1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:06,000 Speaker 1: This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast. 2 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:09,520 Speaker 1: Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema coming to you from the 3 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:12,959 Speaker 1: home office in Austin, Texas on a very special Father's 4 00:00:13,039 --> 00:00:16,160 Speaker 1: Day edition of the most dramatic podcast ever. And this 5 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:19,720 Speaker 1: is an important podcast I wanted to do today because 6 00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:23,440 Speaker 1: there are these weeks of the year, well really all 7 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:28,040 Speaker 1: holidays that hit differently for different people. Mother's Day, Father's 8 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:32,760 Speaker 1: Day among them, because unfortunately, not everybody has their mom 9 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:35,120 Speaker 1: and dad with them. And this is a perspective that 10 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:38,000 Speaker 1: I have really gained thanks to my first guest today, 11 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:39,199 Speaker 1: Lauren Zema. 12 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,920 Speaker 2: Oh wow, guests, Well, I mean. 13 00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:45,239 Speaker 1: Really today's I have two very special guests day. One 14 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:47,960 Speaker 1: of them is you and then another is a doctor 15 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:51,800 Speaker 1: Chris Taylor, who is you know, has twenty years of 16 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:57,760 Speaker 1: experience in therapy and in especially twenty years experience in 17 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:02,400 Speaker 1: parent teen expert and helping families. And what I wanted 18 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:05,880 Speaker 1: to really dive into today because you gave me this 19 00:01:05,959 --> 00:01:08,960 Speaker 1: amazing perspective once we got married, was you know, Father's 20 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:13,000 Speaker 1: Day hits different. Your father, Gary Zema, an amazing dad 21 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:17,440 Speaker 1: to three beautiful children, is no longer with us, and 22 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:23,040 Speaker 1: so these days these weeks are so different for you. 23 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,199 Speaker 3: Yeah, I actually did a little video for Experience Camps 24 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:30,920 Speaker 3: where I volunteer about this weekend because we talk about 25 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:33,560 Speaker 3: it a lot in the grief community, because yeah it 26 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:38,400 Speaker 3: you know, you see a Father's Day card display and 27 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:41,600 Speaker 3: that's like this little kind of mini punch to the gut, 28 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:43,320 Speaker 3: you know, and years ago for me, it was a 29 00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:45,840 Speaker 3: bigger punch to the gut. Like one thing that I 30 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:47,720 Speaker 3: do want to say and while and it makes me 31 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:51,720 Speaker 3: excited to have this expert come on, is because I'm 32 00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:54,280 Speaker 3: a little bit removed from like those first years. I mean, 33 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:57,120 Speaker 3: I lost my dad almost fifteen years ago now, and 34 00:01:57,160 --> 00:02:00,160 Speaker 3: from a positive perspective and not from a viewpoint of 35 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,960 Speaker 3: like forgetting about your person. I want to tell grieving 36 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:07,240 Speaker 3: people it gets better. Time does help. But I think 37 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:09,800 Speaker 3: he'll be good to help remind us and give pointers 38 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:12,680 Speaker 3: for if you're like fresher into loss and loss can 39 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,720 Speaker 3: also be you know, I don't know, was your dad 40 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:15,840 Speaker 3: never in your life? 41 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:17,640 Speaker 2: Was that person? You know? 42 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:19,720 Speaker 3: Did you never know your dad because then Father's Day 43 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:22,400 Speaker 3: hurts in a different way, or did your parents split 44 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:24,960 Speaker 3: up and maybe now you're estranged or there's all kinds 45 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,440 Speaker 3: of different loss and grief, and it does make these 46 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,520 Speaker 3: holidays hit a little bit. So I have my ways 47 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:32,040 Speaker 3: of dealing with it, which we can talk to with 48 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:35,040 Speaker 3: him about. But let's bring him on because I want 49 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:39,280 Speaker 3: to get into his expert opinions on all these different 50 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:40,720 Speaker 3: types of loss and how to navigate on. 51 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:45,560 Speaker 1: Chris Taylor twenty years of experience, passionate about helping families. 52 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:50,639 Speaker 1: He's also an accomplished author speaker, and he joins us now. 53 00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:51,800 Speaker 2: Chris, thanks for being with us. 54 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:54,120 Speaker 3: I feel like you might be the easiest guest name 55 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:57,239 Speaker 3: to remember we've ever had, because we have my Chris 56 00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,720 Speaker 3: here and his daughter's name is Taylor. So thank you 57 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:01,560 Speaker 3: for your convenience and your expertise. 58 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,000 Speaker 4: Yeah, no, awesome. I always joke I've never met a 59 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:04,720 Speaker 4: Chris I didn't like. 60 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:07,919 Speaker 1: So well, it's weird how handsome we all are. 61 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,560 Speaker 4: I feel like that's true, and I think we're like, 62 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:13,160 Speaker 4: what three fifths of the Avengers something like that. 63 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:16,160 Speaker 1: That's true. I always lose out to Hymnsworth in the 64 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:17,160 Speaker 1: favorite Chris category. 65 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:19,280 Speaker 3: I know in those polls they'll do like brackets and 66 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,720 Speaker 3: I love you, babe, But Hamsworth does usually be check 67 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:22,720 Speaker 3: and proud. 68 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:25,720 Speaker 1: But anyway, Chris, thank you for joining us on a 69 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:29,440 Speaker 1: very special Father's Day edition. And I wanted to kind 70 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:32,519 Speaker 1: of dive in with you and with my beautiful wife, Lauren, 71 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:35,200 Speaker 1: because she is really the one that's giving me perspective 72 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,839 Speaker 1: on this. My dad is still alive, we still get 73 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:40,720 Speaker 1: to talk, we're very close, we have a great relationship. 74 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:44,280 Speaker 1: So my Father's Day experience has always been the same. 75 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:49,840 Speaker 1: It's that traditional, you know, Hallmark edition. But as Lauren 76 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:51,960 Speaker 1: has taught me and I've learned even more, it's not 77 00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:53,760 Speaker 1: like that for everybody. And so I wanted to bring 78 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,760 Speaker 1: you on to talk just about that that there are 79 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:59,760 Speaker 1: very different, wild versions of Father's Day. 80 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:03,520 Speaker 4: Yeah, absolutely, I mean, you know, Lauren, you know, I'm 81 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:06,080 Speaker 4: sorry to hear about your father's death obviously, and you 82 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:07,560 Speaker 4: know you've had a lot of years to you know, 83 00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:10,600 Speaker 4: sort of acclimate to that. But you know, absenteeism in 84 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:14,840 Speaker 4: father's and abandonment, and you know, so death is just 85 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:18,479 Speaker 4: one part of this sort of overall experience. You know, 86 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:22,039 Speaker 4: I think it's just giving people permission to experience all 87 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,719 Speaker 4: that it is and not sort of predefining because like 88 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:26,159 Speaker 4: you said, I think we all go in It's like 89 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,720 Speaker 4: Father's Day. You know, we're going to get that barbecue set, 90 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:33,600 Speaker 4: We're going to get the car wax kit. Right, But 91 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,800 Speaker 4: there's people out there that are like, I have no 92 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:38,520 Speaker 4: frame of reference for what even Father's Day is, and 93 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:40,680 Speaker 4: they just treat it like every other day. And then 94 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:42,560 Speaker 4: you layer on when you've had a dad and you've 95 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:46,039 Speaker 4: experienced death. I mean, that's just so painful because each 96 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:49,280 Speaker 4: year represents just time moving on and you know that 97 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:52,200 Speaker 4: lack of that presence in life so totally. 98 00:04:52,279 --> 00:04:54,440 Speaker 3: And I was just saying you probably couldn't hear before, Chris, 99 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:56,760 Speaker 3: but yeah, there's all sorts of different types of loss 100 00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:59,760 Speaker 3: or people who never even had a father. And I 101 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,880 Speaker 3: think think you just hit on something important, which is 102 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:04,960 Speaker 3: I find this and I'd love your opinion on like 103 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:06,640 Speaker 3: what to say to people or how to explain this 104 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,920 Speaker 3: to people. But the problem is you become the bummer, right, 105 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:13,159 Speaker 3: Like if I'm not super happy on Father's Day, or 106 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,360 Speaker 3: if I'm like having a moment where I'm crying or 107 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,920 Speaker 3: missing my dad, then I'm bringing the mood down and 108 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:21,400 Speaker 3: people like not only maybe feel uncomfortable, but they don't 109 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:24,359 Speaker 3: know what to do or say, and they sort of 110 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:27,279 Speaker 3: feel like you're killing the vibe. What's your advice to 111 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:30,200 Speaker 3: people on how they can help support I guess just 112 00:05:30,279 --> 00:05:32,640 Speaker 3: first from an aspect maybe of people who have lost 113 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:35,040 Speaker 3: a father, but how they can support someone who for them, 114 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:38,839 Speaker 3: Father's Day is maybe a bit of a grief moment 115 00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:41,280 Speaker 3: or maybe even more so, like it's gotten better for 116 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:44,799 Speaker 3: me over the years, but earlier on God, I would 117 00:05:44,839 --> 00:05:48,000 Speaker 3: see an advert like a commercial for something for Father's Day, 118 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:50,599 Speaker 3: like home Depot doing Father's Day, and that could potentially 119 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:51,880 Speaker 3: put me in tears. 120 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:56,320 Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, it's so hard. I mean one, I 121 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:59,560 Speaker 4: think it's giving space for human emotion. I mean emotion. 122 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:02,839 Speaker 4: It makes people uncomfortable, right, and so I get it. 123 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:05,320 Speaker 4: You have this like joyous day for some people that 124 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:08,560 Speaker 4: are that are celebrating and excited to you know, to 125 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:11,160 Speaker 4: to bask and you know what that relationship has meant. 126 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:14,479 Speaker 4: But I think just talking about it with people just 127 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:18,280 Speaker 4: being present in whatever they're experiencing, you know, because if 128 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:20,640 Speaker 4: if you let sort of that emotion linger, right and 129 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:22,320 Speaker 4: it just kind of sits there, I think it does 130 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:25,400 Speaker 4: become this weight because it's uncomfortable and it's like almost like, oh, 131 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,279 Speaker 4: you see that person over there in the corner, like 132 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:30,000 Speaker 4: their dad died, don't talk to them like just I 133 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,640 Speaker 4: hope they leave soon and get so uncomfortable, But it's like, 134 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:34,240 Speaker 4: why not just go up and be like, hey, it 135 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:35,919 Speaker 4: looks like you're having a hard time, like are you 136 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:39,599 Speaker 4: doing okay? Giving space to like share what they're experiencing, 137 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:41,760 Speaker 4: even if it's just a small story about their dad. 138 00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:45,560 Speaker 4: You know, it's interesting that this podcast came about because 139 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,880 Speaker 4: I was just talking to a couple of friends the 140 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:50,000 Speaker 4: other night. We had them over for dinner, and the 141 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,960 Speaker 4: wife was telling me the story about how year three 142 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:56,279 Speaker 4: was like the hardest for her. Interesting and she said, yeah. 143 00:06:56,279 --> 00:06:58,440 Speaker 4: She said year one was like her dad was still 144 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:01,599 Speaker 4: with her, like the memories were there. She still felt 145 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,880 Speaker 4: kind of fresh and in the relationship. Year two was 146 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,640 Speaker 4: kind of more of a grief year for her, of 147 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:08,840 Speaker 4: just acknowledging the loss. And then she said, the year 148 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:11,520 Speaker 4: three anniversary hit and it was like the bomb dropped. 149 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:13,880 Speaker 4: It was like time had moved on. He wasn't there. 150 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,200 Speaker 4: And I said, what did you really want people to 151 00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:18,960 Speaker 4: do for you? Like, what were you experiencing that was 152 00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:21,360 Speaker 4: you know, that was good and bad? And that's why 153 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:23,480 Speaker 4: she said, she said, people just sort of like avoided 154 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:25,720 Speaker 4: her like a pariah. It was like they didn't want 155 00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:27,800 Speaker 4: to talk about it. It was uncomfortable. Her family members 156 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:29,040 Speaker 4: were kind of like, well, you should be over this 157 00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:31,520 Speaker 4: by now. It's like three years, right, and like your 158 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:35,080 Speaker 4: family members said that, and then, you know, we had 159 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,880 Speaker 4: talked about what she did when that first Father's Day 160 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:40,640 Speaker 4: came up, and she said she had a little ritual 161 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,960 Speaker 4: about it, right, She had her own little thing where 162 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,120 Speaker 4: she had his ashes in a box and she kind 163 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:47,040 Speaker 4: of just sat with him and had a little moment 164 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:50,240 Speaker 4: of sort of peace and communication with him and was 165 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:52,920 Speaker 4: able to move on. So, you know, I think it's 166 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:55,440 Speaker 4: just being with people, you know, and just kind of 167 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:57,920 Speaker 4: sitting in that emotion with him and not trying to 168 00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:00,800 Speaker 4: say the right thing, not trying to fix it or 169 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:04,400 Speaker 4: make the emotion stop, but just just letting them experience 170 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:05,520 Speaker 4: what they need to experience. 171 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:08,920 Speaker 3: What do you think they totally Yeah, I think, And 172 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,920 Speaker 3: you know, I also understand that a lot of people 173 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:13,520 Speaker 3: come at it from like a fear of hurting you more. 174 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 2: They think if they bring. 175 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,600 Speaker 3: This up like then that's just gonna send you into 176 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,080 Speaker 3: a dark place, and they don't want to put you 177 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:23,920 Speaker 3: in a dark place. But maybe that first question is like, hey, 178 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:26,160 Speaker 3: do you want to talk about this, because if you do, 179 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:27,080 Speaker 3: I'm here for you. 180 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:29,920 Speaker 2: Or do you want to, like, you know, go ignore it. 181 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:33,319 Speaker 3: Do you want to go do something totally different and 182 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:36,440 Speaker 3: that community. Like I have a friend who just lost 183 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:41,319 Speaker 3: her dad suddenly and horribly, and I'm so proud of her. 184 00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:44,480 Speaker 3: Like I've kind of talked to her and she's decided 185 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:47,200 Speaker 3: on Father's Day she's going to get together with a 186 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:50,160 Speaker 3: group of people who she knows all have these dad 187 00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:52,680 Speaker 3: issues and they're going to go do something together and 188 00:08:52,679 --> 00:08:54,880 Speaker 3: the kind of just create a whole outing together out 189 00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:57,920 Speaker 3: of it. But yeah, they're you know, I think making 190 00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:00,360 Speaker 3: space for all the different complex things because now that 191 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:04,160 Speaker 3: you're in my life, Chris Harrison and Chris Taylor, I'm 192 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:05,840 Speaker 3: glad you're in our lives now too, But now that 193 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:07,880 Speaker 3: you're in my life, babe, like I want to celebrate 194 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:10,160 Speaker 3: you as a dad and we have the kids and 195 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,320 Speaker 3: so that's kind of a new joy that's been brought in. 196 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:16,200 Speaker 3: But I've had thoughts in my own mind of like, well, 197 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:17,960 Speaker 3: I don't want to bring you down on this day 198 00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:19,120 Speaker 3: and I don't want to not make. 199 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:20,480 Speaker 2: This day about you. Because it is. 200 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:23,199 Speaker 3: But of course I miss my dad and I do 201 00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:25,440 Speaker 3: want to talk about my dad. And I've literally said 202 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:28,560 Speaker 3: to my Chris, I want to talk about my dad 203 00:09:28,559 --> 00:09:31,440 Speaker 3: and Father's Day. I've made that super clear, Like I 204 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:33,560 Speaker 3: want you to ask about him. I want to raise 205 00:09:33,559 --> 00:09:35,800 Speaker 3: a glass and toast to him at night, even if 206 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:37,959 Speaker 3: it is kind of a sad moment, because I don't 207 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,679 Speaker 3: want to forget him. 208 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,520 Speaker 2: At the same time, I don't want to be again 209 00:09:42,559 --> 00:09:43,600 Speaker 2: a bummer on the day. 210 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,760 Speaker 3: But like I love what you said, Chris Taylor about 211 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,280 Speaker 3: the space for all the different emotions. 212 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:53,320 Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, it's interesting. So my story when I 213 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:55,000 Speaker 4: was about a year old, my dad walked out in 214 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:56,960 Speaker 4: her family and just kind of disappeared off the face 215 00:09:56,960 --> 00:10:00,720 Speaker 4: of the earth. So for you know, gosh, thirty years 216 00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:03,960 Speaker 4: of my life, Father's Day was a foreign concept. People 217 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:05,880 Speaker 4: would celebrate it, and all it really meant to me 218 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,319 Speaker 4: when I was a teenager was my friends were busy 219 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,160 Speaker 4: doing something and I couldn't hang out with them. It 220 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:14,120 Speaker 4: was sort of inconvenience, right. It's like a really interesting experience. 221 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:17,840 Speaker 4: And then when I became a dad, I've got two kids, 222 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:20,680 Speaker 4: it was like this total flip where now there's like 223 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,160 Speaker 4: this energy coming at me for Father's Day and it's 224 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 4: like whoa, Like what do I do with that? 225 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:25,960 Speaker 1: Interesting? 226 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:28,840 Speaker 4: Yeah? So's it's an interesting you know, sort of one 227 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,400 Speaker 4: eighty and like, you know, sort of you have this 228 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:33,599 Speaker 4: absent you know, sort of experience and then all of 229 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:36,040 Speaker 4: a sudden you're thrust into sort of the spotlight of it. 230 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:38,880 Speaker 4: So you know, obviously that's a lot different than sort 231 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,680 Speaker 4: of navigating you know, the grief of it. 232 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:43,680 Speaker 1: But that dichotomy is interesting for someone who it was 233 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:46,040 Speaker 1: almost something. 234 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,800 Speaker 2: Like never a thing something you lamented, yeah. 235 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,679 Speaker 1: And probably was like, oh, please go buy, please go buy. 236 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:52,360 Speaker 1: And now you're you, you know, being a dad. How 237 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:53,040 Speaker 1: old are your kids? 238 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,800 Speaker 4: So they're almost eleven and almost nine. 239 00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:57,640 Speaker 1: So okay, yeah, so you're in this and it's a 240 00:10:57,679 --> 00:10:59,800 Speaker 1: great that's a great stage of life. And so to 241 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:02,360 Speaker 1: have that moment now where you want them to be 242 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:05,319 Speaker 1: present and maybe it just gives you better perspective on 243 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,520 Speaker 1: what you want from it and what. 244 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:10,000 Speaker 4: Yeah, I think, so, you know, and it's just those 245 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:12,719 Speaker 4: mornings of fathers, say, you get love bombed, right, It's 246 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:14,440 Speaker 4: like they just jump on you and mob you and 247 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:17,000 Speaker 4: it's like cards and this and that yeah, it's like, 248 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:18,800 Speaker 4: oh my gosh, Okay, what am I supposed to do 249 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:20,200 Speaker 4: with this? And then they always ask like, what do 250 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,400 Speaker 4: you want to do? And I'm like, I really want 251 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:24,800 Speaker 4: to just kind of be by myself and like sit 252 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:27,440 Speaker 4: in some quiet But it's like the energy of what 253 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:28,760 Speaker 4: everybody else wants from you. 254 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:30,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, can I say I just want to go watch 255 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:34,240 Speaker 1: the US open and disappear for six hours exactly? Okay, 256 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:35,840 Speaker 1: what I really want to do is take you guys 257 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:38,320 Speaker 1: to the park, take you to get ice cream, and 258 00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:40,559 Speaker 1: then barbecue for you tonight. That's what I really wanted 259 00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:40,960 Speaker 1: to do, and. 260 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:44,200 Speaker 4: Then separate the bickering about twenty times in between all that. 261 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,000 Speaker 1: You know, Father's Day is not during the school year, 262 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,640 Speaker 1: so you don't get the cute things that all the 263 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:51,000 Speaker 1: teachers make you, you know, put together for your moms 264 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:53,000 Speaker 1: and dad. You know, the moms kind of get like 265 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:56,160 Speaker 1: talk about love bomb moms get really love bombed. Then 266 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,280 Speaker 1: Father's Day is kind of like, oh yeah, it's in 267 00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:02,200 Speaker 1: the middle of June. What do you want to do? 268 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:05,840 Speaker 4: Well, it's funny he said that just as a side 269 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:07,640 Speaker 4: I was I was watching a reel or something. There 270 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:10,200 Speaker 4: was a comedian and you know, apologize for quoting him 271 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:12,760 Speaker 4: and not knowing who the comedian was. But he was 272 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:16,960 Speaker 4: talking about how Father's Day was the twentieth most celebrated 273 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:20,480 Speaker 4: holiday in the United States and mother Day is the 274 00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:23,280 Speaker 4: second after Christmas, and he was like, I can't even 275 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:28,120 Speaker 4: think of nineteen other holidays, right, And You're like You're like, yeah, 276 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,920 Speaker 4: like what like like Canadian boxing days? 277 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:33,880 Speaker 1: Like we behind the groundhog? We are we losing to 278 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,319 Speaker 1: PUCKSATONI Phil damn it. 279 00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:38,280 Speaker 4: I mean I know as a person, I'm far less 280 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:41,679 Speaker 4: interesting than a groundhog. So I'll take the l on that. 281 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:57,000 Speaker 1: One thing that Lauren has taught me. And I think 282 00:12:57,679 --> 00:13:01,760 Speaker 1: this would go to a dad who walked out on 283 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:06,719 Speaker 1: his family, abusive dat, whatever it is. It's being cognizant 284 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:09,520 Speaker 1: of that as a friend. If you know somebody, what 285 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:11,960 Speaker 1: is your advice to people to, you know, take that 286 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,360 Speaker 1: just reach out on Father's Day or just maybe just 287 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:16,920 Speaker 1: this whole week reach out. Just know, Hey, I'm thinking 288 00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:18,680 Speaker 1: about you, and however you want to do this, I'm 289 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:18,960 Speaker 1: with you. 290 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,520 Speaker 4: Yeah, I think you know, if you knew the dad, 291 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:24,240 Speaker 4: I think it's just maybe reaching out and sharing a story. Hey, 292 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:26,720 Speaker 4: I was thinking about your dad today and I remember, 293 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:28,800 Speaker 4: you know, this conversation I had with him, or this 294 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:31,240 Speaker 4: thing that he taught me, or this really cool experience 295 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:33,560 Speaker 4: we had together. And I think that just gives permission 296 00:13:33,559 --> 00:13:35,200 Speaker 4: for the other person to lean in and say like, 297 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,520 Speaker 4: it's okay to share back. And if you kind of 298 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:40,120 Speaker 4: lean in and share something positive, you know, you do 299 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:42,480 Speaker 4: create a little bit more of a positive energy about it, 300 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:45,560 Speaker 4: so there can be that more uplifting share rather than 301 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,839 Speaker 4: the you know, the sadness of the loss and just 302 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:51,280 Speaker 4: kind of sitting in the grief. You know, although I 303 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:53,640 Speaker 4: think sometimes when that when that grief gets triggered again, 304 00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:55,480 Speaker 4: it is kind of sitting with people and being like, hey, 305 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:57,960 Speaker 4: it's okay, it's okay to feel that loss and sit 306 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:01,079 Speaker 4: in the sadness for a little while. But sometimes I 307 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:02,960 Speaker 4: think asking too, like what is it that we can 308 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,679 Speaker 4: do together to kind of just honor your dad in 309 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:06,839 Speaker 4: this moment, or you know, is there anything that he 310 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:08,679 Speaker 4: really enjoyed that we could go out and do together 311 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,120 Speaker 4: to this, you know, for this day, like golfing or 312 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:13,720 Speaker 4: you know, going and catching a certain movie or listening 313 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,040 Speaker 4: to some live music or something. 314 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,360 Speaker 3: Chris, I love what you just said about making it 315 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,320 Speaker 3: an uplifting share because I hate this and I don't 316 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:24,400 Speaker 3: want to put this pressure on people. But it's interesting 317 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:27,680 Speaker 3: sometimes when people text me, and again, I know their 318 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:28,920 Speaker 3: hearts in the right place. 319 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:30,200 Speaker 2: But like. 320 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:34,200 Speaker 3: My friends will sometimes text me on like the anniversary 321 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,920 Speaker 3: of my losing my dad, And what's interesting is how 322 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,960 Speaker 3: much that's changed for me over the years. In the 323 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,280 Speaker 3: first few years, I really appreciated that they did it, 324 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,000 Speaker 3: But now I've been able to like forget that day 325 00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:46,720 Speaker 3: a little bit more, and I actually need to tell them, Hey, 326 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:49,160 Speaker 3: now when you text me on it, you just like 327 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,600 Speaker 3: remind me, oh, dear, like I'm glad that I forgot 328 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:54,960 Speaker 3: that day. So now it's sort of oh, now that 329 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:58,480 Speaker 3: was just hairminder. This was a horrible day, but like 330 00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:02,200 Speaker 3: making it an uplifting Okay. You know, God, I always 331 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:03,840 Speaker 3: think of your dad and I see this thing or 332 00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,960 Speaker 3: remember when your dad did this. That's such a good 333 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,760 Speaker 3: way to start it from a positive note. 334 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:10,720 Speaker 4: Yeah, because like you said, it just pushes you in 335 00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:12,360 Speaker 4: the grief right then you just have to kind of 336 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:14,880 Speaker 4: sit in it. It activates all that emotion. You know, 337 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:17,120 Speaker 4: some of it's obviously going to be unresolved, and then 338 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:19,160 Speaker 4: what do you do with that, then that can corrupt 339 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,800 Speaker 4: sort of the rest of the day and you're just thinking, gosh, 340 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:24,400 Speaker 4: I just wanted to celebrate Chris Harrison as a dad, 341 00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:26,120 Speaker 4: and now I'm just kind of sad in the corner, 342 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:29,240 Speaker 4: thinking of like great, thanks friends for being good friends, 343 00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:31,600 Speaker 4: but maybe not knowing the best way to support. And 344 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:35,320 Speaker 4: you know, I think sometimes you know, in in anticipation 345 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,840 Speaker 4: of those moments, right maybe a month or two before, 346 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:40,040 Speaker 4: when things are kind of calm and the emotion is low, 347 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,960 Speaker 4: you know, just establishing some boundaries with those friends and 348 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,440 Speaker 4: just reaching out and saying like, hey, you know, I 349 00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:45,920 Speaker 4: know you love to text me on that day. I'm 350 00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:48,320 Speaker 4: really trying to kind of like recreate an experience on 351 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:51,240 Speaker 4: that day of something that's not as sort of sad 352 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:53,600 Speaker 4: or not as a as a constant reminder. And I 353 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:55,600 Speaker 4: love you guys for loving me in the way that 354 00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:58,160 Speaker 4: you do, but I really need to be loved on 355 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,680 Speaker 4: that day in this way and real kind of like 356 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,960 Speaker 4: being able to create that roadmap form. 357 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:04,600 Speaker 1: Well I could see it. I was, you know, when 358 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:06,960 Speaker 1: I hear your story again, I thought think, I think 359 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,120 Speaker 1: I thought of all these scenarios and then I, you know, 360 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:12,400 Speaker 1: hear your story and I think, wow, that really would 361 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,560 Speaker 1: be a lot, and I think it's maybe important to 362 00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:17,640 Speaker 1: have that, you know, that talk with your spouse with 363 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:21,360 Speaker 1: the mom of like, hey, this is a bittersweet day 364 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,160 Speaker 1: for me, Like yeah, I'm you know, when the kids 365 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:24,760 Speaker 1: love bombing and they give me the letters and the 366 00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:27,760 Speaker 1: bad tie, like that's all great, but just know there's 367 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,680 Speaker 1: also a melancholy side to this to me, and like 368 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:32,440 Speaker 1: I might kind of go in and out today, so 369 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:35,200 Speaker 1: just you know, letting them be aware of like, this 370 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:37,080 Speaker 1: is also a weird day for me. But I'm also 371 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:39,320 Speaker 1: excited if that If that makes sense to you, you know, 372 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,640 Speaker 1: it's like, I think having that talk and giving yourself 373 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:44,280 Speaker 1: that grace to feel all those things is important. 374 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,280 Speaker 4: Yeah, I agree, And you know, I've learned so much 375 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,240 Speaker 4: through the years of the therapist too. I mean, the 376 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:52,040 Speaker 4: influence of trauma in these relationships, right, I think you 377 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:55,040 Speaker 4: touched on it earlier. Just an abusive dad situation where 378 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,840 Speaker 4: the word dad can activate you know, sort of PTSD 379 00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:01,840 Speaker 4: like responses and so it can actually really emotionally destabilizing 380 00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:04,600 Speaker 4: for people. But you know, I also think of you know, 381 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:07,159 Speaker 4: the dads that aren't the dads that kind of became 382 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,679 Speaker 4: the dads, the sort of the fill ins, right, you know, 383 00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:12,639 Speaker 4: the stepdads. But you know also these people that are 384 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:14,639 Speaker 4: out there that just see the kid that's like with 385 00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:16,760 Speaker 4: the single mom and they just step in and they're like, 386 00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:19,119 Speaker 4: you know, I'm going to be you know, sort of 387 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:22,120 Speaker 4: this role for you and those kids don't necessarily have 388 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:25,600 Speaker 4: like a Father's Day, and I think giving permission, maybe 389 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:27,560 Speaker 4: there even just needs to be like a separate day 390 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:30,399 Speaker 4: for those like, you know, sort of caretaker men that 391 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:33,359 Speaker 4: come in and just are supportive, because I know my 392 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,359 Speaker 4: wife had that experience with when she was young, her 393 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,080 Speaker 4: dad was kind of in and out, and she had 394 00:17:38,119 --> 00:17:39,960 Speaker 4: a guy that was like, hey, hop in the car, 395 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:41,080 Speaker 4: we're going to go to the roll of a rink, 396 00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:43,040 Speaker 4: We're going to listen to music. He was really close 397 00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:46,520 Speaker 4: to her mom, and that really I think became, you know, 398 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:49,320 Speaker 4: what was dad for her. But she could never really 399 00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:51,840 Speaker 4: reach out to him on Father's Day and say like, 400 00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:56,000 Speaker 4: hey dad, because he would be weird. But you know, 401 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:58,520 Speaker 4: and so as she's gotten older, we've had conversations about 402 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:01,000 Speaker 4: like maybe you should honor that reallyationship a little bit 403 00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:03,679 Speaker 4: more in a dad kind of way. But again, another 404 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:07,320 Speaker 4: layer of like, gosh, nothing's as simple as we'd. 405 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:09,359 Speaker 1: Like it to be, you know, not as black and 406 00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:11,480 Speaker 1: white as it used to be. You know, you bring 407 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,879 Speaker 1: up a good point, and I do want if nothing 408 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,239 Speaker 1: else from Father's Day, like you said, And it's not 409 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:18,720 Speaker 1: just Dad, it's not just fathers. It's just good strong 410 00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:23,880 Speaker 1: men who are good leaders, good communicators. They look out 411 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,560 Speaker 1: for others. They've maybe taken on a role that they 412 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:30,360 Speaker 1: weren't asked for of just helping you know, kids grow 413 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:33,160 Speaker 1: up to be better humans. And whether that was your coach, 414 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,800 Speaker 1: a professor, could be you know, a priest, a rabbi. 415 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,879 Speaker 1: A lot of a lot of good men stand up 416 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:42,639 Speaker 1: in those roles. And I do think this is a 417 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:46,080 Speaker 1: good celebration of all of that. And because a lot 418 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:47,879 Speaker 1: of people take on those roles that you're right and 419 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:49,919 Speaker 1: they're not exactly the quote unquote dad. 420 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:54,080 Speaker 4: Yeah, no, I love that. That's that strong male presence, 421 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,560 Speaker 4: you know. I mean I was listening to some of 422 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,560 Speaker 4: the other day talking. I've heard this through the years, 423 00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:00,800 Speaker 4: but it's like, you know, like, well, I took my 424 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:03,879 Speaker 4: kids to the park, right, It's like that's not an accomplishment, 425 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,480 Speaker 4: that's just being a parent. 426 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:10,399 Speaker 1: You know, the dad that's like I'm I'm babysitting the 427 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,639 Speaker 1: kids tonight. It's like no, no, no, they're yours. 428 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:16,639 Speaker 4: Yeah, you're you're the responsibility you took on. Yeah, but 429 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:18,600 Speaker 4: there's those dads out there that are just those super 430 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:21,760 Speaker 4: dads that like never a complaint, will do everything and anything, 431 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:24,320 Speaker 4: and you know, set sort of that role model for 432 00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,479 Speaker 4: I think what we should all strive to be. And 433 00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:28,359 Speaker 4: I think, you know, for those you know, and maybe 434 00:19:28,359 --> 00:19:30,000 Speaker 4: this speaks a little bit more to your experience with 435 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,359 Speaker 4: your dad to really reach out and just you know, 436 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:35,600 Speaker 4: at whatever age you are, really love bomb them, you know, 437 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:37,320 Speaker 4: in a healthy way to just say, like, you know, 438 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:40,720 Speaker 4: as I've gotten older and reflect back on my childhood, gosh, 439 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:43,720 Speaker 4: like you are an amazing dad. Like I look in 440 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:45,719 Speaker 4: the world now and I see, you know, the loss 441 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:48,280 Speaker 4: and the sadness and so much that isn't and I 442 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,080 Speaker 4: just think, Wow, how much I actually had And those 443 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:52,320 Speaker 4: are really powerful. 444 00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:55,720 Speaker 2: Moments, Chris, You've said so much that's going to stick 445 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:55,919 Speaker 2: with me. 446 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,840 Speaker 3: I think the biggest thing is just like the yeah, 447 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:02,120 Speaker 3: all the different because we grow up and you see 448 00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:04,560 Speaker 3: the commercials and you see the greeting cards and on 449 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:06,440 Speaker 3: the one hand, that is great, but what we're really 450 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:11,160 Speaker 3: celebrating is the goal, like the goal of like a man, 451 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,879 Speaker 3: you know, being a great father to his kids. But 452 00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:17,520 Speaker 3: often that is like, but what that doesn't do is 453 00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:21,200 Speaker 3: acknowledge all the steps towards that goal, like the journey 454 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,440 Speaker 3: that everybody's on to find that person or maybe you 455 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:25,800 Speaker 3: don't have that person and maybe you'll become that person. 456 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:28,639 Speaker 3: So I love the idea, you know, I love Father's 457 00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:30,960 Speaker 3: Day and that it celebrates that, but just being aware 458 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,159 Speaker 3: that not everybody has that. I mean, one thing I 459 00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:34,639 Speaker 3: want to ask, if I can steal a little bit 460 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:36,960 Speaker 3: of your therapy for a minute, is like I said, 461 00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,320 Speaker 3: I'm so far out from this, but if you know 462 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,199 Speaker 3: somebody who like, you know, I don't maybe they just 463 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,520 Speaker 3: lost their dad, they're kind of fresher in the trauma, 464 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:48,240 Speaker 3: or maybe you've just learned that someone is like yourself 465 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:49,919 Speaker 3: and like, like I just learned that you you know, 466 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,600 Speaker 3: grew up without a dad. What do you advise to 467 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,800 Speaker 3: those people who are really fresh in their trauma, or 468 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:56,600 Speaker 3: what do you advise to someone who like you've just 469 00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:59,080 Speaker 3: learned that your friend's gone through something, and how you 470 00:20:59,119 --> 00:20:59,760 Speaker 3: can support them. 471 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,600 Speaker 4: Now, Yeah, it's it's tricky. I mean, grief is just 472 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:05,000 Speaker 4: such a powerful emotion, you know. I think the first 473 00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:07,840 Speaker 4: thing is not assuming that you know what somebody else 474 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:11,399 Speaker 4: is going through or what stage they're at in grief, 475 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:14,719 Speaker 4: because they might be in that super angry stage and 476 00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:17,720 Speaker 4: you're coming in with that attuning to the sadness approach, 477 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:19,800 Speaker 4: and they're just like, I don't want any part of that. 478 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,920 Speaker 4: So sometimes it's just asking permission even like, hey, is 479 00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:25,439 Speaker 4: it okay if I just kind of bring something up 480 00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:27,000 Speaker 4: or I just wanted to mention to you that I'm 481 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,560 Speaker 4: here for you, and I don't really know what you need, 482 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,639 Speaker 4: but if you do need anything, like I'm here because 483 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:34,439 Speaker 4: you know, when we experience loss, all you hear is 484 00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:37,000 Speaker 4: the sort of I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for your loss, 485 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,560 Speaker 4: my condolences, and I think we all know, like, yeah, 486 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,960 Speaker 4: that's a courtesy, but it's like, what does that even mean? 487 00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:45,320 Speaker 4: You're like, okay, you know, am I even sorry right now? 488 00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:47,280 Speaker 4: I don't even know what I feel. I'm like so 489 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:50,760 Speaker 4: in the throes of this just mixing pot you know, 490 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:54,679 Speaker 4: of emotion that when I think of like a singular emotion, 491 00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:56,800 Speaker 4: it just sort of doesn't compute. So I think just 492 00:21:56,840 --> 00:22:00,240 Speaker 4: asking permission, leaning in sort of exploring where they are 493 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,879 Speaker 4: at first before making any sort of assumptions of the 494 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:06,520 Speaker 4: type of support they might need. You know, I think 495 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:09,440 Speaker 4: when people are sort of in that, you know, early stages, 496 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,440 Speaker 4: it's just time spent with people that means the most. 497 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:14,240 Speaker 4: So I'm always just like, hey, I'm going to go 498 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:15,879 Speaker 4: pick up my friend. I'm going to say, hey, we're 499 00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:17,520 Speaker 4: going out to grab a cup of coffee, or we're 500 00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:18,720 Speaker 4: just going to go for a walk in the park. 501 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,800 Speaker 4: You don't even need to talk. I just want to 502 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,800 Speaker 4: be around you. And it's not even about the grief, right, 503 00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:26,600 Speaker 4: It's just about the human connection to be present with them, 504 00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:29,000 Speaker 4: to say you're loved. I don't know what you're going through. 505 00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:31,640 Speaker 4: I'm not going to attempt to understand. But then when 506 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:34,640 Speaker 4: you're in presence with somebody, I think generally people will 507 00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:36,679 Speaker 4: go to a place where they'll start talking about the 508 00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:38,080 Speaker 4: things that they need to talk about. 509 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,679 Speaker 1: Awesome, Chris, thank you so much for your time. I 510 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:44,240 Speaker 1: think it was really important to have this show today, 511 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:46,280 Speaker 1: And you know, I want to celebrate dads, but I 512 00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:51,520 Speaker 1: also want to let everybody know that we these holidays 513 00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:54,840 Speaker 1: are so nuanced and these there's such a wide spectrum 514 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:56,760 Speaker 1: of how we need to approach these days. So I 515 00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:58,960 Speaker 1: truly appreciate the knowledge and the expertise. 516 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,960 Speaker 4: Oh absolutely, thanks for having me on. I appreciate the opportunity. 517 00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:05,520 Speaker 1: And Happy Father's Day to you as as to you and. 518 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:09,119 Speaker 4: You know, Lauren, try not to, you know, bring it 519 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:12,240 Speaker 4: down too much. For Chris, he does buy the ice 520 00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:15,000 Speaker 4: cream and take the kid. He's reached the bar. 521 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:17,760 Speaker 2: It's always a working Father's Day for him. 522 00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:19,439 Speaker 3: I try to do something for him and I'm like, 523 00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:21,199 Speaker 3: what do you want to do, and He's like, I 524 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:21,880 Speaker 3: want a girl. 525 00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:22,680 Speaker 2: Steaks and watch golf. 526 00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,480 Speaker 3: So I end up getting a great relaxing day on 527 00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:26,080 Speaker 3: Father's Day. 528 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:27,600 Speaker 4: Honestly, everybody wins. 529 00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:28,240 Speaker 1: Appreciate it. 530 00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:29,800 Speaker 2: Chris, thank you us, take care. 531 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:33,679 Speaker 1: Guys my thanks to Chris, and Elsie, thank you for 532 00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:36,040 Speaker 1: coming on. I really wanted to get your perspective on 533 00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:40,360 Speaker 1: all this and Father's Day and this week. I think 534 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:43,320 Speaker 1: a lot about my dad. Happy Father's Day, Steve Harrison, 535 00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:45,440 Speaker 1: and I think a lot about your dad, and I'm 536 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:47,800 Speaker 1: grateful for, you know, the dad he was and the 537 00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,600 Speaker 1: kids that he left and the work he did before 538 00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:52,560 Speaker 1: he left us, and so happy Father's Day to Gary 539 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:53,320 Speaker 1: Zema as well. 540 00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:56,119 Speaker 3: Our love, yes, and thank you for doing this. It 541 00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,800 Speaker 3: meantal heft tomy that you wanted to do this episode 542 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:01,600 Speaker 3: of the podcast, and I see how much you've taken 543 00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:04,439 Speaker 3: in what I've said over the years. Sending all of 544 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:09,119 Speaker 3: our love to anybody who is having that type of 545 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:15,000 Speaker 3: day where it's not necessarily the grilling and golfing and 546 00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:19,240 Speaker 3: happy all day day. Whether you had a dad who 547 00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:21,840 Speaker 3: disappointed you, or you never had a dad at all, 548 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:25,080 Speaker 3: or you had a dad you loved and lost, or 549 00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:27,159 Speaker 3: you had a dad who you hated. 550 00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:28,800 Speaker 2: And lost, or who made you sad and lost. 551 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:33,760 Speaker 3: There's so many different types of father experiences that we 552 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:38,040 Speaker 3: all have, and this day I hope encompasses all of 553 00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:41,080 Speaker 3: them in moments of reflection, in moments of joy, in 554 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:44,919 Speaker 3: moments of welcoming all of the emotions that we all have. 555 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:46,480 Speaker 3: We're sending our love and support to you. 556 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:50,400 Speaker 1: Love you guys, Happy Father's Day. We'll talk to you soon. 557 00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:53,360 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram at the most 558 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:55,960 Speaker 1: dramatic pod ever and make sure to write us a 559 00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:58,639 Speaker 1: review and leave us five stars. I'll talk to you 560 00:24:58,680 --> 00:24:59,080 Speaker 1: next time.