Speaker 1: Hey, Queen of the conn listeners, Jonathan Walton Here, I've
Speaker 1: missed you. Come visit me at my new home. Just
Speaker 1: search Jonathan Walton Media wherever you get your podcasts. In
Speaker 1: the meantime, I have a brand new series you can
Speaker 1: listen to right here, right now. It's called The Handyman
Speaker 1: of West Texas. And if you've been watching that show
Speaker 1: Land Man, what you're about to hear will blow your mind.
Speaker 1: It's the most insane true story. And episode one starts
Speaker 1: right now.
Speaker 2: We're both spent, we're sweaty, it's hot. We're laying there together,
Speaker 2: side by side, naked on her rug in the living room.
Speaker 1: Are you worried or husband might come home?
Speaker 2: Not until we rolled over spent did that thought even
Speaker 2: cross my mind. And then I was thinking, oh god,
Speaker 2: you know Billy Bobb come home anytime, and you know,
Speaker 2: murder us both.
Speaker 1: That's how they handle things in Midland Texas.
Speaker 2: Everyone has guns.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And for any prolific sex worker in West Texas
Speaker 1: whose client tele is predominantly wealthy housewives, getting shot on
Speaker 1: the job is a real concern. Hundreds of women have
Speaker 1: paid you under the guise of coming over being a
Speaker 1: handyman and then they're really paying you for sex. Yes,
Speaker 1: hundreds in Midland, Texas.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Speaker 1: The older I get, the more I realize nothing is
Speaker 1: what it appears.
Speaker 2: To be, not in the least.
Speaker 1: I'm Jonathan Walton and this is the Handyman of West Texas.
Speaker 1: Episode one. She was a deacon in her church. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're fine. They're very sensitive, but you know, closer to
Speaker 1: the better obviously. It's okay, all right, excited on everything
Speaker 1: sounds good. How would you introduce yourself? And I know,
Speaker 1: I know we're trying to keep you anonymous, and we're
Speaker 1: trying to we're protecting our identity. But what what name
Speaker 1: do you go by?
Speaker 2: I always go by Mickey.
Speaker 1: Mickey like Mickey Mouse, Yeah, just like that. Mickey stands
Speaker 1: about six ft tall, confident, lean, fit. He looks like
Speaker 1: a man's man, someone you want to call when there's
Speaker 1: a problem. Part bouncer, part rugged police officer. All right, Mickey,
Speaker 1: So introduce yourself to people. If you're just meeting some
Speaker 1: much for the first time, introduce yourself and tell me
Speaker 1: what you do.
Speaker 2: Oh, my name's Mickey, and I'm a kind of jack
Speaker 2: of all trades and whatever you need done. You in
Speaker 2: and out of your house. I'm pretty sure I can do.
Speaker 1: It, And never has that sentence meant more than coming
Speaker 1: from your mouth. Whatever you need done.
Speaker 2: I kind of leave it open ended just for that reason.
Speaker 1: For lack of a better term. You're a handyman. You
Speaker 1: know how to fix things around the house. Like what
Speaker 1: kinds of jobs do you do?
Speaker 2: I could do flooring, I could do drywall, I could
Speaker 2: do electrical, I could do plumbing. I can do framing,
Speaker 2: I can do roofing. I can do exterior landscaping, fence building, rock, wall,
Speaker 2: sheet rock, just about anything. If you have a home
Speaker 2: that you don't like, I can rip it apart from
Speaker 2: the ground up and rebuild it to your needs.
Speaker 1: But Mickey isn't from Texas. He's actually born one thousand
Speaker 1: miles west of Midland in Los Angeles in the late
Speaker 1: nineteen seventies, and he lives in the city of Angels
Speaker 1: until his early twenties before heading east.
Speaker 2: So I was twenty three and then I got married,
Speaker 2: moved to Texas. Was conservative, faithful, you know, father and
Speaker 2: husband and going to work, coming home, you know, nine
Speaker 2: to five kind of thing.
Speaker 1: But after twenty years Mickey and his wife go their
Speaker 1: separate ways and get divorced, and he rents his own
Speaker 1: place in Midland and throws himself into his work. Mickey
Speaker 1: is an oil guy, a fracker.
Speaker 2: So the job basically is hooking up tons of iron
Speaker 2: and equipment high pressure water induced pumps. And why they
Speaker 2: call it fracking is because we're fracturing the earth. They
Speaker 2: drilled down about three miles into the earth, and we
Speaker 2: pump millions and millions of gallons of water under high
Speaker 2: pressure with sand and force the earth fracture, and we
Speaker 2: fill it with sand and crack it as far as
Speaker 2: we can go. And then once we're done, we pump
Speaker 2: out the water and oil comes out behind it.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: We are now the number one producer of oil in
Speaker 2: the world, more than Saudi Arabia, more than Russia, more
Speaker 2: than anyone, and seventy five percent of it is done
Speaker 2: right there in the Midland, Texas area, which is surprising.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it recently it got my attention with that
Speaker 1: hit show Land Man Billy Bob Thornton John Hamm. It's
Speaker 1: set in the Midland area in the oil industry.
Speaker 3: Oil and gas industry makes three billion dollars a day.
Speaker 3: I'm pure of profit.
Speaker 2: That's the scale that's the size of this thing, and it's.
Speaker 3: Only getting bigger.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's exactly the life I was living. Those
Speaker 2: are the kind of guys that I work around, and
Speaker 2: that's exactly it's pretty accurate assessment of what life out
Speaker 2: there in Midland Texas. Is Land Man such an amazing show,
Speaker 2: and it's pretty close to really that's life and I live.
Speaker 1: It's a part of Texas, West Texas where black Gold
Speaker 1: rain supreme. We're pistoning oil. Derricks pumping up Texas tea
Speaker 1: from the depths are everywhere you look, and millionaire mercenaries
Speaker 1: lined up by the thousands, are cashing in left and right.
Speaker 2: It's a boomtown when things are great, and it's a
Speaker 2: ghost town when it's not. Because the price oil goes down,
Speaker 2: then we can't afford to do what we do. Really,
Speaker 2: But when the price oil is anywhere over sixty dollars
Speaker 2: a barrel, which I think right now it's maybe eighty five,
Speaker 2: they're making millions every single minute that we pump.
Speaker 1: So it's almost like it sounds like fracking is like
Speaker 1: squeezing all the oil out of the sand and rock.
Speaker 2: That's basically what it is. It's trapped.
Speaker 1: It's trapped in the sand and rock.
Speaker 2: Yeah, back in the old days, you would drill a
Speaker 2: hole and you know, hope for the best that where
Speaker 2: you were drilling there was oil underneath there.
Speaker 3: You poke the hole.
Speaker 2: Once you hit oil, it starts coming out. It's not
Speaker 2: that way at all with fracturing. We know what's under there,
Speaker 2: but we have to force it out.
Speaker 1: It reminds me of that opening scene in the Beverly Hillbillies,
Speaker 1: you know, where he's shooting for food and then he
Speaker 1: shoots into the ground and then oil just starts bubbling.
Speaker 3: First thing.
Speaker 1: You know, Old Jud's a millionaire. The kinfolks said y.
Speaker 4: Had moved away from there, said, California is a base
Speaker 4: you order do so they loaded.
Speaker 3: Up the truck.
Speaker 1: Hills that is, swimming Pools, movie Stars, Beverly Hillbilly. God,
Speaker 1: that's burned into my head so much from childhood. Did
Speaker 1: you watch that show? I did, The Beverly Hillbilly's. So
Speaker 1: that's how oil was so easily accessible back in the day,
Speaker 1: which has come up out of the ground. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: not anymore.
Speaker 2: First of all, all the areas where that type of
Speaker 2: oil is, you know accessible is are bought by all
Speaker 2: the chevrons and all the big companies of the world.
Speaker 1: And they've sucked it out.
Speaker 2: They've well they've not so much sucked it out as
Speaker 2: they've laid claim to the land. Right, so they decide,
Speaker 2: you know, ah, we need a little bit more. Let's
Speaker 2: go pocohol over here, pocohol over there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and in.
Speaker 2: The middle and area, the premium basin that area is
Speaker 2: still very much wide open though there's still land to buy.
Speaker 2: But it went from maybe five hundred dollars an acre
Speaker 2: to ten thousand dollars an acre just because they know
Speaker 2: what's underneath the ground.
Speaker 1: Now, Yeah, they can squeeze the oil out of the sand.
Speaker 2: To as much as they can. Three miles is pretty deep. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and they're drilling three miles deep and it's horizontal drilling,
Speaker 2: so it's not down anymore. It's down and then it
Speaker 2: starts curving. Makes that like a ninety degree angle. Wow,
Speaker 2: three miles under the earth. So technologies come a long way.
Speaker 1: Fracking in Middland, Texas is like what casinos are in
Speaker 1: Las Vegas, Nevada, or what Disney World is in Orlando, Florida.
Speaker 1: It's the reason people go, and it's the land of
Speaker 1: opportunity come as you are. You don't need a college
Speaker 1: degree or even a high school diploma. You just need
Speaker 1: to be willing and able.
Speaker 2: The median income of this desert town is eighty or
Speaker 2: ninety thousand dollars.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: Because you can get a kid off the streets who's
Speaker 2: never worked a day in his life in the oil field,
Speaker 2: and you're starting at sixty five thousand.
Speaker 3: Wow. Yeah, that's attractive. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I know there's a lot of controversy with fracking.
Speaker 1: It pollutes the groundwater.
Speaker 2: We're raping Mother Earth every day.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's no other way to look at it, because
Speaker 2: that's what we're doing. You can have every car in
Speaker 2: the America electric car, you're still going to need patrolling products.
Speaker 2: Everything is made oil everything, Plastic everything plastic. Guess what,
Speaker 2: we live in a plastic world.
Speaker 3: We do live in a plastic world.
Speaker 1: So I live in La probably the most plastic of
Speaker 1: them all.
Speaker 2: Plastic key.
Speaker 1: But Midland, Texas is the polar opposite of Los Angeles,
Speaker 1: California in every conceivable way.
Speaker 2: There are no homeless people in the Midland, Texas.
Speaker 3: That's interesting.
Speaker 1: So is it that Midland has solved homelessness or is
Speaker 1: it just too damn hot.
Speaker 2: No, it's the absence of protective laws. I guess that government,
Speaker 2: what are you applying?
Speaker 1: I would homeless people get shot and eaten.
Speaker 2: They would get beaten and dragged away to another town.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they don't want people lie around on their corners
Speaker 2: or you know, occupying the size of their freeways.
Speaker 3: In Midland, they figured it out.
Speaker 1: They figured it out, and it's not a friendly figure out.
Speaker 2: No, it's it's the suspension of law and order and
Speaker 2: you know, just to get it done, kind of rambow type. Minute,
Speaker 2: Can I get something to eat this time?
Speaker 1: How would you describe Midland for people who don't know
Speaker 1: that part of Texas? I mean, people know Dallas, people
Speaker 1: know Houston, people know Austin, keep Austin weird. It's where
Speaker 1: all the music festivals and stop by Southwest. But Midland, Texas'
Speaker 1: what's that lie?
Speaker 3: Inland?
Speaker 2: Texas is as far away from any of that as
Speaker 2: you can imagine. So you can stand in one place,
Speaker 2: doesn't matter where you're at in town, do a whole
Speaker 2: gree sixty and you're looking at desert. There is nothing
Speaker 2: out there. This is an oil town, oil industry. I
Speaker 2: would say eighty percent of the population has some kind
Speaker 2: of job in and around the oil field. There's nothing
Speaker 2: in Midland. You know, you had to visit for whatever
Speaker 2: reason you were punished. The biggest thing to see is
Speaker 2: like the house that George w grew up in.
Speaker 4: Growing up with mother and dad was an interesting experience.
Speaker 2: They made a little kind of museum out of it.
Speaker 2: Regular you know, to bedroom, one bath house in the
Speaker 2: middle of town and that's about it.
Speaker 1: So that's the draw of Midland.
Speaker 2: Yes, well it's not a draw, but it's something to
Speaker 2: do while you're there. And the stadium where they did
Speaker 2: Friday Night Lights.
Speaker 1: We've got Texas High school football and his bondes. No
Speaker 1: doubt it's going to be at all. And what brought
Speaker 1: you to Midland.
Speaker 2: Hydraulic fracturing boom was in the Midland area and the
Speaker 2: Permium basin and there's apparently billions of billions of dollars
Speaker 2: worth of oil underneath the Midland area. And I got
Speaker 2: a job there. That's how I discovered that Midland existed.
Speaker 1: How would you describe the culture of Midland, Texas.
Speaker 2: It's right in the center of the Texas Bible belt.
Speaker 2: You know, there's actually some counties around us that won't
Speaker 2: sell alcohol really.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like you can't get alcohol anywhere anywhere.
Speaker 2: They're called dry counties and you drive through them and
Speaker 2: there's they won't sell them in liquor, No supermarket alcohol,
Speaker 2: no nothing. You cannot and it's illegal if you bring
Speaker 2: alcohol into a dry county you can get arrested.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: And then they have some crazy laws. When I first
Speaker 2: moved there, I didn't understand it. On Sundays they don't
Speaker 2: sell alcohol. You can buy beer, but not alcohol for
Speaker 2: some reason, and you can't buy it before noon because
Speaker 2: you have to wait until the church is over. It's
Speaker 2: it's an actual law all throughout Texas.
Speaker 1: You can't drink until noon and a Sunday on.
Speaker 2: A Sunday after church, and only beer for some reason.
Speaker 1: What about the hole he turned water into wine thing?
Speaker 2: Apparently not in Texas.
Speaker 1: So everyone goes to church in Midland.
Speaker 3: Texas as far as I know, Yeah, are there a
Speaker 3: lot of churches.
Speaker 2: There's churches everywhere. It'd be Presbyterian, Methodist, Catholic.
Speaker 1: What are you.
Speaker 3: None of the above.
Speaker 2: Technically, I guess I'm Catholic, but yeah, I haven't gone
Speaker 2: to church in decades. You grew up Catholic, Catholic school
Speaker 2: for twelve.
Speaker 1: Years, and that turned you off.
Speaker 2: Of Catholics, completely well organized religion in general.
Speaker 1: Mickey is raised in a devout Catholic household. His teachers
Speaker 1: at school are nuns and priests. He grows up very sheltered,
Speaker 1: and he actually has no idea that he's well hung,
Speaker 1: like really really well hunged.
Speaker 2: I have eight and a half thick inches, and I
Speaker 2: always please eight and a half inches eight and a
Speaker 2: half and thick. Don't forget the thick because that makes
Speaker 2: a big difference.
Speaker 1: Wow, I mean that's impressive. How do you go your
Speaker 1: whole life and not know you're you have a huge
Speaker 1: thing down there.
Speaker 2: You know, it's it's my only point of reference, you know,
Speaker 2: up to that point was pornos.
Speaker 3: I have something for you right here. Wow.
Speaker 2: You know, and as far as I knew, you know,
Speaker 2: I look like all the guys in the pornos, So.
Speaker 1: I thought, so you thought that's normal.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, like I said, no other point of reference.
Speaker 1: So growing up, you weren't in like changing rooms with
Speaker 1: other boys or other men, and no one would say.
Speaker 2: Hey, Catholic school, they didn't do they didn't do the
Speaker 2: shower room kind of deal, you.
Speaker 1: Know, everyone's ashamed, everyone's covered.
Speaker 2: Up, everyone's hiding. You have your own little stalls and
Speaker 2: kind of deal, and there's no group showers or yeah.
Speaker 2: I had no nothing to compare it to except you know,
Speaker 2: for what I saw, which, yeah, all those guys are
Speaker 2: the same size as me, but but.
Speaker 1: Those guys are huge.
Speaker 2: I didn't know that. I thought, Hey, all right, I'm
Speaker 2: like those guys, I'm good.
Speaker 1: Wow. You know, and you're married for twenty years to
Speaker 1: the same woman. So does she ever tell you, oh
Speaker 1: my god, you're hurting me, this is huge.
Speaker 2: Or yeah at first, and you know, I thought, you know,
Speaker 2: that's normal I had. I had, you know, kind of
Speaker 2: a repressed Catholic upbringing where you don't talk about sex,
Speaker 2: you don't talk about you know, those kind of things.
Speaker 2: So I was like, okay, well, I guess sex at
Speaker 2: first is supposed to hurt the woman and they get
Speaker 2: used to it.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: It was.
Speaker 2: It was a terrible us conception that I just you know,
Speaker 2: worked through until after I got divorced and I started
Speaker 2: getting more and more kind of an inkling into hey,
Speaker 2: maybe I'm not just like everybody else, because I would
Speaker 2: hear comments, man, you're the biggest I've ever had You're
Speaker 2: so huge or this and that.
Speaker 1: I think if you were a kid growing up in
Speaker 1: a regular environment outside of a Catholic school, like a
Speaker 1: regular school where all the boys are changing in front
Speaker 1: of each other, I think you would have been a
Speaker 1: spectacle because in these types of situations, the big guys
Speaker 1: are like, oh my god, look at you know. They
Speaker 1: everyone's got a nickname, like you know, Artfart or Elephant
Speaker 1: trunk girl. You know, like kids give each other nicknames
Speaker 1: based on, you know, anatomy, like my buddy Evan went
Speaker 1: to school with a guy who had a huge dick
Speaker 1: everyone saw in the locker room and they called him
Speaker 1: the serpent because it bit And I think that would
Speaker 1: have happened to you. But you went to Catholic school.
Speaker 1: Everyone changed in secret. There were no public showers where
Speaker 1: you saw other boys. So you had this giant tool
Speaker 1: down there and you didn't know it was giant. And
Speaker 1: your only comparison is pornos, and all the guys look
Speaker 1: like you and the pornos.
Speaker 3: So you think, oh, I'm normal exactly.
Speaker 1: So the wedding night with your wife, did you just
Speaker 1: like tear it up? Didn't you just? Did she call
Speaker 1: a doctor the next day, like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the first time was I guess, you know, hard
Speaker 2: for her, It was great for me, and I didn't realize.
Speaker 2: You know, we had to take a break for like
Speaker 2: a week, and again I was like, you know, this,
Speaker 2: this is normal as far as you know, as far
Speaker 2: as I knew, I had been with several women before
Speaker 2: I got married, But again I was really young, and
Speaker 2: I attributed to you know, everyone giving oh you're the
Speaker 2: most beautiful.
Speaker 3: Yeah right, they're just nice exactly.
Speaker 1: It's like you would say to the girl, oh you're
Speaker 1: so beautiful. Really you just nice to say she's not ugly,
Speaker 1: but you're just harping on something to have something nice
Speaker 1: to say, and I.
Speaker 2: Thought they were just reading the same thing back to
Speaker 2: me being polite exactly.
Speaker 1: So you have this, for lack of a better term,
Speaker 1: this asset your entire life and you don't realize it.
Speaker 1: How old were you when you realized that eight point
Speaker 1: five inches is way above the standard equipment issue to
Speaker 1: most men.
Speaker 2: I was in my mid forties.
Speaker 1: You're in your mid forties.
Speaker 2: Before I realized, yeah, oh my god.
Speaker 1: After I got divorced, and what are you now, forty nine?
Speaker 3: I'm forty nine now so just a few years ago.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm about to be fifty next month, and yeah,
Speaker 2: mid forties. Before I realized that I was a lot
Speaker 2: bigger than the average guy. I learned over time that
Speaker 2: the average you know, penisize anywhere from forty five inches,
Speaker 2: and I was eight and a half and quite thick.
Speaker 1: And what's fascinating to me is the moment you realize
Speaker 1: you were a lot bigger than the average guy is
Speaker 1: the same exact moment you realize when people call a handyman.
Speaker 1: Some have other ideas in mind.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Again, I guess I was living a sheltered life
Speaker 2: or just didn't realize that this lifestyle existed. I was
Speaker 2: sheltered from the reality that was out there. And the
Speaker 2: first time that I was called to, you know, I
Speaker 2: thought a legitimate handyman job and it turned sexual. Did
Speaker 2: I realize, Hey, this exists. Different realm of what my
Speaker 2: existence had been until that point was out there, especially
Speaker 2: in a town like Midland.
Speaker 1: That's what blows my mind.
Speaker 2: Man, Midland, Midland, Texas, MyD of the Bible Belt. Yeah.
Speaker 1: The other thing about Midland, Texas is a lot of
Speaker 1: people work there, but not a lot of people live there.
Speaker 1: The city's population is just over one hundred and forty thousand.
Speaker 2: No one lives in Midland, Like I said, there's nothing there.
Speaker 2: So every single oil field worker basically commutes for wherever
Speaker 2: their home base is, Houston, Dallas, Albuquerque. Mine was Albuquerque,
Speaker 2: so I lived in Albuquerque. I would drive to Midland,
Speaker 2: stay there for the two weeks that I would be working,
Speaker 2: and then come back for a week in Albuquerque, so
Speaker 2: on and so forth. But after I got divorced, I
Speaker 2: actually moved to Midland. Why do the commute.
Speaker 1: When you're not going home to a wife anymore?
Speaker 2: Exactly? And so for the last four years I've been
Speaker 2: in Midland living.
Speaker 1: How long were you in Midland when you put up
Speaker 1: that first handyman ad?
Speaker 2: Just a couple months. I just got myself settled, got
Speaker 2: a place, and I was working, and two days into
Speaker 2: it I got bored. I was like, what am I
Speaker 2: going to do? I have a whole week to do nothing.
Speaker 1: So Mickey has a two week on, one week off
Speaker 1: work schedule, and it'd be different having a week off
Speaker 1: in Houston or Dallas or Austin or San Antonio or
Speaker 1: any other metropolitan area, but a week off with nothing
Speaker 1: to do in Midland, Texas can drive a person mad.
Speaker 1: So Mickey, who's always been a man who can build
Speaker 1: and or fix anything and everything under the sun, decides
Speaker 1: to look for work as a handyman during his week
Speaker 1: off to make some extra money and to fight the
Speaker 1: boredom and monotony of Midland.
Speaker 2: I was like, well, you know, we put an ad
Speaker 2: out in creaklist. I can help you, you know, with
Speaker 2: stuff around your house. And didn't take very long before
Speaker 2: I got my first contact.
Speaker 1: When you put your first handyman add out on Craigslist
Speaker 1: in Midland, Texas, it was just a regular you need
Speaker 1: a handyman, I can come fix things like there was
Speaker 1: no innuendo. It was a straight handyman.
Speaker 2: Unbeknownst to me, there was innuendo it so you don't.
Speaker 1: Mean to I didn't mean to do as much as
Speaker 1: you can call. What did that first ad sec The.
Speaker 2: First ad was kind of along the lines of, you know,
Speaker 2: I'm a jack of all trades, handyman. I'm available twenty
Speaker 2: four hours a day for the next week to do
Speaker 2: all the things at your home that have been neglected.
Speaker 2: Do you have a honeydew list that hasn't been touched
Speaker 2: I'm your man.
Speaker 1: Yeah, even using the word touched like that.
Speaker 2: Exactly, And like I said, looking back at it, there's
Speaker 2: there's yeah. I didn't realize how suggestive I was being,
Speaker 2: and I thought it was covered in my base to
Speaker 2: get them fixed things exactly.
Speaker 3: And here's the thing.
Speaker 1: There are more than fifteen thousand millionaires working in the
Speaker 1: Permian Basin alone. Most of them are men clocking in
Speaker 1: one hundred hour work weeks, leaving their rich wives home
Speaker 1: alone to raise the kids and decorate the mansions and
Speaker 1: organize church fundraisers.
Speaker 2: There's plenty of lonely women whose husbands are away for
Speaker 2: long periods of time in the oil field that just
Speaker 2: feel neglected.
Speaker 1: And that feeling of neglect has a way of manifesting
Speaker 1: into something else entirely because a lot of these wealthy
Speaker 1: housewives in Midland, Texas are in their forties and fifties,
Speaker 1: their kids are in college, their husbands are at work,
Speaker 1: and they have a lot of free time money on
Speaker 1: their hands, and not a whole lot to do with it.
Speaker 1: And that gives handyman Mickey a new and exciting opportunity
Speaker 1: he does not see coming.
Speaker 2: Ahead. All my tools, I was ready to fix things
Speaker 2: not knowing that I'd be, you know, helping them out
Speaker 2: other ways.
Speaker 1: So you put this ad out in chriikslist. It's your
Speaker 1: first time getting a job as a handyman. How many
Speaker 1: people call you to come over and fix something until
Speaker 1: they make a pass at you? Was it the first one?
Speaker 2: It was the very first one.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: It was a day after I put the ad up.
Speaker 2: And you know, again, not thinking I was being suggestive,
Speaker 2: I put a picture in the ad, a picture of yourself,
Speaker 2: a picture of myself, just so it would it would
Speaker 2: in my mind. I was thinking, Hey, I don't want
Speaker 2: you to have the worry that some anonymous person is
Speaker 2: coming over. Right, this is what I look like. That
Speaker 2: was my reasoning behind.
Speaker 1: You know, it makes sense because now it's not a stranger, like, oh,
Speaker 1: I know what this guy looks like. And you're a rugged,
Speaker 1: good looking guy.
Speaker 2: And that's the thing. It's oil fil We're all kind
Speaker 2: of rough and double kind of guys. I'm not I'm
Speaker 2: not polished. I don't go to work in a certain
Speaker 2: tie kind of deal. So I wanted to put that
Speaker 2: out there, not knowing that that, coupled with the wording
Speaker 2: in the ad, was gonna you know, have the effect
Speaker 2: that it had.
Speaker 1: When you put the ad up. A day later, a
Speaker 1: woman responds.
Speaker 2: She had wooden shutters in her back that needed to
Speaker 2: be repaired, and I said, yeah, I can definitely help
Speaker 2: you with that.
Speaker 1: And what were you going to charge her?
Speaker 2: So I was planning to do one hundred dollars an
Speaker 2: hour kind of charge based on you know, what needed
Speaker 2: to be done, supplies, how long was you know, But
Speaker 2: I always let them know ahead of time or that.
Speaker 2: My plan in the head was to let them know,
Speaker 2: let me take a look at it, and then I
Speaker 2: can give you an accurate price.
Speaker 1: So you draw up to this house. Describe what this
Speaker 1: house looks like because you're driving up.
Speaker 2: This house is massive. So it's crazy because again there's
Speaker 2: nothing in Midland. Okay, this is desert surrounded by desert,
Speaker 2: and so in the middle of this nothingness, this lady has,
Speaker 2: you know, one of these gaudy, huge mansions in the
Speaker 2: middle of the desert. You know, they have no grass,
Speaker 2: of course, because nothing will grow out there. But this
Speaker 2: it's a two story wrapped around with pillars in.
Speaker 1: The front pillars.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it was like I said it was. It
Speaker 2: was gotty to the point that Look, we have so
Speaker 2: much money we don't know what to do with. Yeah,
Speaker 2: we're gonna we have fountains in the middle, fountains.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 3: So she was rich, Oh she was.
Speaker 2: She was very rich. And I'm thinking, you know, there's
Speaker 2: no way that there's shutters in the back of its
Speaker 2: home because this is million dollar home that probably was
Speaker 2: just built last week kind of deal.
Speaker 1: And why would she be calling some handyman.
Speaker 3: On Creigslin exactly? You know?
Speaker 1: Now, was this woman married? She was married, and was
Speaker 1: her husband there?
Speaker 2: No, she mentioned when we had set up the initial
Speaker 2: meeting that her husband was on a drilling rig right now.
Speaker 1: So he works in the oil industry, so you know,
Speaker 1: everyone does, and he has got a lot of money.
Speaker 2: He was one of the upper guys.
Speaker 1: He was.
Speaker 2: He was Billy Bob.
Speaker 1: We're referring to that Billy Bob Thornton character in the
Speaker 1: show Landman, who oversees all the oil workers and oil
Speaker 1: executives and diffuses problems that pop up with rig explosions
Speaker 1: and land leases and angry Mexican drug cartels.
Speaker 2: We don't want your oil there, Well, wish in one hand,
Speaker 2: shit in the other.
Speaker 3: See which one fills up first.
Speaker 1: God, the writing on that show is just next level. Anyway.
Speaker 1: This wealthy woman who hires Mickey to come over to
Speaker 1: her Midland, Texas mansion to quote fix some shutters is
Speaker 1: married to a billybop type who leaves home for work
Speaker 1: early each morning and comes home from work late each night,
Speaker 1: seven days a week. So when Mickey arrives at this
Speaker 1: wealthy housewife's home at around noon, she's alone, and come
Speaker 1: to find out, she doesn't really want her shutters fixed.
Speaker 2: And I turned around to look at her, and she
Speaker 2: immediately leans in and starts kissing me. She started kissing
Speaker 2: you like tongue in mouth, tongue in mouth.
Speaker 3: Oh God.
Speaker 1: And keep in mind this woman has no idea the
Speaker 1: gargantuan colossus Mickey is packing down below, but she's about
Speaker 1: to find out.
Speaker 2: When she just eyes wide open kind of deal. She's
Speaker 2: you're at least twice as big as my husband.
Speaker 1: And this isn't just any random Midland Texas housewife either.
Speaker 1: She's pretty prominent and well known.
Speaker 2: She was a deacon in her church.
Speaker 1: Who oh, happy day, Happy day, Happy day. Happy Next
Speaker 1: time on the Handyman of West Texas, things get graphic.
Speaker 2: She's grabbing my cock when I'm mom on the floor
Speaker 2: and lean kind of leveraging herself on top, kind of
Speaker 2: aiming herself so she could start straggling me. And she said,
Speaker 2: you got to you gotta give me a minute, because
Speaker 2: I've never taken anyone as big as you before.
Speaker 1: But this housewife is extremely determined, and before long.
Speaker 2: She's writing me like a wild woman.
Speaker 3: And did she have an orgasm?
Speaker 2: She had several.
Speaker 1: To listen to the next episode of The Handyman of
Speaker 1: West Texas right now, You're not going to hear it
Speaker 1: here on the Queen of the Confeed. You gotta check
Speaker 1: out my new feed. It's totally free. Just click that
Speaker 1: little magnifying glass icon in the search box of your
Speaker 1: podcast app and search Jonathan Walton Media. Search Jonathan Walton Media.
Speaker 1: There you can listen to you all episodes of The
Speaker 1: Handyman of West Texas and hear my other series, Cocaine Air.
Speaker 1: Back in the nineteen eighties, in sunny South Florida, TJ.
Speaker 1: Dominguez is leading a double life.
Speaker 4: By day, I owned and operated the largest Lamborghini dealership
Speaker 4: in the world, but by night I flew tons of
Speaker 4: cocaine from Columbia for Pablo Escobarbark and.
Speaker 1: The Quarterback and the con Artist. When retired NFL quarterback
Speaker 1: Eric Kramer checks himself into a motel room, puts a
Speaker 1: gun to his head and pulls the trigger. He thinks
Speaker 1: all his problems will be over. But when Eric survives,
Speaker 1: he's got the brain capacity of a six year old,
Speaker 1: and a tall, blonde con woman swoops in, secretly marries
Speaker 1: him and starts bleeding him dry.
Speaker 2: The secret marriage was a way to keep her taking
Speaker 2: his money.
Speaker 1: And the law is on her side.
Speaker 3: They're marriage.
Speaker 1: Listen to the Quarterback and the con Artists. Wherever you
Speaker 1: get your podcasts, remember you gotta click that little magnifying
Speaker 1: glass icon in the search box of your podcast app
Speaker 1: and search for it. Jonathan Walton Media. That's my new
Speaker 1: home with all these amazing new shows. Jonathan Walton Media.
Speaker 1: There's a secret underworld in the Permian Basin that's not
Speaker 1: being portrayed in Landman. According to this oil field worker
Speaker 1: named Mickey, who moonlights as a handyman in West Texas
Speaker 1: to make ends meet.
Speaker 2: I can do drywall, I can do electrical, I could
Speaker 2: do flooring.
Speaker 1: But Mickey is laying a different kind of hardwood and
Speaker 1: all those West Texas housewives whose husbands are out working
Speaker 1: all day can't get enough. Hundreds of women have paid
Speaker 1: you under the guise of coming over being a handyman,
Speaker 1: and then they're really paying you for sex. Yes, hundreds
Speaker 1: in Midland, Texas.
Speaker 2: Yes, hey, you just got a hold of me, he said,
Speaker 2: he can't find episode two.
Speaker 1: Well, I think because if you're listening to this now,
Speaker 1: you're on the Queen of the Confeed. So I put
Speaker 1: episode one of The Handyman of West Texas on the
Speaker 1: Queen of the Confeed. If you're listening to my voice
Speaker 1: and you want to hear more episodes of the Handyman
Speaker 1: of West Texas, you got to go to that little
Speaker 1: search feature on whatever podcast app you're listening on. It's
Speaker 1: a little magnifying glass. Go to the search and search
Speaker 1: for Jonathan Walton Media. There you'll find more episodes of
Speaker 1: the Handyman of West Texas. So tell him search Jonathan
Speaker 1: Walton Media on his podcast app. Get off of the
Speaker 1: Queen of the Confeed. You're not going to find more episodes. There,
Speaker 1: only episode one.
Speaker 2: All right, I'll let them know