1 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:16,400 Speaker 1: Holiday season, So a lot to say about that because 2 00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:20,800 Speaker 1: people get sad and if there's so much pressure, where 3 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:22,759 Speaker 1: are we going what are we doing? Do we get 4 00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:25,000 Speaker 1: a good enough gift? Are they going to like the gift? 5 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:27,920 Speaker 1: How are we going to do the presents for our kids? 6 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:33,239 Speaker 1: And you know I have I'm divorced, So it's like 7 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:35,640 Speaker 1: when do we do this sort of fake Christmas night 8 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:38,360 Speaker 1: and open up the presents earlier but still make it special? 9 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:41,760 Speaker 1: And where Santa coming and the shipping and receiving and 10 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:44,440 Speaker 1: the packing and the boxing and the wasting of paper 11 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:48,440 Speaker 1: and the Federal Express person every day, and it's just 12 00:00:48,479 --> 00:00:51,159 Speaker 1: like there's a lot that goes on and people do 13 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:53,959 Speaker 1: feel sad during the holidays. I mean it's the holidays 14 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:55,680 Speaker 1: and people are really going through a lot of pain. 15 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:58,040 Speaker 1: And I remember there being there being holidays where I 16 00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:00,400 Speaker 1: felt alone and like a loser and don't have a 17 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:03,400 Speaker 1: family and don't have any place to go. And then 18 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:05,960 Speaker 1: if you do have a place to go, people will 19 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,240 Speaker 1: remind you of where you are in your life and 20 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:12,200 Speaker 1: how married you are or aren't or um you know 21 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:16,600 Speaker 1: who's married to someone who has a drinking problem or 22 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:19,360 Speaker 1: someone who has a substance abuse problem, or who's not 23 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:24,040 Speaker 1: married and you know, who's overweight and people are talking 24 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:26,800 Speaker 1: about that, who doesn't look good? That's a time to 25 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:28,640 Speaker 1: see people. We saw this person of the holidays, they 26 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:31,119 Speaker 1: weren't looking good. I saw them over Christmas? What did 27 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,920 Speaker 1: someone bring to eat? And was it enough? And they 28 00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:35,679 Speaker 1: came over to our house and they're not going to 29 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:38,720 Speaker 1: their house. And last year we you know, the kids 30 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:42,640 Speaker 1: are coming and they always go to the in law's house, 31 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:44,080 Speaker 1: and why don't they come to our house? And it's 32 00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:47,840 Speaker 1: just like it's honestly endless grief. Give yourself a fucking break. 33 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,400 Speaker 1: Think about it. All of that stuff is probably really 34 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:53,360 Speaker 1: going to happen to you alone, you know. But of 35 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:55,800 Speaker 1: course January is coming, and that's when all your problems 36 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:57,960 Speaker 1: are going to get solved. That's when, like you know, 37 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,840 Speaker 1: a unicorn is going to come in with a tape 38 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:03,720 Speaker 1: measure and a green juice and all of your problems 39 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:05,600 Speaker 1: will be solved because you're gonna be an equinox in 40 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:10,359 Speaker 1: a neon headband doing aerobics January second, no doubt. So 41 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:13,720 Speaker 1: give yourself a fucking break because none of that, none 42 00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:16,240 Speaker 1: of the ship matters. Do what you want to do. 43 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:22,040 Speaker 1: Take a breath, relax, drink the water between the drinks. 44 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:24,920 Speaker 1: Alcohol is not water. It feels like it is because 45 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,360 Speaker 1: you just want to drink it, and it feels like 46 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:30,200 Speaker 1: it's quenching your thirst. And then you say things you 47 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:35,120 Speaker 1: don't mean. You do things you're going to regret. You 48 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:39,440 Speaker 1: eat things you don't want to eat, and you feel 49 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:41,440 Speaker 1: things that you don't want to feel. So try to 50 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:45,320 Speaker 1: control just your emotions and things that trigger your emotions, 51 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:50,360 Speaker 1: the sugar, the alcohol, that eating, the conversations. You know, 52 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:54,320 Speaker 1: someone says something to you. Take a breath, stand up, 53 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:58,560 Speaker 1: take a walk. Clearer minds will prevail. There's no reason 54 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:03,400 Speaker 1: to engage. Don't take the bait um, don't overextend yourself 55 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:05,960 Speaker 1: financially because it's the holidays and you have to go 56 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:08,560 Speaker 1: overboard and you're gonna fix that next year too. I 57 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,520 Speaker 1: think I don't believe in resolutions. I think they're too extreme. 58 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:16,079 Speaker 1: But I do believe in reflection, and that's how realistic 59 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:19,400 Speaker 1: changes and evolution happens. I don't believe in resolution, I 60 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:24,400 Speaker 1: believe in evolution, so I believe in changing dynamics. I 61 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,680 Speaker 1: just had a situation where someone spoke to me in 62 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,160 Speaker 1: a way that has been unacceptable in the past. It 63 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:31,120 Speaker 1: has affected a friendship in the past, and I have 64 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:33,079 Speaker 1: said that it was unaccept acceptable and it's a reason 65 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:36,800 Speaker 1: we didn't speak for a while. Some dynamics start in 66 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:38,920 Speaker 1: the beginning. Did they start when you were a kid 67 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:40,800 Speaker 1: with a parent, Did they start in high school with 68 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:43,240 Speaker 1: a friend, Did they start at work with a coworker, 69 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,680 Speaker 1: Did they start with a spouse or an in law 70 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:50,560 Speaker 1: or whatever it is. But these dynamics make it that 71 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:53,480 Speaker 1: people think that they can act and speak in a 72 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:57,120 Speaker 1: way that you've always accepted. What if your father or 73 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:58,480 Speaker 1: your mother always spoke to you in a certain way, 74 00:03:58,480 --> 00:03:59,920 Speaker 1: no matter how old you are, and you could be 75 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,080 Speaker 1: so successful, but you still think it's acceptable for them 76 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:03,800 Speaker 1: to speak to that way because that's the way it is, 77 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:06,560 Speaker 1: and that's how they are. Oh, he's just angry, he's 78 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,600 Speaker 1: that's just how he is. It doesn't mean it. Well, 79 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:12,680 Speaker 1: I say, don't accept being spoken to or treated in 80 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:15,080 Speaker 1: a way that's unacceptable to you. It happened to me 81 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:18,839 Speaker 1: that I was with someone that has in the past 82 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:23,279 Speaker 1: treated me in a way that is unacceptable, and I 83 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:27,000 Speaker 1: didn't accept it. I exited the situation and I just said, 84 00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:30,520 Speaker 1: it's it's unacceptable to be spoken to this way. And 85 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,160 Speaker 1: you know, I now learned what gaslighting is. I never 86 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:37,160 Speaker 1: know what gaslighting was. Gaslighting is with somebody projects their 87 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:40,480 Speaker 1: ship onto you and makes you feel like it's you 88 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:43,600 Speaker 1: and you've done something or you're wrong. And when your 89 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:46,520 Speaker 1: mind gets organized and clear, certainly not when you've had 90 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:49,760 Speaker 1: six strengths. When your mind is organized and clear, you 91 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:52,800 Speaker 1: think to yourself, wait a second, I literally didn't do 92 00:04:52,839 --> 00:04:55,120 Speaker 1: anything wrong, and I literally don't deserve that. And that's 93 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:58,520 Speaker 1: when you get organized and you collect and you don't 94 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:02,640 Speaker 1: allow it to happen. And and it's very powerful when 95 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:05,760 Speaker 1: a person who has been able to act a certain 96 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:08,480 Speaker 1: way to somebody gets away with it, and then that 97 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 1: person who is effectively it's it's like another kind of bullying, 98 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:16,080 Speaker 1: that person just doesn't accept it anymore. It's very very powerful, 99 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,720 Speaker 1: and it's it's it shocks everything to the core. So 100 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:23,039 Speaker 1: don't accept less than what you deserve. I would say 101 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:26,240 Speaker 1: what I say to my daughter, which is, you know, 102 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,479 Speaker 1: thinking before you speak is also because you could be 103 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,359 Speaker 1: someone could be doing something that is totally inappropriate and 104 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:34,919 Speaker 1: totally incorrect, and you could make yourself wrong by the 105 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:38,640 Speaker 1: way you react, So just think before you react, and 106 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:43,360 Speaker 1: you know, break the chain in dynamics, and that goes 107 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,600 Speaker 1: for work, that goes for friendships, it goes for family. 108 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:47,200 Speaker 1: It's very it's important.