WEBVTT - Lisa’s Pregnancy Journey 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:04.520 I won't let my body out out weigh everything that 0:00:04.640 --> 0:00:07.920 I'm made dope, won't spend my life trying to change. 0:00:08.640 --> 0:00:12.440 I'm learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong, 0:00:12.840 --> 0:00:15.840 I feel free, I know who every part of me. 0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:24.000 It's beautiful and then will always out way if you 0:00:24.079 --> 0:00:26.720 feel it with your hands in the air. She's some 0:00:26.840 --> 0:00:29.320 love to the mood. I am there. Let's say good 0:00:29.560 --> 0:00:36.000 day and did you and die out Hey outweigh fam 0:00:36.080 --> 0:00:39.400 Amy and Lisa here and we have a treat for you. 0:00:39.960 --> 0:00:43.239 It's just me and Lisa today. So it's been a 0:00:43.240 --> 0:00:46.960 while since we've done just an episode Me and Lisa 0:00:47.400 --> 0:00:50.800 the o g Outweigh Girls. We love having guests on, 0:00:51.080 --> 0:00:53.520 but we also love just talking about things in our 0:00:53.560 --> 0:00:56.160 life that are going on. And in case she didn't know, 0:00:56.320 --> 0:00:58.560 or maybe you do know, or you missed it somehow, 0:00:58.600 --> 0:01:03.880 but Lisa is with child, she's pregnant, and so we're 0:01:03.920 --> 0:01:08.559 dedicating this episode into what Lisa has been experiencing and 0:01:08.680 --> 0:01:11.680 you know, food and body type stuff that comes along 0:01:12.040 --> 0:01:15.520 with being pregnant. So hey, Lisa, good to see your face. 0:01:15.640 --> 0:01:18.399 So good to see your face, and will of course 0:01:18.560 --> 0:01:21.559 just want to make mention that you know as I've 0:01:21.640 --> 0:01:25.360 been pregnant and spent more time following different types of people, 0:01:25.480 --> 0:01:29.360 and we've also become increasingly sensitive to the women out 0:01:29.360 --> 0:01:33.440 there that are trying to conceive and having difficulty. So 0:01:33.560 --> 0:01:36.800 if for whatever reason, this episode isn't for you right now, 0:01:37.319 --> 0:01:40.839 we totally want you to respect what's healthy for you 0:01:41.080 --> 0:01:43.920 as we dive into this conversation. We don't want anybody 0:01:43.959 --> 0:01:48.360 to feel excluded or made to feel badly as we 0:01:48.480 --> 0:01:51.040 talk about this topic. And or it might be something 0:01:51.080 --> 0:01:53.520 if you feel like you can listen to it that 0:01:53.680 --> 0:01:56.280 you'll have in your back pocket. With some of the 0:01:56.360 --> 0:01:59.480 things that are being shared, you can lean into them 0:01:59.560 --> 0:02:01.720 later if they come up for you. Or I'll be 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:04.400 sharing some stuff from my side of things, where I 0:02:04.440 --> 0:02:07.080 spent many years trying to get pregnant and was never 0:02:07.120 --> 0:02:10.359 able to, but I still had certain things pop into 0:02:10.400 --> 0:02:12.960 my head about what would happen to my body when 0:02:12.960 --> 0:02:14.799 I do get pregnant, and what am I going to 0:02:14.919 --> 0:02:18.000 do to make sure that I stayed this size, or 0:02:18.320 --> 0:02:20.800 like I already had a plan and I wasn't even pregnant, 0:02:21.040 --> 0:02:24.480 or I feared certain fertility treatments that may cause me 0:02:24.560 --> 0:02:27.080 to gain weight, and just kind of the thoughts that 0:02:27.120 --> 0:02:30.480 were popping into my head that weren't necessarily where I 0:02:30.560 --> 0:02:32.880 wanted my head space to be. Yeah, So I think 0:02:32.880 --> 0:02:36.519 this episode will just really talk about the unspoken conversations 0:02:36.800 --> 0:02:41.440 and fears and thoughts that women are truly having before 0:02:41.480 --> 0:02:44.040 they get pregnant, as they're trying to get pregnant, during 0:02:44.080 --> 0:02:48.200 fertility treatment, and once they are pregnant. Well, I'm sure 0:02:48.200 --> 0:02:51.040 we'll have a follow up to this postpartum. I've seen 0:02:51.120 --> 0:02:55.160 so many incredible conversations about postpartum and the journey and 0:02:55.600 --> 0:02:59.440 the fourth trimester as they call it, and I'm really 0:02:59.440 --> 0:03:02.679 glad these conversations are happening because that's kind of where 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:04.840 you stop caring about the woman. It becomes all about 0:03:04.880 --> 0:03:07.600 the baby. But we need to make sure that we're 0:03:07.600 --> 0:03:11.120 taking care of ourselves and not allowing a lot of 0:03:11.400 --> 0:03:14.720 negative things to become normalized. So that's what we're exposing. 0:03:14.720 --> 0:03:17.280 So let's start with you, Amy, and those fears that 0:03:17.360 --> 0:03:21.519 you had around maybe fertility treatment or getting pregnant or both. Oh, 0:03:21.600 --> 0:03:23.600 I feel like anytime I was at the doctor and 0:03:23.639 --> 0:03:26.080 they were talking to me about what we could do 0:03:26.400 --> 0:03:29.919 to increase my chances of getting pregnant, the first question 0:03:29.919 --> 0:03:31.560 out of my mouth was is it going to make 0:03:31.560 --> 0:03:33.799 me gain weight? I mean, it's like all I cared 0:03:33.840 --> 0:03:36.280 about when I was trying to figure out a way 0:03:36.760 --> 0:03:41.080 to you know, create life and carry it in my 0:03:41.160 --> 0:03:45.240 stomach and then you know, grow our family. But yet 0:03:45.280 --> 0:03:48.080 the first question I was asking, and maybe that wasn't 0:03:48.120 --> 0:03:49.640 like the first thing I was saying out loud to 0:03:49.680 --> 0:03:51.800 the doctor, but it was certainly the first question that 0:03:51.840 --> 0:03:55.040 I had in my head. I'm sure I was disguising 0:03:55.320 --> 0:03:58.920 my disordered thoughts for sure by throwing in some sort 0:03:58.920 --> 0:04:01.360 of question that made me sound like a concerned mom 0:04:02.320 --> 0:04:05.000 or a concerned person for my body. But then really 0:04:05.400 --> 0:04:08.160 at the forefront of my mind was you know, you 0:04:08.480 --> 0:04:11.320 hear these stories of oh, I've taken these shots and 0:04:11.400 --> 0:04:14.680 I'm taking these pills and it's caused some hormonal changes 0:04:14.720 --> 0:04:18.040 and I'm gaining weight, and so naturally that caused a 0:04:18.160 --> 0:04:20.599 fear in me of like, oh, I don't know if 0:04:20.600 --> 0:04:22.760 I'm gonna be able to do that now. Ultimately, we 0:04:22.839 --> 0:04:27.640 decided pursuing fertility treatments beyond cloond, which is basically a 0:04:27.640 --> 0:04:30.440 pill you can take that makes your eggs more attractive. 0:04:30.680 --> 0:04:33.480 In Layman's terms, but we didn't take it any further 0:04:33.600 --> 0:04:37.320 because we decided to pursue adoption and that wasn't because 0:04:37.360 --> 0:04:40.479 of body stuff. It just more was the decision that 0:04:40.520 --> 0:04:42.320 was going to be best for our family when we 0:04:42.360 --> 0:04:44.240 looked at how much we were going to spend on 0:04:44.279 --> 0:04:47.320 fertility and then what adoption looks like. And we did 0:04:47.360 --> 0:04:50.320 have an interest in older children, and not everybody has 0:04:50.440 --> 0:04:52.920 that laid on their heart, and we thought, well, if 0:04:52.920 --> 0:04:54.919 we have that on our heart, then yeah, maybe we 0:04:54.960 --> 0:04:58.320 don't need a newborn baby. We can take an older 0:04:58.400 --> 0:05:00.839 children that need a home. Well, we did go the 0:05:01.040 --> 0:05:03.960 domestic adoption route just to clarify we were going to 0:05:04.040 --> 0:05:07.280 adopt a newborn domestic baby, but we were still trying 0:05:07.320 --> 0:05:09.280 to get pregnant at the same time. And then we 0:05:09.360 --> 0:05:13.320 just shifted gears completely. Two older children from Haiti and 0:05:13.360 --> 0:05:16.520 now we're parents of two amazing children. And when they 0:05:16.520 --> 0:05:19.239 got to America they were seven and ten, and yeah, 0:05:19.400 --> 0:05:22.599 I was now a mother of two and they didn't 0:05:22.640 --> 0:05:25.359 care about my weight one bit. But you had to 0:05:25.440 --> 0:05:30.520 do rapid get your mom stuff together, to learn how 0:05:30.560 --> 0:05:33.800 to best show up to almost teenagers to set a 0:05:33.800 --> 0:05:37.520 positive example. You know, you're not just doing breastfeeding or formula, 0:05:37.640 --> 0:05:41.080 you had to really like fix or begin to heal 0:05:41.120 --> 0:05:45.000 your own relationship a lot more rapidly because of their age. 0:05:45.200 --> 0:05:47.400 I think that they were a huge reason why I 0:05:47.440 --> 0:05:51.240 did finally get on board, because I had been suffering 0:05:51.320 --> 0:05:56.240 from eating disorder and disordered eating habits for years, years, 0:05:56.279 --> 0:05:58.240 and I had tried all kinds of things. But it's 0:05:58.279 --> 0:06:01.080 almost like I had to have the right people in 0:06:01.120 --> 0:06:03.760 my life at the right time, and then the commitment 0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:06.800 and the determination to really put in the work. But 0:06:06.920 --> 0:06:09.080 I feel like, well, Lisa, you were one of the 0:06:09.160 --> 0:06:11.000 right people at the right time, But I feel like 0:06:11.000 --> 0:06:13.240 Stevenson and Stashier were the right people at the right 0:06:13.240 --> 0:06:16.600 time too, because now I had this responsibility and I 0:06:16.600 --> 0:06:21.960 could clearly see myself passing my disordered behaviors onto them, 0:06:22.400 --> 0:06:25.280 and so I am thankful that I started to get 0:06:25.320 --> 0:06:28.640 true healing a year into having them, so that I 0:06:28.680 --> 0:06:32.159 didn't project more onto them. And my daughter she's old 0:06:32.240 --> 0:06:34.600 enough to see the change. Like she was ten when 0:06:34.640 --> 0:06:37.279 she got here, she's fourteen now, and she she knows 0:06:37.440 --> 0:06:39.960 the how I was with food when she arrived, and 0:06:40.000 --> 0:06:42.000 she knows how I am now, and trust me, she 0:06:42.160 --> 0:06:46.400 much prefers the way I am now. They were motivation 0:06:46.640 --> 0:06:49.839 to mature in this area and grow and try to 0:06:49.880 --> 0:06:54.359 be better, and fertility for me was relatively easy, and 0:06:54.560 --> 0:06:56.400 I had no idea what that was that journey was 0:06:56.440 --> 0:06:59.800 going to look like. However, just going through it a 0:06:59.839 --> 0:07:03.840 little bit allowed me to understand how stressful it is 0:07:03.920 --> 0:07:06.520 when you have that one shot per month, which is 0:07:06.600 --> 0:07:09.840 twelve times per year, and each time you're not getting pregnant. 0:07:09.920 --> 0:07:13.480 The stress that begins to accumulate of is this working? 0:07:13.560 --> 0:07:16.400 Is it me? Is it him? Is it us? Is it? What? 0:07:16.640 --> 0:07:19.320 Is it? And then throw in okay, we have a 0:07:19.360 --> 0:07:23.440 fertility treatment option, but it's going to involve hormones and 0:07:23.520 --> 0:07:26.640 body changes. I just want everybody listening who's possibly in 0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:29.080 that camp, who's having those same thoughts that you had 0:07:29.120 --> 0:07:32.320 Amy is to recognize that you're not alone having those feelings, 0:07:32.320 --> 0:07:35.680 and you're not a bad woman or one soon to 0:07:35.760 --> 0:07:40.120 be one day mom or anything for really struggling with 0:07:40.240 --> 0:07:43.960 will this change my body? And am I okay with that? 0:07:44.400 --> 0:07:46.560 And it still doesn't come with the guarantee Even if 0:07:46.560 --> 0:07:49.200 you're taking the shots and your body is changing and 0:07:49.240 --> 0:07:51.560 you're doing all the right things that you are going 0:07:51.600 --> 0:07:54.119 to get the outcome. So I feel like that could 0:07:54.120 --> 0:07:57.880 just be really unsettling for a lot of women to say, Okay, well, 0:07:57.960 --> 0:08:02.400 is this worth it for me without that guarantee even yeah, 0:08:02.680 --> 0:08:06.320 I think some women may struggle with the fertility part, 0:08:06.360 --> 0:08:09.640 but is it worth even Maybe you'll get pregnant easily. 0:08:09.720 --> 0:08:12.800 Maybe they're not even having to entertain fertility treatments. Maybe 0:08:12.800 --> 0:08:16.480 it's just the thought of literally getting pregnant because am 0:08:16.520 --> 0:08:21.120 I willing to change my body to give life? And 0:08:21.200 --> 0:08:24.880 you know, I think that this this conversation for me 0:08:25.320 --> 0:08:28.600 is a little bit interesting, and I want to have 0:08:28.640 --> 0:08:32.440 somebody on who is struggling through pregnancy honestly or has 0:08:32.480 --> 0:08:36.720 struggled through pregnancy with body image. I think that I'm 0:08:36.720 --> 0:08:41.800 having a really enjoyable pregnancy at this point because I 0:08:41.840 --> 0:08:44.800 did a lot of that self work where I really 0:08:45.040 --> 0:08:49.000 unidentified from my body. Number one, meaning my worth doesn't 0:08:49.000 --> 0:08:52.839 come from my body. Therefore I find change exciting. And 0:08:53.280 --> 0:08:56.440 Part two, which is really important to acknowledge, is my 0:08:56.480 --> 0:09:01.080 own thin privilege in this pregnancy, which is a very 0:09:01.120 --> 0:09:05.920 different experience from conversations that I've had with many many 0:09:06.000 --> 0:09:11.320 people who either started at an overweight weight or gained 0:09:11.320 --> 0:09:15.240 weight rapidly during their pregnancy. So for me, all the 0:09:15.280 --> 0:09:20.520 conversations around going to the doctor and outside strangers have 0:09:20.720 --> 0:09:24.520 been positive, and there's something to say about that as well. 0:09:24.920 --> 0:09:28.120 But it's really important to recognize that a lot of 0:09:28.120 --> 0:09:30.240 women are going to the doctor and their doctors are 0:09:30.240 --> 0:09:33.040 cautioning them to not gain too much weight or to 0:09:33.160 --> 0:09:36.760 slow down the waking, and those aren't really conversations that 0:09:36.840 --> 0:09:40.360 are helping the mother really returned to her highest power 0:09:40.520 --> 0:09:42.920 and her deep knowing of what she needs and when 0:09:43.000 --> 0:09:45.800 she needs it. So for anybody out there that is 0:09:45.880 --> 0:09:48.680 having a negative experience, I just want to let you 0:09:48.720 --> 0:09:51.760 know that you're seen, and even if your doctor is 0:09:51.800 --> 0:09:54.480 having these weight conversations with you which are making you 0:09:54.520 --> 0:09:57.200 feel really shameful, I hope that you can take a 0:09:57.240 --> 0:10:00.600 second to recognize that as the mother, you know what 0:10:00.800 --> 0:10:04.920 your body needs and no one knows how much that is. 0:10:05.320 --> 0:10:08.400 And there's no perfect weight gain formula. Yes we have 0:10:08.440 --> 0:10:11.040 recommendations of what we should gain per week or whatever, 0:10:11.440 --> 0:10:14.439 but you've got to trust that your body and your 0:10:14.480 --> 0:10:19.520 signs are working for you and really try hard to 0:10:20.040 --> 0:10:22.080 And I know it's hard. You shouldn't have to try hard, 0:10:22.360 --> 0:10:25.839 but to know that you're doing something freaking amazing, and 0:10:26.040 --> 0:10:30.120 any moment that's being robbed from you because of either 0:10:30.240 --> 0:10:35.040 outside comments or inside comments is stolen time away from 0:10:35.080 --> 0:10:37.000 what I have found to be a really powerful way 0:10:37.040 --> 0:10:40.680 to connect to a really deep sense of knowing and 0:10:41.040 --> 0:10:43.800 female power. And so I know you're talking about what 0:10:43.960 --> 0:10:46.480 people might hear from their doctors, but I think we 0:10:46.480 --> 0:10:50.000 should tie in what people hear from just either coworkers, 0:10:50.040 --> 0:10:53.520 other people, family members. I feel like we could carry over, 0:10:53.600 --> 0:10:55.240 you know how we try to encourage people not to 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:58.640 just comment on people's bodies. Well, that includes pregnant women, 0:10:58.880 --> 0:11:02.319 because I think you can find other things to say 0:11:02.360 --> 0:11:04.840 to them if you want to acknowledge where they are. 0:11:04.960 --> 0:11:08.080 But I think sometimes it can be like WHOA, when 0:11:08.080 --> 0:11:11.840 are you do or you're huge? Or you having twins 0:11:12.520 --> 0:11:15.680 or I mean, I don't know, insert whatever comment it 0:11:15.720 --> 0:11:18.080 could be. And really the person doesn't mean any harm, 0:11:18.120 --> 0:11:20.880 because clearly you know you're pregnant, and you may know 0:11:20.960 --> 0:11:23.920 that your belly is wherever wherever it is sticking. But 0:11:24.000 --> 0:11:27.120 I mean, people just have comments, and I think that 0:11:27.160 --> 0:11:31.560 we need to start eliminating those from our hundred and 0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:35.360 ten percent. And I remember the first time somebody said 0:11:35.400 --> 0:11:38.120 to me, oh, are you pregnant? And even though it 0:11:38.160 --> 0:11:40.760 came with some sense of excitement for me, it was 0:11:40.840 --> 0:11:47.200 also a little bit surprising because I haven't had somebody 0:11:47.400 --> 0:11:52.000 comment on my body so bravely in years. It used 0:11:52.040 --> 0:11:53.920 to happen a lot to me when I was really 0:11:53.960 --> 0:11:56.760 disordered and I was super hyper focused on fitness, and 0:11:56.880 --> 0:11:58.680 you know, it's really proud of my muscles and my 0:11:58.760 --> 0:12:01.440 definition and all these things. People would say, Wow, you're 0:12:01.480 --> 0:12:05.880 so fit, and that really was quote unquote validating to 0:12:05.920 --> 0:12:08.280 me that I was on the right track of those things. 0:12:08.320 --> 0:12:10.360 You know, since then, so much has changed where I 0:12:10.400 --> 0:12:15.040 really don't get validation from body comments, and I've worked 0:12:15.080 --> 0:12:18.480 hard to disassemble that. But when anybody commenting on my body, 0:12:18.840 --> 0:12:22.480 positive or negative, it just takes me a second. And 0:12:23.040 --> 0:12:25.760 I've had to I wouldn't say learned, because I haven't 0:12:25.800 --> 0:12:28.520 quite figured it out yet, but I haven't figured out 0:12:28.559 --> 0:12:33.600 the best response to people commenting on my own personal body. 0:12:33.720 --> 0:12:36.400 So even just hearing somebody say oh, when are you 0:12:36.440 --> 0:12:39.280 do was just like, oh, okay, Like you're looking at 0:12:39.360 --> 0:12:42.040 my body in a way that is I don't know, 0:12:42.200 --> 0:12:44.280 like you're just you're looking at my body and you've 0:12:44.320 --> 0:12:46.520 taken information and you know something about me that I 0:12:46.520 --> 0:12:49.080 haven't told you, like I don't I don't know how 0:12:49.120 --> 0:12:51.480 to like explain it. And it was very very early on, 0:12:51.640 --> 0:12:54.640 but it was kind of just like, Okay, this this 0:12:54.720 --> 0:12:58.600 is interesting. How is this making me feel? What do 0:12:58.679 --> 0:13:01.200 I want to take away from that? And Evan and 0:13:01.240 --> 0:13:03.520 I my husband. I remember I saw my brother and 0:13:03.520 --> 0:13:05.680 my brother said, wow, you know, you look really pregnant, 0:13:05.720 --> 0:13:08.240 and Evan I left his house and I said, it's 0:13:08.280 --> 0:13:11.000 just so weird to have my brother comment on my body. 0:13:11.280 --> 0:13:13.600 And I know that it's to nothing sentence, it has 0:13:13.640 --> 0:13:16.280 no meaning to it, but it's still for me is like, 0:13:16.400 --> 0:13:20.079 can we just say nothing? Can we just say you 0:13:20.120 --> 0:13:22.920 look radiant? You know, how do you feel? Can we 0:13:22.960 --> 0:13:26.080 actually turn it into a question maybe so that we 0:13:26.120 --> 0:13:29.679 aren't just projecting you look glowing even on somebody might 0:13:29.720 --> 0:13:32.120 not feel so good when they feel like they're going 0:13:32.160 --> 0:13:33.880 to throw up or they feel like they're having a 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:36.160 bad body image day. So I think feel like the 0:13:36.200 --> 0:13:38.360 best tip we can kind of give here, even just 0:13:38.400 --> 0:13:41.920 to like not say anything, would just be bring curiosity 0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:45.280 into it, but not with the assumption by the way 0:13:45.280 --> 0:13:47.920 that somebody is pregnant, because there are many times that 0:13:48.000 --> 0:13:51.400 somebody says, when are you expecting and somebody's not. I 0:13:51.600 --> 0:13:54.480 never want to put myself in that situation. So, yeah, 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:57.480 I'm just eliminating that from I don't think I would 0:13:57.480 --> 0:14:00.000 ever just randomly ask somebody that. But you know what's happened, 0:14:00.000 --> 0:14:02.960 and you probably know someone that's happened too. It's just 0:14:03.080 --> 0:14:05.800 not cool. But but even if you're enquiring if they're 0:14:05.800 --> 0:14:08.440 pregnant or not, maybe you full on know that they 0:14:08.480 --> 0:14:11.400 are pregnant, but you're making a comment on their size 0:14:11.520 --> 0:14:14.280 or the size of their belly or whatever. I just 0:14:14.320 --> 0:14:16.440 want to make sure that we put that under the 0:14:16.559 --> 0:14:19.480 umbrella of like that is still commenting on someone's body, 0:14:19.520 --> 0:14:22.480 even though it's very aware, you're very aware, or they're 0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:25.360 very aware that yes, they look very pregnant. They don't 0:14:25.400 --> 0:14:28.800 need you to remind them. Yeah, And whether that's are 0:14:28.840 --> 0:14:33.080 you carrying twins or um, you're right, or are you 0:14:33.120 --> 0:14:36.880 carrying you're carrying high, you're carrying low. I mean, there's 0:14:36.920 --> 0:14:40.960 all these things that personally have made me feel uncomfortable 0:14:41.080 --> 0:14:45.800 for really no reason other than stop it, Like just 0:14:45.800 --> 0:14:48.600 just stop it, Like I don't need your assessment of 0:14:48.720 --> 0:14:53.040 how I'm carrying. You know, maybe this this has nothing 0:14:53.080 --> 0:14:56.560 to do with weight but gender, where you may say 0:14:56.600 --> 0:14:59.840 to someone, oh, you're carrying low, it must be a boy, 0:15:00.160 --> 0:15:02.080 or you're doing caring this way, you're going to have 0:15:02.120 --> 0:15:04.840 a girl, when really you don't know at all. You 0:15:04.880 --> 0:15:07.480 have no clue, and you don't know what someone else 0:15:07.560 --> 0:15:10.400 might be processing when they hear that. What if they 0:15:10.840 --> 0:15:14.480 really are hoping for a girl and now you've brought 0:15:14.600 --> 0:15:16.520 up that it's a boy, and you don't know the 0:15:16.680 --> 0:15:18.280 reason for wanting it to be a girl. And I'm 0:15:18.280 --> 0:15:20.240 sure they're going to love their child no matter what, 0:15:20.360 --> 0:15:22.560 but you don't know their whole story. For the sake 0:15:22.560 --> 0:15:24.480 of this, I could just make something up where it's 0:15:24.560 --> 0:15:26.960 like maybe they had lost a child before that was 0:15:27.000 --> 0:15:29.760 a girl and they really want another little girl, or 0:15:30.000 --> 0:15:33.120 they already have five boys and they're really hoping for 0:15:33.160 --> 0:15:36.320 a little girl. Like you never know someone's whole story. 0:15:36.400 --> 0:15:38.400 And the one thing that I wish I knew about 0:15:38.400 --> 0:15:42.560 pregnancy before, honestly, Amy, is that I thought, once you're pregnant, 0:15:42.840 --> 0:15:45.640 like you're golden, like all my friends who have been 0:15:45.640 --> 0:15:47.600 pregnant before. I thought it was you know, after you 0:15:47.640 --> 0:15:50.360 make your way out of the first trimester, you're having 0:15:50.360 --> 0:15:53.040 a baby period, like your life is going to change. 0:15:53.480 --> 0:15:57.040 And for the mother, I assume that that comes with 0:15:57.240 --> 0:16:01.320 excitement and assurance and really just only looking into the 0:16:01.360 --> 0:16:05.560 future positively. But really, from the second you are possibly pregnant, 0:16:05.560 --> 0:16:07.760 that you pe on that stick, from the second you 0:16:07.840 --> 0:16:10.520 p on that stick and it says positive, you are 0:16:10.560 --> 0:16:14.880 filled with anxiety, doubt, fear, there's a high chance of miscarrying, 0:16:15.600 --> 0:16:18.240 maybe you've miscarried in the past, and there's not one 0:16:18.320 --> 0:16:23.000 moment in pregnancy where you feel secure that the baby safe. 0:16:23.280 --> 0:16:27.120 And it's a really strange thing because I just again 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:29.880 thought that it's just like you're pregnant or you're not, 0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:33.120 not that you're always carrying this fear that something could 0:16:33.560 --> 0:16:36.720 happen to the baby along the way. And again I 0:16:36.760 --> 0:16:39.200 think that that's something that we don't realize, that moms 0:16:39.200 --> 0:16:42.040 are soon to be moms. I don't call myself a 0:16:42.040 --> 0:16:45.360 mom um. I know some people do, but that expecting moms, 0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:48.920 we don't realize all the anxiety that they are carrying 0:16:49.000 --> 0:16:52.320 and the burden that enters their mind every single day 0:16:52.400 --> 0:16:55.240 of is this going to be real? And I don't 0:16:55.280 --> 0:16:57.800 know for me personally, Like I just thought once you're pregnant, 0:16:57.840 --> 0:17:00.000 you're good, and then you know, you're just kind of 0:17:00.200 --> 0:17:05.640 happy and pregnancy, but there's so much mentally that happens. 0:17:06.080 --> 0:17:08.560 Another topic I wanted to bring up is the touching 0:17:08.640 --> 0:17:12.080 of bellies without permission. I'm an offender, so I want 0:17:12.080 --> 0:17:13.840 to first admit that the first thing I would do. 0:17:14.000 --> 0:17:17.160 I think pregnant bellies are beautiful. I always have And 0:17:17.200 --> 0:17:18.800 the first thing I've always done when I see a 0:17:18.840 --> 0:17:20.560 pregnant woman is like, oh, can I touch it? I 0:17:20.600 --> 0:17:22.679 don't even know why. I'm not even a baby person. 0:17:22.760 --> 0:17:24.639 So we'll see how that goes. When to have my baby. 0:17:24.680 --> 0:17:25.960 By the way, I don't know if you want to 0:17:26.000 --> 0:17:29.560 come over in babysit amy um, if you're good with babies, 0:17:29.640 --> 0:17:33.399 maybe okay, I'm like not good with babies at all. 0:17:33.440 --> 0:17:36.200 I'm hoping this baby comes out like at three years 0:17:36.200 --> 0:17:37.679 old and just knows how to walk and talk and 0:17:37.720 --> 0:17:39.520 take care of itself. But I was, I was an 0:17:39.560 --> 0:17:42.600 offender of that, and now that it's my body, I 0:17:42.640 --> 0:17:46.240 will say that I don't mind people touching my belly 0:17:46.280 --> 0:17:48.960 the way I thought that I would, because before pregnancy 0:17:49.000 --> 0:17:51.040 that's always like my safe place, Like that's a very 0:17:51.080 --> 0:17:54.400 protected area, you know, even with a significant other. It's 0:17:54.440 --> 0:17:56.320 just I think for a lot of women that belly 0:17:56.400 --> 0:18:00.480 carries a lot of tension, anxiety history. I will say 0:18:00.480 --> 0:18:04.360 when people do touch my belly, personally, I don't mind it. However, 0:18:04.840 --> 0:18:09.680 I think that we should un normalize touching people's bellies 0:18:09.720 --> 0:18:13.040 because we don't know how each woman feels the trauma 0:18:13.080 --> 0:18:16.360 that they've experienced. It's a very difficult thing to say 0:18:16.400 --> 0:18:20.440 please don't touch me, or know if somebody asks, even 0:18:20.480 --> 0:18:23.439 if it's a family member. So the one thing that 0:18:23.480 --> 0:18:27.040 I've really not liked about pregnancy is that I feel 0:18:27.040 --> 0:18:31.080 like other people lost respect over my autonomy, that this 0:18:31.160 --> 0:18:35.480 is still my body, my choices, my physical being, And 0:18:35.520 --> 0:18:38.040 in order to restore that, we really need to recognize 0:18:38.040 --> 0:18:42.960 that the pregnant person is not just carrying the baby. 0:18:43.000 --> 0:18:46.320 They're still an individual. And I feel like that has 0:18:46.359 --> 0:18:49.119 been lost And that was a really big struggle for 0:18:49.160 --> 0:18:51.960 me and continues to be a big struggle as I 0:18:52.000 --> 0:18:57.840 get unsolicited advice as every pregnant woman seems to get. Yeah, 0:18:58.359 --> 0:19:01.280 once you're pregnant, you open your self of for everybody 0:19:01.320 --> 0:19:05.040 telling you all the things. For sure. There's someone that 0:19:05.119 --> 0:19:08.320 you encouraged me to follow a while back, and it's 0:19:08.560 --> 0:19:12.960 Sarah that at the Bird's Papaya. And just in case 0:19:13.000 --> 0:19:16.800 people aren't following her, she just went through the whole 0:19:16.880 --> 0:19:20.680 journey of being pregnant, giving birth and now she's on 0:19:20.720 --> 0:19:23.600 the other side of that, and she's a very open 0:19:23.680 --> 0:19:26.639 book and sharing a lot of her experience and things 0:19:26.640 --> 0:19:28.240 she's been through. So I'm just going to throw that 0:19:28.280 --> 0:19:31.320 out as an account to follow on Instagram if you're 0:19:31.359 --> 0:19:34.200 ever looking for, you know, people that are in your 0:19:34.520 --> 0:19:37.239 a similar space as you are right now. And then 0:19:37.280 --> 0:19:40.439 obviously Lisa is still on her journey She's not on 0:19:40.520 --> 0:19:43.359 the other side of it yet. She hasn't given birth yet, 0:19:43.400 --> 0:19:46.000 but you can follow Lisa to which is just at 0:19:46.040 --> 0:19:48.879 Lisa Hame and Sarah the Bird Papaya. I think has 0:19:48.920 --> 0:19:52.320 been such a great example of she she still doesn't 0:19:52.359 --> 0:19:55.960 call herself plus sized, I don't believe, but she is 0:19:55.960 --> 0:19:59.160 a much more real example of a woman going through pregnancy. 0:19:59.200 --> 0:20:02.960 This is her third, her fourth pregnancy, and I too, 0:20:03.000 --> 0:20:06.439 have really taken to heart what she said about people 0:20:06.480 --> 0:20:10.960 really applauding once you're pregnant and your bellies round and beautiful, 0:20:11.119 --> 0:20:14.520 and then how that applaud really dies down in the 0:20:14.560 --> 0:20:17.720 fourth trimester postpartum when it's like, when are you going 0:20:17.800 --> 0:20:20.280 to lose that weight? And I would love to have 0:20:20.560 --> 0:20:24.360 someone on to really discuss that challenge that I think 0:20:24.480 --> 0:20:27.600 a lot of women feel alone with. Yeah, which Bird's 0:20:27.640 --> 0:20:32.040 Papaya would be goals. So if anybody else listening, I 0:20:32.080 --> 0:20:35.480 did reach out to her before the baby, and she 0:20:35.560 --> 0:20:37.919 was getting ready for the baby, and I haven't followed 0:20:38.000 --> 0:20:41.280 up since then, so maybe we could circle back with that. Yeah, 0:20:41.280 --> 0:20:43.000 it would be awesome to have her on. And then 0:20:43.160 --> 0:20:47.080 speaking about people on Instagram and being moms, I saw 0:20:47.359 --> 0:20:49.520 jen Hatmaker put up this post. Some of you may 0:20:49.600 --> 0:20:51.920 or may not know who she is, but the Bird's 0:20:51.880 --> 0:20:54.520 Papaya had commented on it, which is why I saw it. 0:20:54.600 --> 0:20:58.320 But I wanted to read what was put up, but 0:20:58.400 --> 0:21:01.680 then also talk about the conversation that was happening in 0:21:01.720 --> 0:21:05.720 the comments, which allowed Jennifer to go back and add something. 0:21:06.119 --> 0:21:08.560 So she had posted, I do not want to see 0:21:08.560 --> 0:21:11.240 a hundred and five pound model in a swimsuit ad 0:21:11.240 --> 0:21:14.800 to market. To me, nobody looks like that in a swimsuit. 0:21:15.119 --> 0:21:19.119 Normal bodies in ads forty six year olds with five 0:21:19.280 --> 0:21:23.119 kids normal, And then a lot of people landed in 0:21:23.160 --> 0:21:26.199 the comments of like, wait, but what's normal? I have 0:21:26.359 --> 0:21:28.720 kids and I'm a hundred pounds, so now I'm not 0:21:28.800 --> 0:21:32.200 acceptable and I'm not normal. And so then Jen went 0:21:32.240 --> 0:21:36.600 into her caption and said, adding to my naturally skinny friends, 0:21:36.680 --> 0:21:39.480 that is your body, your home. It is wonderful and 0:21:39.560 --> 0:21:42.680