Speaker 1: This is Suckers. I'm Kilan Bell, I'm Dean Bell, and
Speaker 1: I'm Jared habn At iHeartRadio podcast. Hey there, everybody, Welcome
Speaker 1: to an whole new episode of Suckers by Jared. Maybe
Speaker 1: that's what we should call this segment, Suckers by Jared Sucker. Jared,
Speaker 1: if you're listening to this, thank you so much. You're
Speaker 1: only going to listen to my voice, which is quite
Speaker 1: annoying for everybody. I don't know why you listen to this,
Speaker 1: but I really do appreciate it. Also, thank you for
Speaker 1: everybody who listens to the podcast Suckers. After our rebrand,
Speaker 1: of course, we'll be having a brand new episode this week.
Speaker 1: Dean and Kaylin will be back from their excursion. Ashley
Speaker 1: and I just got back from Disney, which was a
Speaker 1: lot of fun, a little stressful. I think, you know
Speaker 1: my sister and my brother in law. You know, you
Speaker 1: bring in a two year old to Disney's a lot.
Speaker 1: I don't mind it because I just love Disney so
Speaker 1: much that I'm just willing to put up with the
Speaker 1: crying and the fussiness because I know deep down they're
Speaker 1: having fun. They might not show it, but I know,
Speaker 1: I know they're having fun. It was a great time.
Speaker 1: The hotel is beautiful. We stayed at the four Seasons.
Speaker 1: It was incredible. It was so nice in proximity to
Speaker 1: the parks. They had shuttles and they were only like
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes away, which is great. We did Magic Kingdom
Speaker 1: Hollywood Studios in Epcot. We didn't do Animal Kingdom. We
Speaker 1: didn't have time, and we didn't do Universal, which was
Speaker 1: really sad. But Universe was more of, you know, an
Speaker 1: adult park. So Ashley and I were talking about that,
Speaker 1: how we want to go back one day when you know,
Speaker 1: we could do all the rides and Dawson's a little
Speaker 1: bit older. Bringing a kid to Disney, yeah, it's a lot.
Speaker 1: If you're not a huge Disney fan, I suggest don't
Speaker 1: go until your kids are older and they able to
Speaker 1: do a lot of the rides, because Dawson couldn't do
Speaker 1: a lot and he's also just a very fussy kid
Speaker 1: in general. So we were strolling him around and he's
Speaker 1: just that kid who's like trying to throw himself out
Speaker 1: of the stroller or you know, crying for no reason,
Speaker 1: which makes me feel like a bad parent because people
Speaker 1: are like, oh, he obviously doesn't want to do this ride,
Speaker 1: and it's like no, it's like we know, once he's
Speaker 1: flying or you know the ride is moving, he's going
Speaker 1: to love it. It's just him getting through that stage.
Speaker 1: So once again, yeah, if your kids aren't old enough,
Speaker 1: I would probably say just wait. But I just love Disney.
Speaker 1: I want to go. I want to go back right now. Honestly,
Speaker 1: I even as stressful as it was, it was awesome.
Speaker 1: And the one thing that I wish I did do
Speaker 1: And this is a suggestion for everybody, and most people
Speaker 1: do this, so you're probably already aware. And something I
Speaker 1: knew we should have done but we didn't, which was
Speaker 1: take a break from the parks, have a day where
Speaker 1: we just chill out at the resort and take advantage
Speaker 1: of all the amenities that they have. Hang by the pool,
Speaker 1: even though it wasn't that cool, like the pools heated.
Speaker 1: Excuse me, even though it wasn't that warm, it was cool.
Speaker 1: I was like in the fifties and sixties. Mostly you know,
Speaker 1: the pool is heated, they have a hot tub. You
Speaker 1: can really enjoy that aspect of it. So I wish
Speaker 1: we really had more time to do that. So if
Speaker 1: you're planning at Disney Trip. My biggest suggestion is to
Speaker 1: make sure you take a little break from the parks
Speaker 1: because they can be exhausting as much fun as they are.
Speaker 1: But I wanted to talk about in this episode of Yeah,
Speaker 1: I would be in a sucker. I wonder, you know
Speaker 1: what's funny. I haven't listened to Dean and Galen's episode yet. Man,
Speaker 1: I'm a bad podcast host. I wonder if they listen
Speaker 1: to this. If they do, you poor souls. You should
Speaker 1: have better things to do than listen to me. Even
Speaker 1: though I really do appreciate you guys listening. It means
Speaker 1: the world to me. I'm being self deprecating because, of course,
Speaker 1: the reason I do this is to hopefully have people
Speaker 1: listen and enjoy this, because if they didn't, then there's
Speaker 1: really no point of me being on a blank talking
Speaker 1: to myself in my wife's glamor room. I really do
Speaker 1: appreciate you guys listening to this podcast and listening to
Speaker 1: Suckers and supporting us in any way that you can.
Speaker 1: It means the world to us, so thank you so much.
Speaker 1: But I wanted to talk about an article that I saw,
Speaker 1: because you know, I'm always looking to be a better dad.
Speaker 1: And so there's this website called Daily Dad, and the
Speaker 1: article said nine ways to be a better father right now.
Speaker 1: So I want to read this article and go over.
Speaker 1: There's nine ways that this article Daily Dad says that
Speaker 1: you can be a better dad. Rate now. One, put
Speaker 1: away your phone when you're with your kids, being present
Speaker 1: when you're with them, and put away anything that has
Speaker 1: to do with work or play, like your cell phone is.
Speaker 1: It's very easy to get sucked into emails and social media,
Speaker 1: but our kids that need our attention. You'll be amazed
Speaker 1: at how incredible it is to simply be present with
Speaker 1: your children and marvel at the fact that they exist. Now,
Speaker 1: I definitely have gotten better with this, specifically as Dawson
Speaker 1: has gotten a little bit older and has developed his
Speaker 1: personality and become more aware and been saying that da
Speaker 1: da dadda. I've been trying to be more in the moment.
Speaker 1: Like a good example was this morning, my alarm went
Speaker 1: off at seven forty five Sunday. Uh, you know, some
Speaker 1: forty five is not that early, but I wanted to
Speaker 1: say it a little bit earlier so I can go
Speaker 1: to the gym, get my day going. And my alarm
Speaker 1: went off and Dawson was in the bed because he
Speaker 1: was a little fussy last night in the crib, so
Speaker 1: put him in the bed with us, and he was
Speaker 1: kind of snuggled up against me and like his little
Speaker 1: fingers on my on my chest. I was like, well,
Speaker 1: this is a moment right here, like I can't, I
Speaker 1: can't get up, and also should I get up? You know?
Speaker 1: Of course I want to go to the gym, get
Speaker 1: my day going. I love getting active in the morning.
Speaker 1: It makes me feel better, it makes me feel like
Speaker 1: I'm being more productive. It really helps me set the day.
Speaker 1: But when I was lying with Dawson, I realized, like,
Speaker 1: how many more opportunities am I going to get to
Speaker 1: cuddle with my kid? Because there's going to come a
Speaker 1: time where he doesn't want to cuddle with me, and
Speaker 1: to be fair, there's going to come a time where
Speaker 1: I don't want to cuddle with him. So I thought
Speaker 1: maybe I should just stay in bed and lie with
Speaker 1: Dawson and kind of just look at him for a
Speaker 1: little while. And that's what I did for about half
Speaker 1: hour or forty five minutes, and it was really nice
Speaker 1: because seeing your kid sleep in their most innocent state
Speaker 1: is just it's really beautiful. It is because I know
Speaker 1: that one day, as all my friends tell me that,
Speaker 1: I'm going to look back at these moments and just
Speaker 1: wish I could relive them. And I know that's going
Speaker 1: to be the case. You know, I love the age
Speaker 1: he is right now, even through all his fussiness, like
Speaker 1: I love his age. He's so much fun in his
Speaker 1: laugh and his little feet and the fact that he
Speaker 1: can't say, you know, speak words yet is adorable. I
Speaker 1: love the gibberish. I speak gibberish with him. I don't
Speaker 1: care if people give me crap for that. And so
Speaker 1: you should talk to your kid looking at you know,
Speaker 1: like an adult, speak to him with words. He's never
Speaker 1: gonna learn. He's going to learn. Okay, let me talk
Speaker 1: gibberish for my kid. It's fun and it's not gonna
Speaker 1: last forever. So I'm doing a trying to do a
Speaker 1: good job of making sure that I'm staying president, putting
Speaker 1: away phones and really just trying to be balanced. You know,
Speaker 1: I was not good at balanced when I first opened Audrey's.
Speaker 1: I was there all the time, My mind was there
Speaker 1: all the time. It was not not it wasn't healthy,
Speaker 1: but more importantly, just The only person I realized that
Speaker 1: was going to be able to make change was me.
Speaker 1: You know, everybody's busy. Everybody has a million things going on,
Speaker 1: and I found that I could if I choose to,
Speaker 1: I could always find something to do. I could always
Speaker 1: be working. So instead, I choose to try to compartmentalize
Speaker 1: and balance my time as much as possible, and I'll
Speaker 1: be getting better at it. Still have a long way
Speaker 1: to go. Just ask my wife number two on how
Speaker 1: to be a better father right now. Set a good
Speaker 1: example for your kids. It's easy to tell your kids
Speaker 1: one thing and then do another, but just remember that
Speaker 1: kids do what we do and not what we say.
Speaker 1: If you want your kids to grow up in a
Speaker 1: well adjusted, responsible and be moral adults, be a good
Speaker 1: person on all fronts, and a father they can look
Speaker 1: up to, well, of course I'm trying to do that.
Speaker 1: I mean I think everybody's trying to do that in
Speaker 1: their own way. We're not perfect by any stretch. Actually,
Speaker 1: I went to a boxing gym the other day and
Speaker 1: Dawson came with us. Ashley and I went. Dawson came
Speaker 1: with us and he watched me fight, and then Ashley
Speaker 1: was like, should he be watching you punch, and I
Speaker 1: was like, honestly, yeah, because you know, fighting is a
Speaker 1: part of life, and I'm going to try to teach
Speaker 1: him that fighting is a sport and also it is
Speaker 1: the last resort in any type of altercation, and you
Speaker 1: should throw the first punch. And these are things that
Speaker 1: I want to teach my son because my dad taught
Speaker 1: me and I think it helped me. And these are
Speaker 1: things that I don't want to shy away from, and
Speaker 1: so I think that's an aspect of trying to set
Speaker 1: a good example for my kids, and like even you know,
Speaker 1: showing him listen, you know, there's there are things in
Speaker 1: life that are a part of being a human, and
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that you always have to act on them,
Speaker 1: no matter how upset you might get at something. That
Speaker 1: doesn't give you the right to hit something or yell
Speaker 1: at someone. So you know, that's what I'm trying to do,
Speaker 1: just set a good example. He's still young, so he
Speaker 1: doesn't really understand a lot of it. But you know,
Speaker 1: I'm getting to the point now where like if he
Speaker 1: you know, slats me in the face even though it
Speaker 1: doesn't really hurt, and he laughs because it's funny. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to not laugh back at him. It's tough though,
Speaker 1: because he's freaking cute when he laughs, even when he's
Speaker 1: hitting me. But I'm trying to teach him like, no,
Speaker 1: we don't do that, gentle, because as much as it
Speaker 1: doesn't really hurt me, like if he slaps Ashley, it's
Speaker 1: gonna hurt her a lot more. So trying to, you know,
Speaker 1: teach him like, no, you can't slap anybody, buddy. I'm
Speaker 1: just giving examples. And he was slapping well before we
Speaker 1: went to the boxing class, so please don't be like, oh,
Speaker 1: well he saw you punched them. He's gonna punch, like dude,
Speaker 1: he's been punching way before he ever saw me throw
Speaker 1: a punch. Number three. Commit to one date a week.
Speaker 1: Your kids will thank you. Make a commitment to go
Speaker 1: on a date once a week. It will take time
Speaker 1: away from your kids. Oh, a date with your A
Speaker 1: date with my wife. I thought, a date with your kids.
Speaker 1: All right, Well here we go. This is different then,
Speaker 1: because I was gonna say we should I should go
Speaker 1: on a date with Dawson every week, like just the
Speaker 1: two of us really spend some bonding time. But okay,
Speaker 1: I guess I can go on a date once a
Speaker 1: week with Ashley. To make a commitment to go on
Speaker 1: a date once a week, it'll time away from your kids,
Speaker 1: but the trade off is worth it when your kids
Speaker 1: know that their parents are a unit. Learn how to
Speaker 1: respect your partner and be a giving man. Do whatever
Speaker 1: you can do to make life easier for your spouse,
Speaker 1: whether that's going to the grocery store after work or
Speaker 1: giving the kids baths so your partner can rest after
Speaker 1: a long day. Yeah, of course, I've been trying to
Speaker 1: do that. Like when we got back from Disney, I
Speaker 1: told Ashley just go to the bedroom for like three
Speaker 1: hours and take a nap and eat some food and
Speaker 1: chill out. And then I took care of Dawson game
Speaker 1: and bat did all that stuff. And I tried to
Speaker 1: do that on a regular basis, but she does a lot.
Speaker 1: I mean, we're just both really busy. We both do
Speaker 1: a lot, you know, for Dawson, and I'm at Audiers
Speaker 1: all the time, and we do a lot for social
Speaker 1: and that's a hard balance to take. What Ashley and
Speaker 1: I really need to do, and I completely agree with
Speaker 1: number three, is to go on a date. The two
Speaker 1: of us because I love Dawson more than anything, but
Speaker 1: I also love Ashley, and I've known Ashley for far
Speaker 1: longer than I've known Dawson, and I think you know
Speaker 1: you have to prioritize being a father, but you also
Speaker 1: have to prioritize being a husband. It's not easy. Number four,
Speaker 1: address the wounds in your past. Only are your children
Speaker 1: suffer for them. Many of us unconsciously rehash the past
Speaker 1: by interacting with our kids in the same way our
Speaker 1: parents dealt with Some of us, some of these interactions
Speaker 1: are positive. Maybe your dad read a particular book to you,
Speaker 1: and that special memory is something you relive every time
Speaker 1: you read your child the same book. But other things
Speaker 1: are not so positive. Many times, in an attempt to
Speaker 1: heal our own inner wounds, we relive these moments with
Speaker 1: our children. Take stock of how you react to your
Speaker 1: kids when they misbehave. Are you using any phrases or
Speaker 1: doing any actions that remind you of something that happened
Speaker 1: when you were a child. You'll be amazed at the
Speaker 1: amount of parental mistakes we unconsciously carry into the next generation. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess I don't know. I had a pretty great upbringing,
Speaker 1: Like it wasn't perfect, but you know, my parents loved me.
Speaker 1: They supported me in so many different ways and were
Speaker 1: always there for me. My dad was at every single game,
Speaker 1: I'm not joking, every single sports game ever play, baseball, soccer, football,
Speaker 1: he was there. And like, as an adult thinking about that,
Speaker 1: how my dad was at every single game I ever played,
Speaker 1: even if I didn't play and I was riding the bench,
Speaker 1: he was there. You know that means more to me
Speaker 1: than words could ever describe. So, you know, I don't
Speaker 1: know if I have to address the wounds, but I'm
Speaker 1: just talking about like things that my dad did to
Speaker 1: me that I'm passing on to Dawson or I hope
Speaker 1: to do for Dawson. That would be one of them,
Speaker 1: Like just just to be there for him, Just to
Speaker 1: be there for him. Number five, don't overshare things with
Speaker 1: your kids. Whoopsies. It's not appropriate to share our adult
Speaker 1: problems with our children and children it's even more inappropriate
Speaker 1: to expect them to help us through them. Realistically, every
Speaker 1: man is going to have problems in life. You may
Speaker 1: have difficulties at work, with your spouse, with your parents,
Speaker 1: or making ends meet. Finding a healthy outlet for that
Speaker 1: stress and talk about with the right people, not your kids.
Speaker 1: If you and your spouse need to have an argument,
Speaker 1: don't argue in front of your kids. Put it off
Speaker 1: until later. Who knows, you may even need to lose
Speaker 1: the arg Excuse me, you may even lose the need
Speaker 1: to argue. Huh, yeah, of course, I mean Ashley and I.
Speaker 1: You know, he's kind of so too young now, but
Speaker 1: maybe he's getting into an age where he might be
Speaker 1: able to realize that mommy and daddy are fighting. So
Speaker 1: we want to make sure that, you know, if we
Speaker 1: have to have some sort of not argument, but like
Speaker 1: intense conversation, that we do it away from Dawson. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm lucky Ashley and I don't really argue that much,
Speaker 1: Like I really don't raise our voices at all. But
Speaker 1: you know, if we end up getting in an argument,
Speaker 1: we'll sure to do that away from Dawson. Number six,
Speaker 1: Get to know your kids, well, Yeah, do you know
Speaker 1: your kid's favorite flavor of ice cream? I have no idea.
Speaker 1: I don't know if Dawson has one. Do you know
Speaker 1: their favorite book or movie? Do you know what kind
Speaker 1: of music they like? I do? I like it, I
Speaker 1: know it all. The kid is just obsessed with Aladdin.
Speaker 1: He loves Aladdin. He wants Aladdin, and that's all he
Speaker 1: wants in life. But those football too, which makes me happy.
Speaker 1: I play him the NFL themes, you know how, like
Speaker 1: each station has its own NFL theme, CBS, Fox, NBC.
Speaker 1: I play that for him and he loves it so much.
Speaker 1: He loves the music. It makes me so happy. I
Speaker 1: feel like we're going to really bond over sports later
Speaker 1: in life. Here he comes right now with his little truck, Dawson.
Speaker 1: You're rolling into the podcast bro number seven on how
Speaker 1: to be a better father. Don't have unfair expectations for
Speaker 1: your kids. It's fair to expect your kids to be responsible,
Speaker 1: to do their chores, try their best at school, and
Speaker 1: have respect for other kids and adults. After all, you
Speaker 1: want your kids to grow up in a well adjusted
Speaker 1: into well adjusted adults, not just because it will make
Speaker 1: you happy, but because it will help them succeed in life.
Speaker 1: But it's not fair to expect your kids to be
Speaker 1: something that you want them to be, or in order
Speaker 1: to fill your own unfulfilled dreams of being a rock
Speaker 1: star and athlete or a world class chess player. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think I'll be fine. With that, Like, I just
Speaker 1: want Dawson to be happy. He doesn't have to be
Speaker 1: anything in particular, Like, as long as he is successful
Speaker 1: in his own heart, in his own mind, I'm happy
Speaker 1: with that. I mean, like, I want him to do sports,
Speaker 1: play sports, simply because that was the way that my
Speaker 1: dad and I bonded over sports, and so that's kind
Speaker 1: of what really is important to me. But I mean,
Speaker 1: if Dawson ends up finding something that's really meaningful to
Speaker 1: him and important to him, I know I'm going to
Speaker 1: find it important as well, because it's important to him,
Speaker 1: and I recognize that there's really like I can't even
Speaker 1: think of a profession that I want him to be,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I mean, he could just
Speaker 1: do whatever he wants. As long as he's successful and
Speaker 1: healthy and safe and doing the things that he likes
Speaker 1: to do and being able to make ends meet doing it,
Speaker 1: I'm fine with that. Number Eight. To be patient with
Speaker 1: your kids. Tell me something I don't know. It's challenging
Speaker 1: to be patient with kids, no matter their age. When
Speaker 1: kids are little, they throw tantrums over the most ridiculous things.
Speaker 1: Tell me about it. When they're older, they'll test the
Speaker 1: limits and push the envelope in ways though I have
Speaker 1: you growing more gray hairs. Just remember that kids, well
Speaker 1: they're kids. They don't know how to act yet, and
Speaker 1: we have to do our best to be there for
Speaker 1: them in moments where they will inevitably mess up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I couldn't agree more. I mean, I just
Speaker 1: want to be there. I know Dawson's going to mess up,
Speaker 1: you know, like it's just gonna happen. I hope and
Speaker 1: pray that Ashley and I do a good enough job
Speaker 1: of raising him and making sure that even when he
Speaker 1: does mess up, it is not, you know, a scary
Speaker 1: mess up. And I'm sure every parent has has fears
Speaker 1: of that that puts his own life in danger or
Speaker 1: somebody else's or you know, breaks the law. You know,
Speaker 1: that's obviously very scary. But like, I know this, I
Speaker 1: know I'm always going to be there for him, like
Speaker 1: and I want to make sure that he knows that
Speaker 1: and understands that because that's what my parents said to me.
Speaker 1: And it's just the most important thing that ever happened
Speaker 1: in my life was knowing that my parents will always
Speaker 1: be there for me no matter what happens. And I'm
Speaker 1: always gonna be there for Dawson no matter what happens.
Speaker 1: Number nine, make time for yourself. Off here we go. Finally,
Speaker 1: something about me. It's hard to be your best self
Speaker 1: for anyone when you don't have time for yourself. If
Speaker 1: you're stretched, then you're not going to be able to
Speaker 1: implement any of the tips we've outlined above. To that
Speaker 1: and make sure you're taking care of yourself when you
Speaker 1: have kids. It could be easy to get wrapped up
Speaker 1: in the business of life and miss the little details
Speaker 1: that make a big difference towards your well being. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: that's very sweet. Thank you for in the article. On
Speaker 1: a nice note, I definitely, you know, try to do
Speaker 1: as much as I can for myself, and honestly, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm happy, you know. I mean the like I get
Speaker 1: to go to the gym, which is fantastic and really
Speaker 1: gets my mind right, and sometimes I get to play sports.
Speaker 1: I wish I could play more, but like when I
Speaker 1: have the opportunity to play sports, to go to the gym,
Speaker 1: that really kind of gives me a clarity and happiness
Speaker 1: that I need in my life. Because I remember when
Speaker 1: it first opened Audrey's and you know, Ashley wasn't too
Speaker 1: happier Rhode Island. We had Dawson, and I had no
Speaker 1: time to work out, I had no time to play sports.
Speaker 1: I felt like a bump on a log even though
Speaker 1: I was working all the time. It was like I
Speaker 1: was just losing muscle and gaining a muffin top, and
Speaker 1: just I felt like, you know, I just felt awful
Speaker 1: about myself. And I had a lot, you know, I
Speaker 1: just then when I felt awful about myself physically, I
Speaker 1: felt awful about myself emotionally and mentally. And you know,
Speaker 1: going to the gym and working out really helps me
Speaker 1: with that. And that's kind of what I do for myself,
Speaker 1: and that is very important. Let me read the final
Speaker 1: word on this on this dad website. What is it
Speaker 1: called again? It is called Daily Dad. Nine things to
Speaker 1: make yourself a better father. Right now, here's the final
Speaker 1: word from that article. Being a father is a lifetime journey,
Speaker 1: and it's when we pass on to our kids as
Speaker 1: they turned as they in turn become parents. Though being
Speaker 1: good father? Is it me? Or is this just worded weirdly?
Speaker 1: Though being a good father requires tremendous self discipline and
Speaker 1: personal growth. You won't regret putting in the effort to
Speaker 1: build a better relationship with your kids and become the
Speaker 1: father they deserve. Don't be hard on yourself when you
Speaker 1: mess up. Everyone makes mistakes. As long as you're making
Speaker 1: an honest attempt to be a good father, you're doing
Speaker 1: the right thing. I mean, that's just not about fatherhood.
Speaker 1: That's about a parenthood, you know, whether your mom or dad.
Speaker 1: And honestly, I take that life lesson into a lot
Speaker 1: of different aspects of my life, you know, I think
Speaker 1: of Audrey's you know, I always just try to be
Speaker 1: as honest with my employees as possible. I'm not perfect,
Speaker 1: they know that, but I do the best I can
Speaker 1: and it's all you can really do. So it's a
Speaker 1: fun article. Thanks for listening to that. Nine things on
Speaker 1: how to be a better father right now, still working
Speaker 1: on it. Heye. You know that's what this podcast is
Speaker 1: all about, you know, tuning in every single week hoping
Speaker 1: that we just suck a little bit less. And on
Speaker 1: that note, make sure you listen to Sucker's podcast with
Speaker 1: Dean myself Klein. Make sure you tune in next week
Speaker 1: with my solo podcast, we'll talk more about fatherhood getting
Speaker 1: into Valentine's Day, which is insane, time flies by Sorry
Speaker 1: twenty twenty four. You Know What's Crazy? Nineteen ninety four
Speaker 1: was thirty years ago. Dumb and Dumber was released thirty
Speaker 1: years ago. I don't know if that makes senn of
Speaker 1: it us feel old, but make sure you guys tune
Speaker 1: in next week. We're hopefully we suck just a little
Speaker 1: bit less.