57.720 --> 0:17:00.240 and their skin does not look good. And I I 0:17:00.280 --> 0:17:04.639 bet your beautiful light skin looks so healthy and fresh 0:17:04.680 --> 0:17:07.680 and you're taking care of yourself, which is important. And 0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:09.920 I think on special occasions, like if you want to 0:17:10.200 --> 0:17:11.680 if you want to put self tanner on, I don't 0:17:11.680 --> 0:17:13.720 think that's a bad thing, like makeup on because I 0:17:13.760 --> 0:17:15.600 want to feel better. Yeah, it's like make up for 0:17:15.680 --> 0:17:18.440 your body. But I think if you're tired of doing that, 0:17:18.920 --> 0:17:22.479 I also think it's important to love who you are 0:17:22.640 --> 0:17:27.480 without that. And I think that's the practice of like 0:17:27.640 --> 0:17:31.160 leaning into the confidence of the journey of getting confident 0:17:31.200 --> 0:17:32.359 about your skin tone. 0:17:32.480 --> 0:17:34.320 Yeah, and like you said, she said she's working on 0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:37.040 it in therapy. I think that's like a huge that's 0:17:37.080 --> 0:17:38.720 going to be huge for you. Just like talking it 0:17:38.760 --> 0:17:40.080 out because at the end of the day, it really 0:17:40.160 --> 0:17:43.920 is your mindset. Your mindset is everything in life, and 0:17:44.000 --> 0:17:46.600 if you aren't insecure about how pale you are, it's 0:17:46.640 --> 0:17:47.120 not gonna matter. 0:17:47.240 --> 0:17:49.879 I actually wish Easton was here today because Alison is 0:17:50.040 --> 0:17:52.440 really protective of her skin. She's really light skin and 0:17:52.480 --> 0:17:54.440 won't go in the sun, and she has the most 0:17:54.600 --> 0:17:57.040 she looks like a porcelain doll. Like Allison is the 0:17:57.160 --> 0:17:59.840 most beautiful skin and she's so protective of it. So 0:18:00.680 --> 0:18:03.200 I guess it's also changing your mindset of how you 0:18:04.040 --> 0:18:07.200 view lighter skin and pale skin, because like when I 0:18:07.320 --> 0:18:09.320 see people with light skin, I'm like, wow, they really 0:18:09.400 --> 0:18:12.040 take care of themselves. Like I'm never like oh my god, 0:18:12.119 --> 0:18:15.760 I'm just like wow, they really care about their skin 0:18:15.920 --> 0:18:17.840 health and you know what they're doing for it. So 0:18:18.280 --> 0:18:21.480 I think it's reshifting your brain chemistry. And I also 0:18:21.560 --> 0:18:23.840 think doing therapy is great. And I also think go 0:18:24.000 --> 0:18:27.240 outside with a short sleeve shirt or or shorts on, 0:18:27.440 --> 0:18:29.240 and like Tanya said, go to the store, go run 0:18:29.280 --> 0:18:32.880 an errand and if someone says anything, be like totally. 0:18:32.960 --> 0:18:35.840 Yeah, I know, I see it every day. 0:18:36.000 --> 0:18:40.320 Yeah. Yeah. So I think you are on a beautiful 0:18:40.440 --> 0:18:44.200 journey and I'm proud of you because being confident in 0:18:44.240 --> 0:18:45.520 something takes vulnerability. 0:18:46.000 --> 0:18:46.879 Yeah, And. 0:18:48.920 --> 0:18:51.320