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Speaker 1: Hey, Queen of the conn listeners, Jonathan Walton Here, I've

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Speaker 1: missed you. Come visit me at my new home. Just

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Speaker 1: search Jonathan Walton Media wherever you get your podcasts. In

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Speaker 1: the meantime, I have a brand new series you can

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Speaker 1: listen to right here, right now. It's called The Handyman

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Speaker 1: of West Texas. And if you've been watching that show

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Speaker 1: Land Man, what you're about to hear will blow your mind.

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Speaker 1: It's the most insane true story. And episode one starts

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Speaker 1: right now.

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Speaker 2: We're both spent, we're sweaty, it's hot. We're laying there together,

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Speaker 2: side by side, naked on her rug in the living room.

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Speaker 1: Are you worried or husband might come home?

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Speaker 2: Not until we rolled over spent did that thought even

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Speaker 2: cross my mind. And then I was thinking, oh god,

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Speaker 2: you know Billy Bobb come home anytime, and you know,

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Speaker 2: murder us both.

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Speaker 1: That's how they handle things in Midland Texas.

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Speaker 2: Everyone has guns.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And for any prolific sex worker in West Texas

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Speaker 1: whose client tele is predominantly wealthy housewives, getting shot on

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Speaker 1: the job is a real concern. Hundreds of women have

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Speaker 1: paid you under the guise of coming over being a

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Speaker 1: handyman and then they're really paying you for sex. Yes,

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Speaker 1: hundreds in Midland, Texas.

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Speaker 3: Yes.

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Speaker 1: The older I get, the more I realize nothing is

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Speaker 1: what it appears.

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Speaker 2: To be, not in the least.

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Speaker 1: I'm Jonathan Walton and this is the Handyman of West Texas.

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Speaker 1: Episode one. She was a deacon in her church. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're fine. They're very sensitive, but you know, closer to

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Speaker 1: the better obviously. It's okay, all right, excited on everything

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Speaker 1: sounds good. How would you introduce yourself? And I know,

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Speaker 1: I know we're trying to keep you anonymous, and we're

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Speaker 1: trying to we're protecting our identity. But what what name

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Speaker 1: do you go by?

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Speaker 2: I always go by Mickey.

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Speaker 1: Mickey like Mickey Mouse, Yeah, just like that. Mickey stands

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Speaker 1: about six ft tall, confident, lean, fit. He looks like

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Speaker 1: a man's man, someone you want to call when there's

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Speaker 1: a problem. Part bouncer, part rugged police officer. All right, Mickey,

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Speaker 1: So introduce yourself to people. If you're just meeting some

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Speaker 1: much for the first time, introduce yourself and tell me

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Speaker 1: what you do.

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Speaker 2: Oh, my name's Mickey, and I'm a kind of jack

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Speaker 2: of all trades and whatever you need done. You in

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Speaker 2: and out of your house. I'm pretty sure I can do.

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Speaker 1: It, And never has that sentence meant more than coming

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Speaker 1: from your mouth. Whatever you need done.

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Speaker 2: I kind of leave it open ended just for that reason.

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Speaker 1: For lack of a better term. You're a handyman. You

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Speaker 1: know how to fix things around the house. Like what

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Speaker 1: kinds of jobs do you do?

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Speaker 2: I could do flooring, I could do drywall, I could

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Speaker 2: do electrical, I could do plumbing. I can do framing,

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Speaker 2: I can do roofing. I can do exterior landscaping, fence building, rock, wall,

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Speaker 2: sheet rock, just about anything. If you have a home

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Speaker 2: that you don't like, I can rip it apart from

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Speaker 2: the ground up and rebuild it to your needs.

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Speaker 1: But Mickey isn't from Texas. He's actually born one thousand

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Speaker 1: miles west of Midland in Los Angeles in the late

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Speaker 1: nineteen seventies, and he lives in the city of Angels

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Speaker 1: until his early twenties before heading east.

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Speaker 2: So I was twenty three and then I got married,

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Speaker 2: moved to Texas. Was conservative, faithful, you know, father and

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Speaker 2: husband and going to work, coming home, you know, nine

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Speaker 2: to five kind of thing.

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Speaker 1: But after twenty years Mickey and his wife go their

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Speaker 1: separate ways and get divorced, and he rents his own

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Speaker 1: place in Midland and throws himself into his work. Mickey

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Speaker 1: is an oil guy, a fracker.

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Speaker 2: So the job basically is hooking up tons of iron

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Speaker 2: and equipment high pressure water induced pumps. And why they

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Speaker 2: call it fracking is because we're fracturing the earth. They

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Speaker 2: drilled down about three miles into the earth, and we

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Speaker 2: pump millions and millions of gallons of water under high

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Speaker 2: pressure with sand and force the earth fracture, and we

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Speaker 2: fill it with sand and crack it as far as

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Speaker 2: we can go. And then once we're done, we pump

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Speaker 2: out the water and oil comes out behind it.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 2: We are now the number one producer of oil in

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Speaker 2: the world, more than Saudi Arabia, more than Russia, more

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Speaker 2: than anyone, and seventy five percent of it is done

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Speaker 2: right there in the Midland, Texas area, which is surprising.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and it recently it got my attention with that

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Speaker 1: hit show Land Man Billy Bob Thornton John Hamm. It's

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Speaker 1: set in the Midland area in the oil industry.

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Speaker 3: Oil and gas industry makes three billion dollars a day.

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Speaker 3: I'm pure of profit.

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Speaker 2: That's the scale that's the size of this thing, and it's.

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Speaker 3: Only getting bigger.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's exactly the life I was living. Those

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Speaker 2: are the kind of guys that I work around, and

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Speaker 2: that's exactly it's pretty accurate assessment of what life out

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Speaker 2: there in Midland Texas. Is Land Man such an amazing show,

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Speaker 2: and it's pretty close to really that's life and I live.

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Speaker 1: It's a part of Texas, West Texas where black Gold

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Speaker 1: rain supreme. We're pistoning oil. Derricks pumping up Texas tea

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Speaker 1: from the depths are everywhere you look, and millionaire mercenaries

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Speaker 1: lined up by the thousands, are cashing in left and right.

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Speaker 2: It's a boomtown when things are great, and it's a

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Speaker 2: ghost town when it's not. Because the price oil goes down,

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Speaker 2: then we can't afford to do what we do. Really,

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Speaker 2: But when the price oil is anywhere over sixty dollars

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Speaker 2: a barrel, which I think right now it's maybe eighty five,

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Speaker 2: they're making millions every single minute that we pump.

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Speaker 1: So it's almost like it sounds like fracking is like

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Speaker 1: squeezing all the oil out of the sand and rock.

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Speaker 2: That's basically what it is. It's trapped.

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Speaker 1: It's trapped in the sand and rock.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, back in the old days, you would drill a

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Speaker 2: hole and you know, hope for the best that where

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Speaker 2: you were drilling there was oil underneath there.

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Speaker 3: You poke the hole.

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Speaker 2: Once you hit oil, it starts coming out. It's not

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Speaker 2: that way at all with fracturing. We know what's under there,

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Speaker 2: but we have to force it out.

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Speaker 1: It reminds me of that opening scene in the Beverly Hillbillies,

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Speaker 1: you know, where he's shooting for food and then he

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Speaker 1: shoots into the ground and then oil just starts bubbling.

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Speaker 3: First thing.

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Speaker 1: You know, Old Jud's a millionaire. The kinfolks said y.

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Speaker 4: Had moved away from there, said, California is a base

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Speaker 4: you order do so they loaded.

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Speaker 3: Up the truck.

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Speaker 1: Hills that is, swimming Pools, movie Stars, Beverly Hillbilly. God,

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Speaker 1: that's burned into my head so much from childhood. Did

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Speaker 1: you watch that show? I did, The Beverly Hillbilly's. So

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Speaker 1: that's how oil was so easily accessible back in the day,

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Speaker 1: which has come up out of the ground. Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: not anymore.

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Speaker 2: First of all, all the areas where that type of

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Speaker 2: oil is, you know accessible is are bought by all

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Speaker 2: the chevrons and all the big companies of the world.

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Speaker 1: And they've sucked it out.

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Speaker 2: They've well they've not so much sucked it out as

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Speaker 2: they've laid claim to the land. Right, so they decide,

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Speaker 2: you know, ah, we need a little bit more. Let's

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Speaker 2: go pocohol over here, pocohol over there.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and in.

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Speaker 2: The middle and area, the premium basin that area is

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Speaker 2: still very much wide open though there's still land to buy.

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Speaker 2: But it went from maybe five hundred dollars an acre

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Speaker 2: to ten thousand dollars an acre just because they know

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Speaker 2: what's underneath the ground.

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Speaker 1: Now, Yeah, they can squeeze the oil out of the sand.

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Speaker 2: To as much as they can. Three miles is pretty deep. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and they're drilling three miles deep and it's horizontal drilling,

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Speaker 2: so it's not down anymore. It's down and then it

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Speaker 2: starts curving. Makes that like a ninety degree angle. Wow,

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Speaker 2: three miles under the earth. So technologies come a long way.

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Speaker 1: Fracking in Middland, Texas is like what casinos are in

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Speaker 1: Las Vegas, Nevada, or what Disney World is in Orlando, Florida.

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Speaker 1: It's the reason people go, and it's the land of

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Speaker 1: opportunity come as you are. You don't need a college

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Speaker 1: degree or even a high school diploma. You just need

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Speaker 1: to be willing and able.

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Speaker 2: The median income of this desert town is eighty or

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Speaker 2: ninety thousand dollars.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 2: Because you can get a kid off the streets who's

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Speaker 2: never worked a day in his life in the oil field,

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Speaker 2: and you're starting at sixty five thousand.

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Speaker 3: Wow. Yeah, that's attractive. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And I know there's a lot of controversy with fracking.

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Speaker 1: It pollutes the groundwater.

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Speaker 2: We're raping Mother Earth every day.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, there's no other way to look at it, because

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Speaker 2: that's what we're doing. You can have every car in

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Speaker 2: the America electric car, you're still going to need patrolling products.

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Speaker 2: Everything is made oil everything, Plastic everything plastic. Guess what,

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Speaker 2: we live in a plastic world.

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Speaker 3: We do live in a plastic world.

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Speaker 1: So I live in La probably the most plastic of

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Speaker 1: them all.

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Speaker 2: Plastic key.

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Speaker 1: But Midland, Texas is the polar opposite of Los Angeles,

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Speaker 1: California in every conceivable way.

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Speaker 2: There are no homeless people in the Midland, Texas.

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Speaker 3: That's interesting.

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Speaker 1: So is it that Midland has solved homelessness or is

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Speaker 1: it just too damn hot.

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Speaker 2: No, it's the absence of protective laws. I guess that government,

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Speaker 2: what are you applying?

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Speaker 1: I would homeless people get shot and eaten.

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Speaker 2: They would get beaten and dragged away to another town.

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Speaker 1: Uh.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, they don't want people lie around on their corners

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Speaker 2: or you know, occupying the size of their freeways.

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Speaker 3: In Midland, they figured it out.

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Speaker 1: They figured it out, and it's not a friendly figure out.

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Speaker 2: No, it's it's the suspension of law and order and

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Speaker 2: you know, just to get it done, kind of rambow type. Minute,

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Speaker 2: Can I get something to eat this time?

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Speaker 1: How would you describe Midland for people who don't know

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Speaker 1: that part of Texas? I mean, people know Dallas, people

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Speaker 1: know Houston, people know Austin, keep Austin weird. It's where

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Speaker 1: all the music festivals and stop by Southwest. But Midland, Texas'

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Speaker 1: what's that lie?

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Speaker 3: Inland?

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Speaker 2: Texas is as far away from any of that as

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Speaker 2: you can imagine. So you can stand in one place,

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Speaker 2: doesn't matter where you're at in town, do a whole

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Speaker 2: gree sixty and you're looking at desert. There is nothing

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Speaker 2: out there. This is an oil town, oil industry. I

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Speaker 2: would say eighty percent of the population has some kind

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Speaker 2: of job in and around the oil field. There's nothing

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Speaker 2: in Midland. You know, you had to visit for whatever

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Speaker 2: reason you were punished. The biggest thing to see is

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Speaker 2: like the house that George w grew up in.

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Speaker 4: Growing up with mother and dad was an interesting experience.

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Speaker 2: They made a little kind of museum out of it.

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Speaker 2: Regular you know, to bedroom, one bath house in the

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Speaker 2: middle of town and that's about it.

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Speaker 1: So that's the draw of Midland.

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Speaker 2: Yes, well it's not a draw, but it's something to

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Speaker 2: do while you're there. And the stadium where they did

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Speaker 2: Friday Night Lights.

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Speaker 1: We've got Texas High school football and his bondes. No

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Speaker 1: doubt it's going to be at all. And what brought

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Speaker 1: you to Midland.

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Speaker 2: Hydraulic fracturing boom was in the Midland area and the

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Speaker 2: Permium basin and there's apparently billions of billions of dollars

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Speaker 2: worth of oil underneath the Midland area. And I got

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Speaker 2: a job there. That's how I discovered that Midland existed.

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Speaker 1: How would you describe the culture of Midland, Texas.

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Speaker 2: It's right in the center of the Texas Bible belt.

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Speaker 2: You know, there's actually some counties around us that won't

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Speaker 2: sell alcohol really.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Like you can't get alcohol anywhere anywhere.

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Speaker 2: They're called dry counties and you drive through them and

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Speaker 2: there's they won't sell them in liquor, No supermarket alcohol,

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Speaker 2: no nothing. You cannot and it's illegal if you bring

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Speaker 2: alcohol into a dry county you can get arrested.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god.

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Speaker 2: And then they have some crazy laws. When I first

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Speaker 2: moved there, I didn't understand it. On Sundays they don't

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Speaker 2: sell alcohol. You can buy beer, but not alcohol for

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Speaker 2: some reason, and you can't buy it before noon because

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Speaker 2: you have to wait until the church is over. It's

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Speaker 2: it's an actual law all throughout Texas.

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Speaker 1: You can't drink until noon and a Sunday on.

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Speaker 2: A Sunday after church, and only beer for some reason.

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Speaker 1: What about the hole he turned water into wine thing?

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Speaker 2: Apparently not in Texas.

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Speaker 1: So everyone goes to church in Midland.

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Speaker 3: Texas as far as I know, Yeah, are there a

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Speaker 3: lot of churches.

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Speaker 2: There's churches everywhere. It'd be Presbyterian, Methodist, Catholic.

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Speaker 1: What are you.

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Speaker 3: None of the above.

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Speaker 2: Technically, I guess I'm Catholic, but yeah, I haven't gone

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Speaker 2: to church in decades. You grew up Catholic, Catholic school

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Speaker 2: for twelve.

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Speaker 1: Years, and that turned you off.

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Speaker 2: Of Catholics, completely well organized religion in general.

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Speaker 1: Mickey is raised in a devout Catholic household. His teachers

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Speaker 1: at school are nuns and priests. He grows up very sheltered,

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Speaker 1: and he actually has no idea that he's well hung,

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Speaker 1: like really really well hunged.

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Speaker 2: I have eight and a half thick inches, and I

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Speaker 2: always please eight and a half inches eight and a

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Speaker 2: half and thick. Don't forget the thick because that makes

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Speaker 2: a big difference.

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Speaker 1: Wow, I mean that's impressive. How do you go your

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Speaker 1: whole life and not know you're you have a huge

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Speaker 1: thing down there.

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Speaker 2: You know, it's it's my only point of reference, you know,

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Speaker 2: up to that point was pornos.

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Speaker 3: I have something for you right here. Wow.

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Speaker 2: You know, and as far as I knew, you know,

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Speaker 2: I look like all the guys in the pornos, So.

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Speaker 1: I thought, so you thought that's normal.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, like I said, no other point of reference.

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Speaker 1: So growing up, you weren't in like changing rooms with

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Speaker 1: other boys or other men, and no one would say.

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Speaker 2: Hey, Catholic school, they didn't do they didn't do the

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Speaker 2: shower room kind of deal, you.

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Speaker 1: Know, everyone's ashamed, everyone's covered.

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Speaker 2: Up, everyone's hiding. You have your own little stalls and

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Speaker 2: kind of deal, and there's no group showers or yeah.

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Speaker 2: I had no nothing to compare it to except you know,

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Speaker 2: for what I saw, which, yeah, all those guys are

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Speaker 2: the same size as me, but but.

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Speaker 1: Those guys are huge.

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Speaker 2: I didn't know that. I thought, Hey, all right, I'm

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Speaker 2: like those guys, I'm good.

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Speaker 1: Wow. You know, and you're married for twenty years to

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Speaker 1: the same woman. So does she ever tell you, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, you're hurting me, this is huge.

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Speaker 2: Or yeah at first, and you know, I thought, you know,

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Speaker 2: that's normal I had. I had, you know, kind of

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Speaker 2: a repressed Catholic upbringing where you don't talk about sex,

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Speaker 2: you don't talk about you know, those kind of things.

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Speaker 2: So I was like, okay, well, I guess sex at

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Speaker 2: first is supposed to hurt the woman and they get

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Speaker 2: used to it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: It was.

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Speaker 2: It was a terrible us conception that I just you know,

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00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:11,439
Speaker 2: worked through until after I got divorced and I started

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Speaker 2: getting more and more kind of an inkling into hey,

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Speaker 2: maybe I'm not just like everybody else, because I would

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Speaker 2: hear comments, man, you're the biggest I've ever had You're

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Speaker 2: so huge or this and that.

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Speaker 1: I think if you were a kid growing up in

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Speaker 1: a regular environment outside of a Catholic school, like a

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Speaker 1: regular school where all the boys are changing in front

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Speaker 1: of each other, I think you would have been a

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Speaker 1: spectacle because in these types of situations, the big guys

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Speaker 1: are like, oh my god, look at you know. They

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Speaker 1: everyone's got a nickname, like you know, Artfart or Elephant

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Speaker 1: trunk girl. You know, like kids give each other nicknames

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Speaker 1: based on, you know, anatomy, like my buddy Evan went

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Speaker 1: to school with a guy who had a huge dick

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Speaker 1: everyone saw in the locker room and they called him

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Speaker 1: the serpent because it bit And I think that would

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Speaker 1: have happened to you. But you went to Catholic school.

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Speaker 1: Everyone changed in secret. There were no public showers where

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Speaker 1: you saw other boys. So you had this giant tool

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Speaker 1: down there and you didn't know it was giant. And

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Speaker 1: your only comparison is pornos, and all the guys look

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Speaker 1: like you and the pornos.

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Speaker 3: So you think, oh, I'm normal exactly.

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Speaker 1: So the wedding night with your wife, did you just

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Speaker 1: like tear it up? Didn't you just? Did she call

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Speaker 1: a doctor the next day, like.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, the first time was I guess, you know, hard

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Speaker 2: for her, It was great for me, and I didn't realize.

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Speaker 2: You know, we had to take a break for like

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Speaker 2: a week, and again I was like, you know, this,

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Speaker 2: this is normal as far as you know, as far

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Speaker 2: as I knew, I had been with several women before

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Speaker 2: I got married, But again I was really young, and

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Speaker 2: I attributed to you know, everyone giving oh you're the

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Speaker 2: most beautiful.

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Speaker 3: Yeah right, they're just nice exactly.

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Speaker 1: It's like you would say to the girl, oh you're

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Speaker 1: so beautiful. Really you just nice to say she's not ugly,

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Speaker 1: but you're just harping on something to have something nice

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Speaker 1: to say, and I.

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Speaker 2: Thought they were just reading the same thing back to

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Speaker 2: me being polite exactly.

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Speaker 1: So you have this, for lack of a better term,

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Speaker 1: this asset your entire life and you don't realize it.

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00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:27,280
Speaker 1: How old were you when you realized that eight point

349
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Speaker 1: five inches is way above the standard equipment issue to

350
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Speaker 1: most men.

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Speaker 2: I was in my mid forties.

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Speaker 1: You're in your mid forties.

353
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Speaker 2: Before I realized, yeah, oh my god.

354
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Speaker 1: After I got divorced, and what are you now, forty nine?

355
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Speaker 3: I'm forty nine now so just a few years ago.

356
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm about to be fifty next month, and yeah,

357
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,719
Speaker 2: mid forties. Before I realized that I was a lot

358
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:56,359
Speaker 2: bigger than the average guy. I learned over time that

359
00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:59,879
Speaker 2: the average you know, penisize anywhere from forty five inches,

360
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,359
Speaker 2: and I was eight and a half and quite thick.

361
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Speaker 1: And what's fascinating to me is the moment you realize

362
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,560
Speaker 1: you were a lot bigger than the average guy is

363
00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:14,399
Speaker 1: the same exact moment you realize when people call a handyman.

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Speaker 1: Some have other ideas in mind.

365
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Speaker 2: Yeah. Again, I guess I was living a sheltered life

366
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:27,840
Speaker 2: or just didn't realize that this lifestyle existed. I was

367
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Speaker 2: sheltered from the reality that was out there. And the

368
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:35,439
Speaker 2: first time that I was called to, you know, I

369
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:41,560
Speaker 2: thought a legitimate handyman job and it turned sexual. Did

370
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Speaker 2: I realize, Hey, this exists. Different realm of what my

371
00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:48,840
Speaker 2: existence had been until that point was out there, especially

372
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Speaker 2: in a town like Midland.

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Speaker 1: That's what blows my mind.

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Speaker 2: Man, Midland, Midland, Texas, MyD of the Bible Belt. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: The other thing about Midland, Texas is a lot of

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Speaker 1: people work there, but not a lot of people live there.

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Speaker 1: The city's population is just over one hundred and forty thousand.

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00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,159
Speaker 2: No one lives in Midland, Like I said, there's nothing there.

379
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Speaker 2: So every single oil field worker basically commutes for wherever

380
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:28,560
Speaker 2: their home base is, Houston, Dallas, Albuquerque. Mine was Albuquerque,

381
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:32,480
Speaker 2: so I lived in Albuquerque. I would drive to Midland,

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Speaker 2: stay there for the two weeks that I would be working,

383
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:39,600
Speaker 2: and then come back for a week in Albuquerque, so

384
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:42,320
Speaker 2: on and so forth. But after I got divorced, I

385
00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:45,200
Speaker 2: actually moved to Midland. Why do the commute.

386
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Speaker 1: When you're not going home to a wife anymore?

387
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:50,919
Speaker 2: Exactly? And so for the last four years I've been

388
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Speaker 2: in Midland living.

389
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Speaker 1: How long were you in Midland when you put up

390
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:04,200
Speaker 1: that first handyman ad?

391
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:08,679
Speaker 2: Just a couple months. I just got myself settled, got

392
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:12,080
Speaker 2: a place, and I was working, and two days into

393
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:14,000
Speaker 2: it I got bored. I was like, what am I

394
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Speaker 2: going to do? I have a whole week to do nothing.

395
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:20,480
Speaker 1: So Mickey has a two week on, one week off

396
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:23,760
Speaker 1: work schedule, and it'd be different having a week off

397
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Speaker 1: in Houston or Dallas or Austin or San Antonio or

398
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:33,480
Speaker 1: any other metropolitan area, but a week off with nothing

399
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:38,439
Speaker 1: to do in Midland, Texas can drive a person mad.

400
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:42,560
Speaker 1: So Mickey, who's always been a man who can build

401
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:47,440
Speaker 1: and or fix anything and everything under the sun, decides

402
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:50,440
Speaker 1: to look for work as a handyman during his week

403
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:53,439
Speaker 1: off to make some extra money and to fight the

404
00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:56,000
Speaker 1: boredom and monotony of Midland.

405
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 2: I was like, well, you know, we put an ad

406
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:01,560
Speaker 2: out in creaklist. I can help you, you know, with

407
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:05,160
Speaker 2: stuff around your house. And didn't take very long before

408
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:06,800
Speaker 2: I got my first contact.

409
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:10,280
Speaker 1: When you put your first handyman add out on Craigslist

410
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:12,919
Speaker 1: in Midland, Texas, it was just a regular you need

411
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:14,600
Speaker 1: a handyman, I can come fix things like there was

412
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:17,000
Speaker 1: no innuendo. It was a straight handyman.

413
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:21,280
Speaker 2: Unbeknownst to me, there was innuendo it so you don't.

414
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:23,679
Speaker 1: Mean to I didn't mean to do as much as

415
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:25,960
Speaker 1: you can call. What did that first ad sec The.

416
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:31,840
Speaker 2: First ad was kind of along the lines of, you know,

417
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:36,720
Speaker 2: I'm a jack of all trades, handyman. I'm available twenty

418
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:39,520
Speaker 2: four hours a day for the next week to do

419
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 2: all the things at your home that have been neglected.

420
00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:45,600
Speaker 2: Do you have a honeydew list that hasn't been touched

421
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:47,160
Speaker 2: I'm your man.

422
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:50,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, even using the word touched like that.

423
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:54,760
Speaker 2: Exactly, And like I said, looking back at it, there's

424
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:58,200
Speaker 2: there's yeah. I didn't realize how suggestive I was being,

425
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:01,679
Speaker 2: and I thought it was covered in my base to

426
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:03,440
Speaker 2: get them fixed things exactly.

427
00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:14,080
Speaker 3: And here's the thing.

428
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:19,359
Speaker 1: There are more than fifteen thousand millionaires working in the

429
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:23,879
Speaker 1: Permian Basin alone. Most of them are men clocking in

430
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:28,200
Speaker 1: one hundred hour work weeks, leaving their rich wives home

431
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:32,600
Speaker 1: alone to raise the kids and decorate the mansions and

432
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:34,359
Speaker 1: organize church fundraisers.

433
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:37,240
Speaker 2: There's plenty of lonely women whose husbands are away for

434
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:40,119
Speaker 2: long periods of time in the oil field that just

435
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:40,960
Speaker 2: feel neglected.

436
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:44,280
Speaker 1: And that feeling of neglect has a way of manifesting

437
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:48,640
Speaker 1: into something else entirely because a lot of these wealthy

438
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:52,960
Speaker 1: housewives in Midland, Texas are in their forties and fifties,

439
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:57,280
Speaker 1: their kids are in college, their husbands are at work,

440
00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,639
Speaker 1: and they have a lot of free time money on

441
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:03,800
Speaker 1: their hands, and not a whole lot to do with it.

442
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 1: And that gives handyman Mickey a new and exciting opportunity

443
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:11,600
Speaker 1: he does not see coming.

444
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:20,520
Speaker 2: Ahead. All my tools, I was ready to fix things

445
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:23,680
Speaker 2: not knowing that I'd be, you know, helping them out

446
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:24,359
Speaker 2: other ways.

447
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,359
Speaker 1: So you put this ad out in chriikslist. It's your

448
00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:29,639
Speaker 1: first time getting a job as a handyman. How many

449
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:33,600
Speaker 1: people call you to come over and fix something until

450
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:36,600
Speaker 1: they make a pass at you? Was it the first one?

451
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:37,560
Speaker 2: It was the very first one.

452
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:38,880
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

453
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,239
Speaker 2: It was a day after I put the ad up.

454
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:46,879
Speaker 2: And you know, again, not thinking I was being suggestive,

455
00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:50,479
Speaker 2: I put a picture in the ad, a picture of yourself,

456
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:53,240
Speaker 2: a picture of myself, just so it would it would

457
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 2: in my mind. I was thinking, Hey, I don't want

458
00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:00,480
Speaker 2: you to have the worry that some anonymous person is

459
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:04,320
Speaker 2: coming over. Right, this is what I look like. That

460
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:05,919
Speaker 2: was my reasoning behind.

461
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:08,719
Speaker 1: You know, it makes sense because now it's not a stranger, like, oh,

462
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:11,200
Speaker 1: I know what this guy looks like. And you're a rugged,

463
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:12,000
Speaker 1: good looking guy.

464
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,080
Speaker 2: And that's the thing. It's oil fil We're all kind

465
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:16,160
Speaker 2: of rough and double kind of guys. I'm not I'm

466
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:18,399
Speaker 2: not polished. I don't go to work in a certain

467
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:20,159
Speaker 2: tie kind of deal. So I wanted to put that

468
00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:24,520
Speaker 2: out there, not knowing that that, coupled with the wording

469
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,560
Speaker 2: in the ad, was gonna you know, have the effect

470
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:28,439
Speaker 2: that it had.

471
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:30,480
Speaker 1: When you put the ad up. A day later, a

472
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:32,960
Speaker 1: woman responds.

473
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:35,399
Speaker 2: She had wooden shutters in her back that needed to

474
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,200
Speaker 2: be repaired, and I said, yeah, I can definitely help

475
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:38,560
Speaker 2: you with that.

476
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:40,240
Speaker 1: And what were you going to charge her?

477
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:43,080
Speaker 2: So I was planning to do one hundred dollars an

478
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:46,320
Speaker 2: hour kind of charge based on you know, what needed

479
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:49,400
Speaker 2: to be done, supplies, how long was you know, But

480
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:53,440
Speaker 2: I always let them know ahead of time or that.

481
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:55,320
Speaker 2: My plan in the head was to let them know,

482
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:57,000
Speaker 2: let me take a look at it, and then I

483
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:58,359
Speaker 2: can give you an accurate price.

484
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,960
Speaker 1: So you draw up to this house. Describe what this

485
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:03,520
Speaker 1: house looks like because you're driving up.

486
00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:15,600
Speaker 2: This house is massive. So it's crazy because again there's

487
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:19,040
Speaker 2: nothing in Midland. Okay, this is desert surrounded by desert,

488
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:24,320
Speaker 2: and so in the middle of this nothingness, this lady has,

489
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:28,959
Speaker 2: you know, one of these gaudy, huge mansions in the

490
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,280
Speaker 2: middle of the desert. You know, they have no grass,

491
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:33,760
Speaker 2: of course, because nothing will grow out there. But this

492
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,639
Speaker 2: it's a two story wrapped around with pillars in.

493
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:37,640
Speaker 1: The front pillars.

494
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:41,359
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it was like I said it was. It

495
00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:43,320
Speaker 2: was gotty to the point that Look, we have so

496
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:46,120
Speaker 2: much money we don't know what to do with. Yeah,

497
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:49,560
Speaker 2: we're gonna we have fountains in the middle, fountains.

498
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:49,960
Speaker 3: Yeah.

499
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:50,560
Speaker 1: Wow.

500
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:52,439
Speaker 3: So she was rich, Oh she was.

501
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:55,960
Speaker 2: She was very rich. And I'm thinking, you know, there's

502
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 2: no way that there's shutters in the back of its

503
00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:01,760
Speaker 2: home because this is million dollar home that probably was

504
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:03,200
Speaker 2: just built last week kind of deal.

505
00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:05,720
Speaker 1: And why would she be calling some handyman.

506
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:07,439
Speaker 3: On Creigslin exactly? You know?

507
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:10,879
Speaker 1: Now, was this woman married? She was married, and was

508
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:11,640
Speaker 1: her husband there?

509
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:15,360
Speaker 2: No, she mentioned when we had set up the initial

510
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:18,600
Speaker 2: meeting that her husband was on a drilling rig right now.

511
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:20,480
Speaker 1: So he works in the oil industry, so you know,

512
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:23,280
Speaker 1: everyone does, and he has got a lot of money.

513
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:25,600
Speaker 2: He was one of the upper guys.

514
00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:25,359
Speaker 1: He was.

515
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 2: He was Billy Bob.

516
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:29,919
Speaker 1: We're referring to that Billy Bob Thornton character in the

517
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:33,600
Speaker 1: show Landman, who oversees all the oil workers and oil

518
00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:38,040
Speaker 1: executives and diffuses problems that pop up with rig explosions

519
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:42,200
Speaker 1: and land leases and angry Mexican drug cartels.

520
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:45,800
Speaker 2: We don't want your oil there, Well, wish in one hand,

521
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:46,440
Speaker 2: shit in the other.

522
00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:47,960
Speaker 3: See which one fills up first.

523
00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:52,440
Speaker 1: God, the writing on that show is just next level. Anyway.

524
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:55,959
Speaker 1: This wealthy woman who hires Mickey to come over to

525
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:59,840
Speaker 1: her Midland, Texas mansion to quote fix some shutters is

526
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:03,480
Speaker 1: married to a billybop type who leaves home for work

527
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:07,560
Speaker 1: early each morning and comes home from work late each night,

528
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:12,560
Speaker 1: seven days a week. So when Mickey arrives at this

529
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:17,640
Speaker 1: wealthy housewife's home at around noon, she's alone, and come

530
00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:21,200
Speaker 1: to find out, she doesn't really want her shutters fixed.

531
00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:31,560
Speaker 2: And I turned around to look at her, and she

532
00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:34,920
Speaker 2: immediately leans in and starts kissing me. She started kissing

533
00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:38,280
Speaker 2: you like tongue in mouth, tongue in mouth.

534
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:39,280
Speaker 3: Oh God.

535
00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:43,200
Speaker 1: And keep in mind this woman has no idea the

536
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:48,280
Speaker 1: gargantuan colossus Mickey is packing down below, but she's about

537
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:49,120
Speaker 1: to find out.

538
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:52,160
Speaker 2: When she just eyes wide open kind of deal. She's

539
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:55,400
Speaker 2: you're at least twice as big as my husband.

540
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 1: And this isn't just any random Midland Texas housewife either.

541
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 1: She's pretty prominent and well known.

542
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:03,960
Speaker 2: She was a deacon in her church.

543
00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:14,360
Speaker 1: Who oh, happy day, Happy day, Happy day. Happy Next

544
00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:21,120
Speaker 1: time on the Handyman of West Texas, things get graphic.

545
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:24,800
Speaker 2: She's grabbing my cock when I'm mom on the floor

546
00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:28,320
Speaker 2: and lean kind of leveraging herself on top, kind of

547
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:31,520
Speaker 2: aiming herself so she could start straggling me. And she said,

548
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:33,800
Speaker 2: you got to you gotta give me a minute, because

549
00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:36,160
Speaker 2: I've never taken anyone as big as you before.

550
00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 1: But this housewife is extremely determined, and before long.

551
00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:42,960
Speaker 2: She's writing me like a wild woman.

552
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 3: And did she have an orgasm?

553
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:47,960
Speaker 2: She had several.

554
00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:51,680
Speaker 1: To listen to the next episode of The Handyman of

555
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:53,920
Speaker 1: West Texas right now, You're not going to hear it

556
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,280
Speaker 1: here on the Queen of the Confeed. You gotta check

557
00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:59,560
Speaker 1: out my new feed. It's totally free. Just click that

558
00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:02,360
Speaker 1: little magnifying glass icon in the search box of your

559
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:07,840
Speaker 1: podcast app and search Jonathan Walton Media. Search Jonathan Walton Media.

560
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:10,640
Speaker 1: There you can listen to you all episodes of The

561
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:14,360
Speaker 1: Handyman of West Texas and hear my other series, Cocaine Air.

562
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:18,720
Speaker 1: Back in the nineteen eighties, in sunny South Florida, TJ.

563
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:21,200
Speaker 1: Dominguez is leading a double life.

564
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:25,280
Speaker 4: By day, I owned and operated the largest Lamborghini dealership

565
00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:28,440
Speaker 4: in the world, but by night I flew tons of

566
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:32,960
Speaker 4: cocaine from Columbia for Pablo Escobarbark and.

567
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:36,720
Speaker 1: The Quarterback and the con Artist. When retired NFL quarterback

568
00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 1: Eric Kramer checks himself into a motel room, puts a

569
00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:42,080
Speaker 1: gun to his head and pulls the trigger. He thinks

570
00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:45,240
Speaker 1: all his problems will be over. But when Eric survives,

571
00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:47,800
Speaker 1: he's got the brain capacity of a six year old,

572
00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:51,640
Speaker 1: and a tall, blonde con woman swoops in, secretly marries

573
00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:53,720
Speaker 1: him and starts bleeding him dry.

574
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:56,480
Speaker 2: The secret marriage was a way to keep her taking

575
00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:57,400
Speaker 2: his money.

576
00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:58,600
Speaker 1: And the law is on her side.

577
00:31:58,600 --> 00:31:59,160
Speaker 3: They're marriage.

578
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 1: Listen to the Quarterback and the con Artists. Wherever you

579
00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:08,520
Speaker 1: get your podcasts, remember you gotta click that little magnifying

580
00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:11,320
Speaker 1: glass icon in the search box of your podcast app

581
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:14,960
Speaker 1: and search for it. Jonathan Walton Media. That's my new

582
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:19,920
Speaker 1: home with all these amazing new shows. Jonathan Walton Media.

583
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:23,720
Speaker 1: There's a secret underworld in the Permian Basin that's not

584
00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:27,480
Speaker 1: being portrayed in Landman. According to this oil field worker

585
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:31,000
Speaker 1: named Mickey, who moonlights as a handyman in West Texas

586
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:32,000
Speaker 1: to make ends meet.

587
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:35,000
Speaker 2: I can do drywall, I can do electrical, I could

588
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:35,960
Speaker 2: do flooring.

589
00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:39,160
Speaker 1: But Mickey is laying a different kind of hardwood and

590
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:43,040
Speaker 1: all those West Texas housewives whose husbands are out working

591
00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:48,080
Speaker 1: all day can't get enough. Hundreds of women have paid

592
00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 1: you under the guise of coming over being a handyman,

593
00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:55,240
Speaker 1: and then they're really paying you for sex. Yes, hundreds

594
00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:56,720
Speaker 1: in Midland, Texas.

595
00:32:57,240 --> 00:33:01,120
Speaker 2: Yes, hey, you just got a hold of me, he said,

596
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:02,640
Speaker 2: he can't find episode two.

597
00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,840
Speaker 1: Well, I think because if you're listening to this now,

598
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:08,840
Speaker 1: you're on the Queen of the Confeed. So I put

599
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 1: episode one of The Handyman of West Texas on the

600
00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:13,240
Speaker 1: Queen of the Confeed. If you're listening to my voice

601
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:15,520
Speaker 1: and you want to hear more episodes of the Handyman

602
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:18,000
Speaker 1: of West Texas, you got to go to that little

603
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:21,400
Speaker 1: search feature on whatever podcast app you're listening on. It's

604
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:24,160
Speaker 1: a little magnifying glass. Go to the search and search

605
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:28,560
Speaker 1: for Jonathan Walton Media. There you'll find more episodes of

606
00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:31,800
Speaker 1: the Handyman of West Texas. So tell him search Jonathan

607
00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:34,000
Speaker 1: Walton Media on his podcast app. Get off of the

608
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:36,160
Speaker 1: Queen of the Confeed. You're not going to find more episodes. There,

609
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:37,080
Speaker 1: only episode one.

610
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:38,120
Speaker 2: All right, I'll let them know