1
00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:00,360
Speaker 1: Hi.

2
00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:01,560
Speaker 2: Oh Hi Chelsea.

3
00:00:01,720 --> 00:00:01,800
Speaker 3: Hi.

4
00:00:01,880 --> 00:00:02,880
Speaker 1: How's it going, Catherine?

5
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:06,160
Speaker 2: Oh It's great. It's finally sunnay here in Los Angeles.

6
00:00:06,559 --> 00:00:09,680
Speaker 1: I'm so sick of people complaining about living in Los Angeles.

7
00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:12,119
Speaker 1: I mean, what the fuck you got a couple. There's

8
00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:14,600
Speaker 1: been a month of bad weather and people are ready

9
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:15,120
Speaker 1: to move.

10
00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:17,480
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. I told Radam, like, I think it's

11
00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:19,240
Speaker 2: time we got to make a run for I don't know,

12
00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:20,639
Speaker 2: bv I or something.

13
00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:25,120
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, real hot existence and they'll be underwater soon,

14
00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:28,040
Speaker 1: so probably don't head down there. Good point. Okay, guys.

15
00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:30,360
Speaker 1: We have added more shows to my Little Big Bitch

16
00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:33,400
Speaker 1: Tour because I'm coming all over. We added a second

17
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:36,360
Speaker 1: show at the Pantagius in Los Angeles, so that's October

18
00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:39,440
Speaker 1: twelfth and Friday the thirteenth, which is my favorite day

19
00:00:39,479 --> 00:00:42,080
Speaker 1: of the year. We added a second show in Boston

20
00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:45,560
Speaker 1: at the Waging Center September twenty ninth and thirtieth is

21
00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:47,640
Speaker 1: two shows in New York. I also have a show

22
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:51,320
Speaker 1: in East Hampton, New York August twenty six. We added

23
00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:54,360
Speaker 1: a second show in Portland, so Thursday, November tewod Friday

24
00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:58,280
Speaker 1: November third, and Portland November fourth and fifth in San Francisco,

25
00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:00,880
Speaker 1: two shows there. We added a second show in Seattle

26
00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:05,600
Speaker 1: November tenth and eleventh. Two shows Boston are November sixteenth

27
00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:10,680
Speaker 1: and seventeenth at the Bach Center at Wang Theater. And

28
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:17,040
Speaker 1: I'm also coming to Toronto and Montreal and Ottawa and

29
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:22,560
Speaker 1: so many other cities Columbus, Cincinnati, Detroit, Louisville. So i

30
00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:25,520
Speaker 1: will see everybody at all of these shows. Thank you.

31
00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,399
Speaker 1: Get your tickets at Chelseahandler dot com.

32
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:32,319
Speaker 2: Chelsea have a question for you, Yes, is there anything

33
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:35,959
Speaker 2: in a romantic relationship that's not actually bad but would

34
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:39,480
Speaker 2: be a deal breaker for you? For example, I don't

35
00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:41,039
Speaker 2: think I could date a guy that was like really

36
00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:43,319
Speaker 2: into sports, Like there's nothing wrong with that, but I

37
00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:44,840
Speaker 2: just it would be a deal breaker for me.

38
00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:48,840
Speaker 1: A deal breaker, Yeah, huh. I don't know about sports.

39
00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:52,120
Speaker 1: I've never really dated anyone that's that into sports because

40
00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:53,880
Speaker 1: I don't think I'd be attracted to someone like that.

41
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,120
Speaker 1: But I wouldn't be a deal breaker. If they were

42
00:01:56,120 --> 00:02:00,360
Speaker 1: watching Sunday football, that would be a turnoff. I like,

43
00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:01,920
Speaker 1: if they had to watch football every Sunday.

44
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:02,680
Speaker 3: M hmm.

45
00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:05,400
Speaker 2: I don't think it's just like how you spend your time.

46
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,440
Speaker 2: Like when brattan I first started dating, he was doing

47
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:09,480
Speaker 2: a lot of jazz music. I'm playing out every night,

48
00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:11,360
Speaker 2: and like I was like, I'm not particularly into jazz,

49
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:12,880
Speaker 2: but this is fun. It's a cool thing to do.

50
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:15,800
Speaker 2: Like I couldn't have been in this relationship if it

51
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:17,360
Speaker 2: was like go to a game with me.

52
00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:20,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, of course it's what you're into, right,

53
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:23,520
Speaker 1: I would be into watching jazz too, for in the beginning. Yeah,

54
00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:26,080
Speaker 1: I'm into anything for a short period of time. But

55
00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:28,280
Speaker 1: it kind of takes away If somebody watches football every Sunday,

56
00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:30,119
Speaker 1: it kind of takes away the option of like being

57
00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:32,240
Speaker 1: together unless you're gonna go and watch and I'm not

58
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,200
Speaker 1: doing that, right, I'm not gonna spend my Sunday watching football. No,

59
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:38,320
Speaker 1: especially if it involves like multiple men and beer on sofa.

60
00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:41,880
Speaker 1: It's like, no, No, anyone who takes sports so seriously,

61
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:44,520
Speaker 1: it's hard for me to take seriously. Yeah, I get it,

62
00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:48,560
Speaker 1: but like it's not like when people are just so invested,

63
00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:51,840
Speaker 1: it's just like are you on the fucking team? Like relax, and.

64
00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:54,560
Speaker 2: Then they have their fantasy teams they have like fake football.

65
00:02:54,919 --> 00:02:56,840
Speaker 1: Yeah. I used to play that on Chelsea lately they

66
00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:58,960
Speaker 1: made me join a fantasy football league just because I

67
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,560
Speaker 1: was so clueless about I think I won the whole thing,

68
00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,440
Speaker 1: like two years in a row with knowing nothing, just

69
00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:06,520
Speaker 1: on good luck, yeah, beginner's luck.

70
00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:09,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, any other sort of like well, this isn't something

71
00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:11,000
Speaker 2: that's wrong with this person, but I just couldn't date

72
00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:11,519
Speaker 2: someone who.

73
00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,720
Speaker 1: I mean clothing, there's so many clothing that I can't

74
00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:18,960
Speaker 1: get past, and a toe toe action. And also food,

75
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,360
Speaker 1: like if you can't eat with your mouth closed, I

76
00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:24,679
Speaker 1: find that to be pretty gross. Yeah, clumsiness, I don't.

77
00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:26,960
Speaker 1: That turns me off when guys are really clumsy. I

78
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,079
Speaker 1: once went on a date with a guy to this

79
00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:33,160
Speaker 1: restaurant in Santa Monica and he spilled chips of guacamole

80
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:35,880
Speaker 1: all over me, like within the first ten minutes of

81
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,839
Speaker 1: me being there, and I just was like, you're such

82
00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:41,320
Speaker 1: an idiot, Like why would you if you did that?

83
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:43,400
Speaker 1: You're not together or like you're a.

84
00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:46,080
Speaker 2: Mess literally and figurat.

85
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:48,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was just like what I mean, it's just

86
00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:49,000
Speaker 1: so clumsy.

87
00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:51,040
Speaker 2: Do you believe like when you get the ick, you

88
00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:53,720
Speaker 2: can't come back from it, like, oh, this person gave me.

89
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,600
Speaker 1: It depends how ick it is you know, but I

90
00:03:56,640 --> 00:04:00,480
Speaker 1: have a lot of X. Yeah, fingernails. If there's any

91
00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:03,600
Speaker 1: length on a fingernail, Oh no, man, I can't take that.

92
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:04,200
Speaker 2: That's a no.

93
00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:07,880
Speaker 1: I don't like anything. God forbid toenails have length on them.

94
00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:10,440
Speaker 1: That's also like, you have to get your foot amputated.

95
00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:14,120
Speaker 2: Something tells me our guest today has nicely pedicured feet.

96
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:17,719
Speaker 1: Our guest today is a glad Award winning writer, producer,

97
00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:18,160
Speaker 1: and star.

98
00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:21,039
Speaker 2: Yes, and he's a hysterical stand up. You can find

99
00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:24,920
Speaker 2: him at I Hate Joelkim on Instagram and Twitter.

100
00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:28,280
Speaker 1: Please welcome actor comedian Joelkim Booster.

101
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:32,760
Speaker 3: Hello. I'm so excited to be here, and now finally

102
00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:36,039
Speaker 3: every single white gay in my life can stop telling

103
00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:39,080
Speaker 3: me you should go on the Chelsea Handler podcast. You

104
00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:41,320
Speaker 3: should really go on the Chelsea as though it's been

105
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:42,600
Speaker 3: my choice along.

106
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:45,440
Speaker 4: So I know.

107
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,479
Speaker 1: That's like when somebody's like, why don't you go on

108
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:48,679
Speaker 1: the Oprah Winfrey show?

109
00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:50,840
Speaker 3: Hold on, hold on.

110
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:55,320
Speaker 1: I'm not comparing myself to Oprah Winfrey, but I am. Yeah,

111
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,040
Speaker 1: You're like, that sounds like a good idea.

112
00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:59,200
Speaker 3: Why don't you go do S and L xactly?

113
00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:02,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, Joel Kim.

114
00:05:02,279 --> 00:05:04,360
Speaker 3: Yes, Booster, thank you my full name.

115
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:06,760
Speaker 1: Yes, well, I mean, you know who knows what you're into.

116
00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:09,559
Speaker 1: I just want to get it fucking right. Right, Let's

117
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:12,480
Speaker 1: talk about your life and your career because everything's taken

118
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,719
Speaker 1: off for you, and it's it's very nice to watch.

119
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is always funny when people say that, because

120
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,880
Speaker 3: it does your your your conception of what success looks

121
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:23,279
Speaker 3: like changes every single time you hit a new sort

122
00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:25,919
Speaker 3: of echelon of success, and suddenly now I feel like

123
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:29,240
Speaker 3: I'm a nobody and I'm nothing. And even though if

124
00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:31,720
Speaker 3: you told me ten years ago what I'd be doing now,

125
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:33,400
Speaker 3: if you told me ten years ago that I'd be

126
00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:36,320
Speaker 3: sitting across from you specifically, I would be like, shut

127
00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:37,880
Speaker 3: the fuck up, that's never going to happen. I'm going

128
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,520
Speaker 3: to be working at this olive garden for the rest

129
00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:41,880
Speaker 3: of my life. So it is funny to hear that.

130
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,160
Speaker 3: But it's nice to hear too.

131
00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,880
Speaker 1: It's like the opposite of manifestation. Yeah, you're like, I'll

132
00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:49,159
Speaker 1: never amount to anything, because I honestly think both things

133
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:52,200
Speaker 1: work for certain people. Like some people never think that

134
00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,600
Speaker 1: they're going to do anything, and they're like, oh, when

135
00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:58,600
Speaker 1: I hear certain celebrities or musicians talking about how they

136
00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:01,400
Speaker 1: would have never believed where they are. It's like I

137
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:04,080
Speaker 1: have the whole opposite mentality, like I always believe like

138
00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:06,400
Speaker 1: everybody should be talking to me and listen to me,

139
00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:07,680
Speaker 1: like I have strong opinions.

140
00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:10,799
Speaker 3: I'm definitely the I have a nice mix of imposter

141
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:14,359
Speaker 3: syndrome with resentment, which is I never believe that I

142
00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:17,719
Speaker 3: deserve anything that I have, But I definitely don't think

143
00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:19,840
Speaker 3: that a lot of people who are as successful, are

144
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:23,240
Speaker 3: more successful than me, deserve what they have. And that's

145
00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:25,480
Speaker 3: sort of what keeps me going every day. It is

146
00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,719
Speaker 3: because I see people and I'm like, well, I could

147
00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,400
Speaker 3: be doing that, and then I get there and I'm like,

148
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,640
Speaker 3: oh God, can I be doing this? So it's it's

149
00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:33,240
Speaker 3: a nice mix.

150
00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:36,600
Speaker 1: It's nice good, that's good. And I read that if

151
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:40,159
Speaker 1: you're comfortable talking about your bipolar disorder, I read that, yeah,

152
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,360
Speaker 1: that you've been diagnosed with by.

153
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,839
Speaker 3: Yeah, I finally got diagnosed like a year before the

154
00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:48,760
Speaker 3: pandemic happened, which what amazing times. By the way, just

155
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:50,680
Speaker 3: to like sit at home and figure out what the

156
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:54,000
Speaker 3: right cocktail of drugs is was a real nice wrinkle

157
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:56,680
Speaker 3: from my lockdown experience. But yeah, I mean the thing

158
00:06:56,760 --> 00:07:00,719
Speaker 3: is is I have always been sort of my moods

159
00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:03,200
Speaker 3: have been wild since I was growing up, and my

160
00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:07,760
Speaker 3: parents were very very Christian, very very evangelical, and did

161
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:12,040
Speaker 3: not believe in any sort of actual, real hard scientific

162
00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:16,720
Speaker 3: psychology therapy anything like that. They sent me to Christian

163
00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:19,880
Speaker 3: therapists who would pray over me and like try and

164
00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:23,840
Speaker 3: make me better, and that never worked. But I gotta

165
00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:28,280
Speaker 3: tell you, a Bilify works. Wonders Jesus not so much

166
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:31,400
Speaker 3: Abilify and will. Bututrin has kept me in check for

167
00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:33,520
Speaker 3: a little while. But it is difficult because I don't

168
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,920
Speaker 3: know if you feel this way. Sometimes a little crazy

169
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:40,360
Speaker 3: like helps me. My biggest worry since being diagnosed is

170
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:44,320
Speaker 3: that like I'm killing a part of myself that I

171
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:48,320
Speaker 3: really relied on to make myself funny, to write, to

172
00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:52,200
Speaker 3: like find interesting, you know, things about myself because like,

173
00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:56,880
Speaker 3: I definitely do not like being depressed, but being manic.

174
00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,440
Speaker 3: Being manic can be kind of fun sometimes until it's

175
00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:03,440
Speaker 3: not in front of until yeah, very productive.

176
00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:05,040
Speaker 1: Because you can be really sexual, right, you can be

177
00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:08,280
Speaker 1: really happy about like shopping, shopping, like yeah, yeah, yeah, you.

178
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,120
Speaker 3: Feel like on top of the world. In fact, my

179
00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:12,400
Speaker 3: manic periods were some of the only times I didn't

180
00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:14,960
Speaker 3: have imposter syndrome about like what I was doing or

181
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,960
Speaker 3: what I was having and and so it is that

182
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,160
Speaker 3: is it's a difficult thing to let go of because

183
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:23,000
Speaker 3: ultimately it is very destructive, you know, like I don't

184
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:24,760
Speaker 3: need to be having sex with four or five guys

185
00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:28,120
Speaker 3: in a day just because and I don't need to

186
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,120
Speaker 3: be abusing drugs to the level that I would when

187
00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,960
Speaker 3: I was manic. I still abuse drugs, but just you know,

188
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:36,679
Speaker 3: at a reasonable level, saying yeah, but yeah, there was

189
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:39,040
Speaker 3: a lot of self destructive stuff that came hand in

190
00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:41,360
Speaker 3: hand with that. Would I write a script in like

191
00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:45,000
Speaker 3: twelve hours? Yeah, you know, like did I write a

192
00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:49,000
Speaker 3: lot manic? Absolutely? And did it turn out okay? Sure,

193
00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:51,559
Speaker 3: but like those first drafts were a little rough, I'll

194
00:08:51,559 --> 00:08:54,440
Speaker 3: tell you that. But yeah, it's one of those balancing

195
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,760
Speaker 3: acts I think is like a person in entertainment and

196
00:08:57,320 --> 00:09:00,480
Speaker 3: an artist whatever. The lie that the disease tells you

197
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:03,520
Speaker 3: is that you need me in order to do what

198
00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:06,400
Speaker 3: you do and what you love. And that is I

199
00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:08,600
Speaker 3: have found not to be the case because I have

200
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:12,920
Speaker 3: been medicated now for going on four years and off

201
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,160
Speaker 3: and on, there's been there have been times when I've

202
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:18,280
Speaker 3: gone rogue and it has not turned out super well.

203
00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:20,040
Speaker 3: But for the most part, I think like I am

204
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:23,720
Speaker 3: still funny, I am still myself. I am just a

205
00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:28,600
Speaker 3: slightly more chilled, calibrated first calibrated, yes, exactly.

206
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,760
Speaker 1: So when you were growing up, how does bipolar disorder

207
00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:34,280
Speaker 1: present itself in a person? Is it something that you're

208
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:36,800
Speaker 1: born with or is it something that is triggered by

209
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:37,240
Speaker 1: an event?

210
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,280
Speaker 3: You know what, it's probably a little bit of column

211
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,680
Speaker 3: a little bit of column B. I think like for me,

212
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:46,200
Speaker 3: it definitely manifested really young, Like I was really hyper

213
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:50,600
Speaker 3: emotional and hyper reactive to things since I can remember,

214
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:55,720
Speaker 3: like I was just throwing tantrums way longer into my

215
00:09:55,840 --> 00:10:02,600
Speaker 3: life than was appropriate, probably like in public on the floor, screaming, crying, kicking,

216
00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:05,320
Speaker 3: you know, the whole nine yards, because I just did

217
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,240
Speaker 3: not know how to process any of my emotions and

218
00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:09,000
Speaker 3: I didn't and my parents were not giving me the

219
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:11,800
Speaker 3: tools necessary to process any of this. And I wonder

220
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:15,040
Speaker 3: often like how my life would have turned out differently

221
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:18,920
Speaker 3: if they had maybe you know, found supported me in

222
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:23,200
Speaker 3: a more scientifically based way earlier on. But like, I

223
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:27,080
Speaker 3: remember this one time I was being such a jackass

224
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,960
Speaker 3: and like throwing things in my room, slamming the door,

225
00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:34,520
Speaker 3: so angry that my dad tried to exercise me in

226
00:10:34,559 --> 00:10:36,880
Speaker 3: the middle of the fight. I was thirteen years old,

227
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:41,240
Speaker 3: and he literally started saying, like exorcism, bullshit, try and

228
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,440
Speaker 3: get the devil out of me. And in that moment,

229
00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,520
Speaker 3: I realized what he was doing, and I started to

230
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:49,280
Speaker 3: laugh in his face, which, in hindsight, is something a

231
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:53,079
Speaker 3: demon would do in that situation, is start laughing maniacally

232
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:56,040
Speaker 3: at your poor father and trying to exercise you. So

233
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:57,319
Speaker 3: it didn't help matters.

234
00:10:57,600 --> 00:10:59,960
Speaker 1: Okay, So then what led to you getting an official

235
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:02,840
Speaker 1: diagnosis in twenty nineteen or tw twenty nineteen.

236
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:06,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was twenty nineteen and it was getting to

237
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:11,280
Speaker 3: the breaking point. I was destroying relationships. I think that

238
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:13,200
Speaker 3: was like the big thing. I think it was getting

239
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,439
Speaker 3: harder and harder because, like listen, when you're a manic

240
00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:18,280
Speaker 3: and you're like the life of the party, it's really

241
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:20,480
Speaker 3: easy to make friends, and it's really easy to get

242
00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:23,600
Speaker 3: people to like you, and then if they hang on

243
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:28,360
Speaker 3: and they stick around long enough, those episodes become really

244
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:31,520
Speaker 3: destructive and really toxic, and I became a really top

245
00:11:31,679 --> 00:11:35,200
Speaker 3: I would eventually become a really toxic person. I remember

246
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:38,520
Speaker 3: this is something I haven't shared very much at all,

247
00:11:38,559 --> 00:11:40,560
Speaker 3: but like I went off my meds to film my

248
00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:44,360
Speaker 3: movie because I was convinced that I would not be

249
00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:48,199
Speaker 3: able to write or punch up the script or act

250
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:51,920
Speaker 3: if I was on my meds. And I remember the

251
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,320
Speaker 3: near the end of the filming process and thank god,

252
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:56,760
Speaker 3: they all love me so much. I really tried to

253
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:59,160
Speaker 3: burn down every bridge I had with every single cast

254
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:02,040
Speaker 3: member on that shoot, and like we're they're some of

255
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,559
Speaker 3: my best friends. But I remember looking at Bowen Yang

256
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,920
Speaker 3: and saying, you're only friends with me because you wanted

257
00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:08,839
Speaker 3: to be in this movie. And I said that in

258
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:11,559
Speaker 3: the height of a manic episode that was so insane,

259
00:12:11,679 --> 00:12:14,360
Speaker 3: and he had so much grace for me in that moment,

260
00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:16,880
Speaker 3: and it just said, like that is not true. You

261
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,800
Speaker 3: know that's not true. I'm going to leave now and

262
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:23,480
Speaker 3: we'll talk about this at another time. And luckily, like

263
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:27,360
Speaker 3: it was so like it was so intense and so

264
00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:31,000
Speaker 3: heartbreaking in that moment that it was a real wake

265
00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:32,720
Speaker 3: up call for me where I was like, this is

266
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:35,760
Speaker 3: not who I am, right you know, and there were

267
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:39,560
Speaker 3: little moments throughout the filming process like that, and everyone

268
00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:41,959
Speaker 3: had so much grace for me and was so kind,

269
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,960
Speaker 3: and I eventually, you know, made the decision to go back.

270
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,560
Speaker 3: And it's a difficult thing to wean on and off constantly.

271
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,240
Speaker 3: It's not helpful.

272
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:50,760
Speaker 1: But that's the tricky thing, right with bipolar disorders. A

273
00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:53,000
Speaker 1: lot of people feel that way that they can get

274
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,520
Speaker 1: on and off their meds at their discretion, which kind

275
00:12:55,559 --> 00:12:57,880
Speaker 1: of is not the case. Not the case, no, And

276
00:12:58,040 --> 00:12:59,800
Speaker 1: what is the flip side of the bipole? So the

277
00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:01,680
Speaker 1: main and then you have the depression.

278
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:05,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, the depression. Honestly, it doesn't manifest from me a

279
00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:07,640
Speaker 3: ton I'm not a super depressed person. I will say, like,

280
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:11,719
Speaker 3: those episodes last for shorter periods of time than the

281
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,559
Speaker 3: mania does, and they're less noticeable, I think because I'm

282
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:17,640
Speaker 3: able to push through them a little bit easier without

283
00:13:17,679 --> 00:13:20,240
Speaker 3: anyone noticing. I will say, like, when I'm depressed, I'm

284
00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:23,000
Speaker 3: just quiet and I like fade into the background, And

285
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:26,400
Speaker 3: I think like that's how people, especially like my boyfriend,

286
00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,640
Speaker 3: will know that I'm in a depressive episode because I'm

287
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,320
Speaker 3: just like at a party, standing in a corner on

288
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:34,800
Speaker 3: my phone, not engaging with anybody, which is like pretty

289
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:37,440
Speaker 3: normal behavior for a lot of people. Actually, I just

290
00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:40,360
Speaker 3: become more of an introvert. But like, yeah, they're just

291
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:43,080
Speaker 3: they're they're not as intense. The mania was the life

292
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:45,840
Speaker 3: ruining stuff that was going to end up with me

293
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:49,720
Speaker 3: in a facility eventually, you know. And that's the scariest

294
00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:53,080
Speaker 3: part about being bipolar is that like untreated and it

295
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:56,160
Speaker 3: can turn into worse and worse things if you don't

296
00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:59,320
Speaker 3: sort of manage it early on. And that's my big

297
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:02,240
Speaker 3: worry is I don't want to to turn into from

298
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:06,079
Speaker 3: mania into psychosis, you know, which is like that specter

299
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:10,120
Speaker 3: hangs over me and specifically my relationship a lot, because

300
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:12,760
Speaker 3: I look at my boyfriend sometimes when I'm in the

301
00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:16,559
Speaker 3: depths of something and I'm always like, this could get worse,

302
00:14:16,679 --> 00:14:19,000
Speaker 3: you know that, right, Like you're signing on for something

303
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:22,840
Speaker 3: that could eventually get much worse I if things don't

304
00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:26,080
Speaker 3: go my way, And that is like, that's a really

305
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,560
Speaker 3: it's a really shitty thing to lay on your partner

306
00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:31,120
Speaker 3: in the middle of a fight usually, but he seems

307
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,600
Speaker 3: game for it so far. Yeah, pretty game for it.

308
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,440
Speaker 1: What about your parents and your Christian parents, How did

309
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:38,240
Speaker 1: they handle your gayness?

310
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:43,920
Speaker 3: Not well, Chelsea, Not well. They were not super keen

311
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,920
Speaker 3: on it. They also found out in the most invasive,

312
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:50,280
Speaker 3: aggressive way possible. They read my journal when I was

313
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:52,680
Speaker 3: a senior in high school. I had been out at

314
00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:55,400
Speaker 3: school for a year. They read my journal at a

315
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:59,640
Speaker 3: year's worth of journal entries, which were literalisticals at this point,

316
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:04,680
Speaker 3: not even like introspective observations about my life. It was literally, guys,

317
00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:09,000
Speaker 3: dis I've sucked this week, and then just like a

318
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:11,720
Speaker 3: straight up list and then so they didn't even have

319
00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:14,560
Speaker 3: to sift through like my dreams or anything like that.

320
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,280
Speaker 3: They just got straight to the meat of it, like

321
00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:18,400
Speaker 3: this is what I'm doing. I literally had entries that

322
00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:20,960
Speaker 3: were like lies I told my parents this week, just

323
00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:23,360
Speaker 3: itemized the bullshit for them.

324
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:24,440
Speaker 1: That's pretty funny.

325
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,920
Speaker 3: I know, I was a fucking idiot. So they confronted

326
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:27,560
Speaker 3: me about this.

327
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,320
Speaker 1: Well, maybe you were in a manic episode when.

328
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:33,720
Speaker 3: Quite honestly, and I had a manic breakdown when they

329
00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:36,040
Speaker 3: confronted me about it in a really big way because

330
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:40,080
Speaker 3: it was a seismic paradigm shift for me. I at

331
00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:42,320
Speaker 3: this point in my life has had planned on never

332
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:45,040
Speaker 3: coming out to my parents, never telling them, living like

333
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,880
Speaker 3: a completely separate life. I thought that was possible, and

334
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,960
Speaker 3: in a moment they completely shifted everything and sort of

335
00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:53,200
Speaker 3: took that control out of my mind, and I like,

336
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,720
Speaker 3: I broke down. I had it was bad, and so

337
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:58,480
Speaker 3: they sent me to an impatient mental hospital for teens

338
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:02,920
Speaker 3: with the caveat. They tested me three times for HIV.

339
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:06,280
Speaker 3: They were like, nope, test him again, because they were

340
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:08,680
Speaker 3: so convinced that because of all the dick sucking I

341
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:12,280
Speaker 3: was doing, I had AIDS. And they left me there

342
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:15,040
Speaker 3: for a week. And for the whole week there, the

343
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,720
Speaker 3: people were like, this doesn't seem like the right facility

344
00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:18,960
Speaker 3: for you, because this was like a place where like

345
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:21,240
Speaker 3: kids who are addicted to heroin or who had straight

346
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:23,920
Speaker 3: up tried to murder their parents went and they were

347
00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:26,680
Speaker 3: like this is a little outsized for you. Obviously have

348
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,280
Speaker 3: issues that you need to work out, and like this

349
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:31,320
Speaker 3: is a serious issue with your parents, but like this

350
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,520
Speaker 3: is not the place for you. But they they left

351
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,560
Speaker 3: me there for a week that eventually my insurance wouldn't

352
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:37,640
Speaker 3: cover it anymore. My parents insurance wouldn't cover it anymore.

353
00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:39,040
Speaker 3: So they're like, you got to come and get your kid.

354
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:42,120
Speaker 3: They brought me home. I stayed for about like three

355
00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:45,360
Speaker 3: days at home and then got up and left and

356
00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:49,920
Speaker 3: started cowchopping, and I eventually ended up living with There's

357
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,560
Speaker 3: a girl in MI who I stood next to inquire.

358
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:54,640
Speaker 3: We were not friends. She was very popular in a

359
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:57,440
Speaker 3: different way than I was, because I was also very popular.

360
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,760
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, calm down, calm down.

361
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,000
Speaker 3: But she was a jock and her dad was the

362
00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:06,600
Speaker 3: Methodist pastor in our town, and she everybody knew I

363
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:08,160
Speaker 3: was missing for that week because I was the voice

364
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:10,280
Speaker 3: of the announcements and when the voice of the announcements

365
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,960
Speaker 3: goes missing, you know, people start talking. You know, people

366
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:15,320
Speaker 3: would have started a podcast if it was that time

367
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,879
Speaker 3: about where I was. And so she was like, hey,

368
00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:19,159
Speaker 3: if you ever need a place to stay, you can

369
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,200
Speaker 3: come stay with me. She was just being nice whatever, whatever,

370
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:24,160
Speaker 3: And then I, like it was getting colder. I showed

371
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:25,560
Speaker 3: up at her house and I was like, hey, remember

372
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:27,560
Speaker 3: when you said that shit about me staying here? And

373
00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:29,760
Speaker 3: she was like, oh yeah, And her parents were like,

374
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,920
Speaker 3: you can't just invite strange boys to stay at our house.

375
00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:35,160
Speaker 3: You know, her dad's a paraplegic. She had two younger brothers,

376
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,560
Speaker 3: but I stayed that night, talked to her mom like

377
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:39,560
Speaker 3: all in through the night, and then the next day

378
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,160
Speaker 3: they were like, come back for dinner, and long story short,

379
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:44,200
Speaker 3: I stayed with them for the rest of my senior year.

380
00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:46,760
Speaker 3: They co signed my student loans to go to college.

381
00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:50,200
Speaker 3: They bought me a car for graduation. She is still

382
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:53,040
Speaker 3: to this day my best friend. I was like her

383
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,720
Speaker 3: best man in her wedding. I flew back to see

384
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,639
Speaker 3: her when she got a divorce, you know, like I

385
00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:00,720
Speaker 3: and I will say like, as as a follow up,

386
00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:02,760
Speaker 3: my parents and I are good. My mom and I

387
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,440
Speaker 3: are good. At this point, my dad did pass away

388
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:09,119
Speaker 3: during COVID and that was really hard, but it was honestly,

389
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:11,960
Speaker 3: the silver lining of my dad's passing is like I

390
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,560
Speaker 3: had never been in a relationship in my entire life,

391
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:18,199
Speaker 3: and so my entire life, the homosexuality part of my

392
00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,640
Speaker 3: life was sort of a don't ass, don't tell situation

393
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:23,000
Speaker 3: with my parents, Like they were very uncurious about who

394
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,840
Speaker 3: I was dating, if I was dating anything like that.

395
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:26,560
Speaker 3: As long as we didn't have to talk about that,

396
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:29,200
Speaker 3: then it was it was cool. And then my dad

397
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:32,160
Speaker 3: died and I was like, well, shit, like I would

398
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,400
Speaker 3: have liked to have known how he would have reacted

399
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,040
Speaker 3: if I brought someone home. And so I finally talked

400
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:38,800
Speaker 3: to my mom and I was like, hey, I just

401
00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:41,480
Speaker 3: need to know, like if I fell in love today

402
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,439
Speaker 3: and wanted to bring someone home to meet you, like,

403
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,320
Speaker 3: what would you do? I just need to know this.

404
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:46,919
Speaker 3: And she was like, you know, we're not on the

405
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:50,200
Speaker 3: same page as you are on that part of your life.

406
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:52,760
Speaker 3: But if you found someone you loved and who loved

407
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:54,159
Speaker 3: you back, I would love them as much as I

408
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,920
Speaker 3: love your brother in law, and your dad would felt

409
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,560
Speaker 3: the same way. And then coincidentally, two months later, I

410
00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:01,720
Speaker 3: met my part now and I brought him home to

411
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:04,120
Speaker 3: meet her. She was lovely, he was a hit. It's

412
00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:07,000
Speaker 3: still not perfect because they're like you know, Fox News,

413
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:11,200
Speaker 3: trumpy family to the nines, but things are better and

414
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:15,200
Speaker 3: she asks about him now, and that for me, coming

415
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:18,800
Speaker 3: from like where we came from, where it all started

416
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:22,199
Speaker 3: with the journal and the breakdown and the hospital and

417
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:25,320
Speaker 3: all of this bullshit, to now where she's like welcoming

418
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:28,000
Speaker 3: my boyfriend into her home with open arms, it's really

419
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:31,240
Speaker 3: like it's a nice sort of closing of the loop.

420
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:34,240
Speaker 1: For me, it's also a beautiful example of your girlfriend's parents,

421
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:37,800
Speaker 1: like the idea of acceptance versus denialism. You know, of

422
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:41,160
Speaker 1: your own children, what you can foster when you accept

423
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:44,840
Speaker 1: someone's choices just because they're different from your own, is

424
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:48,120
Speaker 1: it a reason to exclude someone, It's a reason to say, oh,

425
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:51,080
Speaker 1: you know. And obviously with people with Christian backgrounds religious upbringing,

426
00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:54,199
Speaker 1: obviously that's an indoctrination of another kind. But what a

427
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,240
Speaker 1: beautiful story to know about that, that family that took

428
00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:59,520
Speaker 1: you in and gave you a home when your only

429
00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:02,280
Speaker 1: owned family couldn't provide that acceptably well.

430
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,119
Speaker 3: And one of the ironic things about that story is

431
00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:07,280
Speaker 3: her dad was the Methodist pastor in town. Very progressive

432
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:10,479
Speaker 3: pastor though, and like very much like, And I remember,

433
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,119
Speaker 3: this is how fucked up I was when I was

434
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:14,720
Speaker 3: leaving my parents' house, and for that full year I

435
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:18,360
Speaker 3: was out, I was like, well, I was so indoctrinated

436
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:22,200
Speaker 3: into evangelicalism that I was like, I'm going to Hell. Eventually,

437
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,600
Speaker 3: I will go to Hell. I'm but I can't deny

438
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,400
Speaker 3: this about myself, so I might as well have some fun,

439
00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:29,000
Speaker 3: suck some dick now, and eventually I'll go to Hell.

440
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:32,680
Speaker 3: And her dad eventually caught wind and like figured out

441
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:34,800
Speaker 3: that that was what my thinking was, and he straight

442
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:37,240
Speaker 3: up I remember, I will always remember this conversation because

443
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:40,639
Speaker 3: it changed my life. He was like, that's not the case.

444
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:44,040
Speaker 3: Hell isn't real, and if it were, God would not

445
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:47,160
Speaker 3: send gay people there. And hearing that from a man

446
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:51,080
Speaker 3: of the cloth, you know, like an actual pastor, changed

447
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:54,040
Speaker 3: my life and changed my outlook on the rest of

448
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:57,080
Speaker 3: my life because suddenly I was it was like freeing

449
00:20:57,200 --> 00:21:00,359
Speaker 3: to hear that from somebody in authority. So it was

450
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,840
Speaker 3: really life changing. And it's why I have like as

451
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:06,400
Speaker 3: a card carrying liberal gay person. You know. Obviously religion

452
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,520
Speaker 3: is a touchy subject for me, but I do believe

453
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,119
Speaker 3: that there are people out there who are doing good

454
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:14,639
Speaker 3: in God's name, not necessarily all of them, certainly not

455
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,800
Speaker 3: the majority of them, but there are people out there

456
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:19,639
Speaker 3: who are trying to change the conversation. And my friend

457
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:23,000
Speaker 3: actually became a pastor just like her dad, and she

458
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:26,320
Speaker 3: just held a drag show at the church. Is mostly

459
00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:28,440
Speaker 3: focused on getting homeless people off the street. She does

460
00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:31,119
Speaker 3: not give a shit about like any of like what

461
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:33,080
Speaker 3: you smoke or what you drink, or who you fuck

462
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:35,560
Speaker 3: or any of those things. Like her ministry is very

463
00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:38,919
Speaker 3: much based on like making sure people have community and

464
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:42,520
Speaker 3: are field supported, you know, in all the real ways

465
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:44,120
Speaker 3: that you need to be supported in order to live

466
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,880
Speaker 3: a full life in this world. So yeah, that's sort

467
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:47,520
Speaker 3: of where I'm.

468
00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:49,600
Speaker 1: At, because if those people hadn't taken you in, like,

469
00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:53,000
Speaker 1: who knows what would have happened, especially with your bipolar Like,

470
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:56,639
Speaker 1: who knows what could have happened, Like anyone who's listening, Like,

471
00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:58,680
Speaker 1: when you see somebody who needs help and you can

472
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:01,120
Speaker 1: give them that help, like provide them you can open

473
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:04,040
Speaker 1: up your home to them, or help them financially or whatever,

474
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:06,960
Speaker 1: Like you can change someone's like the course of someone's life.

475
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:10,000
Speaker 1: And imagine that feeling, not even just for the person

476
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,720
Speaker 1: you're helping, for your own, you know, like it just

477
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:15,560
Speaker 1: feels so wonderful. Those people must feel so good, and

478
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:18,879
Speaker 1: I mean and their real children must feel so proud

479
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:20,480
Speaker 1: of that, you know, and they're going to be able

480
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:24,120
Speaker 1: to suck it forward. Since we're talking about so much

481
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:27,320
Speaker 1: dick sucking, I thought I would throw in another sucking. Okay,

482
00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:30,000
Speaker 1: well this is an advice podcast, Joel, Right, are you

483
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:30,639
Speaker 1: fucking ready?

484
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:32,960
Speaker 3: I'm fucking ready, okay, esamos.

485
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:38,800
Speaker 1: Listo's We'll be right back, We're.

486
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:44,520
Speaker 2: Back, We're back. Our first question comes from Alyssa Milano.

487
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:47,480
Speaker 1: It is it is, in fact, told her to stop

488
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:49,760
Speaker 1: calling into this show enough already.

489
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:55,000
Speaker 2: She says, you're Chelsea. I'm a queer, thirty six year

490
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,800
Speaker 2: old woman, and I'm in my first same sex relationship.

491
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:00,640
Speaker 2: It's still a bit new, but honestly, I feel head

492
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:03,520
Speaker 2: over heels in love. My question is about telling my

493
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:06,159
Speaker 2: own mother about this relationship. I have been able to

494
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:07,919
Speaker 2: be open and honest and have come out to my

495
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,760
Speaker 2: close friends and sisters. I've just been learning how to

496
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:13,240
Speaker 2: set small boundaries with my mother and it's been hard.

497
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:16,240
Speaker 2: We essentially don't really talk anymore. The next time I

498
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,320
Speaker 2: see her will be on a week long family vacation

499
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,680
Speaker 2: in a few months. Would it be okay to send

500
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,119
Speaker 2: a text message to my own mother telling her I'm

501
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:26,359
Speaker 2: actually bisexual and have a serious girlfriend, or should I

502
00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:27,479
Speaker 2: wait until we're together?

503
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:30,320
Speaker 3: Alyssa, Yeah, I kind of wonder. I would like to

504
00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:32,520
Speaker 3: know a little bit more context for like where the

505
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:35,199
Speaker 3: mom is at with these things, because you do have

506
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:38,280
Speaker 3: you generally know how your parents feel about gay people

507
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:41,280
Speaker 3: these days, because we're everywhere, We're on the TV, we're

508
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:42,680
Speaker 3: in target, we're everywhere.

509
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:44,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, but if we don't stay gay, everyone will stop

510
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:46,359
Speaker 1: being gay.

511
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,520
Speaker 3: But without that knowledge, I think the responsible thing to

512
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,600
Speaker 3: do for both her and the mom is to text

513
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:55,840
Speaker 3: before the vacation because if things blow up because of

514
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:57,879
Speaker 3: the text message, you ain't going on that vacation.

515
00:23:57,960 --> 00:23:58,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, vacation's bad.

516
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:01,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah I would. It's the dynamic between the mom

517
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:01,480
Speaker 1: and her.

518
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:03,560
Speaker 2: She just said there's been some boundaries and they're not

519
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:04,320
Speaker 2: really talking.

520
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:07,399
Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, you're about to go on a fucking vacation together.

521
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:10,200
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, family vacations are always such a hot mess.

522
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,399
Speaker 1: You know, three days in they're fine, and then the

523
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:14,320
Speaker 1: last four days you're like, what the fuck are we

524
00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:16,679
Speaker 1: still doing here? You know, everyone gets so annoyed with

525
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:19,920
Speaker 1: their families. But I agree you have to tell her beforehand,

526
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:21,320
Speaker 1: just out of respect, because you don't want to put

527
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:24,280
Speaker 1: yourself in that situation. Yeah, you know, like go showing

528
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:25,679
Speaker 1: up in a vacation that you might have to leave

529
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:29,080
Speaker 1: prematurely early and uh yeah, and saying you're bisexual and

530
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:30,560
Speaker 1: that you're in love with someone, Like it's not like

531
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:33,480
Speaker 1: you're telling her you're bisexual and that's it. Like you're

532
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,400
Speaker 1: telling her for a reason, because there's someone in your

533
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 1: life that you love and respect and is hopefully going

534
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:39,640
Speaker 1: to be loved and respected by your family as well.

535
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:42,800
Speaker 1: So yes, I would definitely let her know or call her.

536
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that you can. I think ultimately, if you

537
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:49,960
Speaker 3: go on this vacation and you reveal this information, I

538
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,800
Speaker 3: mean you are following in a long line of bisexuals

539
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:56,840
Speaker 3: who love attention, but you will make this vacation all

540
00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 3: about you like that. Suddenly the vacation is no longer

541
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:02,919
Speaker 3: about the vacation. It is about this revelation that you

542
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,560
Speaker 3: have revealed to your mother and the group. So I

543
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:07,960
Speaker 3: think like priming her beforehand so that she has time

544
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 3: to get over it too, if she is if there

545
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:12,440
Speaker 3: is a problem or she's you know, got a time

546
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:14,919
Speaker 3: to process it before the vacation is I think the

547
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:16,239
Speaker 3: respectful thing to do.

548
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:19,119
Speaker 1: For another creative way to do it is just to

549
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:21,840
Speaker 1: get some video of you going down on your girlfriend

550
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:23,120
Speaker 1: and just sending that to your mom.

551
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:25,439
Speaker 3: Yeah, your sex tape, babe, So good.

552
00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:27,080
Speaker 1: Luck, let us know what happens.

553
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:33,320
Speaker 2: Thanks, Alissa. Well, our first caller is Mia and her

554
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:36,000
Speaker 2: job is she is a freelance dancer, and she'll give

555
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,800
Speaker 2: a little more context for this when she pops on

556
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:40,960
Speaker 2: the phone as well. My childhood best friend just chat

557
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:43,320
Speaker 2: on me and our entire friendship and says she doesn't

558
00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 2: want to work on our relationship, but she's getting married

559
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:47,879
Speaker 2: in a few months and I'm supposed to be her

560
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:50,280
Speaker 2: maid of honor. She still wants me at the wedding

561
00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:53,639
Speaker 2: and the bachelorette read to plan both of these things.

562
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:55,840
Speaker 2: But I feel there's no way I can go given

563
00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:58,720
Speaker 2: the unforgivable things she's said to me. I'm worried if

564
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:01,159
Speaker 2: I don't go, it'll seem really true matic and self centered,

565
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:03,479
Speaker 2: which would only confirm her assessment that I'm the most

566
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:06,399
Speaker 2: self involved person she's ever met. Do I fake it

567
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 2: for her sake? Or do I protect my own feelings

568
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:12,440
Speaker 2: and wallet and tell her I won't be attending. Mia, Hi,

569
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:13,600
Speaker 2: miya himya Hi?

570
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:14,119
Speaker 1: How are you?

571
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:15,040
Speaker 4: I'm good?

572
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:16,280
Speaker 2: How are you good?

573
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:18,760
Speaker 3: Wonderful? I have to say for the listeners at home,

574
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:20,200
Speaker 3: Mia is gorgeous.

575
00:26:20,280 --> 00:26:22,280
Speaker 1: Yes, well, all of our callers are good.

576
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:23,920
Speaker 3: Luck important contract to have.

577
00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:27,080
Speaker 2: Always are Yes, and Mia, you told me a little

578
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:29,520
Speaker 2: bit more about the falling out that you had centered

579
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:32,919
Speaker 2: around a mutual friend's wedding, so let us know what happened.

580
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:36,639
Speaker 4: So, my grand mother, who I was very close with,

581
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:41,240
Speaker 4: died a few weeks ago, and her funeral happened to

582
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 4: be on the same day as a friend's wedding that

583
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:46,280
Speaker 4: I was in. I was a bridesmaid. As soon as

584
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:49,280
Speaker 4: I knew, I told this friend. She understood obviously that

585
00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:52,760
Speaker 4: I wouldn't be there until the ceremony and I would

586
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:55,480
Speaker 4: try my best to make it to the ceremony, and

587
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:58,040
Speaker 4: she had a plan B in case I didn't make

588
00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:01,200
Speaker 4: it because I didn't want to leave my grandma's funeral early.

589
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:06,320
Speaker 4: And then my childhood friend who was also attending this wedding,

590
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:08,440
Speaker 4: came with me to the funeral, which was very nice,

591
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,240
Speaker 4: and then we went to the wedding together and we

592
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,240
Speaker 4: made it eight minutes before the wedding started, and I

593
00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:17,440
Speaker 4: ran in told the bride that I was ready to go.

594
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:20,520
Speaker 4: But I completely understand if you don't want me to

595
00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:23,640
Speaker 4: mess up your plan B. I can sit in the back,

596
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,639
Speaker 4: I can stand whatever you need, and she wanted me

597
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,080
Speaker 4: to walk, so we made it work. Went back to

598
00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:31,960
Speaker 4: the original plan. Ceremony happened. It was great, And then

599
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:35,119
Speaker 4: afterwards my best friend, who had come to the funeral

600
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:37,439
Speaker 4: with me, said you better not pull that shit at

601
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:41,160
Speaker 4: my wedding. I won't be as nice, and then proceeded

602
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:44,080
Speaker 4: to talk a lot of shit about me to my

603
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 4: friends at the wedding, about how selfish I am and

604
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 4: how annoying it was that we got there so last minute.

605
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:52,840
Speaker 4: And so then I reached out to her a week

606
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:56,959
Speaker 4: later to talk and have a sober conversation, and I

607
00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:00,679
Speaker 4: was expecting it to be very non competation, which she

608
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,480
Speaker 4: usually is, and kind of just brush over, but she

609
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:06,520
Speaker 4: just went at me and said I'm the most self

610
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:10,919
Speaker 4: absorbed person she knows, and that I should have waited

611
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:13,240
Speaker 4: outside of the wedding until it was over, and I

612
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:16,760
Speaker 4: made it all about me, and then went on to

613
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:20,679
Speaker 4: say that I'm super judgmental and critical of her of

614
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:23,800
Speaker 4: her life choices, and she feels anxious every time she's

615
00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:27,120
Speaker 4: around me, and I'm needy and I need to let

616
00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:29,840
Speaker 4: go of how our friendship was in middle school and

617
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 4: just dig after dig. And I know I can't prove

618
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:36,399
Speaker 4: to you guys that I'm not these things, but I

619
00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 4: think I have a pretty.

620
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:39,680
Speaker 2: Good, seem pretty shell.

621
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 4: So Yeah, it was just super hurtful. We've talked for

622
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,280
Speaker 4: a long time, and it was you know, I was

623
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:47,360
Speaker 4: like on the burge of tears. And then at the end,

624
00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:48,840
Speaker 4: I was like, all right, well, it seems like we

625
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 4: have both have resentments towards each other that we can

626
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:54,920
Speaker 4: work on. I'm so sorry that for my part whatever,

627
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:56,800
Speaker 4: And she was like, what are you talking about. I

628
00:28:56,840 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 4: don't have any resentments. I'm fine. I don't cold grudge it.

629
00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:02,760
Speaker 4: Still wants me to be her maid of honor at

630
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:06,080
Speaker 4: the wedding, still wants me to plan her bachelorette but

631
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:09,160
Speaker 4: to me, like she just broke my heart and just

632
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:15,040
Speaker 4: like completely dismissed her entire friendship. So I'm wondering if

633
00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:17,000
Speaker 4: I should go to this wedding. I'm very close with

634
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:19,880
Speaker 4: her whole family. My family's going to the wedding. We

635
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:22,280
Speaker 4: just got the invite a few days ago. Like it's

636
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:25,320
Speaker 4: still very much expected that I go, but I also

637
00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:26,600
Speaker 4: feel very hurt.

638
00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 2: And you know, there is a level of like do

639
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:31,640
Speaker 2: you go to the wedding or are you the maid

640
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:33,360
Speaker 2: of honor? I mean if that is a whole other

641
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:36,600
Speaker 2: level of commitment and spending hours and hours planning a

642
00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:40,760
Speaker 2: party and bachelorettes and cost and all kinds of things.

643
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,920
Speaker 3: Have you straight up asked this woman, if all of

644
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 3: these things are true, why do you want me in

645
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 3: the wedding?

646
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 4: I haven't. I haven't spoken to her since this conversation,

647
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:51,360
Speaker 4: which was like two weeks ago.

648
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:53,720
Speaker 1: Now it was a conversation in person or on the phone.

649
00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:56,640
Speaker 4: It was in person, and we ended it with her

650
00:29:56,720 --> 00:29:59,040
Speaker 4: being like I'm fine, I'm ready to move on, and

651
00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 4: me being like I need the second and so I

652
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:03,720
Speaker 4: think the ball is sort of in my court to

653
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:05,960
Speaker 4: reach out, which I haven't done.

654
00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:09,080
Speaker 3: I think this needs another conversation for sure before you

655
00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:12,560
Speaker 3: make a call. Either way, I think like it's I

656
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:16,080
Speaker 3: I am having trouble understanding where she's coming from. If

657
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:18,840
Speaker 3: she just needed to unload on you and then expect

658
00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:21,920
Speaker 3: it to be done, or if there are still like

659
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:24,720
Speaker 3: she still needs to work something out before having you,

660
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:27,120
Speaker 3: because my instinct is to say no, like fuck this chick.

661
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,160
Speaker 3: But right, I do think you, because of history, owe

662
00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:32,560
Speaker 3: her at least one other conversation where you express to

663
00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 3: her I don't feel comfortable doing this because of the

664
00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:37,000
Speaker 3: things that you said, And if this is how you

665
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:39,560
Speaker 3: feel about me, then why would you want me to

666
00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 3: be your maid of honor?

667
00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:41,440
Speaker 1: Right?

668
00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:43,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's how I feel too.

669
00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:46,120
Speaker 1: Have you discussed this with your family at all that's

670
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:46,960
Speaker 1: going to the wedding?

671
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, and they they think I should go and just

672
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:55,160
Speaker 4: fake it. And my brother says it would be our

673
00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:58,440
Speaker 4: friendship funeral, so sort of like there might not be

674
00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:02,040
Speaker 4: a future after this, but just go and and not

675
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:04,280
Speaker 4: give her a reason to say, like, see, she's making

676
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:05,240
Speaker 4: it all about her again.

677
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:08,200
Speaker 3: It's a trap. It's such a fucking trap. She's trapped you.

678
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:11,120
Speaker 1: I yeah, I also, did you bring up during this

679
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:14,680
Speaker 1: conversation I was coming from my fucking grandparents funeral?

680
00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:16,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know she was there.

681
00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:18,680
Speaker 4: I was like, I'll try not to have somebody else

682
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:21,600
Speaker 4: I love a lot die right before your wedding. And

683
00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:23,600
Speaker 4: she was like, I'm not saying don't have them die.

684
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:26,000
Speaker 4: I'm just saying don't come to the ceremony then.

685
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:28,720
Speaker 2: But it's not like you walked up in the middle

686
00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:30,120
Speaker 2: of their vows, you know.

687
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:32,360
Speaker 1: But wait, she didn't come to the funeral with you.

688
00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:34,440
Speaker 1: She just came to the wedding with you, right, Oh,

689
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:35,960
Speaker 1: she went to the funeral with you too.

690
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:41,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, sheat first hand, like how tragic it.

691
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:44,560
Speaker 1: Was Listen, it doesn't even matter if any of the

692
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:46,520
Speaker 1: things she said about you are true. You don't even

693
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:48,720
Speaker 1: you don't deliver information like that to somebody that you

694
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:50,720
Speaker 1: care about in love. She's obviously stretched out of her

695
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:52,960
Speaker 1: own fucking wedding or her own life or whatever the

696
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:56,320
Speaker 1: fuck's going on. But I absolutely you cannot put yourself

697
00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:58,719
Speaker 1: in a position to be abused like that again, And

698
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:02,720
Speaker 1: you can't throw her a bachelorette party after she spoke

699
00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 1: to you like that. It's one thing to show up

700
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:07,000
Speaker 1: for her wedding, it's another thing to participate in that

701
00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:09,040
Speaker 1: wedding and be in the wedding party and be a

702
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,520
Speaker 1: part of her bachelorette You absolutely need to have a

703
00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 1: conversation with her, and I think you can either start

704
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:17,360
Speaker 1: it with an email that lays out your feelings in

705
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:20,920
Speaker 1: a very calm and graceful way, like these are all

706
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 1: the things that you said to me, And it's been

707
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:25,360
Speaker 1: really hard for me to even think about all of

708
00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:28,280
Speaker 1: this stuff, and it's been so hurtful for me that

709
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 1: I have to talk to you again about this, because

710
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:32,640
Speaker 1: if this is really how you feel about me and

711
00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 1: you don't want to discuss it any Further, I don't

712
00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:37,880
Speaker 1: understand why you would want me to be a part

713
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:40,959
Speaker 1: of your wedding right out of respect for our relationship.

714
00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:42,920
Speaker 1: I deserve you to have a bit and be able

715
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:45,840
Speaker 1: to have another conversation instead of saying I can't. It's

716
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 1: all about for her to vilify you. Go into your

717
00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:51,760
Speaker 1: grand parents funeral before a wedding and then making the

718
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:54,680
Speaker 1: effort to show up to that wedding is anything but dramatic.

719
00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:56,760
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, It's not like you did this in front

720
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:59,480
Speaker 3: of Like you didn't interrupt the ceremony. It's not like

721
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 3: you ran in while they were doing their value down

722
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:06,680
Speaker 3: some for your place in the in the receiving line,

723
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:09,920
Speaker 3: Like it's giving sociopath behavior. I don't like it kind

724
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:10,640
Speaker 3: of is are you?

725
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:13,360
Speaker 1: Like you're sitting there during the whole wedding crying about

726
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:16,160
Speaker 1: your grandparent dying, Like what is she talking about? I

727
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:18,600
Speaker 1: don't understand. I don't either.

728
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:20,160
Speaker 4: It's really shocked.

729
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 1: Has she ever exhibited behavior like this to you before?

730
00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:24,080
Speaker 3: No?

731
00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:28,000
Speaker 4: I mean I will say, we have been distant in

732
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:30,840
Speaker 4: the past few years, and we still you know, had

733
00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:34,520
Speaker 4: a great relationship, but it was not as close emotionally,

734
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:37,880
Speaker 4: and so I knew something was up, and I tried

735
00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:40,080
Speaker 4: to sort of like sometimes bring it up in a

736
00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:43,160
Speaker 4: gentle way, but it was she didn't want to talk

737
00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:45,720
Speaker 4: about it, and she didn't want to like talk about feelings,

738
00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:47,120
Speaker 4: and so I kind of was just like, all right,

739
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:48,720
Speaker 4: I'm just going to leave it until after the wedding.

740
00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:50,520
Speaker 4: Maybe she's stressed about that. I don't want to add

741
00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:54,080
Speaker 4: to her stress. I didn't want to make it about me. Shocker.

742
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:56,000
Speaker 3: How much time before the wedding.

743
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:58,760
Speaker 2: It's in September, so several months.

744
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:00,960
Speaker 3: She's got time she's figure it out.

745
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:03,320
Speaker 4: Like two months until the bachelorette.

746
00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:06,800
Speaker 3: That's plenty of time. Yeah, I figure to Dave and Busters, Okay,

747
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:09,960
Speaker 3: that's that's what she gets if you tell her if

748
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 3: if you want me to be your maid of honor,

749
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:14,520
Speaker 3: this is what you're getting. Okay, to miser it with

750
00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:17,279
Speaker 3: the way you've treated me. Your bachelorette is at Dave

751
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:18,280
Speaker 3: and Buster's bitch.

752
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:21,919
Speaker 2: And I think, to further let her off the hook,

753
00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:25,440
Speaker 2: she did mention there is a co maid of honor.

754
00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:26,399
Speaker 3: Oh my god.

755
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:28,960
Speaker 2: So like I feel like you're fully off the hook.

756
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:33,120
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, I think you just you couch the conversation

757
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:36,680
Speaker 3: and like I don't feel comfortable being in this position

758
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 3: in your wedding. I'm happy to want to stand up

759
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,200
Speaker 3: for you, be in the wedding, come to the wedding.

760
00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:44,120
Speaker 3: But like you, obviously you don't want me to be

761
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:45,240
Speaker 3: your maid of honor anymore.

762
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, it doesn't sound like you like me, That's what

763
00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:49,399
Speaker 1: I said.

764
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:51,920
Speaker 3: It's a huge pre wreck for the job. I foind h.

765
00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:55,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so mean spirited. I mean to go off

766
00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:57,440
Speaker 1: on somebody. I just can't get past the fact that

767
00:34:57,480 --> 00:34:59,680
Speaker 1: you were coming from a funeral, Like what friend would

768
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:01,799
Speaker 1: be back mouthing you to your other friends? And how

769
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:03,880
Speaker 1: did you find that out? Because your other friends told you.

770
00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:08,239
Speaker 4: Yeah, jeez, and they while she was doing that, Oh

771
00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:08,719
Speaker 4: they did.

772
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:10,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I love that.

773
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:12,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a nice good thing to add in the

774
00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:14,280
Speaker 1: letter to your friend is a mess. As you've told

775
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:16,640
Speaker 1: me and as I've heard from others, you were very

776
00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:18,560
Speaker 1: you know, and as you said to me, thank you

777
00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:21,040
Speaker 1: for telling me to my face because I know now

778
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:24,399
Speaker 1: how you feel. And yeah, no I don't. I'm all

779
00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:28,120
Speaker 1: for saying fuck off. She owes you an apology, like

780
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:32,680
Speaker 1: a major apology, and yeah, so annoying. I hate when

781
00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:33,560
Speaker 1: friends are like well.

782
00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:36,200
Speaker 3: I heard this podcast when when it comes out, and

783
00:35:36,239 --> 00:35:39,000
Speaker 3: so that she can hear me say definitively, you are

784
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:39,640
Speaker 3: a mess.

785
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:40,160
Speaker 1: Yeah.

786
00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:42,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's worse than Bridezilla behavior.

787
00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:43,160
Speaker 3: And that's something else.

788
00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:44,880
Speaker 1: It's funny that you say that your friends told you

789
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:46,680
Speaker 1: because I was having a conversation with someone the other

790
00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:48,440
Speaker 1: night and he's like, this is just between you and me.

791
00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:50,920
Speaker 1: I go, can we all stop saying that? Like, obviously,

792
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:54,800
Speaker 1: but also as an adult, you think I'm going to

793
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:57,680
Speaker 1: go to our mutual friend and say that you don't

794
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:01,319
Speaker 1: like her, that you hate her, But then that's exactly.

795
00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:04,319
Speaker 1: But at a certain age, you just stop repeating what

796
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:07,000
Speaker 1: everybody else is saying, even if it's about me. What's

797
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:09,759
Speaker 1: the currency there? She doesn't like you, Like, we're not

798
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:11,960
Speaker 1: in high school anymore. We're adults at least. I mean,

799
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:14,759
Speaker 1: I'm forty eight, you're young. So but I mean in

800
00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:17,879
Speaker 1: this situation again, I actually like your friends for telling

801
00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:21,279
Speaker 1: you that, because yeah, she is to hear that. She

802
00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:23,839
Speaker 1: needs to know that everyone she's talking to is talking

803
00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:24,239
Speaker 1: about her.

804
00:36:24,719 --> 00:36:26,799
Speaker 3: I think, are you are you gen z or you

805
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:27,360
Speaker 3: a millennial?

806
00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:28,480
Speaker 4: I'm a millennial?

807
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:30,759
Speaker 3: You are? Yeah, it's because we can't buy houses. We're

808
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:33,080
Speaker 3: all stunted. You know, we don't have money, so we

809
00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:33,800
Speaker 3: have gossips.

810
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:40,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's your currency. Information, drugs, pills, and information. That's

811
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:43,200
Speaker 1: all you can do. Just fill yourself up.

812
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:43,759
Speaker 3: With all three things.

813
00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:47,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would definitely send her, send her an email,

814
00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:50,440
Speaker 1: like a preliminary email, laying it all out in a

815
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:54,440
Speaker 1: very calm, nice way, like you've demonstrated this entire conversation

816
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:58,319
Speaker 1: to counter the behavior that she's demonstrating and see where

817
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:00,759
Speaker 1: that gets you, and be prepared to just be like,

818
00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,120
Speaker 1: I'm not doing it. I'm not gonna go and be

819
00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:06,400
Speaker 1: you like. It's so abusive for somebody to tear you

820
00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:07,160
Speaker 1: down like that.

821
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:10,040
Speaker 2: All right, Mia, would you do us a favor and

822
00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:12,120
Speaker 2: send us the letter that you write to her. I'd

823
00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:13,520
Speaker 2: be happy to look over it before you send it

824
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:14,480
Speaker 2: if you want help.

825
00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:17,000
Speaker 1: But absolutely great, idea.

826
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:19,760
Speaker 2: Awesome, thanks me. I'll let us know how it goes.

827
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:21,600
Speaker 2: We are waiting.

828
00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:23,919
Speaker 1: And you're real cute, miya. Oh yes, don't forget that.

829
00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:26,880
Speaker 3: I'm definitely instinctually on your side because I know what

830
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:27,920
Speaker 3: you look like, and you're pretty.

831
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:32,440
Speaker 1: I feel like Joe Kim is attracted to you a

832
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:32,839
Speaker 1: little bit.

833
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:34,520
Speaker 3: Okay, it's coming.

834
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:38,839
Speaker 1: I'm getting older than get older. It can be reversed.

835
00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:39,760
Speaker 1: Don't forget.

836
00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:43,560
Speaker 3: I did once finger a woman in a bar when

837
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:46,680
Speaker 3: I was on my twenty first birthday. Immediately started to

838
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:50,839
Speaker 3: cry afterwards, she did, or you did? I did? There's

839
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:53,600
Speaker 3: nothing gayer than fingering a woman and crying afterwards?

840
00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:55,319
Speaker 1: Did you cry in front of her?

841
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:58,239
Speaker 3: On the side, she she had to console me. We

842
00:37:58,239 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 3: were sitting on the curb outside the bar afterwards, and

843
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:04,520
Speaker 3: she had to console me. Drive me home? Man?

844
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:08,400
Speaker 1: What what about her made you cry? Fingering her? Mad?

845
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:09,040
Speaker 1: I was.

846
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:11,799
Speaker 3: I was like near blackout drunk, and I was like,

847
00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:14,400
Speaker 3: what does this mean? Does this mean I'm not gay anymore?

848
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:16,480
Speaker 3: And she was like, yes, sweetie, it's you're definitely.

849
00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:20,960
Speaker 1: I'm just thinking about getting figured by a gay man

850
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:28,080
Speaker 1: and how disappointing that would be. All right, Thank you, honey,

851
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:31,560
Speaker 1: Thanks for calling. Okay, good luck with everything. Keep us posted.

852
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:33,399
Speaker 1: I want to hear what happens all right?

853
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:34,040
Speaker 4: Guy?

854
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:36,359
Speaker 1: Did you ever you never had sex with one?

855
00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:37,520
Speaker 3: No? No, gold star?

856
00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:40,160
Speaker 1: And did you make out with this woman that you

857
00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:43,080
Speaker 1: were fingering? Yeah? Because I like the idea of just figuring.

858
00:38:42,719 --> 00:38:45,040
Speaker 3: With that No, yeah, going going straight in there.

859
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:49,200
Speaker 1: It all just slipped in. I don't think that's ever

860
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,360
Speaker 1: happened to me. Oh, yes it has.

861
00:38:57,760 --> 00:38:58,000
Speaker 3: Well.

862
00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:02,239
Speaker 2: Our next caller is Emily. This is a slightly more

863
00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:04,640
Speaker 2: sober question, but not too serious.

864
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:07,880
Speaker 3: We'll figure out a way.

865
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:11,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, Dear Chelsea, I want your advice on how you

866
00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:15,400
Speaker 2: remain productive and motivated whilst managing so many different projects

867
00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:18,439
Speaker 2: in your life and career. I've recently had a really

868
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:20,480
Speaker 2: hard time with being really tired at the end of

869
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:23,279
Speaker 2: my workdays and therefore drained of energy to keep up

870
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:25,600
Speaker 2: with the thing I enjoy doing outside of my job,

871
00:39:25,719 --> 00:39:29,120
Speaker 2: which is writing. I've been chipping away at a novel series,

872
00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:33,040
Speaker 2: contributing to an online feminist magazine, and expanding an essay

873
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:36,120
Speaker 2: I wrote into a book. I recently started thinking that

874
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,080
Speaker 2: I may want to publish these in the future. But

875
00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:41,719
Speaker 2: here's the problem. When my workday ends, I have absolutely

876
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:44,400
Speaker 2: no motivation to sit down and write like I used to.

877
00:39:45,239 --> 00:39:47,480
Speaker 2: I work in a high stress, demanding nine to five

878
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:50,840
Speaker 2: where I'm constantly interacting with people for the entire eight hours.

879
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:53,799
Speaker 2: I work for the federal government. I spend all day

880
00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:56,520
Speaker 2: writing little notes to myself for my nonfiction book I've

881
00:39:56,520 --> 00:40:00,000
Speaker 2: begun and thinking about plotlines for my novels. I tell myself,

882
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:02,040
Speaker 2: when I'm done with my actual job, I'll get down

883
00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:04,399
Speaker 2: to business with my writing. But by the time five

884
00:40:04,440 --> 00:40:07,760
Speaker 2: pm rolls around, I'm so exhausted and tired of typing, talking,

885
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:10,319
Speaker 2: thinking of words, and looking at screens that I just

886
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 2: lie in bed like a potato on my phone. On

887
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:14,759
Speaker 2: top of the nine to five, I also work a

888
00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:18,560
Speaker 2: part time job, which I enjoy seriously, no wonder you're

889
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:20,759
Speaker 2: fucking tired, just as something to get me out of

890
00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:23,359
Speaker 2: the house and see my friends. She's twenty six, by

891
00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:26,520
Speaker 2: the way, Okay, so she's got the energy as someone.

892
00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:30,120
Speaker 1: Who somehow doesn't have the energy, though, so as someone.

893
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:33,120
Speaker 2: Who somehow miraculously finds time to write books and pieces

894
00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:36,040
Speaker 2: while actively engaging with your career, what's your advice for

895
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:39,279
Speaker 2: someone who just feels perpetually tired and whose brain feels

896
00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:42,160
Speaker 2: like mush after eight hours of work. Ps. As a

897
00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:44,800
Speaker 2: history major, I absolutely eat up your book recommendations with

898
00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:47,520
Speaker 2: a spoon. I just finished Cuba and American History and

899
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:50,240
Speaker 2: I've pre ordered on Our Best Behavior. And as a Canadian,

900
00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:53,560
Speaker 2: I love how much you love us? Emily, Hi, Emily.

901
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:56,279
Speaker 3: Another question, I know there's so hot, how do you

902
00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:57,520
Speaker 3: do you scream for.

903
00:40:57,520 --> 00:41:00,719
Speaker 1: The we only take good looking callers. That's not true.

904
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:02,520
Speaker 1: I don't want people who don't think they're good looking

905
00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:04,480
Speaker 1: to not call in. I just want you to send

906
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:07,520
Speaker 1: us a picture first. This is our special guest, Joe

907
00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:10,520
Speaker 1: Kim Booster. Say Hi, Hi, hy, Nice to meet you.

908
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:12,560
Speaker 3: Nice to meet you too. I really relate to this

909
00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:15,760
Speaker 3: because I worked a desk job for many, many years

910
00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:18,759
Speaker 3: and was writing at the same time, trying to and

911
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:21,000
Speaker 3: doing stand up at the same time, and so I

912
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:24,399
Speaker 3: completely understand the experience of working fifty hours a week

913
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:28,120
Speaker 3: and still trying to find time to do your creative pursuits.

914
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:30,160
Speaker 3: So this really this hit home for me in a

915
00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:30,600
Speaker 3: big way.

916
00:41:30,719 --> 00:41:33,399
Speaker 1: Can I ask you, so you work the second job

917
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:37,279
Speaker 1: for what purpose? Is it for financial reasons or you

918
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:38,600
Speaker 1: said just to get out of the house.

919
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:40,640
Speaker 5: It is to get out of the house a little bit,

920
00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:42,960
Speaker 5: because it's the first job I had, like after undergrad

921
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:44,680
Speaker 5: so all of my friends are there, and this current

922
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:47,239
Speaker 5: job is remote, so I just find I don't know

923
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:49,399
Speaker 5: that I would be able to force myself to leave

924
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:52,359
Speaker 5: the house if I didn't have this other job, So

925
00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:55,520
Speaker 5: it is yeah, a reason. Of course, money is involved.

926
00:41:55,520 --> 00:41:58,200
Speaker 5: In that as well, but mostly to see my friends

927
00:41:58,200 --> 00:41:58,720
Speaker 5: and to get.

928
00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:00,600
Speaker 1: Out of the house that night.

929
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:01,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, eve being the.

930
00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:03,080
Speaker 1: Weekends, how many days a week do you do that?

931
00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:04,520
Speaker 5: Bout three? Two or three?

932
00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:05,919
Speaker 3: Okay, that's not too bad.

933
00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:08,200
Speaker 1: So you just have to set This is so easy.

934
00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:11,000
Speaker 1: All you have to do is set up a new system. Okay.

935
00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:13,040
Speaker 1: So writing is your passion, that's really what you want

936
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:14,920
Speaker 1: to get after, right, you need to wake up in

937
00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:18,480
Speaker 1: the morning and to saying that is what every creative like.

938
00:42:18,480 --> 00:42:20,399
Speaker 1: There's a book this I want you to get. This book.

939
00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:22,840
Speaker 1: It's called Daily Rituals and it do you know what

940
00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:25,240
Speaker 1: I'm do you have it? Have you seen that id

941
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:29,640
Speaker 1: of it? Okay? This it shows you what every philosopher, artist,

942
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:33,120
Speaker 1: all the fate like Michael Angelo, like di Angelo, the

943
00:42:33,120 --> 00:42:39,000
Speaker 1: guy who made the pizzas any Angelo, philosopher's, politicians, comedians, artists, actors,

944
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:41,279
Speaker 1: people who get up in the morning and do like

945
00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:43,640
Speaker 1: the first three hours between like five thirty and eight

946
00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:47,799
Speaker 1: thirty am are the biggest peaks of creativity for all artists.

947
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:49,759
Speaker 1: And if you have all day to be an artist,

948
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:51,239
Speaker 1: then that's supposed to be like a three to two

949
00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 1: hour work session in the morning. Then you take a break,

950
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:56,480
Speaker 1: go for a walk, take a nap, whatever you're into,

951
00:42:56,640 --> 00:42:58,680
Speaker 1: and then you come back and you have like another

952
00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:00,880
Speaker 1: two hours in the afternoon. But first thing in the

953
00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:03,959
Speaker 1: morning for writing, I can tell you, is my most

954
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:06,880
Speaker 1: creative and where I have the most clarity is first

955
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:09,120
Speaker 1: thing in the morning, because of course after the day

956
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:12,759
Speaker 1: you're tired. You're working a full time job, so you

957
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:16,120
Speaker 1: have to harness your energy when you have it, right,

958
00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:19,000
Speaker 1: So just start changing the time that you go to

959
00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 1: bed and the time you wake up and give yourself

960
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:24,239
Speaker 1: even if it's one hour in the morning before you

961
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:25,719
Speaker 1: go to work, if you have to get up, get

962
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:27,319
Speaker 1: ready and then do it, or you do it while

963
00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:29,000
Speaker 1: you're in bed right for an hour and then go

964
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:31,880
Speaker 1: get ready for your day. Start changing your schedule and

965
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:34,719
Speaker 1: reconfigure how you're doing that. Because your goal is to

966
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:37,120
Speaker 1: get your books published, right, so you have to make

967
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:40,399
Speaker 1: that your biggest priority, and you're letting the other things

968
00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:43,120
Speaker 1: that you don't care about as much overshadow that.

969
00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:45,680
Speaker 3: And I can I say too, this is a big thing,

970
00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:49,240
Speaker 3: I think especially for people who work remotely. Now change

971
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:53,520
Speaker 3: where you are doing your personal writing because you are

972
00:43:53,560 --> 00:43:56,759
Speaker 3: spending so much time at home and your brain is

973
00:43:56,800 --> 00:44:00,200
Speaker 3: in work mode. Now you've turned your home into work mode,

974
00:44:00,520 --> 00:44:03,919
Speaker 3: and so it's really hard to make that switch from

975
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:06,160
Speaker 3: I'm at work to now I'm doing this thing for

976
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:08,520
Speaker 3: me when it's all in the same place. So if

977
00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:11,319
Speaker 3: you can find a separate space, a coffee shop, what

978
00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:13,440
Speaker 3: have you, if you have the money, a we workspace,

979
00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:16,319
Speaker 3: whatever you need to do. Either take your work out

980
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:19,160
Speaker 3: of your home and make your home your sanctuary of

981
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:21,920
Speaker 3: where you do your actual writing, or take the writing

982
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:24,840
Speaker 3: out of your home and figure out because it really

983
00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:28,040
Speaker 3: does change your mindset. When you're trying to do both

984
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:30,239
Speaker 3: things in the same space, it doesn't work as well.

985
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:33,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, and she actually was at a cafe when we

986
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:35,160
Speaker 2: had our pre interview. She's like, I'm doing some writing,

987
00:44:35,360 --> 00:44:36,239
Speaker 2: so that was great.

988
00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:38,120
Speaker 1: What time do you start your workday? Nine?

989
00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:40,520
Speaker 5: My work day eight to four is what I work.

990
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:42,960
Speaker 1: Oh, eight to four, so that's early, okay, but I

991
00:44:43,560 --> 00:44:46,120
Speaker 1: think you should try that for a week. Get up early.

992
00:44:46,200 --> 00:44:47,560
Speaker 1: You're going to have to try and go to bed

993
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:49,719
Speaker 1: earlier and get up early. Let's set your alarm for

994
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:52,480
Speaker 1: five point thirty in the morning or whatever. It can

995
00:44:52,520 --> 00:44:55,319
Speaker 1: allow you an hour of creativity. Okay, Where do you live.

996
00:44:55,440 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 1: You listen where where you can go somewhere that early,

997
00:44:57,160 --> 00:44:59,120
Speaker 1: Like at six am? Can you go to a coffee shop?

998
00:44:59,360 --> 00:44:59,680
Speaker 1: I could?

999
00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:00,000
Speaker 3: Yeah?

1000
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:01,600
Speaker 1: Actually, yeah, I think you should.

1001
00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:04,719
Speaker 5: I was even saying to Catherine yesterday as well, like

1002
00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:06,880
Speaker 5: trying to that mindset of trying to get out of

1003
00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:08,840
Speaker 5: the house, because even when I was in university, I

1004
00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:10,759
Speaker 5: found the same thing, like I was not able to

1005
00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:14,000
Speaker 5: get academic writing or creative writing done at home. I

1006
00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:16,480
Speaker 5: had to go out. But even that I'm finding like

1007
00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:19,520
Speaker 5: it's much harder to make myself focus even out of

1008
00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:22,520
Speaker 5: the even outside of the of my house, like if

1009
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:24,200
Speaker 5: I go to a Starbucks or whatever else.

1010
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:26,840
Speaker 1: Okay, well you have to try out a couple of places.

1011
00:45:26,880 --> 00:45:27,960
Speaker 1: Can you go right in a park?

1012
00:45:28,080 --> 00:45:31,759
Speaker 3: Like is there god? Libraries so underrated? You don't have

1013
00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:35,359
Speaker 3: to buy shit at six in the morning, that's fair.

1014
00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:37,160
Speaker 3: But if you go after work, you could go, like

1015
00:45:37,280 --> 00:45:39,440
Speaker 3: make four to six sort of your your period too.

1016
00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:41,160
Speaker 3: I know it's not as effective because it's later in

1017
00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:42,520
Speaker 3: the it's not less effective.

1018
00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:44,520
Speaker 1: I just think you need to get into a habit, right,

1019
00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:47,000
Speaker 1: Like you want to create a habit so that you're

1020
00:45:47,080 --> 00:45:49,239
Speaker 1: because because if you do something for a week you're

1021
00:45:49,239 --> 00:45:51,400
Speaker 1: gonna the next time you're like, wait, wait a second,

1022
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:53,600
Speaker 1: why am I not doing it? Like it becomes part

1023
00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:57,160
Speaker 1: of your day, and it becomes a daily ritual, which

1024
00:45:57,360 --> 00:46:00,799
Speaker 1: is really important for you to just because that's going

1025
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:03,840
Speaker 1: to infuse everything. Once you get your creative juices flowing,

1026
00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:06,040
Speaker 1: that infuses the rest of your life. You're not going

1027
00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:08,280
Speaker 1: to feel as tired, I promise you from your regular

1028
00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:12,440
Speaker 1: job when you're giving yourself the grace and like you said,

1029
00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:16,080
Speaker 1: you know if it's completely undoable, but it doesn't sound

1030
00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:17,680
Speaker 1: like it is. You start at eight thirty, you can

1031
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:19,719
Speaker 1: get up a couple hours earlier, get up at six

1032
00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:21,719
Speaker 1: o'clock in the morning and write from six thirty to

1033
00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:24,239
Speaker 1: seven thirty, and then get ready for work and do

1034
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:26,040
Speaker 1: that for a week, and you're just going to feel

1035
00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:30,080
Speaker 1: your self esteem is carried by your creativity. When you're

1036
00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:33,040
Speaker 1: a creative, that's all you need is to constantly be

1037
00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:35,440
Speaker 1: working and writing, and then that fills you up and

1038
00:46:35,480 --> 00:46:39,479
Speaker 1: it adds and lends energy to the stuff that isn't

1039
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:40,040
Speaker 1: as exciting.

1040
00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:42,160
Speaker 3: And I don't want to I feel like I need

1041
00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:44,600
Speaker 3: to address the elephant in the room, which is why

1042
00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:48,080
Speaker 3: aren't you writing while you're at work, like what, like,

1043
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:50,799
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, I know what it's like to work at

1044
00:46:50,800 --> 00:46:54,360
Speaker 3: desk job for fifty hours a week. There's so little

1045
00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:57,040
Speaker 3: work that you like. There are ways you can figure

1046
00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:59,719
Speaker 3: out how to sort of half asset at your real

1047
00:46:59,800 --> 00:47:02,520
Speaker 3: job so that you can spend some day, some hours

1048
00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:05,160
Speaker 3: during the day doing your writing work. You work for

1049
00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:06,759
Speaker 3: the government, so it sounds like you have a really

1050
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:09,239
Speaker 3: intense job. I was working for fucking startups where you

1051
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:12,400
Speaker 3: sell men's socks online, so it's a little different. But

1052
00:47:12,840 --> 00:47:14,760
Speaker 3: I did some of my I wrote my first script

1053
00:47:14,760 --> 00:47:17,560
Speaker 3: while at work, so I think it is it is.

1054
00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:20,719
Speaker 2: Possible or lunch breaks. Maybe there's a lunch break situation,

1055
00:47:21,120 --> 00:47:21,960
Speaker 2: big lunch break.

1056
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:24,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, my lunch breaks are really short. Unfortunately the nature

1057
00:47:24,719 --> 00:47:26,719
Speaker 5: of my job, like my notes on my phone are

1058
00:47:26,840 --> 00:47:28,680
Speaker 5: full of stuff like little thoughts that I do have

1059
00:47:28,719 --> 00:47:30,960
Speaker 5: time to jot down throughout the day, but then by

1060
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:33,000
Speaker 5: the time I do get off work and go to

1061
00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:35,239
Speaker 5: sit down, that's it. I just like don't want to

1062
00:47:35,239 --> 00:47:37,640
Speaker 5: look at a computer anymore do anything. And if I

1063
00:47:37,719 --> 00:47:40,200
Speaker 5: had like more opportunity throughout my work day, I definitely

1064
00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:42,000
Speaker 5: would be taking more advantage of that.

1065
00:47:42,920 --> 00:47:45,280
Speaker 2: I would also say, I mean maybe maybe not staring

1066
00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:47,480
Speaker 2: at a screen. Maybe you're writing long hand that you

1067
00:47:47,520 --> 00:47:49,600
Speaker 2: can then point your phone at it and it turns

1068
00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:52,360
Speaker 2: it into text. That's like a new thing that you

1069
00:47:52,400 --> 00:47:52,759
Speaker 2: can do.

1070
00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:57,839
Speaker 1: But if it's writing long hand, besides Barack Obama, oh yes,

1071
00:47:57,960 --> 00:47:59,520
Speaker 1: I can't I write a thank you card, I'm my

1072
00:47:59,560 --> 00:48:02,359
Speaker 1: go for it. I'm just like thanks, I think I'm

1073
00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:03,279
Speaker 1: going to write this whole thing.

1074
00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:06,640
Speaker 2: And then on my hand is so tired write line

1075
00:48:06,680 --> 00:48:09,680
Speaker 2: I'm allowed to read a write in this country. But

1076
00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:12,560
Speaker 2: also I'd say take a look at your notes at night,

1077
00:48:13,000 --> 00:48:15,520
Speaker 2: right before you turn off your light, so that you

1078
00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:18,359
Speaker 2: have those sort of percolating in your brain all night,

1079
00:48:18,440 --> 00:48:20,239
Speaker 2: and when you wake up, you're going to find like

1080
00:48:20,360 --> 00:48:23,080
Speaker 2: things have synthesized and you are like, oh my gosh,

1081
00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:24,640
Speaker 2: I can't wait to get this onto a page.

1082
00:48:24,840 --> 00:48:26,960
Speaker 1: A good idea. Yeah, that is a good idea.

1083
00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:28,160
Speaker 3: Wow.

1084
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:30,719
Speaker 1: And then or you could take Joel's device and lose

1085
00:48:30,760 --> 00:48:31,160
Speaker 1: your job.

1086
00:48:31,280 --> 00:48:33,959
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, So then you'll have plenty of.

1087
00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:36,440
Speaker 1: Times you decide. Even if there's a little place in

1088
00:48:36,440 --> 00:48:38,960
Speaker 1: your apartment, like a side little sanctuary that you set

1089
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:41,480
Speaker 1: up as you're writing area, like you put a couple

1090
00:48:41,520 --> 00:48:43,840
Speaker 1: of things notes like things that you know, all of

1091
00:48:43,840 --> 00:48:45,640
Speaker 1: your writing notes, if you put those on little post

1092
00:48:45,719 --> 00:48:47,560
Speaker 1: its or you print them out from your phone and

1093
00:48:47,640 --> 00:48:49,440
Speaker 1: just put them all over, so it's like a creative

1094
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:52,319
Speaker 1: kind of little area for you. So you know, we

1095
00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:55,319
Speaker 1: just have to psych ourselves into situations sometimes, and that's

1096
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:57,839
Speaker 1: what you're like, Yeah, and you could do it. You'll

1097
00:48:57,840 --> 00:48:59,839
Speaker 1: do it. Do it for five days straight and get

1098
00:48:59,840 --> 00:49:02,160
Speaker 1: back us and let us know if it made an impact. Yeah,

1099
00:49:02,239 --> 00:49:04,320
Speaker 1: I definitely will thank you so much if it doesn't.

1100
00:49:04,360 --> 00:49:06,640
Speaker 2: If you're like, I just can't like, will myself into this,

1101
00:49:06,760 --> 00:49:08,920
Speaker 2: get a writing buddy. If you know you have an

1102
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:11,560
Speaker 2: appointment of like, I owe three pages to this person

1103
00:49:11,719 --> 00:49:12,280
Speaker 2: on Wednesday.

1104
00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:16,080
Speaker 3: Accountability is everything, Yes, I will say too like it.

1105
00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:21,360
Speaker 1: I mean I don't. I don't feel accountable to for another.

1106
00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:22,520
Speaker 1: But I'm more accountable to.

1107
00:49:22,480 --> 00:49:26,920
Speaker 3: Myself if somebody. If I tell somebody that I'm doing something,

1108
00:49:27,280 --> 00:49:29,840
Speaker 3: then like, I feel so much guilt if I don't

1109
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:30,880
Speaker 3: actually show up.

1110
00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:31,760
Speaker 1: Midwestern guilt.

1111
00:49:31,840 --> 00:49:35,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, Western guilt. Like I you know, I'm about

1112
00:49:35,560 --> 00:49:38,240
Speaker 3: to do a full frontal scene for the first time

1113
00:49:38,640 --> 00:49:41,560
Speaker 3: on a show, and I have now told all my

1114
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:44,279
Speaker 3: friends I'm doing this, so I cannot chicken out. I can't.

1115
00:49:44,320 --> 00:49:48,600
Speaker 3: I have to do it now. It's accountability for my dick. Great.

1116
00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:50,600
Speaker 1: Is that an honor of aa PI?

1117
00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:50,960
Speaker 3: Yeah?

1118
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:55,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you're doing the Lord's work.

1119
00:49:55,480 --> 00:49:56,880
Speaker 3: I'm putting the p in the AAPI.

1120
00:49:57,800 --> 00:50:01,560
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, thank you. Okay, good luck, Emila,

1121
00:50:02,600 --> 00:50:05,480
Speaker 1: thank you, bye bye. I like how Joel just goes

1122
00:50:05,520 --> 00:50:07,560
Speaker 1: into an offshoot at the end of each call about

1123
00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:09,400
Speaker 1: his own issues and what he's up against.

1124
00:50:09,400 --> 00:50:11,399
Speaker 3: Listen, I'm only here. I'm here for a short time,

1125
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:12,560
Speaker 3: not a long time. I gotta get it in.

1126
00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:16,160
Speaker 1: It's a nice bookend to the calls. Yes to look

1127
00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:19,560
Speaker 1: within introsection for Joel.

1128
00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:22,560
Speaker 2: Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be back

1129
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:24,040
Speaker 2: to wrap up with that.

1130
00:50:24,239 --> 00:50:34,400
Speaker 1: Blew bye, Okay, we'll be right back. We're back. Sorry, guys, Sorry,

1131
00:50:34,520 --> 00:50:37,319
Speaker 1: we're back. That really flew by. You're funny, but it's

1132
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:39,320
Speaker 1: always so much fun to do it with a comedian

1133
00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:42,640
Speaker 1: Matteo okay, And we laughed so hard the whole session,

1134
00:50:42,760 --> 00:50:44,560
Speaker 1: like people were calling it with and we couldn't even

1135
00:50:44,840 --> 00:50:47,160
Speaker 1: we were just making fun of everyone. And Mite's like,

1136
00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:48,960
Speaker 1: this is so fun. I'm like, it's not normally like this.

1137
00:50:49,680 --> 00:50:51,760
Speaker 1: I'm like, but when you have a comedian where everyone

1138
00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:54,440
Speaker 1: just goes to the wrong place right away or the

1139
00:50:54,520 --> 00:50:56,359
Speaker 1: right place. Yeah, okay, well.

1140
00:50:56,360 --> 00:51:02,000
Speaker 2: Our last question comes from Jenna Danna Bush. Dear Chelsea,

1141
00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:06,560
Speaker 2: I hate my twin close. I have a simple question.

1142
00:51:06,920 --> 00:51:09,000
Speaker 2: Is it fair of me to ask them? My boyfriend

1143
00:51:09,040 --> 00:51:12,920
Speaker 2: shave his face more regularly. He regularly lets his stubble

1144
00:51:12,960 --> 00:51:15,520
Speaker 2: grow out, and frankly, it is painful to kiss him

1145
00:51:15,560 --> 00:51:17,840
Speaker 2: after a couple of days of growth. He does not

1146
00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:19,960
Speaker 2: have a gene for facial hair and is certainly not

1147
00:51:20,040 --> 00:51:22,360
Speaker 2: growing it out with intention. He just can't be bothered

1148
00:51:22,400 --> 00:51:25,880
Speaker 2: to shave. What grows in is sporadic around his upper

1149
00:51:25,920 --> 00:51:29,279
Speaker 2: lip and goate zone, and by no means attractive. I

1150
00:51:29,320 --> 00:51:31,239
Speaker 2: see it not only as him not bothering to take

1151
00:51:31,239 --> 00:51:33,560
Speaker 2: care of himself, but also that he can't put in

1152
00:51:33,600 --> 00:51:36,799
Speaker 2: a minimal effort for me and my comfort. I find

1153
00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:39,719
Speaker 2: the stubble very poky and irritating to my skin when

1154
00:51:39,719 --> 00:51:42,120
Speaker 2: we kiss, and I tell him as much all the time.

1155
00:51:42,480 --> 00:51:44,600
Speaker 2: I think the lack of any sort of initiative is

1156
00:51:44,600 --> 00:51:47,239
Speaker 2: what bothers me as much as the stubble itself. He

1157
00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:49,759
Speaker 2: also regularly compares it to how I don't always feel

1158
00:51:49,760 --> 00:51:51,799
Speaker 2: like shaving my legs, and how would I feel if

1159
00:51:51,800 --> 00:51:53,759
Speaker 2: he asked me to shave my legs more often? I

1160
00:51:53,760 --> 00:51:56,600
Speaker 2: don't think it's a fair comparison. What can be done

1161
00:51:56,600 --> 00:51:59,840
Speaker 2: about this? Am I being unreasonable or controlling? Or is

1162
00:51:59,880 --> 00:52:01,919
Speaker 2: it fair to ask that he simply shave his face

1163
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:04,760
Speaker 2: every couple of days? Much appreciation, Jenna.

1164
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:07,400
Speaker 3: Listen, Jenna, you gotta take a page out of the

1165
00:52:07,480 --> 00:52:11,040
Speaker 3: WGA book. You gotta go on strike, bitch, no more

1166
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:15,080
Speaker 3: kissing until you shave your little fou man shue. That's

1167
00:52:15,120 --> 00:52:17,920
Speaker 3: what you need to do, because and to compare it

1168
00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:22,239
Speaker 3: to shaving legs, yeah, the surface area alone, Okay, it

1169
00:52:22,320 --> 00:52:24,880
Speaker 3: is not the same thing at all, and you're not

1170
00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:27,160
Speaker 3: and he's not having to put his lips on her legs,

1171
00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:29,320
Speaker 3: right his entire face on her legs.

1172
00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:33,640
Speaker 1: Great point, Joe, great fuck point. First, Absolutely, you can

1173
00:52:33,680 --> 00:52:37,480
Speaker 1: demand that, and also you could also say, sure, I'll shave. Great,

1174
00:52:37,600 --> 00:52:40,160
Speaker 1: I'll shave my legs every three days, and you can

1175
00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:43,920
Speaker 1: shave your face every day. Facial hair that you're kissing

1176
00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:46,879
Speaker 1: exactly is the point, Like it's bothering you and it's

1177
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:49,400
Speaker 1: not attractive to you. If you have a boyfriend or

1178
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:51,360
Speaker 1: a girlfriend that says I love this, I love this

1179
00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:54,440
Speaker 1: about you. Don't you do it more like, oh, I

1180
00:52:54,480 --> 00:52:56,480
Speaker 1: love your hair like that. Then you start to wear

1181
00:52:56,520 --> 00:52:59,239
Speaker 1: your hair like that. You don't change your personality, but

1182
00:52:59,320 --> 00:53:01,480
Speaker 1: it's like please to the person that you care about,

1183
00:53:01,520 --> 00:53:03,760
Speaker 1: so you want them to like it. So it's totally

1184
00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:07,800
Speaker 1: within your right to be like, hey, fucking shave. It's

1185
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:10,759
Speaker 1: not bad. Facial hair is bad. It's not.

1186
00:53:11,520 --> 00:53:14,080
Speaker 2: It's the worst like a patchy beard, there's not.

1187
00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:16,879
Speaker 1: And if he's acting like that when you're dating, then like, oh,

1188
00:53:16,960 --> 00:53:18,719
Speaker 1: then that's only gonna get worse if he doesn't nip

1189
00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:19,200
Speaker 1: it in the bud.

1190
00:53:19,280 --> 00:53:22,000
Speaker 3: Now you need to you need to do you not

1191
00:53:22,120 --> 00:53:24,640
Speaker 3: have like a mean gay friend who can just straight

1192
00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:27,480
Speaker 3: up to his face every time he doesn't shave, be like, bro,

1193
00:53:27,600 --> 00:53:29,479
Speaker 3: you look ugly as fuck right now.

1194
00:53:29,719 --> 00:53:31,359
Speaker 1: Can you get a gay friend that will do that?

1195
00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:35,200
Speaker 3: I'll do that. Give me his number, okay, I'll FaceTime in.

1196
00:53:35,760 --> 00:53:37,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you don't have to put up with that.

1197
00:53:38,360 --> 00:53:40,640
Speaker 1: I had a boyfriend who when he did shave, I

1198
00:53:40,680 --> 00:53:44,479
Speaker 1: didn't like it, Like he looked better with facial hair

1199
00:53:44,520 --> 00:53:46,440
Speaker 1: than without, And I was like, oh, you better keep

1200
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:48,319
Speaker 1: that fucking beard, buddy, Like I don't want to see

1201
00:53:48,320 --> 00:53:49,640
Speaker 1: what's under there without the beard.

1202
00:53:50,320 --> 00:53:51,840
Speaker 2: Well, your a boyfriend has facial.

1203
00:53:51,560 --> 00:53:53,279
Speaker 1: Hair a lot of me.

1204
00:53:55,239 --> 00:53:58,000
Speaker 3: I like him both ways, I will say, but he

1205
00:53:58,080 --> 00:54:01,080
Speaker 3: does look considerably younger, and he is already younger than me,

1206
00:54:01,160 --> 00:54:03,279
Speaker 3: so it's a problem. And he looks like he just

1207
00:54:03,320 --> 00:54:05,800
Speaker 3: looks like a little boy without his without his beard,

1208
00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:07,600
Speaker 3: which I guess I shouldn't have just said that. I

1209
00:54:07,719 --> 00:54:10,000
Speaker 3: liked it both ways, because God knows in this climate,

1210
00:54:10,560 --> 00:54:12,640
Speaker 3: hearing a gay man say I like my boyfriend when

1211
00:54:12,640 --> 00:54:15,120
Speaker 3: he looks like a little boy, that's that's trouble.

1212
00:54:15,280 --> 00:54:17,759
Speaker 1: That's the thing from based on everything you've said during

1213
00:54:17,800 --> 00:54:19,920
Speaker 1: this podcast, nobody's gonna hold that against you.

1214
00:54:21,280 --> 00:54:22,960
Speaker 2: I will be lifting that out and we'll be funny.

1215
00:54:22,920 --> 00:54:25,960
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, that's the use that as the clip.

1216
00:54:26,560 --> 00:54:27,360
Speaker 3: Joel Kim Booster.

1217
00:54:30,719 --> 00:54:35,720
Speaker 1: Thank you Jokim. That was so much fun, so much fun.

1218
00:54:36,120 --> 00:54:37,759
Speaker 1: And thank you Catheriney.

1219
00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:39,719
Speaker 2: It's good to be with another Midwesterner.

1220
00:54:41,560 --> 00:54:42,360
Speaker 1: Your love, everybody.

1221
00:54:43,520 --> 00:54:45,920
Speaker 2: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email

1222
00:54:45,960 --> 00:54:49,000
Speaker 2: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be

1223
00:54:49,040 --> 00:54:52,080
Speaker 2: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

1224
00:54:52,080 --> 00:54:55,759
Speaker 2: and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law, and

1225
00:54:55,800 --> 00:54:58,239
Speaker 2: be sure to check out our march at Chelseahandler dot

1226
00:54:58,239 --> 00:55:01,839
Speaker 2: com