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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam.

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Speaker 2: This is John the og story Time podcast host. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 2: and we got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: But before that, we get a teeny two minute break

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Speaker 1: from the sponsors that keep the show propped up like

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Speaker 1: a little house.

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Speaker 3: Oh you, I refuse to forgive my mother in law.

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Speaker 3: Now my husband is calling me selfish.

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Speaker 4: Forgiveness is earn.

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Speaker 3: My husband, forty six, has always been treated different than

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Speaker 3: his half brothers by both his mom. The relationship between

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Speaker 3: his mother and him has always been confrontational, and they

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Speaker 3: have cut each other off lots of times in the

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Speaker 3: past two decades. I've always stayed out of it, even

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Speaker 3: though I think it's very toxic, supported him and just

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Speaker 3: gone along with the flow until recently. By the way,

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Speaker 3: this comes from Revolutionary scar nine four to one, and

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Speaker 3: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

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Speaker 3: the r slash Okay Storytime Separate it and I'm Angie.

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Speaker 4: And I'm Keon.

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Speaker 3: And Opie says, we have four children nineteen to thirteen,

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Speaker 3: and my mother in law has always been a hands off,

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Speaker 3: I won't babysit kind of grandma, which is fine.

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Speaker 5: They are our children.

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Speaker 3: But then his brother has a baby and all of

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Speaker 3: a sudden, it's the most wonderful thing to be a grandma.

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Speaker 3: She babysits this grandchild full time so both parents can

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Speaker 3: work full time.

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Speaker 5: He's five now.

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Speaker 3: She cleans their house and brags about him non stop,

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Speaker 3: normal grandma stuff, but doesn't even know our children's birthdays.

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Speaker 3: About six months ago, they cut each other off again,

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Speaker 3: and during.

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Speaker 5: The fight between them, my mother in law says.

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Speaker 3: That she's so sick of me posting pictures on Instagram

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Speaker 3: of our children bragging about all their accomplishments, graduation, sports, vacation,

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Speaker 3: and how we think that we're better than everyone else

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Speaker 3: because we have neurotypical children and money. The other grandchild

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Speaker 3: is autistic, and we are both teachers.

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Speaker 5: We aren't rich.

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Speaker 3: A few weeks ago, my husband quote forgave her I guess,

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Speaker 3: and they started talking again like everything is normal. He

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Speaker 3: told me that we are all going over to their

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Speaker 3: house tomorrow for a barbecue, and I told him that

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Speaker 3: I'm not going and will not be in the future.

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Speaker 3: I told him I don't care if he invites her

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Speaker 3: to birthday parties, graduations.

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Speaker 5: And I'll be cordial, but I'm not going to have

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Speaker 5: a relationship with her anymore.

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Speaker 3: He's mad and told me that I'm being selfish and

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Speaker 3: toxic and that I should forgive and move on and

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Speaker 3: be good example, or our children won't forgive us in

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Speaker 3: the future if we make mistakes.

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Speaker 5: Am I the a hole?

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Speaker 3: But there are some comments so A comment to number

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Speaker 3: one says, your husband is putting his toxic mother before

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Speaker 3: his children. You think they never noticed that they are

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Speaker 3: unloved by comparison, that's bad parenting one oh one, Opie says,

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Speaker 3: I guess this is why it's hardest for me, because

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Speaker 3: my teenagers do notice now and have made several comments

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Speaker 3: to me how weird it is that she treats their

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Speaker 3: cousins so different. My husband is a very good father

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Speaker 3: and tries his hardest to work through generational trauma.

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Speaker 5: But it's not a light switch. You can't just turn

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Speaker 5: it off.

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Speaker 3: Comment to number two says, have they expressed this directly

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Speaker 3: to your husband? Opie says, only once at the dinner table.

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Speaker 3: Has my son seventeen said something and my husband told

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Speaker 3: him not to take it personally, that it had nothing

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Speaker 3: to do with my son, and how his mom just

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Speaker 3: sees him differ because he has a different dad. Conventary

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Speaker 3: Number three says, your kids are old enough to know

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Speaker 3: what's going on, Opie says. They don't know what she

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Speaker 3: said about me posting and bragging, but they do see

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Speaker 3: for themselves how she treats my husband and them differently,

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Speaker 3: and have made several comments over.

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Speaker 5: The years about it.

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Speaker 3: Comment trit number four says, not the a hole. Are

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Speaker 3: your kids going? I'm sure they will if they are

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Speaker 3: expected or forced. I am sure their future enforced contact

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Speaker 3: with that side of the family will drastically decrease when

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Speaker 3: they are able to choose to go or not. You're

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Speaker 3: not being toxic, mother in law. Is your husband is

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Speaker 3: allowing that toxicity to hit your household. Time for counseling.

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Speaker 3: I fully understand he loves his mom, but he needs

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Speaker 3: to understand how her treatment is affecting you and the kids. Yes,

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Speaker 3: they need to be able to talk about it also,

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Speaker 3: which is why counseling is important.

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Speaker 5: Opie says.

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Speaker 3: He hasn't asked them yet, but I think that's why

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Speaker 3: he got so upset, because if I don't go, then

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Speaker 3: he thinks that they won't either. They're all old enough

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Speaker 3: to decide for themselves, and the two oldest, nineteen and seventeen,

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Speaker 3: have opted for not spending time with them in the past.

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Speaker 5: Okay, Yeah, there we go.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so just more you know, more communication skills that

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Speaker 3: a husband is lacking here.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, communication one, communication skills, but also just understanding that

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Speaker 4: your family's uncomfortable with this side of the family because

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Speaker 4: they're treated like the black sheep.

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Speaker 3: Yeah exactly. It's like this isn't the way to fix that.

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Speaker 3: The way to fix that is to like actually stand

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Speaker 3: up for yourself and actually say like, no, if you're

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Speaker 3: going to treat me like this, I don't want to

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Speaker 3: be around you.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: No, just like silent treatment is going to fix that,

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Speaker 3: and just like apologies and not talking about it again.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, the actions that speak louder than words kind

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Speaker 4: of thing.

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Speaker 5: Yeah. Absolutely. Commentar number five says when did mother in

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Speaker 5: law retire? Opie says she hasn't worked since his brother

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Speaker 5: was born, so about thirty five years ago. But we

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Speaker 5: do have an update.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so we got a lot of background information from

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Speaker 3: those comments.

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Speaker 4: Also nice, very interesting what Opie said. She hasn't worked, Yeah,

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Speaker 4: since his brother was born, so she probably was working

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Speaker 4: when the husband was born and neglected the husband. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: but when the brother was born, she had all this

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Speaker 4: time she was retired.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so maybe that comment was about the husband having

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Speaker 3: a different dad or something. Maybe, Yeah, maybe like there

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Speaker 3: was some sort of resentment because of whatever happened.

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Speaker 4: It seems like we're missing a little bit of context

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Speaker 4: on along those lines. But h still like we have

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Speaker 4: the main picture. Mother in law loves brothers, family, brothers kids,

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Speaker 4: doesn't like the other sons and Ope's family for whatever reason.

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Speaker 4: I feel like at this point it's either we get like, hey,

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Speaker 4: what's going on with like, you know, why are you

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Speaker 4: having favorites? Why are you playing favorites? I get it,

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Speaker 4: you know, there's no answer.

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Speaker 5: Cut him off, but like, for real, for real, cut

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Speaker 5: him off, not just for like.

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Speaker 4: A yeah exactly, I just cut them off.

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Speaker 5: But we do have an updates, so just fy.

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Speaker 3: Over the past five years, the children, mostly the older

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Speaker 3: two because the twins ever don't want to see their cousin,

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Speaker 3: have had a choice whether or not they go over

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Speaker 3: to mother in laws when we do go, and I

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Speaker 3: have had several conversations with them about their feelings surrounding it.

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Speaker 3: Up until six months ago, it was behavior and favoritism

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Speaker 3: and things that we had to infer from the difference

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Speaker 3: in treatment when she verbalized.

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Speaker 5: What I knew all along.

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Speaker 3: That's when it just became black and white for me,

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Speaker 3: and I thought until a few weeks ago the same

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Speaker 3: for my husband. My children are very open with me

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Speaker 3: about their thoughts and feelings in general, usually my husband

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Speaker 3: as well, but surrounding the mother in law issues, they

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Speaker 3: were not being open with him. I spoke to my

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Speaker 3: two oldest I will never tell them what my mother

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Speaker 3: in law said about posting on social media, and did

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Speaker 3: indeed block her on social media and her phone number

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Speaker 3: as well six months ago. Oh wow, about how I

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Speaker 3: am setting a boundary and not continuing a relationship with

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Speaker 3: her ever. Again, I told them about my thoughts and

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Speaker 3: feelings surrounding the whole situation, and how enough, I also

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Speaker 3: did apologize to them about not making a stance earlier.

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Speaker 3: Both the older children haven't seen her in over a

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Speaker 3: year since my daughter graduated, and so that they weren't

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Speaker 3: comfortable seeing her at all unless I'm there. I had

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Speaker 3: a separate talk with my twin thirteen year old, but

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Speaker 3: it was just basically a more age appropriate version of

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Speaker 3: the first talk. I know they are teenagers, but they're

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Speaker 3: still in the in between age and a little immature

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Speaker 3: in a good way. They mostly just wanted to see

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Speaker 3: their cousin. They like to play with him, but he

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Speaker 3: comes over to our house once a month when his

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Speaker 3: mom and I have brunch, and they said that it's

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Speaker 3: better over at our house to play anyway, they both

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Speaker 3: decided that they didn't want to go without me either,

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Speaker 3: and told me that life has been more chill without her.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that's that's how you know. That's how you know.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, also listen to your kids. If your kids are

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Speaker 4: like good on op, she's listens to the kids, it's

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Speaker 4: the it's the dad who's like, ah, it's fine, get

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Speaker 4: over it, right.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I think the dad definitely needs to listen like she is,

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Speaker 3: especially like if if they're not comfortable seeing her without

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Speaker 3: the mom instead of the dad, like it's.

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Speaker 5: It's I feel like that says a lot, because.

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Speaker 3: It's it's not just that they don't want to be

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Speaker 3: around her without like you know, a parent.

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Speaker 5: It's that they don't really trust the dad to like

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Speaker 5: stand up for them.

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Speaker 4: Stand up for you know, seeing their dad, you know,

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Speaker 4: get talked down to, like mom, if it happened to mom,

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Speaker 4: she would stand up for it, not just herself, but

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Speaker 4: for everyone, which is what you want, what you want parent, Yeah.

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Speaker 3: And he's just gonna like tell them like, oh, just

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Speaker 3: don't you personally just like don't worry about it, and

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Speaker 3: it's like.

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Speaker 5: Okay, well.

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Speaker 3: Too exactly, which it didn't surprise me or my husband,

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Speaker 3: which is why I think he got so upset when I.

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Speaker 5: Told him that I wasn't going With.

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Speaker 3: All that being said, I think it made me realize

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Speaker 3: in some of your comments that there are bigger issues

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Speaker 3: that are being caused by this very toxic part of

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Speaker 3: our life and my husband's childhood trauma. When I spoke

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Speaker 3: to him after I talked to the kids, I told

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Speaker 3: him that I was making an appointment for a family

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Speaker 3: therapy to get an unbiased opinion about our family dynamic,

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Speaker 3: not just including this issue, but just in general, because

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Speaker 3: now I'm concerned about deeper issues that maybe I'm just

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Speaker 3: not seeing and blaming on this one part. And there

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Speaker 3: is a little bit more to this story. But yeah,

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Speaker 3: I think I think family therapy is a great option.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, family therapy. Like the fact that everyone in your

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Speaker 4: family's like not cool with the mother in law and

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Speaker 4: you still are like pushing that to the side is

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Speaker 4: a huge red flag do what's best for your family.

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Speaker 4: I don't know. I think that's good and see what happens.

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Speaker 4: But the fact that all the signs are there and

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Speaker 4: everyone is uncomfortable and you're still not getting it dad.

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Speaker 3: But there is a little bit more to this. My

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Speaker 3: husband was very upset with me and said that he

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Speaker 3: would just go by himself and so that he doesn't

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Speaker 3: think that we need therapy. He reads self help books

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Speaker 3: to deal with this trauma and has for a very

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Speaker 3: long time, so he's not oblivious to the issues, just

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Speaker 3: thinks that he can take care of it himself. I

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Speaker 3: told him that he could come to therapy or not,

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Speaker 3: but I was going to set up the appointment and

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Speaker 3: the kids and I were going to go. He spoke

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Speaker 3: to them last night at the dinner table, and all

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Speaker 3: of them basically told him that they didn't want to

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Speaker 3: go over there and think that life has become calmer

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Speaker 3: without her. He just told them, Okay, let me know

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Speaker 3: if you changed your mind, and I'm sorry she's been

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Speaker 3: unfair to them in the past. We have some comments.

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Speaker 3: Common Number one says people that grow up with dysfunction

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Speaker 3: and instability sometimes have a hard time recognizing it or

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Speaker 3: engaging how bad it really is. They get so used

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Speaker 3: to it that they don't see it as a problem.

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Speaker 3: Common number two says, he yicks husband has it got

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Speaker 3: to realize that if his wife is telling him that

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Speaker 3: she and the kids are going to family therapy and

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Speaker 3: want him to join, but will do it without him,

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Speaker 3: that should be ringing alarm bells in his head. That

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Speaker 3: his button found himself in the middle of.

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Speaker 5: A lake, and that ice is paper thin.

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Speaker 3: Self help books are poor floatation devices. Common number three says,

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Speaker 3: at this point, Opie should At this point, op he

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Speaker 3: would be better off divorcing her husband. To be honest, sorry,

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Speaker 3: but his childhood trauma isn't an excuse for forcing his

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Speaker 3: wife and kids to be bullied by his mom and

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Speaker 3: hopes that the mom will finally throw a scrap of

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Speaker 3: love his way. His mom will never ever change, and

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Speaker 3: husband is setting his whole family up for even more trauma.

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Speaker 5: That is the end of that story.

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Speaker 4: My mother in law invaded our romantic getaway, so now

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Speaker 4: I'm just staying home.

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Speaker 5: I don't want to go anymore.

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Speaker 4: Dear husband's cousin is getting married on the beach this summer,

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Speaker 4: and we're invited. It's about a five hour drive from us,

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Speaker 4: but we're hoping my sister could take our kids for

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Speaker 4: two nights so we could drive down, stay in the hotel,

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Speaker 4: have some beach time and couple time, and celebrate the wedding.

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Speaker 4: It sounded like such a great time, the chance to

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Speaker 4: see some excited family for dear husband, and the chance

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Speaker 4: for us to get some away time as a couple.

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Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from user I'm gonna read that,

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Speaker 4: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 4: to the r slash Okay Storytime supper It. I'm key

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Speaker 4: on and I'm anjie, so Opie says enter mother in law.

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Speaker 4: Father in law passed away recently, and as predicted, rather

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Speaker 4: than focusing on selling her house and moving closer to

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Speaker 4: her five other kids, she is basically digging in here

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Speaker 4: and expecting us to be her social life and dear

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Speaker 4: husband to be her replacement husband. Dear husband does an

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Speaker 4: okay job holding to the boundaries we've set, but it

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Speaker 4: still causes tension in our mais marriage, and I'm still

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Speaker 4: constantly having to see this woman and having her calling

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Speaker 4: every day for dear husband to fix something for her.

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Speaker 4: And of course she's also invited to the wedding. Dear

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Speaker 4: husband's cousin is her niece after all, so when she

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Speaker 4: found out we were playing on going, she got really

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Speaker 4: excited about driving down together with us, and guess what,

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Speaker 4: getting a place to stay together with us. I don't

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Speaker 4: know why it didn't occur to me that she would

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Speaker 4: also be invited and she would expect us to drive

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Speaker 4: her and say, in the same hotel room with her.

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Speaker 4: I don't actually think I am physically capable of riding

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Speaker 4: the car with that woman for five hours. Even having

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Speaker 4: dinner with her makes me physically uncomfortable. A five hour

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Speaker 4: car ride would be extremely difficult for me, and staying

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Speaker 4: with her in a hotel situation I cannot handle that scenario.

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Speaker 4: To his credit, dear husband immediately let her know that

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Speaker 4: we would be using this trip for couples time and

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Speaker 4: we would want to be alone. But she didn't give up,

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Speaker 4: and she will continue to ask us about driving down together.

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Speaker 4: She might give up on the hotel thing, but not

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Speaker 4: the drive. Now. Originally I had thought it was only

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Speaker 4: a three hour drive, so when mother in law mention

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Speaker 4: that it's actually five hours, I told dear Husband I

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Speaker 4: am not certain I can do that ten hours total

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Speaker 4: in the car over three days is a lot for me.

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Speaker 4: And when I told dear husband that, he told me

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Speaker 4: that was okay and that he would still go with

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Speaker 4: his mother, I explained why him turning our romantic get

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Speaker 4: away into a weekend with his mother was not the

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Speaker 4: way to deal with this situation. His reasoning is that

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Speaker 4: he still wants to go, and he thinks he can

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Speaker 4: handle the drive with her, and I understand that I

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Speaker 4: don't want to tell him don't go. He doesn't know

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Speaker 4: these cousins very well, but he's excited to reconnect with

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Speaker 4: his family. Still, part of me is hurt by his response.

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Speaker 4: The other issue is that even if I do decide

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Speaker 4: to go, I can handle the five hour drive and

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Speaker 4: tell mother in law she can't drive down with us.

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Speaker 4: I don't think I have it in me to face

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Speaker 4: the consequences when mother in law tells the extended family

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Speaker 4: we refuse to let her drive down with us. I

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Speaker 4: don't know many of you, I don't know many of

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Speaker 4: the people that will be there. They don't know me

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Speaker 4: very well out Also, so I would be the daughter

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Speaker 4: in law who force this elderly woman to drive five

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Speaker 4: hours by herself because I was too uncomfortable to drive

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Speaker 4: with her. Dear husband says that anyone who knows his

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Speaker 4: mother will understand and empathize with us for saying no.

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Speaker 4: He's totally fine just telling her we want to be

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Speaker 4: alone and she can't drive with us. He doesn't even

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Speaker 4: feel guilty about it. Okay, then do it. But I do.

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Speaker 4: I can handle telling her to get her own hotel room,

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Speaker 4: but I have a hard time telling her to drive

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Speaker 4: five hours alone, simply because I find her difficult to

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Speaker 4: be around. But I can't let go of this concern

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Speaker 4: about being seen as the daughter in law, making an

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Speaker 4: elderly woman either miss the wedding or drive five hours

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Speaker 4: alone to get there. And since I am not comfortable

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Speaker 4: driving down with her, it comes down to this, I

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Speaker 4: can can't go. Mmmm. So our lovely romantic getaway weekend

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Speaker 4: is now me at home with the kids and dear

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Speaker 4: husband having a weekend get away with his mother. Is

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Speaker 4: he really having a weekend get away with his mother

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Speaker 4: because he also seems like he doesn't want to be

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Speaker 4: with her, But.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's kind of I feel like you might be

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Speaker 3: so sabotaging a little bit hero pee.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I think like.

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Speaker 3: I get it like that that would be super uncomfortable,

345
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Speaker 3: would probably feel guilty too. But if he's really like

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Speaker 3: reassuring you that like he doesn't want that either, and

347
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Speaker 3: he's totally fine with that, then you know, maybe he

348
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Speaker 3: can take the fall a little bit.

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Speaker 4: And I was gonna say it's his mom, and yeah

350
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Speaker 4: he can take I mean you can be like, can

351
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Speaker 4: you just take take the blame on this one?

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Speaker 7: Right?

353
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Speaker 4: Like I will feel like if you tell genuinely tell him,

354
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Speaker 4: like I feel guilty that if it would people heard

355
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,400
Speaker 4: it was from me. Yeah, it's like, oh no, honey,

356
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Speaker 4: like you're good. Everyone understands and like I got.

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Speaker 3: This, Yeah, just have it come. Then it's not the

358
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Speaker 3: the daughter in law that's doing it. It's the sun.

359
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Speaker 4: Yeah that's fine. And and if you don't go, there's

360
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Speaker 4: gonna be more questions of like why didn't she come

361
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:02,000
Speaker 4: kind of thing.

362
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Speaker 5: Yeah, it's gonna that's true. It's gonna be a bigger issue.

363
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Speaker 4: It's gonna be a bigger issue. I think it's one

364
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:07,160
Speaker 4: of those things where you like you just have to

365
00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:11,680
Speaker 4: like cowboy up, cowgirl up and be like, uh, exactly.

366
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Speaker 4: I know this situation is partly my responsibility, but knowing

367
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:18,880
Speaker 4: that doesn't change my inability to either accept driving with

368
00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:21,760
Speaker 4: her or tell her she can't drive down with us.

369
00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:26,320
Speaker 4: I mean, it is her family. Dear husband doesn't even

370
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Speaker 4: know the names of most of his cousins, so what

371
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,200
Speaker 4: it makes sense for her to be the priority. And

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Speaker 4: she will love this situation. It's exactly what she always wanted.

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Speaker 4: She'll hang on dear husband's arm, and it's just they

374
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:42,040
Speaker 4: go everywhere together and take walks on the beach and

375
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:44,560
Speaker 4: do all kinds of fun things that couples do. Like

376
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Speaker 4: all the time, she hears about dates we've planned and

377
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:50,400
Speaker 4: then invites herself along, only this time I won't be there.

378
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Speaker 4: Any thoughts about it? And we have an update?

379
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:58,160
Speaker 3: Any thoughts, Angie, Yeah, I think it's yeah, like we're saying,

380
00:16:58,320 --> 00:16:59,440
Speaker 3: definitely self's obotaging.

381
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Speaker 5: I think you know that.

382
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:02,720
Speaker 3: I mean, she seems to know that, like this is

383
00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:07,639
Speaker 3: this is kind of her fault, but it kind of

384
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Speaker 3: just seems like, really what's happening is that she just

385
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Speaker 3: doesn't want to go.

386
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Speaker 5: Like it's I feel like it's not just.

387
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,840
Speaker 4: The mother the drive, yeah, the mother in law.

388
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:20,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, she just doesn't she's not going to want

389
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Speaker 3: to be there. I think, really, she's probably just upset

390
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:25,719
Speaker 3: that she's going at all, and this is kind of

391
00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:28,199
Speaker 3: like a way out in a way, and she like

392
00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:31,960
Speaker 3: knows that this doesn't totally make sense, but at the

393
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:35,240
Speaker 3: same time, it's just like it's there's not a solution

394
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:36,040
Speaker 3: that she's happy with.

395
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Speaker 4: So update. There are a few things I was not

396
00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:42,639
Speaker 4: clear on in the original post. Let me clarify. The

397
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,240
Speaker 4: wedding is two plus hours from the closest airport and

398
00:17:45,359 --> 00:17:47,960
Speaker 4: flying flying plus renting a car are not in the

399
00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:50,800
Speaker 4: budget for this. Neither is buying a plane ticket for

400
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:53,359
Speaker 4: a mother in law. When I said to your husband

401
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,119
Speaker 4: is not really close to the cousin getting married, that

402
00:17:56,200 --> 00:18:00,440
Speaker 4: was an understatement. They've never met. He knows of her distance,

403
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:04,040
Speaker 4: but nothing else. DEMON recognized the name on the invite

404
00:18:04,119 --> 00:18:07,000
Speaker 4: until I looked up who the parents were, so it

405
00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:09,199
Speaker 4: might be more accurate to say that dear husband and

406
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:13,199
Speaker 4: this cousin are total strangers. When dear husband initially got

407
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,320
Speaker 4: the invite, he wanted to go with our kids as

408
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:18,040
Speaker 4: a family on the beach on a beach vacation, until

409
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,240
Speaker 4: I explained that you never take a three year old

410
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,000
Speaker 4: to a wedding unless explicitly invited to do so, then

411
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:25,000
Speaker 4: he thought we would turn it into a couple's getaway.

412
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,280
Speaker 4: I told him I felt a little odd going to

413
00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:29,960
Speaker 4: a wedding when neither of us know the couple, but

414
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:31,560
Speaker 4: he said he was a great excuse to get a

415
00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:34,320
Speaker 4: babysitter and enjoy some beach time. Deer husband had a

416
00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:36,840
Speaker 4: great time reconnecting with his family at his father's funeral,

417
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,800
Speaker 4: and I think in his head this wedding would be

418
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:42,120
Speaker 4: just like that. But as it turns out, no one

419
00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:45,160
Speaker 4: he knows is going, even though one aunt he thought

420
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:48,320
Speaker 4: for sure would be there has confirmed that she's not going.

421
00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:51,920
Speaker 4: He was excited because he knows all his siblings are invited,

422
00:18:52,359 --> 00:18:54,080
Speaker 4: and I think he took it for granted that some

423
00:18:54,119 --> 00:18:58,280
Speaker 4: of them would go, but they've all confirmed they aren't going.

424
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,880
Speaker 4: It's a remote destination wedding, so I think that might

425
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:04,040
Speaker 4: have been the bride and groom's plan all along. Invite

426
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:07,800
Speaker 4: the whole, huge, extended family, every cousin you have ever met,

427
00:19:08,359 --> 00:19:11,160
Speaker 4: knowing that very few, if any, will actually show up,

428
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:14,159
Speaker 4: but some of them will at least send gifts. I

429
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,439
Speaker 4: asked him of connecting with family is the main reason

430
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:19,439
Speaker 4: he wants to go. He said, the main reason he

431
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:21,760
Speaker 4: wants to go is for a family beach vacation. Then

432
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,280
Speaker 4: don't go to this wedding. Go somewhere else where. It's

433
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,520
Speaker 4: a lot easier and your mother doesn't have to go.

434
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:30,160
Speaker 4: If that's really your reason to go and not celebrate

435
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:32,679
Speaker 4: this couple for their wedding, just don't go because no

436
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:34,360
Speaker 4: one else is going, and go somewhere else.

437
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:37,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, it sounds like both of these people just.

438
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:41,040
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, that's a really stupid reason to be like, yeah,

439
00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:43,600
Speaker 4: I want to go to this destination for you know,

440
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:46,919
Speaker 4: to this wedding because we're invited to the wedding, but

441
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:48,840
Speaker 4: I just want to go for the beach vacation and

442
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:49,399
Speaker 4: not going to go.

443
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:52,040
Speaker 3: It sounds like they're they're really operating off of a

444
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:58,000
Speaker 3: lot of traditional like niceties, I guess, and like trying

445
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,760
Speaker 3: to be polite with like oh, but the daughter in

446
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,960
Speaker 3: law can't like tell the mother law to do to

447
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:06,440
Speaker 3: like not drive or like, oh but like people usually

448
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,840
Speaker 3: don't bring three year olds to a wedding, but it's

449
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:11,199
Speaker 3: my family, it's a wedding, you know, all that kind

450
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:11,560
Speaker 3: of stuff.

451
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,959
Speaker 5: It's like, well, you don't have to do that, Yeah,

452
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:15,639
Speaker 5: you don't have.

453
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:17,920
Speaker 4: When I pointed out that his family is not going

454
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:22,600
Speaker 4: on this family beach vacation, he looked suddenly confused and said, oh,

455
00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:26,400
Speaker 4: I guess that's true. I wonder if maybe I shouldn't

456
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,280
Speaker 4: even go, which is odd because I'm also wondering that

457
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:33,240
Speaker 4: given that neither dear husband nor I knew knew the

458
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:35,960
Speaker 4: happy couple in the slightest and given that no one

459
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:38,760
Speaker 4: else knows is going to the wedding except his mother,

460
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:42,560
Speaker 4: I'm not interested in anymore. If I want to go

461
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:45,520
Speaker 4: on a weekend beach get away with dear husband, shouldn't

462
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:48,440
Speaker 4: we just go on a different day to a different

463
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:52,240
Speaker 4: beach For this particular situation, I'd rather just stay home,

464
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,520
Speaker 4: even if deer husband decides to go with this mom

465
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:57,760
Speaker 4: for whatever reasons. Also that bride would probably be happier

466
00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:00,560
Speaker 4: with a donation to their honeymoon fund rather than having

467
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:03,000
Speaker 4: to pay for my dinner at her reception when she

468
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:05,639
Speaker 4: has no idea who I am. Neither of us is

469
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:08,719
Speaker 4: clear why he's still thinking about going. Honestly, if I

470
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,520
Speaker 4: ask him, I won't get a sensible answer. Yet he

471
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:14,000
Speaker 4: needs time to work all the implications out in his

472
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,240
Speaker 4: head before he explains it. To me. Much though I

473
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:19,119
Speaker 4: dislike my mother in law, and as many times as

474
00:21:19,119 --> 00:21:20,960
Speaker 4: she has hurt me in the years I've known her,

475
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:23,000
Speaker 4: I still do not want to be the one who

476
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:26,000
Speaker 4: tells an almost seventy year old woman she can't carpool

477
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:29,240
Speaker 4: to an event that is far away from us, especially

478
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,160
Speaker 4: she's the only one among us who has actually met

479
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:33,760
Speaker 4: the bride. I just don't want to be that person,

480
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,359
Speaker 4: even if many people would understand that she's difficult and

481
00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:39,639
Speaker 4: there's a little bit left. Yeah, it's a you know

482
00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:44,200
Speaker 4: that friend's episode when he's learning French and she's right, yeah,

483
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:48,720
Speaker 4: she's like jah mapel yeah, and he's like, yeah, exactly,

484
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:50,879
Speaker 4: this is what it is. This is exactly what it is.

485
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,760
Speaker 4: He's like, so you want to go to the wedding

486
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:54,159
Speaker 4: for a beach You want to go to the wedding

487
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:55,639
Speaker 4: for a beach vacation.

488
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:56,119
Speaker 5: Yeah?

489
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:56,400
Speaker 4: Yes.

490
00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:59,080
Speaker 3: It sounds it feels like these people are coming to

491
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:02,919
Speaker 3: therapy and we are the qualified therapist, and then they're

492
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:06,080
Speaker 3: solving all their problems for each other, like they they

493
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:11,560
Speaker 3: are working through this problem on their own while talking

494
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:12,480
Speaker 3: about it on Reddit.

495
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:14,680
Speaker 5: And I think we're not. I think we don't need

496
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:14,960
Speaker 5: to be.

497
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:19,120
Speaker 4: Here it's like, so you want to go to the wedding, Yes,

498
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,760
Speaker 4: you want to go to the beach, Yeah, for a vacation. Yes.

499
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:24,119
Speaker 4: Do you want to go to the beach for the

500
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:28,200
Speaker 4: vacation yeah, not for their wedding? What, Yeah, I'd.

501
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:29,960
Speaker 3: Like I think you guys are all. I think you're

502
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:32,399
Speaker 3: figuring it out. I think you're figuring it out. I

503
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:34,359
Speaker 3: don't think you need Reddit It's opinion on this.

504
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:35,040
Speaker 2: Yeah.

505
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:37,840
Speaker 4: So as of now, dear husband is still thinking about it,

506
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:41,040
Speaker 4: but he says it's very unlikely that he will go,

507
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:44,200
Speaker 4: and I'm leaving it at that. I've made my peace

508
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:46,880
Speaker 4: with it. I don't want to go because the cost

509
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:49,160
Speaker 4: of the weekend getaway is just too high for me personally.

510
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:52,720
Speaker 4: If he still wants to go, that's his decision. He's

511
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:54,960
Speaker 4: the one who has to handle ten plus hours in

512
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,400
Speaker 4: the car with his mother, then a weekn being her

513
00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:59,920
Speaker 4: companion to all the events where he will know apps

514
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:03,200
Speaker 4: asolutely no one else. Mother in law will probably act

515
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:05,600
Speaker 4: in ways that make me uncomfortable and try to use

516
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:08,760
Speaker 4: it as a way to relive certain aspects of her past,

517
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:11,400
Speaker 4: the same reason she tries to invite herself on dates

518
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:14,400
Speaker 4: with us, and I will definitely point out to dear

519
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:17,359
Speaker 4: husband how uncomfortable that makes me, and that he is

520
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:20,080
Speaker 4: allowing it to happen. This isn't something that is just

521
00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:23,480
Speaker 4: happening to him. He's choosing to allow his mother to

522
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:27,399
Speaker 4: use him as a substitute companion and that affects our relationship.

523
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,840
Speaker 4: That's the main thing of this story. You need to

524
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:32,880
Speaker 4: like tell him. I'm like, I get it, you set

525
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:35,040
Speaker 4: your boundaries with her, but you really need to set

526
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:36,959
Speaker 4: boundaries with her. I know you guys are grieving and

527
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:40,439
Speaker 4: it's a lot, but she needs to understand that that

528
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:41,000
Speaker 4: is life.

529
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:44,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's it's imposing on their relationship now.

530
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:46,680
Speaker 4: So yeah, if he does go, I'll get a massage

531
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:48,760
Speaker 4: and spend some time with my sister and that is

532
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:49,560
Speaker 4: the end of that story.

533
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:53,520
Speaker 5: My boyfriend's parents never liked me, so we broke up.

534
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:55,120
Speaker 4: I guess you just never liked him either.

535
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,359
Speaker 3: I twenty three Mail, have been dating my boyfriend twenty

536
00:23:57,359 --> 00:23:59,639
Speaker 3: three Mail for just over a year. This is my

537
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:02,960
Speaker 3: first relationship and I have head over heels for him.

538
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,520
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Optimal Dot eighty two

539
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:07,720
Speaker 3: forty seven and if you want to submit your own stories,

540
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:11,560
Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay, Storytime, Sepreddit, and I'm Angie.

541
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:12,280
Speaker 4: And I'm keon op.

542
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:14,840
Speaker 3: He says, the issue I'm having is with his parents.

543
00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:18,359
Speaker 3: His brother and his brother's girlfriend are absolutely lovely and

544
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,480
Speaker 3: I can't fault them at all. However, for the first

545
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:24,280
Speaker 3: year of our relationship, his parents didn't want anything to

546
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:26,520
Speaker 3: do with me. I have been dating my boyfriend for

547
00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:29,359
Speaker 3: longer than his brother and his girlfriend have been dating.

548
00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:32,280
Speaker 3: But as soon as my boyfriend's brother got into a relationship,

549
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:35,120
Speaker 3: they welcomed his girlfriend with open arms and were so

550
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:38,240
Speaker 3: excited for their relationship she was invited to all family

551
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,040
Speaker 3: gatherings and parties straight away.

552
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:42,200
Speaker 5: On the other hand, for.

553
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:44,879
Speaker 3: A year, I sat outside in my car waiting for

554
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:47,440
Speaker 3: my boyfriend to get ready before we did our own thing.

555
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:50,719
Speaker 3: Not once did either of his parents show any interest

556
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:52,880
Speaker 3: in me. My boyfriend told me that they didn't feel

557
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:54,360
Speaker 3: comfortable with me even coming.

558
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:54,800
Speaker 2: To the door.

559
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:55,280
Speaker 5: One time.

560
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:57,399
Speaker 3: Before I moved closer to where my boyfriend lives, they

561
00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:59,520
Speaker 3: wouldn't let me stay over for one night. It would

562
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:02,359
Speaker 3: have been nearly a two hour drive home, and my

563
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:04,119
Speaker 3: boyfriend thought that it would be better for me to

564
00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:07,480
Speaker 3: sleep outside in my car. Eventually, we settled on staying

565
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:10,240
Speaker 3: in a cheap hotel for the night better. I had

566
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:13,040
Speaker 3: dropped my boyfriend off at numerous family parties, seeing his

567
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:18,200
Speaker 3: brother's girlfriend, par seeing his brother's girlfriend's car parked outside,

568
00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:20,920
Speaker 3: and no one even acknowledged that I had dropped him off,

569
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:24,680
Speaker 3: never mind being invited inside. When I bought my first

570
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:27,440
Speaker 3: home closer to where my boyfriend lives, again, his parents

571
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:29,760
Speaker 3: couldn't have cared less. On the other hand, when I

572
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:32,159
Speaker 3: invited my boyfriend over to meet my family, he was

573
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:35,360
Speaker 3: welcomed with open arms and everyone was so happy.

574
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:35,520
Speaker 7: To meet him.

575
00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:37,919
Speaker 5: I feel like I'm the only one missing out and

576
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:38,800
Speaker 5: not being accepted.

577
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,959
Speaker 3: Around March this year, my boyfriend's parents decided that they

578
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,560
Speaker 3: wanted to meet me because his father felt sorry that

579
00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:47,080
Speaker 3: I was sitting outside with no acknowledgment. I was invited

580
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:50,240
Speaker 3: into their home and accepted to their and accepted their invitation.

581
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:53,680
Speaker 3: When I was there, they were asking me quite condescending

582
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,879
Speaker 3: questions about where I lived and how I should be

583
00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:58,560
Speaker 3: careful in that area. The area is fine, it's just

584
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:03,000
Speaker 3: not as prestigious as they live. They also were asking

585
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:05,040
Speaker 3: if I do all my chores like washing my clothes,

586
00:26:05,119 --> 00:26:07,439
Speaker 3: or if my parents do them, knowing full well that

587
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:08,840
Speaker 3: my mother passed in my teens.

588
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:10,199
Speaker 5: My father is in the picture.

589
00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:12,480
Speaker 3: His father then offered any help that I needed with

590
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:14,520
Speaker 3: my flat, knowing that I had lived there for six

591
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,359
Speaker 3: months and me, my grandma, and my brother and my

592
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:19,160
Speaker 3: boyfriend worked tirelessly to.

593
00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:19,680
Speaker 5: Make the flat.

594
00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 3: Now at my now home, I decided to try and

595
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:26,679
Speaker 3: brush these things off. I was then ever so kindly

596
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:29,160
Speaker 3: allowed to enter my boyfriend's home a second time while

597
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:31,520
Speaker 3: picking him up, because I wanted to help with his bags.

598
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:34,840
Speaker 3: Things went pretty smoothly that time. A few weeks later,

599
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:38,320
Speaker 3: it was my boyfriend's mom's birthday. I didn't expect to

600
00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:40,199
Speaker 3: be invited, but it's still hurt when my boyfriend told

601
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,040
Speaker 3: me that his mother didn't want me to be there

602
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:45,040
Speaker 3: as she wouldn't feel comfortable keeping our relationship a secret

603
00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:47,760
Speaker 3: from her family, even though we have agreed to be

604
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 3: best bros until he comes out to his grandparents, which

605
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 3: I'm absolutely fine with and his grandparents are lovely, but

606
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:57,760
Speaker 3: it again showed me that she didn't accept our relationship

607
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:01,160
Speaker 3: and didn't accept me again. I thought, for my boyfriend's sake,

608
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:03,480
Speaker 3: I'll just try my best to sweep this under the rug.

609
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:07,080
Speaker 3: Final straw is when I went to a second gathering

610
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:09,639
Speaker 3: with his parents. Towards the end of the night, his

611
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:11,359
Speaker 3: dad pulled me to the side and told me that

612
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,480
Speaker 3: I no longer need to sit outside in my car

613
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,840
Speaker 3: like a weirdo. I just nodded, said goodbye to my

614
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:20,399
Speaker 3: boyfriend and left. It was a complete slap in the face.

615
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:22,760
Speaker 3: I feel like he was insinuating that I had chosen

616
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,000
Speaker 3: to sit outside in my car for a year, when

617
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:28,800
Speaker 3: in actual facts, they completely ignored me and wanted nothing

618
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:29,359
Speaker 3: to do with me.

619
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:31,800
Speaker 4: Is that the case. Do we know that for sure?

620
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 4: Or is the boyfriend lying on you, lying lying to

621
00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:37,360
Speaker 4: his parents?

622
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:38,960
Speaker 2: Oh?

623
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 4: Interesting, because again this should have been like the boyfriend's like,

624
00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:45,520
Speaker 4: I would have hear on me right now? Oh sorry, sorry,

625
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:50,080
Speaker 4: the I would have if my partner was uncomfortable with everything,

626
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:52,119
Speaker 4: I would have stuck up, stuck my neck out for them.

627
00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:52,760
Speaker 5: Yeah.

628
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,600
Speaker 4: Maybe the boyfriend's like, no, OPI just wants to stay

629
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:56,000
Speaker 4: in the car.

630
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:59,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, because because OPI did say that, the boyfriend was

631
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:01,920
Speaker 3: saying that like the parents didn't want them in.

632
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 4: Yes, is this again something on the boyfriend.

633
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 5: That's that's a good conspiracy theory.

634
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,640
Speaker 4: I like conspiracy theory because especially if like the dad

635
00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:13,240
Speaker 4: came to like like oh oh yeah.

636
00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:15,320
Speaker 3: Like that was very yeah, because I was thinking, like,

637
00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:17,760
Speaker 3: if we're giving the parents a benefit of a doubt,

638
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:20,439
Speaker 3: like you know, maybe he's saying, like you don't need

639
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:22,719
Speaker 3: to do that, like a weirdo he's saying that, like

640
00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 3: he's now realizing, Yeah, it is kind of weirdo behavior

641
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:26,720
Speaker 3: for us to make him do.

642
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:28,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, And maybe it just came off wrong or something

643
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:30,439
Speaker 5: like that, But I like that theory.

644
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:33,040
Speaker 3: When my boyfriend's parents went on holiday, my boyfriend invited

645
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:34,840
Speaker 3: me to stay for a few days. Once I left,

646
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,879
Speaker 3: my boyfriend messaged to me saying that his brother was

647
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 3: fretting about how his parents would react if they found

648
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:44,520
Speaker 3: out that I had stayed. This showed me that absolutely

649
00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:46,840
Speaker 3: nothing had changed and they still don't accept mine my

650
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 3: boyfriend's relationship. Was I right to tell my boyfriend that

651
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:51,960
Speaker 3: I have completely lost interest in wanting any kind of

652
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:55,040
Speaker 3: relationship with his parents and refused to park outside his

653
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:57,960
Speaker 3: house to eliminate any chance of contact with them. Do

654
00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:00,800
Speaker 3: you have any advice on how I should because I

655
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:03,280
Speaker 3: find it so sad that there isn't even a foundation

656
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:06,040
Speaker 3: for a relationship between me and his parents after they

657
00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:08,520
Speaker 3: ignore me for so long. We do have an update,

658
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:10,880
Speaker 3: but I'm actually so excited to see if you're right.

659
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's something that's like missing here, because.

660
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:16,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know, it just feels wrong.

661
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:18,880
Speaker 4: It feels very wrong. I feel like the boyfriend is

662
00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:22,640
Speaker 4: not doing enough to stand up for you, op.

663
00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:26,600
Speaker 3: Right, And if if he was okay, like if the

664
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:29,960
Speaker 3: boyfriend was suggesting that you sleep outside in your car

665
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:35,840
Speaker 3: what like, and you know, if the parents were saying, like,

666
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:38,080
Speaker 3: you know, maybe there's still something there. You know, maybe

667
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:40,880
Speaker 3: the parents are a little bit uncomfortable with this. And

668
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:43,120
Speaker 3: if they were saying like, well, if they were saying

669
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:44,840
Speaker 3: that the mother didn't want you there, and if the

670
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:47,120
Speaker 3: dad did pull him aside, like you don't need to

671
00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:51,280
Speaker 3: do that anymore, like you can, you know, maybe maybe

672
00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:54,720
Speaker 3: there is something right there. But yeah, maybe the boyfriend

673
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:58,360
Speaker 3: is just uncomfortable with the parents being uncomfortable and is

674
00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:01,560
Speaker 3: not really considering PE's feelings around that.

675
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 5: Do have an update.

676
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:06,520
Speaker 3: This last week has been a whirlwind of emotions. We

677
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:09,760
Speaker 3: mutually decided to break up on Wednesday last week over.

678
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:11,840
Speaker 5: Snapchat, I know, not Grey.

679
00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 3: We didn't speak until I dropped off his belongings on Saturday.

680
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:17,920
Speaker 3: I was so surprised when he asked if we could talk.

681
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:20,840
Speaker 3: I honestly thought that he wouldn't entertain the idea of

682
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:22,720
Speaker 3: speaking to me again. Not because I didn't think he

683
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:25,600
Speaker 3: loved me, but I didn't think in a million years

684
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:27,920
Speaker 3: that he would be as open as he was. I

685
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:30,360
Speaker 3: was heartbroken. I didn't think we'd even talk again. So

686
00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:32,560
Speaker 3: I messaged an old friend from before me and my

687
00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:35,120
Speaker 3: ex met. We had a walk and caught up, had

688
00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:37,960
Speaker 3: some food, and we ended up having spicy relations.

689
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:40,520
Speaker 5: I felt nothing. It felt empty.

690
00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:44,080
Speaker 3: I simply thought, this relationship is over, He'll never want

691
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:45,680
Speaker 3: to talk to me again, so I'll try to do

692
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:47,400
Speaker 3: something fun to take my mind off things. When my

693
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:49,560
Speaker 3: ex asked if we talk on Saturday, I drove us

694
00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 3: somewhere more secluded and he broke down. He opened up

695
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:55,160
Speaker 3: and was vulnerable and told me how much he loved me,

696
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:56,600
Speaker 3: and then he was so sorry for the way that

697
00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:58,520
Speaker 3: I had been treated, and that he wished that he

698
00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:00,680
Speaker 3: could do something about his parents, but the way that

699
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 3: they are, they would make his home life miserable. I

700
00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:08,000
Speaker 3: nearly threw up. Here was this lad that I've had

701
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:11,040
Speaker 3: all the love in the world for and I finally

702
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:13,840
Speaker 3: had the context behind the decisions and actions that he made.

703
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:16,680
Speaker 3: I saw a past version of myself when I lived

704
00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:19,280
Speaker 3: with my father in his eyes, the inability to have

705
00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 3: a safe and comfortable conversation with our parents. But I

706
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 3: knew that we needed some time apart. I broke down too.

707
00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:28,520
Speaker 3: I was fully vulnerable and open about how I felt,

708
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:30,560
Speaker 3: and we both just held each other.

709
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,440
Speaker 5: We got some ice cream and just sat and talked.

710
00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:36,160
Speaker 3: We decided that we both needed some space and that

711
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:38,960
Speaker 3: we will continue to be friends, with the possibility of

712
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 3: getting back together if we both feel that it's right.

713
00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:43,200
Speaker 3: I know that we both need some time apart to

714
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:45,600
Speaker 3: grow and develop as young adults into the lives that

715
00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:48,160
Speaker 3: we are creating for ourselves. But with the context I

716
00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:51,960
Speaker 3: learned when he talked, my mindset completely shifted.

717
00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:54,200
Speaker 5: I want him. None of that.

718
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:57,600
Speaker 3: Other crap matters. The ache I felt living without being

719
00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:00,640
Speaker 3: included in his family's activities is nothing compared to the

720
00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 3: whole in my heart created by his absence. There is

721
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:05,720
Speaker 3: a little bit more to the story, but that's that

722
00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:06,760
Speaker 3: makes a lot of sense.

723
00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:08,800
Speaker 4: Honestly, Okay, thankfully, I was wrong.

724
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:11,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, right, thankfully.

725
00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:17,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think your boyfriend or ex boyfriend in this case, now, Yeah,

726
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:20,120
Speaker 4: he's got a lot of figure out to do. Yeah,

727
00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:23,320
Speaker 4: and you don't want to wait around for that and

728
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:26,160
Speaker 4: be treated like that in the process. It's not fair

729
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:28,920
Speaker 4: to you. It's not fair to him because he's obviously

730
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:35,160
Speaker 4: hurting too watching you being treated literally like garbage. He

731
00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:39,040
Speaker 4: needs to get out of that situation and you know,

732
00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:41,800
Speaker 4: put his foot down. But again, if he cannot do

733
00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:44,800
Speaker 4: that right now, it's just walking on eggshells and it's

734
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:47,920
Speaker 4: not fair to everyone and including you.

735
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:53,840
Speaker 3: Yea, Yeah, so yeah, absolutely, Yeah, that does make sense that, Like,

736
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:57,440
Speaker 3: I mean, maybe your theory could be right in a way,

737
00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:00,840
Speaker 3: like maybe the parents are you know, not I'm not

738
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:03,680
Speaker 3: comfortable with this, but maybe they weren't explicitly saying like no,

739
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:04,560
Speaker 3: he has to wait.

740
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:05,640
Speaker 5: Outside, No, I don't want to see him.

741
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:08,200
Speaker 3: Maybe the boyfriend was scared and kind of knew that

742
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:11,640
Speaker 3: if they did see him then they wouldn't react well

743
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:12,720
Speaker 3: or they.

744
00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:16,320
Speaker 4: Or something would treat him poorly. Yeah, and I would

745
00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:20,080
Speaker 4: the last few, you know, maybe things because we're they're

746
00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:25,080
Speaker 4: they're still young, they're their early twenties, right, one, don't

747
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 4: don't break up with people over snapchat, you in person

748
00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:30,080
Speaker 4: or a phone call if you really you know, you

749
00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:33,080
Speaker 4: can't really confront them, but a snapchat or like a

750
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:36,120
Speaker 4: d M is kind of like a like it just

751
00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:38,000
Speaker 4: like getting spat in the face.

752
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:40,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, you definitely want to have these conversations in person,

753
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:42,720
Speaker 3: and since you live closer, it's a lot easier to.

754
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:43,560
Speaker 5: Have that happened.

755
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:47,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, very disrespectful. And two you, especially since you were

756
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,960
Speaker 4: in that situation of p you got to give him advice, like, hey,

757
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:51,040
Speaker 4: I've been in your shoes.

758
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:52,240
Speaker 5: Yeah you can help him.

759
00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:55,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly. You know, maybe as like a friend or

760
00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 4: someone who use that you see it as yourself. Literally,

761
00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:00,920
Speaker 4: That's that's what I would.

762
00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:02,840
Speaker 5: Think, right. There's a little bit more to the story.

763
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:05,280
Speaker 3: We have scheduled a time to hang out as friends

764
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:08,080
Speaker 3: at the end of September slash early October, after he

765
00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:10,880
Speaker 3: has finished with his master's degree. I'm going to use

766
00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:14,440
Speaker 3: this month to rejoin the gym and really get myself

767
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:17,960
Speaker 3: stuck into learning for my apprenticeship. I want to feel

768
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:19,919
Speaker 3: I want to put the feelers out in a few

769
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:22,759
Speaker 3: weeks message him subtly, but then ask one of his

770
00:34:22,800 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 3: close friends who I got to know quite well where

771
00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:28,880
Speaker 3: they think he is emotionally. I then plan to confess

772
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:31,680
Speaker 3: when I see him. I won't suffocate him with my

773
00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:33,480
Speaker 3: feelings or be too clinging, but I want to tell

774
00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:35,440
Speaker 3: him how much he means to me, and that at

775
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:37,719
Speaker 3: a time when he feels more comfortable, I would love

776
00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:39,319
Speaker 3: to give our relationship another try.

777
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:40,920
Speaker 5: So what are your thoughts?

778
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:45,320
Speaker 3: This man is such an amazing, happy, energetic, beautiful soul

779
00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:48,239
Speaker 3: and I love him. What should I do whilst giving

780
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:50,600
Speaker 3: us both time to grow and see what it's like

781
00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:51,439
Speaker 3: without each other.

782
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:53,360
Speaker 5: And that's the end of that story.

783
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:55,480
Speaker 1: Sam here Og host, We're going to get back to

784
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:58,040
Speaker 1: these stories, but here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.

785
00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:02,040
Speaker 6: First, I told my coworker to discipline his kid and.

786
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:05,160
Speaker 2: It backfired like it old Jalopi.

787
00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:08,440
Speaker 6: Hi, thirty two female, work in an office with my coworker, Ken,

788
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:13,200
Speaker 6: forty male who has a daughter, esme fifteen female. Ken

789
00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:15,680
Speaker 6: and I are friendly. We've worked together for a few

790
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:18,239
Speaker 6: years now, and over the last year maybe I've been

791
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:21,680
Speaker 6: trying to open the door with something romantic. I was

792
00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:25,920
Speaker 6: being very obvious, but it never went anywhere, and I

793
00:35:25,960 --> 00:35:28,160
Speaker 6: thought that it was because he was clueless.

794
00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:28,719
Speaker 7: By the way.

795
00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:31,840
Speaker 6: This comes from intention Salt forty seven eighty eight. And

796
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:33,560
Speaker 6: if you want to smit your own stories, go to

797
00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:36,600
Speaker 6: the r slash Okay storytime stub Bredditt. I'm Carly, I'm

798
00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:40,719
Speaker 6: Dakota and OPI says. A few weeks ago, esme came

799
00:35:40,760 --> 00:35:43,080
Speaker 6: with Ken's dad to bring lunch to Ken.

800
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:44,280
Speaker 7: It was sweet.

801
00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:47,120
Speaker 6: She was polite to everyone in the office, including me.

802
00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:50,799
Speaker 6: They visited for about half an hour before I went

803
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:53,680
Speaker 6: to take my lunch. I always come in and ask

804
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:56,160
Speaker 6: Ken if he wants to join me for lunch, and

805
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:58,640
Speaker 6: I knew his visitors were leaving soon, so I did

806
00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:01,600
Speaker 6: the same as always. He said no, which is no

807
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:05,560
Speaker 6: big deal. Sometimes he says no, and sometimes he says yes.

808
00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:08,920
Speaker 6: I asked if he was sure, and he said he was,

809
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:12,400
Speaker 6: and I asked, are you sure you're sure, sort of teasingly.

810
00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:15,799
Speaker 6: His daughter speaks up and says he said he's sure,

811
00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:20,040
Speaker 6: and things got a little awkward. No one said anything

812
00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:23,520
Speaker 6: but Ken and his dad look shocked. I said I

813
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:26,400
Speaker 6: was just asking, and she told me to take a hint,

814
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:31,040
Speaker 6: and then Ken finally told her to stop. She said, quote,

815
00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:34,360
Speaker 6: it's not my fault. She doesn't understand at her big age.

816
00:36:34,880 --> 00:36:37,720
Speaker 6: I ended up crying. We didn't talk for a while,

817
00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:41,160
Speaker 6: and I steered clear. Last week I finally talked to

818
00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:44,200
Speaker 6: him about it. He apologized and we talked a little

819
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:48,480
Speaker 6: more openly about stuff. Ken hadn't dated since his divorce

820
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:51,080
Speaker 6: eleven years ago, and he didn't plan to.

821
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:54,320
Speaker 7: He said he had been happily uninvolved.

822
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:58,840
Speaker 6: After some clarification, he meant one hundred percent completely celibate.

823
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 6: Didn't think people did that nowadays since then, and he

824
00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:05,719
Speaker 6: didn't want that to change anytime soon, if ever. He

825
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:08,760
Speaker 6: told me he knows I'm interested, but he didn't return

826
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:12,360
Speaker 6: the feelings. We were okay. It was an adult conversation

827
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:16,360
Speaker 6: and all went well. This is where things turned sour.

828
00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:20,680
Speaker 6: I told him I understood. I apologized for pushing, and

829
00:37:20,719 --> 00:37:23,160
Speaker 6: I asked him why his daughter treated me the way

830
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:26,880
Speaker 6: she did. He apologized, but he said she was protective

831
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 6: of his choices. She knew that he was not interested

832
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:33,880
Speaker 6: in anyone, and he had expressed his discomfort around my

833
00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:37,880
Speaker 6: flirting to his family. I told him that still was

834
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:40,560
Speaker 6: in validation for how she spoke to me, and that

835
00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:44,080
Speaker 6: he needed to teach her tact as ultimately, I am

836
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:47,520
Speaker 6: someone being rejected by the person I had feelings for.

837
00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:50,719
Speaker 6: She should have been polite and treated me with empathy.

838
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:51,880
Speaker 2: I was.

839
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:56,000
Speaker 6: It was like his mood changed on the spot. He

840
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:59,160
Speaker 6: starts talking about how he prides himself on being a

841
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:04,359
Speaker 6: single father and raising a strong, intelligent daughter. I apologized

842
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 6: immediately for offending him and said I just felt that

843
00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:11,560
Speaker 6: she was brash. He ended the conversation and we hadn't

844
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:12,279
Speaker 6: spoken since.

845
00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course she was brash. She's fifteen, and you're

846
00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:17,879
Speaker 2: the woman her dad is talking about all the time.

847
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:19,759
Speaker 2: By being like, oh, oh my god, this woman in

848
00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:22,279
Speaker 2: the office won't leave me alone.

849
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:24,000
Speaker 7: And you're there not leaving him alone.

850
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:26,879
Speaker 2: He's like, are you sure you're sure? Are you sure

851
00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:27,880
Speaker 2: you're He's sure.

852
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:31,200
Speaker 6: Yeah, He's like, I raised a strong, independent woman, and

853
00:38:31,239 --> 00:38:31,640
Speaker 6: you're like.

854
00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:33,160
Speaker 7: And she called me out.

855
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:37,080
Speaker 2: One of the worst moves I've ever read, going from

856
00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:41,520
Speaker 2: rejected by your crush to immediately criticizing their child.

857
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:44,240
Speaker 7: And in that their parenting.

858
00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:48,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, and being shocked when he's like, not talking to

859
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:49,200
Speaker 2: you again.

860
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:52,880
Speaker 6: I've noticed some people giving me the cold shoulder. Finally,

861
00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:55,640
Speaker 6: I asked a friend what was up, and she told

862
00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:57,880
Speaker 6: me that some people thought it was wrong of me

863
00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:00,520
Speaker 6: to have said that to Ken. I left it alone

864
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:03,200
Speaker 6: and figured it would blow over. But I've had this

865
00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:06,759
Speaker 6: nagging stomach ache since then. I think part of me

866
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:09,560
Speaker 6: is looking for reassurance, or maybe just laying it out

867
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:12,319
Speaker 6: in front of me to clear my head. I think

868
00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:16,640
Speaker 6: I just need an outsider's perspective. Come at one, I

869
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:22,440
Speaker 6: had vicarious embarrassment reading this. Opie has some nerve lecturing

870
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:26,560
Speaker 6: anyone on having tacked when she seems to be severely

871
00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:31,680
Speaker 6: lacking it herself, as well as social graces in general. Honestly,

872
00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:34,319
Speaker 6: I wouldn't be shocked if the celibacy part was his

873
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:37,840
Speaker 6: way of trying to gently let Opie down because he

874
00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:41,799
Speaker 6: just isn't into her pushy, overbearing butt uh.

875
00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:45,200
Speaker 7: Another commenter says, you're the a hole.

876
00:39:45,719 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 6: You continuously made him uncomfortable with your constant flirting, and

877
00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:53,279
Speaker 6: his daughter finally put you in your place. You just

878
00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:56,000
Speaker 6: didn't like it. It's not your place to try to

879
00:39:56,040 --> 00:39:59,080
Speaker 6: teach him how to raise his daughter. Your inability to

880
00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:02,279
Speaker 6: take the hint is your problem. She doesn't need to

881
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:06,640
Speaker 6: show empathy to the woman making her father constantly uncomfortable

882
00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:10,319
Speaker 6: at work. It's been going on a year. How could

883
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:13,239
Speaker 6: you possibly not realize after all that time that he

884
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:14,600
Speaker 6: has no interest in you.

885
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:17,560
Speaker 2: I mean, I agree with that comment, but also it's like, why,

886
00:40:17,600 --> 00:40:20,799
Speaker 2: it's just it was fifteen year old daughter, Like, no

887
00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:22,680
Speaker 2: one's really being like put in their place. Like if

888
00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:24,480
Speaker 2: this was a twenty five year old person, it would

889
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:26,759
Speaker 2: be like, yeah, okay, let's learn how to like talk

890
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:30,480
Speaker 2: to people. Let's learn how to like, you know, politic

891
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:31,160
Speaker 2: a little.

892
00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:34,480
Speaker 6: Bit from what it sounded like, though, Opie genuinely wasn't

893
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:37,160
Speaker 6: getting the hint, and all the daughter said was take

894
00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:39,759
Speaker 6: the hint, he's not interested, and you're still that Like

895
00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:42,480
Speaker 6: I feel like some twenty twenty year olds would do

896
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:42,759
Speaker 6: that too.

897
00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:45,080
Speaker 2: No, it's just sure. But then it's like, all right,

898
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:48,000
Speaker 2: maybe we're just like we're becoming a rude person. But

899
00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:49,959
Speaker 2: it's like the end of the day, it is true.

900
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:52,719
Speaker 2: It's like stop, stop, stop any one my dad, stop

901
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:53,600
Speaker 2: it stop.

902
00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:57,800
Speaker 6: Another commenter says, yes, you're the a hole. Criticizing someone's

903
00:40:57,800 --> 00:41:02,160
Speaker 6: teenage child was petty and defense she didn't say anything wrong,

904
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:06,080
Speaker 6: considering she already knew your advances make her dad uncomfortable,

905
00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:09,680
Speaker 6: and she just said exactly what she saw. You did

906
00:41:09,760 --> 00:41:12,839
Speaker 6: need to get the hint. Already, and honestly, you should

907
00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:15,080
Speaker 6: have picked up by now or at least left the

908
00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:17,880
Speaker 6: ball in his court. If you're always asking someone to

909
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:20,000
Speaker 6: hang out, even if you break them down enough that

910
00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:22,440
Speaker 6: they give in now and then, if they don't ask

911
00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:27,000
Speaker 6: you in close to equal amounts, leave them alone. Another

912
00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:30,799
Speaker 6: commenter says you're the a hole. You interrupted him while

913
00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:33,600
Speaker 6: he had company. It wasn't cute when you asked the

914
00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:36,480
Speaker 6: second time. His daughter does not have to treat you

915
00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:40,080
Speaker 6: politely or with empathy when you are invading their private space.

916
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:43,800
Speaker 6: Don't be rude and people won't have to respond in kind.

917
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:46,439
Speaker 6: Another commenter says you're the a hole.

918
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:47,880
Speaker 7: Disgusting.

919
00:41:48,239 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 6: It's like you're wearing a sign on your back saying

920
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:55,040
Speaker 6: take me to HR in capital bold letters. Leave this

921
00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:58,600
Speaker 6: man the f alone before it affects your professional career.

922
00:41:58,760 --> 00:41:59,720
Speaker 7: We have an update.

923
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:03,640
Speaker 2: I bet you it's gonna affect her professional career.

924
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:07,800
Speaker 6: Something tells me she's not taking in and leaving it alone.

925
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:09,720
Speaker 2: She's gonna be like So I've read all those comments,

926
00:42:09,719 --> 00:42:11,040
Speaker 2: I decided to double down.

927
00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:13,840
Speaker 7: Okay, so I have accepted my ruling.

928
00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:16,400
Speaker 6: I feel silly in hindsight that it took me so

929
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:19,120
Speaker 6: long to realize it, and I am literally sitting at

930
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:22,400
Speaker 6: my desk feeling like an idiot right now. I'd be

931
00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:25,319
Speaker 6: lying if I said I wasn't surprised by so many

932
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:28,200
Speaker 6: people saying I was the a hole at first, But

933
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:32,040
Speaker 6: after reading the comments and rereading my posts, you got me.

934
00:42:33,120 --> 00:42:35,480
Speaker 6: I'm not one to fight for my life in the comments,

935
00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:39,719
Speaker 6: but I was tempted. In hindsight, though, Yeah, I was

936
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:43,160
Speaker 6: an a hole and a dumb one at that. Concerning

937
00:42:43,280 --> 00:42:47,279
Speaker 6: Ken specifically and my feelings for him, I'm realizing I

938
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:50,520
Speaker 6: was sort of dumb anyway. The thing with Ken is

939
00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:53,960
Speaker 6: that he's very handsome, and I don't think he realizes

940
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:56,880
Speaker 6: how handsome he is. But I also don't think he

941
00:42:56,960 --> 00:43:00,799
Speaker 6: cares at all. That was an attractive trait e But

942
00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:03,200
Speaker 6: I think that knowing that should have been my first

943
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:07,280
Speaker 6: hint that he wasn't interested in dating. Also, Ken keeps

944
00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:10,680
Speaker 6: to himself. He's very reserved and doesn't go out for

945
00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:14,279
Speaker 6: drinks with the office stuff like that. It was a

946
00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:16,719
Speaker 6: stupid thing for me to go after a coworker in

947
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:19,160
Speaker 6: the first place, but for me to go after the

948
00:43:19,200 --> 00:43:23,080
Speaker 6: hermit coworker who is a devoted single father was probably

949
00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:27,719
Speaker 6: even stupider. I want to clear some stuff up. Full disclosure.

950
00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:31,439
Speaker 6: I was ultimately the reason that this conversation got around

951
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:34,520
Speaker 6: the office because I told a few people about it

952
00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:38,359
Speaker 6: and things spread. Ken is gentle like Clark Kent kind

953
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:41,800
Speaker 6: of guy, and everyone likes him, so when anyone hears

954
00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:46,479
Speaker 6: anything bad about him in angry mob forms another thing.

955
00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:51,080
Speaker 6: His daughter is really polite all things considered. She's really

956
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:54,560
Speaker 6: shy and quiet, but she's very friendly. All the older

957
00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:58,040
Speaker 6: ladies in the office adore her. She's one of those types.

958
00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:02,440
Speaker 6: Ken did correct when she commented along the lines of

959
00:44:02,719 --> 00:44:05,400
Speaker 6: esme that was uncalled for knock it off or something,

960
00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:08,480
Speaker 6: and she did say sorry right away, So she's not

961
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:09,600
Speaker 6: even being rude.

962
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:12,040
Speaker 2: I didn't even do anything wrong at all. And he

963
00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:16,239
Speaker 2: immediately corrected her, and she immediately apologized, And then you

964
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:18,239
Speaker 2: were still like, you need to do something about that.

965
00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:19,920
Speaker 7: I still want and cry about it.

966
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:21,360
Speaker 3: Wow.

967
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:24,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would honestly be so. I'd be so dumb

968
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:26,560
Speaker 2: with you if I was Ken after this, I'd be like,

969
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:29,840
Speaker 2: all right, I'm just like not even entertaining your existence.

970
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:32,120
Speaker 6: I hope the end of this is not op being

971
00:44:32,160 --> 00:44:33,759
Speaker 6: like so I asked him to lunch again.

972
00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:35,799
Speaker 2: Today, I don't think it will be.

973
00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:39,480
Speaker 6: I'd never heard her speak so confidently about something as

974
00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:42,799
Speaker 6: she did when protecting her dad. I feel bad now

975
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:45,839
Speaker 6: as I'm looking back at it. I'm sure it's uncomfortable

976
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:48,680
Speaker 6: for her on a lot of levels. She's got a

977
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:52,720
Speaker 6: point at my big age. I should probably get together.

978
00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:56,200
Speaker 2: But uh, let's uh should we just I think we

979
00:44:56,239 --> 00:44:59,719
Speaker 2: all know exactly how we're feeling. Yeah, let's get into it.

980
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:03,840
Speaker 6: Lastly, I am not neurodivergent. At the risk of sounding

981
00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:07,760
Speaker 6: like a knucklehead, I am just not used to being rejected. Frankly,

982
00:45:07,960 --> 00:45:10,440
Speaker 6: I've never been in a situation where a man I

983
00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:11,919
Speaker 6: wanted didn't want me back.

984
00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:15,920
Speaker 2: That makes sense with the handsome comments now, being like

985
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:17,840
Speaker 2: he's like so handsome, Like if I was him, I

986
00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:20,920
Speaker 2: would date every woman on earth, but he doesn't use

987
00:45:20,960 --> 00:45:23,600
Speaker 2: it me. Yeah, first I would date myself.

988
00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:27,200
Speaker 6: I figured he was either oblivious or awkward, but clearly

989
00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:32,280
Speaker 6: he was just uninterested. Who knew everyone but me apparently. Anyway,

990
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:35,239
Speaker 6: thank you everyone for putting me in my place and

991
00:45:35,320 --> 00:45:37,960
Speaker 6: helping me see what was in front of my face. Anyway,

992
00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:40,960
Speaker 6: I have no idea how I'm going to fix it,

993
00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:43,120
Speaker 6: but at least I can see now that I was

994
00:45:43,160 --> 00:45:44,440
Speaker 6: definitely in the wrong.

995
00:45:44,920 --> 00:45:46,400
Speaker 7: That's the end of that story.

996
00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:50,239
Speaker 2: My boyfriend can't handle me going to law school. Now

997
00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:51,480
Speaker 2: I'm ready to leave him.

998
00:45:51,719 --> 00:45:52,879
Speaker 7: Tell him the lawyer up.

999
00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:57,080
Speaker 2: I twenty two female, have been with my boyfriend, twenty

1000
00:45:57,120 --> 00:45:59,400
Speaker 2: one male for over two and a half years, and

1001
00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:01,759
Speaker 2: for the most part, the relationship has been rather low

1002
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:05,319
Speaker 2: turbulence in comparison to my prior relationships. We met in

1003
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:08,560
Speaker 2: my sophomore year of college and his freshman year, when

1004
00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:10,960
Speaker 2: I was only a few months off a breakup. By

1005
00:46:10,960 --> 00:46:13,400
Speaker 2: the way, this comes from user clearly, I'm a witch,

1006
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:15,640
Speaker 2: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

1007
00:46:15,680 --> 00:46:19,240
Speaker 2: to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Dakota, I'm Carly,

1008
00:46:19,560 --> 00:46:23,480
Speaker 2: and OP says. I initially wanted nothing to do with him,

1009
00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:26,400
Speaker 2: and I was not willing to date whatsoever. My breakup

1010
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:29,880
Speaker 2: had been truly awful and I was just really starting

1011
00:46:29,880 --> 00:46:32,160
Speaker 2: to get back on my feet. He persisted for about

1012
00:46:32,160 --> 00:46:34,719
Speaker 2: a month before I agreed to go on a date.

1013
00:46:35,560 --> 00:46:38,560
Speaker 2: For the majority of our relationship, he's been incredibly doting

1014
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:41,440
Speaker 2: and supportive. But I would be lying if I said

1015
00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:46,280
Speaker 2: that doting didn't spiral into obsessiveness and cleanness. The majority

1016
00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:49,160
Speaker 2: of our fights have been over the fact that I

1017
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:52,840
Speaker 2: need space as I'm a fairly independent person. I didn't

1018
00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:54,560
Speaker 2: want to be together twenty four to seven, and he

1019
00:46:54,640 --> 00:46:57,440
Speaker 2: really struggled with that once the honeymoon phase was over,

1020
00:46:57,960 --> 00:47:00,600
Speaker 2: but eventually he seemed to get better about it and

1021
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:04,320
Speaker 2: it was tolerable. As we've dated, I discovered that while

1022
00:47:04,360 --> 00:47:07,319
Speaker 2: he has a generous and kind heart, he can be

1023
00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:10,719
Speaker 2: incredibly immature. He can't manage to show up in a

1024
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:14,719
Speaker 2: timely fashion for anything, can't keep a part time job,

1025
00:47:14,800 --> 00:47:18,080
Speaker 2: and winds the moment he isn't entertained. I'm sure this

1026
00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:22,319
Speaker 2: is part of the current problem, just lots of little,

1027
00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:26,640
Speaker 2: immature and generally exhausting things to deal with. Once again,

1028
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:29,520
Speaker 2: he's made progress in the past so that it reached

1029
00:47:29,560 --> 00:47:33,400
Speaker 2: a tolerable level. He is also wholeheartedly way too reliant

1030
00:47:33,440 --> 00:47:36,080
Speaker 2: on me. Stupid stuff like should I go to the

1031
00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:38,600
Speaker 2: grocery store right now or go to the gym? And

1032
00:47:38,640 --> 00:47:41,439
Speaker 2: I'm like, why does my opinion matter? This isn't something

1033
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:44,000
Speaker 2: I should have an opinion on because it's really not

1034
00:47:44,560 --> 00:47:47,640
Speaker 2: what would happen. Whenever I refuse to answer, is he

1035
00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:51,319
Speaker 2: just wouldn't do either option and would lay around all day.

1036
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:54,799
Speaker 2: It's ridiculous, annoying, and has been a constant problem in

1037
00:47:54,800 --> 00:47:58,440
Speaker 2: our relationship. I will lend that the majority of my

1038
00:47:58,600 --> 00:48:01,200
Speaker 2: friends and family love him. He's super easy to get

1039
00:48:01,239 --> 00:48:03,640
Speaker 2: along with, is always willing to jump in and help,

1040
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:08,160
Speaker 2: and fits in really well with my crowd. The general

1041
00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:11,040
Speaker 2: consensus is that he comes off a bit immature, but

1042
00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:15,080
Speaker 2: he's always friendly and kind. My mom, in particular, is

1043
00:48:15,280 --> 00:48:17,800
Speaker 2: really fond of him, which makes this whole mess a

1044
00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:20,880
Speaker 2: bit frustrating. Right now, I'm two weeks into law school

1045
00:48:20,920 --> 00:48:24,600
Speaker 2: and the relationship seems to be self combusting. I've been

1046
00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 2: wanting to go to law school for the past two years,

1047
00:48:27,440 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 2: and I've been incredibly vocal and driven about this. It's

1048
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:33,200
Speaker 2: non negotiable to me that I'm going and that this

1049
00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:36,040
Speaker 2: is a priority to me. He has always been incredibly

1050
00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:38,600
Speaker 2: supportive and very whatever you need just let me know.

1051
00:48:39,120 --> 00:48:42,000
Speaker 2: Sounds great, right, But I had zero idea that this

1052
00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:44,640
Speaker 2: was going to be such an insane and rocky start.

1053
00:48:45,160 --> 00:48:48,720
Speaker 2: I spend probably six to eight hours a day just studying, reading,

1054
00:48:48,719 --> 00:48:51,560
Speaker 2: and doing school related things where I'm not checking my

1055
00:48:51,640 --> 00:48:54,520
Speaker 2: phone or social media. I just don't have the time,

1056
00:48:54,600 --> 00:48:57,400
Speaker 2: brain cells, or energy for it. When I go to school,

1057
00:48:57,440 --> 00:48:59,759
Speaker 2: I disable the WiFi on my laptop and turn my

1058
00:48:59,800 --> 00:49:02,799
Speaker 2: phone off so that I can try to focus. I

1059
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:05,200
Speaker 2: absolutely let him know that I was becoming less and

1060
00:49:05,280 --> 00:49:08,319
Speaker 2: less available out of sheer survival. I'm trying to make

1061
00:49:08,360 --> 00:49:10,080
Speaker 2: myself a future. I really am.

1062
00:49:10,800 --> 00:49:11,000
Speaker 4: Well.

1063
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:14,799
Speaker 2: This is absolutely not going well on his end. In

1064
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:17,640
Speaker 2: a thirty six hour period, he texted me what are

1065
00:49:17,640 --> 00:49:23,400
Speaker 2: you doing seventeen times? Every time it's the same answer,

1066
00:49:24,000 --> 00:49:25,040
Speaker 2: going to law school.

1067
00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:28,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, it sounds like Opie.

1068
00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:30,120
Speaker 7: Just it's not even like him.

1069
00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:32,719
Speaker 6: You just can't have a relationship right now, and you

1070
00:49:32,760 --> 00:49:34,360
Speaker 6: don't seem to want one either.

1071
00:49:34,239 --> 00:49:37,200
Speaker 7: So I feel like, yeah, break up with this man.

1072
00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:41,359
Speaker 2: I ended up facetiming him and was like this is unreasonable,

1073
00:49:41,480 --> 00:49:44,960
Speaker 2: unhealthy and needs to stop immediately. He seemed to hear it,

1074
00:49:45,080 --> 00:49:47,239
Speaker 2: but a few days later he's back at texting me

1075
00:49:47,320 --> 00:49:50,719
Speaker 2: several times a day to ask what I'm doing. Don't

1076
00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:52,560
Speaker 2: get me wrong, I get that I'm the one who

1077
00:49:52,719 --> 00:49:55,440
Speaker 2: changed here. I went from being available almost all the

1078
00:49:55,440 --> 00:49:58,520
Speaker 2: time to basically not available at all. I get it.

1079
00:49:58,520 --> 00:50:01,840
Speaker 2: It sucks. I'm aware I'm also changing as a person,

1080
00:50:01,880 --> 00:50:04,360
Speaker 2: because I have to be more responsible and more mature

1081
00:50:04,440 --> 00:50:07,760
Speaker 2: and more scheduled than ever before. But I'm also being

1082
00:50:07,920 --> 00:50:10,359
Speaker 2: very forthcoming about the fact that this is what I

1083
00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:12,960
Speaker 2: need to do to survive law school. I'm only a

1084
00:50:12,960 --> 00:50:16,320
Speaker 2: few weeks in and this is really hard and taking

1085
00:50:16,360 --> 00:50:19,439
Speaker 2: some adjusting. Every day I get a better handle on things,

1086
00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:21,839
Speaker 2: but I'm still adjusting to the learning curve of just

1087
00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:25,759
Speaker 2: the giant workload. I physically and mentally can't be more

1088
00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:29,120
Speaker 2: available to him than I am at this moment. Plus,

1089
00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:30,440
Speaker 2: I just don't want to be.

1090
00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:33,279
Speaker 6: Break up with him then, like I want to be,

1091
00:50:33,360 --> 00:50:36,879
Speaker 6: Like you can't. Like at some point though, this will

1092
00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:38,839
Speaker 6: come back to you of like, you know you don't

1093
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:41,560
Speaker 6: want to be with him, Stop stringing him along.

1094
00:50:41,640 --> 00:50:44,760
Speaker 7: Because he will get over it. You will feel more.

1095
00:50:44,640 --> 00:50:47,600
Speaker 6: Free, Like if this is truly what you do not want,

1096
00:50:48,160 --> 00:50:49,960
Speaker 6: end it now when you know that you don't want it,

1097
00:50:50,040 --> 00:50:53,319
Speaker 6: don't make him ride through all of you figuring out

1098
00:50:53,400 --> 00:50:56,239
Speaker 6: law school things. Finally calm down again, and then you're like,

1099
00:50:57,120 --> 00:50:59,160
Speaker 6: and hey, buddy, like I don't think.

1100
00:50:59,000 --> 00:50:59,760
Speaker 5: This is working.

1101
00:51:00,239 --> 00:51:03,640
Speaker 2: You're so clingy. You're already like, yeah, he's just clingy,

1102
00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:07,480
Speaker 2: super clingy and obsessive. Every time I've talked to him

1103
00:51:07,480 --> 00:51:09,600
Speaker 2: in the last ten days, we've gotten into a fight

1104
00:51:09,800 --> 00:51:13,480
Speaker 2: great everything from a full blown fight to passive aggressive squabbles.

1105
00:51:13,719 --> 00:51:15,920
Speaker 2: It's reached the point that the moment he starts being

1106
00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:17,880
Speaker 2: a quit passive aggressive, I just say I have to

1107
00:51:17,880 --> 00:51:20,120
Speaker 2: go and I hang up. I'm so brain dead that

1108
00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:22,840
Speaker 2: staring at a wall and doing nothing is actually relieving.

1109
00:51:23,440 --> 00:51:25,399
Speaker 2: I don't have the energy to constantly fight with him

1110
00:51:25,400 --> 00:51:28,480
Speaker 2: and deal with passive aggressive comments. He's like, Oh, why

1111
00:51:28,520 --> 00:51:32,200
Speaker 2: don't you FaceTime me more often? Because every time we talk,

1112
00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:35,600
Speaker 2: we fight or you annoy me about when is the

1113
00:51:35,640 --> 00:51:38,800
Speaker 2: next time we're going to see each other. On that note,

1114
00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:41,359
Speaker 2: he was not in class this past week and wanted

1115
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:42,880
Speaker 2: to know if he could come up and stay in

1116
00:51:42,920 --> 00:51:45,240
Speaker 2: my new apartment for my first week of law school.

1117
00:51:45,640 --> 00:51:50,040
Speaker 2: I said no, absolutely not. I genuinely am gone all day.

1118
00:51:50,080 --> 00:51:52,160
Speaker 2: I'm exhausted, and I need to be making friends with

1119
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:55,840
Speaker 2: my colleagues and adjusting to my new city and new life.

1120
00:51:56,360 --> 00:51:59,400
Speaker 2: This did not settle well, and he's asked, probably every

1121
00:51:59,400 --> 00:52:02,280
Speaker 2: other time we've talked about when he can come visit.

1122
00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:05,239
Speaker 2: I genuinely can't even gather the free brain cells to

1123
00:52:05,280 --> 00:52:07,880
Speaker 2: think about what to have for dinner, let alone when

1124
00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:10,319
Speaker 2: I can squeeze in time for a visitor, and the

1125
00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:12,600
Speaker 2: amount of pre work I would have to do. I

1126
00:52:12,600 --> 00:52:15,320
Speaker 2: guess what I'm failing to get at is I'm trying

1127
00:52:15,320 --> 00:52:17,400
Speaker 2: to decide how long I should give him to adjust

1128
00:52:17,480 --> 00:52:21,239
Speaker 2: before I call it. Our relationship has problems. Naturally, I

1129
00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:24,280
Speaker 2: don't enjoy who I'm around anymore because the little things

1130
00:52:24,280 --> 00:52:27,360
Speaker 2: of his personality really get under my skin and it

1131
00:52:27,480 --> 00:52:30,200
Speaker 2: just makes me cranky. This is just becoming more and

1132
00:52:30,280 --> 00:52:33,920
Speaker 2: more irritating with law school, and he's sort of combusting.

1133
00:52:34,840 --> 00:52:39,000
Speaker 2: Comment one, We have some comments. Comment one says, take

1134
00:52:39,120 --> 00:52:42,680
Speaker 2: law school out of this. Say you're a woman of leisure.

1135
00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:47,400
Speaker 2: This is still nuts. Reply says, iagirl, nobody needs that

1136
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:50,960
Speaker 2: kind of stress in their life. Comment two agrees with

1137
00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:53,560
Speaker 2: Carly and says, just call it now. I went to

1138
00:52:53,600 --> 00:52:56,800
Speaker 2: law school. Literally every single couple that wasn't already married

1139
00:52:56,800 --> 00:52:59,480
Speaker 2: broke up the first year, except one, and they had

1140
00:52:59,520 --> 00:53:02,520
Speaker 2: already been together for seven years. Even a few married

1141
00:53:02,600 --> 00:53:06,319
Speaker 2: people got divorced. Relationships do not generally survive the first

1142
00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:08,799
Speaker 2: year of law school, and all signs point to this

1143
00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:11,840
Speaker 2: one being on its way out the door. Anyways, sucks,

1144
00:53:12,120 --> 00:53:15,320
Speaker 2: but it's gonna suck more later. Comment three from another

1145
00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:18,279
Speaker 2: law student. End it now. It's clear from reading this

1146
00:53:18,360 --> 00:53:20,560
Speaker 2: that you're over it. Better to deal with the breakup

1147
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:23,120
Speaker 2: now and instead of being in the middle of exams

1148
00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:26,560
Speaker 2: or something. And there is an update, and I guarantee

1149
00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:31,680
Speaker 2: you there's a breakup in you, ol boy. Yeah, I think, uh,

1150
00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:33,799
Speaker 2: I think it's time to call it.

1151
00:53:33,960 --> 00:53:35,880
Speaker 6: Yeah, well, I agree with that one that was like

1152
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:40,080
Speaker 6: lost school aside, like you don't like this man anymore.

1153
00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:43,280
Speaker 2: I think, like you said it was it started out

1154
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:46,879
Speaker 2: like he was like sweet and thoughtful, but now it's

1155
00:53:46,920 --> 00:53:49,440
Speaker 2: gotten to a point where you're like, this is actually

1156
00:53:49,480 --> 00:53:54,399
Speaker 2: kind of clingy and makes me uncomfortable. And I and

1157
00:53:54,400 --> 00:53:57,680
Speaker 2: he and he needs me to be his executive decision maker.

1158
00:53:58,760 --> 00:54:01,560
Speaker 2: That's kind of that's kind of. There is an update, though,

1159
00:54:01,719 --> 00:54:04,520
Speaker 2: let's do it update. If I missed your comment on

1160
00:54:04,560 --> 00:54:06,880
Speaker 2: my last post, I'm really sorry. I've been super busy

1161
00:54:06,920 --> 00:54:10,680
Speaker 2: with law school as well as my relationship. I decided

1162
00:54:10,719 --> 00:54:13,160
Speaker 2: to take a week to let things settle in even further,

1163
00:54:13,600 --> 00:54:16,280
Speaker 2: I made it explicitly clear that his behavior wasn't okay

1164
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:18,680
Speaker 2: and we needed a change. If this relationship was going

1165
00:54:18,719 --> 00:54:22,400
Speaker 2: to survive. Verbally he was on board, but after twenty

1166
00:54:22,440 --> 00:54:27,280
Speaker 2: four hours it really fell apart. Tonight, I pulled the plug.

1167
00:54:27,560 --> 00:54:29,839
Speaker 2: It was hard and awful because I do love him

1168
00:54:30,080 --> 00:54:31,880
Speaker 2: and I will always love him, but we are no

1169
00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:34,920
Speaker 2: longer in love. He asked me what I wanted, and

1170
00:54:34,960 --> 00:54:36,960
Speaker 2: I said I wanted him to be okay with less

1171
00:54:36,960 --> 00:54:39,960
Speaker 2: communication and be confident in our relationship so that I

1172
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:42,880
Speaker 2: could be at school guilt free. I asked him what

1173
00:54:42,920 --> 00:54:46,600
Speaker 2: he wanted, and he said he wanted more of my time, communication,

1174
00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:52,480
Speaker 2: and energy antithetical wants and needs out of both of you,

1175
00:54:53,360 --> 00:54:56,239
Speaker 2: which is like, no one's fault necessarily, but I.

1176
00:54:56,239 --> 00:54:59,239
Speaker 6: Don't think it's either of your faults, and part of

1177
00:54:59,280 --> 00:55:02,239
Speaker 6: me like does feel bad for this guy that's like

1178
00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:05,919
Speaker 6: just so like, wow, I just love my girlfriend so much.

1179
00:55:05,960 --> 00:55:08,080
Speaker 6: She's like, we're not in love anymore, but clearly he's

1180
00:55:08,120 --> 00:55:09,400
Speaker 6: in love with you still.

1181
00:55:10,160 --> 00:55:12,560
Speaker 2: His wants for my attention had nothing to do with

1182
00:55:12,600 --> 00:55:15,560
Speaker 2: what was best for me or what would make me happiest.

1183
00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:18,160
Speaker 2: That was really hard to hear, and we both cried

1184
00:55:18,160 --> 00:55:21,239
Speaker 2: for a while. When I pointed that out, he understood,

1185
00:55:21,400 --> 00:55:23,799
Speaker 2: he saw it coming, and he didn't beg or fight it.

1186
00:55:24,120 --> 00:55:26,480
Speaker 2: We just cried. I think we've We've hit the nail

1187
00:55:26,520 --> 00:55:27,239
Speaker 2: on the head a little bit.

1188
00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:28,320
Speaker 7: It needed to happen.

1189
00:55:28,680 --> 00:55:30,799
Speaker 2: No security in his relationship this guy.

1190
00:55:31,000 --> 00:55:33,400
Speaker 6: I hope he can he can find peace in the

1191
00:55:33,440 --> 00:55:36,439
Speaker 6: next one and learn to chill out a little bit

1192
00:55:36,480 --> 00:55:36,839
Speaker 6: with it.

1193
00:55:37,200 --> 00:55:39,200
Speaker 7: And I hope we have a great law school.

1194
00:55:40,040 --> 00:55:42,440
Speaker 2: Anyway, I wanted to say thank you to everyone who

1195
00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:44,600
Speaker 2: reached out to me. Seriously. It made me feel like

1196
00:55:44,640 --> 00:55:47,080
Speaker 2: I was actually in control of the situation and not

1197
00:55:47,160 --> 00:55:50,200
Speaker 2: being crazy for walking away. Thank you for being a

1198
00:55:50,200 --> 00:55:54,600
Speaker 2: community that validates others feelings and is honest and truthful.

1199
00:55:55,000 --> 00:55:58,480
Speaker 2: Now I'm gonna go shower and watch stupid shows on Netflix. See.

1200
00:55:58,560 --> 00:56:00,640
Speaker 2: She would have had time to talk to him, but

1201
00:56:00,680 --> 00:56:02,320
Speaker 2: he's just too much.

1202
00:56:02,600 --> 00:56:04,520
Speaker 6: That was my thing is she would be like, I

1203
00:56:04,680 --> 00:56:07,239
Speaker 6: do these other things, but I just can't talk to him.

1204
00:56:07,880 --> 00:56:09,239
Speaker 7: Yeah, you're just worn out, bio.

1205
00:56:09,480 --> 00:56:11,680
Speaker 2: I think you're just done. Yeah, we have one comment

1206
00:56:11,719 --> 00:56:14,160
Speaker 2: here to finish it off. Sounds like the right result.

1207
00:56:14,400 --> 00:56:18,520
Speaker 2: Law school is no joke unless you're studying clown law,

1208
00:56:19,440 --> 00:56:22,160
Speaker 2: especially if you're interested in corporate or big law or

1209
00:56:22,200 --> 00:56:25,440
Speaker 2: white shoe firms. The fact he didn't fight it actually

1210
00:56:25,440 --> 00:56:28,120
Speaker 2: shows maybe he wasn't so immature. You guys just had

1211
00:56:28,160 --> 00:56:31,839
Speaker 2: different needs from a relationship, which is fair. I'm not

1212
00:56:31,880 --> 00:56:34,280
Speaker 2: a text all day person when I'm busy either, whereas

1213
00:56:34,280 --> 00:56:37,840
Speaker 2: some people do it to keep them sane incompatible. Best

1214
00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:38,319
Speaker 2: to move on.

1215
00:56:38,360 --> 00:56:39,120
Speaker 4: And be happier.

1216
00:56:39,160 --> 00:56:42,680
Speaker 2: And that is the end of that story. Hey's John

1217
00:56:42,719 --> 00:56:44,440
Speaker 2: oj host. We're gonna get back to the stories, but

1218
00:56:44,520 --> 00:56:46,400
Speaker 2: a quick free minute break of ads from our sponsors.

1219
00:56:47,040 --> 00:56:51,040
Speaker 6: My girlfriend asked for a break to focus on her study.

1220
00:56:50,840 --> 00:56:54,000
Speaker 2: Trying to get that brain big for you, big dog.

1221
00:56:54,440 --> 00:56:58,240
Speaker 6: I'm male forty who is ten months into a long

1222
00:56:58,320 --> 00:57:03,000
Speaker 6: distance relationship with an old girlfriend, female thirty eight. We

1223
00:57:03,160 --> 00:57:07,280
Speaker 6: found each other on Facebook last March and quickly fell

1224
00:57:07,320 --> 00:57:11,880
Speaker 6: back in love again. She lives almost one thousand miles away,

1225
00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:14,560
Speaker 6: so we've only been able to see each other once

1226
00:57:14,680 --> 00:57:18,560
Speaker 6: or twice a month in that time, but text constantly

1227
00:57:18,640 --> 00:57:21,080
Speaker 6: during the day and talk for an hour or more

1228
00:57:21,200 --> 00:57:23,480
Speaker 6: each night on the phone. By the way, this comes

1229
00:57:23,520 --> 00:57:26,560
Speaker 6: from Denver redditor, and if you want to submit your

1230
00:57:26,560 --> 00:57:29,400
Speaker 6: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

1231
00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:31,560
Speaker 2: I'm Carle, I'm Dakota.

1232
00:57:31,400 --> 00:57:34,480
Speaker 6: And OPI says we may have only been together for

1233
00:57:34,600 --> 00:57:38,000
Speaker 6: ten months, but with our past history, in some ways

1234
00:57:38,120 --> 00:57:40,040
Speaker 6: it feels like we've been in love for the past

1235
00:57:40,120 --> 00:57:44,160
Speaker 6: twenty plus years. I never forgot about her, and she

1236
00:57:44,360 --> 00:57:47,760
Speaker 6: says the same about me. We want to be together,

1237
00:57:47,920 --> 00:57:51,040
Speaker 6: but have that old fashioned debate about who would make

1238
00:57:51,120 --> 00:57:55,160
Speaker 6: the move. We mutually agreed it made more sense for

1239
00:57:55,200 --> 00:57:57,919
Speaker 6: her to move up here to be with me due

1240
00:57:57,960 --> 00:58:00,680
Speaker 6: to the license requirements for her job, but she cannot

1241
00:58:00,720 --> 00:58:03,680
Speaker 6: get a job in my state with her current certifications

1242
00:58:03,720 --> 00:58:08,480
Speaker 6: and education, so in January, she enrolled in a master's

1243
00:58:08,520 --> 00:58:11,680
Speaker 6: program that would allow her to work up here. It's

1244
00:58:11,760 --> 00:58:14,880
Speaker 6: a year long program, and she's also continuing to work

1245
00:58:14,920 --> 00:58:18,720
Speaker 6: full time. Two months in, she's feeling overwhelmed with the

1246
00:58:18,760 --> 00:58:22,320
Speaker 6: amount of work in the program. She's having doubts about

1247
00:58:22,320 --> 00:58:24,120
Speaker 6: being able to complete the program and.

1248
00:58:24,160 --> 00:58:25,400
Speaker 7: Is very worried about it.

1249
00:58:26,000 --> 00:58:28,120
Speaker 6: She had to borrow a lot of money to pay

1250
00:58:28,120 --> 00:58:30,840
Speaker 6: for the tuition and obviously doesn't want the money to

1251
00:58:30,880 --> 00:58:34,480
Speaker 6: go to waste. Last week we had several fights and

1252
00:58:34,640 --> 00:58:36,880
Speaker 6: arguments about different things, which is.

1253
00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:38,120
Speaker 7: More than usual for us.

1254
00:58:38,760 --> 00:58:41,920
Speaker 6: She was apathetic about most of it, which only made

1255
00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:44,800
Speaker 6: things worse in my mind, as she didn't seem to

1256
00:58:44,800 --> 00:58:49,400
Speaker 6: want to even try to resolve things. Finally, this past Sunday,

1257
00:58:49,600 --> 00:58:51,880
Speaker 6: she told me that she needed to be selfish and

1258
00:58:51,960 --> 00:58:54,400
Speaker 6: focus on the things that mattered to her most, in

1259
00:58:54,480 --> 00:59:00,520
Speaker 6: this order one school, two work, three running, which is

1260
00:59:00,560 --> 00:59:05,120
Speaker 6: her biggest hobby. That's it. I didn't even make the list.

1261
00:59:05,920 --> 00:59:09,280
Speaker 6: She said that we needed to take a break. Sounds

1262
00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:11,520
Speaker 6: and feels like a breakup, which is how I have

1263
00:59:11,600 --> 00:59:14,560
Speaker 6: been treating it and reacting to it. But this is

1264
00:59:14,560 --> 00:59:17,920
Speaker 6: where it gets really confusing to me. The next morning,

1265
00:59:18,040 --> 00:59:20,920
Speaker 6: after telling me she needs a break, she still texts

1266
00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:22,760
Speaker 6: me and says she wants to still be able to

1267
00:59:22,800 --> 00:59:26,120
Speaker 6: text me throughout the day. She had already told me

1268
00:59:26,320 --> 00:59:29,120
Speaker 6: before she couldn't text as much at work due to

1269
00:59:29,120 --> 00:59:32,720
Speaker 6: getting in trouble with her bosses, but she was almost

1270
00:59:32,760 --> 00:59:36,360
Speaker 6: always the one to have initiated texts when she was

1271
00:59:36,480 --> 00:59:39,880
Speaker 6: at work. We have still texted every day this week,

1272
00:59:40,320 --> 00:59:43,640
Speaker 6: and have still talked on the phone each night, though

1273
00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:47,000
Speaker 6: the texts have been very infrequent, with her taking hours

1274
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:49,840
Speaker 6: sometimes to respond to me, where in the past it

1275
00:59:49,880 --> 00:59:52,040
Speaker 6: was only a moment or two, and the calls have

1276
00:59:52,120 --> 00:59:55,200
Speaker 6: been much shorter and not nearly as warm and fuzzy

1277
00:59:55,240 --> 00:59:58,280
Speaker 6: as they always were. She says she still loves me,

1278
00:59:58,600 --> 01:00:00,479
Speaker 6: she still wants to be with me, but it still

1279
01:00:00,520 --> 01:00:02,960
Speaker 6: wants to move up here if and when she finishes

1280
01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:06,240
Speaker 6: this program and can get a job up here. We

1281
01:00:06,280 --> 01:00:09,600
Speaker 6: had a two hour long conversation last night where we

1282
01:00:09,680 --> 01:00:12,320
Speaker 6: kind of laid it all out on the table. She

1283
01:00:12,440 --> 01:00:15,240
Speaker 6: basically said she just doesn't have either the time to

1284
01:00:15,280 --> 01:00:18,480
Speaker 6: include me right now, nor can she spare the emotional

1285
01:00:18,600 --> 01:00:22,080
Speaker 6: energy to maintain a relationship with me right now. She

1286
01:00:22,200 --> 01:00:25,680
Speaker 6: says this is only temporary until sometime in the summer

1287
01:00:25,760 --> 01:00:28,800
Speaker 6: when we can go back to normal. She seems to

1288
01:00:28,800 --> 01:00:32,280
Speaker 6: have the mentality that we had one break for twenty

1289
01:00:32,360 --> 01:00:34,760
Speaker 6: years that didn't keep us from falling in love all

1290
01:00:34,800 --> 01:00:37,840
Speaker 6: over again. She seems to think that we can just

1291
01:00:37,960 --> 01:00:40,840
Speaker 6: quit for a while then go back to it. But

1292
01:00:40,920 --> 01:00:43,200
Speaker 6: for me, I can't turn my heart off and on

1293
01:00:43,320 --> 01:00:46,840
Speaker 6: like that. It hurts me tremendously that she seems so

1294
01:00:47,040 --> 01:00:49,440
Speaker 6: willing and able to cut me out of her life,

1295
01:00:49,920 --> 01:00:52,400
Speaker 6: as if I'm just an appliance you can stick in

1296
01:00:52,440 --> 01:00:55,400
Speaker 6: the cabinet until you're ready to get it back out again.

1297
01:00:55,640 --> 01:00:59,560
Speaker 2: Brother, brother, you literally said it was like you guys

1298
01:00:59,600 --> 01:01:03,600
Speaker 2: didn't for twenty years. Whoa I'm so confused, and you

1299
01:01:03,680 --> 01:01:06,080
Speaker 2: know that she's not doing that clearly because she's still

1300
01:01:06,120 --> 01:01:08,520
Speaker 2: talking to you every day. She's just like, I cannot

1301
01:01:08,720 --> 01:01:11,400
Speaker 2: show up for you in the capacity of like being

1302
01:01:11,440 --> 01:01:14,560
Speaker 2: a partner while also doing this thing going to school

1303
01:01:14,560 --> 01:01:16,560
Speaker 2: for my master's which, by the way, started doing that

1304
01:01:16,960 --> 01:01:17,320
Speaker 2: for you.

1305
01:01:18,200 --> 01:01:20,120
Speaker 6: But if she wasn't serious about you, she wouldn't be

1306
01:01:20,160 --> 01:01:22,240
Speaker 6: getting a master's to move with you.

1307
01:01:22,400 --> 01:01:24,479
Speaker 2: Yeah, and if she really didn't want you, she would

1308
01:01:24,480 --> 01:01:25,200
Speaker 2: have ghosted you.

1309
01:01:25,480 --> 01:01:27,880
Speaker 6: Well, hopefully maybe been more civil as a thirty eight

1310
01:01:27,920 --> 01:01:28,400
Speaker 6: year old woman.

1311
01:01:28,720 --> 01:01:31,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's look your long distance. She's a thousand

1312
01:01:31,640 --> 01:01:33,640
Speaker 2: miles away. And then if she really had no intention

1313
01:01:33,720 --> 01:01:36,360
Speaker 2: of doing or keeping up anything with you, she probably

1314
01:01:36,360 --> 01:01:38,000
Speaker 2: would have just ceased all communications.

1315
01:01:38,080 --> 01:01:40,080
Speaker 6: It sounds like the only thing that really changed was

1316
01:01:40,280 --> 01:01:43,600
Speaker 6: she doesn't immediately answer you during the work day, and

1317
01:01:43,920 --> 01:01:46,960
Speaker 6: your calls are a little less like long and gushy.

1318
01:01:47,040 --> 01:01:49,200
Speaker 7: You it's like, yeah, here's how my day was, here's

1319
01:01:49,200 --> 01:01:50,120
Speaker 7: how your day was. Good night.

1320
01:01:50,160 --> 01:01:52,520
Speaker 2: Now you're taking it personally, yeah, when it's like the

1321
01:01:52,560 --> 01:01:54,240
Speaker 2: only thing you should be taking personally is the fact

1322
01:01:54,240 --> 01:01:57,880
Speaker 2: that she's still wanting to do this long distance while

1323
01:01:57,880 --> 01:01:59,480
Speaker 2: getting a master's degree.

1324
01:01:59,600 --> 01:02:02,520
Speaker 6: I can't imagine going a day without talking to her,

1325
01:02:02,800 --> 01:02:04,200
Speaker 6: much less the next.

1326
01:02:04,000 --> 01:02:05,520
Speaker 7: Three to four months or whatever.

1327
01:02:06,240 --> 01:02:08,160
Speaker 6: I fear that when she says she's ready to go

1328
01:02:08,280 --> 01:02:11,000
Speaker 6: back to normal, that too much damage will have already

1329
01:02:11,000 --> 01:02:13,680
Speaker 6: been done by that point, that it will never be

1330
01:02:13,760 --> 01:02:17,560
Speaker 6: the same between us again. Last night, during our conversation,

1331
01:02:17,800 --> 01:02:20,640
Speaker 6: I told her that if time was her concern, I

1332
01:02:20,680 --> 01:02:23,000
Speaker 6: would give her all the space and time she needs,

1333
01:02:23,400 --> 01:02:25,720
Speaker 6: but still wanted to know that she is committed to me,

1334
01:02:26,280 --> 01:02:28,560
Speaker 6: and that I wanted to at least be on her list,

1335
01:02:28,800 --> 01:02:30,400
Speaker 6: even if I'm not as high as.

1336
01:02:30,320 --> 01:02:31,240
Speaker 7: Work or school.

1337
01:02:32,240 --> 01:02:35,400
Speaker 6: She flat out just didn't respond, just said I don't know,

1338
01:02:36,000 --> 01:02:38,480
Speaker 6: and that she's still worried that the emotional cost of

1339
01:02:38,520 --> 01:02:42,000
Speaker 6: a relationship is more than she can handle right now.

1340
01:02:42,040 --> 01:02:45,120
Speaker 6: Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation or

1341
01:02:45,280 --> 01:02:46,920
Speaker 6: known someone in this situation?

1342
01:02:47,280 --> 01:02:47,919
Speaker 7: We have an edit.

1343
01:02:48,560 --> 01:02:51,320
Speaker 6: Thanks to all of you for your comments and advice.

1344
01:02:51,520 --> 01:02:54,360
Speaker 6: Nobody said anything that I haven't thought one hundred times

1345
01:02:54,400 --> 01:02:57,400
Speaker 6: by myself in the last three to four days. I'm

1346
01:02:57,440 --> 01:03:01,280
Speaker 6: going to begin the grueling process of moving on. Sucks

1347
01:03:01,320 --> 01:03:05,120
Speaker 6: because I thought she and I truly had something special. Yes,

1348
01:03:05,360 --> 01:03:08,600
Speaker 6: she doesn't think so anymore, and one person can't sustain

1349
01:03:08,640 --> 01:03:09,480
Speaker 6: a relationship.

1350
01:03:09,680 --> 01:03:12,600
Speaker 7: We have an update? Okay, should we just get into

1351
01:03:12,640 --> 01:03:13,680
Speaker 7: it a little bit or yeah?

1352
01:03:13,760 --> 01:03:16,160
Speaker 2: I mean I don't know. It's just I think it

1353
01:03:16,200 --> 01:03:18,160
Speaker 2: should just be clear, like do we like is this

1354
01:03:18,320 --> 01:03:21,200
Speaker 2: just like a we're chilling out and there's like less responsibility,

1355
01:03:21,200 --> 01:03:23,280
Speaker 2: but clearly our feelings are still there and we're just

1356
01:03:23,320 --> 01:03:24,160
Speaker 2: not acting on them.

1357
01:03:24,280 --> 01:03:28,000
Speaker 6: We want her side of everything too, Just like what

1358
01:03:28,080 --> 01:03:31,240
Speaker 6: was that communication? Like, was it like if she didn't

1359
01:03:31,320 --> 01:03:32,919
Speaker 6: respond immediately?

1360
01:03:33,200 --> 01:03:35,000
Speaker 7: Was he like why are you not answering me? Kind

1361
01:03:35,040 --> 01:03:35,360
Speaker 7: of thing?

1362
01:03:35,560 --> 01:03:35,800
Speaker 6: Right?

1363
01:03:36,000 --> 01:03:36,160
Speaker 4: Yah?

1364
01:03:36,280 --> 01:03:37,920
Speaker 6: Was there anything that pushed her to kind of be

1365
01:03:38,000 --> 01:03:40,600
Speaker 6: that little bit extra like we need to like how

1366
01:03:40,720 --> 01:03:42,520
Speaker 6: was she texted you so much that it was causing

1367
01:03:42,520 --> 01:03:43,360
Speaker 6: her trouble at work?

1368
01:03:43,600 --> 01:03:45,840
Speaker 2: Right? I think that might be like its own wake

1369
01:03:45,920 --> 01:03:49,080
Speaker 2: up call of like, Okay, like, I'm actually jeopardizing my

1370
01:03:49,080 --> 01:03:51,880
Speaker 2: my work over this guy that I've you know, known

1371
01:03:52,040 --> 01:03:54,120
Speaker 2: for a long time, but he's a thousand miles away,

1372
01:03:54,200 --> 01:03:56,840
Speaker 2: and then what am I doing this master's program for

1373
01:03:56,960 --> 01:03:58,800
Speaker 2: me and for him? Like? And I think it was

1374
01:03:58,840 --> 01:04:01,160
Speaker 2: probably just a realization, actually I need to be living

1375
01:04:01,200 --> 01:04:02,600
Speaker 2: my life for me first, right.

1376
01:04:02,480 --> 01:04:05,400
Speaker 6: And maybe she just had to realize that and she's

1377
01:04:05,440 --> 01:04:05,880
Speaker 6: good again.

1378
01:04:06,400 --> 01:04:07,240
Speaker 7: She had to start running.

1379
01:04:07,520 --> 01:04:07,880
Speaker 4: I don't know.

1380
01:04:07,960 --> 01:04:09,920
Speaker 2: I think he might. I think you might need to

1381
01:04:09,960 --> 01:04:10,800
Speaker 2: prep update.

1382
01:04:11,520 --> 01:04:14,120
Speaker 6: Even though we kind of sort of broke up almost

1383
01:04:14,120 --> 01:04:17,720
Speaker 6: two weeks ago, we were still talking almost every night.

1384
01:04:18,640 --> 01:04:21,800
Speaker 6: Some of the talks felt productive, like we were making progress,

1385
01:04:22,240 --> 01:04:24,800
Speaker 6: but every so often she'd say things that just didn't

1386
01:04:24,840 --> 01:04:27,720
Speaker 6: make sense in context with what else she was telling me.

1387
01:04:28,560 --> 01:04:31,680
Speaker 6: In short, she was sending a lot of mixed signals.

1388
01:04:32,280 --> 01:04:35,000
Speaker 6: I even sent her flowers at work on Monday to

1389
01:04:35,080 --> 01:04:37,720
Speaker 6: try to be romantic. That seemed to make her happy,

1390
01:04:37,800 --> 01:04:40,200
Speaker 6: and we had some good talks on Monday and Tuesday.

1391
01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:44,120
Speaker 6: Fast forward to last night. She told me during the

1392
01:04:44,200 --> 01:04:46,360
Speaker 6: day that she was going to dinner, didn't say with

1393
01:04:46,440 --> 01:04:49,920
Speaker 6: who I didn't ask, and that she might be homely.

1394
01:04:50,280 --> 01:04:52,240
Speaker 6: I asked her to let me know when she gets home,

1395
01:04:52,600 --> 01:04:54,880
Speaker 6: because she has asked me to call her early enough

1396
01:04:54,920 --> 01:04:56,919
Speaker 6: for her to be able to get some sleep.

1397
01:04:56,680 --> 01:04:57,640
Speaker 7: Before the next day.

1398
01:04:58,600 --> 01:05:02,080
Speaker 6: Well, nine pm rolls around, no word. Ten pm comes,

1399
01:05:02,240 --> 01:05:05,080
Speaker 6: no word. She's usually in bed by now, so I

1400
01:05:05,120 --> 01:05:09,680
Speaker 6: text ask if she's home. No answer. Eleven pm, still nothing.

1401
01:05:10,120 --> 01:05:14,880
Speaker 6: I text again, no answer. Midnight, no answer. I text

1402
01:05:15,000 --> 01:05:18,440
Speaker 6: one more time. I'm having all kinds of mixed emotions.

1403
01:05:18,920 --> 01:05:22,080
Speaker 6: Is she okay? Is she asleep and ignoring me? What's

1404
01:05:22,240 --> 01:05:27,000
Speaker 6: going on? Twelve fifteen am. I finally try to call her.

1405
01:05:27,320 --> 01:05:32,400
Speaker 6: It goes straight to voicemail. Her chat status shows available,

1406
01:05:32,600 --> 01:05:35,320
Speaker 6: so I know her phone is on, so I call again.

1407
01:05:36,120 --> 01:05:39,080
Speaker 7: This time she answers but hangs up.

1408
01:05:39,960 --> 01:05:42,240
Speaker 6: She just got a new phone, so I assume it's

1409
01:05:42,240 --> 01:05:44,680
Speaker 6: an issue with her phone because she's still learning how

1410
01:05:44,680 --> 01:05:48,400
Speaker 6: to use it. I try again, she answers and hangs

1411
01:05:48,480 --> 01:05:52,520
Speaker 6: up again. Now I'm getting pissed and text and ask

1412
01:05:52,680 --> 01:05:54,400
Speaker 6: are you hanging up on me on purpose?

1413
01:05:54,880 --> 01:05:58,640
Speaker 7: She replies in bed not alone?

1414
01:05:59,160 --> 01:06:05,160
Speaker 6: Bam, oh yeah, the cobwebs are removed from my eyes.

1415
01:06:05,840 --> 01:06:09,480
Speaker 6: My heart sinks into my stomach. It all becomes clear.

1416
01:06:10,280 --> 01:06:12,560
Speaker 6: I leave her alone for the rest of the evening.

1417
01:06:13,040 --> 01:06:15,960
Speaker 6: I text her this morning and she actually responds, to

1418
01:06:16,000 --> 01:06:20,400
Speaker 6: my surprise, even answers my questions about it. I guess

1419
01:06:20,480 --> 01:06:24,920
Speaker 6: she was relieved to finally out herself. Turns out she

1420
01:06:25,160 --> 01:06:28,080
Speaker 6: isn't in love with me anymore. I know, I know

1421
01:06:28,560 --> 01:06:31,320
Speaker 6: several of you tried to tell me this. She met

1422
01:06:31,360 --> 01:06:34,160
Speaker 6: a guy two weeks ago on a dating website.

1423
01:06:34,720 --> 01:06:35,800
Speaker 7: Apparently she's been.

1424
01:06:35,840 --> 01:06:38,919
Speaker 6: Looking for a while now and they've been going out.

1425
01:06:39,400 --> 01:06:42,360
Speaker 6: He was her dinner day and she let him spend

1426
01:06:42,480 --> 01:06:45,640
Speaker 6: the night. I mean, I think we all thought that

1427
01:06:45,800 --> 01:06:49,240
Speaker 6: maybe that was happening when she wasn't answering her phone.

1428
01:06:49,680 --> 01:06:50,040
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1429
01:06:50,080 --> 01:06:51,880
Speaker 2: I think when someone tells you that they're going out

1430
01:06:51,880 --> 01:06:53,440
Speaker 2: to dinner and they might be on late and then

1431
01:06:53,440 --> 01:06:55,600
Speaker 2: they don't answer you all night, you can assume you

1432
01:06:55,760 --> 01:06:56,960
Speaker 2: know what that dinner is.

1433
01:06:57,360 --> 01:07:01,439
Speaker 6: And they also though like you didn't like I'd be like, oh,

1434
01:07:01,480 --> 01:07:03,200
Speaker 6: it was like sick, like who you're going to dinner with?

1435
01:07:03,240 --> 01:07:04,160
Speaker 7: Like what kind of what kind of food?

1436
01:07:04,160 --> 01:07:04,320
Speaker 6: Do you?

1437
01:07:04,520 --> 01:07:04,720
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1438
01:07:04,840 --> 01:07:04,920
Speaker 6: No?

1439
01:07:05,120 --> 01:07:09,040
Speaker 2: But honestly, like I'm sorry op and this, but I

1440
01:07:09,320 --> 01:07:12,440
Speaker 2: feel like most of this needed to be on her

1441
01:07:12,760 --> 01:07:15,640
Speaker 2: to communicate to you properly, like if you're if you

1442
01:07:15,680 --> 01:07:18,880
Speaker 2: guys are having conversations where it's like implied she's gonna

1443
01:07:18,920 --> 01:07:21,600
Speaker 2: move states for you, and like is getting a master's

1444
01:07:21,640 --> 01:07:24,360
Speaker 2: degree for that? It's texting you so much as getting

1445
01:07:24,360 --> 01:07:26,640
Speaker 2: in trouble at work, like clear whatever, you guys had feelings.

1446
01:07:26,880 --> 01:07:29,560
Speaker 2: And as soon as she realized like Okay, actually maybe

1447
01:07:29,560 --> 01:07:32,320
Speaker 2: that's not what I thought and I'm I'm actively looking

1448
01:07:32,360 --> 01:07:35,480
Speaker 2: for other partners, she needed to tell you that.

1449
01:07:35,560 --> 01:07:39,200
Speaker 6: Well, yeah, that's she cheated, needed to end it when

1450
01:07:39,200 --> 01:07:41,520
Speaker 6: she felt the need to go outside the relationship.

1451
01:07:41,680 --> 01:07:45,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess I don't even know if that's It

1452
01:07:45,120 --> 01:07:47,280
Speaker 2: really feels like this guy was like, this is a

1453
01:07:47,320 --> 01:07:50,080
Speaker 2: long distance relationship and she's been operating like it's been

1454
01:07:50,120 --> 01:07:51,520
Speaker 2: a long distance situation.

1455
01:07:51,880 --> 01:07:55,200
Speaker 6: Yeah. Yeah, it's like it'll be a relationship when I'm

1456
01:07:55,280 --> 01:07:56,080
Speaker 6: actually there.

1457
01:07:56,200 --> 01:07:56,600
Speaker 7: Kind of thing.

1458
01:07:56,840 --> 01:07:59,400
Speaker 2: She's like, it's this crazy thing going on with this

1459
01:07:59,440 --> 01:07:59,920
Speaker 2: guy I've known.

1460
01:08:00,520 --> 01:08:03,120
Speaker 7: That's yeah. Unfortunately did feel like that, and.

1461
01:08:03,320 --> 01:08:08,440
Speaker 2: Y'all probably never really got clear on what it was. Uh, sorry, buddy.

1462
01:08:08,560 --> 01:08:09,800
Speaker 7: I'm sorry, dude.

1463
01:08:10,160 --> 01:08:13,400
Speaker 6: So all this bs about too busy and not enough

1464
01:08:13,400 --> 01:08:14,400
Speaker 6: time were just.

1465
01:08:14,440 --> 01:08:16,000
Speaker 7: A big fat lie.

1466
01:08:16,760 --> 01:08:19,360
Speaker 6: She could have saved me two weeks of grief, not

1467
01:08:19,520 --> 01:08:22,080
Speaker 6: to mention the effing one hundred dollars I drop on

1468
01:08:22,160 --> 01:08:25,280
Speaker 6: the flowers if she had just told me all this

1469
01:08:25,400 --> 01:08:28,280
Speaker 6: crap before now. Heck, I should have known the ten

1470
01:08:28,320 --> 01:08:30,679
Speaker 6: months ago that this was going to be the outcome.

1471
01:08:31,439 --> 01:08:34,800
Speaker 6: Hindsight is always twenty twenty. But everything I knew about

1472
01:08:34,840 --> 01:08:38,000
Speaker 6: her told me something like this was possible. She had

1473
01:08:38,000 --> 01:08:40,200
Speaker 6: told me that she had cheated on both her ex

1474
01:08:40,320 --> 01:08:44,360
Speaker 6: husbands again. I know, big red flag. I thought it

1475
01:08:44,400 --> 01:08:48,679
Speaker 6: was different with me. I guess that's just in her nature.

1476
01:08:49,439 --> 01:08:51,720
Speaker 6: When she sucked the life out of one guy, she

1477
01:08:51,920 --> 01:08:52,840
Speaker 6: just moves.

1478
01:08:52,479 --> 01:08:53,559
Speaker 7: On to the next one.

1479
01:08:54,200 --> 01:08:57,479
Speaker 6: So my heart is officially crushed and I'm going to

1480
01:08:57,479 --> 01:09:02,400
Speaker 6: be doing a lot of adult average consumption this weekend.

1481
01:09:02,840 --> 01:09:06,160
Speaker 6: I can't imagine being dumped in a more humiliating and

1482
01:09:06,280 --> 01:09:10,320
Speaker 6: hurtful way. No buddy humiliation for you.

1483
01:09:10,800 --> 01:09:13,040
Speaker 7: She should be embarrassed.