Speaker 1: Holiday season, So a lot to say about that because
Speaker 1: people get sad and if there's so much pressure, where
Speaker 1: are we going what are we doing? Do we get
Speaker 1: a good enough gift? Are they going to like the gift?
Speaker 1: How are we going to do the presents for our kids?
Speaker 1: And you know I have I'm divorced, So it's like
Speaker 1: when do we do this sort of fake Christmas night
Speaker 1: and open up the presents earlier but still make it special?
Speaker 1: And where Santa coming and the shipping and receiving and
Speaker 1: the packing and the boxing and the wasting of paper
Speaker 1: and the Federal Express person every day, and it's just
Speaker 1: like there's a lot that goes on and people do
Speaker 1: feel sad during the holidays. I mean it's the holidays
Speaker 1: and people are really going through a lot of pain.
Speaker 1: And I remember there being there being holidays where I
Speaker 1: felt alone and like a loser and don't have a
Speaker 1: family and don't have any place to go. And then
Speaker 1: if you do have a place to go, people will
Speaker 1: remind you of where you are in your life and
Speaker 1: how married you are or aren't or um you know
Speaker 1: who's married to someone who has a drinking problem or
Speaker 1: someone who has a substance abuse problem, or who's not
Speaker 1: married and you know, who's overweight and people are talking
Speaker 1: about that, who doesn't look good? That's a time to
Speaker 1: see people. We saw this person of the holidays, they
Speaker 1: weren't looking good. I saw them over Christmas? What did
Speaker 1: someone bring to eat? And was it enough? And they
Speaker 1: came over to our house and they're not going to
Speaker 1: their house. And last year we you know, the kids
Speaker 1: are coming and they always go to the in law's house,
Speaker 1: and why don't they come to our house? And it's
Speaker 1: just like it's honestly endless grief. Give yourself a fucking break.
Speaker 1: Think about it. All of that stuff is probably really
Speaker 1: going to happen to you alone, you know. But of
Speaker 1: course January is coming, and that's when all your problems
Speaker 1: are going to get solved. That's when, like you know,
Speaker 1: a unicorn is going to come in with a tape
Speaker 1: measure and a green juice and all of your problems
Speaker 1: will be solved because you're gonna be an equinox in
Speaker 1: a neon headband doing aerobics January second, no doubt. So
Speaker 1: give yourself a fucking break because none of that, none
Speaker 1: of the ship matters. Do what you want to do.
Speaker 1: Take a breath, relax, drink the water between the drinks.
Speaker 1: Alcohol is not water. It feels like it is because
Speaker 1: you just want to drink it, and it feels like
Speaker 1: it's quenching your thirst. And then you say things you
Speaker 1: don't mean. You do things you're going to regret. You
Speaker 1: eat things you don't want to eat, and you feel
Speaker 1: things that you don't want to feel. So try to
Speaker 1: control just your emotions and things that trigger your emotions,
Speaker 1: the sugar, the alcohol, that eating, the conversations. You know,
Speaker 1: someone says something to you. Take a breath, stand up,
Speaker 1: take a walk. Clearer minds will prevail. There's no reason
Speaker 1: to engage. Don't take the bait um, don't overextend yourself
Speaker 1: financially because it's the holidays and you have to go
Speaker 1: overboard and you're gonna fix that next year too. I
Speaker 1: think I don't believe in resolutions. I think they're too extreme.
Speaker 1: But I do believe in reflection, and that's how realistic
Speaker 1: changes and evolution happens. I don't believe in resolution, I
Speaker 1: believe in evolution, so I believe in changing dynamics. I
Speaker 1: just had a situation where someone spoke to me in
Speaker 1: a way that has been unacceptable in the past. It
Speaker 1: has affected a friendship in the past, and I have
Speaker 1: said that it was unaccept acceptable and it's a reason
Speaker 1: we didn't speak for a while. Some dynamics start in
Speaker 1: the beginning. Did they start when you were a kid
Speaker 1: with a parent, Did they start in high school with
Speaker 1: a friend, Did they start at work with a coworker,
Speaker 1: Did they start with a spouse or an in law
Speaker 1: or whatever it is. But these dynamics make it that
Speaker 1: people think that they can act and speak in a
Speaker 1: way that you've always accepted. What if your father or
Speaker 1: your mother always spoke to you in a certain way,
Speaker 1: no matter how old you are, and you could be
Speaker 1: so successful, but you still think it's acceptable for them
Speaker 1: to speak to that way because that's the way it is,
Speaker 1: and that's how they are. Oh, he's just angry, he's
Speaker 1: that's just how he is. It doesn't mean it. Well,
Speaker 1: I say, don't accept being spoken to or treated in
Speaker 1: a way that's unacceptable to you. It happened to me
Speaker 1: that I was with someone that has in the past
Speaker 1: treated me in a way that is unacceptable, and I
Speaker 1: didn't accept it. I exited the situation and I just said,
Speaker 1: it's it's unacceptable to be spoken to this way. And
Speaker 1: you know, I now learned what gaslighting is. I never
Speaker 1: know what gaslighting was. Gaslighting is with somebody projects their
Speaker 1: ship onto you and makes you feel like it's you
Speaker 1: and you've done something or you're wrong. And when your
Speaker 1: mind gets organized and clear, certainly not when you've had
Speaker 1: six strengths. When your mind is organized and clear, you
Speaker 1: think to yourself, wait a second, I literally didn't do
Speaker 1: anything wrong, and I literally don't deserve that. And that's
Speaker 1: when you get organized and you collect and you don't
Speaker 1: allow it to happen. And and it's very powerful when
Speaker 1: a person who has been able to act a certain
Speaker 1: way to somebody gets away with it, and then that
Speaker 1: person who is effectively it's it's like another kind of bullying,
Speaker 1: that person just doesn't accept it anymore. It's very very powerful,
Speaker 1: and it's it's it shocks everything to the core. So
Speaker 1: don't accept less than what you deserve. I would say
Speaker 1: what I say to my daughter, which is, you know,
Speaker 1: thinking before you speak is also because you could be
Speaker 1: someone could be doing something that is totally inappropriate and
Speaker 1: totally incorrect, and you could make yourself wrong by the
Speaker 1: way you react, So just think before you react, and
Speaker 1: you know, break the chain in dynamics, and that goes
Speaker 1: for work, that goes for friendships, it goes for family.
Speaker 1: It's very it's important.