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Speaker 1: You don't hear me confession, I can't take back all arms.

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Speaker 1: Little mouth speaker.

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Speaker 2: Got a text into seven eight five nine two that says,

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Speaker 2: I'm a server and whenever customers ask for low fat

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Speaker 2: ranch with their salad, I give them regular because if

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Speaker 2: they were really trying to diet, they wouldn't order ranch

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Speaker 2: at all, thank you.

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Speaker 3: I mean, why mess of the low fat stuff.

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Speaker 4: That's like being like, oh, diet coke, you have like

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Speaker 4: five of them?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yourself?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 2: And look, if you have some secret ranch tucked away

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Speaker 2: in the hidden valley of your life, then you can

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Speaker 2: come on this show and squirt it out anonymously, judgment free.

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Speaker 2: On the mass Speaker, one of our listeners is ready

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Speaker 2: to come clean about something from his life, and he's

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Speaker 2: chosen the fake name Greg. So Greg, Welcome to the show,

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Speaker 2: Ranch Bro, Hi Greg.

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Speaker 1: Hello, Hello is my voice?

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Speaker 3: It is weird Bro.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you're good.

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Speaker 2: Voice changes on. We're ready to hear your confession, mister

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Speaker 2: mass speaker.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I've got this really big secret that I've

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Speaker 1: just been holding on to and I just need to

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Speaker 1: tell somebody, right, I mean, those.

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Speaker 3: Six can honestly like eat at you for sure. It's

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Speaker 3: not good for your mental health. So here we are

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Speaker 3: free therapy.

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Speaker 1: Well, I don't know how else to say this, but

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Speaker 1: I've been in love with my coworker for the last

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Speaker 1: three years and she just has no idea whoa you like?

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Speaker 3: You know her pretty well. It's not some stocker situation

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Speaker 3: where you've been watching her from across the right.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, we're on the same creative team.

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Speaker 3: And that's cute. Why aren't you telling her?

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Speaker 1: Well, you know, when we first met, she was in

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Speaker 1: a relationship.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so speed them.

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Speaker 1: That kind of guy. You know, I respected that situation,

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Speaker 1: but at the same time, I was just like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, she's so beautiful and she's so funny. We

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Speaker 1: have like the same sense of humor. And we became

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Speaker 1: like really close work friends.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, dude, I feel for you.

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Speaker 1: That is just the worst.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, is she still with the dude?

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Speaker 1: Well, so that's the thing. Like, she became single about

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Speaker 1: a year ago, and when that happened, you know, I

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Speaker 1: got excited, but I didn't want to ask her out

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Speaker 1: right away because we're basically like work wife, we're husband

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Speaker 1: by this point, you know, we we like know each

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Speaker 1: other inside and now we've got all these inside jokes.

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Speaker 1: We even like named each other staplers. I know, it's some.

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Speaker 4: Guys, it's like funny.

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Speaker 1: And I was just kind of hoping things would naturally develop.

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Speaker 1: But I didn't want to like say, you know, I

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Speaker 1: want to be with you because I didn't want to

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Speaker 1: ruin you know, our perfect friendship. And yeah, I just

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Speaker 1: thought it would be too risky.

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Speaker 3: What did you do then?

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Speaker 1: Well? I thought maybe I would like kind of test

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Speaker 1: the waters, so I'd get into work early and I

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Speaker 1: would leave little gifts at her desk and I would

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Speaker 1: write a note on them and say that they're from

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Speaker 1: a secret admirer.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I see, so you could like gauge your reaction.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And you know, it's all kinds of stuff that

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Speaker 1: I knew she would like to like her favorite scented

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Speaker 1: candle cookies from her favorite bakery, like personal things like

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Speaker 1: that that I had the advantage of knowing, you know,

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Speaker 1: because we're so close.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and you would.

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Speaker 3: Think that she'd like clew in because who else would

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Speaker 3: know that about her access exactly.

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Speaker 1: I would like to think that maybe she would kind

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Speaker 1: of get the hinted with me, but I never really

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Speaker 1: got that impression, like she would come to work and

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Speaker 1: she would find the gift and then she'd be all

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Speaker 1: excited and really flattered, and then I think, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: maybe she's just like teasing me, because she would always

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Speaker 1: kind of be like, I wonder who it could be?

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Speaker 2: And how do they know that name of our secret stapler?

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Speaker 2: Like that's so odd?

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Speaker 3: Was your heart and stomach just doing like cartwheels like

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Speaker 3: she was talking to you about it?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it was so awesome to see how happy the

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Speaker 1: gifts would make her, and it would just kind of

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Speaker 1: like eat me up a little bit. I just would

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Speaker 1: like every single day, I'd want to be like, it's

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Speaker 1: it's me surprised.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, so how long do you wait until you

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Speaker 2: actually come forward and tell her I'm actually the secret admirer?

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Speaker 1: Well that's the problem. I think I waited too long,

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Speaker 1: because one day she came back from lunch and she

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Speaker 1: brought this bombshell on me. Is that her secret admirer

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Speaker 1: asked her out. And I was like what what that? Meed? Aw,

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Speaker 1: I'm a secret admirer, but apparently one of my other coworkers.

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Speaker 1: I won't say names on the radio to make him

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Speaker 1: look like the a hole that he is, but he

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Speaker 1: is because he totally like came in to work and

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Speaker 1: said that it was him. No, maybe totally hijacked my

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Speaker 1: entire No.

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Speaker 2: Here, are you kidding me?

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Speaker 3: He said he was a secret admirer.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I was. You know, I wanted to go

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Speaker 1: over and I wanted to like punch him, like punch

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Speaker 1: him right there, and I worked. But you know I

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Speaker 1: can't do that obviously, And and plus if I did that,

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Speaker 1: if I made a scene at work, then she would

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Speaker 1: definitely know.

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Speaker 3: Wait, you didn't call him out. You didn't at least

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Speaker 3: tell her that he was lying, and that was you.

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Speaker 3: What did you do?

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Speaker 1: I thought, like, well, okay, you can't live this lie

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Speaker 1: up forever, right, Like, well you could? Well, and I

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Speaker 1: guess I don't know. They've been dating. They've been dating

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Speaker 1: for a month's now. Oh my god, it's been like

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Speaker 1: eating me up inside. And all I want to do

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Speaker 1: is go over and just tell her everything, you know,

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Speaker 1: But I still feel like I can't do that. You know,

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Speaker 1: I want to take the high road here, you know,

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Speaker 1: I want to do things right. I don't I don't

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Speaker 1: want to mess up.

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Speaker 3: No, you're done with any roads, man, You're taking the

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Speaker 3: coward road right now.

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Speaker 4: I also think if you guys are such good friends

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Speaker 4: and so close, she would probably understand if you came

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Speaker 4: out to her and we're like, look like, I just

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Speaker 4: want to tell you if you like the guy, you

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Speaker 4: like him. But just so you know, those guests, we're

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Speaker 4: not from him.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't know.

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Speaker 2: I've been secretly obsessed with you for the last three

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Speaker 2: years and I told you anything about it until now.

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Speaker 3: But it also feels like it's been a month of

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Speaker 3: them dating. It almost feels like weird and and petty

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Speaker 3: that he comes now and he's trying to believe.

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Speaker 2: What are you gonna do?

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Speaker 1: Like, I don't want to. I don't want to break

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Speaker 1: them up if she really is enjoying, Yes, you do.

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Speaker 3: Greg, get you to break them up? You want to

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Speaker 3: be with her?

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Speaker 1: I mean I do, but I don't you know.

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Speaker 3: I wanted to go give yourself a pep talk in

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Speaker 3: the mirror, Greg, and then just march up to her

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Speaker 3: and tell her what's going on.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, worst the worst. I'll just quit my

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Speaker 1: job and then move away.

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Speaker 2: If you want, you can always do it on the show,

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Speaker 2: maybe because we're always looking for new content. If you

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Speaker 2: want to turn that into a call, that's something to consider.

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Speaker 4: It can be an awkward Tuesday or something like just complaine.

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Speaker 4: You don't have to call her and say break up

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Speaker 4: with him. You just told him the truth. Yea, I

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Speaker 4: sent you those gifts and see how she.

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Speaker 3: Reacts and then we say break up with him. Yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 2: It's something to think about, Greg. But text into seven eight,

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Speaker 2: five nine too if you have a confession that you've

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Speaker 2: been holding on to. Will hide your identity by masking

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Speaker 2: your voice, and you can become the next mass speaker.

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Speaker 2: Phone taps next