Speaker 1: A bunch of books written by a bunch of people
Speaker 1: that are writings from the standpoint of if you do this, this,
Speaker 1: and this, you can be just like me in my
Speaker 1: life is incredible, which is bullshit. Welcome to the one
Speaker 1: you feed Throughout time, great thinkers have recognized the importance
Speaker 1: of the thoughts we have, quotes like garbage in, garbage out,
Speaker 1: or you are what you think, ring true. And yet
Speaker 1: for many of us, our thoughts don't strengthen or empower us.
Speaker 1: We tend toward negativity, self pity, jealousy, or fear. We
Speaker 1: see what we don't have instead of what we do.
Speaker 1: We think things that hold us back and dampen our spirit.
Speaker 1: But it's not just about thinking. Our actions matter. It
Speaker 1: takes conscious, consistent, and creative effort to make a life
Speaker 1: worth living. This podcast is about how other people keep
Speaker 1: themselves moving in the right direction, how they feed their
Speaker 1: good Welcome to the show. Our guest on this episode
Speaker 1: is Brendan Dilley, author of Still Breathing, The Wisdom and
Speaker 1: Teaching of a Perfectly Flawed Man, a book which aims
Speaker 1: to assist its readers in living a more passionate and
Speaker 1: purposeful existence. Be aware that This is not your mom
Speaker 1: and dad's self help book. It will entertain, inspire, and
Speaker 1: potentially offend you. Hi Brendon, Welcome to the show. Hi am,
Speaker 1: I'm excited to be great. Thanks for joining us. Our
Speaker 1: podcast is called The One You Feed, and it's based
Speaker 1: on the old parable where there's a grandfather who's talking
Speaker 1: with his grandson and he says, in life, there's a
Speaker 1: battle going on inside all of us all the time,
Speaker 1: and that battle is between two wolves. One is a
Speaker 1: good wolf who represents things like kindness and love and joy,
Speaker 1: and the other is a bad wolf who represents things
Speaker 1: like hate, tread, and greed and fear. And the grandson
Speaker 1: stops and he thinks about it for a second and
Speaker 1: he says, well, well, grandfather, which one wins? And the
Speaker 1: grandfather says, the one you feed. So this podcast is
Speaker 1: based on that parable, and what we what we like
Speaker 1: to start off with is asking people what does that
Speaker 1: parable mean to them in both their life and in
Speaker 1: their work. First of all, I like the parable, UM,
Speaker 1: I think uh kind of emphasizing that all of us
Speaker 1: do have a lot of different characteristics. I guess what
Speaker 1: I'm looking for, um, such of the anger of the
Speaker 1: jealousy of greed and resentment, and then as well as
Speaker 1: the joy and love and hope and some of those things. UM.
Speaker 1: And I think that it does kind of emphasize that
Speaker 1: is what's going to manifest, whether that's more of the
Speaker 1: things that we all hope, which is the you know,
Speaker 1: the empathy, truth and peace and all these types of things,
Speaker 1: or whether we're obsessing and emphasizing um, you know, the
Speaker 1: ego or lies and inferiority and whatnot. UM. So, I
Speaker 1: definitely can identifying and I agree with the parable in
Speaker 1: that regard. UM. One of the things I guess I
Speaker 1: struggled with this was I'm not a really a big
Speaker 1: fan of duality, and I guess I'm not a big
Speaker 1: believer either, and so I guess for me, I suppose
Speaker 1: for me, the the only part that maybe didn't resonate
Speaker 1: with me was the idea that there's this battle, uh,
Speaker 1: that there's a natural battle going on with us, or
Speaker 1: that there's two different people in with within us. I
Speaker 1: think it's for me in or one of the the way
Speaker 1: to being able to leave my life and and and
Speaker 1: kind of have some inner peace is the acknowledgement of
Speaker 1: all of these different um. Characteristics and idea that that's
Speaker 1: not to judge them uh differently from one another. I
Speaker 1: don't know if that makes sense, but so for me,
Speaker 1: I guess the idea is that there's this battle uh,
Speaker 1: you know, over one over the other more or less,
Speaker 1: the the acknowledgement that all are within us, and we
Speaker 1: get to choose which which of these uh characteristics and
Speaker 1: express on a day to day basis. That's a great
Speaker 1: segue into I. I've been spending a lot of time
Speaker 1: with your book, um, and one of the major themes
Speaker 1: that I think comes through really clearly over and over
Speaker 1: in the book is really being true to yourself and
Speaker 1: being who you are as opposed to what other people
Speaker 1: want you to be. And so kind of what you're
Speaker 1: saying there ties right back into that. Yeah, and absolutely,
Speaker 1: and that's really I think, you know, And I've been
Speaker 1: around the self help industry for a lot of reason.
Speaker 1: My mother is a motivational speakering in the author and
Speaker 1: I've been around it since I was about the age
Speaker 1: of the leven. I started giving uh, you know, um
Speaker 1: testimonials and things like that at the age of twelve,
Speaker 1: and I was, you know, speaking here intently through my
Speaker 1: team that you know, heard different advents and whatnot. And
Speaker 1: I did a out of m seeing and stuff in
Speaker 1: my early twenty Even the one thing that I've always
Speaker 1: had an issue with within the self help genre or
Speaker 1: even just in general, when you talk to people about
Speaker 1: you don't know if I want to necessarily limited to
Speaker 1: self help, but people who are trying to improve themselves
Speaker 1: in any regard, it's just tell incredibly hard they are
Speaker 1: in themselves. Um, and how judgmental we are of self
Speaker 1: And it's almost like it's almost counter productive because there
Speaker 1: is such a there is such an obsession with uh
Speaker 1: kind of avoiding negative of quote unquote personality traits or characteristics.
Speaker 1: It's like this avoidance or harsh judgment of rather than
Speaker 1: an open acknowledgment. And um, and then you can actually
Speaker 1: choose what you want to express versus judging yourself to
Speaker 1: the point that you continue to manifest it. So, um,
Speaker 1: there's definitely that being definitely throughout the book. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: so I would ask you you talk about how important
Speaker 1: it is to sort of be who you are, reflect
Speaker 1: all the aspects of yourself. And um, I think that
Speaker 1: comes fairly naturally to some people, but I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people struggle with it also, And I'm curious,
Speaker 1: what would you what would you say to people who
Speaker 1: have spent years of their life sort of hiding certain
Speaker 1: parts of themselves or who they are, how do they
Speaker 1: start getting back on the track to being fully themselves
Speaker 1: and expressing that. Um, I think first and foremost and
Speaker 1: I and I pushed this, and I you know, I
Speaker 1: was a personal trainer for a number of years, and
Speaker 1: I think really in and I planned every regard of
Speaker 1: my life, and that was forgiveness and to be able
Speaker 1: to forgive yourself for not being perfect. Um, you know.
Speaker 1: And it sounds cheesy to some people, all, you know,
Speaker 1: and I got to forgiven this exercise strong throughout the
Speaker 1: book as well, But it really is the basis of
Speaker 1: everything in It's a really brief example. But even like
Speaker 1: in fitness, when I would work with my obese clients,
Speaker 1: I would begin teaching them rapidly forgiveness based on the
Speaker 1: food did they eat from one year to the next.
Speaker 1: You know, they'd come in and tell me, I, you know,
Speaker 1: they would be completely down in the dumps, devastate because
Speaker 1: the cheeseburger. In my response, one percent of the time
Speaker 1: that everybody who came in and said I had a
Speaker 1: cheatment is good for you? I always changed the context
Speaker 1: for what they were talking about the way that they
Speaker 1: felt about that mistake, and I said, good for you,
Speaker 1: Oh we need good for me, and we know how
Speaker 1: to taste and that's me. That's okay. Now, you know.
Speaker 1: Men we discussed the result or what effects that might
Speaker 1: have on their body. But the forgiveness is forgiving yourselves
Speaker 1: for your past transgressions, whether it was ten minutes ago,
Speaker 1: ten hours ago, or ten years ago. It's critical to
Speaker 1: be able to move fully in kind of creating a
Speaker 1: new context for your own life. And and that's that's
Speaker 1: really the one of the main themes of the book.
Speaker 1: The kind of touch on quite a big So who
Speaker 1: would you say this this book is for? Because you
Speaker 1: do you do sort of talk about, hey, this is
Speaker 1: not necessarily the book for somebody who is uh doing
Speaker 1: really well and uh, you know, driving a great car
Speaker 1: or having a great life. Who who is this book
Speaker 1: targeted to? Um? You know? And that's a good question.
Speaker 1: And I wrote it for food more the generic cantric.
Speaker 1: I wrote it for everybody because I feel like anybody
Speaker 1: could grab it. But if you're going on they're honest opinion.
Speaker 1: I'm thirty one years old, and I grew up inside that.
Speaker 1: The hip hop generation I grew up in left in
Speaker 1: perfect you know. Uh, you know, I guess home life
Speaker 1: and stuff, a fantastic mother, but I grew up around
Speaker 1: even though in my mom it was pretty good. You know,
Speaker 1: my parents did divorce and things like that. But I
Speaker 1: had a good upbringing. But my friends and the people
Speaker 1: that I grew up in. The count I grew up
Speaker 1: in was relatively lower middle class to lower class, and
Speaker 1: I tended to gravitate toward some of the more challenged kids.
Speaker 1: I don't know why. I just always be kind of
Speaker 1: identified with the struggle. And maybe it was, you know,
Speaker 1: my single mom, you know, single mom at thirteen that
Speaker 1: I was raived by. So for me, I wrote the
Speaker 1: book basically targeting, you know, I wanted something that this
Speaker 1: generation can grab. I wanted something that someone aged seventeen
Speaker 1: or so the five could grab in in identify with
Speaker 1: not only the humor but also a lot of the concepts.
Speaker 1: And I wanted something that was a little bit more
Speaker 1: and I wanted something where, uh, you know, when I
Speaker 1: wrote it, I didn't want to alienate anybody. I didn't.
Speaker 1: I did my best to not to not any anyone
Speaker 1: based on whatever mistakes they may have been, which is
Speaker 1: why I poured so much of my own life and
Speaker 1: mistakes into it. Yeah, it's very Uh. The subtitle of
Speaker 1: the book is the Wisdom Teachings of a Perfectly Flawed Man.
Speaker 1: So you're very you're very clear clear about that. And
Speaker 1: I do think the way you right is uh is
Speaker 1: has a certain um tone and a feel to it
Speaker 1: that that um probably reaches that demographic pretty well. Um.
Speaker 1: One thing that comes up on this show kind of
Speaker 1: over and over is this idea of comfort versus happiness,
Speaker 1: or comfort versus doing the things that are in portant
Speaker 1: in your life. And I think that that seems to
Speaker 1: show up a lot in your book. Also, Um, how
Speaker 1: does someone stay aware of of those choices and and
Speaker 1: keep themselves moving towards the right ones? You know? I
Speaker 1: think one of the things that it took me a
Speaker 1: long time to realize this and you're talking about right
Speaker 1: and wrong choices, which I really think it mostly comes
Speaker 1: down to the choice. I mean, we can't really judge
Speaker 1: the choices until we see the end result. And when
Speaker 1: I was looking backwards and going all that that choice
Speaker 1: or you know it's a good choice and you know
Speaker 1: anything about what may have been gained from it. You know,
Speaker 1: for example, I'm separated two uh two women that you
Speaker 1: know that children with, and and I could easily look
Speaker 1: to allow it was not a good choice based on
Speaker 1: some of the things I had to endure from it.
Speaker 1: But then you know, I really can't be too too
Speaker 1: harsh in my choices because it allowed me to learn
Speaker 1: so much and from that pain, I was able to
Speaker 1: help other people. And so the one thing that with
Speaker 1: the choices, I really I try to get everybody you
Speaker 1: know that I talk with all the things that I appreciate,
Speaker 1: to get away from the idea that that you're going
Speaker 1: to make a wrong choice. I think, as long as
Speaker 1: you're honoring your own yourself and you're not deviating from
Speaker 1: your own kind of code, whatever that code is, as
Speaker 1: long as you're feeling like you're you're honoring yourself and
Speaker 1: you're not going outside of your code, and you're gonna
Speaker 1: be good. I think I think you're gonna you know,
Speaker 1: you can you can live with the mistakes even when
Speaker 1: you make them, because you know you had your heart
Speaker 1: and your your you're authentic in in the choice and
Speaker 1: you had your heart in the right place at the
Speaker 1: time that you you made the decision. Yeah, And I
Speaker 1: totally relate with the good versus bad that that that delineation.
Speaker 1: I usually I've always preferred the you know, there are
Speaker 1: skillful actions or unskillful actions, depending on what you're trying
Speaker 1: to do. One of the things you talk about, though,
Speaker 1: is to be to make sure that you're being that
Speaker 1: your daily actions are being true to your bigger goals
Speaker 1: and your d bird desires. And I think that's kind
Speaker 1: of where I'm leading with that, is what are the
Speaker 1: things people do to make sure that what they're doing
Speaker 1: that day. Because it's easy to fall into comfort mode.
Speaker 1: It's easy to fall into I'm just gonna watch TV
Speaker 1: again tonight. How do people keep themselves sort of focused on, Hey,
Speaker 1: there's a bigger goal I have or there's more I
Speaker 1: want out of life than is this right in front
Speaker 1: of me, and I'm gonna have to work to get there.
Speaker 1: You know. It's really interesting to because one of the
Speaker 1: things that you know, I talked about this with people, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, in my day to day life and I
Speaker 1: and I talked about it in the book. Here's Here's
Speaker 1: what I meant. I know exactly what court you're referring
Speaker 1: to as far is make sure your daily actions consistent
Speaker 1: with what you're dreaming and goals are. It's not necessarily
Speaker 1: that I'm telling you to make sure you're taking action
Speaker 1: every day to reach your dreams. Obviously, that's if you're
Speaker 1: serious about your dreams and that's what you're gonna do.
Speaker 1: What I'm saying is if you're not gonna if you
Speaker 1: do actually doesn't match the dream or goal, what do
Speaker 1: you have to do. Do you need to adjust a
Speaker 1: dream of goal to be more to realistic or consistent
Speaker 1: with who you are at that exact time in your life,
Speaker 1: or do you need to adjust your daily action because
Speaker 1: you're being lazy. So it's more about really being honest
Speaker 1: with ourselves about what we're doing. And what I mean is,
Speaker 1: if you're gonna sit in the bay every day or
Speaker 1: watch television and you're not gonna do anything, you have
Speaker 1: to work or whatever, and then you're gonna going to work.
Speaker 1: And my point is if you're gonna do that, don't
Speaker 1: complain about it after the fact, Like just at least
Speaker 1: get to a place where you could be honest with
Speaker 1: yourself like, oh, you know, Brendan Wright, didn't you ever
Speaker 1: achieved X Y Z goal? Well, I didn't achieve it
Speaker 1: me that I chose. I made a conscious decision to
Speaker 1: not pursue it actively, you know, rather than you know,
Speaker 1: a lot of people will complain. Uh, they kind of
Speaker 1: begin to resent their their own lives, and they do
Speaker 1: all these things, rather than if they had just stopped
Speaker 1: and got honest about it. What normally ends up happening
Speaker 1: when you do get really honest about why you're not
Speaker 1: achieving your dreams or why you're not achieving your goals,
Speaker 1: One or two things happened when you realize, you know,
Speaker 1: maybe I'm not the guy who's supposed to achieve that
Speaker 1: dream or goal or two more, and hopefully it's more
Speaker 1: likely to Wow, I've gotta I've gotta really think about
Speaker 1: what I'm doing so I can actually become this person
Speaker 1: that can achieve these types of dreams and goals. And
Speaker 1: so that's kind of what I mean when I when
Speaker 1: I know that corporate book, I'd like to maybe get
Speaker 1: into your story a little bit. There's there's a couple
Speaker 1: of different parts of it that I think, uh, it
Speaker 1: would be would be interesting for for the listeners. One
Speaker 1: is you describe I think it's a job you had
Speaker 1: and you describe it's sort of the place where you
Speaker 1: you hit absolute bottom for you and really learned a
Speaker 1: lot about humility. Can you tell us a little bit
Speaker 1: about that job, maybe some of what happened there and
Speaker 1: what that moment of Uh. I think you described it
Speaker 1: as a bottom and teaching you humility was. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: I had so many comments in the books reason regards
Speaker 1: to that job. I worked as a waiter at a
Speaker 1: newdist resort and UM, I had worked in the food
Speaker 1: service industry only a couple of times when I was younger,
Speaker 1: UM eighteen and nineteen years old. UM, and at that
Speaker 1: time it was almost you know, it was like whatever,
Speaker 1: you know, I did a bustle or work and some
Speaker 1: other things like that. But yeah, I was at this
Speaker 1: point when I got that job, I was twenty seven
Speaker 1: years old. UM. I had just separated from my girlfriend
Speaker 1: at the time. We had two daughters. One was turning
Speaker 1: four in like a week or two, and then the
Speaker 1: other one was eighteen ugo eighteen months twenty months old,
Speaker 1: so it were very small children. I was becoming a
Speaker 1: single dad. We had uh, shared custody. But at that
Speaker 1: point I actually had the girls Monday through Friday, and
Speaker 1: then in my next time I had had them on
Speaker 1: the weekend. So I really had to get creative with
Speaker 1: the jobs that I chose, and I chose and not
Speaker 1: like that that the economy was absolutely horreendous and I
Speaker 1: couldn't find work. I was living in Sacramento and it
Speaker 1: was uh, June or two thousand nine, and there was
Speaker 1: no work, and I didn't find an ad for a
Speaker 1: newest resort, but I didn't say that. It said there
Speaker 1: was a clothing optional resort. There was a water position,
Speaker 1: so I knew would be cash at the end of
Speaker 1: every day that I could buy groceries and do these
Speaker 1: types of things with. And uh, to say it was
Speaker 1: humbling would be an understatement. Um. I certainly not judging
Speaker 1: people who choosed to go to the resorts and being
Speaker 1: aged and whatnot. It's not really what humbled me. What
Speaker 1: humbled me was having, um, having people are and that
Speaker 1: was very fit and at this point in my life
Speaker 1: type at that time, I had a very successful personal
Speaker 1: training business and I myself was extremely fit, and you know, um,
Speaker 1: you know, I felt like I had in my life
Speaker 1: pretty well together aside from what had just occurred, and
Speaker 1: to have to stand and be braided by night, you know,
Speaker 1: the customers managers who were all, you know, just it
Speaker 1: was really just it was hard. It was it was
Speaker 1: just such a humbling experience. And you know, I'm a
Speaker 1: bit of a you know, I don't want to say
Speaker 1: a high I had to know it out a lot,
Speaker 1: but I'm certainly a fighter, and uh, it was the
Speaker 1: first time in my life I couldn't fight. I had
Speaker 1: to take it because there were no other jobs available.
Speaker 1: I had no other options financially, and so things I
Speaker 1: normally would have stuck up for myself and I had
Speaker 1: no choice but to bite my tongue, um, you know,
Speaker 1: kind of quiet myself and and uh and just really
Speaker 1: take it. And so some of the things that happened there,
Speaker 1: you know, a bunch of funny stories in the book.
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily know that they're appropriate for the podcast,
Speaker 1: but you know, appropriate, okay, yeah, because I have no
Speaker 1: you know, I'm like, all right, man, you if you
Speaker 1: read that chart or you know it's you know, I
Speaker 1: mean things like you know, I had a woman slap
Speaker 1: a twenty dollar build down the uh, the counter um
Speaker 1: that was. She was a fairly heavy sat woman and
Speaker 1: it must have been about a hundred and five that day.
Speaker 1: And I gave you the best service I possibly could.
Speaker 1: And she was a pretty nice woman. But at the
Speaker 1: end of her her meal, typically resid you know, the
Speaker 1: people there would charge it to their room because they
Speaker 1: didn't carry cash or change for obvious reasons. Well this
Speaker 1: one did carry cash and it was under her massive
Speaker 1: gargangan boom. It was the nastiest thing I've every scene
Speaker 1: in my life. And she flapped it down on the
Speaker 1: counter and said you keep the change. Being my coworker day,
Speaker 1: like there, that's a three dollar It's so no you know,
Speaker 1: actually tricked my manager in the picking of I'm like,
Speaker 1: hey man, he break this twenty He came over and
Speaker 1: he said, oh, this thing is nasty things. I was
Speaker 1: under so many balls all day and it was disgusting
Speaker 1: that we had a good laughter everything like that. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think I put a three or four stories and
Speaker 1: from the from what happened at that place in the book,
Speaker 1: but there were so many more. I mean I had
Speaker 1: so many instances where you know, I had these really
Speaker 1: just heavy set, older angry you know, customers, which I'm
Speaker 1: sure all people who worked in the restaurant industry have doubled.
Speaker 1: But the difference is like even normal restaurant, you deal
Speaker 1: with them because you's a normal customer or whatever, but
Speaker 1: it may it's that they're they're all completely naked, so
Speaker 1: it's like it almost takes the level of like, you know,
Speaker 1: embarrassment to another level for you if you'd be if
Speaker 1: you're the water, they're like yelling at you or they're
Speaker 1: braiding you, and you're just looking at them like I'm
Speaker 1: getting yelled at by this naked fifty year old man.
Speaker 1: And it's a even real mind job. But you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm still I feel so like blast having even been
Speaker 1: able to land that job for them, they've even given
Speaker 1: an opportunity with you know, waiting experience, because uh, it
Speaker 1: literally allowed me to survive for five months. So yeah,
Speaker 1: you describe a a time where you were taking a
Speaker 1: meal out to somebody outside. You want to tell us
Speaker 1: that story if you want to hear it. Man, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was my first day, I'm the job, my first
Speaker 1: day I'm a job. They you know, we had this.
Speaker 1: It was a restaurant and I actually was required to
Speaker 1: wear a polo shirt and dress short. So it was
Speaker 1: like you, it was a nice restaurant. It wasn't what
Speaker 1: you might be picturing. I don't know, but for me,
Speaker 1: you know, it was it was a pretty nice restaurant.
Speaker 1: And there was a pool backing um that was outside.
Speaker 1: And I wasn't a lawyer, but they said, you know, Brendan,
Speaker 1: we were also responsible to bring through the patrons who
Speaker 1: are out on the pool, out by the pool, and
Speaker 1: and so I was okay, great, you know, And until
Speaker 1: that first day I was kind of falling along with
Speaker 1: the guy and and uh. I had brought a couple
Speaker 1: of drinks out to the pool, but it was like
Speaker 1: wait towards the gate entrances, and so it wasn't I
Speaker 1: didn't really get too into it at this point. My
Speaker 1: first day I was really uncomfortable all the naked people.
Speaker 1: I did dealt with it, but my first day it
Speaker 1: was still very much a shock. I mean, it's it's
Speaker 1: something you're not really prepared for. After about three days,
Speaker 1: you're just I've adjusted, but day one not so much. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm walking out there with I do it a drink
Speaker 1: or a food or a bit of both. I don't
Speaker 1: remember how, but I'm walking out there, and they kind
Speaker 1: of had these steps, so the pool kind of sits
Speaker 1: at the base and then the different levels of where
Speaker 1: they have the actual lawn chairs and stuff where people
Speaker 1: can can. It kind of elevates as you walk away
Speaker 1: from the pool, like in it circles the pool like that,
Speaker 1: And so I had my eyes down deliberately trying to
Speaker 1: avoid you know, eye contact or even really just see
Speaker 1: any of these naked people. Man. I was, I was
Speaker 1: walking and I see this woman and told me, you know,
Speaker 1: there's woman out there with the blue hat on. You
Speaker 1: need to go find her and take her her food
Speaker 1: and her drinks. And I'm like, okay. So I spotted
Speaker 1: the blue hat right when I got to the gate,
Speaker 1: and she was kind of fall off in the distance.
Speaker 1: So I had my eyes down as I'm walking towards her.
Speaker 1: I glanced up and see the blue hatting in and
Speaker 1: I'm like, not too far away, and I'm stepping up
Speaker 1: on these steps, and then as they rise, I the
Speaker 1: first thing I saw was her feet. He felt like, okay,
Speaker 1: I think this is her. And she was laying face
Speaker 1: down on a lawn chair and I saw her feet
Speaker 1: for about a split second and I'm like, okay, maybe
Speaker 1: this is her. And as I stepped up onto the
Speaker 1: steps and the wise man, her hers were completely wide
Speaker 1: open um. She was face down and I could see
Speaker 1: everything like her her ass like literally was like feet
Speaker 1: from like when my face was because the base and
Speaker 1: so like I I mean, and in that moment, like
Speaker 1: I startled her, I'm like, man, and I'm like I'm
Speaker 1: shocked from oh my guy, there's her asshole, Like I
Speaker 1: just see this, not expecting to see this, and she's like,
Speaker 1: excuse me in in and then it's like but my
Speaker 1: eyes hadn't got a chance to move yet, so it
Speaker 1: was disgusting. I startled her. She kind of clinched and
Speaker 1: and she's like oh hi, and I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: Like I give her her feet or drinks or her
Speaker 1: she gives me money. I'm walking back and I'm like,
Speaker 1: that was the first time ever I can honestly say
Speaker 1: I've met somebody like Bubble first, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like you might have someone on her shoulder, you might
Speaker 1: see the legs first, but never were the first thing
Speaker 1: you actually see is like that. It was it was hysterical.
Speaker 1: It was like in my head of like business it
Speaker 1: doesn't the most really whatever happened on the basement planet?
Speaker 1: And uh, yeah that that story never they never a
Speaker 1: lot to know. It's the funny the uh, there's there's
Speaker 1: great stories in that section. The thing that that at
Speaker 1: the you you you end that section though, you talk
Speaker 1: about being sort of talked down to by this this
Speaker 1: naked man and how you took it and said that
Speaker 1: it was one of the proudest moments your life because
Speaker 1: you put your kids in that moment ahead of your
Speaker 1: ego and your pride. And I thought that was that
Speaker 1: was touching. And the other the other theme that's in
Speaker 1: the book an Awful Lot, is really the love you
Speaker 1: have for your children, how central they are to your life. Um,
Speaker 1: you've got a piece of advice in there, a chapter
Speaker 1: that basically says, you know, it's the chapter starts off
Speaker 1: with just don't funk up your kids. Can you tell
Speaker 1: us a little bit about that section? Yeah? And um god,
Speaker 1: you know what's funny is my buddy sent me a
Speaker 1: link just today about you know, I guess a woman
Speaker 1: had just published a an article on Huffington Post, one
Speaker 1: of his on the websites or something that he was
Speaker 1: a similar feed. He was like he was concerned, you know,
Speaker 1: being ripped off, but she had similar language. I guess
Speaker 1: I'm pretty consistent with the Fox throughout here, but but
Speaker 1: Hunt and pretty six of them. I believe the babe
Speaker 1: that the themes that chapter is really about not projecting
Speaker 1: your own bullshit on your kids. I think that most
Speaker 1: people carry a lot of their own bad behaviors from
Speaker 1: their childhood that they couldn't deal with properly, and then
Speaker 1: they immediately you mean, I think I think most people
Speaker 1: aren't really critical thinkers, that they're not really maybe they
Speaker 1: are completely an aware of self or what. But I think, uh,
Speaker 1: maybe I don't see most people, but quite a few people.
Speaker 1: I mean, he mixed bloys here, but they they don't
Speaker 1: ever stop to think while they say or do the
Speaker 1: things that they do. Like I'm a very strict parent.
Speaker 1: I'm extremely like my kids know what the line is
Speaker 1: that um And some people are like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: like you don't back down, and I'm like, no, Like
Speaker 1: that's the line. There's a certain I hold I hold
Speaker 1: them to the same standard. But you know, and all
Speaker 1: of them get the same exact treatment, and really they
Speaker 1: have seem treatment almost regardless of age. Once you know,
Speaker 1: once my son's Phoenix was past the age of about one,
Speaker 1: I started just bowan him in on what's expected in
Speaker 1: and as far as his behavior in the world, how
Speaker 1: he treats other people, um, his interactions and whatnot. It's
Speaker 1: not that I don't want them all to be free
Speaker 1: with their their personalities and their self expression and all
Speaker 1: that stuff. But what I don't want I don't want
Speaker 1: kids that of bullies or or that are spoiled there.
Speaker 1: You know, these are the things I'm like, these are
Speaker 1: the things I can I can correct and show them.
Speaker 1: Now the other results been pretty amazing. I think I'm
Speaker 1: I feel like one of the most lucky men on
Speaker 1: the planet for having three and just phenomenal kids. But
Speaker 1: I think a large part of that is that even
Speaker 1: when I scowled with my kids or I do my
Speaker 1: best to be very very very analytical with myself in
Speaker 1: analyzing my reactions in my interactions with them. And and
Speaker 1: you know, you're sometimes when I'm like, man, that two harshenals,
Speaker 1: I'll consciously think about it, you know, my projecting something
Speaker 1: from my own childhood with the answers, Yes, I hold back,
Speaker 1: I apologize, and I deal with appropriate and if it's no,
Speaker 1: then I stayed a course, and I recognize that this
Speaker 1: this is just one of those times I've got to
Speaker 1: be a little harsher than normal. Um, But nonetheless is
Speaker 1: I do my best not to bring any of mind
Speaker 1: junk towards them. Like I just enjoyed watching them being
Speaker 1: themselves and in watching the way that they kind of
Speaker 1: expressed themselves, in the different creative things that they do
Speaker 1: and their sensive to humor and whatnot. Yeah, that that
Speaker 1: not projecting your own stuff under your kids is really challenging,
Speaker 1: even when you're conscious of it. I have a son
Speaker 1: in the steps on fifteen year old boys, and and
Speaker 1: so it is. You know, I wrestle with that. I
Speaker 1: do think that that piece of apologizing to your kids
Speaker 1: and going back and saying you're wrong is such a
Speaker 1: powerful piece of modeling for them to say, Yeah, we
Speaker 1: all get it wrong, and it's important to acknowledge it
Speaker 1: and deal with it. Another thing in the book that
Speaker 1: I really liked is I think we all know that
Speaker 1: the negative energy of people around us sometimes can really
Speaker 1: be challenging in keeping ourselves positive and and moving in
Speaker 1: the right direction. And you've got a technique in the
Speaker 1: book you call recycling energy. Do you wanna tell me
Speaker 1: a little bit more about that? Yeah, I think this
Speaker 1: is something i've you know, i'd like to see until
Speaker 1: I wrote it down. I perfected this this stop process
Speaker 1: most of them that I learned in the book, and
Speaker 1: it isn't the part that really people get really kind
Speaker 1: of like wow. Um, I don't have any formal training.
Speaker 1: I didn't go to school for psychology, and I certainly
Speaker 1: didn't do any like Q classes when it comes to energy. Um,
Speaker 1: they did sort of, you know, I think most of
Speaker 1: what comes from the book. Obviously, I have a phenomenal parent,
Speaker 1: you know, the parents that raised me, and a mother
Speaker 1: specifically that that emphasized self help and kind of personal
Speaker 1: growth and things. And I read tons of books growing
Speaker 1: up and then all that kind of fun stuff, and
Speaker 1: even in my twenties, I read quite a few books,
Speaker 1: and but mostly I tried to apply everything. I'm a
Speaker 1: little big fan of taking what you you hear and
Speaker 1: then applying it to life. But I'm not trying it
Speaker 1: too far off topic, but specifically about recycling energy is um.
Speaker 1: I try to do my best to you know, a
Speaker 1: lot of people will how I how I explain this
Speaker 1: all right, Seeing when you have someone come up to you,
Speaker 1: you know, like dumping on you about their day. Right,
Speaker 1: And most people even if they don't agree with the
Speaker 1: person dumping on them, like they could absolutely staunchly disagree
Speaker 1: with them, but they'll sit there and just take it
Speaker 1: and the nod their head and it's like the I
Speaker 1: guess it's like the courteous thing to do. Right, It's
Speaker 1: like I'm being played by listening to experience nonsense, even
Speaker 1: though I think it's better ship, especially when it's someone like,
Speaker 1: you know, they could have avoided the problem, right, they're
Speaker 1: the cause. So what I do, and I do this
Speaker 1: with everybody, whether it's my family, friends or my kids,
Speaker 1: I start turning it around. I do it will will
Speaker 1: uh move deliberately, and I just start asking them questions,
Speaker 1: kind of redirecting them back towards their own interaction with them.
Speaker 1: So they're complaining about work, I'll ask program questions like
Speaker 1: it's so you're complaining about somebody who interact with them
Speaker 1: in a certain way at work. All did say things like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: how did that make you feel? They'll keep unloading. Okay,
Speaker 1: well could you do any different? And I'll start in
Speaker 1: my my it's not that I'm trying to judge. It's
Speaker 1: not I'm not trying to do anything other than get
Speaker 1: them thinking about their own uh kind of a long
Speaker 1: thing to be a little more you know, self aware,
Speaker 1: trying to get them to think consciously about you know,
Speaker 1: and then we really even start to think whether I
Speaker 1: could have handled it differently. And it's not I'm not
Speaker 1: doing it to be a jerk, and I'm not doing
Speaker 1: it to be like, yeah, you're always wrong, but sometimes
Speaker 1: you you know, I don't want to take on their stress.
Speaker 1: I don't want to take on their negativity. In the
Speaker 1: way that I do it is just sort of I'm like, hey, man,
Speaker 1: you know you can expew and I'm a good listener.
Speaker 1: I'll let you send your bullship this direction. But once
Speaker 1: you're done and I've got a chance to hear it
Speaker 1: all out and I let you go, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start asking questions, I'm gonna start breaking it down.
Speaker 1: And that's kind of you know, It's one of the
Speaker 1: things I think that I've been blessed with in my life.
Speaker 1: And I'm I'm pretty good at finding, you know, what
Speaker 1: people are, what their strength for, what the law One
Speaker 1: of the reasons I do what I do now for
Speaker 1: a living, not just with the book, but in my
Speaker 1: you know, corporate world. And and I think that's sort
Speaker 1: of how I'll also protect myself from their negativity. And
Speaker 1: and I am not perfect, by the way. I got
Speaker 1: sucked in with some nonsense today with a you know,
Speaker 1: an employee coworker situation, and and um, you know, they
Speaker 1: hadn't me heated for about thirty minute. So then I
Speaker 1: had to stop, and I'm like, damn, dude, I'm like,
Speaker 1: am I really manatal is this about someone else's bullshit?
Speaker 1: And I stopped, and I thought about it, and I'll
Speaker 1: sit them, you know, sitting at the desk, and I'm like, man, like,
Speaker 1: this is not me. And then I, you know, kind
Speaker 1: of I thought about the interaction and this is this
Speaker 1: is my deal. This person is clearly venting off her stuff,
Speaker 1: and uh, and I got to recognize that. And once
Speaker 1: I recognize that, it made it incredibly easy, uh to
Speaker 1: just let it go, like literally in the moment, let
Speaker 1: it go and move on and continue being productive. Yeah.
Speaker 1: That's Uh. That's a big challenge, at least for me,
Speaker 1: is the negative energy of other people and and feeling
Speaker 1: like either I need to fix it or that somehow
Speaker 1: it's gonna infect me or something. And I think your
Speaker 1: your your method there that you describe as really is
Speaker 1: really helpful and and I do really like a lot
Speaker 1: of throughout the book and in this conversation, really you
Speaker 1: keep coming back to, Hey, you're just a You're a
Speaker 1: regular guy like everybody else, and um, you're not perfect.
Speaker 1: And I think that's in the I'm not a fan
Speaker 1: of the word self help, but in the you know,
Speaker 1: in the in the community of people who are trying
Speaker 1: to improve themselves to some degree, right that the guru
Speaker 1: complex can be really damaging sometimes, and we've we've made
Speaker 1: an effort to get people on the show who who
Speaker 1: don't really do that. And I think you're a great
Speaker 1: example of that. Thank you. I appreciate that, and I
Speaker 1: I'm right there with you, you know. And I talked
Speaker 1: about the book and my mom. You know, mom is
Speaker 1: one the most amazing, authentic people you ever meet. But
Speaker 1: even she painted herself into a corner um with her material.
Speaker 1: And you know, I think it's been enough years now
Speaker 1: she's starting to expand again and kind of get allowing
Speaker 1: herself to be more creative. But for a decade, she
Speaker 1: got to a point where she couldn't beat herself entirely
Speaker 1: because she you know, she the young portunity, she followed
Speaker 1: the same path. I think that a lot of people
Speaker 1: who are involved in this particularly motivation or whatever the
Speaker 1: hell we're calling it these days. Um My mom, God
Speaker 1: bless Heard doesn't have a lot of skeleton that was
Speaker 1: able to just kind of she was always offense, but
Speaker 1: she didn't feel like she could allow her personality to
Speaker 1: fully shown. So when I was actually putting the book together,
Speaker 1: my mom just kept telling me, Brendan, stay authentic makes
Speaker 1: your playing field as big as they possibly can. And
Speaker 1: I think that's truth to anybody you know, in any
Speaker 1: part of life. I think when you will show how
Speaker 1: big your personality can be, and you wially show the
Speaker 1: different parts of yourself, you get to a place where
Speaker 1: your your your authenticity, and your sincerity allow you a
Speaker 1: bigger playing field to plan on. And what I mean
Speaker 1: by that is I can write about anything. And I
Speaker 1: don't mean that like I'm the man and I got
Speaker 1: talent to do it. I mean there's nothing I'm gonna
Speaker 1: write in the second book that you're gonna offend you
Speaker 1: more than way I wrote in the first book, so
Speaker 1: I've already set the expectations like if you catch me
Speaker 1: coming out of a strip club on Saturday night, no
Speaker 1: one's taking pictures of me and going, oh my god,
Speaker 1: Brandon really like naked women, like, yeah, no ship. And
Speaker 1: from the book, So my whole thing, my whole purpose
Speaker 1: on that is, you know, I wanted to be able
Speaker 1: to say, look like this, I'm a big this is
Speaker 1: a big personality. I have a lot of life and
Speaker 1: that I choose to experience a lot of things I
Speaker 1: like to do. I'm certainly not condoning like bad behavior
Speaker 1: go out and do you know, and tell everybody about it.
Speaker 1: But that being said, if you're participating in those behaviors,
Speaker 1: don't be full of ship. And that's kind of my
Speaker 1: shot at the Guru Complex. It's like, really, dude, you know,
Speaker 1: And I took a shot at one guy and actually
Speaker 1: I think I ended up taking out the book the
Speaker 1: left of thing. I can't remember at this point, but
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're telling me that this particular guy doesn't
Speaker 1: get piste off in traffic until you know, give somebody
Speaker 1: the bird, like really, Like I don't buy it. I
Speaker 1: don't I don't even think that's the purpose of life,
Speaker 1: is to get to a point where you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I just cut off, get got cut off, and I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna internalize that ship and be angry about it
Speaker 1: because I'm afraid to express myself. So so that's kind
Speaker 1: of what I was going for. And I'm glad that
Speaker 1: that came across to you. Yeah, it definitely did. I
Speaker 1: think there's a real danger in we tend to think
Speaker 1: that we're going to hit some state if we do
Speaker 1: enough of this type of stuff, we're gonna hit some
Speaker 1: state where happiness is a permanent condition, or we're gonna
Speaker 1: float on the clouds. And I think that's damaging because
Speaker 1: that never comes. And the people who are honest say, yes,
Speaker 1: you can get better. You your moods can be better,
Speaker 1: you can be happier more of the time, you can
Speaker 1: live a life that's purposeful and has meaning. But there's
Speaker 1: still gonna be times that you're just in a lousy mood,
Speaker 1: or you're gonna you're gonna be depressed, you're gonna be angry,
Speaker 1: And I think that's the human condition, and I think
Speaker 1: the more we talk about that, the more helpful it is. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree with you. I'm I'm like right there with you,
Speaker 1: and that's and I think that to me and maybe,
Speaker 1: you know, maybe you'll agree, because it's pretty much exactly
Speaker 1: what you're just saying. But the idea of self help,
Speaker 1: the way it's currently constructed or motivation or whatever the
Speaker 1: hell we're gonna call it the idea right now, it's
Speaker 1: set up almost the way that you know how all
Speaker 1: the Cosmo magazine and seventeen magazine Ship came under fire
Speaker 1: years ago because it was like you're setting up these
Speaker 1: unrealistic expectations for women of what beautiful is right. You know,
Speaker 1: it was like you have these kids with eating disorders
Speaker 1: and ship because they're like looking at the covering magazine going,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I can't be that, so I'm gonna
Speaker 1: starve myself and I'm not getting enough blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: I think it's the same thing as the genre that
Speaker 1: if my book happens to his die, it's it's a
Speaker 1: bunch of books written by a bunch of people, and
Speaker 1: not all of them, but I would to a large
Speaker 1: majority that are written from the standpoint of if you
Speaker 1: do this, this, and this, you can be just like
Speaker 1: me in my life is incredible, which is bullshit. Like,
Speaker 1: you know, I think all of our lives are pretty
Speaker 1: damn incredible, and you have to walk around doing things
Speaker 1: that we do. I think that your your life is
Speaker 1: only as amazing and you'd make it. But the you know,
Speaker 1: there's big money to be made in uh uh in
Speaker 1: kind of praying on people's insecurity, and I think, unfortunately
Speaker 1: that's what happened. That's what what's happened every day. And
Speaker 1: so with my book, all I wanted to do, I
Speaker 1: wanted to come across like, man, I'm I'm your friend,
Speaker 1: and that's the god honest truth. This is the conversation
Speaker 1: you're gonna have over a beer, uh you know, a
Speaker 1: happy hour. This is the conversation you're gonna have with
Speaker 1: your best girlfriend, you know, hanging out, eat nice cream
Speaker 1: and watching a movie on a Saturday night. Like I didn't.
Speaker 1: I the last thing I would ever want anyone to
Speaker 1: accuse me I was being full of ship. I might
Speaker 1: be wrong, and I'm okay with that. I can live
Speaker 1: with wrong, but being full of ship is something I
Speaker 1: just couldn't stomach. Yeah, I think there's I think there's
Speaker 1: a lot of authenticity there. So I think we're kind
Speaker 1: of ending nearing the end of the interview here, do
Speaker 1: you have any last things you want to leave us with? Uh,
Speaker 1: to kind of close up? Um, you know, the one
Speaker 1: thing I do your first day, I want to just
Speaker 1: say briefly is just thank you to anybody and everybody
Speaker 1: who's read the book. It's it is beyond humbling in
Speaker 1: surreal the response it's gotten so far. It's been incredible. Um,
Speaker 1: the you know, the the feedback, the the comments and
Speaker 1: the rankings and stuff like this on Amazon, the ratings
Speaker 1: and all that fun stuff. Uh, it's it's literally it's
Speaker 1: a trip. And I just wanted to say thank you
Speaker 1: to yourinas and anybody who's really able to, um take
Speaker 1: anything positive from the book in the if you thank
Speaker 1: you for sperlliant, well, I think that covers everything. Brendan,
Speaker 1: thanks very much for joining us on the show. It
Speaker 1: was it was an enjoyable conversation. Thank you. I only
Speaker 1: appreciate you Ben's having me on. Yeah, okay, thanks take care, alright,
Speaker 1: alright bye. You can learn more about Brendan Dilley and
Speaker 1: this podcast at one you feed dot net slash Brendan
Speaker 1: Dilley And you know, since you're going to go get
Speaker 1: on your computer anyway and do that. We'd really like
Speaker 1: you to go to one you feed dot net and
Speaker 1: email us and let us know what was your favorite
Speaker 1: episode of the one you Feed so far. Thanks